Hey Riddle Riddle - #49: Carrot Bottom!

Episode Date: June 26, 2019

Welcome to Juuuune! In this episode we enter a Spelling Bee, preemptively bust Tiger Woods, create the best Horny Snack and put the worst roommates on blast! Don’t bother remembering the pledge of allegiance, it’s Hey Riddle Riddle! #WiddleWednesdayStarring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: KJ SnyderTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgun podcast. Hello everyone, a quick reminder that you should buy tickets for our August 16th live show at 9pm before it sells out. Where is that show? Shubas in Chicago, and you have to be 18 years or older or have a valid fake ID. Fifth joke. Fifteen dollars for the show will also have posters for sale, perhaps some other merch and we'll be sticking around afterwards if you'd like to say hello I'll get to picture so get those tickets now if you want to get your tickets go to lh-st.com and search for the Hey Riddle Riddle show or go to our Twitter and check out our L.A.G.D. Aaron just made a gross face. I didn't do anything.

I would like to ask a question immediately. What's po'arro? Po'arro is the detective in most of Agatha. What the fuck, Aaron? He's a French mime who solves mysteries on chains. How? Wait, is this common knowledge? Why not know about a famous French mime? It's the detective in most of Agatha Christie's novels. And it's Branna played him recently in...

To terrible effect. I think so. Was that murder on the Orient Express? Yeah. I saw that on my birthday a couple years ago. Oh really? I also didn't see it. It looked like I had a star start at the cast of fucking buckle. Leslie Odom Jr.

Uh-huh. And the rest. I believe in Hamilton. Uh, Johnnie Depp. Johnnie Depp. The darkness singing Hamilton. Olivia Coleman was in it. I believe in a Hamilton.

Wasn't there someone problematic at it? Johnny Depp maybe? Yeah. Okay, that's why I didn't see it I believe we're gonna ham up one. Wasn't there someone problematic at it? Johnny Depp made my- Yeah, okay, that's why I did see it. He's the one they killed though. Oh good. That works out. That's good. But Poirot, yeah, so I thought to do,

just to mix it up from no shit, I'll sure, like I thought to maybe do no crap, all Christy, or no crap, all clue, so. Okay, okay. Just like something fun to mix it up, but I was met with Aaron shuddering with just being openly a gas. I just scared that we're gonna have to do French accent.

And I didn't know who pooro is. And I learned something today and guess what? Any day where I can learn something is a great day for me. The two most famous mimes, Marcel Marceau. And Marcel the monkey from friends. Oh yeah. I would say the fat ugly naked guys by favorite dog friends. Quiet, quiet, physical comedy for years.

And I'm JPC. Another key. Sorry. I think it's June great. My face is not telling the truth, which is I'm happy to be here. Yeah, I'm happy to be here as well. And that's your thing, right?

Your face isn't tell the truth. Your heart doesn't lie. Your face doesn't tell the truth. That's exactly right. I... You're like a reverse Shakira. Your hips, your hips do lie., your face doesn't tell the truth. That's exactly right. I... You're like a reverse Shakira. Your hips, your hips do lie. My hips lie, your breasts are not small and humble.

Look at it, it's just small and number, so you can fuse them with mountains. Go ahead and sing the... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Aaron's ever sang. Usually what Aaron's saying is like, I remember I'm in Humberbuff. Yeah, it's usually, yeah. All you needed to about was at the song. That's true, that's true. Put it over her. Who's our old Mime Riddles?

No. Okay, Aaron's Mime Riddles. Aaron is Mimeing. She's Mimeing that she's trapped in a box. She's suffocating Aaron is dead. The top of the box is kind of an angle. It's a true box. My arm's hard-shrugging up.

Yeah. It's more of a trapezoid. Is everyone okay? Is everyone having a good day before we get into some old days? No. Can I tell you quite honestly, I'm having a wonderful day. It's just been a great day. It's been very relaxing.

It's been like a perfect Sunday. I haven't had a Sunday this great in a long time. Well, don't be fucking ragged oceans because they never wrote a movie called It's a Wonderful Day. Haven't had a Sunday this great in a long time. Well, don't be fucking braggadocious because they never wrote a movie called, It's a Wonderful Day, did they? Cause shit changes. So get back to me in 363, my man. They never wrote that movie.

Did somethings go horrible? I have to go back. What? Oh, he went back in his chair. He fell out of his chair and I was trapped in a box. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. I'm gonna die. I just did those dead arms.

I'm gonna die there, I'm gonna die there. Vampire arms. I'm gonna go back in his chair. Wait I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Vampire arms. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die.

I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die.

I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I am having a good day. I've had a good good couple days. It was my birthday um... F**k it, one of the first. Yeah.

Yeah. Uh, had a great time. It was yesterday. Yeah. Um, we just gave away when we record. Uh, but I had a wonderful birthday, had a wonderful time, but I did just move, so that's always stressful to like be like, I own so much stuff. Yeah. But I hired movers, which is great to see other people lug around, because I've said

before and I'm not being hyperbolic, I have about 1500 books. So I had, I can't take it with you, my man. Well, I did, to my new place. I had like 45 small boxes full of books and they're all like 80 pounds. So I was so happy to see other people

ruin their backs. I gotta ask you. For money, yes. So when you can't read, I know, well, that's, I don't need to ask. When you move, do you get rid of things or do you take everything that you have and bring it with you? Do you use that app?

I'm like an Egyptian pharaoh. OK. I put everything in my sarcophagus. I love my cat. I'm a bit of a sarcophagus. I got rid of a ton of clothes. Like I just have a lot of excess clothes and stuff. So I got rid of a ton of that.

I never knew I could see that I'll wear one flammel. So I don't know. I actually have multiple of several. It's a shirt that's painted on him. That's my tattoo, my man. But I got, yeah, I got rid of a lot of kitchen appliances, a lot of stuff that I just don't use, but I still just have, I have way too much stuff.

I'm moving very soon and I, I'm like, I throw away, like, everything or give away things if they're worth your way. You throw away everything? I throw away everything. It's a problem. And you're famously always at my place asking for something. I'm just shivering naked and cold outside the studio. Can I borrow some sugar and an oven and bowls and a plate? It's something to cook.

But I just like decluttered some stuff and figured out which board games I'm giving away and which ones I'm keeping. I just did the same thing. I'm very excited. Whenever I move, I'm very excited to like figure out what I haven't touched in a year and like get rid of it. And that would be your girlfriend, right?

Yeah, or a she was touched. Me and a she was. Yeah. And you've been dating for 10 months. The calendar year. The calendar year. I'm really calender here. Oh, I you've been dating for 10 months. The calendar, you're the calendar year. I'm worried that I look at movie, Judy Dench Negid. I can't remember who's in that movie. Wait, there's a movie I have to go back.

Josh Cad, Kenneth Branagh, Johnny Depp, Olivia Coleman. The, it's, she's a Dame. It's not a huge inch. It is Helen Miran. Helen Miran. Helen Miran, she's one of them. She's one of them. And just a fox, starring Cole. Speakingiam my favorite day and just a fox and so I speak of my favorite days. How's your day been?

I'm good. I'm good. That a really good day. Oh, no, you know what I did do though. I went down a rabbit hole. You went down on a rabbit. I went down on a rabbit. Is that why your arms are so covered in dirt? Did you get good luck? Yeah, I guess so. But we're not in love so super awesome. Did you get good luck? Yeah, I guess so. But we're not in love so it's super awesome out there. Yes, carrot all of your face. I know I do. I know it's a choice I made for myself.

