Hey Riddle Riddle - #409: The Shirt

Episode Date: May 20, 2026

Surprise! Erin is back in Chicago so we are recording in person. And that we are using that opportunity to recreate a classic episode of the show.Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!JPC's Guided Meditations Volume 1, available now at our Patreon digital store!Want merch? Visit our Dashery Store!Want to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle 6351 W Montrose Ave #267Chicago, IL, 60634Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531)Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Okay, everybody, since we are recording in person, Adel and JPC are doing an arm wrestling contest. They've been locked into place for four hours now. Not a lot of movement. Not a lot of blinking. I'm seeing now that JPC might be sound asleep. I don't have my homework. JPC?

Huh? Huh? Oh, JCP won. Oh, what the hell? Can I be honest with you, Adel? Yeah. I was using my leg. Well, now, I wondered why you had a shoe on your hand.

Redo. Rematch. Redo. Redo. Redo. Couldn't get a good grip. No, I'm obviously by far the strongest. Then it's Adel and then it's JPC.

We're Hey, Riddle, Riddle. We're in person. Oh, yes. We're in person just like I was for that arm wrestling competition. I won by putting a shoe on my foot on my hand. Wait, hold on my head. I put a shoe. Huh.

I put a glove on my foot. That's what socks are. Guy showing up with a winter glove on his foot, laying on the table for our presently. Wait a minute, something's off, but I can't quite place my finger on it. You mean my toe. I mean by finger. I mean by finger. I mean by finger. Now, Aaron, since we're live and in person.

Yes. Pick a card, any card. Um, three of diamonds. Oh, let me put this deck of cards away. Okay, great. That went so well. You guys, I love being in person. Erin, you're back in Chicago.

You were here to celebrate the nuptials of a friend. And as it just so happened, Casey has a sweet little in-person setup where, like, let's get the freaking band back together. And let's do like a little in-person episode. Why not take a crazy chance? Why not do a crazy dance? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And are you going to do a crazy dance for us?

Oh, no. Did you do any crazy dancing at the wedding? I danced a little bit, yeah. Yeah, you got loose? I got loose. I didn't do the worm. I didn't really go down too far to the ground and what mostly stayed kind of upright. I did miss a lot of really great songs because I was talking about comedy with people.

I mean, I was torn. How do you choose between talking about comedy? Oh, you miss Torn? I love that. Yeah, Tor. I miss giving me by Abba and I was like, unbelievable. But it was, I had a really good time at the wedding. Do you have a favorite wedding zone?

I love Abba at a wedding. I love Come on Eileen. a wedding. Sure. I, Spice Girls, I don't know. What about you guys? I don't know that I have a favorite wedding song. I don't think I like the wedding songs that are like, what's it called? The standards. Yeah, well, no, I do like some standards. I don't like the one words, like the jump or the shout or the, yeah. That's two words.

Or like the ones that like the electric slide. Instructional. There's an instructional component to them, you know. Chachaw real smooth. My neck went back, my pussy, my crack. It's like, we all know the dance, but. What's the, I'm flaking on the name of it. What's the Bruno Mars song?

Uptown Funk. Uptown Funk. I feel like that's a song where I'm like, when it was on the radio, I'm like, pretty good. And then I've been to like three or four weddings where they play that. And I'm like, fuck, yes. Yeah, you're going to get into that one. I feel that way about,

shut up and dance by Walk the Moon. I hear that at a wedding. I'm fucking dancing to that song. And that's like, oh yeah, that's a fun dancing. Sorry, I think I like that one a lot too. Yeah, I don't know. I think just the vibe of music at a wedding is like, it's like when I think of like the best place to listen to music, my buddy Johnny O'Meer when we had a music review

show together, he used to say like his ideal way to listen to music is like summer time in a car with the windows down. Oh, yeah. And I'm like, oh, yeah, that's just like, that's cruising music, baby. Like, you got to love, you got to love music like that. But then, like, Carly Roy Jep's an album was born. Oh. But a wedding is also like, what a great place to listen to music.

You get to listen to music with, like, people that you know and love and you're, like, celebrating. There's like a good vibe in the air. Like, one of my favorite descriptions of listening to an album came from UJPC, which is, I can't remember for his on the episode or private discussion. Okay. So sorry for putting you on blast. I feel like he once said that you.

Bathtop, absolutely dead. Dead ass, asleep. You put a speaker up your butt so you can feel it in your mouth. Open your mouth. It comes out of your mouth. Like a grandma phone. You said...

Choking yourself in a closet when you're just about to pass out, but you don't. You finish the song. When you're just about to pass out. Wink, wink, my judge. You mentioned,

because your dad's like a big audio file, you mentioned like listening to maybe it's the moody blues. Steely Dan. Steely Dan lights off in your dad's living room with like high quality stereo equipment. I'm like,

that sounds really fun actually. There is something fun about listening to music intentionally, you know, like in a way that you're experiencing it and not just having music on. Yeah. Like, yeah. Yeah. I'm recently listened to music in a pool float when it's sunny. And I was like, this is hitting.

And a pool float, God, you're going to hit me for this. That's a pool plus ice group beer. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Glory. I didn't know where to go with that. Should I've got a pool plus root beer? Ice cream makes it a float So you're right

You're right Fluorine root beer Of vanilla ice cream Hospital Yeah I love a salt water float Where's in a pool Just like no chemicals

Just ice cream Get that on the boardwalk Aaron what were you Listen to in the pool I listen to like a full album And like I It's just the best Do you remember what it was

Yeah I've been listening to like Paul Simon Because I'm getting to see him live In a couple months Who's like truly my dream person To see live And I'm like yeah Being in a pool float

It's a great way to experience music. If he would tour with Lady Smith, Black Menbasa, I would. Mambaza, yeah. First in line for tickets. I'm like so, so, so excited to see him live because I thought he retired, but he's back. Yesterday when I was walking. Apparently has gambling debt.

Hughes the gambler, not really knows. Yesterday I was walking to the wedding from my Airbnb. And I was feeling like really low because the dress that I had bought that I, like loved, the zipper broke yesterday morning. And so I had to rush and buy a backup dress. And I was like, I don't like my outfit. And I didn't have time to do my hair. And I was feeling like kind of grumpy.

And I walked by Dunkin' Donuts. And I was like, maybe I'll get a little Dunkin' Donuts to pick myself up. And I was like, Adel and JBC will make fun of me if I stopped to get a cheer me up Dunkin' Donuts. But instead, I walked by and two girls walked out of the Dunkin Donuts. And they were like, you look gorgeous. We were talking about it inside. Incredible outfit. You look incredible.

And I was like, thank you so much. And then I didn't go in because I was like, I got what I needed from the Dunkin Don't It gives it, it giveth in many different ways. And did they start laughing as soon as they got 10 feet from you? Yeah, they were like, it's the ugliest fucking dress up. I was like, I was walking here and a girl pointed at me and to her friend goes, you're going to marry him. And they both, and I was like, what, that feels really good.

Yeah. I was like, don't turn around, Aaron, because you're going to turn around and they're not going to be there. Don't ruin the magic. Those are gorgeous. So if you were on the Clark Dunkin' Donuts on a Sunday and you complimented a girl in a blue dress, That was me and you were an angel. Turns to noon and it turns into a pumpkin and a mouse. They turned back into a collata and a donut on the ground.

Dunkin-Rella. Dunk, Sunda Duncan. Cinder-Dunk. Is that something? Cinder-Dunk. I'm going to work on it and I'm going to make it my whole personality. Whatever it is, it's mine. Aaron, have you ever worn the same dress as someone else to a wedding?

