Hey Riddle Riddle - #419: 8 Year Anniversary!

Episode Date: July 29, 2026

Help us celebrate 8 years by voting for a new Arne theme (as played in the episode). You can vote HERE!Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!JPC's Guided Meditations Volume 1, available now at our Patreon digital store!Want merch? Visit our Dashery Store!Want to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle 6351 W Montrose Ave #267Chicago, IL, 60634Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531)Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Aaron Keefe. Boston, near Boston, Massachusetts. Okay, put your tassel to the left, I think. Walking across the stage to kick my favorite diploma. Falls, somersaults, like Willy Wonka. Gets back up. Falls again.

This time it's bad. Lymphs. Pides to do it with a smile. Okay, dog pulls down your gown. Oh, God. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, wow. John Patrick Cohen. These are not?

He didn't shake my hand. He didn't shake my hand. Indianapolis. Near Indianapolis. Indian. Stands up, starts to walk to the stage, gets kicked in the stomach by that Michael Jackson dancing robot, falls to the ground, and goes,

Oh, robot falls down next to me, starts spazzing out. Guy comes, looks at the two of us, looks at the two of us, looks at the two of us, looks at the two of us, grabs my foot, drags me off stage. Abdul Riff, Ruf, Galesburg, Illinois, takes off robot helmet after kicking JPC, stands up to a big thumbs up,

doesn't get diploma because I didn't graduate, just walking, is that what they're so? Walking? puts it up on my phone not getting a signal holding up my phone Dean impatiently tapping his watch goes to shake hands

psych falls down dog eats me congratulations congratulations hosts on graduating after eight years of riddle this is the hey riddle riddle eight year

graduation ceremony we began way back in July 25th of 2018. So we're grade 8th next year. I mean, this year, right? Next episode, we're going to Rental High School. Oh, my God. We're going from being big fish to small middows.

Mm-hmm. Oh, God. And if movies have taught me anything, we're going to get hazed. Oh, yeah. Well, yeah. Smoked out. I'm sure the hazing is going to start now. We've been hazed for.

free on this podcast for eight whole years. We have Hollywood Handbook on. There are single tease or prank occurred on this show. Can I tell you what's fucked up about it being eight years? Yeah. That is the length of

high school and college. Right? That is a long time. For some. For some people who can go on extra semester if they would. Yeah. Or less or whatever. But that a person can change a lot. lot between their freshman year of high school and their senior year of college. Sure.

And so now I'm starting to meet listeners who are like, I was in the eighth grade when I started listening to you. And now I'm a full grown up. And I live in an apartment in the city. And you're like, oh, I don't know if I love all of that. What's the biggest way, Aaron, in the last eight years you think you have changed? Hair color. Yeah.

Well, yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah. I would say Do you, if you had to take a guess, could you tell me what your hair color was in 2018? That's hysterical. No.

I think I had dark hair. I think I was going full black hair with bangs. I don't even think I was doing any dimension in it. I don't think it had even a little bit of red. I think I was full dark hair. Yeah, maybe. But it's anyone's guess. Yeah.

I think it was medium length. Bang. Yeah. What color were your hairs? She tried to make small talks. Same, but maybe slightly less gray. Probably actually a lot less gray. Yeah, I definitely have way more gray and way less hair.

Something I want to talk about. Speaking of big changes, you know, we graduated after eight years. Obviously, we're talking about big changes happening after high school, throughout college, etc. I have talked to our lawyer. Of course, that being... They found him. I want to say, Boticus Wrench, the robot lawyer.

Bollichus wrench, you play an Atticus Finch. I wonder how... Where the similarities are. Does he have kids? He has his glasses. Is it still scouting gem? We'll have to work on it. We'll have to workshop it.

Duteron shout. Something good here. Is he putting something good here? Here's what I've found. And feel free to to poo-poo this. But I have found if we're talking about big changes, if we're talking about the show, if we're talking about what's going to happen after we graduated eight years. Because we are entering riddle adulthood or riddle high as we were. The title of our show legally is hey, riddle, riddle.

That's legally our title. our lawyer said that means legally we only have to do two riddles hey okay riddle riddle hey riddle riddle and if you were to i don't know dissect the show and uh apply the title to it the first third is the hay where we just kind of chat and then we have riddle sections sometimes way more than a third sometimes way more sometimes over half i propose that we switch fully to the first half of the show being chatting and catching up and getting discussions and the second half being riddles now two riddles we could solve this uh legally by calling it hey hey riddle or just hey riddle or we can keep the title as is just to save face and money what

about hey hey riddle i like that so we could do two-thirds chatting i like that erin or we can say hey hey Riddle riddle. And our listeners can be like a boiling frog where we just keep adding more haze and taking away riddles until we never have to do riddles again. What if we change the name of the podcast to hey, hey, hey, hey, and then in parentheses, not a fat Albert podcast. But then we are giving air to fat Albert. Okay, yeah. All right. Hold on.

What if we do, what if we elongate the hay? we add more vowels and then that's what I was saying right yeah but then we take maybe some we start taking one letter away from each of the spellings of riddles and that's another way to sort of slowly make the hay longer carve away at the riddles I love this here's the thing it's hey riddle riddle right that's that's what we've called the show I do think that even if we can't the format the same as it has always been. If you, dear listener,

are listening to this show, and we don't do the mandated minimum two riddles on the show, you are entitled to get your money back. For that episode only. Now, podcast is free. So. Wait, what's the statute of limitations of this?

It's like a really tall, like, gargoyle thing. With like Griffin arms. Okay, but if someone is not up to date, how far past our recording date are they allowed to, like, file a claim? Aaron, would you rather be up to date or down to fuck? I'd rather be somewhere else. How do you guys, in all honesty, how do we feel about the first half being a little more casual? And maybe this leads to us bringing in segments.

Maybe the first half is for like your animal parades, etc. So more we bring in things to talk about. We bring in other games, whatever that might be. And then the riddles, because here's the thing. Yeah. Much like helium, we have, scientists have discovered we are running out of riddles. Now, obviously, Neptune, Saturn, chock a block with riddles. But we can't drill deep enough.

