Hey Riddle Riddle - #4: Guilty Beyond a Reasonable Mrs. Doubtfire

Episode Date: August 15, 2018

Is this episode all our riddles deal with how not to get away with MURDER! Alibi’s, punishment rooms, insensitive cops catch an idiot, a hot hot connection at a funeral, death by iced tea, a married couple somehow enjoys a dinner and the creator of the hit game Secret Hitler, Tommy Maranges, drops in!Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: KJ SnyderTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a head gum podcast. Ready, set, go! Ready, set, go! Ready, set, go! Ready, set, go! Ready, set, go! Ready, set, go! Ready, set, go! Ready, set, go! Ready, set, go! Ready, set, go!

Ready, set, go! Ready, set, go! Ready, set, go! Ready, set, go! Ready, set, go! Ready, set, go! Ready, set, go! out of her fire. John Petra Cohen. And Aaron Keith. Nice. Wow. I feel like I manufactured so much excitement. And then JPC, you really cut me out of the legs. I was like Aaron, I was looking at Aaron. I was like, do I go second or does Aaron go second? I couldn't, I couldn't remember.

I don't think it matters. Oh well, then why did I just fucking stress so much about it? I would like to be third every time. Okay. Thank you. Now that you've said that, I'll, I'll try to keep to that. Thank you. We should also do, we're like, I say, hey,

JPC, you say riddle, and Aaron you say riddle. Can we try that out? Yeah, sure. No one's gonna do that. Yeah. Riddle. Riddle. Ah.

That's even better. Wow, that's the end. That's the end, yeah, that's our new intro. Welcome to all you listeners. We're gonna get started here in just a moment with some warm-up riddles. And JPC has been kind enough to take on the role of Old Man riddles.

I think that's the best. Old man puzzles. Old man puzzles. Who does puzzle? Puzzles. Puzzles, isn't ready. Puzzles, isn't ready. Puzzles, isn't ready.

Yeah, so I have some warm-up riddles for you guys today. Now, these warm-up riddles, the... It'sdles that for you guys today. Now, these warm up riddles, the- It's 7pm. Today. What I got, the way that I got these warm up riddles was by Googling riddles for kids. So I really hope that some of these stuff you guys.

How many results just said tricks? You're like, did you mean to say tricks for kids? I said, yeah, I was googling cereals, and I came up with these riddles instead. I don't say. Okay, so here we go. What has a face and two hands, but no arms or legs? I'm unfortunate.

That is a clock. Is that the right answer? Yeah, it is a clock and the kid is a clock. Are we shut down the answer? These are warm-up riddles, pussies. Okay, a little harder. What five letter word become shorter when you add two letters to it? Money.

What a bad answer. That question. If you add NO in front of it. Oh, yeah, that doesn't make any sense. No money. What five letter word become shorter when you add two letters to it? I know. I haven't even begun to think about it.

Martin short. Short. Yeah. The word is short. We got four and we got two letters. What word begins and... Wait, and these are for kids? Yeah, these are for kids.

These feel equally hard as adult riddles. Well, I really am glad that you said that out loud. LAUGHTER OK, ready? This is equally hard as adult riddles. Well, I really am glad that you said that out loud. OK, ready? This is equally hard, I think. What word begins and ends with an E, but only has one letter? I know this one. Yeah.

OK, hold on. OK, well, so we're holding on. It's fun when I'm the only one who doesn't know it. I did this on Off-siz embosses, another podcast I do. You did this riddle? Yes, I did this riddle. But I posed it and somebody got it, Zach Reno got it right. He said envelope or envelope.

And then Matt Young said I, which is also right. E-Y-E, but also it could just be one letter to letter I. Oh, okay, yeah. So it has multiple answers, possibly. I mean, I can see that. Involved. You can see that? Involved. Thank you, very good.

Are you proud of me for getting that one ever? I am really proud of you. You got that immediately and you like, you really threw it at it. This one is one of my favorites in terms of one of my favorite stories on any of these. Great. This is actually my dad's favorite riddle. This is the last riddle he told me before he left.

Ha, ha, ha, ha. Three men were in a boat. It capsized, but only two got their hair wet. Why? One was bald. One was bald. Yeah, one guy was bald. That's legit the answer to this warm-up riddle.

I was gonna say one guy died. Somebody dies, you're not gonna check their hair. Yeah, the riddle is that we checked to see if their hair was wet. It was really nice of those two guys to be friends with that bald guy. That was really nice of them. What is so delicate that saying its name breaks it? What is so delicate that saying its name breaks it? Hyman What am I least favorite words? Human say this website is for Reddles for kids. So I clicked the show answer It turned out it was not I just read you put that on a riddles for kids What word is so delicate?

Delicate. Delicate. That's saying its name breaks it. Silence. Aaron, you're absolutely right. You win. Bingo, bingo. Cut the fat.

You win the word about it. It's silence. Yeah. Okay. Cool. So you get to get... And the classic, the classic celebration phrase celebration phrase bingo bingo hatata Yeah, that's from Star Wars

It's in the cantina bingo Duru beat it fast so That's the lyrics to the cantina That's that, that, that, that. We're all doing the dance now. What if I didn't go? Yeah, the kids eat a dance. Okay, so that was, those were your warm-up riddles. Now, the theme of the warm-up riddles was riddles for kids,

but we're actually moving from the kids' riddles to some very adult-themed, actual riddles. I thought you were gonna say teen riddles, and I got very excited. Oh, well, I totally should have found some teen riddles. I thought you're gonna say teen riddles and I got very excited. Oh well. Oh, well of angst. I should I totally should have found some teen riddles. That would have been a very perfect segue. But here's a here's a teen riddle. Are you happy mom? Honestly, you've been doing this so much that I thought when you said here's a teen riddle you're gonna do a Tom riddle bit because he was like a teen when he was at Hogwarts.