Oh, yeah, multiple times. That's so fun. That's happened. I love when you see that. It will. You do scream and start dancing with that woman. It's the best feeling. It's not like, I feel like that was a big thing with prom dresses.

Is everyone like creating a Facebook group or whatever to prove that we didn't all buy the same dress? But besides that, I like love showing up somewhere and I'm wearing the same dress as someone. Doesn't happen often because I buy used and vintage a lot. But everyone's in a while. We're wearing the same dress as a lady. I think it's always fun when you're wearing the same article of clothing as another person Because it's also like most clothes are not custom made, right? Yeah.

Like we're all taking a shot. Like everybody's buying them. I feel like for men, that's way more common. For women, like, yeah. Yeah, exactly. I feel like we're all sharks circling the same three stores of blood. And I know also like fashion changes, you know, and there's like, this is a new thing for the season. Or like, and it wasn't in last season.

But like this is a, I'm wearing like a green J.Crew t-shirt with like a pocket t-shirt. And I have like 40 of these shirts, just in different colors. It's a great shirt. And it's just never going to, like, if three years from now when I go to Jake Kerr to buy this shirt, it will be this same shirt. They're not, they're like, we're done iterating on the plain green shirt. We improved it as best week. Yeah.

But I feel like if I cared more about fashion, there would be like a different cut shirt design thing that I would have to like deal with in a few years. But I do like that about a lot of men's clothing is they're like, yeah, it's utilitarian. It's like the tucks where it's like, it's not going anywhere. It'll get the job. It's what it is. The biggest riot with women's fashion that drives me insane is. cut of jeans,

change so quickly. And you just feel this like self-consciousness of like, oh my God, I can't wear skinny jeans, like, but I don't think that like women in my mom's generation were caring about that in their 30s because they were just like with each other and it didn't matter. Yeah. And now I'm like, why am I trying to buy the same cut of jeans that a 19 year old is doing?

Like I'm chasing something wrong. In L.A., they're seemingly like a correct sneaker that women wear. And I never know what sneaker I'm supposed to wear. Yeah. And I'm like, girls, is there a group chat? And I'm like, I don't, I just can someone email me every time we change. I read on a piece of paper and slip it under my door. I think that there's not like a truism because, you know, Adela and I are married.

And it's not that I, it's not that like I. To women. To each other. The, the, when I buy clothes, it's not that I'm like, I don't have anyone to impress. It's like, I still want to impress my wife. But I also know what she likes. And it's like her taste is not changing all the time. And it's just like she would be really happy if it was no clothes.

Fur coat, nothing underneath. Yeah. I'm sure, do you have those shirts that are just whipped cream? You know what? I'll just buy the whipped cream. My wife I like to lick. And her parents listen to the show. But I think that there's like...

I'm sorry, Mrs. Mariah. There is something nice about when you're not trying to dress for society. You're trying to, like, if I am dressing, I'm dressing for one person, you know? And I'm like, oh, yeah. This is something that she would like to see me in. So I know that that's what I have to buy. Yeah. That's why I keep really good track of the links of things that I buy because it will happen that a friend will be like, oh my God, I'm looking for jeans just like that.

Yeah. I like to be able to like immediately fire it off to them. I have a link in my Instagram bio of them because it's so helpful of like this is exactly because online shopping is such a fucking nightmare. It's a crapshoot. Aaron does the company that made your the sweater. Yeah. Do they make wedding dresses? Oh my God.

Wedding dresses or like dresses? to wear to a wedding. Well, it would be, if they made one, it would be like Joseph's amazing technical or dream coat, but... I will, if I ever get married, I promise you, the company is Farm Rio. When you, if you ever get married.

When it, when, if, but if I ever, never get married, I will wear something from that company. But I did recently buy a shirt from there, tried it on for my friend Elizabeth, tried it on for my sweet boyfriend, and they both went, oh, um, no, it's like cute. And then I returned it. And I went, I can't.

fucking catch a break shopping from this company. It was a, let me walk you through it and then you guys tell me if you, I actually already know the answer to this. If I had worn it to this recording, if this entire episode would have become about this shirt. Okay. It's a long sleeve, white. It's an itty bitty teeny whee. Yellow, polka dot, whip cream bikini from Jake Cruz.

I'm sorry, it's long sleeve. It's white. It's like, picture like a white Oxford button down classic shirt. Okay. Sure. Maybe a little bit more of like a slim cut of it. Okay. Sleeves that are very roll-upable.

Okay. The one like thing to it is it has a silk green. Here we go. Stem and then a rose right at the top at the neck. So it's like, okay, everybody just sort of reacted with disgust. There was movement in my periphery from Casey. Like a ventriloquist dummy? Yeah.

Oh my God. The rose goes up to, it's like a. The stem of a rose in the... Is it squirt water in your mouth? Oh. I'm not even wearing it. I'm not even fucking wearing it. It sounds like a shirt that's holding you hostage.

Aaron, before I made fun of you, and I will, before I make fun of you for the shirt, when you saw the shirt, what was it... What happened in your mind that you thought like this would be good? Did you think like that was your... I thought I would maybe look beautiful in the shirt. You thought you would look beautiful in the shirt. I thought, here's what I pictured.

But this never happens. You're going to look beautiful in anything that you wear. You don't believe that. No one does. Wait, I don't have to believe it to say it. What the fuck are we talking about? What do you mean believe it? I'm immediately, I'm immediately locked into this.

Okay. So I, when you buy a piece of clothing, you're really, this is very Don Draper of me. I'm buying into a fantasy version of myself. That doesn't actually exist. Yes, yes. And I was picturing sort of like a high bun. I was picturing red lipstick. I was picturing like being at a bar with someone who thinks I'm very, very interesting and very, very smart.

Yeah. And I'm wearing like jeans and I'm wearing like a red shoes that curl at the end. Yeah, shoes that curl at the end. Thank you. I'm trying to swing at Casey, but he's dodging my punches. Fingerless gloves. Okay. And I'm like, oh, I'll wear like a little red bra underneath and it'll be this whole little moment.

And I'll have like a martini and I'll just say the most interesting stuff in the shirt. Sure. And then no one was on board. I couldn't get anyone to be on my side for it. I'm pulling it up. so you guys can see it. Yeah. So one time, I mean, this was like years ago,

and relatively early in our relationship, maybe like a few years in, I was saying something about like I didn't have clothes or something like that or I needed a thing, but I hate shopping. And Mariah was like, oh, can I like buy you some stuff that I think that you would look good in?

And I was like, you're the one who has to look at me. Like, Mara gave me a haircut. And I'm like, I love it because you love it. And I actually do like it. It's very easy to maintain. but if she wants to do that I'm like I'm all about it like go you know go for it like

you're the one who has to look at me so she bought me this like collection of like items to try on and we did we did a thing in our like a dining room where I would like try something on and like everything that I put on I was like this is just for a different guy

like I'm not promoting a nightclub so like I can't wear like sharks not with that attitude I don't have a nightclub to promote like it's but it's it's Everything was like trendy-esque, and I was like, I just don't think I'm a trendy guy. I'm like a basics guy. Like that's what I...

You're a tanked up with something weird on it kind of guy. Exactly. I feel it comfortable in like a... I could like buy anything that I need, I can buy a Target for like $10 and I'll be kind of okay with it. But anything that has like a fashion that might like rotate out of fashion in a year or a season or something, I'm like, it doesn't really suit me. So...

But I argue that both of you are more fashionable because you have a signature style. Yeah. I don't think you guys are being swayed. Like, Adel is so associated with, like, flannels and great button downs and, like, Woodsy Energy. Um, and you have such a, like, uh, villain in an 80s surfer movie. But see you on the slopes, bitch. Adel, you gave me a penguin is the company, right?

