Hey Riddle Riddle - #403: Nobody's in Charge

Episode Date: April 8, 2026

A nice warm waffle sounds so good right now.Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!JPC's Guided Meditations Volume 1, available now at our Patreon digital store!Want merch? Visit our Dashery Store!Want to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle 6351 W Montrose Ave #267Chicago, IL, 60634Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531)Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. At LJPC, you can stand under my umbrella with me if you're getting wet. You don't have to stay out in the rain. You can stand with me. No, no, it's fine. Don't be a martyr. You're shivering. No, no, Aaron, it's, it's okay.

We'll just stand out of here in the rain. And even though we weren't really dressed for the weather. I have a gigantic umbrella. It's really no trouble. No, no, no. We don't want to be a bother. We don't want to a crowd. We don't want to impose, you know.

Oh, oh. just got struck by lightning. Oh, oh, got it. Hold the hands with you. That's smart. Oh, geez. Yeah, should we have done something else? I'm sorry.

I feel like I forced you guys to come. No. Sky watching. Erin, this is so, to skywatch during a storm is so. You're having fun. So event. Yeah, Aaron, I'm having such a good time. And I am so glad that you.

picked our monthly outing. This, we're certainly out, and it's certainly whatever month this is. Great. So you guys are having fun. Because I just feel like in the past, every time I pick the monthly outing, someone gets hurt, someone complains. Is fun short for something?

Because I want to make sure when you say, are you having fun? I'm like, yeah, I'm having you now. I think, yes, fun short for fuck you now. I don't know. I guess that I am having fun. Aaron, I am realizing now that you said it that every time you pick the outing, we do, one of us does kind of get hurt. I think I'm the fourth or fifth addle we've gone through. Yeah, but you're, okay, we don't have to.

No, that's fine. You're right, no, no, let's just go to like a diner or record an episode or something. We'll do something else. Let's do a main feed. We'll do a main feed. We're all here together. We don't have to watch the. So we're just ditching diner, huh?

That sounded like a fun. sky for a storm. I know that warm waffle sound like, ugh, right now, after the storm. Like, yeah. So let's do a main speed. Or did for being struck by lightning. I always order my waffle warm. Shut up.

Leave it to the side of the heat lamp for three or four minutes and then bring it right out of the baby. Waffle sounds so good right now. Oh, a nice plate of waffles. Oh, really nice. I also love a heat lamp. Do you think you could get a heat lamp installed in your own kitchen? get a heat rock I want a heat lamp

and I want to I want to like lay under it yeah like a lizard yeah but we can't get what we want nope don't go in the diner guys

go in the studio stop trying to get in the diner door go to the studio this isn't sausage just as the microphone quit pulling on that lizards eat free no it's lizards eat fleas

never mind I don't know if that's true Let's leave. Oh, that a giant sign on a diner? Who is the target demographic? Lizards eat fleas. This is Hey, Riddle, Rodel. That's Addle over there.

Hello. Me next, me next. And that's JPC over there. Say his name. And that's Aaron Keith. Aaron Keith, how are you? I am here. Mm-hmm.

It is a Wednesday when this episode comes out. It is April. and I'm thriving. Explain. I love that for you, Erin. Yes. Thriving. Thriving, not surviving.

Turning over a new leaf. And the leaf is poison ivy. And now I have a rash and I'm just as bad as I was before. How are you guys doing? Aaron, I went to Target the other day and I was with my kid and we were using the bathroom. And my kid finished using the bathroom. And we're in a stall and I started using the bathroom. and my kid who just points out everything and says it,

was just kept saying, Dadda has a penis. Data has a penis. Data has a penis. Over and over a kid. And I was just like, yeah, I do. I do. And then I got out of the bathroom.

And there was another guy in there. And he looked at me. He like made eye contact with me. And I said, it's true. And he looked away really quickly and didn't say anything to me. And I thought, that's kind of rude, isn't it? I am on the side. Wait, which one have you said?

true in which one of you look disgusted because I'm on the side of whoever... And who said Daddy has a penis? Wait, you know what? My kid wasn't with me. All right. You're just how many little song? I knew we'd get to the bottom of it.

Daddy has a penis. Daddy has a penis. That's his little penis. You guys, that that exact same thing happened to me in a Target bathroom. What is it about Target bathrooms? Trying to connect with you guys. Trying to have anything.

in common. Adel, how are you? Oh, you know. Okay, perfect. Um, well, never asking that question again. Jan has a penis. Gestures to world around me. Yeah. I'm never making that mistake of asking how we are. That was huge mistake. Um, well, then let's just do the premise of the show. Riddles, puzzles, lateral thinking problems, intercut with silly improv scene. Oh, did you say? intercut, Aaron? Oh my God, is your butthole not supposed to be freezing? I hate the laugh at the end of that one. That's the humiliating part.

Like, that makes me feel kind of sick. What is, what do we think the coldest part on the human body is at any given time? My butt. My butt is freezing. Aaron. No, my butt cheeks. Yes. Are your, butt cheeks not like constantly so cold.

I mean. Feet are probably, hmm. I'm usually. Hands. Behind the ear? I think maybe my fingers. My fingers maybe get the coldest of anything. If I'm in a cold,

like my fingers don't get cold, but if I'm in a cold space, since they're like the things that I'm not usually wearing clothes on, like walking around in winter in Chicago, it's, when the weather gets so nice that you don't have to wear gloves anymore,

that's the ticket, the meal ticket right there. But some days I'm like, oh, 35. I can walk outside in 35 with no gloves and I'm like 20 minutes. And I'm like, I should have wore the fucking gloves. Yeah, why not? Yeah, I should have done it.

I bet our eyes are probably room temp. Yeah, whatever room you're in, that's the tip of your eyes are. Okay, I'm having a new thought, never thought about that before. What do I know? Well, I have a thermometer or an eye thermometer. Technically a meat thermometer, but what are our eyes, if not nature is meat? They're meat eggs. Yeah, they're meat eggs, Erin.

Skip ahead 30 seconds, everybody. We'll try to be better. Now you're telling them, too. So does that mean? I can talk about meetings for 30 seconds? You guys, I don't know if you, yeah, you must have been in Chicago at the time. At some point, I can't remember when it was. There was a such a cold temperature outside that the news literally said, if you go outside, keep blinking because your eyes might freeze.

Oh, yeah, I was there for that. Yeah. The frozen eyes thing. People's doorknops were freezing shut. I remember during that, my roommate at the time, went to Wingstop, walked to Wingstop, and came back with his wingstop, and he was not wearing socks. And I was like,

did you go out without wearing socks? He was like, I had shoes on. And I was like, you're not long for this world. Not great. Your toes are fucked. It was colder in Chicago than it was on Pluto or something. That's fun. That's fun.

It's fun to be cold. It's fun to be cold. This is the first time we've ever run out of things to talk about. It got so cold this year in Chicago that for the first time ever, one of my pipes froze in my wall, which was an absolute bummer. It's something I do not recommend. But how are you supposed to sing if your pipes are frozen? Ooh, gorgeous.

