Hey Riddle Riddle - #413: Hey Riddle Riddle: Season Three

Episode Date: June 17, 2026

It's finally time for a brand new season of your favorite podcast! Please follow along with us on all our new platforms to hear Erin's Music and Adal's Ratings! Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!JPC's Guided Meditations Volume 1, available now at our Patreon digital store!Want merch? Visit our Dashery Store!Want to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle 6351 W Montrose Ave #267Chicago, IL, 60634Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531)Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. It is, first of all, an absolutely fantastic day. I'm in a great mood. How are you guys doing? Good, a little suspicious now. Yeah, I was great before you said that, and now I feel fear. Like, cold, like when your bones get cold and the hair in the back, your neck stands up. Okay, don't necessarily know the feeling of bones getting cold.

Don't have all the requisite parts to feel that specific feeling. Do you wash your bones? Hold on, JPC, do you wash your bones? Oh my God. Ew, do you not wash your bones? You don't take out your bones and wash them? Your teeth are your bones. I've heard if you exfoliate your bones too much, they actually degrade. So my bones may be even stronger than your guys is bones because I don't wash them every day. That's a myth. That's a lot. You wash them in milk every day. Go ahead. What were you saying? What were you saying about you having a good day and us being... Guys, it's a momentous day because today is the start of season three of Hey Riddell Riddell. What the what? Yeah. It's been about 200 episodes since season two started up. So it's season three.

Isn't that great news? That wouldn't it have been like 213 episodes ago? I feel like you're 13 episodes late to whatever this bit is. No, it was supposed to be 208. But then Addle had a baby or whatever. The schedule got to cut. We had to record a bunch ahead of time. But everybody's back.

Adel confirmed that you're a little. alive. Here. Present. That could have been any number of things from my sound board. That's not necessarily great. Let's see. Let's treat that dick like a picnic. You can't just play.

You cannot do this. We have to make a rule. You cannot just play sound clips without consent. And I'll clip that after later. And you're right, because that's some season two behavior. But before we get into season three, guys, I want to just, I want to congratulate the two of you on an

outstanding season two. Season two, and I'm looking at the numbers right now, was one of our best seasons yet. And what numbers are you quantifying that? I'm looking at Aaron. I'm looking at almost all the numbers. I think you just Googled numbers. This is not, what do you mean it's our best season yet?

I'm looking at numbers one through nine, and if you can think of a number that I can't make with those numbers, that I defy you to name that number now. Zero. Fuck my shit. it up completely. Well, some cultures don't have a concept of zero. Which cultures? Good ones, the best. And do the voices.

Well, that's the thing I want to talk to you guys about. You don't think we had a sophomore slump for season two? No, season two was all gas, no breaks. It was like I said, it was one of our best seasons, one of our most favorite in seasons. Pretty famously people get flack for their second albums being bad. It works nine years on their first album and then eight months on their second. But we're like the strokes right now. Well, it turns out in that we're masturbating. Yeah.

Stroking ourselves. Yeah. And season three, we're finally going to come. And unless workshop taglines, there are no bad ideas for season three. No, that's great by me, signed off by Aaron. We're finally going to come. Compliment sandwich time for you guys. Obviously, season two, great success.

Expanded our relationship massively, but you guys did not necessarily hold up your part of the bargain. Because I don't know if you remember, but you were both replaced for season two with new characters. This was, hey, you should remember this. This was only four years ago. Do you guys happen to remember? your characters at all? I remember where my desk was in the apartment that I'm still in.

It was in the kitchen when we recorded this episode. That's good. And it was a pistache l'roo, a horrible woman who slaps people with her glove. And I was Boingo Calhoun,

a, I want to say lizard in a two-piece bathing suit? Yeah, wear a cowboy hat you would buy on a bachelorette party trip. I think we mailed that also. You guys were, of course, Veronica Peppermints and Nassim Harmonica, two classic characters who, I'll be honest, you guys didn't commit to 100%. That's just the facts. Okay, this is not a judgment call.

That's just the facts. And honestly, I put that on me because many people don't know, I was the originator of Veronica Peppermints and Nassim Harmonica. Those were characters that I went to go vote this week. My name was under Veronica Peppermint. So what do you mean I didn't commit? And this morning, I went, Ha ha ha ha ha abbar Well okay

So you know what Then it's not on you at all It's 100% on me And I apologize Season three I want to go back to what made the show great In the first place Adel, Aaron and JPC

We're getting the band back together Okay, no more layons We're just going to be Just like the strokes Exactly we're just like the strokes We're starting from Makasa Blanca Slate And we are Is that the guy for the strokes?

Julian Casablanca. Great. Julian Davila Rosa. And we are going back to what made us great in the beginning. And that's just the three of us are dynamic, our energy, no characters, no layons. But as you know, it's not a trap. No, it's not a trap. There's no traps here.

We are in season three now. And we do have to. What was the whole point of season two? A clean reset point. To have fun and make friends? I don't know. Yeah. I'll give you space.

What did you think it was? study hard and work hard. Study how work hard. I thought it was to sort of brainstorm on capturing new demographics. Exactly. Expanding the market, expanding the target audience of the show so that we can bring new people in to a show that I got to say is very good, very funny, very entertaining. And I think people will really like and people have been craving for these past fourish years a jumping off point where they can start and just get into it. Launch into it.

I see. All right. So since we're not doing characters this year, we're going to have to... Aaron, perfect. You're back. Don't change the thing. Okay, great.

We are going to start expanding in other areas. So I was thinking about it and it's like, you know, honestly, we put out the show, we put up the podcast every week, but we don't always jump on like the newest technology to like really push, you know, the podcast out to the places that I think it could go. And we're really honestly, we're, you know, we're hiding our talents under a bushel basket, which is why, Aaron, we, as the podcast, Hey, Riddle, now certain aspects of this I'm going to delegate, you know, to the two of you. But the podcast, Hey, Riddle, Riddle, we now have a band camp.

Are you guys familiar with Band Camp? From that movie? At this one time at Band Camp? Yeah, it's not just a place where you could stick a flute in your pussy. Is that what happens? Yeah, right? No. Yeah.

No. Is it a clarinet? Aaron, what? You think an American pie someone gets a flute in their pussy? Don't do this. I'm easily tipped over. Maybe we'll tell your mother we ate the pussy. Is that something? Yeah, Aaron, it's not just that.

Bandcamp is a place where artists, musicians, can put up albums of their work and sell them to the general public. Now, Hey Riddle Riddle has an album live on Bandcamp. The link is going to be in the description. I have created a hip-hop album that is all isolated vocals of Aaron Keefe rapping throughout the history of our show. I'm going to jump out the window. I cannot do this.

People can buy the album for $10. No, no, JPC, you're doing a bit. It is, Aaron, it is 41 minutes of music. I think it's Aaron. I think it's some of your best stuff. Now that's what I call Aaron. Now, Aaron, let's talk. Because I think this is great.

I think this is great. Now, the one thing I haven't done, Erin. If you're my neighbor, I'm not really asking for help. I just hate my homework or so much. The one thing I have not done yet, Aaron, is I have not given you a name. Because this album, I believe I'm going to call Hey, Riddle, Rital, but you need a character, your rat persona. So I'm going to give you a choice. I've got two.