Wait, if you have carrot all of your face, you may have gone down to the snowman, not a rabbit. What do you think the carrot goes on a snowman? I do think so. I'll show you where the carrot goes. Carrot, two pieces of cold, thick and balls. No face. No.

Is this the show now? We haven't even talked about riddles. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Aaron, what rabbit hole did he go down? I have to know. I'll never fucking get be able to press it. You two videos that make you cry.

I watch videos of people telling their step parents that they want to be adopted by them. And then I look. Oh shit. Yes. And then I watch videos of people telling their kids that they're going to be big brothers and sisters. They're going to be adopted by them. And then I was, oh shit. Yes, and then I watched videos of people telling their kids that they're going to be big brothers and sisters. They're going to be a big brother.

Yeah, they're going to be on that run CGS' big brother. I want to go big big out. Please. I don't want to have a show, man. I mean, let me guess. Did you watch any videos of people coming home from war and having their dogs greet them? Yes.

And then if I want to cry, my go-to is a ocular implants. Oh, and they're hearing their parents like surefire way to just spread the words. I didn't do that today. I did do for the first time first looks at weddings when people see their spouse for the first time and they all cry. I just like, we'll cry with them.

I just wanted to cry with them. I don't know for the first time. Did you check to see the divorce rate on the samples? I would have not seen this. It's all arranged. I didn't think of that after. I was like, oh, it's like 60% of people get to know right? 60% is that the statistic? I don't know. I don't know. Let me ask. We're all products of divorce except for Aaron, right? Yes. So I could have just said JPC that. My parents were married when they had me. Ooh, mine were not when they had me. Oh

Mine were not Famously, I will say just because we talked about it briefly a moment ago folks as you get older It's all about life experiences. Don't buy stuff don't ask for stuff go off for a nice meal Travel down odd you all go down on your wives and your rabbits I'm burden in your cells man This has been hey selfie help help hey selfie help Aaron your old man puzzles. I'm ready. I'm so sorry That's so long. You know what that needed to be done because honestly if we didn't get to it now It would have just come out during the show. I have some warm- riddles. Falker, can you milk me? From Ashley.

Damn it. Who says, maybe these are jokes? I don't know. I'll let you be the judge. Who is this little court? Yeah, we're going to have to go. I'm sure. This is a sport where you spell the sport's name backwards

and change one letter. And you get one of the pieces of equipment used in the sport. What is it and what is the equipment? Spelling bee. And you get an e eat bus with me. The sport backwards and change one letter is the piece of equipment used in the sport. This is a sport where you spell the sports name backwards and name other. Did you know that hockey backwards is hockey stick?

I know this. I know the answer. Wait, hold on. So before you give the answer then then I want to see a scene okay Where Adel you are the like Proctor whatever it is at a spelling bee and Gps Campbell is the Is a favored to win and you're giving him the word that will determine whether or not he wins the spelling Okay for the final round

Mikey evergreen your word is procrastination. And before I begin I would just like to say that a lot of people didn't think a little boy could be the computer it's spelling and I know the computer just got out on horniness. Because some words are not in the dictionary. That's where we went wrong. We tempted fate and we were burned. And now Mikey, little Mikey, is gonna be the big champion and is gonna settle this once in a frog.

Can I please have the word used in a sentence? Okay. By giving the spiel you just did, you might be accused of procrastination. I just want to say that I want to think my mom and my dad for raising me right. Didn't they die? Yes, famously. Oh, they were killed by a flood?

No, they were body of cli. Famous Spaniard Clyde evergreen. The word is procrastination from the Latin to put off. Okay. A procrastination. P-R-O-C-M-G-Y-P-L-T-Y-N-G-P-C-D-1-2-4-6-P-G-A-U-U-L-U-L-U-L-U-L-U-L-U-L-U-L-U-L-U-L-L-U-L-U-L-L-U-L-U-L-L-U-L-L-U-L-L-U-L-L-U-L-L-U-L-L-L-U-L-L-L-L-U-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L Oh, that is correct. What is the answer to the riddle of giving you? Do you need more time? The answer to the riddle. Shut up, Adam.

It's off the classic sport to have been for soccer. It's ski-a-a-sake-a-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-ake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake-a-sake I obviously never know the answers to these. So let's toss out some famous sports. The answer to this riddle is polo, and the word is flop, because everyone knows you use a flop to play polo. You know, Chevy Chase, great at polo. I thought he really had the answer, but he doesn't. Horseshoes. Yeah, do the thing where you're naming sports.

Okay. Football and basketball, baseball. Those are all out because, nope. Too many, really? No, no, I'm saying you're right. Yeah, uh shopper track Is it on the sport? No, I don't think so. It's not a little not only

If it is, I'm an idiot, but I really don't think it is like flipping cup. Do you play in the water? No, you play on table You've done it wrong if you're in the water. Ooh I'll see your bet and raise you What can you do playing teams? Is it not polo? You can't really play on teams. It's an individual. You can't play a team's archery.

It's an individual sport. I'd say so. Is it? Is it? Is it? Oh, it's joking off that. That's in the Olympics. There it is.

Be honest with me. Is it? Berkina. Are we talking about? We're gonna. I'm sorry. We're gonna, we're gonna, I guess that is an Olympic sport. So I don't know. One country will win masturbation every Olympics. And would it be a summer or winter sport? Okay, okay, okay.

It would, first of all, it's already in the Olympics. It's called the Shot Put, what up? Second of all, the country that would the Olympics. It's called the Shot Put, what up? So I get the ball. The country that would win it. I want to see you see you. Uh oh. Aaron and JPC, you are two parents. Aaron earlier, you actually walked in on your son masturbating. He's fast asleep now.

And the two of you are having a drink downstairs trying to cope with all this, but neither of you can actually say the word jerking off from masturbation. Hey. Oh, and you know each other. Yeah. You've seen each other before the wedding.

Here, do you want another whiskey? Yeah, maybe make it a double. Okay. You know, it's totally normal to Yeah, I mean little boys are gonna touch their shminkans and they're going to a metaphor Yeah, like no one should be embarrassed to Everybody Everybody

We all do it. We all, we all. Shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake. Everyone does, okay, it's nothing to be. You gotta keep it down, the neighbors are gonna think that you're masturbating right now. I'm what? I'm what?

I'm what? Is it darts? No. Is it pool? No. Where's some solo sports? Solo sports. Flight saber.

Hang lighting. And there's like a joke version of this sport. Oh Funny funny best. Well, is it a big cigar No, there's a funny version of this sport. I would say pretty it's I mean, I'm gonna offend someone I'm I find this sport to be very boring to Participate and watch in person or TV. Somebody just threw down their jackson and was like, what the fuck is you talking about? But the joke version, I'll do, I'll do it any date.

You're doing any date? On any date? Yeah, I'll go on a date in the summer. Funny sex. Do a joke version. Beach volleyball? No. Do a joke version.

Television is so boring. Is this specific to a season? You can't play in the winter. You can't play in the winter. You play you can't play it outside. Yeah. Uh, is in this garden? You only need one person to play this? I guess so yeah surfing. Yeah, I think more than one person does it you have to be like against people Yes, it begins to be like a war. It's people hide and seek. It's also a sport. I don't know anything about oh boy Fuck just the answer Uh, I'll take these no, I just can't believe you're this is like a major sport This is a major sport, but it's not you don't have to be and there's a do not have to be in shape to play the baseball bowling No, it's not baseball. You don't be in shape to play

Is it do you play you don't play it in a bar? No, but I will tell you people talk business while they're playing this Oh squash golf and you change one letter and it's oh my god No, but I will tell you people talk business while they're playing this. Oh, squash? Golf. And you change one letter and it's a funny true answer to that. It's club. No. No, it's not. Golf backwards is vlog.