Someone got fixed. They recommend it when it's like really cold, like you like, and you have pipes that are at risk of freezing that you like leave your tap running a little bit because moving water, I guess, is harder to freeze than still water or whatever. That makes sense. Or whatever. And I did all of that and still one of my pipes froze, but it was like a pipe connected to a toilet and I was like, was I supposed to just be flushing it all night? Like, what was I supposed to do

here? I don't know. I don't know. But yeah, I don't recommend it. That's, that's hard to fix. It's hard if it bursts. If it bursts, it's really bad. If it's, if it just freezes and then unfreezes, it's fine. But if you have to cut a hole in your wall to unfreeze the pipe, then you have to, well, you can do what I do, which is now have a hole in my wall. But also, that part is not, It's not hard to things, but it's like you have to do that. You have to put the wall back eventually. And when they unfreeze the pipe, or are they just like putting a hair dryer on it?

What's the move? It's like it's not a hair dryer. It's like a, not like a blow torch, but it's like that. You could probably, if my pipe, if your pipe is not, like, if it's exposed, like if you can see the pipe, you can just use a hair dryer. And they see, like, put like a piece of like tinfoil or a baking sheet behind it. So it doesn't like mess with anything behind it as you're unfree. using it. Space heater, they say work, but if your pipe is in a wall, you kind of have to

cut the wall open and then, you know, use a heat gun on it. Aaron, I might be a bit of a romantic, but I just give the frozen pipe my hoodie. Oh, my God, that's so sweet. Yeah, no big deal. And then they wear it around like school so people can tell you two are going steady. Oh my God, is that Adel's hoodie? Oh, my God, they must be hanging out. If, you know, if I want to heat the pipe up and I don't mean to be old school about it,

but I just work the nipples, work the neck. I was going to say, I was like, oh, my God, Casey, is it too late to beep whatever he's about to say? And then I was like, maybe it won't be bad. JPC, can we get a clean take of you saying pipe nipples? Can we get a clean take of you not signing on at all today? Piping nipples. Why does this pipe cleaner have your nipples?

Yuck. For the point, hey, Erin. Okay, we can stop talking about nipples anytime you want to start talking about riddles. So that's on you. No, it's not. Oh, is it not? I'm not old man puzzles. And don't fuck with me.

You absolutely are. I said at the beginning of this, if I, are you serious? Are you serious? I asked at the beginning of this, I said, I'm not old man puzzles today, right? Why? Because of the calendar, at the beginning and the GBC said no. And I said, thank God because I was paranoid. I don't remember having, did you have this conversation in your fucking mind?

With you? I said, I'm not old man puzzles today, right? No, I did not say that. I said that. I did not. I said that. I did not ask this conversation with it. I don't remember hearing this.

And then I, you said, no. And then I said, oh, good, because I was paranoid that I was. Am I losing chunks of time? I feel crazy. Casey, was this conversation had on mic? Is this conversation out on Mike? I think it might have been. Can we check the Zencast?

I think it actually might have been. He said, I pleaded it. I mean, he's on my side and he's scared of JPC. Ugh. Because remember how we canceled and stopped midway through two other recordings recently? I originally, I have it marked on my calendar when to start sourcing riddle. for episodes that I'm on. And so things got moved around.

And that's why I got paranoid. I went, I'm not old man muzzles today, right? And then you said, no. Well, what I would recommend you do, Aaron, instead of using whatever system that you're using, use the system that is the system that everyone else uses. And then you'll never get confused because you're just... I originally used the system that we used

because it wasn't supposed to do today. We're keeping all of this. Okay, let's get creative. Aaron, maybe we make fun of what you're wearing. Okay. Maybe that's the episode. Okay Jeans

Is there Let's see What are you There's a logo on the shirt Aaron What do we have here It says salty Did the denim

It says salty It says salty What can we do about Salty Okay And we need about 45 minutes Okay

It's gonna be It's gonna have 45 ish minutes On salty Salty Salty Cronack and a pair of jeans

Okay Oh Aaron is that Did you Did you Washed Is it wash this sweater? Is it Is it salty

because you need to wash it. Aaron's heading out. So what to do, what to do? I wish I knew. I'm thinking of a number between one and four. It was three. What else? What else?

Keep going. Spin your wheels. Spin your wheels. Why do I have to spin my wheels? Well, the good news is, thank God I have got plenty of riddles for us. No problem. Crisis averted. I am sitting at a bit.

a table, 10 flies are on the table. With one swat, I kill three flies. How many flies are left on the table? We should have gone to the diner. Um, Aaron, I want to say no flies, because the minute you smack the table, the rest are going to head out. Now, Adel, normally I would agree with you, but she didn't say living flies. These are dead flies, and I'm going to say seven. Unless you hit the table so hard that jostles a couple of dead flies off the table. So to be safe, I'm saying five. Yes, we have had a similar riddle to this before. JPC, no, that is not a yes. I'm saying yes to Adel's correct answer. What?

What the fuck? I would like to see a yes after my answer. You guys are two flies and there's a third fly there and you're trying to you're talking about whether or not that fly is dead or is being very, very still. Oh, go touch it.

I mean go touch it. You go touch it. Go touch it. Is he sick? Holy shit, maybe... I don't know, man. No, maybe he knows something that we don't know, because all the humans are leaving him alone, you know? Man, he's on his back, his legs are sort of curled in.

We all love to be on our back with our legs curled. Maybe you just got fucked so good. Maybe. You ever roll off another fly and you just, like, can't even move? Like, there's nothing... You're not even thinking about anything else? Oh, yeah. Maybe that's what's going on here, you know?

Maybe. I feel like... I'm gonna go barf on him. I'm gonna go barf on him. Wait, we were supposed to eat together. I'm not gonna eat them. I'm just gonna use my barf. Okay.

You're just barfing on him, but you're not gonna eat him. Troy, where have I heard this shit before? Dylan? Dylan? One time. Baby, baby. I was just barfing on him because I thought he was dead. You're such a fucking asshole.

Every time we barf, it's not just to eat. Sometimes we barf. It's mostly the eat It's mostly the egg It's mostly the baby Baby A cigarette and start smoking It was a sex thing

It was a sex thing It's kind of a delayed cigarette For a sex thing That holy smokes Hey hey buddy Are you okay You okay? No this is a death rattle

Oh I was just air escaping Air escaping through a cigarette Two rich men Now bankrupt Came across each other one day After exchanging things and catching up with what had happened in their lives, they compared how much money each had.

The first one had $80, and the second one had only $42. However, two hours later, between both of them, they had more than $84 million in cash. None of them had inherited anything, won the lottery, or received payment for a debt or loan. How could this be? They lived in America Adel and I love that kind of commentary Anymore? You got any more in the barrel? Where rich people simply will never fail.

Okay, is this one of these things where these guys are in some sort of like hands on a hard body competition and they just won an $84 million Ford F-150? No. Damn it. But that can still happen, right? Because I really need this truck. They can really change things for me. Get your hands off that truck.

truck and focus. I love just being in a parking lot, having your hands on a car, being like, I'm here to win this and someone's like, please get off my car. Hey, man. Hey, man, you got to leave. No one's given away a 2012 Toyota Seloquah. This parking lot, brother, you got to go. Also, I don't know if I mentioned, these are all from a book that Sammy gave me.

So thank you so much, Sammy, for the kind note in the sweet book. Sosa. So-so. Yep. So-so. These are those are so-so. Sammy Soso. Sammy Soso.

Aaron, are the dollars, you said dollars, right? One had $80, one had like $42 or something? Yes. Are the dollars some sort of like rare $1842 that's worth? Adel, that's a really, really great guess. And I would even go as far as to say better than the actual answer. But that is not the answer. Is the answer, one of these things where it's like they pulled their money and they bought

some collectible dolls and now they have like 84 million doll hairs or whatever? No, but it's it is, it's one of those tricky, sneaky kind of answers. Tricky. Is it, is it, is it the $40 and the $80 that they have? Or $42 and 80? Yeah, but these numbers are, I think, they don't matter. They don't matter. Okay.