You can be Queen Kwee Flifa, or you can be Aaron Thee Scallion. Now, which one? Which one sounds better to you? Scallion. Yeah. Aaron the Scalion. I love that you change stallion to scallion, but you still put the emphasis on the the thee. Aaron the Scalion or Queen Kief Lifa.

Which one would you rather be? I know my, I know my choice. Oh, what's your choice, Adel? I think you got to go Queen. Don't say the Kuiphon. I think you got to go Queen Kui Keefe. I think you got to go Kikwifil. Okay.

Aaron the Scalian. is so weird and I have to, so I'm attracted to that one. But how do I, I'm trying to look for the button of shutting this whole thing down. No. Well, we don't see a big red button. Er, we're cross purposes there because we can't be shutting this whole thing down because we actually need to push this whole thing out to as many people as possible. And people are going to find this band camp album.

They're going to hear Aaron's flows and Aaron's raps and think like, okay. I famously can't. I famously can't. I can't rhyme. I can't rap. Aaron. Don't talk about my friend. way. You've rhymed pronto with Toronto, I think. I said J.J. Made of Hay couldn't go to the bonfire. It's the only good poem I ever did write. I can't rhyme. I'm not getting any better at it. I only have gotten worse. You cannot

put this out into the world. What if I have a kid one day and then they decide to Google me? What then? Aaron, you're like old dirty bastard famously named thus because he had no influences. It isn't that true, Aaron. I have no influences because I'm so bad at this. I never paid attention to people who are good at rapping enough, obviously, to get, to take any tips or tricks from them. All you do is create art, Erin. You don't need to judge your own art.

Leave that to the people that buy the album and listen. All you need to do is worry about creating because you're creative. No. Let me worry about the rest of it, okay? No. And Aaron, I will protect you from any of the negative aspects of it. Believe me, okay? I'm a record producer.

At this point, I am. Whoa. Uh-huh. Sure. I produced a record. Yep. He's taking out a cigar. And he's putting it in the trash, okay?

Yes. Don't look. I don't light it. I'm calling my lawyer. I'm calling my lawyer. Now, Aaron, uh, that you're, the album that you have on there is great. I love, and I love it. I listen to it.

It's very funny. Sorry. I'm so sorry. I am calling my lawyer. I'm just waiting for him to pick up. Hi, this is Adel. I'm away from my phone. So please leave a message.

Thank you. Okay. My lawyer is ignoring my phone calls. I will try again in a second. But Aaron, I know that you are talking about this, Aaron, about the sophomore slump, you know, season two, season three. Your next album has to be absolute fire. So the other thing that I've done on your behalf is I have contacted a hip-hop producer in Chicago. I've been scouring the Chicago hip-hop subreddit.

I don't know. This gentleman's name is either Wamp or W. dot amp. I'm not really sure which one it is, but we have been in contact. I have paid him to create some beats for you. So, oh, I'm sorry, Adel, you're taking a call? Yeah, I had a miss call. I have to call one of my clients back. Okay, yeah, no worries. Which just sucks because I always tell her don't call when I'm recording. Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up. Oh. Is it odd speaker? Because it would be nice to hear the ringing in that part. Hello? Hi, is this Aaron the Scallion?

Yes, Adel. Thank you so much for taking my call. I am looking to send in a ceased and desist to John Patrick Cohen, my coworker. I don't want him to get to use my voice or my likeness or any of the content I made on Hey, Riddle, Riddell, to make a rap album. Could you draft a cease and desist to send him and then serve him? Okay. Here's the thing is I'm not fully a lawyer, and I'm also not quite. quite a doctor. So what I could do is I could remove a cyst from someone who's deceased.

Okay, I'm going to figure, I think that will help. And I'm going to call you back and I'm going to let you know. That's for the best. Thank you. Okay, thank you. That'll be $500. Okay. Oh my God. I just told my lawyer. I loved him. I'm so embarrassed. Whamp or w.a. a amp, Aaron, he's been very lovely. We've been working back and forth. He, by the way, loves what you do because I sent him the album. I kind of explained him the idea. he's a big fan. So this is already really in motion. Oh, yeah.

It's almost unstoppable. He has made some beats for you. So you're going to have brand new beats custom made by a Chicago, real Chicago hip-hop producer. Should we save this for the 250th parade or whatever? Are you playing that? Yeah. I'm doing it for free, though,

because I just really want to hang out with all of those very cool, very fun people. Did it like all of them cancel? Did it all of them cancel of that? No, yeah, it's very exciting news, Aaron. But I thought, and again, your magic, the magic of your rapping comes from freestyle. I thought that I've already given one of those files over to Casey. We're going to load up your brand new beat.

Oh, so I have to rap now. You get to wrap. Thank you, Adel. The fucking Adel gets what's happening. So you're not using my old raps here. No, that's your first album. We have to also cut yourself. second album because, you know, Money doesn't sleep, Aaron.

I'm not sure if you think, if you're art of the impression that money sleeps, it does not. It also doesn't grow on trees, sweetie. I'm trying to sign into my doc you sign to bring up this C-synthesis. All right. And I, as is Aaron's want, Adel, we're going to turn off our videos for this

so Aaron can wrap. Oh my God, it's happening now? Yeah, well, there's no time like the present. Aaron. Just think, Adel's up next. Just think Adel's up next. So what's it going to be for him, you know? Aaron, rhyme with docky sign.

Okay, so, Aaron, whenever you're ready, Casey, go ahead and hit it. Wait, what am I rapping about? Give me something to rap about. Rapping. Rapp about rapping. This is the same beat. No, it's different. This is the same one.

This is different. That's different. Aaron, there's went, then, then, dun, dun, da, da, dun. And this one goes, then, then, then, then, da, dun. Aaron, bro. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Oh, her famous catchphrase. Hold on, guys.

Hold on, hold on. Okay, Casey, Casey, we got to stop Casey. Hold on, hold on. That's like her, uh-uh, or her, yeah, yeah. Okay, Casey, let's hit that, let's hit that track again. Let's give Aaron a second bite at the apple. Here we go. Go, Aaron.

Okay, hold on, here we go. I'm waiting for, that's a game of double-dutch. Ready? Nope. I'm about to put myself on the map, and I'm about to rap. About rap. My name is Aaron the Scal. and I'm going to send out my best battalion.

That's a bunch of soldiers to rap for me. All these soldiers are getting older. Just like me. It's been 10 years on the show. Wait, it's just been 8, though. They're just aging me faster and faster. These jerks make me so tired. I'm feeling especially wired.

I'm drinking coffee at my desk. My internet's cutting in and out. I can't shout. I can't do anything. You shout to clean. At JPC is me. Adela was nice. Oh, wait.

I'm not done. No, you're air. That's, that's, it's okay. It's okay. It's okay. No, no, no. What do you mean? It's not okay.

I'm not done. Keep going. Okay. What's up, y'all? I love onions. And I'm about to wrap. JPC sucks so bad. I cannot believe he became a dad.

And someone has to have him as a dad. That's going to be a long, long life. And you know what? I feel bad for his wife. Mariah deserves better than that. I'm a buyer, a brand new hat. Shuba do, shuba you, shuba me. I'll kick your ass.