So what do we see? Adel, let me answer that prompt with a segment. Over. So in honor of our eighth anniversary, I reached out to our friend Arnie Parrott, who has done many songs over the years for Hey, Riddle of Rital. And I said, Arnie, Hey Rital Rital, we want to shake stuff up.

We're getting pretty long in the tooth. I want you to commission, or I want to commission you to write a brand new theme song for the next chapter of Hey Ritter-Ruddle. Something that we can, something that we can really use to shake up the show. And I know people love the theme song. So I said, Arnie, do me a favor.

Give me three options so that we can have people vote on what they want the new theme song to be. And Arne said, absolutely, I got you. And he has delivered those three options to us now. Now, here's the thing. I have not listened to them. He sent them in early this morning. I have not listened to them. I think Casey may be the only one who has listened to them.

But Casey, are you prepared now for us to listen to Arnie's new theme songs so that we can vote on our favor? And we do have a question from Aaron. Yeah. Aaron Keith, New York Times. I have a quick question. And I'm saying this with all of the love in the world. You just say Eastern Standard Time. Oh, Eastern Standard Time.

And failing New York Times. The failing. The failing New York Times. Lying. I have a question. And this is, and I'm not trying to come down on our sweet listeners. I love our kids and Suses. Yes.

In the past, when they, we have handed them democracy, they have mangled it with their hands. Over on our Patreon, they vote for review crew. And they voted for things that have made me throw up into my sink. So do we trust them with the fate of this high school version of, hey, riddle, riddle? And I'm saying, I just, I just want to say everyone maybe vote responsibly. Yeah. That's my overall point. Aaron, was it that Hallmark Amish movie that made you do that?

Yes. Oh, yeah. Uh-huh. Not the grapes or orange soda, but the Hallmark Amish movie? Yep. Oh, so you remember. Look, no. I mean, I don't trust them with democracy.

I don't trust anybody with democracy, you know? If it were up to me, we would be living under the iron rule of a cruel God, and that God's name would be J.P.C. But, We do have a compact with the listeners, you know? It's like we put out a show that they want to listen to. They should get a say in what, you know, they are listening to on a week-to-week basis. But luckily, Arnie already gave us the three options, right?

And it's Arne. So I don't think any one of the three options is going to be like bad, you know? Sure. Okay. So we'll play the three options for you guys now. And then I'll let you know at the end how people can vote on these. Casey, are you ready? Yes, and each of these three options is preceded by a little note by Arnie,

I guess like an explanation of the song or whatever. Okay, got you. That won't be part of the theme, but just so you know that's going to play first. Hey, this is Arnie Parrott coming to you from the deep recesses of JPC's songwriting camp. He said I could, he'd send me to songwriting camp, and he drove me to a cave deep in Appalachia. I don't see anyone else for the camp I think he said if I wrote a few themes

he'd come get me from camp but I am again not seeing a lot of human activity in this cave system keep talking we almost got the location so I'm just going to crank out a few here and we'll see if any of them work good enough to get me home

okay Casey I'm not sure what that was but let's not do that anymore let's not play anymore though it's just the theme songs we got them we triangulated the coordinates we got them We found the kids. It looks like JPC's basement. We were right.

We were right. Send the helicopter. Do you ever feel stuck in the middle? Something familiar feeling suddenly quite different. It's quite strange. You're still listening to a riddle rate of simply changing something for the sake of change. Even if it's your most well-known. Okay.

All right. Kind of power ballad. vibes on that one. Yeah, it felt like almost like a Don Johnson sitcom or something. Like I picture popped collars,

I picture jacket sleeves pushed up, Corvettes. What's the history of passive aggressive songs being hits? Is that usually something that works

sort of passive aggressive songs? I think the Patreon song works pretty well. The Patriot song is that. You're so vain, Carly Simon, right?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, also, I think this... That might be just aggressive, right? Yeah, I guess. Also, I forgot to mention this song evokes a dog with sunglasses. Yes. It definitely evokes a dog with sunglasses.

We actually just cast a dog with sunglasses into our studio. We got a big net, like one of those 1960s cartoons, and we're going to try to get that guy. That could be something of, I don't know how you guys feel about bringing on a new host. Maybe they, you know, Maybe they earn slightly less than we do. Shows slightly.

Dog with sunglasses, I think that might be kind of fun. Okay. Dog with sunglasses feels a little redundant for what we already have on the show, does it not? Let's not name names. Let's keep it passive aggressive. Caputty, but yes. Okay. Wow.

Okay, so that's song number one. Casey hit us with song number two. I made a huge mistake. It's Arnie Parrott. I made a huge mistake and I wandered deeper into the cave. I'm very lost. All I have is the laptop. and the microphone JPC gave me and a bunch of synthesizers.

So all I can do is make more themes, I guess. At some point, he has to come get me. I mean, he knows where I am. Okay. Oh, my God, there's a body in here. Okay. Oh, my God, there's a body in here. Casey, just the themes, please.

That's it. That's our new theme. That's my name. That's the best sound I've ever heard in my ears. That was so spooky. If we didn't already have a Hayward and Rital Halloween theme made, I feel like, I feel like already just wrote the Halloween theme for this year. Yeah. I enjoy every second of that better than the full production of Phantom of the Opera. 100%.

My only issue with that is that false advertising a little bit. Because how spooky are we usually? Like, does that theme play? And then it starts and I'm like, I found popcorn in my pants. And people are like, what is the tone of this show? How spooky are we usually? Usually. Aaron, that's a good question to ask from the ghost of a vivicatorian doll who's had all the blood drained out of her body and her portion of the skin. Oh, no.

I got, I've been shot. Pretty spooky if you ask me. Um, oh my God. And Aaron, my defenses are down. Isn't it scary if there's a popcorn pervert on the loose? Yeah. tossing popcorn in people's pants. Isn't that scary?