Vlog. And you got to have clogs. Change one letter. Clog, blog. Nope. Vlog. Frogs. You got to have frogs.

No, just change the vowel. Flag. Yep. Catcher. Flag. Oh yeah, the flag's going the holes. Frogs you gotta have frogs no just change the vowel flag. Yep You do the flag oh, yeah, yeah the flag school in the holes. Yeah, sure You think golf is a boring sport Yeah, do you like golf? I hate golf. I don't think golf is a boring sport But I've said I've never ever been more enthralled by watching a sport than watching tiger woods Cheat hunnest wife thralled by watching a sport than watching Tiger Woods cheat on his wife so many times That man has endurance. Yes, I've ever told you my Tiger Woods story

So you you remember what I don't even know remember what year it was when the whole Tiger Woods thing broke that that he had been like having affairs All the time or something My grandma suffered this is a bit sad, but she is still alive. My grandma suffered a massive heart attack and had sepsis. That's your Tiger Woods story. So it's the same year? So she had sepsis, she went in for an operation, which is like blood poisoned,

and had a massive heart attack. She was expected to die. All of my family came into the hospital, she's on life support. They said her heart was beating up like 5%. She is like all intents and purposes is we're all saying goodbye to grandma. Make some miraculous recovery.

The doctors who are like, we can't explain why she is coming back to life, we can't explain why her heart. We thought she was like in her 80s or late 70s, there's no reason why her heart would be strong enough to just make a comeback. And she came back and she was on life support for like four days in the ICU. In the late 70s, there's no reason why her heart would be strong enough to just make a comeback. And she came back and she was on a life support for like four days in the ICU and they took the breathing tube out and you know, you're, you can't really talk when the breathing

tube comes out because it's been there for four days and your throat is all dry. And so she's like, over the course of a couple days, she's like starting to talk. And the first thing that she asks my mom who is like sitting by her bed like listening to her was did Tiger Woods have an affair? And we're like what? It took us so long to be able to decipher what she was saying. And she asked she was just speaking gibberish. She couldn't hear the news. She asked us no this is this is did Tiger Woods have an affair and we're like, what? No, like, I don't, Tiger Woods have an affair. Like four months later, the news breaks.

Tiger Woods has an affair and it's like everywhere. How did she know that? I don't know. Did you ever ask her? She doesn't remember. She remembered no part of that. Holy shit, why when I heard this story before? The only thing that I can,

the only thing that I can think that is true is that my grandma died, crossed over to the other side. God was like, what's one thing you wanna know? God's like, God's like, check it, new person's coming in, God's like,

oh, actually, come here, look at this, let's take her woods. He fucking ran, let's take her woods. That's like, what, that's like your woods? God's like, oh shit,

oh, soon stored, you shouldn't be here, get the fuck out of here, somebody get her out of here, and then they ushered her off, they put her back in her body, and then she came up and she's like, I know shit! Oh, Sue Stewart? You shouldn't be here. Get the fuck out of here! Somebody get her out of here! And then they ushered her off, they put her back in her body, and then she came up and she's like, it's time for everyone to have a get a fair. We're like- Like your grandma's name?

Sue Stewart? I thought you said Sue Storm. Sue Storm? Oh fuck, this is a comic book. I'm thinking of fantastic four. Wait, that is absolutely crazy. Isn't that bonkers? That should be the first story you tell people when you meet them.

The craziest part about this story is I cannot remember if I'm making it all up. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, but it was well before the story broke of Tiger Woods having affairs. My other thing was that since Tiger Woods, he had been having affairs for a long time. I love how much we're talking about Tiger Woods having affairs. My other thing that I think could have happened is that my grandma in her 70s had had an affair with Tiger Woods, and that was amazing. Because my grandpa was a huge golfer,

and I just assumed that at one point my grandma had an affair with Tiger Woods, and then it was like, am I caught? I love that she wasn't worried about you or the trauma that she had just been through or anything. Here's what I'll say, is this your dad's mom? This is my mom's mom. I was gonna say your dad does look like Darius Rucker.

So, one real. So we follow that back there. Oh boy, I'm really glad. Your grandpa, I'm so sorry to give you the call. I know what it is. Second riddle of the episode. Shit. What do you get when you cross a schnauzer, a cocker spaniel, and a poodle?

Dead dog, you should not play god. They're all fighting for sex. Well, cove legs. Cocker spaniel, what was it, a schizu? A sch Cocker Spaniel. What was it? A schizu? A schnauzer. A schnauzer? It's a joke.

Okay. We got a schnauzer. A schnauzer. Cocker Spaniel and a poodle. A schna... A schna... A schna... A doodle do.

Oh, close. A cockadoodle do. Schna... A schna... A cockadoodle do. A cockapoodle do. Is it schna... A cockadoodle do. A cockadoodle, a cock-a-poodle-do. Is it snuck my cock? Is it snuck my fucker-a-cock?

Oh, you guessed it! Is that like the masturbated sense? Oh, my cat or son? Oh, my cat or son? It's the 20th of you. Uh, I mean, snuck, if I'm close and it's a joke, like, let's just do a joke. I'm not close and it's a joke, let's just do one. It's making me way too happy.

You were so close. What was the closest one I said? Shnauzer, Cocker Spaniel. Is it Cocker Spaniel that means first? When I say it, it's Cocker Spaniel's first. So it's Cockapoodle. Cockash. Cockash, Cockash noodle, dude. It's Cockash noodle, dude. When I say it's a copy corpus manuals first cock a poodle Cockish Cockish cockish noodle do it's cockish noodle do

Cockish that age like 12 I think says Ashley wow Ashley and Ashley tell those are jokes Ashley I'll go ahead and say right now those are jokes Those are 100% Uh huh. I want my alarm to wake up in the morning. Sharker, roll your guesses in the sound. God, that's so funny. You're gonna change that out from welcome to noon. Welcome, a lot of people tweeted us because they wanted you to say welcome to Jim.

Here we go, let's clean take, clean take. Well, James, you see a clean take when you're ready. Ready? Here we go. Yes, three, two, clean tape, whatever you're ready. You got it? Come on. I will never stop you for one more day. What?

Welcome to Spoon. They should play before all Spoon comes in. Do you know the Leslie Uggums video of her messing up the words to that song in front of a huge crowd? To what song? Yeah, June is busted now and all over. Who's Leslie Leslie Ogdom? Ogdom, I think she's a singer.

Wait for it. Oh, wait. And the one thing in life, you can't control. Oh, she's on SNL. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, I ask why. But it's the funniest thing I've ever seen.

Well, maybe post it on Twitter or something like the day that this comes out. Hey, because she just, she does what I do with songs, which is just make up the lyrics. Oh, that's fun. She goes, June is bustin' out all over, all over the matters and the hills

and the sniffings and the f- and the little vannem, and the little vannem, and the little vannem. But is it her song? No, no. She chose to sing it. Yeah. Okay.

She chose to sing it, she's in front of the crowd, she's like in an outfit, she dressed up, she's ready to go, and she is... Did somebody... Didn't so many famously have like a, like was singing the star-spangled banner

and was just like, was like, oh shit, I forgot the words. And just was like, ba-ba-du-ba-ba-ba. So funny. Let me ask you this question though. Would you go to a concert where the premise was, okay, I'm gonna do, Maroon 5 is the case. Is it, is it like maroon five. No, okay Good would be like rushing to let karaoke. No, no

I would pay for that. Would you go to a maroon five concert? Yeah, if you if guaranteed they were gonna play all their hits But they weren't going to sing the lyrics to the right at all hundred percent. It was just it was hundred percent I would I would pay so much money for the story alone. I would go to that concert because I don't like word-in-five either, but I would just be like, and she hits a blood, and she hits some gloves. His past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past Unreal. Yeah, please go watch that right now if you really want to laugh. Can we do these fucking riddles? I'm driving! Yes! I blame Ashley.

