Hey Riddle Riddle - #429: Monkey Trends

Episode Date: October 7, 2026

Please do NOT attempt to put grass or sticks in ANY of your orificesStarring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus & Ad-Free Eps on Patreon!JPC's Guided Meditations Volume 1, available now at our Patreon digital store!Want merch? Visit our Dashery Store!Want to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle 6351 W Montrose Ave #267Chicago, IL, 60634Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531)Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Hey, are you Adel and Eirin, Eirin, Eryan? Adel and Eryan? Yeah, that's right. Okay. J.P.C will be right. No, no, I totally get it. I panicked too.

I was looking down at my name tag. I kind of forgot. He will be right with you. He is just finishing some things up right now. Get excited. Get, you know, I know it's going to be. It's really exciting. Yeah, to meet.

He made us uncum all. JPC. All the way down here to this fancy office building. Is that a climped? Yes, you have a good eye. Hang on the desk. Is that a climp? That's a clint, yes.

Well, can I get you anything water, tea, coffee, hand jobs? JPC did say that I have to say that last one, but I also will say that it's a joke. I will not be giving hand jobs. Sounds like you're about to cry. Sorry, who are you? I am. This is, okay. I used to be called Paul.

now I am C.P.J. Wow. And is this like an adult? We obviously have to ask this. A Mrs. Doubtfire situation where you're pretending to be your own secretary. So you see how we treat your secretary. It is a Mrs. Doubtfire situation. But no, not in the way that you think.

There will be a drive-by fruiting at some point during. And get excited. Big smiles. J-P-C likes to see big smiles. So make sure that you keep big smiles on when the fruit hits you. Is it going to be like Because I think Pierce Prasening got hit with a Aaron, what was it?

Like a nectarine or something? He what? You didn't hear us all over the news. Pierce Prasana is dead. Oh my God. It's going to be somewhere in the cantaloupe through Watermelon family. He's so handsome.

He's so handsome. Was, Aaron. Was. Oh, no. But Mobland Season 2 is out on Paramount Plus. That can't be true. Oh my god, guys. Have you been waiting long?

Oh, JPC. With a full business on top, no pants on bottom. A Donald Duck? A business duck? You think Donald Dust? No. Excuse me? Excuse me?

I'm in the middle of getting a hand job. I slurred my words. You think Donald Duck is business on top? A grown duck wearing a sailor outfit. Well, is a sailor not a job? job? All of a sudden, sailors are a business.

Oh my God. I walked into it. Aaron, this is a PR nightmare. Come for him. This is my laughing during the name reading of, oh, no. Come for him. Any sailors, any sailors, let it be known. Get in the comments.

Write Donald Dust. If you are a sailor and you are mad at all, write Donald Dust in the comments and come for him. Ashes to Ash's, Donald Dust to Donald Dust. We were on vacation and we've only been back for four minutes. And that's all it took. And that's all it took. You know what I was thinking?

And this is, and I do want to get serious for a second. Okay. Let's be serious. I do know that canonically, they did say some friends in the known, I don't want to say names because I don't want to get them in trouble. They did say when Thanos snapped. Donald Duck first to go. He was the first to turn into that gray dust. Yeah.

And he started, a lot of people started in different spots. He started the tail. And it was just his beak talking at one point. And he went like. And then his beak dust, all dust. And Daisy Duck sighed, a sigh of relief, I'll tell you that much. She watched him turn to dust and went, this is a miracle. I was not there.

I was not there. So don't get in the comments and say, I was hanging out with Donald Duck. I was not. I was not there. I had a person that I know. I won't even say, friend, a person I know was there. I heard he started going into dust like four hours before the snap. I have a question about the snap.

Instead of yes, adding this. I should have done it. I know Rule of three, comedy, but I do have a question about the snap until it before I could do. Oh, sure.

Just, Aaron, just to, very quickly, I assume you're going to ask about Goofy's Infinity Stone that's embedded in his forehead or no, you're shaking your head, no. Okay, this is something else. Wait, are you talking, Aaron,

now, because I have to know because you just said the snap, are you talking about when Will Smith hit Thanos at the Oscars? No, I'm talking about the Zachary Quinto television show that got one season. Oh.

Because Goofy does have the goofstone in his forehead. I know. I figured, I knew that because that, like, they bring that up a lot.

That was in Captain America Civil War thing. He had to kill Pluto to get the goose stone, right? I know. And I know that.

He shows up with Pluto and he's like, one of us ain't walking away from here, Gorse. Just because I'm a girl. You think I don't know that he had to kill Pluto to get the goopstone.

I'm not, well, warmed up for this. I have a question about the snap. Yeah, the snap. Was there a rhyme or reason as to who left?

Like, did Thanos go, like, take out the 50% of the worst beings? Dude. Or was it random? Aaron, can I say, can I? I want one of these fan recuts. You know the scene, the sequence? Sorry, spoilers for Avengers Infinity War, a movie that if you live in the United States, you contractually had to see.

Like, you could not have not seen this. But I want one of those fan recuts, but everybody who fades away, it's got their, like, salary on the fade away. And everybody who stays that's got the salary of who's what. person stays. I want to see that. I'd be curious to know. And who's a grower and who's a shower? Oh, yeah. What do you, what do we think? What do we think? Sebastian Stan? Both. It grows? What? It gets bigger. Okay. Remember the core tenets of improv. Yes and. Okay. That's easy. I can yes and to this.

Aaron Keith will return. Sebastian Stan is a grower and a shower. Come on, Aaron. You can get this. Come on. You can figure this out. There's a into this. There's a way for me. And I thought the metal arm was big. Jesus Christ. Who do you think would have disappeared in the snap if it had been me or like if it had been us? Like do you think I would have disappeared? Do you think all three of us would have been gone? That I feel like makes the most sense. I think it would be me. I think you guys would stay and it would be me and it would be the best five years of your life. And when I came back five years later, I think you guys would be like, outwardly you'd have to be happy but I think there would be a part of you that was

like kind of was a little better with that. Oh my God. Adela and I are so happy. We've had so much fun for five years. You're back. We've been giving your wife and kid your cut. Sure. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

We got to make this right. I just feel like I would be alone. Aaron, I think you're right. In terms of I feel like Aaron would double over and be like, I don't feel so good. and be like, I'm scared. And then JPC and I would disappear.

And Aaron would be like, that's fine. I still feel like, I don't know what's wrong. And it would be like you ate too many jelly beans or something. Yeah. And then you'd throw up and be like, huh, okay. That's so funny. You'd scrape us both into one dust bin mixing our dust. Adel, you're my mentor, obviously.

I'm Spider-Man. I almost said Tony Spanano. That's like why right now. Tony Soprano. Who am I thinking of? Can you imagine Toby Soprano in the Iron Man suit? Oh, boy. You would look fantastic.

The Dr. Strange Portal starts spinning at big pussy steps out. And I go, I don't. I go, Mr. Rify, I don't feel so good. And then you disappear and I throw up a bunch of jelly beams. I think we landed on it. I think Jarvis is like Joey, who it's like, oh, Tone. Oh, on your six. They gave you.

Hey! Portal opens up and a bunch of just like Capricol like just falls out just a bunch of a bunch of loose Italian meat. You guys, we went on vacation. We have to turn over a new Italian leave. Oh, put a table down.

Oh! No, but we are back, baby. It's hate riddle, riddle. You never noticed that we took two weeks off, but we did. I'm GPC. They felt it spiritually. They felt it. They felt it. And you guys all felt it. And welcome back to the show. And this is Hey, Ritin' Roll. It's the podcast you love. It's the one about riddles. It's also the one about improv. It's the one about October. It's the one about spoopy season, as we all know.