I'll kick your ass so damn hard. Fuck you, man. I'm going to make your wiser. wife followed love with me and we're going to leave we're going to leave together. Fuck you. Aaron the Scalion. Aaron, I think that's pretty great. I think the second album that you drop, I think, is going to be your best one. The bait and switch of that sounding like a different beat is so fucking funny. Also, guys, this is just the funniest possible bit for my internet to be coming in and out. And I sound like a robot to be every five seconds. It sounds, I wish you

guys could hear what I hear. It's so funny. Well, Erin, I think that you did great. You have a lot of time to workshop kind of the specifics of what you're going for. But that's not it. I mean, that's, that's us expanding into the world of music. But I want the show to expand even more than that. Oh, you don't want me to do it again? No, you don't need to. I mean, well, of course, over the course of season three, you'll be doing it a bunch of times, most likely. But in season two, you know, we had these characters. In season three, it's all about outreach through platforms, which is why I have signed us up for some new platforms

that are going to help expand our reach. Now, the first one, are you guys familiar with the platform only fans? No, I wouldn't have ever heard of anything like that before. Squeaky, squeaky, squeaky, squeaky. I don't know. Squeaky, squeaky, squeaky. Yeah, I'm familiar.

Squeaky, squeaky, squeaky. Now, I bet you think, like most people do, big misconception, that OnlyFans is a sex-only website, is a website for people who are performing sex acts to find their clientele that way. Well, guess what? You'd be wrong. You'd be dead wrong. What? Did you know that there are many, many comedians on OnlyFans? What? including Whitney Cummings and others. I mean, it's in the name. It's in the name.

I'm waking up for my nap. Gonna write a rap. Good, Aaron's not. You keep working on that. So Hayward of All right now has an OnlyFans. Again, that link will be in the description. Now, again, OnlyFans is a website where we can do anything that we want. We can sell any kind of services that we want.

Aaron's feet. I was going to say, if I put one, my worst foot, my uglier foot on there, can it be behind a bonus paywall on there? Oh, it's definitely a paywall. I mean, we're trying to find people, but we're also, you know, we're trying to get a little for mommy and daddy as well, you know, we're not doing this for free. The main show is for free, you know. But I wanted to give us the opportunity.

It does not have to be, you know, solo masturbation videos or whatever. You can upload what you want to upload to this program. but I want to give you some jumping off points. So, Adel, I was thinking for your kind of, you know, side of the only fans business, it is, because I'm trying to combine things that I know that you like and I know that you love and I know that you have a passion for. So your channel is going to be called rate my pussy. Now, this is going to be for users to submit pictures of their cats so that you can give honest reviews of what you think people's cats are and maybe. even like help them name their cats if their cats are looking for names. I don't think this could possibly be misconduct.

Is there a quality control person that is going to be sifting through the pictures that misunderstand? Ding, ding, ding, ding, volunteer alert, Aaron. Okay, so it's, it sounds like here it's found her calling. I'll name your pussy. Let me name your pussy. So, yeah. So, I mean, Adel, you'll be doing right my pussy.

I assume that that's going to be a very profitable, a very profitable business line for us. And again, I think we should set it at something fair. $10 sounds like a good idea. People can submit those photos to you and then you can act accordingly. And again, I don't think it'll be misconstruited in any way. Aaron, sounds like you want to jump in on the one foot, one foot finish. Yeah, I'll do one foot, but also if people want to request parts of my body that are inherently not sexual, like an ankle or an elbow. Part of the foot. You're going to show foot but no ankle? No, I'm going to show it. I'll show ankle.

Okay, okay. I'll show things that would have been scandalous in like 1820. Do you know what I mean? Back of the neck. Now, foot, Aaron. You're not just showing foot, right? Give the people something. You're going to be like squishing it into some like jelly or arc.

No, you know what I will do? Gack on the foot. I will pose in like more clothes than I normally wear. I'll be completely covered. And then people can, you can pay for those photos. Like I will look like Victorian ghost completely covered. I will wear powder white makeup, sink my eyes even more. And so if you're into that type of thing.

And of course, from my channel, I'll be sucking and fucking and letting people fuck me and suck me into all of those things. Mine's just going to be straight up only fans. Is it true that we have an only fan? Are you pulling my leg? It's time. You have a band, we have a band camp and an only fans. And those are the two big new entries into this. And of course, I'm joking.

I won't be doing any of that because I, I. after crunching the numbers for myself, I have done nothing wrong. In fact, I have only increased our reach from season two, so there really is nothing more for me to do. Not an indictment of what you guys have done, just a cold material reality. Hmm.

Mm-hmm. Now, speaking of new technologies, I do know that there's, have you guys seen the video of that little robot dancing to Michael Jackson and then he falls down? And then he gets dragged off stage. It's the funniest video of all time. I've not seen it.

I used to be scared of robots and that they were taking our job. And after seeing the video of a little robot dancing to Michael Jackson and falling down and not being able to work anymore, I think I like the little guys. I like the little guys. I'm so excited to watch that video on our break. It is the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life. So, JPC, hypothetically, the next time we record and it's on a guest episode. And I did a full episode with maybe no riddles. It's called The Sins of JPC.

and I sort of take you to task and make you face your crimes sort of like putting a dog's face in their own throw up just so they know to not eat the cookies Can it be a play on the crimes of Grindelwald? You don't know what that is. No, I don't. Hey, buddy, you don't know what that is.

And in fact, I don't know what that is. I think, I actually think you kind of have it backwards. I think Addle and I have been chugging along where... Interesting. Dopamine peppermints or whatever the fuck our name was. No, I don't even remember. We've been doing all the good stuff.

And I would say, can we revisit your list of demographics that you were trying, that you said that you brought last time? And I'll prove to you that you've completely lost all of them. The demographic that I cover is male identifying and non-binary people between the ages of 18 to 54

who have one, if not all, of the following predilections and or perversions. Mouth stuff, butt stuff, back of the envelopes stuff, tub thumping, dry humping, wet clumping, clusmalia, people who earnestly say that's so funny instead of laughing, family guide porn, family porn for guys, voyeurism, exhibitionism, patriotism, necromancy,

feeling fancy, feeling up mannequins, urophilia, Eurovisionphelia, Disney adultism, hot wiping, cool, treating, dairy queening, spider worship, saying, wow, like Owen Wilson, rheumatoid arthritis, peridium swiping, dobsday prepping, tailgating, roadblocks, roadshow head, treasure hunting, renting Tom Holland's uncharted for one dollar

watching the whole thing and wishing you out that dollar back. Pickleback shots enjoying blowjobs being a sexual little rascal and reverse fardners. Without me, we lose all of those purports. First of all, in season two, Aaron, not only did I not lose all of them, but I expanded our reach dramatically. And I guess if you're really challenging me, if you're calling me out on this, I have a brand new list of demographics of very specific fetish communities that I appeal to greatly, I will have you know. I didn't want to have to pull this out, Aaron, but without me, we would not have the following listener bases in these specific fetish communities. Horse whisperers, swine tasters, aka Hog Marleyers, Three-toed sluts, armadildos, beaver pelters, platterpussy eaters, sex tuplets, sexy triplets, suck puppets, size queens, dong duchesses, cock countesses, baronesses of balls, lotion smoothers. That one's actually default to everyone.

you have to turn it off in settings. Lebanese sisters, Geppetto files, Wall E-girls, Mary Poppins boners, Captain Hookers, comics unleashed, fartographers,

people who make maps out of farts, chasers, catchers, first base coaches, organ grinders, lollipers, subway sandwiches, people who mash up against each other on trains,

horn swoglers, horny swallowers, greck and furries, Furby-fisters, hunting wives, gathering milths, K-cup demon hunters, stay-at-home uncles,

anal-gy sycophants, grad students, that one's real, people living out the plot to the graduate, Russell Brand ambassadors, Russell Stoverstuffers, and Fimdon Torrentos. Yay. I think that you're completely wrong. Without me, Aaron, we lose access to all of that. You think that the Geppetto files are not here for Adel? You're insane. You're insane.

