Hey Riddle Riddle - #5: Greased Lightnin' Round

Episode Date: August 22, 2018

It’s our best episode yet! Erin takes on the mantle of Old Man Puzzles and thinks the Lightning Round should be 6 riddles long! There’s also a mess of glass and water that brings a doctor running, a ceiling splattered in blood that concerns only one person and all the Kevins and Susies you can shake a raccoon at!Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: KJ SnyderTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a Riddle, Riddle. Ah, boy. You're one-stop-shop for all things, Riddies and pussies. We're like the Sam's Club of Riddies Are this a little open Sam's Club? Yeah, but why would it tie us to Walmart? Riddies and pussies and I'm thrilled to announce that in today's episode or tonight's episode as it Were well, whatever you're listening to it. Let's put a label. I don't want to get I don't want to muddle time The people should know the exact minute that we're recording this. Yes. That's true It is exactly 7.54 p.m So if you're listening to this in the morning wait until 7.55 and pick it back up 7.54 p.m. on a Friday

We should make that clear that this is what we are doing on a Friday. Well, we all know what to be here What I want to be here. I'm thrilled to say that Aaron is going to be our old woman riddles today. Old man puzzles. Old man puzzles. And you also did riddles. I remember that so much. I'm re-branding. I had the inner ear in this here as well. And the inner ear and keep is here. I'm re-branding myself for Pussies. I'm re-branding myself to JP riddles. JP riddles. Great JP riddles in association.

Or JP stands for Jokes Puzzies and Clues. JP, by the way, JP riddles sounds like I like a knock off RL style. Yeah. Do you read that new book by JP riddles? No. It's terrible. style. Yeah. Do you read that new book by JP Riddles? No. It's terrible. No. Swan. Should I learn? Swan Bumps. I always JP Riddles that these are my swad bumps. Oh, instead of goosebumps. Yeah. Swan. I like swad lumps.. Swadlumps. I do. I like how we change Swad, but we kept Bubs. Okay, I have to ask for JP Riddles to read us an excerpt from one of his newest books in the

series called Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps. Swamlumps this, this is my latest swamlumps book, but what's the title of the book? The title of the book. Goosebumps. So let's set this, let's, we're all around a campfire and let's have JP Riddle's read us from his new book. Wait, we're all around the campfire.

Is this are you afraid of the dark or is this the JP Riddle? That's what I said. Gotcha. Mr. Riddle's Mr real? That's what I said. Gotcha. Mr. Reddles, Mr. Reddles, read your story. How do you kids keep fighting me? Oh, boy. Oh, right. All right.

You little perverts. I'll read you a story. This is my latest swan lumps, and it's called Goosebumps. Little Kevin Braverman was a very brave little boy. Oh, he's aptly named. Mmm. Ed, he was also very cleverly, which, as we know, means Swedish. Are you saying sweet-ish?

Sweet-ish, yes. Like he's kind of sweet. Stop interrupting me, You little shit bird! And Kevin Braverman was constantly being bullied at school. Oh, Kevin Braverman, if you're so brave, you'll go spend a night in the old... ...mick-man-shin'. He's a coward like you, Kyle.

He's a coward like you. I'm a coward. Also, that doesn't sound like bullying That sounds like he's being challenged Yes, well one man's challenge is another man's bully Kevin braver men thought I can spend night in the old place It's not as haunted as everyone says So he crept up to the old house. He crept or creeped. I'm sorry. He said he crept up to the old house. Would it be- What are you a fucking- Fucking editor?

I am for this school newspaper. Really? Go Knights. What's- Uh, N-I-G-H-T? N-I-G-H-T-S. Great, Knights. Not time is when I come alive.