So the reason friends did that, titled every episode, the one where they blank, is so people could feel like they could jump in any episode. Wow. Isn't that interesting? Is that true or is that just something you're saying? They made a cognizant decision to name everything, something where it's like, oh, this is the one where they blank versus like, you know, big arcing stories or anything. I guess they had that, but. And, Adel, I don't know if you think this way, but what, like, piece of information that you got in your head in high school had to leave your brain to hold space for that fun little piece of trivia? How to sit down without your legs going numb, I guess. Did you guys learn that in high school?

I just getting older. I saw a person, a person, it was probably my age. They were not like necessarily a young person, but I was in a restaurant and I saw a person sitting in a booth.

They had taken, they had sandals with straps on them. They had taken their sandals off and they were sitting criss-cross applesauce in a booth. And I was like, first of all, I don't think I'd be able to just do that.

I don't, I don't, socially and like physically. I think there are like two things preventing me from being able to do that. But I am fascinated by people who choose to take their shoes off in public places like that. Oh, yeah. They're a different breed. Let's try to figure out, like, places that it's acceptable to take your shoes off. I think the beach, but I also think beach adjacent.

Yeah. Activities. Like, I think if you are at, like, I don't know if this is true, like a restaurant by the beach. If the restaurant is over 80% would, you are allowed to take your shoes off at that restaurant. Okay. Okay. Like you're on like a patio. If there's anything like, you know how like some beach restaurants have just like kind of sand on the floor or like a Texas Roadhouse house like peanut shells? Anywhere where there's like crap on the floor, feel for it to take your shoes off.

They don't care. Yeah. You're going to get peanuts all over your shoes. I'll tell you, or your feet. What am I talking about? I'm going to say jamba juice. Okay. Because it's tropical.

I also think it's sort of like maritime law in there. Yes. Like I think it's kind of the Wild West. I think anything goes at a Jambah juice. Sell cigarettes. Yeah. Some sovereign citizen shit. Like this car is for,

this car is for transit. I'm not carrying any commercial properties. Right, right, right. Yeah, for sure. Admiralty Court, of course, yes. We all know. We all agree. We're all nodding.

You know, Natalie Wood was killed in a Jambahibon. Famously. Famously. Famously. Firmacy. She knows exactly what happened in that. I'm a juice, I'll tell you that. Yeah, I mean, there's just car wash.

No. You're inside your car, though. Yeah, but I'm in a car wash. Me and my car are both in a car wash, right? I'm in a building. You're not outside your car. It's a wet building, but I'm in it. Yeah.

I think you can, I think you're kind of weird for it. Why are you taking your shoes off in a car wash? I get in the car wash. I race to take my shoes and socks off before the car wash can end and then put them back on. There's like people honking up me like, move, we're going to crash into you. If I were to do deductive reasoning here, I would think that you're trying to put your little

feet seats outside the window to get a little washing of your feet. There is I know that a car wash is like high pressure and it would kick your ass, but there is a part of me. It's just a part of my brain that is like, man, I'm up to walk through one of those. Like, like an American Ninja Warrior course, like to see if I can do it.

I don't think you think. I don't think that. I think that's going to be like a sandblaster. Also, My first thought of Aaron was that JPC wanted to get, like, he wanted his feet on the carpeted floors of his car while it's getting detailed because he wants to feel those little suction vacuums. Oh, yeah. That'll take a, that'll take a nail. Yeah. I'm Aaron Keefe. And this is car wash.

And it's just JPC trying to run through a car wash without getting hurt. I make over. I make a car detailing appointment and they're like, what's the make and model? I'm like, yes, a 1988, a pervert. Yeah. Sir, we cannot detail a person. We can't get you back to factory levels. Person, no, no, no.

It's a car. It's like 5'10. Yeah. Blackish, brown hair. Pervert energy. I don't know if I have to tell you this up front, but the car is very ticklish in the knees and the back. JPC, I do think that you'd be a great host for Car Wash, the wipeout American Ninja Warrior-style game show where contestants try to run through a car wash.

So something to consider career-wise, I think. I think I'm the right person to deliver the message to America that we have to stop the show because a person has died. And it's halfway through the first episode. And you've been sitting on it for 20 minutes. And in the background, you can just see people like doing the CPR and everything. I'm trying to put a brave face on, but I'm like looking over my back shoulder as that is, we watched a person sign up for the optional undercarriage watch and we watched them get launched

20 feet up into the ceiling and fall back down. That's a dead person. Oh, my God. You've been sitting on it for 20 minutes. I'd also love like, I don't want to explain this. Like being able to drive through like a DZ discovery zone. Like a car in like a DZ discovery zone. What do you think would be fun to knock over the most?

I think a car going through like a ball pit full speed. Oh, yeah. down a slide car going down to water slide oh my god this is not advice adle i'm not giving you any advice but have you ever considered because like boardwalks have like big

arcades on them too and you can get a car down a boardwalk now i think you might i'm not saying do this and if you're listening i'm not endorsing doing this but i think you can get a car kind of into one of those arcades pretty easy well here's the thing your face is gonna be on the news here's the thing i drive exactly

I drive a car recklessly down the boardwalk, you know, iron bus is going to come get me. Oh, that's right. They say it's Tony Soprano, but no one knows for sure. It's Dino's Tony. It's Tony. It's Doty. He's the iron bus. Well, look, this is Hey Riddles and Improved all that stuff, and we will get to that. But we're going to get to that after this little break. This podcast is sponsored by Squaredo. Hey everybody, JPC here.

If I sound a little rough, it is only because I basically just got back from having my whole body absolutely pounded by my arch nemesis square face. The whole time he was pounding me too, he was telling me about his new business venture. He was saying that Squarespace is the all-on-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online, whether you're just starting out or scaling your business. SquareSpace gives you everything you need to claim your space. your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place. And he's Squareface. He's not affiliated with Squarespace. He was just excited, kind of about a cool new product that he was kicking around with. Speaking of kicking, he was kicking me pretty hard. Also something that could be hard. SEO tools. With Squarespace,

you can get discovered fast with integrated Squarespace SEO tools. Every website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions, an auto-generated site map, and more. So you show up more often on search engines and bring in more of your ideal customers. What would be ideal for me is for Squareface not to pummel me every time he happens upon me. This time I think he was actually taking a video. He even mentioned that Squarespace makes it easy to showcase your expertise and engage clients with video content on your website. Upload and organize your videos, create stunning video libraries, and even monetize your content by adding a paywall, perfect for online courses, exclusive tutorials, and premium workshops.

I hope the video he posted was behind a paywall because I wouldn't want it out there. for, you know, my child or my loved ones to see. Anyway, head to Squarespace.com slash riddle for a free trial when you're ready to launch. Use offer code Riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. And if you see Squareface out there, I'd run, run from him. Hey, everybody, it's JPC. Well, it happened again. I was in the market for a weather balloon.

I had stopped at a roadside weather balloon stand. And as I was browsing, kind of the new weather balloons, the 2026s, the 2027s that have just kind of hit the lot. They release and fall of the previous year. I got all of my clothes snagged on a weather balloon and the dang thing took off and took all of my clothes with it. So completely naked and I'm thinking to myself, JPC, why does this keep happening to you? And then I thought, what doesn't matter, my friend? Because you can go to Quince. Quince focuses on high quality wardrobe staples made with premium materials like 100%

Mongolian cashmere, organic cotton, and merino wool. The styles are timeless, versatile, and designed to become the dependable pieces you reach for day after day. And I'll be honest with you, I put on this 100% Mongolian cashmere sweater, and this thing is not breaking the bank. It starts at just $60. And I thought, there's no way this thing gets snagged on another weather balloon and pulls all my clothes off up into the sky to who knows where. And when temperature starts to drop, it's more important than ever to wear clothes. Quince makes it easy to build on those everyday staples with premium down jackets and classic wool outwear, versatile layers designed to keep you warm and comfortable all season long.