Yeah, original penguin. Yeah. Um, like, it's like a rain jacket, but like, not like a, it's not like super waterproof, but it's like water resistant or whatever. And I got, wore that and I was like, I love this. Yeah. I was like, cool piece. Yeah.

And I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, never. I never would have bought that. I just never would have considered myself wearing something like that. But I was like, oh, this, I wear that all the time when I'm walking the dog. I'm like, this is like a great jacket. Okay, can we see the? What's funny is when I was getting rid of that, I was like, I bet JPC would look good in that. So. Oh, oh, that's, it's like a real, it's, it's like a textured rose, Aaron. That's like a, I loved it. Is it detachable? Like, can someone yank, would that get caught? If an elevator door closed, would that, like, pull you up and? A hundred percent I just flashed to every other timeline that I'm on. This is the only one where I'm still alive. The rest I die that exactly. You did the doctor strange. My first impression is if you walked up to me, like us, you walked up to our group and you were wearing that shirt, I would be like, oh, can we get more bread? Oh, Aaron.

Oh, my God, Aaron. I thought you were a table setting. This is, I'm not even out of a restaurant. I thought, I truly thought you were here to bring me more bread. I would just dump water down the front of your shirt. Yeah. Yeah. You have to be like, it needed, oh, Erin.

You put, like, that glass thing that Beauty and the Beast is. Like, oh, this is a cursed rose. That's, Erin, that's... I like admire your courage, because it's, it's a big swing. Oh, I've been shot. See, it seems so mild to me. But you know so many funny people. I just don't like...

Yeah, people would be like, it's... They're just getting screwed out of it. People are going to... There's no one that really... I mean, your friends, it sounds like they did you a service by being kind of mild on it, because. Yeah, they protected me. They didn't have faith in me.

Erin, here's what I'll say. Okay. Clearly, you're the most fashionable out of everyone at this table. All right. And most people in Chicago. Okay. And I think because you're so fashionable,

because you always look so well put together, I think it's good that you're taking risks. Because the minute you stop taking risks, you... If I stop swimming, I die. Yeah, exactly. I do, obviously, I don't know when the sweater episode was. but it's been like four or five years since that.

87, I think. I do have to consider before I see you guys in person what I'm about to put on because it's always a risk and obviously I have it in my bones that and I do think I would have known to not wear that in front of you guys. Yeah. Because I'd be like, well, they're going to talk about it the whole time. Yeah. I feel like I'm supportive of my friends but in like very different ways.

But like one thing I could never abide is someone wearing that shirt around me. Like there'd be no way, there'd be no way for me to, if you had to stay true to myself and support that choice. If you were that to the Met Gala, I feel like people would be like praising you. But I think if you wore that to a podcast recording. That's insane that that is, you feel like that is that big of swing where people are wearing like literal. Yeah. Kim Kardashian is wearing complete black, like her whole, she's completely shrouded. And then she's like, whoa, what is that?

To that dress as a full chandelier. Do you think that makes sense? The shirt makes sense. Yeah, I just, I'm such a, my environs are so casual that I just can't imagine a situation where I'd be like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna wear, like, because you, yeah, yeah, you wouldn't wear that to like perform, right? Yeah, I think I, like, I would have worn that to an improv show with jeans and, like, a, uh, in red lipstick. That sucks. But then every character you play has a rose creeping into their mouth. Yeah.

It sucks to do that to other improvisers to make them, to make them to like, to make that be the character that they imbue you with. Every improviser is like, I'm tagging you out. Can the shirts stay? You can't show up to it? They're trying to tag me out like under my shirt at my neck and I'm like, ah, ugh. You can't show up to like an improv show and like a full bear costume and be like, what's the deal? Can we not just be professionals? I just had an idea for an improv show.

To me, this seemed like someone would be like, I just was expecting such mild responses. Like this didn't seem like a huge swing to me. This seemed like a casual shirt to me. I'm like, it's a white button then. When it was open, it felt more casual. But when it's closed, the fact that it like takes up real estate that your neck takes up makes it feel like you have just like a prop stuff down your collar. There's a, I mean, it's a shirt with a prop. Aaron, here's the thing.

We can post this in the episode. What do you clean that shirt? Description. Soil. But here's the thing. Take comfort. At all. Aaron.

Take comfort. There's not a single listener who's not going to message and say, you would look amazing in that. So take up for into that. I know. All the gals are going to show up for me on Instagram today. There's not a single listener who's not going to gas you up and say, you, Aaron, you could look amazing in anything. And I bought it when it was on sale and now it's not on sale anymore.

So great. Do they let you return it on sale? No. Yeah. Well, they don't. They let me return. I got to return it. I also buy a lot of stuff on final sale.

So if there's ever an issue where I'm like, this isn't the size that I thought it was. I'm like absolutely screwed. I also thought I was like, I, have some weddings coming up. And I was like, oh, this might be cool. I was thinking about doing like a red suit jacket and suit pants for it. And I was like, this being the shirt because like I was like, I don't want to wear a tie, but I want something there.

If you were to wear that to a wedding, Aaron, I would definitely recommend having a basket of bread with you as well, because you are going to be asked multiple times. If I'm a waiter. If you're a waiter. Well, that's what happened at Adelves wedding. I was a groomsman. I was thrilled. I'm wearing a suit.

And everyone keeps coming up to be with. And they were like, where do you want the addubs? The shrimp, the side or the side? And I was like, I'm actually a beloved friend. If I saw you wearing that shirt at a wedding, I might just ask for the check instinctively being like, because I see the way you're dressed. I know that I don't want to be at this restaurant any longer. And so I'd be like, can I get a check?

Oh, it's Aaron. I'm definitely going to want to check. You cannot wear anything around improvisers. A show in 2018, I showed up to my Harold team show, wearing a white shirt and black pants. And immediately everyone was like, I will take a water with lemon. And do you have any great fish specials today? And I'm like, I fucking hate you guys. You can't wear anything.

I wore my World News Tonight suit to a summer wedding and sat next to Connor O'Malley. And the whole time he was like, what are you doing my taxes? What do you sell the, like, I was just like, immediately I'm like, I'm in for the longest night of my life. Yeah. Because what have I done to myself? Everyone else is wearing like breezy blues and all this stuff. And I was just like, I am in hell. JBC, hypothetically.

Sure. I walk into a recording wearing that shirt, I just showed you. Uh-huh. And you know I'm going to like a really hard time or whatever. And you go, I can't say anything about the shirt. How long into it do you get a nosebleed from not saying anything? Aaron, first of all, I say stuff immediately. Premises false.

There's never been a time where I'm like, oh, Aaron's not going through a hard time. Aaron's got it all together. Okay. I'm never any different to you. What if you suffered some horrible injury where you couldn't speak for a week? And I came to visit you. You type it out on one of those speakers. No, not.

But that would take a minute. I could run before you got it out. He'd have it loaded. He'd have a soundboard. If I, if I suffered a horrible injury and I couldn't speak and you're in there in my room. And you're not putting a pillow over my face. I don't know what the fuck you're doing. If you're not in there to take your shot, you're missing your shot.

And that is weakness. No, it won't be any. You're sort of a spy versus spy energy going on. You have an understanding. with many people that they'll be the one to kill you. And I'm not going to get in the way of that. Can I say this, Aaron? I truly honestly meant that I think that you could pull that off. It's just like the... It just said it's ugly and I think you would think terrible at it. No, the situation where you're pulling that off is not a situation where I'm also there.

Because I just don't, I can't see a situation where like we're both... You don't sabotage it. We know, where we're both at the same event that warrants you wearing that shirt that I'm also attending. What about a birthday party? Yeah, okay, yeah, a savage. Unless you're the magician. A clown's birthday party or something? something?