Perfect, what are you charged? We should talk. My editor, I think he's fucking screwing me over here. You couldn't afford me. What happened next? What happened to Kevin? Kevin Braverman. My editor, I think he's fucking screwing me over here. You couldn't afford me. What happened next? What happened to Kevin? Kevin Praverman opened the door.. And he went fast asleep. But little did he know,

an old author who was very crazy lived in the house, and the author murdered Kevin Braverman with, he clubbed him to death with a fucking book, because Kevin Braverman and his dipshit little friend would follow the author into the woods at all hours of the night and the author was just trying to get out there to masturbate because his damn wife won't let him do it. What was the author's name? What was the author's name? Look at my arm, I have swanlums. That author's name, book clothes, was JP Reynolds a club club club club we're in a club now thank you

you gave us these jackets and welcome a joy members only are else dines gonna sue you what's that yeah I do think our L-stides can assume you but not for this do you think that areles Dine that that's his real Name like what are the RNs L stand for Indity Edson? Brown Livingston. Is it yeah, Brown Livingston? Really lame I always thought as a kid because I love those books I always thought he added Stein to be like Frank Nstein R Lstein like I thought it was like a bit I thought it was a Frank N Stein, R L Stein. Like I thought it was like a bit.

I thought it was a- Frank N Stein, R L Stein. Remember, this is a kid thing. Well, yeah, but I don't think you've gotten any smarter. Okay. But I've read all of the Indian and the cupboard series. Those don't, do they? Does that make sense?

Yeah, those do not age well. Let's do that. Let's go. The Indian out of the cupboard. Ball boy. Let's move on. Why don't we just read easy putty's there. Yeah I'm old man wrist riddles old man puzzle today. Old man puzzle. Excuse me and so I'm doing the warm up riddles. I did Google riddles for teens. Yes so we make a little teen teenie and sassy up in here. Next week, all Google riddles for babies.

Teeny and sassy, what do we have in cocktail winters? Boom! All right, here's your first warm up riddle. Oh, hey, did. I have no doors, but I have keys. I have no rooms, but I have a space. You can enter, but you can never leave. What am I?

Oh, tell California. Yep. Such a lovely place. So shall I? Such a lovely'll call for you. Yep. So it's a lovely place. So it's a lovely place. That's where it's got to be a keyboard. Teens love the Eagles. If there's one thing I know about, kids 13 to 19, it's that they are obsessed with Joe Walsh. And the Eagles.

The Eagles. The other Eagles too. Would you like me to read it again? Yes. You know, Tom DeLong. I have no doors. I have no doors. I have nothing to add to this. other Eagles too. Would you like me to read it again? Yes. You know, Tom DeLong, all the Eagles. I have no doors. I have no doors.

I have nothing to add to this. I have no doors, but I have keys. I have no rooms, but I do have a space. You can enter, but you cannot leave. What am I? Okay. Yeah, that's a keyboard. That's a really great.

That's a classic keyboard. I did not know that. You got it. Yeah, that'll got it. Well, it's specifically keyboard cat, right? It's keyboard. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. It's a traditional Quarty keyboard. It's a G15 gaming keyboard.

Yeah, watch a check. If you, does that have hotkeys? If anyone listening to this is about to buy a pet, name that pet Quarty. Oh, for sure. I feel like that's a great name for a cat. Quarty, yeah. Quarty. Oh, for sure. I feel like that's a great name for a cat. Quarty, yeah. Quarty.

I'm responsible for probably 120 views of the keyboard cat YouTube video. There was a time in my life where I needed it. I needed it really bad. I can't leave you to do 300 more. You could have even poured 20. Oh, yeah. Okay, I got another one.

While a cat was outside, it started to downpour. The cat couldn't find any shelter. Wait, did you search cat because we were talking about cats? Or just so happened? It just so happened, baby. This is luck. How lucky you, my friend. While a cat was outside, it started to downpour.

The cat couldn't find any shelter and got completely soaked by the rain. Yet not a single hair was wet. How could this be? The hair in this riddle is spelled H-A-R-E. Yeah, it's talking about the neighborhood bunnies. Oh, those neighborhood bunnies. Chicago has a lot of neighborhood bunnies. Yeah. The other day I felt something run across my foot and I thought this better be a neighborhood

bunny and it was a rat. Oh, now I have to move. Yeah, the first week I was in Chicago I was wearing flip flops and as I was walking I heard a... And what had happened? And it was JPC. It was JPC. Hello there! It's about Reynolds!