They're here for Adel. Make yourself known in the comment. I'm a real boy. You don't have to. You don't have to make yourself known Jepetero. Self-known geppetto files. We know you're out there and we know you love Addle. Well, either way.

Either way. Look, all we know for sure is that geppetto files are listening. That's all we know. That's all we know. They're always listening, by the way. That's sort of part of their thing. Oh, my God. Okay, well, I don't even know what's left between your first list in this new list.

Who do I bring to the table? And I weeps for there were no more worlds to conquer, Aaron. That's what I'm saying. You're going to bring a lot of people to the table with your band camp and your only fans. And that's good. And it's good for the whole podcast. It's all good. Right?

Adel, how, should we do his performance review now? Not while he's hosting the episode. I think that's when he has the most power. So I think we have to wait until he's not hosting. and that's when his powers diminished and we might be able to kill him like the like that which said go to the west when my powers diminished.

Oh yeah, I'll do a I'll do an abridged one. JPC, do you mind stepping into the office here with me and Adel? Unfortunately, it is time to go on a little break. We still have advertisers, you know, some things never change, Eric. I'm going to have security tackle you. For a little break, we'll be back. Stop taking stuff off of people's desks and backing up.

We still have advertisers after saying jepetophiles? We have more. We even have more now. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Hey, everybody, it's your old pal JPC, and I want to talk to you about Squarespace, the all-on-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or scaling your business, Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings

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Quince goes way beyond clothing. They have custom upholstered sofas, ceramic cookware, premium bedding. It's the kind of brand you end up recommending to everyone for everything. I'm moving this summer and I have so many things favoriteed from Quince. I want curtains from there. I want some of their kitchen stuff. Their rugs are unbelievable and priced so fairly. And I'm so excited that Quince exists.

Perfect timing, Quince. Thank you. Gemma got a 100% European linen fit and flare midi dress from Quince that she is obsessed with. It looks great on her. And they also have stuff for babies. So we've put little Crumpet in some beautiful, adorable little briefings. summertime cotton onesies. Oh, cute.

You got to elevate your summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com slash riddle for free shipping on your order in 365 day returns. Now available in Canada 2. That's quince.com, Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash riddle for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash riddle. Aaron, I'm grilling up some pants. Yum.

Wait, what? Summer, baby. And this is Lou. I'm wearing a funny top hat. And here's a picture of Lou. And she's just laying in the sun. She's so cute. And here's Lou, look how gray her snoot is getting.

She's just so precious. I'm so obsessed with my dog. Erin, Erin, you said you had something really important to talk to us about. And this is that. Oh, yes. Yes. 91% of dog parents say their pup is an important member of the family. And 40% would even save their dog over a human stranger.

Safe to say people are obsessed. And I'm one of them. And that's why I give my dog Ollie. Ollie's fresh recipes are developed by real chefs and backed by vet nutritionists. They're obsessed with making the best meals with the highest quality ingredients. Yeah, plus from the moment you start your subscription to Ollie, everything is tailored to your pup. The meals are perfectly portioned and you get a pup tainer and scoop for easy, storing, and serving. My dog spaghetti absolutely loves Ollie food.

Around 4 o'clock every day, she starts snapping at me because it's like, I'm like, yeah, it's kind of almost dinner. time, but she is so excited for dinner time since we switched to Ali. Oh, look, Lou's getting near the microphone. What is it, Lou? Ollie, Ollie, now. That's not her voice. I'm obsessed with her. I can tell you what her voice is. This is her voice.

With Ollie, you don't just get food. Through their app, you can actually check on your dog's house with real vets. Just by uploading a picture, their team can check up on your dog's weight, digestion, teeth, and cope. Because they're obsessed with making sure your pup is as healthy as can be. And that's me, Lou, and this is my voice. Get ready for both you and your pup to be obsessed. Head to ollie.com slash riddle. Tell them all about your dog and use code riddle to get 70% off your welcome kit when you subscribe today.

Plus they offer an obsession guarantee. If you're not completely obsessed, you'll get your money back. That's OLLL-I-E dot com slash riddle and enter code riddle to get 70% off your first box. Ollie, feed the obsession. Isn't that right, spaghetti? Yeah, that's right. Right. All the dog food is good dog food. That's her voice. That's her voice. That's John Travolta in a dog suit. No, it's. Yeah, that's John Travolta. Look at the beret.

Guys, I wish it weren't true, but it's her voice. Hey, everybody, JPC here, and I want to talk to you about Rocket Money, but I couldn't do it without my two friends. Addle, what's up, Adel? Oh, and Aaron, what's going on, Aaron? Ew. Classic. Classic you guys. Anyway, Rocket Money, let's talk about it. Rocket Money is a personal app that is going to help you get your life together. Rocket money can track subscriptions and has the ability to cancel unwanted ones within the app with just a few taps, saving users over 880 million and canceled subscriptions. Aaron, how does that sound? You guys don't speak Aaron's language, but to me, I know that means very good. Plus, they have automatic transaction

categorization across accounts, plus customizable categories and tags to reveal spending patterns. If you are saving for something big, like a wedding, which I have saved for before, it can help set budgets and goals. Plus, you get personalized insights and regular reports and receive real-time alerts for large transactions, upcoming bills, refunds, and low balances. Plus, users who create a financial goal with rocket money save over $70 on average within the first 30 days. Wow, Adel, $70.

That sounds like a lot of money, huh? Wow. Well, you can also use their automated savings features that grow towards goals with adjustable amounts and frequencies. It's a set it and forget it approach. But don't take my word for it. You got to try it out yourself. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join RocketMoney.com slash riddle. That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle. Rocketmoney.com

Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. JPC, thank you so much for coming back into break. We're in the middle of your performance review. I want to start with a little feedback from you. What accomplishments are you most proud of in the last 200-something episodes? Aaron, that's such a great question. Let me answer your question with a question. This is a riddle from Katra.

Katra is not a listener, but their friend Aidan is a little. listener and Aiden said that they should submit this riddle and then they would listen to the podcast to hear it. So that was in 2019. So hopefully they submitted this riddle and then they stuck around for seven years to hear it right on the show. Contra, I assume that this is your favorite podcast. After this, you can stop listening. This is the beginning and end of your journey. I suck on your thumb while you gouge out my eyes. And then I will go and beat up 10 guys. I feel like, Aaron, I feel like it's going to be something. from the list like sock puppets or Lebanese sisters.

Twins. Whatever the hell he was talking about. Is it like a boxing glove or like? Ooh, a boxing glove. It's not a boxing glove, but I do love that. I do love that. Did you read it again? You're in a good direction.

Oh, bowling ball. Adel, it's a bowling ball. I suck on your thumb while you gouge out my eyes. Then I will go and beat up 10 lines. I don't want to bowl anymore. I like a scene. Yuck. Adel, you are a hand.

JPC, you are a bowling ball. And you guys had obviously like a run-in a couple nights ago and you're seeing each other out. And JPC, you kind of think that maybe this could turn into a romance because of how intimate that was. All right, let's just get the thumb in here. Oh, oh, hey. Welcome back.