Oh yeah. You have real missed opportunity. Real missed. RealMO. Okay, but the theme for today's riddles is going to be murder. Yes, that's right, I'm going to be giving you some murder story riddles.

Now, I don't actually know the answers to these riddles either Now, I don't actually know the answers to these riddles either, so I can participate. But there is one that I like did kind of figure out the answer to, so I'll do that one first. Is that how all riddles go? For sure. I'm gonna be, if the theme is murder,

I'm gonna be upset if one of the answers to this isn't crow or crows. Okay, well I don't know the answers. So, is you telling us the theme gonna give away some of the answers, do you think? No, because murder, these are story problems and a lot of them will say the word murder or like killed or like man was killed. Okay, so you don't know the answers, but just based on the the front half of the riddle. It can, it includes... When you say the front half of the riddle, you beat any of the... You know how riddles are hot, ass?

The front half of the back half? The hot half of the riddle. Yeah, so the front half of the riddle is the part that other people just call the riddle. The back half is the work, right? Okay. I hate this. I really do, really is very different being in your shoes

here, Adel. Okay, so here we go. How's it feel to be Old Man riddles? Puzzles. Old man puzzles and he sells riddies and puzzles. A man is found murdered on a Sunday morning. Call the police. Well, hold on. The next Sunday morning? The next slide. His wife calls the police. So you're already there. You're already doing the first half of this rental. Who questioned the wife and the staff? There's a staff apparently. And are given the following alibis.

The wife says she was sleeping. The butler was cleaning the closet. The gardener was picking vegetables. The maid was getting the mail. And the cook was preparing breakfast. Immediately the police arrest the murderer. Who did it and how did the police know? Could you do it again? I could have just said just doing my job.

Well all of them technically said was squawk it's a living! They were about like picking vegetables. The master of our English. Oh I should have put this as a flinstone. Oh, please. Yeah. Oh, oh, OK, we read it again. I think I know it.

No, then it'll give it away. OK. We read it again. So, I know it. So, a man has found murder on a Sunday morning. Just read what everyone was doing. His wife calls the police, who questioned the wife and the staff and are given the following alivized.

The wife says she was sleeping. the butler was cleaning the closet the gardener was picking vegetables the maid was getting the mail and the cook was preparing breakfast I know it do you know it no the cook did it because on a Sunday morning you would prepare brunch yes that's true so it would it says breakfast here but we can assume that there was lunch options as well. Go good. So let's say, let's call it brunch. That's probably a mispreth.

The maid was getting the mail. How was mail spelled? M-A-L-E. So she had been getting the mail. And then it's got her revenge. And then it's her as she says killing the mail. It was the maid. Well there you go.

It was the maid. It was the maid. Adel, what do you think? So the maid was getting the mail. It was the maid. Well, there you go. It was the maid. Adel, what do you think? So the maid was getting the mail. It's a mail. There's no mail on Sunday. Correct, Adel. You've got to be on the mail. You've got there. That, I didn't even look up the answer to this, Reddle,

but I believe that's correct, correct, right? I can. Let's look up the answer. There is no mail on Sundays. I think it would have been more obvious if it wasn't the maid up the answer. There is no male on Sundays. I think it would have been more obvious if it wasn't the maid getting the male, because that seems a little shoe horned of a job. I wish the wife was getting the meat.

OK, so this brings the rating to the maid. What if this brings me in one of my, hold on, now this brings me to an interesting segment that I was going to introduce. And that is pick apart this riddle. This segment we will pick apart why we think that this riddle was a this riddle. This segment we will pick apart why we think that this riddle was a bad riddle. Now Aaron brings up an interesting point.

The wife should have been getting the mail. Yeah, like what I just think that that's not an obvious thing for a maid to be doing. And that it was the immediate red flag for me. It would have taken me like a one minute longer maybe if she wasn't getting the mail. Do you think maybe we should also change what the gardener was doing? Yeah, to make it less obvious. Because the gardener was picking vegetables, which seems pretty one to one for a gardener. But if the maid is getting the mail, maybe the gardener should be like cutting some spaghetti or something like that.

That seems like to the least obvious. If I want to play this interesting game pick apart, I think the maid might be innocent because one, depending on what the maid had to do the day before, maybe she didn't get to the mail. And two, doesn't FedEx and UPS deliver on Sunday? That's right. The Amazon Prime. So it says immediately the police arrest the murderer.

So the police immediately arrest the maid without really verifying if she had not gotten the mail Like if she had to get if she got Friday's mail or something she got immediately arrested for that Where's the due process? Why do you think she killed him? Okay, it says the man is gonna figure this out and a little bit of role play so JPC Let's have you play the maid and Aaron want you be the police officer Mm-hmm. Oh you be the police officer. I'll also be another police officer because you can never have too many of those. Oh, you good copper bad cop.

I'm going to be the fun cop. I'll be funner cop, I guess. I'll be I'll be bad cop. And I am playing the maid, but just so everyone knows it's a missed outfire situation where I'm trying to win back the infection of my ex-wife. But I also did kill her new husband, Pierce Brosnan. Great, I'm gonna pooch you a bit by having the cop sound exactly like this is that fire. Oh no!

Oh hello! Good Sunday morning to you! Good Sunday morning to you! We're so sorry to you, Mother Mordor! I'm so happy to be here with you! We're so sorry to you for the murder! I'm sorry? There was a murder! I know! I'm apologizing!