All right, this is another riddle from Megan. Who's Megan? Megan's great. I loved this email. This is a great email. We jump listeners midstream. Yeah, we were on Ashley. Yeah, they said thank you, Ashley.

Thank you, Ashley. Thank you, Ashley. We appreciate you. Now we're on to Megan. Oh, I love Megan. And Megan loves all of us. I want to say, thank you Ashley. Thank you Ashley. Thank you Ashley. I appreciate you now We're on to Megan. Oh, I love Megan and Megan loves all of us. I want to see you see Jay. Okay Aaron you have been tasked with what's oh boy? Can't remember the fucking name. Oh, I'll help you the legions

Gotcha, so you've been tasked your substitute teacher. Mm-hmm. You forgot that it is this little thing in school So you do the pledge of allegiance. I think so that is this still a thing in school so you do the Pledge of Allegiance? I think so. Yeah, we're all in school. We're all young. So you're a substitute teacher. You forgot that when you're a teacher you do have to lead the Pledge of Allegiance. So JPC and R-Ear students and you have forgotten all the lyrics.

Words, right? Words. Just words. And you have to make do. Okay, so I figured we would just put on a movie and hang out. We start every day with the Pledge of Allegiance. Yeah, it's morning announcements and then Pledge of Allegiance. We call it the POA.

Isn't that a little like spooky, a little like 1984? Like you're just like pledging the Allegiance? 1984. No, National Allegiance. You mean George Orwell? Stronger now than ever. Is it? Oh yeah, ever since the National. I mean, yeah, everyone knows the pledge of allegiance like we don't have to prove to each other that we know the pledge of allegiance

Like let's just move on actually a lot of nationalists are winning sway in Europe and do you mean sway the MTV VG? Mm-hmm Yeah, we are dev we're young Yeah, so like here we go It's time for the Lead us. Okay, let's see that they will be talking once ready. Okay hands on our hearts I'm gonna put my hands right here ready. You're putting it. You're making a teapot am I? Ready let's do this I'm a little teapot short and down Here is my handle here Here is my spout.

Mrs. Thrust Bottom. Mrs. Thrust Bottom. Mrs. Thrust Bottom. Mrs. Thrust Bottom. That's not my name. Tip, me over as a cruel nickname, you kid gave me. And for me, we should call people what we think they should be called.

Also, that's the name that's written on the butt of your sweatpants. Is it? Yeah, it says juicy and then Mrs. Thrust Bottom. Tickly says, Ms. Thrust Bottom, but we can see that you're clearly wearing a wedding ring and that was the pledge of allegiance All right, this is a riddle are you ready? Yeah from Megan or Megan maybe but I think it's me. Oh, I hope it's Megan And she has so high and she loves us and this is the riddle

Susie love you. Oh, man. I guess just I do. I don't. If I did, I'd fucking tell you Megan. She said, I guarantee this won't be the worst riddle you've ever read on the show. Take that and leave it. Levi. Levi.

Well, if she said Levi, then it's definitely going to be a movie. Levi. The riddle. OK. Susie went camping with her friends in California. It was a remote location and quite dark But there was just enough starlight to see at least a few feet in front of her

After eating some snacks and drinking some wine. Susie settled into her sleeping bag for the night After a few minutes she could hear her friend Kevin getting into a sleep. Oh sorry. Sorry Aaron. This is a short story Oh, yeah, but it's lovely. So Hope it ends with these two kids fucking. He was quite close, but with a alarm, Susie realized she could not see him. She panicked, thinking that she had suddenly gone blind. What happened? So she drinks a wine and ate some snacks. She's a kid camping in LA.

Is that what's wrong with this story? So wait, it's a story with a- She can only see a few feet in front of her. Were the feet at human feet? Yeah, I don't know what that means. Yes. They were human feet? Yeah, she could see a few human feet.

She settled her sleeping bag for the night. A few minutes she could hear her friend Kevin getting into sleeping bag next to her. He was quite close, but with a alarm, Susie realized she could not see him. She panicked, thinking she had gone, suddenly gone blind. What happened? He was under the ground. He was under the air. He's a night sleeper. He's a ground sleeper.

His ground sleeper. He's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's on the other side. Yeah, one of those, like, uh, and, uh, and, Lord of the Rings. Aaron, would any normal person be able to see Kevin from their sleeping bag? Yes. Okay. Um, were they sleeping in a tent or were they sleeping outside? That's a good question. No, they were sleeping under the stars. Under the stars. But it's NLA, stars as celebrities.

Yes. Yeah, they're sleeping under a bunch of celebrities. Hey, do you guys want to go sleep on her Sarah Jessica Parker? So I'm still confused. So she went drink, she went to get snacks and drinks. That's what I go sleep on her Sarah Jessica Parker. So I'm still confused. So she went drink. She went to get snacks and drinks. She's in LA in a remote location in California, not LA, California. So she's in California.

There's a camping under the stars. And when you said she could only see a few feet in front of her, I asked if that was human feet and you said yes. Yeah, no, no, remember when I said that she could see a few feet in front of her. Oh, so maybe Adel, did you make that up? I didn't say that. Oh, yeah, she does. Okay. Um, but there was just enough starlight to see a few feet in front of her. I thought maybe that was like the wording that we were supposed to latch on to. It's not a wording thing. Okay. So it's measurement feet. Yeah. She could see a few feet in front of her. I a feet. Her friend and her. Goes into.

Think of stories with holes. This is a story with whole that this feels like a listener written story with her friend goes into a sleeping bag he's a few feet away but she can't see him yeah she thought she went blind doesn't have anything to do with the stars going away or her eyes question no in her eyesight was fine I you know what I first thought yes that this was going to be that she like couldn't see him for who he was. Oh, did you get eaten by a bear? Yeah, he got eaten by a bear. Is he alive? He's alive. Okay. Was there something that bright that happened? Like a very bright flash or something? No, that's a good guess. Okay. Not close to what it is, but that

is that would also be a good answer. This is a hilarious, ridiculous answer. And what direction should we start to mentally navigate? I'm gonna read that. Is it a tangible thing? Is it like, he's behind like a palm fron or something? Give me one more time and I love the word palm fron. Palm fron. I'm gonna name my first two kids, palm and fron.

My favorite lookroy is palm fron. Palm from palm from Suzy when camping with her friends in California It was a remote location and quite dark But there was just enough starlight to see a few feet in front of her after eating some snacks and drinking some wine Eclipse after eating some snacks and drinking some wine. Oh, she's he settled into her sleeping bag for the night The snacks she ate were like some sort of Harry Potter shit that made her eyes go dark. What? You're closest to that. Was the wine, did she get drunk?

She got drunk, but that's not really the idea. Is it the snacks for the wine? That's not, is it the snacks? Is it the snacks? It's the snacks. She ate, she couldn't see. Was it a specific type of snack that makes this? Yes.

Snacks it. Well, not, it's a specific blind. It makes you go blind. Oh, reverse carrots. Did she eat like, did she have an allergy and it made her eyes swell up? That would be such a good answer. Oh, that's a great one. But that's not the true answer.

OK. Because I'll tell you what the beginning of this email is. Unfortunately, I have a terrible imagination, so I'm submitting this riddle inspired by real life events. OK. Was the snacks that she ate poop? Did you get mad you could only see red? No. So they had an ingredient in them that made her maybe do something she wouldn't ordinarily do.