Oh, my gosh. That was so cheesy. 13 pounds? Are you? You're 13 pounds. Uh... That's your name, right? Keep your goddamn voice down.

Oh, sorry. Hi, hey. My name is Rolodex, which is the brand of Bolling Bulleyball that I am. 13 pounds is my fucking weight, okay? I'm sorry, that's... I apologize. I don't look at you and say what, like,

I don't know, what? 180, 190? But Trent. 162? 162. That's actually... Keep it at toy! That's actually...

Maybe not enough for how tall you are, Babe, I'm going to get a hot dog from concessions. Can I get you anything? Like a beer or anything? Bowling ball. Do do do bowling ball. Not sentient at all. Shit.

Yeah. Why sing? Get me some bowling, some bowling ball. Three holes. Nachos. What did I say? Oh, is this a bowling ball that you used the other night? Oh, yeah.

Bowled that perfect game. Introduce me. Oh, was it a perfect game? It was just. seem like, oh, this is... Who the fuck is this? Hi, I'm the fiance. I'm the fiance.

This is left hand. 145 pounds. So. So. Um, well, uh, it was some nice meeting. Do you, can I get you? Oh, you probably can't drink while you're at work. I was going to offer you a beer.

Hey, why don't you, why don't you give me a spin, you know? You're, I would be, I would love to, I would love to have you. Oh, too rich for my blood. I'm like an eight pound bowling ball kind of gal. Oh, yeah. You can just roll me. You can just roll me. I promise I won't grab onto your hand and pull you into the machine and get you all chewed out.

What the fuck? I'm going to go get that beer. I'll see you guys in a second. Okay. Okay. Hi, sweetie. Okay. What the fuck was that?

Wow, she's cheating on you. What? Wow, she's cheating on you. Okay, I need to dry off. I'm going to hit this button here. Oh, you know what? You're just going to get wet as soon as you put your hand back in. There's no reason to dry out.

What are you doing in there? Are you filling up the whole thing wet? Come on. You're putting your fingers in my mouth. What am I doing? in there? What am I doing in there? Listen. And only one holds my mouth. Listen, she's looking over here. Clearly she's suspicious.

I'm going to pick you up. No fingers in the holes. I'm going to do the sort of like cradle, spin thing. Everything else is my ass. So when you're touching me, it's either it's either one of my holes or my ass. I mean, I better go ass. Seed. Better to the cradle, the ass, the fingers in the mouth. Better go ass. Am I crazy? Aaron, right?

Am I crazy? You're not crazy. You're not crazy. And this is what I mean about the geppettophiles. Be very careful. Geppetto, geppetto files. Chepto files. And now.

We should legally say these are people who want to fuck Geppetto? Yes. Pedophiles are people that want to fuck real boys. Geppetto files are people that want to fuck. Chippettoes. Yeah, men with white moustaches that would work. And aprons. In aprons.

Yeah, old Italian woodworkers. Hold on. I'm Jiminy Cricket, and these are the Geppetto. Dumb, dum. Dump. Italy, 1541. I would watch 18 of those episodes in a hotel room. and I would love every second of it.

Lawrence Fishburne is like, what are you asking me to do? Whatever, it's the history camera. I make $180. I'll do it. I'll say whatever. Okay, this is another listener. This is a listener submitted riddle, I should say, from Abby. Abby says, I am a letter.

I am a change. I am a wing. What am I? X? Ooh, X. No, it's not X. Is it a letter of the alphabet? It is a letter of the alphabet, yes.

I'm a letter, I'm a wing, and what were the other ones? I'm a letter, I am a change, I am a wing. What am I? Hmm. Now I was thinking X-wing. Oh, I love that. Star Wars and also a letter of the alphabet. And change, X change, no.

But we establishes on X. It's not X. It's not X. I'm a wing. Yeah. I'm a wing. Could it, it's not like W or E. Linda McCarthy?

No. It's not, uh, it's not, it's not E. It's not the wings. It's, and it's not,

and it's not, it's not, Paul McCartney's band, wings. Is it Buffalo Wild? Huh? Is it Buffalo Wild? I'm a wing,

I'm a letter. I'm a change. What's the third one? A change. Uh, I am a letter, a change. in a wing.

Now, change. Is that like C? Yeah. Like for cent? No, it's not C. Is it like a letter that they use in math to indicate that something's changing? Okay, is it a letter that they use in math? I actually don't know if this is a letter that is used much in math.

But yes, no, I'm looking it up now. And yes, it is a letter that is used in math, yes. W. W. You know what? You guys are not, it's not that alphabet. You guys are in the wrong alphabet, I think, because you're using, you're using like the,

what, the 26 letter alphabet. Yeah, should we be going over to Ralph Machio's alphabet? Oh, the alphabet. It's, it is, it is a letter in the alphabet, but it is not, I believe, um, the alphabet that you're thinking of. Hmm. Is this like, um, Alpha Bravo Echo?

It's, Not. I, alpha bravo. Or theta. It's not that alphabet. That's the phonetic alphabet, I believe. Yankee Hotel Foxtrot. There may be some crossover.

I'm not really super familiar with the entire phonetic alphabet, but it's not that one. It's not the Greek alphabet. Well, now, Aaron, why would you say that? Because I said that. Because the new fact is. Oh. Some of the Grecian furries would know this alphabet, I would say. Furies?

Ferrys. Not aggression furries. It's the Greek Alphemy. alphabet. I'll give it to you again. I am a letter. I am a change. I am a wing. What am I am I am a part of a river as well I could say sticks. Zeta. No, it's not the Zeta part of the river. The Mississippi famously has one of these. Damn. No. Omega. Kappa. You guys definitely start at the beginning. Start at the beginning. Start at the beginning. Start at the again. Alpha, beta. Alpha, beta. Something delta.

Delta. Delta. Delta. Something delta. Mufa, sumpha, kappa, pie. Lambda. Something, something, Omega.

And then of course at the end it's, well, I think actually it's omega at the end. Now I know my Greek B. C Cs. The third one is gamma. It's alpha beta gamma. That makes sense. Those fuckers.

It does sound familiar. Couldn't put a C in there, those motherfuckers. What do we need Cs for anyways? What word? Floating boats. You guys got it. It's Delta. Are you familiar with a Delta wing?

Apparently it's a kind of aircraft. I was not familiar with a Delta. I don't know what that is. But also Delta is an airline. So you could have been I am an airline. And JBC is a gamma cuck? Write that down on your little list. Write that down on your little list.

Use that for your little comedy podcast. What are your sketches? Yeah. One of your little sketches. Thank you, Abby, for submitting that one. That was an excellent one. I want to see a quick scene. Adel and Aaron, you are going to be two like Air Force test pilots.

You are in the new Delta plane, but neither one of you know what the fuck you're doing or how to fly it. All right, Williams, I'll follow your lead. Go ahead and take the controls. I'm a co-pilot chair. So I'm going to let you do your thing. I'm just here to guide you. I'm just here, of course, to lower the chair. Sort of a mentor.

I will be to your right. I'm sort of your protege. Dumping fuel. Oh, uh-oh. Oh, uh-oh. That was on purpose, I think, right? One of these buttons has to suck that fuel back up. Hard for something heavy to get in the sky.