That's pretty scary. Yeah, I guess that is pretty scary. from two guys who are from a couple of guys. And sort of a Midwest sensibility. Isn't that kind of scary? I didn't want to say anything, but Addle keeps flashing it in front of the screen. But what's scarier than Addle with a little bandit on his hand?

Adel, what happened? Stigma. Stigma. Yeah. Bandy don't fix that. I definitely liked that one a lot. Okay, so that's theme number two. And then Casey, what I said, just play the themes.

I met whatever else Arnie has sent over, and it doesn't even matter where he is or what camp he's at, just play the themes that he is writing for us, okay? Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. And to be fair, Arnie did not say there's a dead body. He just said there's a body. And it doesn't matter because that's got it, that's going to be cut, right? Because that's not, that's not the themes. I'm just going to play the theme now. Okay, thank you.

Hi, it's Arney Parrott. I've lost completely track of time and space. I'm really in the concept of where I am or how long I've been here. The body was Casey Trela. He writes all the themes for Big Grande. Yeah. Okay. That's not.

You don't know that. I'm sure I'm making it out of here. You're not a doctor, right? I didn't write a third theme in the desperate hopes that it might be enough. You know, whatever is for this guy, nothing is. Sounds like there's running water in the cave. Thanks. Bye.

A lot of editorializing from Arndy. Just with the themes, though, Casey. Just the themes from here on out, please. Okay. I'm getting notes of Peter Gabriel. I'm getting notes of Fruit by the Foot commercials. I like the homage. I felt like there were, I heard some horses named Friday in the background there, too.

It feels very reminiscent of the current theme. Yeah. I loved it. Okay, I think I have a solution. I have two solutions. Sure. Either every episode from now on, we play all four themes. And that, hey, and that helps us solve the, you know, running out of riddles because it eats it to a little bit of time.

Or it's sort of a grab bag. We roll a die, a four-sided die, and if those exist. And every time we roll it, whatever number pops up that correlates to a theme, we put that in front of the episode. So every time it's going to be a fun little surprise. You don't know what you're going to get. You're going to get a new theme every time. I love that. Adel, this is why you're our leader. It's because you have all the best ideas. You bring everyone's ideas together. He's crossing guard badge. Uh-oh. I still think that people should be able to vote for these. So I'm not going to leave this open forever. But for our anniversary month for the month of August, I will have this poll up. You can go on and vote now. Hey, riddle.com slash theme song and vote for which one is your favorite of the theme songs.

Now, there's no writing voting, right? There's no right in voting. I think you should. I don't know. Yeah, maybe we have random voting as well. I mean, how fun would that be to read? I think the only problem with the right in voting is I think most people will do that and then no one will vote.

What do you also have to vote for another one? What if it's like race choice? Okay, I will do. I'll try to do it. So I want people to pick one, but then I'll also have like a notes where you can do a write-in. So if you want to suggest, and what are they writing it?

Are they like, I think 99 red balloons by gold fingers? I think Salisbury Hill by Peter Gabriel would be a better choice. Then we have to go clear the rights. Yeah. If enough people write in the same thing, we will look into it. Okay. And if it's a tie, we play. we play all four themes at the same time.

Layered on top of each other. Yeah, exactly. We just have to sit with that. Also, Arnie, phenomenal job. If it's, I'd be remiss to say, if you or anyone you know has any information about Arnie Parrott, he has been missing for a few weeks. He was last seen in Asheville, North Carolina.

Please let us know, email us at H.R.R. Podcast at email. But no rush. But no rush. And, Casey, Arnie's fine, right? Were there any more messages from Arnie? Yeah, he sent in a fourth one. I haven't listened to this one yet. Okay.

Let's play it. Let's play it. Hey, everybody. It's me, Arnie Parrott. The guy who wrote the theme song for Hey, Riddle of Rital and a bunch of other shows. Just wanted to kind of check in and say, everything's good. I'm fine. JPC's a cool guy.

Really, really nice man. That's nice. Anyway, I am kind of thinking of a different direction for my life. Thinking about running away and becoming a pirate. And not like a swords and swashbucklers kind of pirate, more like one of the new, you know, Captain Phillips style kinds of pirates. So anyway, if you don't hear from me for a while or ever again, that's probably where I am and it's dangerous. So, you know, draw your own conclusions. Sure.

But I'm fine. I'm all good. JPC's good. And see you later. Hmm. I never notice how much the cadence and timber of Arnie's voice sounds like TPC. Yeah. Okay.

Well, he's fine. But he's fine. I don't have to think about it anymore. That is to bed. You can cancel all those emails about seeing him or whatever you were going to do or whatever. Phew. Well, I feel better. That would have been scary.

That would have been rough. So don't forget to vote Hey, riddle.com slash theme song this month. I have a fourth theme here. Oh. Whoa. Oh, okay. Please. Help, help.

Help. Help. His name is Arnie and I'm writing the theme. And I'm not gonna be mean. I'm gonna talk about riddles and stuff. What rhymes with stuff? Gruff. That's our new theme.

Oh, that's our new theme. Aaron, what you just wrapped is our new theme. That's a really good one. I like how it really shows. Honestly, more than any of the other themes, it tells people what the show is going to be about. Laminate it, slap it up top. A primer on what exactly is going to be coming down?

To answer your question from before, I haven't changed it all in eight years. Yeah. I'm exactly the same, but I'm frozen in amber. Oh, my God. That's so fun. When Casey did he had a fourth theme to play, I was like, oh, I already did a fourth one. Okay, what is this? We hadn't talked about this as a bit, but I'm so happy, so happy that Casey took some great initiative.

in all honest in all sincerity how do we how do we feel legit about the first half big a little more casual the riddles just again to to save riddles to make riddles something a little more special if you eat a 10 course dinner and it's all key lime pie you start to hate pie at all i completely agree and i think what our the issue we've been running into is the false promise of riddles earlier. So if we're just more honest with people and we go, hey, we're running out out of riddle riddles. Yes. So maybe we just take it easy on this whole. Don't you guys have like six years of unopened emails with riddles? Shut up, Casey. Casey. Sorry. Oh my God. Casey. Casey, take that out. Oh my God. He's still talking. We need this show. We need this show to go on 60 more years. So we can't we can't burn all of those. We got to slow it down. Here's the thing. I'll do whatever makes you hogs happy. You listeners out there, whatever you want.