I had stepped on a rat because as I was walking in flip flops the back of my heel went up, the flip flops stayed down and a rat at that exact time, ran under it, almost like a miniature golf course. Windmill went to run, almost like a swing. Between my flip-flop and my heel didn't make it, and I stepped down and squished it,

my barefoot pressed into it, like a good stand press onto my sandal. And the sound it makes was a little harmony honey to them because it was just the ex the the spelling of air so so quick which is it like walked off but it as it walked away it walked like it was in the jumeric y video like it was like it was drunk oh this is a riddle for teens you know it's love you get in the cariviracoi.

But it walked away like it was in the virtual insanity video. Like it was, it was, for sure, disorientated. And it had to have died because I pressed down on it so hard. Like, its organs had to have been liquefied. I stepped on an already dead squirrel once, and when I, like, am sick and I need to throw up, I think of the sensation of how that felt under my foot. It's like the stepping on a dead animal has got or killing an animal with your feet. That is just not good. Listeners you know when you kill an animal with your foot we've all

been there. I apparently earned it I have. Me and my little brother had to had a drown of raccoon once because a raccoon got caught in my dad's chipmunk trap and a raccoon's way bigger than a chipmunk. So he, thank you. So he destroyed this chipmunk trap, but he was trapped in there. And my dad was at work and he was like, what you have to do is you have to like, you have to drown it. You have to hold it underwater for five minutes. Submursh, you didn't hold it in water for five minutes.

So we filled up a wheelbarrow with water, and then we got like pitchforks and dropped the trap into the wheelbarrow, but the wheelbarrow wasn't deep enough. So instead of being up just like waterboarding this bore raccoon, so it could like half breathe, and it was making the worst sounds. Oh my god! You win.

It was you win, J.B. It was truly awful. I do also remember that we and my little brother called the police. We didn't call 911, we called the police, and we were like, there's a raccoon trapped in a chip among trap at our house Can we shoot it with a gun the police were like no of course you can't they're like you can't have permission to fire a gun in the city It we're like we really would like to do that I love the idea of you like on a date in the future being like tell me about your childhood

I water-borted directly. I also if I were that police officer I'd be fucking delighted by that call. It was I'd be like more calls like this please. It was in Indianapolis right? It was in India. Which that has to be like the number one call in Indianapolis. Can I shoot a raccoon? Excuse me.

Can I shoot a raccoon in my yard if it has, if it allegedly has buried my daughter? It's that is number one, and the second call is, is Larry Bird still playing for the Pacers? That was, what is Larry Bird? Larry Bird is not playing for the Pacers. You answered my question. Thank you, sorry. Wait, can I show you a marker?

Talk to you tomorrow. Okay, so, a shout was in the rain. Cats in the rain, cock it down for her. It started to down for her. The cat couldn't find any shelter, got completely soaked by the rain. Yet not a rain. It started to downpour. It started to downpour. The cat couldn't find any shelter. It got completely soaked by the rain. Yet not just single hay was wet. How could this be?

At the hairless cat. Easy. Oh, yeah, it's one of those weird cats. Persian. You got it. Yes. What do teens say? At Chihuahua.

What do teens say when they have trouble with even numbers in their math class? I'm gonna listen to the Eagles. Oh, this is just a joke. This is not, I'm sorry. This is a beer. But my answer, correct? Because I scream for my wife.

Teen's love Borat, the Eagles. So do you send work on your homework? They did. My wife. They did 12 years ago. Yeah, that's true. When I was a teen, we love saying my wife. What's the joke?

I'm in Baris that I read this one. Yeah. What's Borat's favorite insurance I was a team. We love saying my wife. What's what's what's a what's the joke? I'm embarrassed that I read this one. Yeah. What's Borat's favorite insurance company? I'm a lot. But I Met laugh. What's the joke? Well, I'm embarrassed that I read this one because more of a joke. Me too. It's more of a joke than it is.