And now that we're in the fall, guys, you've got to reach for some of these quince sweaters. You will not believe the quality. You will not believe the craftsmanship. I love my CableNet Quince sweater. I reach for it every year so you can find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to Quince.com. get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada and the UK too and when Quince asked where you heard about them let them know it was hey riddle riddle and more

specifically it was JPC who got all as close stolen by a weather balloon it's the best way to support the show guys my finances are crazy right now I'm in the middle of the move and there are so much there are so many unexpected costs like I'm paying for movers I have to pay for the storage place I got to pay for all like all sorts of new things and I have to buy new furniture and I'm so stressed. But guess what? I've got rocket money and it's helping me stay organized and making sure I'm not going over budget. It's also helping me save money because it has canceled so many unwanted subscriptions that I'm not using anymore. Wow, Aaron. It sounds like you are using rocket money to its full potential. And it sounds like

this move doesn't have you stressed at all. I can't see it in your face. I can't see it in the way you act. And I definitely can't see it in your face. Huh. Thank you. You're welcome, and also you're welcome for Rocket Money's ability to set budgets and goals. You can get personalized insights and regular reports receive real-time alerts for large transactions, upcoming bills, refunds, and low balances. And you can use their automated savings that grow towards goals with adjustable amounts and frequency so you can use a set-it-and-for-get-it approach. And then when you need some unexpected money, like say you have a big move coming up, Rocket Money has your you covered. Because Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel on one of

its subscriptions, monitors your spending, it helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at RocketMoney.com slash riddle. That's RocketMoney.com slash riddle. RocketMoney.com slash riddle, R-I-D-L-E. And we're back, and I just want to say thank you to all these animals who have been so patient. Guys, move, go ahead, move that bus and the rope, and let's see a... Animal parade! Whoa! Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, a python with student debt.

A bear with a cubs hat. A koala with an aftercare receipt. Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, a rat with a mouse wife? a gorilla with a meth problem an adax with an Amex card It's animal brain I think we were just naming what we could see We're on the room there's an adax

There's a tape here A rat with a mouse wife I know isn't that one? I had no idea This is an email we have from Rachel Rachel says, you can use my name. Says Animal Prade article, Chimp Fashion Trend. Of course, you can send Animal Prade articles to H-R-R podcast at Huma.com.

Hello, woke up this morning and checked my news app and was greeted with the usual fire hose of bad news, but thankfully, also this absolute gym. Immediately thought of you, all, and Animal Prade. And guys, the title of this article is chimps are sticking grass and sticks in their butts, seemingly as a fashion trend. I just heard about animals doing fashion trends last night. At quality time, Olivia, let me know that I think it's whales are putting like seaweed and stuff on their heads as like sort of like a fashion trend.

Oh my God, right? Whales coming back from Turkey. And I think like dolphins are like grabbing little leaves. I think that they're like tween trends among animal kingdom. I just learned about this. I cannot wait to talk about it. This is incredible. That is so cool.

But it's also like, is that us looking at the whale putting leaves on its head and being like, that's got to be for fashion, right? Like, we can't, we can't know. I think they all started doing it. If multiple whale, let me Google us. Casey's typing. He's about to be like, you're all so stupid. I feel like in 10 years, we're going to find out some guy was stapling leaves to whale heads. And we were all like, this is beautiful.

And it was really a crime. Whales. Casey says, yeah, and it's passed between pods or something, I think they said. Oh, great. So they talked about another pod, Casey. Save that shit. You don't need to say that shit to us, Casey. Come on, man.

You work for this pod, okay? Yeah. Don't be trying to pass this off on fucking gutter. Oh, Casey's putting this on gutter. If I listen to next week's fucking gutter, Casey, there's a bit about goddamn whales wear clothes, you're dead meat. Huh. Yeah.

Okay. Oh, and then a year ago, they started wearing them again. I think they started wearing them in the 80s. Ciclical, cyclical trends. Cyclical, classic trend cycle. What is it, every 20 years? Oh, my God, of course. I love it.

25 years, it'll be like, leaves on the head are back. Yeah. And some older whales like, oh, my God, I wore leaves on my head when I was a kid. Belly button piercings are back for orca whales. 20-year cycle. Low-rise change on those whales. Trent, we're not. eating seals. Oh my gosh.

Is that out? Is that gone? Does that mean, are there like slightly older whales that are like, I don't care about wearing leaves in your head. I'm still going to wear kelp on my side. I don't care if it's not cool and if no one thinks it looks cool, it's what I'm comfortable with. And you're like, no one cares if you think it's

cool. You're 35. Come on. It's okay. Why are you trying to keep up with the younger orcas? That's a young man's game. Where do you want? Okay, wait, before we get into this animal pregnant, do you want to get into it? Can I tell you about the thing, I think that this, I think that this is a younger generation.

I see teens. Every time I'm out and I see teens at eating at restaurants, this is something that they do, and I just cannot even fathom doing it. I could say, I went to a diner the other morning by myself, and I sat down at the counter,

and I put my headphones in, and I listened to a podcast while I was eating my breakfast. Whoa. Yeah, disgusting. Casey over here. I see people, like teens, in groups eating and talking on whatever, but they have their AirPods in the entire time.

Do you guys see this? To me, this is nuts behavior. Like, I just can't. I'm like, if I have a conversation with someone, are they listening to something while they're doing it? Why don't you just take it out and put it in its case or your pocket or something? Now, I, in teaching,

I won't say the school, just to, I don't want to put my students on blast. And teaching in a certain school improv, I have had students before where they have AirPods in the whole time. And I'm like, do you mind taking those out during class? And they're like, oh, I need them for XYZ just for like whatever reason. So. Whoa, no, don't skip over the reason. What's the reason?

Can I hear one reason? What's one good reason? A reason I have heard that people are keeping AirPods in is there's nothing playing, but the noise cancelling feature is on. Oh. So it is, it makes the world a tiny bit quieter. The reason I heard from students is there's a really good episode of your mom's house with Tom Segura. And I agree that that's a viable reason to where air-bosing class. That would be so funny if 19-year-olds were listening to Tom Sigur.

Let me just skip over the fun part of life and get to the saddest, saddest part of the middle part. Mr. Rify, he's interviewing Steve. Devo and it's actually really fascinating. I'm 17 and I'm really into a party. Burke Kreischer, I think speaks to me in my experience. Go to a car wheel. Go to a party. Yeah, okay.

The noise cancelling thing, like, I get it, I guess. And I don't, I'm just, it doesn't make any sense to me, but I guess I, I guess I accept that as a thing. I think I would rather be wearing, like, earplugs. than AirPods, I think, if for noise counseling. But do what you got to do? Make sure you're not actually listening to something when your friend's talking to you.

That's the hope. Yeah. I would say if I had one AirPods in and it was playing like explosions in the sky, then I'm like, whoa. Every conversation is a movie. Yeah. This is the soundtrack to my life.

And that's pretty cool. But anything other than explosions in the sky, is rude. The whole time we're recording, I have, I've got you, babe, by Sunny and Cher playing full blast in both my ears. It's the only way I can tolerate this. Yeah, I'm listening to Kenny Longin's highway to the danger zone right now, just kind of like, that's the only way, by the way, in my mind, the podcast is badass. This is one of the coolest fucking shows in the planet. Okay, I'm ready to hear about the chimps. I'm sorry. I, I had to get them. Oh, chimps are sticking grass and sticks in their butt, seemingly as a fashion trend.