So, what were you doing this Sunday morning? Well, me! I was kidding the mail! Oh! God knows, I was doing something with the vegetables! Yes, and the murder was that the cause of death was a drive-by fruiting! Are fruits vegetables to you? Tomatoes?

So you think tomatoes are both vegetables and fruit? I'm a cop, not a fruits scientist. And we're all women right? Well I'm wearing a pie. I put my face in a pie but yes I'm a woman. I'm a man dressed as a woman. Do I get a brush in the woman? You did it, you killed a person.

Because the man is only good and no. And I don't have 70s. Squawk, it's a living and seed. I feel like that's our strongest one yet. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, that a little bit. That's not what made sound like. I love that premise. Also Mrs. Dalfire wasn't a mage. She was a nanny. Oh yeah, what's the difference? Mage to the bell. Must be nice to come from wealth, JPC. Manny's pick vegetables.

You might know them as opairs. Okay, this one I have no idea. Johnny Milliner. Oh no. Okay, All right, you guys ready? That's we've been ready. That's incorrect. I do know the answer to this one as well. Wait, the mate is incorrect. The mate is incorrect. I yeah, I looked at it up at his the gardener and it said that he was it was a drive by fruiting. Oh yeah, that's great. Okay, so a murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires. The second assassins with loaded guns. And the third, Lyon, who have eaten in years. Which room is safest?

Lyon. So the first one had raging in some machines in it? Yeah, it had raging in the machines. You don't want to go in that one, because they're so politically loaded that... Well, also... Exactly. ...Aloroka, what? Yeah, the lights are out in that room.

Gorilla radio. Gorilla radio. So they're... So they're raging fires. Are the assassins real naggy, too? They have like a bad attitude, too. It says loaded guns and bad attitudes. I know this one.

I know the answer to this one. Yeah, JPCD know it. I didn't know the answer to this one. Yeah, this was another one that ID. you know what? I didn't know the answer to this one. Yeah. This was another one that I read and I was like, oh, this would be a good warm-up rental. It's the mate. It's the mate. Yeah, so the... If a lion has an eaten in ears, it would be dead. It did.

Yeah, it'd be a dead lion. Oh, a lion dead. But also, this murderer is condemned to death. So he has to die. So I think a worse way to die would be in a room full of dead lions. Worse than the fire is definitely the worst. Yeah, but if, well.

Wait, can you read the first room how it's raised? The first is full of raging fires. Okay. What's going on that it's raging fire? Well, I don't know, but the fires would go out in a room and then you might die of smoke inhalation, which wouldn't be so bad. Oh, you don't know that? No, it's euphoric.

It feels like you're... What are you also being burned? Oh, no, it's great. All of my uncles died of smoke. Oh my God, I'm so sorry. And they called me as they were dying to say, this is not so bad. Well, they called me as they were dying to say this is not so bad. Well, they called me after they were dead. They, I can speak to my uncles in the afterlife.

This is a commercial for Luigi Boards? Yes, this is a commercial for assassins with loaded guns, though. Short and sweet. I would rather have an assassin kill me with a loaded gun than have to eat a dead live and die of starvation eventually anyway. I feel like you know that the second room you know is going to kill because they had to take the time

to add loaded guns. Yeah. Because some asshole, they're like, I'm sure the brittle started off with like, assassins with guns. And they're like the second room. Because it just said guns, it didn't say loaded guns. You think this is the second draft of this riddle?

Yeah. Oh, it went through a vigorous QA process. Somebody read it to their son. It's a son. The it to their son the first Yeah, the first time the son was like no, no, no If fires go out and so they had to be like find their raging what the fuck do you know Kevin? You little shit. I'm just saying fires can go out like remember when we went camping and the fire went out That was your dad because you're not you're not enough of a man to keep it going

Boy All right. You guys ready for this next one? Yes. How did these lines start? Well, they haven't eaten in years. They didn't do anything. A hunger strike. It was a protest.

I'm confused as to why you need so many assassins. They're not very good at their job if you have to put a bunch of them in a room to kill one person. Is that an assassin? Like a firing squad them in a room to kill one person. Yeah, is that an assassin? Like a firing squad is just like people lined up with guns, but are all of those people assassins? Why can't you just say like people with guns that will kill you? Yeah, we're under utilizing these assassins.

Yeah, these assassins. For what I know from movies, assassins are to hire a hitman, to hire an assassin. Assassins are to hire an assassin. You're talking six figures. You're talking six figures to hire an assassin. Oh, I'm sorry. Now, if you hire an assassin and say, wait in this room, someone's gonna walk into the room knowing they're gonna die

and you shoot them, you're not getting enough bang for your buck. Well, so does the only assassin get paid, the assassin that gets the kill? Cause that's kind of how an assassin works, right? And also they may not pick that room. If I am. Yeah, those assassins are screwed if they don't pick that room. Are they on retainer?

Are they going to starve to death? I mean, how long have they? It's only a matter of time before someone's, you know, gets an option where you can go into three rooms. There's one room with a bunch of deadlines and a man who starved. There's another room with what used to be fires, but they've gone out.

And then we have another room with a bunch of dead assassins who all start. Okay, cool. A man murders his wife with a knife in their car. Nobody is around to see this. He throws her out of the car, being careful not to leave any fingerprints on her body. Next, he throws the knife off of a cliff into a gorge where it will never be found and he goes home. An hour later, the police call him and tell him that his wife has been murdered. And he needs to come to the scene of the crime immediately. As soon as he arrives, he's arrested. How do they know he did it? This is easy. I think I know this one. Are these still riddles for kids?