Okay. Avertile. What do teens say when they have trouble with even numbers in their math class? How odd. Um, teens. What do teens say? What do trouble with even numbers in their math class. How odd. Um, teens. What do teens say? What do they say these days? Teens.

Oh, uh, they would say those test-gaterials. Those test-gaterials. They would say, is this a one trillion? Uh, would they just... No, you're giving too much credit. Would they just dab? They did. They dab.

I think maybe the answers they would dab. What do teens say when they're having trouble with even numbers? The rest of these are really bad. Just give us that sweet sweet. That answer? That sweet sweet joke. I can't even. Oh yeah that's a riddle. It's definitely riddle for teens. Aaron I'm sorry it's coming on so fast, but we are relinquishing you from the title of Old Man Puzzies. Yeah, that obviously can't handle the duties. Well, I should have read through all of these before I This one is also not very good. We'll do it. This is the speediest of speed rounds. Are you ready? Yes. What do you find at the end of the line? There you go

I call. I call. I call the trees my home, yet I never go inside. And if I ever fall off the tree, I surely will be dead. I'm so sorry. These are, these got like the younger. Her eyes rolled up into the back of her head. She just repeated that, like, maybe she was just quoting the office.

I call the tree my home. She's the train. So I go to the tree's my home. Yeah, I call it tree my home. She's the tree. I go to the trees my home. Yeah, I'd never go inside. And if I ever fall off the tree, I will surely be dead. This is stupid. Call it trees my home, but I'm ever inside. If I fall off, I'll surely die.

A nut. A. Oh, yeah, yeah. The cats, the hang in their cats. No, that's a, the hang in their cats. At least, let's go at least. Yes, it's a leaf. Well, I like ones. I like ones. Yeah, yeah.

Tree nuts. Oh, okay, I have one more. Okay, this is the final one. Whoever gets this one wins. Okay, and this one, it seems pretty stupid. I haven't read the answer yet, though. And then I'm gonna go ahead and pre-guess my wife. Math teacher, I have two apples in one hand,

one in the other, and one on my lap. But it doesn't keep the doctor away, and cannot be safely eaten. What kind of apples do I have? Is this math teacher is the one telling me the riddle? Yes, math teacher. I have two apples in one hand. Wait, are you math teacher? Are you taking on the role of math teacher? Why would you put an apple in your lap? I am! I am a math teacher. So math teachers in your world just say math teacher. Math teacher, math teacher. Mailman, math.

Any role they play in my life, they announce it before they do it. Okay, math teacher. Math teacher, I have two apples in one hand. Math teacher is what you say in an old time letter instead of stop. I write a U of this letter, math teacher. I have two apples in one hand, one in the other, and one on my lap, but it doesn't keep the doctor away and cannot be safely eaten. What kind of apples do I have?

Hi-fones. Dick apples. Apple products, yeah. Yep, apple firm. And nothing matters anymore. One is lap. What's the one in his lap? Oh, his lap time?

Mm-hmm. Okay. I thought it was some sort of apple belt that I didn't know about. That apple belt. Coming soon, the apple belt. I feel so frickin' warmed up right now. Oh, good. I'm all jazzed on reddison puzzles.

But, yeah, I warmed up to, like, for jokes. I warmed up to tell jokes to teens. What's this podcast? I wanted you to know that that was the first website that came up. Welcome back to jokes for teens We can't even Dab dab dab Okay, a little dab will do you

T.I. Oh boy. I Still have a UTI here we go. It's been two weeks It's been two weeks and It's been two weeks and here I am. Hey, GPC. Yeah. You're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm pranking Adel.