But is that money that they have, that's like, we'll say like American dollars, American currency? Sure, but that again doesn't matter. Okay. Is the $84 million that they have American currency? Yes. Okay. Wow. Can you read the brittle one more time?

Yeah, this is the most helpful part I think. However, two hours later, between both of them, they have more than $84 million in cash. Okay. So they stood somewhere. They went to a museum. The museum of cash. They looked at some Van Gogh and stood on either side of it, and that's what happened. You're very close.

One was standing at, go ahead. They were working for the Joker in that scene in the movie where he has that big pyramid of cash. And they were standing on opposite sides about to light it on fire. You're very close. One was standing at the main door of a bank and his friend was standing at the back door. There was $84 million in the safe at the bank. Therefore, between both of them, they had that amount of money. I'd like to see a scene.

I call BS on their ever being $84 million. It's like a bank safe. Or maybe with like jewelry and stuff. other valuables. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. Cash value. Safety deposit boxes?

Sure, sure. Maybe it's Fight Night and Terry Benedict's casino. We don't know. I would like to see a scene. You guys are two bank robbers. Okay. And you both, your plan guy, got killed during the last bank robbery.

So you guys are really don't know what to do. You're both kind of just standing there aimlessly. I wish the brains were still around. Man, he was so smart. He was so smart. The brain was a top-notch brain. I mean, he just, from A to Z, he had it all planned out. Everybody in the bank is looking at us.

Should we say something? Oh, take off the mask. Mass after. Mass after we pull out the guns. Oh, my God. Where's my gun? Where's my gun? Where's my mask?

Shit. Okay, let's just start. Let's just start. And maybe the muscle memory will kick. We're not here for your money. We're here. No, we're. Hold on. We're here for the...

Oh, she's got punching in the face. Oh, I'm so sorry. I was swinging. I was swinging wildly while I was talking. It's totally... Excuse! Hey, welcome to the bank. Can I help you guys with anything? Yeah, we're here for...

We're here for our money, not the bank's money. Oh, great. I just need you to fill out this form of how much you would like to withdraw. Just make you sure you add your number and I'll take your ID whenever you get a second. I don't have a pin. Do you have a pin that I could borrow? Oh, yeah, of course. We have a pen, but it is attached to this string.

Okay. How about how do I? Come on, both of us. Both of us. One, two, two, three. Please don't try to steal the pen. It really is stuck in there really well. Just, we have free bank pens.

Here you go. Oh, thank you. Do you also have, is a free bank gun a thing? Or like a gun on a little chain? Do you have one of those at the bank? No. No, of course. It would be too easy.

Do we look like we have guns, though? No. Would you take us on our word? No, okay. No. Okay. Let's look around the room. Let's use whatever, like a Magi-Mama, Magiver.

McGiver, yes. Okay, so let's see. I'm seeing a lot of people. Okay. Yeah, you could make like a people sandwich. We're trying to just keep the line moving. Is there anything else that can help you, gentlemen, with today? Oh, if you're trying to keep them.

Oh, sorry. Go ahead. No, no. Josh, you go. Shoot a shot. I'm Josh, Josh Danielson, you go. Shoot your shot, Mikey, shoot it. Josh Danielson, what a name.

I'm going to remember that. Nah, please don't. Please don't. Are you as good with addresses as names? Test me. Four 17 East Second Street. Four 17 East Second Street. You know what?

We are going to get out of here. Ew. I get off work at five if you want to pick me out. How are you at getaway driving? By that, I'd be just driving us somewhere. Yeah, I have a car. Should we all, like, grab a drink or something after work? I've never, no one really tries to connect with me here at the bank.

This is a real treat. Yeah. Yeah. I guess we could grab a drink. Hey, hey, I think that this person could be our new brain. There obviously have some sort of bar heist in mind. Yeah, and she keeps pushing something underneath the desk. All right, everyone's down on the ground.

We're robbing this bar. Ah, shit. See, ah, shit. All right. You guys, this next one is crazy. I've actually been looking forward to... Do you think, Erin, that I will have an advantage getting this riddle because it's crazy? Yeah.

I actually do. I'm coming home. Coming home. Tell the world I'm coming home. And, Adel, your brain is mostly normal, and this isn't a pun. So you might be at a little bit of a disadvantage. Ooh. Shit.

All right, Adel. We'll try our best. That's all we can ask for. I'm going to read to you a phone conversation. Uh-oh, this better not be one of mine. You get the bleeps ready. May I speak to the director? Who's calling?

John Ramaninch. I beg your pardon. Could you spell your last name? R as in Rome. O as in Oslo. M as in Madrid. I as in Innsbruck. I as in what?

Innsbruck, thanks. Please go ahead. N as in Nome. This does not make sense. Why? Now, JPC, of course, Aaron sometimes said reading riddles, reads her little plays.

She's writing. This does like one of her little plays. Aaron, it's definitely writing. Okay, so, Noam. Wait, no, is it all cities? Because isn't Nome a city in Alaska,

but is it G.N? No. I assumed it was G, but I don't know. I think G.N. the creature is G.N. But G.N. The city in Alaska is not that. Yeah, it's not about the spelling of Nome. It's not about the spelling of Nome. So, Aaron, at the end, you said this conversation is wrong.

Why? Or would you say? Yeah, this does not make sense. Why? Yeah, that's the problem. It's because no, because no. If people, if you're on the phone with someone and you have to spell your name, are you doing, um, are you using like phonetic alphabet if you're like saying your name? Are you saying like, you know, um, K-Is and K-Is and K-L-O and, yeah. No, no, no, no. Uh, what makes no sense to me. So you guys are going to have to help me

understand this. Because people misspell my last name all the time. Um, so I, I don't even say my last name anymore. I just spell it because it's only four letters. So I always go C-O. and then I say A as an apple N as in Nancy And that's the way that No one gets confused Because they're not hearing my name ever They're just seeing it spelled

But I would never go with like cities like this Right? Because that's what this person's doing They're doing cities Yeah that is stupid but not the point of the riddle That's not the point of the riddle I have to do Keith K-E-I-F as in Frank Because F sounds like S on the phone

I do this I say R-F as in Frank AI Yeah. Can you read the... AI as and we're all fucked. We're all fucked. May I speak to the director? Who's calling?

John Rom... John Rominch. Rominch. I beg your pardon? Could you spell your last name? R as in Rome. O as in Oslo. M as in Madrid.

I as in Innsbruck. I as in what? Innsbruck. Thanks. Please go ahead. and as in gnome I truly don't understand this one and you see the answer?

Yep. And it doesn't make sense. So are they saying go ahead and say go ahead and speak to the director or they're saying go ahead and spell the rest of your name? Is that part of it? I'm going to read you the answer and then we can try to suss out.

Then the riddle really begins. I was going to say this would be the first time that we read the answer and then we have to solve it. The phone operator was trying to get the spelling of the man's last name. Therefore, it makes no sense to ask, I as in what. The operator had already understood it was an I.

Well, here's the thing. I picked up on that, but I also just assumed she did to hear the word. It was confused. Like, I picked up on the fact that she said I back to him, which means she heard what it was. But then I just assumed she was curious what he was saying. I have the same issue. If I'm on the phone with someone and they're using like cities like this to spell their name, I'm also going to be like, what? What's that? Because you would never say Innsbrook because it sounds like an in, right? Like I is an in, you know? Like it's, this person's insane. I'd like to say a scene. And I can say that.

