Hey Riddle Riddle - #48: Boat Detective with Hayes Davenport!

Episode Date: June 19, 2019

Uh oh! Someone posted our 2nd HOLLYWOOD NIGHTZ episode with special guest Hayes Davenport (Hollywood Handbook, The Flagrant Ones) and things get a lil wild. From Houdini being totally prepared to meet a fan, the Christmas jug finally being celebrated and the drama we've all been yearning for, a detective partnered with a talking boat. We also get a Michelin review of Rainforest cafe, Erin finally plays a wife and things get dark in Switzerland. #WiddleWednesday http://www.patreon.com/heyriddleriddleStarring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifSpecial Guest:Hayes DavenportEditing by: KJ SnyderTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a head gum podcast. Uh-oh. Live show alert. B-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u-p-u- a very cool bar. It's an 18-in-over show. Tickets are $15. And if you want to get tickets now, you can go to LH-ST.com and search for the Hey Riddle Rital Show, or just go check out our Twitter, because it's gonna be pinned on top of that Twitter, baby.

You know what, boy, and you all ask for some weekend shows. We're providing a weekend show. This is Friday, August 16th at 9 p.m., 15 bucks. That's like a cup of coffee from a place that rips you off. Isn't that right, Aaron? Exactly. And my parents are going to be there. Is Mitch going to be there? No.

Well, come meet us. We're going to have merch for sale, some posters. We're going to stick around afterwards. You can get a picture. You can make Aaron drink a pen. If that's still a thing. And you can get some nice polro guise. August 16th. Hey, all you idiots, it's Hey Riddle, I'm Adlerrefi. Hi, I'm JPC. And I'm Erin Keith. And welcome to another episode of Hollywood Nights. Better LA than Never.

Yeah, and Hollywood Nights is a great thing to call this episode specifically because of who our guest is. Which is one of our favorite parkesters. Yes. And they do a little podcast called Hollywood Handbook. Yes. He's Davenport. Welcome to the show.

Thank you so much. Welcome our having me to to head gum studios. I can say the name of the podcast. This podcast, it's called Hey Riddle Riddle. And I just like that sound by NL su plugs. This is exciting for me. I've never heard a riddle before. You never eat in Lafay Taffy? I never, no. Or eat in a full popsicle? I'll eat it, but I don't unwrap it. Is there something on here there?

Have you eaten a full popsicle? No, again, I just do the whole thing. This is why I went up the back of my throat and just dropped it. This is Edel's classic setup to get you to watch him eat a full popsicle. This is how it's done. This is my... This? My teeth hurt just thinking about that.

I'm famous on YouTube. Hey, thank you so much for being on. What is your relationship with riddles? I know you said you've never heard a riddle, but if you actually have, what's your relationship? I remember in the never ending story they did one Where I think it might have been the four likes two legs one you guys done I don't want to spoil it. We're doing that this thing. It's real. Fuck. That's the only riddle we prepared It's lieutenant Dan and see there are some No, I mean I've seen a couple of movies. I do I don't have a strong

Relationship with riddles, but I'm really looking to develop No, I mean, I've seen a couple of movies. I don't have a strong relationship with Riddles, but I'm really looking to develop. Yeah. How about you? You give me the wrong thing. Is it links to you have a strong relationship with the Sibu? You're approaching this, like, it's a job interview. What's your, what's your, what's your best quality?

What do you see yourself in five riddles? Out the door, right? What's your source? I'm sure you've talked with like, where do you, yourself in five riddles? Out the door, great. What's your source? I'm sure you've talked with, like, where do you... We, I mostly pull, there's a guy named Paul Sloan, who's like the king, high-shit king riddle. So he's written like 30 books. It's so cool.

Wow. If you, on Amazon, if you type in riddle, he's written like 30, 50 books. So there's a book called The Bible. Yeah, maybe a part of it. That's our source of truth for this podcast. A lot of clandries in the Quran. Muhammad poses a lot of riddles. But Paul Sloan, and then also,

what's the stories with holes in the Bible? Yeah, which is, they're all garbage, but yeah, I think these are all Paul Sloan classics. You've prepared Paul Sloan classics for today? I think these are mostly, oh, I'm sorry, Paul Ading classics. You've prepared pulse loan classics for today? I think these are mostly pulse, oh, I'm sorry, Paula Deane classics. This is a lot of butter. I can't wait.

So we're gonna do some warm up riddies. So that's just gonna be probably quicker, shorter riddles. The stakes are low. So hey, is it if at any time you know the answer, just shut it out. Okay. A lot of times guests will know the answer and not say it because they'll think that we're stalling for time

or trying to do bits. But we don't know it. We just don't know the answer. So if you know it, please shut it out. Don't feel like you're rating on our parade. We're just going to get riddles. Got it. OK, so these are some, we're going to do three warm up

release that are what MI riddles. So these are going to be what MI riddles. OK, what if you don't know who you are? What if you don't have a strong sense of self? Yeah, what if you still discover yourself? Well, you're a braver. Self-doubt, self-doubt, self-doubt. Here we go.

I am something that is lighter than a feather and yet harder to hold. What am I? Smaller feather. Easy, yeah, smaller. Oh, it's nice. That's a great answer. Good answer. Let's see, sneeze on the board.

And you're a fully artist, right, Erin? What is the horse sound like going upstairs? A tube! That sounds like a fake sneeze. It sounds like your other sneeze. I can't. Never repeated a sneeze. She's got one good sneeze in her.

What is lighter than a feather, but still a red... Harder to hold. And yet harder to hold. Light. Oh, a fart, because holding a fart is one of the most difficult things that you could do. Here's what I'll say, you're warm. Red hot almost, but it's a...

A burp. A mouth fart. A burp? I guess it's your breath, which is... Okay, so that's technically right. I would say, I would say breath is a mouth fart Yeah, and I would say fart is technically right because you're a big fart breath at all and that's the answer Oh, and it's harder to hold your breath. Is it harder to hold your breath and it is to hold a feather?

I'm not sure that's true The person that right this riddle windy. Yeah, where'd you graph? I guess for like a certain amount of time Yeah, I could. I'll wind it, yeah, where'd you graphically? I guess for a certain amount of time. I could do it for long. You're in one of those, you're in one of those like card dealership money booths that just spits that money around all over the place with air blower, so that would make it impossible

to hold a feather and pretty hard to hold your breath. I'd like to see a scene. Hey, so I'm gonna have you be the best music magician of all time. Who Dini? Great. I did a report on him. Did you know? In elementary school where my dad came in and held me upside down.

And punch you in the slasks. Really? Did you pass out? I remember my second grade. That was the last day I ever saw my dad too. My dad came in punch me in the stomach. I died three days later. Who Dini? So you're gonna be who Deenie, JPC,

you're gonna be a fan of who Deenie after the show, trying to figure out how he held his breath in that milk tanker. Milk. Didn't he own it? Deenie famously hold his breath in a milk tanker. And milk? What's a milk tank? Well, it's like a cracker barrel.