And I'm setting up a whole website to prank him. And I just need some advice. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. I'm not mad at you. We're pranking app. Squarespace is the only website platform for entrepreneurs to stay in doubt and to sit online. Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website

engaged with your audience. And so let anything for products to cut into time, all in one place, all on your terms. Hey, Addle, come here, come here, come here. Hey, what's going on? I actually, I want to prank JPC and I want to set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like,

is there like an online store that could set up on my website to sell products? Did you know that with Squarespace, you can have custom merch, you can easily sell custom merch and create passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand, design your products and production,

and inventory and shipping are handled for you, saving you time and money. What is happening? Okay. Wait, what's going on with that all? Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing,

new, and easy to answer you and I'm gonna use analytics Use insights to grow my business and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords our popular products and content on my prank website The pranks I love you. Whoa, that's awesome Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what the website is for Prank Squarespace

You can connect to your store to Vedent third party tools to extend the functionality of your website Hey, JPC hey, JPC. What's up, battle? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh, she's back, she's back.

Hey, Aaron. Hey, Aaron. Can we go to grandma's house? Wait, I've been pranked. But how? I don't know. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, Adel and JPC, thank you for meeting me

in the middle of the woods here. I am sort of at an impasse. I can't decide whether or not to go this way or this way. I'm having a hard time choosing a path. You know, there never truly is a middle of the woods. Isn't it funny to think about something like that? There never truly is a middle of the woods. No, this is the middle.

Okay, this is it. Addle, can you help? Yeah, actually. So as per Robert Frost, I don't know if you know his poems. He has a poem called Better Help. I believe this is written in the 1800s, but it still stands true today more than ever. Aaron, you should try Better Help. Have you heard of this? You seen this? Because sometimes Aaron in life were faced with tough choices, and the

path forward isn't always clear, whether you're dealing with decisions around career, relationships, being stuck in the middle of the woods, therapy helps you stay connected to what you ow, ow, sorry, that also does so fast. Therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate life and the woods. Mmm, and better help is entirely online, so it's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. I've been using it for several years, and it suits the way that my brain works way better than traditional therapy ever did.

And when Aaron says traditional therapy, just so everyone's clear, what she means is tricking two of her friends to coming to the middle of the woods, even though there isn't truly the concept of the middle of the woods, isn't that fun to think about? All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist,

and you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Hey Aaron, GPC's putting down bread crumbs and then immediately picking them up and eating them. Dirty bread crumbs. Mm. And he's also like really into that owl who's swooping down.

Anyways, let there be your map with better help. Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help help.com slash riddle com slash riddle r-i-d-d-l-e R-i-d-d-l-e the middle of riddles of D but there is no true middle of riddle because it would be the space in the LIDC, helping at home. Bye, Am home. Who are we? What is this? I, clink, clink, clink.

Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. I just want to make a quick toast to, I know it's JPC's birthday and we're all so excited to talk about him, but I want to talk about my favorite, my favorite thing in the world. And that is the app rocket money. Oh, yeah, Aaron, that's one of my favorite things as well. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years way before they were a sponsor and it helps me so much, especially around tax season.

Clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, uh. Sorry, I also want to give a toast. Rocket money, well quickly, and easily find your subscriptions for you. And for any you don't want to pay for anymore, just hit cancel, and Rocket money will cancel it for you. It's that easy, clink, clink. It also categorizes your expenses so you can easily track your budget in real time

and also get alerted if anything looks off over three million. Oh, clink, clink, clink. Over three million people have used rocket money saving the average person up to seven hundred and twenty dollars a year. We love rock. Stop. Stop.

No, clink, clink, clink. Stop. Throwing your money away, cancel unwirted subscriptions today and manage your expenses. the easy way by going to rocket money.com slash riddle. That's rocket money.com slash riddle. Rock at money.com slash riddle. And tell them JPC's birthday got ruined by two of his friends for doing speeches about rocket money. The website. Are you ready for some real not teen? These are adult riddles. Puzzles and riddles. I'm ready for the puppies and riddles.