You want me to eat a spicy chip on the show. I'll eat a fucking spicy chip. You want me to review sneakers. I'll review goddamn sneakers. I don't care what we do. If you want more riddles, we'll do more riddles. I'll do riddles till my fucking ears bleed. I don't give you shit what we do.

That's the spirit. Maybe write in what you want JPC to do in that vote place. Yeah, but it has to be a song. It also has to be a song title. Like kill yourself by McElmore or whatever you're going to do. Is that what a Magomore songs? Yeah, you're right. That sounds more like a Ryan Lewis joint.

He's the problem in that duo. And maybe it's something we test out and see what happens. Yeah, you see it. You know, just go from there. I just think there is sometimes a panic to start riddles as soon as possible because we haven't gotten to a riddle. Sometimes... You're dragging your feet even now in real time.

Sometimes that's what we have a guess, that we haven't really got to have as much sort of fun with them as maybe we can. So I'm just saying this might help alleviate some amount of, you know, the sort of Damocles dangling over our necks. It's happening right now in real time. Did you not prepare riddles? Is that what's happening here? Do you think he's doing...

He's doing the stretch motion with his hands. How dare you? Can I just stop? and say, how dare you? Did you know that eight years ago the Tom Lung Cave Rescue happened?

What else happened now? What was that? Wait, which one was that? Was that the one where Elon Musk called everybody that guy at pedophile? Yes. God. What a time. What a simpler time. Also, LeBron James joined the Lickers. What else? What else? Can you think that guy's

still playing basketball? He's still playing basketball. Is he 44? Is he 44? I think he's 43. 43. Oh, 42 or 43. Still playing basketball. Did you know eight years ago, July 16th, 12 new moons were discovered orbiting Jupiter?

Maybe that's what inspired. Aaron's Jupiter. Could be. Did you guys want to guess what song was number one when we premiered? Hey there, Delilah? 2018, 2018, hey there, Delilah. They had a comeback.

Had a resurgence. What is it, do a leap by Aaron? No. Then I don't know. It was Drake in My Feelings. Now let's look up the number one movie. Oh, Drake's in My Feelings, yes. Yes, of course.

Eight years ago, Succession started. Do you want to feel old? Avengers Infinity War came out. That was probably the number one movie. Oh, Deadpool 2. Deadpool 2. Crazy Rich Asians. What else?

What else? What else? Can you believe that Avengers Infinity War? That was the last Marvel movie they ever made. Can you believe that? And here we are eight years later. And sometime this year, next year, there's going to be Avengers Who Gives a Shit? Like, we're really rounded out culture, aren't we?

We're just like grinding it down to dust. That would get me back into the theater. Is Avengers Who Gives a shit. I would have my butt in that seat so fast. Yeah. If actors keep retiring and then they come back as, massive villains. Like if Tom Holland goes until, let's say, 55

as Spider-Man, then comes back as Magneto, I'll keep watching just to be like, what's this now? I would see Avengers who gives a shit. If it's full production, $300 million budget, they got Chris Hemsworth, fully dressed as Thor, and he's just kind of wandering around being like,

anybody care what Thor's doing now? A soundstage that has no CGI. No CGI. And he has sort of a Ray Park dual Milnor Yeah

Like sort of What was Ray Park's Character? Um Darth Mall Darth Mall Sort of a Darth Mall dual

Mielor kind of thing Just because it's all Mielnor's You got Chris Evans He's Captain America He's sitting in his car

Trying to get into The Paramount lot Or whatever He's like behind A long list of people He's like yeah I got to film So funny

I got to film Avengers Who gives a shit Like yeah You gotta wait Because there's like Yeah I don't know there, some production's got a whole bunch of peacocks in there.

And you guys, do you want an autograph? And the guy's like, no. The guy, the guy does the thing where he looks in the backseat, like, looks at who's in the rest of the car. And he's like, uh, I'm good, man. Don Cheadle's on set, but he just came from Oceans 36 and is dawning a British accent. Pun intended on the dawding, huh? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

$25 ticket. Let's go, everybody. $25 for regular. You want to see this shit in 3D, 4DX, IMAX. I want to see this. Don't be digital. I don't need. I don't need this to be crisp.

You don't need it. You need it. You trust me, you need it. Trust me, you need it. I don't know, man. Have a good one. You're going to see every pore on Sebastian Stan's ass. Okay, have a good one.

Yeah, Sebastian Stan, full nude sex scene. Six minutes, uncut. Not talking about the seed. We're playing right into Adel's hand. Adel. We're talking about Sebastian's Dan's dick. Oh, shoot. You know what?

It's time for a break. Oh, my God. He did it. Oh, okay. Hey, riddle, we'll be back in Avengers. Who gives a shit? Hey, Rital, Ritchell. Hey, Rital.

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I like that it's all in one place. I like that I don't have to go around, you know, like different stores or something. It's just all on my website. Well, it's like, oh, do I need to go to like, do I need another type of website to like find the right pictures or like another type of website to upload the like. You know, it's all in one place. The video or audio or like, no, it makes it easy. Make it easy on me, please. Yes.

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www. Friends meeting. Friends. Friends meeting friends.com. That's an original thing that we came up with. Friends meeting friends. Anyway, so check out Squarespace.com slash headgum for a free trial.

And when you're ready to launch, use offer code headgum, save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell, sounds easy. Anybody could do it. Hey, riddle. And we are back. And wouldn't you know it, it's time to do riddles. And don't we feel a little more enthused about it?

Oh, yeah. A little more refreshed. Oh, yeah. I feel fucking, I feel fucking amazing right now. I'm more tired than I've ever been. And wait, we go. Aaron, what, you're, what, three years, three years younger than me. Something like that.