What is it is it a birthday party for Mother Earth? Like who's the who's now Aaron what I'll say is if that was an embroidered like if that was stitched into the the shirt I would be like Aaron that's one of my favorite shirts you've ever worn. The fact that it's a physical rose poking out under your chin one that has to be wildly uncomfortable. Yeah. And two it just feel like if there was a trunk of things that they use on like whose line is

it anyway and they pull that out. I'd be like that's the perfect thing for a for an improv. short-form improv game, you know? This feels as unfair as getting attacked by a shark in like a mall. Oh. I'm not in the water. Yeah. I'm not wearing the shirt, fellas.

Yeah. How is it that you can smell the blood from that far away? You look like three sharks that looked at each other, started walking out of the water being like, we can't resist. Let the record show. Aaron, this is your episode. You can start riddles at any time. I forgot. If I may reframe this.

I was having too much fun. Aaron, this is like you walking to the ocean, to the beach, and holding up a picture of blood to two sharks in the water. That's right. That's what this is. But it's still very unnatural for the sharks to go, here we go, out of the water, to kill this woman. I also think, Aaron, the shirt that you first described before I saw a picture of it, I was kind of like quasi on board with. But the fact that it's roughly, that the red part of the rose is like roughly and it's right by your neck. Like, I don't even like wearing a necklace a lot of the times because I'm like, I don't, I'm not an accessories guy, you know?

It just feels like an accessory on a shirt. And I'm also like, truly the part that bothers me the most is I see someone wearing that. And I'm like, how are you cleaning that? It's taking. You dry clean it. Ugh, that sucks. Like, whatever I buy something that accidentally is like, the worst is when you buy something that they're like hand wash only. Oh, no, no way.

You mean no wash only? You mean no wash only? You mean throw in with everything else? You mean ruin it? I'll put in the freezer for me. I'll be ruined it. Can I just tell you something that's really vulnerable before I start reading these riddles? Of course.

Wild to say that. Wild. That is bonkers. It's like a bully. It's like, it's a bully kicking the shit out of a kid for 10 minutes. And then the kid stands up and he's like, can I tell you about my sick dad? Yeah, go ahead, buddy. Say what you were punching me. I shit my pants.

Would you be able to help me with that? Go ahead. Go ahead, babe. But please still do, by the way. You couldn't even begin to get that out. Oh, my God, I'm crying. No, what is it, Erin? Oh, God.

Well, now I don't want to say. No, no, no, no. But I bought the shirt. Yeah, I bought the shirt just now again. No, I, um. Paid full price. I, when you were talking just a second ago, I realized I was about to sneeze. And then I was like, oh, well, I'm going to sneeze.

And then I have to say something funny after. I was going to go, sorry, I'm allergic to flowers. And then I thought I was like, they're going to like that one. And then it kind of got rid of the sneeze in my body. And I was like that, that, it felt, that felt like a really vulnerable. I would have, I would have liked that. Yeah, but I didn't sneeze. My, we've been trying to, my kid is a toddler, and we've been trying to get them to

sneeze and cough into their elbow, like covered their mouth, basically, when they do it. And they'll always sneeze and then they'll do the elbow and do it a fake another little fake sneeze into their elbow. But, and this is like, it's just something that I say, and there's so many things that you say, but when someone sneezes, I say, God bless you. But now my kid says, God bless me when they sneeze. They, like, say it themselves. And I thought, I was, like, thinking about that.

And I was like, I say, God bless you unconsciously. And now my kid says, God bless me when they sneezed. And it's very funny. But how hard would it be to get them to say something, like, brutally funny when they sneeze as well. Like, sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit. Because I would love to see a toddler sneeze and be like, I'm allergic to bullshit. I mean, that would make your entire year. How is your, the plan that you had to make them think that ketchup was mustard and mustard was ketchup? The problem is that they don't like dipping. The only sauce that they like is ranch,

and even that they don't love too much. They just don't love dipping at all. So it's like, I can't even get them interested in ketchup or mustard to begin with. I'm going to have to wait a few years. I'm going to have to wait a few years. Can I tell a brief story? Because it's, it kind of circles back to what we're talking about before we get into riddles. But we're talking about music. And I've been introducing my kid to more and more music. Lately, I've been letting them listen to a lot of Fall Out Boy. And now they'll like ask to listen to Fall Out Boy. It's always very funny. We'll be like, I want um, um, um, um, fall Out Boy? And it's always, they always go up and go like, fallout boy? And I'm like, yeah, we'll listen to Fall Out Boy. But I was, uh, the other day they weren't feeling well. They're

like stomach was hurting and they I was like oh like if you're not feeling well I should introduce you to like sad girl music because I love sad girl music and so we were playing like St. Vincent and soccer mommy and we weren't playing Mitzki but we were doing um boy genius uh oh god fuck me um lucidacus oh yeah yes and we're like listening to a lot of that music and they were like I like this one I like this one they like everything so it's like it's not it's I actually have no idea if they like it, but they say that they were liking it. But they also, I was telling Adel on the way over here that they were having like a stomach ache. And my kids two and a half, they never really were big pukers. They never like threw up a lot. And so much so that I like was not expecting them to.

But then as we were listening to this music, they like sat up and threw up. That's how sad they were. Were you in the car? Were you in the car? No, we were just like, we were in this rental thing because we were on vacation for my wife's mom's retirement, and we had this place by the beach in Florida, and we were on, like, this daybed, but they also, they, my kid can speak now, and they are not familiar with throwing up. So as soon as they, and they, all they had were, like, blueberries and grapes in their stomach, because they had a stomach cake. So they threw up, and their first thing, they looked at me, and they go, what happened to me? And I was like, you threw up. It's, like, it's like totally, it's totally normal. Like, you should have said, I've never seen that before.

I was like, I don't know what that is. You should have ever seen. We need to get you to the hospital, man. You should have all started screaming on top here. I was internally freaking out. That's ketchup. Barf is ketchup and mustard is. It was like, it was like blueberries and grapes.

It was like red, liquid, you know, and I was like, oh no, but it was because they had, you know, blueberries and grapes. But the second thing that they, when we got them cleaned up, we got them in the bathtub and got them cleaned up, the second thing they said they go, what happened my blueberries? Like they're like, do blueberries do that? I'm like, no, those are, don't worry about those blueberries. Those blueberries are like bad blueberries. It doesn't. And I said, I think it would be fun if like a universal term for barfing is like, lose your blueberries.

If you're like, oh, I'm going to lose my blueberries. I think that's such a fun phrase to say. They told, they told our babysitter today when we got back into town, they were like, I lost all my blueberries and great. That's so cute. That's so fucking funny. I did a character for. for a showcase in Chicago like eight years ago,

that Addle pitched one of my favorite jokes you've ever said for that I ended up using. And the character was a woman who hasn't sneezed before just now. Like she's experiencing that for the first time. And I was talking to Adel about it and you pitched the joke, I feel like my body's trying to remember a name. And I think about that every time I sneeze. I was like, that is poetry to me. That is like you managed to communicate something about the human experience that I had never

heard anyone say about that before. but not knowing what throw up is and what that experience about to be, that 30 seconds before must have felt nuts. Doing it at an, when you're like, because again, they just never did it when they were like a baby, but doing it when you were very young before you have the capability of speech, but to do something for the first time that is crazy, but you also have the ability to like convey it in a basic term,

to be like, what happened to me? Like, what is happening? Did we all just say that? Did you do that? I'm not crazy. That's not normal, right? Have we ever, has anyone, am I the first guy to ever do that? Should we call the priest?