Yeah, it's like a cracker barrel's not necessarily for what crackers. Okay, okay. Yeah, I got it ready. Okay I got a question for you. I'm sorry. Yeah, you want to punch me in this I would sorry. I usually don't Started conversation. I would love to I actually talked about punching you in the back when I walked up to you But I was like okay, so I mean yeah, I mean just let me get ready first. Okay, but then yes, okay, okay? Just you get me a Okay, okay, okay, okay.

This is gonna hurt so bad. Okay, this is you ready? No, no, no, just give me one second. Okay, yeah, no, no, take it then, okay, okay. It'll be fine. Wait, are you talking to me? No? Okay, just fine.

I just, you got somewhere to go? Yeah, I have to, I actually have a table at Cracker Barrel across the street. You have a reservation at Cracker Barrel. They do them for me. I've got enough times that I have a Cracker Barrel rewards card and they do hold reservations for me. Okay. Normal people can't get them. Ready.

Okay, okay, ready? Oh, that's great. That went great. Okay, well, I just didn't have a kind of type of prepare either. I could do a better punch. But maybe instead of talking, when we were preparing for it, would you could have taken the time to prepare?

This is a weight request, but I'm so much better at kicking than punching. Would you mind if I kicked you in the stomach? I actually have a reservation for milk tank. See? punching? Would you mind if I kicked you in the stomach? I actually have a reservation to milk tank. I didn't get to the question. I think I got my answer. I'll take my answer off Mike. Here's another what am I warm up ready? I am something that is too much for one enough for two but nothing at all for three. What am I? Marriage.

Love. Not too much for one. I'm a poly. Yeah. What kind of cracker bear? Yeah. Yes. Polywood a marriage. It's an order of egg rolls where there's only two.

It's an order of egg rolls. No, it's something that is too much for one, enough for two, nothing at all for three. Nothing at all for three. Enough for two, too much for one. Boy, oh boy. And it's not tangible. Okay. So egg rolls are off the table. I would, I would even egg roll off the floor for fucking sure how long has it been on the floor? Few seconds, two days, two days? Hell yeah. Nothing in there that spoils. Is the answer like wheelbarrow races? Yeah. Can you explain that? You the answer like wheelbarrow races? Yeah, can you explain that?

You know, human wheelbarrow. Yeah. Is that what you're saying? Yeah. No, no. The human, you put your baby brother in a wheelbarrow. Okay. And he send it down a hill.

You tell your mom that you haven't seen it. What like a huckfin thing to do? Like what, like in olden days where you just like, put a stick across a fence post and that's fun. Yeah. Put the brother to wheelbarrow. Too much for one. Is it enough for two?

Nothing at all for three. Often the answer to a riddle is a hole. A hole in egg, the wind, silence, and a high. Silence, or the fort. That's also how you make a shitty captain planning. Hole. Ice. I think my shitty captain planning. Whole. Nice. I think my answer is closest.

Okay, you'd be wrong. So this is something that's not tangible. Okay, not tangible. Love. Too much for one enough for two, nothing at all for three. Mastervation. No. 69.

But those two things you might do this with those two things? Well, I guess with mastervation specifically, you would you would keep it this you would keep it masturbation 72 degrees Privacy Privacy secrets secrets secrets secrets. It's too much for one person and enough for two But nothing at all for three so once a third person knows the secret is no other secret for sure Which we saw in game of thrones. That's true. I need to make four phone calls. Let's see one more warm up. Riddle. Great. I feel great. I am something that is filled every morning and emptied every

night except once a year when I am filled at night and emptied in the morning. What am I? Chamber pot. Piss and shit. Once a year filled at night and emptied in the morning, but every other day of the year It's filled every morning and emptied every night. Oh, I know I know I know it's Christmas thing, right? Is it a Christmas? Yeah, I know. Yeah. Have we had this before? No, but I figured it out at the same time I was just already thinking about Christmas. So this worked out well Let's stare at Hayes until Aaron you're always thinking about Christmas Yeah, you have a constant Christmas model going on like a macy's Christmas out of my head all the time. And you are kind of Tim Allen-ing into a Santa Claus.

Yeah. Correct. Well that's just my hormones. What a flight what to say somebody's getting weights. Like oh Bethany are you Tim Allen-ing? I am going gray at the right that he does in that movie. My mom was fully gray by 30 so I- Is that true?

Yeah I'm like ready to go. That's like gene gray level shit yeah that's crazy see if six more years no that's I'm older than I just like where if I was gene gray known for having gray hair she's called that I don't remember that being a guy maybe yeah storm had more gray hair than Jean. Yeah, bro's got a big white. Sorry. And we can all agree, Jubilee is just garbage, right? Yeah.

Fireworks is not a power. I'm a fourth of July, it is. All right. All right, all right. This is a Christmas, we're not a fourth of July. Okay, yeah, Christmas. The Christmas jug. This is my favorite.

I grew up in a unitarian house. I really have these exclusive religious traditions where we worshiped God. Unitarian is Christmas or chickened fish. Yeah. G.P.C. and Aaron, do you want to say the answer on three, one, two, three? Christmas sock.

It's a stocking. It's a stocking. It's a stocking. Oh, nice. Every morning you fill it and emptied every night with your feet, and then once a year you hang it by the chimney, if your rich is how, and you, I guess, it's chimney, it'd be fireplace. Fireplace.

You don't hang stuff by the chimney. Stockings were hung by the chimney with care. But the chimney is external, right? My good boy, you need a chimney if there is to be a fireplace. Unless it's for sure. And Santa won't come to your house. If you don't have a house.

This riddle implies that you go around wearing a Christmas card. Okay. Every other day of the year until it's time to hang it out. I said I didn't take it that way. I said I didn't know what you were doing. You said filling a sock and I thought you met like jerky off the edge of a sock.

In the morning. Yeah. You know when your mom does the laundry and she fights a chris for a thing and a more stiff. You can't open it. That's that's the one that you hang above. And then at night you just dump it out. It's like pouring sand out of a boot. You let you let 16 hours go by then you dub it Oh Yeah, just everyone your mind side picture the viscous viscosity of connoisseur. I don't think you need to know We'll see you don't tell our listeners

Thank you. We're having an okay day before this and I don't think we need to ruin it Let's we're gonna transition into our main course puzzles in reduce. I can only assume if people are listening to this, their day is horribly off-truck. They've been kidnapped and someone's playing this. Sure, you're at a psychopath's dutch. Carry out ways is there. A man is putting lipstick on in front of a mirror, listening to a riddle podcast, talking his dick between his legs. I feel like the funniest thing on Twitter, everyone's wrong,

will get people who are listening to this podcast and like they're in a public place and their headphones fall out or something and then it blasts the audio for the whole training here when it's in the middle of GPC saying like I'll have to come say a bunch or something. A lot of people have lost their jobs. Here we go. Here's our one our first main puzzle. Adults are holding this is another I won't say it because I don't ruin it. Adults are holding, this is another, I won't say it, because I'll ruin it. Adults are holding children waiting for their turn. The children are handed one at a time usually

to a man who holds them while a woman shoots them. If the child is crying, the man tries to stop the crying before the child is shot. Christmas. Christmas again. Christmas. Perfect timing. Not loving the gendering. Yeah.