Something like that. You're in your, I'll say you, you're still in your early mid-30s. Okay. Can you imagine how tired you feel now knowing that it only gets worse? And does it only get worse? This is the most awake and alert you'll ever feel. It's never, it never, it doesn't get better. That's not sustainable.

I know. What am I going to do? You do hit a point, and I remember this when I was like watching my own grandparents, where they would like wake up at like 4.30 in the morning and they just kind of like daughter around all day and then go to bed at like where it's like oh you stop needing sleep completely but it's not because you're like you have so much energy it's because the low level of energy that you have only takes like three hours of sleep to you know get you to that point and then once that is that's as full as the battery take it goes you're just up and you're like okay I guess now I guess now I'm just kind of sleepy all day until 10 o'clock at night where I can that's genuinely So funny. I'm going to sleep for another five hours. There's a reason why if one older person passes away, their spouse usually passes away right after, because it's like, oh, thank God. Like, I was hanging on for them.

And they're like, ooh, all right. Sweet release. That'll do it then. Woo, woo, woo. Thank God. Yikes. All right. Exit stage left.

All right. I had a great. Who is it? I would think it was like one of my grandparents. cousins or something like that, but, you know, of their age. And they were on, they were old. They were in like their 80s. Or no, they were in their 90s. They were on vacation. Don't want to say where, Israel. But they were on vacation. They were like, you know, the Christians that go to Israel, like those fun people. But they were on vacation and one of them died.

And like in their hotel room. And then the other one, they were like, the family for a while was like, oh, fuck, we have to like figure out how to get a body like back. overseas with this person who's out there. So they're like, okay, well, we're going to fly out there. Someone else was going to fly out there like two days. And then two days later, the other one just died. And I was like, perfect. Perfect.

Perfect. To try to get out of like a kind of logistically nightmare chore just to die. Hell yeah. Yeah. And then no one had to deal with it. Because then everyone else was like, yeah, we have great parents here. We can marry him here, whatever. That's totally fine.

And they wanted to be buried here anyway because let's be honest, right? So it's like, perfect. Oh my God. Brushing the hands, everybody's. I would actually like to see a scene. So they're buried in Israel? Oh, yeah, or somewhere over there. Who knows?

Hey, back here. I'll talk that much. I'd like to see a scene. Adel, will have you be a flight attendant. In JPC, you are trying to inconspicuously fly back home with your spouse's body. So you don't have to pay any extra or special fees for it. Hey, excuse me, sir. Yeah.

I notice that your... This wife. My wife. This wife. She's so sleepy. I know she keeps kind of falling asleep and dropping into the aisle. If she could just, if there's a way to just kind of stay put, we can't have anybody walking around. Got it.

Yeah. No, she'll try to stop doing that. But she was just too much to put into a middle seat. I mean, she likes the aisle seat. So that's why she's in the aisle seat. It wasn't a strength issue on my pot or anything like that. But yeah, we'll, and just so you know, and I don't know if I report this to you or if I don't need to.

Report it to me. The kid sitting behind me farted really bad and keeps farting really bad. So if anyone reports like a smell, anyone else reports a smell, it was the kid behind me who keeps farting really bad. And they're really big parts too. So that's, if there is a smell issue being reported anywhere, the plane. Can I tell you, I'm not supposed to say anything, but half of the people on this flight are undercover flight attendants. And what we do is if there's something like this,

that's really? One of them will start kicking the back of his seat or something like that. Got it. Yeah. It's all, all flights are half full of actual paying customers and the rest are undercover agents. Can I ask you a question? You don't have to answer this. Maybe if it's just a look, the guy sitting next to me on my left, that's a flight attendant, right? Mm-hmm. Huh, your wife hasn't touched her stoop waffle. That's never happened before. Oh, yeah.

These are disgusting. These are disgusting and nobody wants to say. Something's wrong. Excuse me. This woman behind me, thank you. I'm glad that you're overhearing what you're talking about. She's kicking my chair so much. Oh.

Can you get your wife to stop kicking my chair, sir? Please, can you wake her up and ask her to stop kicking my chair? You know what? You never wake a sleeping woman to tell her to stop kicking. I do all the time. I'm sorry? I do all the time. Who?

Who do you wake up? My wife. Well, I feel sorry for your wife. She has the sleep. You feel sorry for my wife? I do feel sorry for your wife. She's a beautiful woman. She's a very good woman and she has a really great life.

She's probably a fucking flight attendant. She's probably not even your wife. Honey, is that true? Ask her. Wake her up. Honey, wake up. Huh? Are you a flight? No.

You're not a flight attendant, right? Oh my god Oh my god And can I tell you something I'm also a flight attendant And so is my dead wife Bada Code orange

We accidentally double books When a plane is all flight attendants Me too beidi Who serves who Boodoo do do Do do Um

What's do A riddle? Yeah, please. Okay. What is faster than a second? Minute. No. First.

A first. A first. Yes. Yes. Yes. Wow, that is a good riddle, actually. Okay. One out of two done, and that was 30 seconds.

So. All right. So let's maybe just buy some time. I'm shuriate. I'd like to see a scene. We are going to be Olympians who are on the podium. at the Olympics. JPC will have you be the first place winner.

Adel will have you be second and I'll be bronze. And JPC, you're kind of being a sore winner. You're kind of gloating that you are much faster than us. Aha! You did it. You gave it a good effort, I would have to say. May I shake your hand, silver? May I shake your hand?

That's not his real voice, right? He's putting on some sort of affectation. He just did the too slow handshake to me. Oh, a little too slow. Much like what you did on the track. Hey, and I want to apologize for turning around and running backwards for a little while. I just wanted to get a look at the competition. This motherfucker's built like Gaston.

Yeah. Kind of sounds like him, too. Hey, man, that wasn't poor taste, and so is this. We're just supposed to be quiet, put your hand on your heart. Poor taste! What are you talking about all of my dust that you were eating? Ha, ha, ha, ha. Hey, come, it was a rubber track.