What do we do? Is it a priest? Do we call the Pentagon? Like, who do we call? Am I a superhero? Am I an ex-men? Is this my ex-man? Do we call Professor X?

Can I go to that school? Am I too young for that school? Am I on a grader? Do they let babies into that school? Like, what do I do? Like, what do I do? Can I do this on command? Just like so, so many questions.

Should we call a priest? I'm dying. Now you have to write a children's book called Babies for a spark. Oh my God. And this all has to be in it. That's sweet, sweet kid. Oh, brother. I saw you pick up your phone to do riddles.

I don't want to. One last thing I want to say. One last thing I want to say. I love you, but the funniest way you could die. Okay. If you wore that shirt at an outdoor wedding, you got carried away by bees. Now. Yes.

Stung to death by bees. I'm not saying I want that. I'm saying hummingbird impales me through the neck. And then the hummingbird's like, I thought, we all thought, come on. If you shut up to my house wearing that shirt, Aaron, and it wasn't a singing telegram situation, I would be. Well, roses are red, violets are blue, Jennifer has a crush on you. Jennifer Kenneforts. Mariah's behind you.

Jennifer. Who's Jennifer? Baby, I don't know. Look at her shirt. Baby, look at her shirt. Oh, my God. That's what the focus should be. Okay, we got to take a break. We got to take a break. We haven't done a single riddle. We're coming back with Rital Strong.

No, one riddle before break. No, never mind. Sorry, guys. This podcast is sponsored to you by Squarespace. Hey, everybody, if you're hearing this, it's JPC. I have done a little bit of a whoopsie. I have trapped myself once again in, the computer. It's okay. I've made my way to hey riddle riddle.com. It's a Squarespace website. We use

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and even monetize your content by adding a paywall perfect for online courses, exclusive tutorials, and premium workshops. But none of that has, again, helped me find a way to get sucked out of the computer. Actually, doesn't even need to be sucked out. I got sucked in, but I could just walk out if that were an option for me. But if you know any of my options, head to Squarespace.com slash riddle for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. and tell him JPC sent you and that he's also trapped in a Squarespace website.

Okay, bye. 999, a thousand. Ready or not, here I come. Oh, hey, everybody. I'm just playing a quick game of hide and seek with Adel and JPC. So you keep an eye out for them while I talk to you about quints. This past weekend, I was out and about with my new Italian suede slouchy midnight blue bag. And I kid you not, several of the most beautiful, cool-looking women asked me where I got it.

And I got to go, Quince, it's super affordable. I want my everyday items to be classic and timeless and comfortable and easy and affordable. And that's why I shop at Quince. Quince has all the wardrobe staples for spring. Think 100% European linen shorts and shirts from $34, lightweight, breathable, and comfortable. But we're still going to look put together. And clean. 100% prima cotton teas with a softness that has to be felt.

Everything is priced 50% to 80% less than what you'll find at similar brands. Quince works directly with ethical factories and cuts out the middlemen. So you're getting premium materials without the markup. I love everything I have from Quince. I recently got sandals from them. I'm obsessed with their home stuff. If you're looking for basics like rugs or curtains, truly just the most timeless classic well-made items are over there at Quince. So check it out.

Still not seeing Adler GPC starting to worry that they went to the movies or something. No, they're around. I'll find them. Refresh your every day with luxury you'll actually use. Head to quince.com slash riddle for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. now available in Canada too. That's Quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E.com slash riddle, R-I-D-L-E, for free shipping and 365-day returns. That's a full year. It's a full year you can decide if you like it.

You're going to like it. Quince.com slash riddle. I found you. Oh, no. Sorry, false alarm. Those are just two scarecrow's eating dessert waffles. Onward and upward. Hello, everybody.

It's me, Aaron Keefe. Here to talk about my dog, Lou. I bet you've heard me talk about Lou hundreds, if not thousands of times on the show, because I am obsessed with her. Fun fact about Lou, this past weekend in Palm Springs, she ran face first into a cactus. And I did not handle it well. And if anyone gets being dog obsessed, it's Ollie. I love Ollie's dog food. They're relentless about delivering the best food and experience to your dog. And they give you a way to check in on their health over and over and over again. Allie's fresh recipes are developed by real chefs and backed by vet nutritionists. They're obsessed with making the best meals and the highest quality ingredients. From the moment you start your subscription, everything is tailored to your dog. The meals are

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into cacti full speed in the middle of the desert. Well, get ready for both you and your pup to be obsessed. Head to ollie.com slash riddle. Tell them all about your dog and use code riddle to get 70% off your welcome kit when you subscribe today. Plus, they offer an obsession guarantee. If you're not completely obsessed, you'll get your money back. That's OLLI-E-D-R-R-I-E-L-R-I-D-N-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-E, to get

70% off your first box. Isn't that right, Lou? I thought she would bark on Q. That would have been so awesome if she had barked. She didn't know. You didn't know, Lou. Hey, guys, it's JPC. Sorry, I cannot be too loud right now. Adel and Aaron are next to me.

They are fast asleep on a Helix mattress. It's actually my Helix mattress. It's my Midnight Locks. It's the best mattress I've ever owned. I invited Adela and Aaron, of course, over for a sleepover. We were going to stay up all night and share secrets and kind of talk about our crushes. And that means who we would like to crush with rocks. But they got too excited and they fell asleep immediately because my Helix sleep mattress is absolutely so comfortable. It's kind of a

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Listen to Adela and Aaron. Wee, wee, wee, pee, pee, beep, beep, beep. And I'll let you decide who's. Snore is whose. Anyway, go to helixsleep.com slash riddle for the Memorial Day Sale Best of Web. That is 27% off site wide, and that is exclusive for listeners of Hey, Riddle.

That's helixleep.com slash riddle for the memorial day sale, helixleep.com slash riddle. Okay, guys, wake up. Time to talk about who we want to crush with stones. I'll go first. I want to crush. Hey, Riddle, Rich. Welcome back to Hey, Aaron wore weird shirt.

We are no longer a riddle podcast. We are in the middle of changing our names on every platform. Sorry, everybody, about the no riddles. I'm going to make up for it starting, seeing if they have any more jokes about the shirts. Now. I'm ready for a riddle, yeah. Okay, these are from Will and their limerick riddles. Thank you, Will.

Thank you, Will. Roses are red. I'm on my shirt. Roses are red, as you can see. There once was a woman so wild. I'm wearing the shirt. She don't make fun of me. Offense of style.

Your... She bought the worst shirt. Her costumes were hurt. She bought the worst shirt. She's been going out for a while. Oh, what do I call this episode? The shirt. Your memories?

I didn't, I didn't even, I don't even own it anymore and I'm not even wearing it right now. Yeah. They protected you. They did a good, they did a good job. and Riley looking out for you. Yeah, they've been working together lately, and it's hard. It's hard. They're making me better, but they're a good team. Yeah, you know. Does that come in other, like, is there one where it's like a carrot facing up to your mouth?

I want that one. Ooh, the what's up doc? Yeah. You know, I'm going to start making these. I was like, also, when I returned it, I was like, I could DIY this. What would be your, what would you want facing up towards your mouth? A knife. When you, when you were, when you were, when you were, when you were, another shirt.

When you returned that shirt, should they say, uh, We can't accept shirts that have been altered. If you've modified... If you've modified a shirt, we can't accept. Weirdo. Your memories I help you recall in a book on a desk or a wall. Journal. If you did the crime, but don't want the time, set up another to take your fall.