Uh, get horny? A snack that makes you horny? You never had horn nuts? Horn nuts. I would like to see a commercial, Adel, about a snack that makes you horny. And dealer's choice for whatever. The snack is. Okay. Hey Thomas. Yes?

Can we trade items in our lunch bag? My mom packed me fruit roll-ups. Oh, well my dad packed me this pudding. Oh shit! Is that fuck pudding? Uh, oh god, it is. Why would my parents pack me fuck pudding? I heard that if you put your dick in fuck pudding, you get horny as hell.

But it has to be limp. What? Why don't earth with my parents give this to me? To sit me off to school? Fuck putting. What are they trying to tell me? I don't know. And I don't know why I said, Fruit Roll Up, because that's our competitor. Fuck putting. Put your limb dick in.

I love that in that commercial they cost the name to compete in competing brand Someone and an advertisement I was also a child with a voice like this Addle you are the head of an ad agency and JPC is the one who did this major fuck up Okay, and that's the commercial. What do you think thoughts initial thoughts? I think it's fucking brilliance Thank you. All right. Thank you, but I I think it's brilliant in sort of a breaking the waves yes style yes does that make sense yes it's like a funny game you ever see

funny games sure yeah yeah it's like that it's ahead of its time all right what years it what's that what years it oh I had so many cocaine snacks before this that I can't even see you right now. Fuck putting. Put your lip ticket. Wait, that was a commercial. And that's the commercial. What do you think? I think it's pretty good. I love a commercial that's so meta. It's a meeting about the commercial.

Oh my god. Advertisers, we are ready to work for you. That's like putting, put your lip dick in. That was the commercial. That's the commercial. It's talking about how meta it is. SNL doing game show parodies, single-handedly keeping the concept of game shows alive

in pop culture. Do you think, I feel like Keenan Thompson has played more, has played a game show host more than Pat Sejax hosted. So real quick. OK. What there's an ingredient in snacks that we did it make you go blind. No, but it makes you not yourself. Well, here's what I was going to say, not to do with this riddle real quick,

based on us making a commercial for food. The three of us, let's say right now, what do we want? Do we want to write a TV show? Do we want to do we want a riddle book deal? Oh, what's our dream for the three of us? Yeah. Let's put it out there. I would like a TV show where we solve riddles.

OK. JAPES. I would like a podcast where we don't have to do riddles. Ooh, yeah. I'm a real fan. Oh, if only we could get out of our concert. We'll be really happy. And then Adel says that he wants to do a TV show

where we don't do Riddles, and that's it. We said a lot of that. Oh, it's NCIS. If you ever want the three of us to go insane, make us write a Riddle book together. Yes, I mean, we wrote Riddles for what was it? Airbnb magazine. Oh, yeah, hired us to write riddles. So if you read that copy of and say,

what's in white for a thing for it? Yeah, I would love it. If we did a show together where it was literally just like an NCIS clone, but all of us exact same structure, all the same episode title of and plot points, all the same guest actors. Aaron, I'm sure. All the same episode title of the plot points. All the same guest actors. Aaron, I do not know. I do not know a snack that you would eat. Is it sugary? No, it hasn't.

One ingredient that makes you... Did it make you go blind? No, it doesn't make you go blind. It makes you a little dumber. Oh. A little slower. Is it closer? Like a weed burning?

Yes. Oh. One of the snacks, Susie had eaten where muffins with marijuana baked into them. She was incredibly high and realized after a few moments at the reason she could not see Kevin was at her sleeping bag with a full, the old, old, old, old, old, old, old face.

Oh, come on. I honestly, I was fucking excrocious. I was gonna say, I was gonna say legit that she got drunk and went into her sleeping bag like upside down or something like that. So that was, I was gonna be kind of close. I am a fucking Indian jet that she got drunk and went into her sleeping bag like upside down or something like that. So that was I was going to be fucking hidden in burger noodles. JPC you're at your at a sleepover.

I have to sleep like it's like a bunch of young boys and we're all camping in the backyard. And you dumb as shit. And you crawled into your sleeping bag the wrong way, but you're trying to save face like you did it on purpose because you don't want to get teased. Gotcha. All right guys have everybody have a good night It's fun doing it. Yeah, it's fun doing you know campfire with everybody. It was what fun doing campfire Campfire yep, see you in the morning. All right. See you in the morning. Okay How's everything going over there? Are you, did you crawl into your sleeping bag? You look like a moth and a cocoon.

Um, no, you look like a butterfly in a chrysalis. This is, this is the new REI feet hydro cooling sleeping bag. Michael's type sleeps like, yeah, it keeps your feet cool. You're yelling through a little hole at the bottom of your sleeping bag. That's why your voice isn't muffled This is yeah, you can use this hole if you need to drink water during the night You're gonna suffocate Tommy actually are you too Fricking poor to understand what this is is pinnacle of technology But you have the same sleeping bag as I do

Jeff's parents got divorced is this pinnacle of technology. But you have the same sleeping bag as I do. Jeff's parents got divorced. What? Yeah. But they had that YouTube video where they saw each other for the first time. Yeah, I went downhill from there. 60% of YouTube videos ended divorced.

Did he marry his dog that he came home to after he was at the door? You don't marry a dog. Why go out for steak when you got hamburgers at home? You eat hamburgers at home? You're poor. I'm sorry. All right. While we pondered the idea of eating hamburgers at home and being poor, why don't we take a little break and we will be right back. Hey, GPC. I'm too big for hate with the brink of it.

Hey, GPC. Uh, uh, yeah. You're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm, um, pranking at all. And I'm setting up a whole website to prank him. Um, can I just need some advice? This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. I'm not, I'm not mad at you. We're pranking

Space is the only one website platform for entrepreneurs to stay in doubt and to see it online Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand square space makes it easy to create a beautiful website It gets with your audience and so anything for products to cut into time all in one place all on your terms Hey, Otto come here come here. Hey, what's what's going on? I actually I want to prank JPC and I want to set up a whole website to prank him Do you have anything that like is there like an online store? Like it set up on my website to sell products. Did you know that with Squarespace? You can have custom merch, you can easily sell custom merch and create

passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand, design your products and production and inventory and shipping are handled for you, saving you time and money. What is happening? Okay. Wait, what's going on with Addle? Oh, nothing, nothing.

I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing. No, he's gonna tune you. And I'm gonna use analytics, use insights to grow my business and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool. I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing strategy

based on top keywords, our popular products and content on my prank website, the prank activity. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what the website was for. No, the website was for. Prank.

With Squarespace. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. You can connect to your store to Vedent Dirt Party Tools to extend the functionality of your website. Hey, JPC, hey, JPC. What's up, battle? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com

for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh, she's back, she's back. Hey Aaron. Hey Aaron. Can we go to grandma's house? Wait, I've been pranked. But how? I don't know. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey Adel and JPC, thank you for meeting me in the middle of the woods here. I am sort of at an impasse. I can't decide whether or not to go this way or this way. I'm having a hard time choosing a path. You know, there never truly is a middle of the woods. Isn't it funny to think about something like that?