Yes, it was a rubber track And maybe your father should have worn a rubber So he didn't have to deal with such a slow son That was actually artificial insemination, so Yes And you would know that if you hung out with us at all At the Olympic Village, you seemingly sequestered yourself In your room

You took all the condoms You brought them all to your room with no one else Well, if you know how to do it right You only need one person I had to raw dog, a gymnast. Was it awesome? It was awesome. It was incredible.

I mean, we have to get married now because she's pregnant. Whoa, after one, this guy gets it. Well, he's really fast sperm. His feet might be slow, but his sperm. You know, man, our whole lives are very full. That's probably why we didn't get first. Like, I have a wife, I have a family. I have a career that I love.

Hold on, hold on. It's my Ferrari guy. Go for Zeus James. Wait a minute. What's you say? Wait a minute. God damn it, James.

Swan head, Gaston body. Lightning that you throw at us during the race. Toga. You caught me. You caught me, okay? Crowd made of golden leaves. Okay, we're not still going. Keep your voices down.

Keep your voices down, okay? Look, I just wanted, they call it the Olympics. I just wanted to. feel what it would be like to compete. You're a god. What are you talking about? The saddest shit I've ever heard. You're not getting no validation.

It's not the saddest thing you've ever heard. Sadder than a god hanging out of the Olympic village and just masturbating a bunch in his room. Wait, what are you doing, James? Whoa, what? That means Zeus? Zeus? Where have you been?

If I've been? Uh, not fucking around. You told me not to fuck around, so I stopped doing that. Where were you? What is that around your neck? Oh, this, uh, they give these to you for donating blood. Don't have blood, I'm a god. Oh, boy.

You missed Dionysus' game. He was waiting for you. Dionysus was waiting for me? Yeah. He, he, he hit, he finally hit a ball in the game. And he looked into the stands and he was looking for. his dad, Zeus, I think, right? Dionysus can't even stand up straight.

You're telling me he hit a ball. I told you, Mom, he hates me. I don't hate you. You're just not an athlete. Oh, come on. I'm a bad guy. Drinks wine. Fucks a bunch. Yeah, go to your wine. Eat and eats.

Fucks a bunch. Drinks wine. Go to your wine, Dianyses, of course. Fucks and drinks. It's really hard to convince people that Hercules isn't your favorite just because he's a great athlete and you wanted to be a great athlete. But instead, you're just a god and a dad. So why don't you just go up and apologize to your sons, whose names I don't even know if you remember. I remember some of my brothers.

That's pretty good. Oh, boy, put me on the spot. You're drunk. Dianese's just giving me the wine, boy. What's my name? What's my name? What's my name? Your name.

Your beloved wife. Easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy. I'll tell you what it's not. It's not Athena. Oh, she's on your mind again, isn't she? I think it's my daughter. Wow. Or is it?

Wow. You are... This is bad. Five, four, three, two, one. Hit it. Hera. Yes. Okay.

You know what I did? What? I looked at you and I was like, she's got hair. Hair, uh, that's how I remember. Pack a bag, please. Okay. Opens bag, dumps a bunch of condoms in. I'll be at the Olympic Village.

Hey, why did you run for Canada? See? We don't know where Mount Olympus is, you know? It could be in Canada. They got a lot of mountains there. Isn't it in Greece? Greece? Did you say Greece?

It's not necessarily, definitely, from Greece, right? Yeah, I guess we could quibble about. The new he is not going to die on any hills anymore. Dionysus is on any hills. Oh. Did the ancient Greeks, when they were like the gods are from Mount Olympus, Did they like point to a mountain and be like that's Mount Olympus? Or was like Mount Olympus like some distant mountain?

You know what I'm saying? Huh. So you think that they were talking about Mount Olympus like a girlfriend saying like, you know, it's like. By Mount Olympus who lives in Canada. Yeah. You'll never see it. You can't climb it. But then, well, to be fair, Prometheus stole fire from the gods.

Yes. Presumably from Mount Olympus. He knew how to get there. He knew how to get there. And do you think any of this is true? Do you think that these gods really existed? Greek no Roman yes. Yeah, unfortunately.

Okay. The one that was a copy, that existed. Let's do it. Let's do it on the show. Finally, let's talk about it. What gods exist, what don't? Allah? Sorry, guys.

That's a bust. Jesus Christ? Nope, didn't happen. It's that, it's the. Didn't happen. It's the unsolved mysteries thing where the guy's like, that one was totally fake. Your God's not real. Real.

I just know that there's a couple somewhere and one of the sides of the couple is like, you're still listening to Hey, Riddle Riddle, huh? And they're going to say, yeah, it's the eighth year anniversary today. And they're like, well, what were they talking about? Yahweh? No way. Didn't exist. They're going through the gods and which ones are real or not real.

We are the most qualified. Adel, hiss with that next god, that's not real. Whoever the, whoever Peru worships, I guess. What's Peru worship? Odin, oh, done. That's not a real god. Next. Ra, more like nah.

Quetzikato? what's it what's it got what's it got all nope oh boy and Casey you feel free to jump in at any point I feel like there's just an absolute infinite more like Vishno oh Poseidon real real real that guy's real don't fuck with him he's real got a big spear or whatever oh my god Yes, and this is one of my favorites I've ever read. If you remove the bee, I'm cold air. Without the C, I'm muscle.

Take away my first part and I'm ancient. I can be read, but I'm usually sung. What am I? Remove the B, I'm cold air? If you remove the B, I'm cold air, without the C, I'm muscle. Take away my first part and I'm ancient. I can be red, but I'm usually sung. I'm usually, I can be red, but I'm usually, I can be red, but I'm

I'm usually sung. Him. Him? It's a word. How many letters? Can you tell us how many letters we're looking for? No, it's not. It's like a homophone thing.

It's kind of tough to say. Okay. Huh. Because it's, yeah, I mean, it's, yeah. I'm so sorry, can you walk me through it again? Yes, if you remove the B, I'm cold air. Let's pause there. Yeah, yeah.

So remove the B, I'm cold air. So I was thinking like AC, but the next. And it's like back, BAC, no. JBC, you are hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. With back? Bear? With the first thing you said. With AC.

Yeah. Air conditioning. You have that right. Interesting. Okay, so keep going. Mm-hmm. Without the C, I'm muscle. B.A.

Ab. Ab. Take away my first part and I'm ancient. And you have it already. With what you've discovered. ABCs. It's the ABC. The ABC.

I do want to see a scene. Gosh, okay, I get it. An ABC. Aaron, you are a, like a preschool teacher. You're getting ready. You're gearing up for nap time for JPC and I. You are seeing the ABCs, but you had a rough night out on the down last night. And so this is sort of a newer version because you can't quite remember how it goes.

All right, everybody. Close your eyes. It goes up into my water bottle. Should we take the barf out of the classroom? Keep your eyes closed. Miss Danucci, should we take the barf out of the classroom? No, what barf? Huh?

Miss Danichi, should we put the sod on it like Janitor Jim does? No, we're not going to let Janitor Jim know about this. Because Janitor Jim broke up with me. We were on the dance floor, last night and he decided to call it quits while we were dancing to Kesha of all things. You can believe it. Whoa. Anyways.

Does Tenoucci, does Tanya Jim wear his coveralls out? Yes. Oh. Yes, he does. Now, if everyone can just close your eyes and we're going to work on that song we've been working on all week. If you're ready for it. Ooh, Ms. Tinoucci, I heard a loud thunk. Did you close your eyes and walk into the chalkboard?

I did. Thank you for your honesty. I did, Declan. I hit, I hurt so bad. And I'm even more disoriented than I was before. Why did you close your eyes, Miss Tanucci? Aren't you supposed to be watching us? Yeah, I guess. I guess.

But I have the spins. Remember when you closed your eyes for five minutes and Jeff disappeared? Yeah, but they've got their best guys on it. They're looking for him. I guess. There's a weird smell in the air duct. Well, sometimes you come home and you realize that you forgot to feed your cat and you're not sure what to do with the body

and so you're trying to get in touch with the vet and you bring the cat to school and you put it in the air duct and then you forget about it for six weeks and then a child smells it and reminds you. You guys are going to learn so much about the world. Let's work on our ABCs, okay? Oh, you were going to sing us the ABCs, Mr. Nietzsche? Oh, sing us the ABCs.

Mm-hmm. A, B, C, if I can leave, texting a sub to see if she can be in my classroom as fast as she can. If I can't get her, I'll ask a man. M, N, C, B. What letters did I miss? We got her. We got her. Rips off mask.

I'm Tiny Murphy with ABC Do's. Tiny reporter, big reporting. Oh, yeah, right, Tiny Murphy, like you're going to catch me. Bebeep. Hey. It's friends. Hey. I'm not covering as much ground as I'm at hope.

Tiny Murphy, get under my office. Give you a second. Yeah, I figured as much. You're out of breath. Tiny Murphy, slam tan on desk. Small mysteries. You can't handle the big stuff, Tiny. Please, please, Chief, put me out a big case.

You know, a missing politician. I don't know, a space launch. So this is the sand depot. The sand comes in, and then the construction orders come in for the sand, and the sand goes out. So anyway, this is what we're missing. It's one solitary grade of sand. God damn it.

We don't know where it went. We don't really have a lot of suspects, but... I want... Did you know I want a tiny politzer? Sir, there's been a murder in the sand. Oh, sorry, I didn't realize you were giving a tour. A murder in the sand? Oh, no.

Yes, yes, yes. We hardly have anyone around who can do something about a murder in the sand. That tugs on your shirt. Down here, I'm Tiny Murphy. Tiny Murphy, from the news? From ABC News. Tiny Murphy. Call ABC News and see if they could send someone over.

Thanks a lot, Tiny Murphy. It was good of you to call. It's me. This guy's even smaller. This guy's way, way smaller than Tiny Murphy. Itty Bitty Andy, and I'm here to report on the murder. God, they gave the case to Itty Bitty Andy? And I closed it fast. It was another serial killer.

Itty Bitty Andy and Tiny Murphy solving mysteries all over town. Andy and tiny Murphy Turn that frown upside down There's all been mysteries down the block Tiny gun tiny badge on my desk Seed We get guns and badges Okay well can I do that as a Patreon episode

Or will you guys be mad? We liked what we heard Aaron Adel I know we've already done more than our two riddles Correct? I think so Maybe just two Maybe just two

Can I hit you guys with some late breaking news that just came across my desk. Now, by the time this comes out, unfortunately, this event will already be over. But for us here in the present, it is big news. Okay. Olive Garden has announced that they are bringing back the never-ending pasta pass. Did someone text this to you? Oh, a couple people.

For $100. He has Olive Garden alerts? For $100, you get 13 weeks of unlimited pasta at the Olive Garden. They only sell, it looks like the last time they sold this was in 2019 and they only sold 24,000 pasta passes. The last time they did the sale, the passes went within minutes. Are you guys... That's too much pasta. Do you think it's my year?

Shut up. Hold on. Hold on. Before you answer my question, shut up. That's too much pasta. Shut up. As your doctor, I can't... You're fired.

You're fired. Okay. I were to can't thee. I excommunicate you, doctor. You're supposed to give me two weeks, but that's fine. If you're already getting text about it, it's too late. What do you mean? It's too late.

The pasta passes have not gone out on sale yet. Oh, okay. When do they go on sale? Well, it'll already be over by the time this episode comes out. But it is for us, it'll be on Thursday. The pasta passes go on sale. They sell out within minutes, but it's like those people that wait online for the iPhone, right? Like, I could be one of the lucky ones, $100 for 13 weeks of unlimited pasta.

And you can take the pasta to go or do you have to order other stuff? Is it like with purchase of other things? I guarantee that you cannot take the mustard to go. I bet you have to sit in the restaurant. I bet you have to talk to the waiter. I bet you have to tip America. You're going to go to Olive Garden enough in a month to get your $100 worth. You're going to go and sit for a full meal at Olive Garden.

I don't know. Get a crew. Let's get a crew together. The pasta boys. The pasta boys. Make a meal out of it. And I do want to say, I have some late breaking news. Or early breaking news?

I don't know how that works. At the Olive Garden conference, which I guess they do much like Apple does, it sounds like they have released Cacio Peppy 3 Pro. Cacchio Pepeppy 3 Pro. It is thinner. It has more sauce. How's the camera?

It has Wi-Fi. Cameras amazing. Guys, I can't believe that we can do this, but Casey said this is possible. We take you now to the Olive Garden Conference where the CEO of Allengarden, Linda Rigatoni, is delivering the keynote speech right now. Now, we're in the middle of it,

so we're breaking you in to halfway into Linda Rigatoni's speech. It's a me, a Linda, a Rigatoni. And the future is a panace. We are a, I'm gonna make us a pasta, a thinner. A faster, a better. Inner. To compete with all of the Chinese apasta. Because everybody wants a pasta from there.

Yes, a question from a crowd. Peter Pene, from the Failing New York Times. Linda Rigotoni, didn't you just recently win the gold at the Olympics for Italy? Hmm. Yeah. How dare you? I'm not anyone besides the Linda Rigatoni. It is not a fake name.

Oh, okay. My name is not... Peter Primavera, Pasta Times. Linda Rigatoni, how do you react to the news that you are, in fact, Hera, dressed up like Linda Rigotoni to get back at your husband Zeus? Oh, a hera. I never heard of that name. Ryan Isis

Sorry Ryan Nis From Greek Times You say your name is Ryan Isis You're supposed to be a home

Doing your homework Bob I'm here to support you Oh my God I'm here to support you I get at home Freaks alive Wait what is Harris thing This guy said his name's Ryan Isis

See What is Harry's One more riddle for the road? Yeah, sure. I think Harris thing is like, isn't it like fertility or being a wife or something? I'll look at it. Yeah, her thing is getting, her thing's getting cheated on. That's like her power.

Marriage, women, family. Is that Vendezel's speech from Fasten Feet? Yeah. Marriage women, family. First you get the marriage, then you get the women, then you get the family. That's like your dumbest friend is like. like, yeah, Linda wants me to write my own vows. What do you got so far?

Marriage, women, family. Are those bullet points or, uh, yeah, bullet points? I can bring my gun to the ceremony. Two, three bullets in the air. Show her how excited I am. Goes into the upstairs best man. Let's do as Aaron requested. Please.

And of course, on anniversaries, Aaron gets whatever she wants. Ooh. Now Aaron. Yes. I could. read a riddle for the road as you asked or if my queen permits you could do a wrap. Wait, you can't, oh, is this part of the $100 deal? You can't take any of the riddles on the road?

You have to sit down to do your riddles? Yeah. That sucks. Finish your riddle, no boxes. Okay, I'll do one more wrap, but just because it's an eight-year anniversary and just because I don't know how to rhyme, but you guys have to pick what I rap about. And no one is, no one's allowed to show your face on screen while I rap and no one's allowed to laugh.

Pasta. Erud, it's got to be about pasta. Oh, no. Nothing, no, nothing rhymes with any pastas. Nothing rhymes with any pastas. That's not true. Um, hold on. Yeah, I got it.

Peni, Buccini, a little bit of a Bucatini. Put it down on my plate. In a couple minutes, I'm gonna get to say that I ate all the pasta. Henne. Lazzania. We're going to order with a martini. Going to be cold with olives at the garden. What?

Say when. Say when. Say when. And all the girls in the crowd say, say when. Say when. Say when. And then the fella say it. Say when.

I'm not sad. Say when. Say when. The fellas do the same thing The lady say I'm a getting the spaghetti and I'm going to eat it in one sitting What?

No let no stop it. Yay! Keep it going. Roll it back, Casey. I want Aaron, I want a clip of Aaron saying I'm going to get it to the spaghetti and eat it at one sitting. Ziti Bucatini

and a little I'm trying, I don't want to be meany. I can't do this. Aaron, I didn't stop it. You naturally reached the end. That was your first full length. rap. Whoa. Aaron, you did it. Cavatappy. Tap in. Take a nappy after eating cavatapy. I should have said, I'ma take a napy after eating cavatapy. Go back in time and put in the lyric. I'ma take a napi after

eating cavitaphie. Casey, please. Casey, go back in time, please. I'ma getty the spaghetti and I'm eat it in one sitting. I'm going to take a napi after eating cavatapy. I'm going to take a napi after eating cavitapie. I'm a take a napi after eating caputappi. New York City, you listen to me. If you're near a convenience store right now, any type of 24-hour store, going to the store right now and put your hand in the cash register for no reason. Their money is your money.

As of right now. Now, Aaron, you've had a time turner this whole time. Rigotony, Casey Tony. It's been a bit of a plot hole. Rigotony, Casey Tony. Hot dogs. That's not Italian. Creates.

Oh my gosh. Very fun. I would say one of your better raps, Aaron. Yeah, Aaron. That was very fun. That's very fun. Not good. Hey there, Bradley's and Whitford.

If you like that, do we're going to love this week's Patreon. We take you to the Preston Shire Country Club with our special guest, Damon Royster. You can listen to that in our entire back catalog at patreon.com. slash Hey Riddle Riddle by joining the Clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven-day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad-free episodes. See you there. That was a HeadGum podcast. What's up everybody? I'm Kyle Mooney. And what's up everybody? I'm Beck-Bent. And man, we got something to tell. Oh, yeah, we definitely do. Yes, it's a brand new podcast on

HeadGum. That's right. And it's called What's Our Podcast? Yep. And that's because we don't have a single idea what our podcast you'd be about. Yeah, we don't. So we actually have guests come on and they tell us what they think our podcast should be about and then we try it. Yep. Guests like Mark Maren, Jack Black, Brittany Brosky, Caperland, Bobby Moynihan, Mike Stalter and Tim Balls, Landon Axler, Jolie, Joni McGreeze, and Dender. And Dender. New episodes release every Wednesday.

So subscribe to what's our podcast. On YouTube or any of your favorite podcast platforms. Yeah. I'm going to go do it right now.