Look at my Minto situation? Yep. No. Your memories I help you recall in a book on a desk or a wall. If you don't If you did the crime Yes a frame Yes a frame

I would like to see a scene Adel you framed JPC for a crime Maybe like 10 years ago And JPC you're just now getting out of Prison and you're running into Adel Got it Oh

Oh pardon me I'm just trying to get to the Oh whoa fuck don't hit me don't hit me What? I said Derek Whoa, Derek. Oh. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, Derek.

Yeah. Wow. You framed me for... You got out? I mean, where have you been? You framed me for a crime. What? I'm not mad.

Oh, my God. Greg, I'm not mad. Truly, that was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. Oh, you wrote like a... How many special off of it or something? No, it was inherently pretty tragic. Yeah, I guess you were never a stand-up. Yeah.

No, I don't... really know I don't know what the I actually don't know what the comedy behind like killing someone else's mom would be but but no no it's Chappelle would find a way Chappelle would find it way God he's so funny he's so funny especially lately and I like that he vacillates between he's so much different from when I went in but now that I'm out he's so much better I think he vacillates between like hard jokes and then just like what else I was in such a bad place 10 years ago but then when you framed me for the murder of your mom and then I was in Sarasota, which is where mob's going to die. Let's be honest. But when I got out,

like I felt so much better. Like I changed my life. I'm like, I turned over and I went. You're welcome. I went to college. I got my degree while I was in. Oh, like a Joe Pesci. Um, the movie. My cousin Vinnie? Yeah. Doesn't he go back to college or something? Stealing Harvard. No. My cousin Vinny? Are we talking about my cousin Vinny? Yeah. He does. doesn't go back to college. He is a lawyer already in that. He does go to jail. That's right. For that's what I was thinking. I was in there for 10 years. Can I get something off my shoulders? I feel like every time, and this has been really tough. Sure. Over the past 10 years, every time I watch like a CSI or law and order, I think of you. And it's been really, it's been really, it's been a lot of me of like, it's just so rough to see like people being put in jail or the word jail or to like to like a monopoly. Like it's been, it's been, it's just really, it's been painful. It's truly, it is no sweat off my back. It is not. A big deal. It is water

of the bridge. Here's your Lamborghini key, sir. That was fun to drive. We don't get to drive a lot of great cars like that. You're incredible. You're welcome. And this is mine? Yeah, this is your... Wow, you must have so many cars. You must be rich, rich

if you didn't even recognize... You can't tell that this person's a ballet? Yeah. They're wearing the uniform. White shirt, big red red flower. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. The rose. The rose is shooting her. Shut! I killed my friends. The self-insert character yelling at you to shut up.

Shut up and seen. Shut up and end the scene. Very funny, Aaron. I would have done that to you at an improv show if you were wearing that shirt for the improv show. Every character you would be would be about a person wearing that show. Then I would have taken off the shirt. It would have been naked and everyone would have felt horrible.

It would have been an absolute public meltdown. It does feel like in improv they say if you're doing a live show, to dress fairly neutral so that you can play anything, portray anything. What's the rules? Like, don't be the worst dress, don't be the best dressed. You want to be like, you want to aim for somewhere in the middle. Sharnie used to say, look like you're going on a first date,

but the first date is bowling. Big top hat. Big top hat. Gene shorts. Tons of fucking rings. I am a beetle. These are more of will's. Okay.

Limerings. I am a beetle, but not Ringo or Paul. No. Rivers and mountains. I've seen them all. Aaron, does it really say I'm a beetle but not Ringo or Paul? I am a beetle but not Ringo or Paul. Gorge Harrison.

Was that, did I say Ringo and Paul? Was that the order that I said it? That is the spookiest stuff. And can I just say, besides this moment I hear, no one has ever listed the Beatles in that order. Right? I know. No one goes, let me list the Beatles. Ringo, Paul.

Right? No one in the history. You know how they say if you shuffle a deck of cards, that sequence has never existed in the entire existence of human. that's what that was Jesus Christ I always say Ringo George John and once the other one that's how I say it Can I be honest with you guys?

These Reynolds are not from Will I wrote these Is that real? No I've done that before Can I be vulnerable again? I hate it here Is this a safe place to say that? Just making fake email and it's not because of case fake Gmail accounts in Sydney

and Reynolds to the show I won't say who it's about God, okay. What the fuck am I doing? I'm a beetle, but not Ringo or Paul. Rivers and mountains, I've seen them all. In arm and in page, I held the world for an age. Then Google did usher my fall.

Ushut. Pete Best? No. Google ushered your fall. Ask Jeeves. No. Rivers and mountains, I've seen them all. In arm and in page, I held the world for an age.

Atlas, Dictionary. Atlas. How is it a beetle? We're all in Atlas Beetle Oh, Atlas Beetle Wait, is that a type of beetle? I guess so. Yeah.

Sounds right. Wait, everybody went, oh! And then when I was like, what is that? People are like, I don't know. I think it's one of the Beatles that like rolls up a big ball of shit and then it looks up. Like Atlas holds up the world. An Atlas beetle is like one of the Volkswagen's like bigger model beetles. Like if Shaq wanted to drive a beetle, he could drive an Atlas beetle.

It's like the size of a semi cab. They make one a year. I'd like to see a scene. Okay. Adel, you are Atlas, and you've been carrying the world on your shoulders. JPC, you are his boss doing his quarterly performance review. Got it. Actually, not even necessary, Atlas.

You can leave the world right out there. Come on into the office. Is someone taking over? Yeah, Pete. Pete's going to take over. Pete's going to do it. I got you. Okay, hand off in three, two.

Wait, I go after three or doesn't matter. Three, two, one, go. Ready? Pete's got it. He's got the uniform for it. Oh, my God. That feels, it feels amazing. Well, don't get too used to it because you're going right back out.

What? Just want to, hey, it's been a year. I know because of the way that you've rotated or whatever. Are my wife and kids here to see me or? Oh, no. Conjugal visits are only for prisoners. So, like, you know, the people that, guys getting his liver eating out.

And the boulder up a hill guy. Oh, Sisyphus. Sisyphus. He gets congicals. His real name is Todd. Are my ears burning? Cisyphus. Hey.

It's actually time for your, it's time Sisyphus for your conjugal if you want to. Oh, hell yeah. I already had a boner. On my way. What sucks is he fucks until he's just about the comment and he has to start over. For sure, yeah. Yeah. Having to start over.

To edge. Are you guys talking about me? No. Sting. We're talking about sting. We're talking about sting. Okay. All right.

See you guys later. Just wanted to do your performance review real quick. We'd love to give you a promotion. There's just nothing available, kind of at the next level. Sure. Kind of every other planet is already being held in the sky. I could be like the god of war or... Yeah.

The problem with that is the old god of war would have to die. I need a god. Yeah. Oh, I could be... Nice. I took in college, I took one year of nautical studies, so I could be the guy who takes the boat, the ferry across into hell.

Oh, okay. Karen. Karen. Yes. Yeah. Oh, her. I'm so sorry. I could be the woman who...

You know what? I've never asked. They just said Karen, and I said, Karen, welcome. I'm sorry to interrupt. I'm not. If he seems pretty upset. Who is on line three?

Who's on line three? Icarus. Icores. He seems to... Did, okay. You asked him to... flying to the sun. Something must have happened. When you took the call, did it sound like he was plummeting?

Um, it sounded like a whooshing and like a scream. Great. Keep him on hold for like 30 more seconds. Okay. And it'll kind of resolve itself. Yeah, it'll resolve itself. Thank you. Thanks so much. Oh, hi, Atlas. Hey. All right. I am going.

You know what, Atlas. This is crazy. I think I'm going to, we've been wanting to let go, Hermes, the messenger god, because they don't really get screening calls, you know? And it's like, just because you can move fast and deliver the message. Hey, boss, your mother is on line one whenever you're ready. I told her. My mother? You're excited to talk to her.