Okay. A group of chimpanzees in Zambia have resurrected an old-fashioned trend with a surprising new twist. Fifteen years after a female chimpanzee named Julie first stuck a blade of grass into her ear and started a hot new craze. I feel like the journalist is really adding their own color to this. Color to this. Well, the journalist admires Julie, and I'll be honest, so do I. There's no such thing as objective journalism anymore. It's everyone's putting their own personal experience on everything.

To be a chimp named Julie who starts a fashion trend by putting sticks up your butt is the highest form of being cool that I can think of. Gorillas in the Mist would never. It's Gorillas with the Mist meets Devils Wear Prada. Devils wear Prada? I think only one devil wears it. Who is the gorilla in the mist? Staley Tucci is the devil. Stanley Tucci spent time.

Who was the lady who spent all the time with Jane Goodall? Jane Goodall would never. No. Let's see. started a hot new craze among her cohort at the Chim Fun Shi Wildlife Orphidage as an entirely new group of chimps at the refuge have started doing the same thing. Well, these are orphans. The chimps, he says, have been putting blades of grass and sticks into their ears and anuses

and simply letting them dangle there for no apparent reason. In fact, the researchers suspect the chimps learn the behavior from people, the ear part, that is. From people. Hold on. What about the ant's part? All the chips are sticking things on their own. And it appears there's no reason for them doing it. And they turn to the zookeeper.

A certain way. Who's looking up and away. He's looking up and away. In this case, we call that the Superman. In this case, the team treats the new quirk to a male chimp named Juma, J-U-M-A, who seems to have originated the grass in butt variation. Okay. Wow.

Thanks, Juma. I just know I won't be able to pull it off. You know, like if I go out to the bar And I do that. It's just going to look try hard. Yeah. What's the most, what's the most, if you're looking back at your long and lustrous life, what's the most embarrassed that you have been to participate in a trend? Do you remember, do you remember being like? I know, I know mine.

Oh, do you? Go, please. Mine was my sophomore year of high school, which would have been, let's call it, 98. Okay. All my friends were seniors. Well, all my best friends were seniors So they invited me to their senior lock-in My friend, my friend Mike and Brad

Would invite me to the senior lock-in Those are such cool senior friend names I love it Yeah, truly Brad Kieffner and Mike Walker The best Hell yeah Keefe

He paved me away for me Yeah but you've always had a Keefe In your life isn't that something Hey that's right Wow Pretty cool Um Godless the broken roll

Lemys Rating I love you, buddy. Cuts to precious moment dolls. But they invite me to the senior lock-in, so I was like, oh, I'm going to be with all the seniors, and I'm the only non-senior in attendance, so I have to, like, wear something fun. So I went to, I want to say, wasn't Gadzukes. I can't remember what store it was, but I bought a Stussie bucket hat. I'm sorry, excuse me, hold on.

And I remember being like, this isn't my typical style, but I'm like, No, it's not. I'm like Stussie. And maybe it was like Paxon or something. Yeah. But it was a bucket hat. And I'm like, I like the Jamarquine video. And it wasn't a carnival bucket hat, but it was just like a bucket hat.

Yeah. And I remember I were at the one time, nobody said anything. Everyone was nice. Nobody said anything. But nobody said anything. Good or bad. See the pictures in being like, I don't know. I think you probably pulled it off.

Thank you. Yeah, me too. You look at the hat. So why not a bucket hat? We'll see if I can dig up one of those photos and post it online. Oh, please. Adel, I'll say this. You do not have to do that, man.

If you don't think you want to do that, you don't have to. I'm not saying. I want it to haunt me. Okay. If we're talking about posting bad photos, I think I could probably find this one of me. Now, it's not really a clothing choice, but it was, I would say, kind of a fashion choice. When I was 19 or 20, and, you know, Adel, you're a bearded man. There is a certain age where you are starting to be able to grow facial hair.

but not like all the facial hair that maybe you were going to be, well, Aaron, it was, was it a goatee. Eric, the goatee was the better of the looks. Oh no, what are you talking about? Not that little patch, not the patch. I rocked, no, no, no, I didn't do a sole patch. The first goatee, the first goatee that I ever rocked, it was before any, like, mustache was able to, so it was just a chin goatee.

Mm-mm. It was like a chin patch, but like, full, like not, it was, it was bad. It was just chin goatee. And I remember. So you look like, like the bassist from Incubis or something? Oh, yeah. I, basest, I mean, a 19-year-old basest for Incubis vibe.

It was, I saw a picture of myself. I went on a trip to Boston. And by the way, on that trip to Boston, I didn't make out with a person. And now thinking about it, I'm like, oh, man, they had. Was it mean? They had so many better options. They had so many better options in the makeout with a person. the guy that just had a chidstrap.

Oh, it was someone from your school. I was someone I was, no, it was a person I was visiting at college's friend. But I was, it was a really, really, really bad look. And every time I see a photo of me from like that year of my life, I'm like, you should have just waited. Just keep shaving and wait. It was going to get better for you. What about you, Erin? Do you have an embarrassing trend that you participated in?

Oh, so many. But the one that comes to mind because it was also so physically, uncomfortable was the double pop collar polo trend. Two thick Abercrombie polos stacked. The sweat that you sweat in those,

the claustrophobia of two pop collars around your neck, just brutal. And I don't understand it because the 19 year old ripped men in the black and white Abercrombie catalog came off. Yeah. So why not me? Why aren't we all pulling it on?

Why not me? me ordering a shirt online and be like, what the fuck? Why does it look like this? And going back to be like, model is 6-2 and 125 pounds. What the fuck? How can a person be that? What movie is immediately ruined by the facial hair that JPC had, the chin strap? I'll go first.

Goodwill hunting, mini driver. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Idle Hed. Jurassic Park, one of the dinosaurs. Just the cool Veloceraptus.

Yeah. Hey, man, do you want to see me play a guitar? He's got an altoid's case with weed in it. That's cool. That's cool. Girl? Clever girl. I should use a gendered word here.

Clever God. Clever you. Clever you. Freepard. Veloceraptor tuning his guitar. Freebird. How about Fleabird? Hey, let me ask you, Adel, is it okay if we see a scene inspired by the article that you read?

Hell yeah. Okay. I want to see a scene. Adel, we are, you and I are both chumps. Aaron, you're also a chimp, but Adel and I are still on the blade of grass stuck on our ass trend. And Aaron, you are trying to start a new trend and you're trying to get us interested in it. Ha ha, ass or grass? Amen, yeah.

Yours is looking great. How do you get it to stay? Is it? Clench the whole time. You're clenching. Yeah. When I get home, my butt is ruined. Hey, guys.

Full business suit, walking like a human arm. woman. Whoa, Deborah. What is? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hi, guys. Cute grass or whatever. What the hell's happening here, Deborah?

What are you? What is this? Oh, are you talking about the way I'm walking and the way I, the things I have in my body? Yeah, you keep walking by really fast, like you're in a hurry, but you keep doing it in front of us, right in the sort of ten feet in front of us. Well, if you must know, someone dropped their portable DVD player. and a DVD of Allie McBeal was in there. There's blood on the portal DVD player.

Somebody dropped it when I pulled it out of their hands. Okay. And now I sort of, I fancy myself sort of an Allie McBeal type. Your words, not mine. I don't know what Al-McBeal is. I'm having it all. Allie McBeal from the 90s or something. Can I be honest with you, Deb?

It's giving more of like a Robbie Williams and Betterman vibe. I'm not sure if... Why, because of my face. The monkey biopic. I heard that was better than everyone thought it was going to be. I also heard it was better than everyone thought. I just don't know who Robbie Williams is. I don't, here's the thing.