There never truly is a middle of the woods. No, this is the middle. Okay, this is it. Addle, can you help? Yeah, actually. So as per Robert Frost, I don't know if you know his poems. He has a poem called Better Help. I believe this is written in the 1800s

But it still stands true today more than ever Aaron. You should try better help. Have you heard of this? You seen this? Because sometimes Aaron in life were faced with tough choices and the path forward isn't always clear whether you're dealing with Decisions around career relationships being stuck in the middle of the woods therapy helps you stay stay connected to what you owl, owl, sorry, that also does so fast. Therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate life and the woods. Mmm, and better help is entirely online, so it's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. I've been using it for several years, and it suits the way that my brain works way better

than traditional therapy ever did. And when Aaron says traditional therapy just so everyone's clear what she means is tricking two of her friends to coming to the middle of the woods, even though there isn't truly the concept of the middle of the woods, isn't that fun to think about? All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Hey, Aaron, a GPC's putting down bread crumbs and then immediately picking them up and eating them.

Mmm, dirty bread crumbs. Mmm. And he's also like really into that owl who's swooping down. Anyways, let there be your map with better help. Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help h-e-l-p dot com slash riddle r-i-d-d-l-e. R-i-d-d-l-e, the middle of riddles of D, but there is no true middle of riddle

because it would be the space in the middle of D-d. We say, help you get home. Bye, baby. I am home. Who are we? What is this? I clink, clink, clink. Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen.

I just want to make a quick toast to, I know it's JPC's birthday. And we're all so excited to talk about him. But I want to talk about my favorite, my favorite thing in the world. And that is the app Rocket Money. Oh, yeah, Aaron, that's one of my favorite things as well. Huh? Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions,

monitors your spending and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years way before they were a sponsor and it helps me so much, especially around tax season. Clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, sorry, I, especially around tax season. Kling, cling, cling, cling, cling. Sorry, I also want to give a toast. Rocket money, well quickly and easily find your subscriptions for you.

And for any you don't want to pay for anymore, just hit cancel and rocket money will cancel it for you. It's that easy. Kling, cling, cling. It also categorizes your expenses so you can easily track your budget in real time and also get alerted if anything looks off. Over three million, over three million people have used rocket money saving the average

person up to $720 a year. We love rock. Stop. Stop. No, click, click, click, stop. Throwing your money away. Cancel unwanted subscriptions today and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com slash riddle.

That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle. Rocketmoney.com slash riddle. And tell them JPC's birthday got ruined by two of his friends for doing speeches about rocket money, the website. I love you, rocket money. I like it, I like it. I like it, I like that.

I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that.

I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that.

I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I have a rapper. I have a rapper. I actually do something different. I touch 20 minutes. I have a Cocker's Needle, dude. Welcome to Cocker's Needle, dude. Okay, so I got a riddle book that's called Lateral Thinking Puzzles from a fan at our LA

live show. Okay. We got the book. I don't think you have ownership over it. She handed it to me. What's her name? What's her name? Here's the thing. I tried to look up her name,

but I don't have access to the page. You tried to look up her name? I tried to listen to it in the live show. Next time I use this book, I will give you a shout out with your name. I'm so sorry. Erin, you're a fucking stalker. I know, I'm obsessed with her.

You're a drinking stranger. You're a drinking fucker. Can you milk I'm obsessed with her. You're a drinking stranger. You're a drinking-fucker. Can you milk me? Is that just another word for masturbating? Yeah, also. Okay. So this is a good one. Are we ready?

Yes. Why are two little animals alone in a little boat in the middle of the ocean? No, it's dark. No, it's dark. Everybody else died. This is no lifeboat. Rattlesnakes, they bid all the other animals they died,

and then it's just the rattlesnakes. You're getting kinda close. Have you seen Jennifer born? We got intercourse got on the wrong boat. So like Titanic, Noah's arc crash, Noah's arc had lifeboats, and all of the animals, two by two, got onto the lifeboats

as they were evacuating the sinking arc. But only the women and children. But there's just two animals. It's the unicorns got on the wrong boat. Wrong arc. That's funny, and that would be a funny answer two animals. It's the you like both got on the wrong boat Wrong arc. That's funny and that would be a funny answer But that's a two animal getting I want to see a scene as a far side cartoon dude you the chords are Boat together. I think we're on the wrong We know you listen

They're on the St. Louis arc. Rock arc. Um. They're not in the top. They're not in the top. They're new punk guys. New punk guys. It's just us. It's just us improvising far side cartoons. Better on us.

My dad had those like complete set of far side cartoons. And I was obsessed with it. They're good. They're so. I had a ton of those. Um, so I want to see the two of you as unicorns on the wrong arc, okay, and it's been it's been days and you it's just done done you Don't say it Helen do not say it disappointing has been says what oh I wish I could take this horn and slip my own throat. Does that make sense to you?

That's what I wish I could do. We couldn't get the angle. You're not flexible enough. You horse with one extra feature. Speaking of being horse with one extra feature, I can't stand the sound of your voice, Helen. You drive me nuts! Naaaay! You would be so much happier if I was an ordinary horse wouldn't you? N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n- I kept telling you, I work all day and it makes me tired. Just about doing husband says what? What do you talk? Welcome to Heaven, my children.

You have perished on the boats you are on. I am God and your first time to Heaven, you get to ask one question. Just in case you get sent back or resuscitated, I will answer one question. Shortly before I died, I saw a tiger in the woods. No, stop. I think it'll be a fan. You did, and stop calling me Shirley.

I like Tyrone Airplay. See it? God rowed Airplay. Why are two little animals alone a little about the middle of the ocean? Is this wordplay? No. It's a little...

You got it right, but you got the wrong animal. I got it right, but I got the wrong animal. I got it right, but I got the wrong animal. Yeah, two animals. I have to guess, out of all the animals in the world, I have to guess why two little animals, mice, gerbals, hamsters. Got kicked off the arcing, owling a little boat. Oh, little fox.

No, no one would someone get kicked off. They were riding on each other? They were, what makes for a bad roommate? Skunks. Yes. That's it? Yes. You said this was a good one. I like it.

I like it. Can I do away with this piece of information? Skunks are great roommates. I was with the skunk in college. Really? What was there to do? He ate all my double supporters, but he's great. Let's see that.

Let's see that. I also lived with the skunk in college. It was a very flat keg. She called for a scene. It was skunked. Um. The keg was... You didn't want to do that with weed?

Oh, hey! I'm sorry. I saw there's a tie on the door, but... Papua Le Pue, are you... No, man. Did you have someone over here? I did, but they are gone, and that is fans. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, you're kind of creepy that way. What do you mean? Creepy. You're just creepy, you come on too strong. Speaking of coming on too strong, whoo, is that X-Body Spray? Yes, it's X-Buddy Spray, it's Hilo. It's Hilo? Hilo, I believe, is one of the synths of X-Buddy Spray. Are you saying Hilo?

Hilo. Oh, Hilo. Okay, man. Look, man, we have to have a, we have to have a little duck. Okay, we're talking about the ring-mate's rules. Yeah. Lyn, you use a roll of toilet paper. You have to put on a new roll of toilet paper. No.

Don't not just put the toilet paper on top of the dispenser. It's the same thing. It's not easy to hold. It's actually not. It makes it easier to hold. It's not the same thing and you cannot do the roll if you use it and put it on top. Who dispenser. It's the same thing, not easier to hold. It's actually not. It makes it easier to hold. It's not the same thing and you can have to do the roll if you use it and put it on top. Who does the roll?

I need a lot of pizails. Maybe first people, when two of the people was first invented for the novelty you do the roll, but now if you do it, it just keeps going. You're gonna lose it all on the floor. Not that you stop it with a crud, but that's the chip. Wallwork, I think we let's hope.