Shadow discovered Sandy lying on her side in a puddle of water and broken glass. When the doctor arrived, he pronounced her dead. Since Sandy. I now pronounce you. Man, a dead. Since Sandy had no cuts on her body, how did she die? Okay. Shadow found Sandy laying in a puddle with broken glass. And he said, soon Sandy? Shadow's the nickname of course. The young totalist character in Greece. Okay. I know where I'd hide It's so a push for love

So much Was that a song from Greece? Yeah, hopelessly I was like, is this Greece too? What are we singing here? No, that would have been, I need a girl for all seasons Good, now I don't know that When I was in Greece, I played Jan.

The fat one. Was Jan fat? Yeah. I played Jan. All the jokes are like Jan, stop. Bit probably. Wait, Jan, stop eating. Which one of you was she a pink lady?

She's a pink lady with a pink gel. She was fat? Well, they all the jokes about how she can't stop in the play. She like can't stop eating. The whole show. But the one line I had was, how much does Eddie spend? Yeah, some I love it.

Yes, some I love it. So of course she would talk about Doe. Yeah, of course, cause she's. Yeah, because she can't stop eating. Cause she can't stop eating. All right, Shadow. Sunny was my favorite. I like the Nicki.

Doe-Dee. Well, everyone likes Nicki. No one likes Nicki. You fucking idiot. Iggo, gu-n-n-a-d-a-d-a-d-a-d-a-d-a-d. I like the nicky duty. Well everyone likes Kinnicky. No one likes Kinnicky. Fucking idiot. You're gonna be a Eskimo by. Are you ready? Yes. Kinnicky is the Yankees of Nice.

Did she put up a fight? Who said that? Kinnicky said that. Kinnicky said that. Kinnicky. Wait, no, I hate Kinnicky. Lots of dudes in it. All right, ready? Nobody's jugs are bigger than a nits. Jesus. When I was in grade school, we played Greece. Like, we did on the playground.

And like, third grade, we were like dividing up between, like, which Greece characters we were. This is Indianapolis again. So is the 70s. The 90s were the 70s. Our kids at the time for. Don't play Greece. I want to be Kinniki. I just want to fuck this squirrel.

Indianapolis. OK. OK. So what was going on, shadow on there? Shadow discovered Sandy lying on her side in a puddle of water and broken glass. When the doctor arrived, he pronounced her dead. Since Sandy had no cuts on her body, how did she die?

So Sandy is a shandy. The puddle is the spilled shandy in the broken glasses, the beer bottle. Shadow is the shadow of alcoholism. That is looming over you. And the doctor, let's take a look, DR, what else is DR, driving drunk? So, this is that same guy parked outside the girls house.

You should teach literature, if you are really. I would if I could read. I don't know. I don't know the answer. I will give you a hint that one part of this, you are going to poke a hole through so fast and you're gonna make fun of. Okay, so like Sandy is a fish.

Try to have a kid. I could see any of the fish and she's on her side and That's where the gills are. Oh So like maybe in the puddle there wasn't enough oxygen the puddle was in deep enough for Sandy the fish to survive Yeah, but why would a doctor come a fish doctor? Oh, so no What can you repeat the doctor part again? Yes, when the doctor arrived he pronounced her dead Can you repeat the doctor part again? Yes. When the doctor arrived, he pronounced her dead.

So the doctor was... He's pronouncing the word her dead. So this doctor can't read. What doctors can't read? Dr. Pepper. Oh my god. So the fish tank was full of Dr. Pepper. Sandy couldn't breathe in Dr. Pepper because a fish can't breathe in Dr. Pepper.

So I'm an idiot. I can tell you. Yeah, I really just don't know these. You got it, you basically got it. I was just trying to poke a hole. Yeah, Sandy died of suffocation. Sandy is a goldfish whose fish bowl was knocked over. That's why the glass.

I don't know why a... Well, the doctor shit. Yeah, that's what I thought you admit. That's why I started laughing when I started reading it because I was like They're gonna make fun of the fact that some of its fish died and hurt. She called a doctor. Well one. Let's do Let's rate this riddle I'm gonna give that enough you're gonna give that an F for fish. Oh, okay. Wow. I set you up for that soul With that reaction. I'm gonna give that riddle a D.