Okay. Sucking fuel out of air. Shit, shit, shit, shit. Okay, on three, we both push any button. One, two, three. Oh, we both hit the same button. We're speed dialing your X. Oh, God.

REO speed wagon, don't pick up, don't pick up, don't pick up. Heard it from a friend who. I like the song. Heard it from a friend who. Okay. Oh, okay. We have the cover over the windshield. That's why we couldn't see.

That's part of it. That we couldn't see. Oh. They shouldn't put a cover with palm trees on the inside. That's confusing. That is confusing because we are in a tropical place. Let's see. I've flown a plane before. Oh, then you got this.

Yeah, this should be easy. Let's see. Okay, my... Beep boop up, beep, boop, turn on all these lights. This seems important. Hey, radio tower, tower, coming in tower, tower, Houston. Houston one, if that's where you guys are based. I'm not totally sure. Tower one, Houston. Do planes report to Houston?

Yeah, this is Tower one, Houston. What is the stated emergency, and where in space are you? Oh, we are, we're still on the runway, so we're on ground space. Can you help you, click. Oh, God, damn it. They can't do that. Call back and lie. Call back in line.

Okay, I'm going to call back in lie. Bebo, boop, pooh, Houston. This is Houston. Hi. I am in space by Neptune, and I was wondering how you fly a Delta. plane. What? Are you a Muppet in space? No, no. We put you fuckers up there for a reason. We

do not want you coming down. Do not bring Gonso back to this planet. I will make sure to kill any Muppets I see up here, sir. We are up here by Neptune and we are trying to start this Delta flight on our rocket ship. It's part of a very

secret mission you might not know about. Can you Google how to fly a Delta plane? I mean, I can Google anything. Will you? You? That's a good question. I might, but you got to say something nice about me. Um, you sound like the lead singer of Ario Speedwagon.

I was. What? For one. For one beautiful month. You're telling me I'm talking about you. I'm not John Oreo. I am 10 Speedwagon. See the owner of Netflix?

Yes, I'm Ted Speedwagon, the owner of Netflix. Are you a Speedwagon from Peoria, Illinois? Is that true? Yeah. Well, I heard of Richard Pryor. Okay, speaking of prior, prior of the show we were doing riddles and now we're back to it. Here's a riddle from a book. With three letters, I am in action.

Add another, and I call upon one. All five letters transport the bacon. What transports the bacon? It's a five-letter word for transports the bacon. Hmm. Three-letter word is an action. Add a letter and it's what? Three letters I'm in action.

Add another. I call upon one. All five letters transport the bacon. I feel like we have to work backwards, Aaron. What transports bacon? I know. Ham? Ham does ham transport the bacon?

I do want to see a scene. Oh, no. Oh, no. Yeah, I want to see a scene. Okay, so, Erin, Adel and I are out to dinner. It's a barbecue restaurant, and you are our server, but you are a very obviously a cartoon pig, and we feel very self-conscious about that. What can I get you, boys?

She has a speech. Just a check. Just the check. Oh, you haven't even ordered yet. What can I get you? We got really good stuff today. Chef special is a pig on a spit that the chef has spit on himself. We got bacon beans, bacon bits, shake and bake, easy bacon oven.

We make a full easy bake oven out of bacon. Ham, John Ham. He'll come out and serenade you. then you can take a big old bite of his arm. Pork, spork, stork. What else? What else do we got? Sorry, I'm supposed to memorize these specials,

but I'm a little long over. What can I get you? I think the issue. Bacon, Bloody Mary? I think the issue I'm having is that your image is on the menu. It's like you with an apple in your mouth and like... Oh, so you recognize me. Or something that looks like you.

It might not be you. It's me. It's me. No worry. Don't worry. No worry. Yeah. I modeled for it.

I looked pretty cute. I thought. My wife thought I looked pretty cute before they. Yeah. They cooked her. They cooked her and they ate her. Oh, boy. I think we'll just split the John Hamm thing.

Okay. Yeah. Well, I'll send a bit. I'll send him out. See. See. See. Is it cargo?

Is it train? Oh. That's a smart guess. No. it is not train Adel, would you Freight. Hazard a guess? Semis.

With three letters, I'm in action, it's not like a specific action this three letters. It's like these three letters can be like apply to like a bunch of different actions. Okay. And. No? The.

No. It's more like how you would like think like conjugation, like how you would not fucking somebody in prison, how you would like make a

verb, an action verb. Maybe this one will help you. Add another and I call upon one. Call upon an action. No, like call upon one that you would call upon. Like I call upon one. Door.

No, we were actually doing this maybe earlier in the episode. There was like a lawyer bit, I believe. Not a bit. Something that really happened. Dial. Not dial, but... Judge.

Think more like the receiving end of a dial. Pick up. Call. What do you hear? You dial and then it's... A tone. Rings. Ring.

Bring. Ring. And in ing. So it's like run becomes running like action. Yes. It's ing, ring and bring. Bring is in transport the bacon. Bring home the bacon.

Is that a phrase that you guys know? Yes, but I wouldn't say Trans? Not the easiest ones again. No, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. There's a, I know for sure that there's a Weezer song

that references bringing home the bacon. So I know that every Gen X are full of standard. Yes. God damn you half. Baconese girls. Here's another one. It's another like a. kind of of a similar

shorter than my sisters but taller in loyalty you can sometimes find me pressing a key okay a little tiny piano player oh no it's not piano player the first two letters of that are correct

and I honestly thought you were going to get it like just absolutely nail it no not little tiny no not tiny what did I say piano piano yes shorter than my sisters, but taller in loyalty, you can sometimes find me pressing a key. Is it an instrument? It's not an instrument.

Pinky. It's pinkie. Whoa, I do want to see a side. Can I just say how much I love pressing a key, which is pressing a key, which you do use your pinky to press the A key with, and the Mavisbee can teach us typing nothing? That is outstanding. That is brilliant. I do want to see a scene. Aaron, you are a pinky.

Well, we saw this bowling scene with a hand. No, no, I want to see it. I'm ready. Okay, you're a pinky. JPC, you are a thumb. And the two of you are, you just cannot find common ground while trying to decide what to do on your day off. Hey, girl. We match same nail polish. Holy smokes.

We match same name. polish, holy smokes. Yes, we are on the same hand we have been for our entire life. Yes. What a great observation, Pinky. You work so hard. You are doing so much of the heavy lifting. You're turning all those knobs all day. Yep. And I just want to say I really appreciate it, and I hope you have a great day off. Well, thank you. I, um, you know, I want to apologize. I came at it with some negative energy that was maybe one of the nicer things that I've ever heard and I um I know we don't get a lot of time together other than when we're um doing like a sobriety tests where you have to touch your

thumb to every finger but I want you to know you're like a father figure to me and the other girls we see you as sort of like a grandfather type character to us and even though we're far away from you and palm is between us um we just care of about you a lot, okay? You know, you know, I wanted today to be different, but it's the condescending nature, the way that you talk to me just because I have a more gravelly voice because I get used more often. Oh, no, we think you're so great. We are also just dancing because it's middle finger's birthday.

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. She's wild. Fuck you. She's nuts. I love her. You know what, I'll say. She's crazy. I'll say what every finger on this.

hand is thinking. Hey, come on, you're drunk. We do not need you. I'm not drunk. I'm not drunk. Someone opened a wine bottle with me and I just, I kind of got a little on me, but I'm not drunk. Oh, I'm sorry. You are a superfluous finger. No, I'm not. I know that you're a utility, but you can't wear a pinky ring like I can. And pointer finger obviously is so important. She just sort of points to where we have to go. Middle fingers, the wild middle child that protects us. ring finger is the hopeless romantic and then there's nobody wears pinky rings pinky rings are for assholes and scum bags

okay if you're buying something that you think might be coke at a pool hall you go into the person with a pinky finger I'm classy when you're drinking tea or alcohol and to indicate that you're a class act you put your pinky up no that's what assholes do assholes do that no classy people speaking of assholes you go up an asshole or two huh don't you No, I guess that's a pointer thing.

We all do that. We all do that. See. Yes, it is Pinky. Congratulations. You guys got that one. That was, I liked that one a lot. I don't got it.

I found, Gemma and I went to the Lyrr Copper House in Chicago to see Madame Barterfly. And it was quite good. And I had never seen it. but the lead character is like a U.S. soldier or something who goes to Japan to find a wife. But his name is like General Pinkerton, which is why it's called Pinkerton. And I did not know that's why the album was called Pinkerton. Yeah, it was originally like supposed to be like a concept album like space opera thing. But yeah, it's based off of Madam Butterfly.

based off of Madam Butterfly, yeah. Wild. Yeah, absolutely wild. I think he wrote it. Rivers wrote that, like, his year at Harvard, because he went to Harvard for a year, but it was after the Blue album, and he was a little bit older. So it would be like, not a massively popular, but popular enough, like, Rico Kasich produced that album.

So it's like a pretty big album comes out. And then I think they put Buddy a Holly on like every Windows computer. Like it came with like your install for Windows. And then that guy just said, your Harvard class. You're like, what the fuck? That's like when Natalie Portman

went to Harvard where it's like, is that the professional? Yeah. Hey, Derek, is that the professional? I'm trying to learn. I'm at Harvard.

Okay, here's your next riddle. And then I think we'll probably we'll probably have time for, we'll see how it goes. What? I've lost. Oh,

more. More. More. More. Mar. The more. Oh, the moon, Mary. Come on.

You Jimmy's doing it on. Oh, Harvey, a polka. I have half of mine to go to Washington. There's a letter from Santa. You guys, what just happened back there? What happened? To me, I blacked out. All good stuff.

A mirror image at best. A set of brothers put gravity to the test. If you need a hint, it's up your alley. With the correct word, wrong won't be in the fact. finale. Pumper, toes, feet. No, Erin, you've got you've got your only fans on the mind, which is not a bad thing, but let's try to keep it. I'm so mad that only fans thing was fake. I was about to show everyone my butthole. I think you said it was like whatever non-sexual. Yeah, that's not sexual to me. Sorry, it's not. I'll show people my butthole because it's not important to me. It's

none of my business, Frank. It brings me no joy. It doesn't spark joy. Marie Kondo that shit. Yeah, I'll throw it in the trash. I would absolutely get rid of my butthole. It does not spark any joy. We should say we are selling Marie buttholes, which is the author of... Tell them what it is.

I would, yeah, I would fold my butthole. I'd keep my butt hole and I'd fold it really specifically and put it in the drawer. I am pretty proud of how to get rid of your shit by Marie Bottle. Yeah. work for no one. Book for me. Can you need the video one more time? A mirror image at best.

Okay, let's slow down. Let's show people how the sausage gets made. That makes me think of like two halves of a body. Like things that are usually symmetrical, but sometimes they're not. Aaron love that. So like wheels on a car or like, am I close? Am I thinking the right way? You're thinking the exact right way.

Okay. Yeah, especially that first thing that you said. Great. Like a body part. Yeah, a set of brothers put gravity to the test. All right, what body part puts gravity to the test? All of them. They're all being affected by gravity.

Eyes, ears. Nears. Knees. Nipples. Tits. It's not tits. If you need a hint, it's up your alley. Oh.

Bottle. Bottle. My butthole is symmetrical to my vagina? No, what would it be symmetrical to? You can't use that because Lou's barking, can't use it. Well, we have, we have, unfortunately, no, you know what, just this once. My butt hole is symmetrical to my vagina. It's worth it to have Lou Bark in there.

So that stays in the episode. No! Camera zooms out, camera zooms out more. People can hear me screaming from space. Statue of Liberty half buried in sand. Yes. No. No.

God damn you, you damned ur. 30 apes. With the correct word, wrong won't be the finale. Hmm. Wrong step. Wrong. Trousers. Wrong.

My favorite one. And this is, of this, is a set of brothers put gravity to the test. These are real-life brothers that it's referenced. Right brothers. I'm literally reading the David McCuller Wright Brother biography right now. Whoa. That's crazy. Of course it's the Wright brothers.

You should be focusing on riddles there, and you shouldn't be reading biographies right now. Well, it's very, very good. You guys, that Wright Brothers book, I'm going to start doing what you do with the Jack Reacher stuff, is all the different fun, creative ways that David McCulloch calls them gay. Like, enthusiastic lifelong bachelors. Happy, lonely fellas. And you're like, okay, these were gay brothers. Let's just, they're just gay.

They were just gay. And let's just relax. It's hard to be gay in Ohio and what the 19, 30s? West Carolina 1850s? Oh. It's hard.

To be gay in Ohio. That's 100% of musical number. Oh yeah. And look out for my Wright Brothers musical. Take to the sky coming nowhere. Don't make a wrong. Write it down. Arnie.

Oh my God. Rime Wright with flight. Rime Kitty Hawk with did they talk? Okay. Here we go. Bye. Okay. I think that's all the time that we have for riddles, but we still have things that linger on from season two. We still have. People can still send us things in the mail. We open a lot of those on our monthly live streams for the review crew tier for our Patreon. So if you ever send us something and you want to see it opened live, you can watch our reactions to that. But you know what? You can also always send us a voicemail or a voicemail theme. Casey, can you hit us with a voicemail theme? I pick up the phone and call out or if I am there in Keith and that JPC guy and I scream from the top of my lungs like how the D.

And I say, hey, I said hey. Oh, I love it. I love how it's so abruptly to get to that 30 second mark. That is from Ambrose. Ambrose writes, I have no idea if this parody has been done already and I'm unwilling to re-listen to everything to find out. Ambrose, that is the exact work ethic that we like to display on the show. Thank you so much for that.

Hey, Roodle, Riddle. I am on my way to a third round interview for my dream paralegal physician. Luckily, y'all have released every single, every single time I've had an interview for this job. So I really think I'm going to get it. What is Joel's worst interview blunder? Thank you. Wish we good luck. Aw.

Well, with the way that these voicemails get sourced, I hope that you already have that job and that you're well in the way, or a better one, or a better one, well in a way to your dream paralegal career. Bad interviews, interview faux pauses. I mean, the one that comes to mind is when I've talked about multiple times where I told Lord Michaels, we were both Scorpio's. And he said, okay. And then I said, I mean, it doesn't matter, but we are, we are both Scorpio.

Okay. I have had bad improv auditions before, but I have never had a bad interview for like a position. Every time I've ever interviewed for a position, I've been offered the job. Here's the, I don't know if I've ever had like a real interview. So what I would say is something, I think would be fun is when they, I think a classic question is where do you see yourself in 10 years? If you get asked that, I think. it would be very fun and playful and show some amount of just like, you know, silliness and personality.

If you say, where do I see myself in 10 years? You get up, you turn off the lights and you go, I need complete silence. And then you get a big thing of water, put your fingers in it, close your eyes, make some humming sounds, and sort of like, I don't tell the future. Yeah. Fire. It says fire everywhere. No cars.

Come with me. You want you live. One of the first times I ever interviewed for something, I was 17, I worked at O'Charlie's, and I had gone in to see if they, like, I don't think you do this anymore, but I stopped in to ask if they had applications or if they were hiring. I had like a list. I had like a list of like 13 places I was going to drive to all these places and ask if they were hiring and if I could apply. And O'Charlie's was the first one. It was the closest one to my house. I stopped in.

I was wearing like a nice shirt and like a tie. I stopped in. I was like, hey, do you have an application? I'd love it. Or are you hiring? I'd love to put it in an application. And they were like, well, let me go get the manager. And the manager came out. And he was like, yeah, I have an application? Do you have a second to chat? And I was like, sure. And he was like, have you ever had a job before? And I was like, no. And he was like, but, and I was like, but, and I was like, well, what hours could you work? And I was like, I could work like all these days? And he was like, great. Could you start next week? And I was like, yeah, I could start next week. And then I got back in my car and I was like, I guess I, go home and play video games now. I don't do I don't do this anymore. And how long did you work in on Charlies? I'm probably a year, about a year. Yeah, before I went and found a better job or a different job. But it was just very funny. They obviously needed someone and they were like, yeah,

this guy's wearing a tie. So how much better can we get it on Charlie? He said he can work a few days. Why not? He can work and he owns one tie. So this is probably the best we're going to do. I just unlocked a memory of a horrible. nanny interview I had in Chicago. It was in between family, because all my families would famously move to Michigan at some point. And it was like through a friend too and recommended me to these people.

And I went and like when you interview for a nanny job, oftentimes they'll like bring you to part of their routine. And so like you can, they can see you like interact with the kid at the park or like at the library, which I think is really great. Like you actually also get to see if like they're a good fit. and their parenting style, like all these things. And I had had like two glass of wine, glasses of wine at a birthday party the night before.

And I woke up and I felt awful. And I was like, God, I guess I just can't drink wine anymore. Like, I'm getting older. Hangovers are killing me. And I was getting increasingly sicker and sicker throughout the day. And by the time I got to this interview, you guys, I probably looked insane. I was sweating through my shirt and was beat red and was like, ugh. And kept kind of like having to turn away from them to get.

and I think they thought I was insane. And I was like, oh, I'm, I think maybe I have food poisoning. And then I was like, hey, I'm so sorry. I, like, after like the hour mark, I was like, I don't know if I could run right now. Like run after your kid. And I do think I need to go to the hospital. And I got in an Uber and went to a hospital. I had an ovary that was turning.

So it was like cutting hospital. Holy shit. I was losing blood. I almost lost one of my ovaries. And it was like a pain like I've never known before. I was in hospital for two days. But I was like. Thinking that I was just showing up a little hungover to an interview

And then being a fucking lunatic nightmare to this poor family being like, what the hell? I did not get that job. Hot dogs. That's it. That's it. Well, the Wright brothers, they taught us to fly. Aaron, hey, Aaron. Take to the sky.

Don't take the Hamilton approach. Don't take the Hamilton approach. It's too late. Wilbin Orville We're very bright They worked all day Till they took flight Will Right

Right brothers couldn't Get it so wrong That's why I put their story in a song Um These brothers are gay The demographic that I cover Is male identifying A non-binary people

Between the ages of 18 to 54 who have one, if not all, of the following predilections and or perversions. Mouth stuff, butt stuff, back of the envelop stuff, tub thumping, dry humping, wet clumping, clislamalia, people who earnestly say that's so funny instead of laughing. Family guide porn. Family porn for guys, voyeurism, exhibitionism, patriotism, necromancy, feeling fancy. Feeling up mannequins, urophilia, Eurovisionphilia, Disney adultism, hot wiping, cool treating, dairy queening, spider worship, saying, wow, like Owen Wilson,

rheumatoid arthritis, peridium swiping, tubesae prepping, tailgating, roadblocks, antique roadshow head, treasure hunting, renting, renting, Tom, Holland, is uncharted for one dollar watching the whole thing and wishing you have that dollar back. Pickleback shots enjoying blowjobs being a sexual little rascal and reverse farters. Horse whisperers, swine tasters, aka hog marliers, three-toed sluts, armidildos, beaver pelters, plattipussy eaters, sex tuplets, sexy triplets, suck puppets, size queens, dong duchesses, cock countesses, baronesses of balls, lotion smoothers, that one's actually default to everyone you have to turn it off

in settings, Lebanese sisters, jepetophile files, wall e-girls, Mary Poppins boners, Captain Hookers, comics unleashed, fartographers, people who make maps out of farts, chasers, catchers, first base coaches, organ grinders, lollipopers, subway sandwiches, people who mash up against each other on trains, horn swogglers, horny swallowers, greck and furries, furby-fisters,

hunting wives, gathering milths, cake-up demon hunters, stay-at-home uncles, anal-gis sycophants, grad students, that one's real, people living out the plot to the graduate, Russell Brand ambassadors, Russell Stoverstuffers, and Fimdon Teranos. Without me, we lose all of those purports.

Hey there, Cuis and A's. If you like that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. It's another chichichita box. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven-day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad-free episodes.

See you there. That was a hate gum podcast. Hi, I am Mandy Moore. Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast, That Was a... us now on Headgum. Each episode, we're going to go into a deep dive

from our show, This Is Us. That's right. We're going to go episode by episode. We're also going to pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors. Are we going to cry? Yes. A little bit. Are we going to laugh?

A lot. A whole lot. That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to that was us on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify, new episodes every Tuesday. Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville. And I'm Jeff Tremaine.

Welcome to Jackass the Podcast, a new show coming to F***. Coming to F***. That's what it is. Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville. And I'm Jeff Tremaine. Welcome to Jackass the Podcast. A new show coming to Headgum soon. Woo-hoo.

I've learned a Jackass movie has to be really 90 minutes. Every minute over is a minute to roll. Apparently, there's only so much butthole you can take. We're going to. take you behind the scenes of our entire history. All the best bits, bad behavior, and even worse decisions. All of it. Sometimes we don't make the right decisions, Jeff.

I've noticed that. Every so often. With guests like Spike Jones. I think this committed Jackass the podcast. What was it going to be called? The Jackass podcast. Without you, the IQ drops significantly. Stevo.

There's a strong chance that were it not for Jackass, that I would be in cloud makeup right. Look at me. Chris Pontius. That shot of your butt just cruising out. I'm like, I got that on TV. God bless us. Dave England.

Yeah, when you come in and you're being really nice, I'm like, damn it, something bad's gonna happen to me. We man. Jeff grabbed me from the back of the head and threw a punch. The whole bar just stopped and wanted to kill me. And some of the crew that's been with us from the beginning. I had to share a room with this guy. I left a nice surprise in the 12.

Nice surprise in the toilet form. Every time. Apparently, he hates to flush. Subscribe to Jackass the podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcast, Pocketcast, or wherever the hell you get podcasts. Our new episodes drop on June 18th. Look out for new episodes in your feed every Thursday. Watch video episodes on YouTube and follow along with us on Instagram and TikTok at Jackass the podcast. What were we just talking about?

Probably butt holes. Woo!