We get it, you took karate, okay? Yeah, it's. Wallwork it go. We get it, you took karate, okay? Yeah, well, we're talking, that's roommates. You smell like fucking shit. Okay, that's fair point. Well, we're on this subject. The dishes, we should have like a midnight policy. Well, after midnight, you should have already done

the previous dishes. No, no, no, letting them soak overnight. Why after midnight am I fucking Ethan Hawk? What is this? Before midnight you do your dishes, okay? And also, I put my vodka in the freezer and I could tell you are watering it that way. Okay, while we're talking about the kitchen, I had a four pack of fuck pudding. Okay. And now there's three of them. Okay. Fuck pudding. Put your lip dick in. Okay, so what do you think of that?

I don't know. I'm seeing it. Can you say toilet paper or the other one? There are a lot of Bipier. That is so funny. Can you say, well, with this gun? Can you do it as your roommate? I am.

Can we make fuck putting t-shirts? Yes, I want to, no, I think someone should make fuck putting. T-shirts made make fuck putting t-shirts? Yes, I want to know I think someone should make fuck putting t-shirts made of fuck putting Mm-hmm. A man wearing tights is lying unconscious in a field next to him is a rock what happened got hidden in knots Oh, it's a super go commercial. It's easier to aim when you can see the outline of he's wearing tights and next to him is a rock It's doing it's doing the rock. It's doing the rock. The guy body slammed them. They both got hit at their head.

Yeah. And the man got, and the man was stone-quarantine- These were all tights. Steve Austin. He was doing ballet. Whoa. What a ballet. Dwayne the rock Johnson, stone-cold Steve Austin.

There's a riddle in there with two rocks. And Brett the geodheart. Rick, the natural occurring or boy flare. The undertake. Tombstone. Tombstone. Tombstone. Yeah, tombstone.

What's your favorite rock, tombstone? I thought you weren't my friend, I just don't think I could bear it. If anybody here is in a geology class, you gotta bring in a tombstone, say I brought in a rock. Say this is my favorite rock tombstone. Make sure it is your dad's tombstone. If anyone here is in a history of rock and roll class, say that your favorite rock album

is tombstone. That means the score from the movie tombstone. Good movie, great movie, same only at 1992. Yeah, all the details are wrong. The next time you poke a pizza, next time you poke a pizza, say it's not delivery, it's a tombstone. But have an actual tombstone, make sure it's your dad.

I did all the details wrong. I do think it would be funny if you went to a graveyard and there was like a gravestone, a headstone that just said pepperoni on it. And what do you want on your tombstone? That's what we're doing. That's great. That joke, because that joke, what do you want on your team's day?

I don't know, pepperoni extra cheese. I think it would be funny if it just said pepperoni on a pizza. That would take a lot of time. Pepperoni extra cheese. I don't know, I think it would just take like $400. Do you, are you ready for the answer? Yes, what?

Wait, no. Wait, can we ask some questions? Yeah. Was the guy performing a dance? No. Was the guy in a circus? I. Was the guy in a circus? I thought we got it. With man and tights and rock.

We did not get it. The answer was not to win the rock, Johnson. Was he an extra in a male Brooks movie about Robin Hood? No. Was he an actor? Nobody was famous. Ooh. Was he a superhero?

Yes. No, it's a Superman. Kryptonite. We had this one. We had a very similar one about a man very very similar So I got a very similar Submissiously spinpular. I got a great one. Are you ready? I well hold on. I don't trust you anymore for one great Okay, it's in the Skunk one was also great Aaron

I will tell you what I've told every girlfriend that I've ever had every day. We've been together Please take this is your opportunity to win me back. I'm your girlfriend. He said yes. He went to fuck putting. Every kiss begins with fuck putting. Are we ready? Yes, ma'am.

What took 19 years to get into itself? Harvard. What took 19 years to get into itself? I'm sorry, Harvard, but your grades just aren't there yet. You would not only port me in. So it takes 19 years to get into college. What took 19 years to get into itself? Is it a person?

Is it a person, Maryland, Manson? Is it a person whose name is Iowa State? Yep. Does it, does it, does it where it all have anything to do with college? No. Into itself. Does it have to do with? Is it a car? Does it work? Does it work? Does it work?

Yep. Does it work? Does it work? Does it work? Does it work? Does it work? Does it work? Does it work?

Does it work? Does it work? Does it work? Does it work? Does it work? Does it work? Does it work? Does it work?

Does it work? Does it work? Does it work? Does it work? Does it work? Does it work? Does it work? to get into. Well, was it like the new decade or something? Like the new? No. What's a decade plus 10? Two decades. Couple of decades.

What 19 is such a weird number? It's a weird number to get into. Yeah, that's why I think it's like- This is not like a wordplay answer where it's like- No, not a word playing. Not a word playing. What do 19 years to get into itself? So the Hall of Fame, Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Close, close. It took 19 years for the rock. No, it's similar, but it's not like a Hall of Fame, but it's similar. Oh, I see. So it'd be a band or an artist. Not quite. No, not quite.

It took 19 years for the masters to get into the masters. You're circling. For good time to get into the good time. Is it a thing to get into the museum? It's a thing to get into something. Charlie Chaplin, in today, Charlie Chaplin, look like Concentrate in St. Louis and got third place. It's something you can hold in your hand. Does that make sense? Yes, it does. It's Saint Louis and got third place. It's something you can hold in your hand. That makes sense? Yes, it does. The flashlight took 19 years to be the flashlight.

I'm sure they try to check and look like contests. And then married is 13-year-old cousin. Yeah, then he went up to be the fiora of Europe. Fiora. I'm gonna tell you so I can do one more round off. Wait, wait, wait, Aaron, Aaron, Aaron. Give me one more chance. It's something you can hold in your hand. Is it more chance. It's something you can hold in your hand.

Is it a celebrity? It's something you can hold in your hand. So it's gotta be hooting the blowfish. Okay, gotta be hooting the blow. Hold my hand. Hold my hand. J.P.C. is my son. Hold on, hold on. It took 19 years to get into itself. I don't know what I'll be with you.

But it is like a museum. It is like a it is a collection. It's a collection. Beanie baby. The beanie baby took 19 years to get into itself. I'm sure but I'm sure beanie babies are maybe in this thing. I don't know. Maybe not probably not. Happy loving. You'll never be in the end. Momo challenge to get into the Momma. 80s. I love the 80s. I love the 70s.

Give us a better hand. What? I you can hold it in your hand. What era is it? Is it a museum? You can hold it in your hand. You can flip it. You can book a book. Guinness World Records. Oh my god. Guinness Book of Records after 19 years of publication became the second best-selling book of all time and therefore got into itself. After the Bebole. Wait, wait, wait. You get a Guinness book of World Record record for being the second most best selling book of all time. I bet that's why they did the second place thing

so they could be in their own book. Mother fuckers. I got one more rid of you. Talk to me when you beat the Bible, bitch. I don't think they'll ever beat the Bible. You know what, Will though? The Da Vinci Code. I'll tell you why.

Damn. The movie version. We have sold more DVD copies of the DaVinci code than we've sold the Bible. Then we sold more novelizations of the movie. The novelization is just a hundred pages shorter. Tom Hanks gets a weird haircut and walks into the room. It's a picture book. It's a Bible book.

Tom Hanks in the DaVinci code. Oh, man. Welcome to June. All right. Six page picture book. Okay. We got one more. Please.

It was originally a mistake, but the shopkeeper found, oh, nope. I just read the answer. Oh, all right. Whoa, that's a day. There it is. I'm not sure if you think that. I'm not sure if you think that. I never.

This is the minute to hold on. Hold on. Hold on. You just said the shopkeeper, right? Yeah. OK, so this is what Adela, we have to reverse engineer the result. We have to reverse engineer the result.