Yeah, these are like the three easiest of these riddles. How many more are there? Oh, there's a bunch. Okay. Do you want to take this air? How did he know where the seat of the cry was? This is it's a very good impression. Are you happy? I took that one out. That's a very good impression of your character deduction, which I'm very good at press. I love your character deduction, which? British deduction, which? Okay, so, yes, that's correct. The police got him with a classic. Please return to the scene of the crime.

And this man being a complete fucking idiot, just drove back to where he had been. And then they said, murder, I said, what? Yes. What? Got you. Got you. That's your take.

I wonder if the police would show up. The police are so insensitive that they would be like, your spouse died, meet us at the scene of the crime, and then leave, and then wait for it. Like, wouldn't they be like, let's come with us, right? And escort him to the scene of the crime? Maybe they suspected him.

And one detective was like, guys, this will work, please. Oh, it also says he showed up covered in blood. It doesn't take you to the close. Oh, there you go. That's what it is. But is it like if I'm remembering the movie Signs properly, which I always do?

It's the aliens or a friend of water. When Mel Gibson's wife is pinned to that tree by that car, a swing away. Jerry Jones is the police officer drives him there to the scene. Like the cops wouldn't just leave and be like, meet us there. So why did the aliens invade a planet that's 70% water when they're

deathly allergic to water? For the sake of the movie. Yeah, well, if they shaman lots of fucking idiot. My mom loves signs. Really? I like signs, right? And I also like the village. I don't get me started in the village. I love the village. They just marketed it wrong. Yeah, they should have marketed it as a horror movie. Is your mama Mark Walberg fan? Well, uh, or is everyone in Boston and Mark Walberg fan? They grew up in the same neighborhood. Did they really? Yeah. Are they similar age? No, my mom's older, I think. But...

Can we hear an impression of what your mom sounds like when she talks about Mark Walbert? Yes, sure. Oh my God. They have those Walbert brothers. They open those two restaurants and want to so fancy. And one's that burger place where they use that government cheese. But I'm telling you, Aaron, it's not so bad. Oh, boy. Standing. OK, so now we're getting to some riddles that I do not know. I don't know the answer to. Can we replace the word murder with something else just

to kind of add some levity? Because I'm getting it. Oh, sure. I don't know. Oh, yeah, the word. Can you just say loved? The word murdered is in this one. I am going to replace it with

fucked okay so it's only in their once and I think it'll make a woman fuck her husband a girl was attending her mother's funeral where she met a man who knows where she met a man she was very intrigued by the man and she was interested in getting to know him as As she was making her rounds, she realized she had not gotten the man's name or number. Later, when she went to find him, he had already left. A week later, she fucked her older brother to find the man. Hold on, let me get that clear. A week later, she fucked her older brother to find the man.

Why? Boy, how do we start to impact this? Isn't this the psychopath test? I'm sorry. Like, I've heard this word in a different way. Like, that's how you can tell if someone's a psychopath. If they fucked their brother. If they go, like, so your, if your mom died

and you meet someone at her funeral, and then you don't get their number or their name and you, you want to find another way to find them. How do you find them? And some of the psychopaths, they go, oh, kill my dad, hoping that they will show up. Hoping that they know the same people. So you're a psychopath. Yeah.

So you, Aaron, to unpack this a little further, you don't like riddles, but you do like psychopath-desk. I do. So I think of all riddles were phrased to you in terms of it being a psychopath-desk. You would probably enjoy it much more. I think you're 100%. She's got some John Ronson books and check that out. I always want their answer again. So I think the answer is she killed her brother to have another funeral hoping the guy would show up again. That's the answer, right? Yeah. Can we see Aaron as the, let's set this at the mom's funeral. Let's have Aaron be the daughter at her own mom's funeral. And JPC, this will be a bit of a stretch, but you can play the interesting man.

Okay. Well, I burn accepted. Are you ready? Yes. Wow, sir. I love your monical and top hat. Thank you. I got it monical and top hat. Thank you. I got it from a peanut.

Wow. Sad day. It's still a joke. I'm sorry. It's a sad day. I know and I said I'm sorry. It is a sad day. Wow. Stephanie was quite a woman.

My mother. My name's also Stephanie. You look like a Susie. You look like a Kevin.. You look like a Kevin. Well, one man's Kevin is another man of Susie. Stephanie, start it. Bearing your mom and your back when I get Christmas morning. Uh, like you've been there before, huh?

Stephanie, this must be your dickhead brother. On Chantay. I'm sorry, it'll speak French, shitbird. Uh, oh, I've got you been there before, huh? Stephanie, this must be your dickhead brother, huh? On Shantay. I'm sorry, it'll speak French, shitbird. I said my name is Shantay. I'm Shantay. Shantay, Kevin. You look like a Kevin. Thank you. You look like a little piece of shit, shitbird.

It's so funny that you say that because I call him shitbird. When you wait here for just one moment, I have to go do a thing. Oh, you don't need to wait what? I have to go do it. But you wink at me. I Winked it the wrong thing. She was the wake was met for me, Shantay You know what Shantay? Let's talk about this in a week, huh? Sounds good. Nice to meet you Nice to meet you. Squark, it's a lot! I'm not saying. Shippard is so funny.

Shippard is a good next to you. Shippard is what McNulty calls people on the wire. Really? Yeah, Shippard. There's that movie about the Androids, the Shippard Wies. Shippard men?