Classic riddle thing. Of both, I guess the elf and Santa Claus. That's true. And it says the woman shoots them. So it's just. The elf is a woman. My argument is the elf has to be a man. Will Ferrell, pasteg Will Ferrell.

Yeah. If I see an elf, I'm pulling those pants down and look at it in the tail yet. Did you know I want to know? Elf was originally cast with Delta Burke. Is that true? I did not know that. It could be a lie. It is.

I'd like to see a scene. Yes. And the three of you are in line to see Santa. And one of you really wants to spell the beans about him not being real. Okay, great. What are you guys going to spell the beans about him not being real. Okay, great. What are you guys gonna ask Santa for? I brought this Sears catalog and I circled with them off for everything I want. So I'm just gonna hand in the catalog and I'll be able to see that.

I hope he makes a video. Oh, you just circled all of the people that could be your dad's faces? Yeah, all I know is two things about my dad. He was a male model. Sure. And he threw footballs. So one of these 14, I've narrowed it down to 14 men. Wow, see.

This one is for our, so I don't think it's him. Couldn't be. And this is an advertisement for football. Huh? Okay. Just in the catalog. You can buy football on the Sears catalog now. I mean, I didn't know that's what it says.

What? Yeah, you can buy football. What about you, Brian? What do you do? Yeah, Brian, what do you want for Christmas? So, this is such a great question. I haven't really thought about this. What? I, you know, I'm sort of here. I just kind of want whatever's left. That's whatever's left over. Wow, you're a martyr.

Yeah, I mean, honestly, like, my understanding is there's a lot of stuff left. That is just sitting there after all the toys are delivered. And this is like a wholesaling opportunity. I think that there's like a lot of options. Yeah, this goes left over stuff. They basically put this all into like a strip mall retail outlets throughout the rest of the year

and then people can buy a reduced price So that's probably a good get you're probably gonna get some top shelf stuff And we'll cost and like a hand card to like get it out I also need that I'm gonna truck yeah 60 will truck yes 16 footer at least maybe a 24 Brian I hate to ask you this in line And it's the season, but are you poor? Are you a form? That again such a great question And I just was by the way, can I just say I love catching up with you guys?

Oh, it's so great. Yeah, it's so great. Our one opportunity. Well, we miss you at school Once you got taken out of school because of what you were wearing all those burlapsacks I don't know. We miss you so much And the lice and the course of lice. But you look good with a shape tag. You look great with a shape tag. A lot of people would make it then look like a white supremacist. But for you, you look like Michael Chickliss.

Thank you. Who does not look like a white supremacist? You have to, you have to, you know, December now. And this is for sure. I have sacks season. You guys are seeing me in like May and like September. Sometimes September of curtain. Yeah.

The Burlap is not great. And I have to be taking out a school for heating caution. But right now, I'm thriving. Yeah. Another thing was school is more than just May and September. So it was weird just seeing you for like six days. That makes sense. I think kids a little old to sit on Santa's lap?

You look like you're 15. I'm 26. Yeah, who are you calling kids? See. That is bleep. Do you have those people still believe that Santa exists? In my mind's eye, I pictured haze with glasses that were made from sticks, and then just had saran wrap over.

Because to me, that's the epitome of poor. That's a scrappy. That's a good idea. I think I think we got it, but can we just for the sake of listeners, can we say what the answer to the riddle? Well, I don't remember it. Yeah, I don't really. Well, the answer is that it's kids getting their picture taken with Santa,

which we did a scene about. So we obviously, that's the answer. There was another answer to this. And I love when riddles say that there's two answers, because it means that they're not sure, like they poorly constructed it. The other answer is, or the man is a doctor, and the woman is a nurse who is giving the child injections.

Yeah, okay. And that is probably the gender. But why is it there's like this line of parents, just one by one, handing off their children for injections? This is the apocalypse. Yeah. This is a measles up rank. and now everyone's rushing to get vaccinated. Vaxinate your kids, everyone.

Or don't. Or don't. Or don't. Or don't. Or don't. Or don't. Or don't. Or don't. Or don't. Or don't.

Or don't. Or don't. Or don't. Or don't. Or don't. Or don't. Or don't. Or don't. Or don very easy one. Man fuck the volume up. He use ice skate kill fish. A man is alone on an island.

It's Annie Sandberg. A man is alone on an island with no food and no water, yet he does not fear for his life. Why? When he says he's alone on an island at EYE, he's at island, the optometrist discount store, and he's not afraid because he's going to get a great deal on the elsewhere.

It's Gilligan. He's on the set of a TV show and he can just go to Crafty as soon as they call Cut and get donuts and candy and water. He wasn't alone. Famously. Famously. That show was fantastic. But it't no on. Famously. Famously. That's what it was his island. They had tons of food all the time. They lived. It was cooking up phones and cooking up beds. And that's Mary and died from

gal, right? Yes, absolutely. Well, man. All right. On an island, all alone, no food or water, but he's not afraid. He's not afraid for his life. He's delirious. What's the wording at the beginning? A man is alone on an island with no food and no water. Yeah, he does not fear for his life. Could he's a boat? Is he dead?

He's a boat. He's a boat. How the boat get there? The man's a boat. A boat. I once you've seen, this is a clear clear rip off blatant rip off of Knight writer. Sure. Only this is a day bowter.

So this is day bowter Hayes will be the voice of the boat. Okay. I'll have David Hasselhoff, JPC or no, the teacher, Mr. Fini from right. Hasselhoff was the driver. Yes, I'm sorry. JPC, you'll be the captain of the boat. I thought you were making me Mr. Fini in this seat. I was like, what is the, what do you want to see? So Hayes is the captain of the boat. I thought you were making me mr.