OK, so you can use the answer. And we're going to work back. Yes. OK. The first time ever we've done this on the podcast, we meant to do this, this is all part of the plan. No, Aaron fucked up. It's all part of Drake's God's plan.

OK, here's the thing. I got distracted because I keep having to flip between these two. By the way, Aaron's trying to choose which man to marry, and she's flipping back and forth between two gentlemen in the room. It's Adela JPC. And JPC just called me his girlfriend. What if it looks like a popper and what looks like a prince? It's the old one.

It looks like a popper. What if it looks like John? I'll blues travel. While we're waiting for Aaron to do that, three quick takes, I want you to say welcome to June. Go ahead. Welcome to June. Now, I want you to say welcome to Foon.

Welcome to Foon. I want you to say welcome to Poon. Benny and June. Are we ready? Yes. It was originally a mistake, but the shopkeeper found that so many people came into his shop to point out the error that it increased his business.

It was originally a mistake, but so many people came into his shop to point out the error. It was a mansplaining shop. It was a shop that's four mansplaining. Yep. So, the sign outside the shopkeeper shop says, Snape, people keep coming in to buy Harry Potter books, which he sells. So eventually he just keeps it. The sign says half off. Wait, I give you an answer. I'm supposed to be giving a riddle.

Give me the answer. I'm supposed to be giving a riddle. Uh Wait, the science is two for one But it's spelled two for one so a bunch of people named one are coming in to get there. You a n That's a really good riddle That's just the movie a million to one Okay, okay, which the novel is agent of that is gonna play check with Carlos Mince sound like? Basically Blank Check with Carlos Mincella. Ah, boy. Blank Check with Carlos Mincella. My favorite Blank Check commentary podcast.

Um, fuck. Okay, the riddle is, there's a riddle involved, a shop. Yes. Okay, so. So you got the first couple words, a little shop. Of horse. Did the sign have a sale listed? No, it's the name of the place and then has a visual representation of whatever it is and that's the issue

That's the error. Okay It's there's it a butcher. It's called Best Buy and there's a picture of the cut out of the shopkeeper Kissing a man and kissing a woman. Oh, be I and it's best buy and so it attracts the You know people are like all the amorous by community. Happy Pride Monday Everybody and there's a welcome to June. How do you judge the best buy? Okay It's circuit city and people are like, Circus is being closed years ago.

Circus City, but a lantern. A man with a lantern? A man with a lantern? I'm sorry. I'm in with a lantern, green lantern, walks into a lot. Is it a famous store? No, it's a made up.

You're never gonna get this. What is it clothing? No, I have no idea what this even means. You're never gonna get this. Okay, tell us. You're never gonna get this. What Adel hears from every one of his dates. You're never gonna get this. You got so fat from everyone of his dates. You're never gonna get this.

You got so fatigued in the middle of that insult. Sorry. A little shop in New York is called the Seven Bells. Yet it has eight bells hanging outside. Why? Is this a beauty? The answer is it was a mistake. It was originally a mistake, but the shopkeeper found that so many people came into his shop

to point out the error that and it increased his I want to see a scene uh... japes and Aaron you're both auditioning to be bell and the live action movie Beauty and the Beast they pretty much know who they're going with which is reminding um... Emma Watson is that right? Emma Watson um... but you two have been brought in just so that they get in as many people as possible

Gotcha and you're in the waiting room. I touched a Packer's penis and his football game was off. The fuck putting it must have been expired because I am not horny at all. My mommy makes my breakfast and my daddy makes me pay for it. My daddy makes my breakfast and my daddy makes me pay for it. My daddy makes my breakfast and my mommy make me pay for it. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Typically people talk to each other in the audition waiting room. We are, we are.

We are. We are. We are. We are. We are. We are. We are. We are.

We are. We are. We are. We are. We are. We are. We are. See? She's like, oh, a market day and time. I feel like we should do the best scene we've ever done. I will say. I am holding 10 rugs because they all got yanked up from under me. This weird al yank of it go right here. We're hard to do.

I just did four of my favorite scenes of Everton with Adel last night at World News that all of you will never get to see. This is fun. At the eight o'clock World News, that's the hardest I've laughed in a year maybe? Adel was destroying me. He was making me laugh so hard. So, dear listener, just know that that's what we're capable of and this is what we give to you.

This is what you describe the scenes, because that's always fun. Adel, could you please describe something that you would like to plug? Ooh, I want to plug Hello for the Magic Tavern. You're gonna wanna check that out. Sibling Specular, you're gonna wanna check out, I remember another podcast, I'm trying any podcast

I guess done, I wanna give it a shout out. I just did a guest spot on D20 Danes, which is a wonderful podcast, actual play of some D&D with some wonderful women. So check that out. I think my episode comes out in a few weeks. I was also on Mission to ZX with Magic Tavern folks. So check that out as well. And Magic Tavern, hello for the Magic Tavern. Has two live shows coming up during GenCon and Indianapolis. We will be doing a JPC tour, where we're just gonna visit all the really poignant spots in JAPES life in Indianapolis.

So I'll be leading that tour if you wanna buy tickets for that, that is free. And check that out. Yeah, good luck being at the big mural of Kurt Vonnegut, where I lost my virginity. Two, a Kurt Vonnegut look like. Two was he. Two.

Two. And you said, break, was a champion since it's come. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, also check out World Dooms tonight. Every Saturday at 8 p.m. and 10 p.m. we will, one of us will almost always certainly be there usually. But it's not, it's not all of us. Sometimes it's not all of us.

And we didn't tell you that. And sometimes it's just Aaron and a 10 o'clock show and everyone's super disappointed. Sometimes it'll be a very confused Mexican gentleman named Eddie Pina. Who also does the show and he'll say who? What do you think? We should have a Twitter page that's just who's going to be at World Bank. So funny. A tracker.

James, anything you want to plug? Yeah, I would like to plug. I read a book that I very much enjoyed. It's Mindset, the new psychology of success by Carol S. Dweck. It's a little bit dated, but I did very much enjoy the book. It's a very quick read. Did you get an extra copy of it? I have loaned out my current copy of it.

Not to, sorry, not to shit on your parade, but you're holding a book that says Mind Freak? Yes, I also, I'm reading currently reading Chris Chris Angel's mine. It's a thousand pages and it's all Photos of his face and at the end it's it's he's a trick that he's done on me Anything in my book? I would like to plug the novelization of the movie the Da Vinci code I'm trying to get more copy sold of that than the Bible Also follow me on Instagram, Erin, keep 10, and I plug my shows there. If you tweeted me or you message me,

I don't look at that stuff often. I will get to it. Just don't get mad at me. Yeah, don't get mad at Erin. Check out our Patreon, check out our, leave us a review on iTunes. If we get up to 1500, we're gonna be doing another AMA episodes, we're pretty close to that.

So please give us a review five stars if Gennasty and also check out fuck putting that will be on the market probably sometime July It's mostly arsenic in a little bit of old lace Recently you were in New Orleans to go see Paul McCartney. Yeah, you said it was amazing He did a very special rendition of a famous song of his with a space helmet on. Typically it's called Hey Jude, but in this concert it was called Hey Jupiter, which is the name of whatever listeners. Your name is Jupiter. So hello and goodbye, Jupiter. Bye forever, Jupiter. created by Adolf Refinne, starting, erudging,

and John Patrick Cullen, taping stiker to the enemy, having a parent in the mid-air, and being a single-airman, and being a single-airman, and being a single-airman, and being a single-airman, and being a single-airman,

and being a single-airman, and being a single-airman, and being a single-airman, and being a single-airman, and being a single-airman, and being a single-airman, and being a single-airman, and being a single-airman, and being a single-airman, That was a hitgun podcast.