Wings on the shoes. What does that do for you? You're not flying. Cool style. Also, my shirt has a rose. I said at first, bitch, can't catch me. Bebeep. Roadrunner.

See it. Nice try, assholes. Bebeam. Paints a big tunnel runs through it. Either I'm wild or left in my place. Olivia. Come on. Maybe Maurice or a cowboy from space.

Dressed in a color for that. Where the Olivia Wild things are? Where the Olivia Wild things are? Maurice Sendak, isn't the guy who wrote to? Yeah, this is your word associating in your head. It's firing on all cylinders. Let's come safely back to one. JBC started the poison train and everyone jumped on.

Either I'm wild. Feel all of the world, get poison. I don't know I'm wild or left in my place. Maybe Maurice or a cowboy from space. Dressed in a colorful hat. Oh, this is, obsessed to a, oh, no, sorry. Dressed in a colorful hat. Steve Miller Band.

Opposed to a bat. Jared did me a disgrace. Subway. We both. Either I'm wild. Yeah, Joker. Is it Joker? I'm a Joker.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Preston. Yeah, okay, okay. I do want to see a scene. Jared Harris paid the Joker? Wait, what? Who's Jared Harris? Let's go on a break.

I'm trying to think of another famous Jared. Jared Harris is a character actor. I do want to see a scene. JPC, you are a king of some far off land. Aaron, you are the new, the Joker was killed by the king, and you're the new Joker, this is your first day on the job. So I think a big part of learning how to please me and learning how to know what I like

and what makes me laugh is like getting to know me. So don't expect to be the funniest Joker that you could be today, okay? You have, there's like a, you get like a whole week to kind of ease into being a joker. Great, a whole week. I got a whole week. So just like, you know, maybe just like. A knock knock.

What? We don't, what? Not, you're the inside. Who? Uh, okay, well, can't do that if you do it. My Lee, should I behead the jester? This is funny. This is like an Adam Sandler thing.

We have Adam Sandler here. Oh, okay. Yeah. Habadoo. Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, you like that kind of thing. Shabado.

Who am I? Yeah, Shabadoo. Who am I? I am the king, and we have Adam Szil. Who am I? Is this Borat? Are you doing Borat? My wife.

Sasha Barrett Cohen is no Adam Sandler. Fart? Sharpen the sword or whatever. Just get it on. You said I had a wee. Yes, my leash. I normally. people get a week.

What, okay, here's, just why don't you riff for a little while? Crowd work. Crowdwork. Yes, do crowd work. Um, hey everybody. Welcome to this room. Um, when I do a cart,

and when I do a cartwheel, it makes a little bell sound. That's a fun fact about me. No, hold on. Hold on. Oh, wow, bo, bo, bo, yeah. Okay, now I'm on board. Yeah, it's more down the Sandler's song.

Oh, yeah, bo, bo, bo, uh, okay. Okay, let me start over. Sure. Um, hey, everybody, thanks for coming out to this, uh, big hall that has candles on the side. Anyone's first year time here tonight? Anyone here on a date? I'm here on a date.

This is Mark. He's also a new executioner. Great. What do you do for a living? Oh. Execute. You're an executioner. That's why I met my wife.

Oh. Oh. But then I killed her. Now I'm on a first date. All right. 101 executioners roll into a bar. Bartender says, I can't serve executioners here. Alcohol is illegal.

in this kingdom. Okay. Sex with me is like sex with an executioner. Whoa. I'll give you head. What? What? I'll give you head and everyone will gasp.

Okay. Your thing. I like what I like. And I'm wearing a white shirt with a rose on it. Scene. Scene. Oh, Aaron, sex with me like an executioner. I give you head and everyone like gas.

It's pretty pretty good. You're head in a basket. it. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. What was I talking about? I was doing riddles. We solved that one.

JPC solved it, right? Joker. Joker. Yeah. Mm-hmm. You might see me on a mound, or perhaps in a fridge I am found. Pitcher. Pitcher.

Pitcher. Pitcher. If you speak with a twang, I'm a thing you could hang. Called a ball if I aim toward the ground. Hey, can you adjust that pitcher? You got a one line in. You got a one line in. You got a one line in.

Found on a mound. A mound. I mean, what's found on a mound? I'd like to see a scene. A sermon in the pitcher. Yeah, you're right. JBC, you're a catcher. Adel, you are a pitcher, and you guys are doing that little combo that they have on the mound.

Hey, can you be honest? Sure. Are my pages slow? They're so slow. They're so slow. You've actually gotten a few strikeouts because I think they're anticipating them being way faster. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just feel, um, I've, I took one of those.

those personality, one of those BuzzFeed tests. Okay. And I got, it was the Sopranos one. Oh, sure. And I got that I'm a Janus. Oh. And I feel like Janice is kind of a mess. Yeah.

And I thought I'd get like a Furio or something. Sure, no. That's why I don't even, I won't even take those. You've never taken a BuzzFeed test. That, honestly, that is such a Charlotte thing to do. I honestly, I took the witch smurf for you one. And I don't even remember which smurf. I'm not familiar with the smurf.

I do like there's... What do you know? There's only two. Well, there's only two in the zeit guys. Papa Smurf and Smurfette, which... I think Smurfat was created just for the Smurfst. I don't want to... I think she's like a goal of...

Do you want me to see if they'll take you out? Do you want me to see if they'll take you out? Let's keep stalling and see if they'll call it. Just call it. Can I tell you, I am also... Yeah, how are you? Well, I'm not like catching a lot of the balls. I mean, you're pitching and I'm just like kind of letting them...

It's been a lot of home runs. Kind of like hit me or fall to the... the ground. Yeah. Because I'm so nervous that I'm going to repeat what happened yesterday. I think as far as I know, I'm the only catcher to ever catch a live bird. That's not your fault. It is my fault. Well, I felt like I reached so far for it.

You did. It's my fault. Did they say it's dead? Yeah. I just got an email. No, I just got an email. It's definitely dead. We're the Cardinals. We're the St. Louis Cardinals. The birds family's in the front row and they're wearing like little baseball hats. and they're like looking and they're really nervously helping.

They give them free tickets. That's fun. They give them free tickets and swag. Hey, go talk. Go give them like an autograph. I can't walk over there because I think I'm going to grab another one of them. Yeah. It's involuntary. You know, it's like you see something out of the corner of your eyes.

You're a catcher. I'm a catcher. You are better at catching things than 99.9% of the population. How can they be surprised? What are you doing Thursday? Because I'm in New Jersey at the trial. Hey, guys. I'm the umpires checking in.

I'm also wearing a white shirt with the rose on. We don't need you, Brad. I was faster than you. Casey, run the tape, run the tape back. I was faster. Okay, thank you to... Will. Yes, Will.

He gave me permission for his few names, Will Parsons. Thank you, Will Parsons. There you should be a rose on your shirt. These are from... We have time for a couple more? Sure, I think so, yeah. Oh, yeah.

These are from Greg Burns. Let's do two of Gregs. Thank you, Greg. And Greg is a big... Casey fan. How tall? Ha, ha, ha. A big fan of your work on Neo-Sum and Gutter.

Oh, wow. Very cool, Greg. Here we go. I exist in only one place. The overlap. Remove the French. I am just livestock. Remove the livestock. I am just a nocturn. Together, I am something no one has commissioned. No one has requested.

And no one can quite explain why they now know the word for. And this is something from our show. It is a hey riddle riddle. Okay. Remove the French from our episodes. You're getting 20 minutes of content? Maybe. Remove the Italian.