What do you want to see? So he's the voice of the boat JPC you're the household half-roll captain solo captain of the boat got yourself crap and I self-craft Oh, what's my boat's name? This shows called day-border. Yeah, it's called fuck face The USS fuck face. Okay, all right FF. We got a we got a real mystery on our hands. Okay I'm hoping this is a water-based mystery. I just want to well, I mean we'll go with it so many times We've started to have this conversation and then it just is something that I cannot help you with We'll go all right land based mystery. We'll go with a clue's lead us now this this woman is here because her husband Has been kidnapped my husband has been kidnapped and it wasn't me. Okay. here because her husband has been kidnapped my husband has been kidnapped and it wasn't me okay I'm not the one who kidnapped my husband I didn't have

anything to do with it great okay helping you get my husband we would never see now where was your husband last seen and please sit a lotter please please please sit a lotter he was in an airplane okay okay FF that's not necessarily bad over a a desert. Okay. Oh boy. But then it took a turn. Yes, okay, we're back in. And we were by a lake, but the lake was dry. Yeah. All right. Okay, I just want, I know you don't like when I jump

in on it, solving the mystery. Yeah, I don't want to over stuff. But it's in the interest of time. Most of you is a boat. I was pointing, I just want to point out that she did say Almost too urgently that she didn't do it That was suspicious suspicious for you and also it sounds like she was there She was on an airplane with her husband when he was kidnap FF. Can I talk to you real set for a second?

That's what I thought we were doing. We have a 42 minute show to film. So when you saw the again, and I'm I'm proud of this thing I knew you wouldn't like it. Yeah. I accept your preference or your preface, but I can work with me here, okay? Can we at least red herring it? Can we think about some, you know, just another angle

that this could have gone? Okay. I mean, she obviously, she obviously kidnapped and killed her husband. She's covered in blood. She's got a knife in her purse that could be that suspicious old man over there. It's all that man works at the dock. We try to use him every episode. It's never him. He's his name is red.

He's a pervert for sure. You're a you're an old pervert, right? That's right. But he's not a killer. Adely, you know what the pervert on the dog keeps making you old perverts on dog. You were so sorry. You dressed this way with your cub to record. You got to be an old pervert. My mom listens to this show and she's real upset with you too.

Any ideas what's going on with this situation this now? Oh, I forgot where to do this. Oh, I know. Another riddle He's still in another riddle. Damn it. That is a really tough one. An island. Is this gonna be one where I'm pissed? Oh yeah.

These are all, it's all like lateral thinking where it's like, this was actually this situation. Okay, okay. Is the island a literal island? Or is it like in every man is an island, a metaphor island? It's a Galagol island. It may not be the dictionary definition of an island, but it is an island. Is like food and water like available in a nether spot?

Can they get off the island? Absolutely, absolutely. And we're like on land. There's no water involved in any of this. Is this like a traffic island? It is a traffic island. Okay. The word for word like I've solved.

Yeah. The island is a traffic island. Which I, this may be a original thing. I feel like I always call those media, what is it? Medians? Yeah. Yeah. The stretch of land in between.

Well, so you didn't grow up in Neverland like me. I was taken as a boy to follow Wednesday and with your little top hat and stuff, the animal from your bed and you know, you're the tri- You're the guy. You're the therapist strictly said to never say the phrase I was taken as a boy. The guy who's that scared for his life, there's cars everywhere. Cars are scared. Cars are at the wrong time.

Cars are like man-made water. He brings up a great point. Is this man going to eat and drink the cars? Cars make it, thank you so much for breaking this up. Cars are the sharks of land. Remember when Chevy Chase played that car in SNH? They can't stop driving or they die. Oh yeah. Yeah, Range Rover's famously can't stop driving or they'll die.

A little bicycle is clean the teeth of the car. That's why I'm so bad for the environment. There's single use. They're like tissues. You can tell your poor because you don't think cards are single use. Next puzzle. Oh boy, next puzzle. A woman came home with a bag of groceries, got the mail, and walked into the house. On the way to the kitchen, she went through the living room, and looked at her husband who had blown his brains out. She's a scruised!

What the hell? I feel like I was not prepared for that. Oh my God. She continued to the kitchen, put away the groceries, and made dinner. What's going on? Now, these I like, and I can say, I do have a history with.

Oh, no. Well, I don't think of these as, these like lateral thinking puzzles. Like, I actually, books of the, oh, okay, God, we're not, so we're not doing the real thing. This, I read books of, a ton of books of these when I was a little

like lateral thinking from. Yes, I love these. Now, he blew his brains out. I have a friend named Nick Wigger who can do this. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha rare skill, but that's my answer. And presumably his wife is so familiar with his ability that she wouldn't give a damn the size a little bit. And it was on the kitchen, but she knows not to talk to her while he is doing it.

She also goes about her business knowing that he probably already had a full meal for his podcast earlier, so he's not interested in doing it. He's a dope boy, so he doesn't, yeah, she doesn't need to talk to him about dinner. Yeah boy, oh boy. Okay, that's gotta be the answer, right? That is not the answer.

Whoa, interesting. Hint is to think about the timing of everything. Say again, the whole thing. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man him over the fireplace. The husband had killed himself some time ago. The wife was looking at his ashes and an urn on the mantle piece. I get bad news for her and the writer of this riddle. There's all kinds of other shit mixed up in there. That's not your husband. Oh, my God. Yeah, that's mostly salt.

Yeah, you could put that on breakfast and it would be fine. She seems really nonchalant about her husband being dead. I think she killed him and made it seem like suicide. Well, there's a detective in a boat that are still working on this. They're like 35 minutes away from solving this. Also, I like to imagine that it's not an earn, it's a portrait of him doing it. Remember that moment forever? Otherwise, why would you phrase it that way?

I'd like to see you seeing Aaron Uray, a wife who just came home. JPC, you're a husband in the living room. Classic character for me, a wife is just came home. JPC, you're a husband in the living room. Classic character for me, a wife is just come home. I love being a woman. Let me finish. Let me finish. Just came home from the war, where you're a sergeant in the Marine.

Just what, why did you want me to name? Empowerment. Should we let her have a name for this one? Catherine Wife. Wait, what was the scene that you said? So you just came home from Trader Joe's. We'll give them a nice hefty plug. Hoping to get some free frozen Indian food.

Please set us loose chili. JBC, you're a husband who's waiting at home for her. And you've been known to pull a pranker too. Okay. Why hello, hello. Put your pants on. Why? Why ruin the surprise?

There's no surprise. You're not wearing pants. And I'm also not wearing a shirt. Yeah. And I'm not wearing socks or underwear as well. You're wearing a hat. It's a goofy hat. Are you ready for what comes next?

I got cauliflower crusts. Gorsh! Cauliflower crusts! That makes me want a fuck! I think you're gonna put some vegetables in it. Gorsh, don't you want a fuck? Gorsh, don't this make you horny? I thought maybe...

Yeah, then what's wrong? You love it when a goofyofy fucks a prize Should I come in now? Is it time to fuck free time? Is that your brother? No, it's not. It's Mickey Mouse. Ken is not here. Ken? Huh?

Come on out. Yeah? You know what? We just one of those boring couples. That just eats Trader Joe's for dinner and we don't have a throw way with my little brother anymore. Is that what we are now? Have we gotten so predictable? Okay, you invited my mom.

First of all, the situation invited your mom. The situation called for your mom to be here. Do you not love me anymore? No, I'll go put up my costume. Let's do this. The situation called for your mom to be here. Do you not love me anymore? Let's do this. She's dressing as spider-man See Somebody draw that no Please don't Let's go ahead and take a quick break and we'll come back with more puzzles in release

Okay, that's hey, that's fine. Well, I need to verbally get a yes from her. Can you see? Yes. Of course. Hey, quick break. In your writer it says. Yeah. We're going to give you a best-leak quick break.

Okay, yes. Hey, GPC. Fuck you, you're a hit with the brick dome. Hey, GPC. Uh, uh, yeah? You're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm, um, pranking Atal, and I'm setting up a whole website to prank him. Okay. Um, and I just need some advice. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. I'm not, I'm not mad at you. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace.

I'm not mad at you. We're pranking app. Squarespace is the only website platform for entrepreneurs to stay in doubt and to see it online. Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website engaged with your audience. And so anything for products to cut into time,

all in one place, all on your terms. Hey, Addle, come here, come here, come here. Hey, what's going on? I actually, I wanna prank JPC and I wanna set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like, is there like an online store that could set up on my website to sell products?

Did you know that with Squarespace, you can have custom merch, you can easily sell custom merch and create passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand, design your products and production, and inventory and shipping are handled for you, saving you time and money. What is happening?

Okay. Wait, what's going on with Addle? Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just sending up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing. No, he's gonna tune you. And I'm gonna use analytics. Use insights to grow my business and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool.

I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords, our popular products and content on my prank website. The prank site too, love you. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what the website was for. Yeah, the website was for. Prank.

Square space. You can connect to your store to Vedent Third Party tools to extend the functionality of your website. Hey, JPC, hey, JPC. What's up, battle? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com

for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh, she's back, she's back. Hey Aaron. Hey Aaron. Can we go to grandma's house? Wait, I've been pranked.

But how? I don't know. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, Adel and JPC. Thank you for meeting me in the middle of the woods here. I am sort of at an empath. I can't decide whether or not to go this way or this way. I'm having a hard time choosing a path.

You know, there never truly is a middle of the woods. Isn't it funny to think about something like that? Like, have there never truly is a middle of the woods? No, this is the middle. Okay, this is it. Addle, can you help? Yeah, actually, so as per Robert Frost, I don't know if you know his poems. He has a poem called Better Help.

I believe this is written in the 1800s, but it still stands true today more than ever. Aaron, you should try Better Help. Have you heard of this? You seen this? Mm-hmm. Because sometimes Aaron in life were faced with tough choices

and the path forward isn't always clear. Whether you're dealing with decisions around career relationships, being stuck in the middle of the woods, therapy helps you stay connected to what you, ow, ow, sorry, that also does so fast. Therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate life and the woods. Hmm, and better help is entirely online, so it's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. I've been using it for several years, and it suits the way

that my brain works way better than traditional therapy ever did. And when Aaron says traditional therapy, just so everyone's clear, what she means is tricking two of her friends to coming to the middle of the woods, even though there isn't truly the concept of the middle of the woods, isn't that fun to think about? All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and you can switch therapist at any time for no additional charge. Hey, Aaron, a GPC's putting down bread crumbs and then immediately picking them up and eating them.

Oh, dirty bread crumbs. Mmm. And he's also like really into that owl who's swooping down. Anyways, let therapy be your map with better help. Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help h-e-l-p.com slash riddle r-i-d-d-l-e. R-i-d-d-l-e the middle of riddles of D, but there is no true middle of riddle because

it would be the space in the LIDJBZ. I'm home. Bye, baby. I am home. Who are we? What is this? I hope you get home. Bye, baby. I am home. Who are we? What is this? I, clink, clink, clink.

Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. I just want to make a quick toast to, I know it's JPC's birthday, and we're all so excited to talk about him, but I want to talk about my favorite, my favorite thing in the world. And that is the app rocket money. Oh, yeah, Aaron, that's one of my favorite things as well. Uh-huh. Rocket money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions,

monitors your spending and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years way before they were a sponsor and it helps me so much, especially around tax season. Kling, cling, cling, cling, cling, cling. Sorry, I also want to give a toast. Rocket money, well quickly and easily find your subscriptions for you. And for any you don't want to pay for anymore, just hit cancel and Rocket money will cancel it for you. It's that easy.

Kling, cling, cling. Mm-hmm. It also categorizes your expenses so you can easily track your budget in real time and also get alerted if anything looks off. categorizes your expenses so you can easily track your budget in real time and also get alerted if anything looks off. Over three million, over three million people have used rocket money saving the average person up to $720 a year. We love rock.

Stop. Stop. No, click, click, click, stop. Throwing your money away, cancel unwanted subscriptions today and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com slash riddle. That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle. Rocketmoney.com slash riddle,

and tell them JPC's birthday got ruined by two of his friends for doing speeches about rocket money, the website. I love you, Rocketmoney. I like it, I like it, I like it. Rugg and Money. Plank, plank, plank. And we're back with another episode of Hollywood Nights. Hollywood Nights. Hollywood Nights.

We're all saying it, right? Aaron, can you 10% less review? Yeah. Hollywood Nights. I tried to not use any of my mouth muscles. Hollywood Nights. Hollywood Nights. That's also how you kiss, right?

Yeah, just totally relax your whole face. Yeah, I'm over the top. And Aaron believes firmly that we don't have to make sounds when we kiss. You mean it's choose to do that. You're really doing it right. It's starting to drool. Just a little drool going around. And you can all eat your teeth baby.

Oh boy. It ate a kiss to let you hear the click of those teeth. Every kiss begins with clink. It's like I'm done kissing for ever. I would like to just like a ADR all of that sound of movies, whatever people kiss, and just replace any sound they make. That's the thing. Teeth clinking.

Two clink, two clinkuts, like a wedding toast. Is there a wedding toast happening? Nah, they're making seven minutes ahead of me. That would be unlistable. And that's coming from someone who records this podcast. Well speaking of kissing, let's kiss the tip of this riddle dick. What?

What? Is that a fun story? It's very natural. I had that written down hoping someone would bring up kiss. And if not, I had a puzzle about you. There's an Aaron shape hole at that wall. That Aaron shape hole looks a lot like a Tim Allen turning into a cyclist. Come on! Looks like her.

Her exiting needed more power. Isn't that his catchphrase more power from the Santa Claus? Yeah, I want to say something. I think it was a Santa Claus too I've sought in theaters when I was a child and I remember thinking the beginning of it was so romantic It was like two fourteen year olds. It was like two fourteen year olds almost kissing in the second or third Santa Claus I remember thinking this is so romantic really yeah What does it have to do with, I don't remember the movie. I think it's like his son almost has his first kiss.

We'll see you in the fireplace watching him. No, he ruins the moment though, I forget how. By killing Santa Claus. I just was like, what love is. Here we go. David entered a restaurant where a crowd of people were enjoying a meal. When the people saw David, they dropped their forks

and fled the restaurant. What happened? It's many of the times he's the black knight. Maybe the times, black knight made famous by the cable guy. JPC's favorite movie? Yeah, absolutely. I actually fucking hated that movie growing up. I don't know, I haven't rewatched it, I guess, at all.

But I remember seeing it once and being like, I don't like it. I think I wanted it to be more ace than sure. It's his little Nikki, right? Yeah, what? Where it's like more ace Ventura. It's his little Nikki, right? Yeah, what? Whereas like, everybody gets one. Jim Carey and Adam Sandler both got to a point in their careers. At the apex of their careers,

I think they were told like, whatever character choice you wanna make. And then Adam Sandler did the little Nikki voice, which is like, unlistenable. Yeah. And Jim Carey gave the cable guy a list. How dare you? Or it's like Samuel Jackson and Kingsman,

where he's just like, I'm gonna make this choice and you can't stop me because at this point I have all the clouds. Marry Street in Julian. Do whatever you want. You know the skier just based on a real person, right? Yeah, Mrs. Dunfrey. Yeah, but if I've heard of Julia and Julia, it's when he tries to win back or X-Wife and her kids I'll be making butter chicken for the boys. I miss you, can I? Can you read what the fucking riddle?

David entered a restaurant where a crowd of people were enjoying a meal When the people saw David they dropped their forks and fled the restaurant what happened? So it's a crowd enjoying a meal with forks. Got you. Okay. And David was a horse. What's the name of the son of Sam? It's a Birkwitz. David Birkwitz, not to it is. It's close. It's David Arquette. Okay. Everyone drops their forks. Is David an animal? Yes. I knew it. Are people animals in your opinion? You've received Bojack Horseman? Yeah. Yeah. People can it. Are people animals in your opinion? You've received Bojack horsemen? Yeah. Great.

People can be animals, but they have to make a pun. It's like a cockroach or something? Even closer. To a cockroach. Even closer than what? I guess earlier, air said horse. So I'm going off that. So I'm closer than a horse.

I feel like even closer is a way for you to be like go even closer lean into the Mike is what I'm saying. I don't know if you don't This is embarrassing be right upon Mars. Can we stop for a second? That's one so you want to keep like a pinky apart so put your thumb to your chin and put your pinky up here This is the worst. Oh wow, okay, you want to never done you want to like come So I'm not supposed to put my entire lips over So Mike is not No, that clicking pick up that Wow, okay, you want to never done you want to like coming so I'm not supposed to put my entire lips over The clicking picture

That's also how you want to eat ask you get about a pick you I just think that's too far to get away now you got to relax your whole face And not you any musk and if you drew a little bit while eating ass, that's the ideal situation. Okay, now we can start recording again. So, yeah, more specable. So David is a rat. This creature eats rats for fucking breakfast. It's a mobster. A mobster?

A mobster? A mobster. A mobster. Have you seen that call for a movie? A mobster? A mobster? Where if you don't fall in love, you turn into a mobfiosa. Yeah. When he calls his own clause out. Yeah. A monster. A monster. A monster. A monster. A monster? Where if you don't fall in love, you turn into a mafia also.

Yeah. When you cause this one claws out. Yeah, it causes them claws out. Just like Tim Allen and Tim. It's wait, it's not a rat. It eats rats, Mongoose. It eats rats. Cater.

Cater. Cater. Cater. Cater. Cater. Cater. Cater. Cater.

Cater. Cater. Cater. Cater. Cater. Cater. Okay, now yeah, this one does check out The Python guide into a restaurant it probably does have an owner some creep who like could conceivably have named it first Yeah, unless I'm a fucking rainforest cafe and then I'm just gonna be like this is part of the ambiance here And I love it and that's why I'm eating a $15 you know french fry Have you been to run for us cafe? Rainforest cafe known as being like the most expensive restaurant in Chicago? My boyfriend used to request to go there for every birthday because he's like this is a decadent I used to go there for work lunches. I would like take people I was like we're gonna go to

You'd make a reservation at like 10, you know 10 a.m. And you'd show up and there'd be no one there I want to see a quick scene. Hey, you're going to be one of the authors or critics for Michelin. Oh, I, uh, French, uh, tire company that also does food reviews. Hmm. Famously. And, uh, JPC, you are a server at Rainforest Cafe. Obviously, you recognize, uh, this Michelin, um, critic, and you're trying to impress him. Gotcha. Um, hello, sir. Welcome sir welcome. Have you had a minute to look over the menu? Can I get you another water refill? I would like a defense chair. Oh, you may not have no beast in my body. He's made of tire. Oh, I just thought you were kind of Tim Allen. by L Oh, the guy. Yeah, it's the band side. We can find you another chair This table has four chairs reading these do we could also go get you a chair from the office of their rolling with wheels on the bottom

Yeah, yes, I would like it on chair Perfect we will we will we will absolutely accommodate that have you had a minute to look at the menu Oh, yes, sir my son he threw up on one of the gorillas up there I'm really mad at you. I don't know why it's your fault, but I feel like it's on you. Yes Absolutely, it's my son's birthday too. Oh, we will have the gorilla apologize to your son It is a man wearing a costume and he will clean that up immediately and I am so sorry Thank you. We like our meal for free. Okay, and we'll give you 50% off We would like a meal for free. We'll give you your meal for free. Thank you. I'm so sorry direct that contact

Could I tell you about our specials? I would like to can Okay, now we don't have we don't necessarily have and Yes, we can do that. What? Is it the name of this restaurant? It's... This is the rainforest cafe. I would like Zidouk'an! Okay, we can bring you a bowl of fruit loops.

That is something we have a bacon maple fruit loop glaze on most of our dishes here. So we can just siphon the fruit loops off and give you a bowl of that. That's as close to two can as we can give you You can do this Sir, I'm so sorry in the back, Josh and sir. I'm so sorry I want to apologize as his manager and I want to also let you know I am French so we can slip into our native tongue But as we go business. Oh, they're kissing Like the clean like my native tongue

My native tongue. Kissing. So yes, David was the name of the Python who escaped from the local zoo and found himself entering a crowded restaurant. What a fun backstory. What an adventure for him. David just wanted to try that restaurant. We have the snake alone. We bought a zoo.

We bought a Python. Next one here. The man opened the door, screamed, and then was found dead a few minutes later. No gunshots were heard in the area. What happened? He saw his own reflection. Okay, and I assume we're ruling out any other type of weapon. He was stabbed, just like not a very interesting red hole.

It was opened. It was a silencer. the guy had a silencer. Yeah, I think we can roll out all weaponry. Okay, so he... Man, open the door, screamed, and then was found dead a few minutes later. He opened it. No gunshots were heard in the area.

He opened a bathroom stall door. Mike Myers has fat bastard was taking a big dump in the stall and the smell knocked the guy dead. Open elevator shaft That's so smart. That's so smart. Thank you. That's pretty much it Is that it? Can we just leave it at just just a we're all clear I don't know if Hayes was so much giving an answer to that riddle, but he did say open elevator shaft into his watch I just remembered I left it closed down. It seems to be a smart house. He's like a bond villain who's setting a trap right now.

It's a reminder. I have a bar that I need to open early today. So the man is falling down, but it's not an elevator shaft. Okay, so why would he not an elevator shaft. Okay. So why would he say open elevator shaft? The door was a window and he fell out of a building. No, the door's a door. Falling out of a building is closer.

The man opened a door, screamed, and then a few minutes later, yeah, he died. He expected a porch, but there was no. So I'll say that the people who witnessed this, who were scarred for life saw him open the door and knew he was gonna die, but it took a few minutes for him today. Okay, so it was one of those mobile homes

that can live on the back of a truck. He opened it up, stepped out, the truck was going like 60 miles an hour down the highway and he just rolled and got like hit by multiple cars. How Indiana of you to say a mobile home that lives on the back of a truck? Also most mobile homes, Adel,

actually if you'd watched the fucking documentary, most mobile homes are fucking transported. And the back of a truck. Also, most mobile homes at all. Actually, if you'd watch the fucking documentary, most mobile homes are fucking transported. And the name of that documentary? Most mobile homes. Most mobile homes. MMH. Give us another hint. Altitude.

Airplane. It's an airplane. The man was on an airplane when he fell to his death after opening the door. Isn't the pressure on an door on an airplane, wall and flight, like don't you have to basically be like a giant scene now? Just the pressure to open that door so immense.

I mean, everyone on the plane is looking at you. They want you to open the door, you're expected to do it. Your dad's there. Can I say speaking of being on a plane, on the air and then I got on a plane yesterday to come here to Los Angeles, that's the way that you get here from Chicago, unless you want to take a car or a train or a boat. But there was a man who was on the plane who had a bag of what looked to be pizza.

I can't remember. It was like home run in pizza. And he was constantly walking down the aisles after most of the plane had boarded. And he was just like looking for an open seat. And like everyone who saw this man coming did not want a man who had a bag full of beats that would sit next to them. So I think people were making themselves as big as possible to dissuade him from choosing a seat. And it was like,

it was like hot potato, Russian roulette, just people panicking, not only pizza man. I was protecting you. I was protecting you. And it was a bag of loose squirrels. Ready for another. Here we go. A man is returning from Switzerland by train.

If he had been in a non-smoking car, he would have died. That's all you get. The car was smoking because the door to the bomb on the train. Bomb smoke. A man was returning from Switzerland by train. If he had been in a non-smoking car, he would have died. I will say, having read the answer, this is maybe the worst riddle of all time.

Is it like, it's blocking him from seeing something because the smoke, the sight thing? No, the cigarettes saved his life. So if he had been in a non-smoking car, he would have died. So the cigarettes themselves actually saved his life. So if you cigarette saved his life. Yeah, so if he had been in a non-smoking car, he would have died. So the cigarettes themselves actually saved his life. Switzerland matters. No, okay.

Oh, I'm sorry. Hase is reading my t-shirt. Yeah. All Switzerland matters. It's a cause I truly believe. I know it's offensive. I just don't know how. I know I shouldn't be saying it and I shouldn't about the t-shirt,

but I saw it in a duty free store in here, but I had to buy it. Something to do with his health. He would have... Yeah, it dies. Yeah, it dies. Oh, come on. Does the answer to this riddle have anything to do

with it being set in the past. No, no, gotcha. Okay, cool. Like he would have had a hard attack or something if he didn't smoke a cigarette. Nope. Was he smoking the cigarette? No, but he saw others.

He saw others smoking cigarettes. Boy, oh boy. So, oh, because there's so much cigarette smoke, there was a laser pointer from a sniper rifle, and the laser, he saw the laser coming and ducked down. Catherine Aida Jones and the, yep. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and Trackman. It's actually the movie and Trackman.

Any climb backwards and he real slinky. That movie saved his life. The most sexual pairing, Catherine Aida Jones, age 32, and Sean Connery's like last movie. I thought you're gonna say Catherine A. Jones age 32 and Michael Douglas. That's a sexy pairing. What a power move to say you got cancer from eating out your wife. That was the coolest thing I've ever heard. Not a hot take. Just just reminded me. I don't think we're gonna get this so I'm gonna say the answer. No, fuck you. I'm betting on myself. I think I can get this

Bread crumbs yes, the man is returning. We also have a head But also the bread crumbs and we'll see where we're at but also I've waited much salad Just just a few more breadcrumbs. I want to make these seagulls explode So the man is returning from Switzerland from a surgery. That's a hence number one. And hint number two is that keep in mind that trains go through tunnels. Okay. In Switzerland. So someone lit some cigarette in a tunnel and he didn't see it or something. No, he did see it. And that's what saved his life. He saw the lit cigarette in the tunnel. He saw the glowing ember. Because the whole train is black. It's in darkness. If he had been in a non-smoking car and he went through a tunnel in through a mountain

He would have killed himself and he just returned from surgery Was it I got it was it oh he God surgery to fix his blindness and He took off his blindfold at the exact moment when they were going through a tunnel. If he had been in a non-smoking car, he wouldn't have seen the lit cigarettes around

and he would have, I guess, choked himself today because the surgery didn't work, but it did and he saw the lit cigarettes. And famously in the EU EU they blindfold their patients He's got it correct. Yeah, so what happens when you get that surgery is your head is all bandaged You say bring me a mirror. They say no, sir. Please don't make us you say bring me a mirror And you smash someone's hand in glass Super messed up. Hey, blind people are probably like what the hell?

Probably the hardest and worst riddle you've ever had. And he solved it. The man used to be blind. He's returning from an eye operation, which restored a site. He spent all his money on the operation. So when the train, which had no internal lighting, goes through a tunnel, he thinks he's gone blind again and decides to kill himself.

But before he could do it, he saw the lit cigarette of people who were smoking and realized he could still see. That parenthetical, which had no internal internal lighting is doing a lot of work. But I have you left in this room. We're just supposed to accept that the train has no lights on the inside. So the train that comes back from the blind hospital that specialized in the surgery. We're noticing a lot of the patients don't make it through the tunnel. Do we think that there's maybe a mechanical thing on the train?

Well, no, we need the train dark. People like their sleep. One more riddle? Oh, yes. I love one. That's perfect for this show because that's the whole fucking premise. Hey, is that easy to just say that you want a riddle? I'll take Four

Legally if you go with the guess once if you don't consent through these riddles we can't give you a A man dies of thirst in his own home. Is he horny? He's on Instagram. Hey The most I've ever wanted nice It's the most I've ever wanted. Nice. You can die of that. Like a high school kid. It's just like, if I don't get satisfied

at this point, you've been teasing me so long, I could die. That's my blue balls. I'll be honest, if that can't happen, then the movie that I wrote is absolutely fucking worthless. You know, let's get a buy at. Can we just go around and say in grade school-ish when you were a kid, like who was the first celebrity

that you had a crush on? Mine was Kathy Ireland, which dates me. I think I've said this in the show before, but I wrote fan melt to John C. Riley. I was in love with him. I think it was, I think. Grade school, what movie is this? Chicago?

Magnoly? Honestly, Chicago. I wrote him a letter being like, stop being in movies where women are mean to you. Like I just want you to be the hero. But that's his bread and butter. I know, he's so good at it. I don't know why I was trying to fuck up his career.

I was trying to sabotage him. I think mine was maybe like Jessica Alba from Sin City, but I was in high school. You said rabbit wrong. Yeah. Mine was any cartoon porn that I ever saw. Mine was lowest from family. I'm like, yeah, and I was probably low up bunny or something.

Yeah, I guess if I'm being honest, mine was the made-marion fox from the animated Robin Hood. Sure. Mine was the term, when he goes into the sauce. Whole head melt off. That was probably when he just rubbed body sexy to me. A friend of ours first crushed that were she like actively wanted to fuck this person. Was Richard Lewis. Oh my god, what? When she was like 12, he was in Robin Hood men and tights. He's a sexy man.

I also like Atticus Finch. I like that like Sturkey. The character or the Gregory Pepp. I guess Gregory Pepp. I think the first time I ever was horny was just the idea of Boo Radley. Just the concept of Boo Radley got me all hungry. Oh man. And then what's his name's performance? Richard Deval's performance.

So you over the top of the edge, yeah. Robert Deval? Robert, what did I say? Richard Deval? Yeah, they pop at the board. Boo Radley. A man dies of thirst in his own home. So what's going on here? Man's a fish. Man's on fish fish can't die from dehydration.

Man is a boat. Oh, yes. Man's a boat who's a horse. Does he have full access to every part of his home? Yes. Okay. But part of his part of his home might be out of order or malfunctioning But he has access to every part of his home. I do want to see a quick scene. We're gonna revisit But I know it now and if we do a scene we'll forget

We're gonna revisit the boat and the detective so we're back on the USS surface So this is another scene and you are dying of thirst This is it for me FF. I think I've done my last boat ride okay I so I know you hate notes I know hold on I don't you make it first of all I and I'm the guy who hates notes I don't want to do I told you so's either I do think it was a mistake to try and solve a mystery outlay as As a boat by just approaching the land really fast We got much farther than I thought yeah, look hindsight is 50 50 we all understand that okay, but I But can I have a now

Now that we're in the position we're in I'll say you can get out of the boat. No, you can. No, I don't want to. Just admit, there's water right there. I don't want it. I don't want it. You all need tips from a pervert? No, we don't need tip.

We all know what that means. It's you showing us the tip of your penis. We're not into it. Aston answer. Red, I am so sorry about the doc. No, no, no, it'll grow back. No, not your dick, the doc. You know what, Red, we don't need a pervert right now.

Suck my dog. I'll get it happen. FF, can I be honest with you? I've only ever wanted to impress you. I've only ever wanted to look smart in front of you. Oh my god. It feels like you think I'm some sort of fucking idiot. And that nothing that I do is right.

Look, I, I'm so sorry to hear you say that. I could have worked with a million other detectives. I like, I could have left this at any time. I'm a talking boat. I mean, like my, my, my share is in demand. But I chose you. And that's why I want you to live and to go drink just a little bit of the lake so you don't die.

Okay. Can you steer us back into the pool? I can get it. So I'm on land. I love the, the wherewithal of the boat to be like, did know it's worth to be like, I'm a talking boat. Like I could have my pick.

I've got options. That's fantastic. Shit, I truly now do forget what I was going to say. No, space station. I mean, the scene was basically, it's not a space station. The scene basically was the answer. You just have to word it for me.

Houseboat. Houseboat. Houseboat. Middle of the ocean. His home is a houseboat and he has run out of water with an extended cruise. That's good. And true, you can just drink the salt water, correct?

Yep. Spit out the salt. Drink it fast. If you drink it fast, yeah, then you can drink it. Same thing. Same with anything. You could drink anything if you do it fast. You drink fucking rocks if you drink it. Yeah. Have you ever, are you a Marvel guy? You ever seen the Quick Silver just can pick a drink. His power is he drinks anything super fast. That's why it's named as Quick Silver's because he ate all that mercury.

Yeah, he drinks big, grand, real fast. He gives him his power. Hey, thank you so much for being on. Truly one of our favorite podcasts are so big throw for us. Thank you so much for being on. Thank you so much for being on. Yeah. Anything you want to plug or promote? I have too many podcasts at this point to do that.

Can I say that some of my favorite of your podcasts would be Hollywood Handbook, the Hollywood Handbook Pro version, and Hashtag The Flaggart once. Hashtag The Flaggart once is our Patreon exclusive NBA podcast. I'm wearing some merch from it right now that you call to more pinch cranks. I can't see, but it looks cool. Cool. And I also, if you live in L.I., I host a local issues podcast called LA Podcast.

There is less funny, but still a little bit. It's JPC, anything you want to plug? Yeah, you can follow me on Twitter at JPC. So fly, you can follow me on Instagram at Shark Bark fly you can follow me on Instagram at shark barkman If you're of in Chicago come see one of our impromptu shows world news tonight every Saturday at 8 p.m. And 10 p.m You can always send us riddles if you have riddles that you'd like to just do on the show to HR our podcast at gmail.com You can listen to my Aaron you want to go ahead? You took a breath in

Take it every day for this is the most awkward part of the show every week. We have a specific order and we never fucking I'm gonna hold my breath. I was the ordered. The quick Aaron hold this feather. Oh, it's way easier. Oh, you can check out my other podcast a little from the Magic Tavern.

You can subscribe to our Patreon for Hey, Rital Rital. It's patreon.com slash Hey, Rital Rital $5 a month. It gets you new episodes every Friday. So check that out. You can follow me Aaron Keefe 10 on Instagram and I'll plug out my shows and stuff there. Awesome. And Aaron, you are famously a detective who lives on a certain planet. Jupiter. Bye forever. Hey, real, real, real, created by Adolf Refin. Sorry, Eric G. And John Patrick Collins. Hey, do you sniter busy headed in? Now are you parading in the music?

The photo created by M.O.B. Cardamus and M.O.N. the Morris. The fuck do you think you're a rick-o-rick? M.O.N. the Morris Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,