I don't either, but when you say that, people from the UK lose their mind. Lose their fucking mind. They go, what are he talking about? He's like the biggest thing ever. I'm like, Godspeed. I don't know who is. This started with us talking about Ali McBeal.

Jane Krakowski's on the show. It's from the... Oh, Jane Kromk. Oh, John. Jim Kukowski? Jim Kukowski? Late 90s, early 2000s? No, Jim Krasonsky.

Is it because his name is Robbie Williams, which just sounds like Robin Williams, like a much more famous person? Is that it? You know what, guys? You can deal with your archaic grass in your ass. Archaic? Fashion styles. I am embracing the turn of the century. It's 1999, maybe.

No, who knows? And I am a new woman. We zoom out and we see a calendar and it is 2026. Let's zoom back in. And I am a new woman. Well, now and if you'll excuse me, I'm going off to my lawyer job where I'm probably going to flirt with someone. I don't know.

Aaron's never seen Allie McBeal. Whoa. A desk in the jungle? Whoa. What the hell? A jungle desk. Whoa, and she has one of those chairs, one of those called with like the footstool with the leather.

Helmet Lang, what is it, Herman? It's like a Herman. It's Herman. It's It's Herman Lang. Whoa. How did I know that? I went to Macy's and I got these pumps and everyone screamed if you can believe it. But then I got a free Mac lipstick out of it because I took it. Anyways, back to work.

She's eating a banana. Taking off her pants and shitting on the desk. Whoa, Todd. Should we put two blitzigrass in her ass? My name's Todd? See. What is Allie McBeal about? We don't know. We can't know.

Wasn't, Ali McBeal was the one that had the CGI baby, like an early CGI that was like, I can't stop this feeling. Yes. Arguably the first viral TV show clip. I guess so. That is what SNL rap.

Yeah. Do you guys want to wager how much a Herman Miller chair goes for? A new one? A new one? Or a vintage one. I'm just, I'm looking, I don't know, man, I'm looking at Herman Miller chairs on their website. Oh my God. Like 5,000?

Yeah, about 5,000, yeah. That's insane. Five to six to 8,000. Come on. What are we doing? I don't know, man. If you can afford $5,000 chairs, I need you to take a big, deep breath and maybe email me, okay, before you buy one of those. Because I can think of a lot better use for your money.

You know me the chair. I'll take it. They say what? Spends the most money on things that take you off your feet or something? Like shoes, mattress, right? Well, that's good advice. They say that you spend a third of your life on a mattress, right, sleeping, so you should. And you know, and you spend what?

Probably a third of your life in a chair. So maybe it does make sense. Third of your life in shoes. Yeah. Shoes, chairs, and mattresses. God, if you can sell a three and one product that was both shoes, chairs, and a mattress. Oh, my. God, you'd be rolling in it. You could charge $10,000.

Which one divided by three is not so much a deal. Not making of a deal. But what is a deal is that on this podcast, you get riddles for free. So let's get into our... No, there is a major cost. There's a price to your soul. There's a picture of me turning into a monkey in an attic somewhere. So there's definitely a cause to it.

Didn't really read that book. Don't really know how it works out for him. Yeah. Dorian Gray was a chimpanzee. We have to assume. For review crew, we should do a thing where Adel and I watch Better Man and Aaron watch us an episode of Ali McBeal and then we review. Okay.

We reviewed that. I heard Better Man was actually pretty good. I heard that too. I heard that three. Friend of the show, Damon Reister, who is recently on a Patreon episode, I think loves Allie McBeal. or I'm guessing, but he loves TV shows like that, so I'm going to go ahead and assume. He watched the good fight.

So that's just a sneeze away from Allie McBeal, I assume. Misquoted Rolling Stone lyric. Just to sneeze away. Can I just say very quickly? I've been, for whatever reason, on my phone and social media, I've been served up a lot of clips from the mentalist. And you know what? I'm thinking we might have to review an episode of The Mentalist, because it feels It feels like Sherlock Holmes if Sherlock Holmes was a mentalist.

The mentalist is also the bad guy from Devil Wears Prada. I say bad guy, but there's not really a bad guy. He's also the Punisher. No. He was the original Punisher. Thomas Jane, right? No, Thomas Jane isn't the mentalist. The mentalist is the guy with the blonde hair, right?

I thought that was Thomas Jane. No, no, no, right? Am I wrong? Am I wrong? Aaron, who's wrong? Am I going to have to watch the mentalist? Just tell me the truth. Casey says it's not Simon Baker, not Tom Jane.

His name is Simon Baker. He is the... No, no, no. Patrick Jane. The actress's name is Patrick Jane, Addle. Oh. He plays Simon Baker. Do we think he's related to Tom Jane?

Are we all? Are we all? Huh? Maybe they're brothers? They're both really handsome. Patrick? That guy could play the punisher. Okay, I'm so wrong.

Patrick Jane is the fictional name of the guy who is on the mentalist. He is played by Simon Baker. Simon Baker is the actor. Okay, okay. We could have a blonde Punisher. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if America's there. I just don't know if we're ready.

No, I don't think so. Nice to hope, though. It's nice to, isn't it? Let's punt. Let's just do riddles, I guess, and not recast. Oh, did we not tell our listeners that we're in charge of culture now? It's the three of us all day in a boardroom, and we're punting on a lot. Grass in the butt, blonde punisher.

Grass in the butt, blonde punisher. We just have a big white board that just says Punisher with a perm on it and like ended a bunch of crossed out scrimbles. Like that's the only good idea we've had so far. It says Oprah on Dancing with the Stars and it's crossed out and rewritten like six or seven times. What can be caught but never thrown? The mentalist. A queen. Whoa.

You could honestly, you could never throw the mentalist. He's two steps ahead. That's his whole thing. And that's the thing is in the clips I've seen, it is out fucking landish. Yeah. The scenarios in which he's planned ahead. What if we get Columbo? But we make him hot.

Ooh, we make him hot. What do you mean make him hot? Oh, Aaron. And he's also hot. Oh, Aaron's clutching a poster of, okay. Yeah, there's a little stick all of my Peter Falk poster. Falk, of course. That monologue that Peter Falk does in murder by death is so fucking funny where he does this whole,

he's like a New Yorkie detective and he does this whole monologue where he seems so cool. And he goes, well, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go use the little boy's room and he leaves. And it's like such a cool moment. And then his partner goes, you'll have to excuse Sam. He got shot in the head last week. He shouldn't even be out of the hospital. I've never been more jealous of a line of just someone nailing a moment and seeming so cool. I'm like, I should have done that in improv shows.

JPC does something awesome on stage and I go, you need to excuse JPC. He got shot in the head last week. He shouldn't even be out of the hospital. That's such a great tagline. Aaron, if you ever have a chance, I saw Peter Falk as Colombo during a roast of Frank Sinatra, he comes in character. I'm like a dog hearing all my favorite words. What do you mean?

And it's so fucking funny because he's playing Colombo. And then at some point he's like, my wife's a big fan. Could you make a, could you get an autograph? And he does an autograph on like a napkin. He's like, oh, I'm sorry. Could you put my name first and make some cross it out? It's a whole. That's so fun.

A whole bit, but really delightful. Really delightful. Oh my God. What could be caught, but never thrown. A cold. Aaron, you are very close. This is something that. comes from the head

a sneeze comes from the head sounds like me in high school an idea I'm saying Boston must have been real nice yeah um Aaron uh sneeze is even closer

a spit a yawn it's a from a yawn I do want to see a scene great okay um Aaron you are sleeping beauty great

JBC you are, I want to say Prince Charming? Is that who wakes up? I'm really trying to remember sleep in BD. Let's go with it. Yeah. So you two are on a date and Aaron, you are just really having a hard time staying awake. So you were saying about crypto?

Yeah. So basically since my dad's the king, all he has to do is like say that like, hey, this is like it's happening. And so then me and my friends, we, like, absolutely buy as much of it as we can. And then we wait until we short it. So we basically wait until the price gets high enough. And then when we sell, it's like a rug pole, but it's like for a good cause because it's like enriching, like, meat.

Right. But that's not like market manipulation if your dad's the cake, right? No, no, no. No, market manipulation. Well, that's a big word. Huh. Would you go to school or? Oh, you asked me a question.

Sorry, I just was confused. You haven't asked me a question. in like three hours. Are you just like sleeping or like... Am I soon? You keep like yawning. It's just like, oh, did you like want to like get out of here? Um, yeah, I do want to get out of here.

Together or sleep together? Um, do I want to... I'm a great sleeper. Oh, um, I've only ever heard like four-year-old say that. Um... Oh, I could kick any four-year-old's ass and sleeping. For sure. Yeah.

For sure. Yeah. Um, yeah. Chair scrapes behind them. What did you say? Oh my God Okay What the fuck did you say?

I'm gonna pretend to have a medical emergency Sorry, my date is just He's been You know, Brian and the boys and I We were talking and we were saying It's Kind of a dull day We'd be up for an ass kicking

Sorry about my date He's been drinking Miller High Lives Like four Every 20 minutes He's not Can I get four more Miller High Lives Oh geez

And around a Miller High Lives For these four years four-year-olds as well. Well, thank you, mister. Make a milk. Yeah, let's make a milk. Milk our high lives, please. Does she have paid of milk?

We cut to her later, talking to her mom on the phone. I think I met my husband. Oh, my gosh. Tell me everything. Okay, so he's the worst man I've ever met. Oh, you're marrying your father. Sleeping Beauty is the one I'm not super familiar with. Is that why is she?

Because, like, Snow White also falls asleep. Yes, I want you to guess. Let's, I think, This is a fun thing. This is in your cultural periphery. We are to be in charge of culture from now on. You guys take your best guess at what you think Sleeping Beauty is. I think I know sleeping. But the thing about Sleeping Beauty, if I'm not wrong, because I think what it is,

is she is not asleep for very long at all, right? I don't think so. Snow White is the one that's asleep for like a long-ass time because of the poison apple or something. But Sleeping Beauty is asleep for like a night. Hmm. Someone pricks their finger on a spinning wheel. Mm-hmm. Who's that? That's Rumble Stiltskin, baby, or something.

And who's the guy who sleeps for 100 years under a tree? Is that Rip Van Winkle? Yeah, that's got to be Rip Van Winkle. That's why the people started to say RIP. They're like, no, dude, he's just sleeping. No, that guy's, it's like Mr. McAdle. He's sleeping. I thought the way sleeping beauty is a witch for sleeping beauty on, like, her 18th birthday.

And then on her 18th birthday, she, like, meets the nice prince and then the witch find they hide her out in the woods and she becomes bramble shanks or something hold on wait i'll be damned in the movie sleeping beauty is asleep for like a day yeah it's still white is asleep for one calendar year we're name and our princess is wrong i've felt for a day this boasts me up sleeping beauty goes to sleep for like 12 hours and she gets to be called sleeping beauty she goes to sleep they said a few hours or a day is what it says I was like for 31 hours when I had pneumonia. Briar Rose.

Briar Rose is not Bramble Shakes. Yes. And who's Briar Tuck? Who's Scribble Shacks. Briar Rows rocking through the four. Scrimble shakes. Scrimble shakes. Yeah.

Sleeping Beauty and Sleeping and Snow White, they all got to get their fucking names checked. They need new names across the board for all of these. They don't describe them at all. Okay. So let's think tank. Okay. Sleeping Beauty. napping

napping cutie the napping cutie the napping cutie the napping cutie napper normal normal girl adult woman adult normal lady

normal sleeping woman I say Cinderella you go I have no idea what that story is but what if we rename her here's my name for Cinderella Uniquefoot Ooh

Unique foot you know exactly what the story's gonna be right Can you imagine taking a glass slipper around a village and only one woman's foot fits in it what are we doing yeah right i bring that glass slipper on the village i break in it around there's gonna be let me tell you this there's gonna be a lot of chimp's putting glass slippers at their asses i'll tell you that much for free huh you got of 1,300 women there's 1 size 7 um part of my time off was i was in the east coast watching riley's

and nephew for a brief amount of time but he went back to school. Like a PI thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just making sure. Here's the pictures. Kelly's drinking a lot of milk lately. And Roland likes ritz crackers.

You're like, why were you outside? Come inside. Why is there red thread connecting ritzcrackers? It doesn't matter. I've got to figure it all out. But we watched one of the girls is super into Cinderella right now. And I was like, you know what, you might love.

And she was like, I don't know. Newsies. Newsies. And I made them watch newsies. But I put on the brandy Cinderella. And it was raining outside. And she freaked for it. And it guys, the brandy Cinderella, and I know I've talked about it on the show before.

And very sweet, a very, very, very sweet listener brought me a DVD copy of it. So I'm not going to tread back on it. But Jason Alexander is having the time of his. goddamn life in that movie. Everyone's having so much fun. Victor Garber's having fun. Whoopi Goldberg's having fun. Is Jason Alexander one of the,

is he like Gus Gus or something? At all. He's playing a man. Oh, okay. Who works for the King of Queen? My apologies to Jason. But I love that you thought he was the kind of dumb mouse

that works for Cinderella. He would love that. Oh, man. I showed Riley's niece and nephew, Cinderella man. What did they think? Fucking. and they were like, what else does Russell Crow do?

And I go, oh, you are in full. Master and Commander. No, right to Craven the Hunter. Come on. I said, you're going to love him at his worst. If you love him at his best, you're going to love him at his worst. And you didn't show them Javert, though, did you? No, I thought, yes, in my mind, I thought that was Gerard Butler, so I skipped over it.

Now, did Cinderella, am I crazy, did Cinderella man, the sort of modeling period piece with Russell Crow and Bulgy Body. Did that have a song by Eminem or he just went, Cinderella Man, Cinderella Man, Cinderella Man, Sindh a Rella Man. I've been saying this for two months, but I swear to God, I've beenamed from another timeline. I'm going to need you to slow down and walk me through

what you're talking about because I'm from a different universe. Now Eminem famously did a song for 8 Mile, won an Oscar, I believe. He did a song for Venom, where he was like, Venom, venom, venom, venom. He did a song for the longest yard. Yeah. Sounds like he's just saying the name of the movie.

I think in the song he did for the longest yard, I think he literally goes, throwing footballs, touchdown, punt the ball. Like, I think he literally just had a list of football throws. You think he got paid? You think he got paid? You think you cash a check? You think that check spent? You think that money spent at the bank?

It did. And I could have sworn that I saw Cinderella Man in theaters at the end during the credits. I feel like, did Eminem have a song called Cinderella Man where I was like, Why is this is like a 1918 serious movie that he's So Cinderella Man if you guys have not seen it Cinderella Man is about a man in the 1900s or whatever That wants to play in the W

He can't play in the NBA So he tries to play in the WMBA And he has to dress up like Cinderella to do it So that's why it's called Cinderella man I'm thinking of Joanna Man No Adol This is so funny

The lyrics to Eminem's Cinderella Man. I'm not even kidding. I'm just going to read out the lyrics. Okay. Yeah. You know, technically, I'm not even really supposed to be here right now.

Aaron sing the real lyrics. So fuck it. Might as well make the most of it. That's the beginning of it. This sounds like an Asher Roth song. Yeah, you know, technically I'm not really supposed to be here right now. So fuck it. Might as well make the most of it.

He's like, I'm not supposed to be really doing a song for this movie. In my mind, that means like the video. for that is him like warped back into like the 1900s and he's like what's em and him doing back here like i got to get out of here you know technically i'm not supposed to be here right now but now that i'm here i'll sing you a little song oh brother here's and here's m&m's um lyrics from his song from the longest yard titled my balls i can't wait balls with a z football football I love football. Yes, trace, dose, dose, trace, fuck, shit.

Bitch, asshole, son of a bitch. Everybody cuddle, blah. I mean, huddle. I just stepped in a mud puddle, butthole. I don't know. This is your impression of that. I'm not joking. I'm not joking.

This is real. I'm not. His lyric says, everybody cuddle, blah. I mean huddle. I just stepped in a mud puddle. That is a lyric from Oscar winning. Swear on my life right now. You swear on my life right now.

not messing with me. I swear a chart. He just says butthole apropole of nothing. He says, butthole apropos of nothing. I mean huddle. I just stepped in a mud puddle. Butthole. No, no. This is like hearing golden slumbers for the first time. This is...

I think that you're insulting this song. We have to take a break. I need to weep from the beauty. I just glimpsed. We'll be right back. Hey guys, it's JPC. Before we get into it, I just have to say, I am so thankful for the outpouring of support, the letters, the emails. It really touches me to know that so many people care. Ultimately, I did show some of that stuff to The Witch. She said it was not enough to prove that I have lived a life of import. And so the curse is going to remain in place. Not the outcome that I know a lot of us were hoping for. So I will be turned. back into a pumpkin at midnight. But guys, I'm not upset about it at all. We had a good run. And I want to thank everyone again for the support. And speaking of support, if you need some support

like, you know, that cup of coffee in the morning or an energy drink, why don't you give ultra pouches a try? Ultra pouches are completely nicotine-free and completely caffeine-free. And you're probably thinking if they don't have nicotine or caffeine in them, what exactly is in them, that's a great question. Ultra has partnered with leading neuroscientists to design these pouches. They use clinically proven new tropics and adaptogens to deliver immediate focus and smooth energy that lasts one to two hours. One to two hours is great. That's kind of as much time as I have left before I turned back into a pumpkin and I did confirm with the witch that is going to be forever. More specifically, Ultra pouches use Infinity PX, L-theonine, Alpha GPC, sounds like Alpha

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Do not mention the thing about the pumpkin thing or me turning back into the pumpkin. They won't ultimately care about that. Hey, Adel, hey, Aaron, I got a bone to pick with you. Wait, what a... Whoop, do I sound like Adel? Uh-oh. I also sound like Addle. I'm a woman.

JPC, Aaron, calm down. and I can explain. Sort of a wacky Wednesday situation, not Freaky Friday, where I was standing in a fountain, thinking about Jamie Lee Curtis, and I passed out. And when I woke up, everyone in the world sounded like me. It's sort of a oops-all addles, if you will. I will.

Thanks, JPC. But I know the solution, we should all just have a beautifully comfortable night's sleep in our Helix mattresses, right? I believe the three of us all have the midnight luxe version, which is the most comfortable sleep we've ever had. our animals love it even, our partners. Yeah, I sleep on mustard.

Okay. Yeah, and I'm a tall woman with a lady dog. I know. But Helix has over 20 mattress models so you can find the perfect model for you, whether you're a mustard sleeper or a tall woman. Helix also has cooling upgrades so you can get the best rest even on hot nights.

Oh, also, as a woman, I should say, they offer free shipping and seamless delivery. Heelix delivers your mattress right to your door with free shipping in the U.S. I'm so tall. Yeah, and they have a hundred and twenty-night sleep trial and lifetime warranty. So you can use the happy with Helix guarantee. Rest easy with seamless returns and exchanges, right? Very good, Aaron. Very good, JPC.

We failed to mention they are award-winning. Helix is the most awarded mattress brand tested and reviewed by experts like Forbes and Wired. Go to helixleep.com slash riddle for 20% off sitewide. That's helixleep.com slash riddle for 20% off site wide. Make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know we sent you. Helixleep.com slash riddle. Great job, everyone. This is Casey Tony.

Great. I just want to say great job. This is Casey Tony. Hut one, hut two. Hut, hurry up. I'm reaching up another crowed man's butt. Is that another lyric? Yes, yes.

You guys, I'm really not in the mood today to be jerked to, around like this. Can someone please tell me the truth about what the lyrics of this song are? Can I say this? Can I say this? We've put what? Two hundred and how many episodes have we done of this show? Two hundred four hundred and sixies of a thousand. You can probably point to an episode of this show that maybe is a little more phoned in than another episode, right? Okay, yes. But I'd say, you know, I'm not making, I'm not making, okay, fine, three fourths of the episodes. I'm not making song. This is, I'm talking extemporaneously, right? Like, I didn't, write any of the shit down.

To sit there with a pen and paper and be like, oh, man, got to write a football song. Okay, well, I'm not going to open my laptop because I'm not going to go on the internet. Like, what else could I say about football and say nothing, you know? You can just say butthole. You could take butthole of my balls. Why not call it my balls?

Why not? Hey, M, if I may call you that, thank you so much for visiting the set. And we are thrilled for you to lay down a song for the movie in five minutes. You got that voice smell, right? Oh. And action, go. Sing, whatever action is for singing.

Butthole, butthole, butthole, butthole, a butthole, butthole. Everybody in the studio applauds, thumbs up, he leaves. Everyone's like, what the fuck? He's in his car, his very expensive car in the way I'm going, oh, my God, what the fuck? Did I just? Just don't look back. Keep walking. Keep walking.

Go, go, go, go. He gets to check in the mail. He rips it up. He's like, I can't cash it. I just can't. I can't in good conscience. I can't look Adam Sandler in the eyes until Happy Gilmore 2. Yeah.

In which I'll make a brief cameo is something. That's so funny. Hello, boy. If I ever make a movie about my life, I kind of put this part out of it. I don't include the part. I don't include the part where I got too famous and got paid $65,000 to $6,000 to a song where I went butthole, butthole, butthole football. Now, Aaron, I adore you.

Okay. I absolutely adore you. There's a butt coming. There's a butthole coming. Butthole. Me in high school. Catholic. Man, Boston was really good.

I mean this in the most positive way and I need you to understand. Here we go. Your rapping is better than some of Eminem's rapping. Aaron, that's right. Only now is that true that we've seen that lyric. We are not saying that that is a blanket statement. We just said once or twice my rapping has been better than M&Ms. Aaron, just spitballing.

If I were to say to you, Aaron Keith- Spitballing, name calling. Oh, I'm falling. I was just going to say, if we were like, Aaron, we need a rap for playground games and you have 10 seconds. to come up with it, lay it down, and solidify the track. Got a hop, drink a scotch. With some chalk on the block.

It's a swing. It's a slide. That was so sad. It's a swing. It's a slide. Don't mind if I hide. Seek. Peek.

Best day of the week. Never met my father Tita Tata. See some. I see my pa. Leaving force. You're so fond of this. Out of me. That'll be, we do see the patron episode that's all of us just coming up with Longest Yard

style Eminem wraps. And honestly, I feel like that's zero pressure, right? Aaron, that must have been the least amount of pressure you'd rather felt to wrap. Would Jips got my knee? I don't know if this is. I don't know if this is actually true, but I have heard that when they, when Queen was doing the music for the movie Highlander, they basically sat them down to watch a cut of Highlander. And then they kind of just like riffed out songs as they were watching Highlander.

So I would love to see like Eminem watching like an unfinished cut of the longest yard without like sound mixing and stuff. I just get the beats of it. He's just sitting there like, my butthole, butthole, tap my ass and the ball goes in my butthole. Oops, that's my butt hole. The script writer is looking on in horror. They're like, do we give him the right movie? They're like, sorry, I haven't even put the projector on yet. I haven't even turned it on yet.

I don't know what he's doing. Butthole. Butt hole. Oh, no. Oh, no. Sir, we can't release the movie. It's a football movie. What's going on?

Bight home, my butt hole. Well, let's do, speaking of blaze grass in the butthole. Let's do a voicemail from what? one of our listeners. Yes, please. If I could call into a podcast. Okay. The first thing that I do for fun

is to call a riddle riddle and leave them a voicemail at 8. 05 riddle 1. Hell yeah. You don't hear a lot of time. a bottle parody songs. No, I don't. That was from Benjamin Gray.

He, him, from the Rollplay Retcon. From Roll Play Retcon. Thanks, Benjamin. Thank you for sending it in. That was fantastic. Benjamin Gray, that was, yeah. You really don't hear a lot of time of the bottle. Jim Crocey?

Is that? Jim Crocee, yeah? Huh. A guy stole my boat and trailer and I found it in his backyard. I called the police and the police let me get my boat and trailer back, but they aren't going to do anything.

So what should I do? to this man. Thanks. Sorry, guys. I had the audio on on my next door app. Wow. What is another? No intro or no?

I'm dazzled. No name. I am dazzled. This is the most of the scariest man I've ever heard in my life. I love this man. That's how you leave a voice bill, by the way. No name, not enough context, but like 15 seconds. Like perfect.

Perfect. No, my name is blank. I live in blank. blank blank just not even a hay just someone walked into my yard and took my bird fountain what do i do this is this is fascinating guy stole my boat and trailer those seem like huge like that's not an accident that's you definitely have to that's a crime you here that's a crowd that wakes you up um well this is first of all fascinating i love this problem it sounds like the beginning of like an HBO series that two men who normally make movies are going to star in. So very interested in

whatever this is. I go ahead. Do you think it's a situation, Aaron, where he showed, like, you know when you go to a coat check and they hand you the wrong coat and you're like, no, this isn't my coat, but you could for a second you think about like, what if I wear this coat now? What if that guy gets my coat and I get this? Pendleton. Maybe this is my coat. Or somebody just like, he's getting his, he's collecting his boat from the marina or something and somebody just hitches the wrong boat and he just drives it home or something like that, you know? Okay, I'm sorry. I'm getting lost to it.

You had a solution here. Oh, I don't have a solution. I just know what I think would be fun to do, which is within legal reason, psychological warfare against this person. Okay. You randomly put your trailer and boat back in their yard for a couple days. They can't really call the police because they're just going to call more attention to themselves. maybe send them Christmas cards. That's the photo from the boat going,

I had a great time with you. Merry Christmas. Really just strange stuff. Nothing that makes it clear that you're stalking, but enough to know that it's on your mind still. And that would be my list. Can I add to that? What if you go and you put your boat and trailer

back in this person's yard and then you show up to that person's house and you have like a big screaming fight with your boat and trailer? And you're like, Kelly, what the fuck are you doing? back here. I mean, now we're having fun.

Now we're turning... I put an air tag on you. Yeah, motherfucker. I know where you go. Lemon. You want him? What does he got that I don't have? Lemonade. We've turned these lemons into lemonade. That's fun. Everybody has a good fun.

It's like a nice little fun scene you have here. Howell, what would you do? I named the boat after the neighbor. Yeah. That's awesome. Yes. And make that a big thing. boat thief. What about like a fun boady name of like like whatever if his name's Jason the name of the boat was I was with Jason for a little while.

Yeah, the name of my boat is I was with Jason for a little while. I'm mostly sorry that that happened to you but you're the real winner. You're a very mysterious, interesting person so they can't take that away from you. I've never seen cut to the chase in like audio form. Yeah. That was really like gets to the point. Honestly though, it also sounds like exactly what I would expect from the cops. Like somebody like murders your dad and you like find them and you go to the cops and you're like yeah, this is the guy. Like he's the one that murdered my dad and they're like yeah. The dad's body is in that guy's yard. Yeah. Just leave it on the desk I guess. I mean it's like we if we can what we'll do is we'll send a car to drive around. And you're like what? Who do you help? No one, famously.

Well, thank you, Noah, we assume. This is your name, I don't know. That's the type of person I want is like a boss at a company where it's like you walk into a team meeting. Walked to a team meeting and it's like IPO next week, numbers up, please. And then you're done and you're like, whoa. This meeting could have been a meeting. This is great. This is wonderful.

No bullshit. Yeah, thank you so much. Yeah. Do we have the, what's the number people call? 805 riddle one. 8.05 riddle one. Don't leave a name. Make it like 10 seconds. Do it. I mean, we love that. Why did I keep thinking it was 7-7 Aaron Keefe? Don't call that number. You can. I'm going to pick up and want to talk for a long time. Slovenia. Speaking of Slovenian and Aaron Keefe, do you have anything to plug your promo?

Um, you can check out quality time here in Los Angeles. It's my weekly weekly. Jesus. It's my monthly variety show I host here in L.A. Um, you follow us on Instagram if you want to check it out. Um, Adel, do you have anything to plug or promote? Um, check out, Holo for the Magic Tavern. We started season six.

Whoa. We're back, baby. So check that out. Uh, JPC, anything to plug, promote or review to read? I will also say that if you've heard us talking about, uh, gum shoes and dragons on the show before. That is our kind of like murder mystery actual play podcast that we do with Anthony Burch.

That we did 30 it-ish episodes of it. It is now concluded so you can get all of that. So if you've been waiting and you want to binge it and get it wherever you get podcasts, gumshoes and dragons, and it's there and it'll be there forever. So it's never been a better time to get into it because we're not doing any new episodes of it.

And then I've got a review to read. This is a review five stars titled Iconic from Chaotic Dumb. An absolutely incredible podcast by absolutely incredible improvisers. If you ever want to know what their impact on the improv community is, check out the duo Kiliwanka at Comedy Works in Raleigh and elsewhere around in North Carolina Triangle area. Half of the team has had their habits completely tainted slash ruined by these clowns, non-derogatory, and it shows.

Cool. I hope this is not a person who's on that team. I hope that this is a person who's just seeing a bunch of their performance. It's like, I know what this is from. I love comedy works in Raleigh. Yeah, Kelly Wonka. Go check them out. That's awesome. Hell yeah.

And hot dogs. Hey, we're starting. Hey, fuck, see, three, four. Hey, hey there, Glorgonians and Vodunians. If you like that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. We take you to Glorgon 6. You can listen to that, plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com. So, hey, riddle, by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven-day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month.

Plus, you get those ad-free episodes. See you there. That was a hit-gum part. Hey, it's Addle Rofi. John Patrick Cohen. And Aaron Keith. We're three improvisers who host Hey Riddle Riddle on the HeadGum podcast network. On our show, we are on a quest to answer every riddle in existence, even though we're not smart.

And we don't really like riddles. What becomes more useful when it's broken? Promises. Marriage. It's an egg. But we do like improvising. So we use the riddles as jumping off points to start completely made up scenes. Okay, I want to see a scene.

Adel, Aaron, you're both eggs and you're trying to. to make an omelet. Ow! Oh, my God, it hurts to become an omelet. His guts are all over the pan, man. Oh, you broke me open. Aaron, don't say that. Oh.

So join us and guests like Janet Barney. Michael Hitchcock, Rekashanker, and John Gabris. Subscribe to Hey Ritter-Riddle on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, PocketCast, or wherever you get your podcasts, new episodes every Wednesday.