For Doctor, it didn't matter. Here. Our rating system is based on a letter of a thing that we wanna say, right? Yeah, it's an acronym. Grat. I'd give it a C minus. Four.

Four. It lives a bishop from the C. Fisher from the C and it was minus the C. But minus the C. Yeah. That makes, that makes a memory sense. I did it. You did it.

You win. So I want to roll play this. And much like calling into the police and Indianapolis, I want to see this. I want to hear this call of someone who dropped their goal fish bowl, calling a doctor, and trying to convince them to come over. JPC, let's have you be the doctor.

Okay. This is at NINapolis, so you can speak from experience and Aaron, why don't you be the person who's not there? So let's all feel free to use NINapolis accents as well. Absolutely. Which sounds like the ho ho ho ho. If you could do goofy, you could do it. Okay.

No, no, that's NINapolis accents. Whenever you're do it. Do that for us. Okay. No, no, that's any apples accents. Whenever you're ready here. Bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, bippo, We're close friends. Jennifer we're close friends. Jennifer, yes. Jennifer we're close friends. I think we went to high school together. Yes. Okay. Um, you we we were to high school with a Bob. We had a baby. You get to work, right? Yep. He was he was I'm sorry. I were getting on topic. Um, okay. So um, I could you get over here as possible? Uh, okay. Jennifer, I have a wife. Please. We can't do this. Please, I know. Well, actually, I... I have a wife.

I have a house on North Shaed, Leneva, now. Speaking of spouses, I think mine has just passed. I'm sorry. My husband is a fish, and he... We were trying to be close. Wait, wait, wait, wait. My husband is a fish. We were trying to be close.

We hold up. Stop. Wait, wait, wait. My husband is the fish. We were trying to be love. We hold my whole stop. Jennifer, Jennifer, stop. Yeah. Were you watching a shape of water? Is that what was happening? We was watching a shape of water. And you were okay.

And then I tried to fuck my face. Thank you, you tried to. And see. Oh, man. Nailed it. Dr. Pepper was really the name of a soft drink. I'm ready for the next riddle. You know it's funny if you have to explain. Okay, the pile that I got from Old Man Puzzles over here is mediocre at best. So don't blame me. The pile that you

Oh the pile of riddles. Yeah the pile of riddles. Okay, hold me and said make do with this Old man puzzles gave young lady riddles a pile of puzzles. I am a room P Old man puzzles gave young lady riddles a pile of puzzles Are we ready? Yes. Okay, let's do this Shadow dropped in to visit his friend Captain Captain Frank, and found him sleeping on his couch. There was fresh blood on the ceiling above his head, but nowhere else in the room. Shadow anxiously woke him to check his condition only to find that everything was fine. How could Captain Frank's blood be in the ceiling, but nowhere else?

I love that whoever was editing these was like, let's punch up these names. Tom? No, his name's Shadow. What's this guy's name? Bill, Captain Frank now. People keep, people stop reading halfway through. We gotta make those names. Way more interesting.

I've been listening to a lot of Billy Joel. Let's call him Captain Jack. No, no, no, Captain Frank. Captain Frank is a hot sauce. Yeah. The hot sauce is this blood. It got put on the, Captain Frank is a... So he was sleeping, the hot sauce. The hot sauce is this blood. It got put on the captain Frank is a... So he was sleeping the hot sauce was sleeping JBC. Tell me more about how this hot sauce was sleeping.

Captain Frank is a woman. First of all, that's a misnomer. You didn't think Captain Frank was a woman, but she is. Women can be captains. You were anti-Kineki. The... Well, Shadow actually... Sandy? Shadow anxiously woke him to check his condition. Okay, okay, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no a bloody nose sneezed. Have you ever No, have you ever shotgun blood out of your nose? Oh, I've had three nose surgeries. You know when you sneeze I sneezed blood for many years. