Hey Riddle Riddle - #414: Splenda Man

Episode Date: June 24, 2026

We implore everyone to stay on top of the current 'Mouse News'Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!JPC's Guided Meditations Volume 1, available now at our Patreon digital store!Want merch? Visit our Dashery Store!Want to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle 6351 W Montrose Ave #267Chicago, IL, 60634Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531)Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Hey, Adel. Hey, Aaron. Have you guys ever woken up and immediately needed a nicotine pouch and or a cup of coffee just to feel like a human? Big time. Well, if so, I've got the perfect thing for you guys. It's called coffee. It's called JPCatine. Okay, your notes are, they're burnt on the edges and they're covered and, oh, this is gross.

It's just your finger in a cup of coffee. Ugh. There's got to be an easier. way. Well, I tricked you guys because there is an easier way, Ultra Pouches. They've been a complete game changer for my focus and energy levels. First off, these pouches are completely nicotine-free and caffeine-free. And so you're probably thinking if they don't have nicotine or caffeine in them, what exactly is in them? Well, that's a great question. Thank you, Aaron. You're just a little small on that. But Ultra-partnered with leading neuroscientists to design these pouches. They use

clinically proven neutropics and adaptogens to deliver immediate focus and smooth energy that last one to hours. Hmm. So it sounds like what you're saying is if you're fasting or on a diet, ultra pouches actually help quiet cravings and suppress appetite, keeping you locked in to achieve your goals, which is for us 10 episodes today. And all without caffeine, nicotine, or a crash. I don't love that crash up. But with this, you don't have to do that nose dive after two cups of coffee. That is a day ruiner. Plus, they're trusted by top athletes, entrepreneurs, and engineers around the world and one person who is all three of those things. And I won't say who, but we all know who it is. And they have five insanely good flavors, cool mint, winter green,

tropical watermelon, and blue raz. Isn't that right, blue razz? Oh yeah. Oh, yeah. Ultra is the ultimate guilt-free pouch delivering instant focus and mental clarity without nicotine or caffeine. New customers can use code Riddle to get 15% off at take ultra.com. That's take ultra.com for 15% off with code Riddle. After you purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them, Hey, Riddle, Riddle sent you. Isn't that right, Blue Raz? That's right. I'll see you later. I love you. Love you too, Blue Raz. Seems like a different little guy. Aaron, JPC, I have some big news.

Okay, exciting. I mean, I get all settled and ready to hear the big news. Is it size big or importance big? Oh, great. You know what? Nobody asked that question. It is, it's important, I guess, to me. Okay. So it's very small and very important. Yeah, I think so.

Like teeny tiny hold in my hand important. Is it commiserate? Does the teeny tininess of the news correlate with the importance of the news? I don't think so. Okay. So it's just, it just happens to be, itty-bitty teeny tiny mouse news that is very important to you personally.

Oh, are you guys following mouse news? Did you hear? Oh, my God, yes. Cheese is banned? Oh, my God. See, I have to unplug from the news sometimes because it's so stressful. Do you know what I mean?

I just can't do that to my nervous system every morning to wake up and find out cheese is banned. But this is the opposite, Erin, because this is good news. This is good news. Cheese was horrible for mice. You know. Cheese is causing

Fibromyalgia. Fibromousalgia. Fibromisalgia. Thank you. Bye. Bye. No. We had to ban the cheese from the mice because it was causing too much fiber mycelgia.

Oh, Aaron. So I had to ban the cheese from the mice. What rat is this rat? I hope you guys don't mind. I did invite. Red FK. Red FK on the podcast. I thought it would be fun to have just a different perspective.

Oh, good. Can I ask him some medical advice? Please. Rad FK, why are you so horrible? Well, you know, that is subjective, but it has probably something to do with the fact that I'm a rat and also a Kennedy. Okay. Thanks for coming. Two horrible things.

Okay. You know how like chocolate and peanut butter is good? Shub, shove, shove, shove outdoor. Uff, um, Adel, what is your news? Okay. I'm like poison oak in a car crash. Oh my God, he got back in. Oh, my God, he got back in.

Is he gone? I think he's... Yeah, what do you think? Is he people more Ratt FK on the show? What's the news? The news is, I'm drinking coffee and eating watermelon. That's it. Oh, okay.

It's a combination I'd ever had. Adel, that is... You set that up perfectly. It feels like small news, but it is... That's great. Yeah, because those... How do you work together? Coffee and watermelon feels like something Red FK would probably endorse, right?

That's pretty bad. But the watermelon, I feel like, hydrates you while the coffee kind of dehydrates you, right? There's something there. And there's a nice, it's, I'm eating watermelon, a watermelon, feta cheese, and tomato mint salad that I made last night. Okay. So the sort of sweetness and saltiness of that, plus the bitterness of the coffee is really, it's a real war in my mind. mouth. Yeah.

I'm looking this up and Rat FK says, ooh, that watermelon coffee together cause ADHD and preschoolers.

Oh, well, I'm an adult. Better be safe. And I already have ADHD. Maybe we'll undo it. That's how science works

now, I guess. Now you know how you got it, dumbass. So am I going to be an X-Men now? I don't know. Let's ask. Rad FK.

Come back in. I am realizing now that I told you guys before we were recording I was like yeah I'm like I I slept like shit last night I have a head cold and I'm like and then unprompted I decided to do rat FK like my throat is on fire and I'm like

why don't I just go why did I launch into an impression nobody asked for it nobody wants rat FK actually said that that voice is good for your vocal cords and good to do while you have a cold yeah I would take any advice that that man had about vocal cords you had to pause before you said man

well I was like do we do the pretense of rat, do I say it's a rat? We are... We are talking about... We are talking about rat FK. We are talking about Ratt FK here. No, he's a bad guy. And he's got a funny little voice on it.

Well, here's the thing. It's so interesting that Ratt FK popped up because I did want to start with something kind of rat related, which is... Oh, Ratt FK's at the window. He's tapping a beat. Bap, bap, bap, bap. Bap, bop, bap. Bap.

Can't do it. Can't do it, guys. Can't do it. A rat with medical advice. A polar bear with a list. A hamster with autism. A fox with a French horn. A sea lion with eyesight issues. A giraffe who took Tylenol.

Okay. Let's Animal parade Let's get him out of here Let's get him out of here Wait he's dragging a big bag of Of K get out of here. What is that? He has a giraffe neck.

He has a whale penis. Whatever he's doing, it's not scaring his kids. Instead of going from Animal Parade into an animal article or an animal riddle I thought what we would do is much like Red FK wants us to do I want to educate us on animals. So I have some questions about sort of rat,

some trivia about sort of rat, not rat, about animal little tidbits. So we're just going to go through these pretty quickly. I'll ask you some questions. If you don't know them, I'm not going to draw it out because it is trivia, not riddles. So if you don't know it, you don't know it.

Got it. You don't make this feel like stupid about it. I don't know it. I don't make you feel stupid. I'll think it. Here's the first one. Because, hey, guys, animals are humans too. And I feel like we should know more about them.

You're right. A dog sweats through which part of its body. Now you're both dog owners. Don't guess butthole. And it's not butthole. I know that. But why is the butthole always so wet? So wet.

What about tummy? What about ears? It's mouth, right? It's mouth. They pant. That's why they pant. What I have here, says pause.

Is that right? Isn't that the same as people? Yeah, we definitely sweat through our paws. Sweety hand. Which animal's poop is known to take the shape of cubes? Dude, shit and bricks. I feel like I, I feel like I learned this at the zoo at one point, but now I cannot for the life of me think of which, but this is true, right?

A cubist poop. Yeah, exactly. Everyone's staring at the poop with like, like sort of stroking their chin going, I get it. I get it. Is the answer B-Bop or Rocksteady? Because I feel like with what went on with them and the ooze, they might shit cubes. I don't think any two comic book characters have ever been better named than B-Bop and Rock City.

Bebop and Rock City. All-times. Absolutely phenomenal. All-timers. Love B-Bop and Rocksteady. This is an animal we don't really talk about or think about much. Aaron, you may have touched one. It's something they did.

They're kind of out of fashion. A dead pigeon? A wombat. A wombat. Yes, it is a wombat. I knew it was an Australian animal. God damn it. Interesting.

Okay. I am learning. I'm learning. It hurts, but I'm learning. Which animal can move its eyes independently? It's not like a strong woman beaver. It's not like I can move my eyes when I want. The girl boss beaver.

Damn. My bea. That's a shirt. What did you say, J.B. I said my beavers up here. Because we're talking about eyes. Damn, my beaver's up here. Move its eyes independently.

Yeah. I'm guessing a bird. I was thinking flying animal as well. Both are incorrect. And here's what I'll say. There could be birds or flying animals that do this, but I'm going purely off the sheet I have in front of me. Okay.

And that is a chameleon. Oh, of course. Oh, that makes sense. Yep. Yes. I feel like now I know that for sure. Okay. This is an interesting one.

It says, why might you see a frog dancing? And that does sound like a riddle, but I guess it's a fun little animal tidbit. Isn't it trying to like figure out the weather? Like I'm picturing a, I'm turning my camera back on for it. You know when frogs go like this. Okay. It says it's just got married. I'm going to turn my camera back off.

It's so sweet I've been out of so Fonty Shabbit, ribbit Now everyone Shad off family It says Guys, guys, we got to do a pageon that's a frog wedding

It says It says it's when it's trying to impress a mate Okay, that makes sense A little mating dance I feel like mating, mating song, mating dance Those are things that we know about Let's do one more Actually, I do want to see a scene

Okay JPC and Aaron you are giving toasts Toes to a frog couple who just got married And this is that moment Ribbit, Ribbit, Ribbit, Ribbit, Ribbit, Ribbit, Ribbit, Ribbit, Ribbit, Hi, everybody, sorry to interrupt your dinner We are the parents of the groom And we just wanted to thank you all so much for coming

down to the pond and say a few words. Now, I know a lot of you must be thinking, as a human man and his frog wife, I am not Mr. Puddle's birth father, but I am the dad who stepped up, if you know what I'm saying. And I couldn't be, and I never learned frog, so apologies.

I apologize if I get some of this wrong, but my wife has been helping me these past few months, and I'd like to say something. from the bottom of my heart about my son. Ribbit, ribbit, ribbit, ribbit, ribbit, ribet, ribbit, ribet, ribet, ribet, ribet, ribbitt. Disgusting, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, ribet. What my, what my husband meant to say. No, please, it's important I do this, please, it's important I do this.

We think these two are toad, only in love. No, no, no, let me say it, please. And we hope that their future will be unfrogged. Madam Slimsham, please. Madam Slimsham, please, let me say it. Okay, honey, but you're saying some pretty offensive things. Just be really careful about your pronunciation. I'm trying my best.

Ribot, ribbit, ribbit, Ribot. Slow down. Ribbit, ribbit, ribbit, ribbit, ribbit, ribbit, ribbit, ribbit. Ribbit, ribbit, ribet, ribet. I'm fucking believe more. Ribbit, ribbit. You're being tad, tad, pull.

We like that. What did he say? What did that frog say? I'm trying my best. Buddy, hey, I think you gotta get out of here. What do you mean? My son. They're gonna beat you up. They're gonna beat you up. They're gonna beat you up. Well, it's a slibsham. I beat their frogs. Wow.

You're drunk. I'm sorry, everybody. We're sorry. Sorry, getty, honey, go sober up. Everybody's drunk. It's a wedding. You're human drunk. frog drunk, that's different. You can really hear us. You know what? I have something to say that I'm going to say

in human because I've heard the rebels and I think a lot of you frogs speak when I speak. I think a lot of you frogs speak of human. When I married 31 years ago, a widowed frog, I was excised by the human community. They didn't want anything

to do with me. I got called awful names. Frog fucker, etc. But you all embraced me. You all made me part of your society and I finally am doing the work to fit in with you

and I can't get a little grace, a little understanding. All the frogs taking out handkerchiefs stabbing their eyes. Sorry. We understand now. We understand frog fucker. Everything except for excise.

Okay, yeah. Sorry, frog, fucker. That's house. To my frog, son. To his frog life. Ribbit, rib it. Let's dance. Woo!

Bip, beep, Bip, bo, bha. We'll see. Two hops right now. Two more hops. Deep, do another couple hops. Bump, bump. Was that uncomfortable to do

because it's so autobiographical? Yeah. Was that too close to home because you have sex with frogs? I changed subtle parts of that character to match what the scene was supposed to be about, but wise-eared listeners will know that there are similarities,

certain similarities. You're a frog fucker. Let's do one more. What is a group of kittens called? And this is something that might be in each of your homes. Now, I know a Kitty Pride is a X-Men.

Mm-hmm. Shadow Cat. End of me talking. Do you know the name of her little dragon? Kitty Pride's Little Dragon must be called Danny Kitty. A basket. It's not a basket, but that is a great guess.

It is called a Kindle. A Kindle of Kittens. A Kindle of Kittens. of kittens. Wow. Fun. Which came first? I assume the kittens. I would like to see the scene. I'm sorry. I've only been around for so many years. You guys are two kittens and you're the last two to be adopted and you're trying to figure

out how to be cute. You're in competition with each other. You're trying to out cute each other. Okay. I think I get it. I think I get it. Make my eyes bigger. I think my eyes bigger. Trying to make my eyes as big as possible. But I feel like both of our eyes are like, equally big. So, like, we need to do something to, like, really differentiate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to show, like, my whole belly. Like, I'm just going to, like, it's just going to be all belly.

I'm going to try to do, like, just belly and eyes basically. Fuck, that's good. Fuck, that's good. Yeah. That's good. Maybe, oh, I'm going to, I'm going to poof up my fur. That's so smart. Yeah.

They look adorable. And I'm going to, like, I'm going to, like, stumble, walk, like. Me? You know how our tales are not prehensile? Yeah. I found some double-sided tape. I'm going to tape my tail around this cat tower, and it's going to look like I'm a cat with a pretty headsile tail.

It's going to look like I'm like an amazing, you know. I have a predate natural cat ability that most cats don't. Oh, little socks. I'm going to put on little socks. Fuck me, little socks is such a smart call. God damn it. A little hat or something. Like a little sailor hat.

That's it. Yeah, of course. Sox in a sailor hat. All right, bitch. I'll see you. I'm getting picked up. I'm getting picked up. We'll take that one for the Navy.

No. See. Yay. A submarine was shot down today. Can a submarine be shot down? Well, let's get into... Well, if you were even lower in the ocean. We were going down anyway.

But you can't hurt us. You can't do anything to us that we couldn't do to ourselves. All right. Here's our first hurdle. Sometimes I crawl. Sometimes I fly. you can get stuck in me, which is usually when I start to honk. What am I?

Okay, everybody, let's take it easy. No one say vagina. It's probably not that. Is it a sneaking goose? Aaron, I do have to ask, does your vagina honk? And there's no wrong answer here. I would like to call my lawyer so he can tell you, yes. If I'm passing a group of protesters or something, yeah.

That's so fucking funny. That wrong. Can you read it again? I do like. Sometimes I crawl, sometimes I fly. You can get stuck in me, which is usually when I start to honk. What am I? Traffic.

It's traffic. Wow. I do want to say something. Yeah. JBC, you're in a car behind Aaron, just like traffic jam, and you are kind of road raging out, and you both get out of your cars to confront each other. This fucking guy. Fuck, you know what?

Fuck this. Fuck this. Do you know how to merge? Do you know what a zipper merge is? Oh, I'm getting out of my car. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.

Oh, hey, Brainiac. Where did you go to driving school? Fucking the beauty, beauty academy? Uh, hey, handsome. Where did you learn how to be a jerk behind me? At the handsome factory? Ha ha ha ha, ha. Oh, that's just great.

Everybody give it up for the most beautiful driving woman I have ever seen in my life. Oh, that is rich. Coming from someone who is, is this your car? I'm looking at your license plate. Is this registered to you if I wanted to find you later? Oh, you think that's rich? I'm rich, and I could give you a good life. Wow, wow, of course.

If you give me a chance, if you give a guy like me a shot. Yeah, because I want my kids to have a father that looks, has softened. eyes like you, has soft eyes like you. And uses his directional. Oh yeah, as if. As if, classic. As if I want my kids to have a mom who's strong and bold and willing to stand up for herself. As if that's something I'm looking for. Oh, good, traffic's moving. Why don't we just pull off into this Ruth Chris Steakhouse and I buy you a dinner? Oh, wow. Maybe we get a bottle of wine to share. And you know what? Let me preemptively give you

my phone number in case we get into a car accident or in case we have a really nice time. Oh, good. I'll just put this into my phone contacts, and I'll save your contact name as Hot Woman Angry. Oh, wow, that is so funny. And I'll put you in as future husband. Isn't that interesting? Wow. You know what? This has been nice. I hope we have sex at a red roof in later. I completely agree. Both of their spouses are at the passenger seat to be like, what is going on out there? Honey, what were you yelling about? I have no idea. I lost my shit completely at that one. That's how more traffic fights need to go. Yeah.

Yeah. People all over the world. Everybody has an ice cold Coca-Cola. They just have a nice traffic interaction. Kendall Jenner puts a flower in a gun. I usually come out in the dark, but when I'm out, it's not dark. What am I? Hi.

Are you gay? The sun. Happy Pride Monday, everybody. It's July. It's not a gay sun. I usually come out in the dark, but when I'm out, it's not dark. What am I? It's not a gay sun.

But if it was, I would embrace him. Just what a sec. It's not the moon. It's not the sun. It's not a planet. It's on a star. It's not the sun. This is a pizza.

It's not a frozen pizza. It's not the journos. Is it delivery? Is it delivery? I usually, you don't hear it the other way around much. I usually come out in the dark. but when I'm out, it's not dark. What am I? I usually come out in the dark, but when I'm out, it's not dark.

You're on the right path of like... Is it a light? Yeah. What about like a sword and a scabbard? Oh, you're thinking of Sting? Yo. I'm always thinking of Sting. A little sword that...

Oh, my God! Sting is approaching the ring. Oh, my God, the humanity. Sting has hit Hollywood Hulk Hogan with a chair. Oh, my God. Oh, God. He's in the rafters. Can you imagine a Frodo just played the police for that giant spider?

Okay. How do I see that? The spider was like, you know what? Why are we fighting? Roxanne, you don't have to fill me up with your poison. A fun thing, not to talk about Zorp out of nowhere, but a fun thing about dating Zorp is he is a very good... Zorpe out of nowhere, by the way, sounds like a Disney Channel show. It really does.

Coming next week on Zorpe Out of Nowhere, Nowhere. Joey Lawrence is Zorpe at a nowhere. And it's just a kid that shows up where he's not supposed to be. Oh, Zorp, this is a, uh, the back of a funeral home. You can't be in here, buddy. Whoa. Zorp, this is the Million Man March. How'd you travel in time? Um, Zorp is very good at, uh, impressions. It's not something he does for work or he just vocally can just do things. And he has an ear for like, not the biggest quotable lines and things. And so. when he'll quote Lord of the Rings, it makes me laugh so hard because I've never heard someone do an impression of Erigord and he does the and I shall die as one of them.

And I was like, that's exactly how he sounds. I didn't realize how much he sounds like Bain in that movie. And I shall die as one of them. I love it. I love it. Obscure quotes. Obscure quotes is a great game because it's like

only a slim percentage of people will know what the fuck you're talking about and that's perfect. We'll play a game while we're like walking or in the car, which maybe we should, maybe we can play on a Patreon or something where,

well, you name like a famous movie or IP or TV show or something and then you have to guess what the other person, the quote from it that the other person picked, like the thing that they quote the most. So I'd be like,

Second Lord of the Rings movie or like Little Mermaid or whatever, like Star Wars. And then you have to guess what the other person would quote the most from it. Looks like meets back on the menu, boys. Yeah,

would have guessed that for you. Future, also future game that we could play. maybe on a future Patreon, is we take super obscure quotes for movies up to like the quote from the movie that is the most well known and save them one at a time and the first person to buzz in with the movie name wins. Oh, fun. Yeah. Oh, I love it. Okay, we'll do that.

Almost like a Doug Love's Movies. Yeah, yeah. IMDB from the most obscure to the... We'll just turn this into a Doug Love's Movie as a podcast. That's on the New Games. That's in the New Games workshop one day. I usually come out in the dark, but when I'm out, it's not dark. What am I?

Oh, is it like a headlight? Very close. It is very much like a headlight. Streetlight. One might say a portable headlight or streetlight. Flashlight. It's a flashlight or a cell phone with a flashlight. Yes. My cell phone has my flashlight on it.

I'd like to see a scene. My flashlight takes calls. We are three people who are camping. Easy. And it's really dark. And we're trying to figure out if it's too scary to turn a flashlight. on because we don't we're scared of what we might see. Did you hear that?

Yeah, I heard it. It sounded like like nails, scratching, you know, on a chalkboard from a distance away. That's, I heard, did everybody else hear that as well? Aaron, Aaron, wake up. Aaron, wake up. What, what, what, did you hear that? There's nails outside. There's nails outside.

Oh, hey, guys. Here's something. Oh, my God. Let's not, whatever we do, we're just, you know, we're psyching ourselves out. Let's not turn on another, a flashlight again. because of what happened last time. I'm sorry. I said I'm sorry.

What's not your fault? It's just that we turned it on and there was a slender man in here. But then we turned it off and felt around and no slender man. And Aaron, I just would apologize. Your dating life is your dating life. I didn't mean to blow your spot. You guys were right to discourage me from dating him. It really blew up in my face.

He's weird. He's weird, guys. He turned out weird and you were right. I'm sorry, I didn't listen. I heard him say when you guys went on your first date, you split the check, but you split at 70-30? Yeah. That is weird. That is weird.

And I was like, okay, I'm paying 70%. I'd rather pay all of it. So it feels like I took you out to dinner. I'm paying 70%. And he also, like, killed a bunch of people and like... I feel like you guys know. So I'm just going to say it because I feel like you guys know. Me and the slender man have been hanging out his friends.

Aaron? You introduced him to us. I was doing my best to give him a chance. We click on so many levels and I have been hanging out with him as a friend. If you do not want me to hang out with him anymore. I don't want you to. I don't want you to.

That's a betrayal. Of what? He broke up with me. You can't hang out with him. Now I didn't know that because we don't talk about you. See, that seems weird. But I will, hey, guess what? Guess what?

I will stop hanging out with him. This is a power play for him. He's trying to mess with my head. Oh, fuck you. I'm an interesting, cool person. People love hanging out with me. You know, that's not what I mean. The way that you said it was, oh, a slender man would never find you interesting, JPC.

No, I think he would. Of course. I think that he's taking advantage of how kind and interesting you are. Well, I hope that's not true. Well, I hope that's not true. I don't want to add sort of wood to the fire, but I adopted slender man. You guys know I'm coaching that youth basketball team, and I found out that Slender Man is technically only 13 years old.

So this is clearly you using him. No, he's not because I dated him. No. No. This is clearly you using him. Do you know how much I have to spend on clothes? It's all custom. It's $800 a shirt. The pants, forget about it.

I usually use a saran wrap. I wish we had not been lazy and we actually made the tent because there's nowhere for me to storm off to. You guys, you suck. That sucks. We're all supposed to be in the same team. That sucks. This sucks.

Hey, hey, hey. Guys. What are we doing, okay? Let's focus on what this weekend is supposed to be about. We came out to the woods to bury Casey's body because we accidentally hit him so hard at the neck he spun around and just cracked it half. You're right, you're right.

Yeah, sleep into his eternal sleepo, okay? So we are here to bury Casey, okay? To die, to sleepo no more. To sleepo no more. To dweem. To dweem. Perhaps. See, see.

To tweed. Sucks how much I was laughing at Casey's funeral. Sorry, Kircher. Not a funeral, more like a... Should we tell everybody at Casey died? Yeah, probably. That's why I'm so fucking confused. Thank you.

Good for you, Casey. Hey, Casey, good for you. I live underground and almost never move, but when I do, you feel it. And that's my fault. What am I? Tectonic plates. Tectonic plates. Tectonic plates.

It is an earthquake, yep. Let's dance. Like tectonic plates. Let's run into each other and cause confusion. What? Good on you for knowing the science name for earthquake. I don't think that's the science name for earthquake. I just think the tectonic plates sort of hit each other.

It's the science name for earthquake. It's like, you know, if you're like calling a dog like Caninicus Volpus or something like that, you're pretty smart, Erin. You're pretty smart. No, I know I'm dumb. I know I'm dumb. Tectonic plate sounds like an Imagine Dragon song. Let's do one more before break here. Everyone uses me to keep warm.

I have a match, but I don't start fires. I cover you and you cover me. What am I? Live in my house. I'll be your shelter. That's all cover you from rent. Yeah. Remember?

I got a match. You're facing my ass. I mean, my face and your ass. No. I mean, ass to ass. I got a match. You and be ass to ass. Everyone is.

Yep. Everyone uses me to keep warm. I have a match, but I don't start fires. I cover you and you cover me. What am I? And don't say about Kilmer in heat. Aaron, what did you say? A sock.

Aaron. It socks. I would like to see a scene. You get used to keep warm. They have a match. They don't start fires. They cover you. And then you cover them with your pants, probably.

At L and JPC, I'd like to see a scene. You guys are a pair of socks. And it's been like over a year since you've seen each other. You had the classic sock displacement that will happen in a house. And one of you was exclusive and waited. And one of you was sort of paired up with other socks for a while. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Left. Right. Holy shit. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I thought you died. I honestly thought, because I remember that you were wearing. kind of thin and the heel and I thought that you I thought that you I thought yeah a little I took the

shot I just thought you I thought you I thought you look haggard are you okay were you outside did you get left on a field trip I've just been on the top of the dresser oh left and exposed to the elements dust dog hair the big two yeah you know oh boy I oh boy I oh It's so good to see you. Left, left, left. It's so good to see you. But I, like, right now just emotionally, I can't, I can't kind of like, because I'm so, you know, this is just a lot.

And I could use, like, kind of a moment if you, if you don't mind. If you're going to the drawer, maybe I'll meet you in the drawer. Oh, okay. Okay. Sorry, who is, um, just like a dress, a dress sock behind you? Who's that? Hey, baby. our reservations are at 6.

Are you going to make it? Wow. Oh, who's this? Gugu Gaga, yeah. It's so funny. This is a dress sock. Yeah, that's a dress. Oh, my God, dress sock.

This is right. Hi. I've mentioned. I've mentioned. I'm left match. Oh, yeah, you guys did. You started together. You obviously didn't end up together.

We have three red stripes on the, am I missing something? Am I a fucking idiot? You did nothing wrong. Dress sock That I mentioned dress sock Is a widow Is a widow.

Yeah, I lost my other half But you know That's just what happens Gary's a mess man He can't keep track of anything In this house You know, the fact that he's wearing One dress sock and one regular sock

To work out is bleak That breakup really hit him like a freight train Anyway, so nice to meet you, right? We should all get dinner sometime I would love to hear about my, the love of my life, sex. All right, baby, I'll be waiting over here. Okay, yes, that's, uh, she, turn around. Do you have a hole in your heel?

What's that for? Um, no, this is, that's just a good. What's the hole in your heel for? You probably have one too. I mean, everybody has, everybody has different holes and, you know, it's for, it's just another way someone can put a foot in. It's not, it's for, okay, can I be honest with you. For one year, I lit, I thought you were dead. I lit, I thought you were dead.

I kept a constant visual for you. I lit candles every night. So long for you. We cut to a sock lighting candles, playing in the arms of an angel, weeping, trying to hold itself. On the foot of an angel. Faroo, please, sock, God. If you're up there, please. Camera pants to the top of the dresser.

Yeah, yeah, there's a hole in the back of this sock. Y-oh-we-wow-we-woh. A lot of lint. That's a lot of lint. What is that up there, brain? And we can definitely cut that. See? Well, I have to take off my socks and never wear socks again.

Yeah, so gross. Dripping wet over here. And we'll be right back. Hey, Adela and Aaron, you know how I was saying that I want to stay. in shape as I get older, I finally settled on the shape. Oh, which one? Hectagon, octagon, circle? Walrus?

No, I'm doing, I'm doing normal human man. That's what I'm doing. Yeah, yes. Interesting. And I love a good dad bod, but with summer starting, I've been thinking about getting into better shape, and by that I mean like normal human man shape. Yeah, and you need support for that. Mm-hmm.

Mars Men is a natural supplement designed to support healthy testosterone levels, which can help your body burn fat more efficiently and build lean muscles. Bouncing your hormones is so, so important. Yeah, I'll say as we men get up in age, our bodies start to what I call squirrelify, which means that they start to store more fat and nuts, and we lose muscle faster. The main reason for that, obviously, is testosterone, not a pasta. It's actually a thing in your body. And most men's testosterone does sound like a pasta.

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Ooh, nice, body. We're Martians. Okay, Mars. Okay, all right. Okay. This sweater's so hot. Why am I wearing a sweater during the summer? Ugh.

Yeah. Aaron pulls down sunglasses. Aaron, baby, get with the time. All right, cool vibe. It's summerish, perhaps, and you have to go to Quince to get some lightweight, breathable, quince wearables. Oh, that sounds so nice. I love Quince. Yeah, everything at Quince is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands, and they work directly with ethical factories and cut out the middleman so you're paying for quality, not brand markup, Aaron. Quince goes way beyond clothing. They have custom upholstered sofas,

Bramic cookware, premium bedding. It's the kind of brand you end up recommending to everyone for everything. I'm moving this summer and I have so many things favored it from Quince. I want curtains from there. I want some of their kitchen stuff. Their rugs are unbelievable and priced so fairly. And I'm so excited that Quince exists. Perfect timing, Quince.

Thank you. Gemma got a 100% European linen fit and flare midi dress from Quince that she is obsessed with. Looks great on her. And they also have stuff for babies. So we've put little crumpet in some beautiful, adorable, little breathable summertime cotton onesies. Oh, cute. You got to elevate your summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com slash riddle for free shipping on your order in 365 day returns.

Now available in Canada 2. That's quince.com, Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash riddle for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash riddle. Aaron, I'm grilling up some pants. Yum. Wait, what? Summer baby? And this is Lou. I'm wearing a funny top hat. And here's a picture of Lou. And she's just laying in the sun. She's so cute. And here's Lou. Look how gray her snoot is getting. She's just so precious. I'm so obsessed with my dog. Erin, Aaron, you said you had something really important to talk to us about. And this is that.

Oh, yes. Yes. 91% of dog parents say their pup is an important member of the family. family, and 40% would even save their dog over a human stranger. Safe to say, people are obsessed, and I'm one of them. And that's why I give my dog Ollie. Ollie's fresh recipes are developed by real chefs and backed by vet nutritionists. They're obsessed with making the best meals with the highest quality ingredients. Yeah, plus from the moment you start your subscription to Ollie, everything is tailored to your pup. The meals are perfectly portioned, and you get a pup tainer and scoop for easy, storing, and serving.

My dog spaghetti absolutely loves Ollie food. Around 4 o'clock every day, she starts snapping at me because it's like, I'm like, yeah, it's kind of almost dinner time. But she is so excited for dinner time since we switched to Ollie. Oh, look, Lou's getting near the microphone. What is it, Lou? Ollie, Ollie, now. That's not her voice. I'm obsessed with her.

I can tell you what her voice is. This is her voice. With Ollie, you don't just get food. Through their app, you can actually check on your dog's house with real. Vets. Just by uploading a picture, their team can check up on your dog's weight, digestion, teeth, and cope because they're obsessed with making sure your pup is as healthy as can be. And that's me, Lou, and this is my voice. Get ready for both you and your pup to be obsessed. Head to ollie.com slash riddle, tell them all about your dog and use code Riddle to get 70% off your welcome kit when you subscribe today. Plus they offer an obsession guarantee. If you're not completely obsessed, you'll get your money back. That's O-L-L-L-I-E.com slash and enter code riddle to get 70% off your first box.

Ollie, feed the obsession. Isn't that right, spaghetti? Yeah, that's right. Allie dog food. It's good dog food. That's her voice. That's John Travolta in a dog suit. No, it's...

Yeah, that's John Travolta. Look at the beret. Guys, I wish it weren't true, but it's her voice. Yeah, so anyway, I'm at the restaurant. I'm having a nice meal. And then the guy comes up and he taps to the Mador D or whatever, taps me on the shoulder. And he says, you have to leave the restaurant.

I know that those aren't real hands. You can't wear fake hands at the restaurant. I know you're the guy who's been coming into the restaurant to steal salt and ketchup in your fake hands and filling your fake prosthetic hands up with salt and ketchup. So I make a big scene. You know, he's roughing me up. Basically, my hand starts leaking salt and ketchup all over the place.

Oh, sorry, I'm getting a call from Rocket Money. Yeah, no, yeah, take it. Yeah, take it. Unless did you... No, no, no, that sounds like an important call. Oh, my God, guys. I just got the best follow-up from Rocket Money. They just canceled one of my subscriptions, and I didn't even have to do it.

They did it for me. You guys are talking about Rocket Money, the personal finance app that helps you find and cancel on one of the subscriptions monitors just spending and helps you lower your bills so you can grow your savings, right? Yeah. I wait.

I wish I was using Rocket Money. Wouldn't have to steal some ketchup from restaurants. Oh, that's, oh, I didn't realize I can lend you money. Yeah. No, I mean, you don't have to do that. I would appreciate it. I mean, it's been tough times. Yeah.

I'm just a little flush right now. because Rocket Money, like we said, can track subscriptions and has the ability to cancel unwanted ones within the app with a few taps, saving users over $880 million in canceled subscriptions. That's a lot. Not that I have $880 million, but let's just say I'm doing pretty well. I've been using Rocket Money way before they were even a sponsor of the show. It is so good for my brain. If you're like me and you're a little disorganized, it's all color-coded.

You can set up budgets for yourself. You can consolidate checking, savings, loans, and investments into a single dashboard to give yourself a clear view of your financial picture. So you don't get surprised by anything. There's no little dark corners in your bank account anymore. You know exactly what's going on and exactly where your money's going. Well, rocket money also lists use automated savings that grow towards goals with adjustable amounts and frequencies for a set of and forget approach. So if I wanted 100 pounds of ketchup and 100 pounds of salt by tomorrow, all I have to do is, Oh, save that much salt and ketchup.

Okay. Excuse me. It's me, the matri-D. I just wanted to confront you and say, let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at RocketMoney.com slash riddle. That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle. Rocketmoney.com slash riddle.

JBC stole all this ketchup. Rocket money. Leave your prosthetic hands at home because you're going to have enough salt and ketchup at home. that you don't need prosthetic hands at a restaurant rocket money. Goodness that is better myself. You guys, full disclosure,

because I think it's ethical for me to disclose this up top if I'm going to be engaging in the rest of this episode. During the break, I did take a bit of drill that expired in 2024. So I'm going to be,

I'm going to be impaired during this episode. My guess is that it's going to hit me immediately. And I just want you guys to know that I anything else that I say in this episode, I don't endorse. And JPC, when you stay exactly the same, I want you to take this as a brutal wake-up call of how you need to change when everything stays exactly the same.

If you want a brutal wake-up call, you try waking up with a whale's head in your bed. Adel, get the broom. Adel. Okay, sweeping away that. Oh, you know what, Aaron, I thought I grabbed a broom. I grabbed Sunderman. I am so sorry, son. Hey, how are you?

You look good. I like your tall top hat. I forgot you guys used to. No, no, it's good to see you. I have a good one. Oh my God, I was so embarrassing eyes. I've never heard him talk. I've never heard him talk either.

I technically didn't. I didn't hear it. Maybe he heard her neck in the head. You guys, it beams into your jaw muscles, the sound of his voice. It rattles around your head, like a marble. Like those headphones, those like around the neck headphones. Temple headphones. Yeah.

Well, Spendomans. Spendomans a real Splendom-Man. Splendom-Man. Splendom's a real riddle, but we have some. It's free, Splenda. Splenda, it's free. You can use Splendomian. You can sell your fake sugar or whatever with him.

Sweet and Loman. I have a toilet, a shower, and a sink. But I am not. A bathroom. What am I? Boat. Okay. You're saying a bathroom bought a boat?

No. I have a poop deck. You know? I have a toilet, a shower, and a sink, but I am not a bathroom. Are you a restroom? A jail cell. Wow. Is this like one of those like a lab that has like an eyewash station?

Ooh. No. But because let's talk about it. I love the labs that have a toilet right in the middle so all the scientists can watch each other. What is a toilet? You know, hole in the ground. Basically, hole in the ground connects to some pipes. You can pee in anything.

That's a toilet. What is a shower? Hold on the ceiling, you know? What is the same? Okay. I'm going to airlift your wife out of your house. We've got to get her out of there. Air lift.

I'm selling it. Sending a helicopter today. And Uber would suffice. An Uber would be fine. No, no. We got to get her out of there. A toilet, a sink. And a shower.

In a shower. But I'm not a bathroom. What am I? I got to say. The top of my car, according to birds. I was really hoping. Jim Balletia, according to birds. I love Jim Belishias according to birds.

I was really hoping that an expired Benadryl was going to give me like riddle superpowers. Ooh. Like you could slow down time or like, yeah. Time's feeling slower. I'll tell you that much. That part's definitely happening. The part where I'm, like, really good at sussing out the insert of riddles is not really kicking in. Oh, D.PC, can you do earmuffs really quick? Just cover your ears. Adel and I just have quick business.

Sure, I can. Let's just plug these up. At all? This is a really good opportunity to gaslight the shit out of JPC. Make them feel like he's going crazy. Should we just like talking nonsense words the rest of the episode? Talk real slow. What do you think we should do? Um, okay, let's maybe, let's tell him that he is actually J.P. Roodles and that JPC is a character that he, that J.P. Riddles plays. Love it. Okay. Okay. You can take earmuffs off and, uh, guys, I heard Slynderman. That's, I, for the first time I heard the voice. It's so pleasant. Oh, it's because you could focus. Yeah. It's so pleasant. JPC, we were just talking about how we're going to buy you a really nice gift. So expect that any day now. You're okay

I panicked Now you guys know that my Love Language is not giving And receiving gifts My love language is lick, lick, lick, lick you from your head to your toes So I expect my gift

To be Very Wink Wet Wink Wet, the game show host Wink Wet Guys, I almost launched it to Wink Wet Oh please Oh we can hear a Benadry inspired wink wet?

It's the worst day. It's the word I've done Rat FK too much this evidence is the worst. And it's me wink wet. Yay! Let's play the $54 diamond. It's Benadryl JPC. Everyone's favorite kind of JPC. Benadryl JPC Rob's Banks.

Benadryl JPC is not suitable for children. Benadro of APC is a weird kind of guy. It's me wink wet reminding you to have all of your pets stuffed and mounted. In that order? Wait till they die. Wait till they die. Now, I've heard rumor that the $54 diamond is the most profitable game show in game show history because the payout is $54 and not everyone wins.

And they've never paid out the top prize. They've never paid out the top prize. The history of the show. Do you think there's ever been a game show where the contestants like are in the hole? I guess with flights and stuff of people like fly to L.A. to be on prices right or something. Oh, yeah. I just know I've heard not horror stories, but inconvenient stories of people being on like prices right. And it's like, oh, they want a car.

But then if they want to keep it, they have to pay taxes and ship, whatever it might be. Like, it just sounds like a whole logistical nightmare. Ken Jennings taking you into the back room and it's like, so you have 48 hours to come up with our money. A hammer. You're breaking your own fingers. Ken, Ken, let's just calm down. Let's just slow down. I was roommates with Brandon Sanderson. I know, Ken. I know. You went to BYU together? I know.

Why hasn't he written me into the books? Why am I not in the Cosmere? Didn't frame it. You have to put it as a question. Why am I breaking my own fingers? What the fuck am I doing? Why was I roommates in college with Brandon Sanderson? I have a toilet, a shower, and a sink, but I am not a bathroom. Oh my God, I fucking forgot. We're in the middle of the... Can we have a hint, Adel?

The toilet shower or sink. So think about where a toilet, a shower, and a sink might be, but maybe they're not all next to each other. A toilet and a shower and a sink, but it's not a bathroom and they're all not next to me. Oh, is it like a Lowe's? Like a store. It's a hardware store. Yes. It's like a Lowe's or like a store. I would like to see a scene. JPC, you're a guy who just went to the bathroom in a toilet and a hardwood.

store and Adela you're the employee. Are we playing characters? Let's go ahead and play characters. Hi, I'd like to buy this toilet. Hi, excuse me, I like to buy this toilet. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I like to buy this toilet.

I'll pay cash and I'll take it out myself. Wait, don't. I actually don't. That's on the floor now. Hey, man, don't make a big scene. I'd just like to buy this toilet right now and I'd like to take it out of the store right now. Hey, man. You just shit in our display toilet.

How about a little grace for someone who's obviously going to be. going through something. Oh, mother, right. Do they not teach you empathy? Actually, we do. We take a three-month training course in Sarasota every year for empathy. That's why we shut down. Three months every year.

That's why we shut down for three months every year, is so that we can be as empathetic as possible. And I love Christian businesses. I love Christian businesses that are run on Christian values. We are not a Christian business. Sure. Wink wet. Wink wet.

Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave, and I do need to, well, I was going to say I need to take a picture so we can keep it behind the registers so it's not to allow you back in, but I don't want to take a picture of you with your current situation. My current situation? Yes, I'm just going to draw you. You've never seen a naked man violently ill? You've never seen a naked man violently ill. Sir, I've seen myself in the mirror after an old country buffet, so. Wow, that empathy course really is doing something. See?

That's three months. That's three months. There, but for the grace of God, go I. And I know what you're thinking. Mm-hmm. There but for the grace of God, Christian. But we're not a Christian business. Wink wet.

Of course. Wink wet. Look, I apologize for what I did. Obviously, I need to be coming back here. Okay? This is the only place that sells the refrigerators I like. And I go through those things. Wear and tear.

What are you doing that you're going through refrigerators? I'm yanking at the fucking doors off. the things. I'm so hungry. Excuse me, I have to buy this chandelier. I would like to buy this chandelier. Oh. I would like to buy this chandelier, please. Just point me in the direction of how I buy the chandelier, please.

Oh, my God. My God. I'm your wife. We're both horrible food poisoning. I don't know why you wanted to run this errand today. Can I please buy this chandelier? My husband would like to buy this toilet, please. We keep getting food poisoning because my goddamn refrigerators are ruined.

I keep yanking the doors off the day. things and the food goes bad immediately. It goes bad immediately. Oh, wait a minute. I know you. You have that YouTube channel where you eat spoiled food. No, that's not the point of the channel. The point of the...

We're urban foragers. Like, I caught a whole wolf. And I salted it, and I put it in the fridge, and it went a little bit bad. Okay? But it's not a spoiled food YouTube channel. The point of the YouTube channel is to have fun and make friends and eat spoiled food. We're swingers. We are swingers.

We're swingers. If you catch, wink wet. Oh, chandelier. I get it. We're naked. We're sick. We're trying to buy this toilet and this chandelier. Thank you.

Can you say that again? We're naked? We're sick. We're tried to buy this chandelier. Sorry, I'm releasing her a slip knot. I want to write this down. We're naked. We're wet.

And we couldn't help. We're sick. We saw you from across the store. We love your vibe. I have a cold sweat. I'll just. call it the sickness. Is that us? That's disturbed.

I think it is disturbed. That's disturbed. I couldn't tell you a slip-knit song. I bet Casey knows a slip-knit song. Casey strikes me as a type of guy who maybe listen to a little bit of slip-knot back on the day. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Nope, sorry.

Creed? Wow, Casey, don't let anyone from Toledo hear you say that shit. Weezer. man, after my own heart. Casey, have you heard the new wizard track? New album coming? No, I haven't yet. New album coming, Casey?

It's pretty good. It's pretty good. Casey, you're supposed to be dead. Oh, yeah. Oh, fuck, you died. God damn it, Casey. I'm from the grave. No continuity with Casey.

So when we talk about, now Slipknot is like 12 men from Iowa and they're all wearing heavy latex, right? Mm-hmm. Sure, yeah. I don't know anything about them. Is that the vibe? I think. they're from Iowa. I think there's a bunch of them. I think their drummer is supposed to be like a world-class drummer. Here's the thing with like guar with slip-knot, I assume with others. I'm,

hot recording in this studio right now, and I'm wearing half a shirt and rolled-up pants. If you're performing on stage for two hours in Guar costumes or like slip-knot masks, aren't you like losing 80 pounds a night? Yeah. You must be sweating buckets under all that shit. how do they then wear that those suits the next day? Yeah. It's got to be a job. Someone's there with a blow dryer going fucking, fucking hate my life. I love this music and I fucking hate my life.

I'm not feeling worth it. A fan of the band three years ago said I do anything. Go damn it. If you've ever been camping for like a few days, you start, you're just like this is it. What I am is the vibe, you know? It's like, hey, hey, everybody, we're all on the same page here. camping. If you're in Guar or slip knot, I think everybody's on the same page.

Everybody's going to be like, let's nobody bring it up. We all know what's happening. For a minute there, when you said, if you, I thought you're going to do, you might be a slip knot. If you wear a clown mask on stage, all right, let's do another riddle here. I'm a tank, but I never go to war.

Yet I'm always bloody. Tom is the tank. Hold on. I didn't hear the I heard a lot. Hold on. I didn't hear the second part. I shot it with something. Thomas the tank engine. Hachoo, the train that sneezes? So much happened.

Thomas the tank engine. I want to see a seed. The train that sneezes. We're all doing three different things at once. Aaron, I want to see a seed. You are Thomas the tank engine and you just hit a person who's crossy the tracks and they are dead. They're very dead.

Fuck, man. Let me in. Let me in. Man, fucking let me in. station, Thomas. What the fuck? Fuck. Fuck me. Oh, no. I'm so fucking fucked.

Oh, my God. Thomas, is that raspberry jam? Shut the fuck up. Look at me. Shut the fuck up. What did you do? Quieter. I didn't do anything. I can't stop. Oh, man, I feel fucking awesome. Is that right? I feel so much adrenaline in my body.

Fuck. Fuck. Okay, I'm fucked. I need you to get a hose. Thomas, you're rock hard. What do you do? Yeah, get a hose. Mr. Station, come on. Okay. Holy fuck, I feel like I could fucking climb a mountain.

Geez. I'm scared. I don't like what I'm seeing. I feel like a little engine that can fuck. I can just go in. I just want to kiss someone right now. Holy shit, I'm alive, man. We're both alive, man.

Thomas, please, I need you to get this cargo over to Milwaukee. Cargo, Milwaukee? You think I'm going to be the most alive I've ever felt? And I'm going to Milwaukee? Fuck you, fuck that. I'm going to Vegas right fucking now, man. Thomas don't come back. Tucket, chug it, chugget, chug it, chugit, chugia,

Vegas. 21. Yeah, hit me. 22. Hit me. 23. Okay, where's that bitch with the martini? Send her back over here.

Oh, my ass. Yeah, that's what I thought. Can I get another martini tuts? Thomas the Spank engine over here. I like that. I like that kind of joke. That's my joke now. I made that joke.

No, it's my joke. That Bradley Dangerfield. Someone take care of this guy. Hey, what's the big idea? Oh, I get over a sex. Wakes up in bed in between Penn and Teller. Oh. That was magic.

Yeah, it's not going to happen again, though. Don't fall in love with me, fellas. Not even you, quiet one. Thomas in the bathroom snorting low. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Choo, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, too, too, too, too, too, too. I'm going to hit the buffet. I'm going to get crab legs.

I'm going to go to the buffet, and I'm going to get, Crabble legs, because you only live once, and they're coming and get me. I just fucking know it. Thomas Front Row at Magic Mike. Woo! You want to jump on. Yeah, I'm hard for you. Before we melt this train down into hard slag, do you have anything to say to the people of Happy Time Junction?

Um, I want to say, fuck you, fuck all y'all. That was the best week of my life. Um, hippie... It was 40 minutes. What? What? Seed. I'm a tank, but I never go to war, yet I'm always bloody.

What am I? I was trying to say Thomas the crank engine, and I was like, what can I work in Thomas the crank engine? And then Aaron slapped that waitress his ass. I don't think so naturally. I think my favorite part of that scene was you smacking the witcher's ass, and the eyes the witcher said, oh, my ass. And Aaron, you said, that's what I thought.

Yeah, I was trying to guess where your ass was, and I guessed right. Yeah, that's what I thought. You know, I guess you're a train, yeah. I don't know about asses. I'm a train. I have a cabooth. You're dead. I have a question about your riddle.

The tank, is it some sort of like medical tank? Like what? It's like a tank that holds. Yeah. You say what tank? Like what is like a tank? Oh, go ahead. The back to tank is the tank that Luke Skywalker was in on Hoth

with his little thing bird. with the walls closing in? No, no, no, no, no. The healing tank that he's in and all the jelly to heal. Right, that's on Hoth, right? Isn't he in that tank on Hoth? I think so. Right before he kisses his sister.

Something like at Hoth. I'm a tank. They need to bring this tank. The blue milk and the tanks, that's why we see Star Wars films. Bring them back. And Sibulba. I'm a tank, but I never go to war, yet I'm always bloody. What am I?

You're right to think, whoever, Aaron, I think he maybe said medical tank. was that you? It's right to think along those lines where it's not... Is this tank Dozer's brother at the end of the Matrix after he gets absolutely shredded by that energy weapon?

JBC? No. Yes. This is my day. This is the day. Your life will surely change. When I woke up in the morning because I couldn't go to bed,

I was watching the words of my eyes to red. Did you see... In 2014, four hours when you realize that Adel and I weren't here on this recording with you and you just sat down at your computer and started talking to the mic. How surprised are you going to be? When I wake up tomorrow and I feel shittier than I do today, I'm going to be like, what did I do yesterday that could possibly have worn me out in a way that made me? I'm honestly the dumbest bitch in school. And that was your superlative, I think. Yes, it was. I'm a tank, but I never go to war yet I'm always bloody. What am I? Now think Medical tank was right Medical tank was not correct But along those lines of like

It's not a military tank And it's not a toilet tank Because that's disgusting That's disgusting I would say think along the lines of like This is something Ooh is this a piranha tank JBC

It is a fish tank Full of piranhas Is it really? It is Wow Benadryl paid off Two year expired Benadryl paid off

Okay Instead of any more riddles, why don't we do this? Why don't we have you, the listeners, riddle us with a voicemail? Casey, can you play us a voicemail? What's the deal with voicemail? Is it a voice or is it a male? And where do they come from? Tiny people inside the phone?

Who are these people? I love the oh no, I love it. Oh, it's so weird. It was just dead air. JPC, what'd you hear? Nothing, yeah, I heard nothing. It was just the slender man whispering his whole secrets into my brain again.

That was incredible. That was from Chris Finky. Yeah, Chris Finky said, listening to 100 isolated clips of the three of you laughing could make even the grumpy old men crack a smile. And he capitalized the grumpy old men, as is proper to do.

Jack Lemon, Walter Mothau. And it sounds like that was called Hey, Giggle, Giggle. Thank you so much, Chris Finky. That was outstanding. Let's hear a voicemail. Hi, Aaron Adel and JPC. My name is Lily.

I'm going to be headed to New Zealand in a few months, and I'm very excited so much so that kind of feel like I don't really want to return to the U.S. So if you guys could move to another country, which country would it be? Okay, have a good one. Bye. Lily, thank you so much. Aaron, did you go to New Zealand when you were in Australia? I did.

I loved it so much. That would probably be my number one choice. The South Island in New Zealand is so beautiful. And the energy is so good that are Denmark, I think. Isn't New Zealand the place that all the billionaires are also like buying? Yeah, which is so crazy because it's like so frustrating that I'm like, oh, you love it there because it's like socialism. Yeah. And they like take care of the environment.

It's just so fucking annoying. The climate refuge. I think I would go to New Zealand and be. like go there as a billionaire hunter, just, you know, crawling through the vents. Die hard. Yeah, I love that. I would love to live in Ireland.

Oh, yeah. The west coast of Ireland is unbelievable. I would say either Japan, which is just incredible, or Iceland, if I'm looking for more of a, I mean, do wildly different. the bookends of like population. But yeah, those would be my too. Anywhere outside of the U.S., I would go Nebraska or Rhode Island.

Benadryl, Benadryl. APC's on Benadryl. Oh, Nebraska, island time. Summer in Nebraska and then like winter and Rhode Island. Yeah, for sure. For sure. That's the way to do it. That's the way to do it.

Well, Lily, I hope that helped. Have a wonderful time on your trip, unless you already took it. And then fuck your time. If it's already spit, you waste it. Okay, Mr. Benadryl, time to lay down. Oh, thank God. Adel, anything to plug? Yeah, I want to plug taking medication that's not expired, of course.

Also check out Gumshoes and Dragons, a podcast that the three of us do with the wonderful Anthony Burch. It's a rollicking good time. Aaron anything to plug or promote. Yes. Check out quality time on Instagram. And if you're in L.A., I would love if you dropped in to see one of our shows. JPC, do you want to read a review or talk about your little Ben and drill in your head? I would love to read a review.

This is a five-star review sent to us by Stobbert 87. This review is titled FART, three exclamation points. Never mind, I, JPC decided not to read a five-star review. Instead, I wanted to say something that's been on my mind recently. fart fart fart fart fart fart fart fart fart fart fart fart and of course fart He's gone He was never really here He closed his eyes while he was reading that

We're on the same page Well hot dogs Fart fart fart for you pump your fart to your fart Lut a fartedrus Farticris I'm Farnatikris Fart bitch get out the far I've got farts in different area

Goh Hey, Hi, I am Mandy Moore. Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast, That Was Us, now on Headgum. Each episode, we're going to go into a deep dive from our show, This Is Us. That's right.

We're going to go episode by episode. We're also going to pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors. Are we going to cry? Yes. A little bit. Often. A lot. A whole lot.

That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to that was us on your favorite podcast app or watch. full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify, new episodes every Tuesday. Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville. And I'm Jeff Tremaine. Welcome to Jackass the Podcast, a new show coming to Fri-H. Coming to F***. That's what it is.

Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville. And I'm Jeff Tremaine. Welcome to Jackass the podcast. A new show now on Headgum. Woo-hoo. I've learned a Jackass movie has to be really 90 minutes. Every minute over is a minute to- Apparently, there's only so much butthole you can take.

We're going to take you behind the scenes of our entire history. All the best bits, bad behavior, and even worse decisions. All of it. Sometimes we don't make the right decisions, Jeff. I've noticed that every so often. With guests like Spike Jones. I think this committed jackass the podcast. What was it going to be called?

The jackass podcast. The jackass podcast. Without you, the IQ drops significantly. Steve-O. Strong chance that were it not for jackass that I would be in cloud makeup right this fucking minute. Chris Panias. That shot of your butt just cruising up. I'm like, I got that on TV.

God bless us. Dave England. Yeah, when you come in and you're being really nice, I'm like, damn it, something bad is going to happen to me. We man. Jeff grabbed me from the back of the head and threw a punch. The whole bar just stopped and wanted to kill me. And some of the crew that's been with us from the beginning. I had to share a room with this guy.

I left a nice surprise in the toilet form. Every time. Apparently he hates to flush. Subscribe to Jackass the podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcast, Pocketcast, or wherever the hell you get podcasts. Our new episodes drop on June 18th. Woo! Look out for new episodes in your feed every Thursday. Watch video episodes on YouTube and follow along with us on Instagram and,

and TikTok at Jackass the podcast. What were we just talking about? Probably buttholes.