We have 30 seconds of plugs. Now I want to guess things that are like unique to our show. But I don't. So let me give you an outside hint. This is I would say if when we are put in front of. our peers in our trial against humanity. I guarantee you this will be one of their first examples of the harm we've done to the world. So, Aaron, what you're describing is the Seinfeld finale.

So you think that this podcast ends with the four of us going to jail? Yeah. And then Casey's spinoff, like the thing he does later, well, that will be the finale of his curb your enthusiasm type thing. I made a deal with the district attorney. Yeah. I fucking knew it. States evidence on us. This is one of the worst things we've ever done.

This is one of the worst things we've ever done? For sure. Not even, yeah, like really, in arguably. I exist in only one place, the overlap. Remove the French, I am just livestock. That's probably the most helpful part of it. Okay, let's focus on that. Remove the French, I am just livestock.

It is a French thing. It is a French. Abitretois. Freedom fries. French fries. It's something that is, it's like a proper noun. Questle. Pire.

It is. Pierre. Pierre one imports. Pierre. No. It is a... Eiffel Tower. Jean-Luc.

You're thinking to something you can hold in your hand rather than maybe a piece of art or work. Renoir. Can't hold it in your hand. You can't, it's a piece of art that you can't hold in your hand. Renaissance. Yeah. So what's something that's artistic that you can't hold in your hands?

But it's a different sense. Imagination. Take home with me. And you'll see. And you can hear it. It's French art that you can hear, but you can't hold. Yeah, you can play.

Oh, oh, Le Miz? No, not Le Miz. That was great. It's a, I actually don't even know if this is written by a French person, but the title is French. And it's a piece of music. Oh, Claire Dalloon. Yes. With the pig orgasms.

Yes, it is. A pig orgasm set to Claire Dalloon. Casey, hit it. No, no. No. No. Can you read that riddle one more time? I want to think about a pig orgasm the whole time you're reading it.

I exist only, I exist in only one place, the overlap. Remove the French. I am just livestock. Remove the livestock. I am just a nocturn. Together, I am something no one has commissioned. No one has requested and no one can quite explain why they now know the work for. Do you think if we dug up de bussy? Okay. Hold on. And put headphones on him. And then once he stops screaming because of technology and played him, Ferdolin with the pig orgasms, do you think he'd be like, that's awesome that I'm still relevant?

Or would he be like, this is, I did nothing? What if we go back in time? We get him before he. writes Claire DeLoon and we'll give him Claire to Lynn with the pig orgasm and he goes I have a great idea that he comes back with a symphony and it's just the pig orgasm what if we already did that now and that's what Claire DeLoon is. Can you

imagine the one guy in the orchestra back then playing the pig orgasm where he's like can I can I get two minutes for him to really long? He's standing up on the stage hands up little conductor thing in his hand and he starts pig orgasimbing this is the butterfly effect but this is pretty heavy handed. Okay can we

Can we get one more riddle from the Griggy Baby? I came unbidden, wild and loud, a burst of pride before the crowd. A single beat. Then silence fell, not from a bell, but just as well. I am no word you'd write or spell, but once I rang, a dream turned hell. What am I? Truly one of my favorite riddles we've ever had on the show. Beautifully written.

I came unbidden, wild and loud, a burst of pride, before the crowd. A single beat, then silence fell, not from a bell, but just as well. I am no word you'd write or spell. But once I rang, a dream turned hell. What am I? So is this, Aaron, is this like one of your sound effects that you've done on the show? This is a sound effect. It's a sound effect. Is it the, this would be, if we had a finale, speaking of a Hayrida or Riddell finality, this would be, oh, here we go. We're going to have it. Is it, is it when Adel stepped on the rat when he was wearing flip-flops But that, if you have a finale

That sounds is... One of all-time sounds that exists. I would say that this is probably Our number one most associated sound with the show And if we had to read a last riddle on the show I'd probably have it be this. Howard Dean's screen. The Howard Dean's screen.

Casey had it too. I could see it in Casey's eyes. He knew it was Howard Dean's screen. I know, no, it was the one time. The one time we're in person and we can't play Howard Dean's screen. We can read it one more time with that in mind. Yeah.

I came unbidden, wild and loud. A burst of pride before the crowd. A single beat, then silence fell. Wow. Not from a bell, but just as well. I am no word you'd write or spell. Yeah. But once I rang, a dream turned hell.

If us talking about the Howard Dean's scream led to that poetry, then it will have all been worth it. Yeah. Casey, can you also make the song, Hey, Yah, but replace the ya with the Howard Dean's scream? Yeah, that's pretty easy. Can you play Claire DeLoon, Pig Orgasm, and Howard Dean Scream at the same time? Yeah. Should you? The note that ends humanity.

This is the hornblow that ends all of existence. This is like a psychopath test to see if Casey will do it so that we can have him officially committed. Okay, well, thank you so much, Greg, for someone. That was truly beautiful. Was it Greg? It was Greg, right? I've been calling you Greg, so if it's not, that's what it is now. It's sweet, Greg. Thank you, Greg.

What do we have to plug? Does anyone have anything? Aaron, do you want to plug whoever made it? that what company makes that shirt? Farm Rio. Oh, he's Farm Rio. Yeah. I don't know if I can ever give them my business again because it will fully take up a complete

real estate of time in a Hayward L. It just all backfiring. Every time you give them business, they lose business. So it's like it's not good for them. Yeah. So you can check out Quality Time, which is a show I host in L.A. that I'm really proud of in love. It's once a month and you can follow us on Instagram to see our lineup in the dates.

I don't know anything to plug. I want to plug Casey's podcast, the aforementioned gutter, and NeoSkem. Yeah, when this comes out, you, World News Tonight is ending their run at I.O. But we have one, technically we have two more shows from when this comes out. But I'm only going to be in the last one. So if you want to see me in the final World News Tonight show at I.O., it'll be on May 30th, 730. Or I'm sorry, yeah, 730 at I.O. So then you can find that.

how to get tickets, you go to the website or whatever and buy them. They're there. But come and see the world news. Definitely go see that. I love world news so much. Yeah, one of the final ones at I.O. We might take the show somewhere else, but not the I.O. Okay, that's all, I think that's all I have to plug.

And since we're in person, I just don't have a review to read. Aaron, Atlas, of course, holds up Earth. But there's a certain god named, I want to say, gooey tone. Joey Tony, who holds up another planet. Aaron, do you know what planet that is? Jupiter, hot dog, white shirt with a rose on. Gui Tony would hold up a planet hot dog. What if the shirt was a hot dog instead of a rose?

Are you on board with that? Honestly, yeah. Shut off. Honestly, yeah. Honestly, number one seller, we all wear that constantly. If I saw you showing up wearing a shirt that had a hot dog on the collar, you are now known for hot dog. So, like, that would make so much sense to me.

I'll buy you a hot dog shirt, baby. I'll buy you something nice, baby. I'll buy you a hot dog shirt. And cover it with ketchup. Oh, yeah. And mustard. And mustard. By apple.

I'm sorry. Guarantee. It's so many to be headed. Hey, wait. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hot takes. If you like that, you're going to love this week's episode. We bring you more listeners submitted hot takes.

You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com. Sash Hey, Riddle, by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven-day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus, you get us at free episodes. See you there. That was a HeadGum podcast. Hi, I am Mandy Moore. Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast, That was us now on HeadGum. Each episode, we're going to go into a deep dive from our show, This Is Us. That's right. We're going to go episode by episode. We're also going to pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors. Are we going to cry? Yes. A little bit. Are we going to laugh?

A lot. A whole lot. That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to that was us on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify. New episodes every Tuesday.