Um, uh, Adel, you are working a customer service job and you were trying to get JPC to clearly give. you his last name and he's making it way harder than it needs to be. Thank you for calling Nabisco headquarters. We try and make every smile a cookie smile. Please go ahead and let me know your name. Hey, I'm calling back again. Am I talking to Jake? I've called back all the time.

Is this Jake or? I work at a call center. There's 40 to 50 Jake. I am a Jake. Okay. I usually get a Jake. So that's why I'm, I just have another. a cookie complaint that I would like to lodge and you have to take the complaint.

Well, yes, I know my job. You don't have to do my job. Okay, great. I just been back and forth with some people before, so I always start off the call by saying you have to take the complaint because legally... Well, I'm a different person, so... Well, you name's Jake. You can't... Hey, if someone shoves you on the subway, you can't then go yell at a barista and say... Excuse me? Are you threatening me?

Uh, no. Okay, good. because I'm the wrong person to threat. I'm sure you are. Yeah. Phone tough. This guy's, hey, Jake, these guys are all phone tough. Oh, that's crazy.

I know. I hate my job and I hate my life. So it's too salty, this one, and one of them is a little too crunchy. So I need that noted in my file, and you could look me up because I have a file. I need you to say your name. You haven't said your name. Oh, I'm sorry, Jake. You never said your name.

I just had to guess. It's Jake. I said I'm a Jake. Before I could say my name, you. My name is German. Okay. German what? No, not German what? My first name is not German.

I'm saying my name is German in origin. Hans. Because every time I call in, they do the same thing. So look at up by that first in your system, because your system does by origin, I believe. So look at it by German first before I even start getting into my name. Our system doesn't. names by, um... Okay, fine, fine. Are you familiar with the cavatapi pasta?

Um, I think so. Longer noodles. It's like a fusilli? Hmm, no. Okay, well, that's not going to be helpful. So we're going to have to go a different direction with this, because they're obviously not familiar with the cavatapi pasta because you said facili, which is... Ask him if it's cavitapi. Hey, is it cavatapi? You know what? We're getting off on the wrong foot, Jake, again. Um, okay. Uh, you know the word pateradactyl?

Are you familiar with the word peteradactal? You probably say teradactal. I'm familiar with the word teradactal. Well, you're familiar with it wrong because it's pteradactal. So my name also has a lot of silent peas in it because it is, Jake, say it with me. German and origin, Jake, you must keep up. You must keep up if you were to ever know my name. I'm going to go to lunch.

Do you want to come with me or are you still on this phone call? I'm still on the call. Is that Jake? Is that other Jake? Is it going to lunch? probably subway 6 inch turkey on whole wheat

just a guess I mean that's pretty common sandwich I didn't know my order it's the most common sandwich that's why I guessed it listen buddy I know you probably don't have much going on in your life and so you call us up to T Y B G-G-WeezyB

B-G-W-Z-B-B We're in the down? What's that? Yeah that's That's the lyrics to your hold music. That's actually the key if you're hold music. And I don't want to be put on hold again. So even if someone's going to lunch,

you have to legally stay on the phone with me so you can take my cookie complaint down. Okay, sir, I've just used a... Silent alarm like in a bank? Yeah, I know. People will be showing up to your home shortly to swap out the cookies for cookies that you might be pleased with. Okay, well, they better wear gloves

and they better not wear any in, have any macadamia nuts on them, because I'm definitely allergic to macadamia nuts which is nuts from a tree. So you're allergic to the tree nuts. No, I didn't say that. I got a pesto. I'm eating pesto right now.

With Cavatapie? Is he choking? I think this is a test. I think you know how sometimes... Oh, yeah, undercover boss. I'm spelling my name. That's how it's spelled in German. Seed.

Seen. A passenger. I love Mesto Kevatopati. Oh, hello? Are you talking about Cavatap? Is it Cavatap? Cat Tavapi. Wonderful.

Wonderful. A passenger traveling by bus between Springfield and Capital City noticed... Jack Reacher. Fuck. Never run. He loves traveling by bus. A passenger traveling by bus between Springfield and Capital City noticed that due to the heavy traffic, it took him 80 minutes to reach his destination at an average speed of 40 miles per hour.

Ugh. Get ready. On his return trip, he took the bus and it took him one hour and 20 minutes at the same average speed and with less traffic. Do you know why? He walked? Is it like a one-way highway? Did he take a different route, basically? These are all good questions, but no.

I would love. No. He still took the same, he still took the bus. And it was the same 40 mile per hour speed. Yes. You said both of those things. Mm-hmm. Same speed, 40 miles per hour.

Did he overshoot it and had a double back or something like that? No. Was there more people on the bus and it stopped? heavier. So it's a slow 40. You know how there's a fast 40 miles per hour and a slow 40 miles per hour? I know exactly what you mean. Excuse me, do you know how fast you were driving?

It was a slow 40 off. I swear to God, it was a slow 40. 40. Okay, what other reasons? Because the 40 mile an hour doesn't change. That is consistent.

So does the distance change? No. So the distance between A and B is the same as B and A. Isn't this interesting?

And now isn't this interesting voice? First trip took 40 minutes and the second trip took an hour and 40 minutes? First trip took 80 minutes and the second trip took one hour and 20 minutes.

Wait a minute. Oh, wait. That's the same. That's the same thing. Yeah. It is. Here's the trouble with this. Here's the trouble with this.

Would you, anytime you say a riddle that involves lots of numbers, my brain immediately goes, nope. Yep. And so I'm like. They're expecting you to do that. Yeah. The other thing that I thought, the other thing that I thought it could be at all. And I was like, but I couldn't figure out what this would be is like a time zone thing.

We're like. Oh, yeah. It's like somewhere in Arizona. where like the time zones are weird or some shit like that. There's a place in, I think, Michigan City, Indiana, where it's like, you cross the street and you're an hour ahead. Yeah, you're Eastern. Yeah. Yeah.

Should we take a break? Yeah, let's take a break. Let's cross the street and Michigan City and go to one of the fine whee's doors. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Oh, hey, Aaron. Oh my God, it's so cool running into you. I haven't seen you in so long. You're in my house.

I have great news. I don't know if you've heard. What's up? Adel finally got the surgery. No, he did? Yeah, the one that turns you physically into a boat. And physically into a boat. Yeah.

So he's a boat now. That was expensive, that surgery. Yes. I think he got a grant from some guy named Grant. Helps him and turned him into a boat. A boat enthusiast named Grant really Payed a lot of money for that Which is great for him

But, you know, kind of bad news for us Because Adel's kind of a rock We kind of like tell, you know, Adel everything We kind of depend on him for so much emotional support I don't really know what we're going to do now I know it's probably a good time for us to finally get therapists We should look into BetterHelp Oh yes, that's right

Because BetterHelp therapists work according to a strict code of conduct And are fully licensed in the U.S. Plus BetterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals, you know, talking to your therapist about what it means that your friend wanted to be a boat and then could physically become one. You just take a short questionnaire that helps identify your needs and preferences. And then there are 12 years of experience in industry leading matching fulfillment rate typically means they get it right the first time.

That's cool. Yeah, and if you're not happy with your match, they can switch you to a different therapist at any time. Yeah, Adel was also saying that he could become a schooner at any time. Oh, he said swooner. A scooter? I thought it was the type of boat. Yeah, I think you know you're right. Yours makes more sense. You're saying something correct.

With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 6 million people globally. And it works with an average rating of 4.9 out of 5 stars for a live session based on over 1.7 million client reviews. I'm excited to talk to my therapist about whether or not Adel's going to grant more than me. I don't know how to turn someone to do a boat. When life feels overwhelming and you do not have the means to turn yourself into a boat, which takes, I think, millions of dollars, therapy can help. So sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com slash riddle.

That's BetterHelp, help.com slash riddle. GPC, I'm just remembering back to a couple minutes ago when you said, I have an idea for this. All right. Hey, Adel, Aaron, I am freaking out. Okay, so I just got an email from, do you guys know Casey, the editor of the show or whatever? Oh, yeah. Sleepo? Yeah, Sleepo.

Oh, my God. Thanks so you know. I got an email from him that says he hasn't been paid in seven years. And, yeah, I'm kind of wondering. And I know that I'm in charge of all that, but, like, between, like, expenses and, like, income and what's going on with the business. It's just, like, it's just too much for me, you know? Well, let's make it easy. let's just use found.

Found eliminates the clutter by giving you one platform that handles it all, paying Sleepo, dealing with Found Dracula, who's sort of a Dracula that uses Found, banking, bookkeeping, etc. No more paying for multiple subscriptions and dealing with clunky, outdated apps. Found identified the tasks that create the most hassle for small businesses, things like categorizing expenses,

preparing for taxes, managing invoices, budgeting, waking up Sleepo, and they built an app that does it all directly from your business checking account. Found is reimagining what business banking should be by putting your bookkeeping, invoicing, and tax tools directly into your business checking account. Plus, they have this vampire named Found Dracula, and that guy, he knows what he's doing. No, guys, we don't have to keep talking about them. Found makes it easy to regain control of your business finances so you can get back to doing what you love.

I personally, now that I'm using Found, my life is so. much easier. I don't have to juggle multiple apps. I don't have to go chasing receipts. I don't dread tax season anymore. I have a Dracula that will suck the blood, I want to say, out of an editor who is asking to be paid. You want to say? I want to say. So take back control of your business today. Open a found account for free at found.com. That's f-o-u-n-d-d-com. Found is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services are provided by Bank member FDIC, join the hundreds of thousands who've already streamlined their finances with Found. You're getting sleep.

Okay. Guys, I'm getting an email from the brand. They say they never authorized Found Dracula. Oh, sorry. Yeah, I'm not official. I'm just a Dracula who uses Found. I could swear that they wanted us to use you. Could have sworn that they were desperate for us to do this.

I'm from bank transfer I'm from bank transfervania I'm from Milwaukee Sorry I'm just looking at myself in the mirror You guys I don't I don't think I really like my clothes right now I think I need a spring refresh Oh

Aaron what kind of stuff are you looking for Yeah Like like stylish timeless pieces Like maybe like a raincoat And like a cashmere Like sweater that's like transition from winter to spring. Oh, Aaron, I would not wear a cashmere sweater

over a raincoat. It's going to get absolutely ruined if there's rain. I'm putting it together. That's not what you meant. Okay. Aaron, have you heard about Quince? Quince makes high quality everyday essentials using premium materials like 100% European linen and they're insanely soft, flown-it, active-wear fabric. They have linen pants and shirts that are lightweight, reasonable, and comfortable, basically the perfect layer for spring. The pants strike the right balance between laid back and refined,

so you look put together without trying too hard. Aaron, is that what you're going for? Yeah. Okay. Well, Aaron, also, you silly goose, the best part about Quince is that their prices are 50 to 60% less than similar brands. How? You're screaming at me. Aaron, please stop screaming.

How? Quince works directly with ethical factories and cuts out the middlemen. So you're paying for quality, not brand markup. Everything is designed to last and it makes getting dressed easy. I have a purse from Quince that I have. have people stop me when I'm walking around L.A. to ask me where I get it because it looks very expensive, but it's not. It's going to like last me years and years. I also have a ring from there that I love. They've got home stuff. That's timeless and awesome. Incredible rugs, curtains.

They've got baby stuff. They've got baby stuff that I purchased. That's very cute. E! So why don't you do yourself a favor and refresh your wardrobe with Quince? Go to quince.com slash riddle for free shipping and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada, too. Go to Q-U-I-N-C-E.com slash riddle for free shipping and 365-day returns, quince.com slash riddle. Aaron, you're wearing your purse. You should... Actually, you're pulling it off. And I look incredible.

J-P-C, you know how Adel got turned into a boat and he's a boat now? Got turned, turned himself. Right. You know, got turned sounds like a witch did it. You're right. This time he elected to do it. Yes. Well, I just got back from his

He went on his maiden voyage And I was the one in charge Of hitting him really hard with champagne And I am exhausted Oh yeah It really took a lot of cracks To get that bottle broken on him It didn't break at all right away

It took like 18 minutes You know First of all I had the opportunity To say that you look exhausted And I didn't take it So points for me Aaron you should take a nap Oh and my helix mattress

Oh I forgot my midnight luxe I've had it for years and I am obsessed with this mattress. I also love my Helix Midnight Lux. It's great for me as a side sleeper and it sleeps the same as when I bought it years ago. It's a mattress that truly has held up and stood the test of time. Every time I have a dog sitter stay here, they ask me what my mattress is because they love it so much. And I go, you just got to take a quick little quiz, buddy. You got a Helix sleep.

Take a quiz. They batch you with a mattress. And then also they have 120-night sleep trial in limited lifetime, warranty. So if you don't like it, that's okay, but you will. You'll love it. And I wonder, I know what you're thinking. How am I going to get this mattress? Well, it's free shipping and seamless delivery. Helix delivers your mattress right to your door with free shipping in the U.S., which is, I guess, bad news for Adel because I believe his, his boat. I almost said his boat, but it's just him. He's in international waters now.

Ah, so it doesn't count. I don't know what. Yes, plus with Helix, with Helix sleep, returns are easy. They have the rest happy with Helix guarantee. You can rest easy with sleepless returns and exchanges. The happy with Helix guarantee offers a risk-free customer-first experience designed to ensure you are completely satisfied with your new mattress. Plus, they are the most awarded mattress brand, tested and reviewed by experts like Forbes and Wired. Wow. Yeah, Aaron, look, I know you already have one, but you got to get another. All you got to do is go to helixleep.com slash riddle for their spring savings event. Now until April 16th that is 20% off site wide.

That's helixsleep.com slash riddle for the spring savings event through April 16th, 20% off site wide. helixleep.com slash riddle. Helixleep.com slash riddle. Adel is a boat now and I hit him so hard in the head with a champagne bottle. Yeluxleysleep.com slash riddle. I think hitting the head on a boat means something different. We are back from break And we love these riddles

La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la riddles If you see you haven't been coming to music rehearsal What are you going to sing? You guys are still having those? Yeah of course Tuesdays, Fridays, Sundays and Mondays Tuesdays and Mondays. Tuesdays Fridays and Mondays

Our week of course Our week of musical rehearsal goes Tuesday to Monday Well because we record on Mondays So this is our weekend So our week No, yeah, this is our Friday Our week starts on Tuesday Monday's our Friday, Tuesday's our

Saturday Errant anything to add La la la la la I'm getting warmed up We're gonna do more riddles from this book From Sammy Is that okay with everybody or does it It's okay with me

You didn't love that last riddle I didn't love it Would you say it humiliated to him? Yeah. Probably. We told you that on break. Yeah. We said, don't ever do that again.

Don't do that to us. You emasculated us in front of all of our friends, is how you put it. You humiliated me, riddled by Ann. Here we go. Yes. A man traveling in a taxi is talking to the driver. After a while, the driver tells him, you must excuse me, but I am deaf, and I cannot hear a word of what you are saying. The passenger stops talking.

After he gets out of the cab, the passenger. realizes that the driver had lied to him, how? He turned on the radio. No, that's a great guess. I love that. Adel, you're doing some answers that are better than the ones. Thank you. Did the driver take a phone call?

No. The driver responded to a car honking behind him. No, these are all fantastic guesses. Did the man tell the driver where he wanted to go and the driver was like, got it? Yes, he ended up at. his destination that he had given him at the beginning of the ride. Here's the thing. I do this and I'm caught in the lie, right?

I'm like, I told him I couldn't, I was deaf. So obviously I can't take him to the right place. So I have to just drive like to a random place and let them off and be like, oh, sorry, man. I shouldn't be doing this job. And Aaron, you said it was the cab driver who said they were deaf? Yes. Did the cab driver after they dropped off the passenger?

did they slam their hand against the passenger side window and on the hand it was written in Penn and said not Penny's deaf? Well now. Well now. I would like to see a scene. JPC, you are a cab driver that's sort of at the end of your rope. Adel, you are a very chatty, enthusiastic passenger. Wow, big city.

Whoa, big city. Whoa, look at that. Whoa, what is that? 20 stories? 21? It's a tall building, yeah. Forever 21. Forever Young

Songs are good Do you ever hear songs? Oh, you ever see the Beatles Where am I taking you? Hey, hey with the Beatles Are you tourists? I need to go to downtown You're in downtown

This is downtown Chicago Okay Yeah Then let's have a drink Let me just grab some Jack Daniels here Oh okay no don't open that For two fingers

I don't have glasses The back of your cab is Okay you know what Just where are you going? buddy where are you looking at her i know her i know that lady hey stop stop stop that's a billboard i'm not sorry susy that's a billboard what are you doing now you got big susy you got big susy you got big that's susan i know her i know her i know her you've seen the movie that she was in i imagine you've seen a susan sarandon movie we had so i oh alien where can i take you that's not her i need to go well i

got to get to heaven later um what's hey what's your favorite food Chicken or turkey. Don't ask me, you'll give me a binary option. Okay, turkey or chicken? I guess I'm more inclined to chicken. Would you like to go to a chicken restaurant? We have good chicken restaurants here in Chicago. Are you calling me turkey?

Okay. Let's do this. Rolls up my sleeves. I said chicken. I'm going to drive from the back. Okay. You're just mashing your hands on the glass, buddy. We have the glass that people can't do that. I'm going to let you out of this cab unless you tell me where you want to go right now.

Because I got to pick up on their fare. related to Amelia Earhart. We're both Airheart's. Okay. Well, I mean, good for you. We miss her so much. If you have any information, please call 472-889. I don't know.

I'm not going to call. Don't worry about, I don't have any information. I have no information about Amelia Earhart. That was 100-0-89-3-1. How's this number still going? Huh? Stop. Just, do you have an address for where you like me?

How are the numbers still going? One, two, two, Three, four, five, six, so high. Seven, eight. If Mr. Bees can do it, I can do it. Where was I? I don't, shit. Does Mr. Beast do this?

Is this something Mr. Beast does? He counted up to a million or something. Hey, listen, speaking of Mr. Beast, the zoo is where I need to pick up my baby. The zoo. I left my baby in the giraffe. There's the Brookfield Zoo, and then there's the Lincoln Park Suit. You know which zoo you're going. Oh, wait.

Pull over. I know her. I know that lady. We have not moved. Hey, it's me, Susan Sarandon. Oh my God, it's so good to see you. I love this guy. Really?

Really, yeah, heart. Oh, God, I love the air hearts. So sorry about Amelia. I know. Thank you. It happened before I was born, but it feels like yesterday. Yeah. Yesterday.

The Beatles. Hey, hey, we're the Beatles. Oh, Mr. Ray, don't get into the car. Oh, my God. Oh, she's surrounded and scooching her butt next to your butt. This is your top, and these are your pants. And this is your top.

And this is your top. I want to go get brunch with my old. Fred Goldie Hawn. Oh my gosh, Goldie, how is she? She's huge now. She's on a billboard. Where am I taking you? I don't know where Goldie Honey is crunch.

Giraffe exhibit at the zoo. That's fine. That's where we're going. Gee-Han-Han-Han. Are you going to the zoo? Oh. I love this guy. My God.

I forgot. I'm deaf. Wow. Shit. Why didn't you say so? Hmm. Oh. Well, just pull a.

I try this more often. Seen. I'm like he responded to a lot of myself. I know her. Billboard. Yeah, that really got me. That's a billboard. I know her.

That's a billboard. I do say I know her if I do see a person that I know in a commercial. I'm like, I know them. That is so fun seeing someone we know in a commercial. Yeah. Even more fun, seeing someone that looks like someone that you know in a commercial. Because he's like, oh, good for, well, good for them. Still good for them.

but I don't know who they are, but good for them. This one has a funny start to it. My friend told me the following story. Adel, did you think the air was going to say, this is a funny start to it? Then it goes, waka, waka, waka, waka. And then just read a normal rleck. Walka, waka, dope, dope, deep in, hope, hope, hope.

My friend told me the following story. This just sounds like whoever wrote this riddle is trying to prove they have friends. My friend. This is not an important part of it. very quickly, I do want to say, based on the commercial thing, I do think it's very funny when people, because I've been with, I've been hanging out with people who've been in commercials where one of their commercials airs. Yeah. So it's like, Brooke Bright or someone. Oh.

And they get a text and it's someone being like, did I just see you in a Home Depot commercial? And it's like, just say I saw the Home Depot commercial. Yeah. It's like, you know, that was them. Have you guys ever done this? And it's like, when you see a person in a commercial. and you're like, oh, great for them. And then some time goes by, we don't know how time works.

And then you see that person in real life. And you go, I just saw you in a commercial. And they're like, oh, yeah, that was like three years ago. And I go, whoa, whoops, I guess. I guess we don't hang out a lot. I loved it three years ago. Good to see you. Aaron, what's the place you did a commercial for, Hungry Howey's?

Yeah, Hungry Howies Pizza. Yeah, Hungry Howies. Can you do the commercial first now? I'm leaving. I'm leaving with the baby and I'm going to your mothers. I think that actually was... I literally think that that was a thing in it. People were kind of outraged by my commercial.

Leave it to me to only be in like three commercials and have one be controversial. Well, Aaron, didn't they say that it's hungry howie's not horny howies? And so they didn't really appreciate the way that you were doing the commercial? I was telling the truth. That is what actors are hired to do. Wasn't your character technically legally baby napping? You guys, we're splitting hairs here. Everyone's obsessed with all the wrong things.

I got I got to eat some pizza. Let's just relax about it. It was weird how that in the commercial they were like, I'm taking the baby across state lines or, you know, I have a passport because I'm a dual citizen so you'll never see the baby again. It was like a weird angle that it took. I do want to see a scene. This is going to be the two of you are presenting. This is like as if I had pressed play on a computer. This is a commercial that was cut from the Super Bowl because it was deemed way too controversial with test audiences.

Commercial for pizza. Adel. The big game. Oh, yeah. I am so sorry. Casey bleep out Super Bowl. The big game. Ah, Jesus.

Shit. Blip out that also Super Bowl. Who's the president of football? We have to apologize to him personally. Roger Goodell. Godell. Goetheep that in case we can't say his name. The big game.

This is cut from the big game. Cut from the big game. Hi. This is my naked body that I've covered in swear word tattoos. They're permanent and I can't get rid of them. That was a bad choice. A good choice would be buying affordable pizza for the whole family just in time for the big game. I'm Aaron Keefe.

And you should buy Papa John's Pizza. Papa John's get naked and tattoo your body with the word cunt over and over. And what better way to enjoy a Papa John's pizza than washing it down with an Ice cold glass of peanut beer. Fuck. Oh, I said penis. This is live. Oh, I said penis.

Cors Light. Cors Light. You also said fuck. This is not for Cors Life. Now I'm saying it. What? What do you mean it's not for Cors Light? Papa John's.

It's Cors Light Papa John's crossover. Let me distract you with the inside of my ass. This is the inside of my ass. This is the inside of my ass. There's a thing with beer. where I can't drink the penis but I can pour the penis beer. Why am I saying penis so much? It's beer.

Medically, if you see anything wrong with me, I'd love if you emailed me at the email below because I don't have health insurance. Penis beer. Bud light for your butt. Seed. What? Seed. I will never again be able to eat Papa Johns without going, this is the inside of my ass.

Papa Johns. Hey, also, after all that, still not the worst thing Papa Johns has ever said. No. Not at all. And isn't that interesting? Have we done the Waka Waka Riddles yet, Aaron? No, no, no. This is still a riddle where someone's trying to prove they have a friend.

My friend told me the following story. I was drinking a Coke in a bar when a man wearing a mustache came in and ordered a glass of water. As the waiter came back with his water, he pointed a gun at the customer. the customer got startled, then calm down and thanked the waiter. How can you explain what happened? This man had hiccups. Hickups. He did.

Now, I want you to think really long and hard about if bringing a gun out is the most effective way to scare someone. What are you going to do, bring a car out? You can't carry a car in the small of your back. How's a car scary? The way I drive, brother, the way I drive. brother the way I drive brother the way I drive brother

brother a 30 year old man married a 25 year old woman okay huh huh yeah yeah yeah Rick Rick Rick Rick Rick Rick Rick Rick Rick Nice nice Rick you are a poon hound Rick you are such a legend man

25 year old when you're 30 Unbelievable brother Five years younger Rick Rick from the headlines. When you were five, she was zero. She's going to be impressed that you have a bed frame so you can be shitty in every other way, Rick.

Love that for you. Rick, you have a bed frame, right, brother? Rick. You just have a togo couch or whatever? You can afford it if you have a slightly better job than she has. Rick, come on, man. Come on, brother. He's just shrugging and blushed.

Trugging and blushed. Okay, so what's this cradle rob instead of the bitch? up to, Aaron. Okay, here's the thing. Normally, we record these main feed ones first, but this is coming at the end of the day, which is why it has a Patreon energy to it. Patreon energy. Look inside my bud and let me know if anything's wrong. So cold in here. Can we go ahead and clip that for daddy? Can we have non-clip privileges for one episode? No, we can't. A 30-year-old married a 25-year-old woman. Rick, Rick, Rick. She died at the age of 50. God damn it. Aaron. Why did you let us go through that whole fucking rig thing?

Well, wait a minute. She died at the age of 50. And her husband was so devastated that he cried for years. Ten years after he stopped crying, he died. However, he lived to be 80. How many years was he a widower? 15 lied about his age. You don't want to think, do you?

You don't want to think, do you? He's 30 and she's 25? She dies at 50, which makes, so that's... He's 55. 25 years later. Tried for years. 10 years after he stopped crying, he died. However, he lived to be 80.

How many years? So he's 55 when she dies. So he would have needed to be... 10 years after he stopped crying, he died. However, he lived to be 80. The 25, 55, 10 years, that's 65. So it's 65, he started dying his hair. Was he a widow for 25 years?

Is that what you said, Adel, 25, right? Yeah, he was a widow for 25 years. This is just math? Yeah. Goblin nuts on this guy. I think they wanted you to be like, he lived to be 80. Oh, okay. That was what the trick was.

Well, you mathed me once, won't get mathed again with that earlier riddle. So now I'm in a math zone, so I'm not falling for any more riddle traps, but I still didn't like having to do math in front of people. Math, math, and accomplished. Big banner behind the Adel says math. that accomplished. Big ban on a warship. Okay. John Peterson, speaking of math. Still an absolute legend.

R-IP to a legend. That's what I would say. A real one. A.D. RIP to a real one. Speaking of math, John Peterson was born in Albany in 1938 on a date not divisible by two, three, or five. And in a month that does not contain the letters E or I. No. When does he become one year older? This is easier than you think. Next year. No.

Aaron. On his birthday. On his birthday. I'd like to see a scene. Wonderful. This is a clip, like an old-timey movie clip of what it was like to celebrate a birthday back in the 1930s and just how different it is from today. And Aaron, you're the birthday girl. Great.

All right. Now that we got that over with, let's, hmm, what should we do? What should we do? We could go pick up our guns and go bust up a union. Hmm, we could pick up our guns and go bust out of union. We could wait in line for bread. Hmm, we could talk about how it's okay that FDR is going to be president for 12 years. Just this once, though. Some of us could vote. Hmm, some of us I'll have Some of us to vote

Yeah Oh, that's the door, I'll get it Wait, no, I'm a woman After you, sir Well, to men answer the doors Let me check my gender book Hmm? I guess we do Hello

Well, hi there, Takesoff Hat Can I speak to the man in the house? How'd you know my name? What's your name? Takesoff Hat Oh, it's German How is that so? spelled. T is in

Tacupta. A is in Acupsa. Z is in C is in C. A as in a Accomsa. I don't fucking know.

I don't fucking know. I had a friend in who I was in a sketch group with and I think he I think he wrote back in college and I think he wrote a sketch where he was playing like an old Southern

like whatever. But I I don't even remember how he got to the pun, but the premise of the sketch was that he was talking about Tecumse and he kept saying like, Tocumseer, like, he was like, well, I need Ticumsa. And that was the, that was the gist of it. A simpler time. A simpler time.

Oh, man. I can't hear Ticumso without thinking, Tocumseh. I mean, it's perfect. Yeah. When I lived in Columbus, Ohio, there was a place like an hour. hour away that did year-round did like a tecumse a live show with like actors and like ummatronics like chucky cheese it's pretty wild pretty interesting that's pretty fun pretty interesting stuff so that's a name i know well one more riddle and then perhaps a voicemail theme and

voice mail that's i love it i think he had visions maybe to cumsa tacomsa Tacomsa Tacomsa You're on a Tacomsa Tap me on the back of my head And I'm a tecumsa If I pat you on the back of

Your head That means You're about Tacomsa There you go How much will a 38 degree angle measure When observed under a microscope

That magnifies 10 times Oh, Adel You want me to take this one? No I got it right here Let me grab it for you. I don't know, bitch. T1,000.

Calculate? Come with me if you want to calculate. To calm some with me. To calm some. I have no fucking idea. Can you, is this a riddle that you think I could get? Yeah. Do you think I can get this?

Okay. Is it like all of it or something? Yes. No. The whole shebang. Is it none of it? You said a 38 degree, how much does a 38 degree angle way when under a microscope

Like how, what does it measure as? What does the angle measure at when you've zoomed in 10 times? Is it nothing because it's flat or something? The angle doesn't widen, it just enhances, enhance. I do want to see a scene. Oh. We do a voicemail.

Oh my God. That was the biggest twist of the century. That is my favorite mystery of all time. That was amazing. Can I be in the scene too, Edel? Yeah, you're going to play JPC, Aaron, you're Aaron, I'll be Addle. And then Casey, you'll play the person who plays the voicemail. I love this.

The role I was born to play. That was dead up. That was, stayed up until 2 a.m. to finish it. So thank you so much, Dag, from Sweden. That kind of fucking rocked. That was such a vibe. Loved it. It's Ameriqai adjacent.

Yeah. Gmail is doing this thing where now, like, you just can't, it's AI's in everything. But now they're doing like AI suggested replies. And the AI suggested reply for this just says, hey, Dag, we really appreciate you. Staying up late for this. Sounds great. I'm like, well, that's kind of close to what I probably let us say. But thank you for sending that in, if you want to send one in 30 seconds or less as a

Wave file to HR podcast at gmail.com. Hey, Rural Crew. My name is Nisha, and I'm calling from Ohio. I have a quick question for you. What would you say is your best idea for a cool thing to do in 2026? I'm trying to think of something that will give me excitement about this year and sort of existential dread. Bye. Thank you so much for the voicemail.

And also, go see that to come to live show. if it's still going in Ohio. Why not? I guess I don't really have anything of value to contribute because I'm struggling with this myself, but I'd probably say something I tell myself, which is, get off your fucking phone, go outside, get some sunlight, connect with nature, just don't, don't spend every second looking at the news to be like, did they, did someone get, that someone get, that, that someone Did it? Can we finally...

And did anyone? Are we able to... Here? Yeah. Incredible. Couldn't have said it better myself. Maybe apartment switch with someone in a different city. For a week or a weekend. Get to know a new place. Wander around. Get a little ice coffee.

Feel the sun in your face again. Save up for a fun new kitchen gadget. that will really open the doors for something like to cook a new type of cuisine or something that you're not used to doing. Maybe go on our Discord right now and set yourself up with a new pen pal where you guys can send each other funny cards or something. Do something that is tactile with your hands in real world spaces. I know what our listeners are going to do.

Don't masturbate. Well, why not? Well, when that's over, come back here for more ideas. possibly. Here's something that I literally did yesterday. I was cleaning out one of the cabinets in my kitchen because I wanted to make room for something else. And then I was like, I'm just going to like take this project wider. And you ever do that thing where like you start cleaning a cabinet and you're like, oh, I've had this salsa in here for seven years and it needs to go away now. While I was doing that and I found an unexpired box of brownie mix. And so I

made some brownies. Wow. So here's what I advise you doing. Go buy a box or brownie mix. Go somewhere deep in the back of your cabinets and forget about it. Because like five months from now when you're like, what the fuck is it? You're going to find it and be like, oh, yeah, jackpot. Okay, I'm scrolling on my phone.

It sounds like World's not going to be around in seven years. So make those brownies now. Yeah, okay, just make some brownies. Just eat some brownies. My advice is eat some brownies. Do we have anything that we would like to plug? Before we get into plugs, I have something to say. Big news, everyone.

Big, big, big, big news. I'd say huge news. I'd say monumental news. Huge news. It is time for our third annual. That's right, Aaron. Hum, take me out to the ballgame. It's our third annual April of the Penguins.

April of the Penguins. Quins, quins, quins, quins. So you know what that means. That means we have new merch on our page. New teams, new merch. Yeah, the five new teams in there, all the artwork is done by Ariel Sinai, and she absolutely fucking knocked out of the park. Incredible job.

The Kansas City Crackens, the Olympia One Eyes, the Santa Fe Sphinxes, the Saskatchewan and the Winnipeg, Windegos. And if you're wondering why those don't sound like penguins, you got to check out the Patreon. But if you don't want to check out the Patreon, you just want to buy the merch, I guess you You just fucking do that too, if you want to. We're evolving. Yeah.

Everyone went, oh, are they doing barnyard animals next? Oh, are they doing jungle cats? Yeah, is it going to be like reverse humans? Yeah, what's it going to be? What's it going to be? Reverse humans is an excellent idea of rating that down for next year. But anyway, check out, check out our merch. If you can check out our dashry store in the link in the episode description for all the new merch for this year.

And then go to patreon.com slash hey, riddle, riddle, and check out the episodes. It's April the Penguins all month long over there. And I'm going to get a little bit of a teaser next year. My team is going to be the New York candy marionettes. And you can try and do the math and figure out what that means. Okay, Adel, now people are going to need that t-shirt. And by people I mean me. So now you actually have to do that.

I don't care if we do fucking sheep, different types of animals next year. You're doing the candy marionettes. Enough nonsense. We've got to get back to business. Adel, is there anything you have to plug? I want to plug gumshoes and dress. A podcast of the three of us do with our friend Anthony Birch. It's a roll-in-good-good-time.

It's sort of a cross between Colombo and D&D. You're going to like the way you listen. Go ahead and check out gum shoes and dragons. Also, better ingredients. Look inside my asshole, Papa Johns. Get yourself with Papa John's. Look inside your asshole. And see that Papa Johns has changed.

Speaking of looking inside an asshole, come to my show Quality Time in Los Angeles. What am I talking about? You can follow us on Instagram. at Quality Time show, I think. And we have a monthly show. It's a different theme every month, and I love it very much. So if you want to check it out,

if you're in L.A., please do it. What do I have to plug? Oh, it's Penguin Baseball League month on our Patreon. So please listen to Patreon.com. So hey, Vrto Vrtle, for Penguin Baseball all month long. I want to give a plug to Gutter, which is Casey's,

a podcast that he both edits for and is featured on. So you can check out gutter anywhere that you get podcasts. And I got to read a review, guys, because I'm in the weeds here. I'm still in 2024 reading these reviews. And people, please keep writing them. I love to read them. This one comes from Alex 875, five stars, a new kind of laughter.

I recently had to have a fairly scary surgery a few months back. I'm fine now. And the only thing that made me feel safe slash comfortable enough to sleep in the hospital for the few days after was this podcast. Listen to these three goofs try to avoid riddles is so fun And the pure chaos of their energy makes them impossible to predict The only downside is that the surgery was on my abdomen Which meant that laughter was physically painful, Alex, what are we doing?

So I had to teach myself how to laugh without moving my stomach muscles And it usually just ended up sounding like some kind of horrible scream I had a great time, but I'm sure my nurses hated it, give it a listen Wow, dangerous stuff, everybody Can we all go out right now trying to laugh without using our stomach? All right, let's do it. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hae. Hey redire p.meree and ls if you like that you are gonna love this week's patreon we have janet vartney and kasy tony on for the 2026 penguin baseball league draft.

You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com so hey riddle riddle by joining the clue crew for five dollars a month or start your seven day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus, you get those ad-free episodes. See you there. That was a hate gum podcast. Hi, I am Mandy Moore. Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan.

And we host the podcast, That Was Us, now on HeadGum. Each episode, we're going to go into a deep dive from our show, This Is Us. That's right. We're going to go episode by episode. We're also going to pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors. Are we going to cry? Yes.

A little bit. Are we going to laugh? A lot. A whole lot. That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to that was us on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify. New episodes every Tuesday.