Shippard Wies? We've only watched the first season of the wire. Should I keep going? Yes. Yeah, if only to hear McNulty call people shipper, it's a little more. Cool. Ice tea is the name of this one. Two girls ate dinner together. Wait, is this like a what's that show ice season? Long order. SBO. This is an SBO episode. Murdered is not in this one, so I'm just

going to work the word fucked in somewhere else. Two girls ate dinner together. Wow, surprised. You were strange yourself. Yep. They both ordered iced tea. One girl fucked them very fast. It had finished five.

In the time, it took the other to drink just one. The girl who drank one died while the other survived. All of the drinks were poisoned. How did the girl who drank the most survived? I think I know, but I wish I hope it's not the answer. So one girl chugged a ton of iced tea. The other one drank one glass. And the girl who drank one died. Is it possible she peed at the boys? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I have to introduce a new segment to

Hey, Ritter-Rotel called Dead Stop. Dead stop is a segment where no matter what is happening, we take a dead stop to investigate something that erred. and yes, it only applies to Aaron. Just said, is it possible she peed out the poison? Is it possible she peed out the poison? You know when you drink poison, you peed out your fine because when you pee out poison, it doesn't go through your digestive tract. It just, you know, like if you're on the beach and you get stung by a jellyfish, if you just pee it out.

Just pee on your side. Just pee out the poison. Not because pee contains any neutralizing agents, but because you just pee it out. If you're ever... If you're ever... If you're ever... If I was a vice-tea-goat, right through you. That's true. If you're ever hit with a tranquilizer dart, like on accident, like they're hunting a bear and it hits you with a tranquilizer dart.

If you shit your pants immediately You shit that trink right out that is fact that is I think that that is correct What if I'm right gang huh? I refuse to live in a world I Told you I didn't want it to be the answer, but I think it's cuz she peed like it didn't have time to like Wear out the lining of her stomach. Okay. He did all out I it's a slow release poison, and she got flushed out. Is that how that works?

Doesn't it all go through you? When can you soak up the poison? If you peed it out, it would have been absorbed. Yeah, right? Right? Well, but sometimes your pee is a different color because you didn't drink enough water. My pee is bright orange right now. Right now.

Right now. You're consistently a deep red. That's not good. This is an overshare, but I'm fine. I have a UTI right now. Oh. Oh, thanks. Thank you.

That means a university, correct? Yes, it does. I go to the UTI. That's my favorite riddle is a man walks up to a woman and says UTI and she goes, no, I'm two chains. Oh my God. Oh my God. Is that a riddle for kids? That's a riddle for kids. I saw that one. The medicine makes your pee orange. All the women in the world will know that. But I always forget and then I pee and I think I have to go to the emergency room. So, did you take the medicine once a day? Yeah. If you took the medicine super fast, just drink five feet.

I wouldn't die. I wouldn't die. Again, this is the podcast, Pistach. Yeah, this is Pistach. I have two answers, but they're both unsatisfactory. One would be the first woman who drank all the iced tea is like 1200 pounds. So it does say that one woman is very fat.

Okay. No. It doesn't say anything about that. So that's the idea of like when Andre is giant drinks beer, like he could drink a case of beer, not get drunk. Well no. The bigger you are the less likely. Because he's dead, so he can't drink anything.

That's right, that's right. That's my riddle. The other answer would be like a Princess Bride situation where the first woman poised in the second, but she built up a tolerance to Iocane powder, which is tasteless in other words. Taste, that's not her, let's see. What if it's a different kind of poison?

But she drinks five times as much iodine powder. Maybe it's a poison that the more you drink it, the more it's diluted. You know those poisons? Oh, yeah. Reverse poisons, bizarre o poisons. I forgot about that. One is, what if one is poison poison?

And is an alcohol sort of poison? Maybe one is alcohol. So they're long island ice teas. Yeah, for one girl. The other one has poison. This is a riddle that like a Christian church might use to like sway kids from drinking. And here's a little rap about marijuana.

I did get this riddle from ChristianRiddles.church. That was good. The toucher. Toucher. Yahoo, that church. While you guys were coming up with some porn.church. While you guys were coming up with some, and in my opinion, some very bad answers to this question

I think I landed on the right answer What is it but but I'll I'll read you the riddle one more time because that's I'm I Can read the riddle and I read it and that's why I think I got it But two girls ate dinner together. They both ordered iced tea one girl drank them very fast and had finished five and the time it took the other to drink just one. The girl who drank one died while the other survived. All of the drinks were poisoned. How do the girl who drank the most survived? I can give you a hint, but it will give it away.

You said we'd do it there food. That's an answer. What's that? Does that have something to do with their food? Well, how could it? Because I didn't read anything about their food? No, I know but no, but it has a lot to do with their drink That's my that's that's pretty good one of them was a raspberry ice tea one was with the straw I Might have I do

I'm gonna I'm gonna double check to make sure that I think, because I do think I have this right. You're out of ideas. Well. So it says that the, um, well, that sounded accusatory. Yeah. I'm just being aggro. I'll let you guys know the answer.

Tell, I want to know. You want to know the answer? Yeah. Yeah. The poison was in the ice. I thought that and then I thought but didn't they both have ice in their drink? Yes, but one person drank there so fast that the ice didn't have a chance to melt.

Oh, Aaron. Oh, Aaron. This brings me to a very important statement of the show Aaron is disappointed I said that was gonna be such a dumb answer Aaron can we roleplay this? Aaron be a disappointed or so Yeah, we'll roleplay this all right So Aaron and Adel you are both out to dinner Adel You are going to play a woman

because that's what the scenario requires. But if I hear a Mrs. Dowler voice, I'll be very disappointed. Great, yep, makes sense. And I'll play the waiter who's bringing you your IST's. OK, and an IST for you and an IST for you. Can I get you anything else? No, we're all set, thank you.

Great, thank you. Thank you so much. I'm sorry. Thank you so much. Thank you, Great. Thank you. Thank you so much. I'm sorry. Thank you so much. Can I ask you something? Yeah. That's like your six or seven iced tea. Can you slow it down a little bit? You're being a little, being a little drink piggy. I can't help it. I'm trying to pee out of UTI. Those things are basically just poison in your body. I got a pee, I got to pee it out. Can I tell you my favorite riddle? I just heard recently

a man walks up to a woman and says you tie and she goes no I'm teaching Do you get it? Mm-hmm? Drink your drink Well, I'm letting it sit a little bit. Yeah, okay. Let's sit. You're right. I feel like when I drink iced tea It's so potent like the flavors so potent that I like to have it be a little watered down. Just because you know, my favorite ice cream is vanilla. My favorite vacation spot is home.

You know. Excuse me, I don't mean to interrupt. I'm the manager. You are. I'm the manager of this restaurant. You don't mean to interrupt, but you do. You're the waiter and the manager. The waiter.

Interrupting someone by saying, I don't mean to interrupt. Doesn't excuse you from interrupting does that mean? Like if I punch you and said, don't mean to punch you. Well, I didn't punch you. I interrupted by saying, excuse me, I don't mean to interrupt. Slerp, slerp, slerp, slerp, slerp. Could I have another iced tea please when you get the chance? I'm not the waiter.

The waiter is a man who looks very much like me. I'm a very interesting man and I am a different person. Where's you at that top hat, Mom? A peanut. I am the manager of this hotel bar. I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself, but I did over here. You had a joke about TI and two chains. Exactly.

It's all the rage. It's the hottest riddle right now. I, as my official capacity is manager of this hotel bar, but I also happen to be the joke commissioner for the greater Chicago area. Oh, I wanted to- I wanted to write to you in- Yeah, well, I have so much content to run by. Don't you feel so silly for being so rude to me just now? No. Well, I wanted to award you with this certificate So much content to run by you. Don't you feel so silly for Bigs or root to be just now? No.

Well, I want to do award you with this certificate for best joke. Slurpe, Slurpe, Slurpe. Could I have another iced tea whenever you get a tea? Would you also like a Slurpe? Keep saying that. I can tell you I'm not the waiter and the manager of this hotel bar. Oh, I don't feel so hot. Oh, I've heard this one. Oh, boys and boys and boys. No, I don't feel so hot, I don't feel so hot. Oh, I've heard this one.

Oh, boys, boys, boys, boys. No, I don't feel so hot. I don't feel so hot. Boys and boys, boys, boys, boys. I don't. Two chains. Let me give you a hint. So hot.

No, no, no, no, no. Who's has its tone? Hot in her. Oh, boy. I'd love these rap jokes. It's a living. It's a living. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Ha, ha, ha! Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Do we, uh, what, do we have time for another? Uh, we really don't. Oh, okay, cool. Yeah, let's do one more. Okay, so, um, I don't know if this one is either. This is, uh, it's another murder one.

Uh, I don't think it has the murder in there, so I'm gonna put a fuck in there five times. Love it. Um, a woman shoots her fucked husband. Then holds him under fucked water for five minutes. A little while later, they both go fucked out and joy a wonderful fucked dinner together. Can you restart? How can this be, fucked?

Can you read it again? So she shoots it? Yeah, sure. A woman shoots her husband, then holds him underwater for five minutes. A little while later, they both go out and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?

Her, this is the shape of water. The woman is the woman from shape of water. Okay, yeah, that's correct. What else? She shoots, she shoots him with medicine. She shoots a movie with a minute. They're shooting heroin. She shoots him up with heroin, then holds him with medicine. She shoots a movie with a minute. She's, they're shooting heroin. She shoots him up with heroin and then holds him underwater for five minutes.

Well, you can hold somebody under, I've been under a waterfall for 10 minutes, but that doesn't mean I'm drowning. Why? Why were you under, why? Are you hiding from the liver? Why? Hawaii. Hawaii.

That's like their pure Michigan. Why Hawaii? Why Hawaii? You've been under a waterfall for 10 minutes. Sure. That's too their pure Michigan. Why, why? Why, why? You've been under a waterfall for 10 minutes. Sure. That's too much water pressure in your head. You've like, you've been under a comfortable. That's why the top of my head is flat.

Was it? Sure. If you hold somebody under water, it doesn't mean that you're right. So yeah, then hold him under water. Now, I think that that means completely submerged. Like, not just legs Like you can't just hold some of his legs underwater So a woman shoots her husband

Holds him underwater for five minutes, sure and they both her husband's Houdini It's just a little while later. They both go out and enjoy a wonderful magic show together. How can this be? Her husband's Houdini what they enjoy Oh, bye. And what's that dinner, you know? What's the dinner? They say they enjoy a wonderful dinner. What if that's the riddle? A woman shoots her husband and holds him under water for five minutes. A little while later, they both go out and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be? In the Riddles' Hasky, like, how can a married couple have a good night out? On a bone ribbed? For Shion of Fadron?

Yeah, the Riddles. How could a married couple enjoy dinner? You craft the menu, I think is what they're asking. They didn't talk about their relationship. I don't think he's getting shot with the gun. Okay. What else do you get shot with? Medicine, heroin, shot. You're shooting a movie.

You're shooting a movie. Shooting a movie. He gets shot. He gets shot. He takes a shot. Shot through the heart. It's Bon Jovi. He's Bon Jovi.

He's Bon Jovi. Can the answer be Bon Jovi to all these riddles? She holds them underwater and he's slippery. When what? Oh, what if... What if they're like holding each other in a pool? Nobody look at me. You know when you're in a pool with a loved one

and you both go in or you submerge yourselves for five minutes in hug? No, like you're hugging under the water. So it's like they're at a cibrus. Yeah. Yeah. What if they're under a waterfall? I don't know.

And their room is a martini glass. Jikuzi. They hold. OK, hold them under water. Hold them under water. I mean, they help them on their water. That could just mean that they're below a hand on water. What if they're in a submarine?

Submarine. Ooh. A woman shoots her husband with shoots him in the face. She shoots him with that stuff that you have to shoot people with so they don't get the bins when they come up from pressure. Yeah. And then holds him underwater for five minutes. Oh, what if it's scuba diving?

Who wrote this riddle, Jules Verne? Yeah, what if they're scuba diving? Let me check the author says, oh, yeah, the author says Jules Verne. You just looked if they're scuba diving? Let me check the author says, oh yeah, the author says Jules Verne. You just look me dead in the eyes the whole time. Yeah, let me check this. I was giving you the finger too. I think that's probably it.

A woman chitzer has been then a hold some underwater for five minutes a little by the way. So they're scuba diving, he gets the bends. That can't be the answer to this. Well, I got to know at this point. Okay, okay, okay. Let's see, the answer to this riddle is the poison was in the ice.

She shot her husband with a camera and then developed the photo. Oh. Fouled him underwater for five minutes. I knew it was a camera. I said that shooting a movie. You said shooting a movie. I said shooting, like shooting with a camera.

She's misusing those pronouns. Oh, yeah. So what? So basically, you don't need to have to. I was just, JPC, I was just holding him the other day. Yeah. Oh, you saw him? No, I was holding up his photo.

So the husband need to be more clear with what his pronouns were. Yes, exactly. And then if we had clarified that, then it would have been an easier riddle to solve. Honey, I developed a photo of you. Now let's go have a wonderful meal. What a good day it is to be us and me and you. Married life.

The door was a jar. Can you imagine? Can you imagine? Susie and Kevin. Susie and Kevin, hey, glad to see those kids made it. And for our final portion, what we'll do is we usually read a riddle or puzzle or lateral thinking problem sent in by a listener. You can always email us at hrrpodcast.gmail.com to submit your favorite riddle.

We might read that on the air and try and solve it. But we're lucky enough today to be joined by one of my favorite people in the world. And someone I know who is deeply intelligent and interesting, Mr. Tommy Marangies. Wow, normally when people say things like that, I'm like, could you say that into the mic? Yeah, so I did. I literally said it into the mic. Is Marangies?

I'm always so conscious about saying rangies Did you as a as a child and now adult? Did you would you say like Marangies like philangies or some sort of I? Should but when I was in high school I had a friend that I had to pass papers through Mm-hmm a race Marangies and right philangies. Did you work at Ellis Island on every no? That's it wait your friend would Erase your name and write philanges he would erase maranjus and write philanges doesn't sound like a

friend and he did on every he like it was the sort of bit where it was funny and then it wasn't funny and then because he stuck with it it came back around I don't know anything about that but I like this guy Tommy what tell us what you what you work on what you do what you what you work on what you do what's going on with you? I Probably a most well known for the board game. I made called secret Hitler Which if you haven't played it you probably don't need to anymore. It's led to some of the most fun fights in my life Oh good. That's a put that on the box for the nice. Yeah, make it game called fun fights. Yeah

It's sort of a jumanji situation out in the world. We're trying to put it back, but we haven't won it yet. I'm working on a new game that's based on the Void Comfort test from Blade Runner. Which I've demoed and it's fucking phenomenal. Good, so funny. I'm glad to hear that. Especially for everyone, but I think especially since I'm an improviser, it was a really fun, like, right in my wheelhouse of like,

this is challenging and fun. Yeah. I'm really glad to hear that. And we're trying to write it so that people of like all sorts of like skill levels can do that. So I'm glad you like found something in it because there are a lot more crutches than you needed. So yeah, people could learn more about that at robots.management.

And I, in another lifetime, had a character called Philosophy Row, where I did kind of what you guys are doing, but with riddles that we don't know the answers to. They're just riddles where everyone's like, oh, I actually don't know. To be clear, we don't know the answers to any of these riddles either. Even after discussing that. But, so Tommy, have you guys considered philosophy that is?

So thank you for coming in. So why don't you, we spoke out in the hallway. So I know the answer to the riddle you're about to pose. But why don't you pose to JPC and Aaron, the riddle that you have? Yeah. What gets wetter and wetter the more it dries? OK, so I know that this is sexual. Because you're good.'s better and wetter.

So that has to be the answer. Now I am fully invested in that track of making. What gets wetter and wetter the more it dries, dude, I know it. Loctin. Okay, JPC has been there. I do like I've heard this one before and now my brain is... I think maybe I've heard this before too because I locked into it pretty fast and Aaron I'll give you a hint. I was way off with the sex thing. Okay. Um, depends on where

your kinks are proclivities lie. Yeah, I do not want to sex shame anyone with my response to this riddle. So it's true. Okay, let me think. Oh, now I'm the only one who doesn't know. Okay. Let me think. Oh, now I'm the only one who doesn't know. Okay. Here, I'll give you maybe a hint. Yep. So I'm a Middle Eastern. What's something I might wear in my head?

Oh God. I'm gonna wear it. Oh, okay, so it's drying someone else. It's keeping someone dry. What is wetter and wetter the more? An umbrella. Puh. Puh. You know the Middle Eastern of the turn.

You'll then relih it. A towel. Just with these umbrella. I call from umbrella from space jam. It's a correct answer. A towel. I was going to say a big shaggy dog, so I was wrong. A towel makes way more sense.

It's a big dog. It's long dead with big shaggy. But also umbrella works too. Yeah. Well, yeah, I guess it is. Well, an umbrella doesn't make you additionally drive. It's easy to do.

You can, I can. It's a means of like a towel, I suppose. I don't want to sex shame anybody, but an umbrella dries me. What the fuck? You know when you get out of the shower and all your towels are dirty and you grab an umbrella? Tommy, so this, you told me this is maybe the first.

If we were to trace it back to its source, this is maybe the first, if we were to trace it back to its source, this is maybe the first riddle you ever heard. This is like the earliest riddle I have a memory of where I read it and I was like, I was like eight and it was sort of a herbinger of like the way I would be as an adult to. I read it and I was like, what do you mean it gets wetter as it, that doesn't, they're the opposites, if it's heading in what, it can't also, what the fuck is going on here? And then I read the answer, I was like,

oh shit, is the world just a lot of this? It's a lot of double meaning I will pick up on. That's how I feel about all riddles, even now still. I love picturing eight year old Tommy, like with a bookmark in Infinite Gest, being like, this riddle. Like, you know what I mean? The habit, right? Like all of those riddles are like, yeah, buch, this riddle. I guess, you know, well, I mean, the habit, right? Like all of those riddles are like, yeah, all right,

an egg, fine treasure, it's gold, it's a metaphor. But this was the first riddle that was explicitly like, what made it a riddle was the contradiction. And you're like, god, yeah. The immediate frustration is a child to be like, this, this not a thing. Yeah, and it wasn't much longer before I recognized, like that's a me problem and not an everyone else problem.

Yeah, I mean, it's, but it's also like, not universal. I mean, it's not exclusive to you. Like that's the whole point of that riddle is to be like frustrated by how easy the answer is and like, the contradiction is. And Tommy, you had another one, right? This is another influential riddle in your life?

This was when you were like, can you think of a riddle? And there were actually several. I went to like look it up with some searching. And there were lots about the subject. That's all I'll say. I mean, can't be incredibly influential if you had to fucking look it up. It sounds like you said incredibly influential.

You said, can you think of a red all? To be fair, I just said, do you have a red all for me? He said so. I shoehorned in influential. Right. I said maybe 20%. I wanted to say that. I could think of.

And you're like, perfect. I wanted to give some gravitas to it. Let's do it. You're vetting processes all over the place. OK, so the other one is, until I'm measured, I'm not known, but you always notice when I have flown. Until I'm measured, I am not known, but you always notice when I have flown. When I have flown.

And you know this one, Edel? You know the answer? I actually didn't, wait, yes, I didn't know this one. I actually didn't, oh wait, no, I'm very smart, I'm smart. I'm just surprised once he said, oh my god, there's two addels here until I measured on that. I'm not. I'm not. I'm a natural mimic. I just have to hear some dumb asshole squawking. It's just, it's at least a little bit of it. It's been a good year for you. Again, this is dumbass whole squawking.

Email us a dumbass whole squawking and hotmail us. C-A. No better way to describe adult than squawking. Measured not known until I measure. Until I measure. I'm not known. But you always notice when I have flown. It's the length of your penis. That's what I was going to say. Immediately read you always notice when I have flown it's the length of your penis

But that's what I was gonna say immediately read the gate. I was gonna say the length of my penis How pedestrian Boy This is this is difficult so flown makes me think it has to be some sort of bird That's that's the only thing that flies. I think it's a good, a good, a great deal. Oh, wait, so can you say it one more time? Until I'm measured, I'm not known, but you always notice when I have flown. Okay, so my thought is that it's an arrow of some sort, but that doesn't quite... How many types of arrows do you know of've done many of your movies have you seen play D&D? I know plenty of types of arrows

I played dealing with you and I'm an archer. I know one You don't know what I know all of yours. Can I buy some pointy arrows cold steel Adam and T.M Okay, the word flown that's bothering me. Oh sure. Can we get a different word? That was air doesn't agree with so besides birds what flies airplanes Time, damn it. Yeah, time. Yeah, it's time. It's always time It all it all flies when you're having time or death or whatever. It's always this fucking riddles are bullshit It is death, but not a construct of time. Yeah, that's true It's always this fucking riddles are bullshit. What is death but not a construct of time?

Yeah, that's true. And also a thing that happens. Shouldn't death, when death is portrayed in movies, shouldn't it just be like a cloak with like a clock for a face? Wouldn't that be ominous? He usually has an hourglass with him. Well, and in addition to his sight. Well, yeah, but who doesn't?

You're the man in that picture. That feels like a riddle from the habit. Is that not in the habit, that time riddle? Is the answer to one of those habit riddles time? I think so. Okay. And it is not that one. It's not that one, but there is like a time riddle in there.

About wearing down a mountain and turning out as to sand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is that's what I said in an album. I was like, you know a riddle. I was like, something about mountains and sand. anyway. It's time and he was like perfect First I got it so influential first I said you know a riddle and Tommy just goes Tom and gave me a little wink and I was like Dead

Very Potter this is the first time riddle of Reference we've made in this podcast. Probably not. Tommy, thank you so much for coming on. Thank you Tommy. I hope you back soon. We hope to have you back. Bible One, check us out again, HRRpodcasts.com. You can email us or follow us on Twitter at HeyRiddleRiddleTheHandle.

Talk to you soon, bye bye. That was a hit-bomb podcast.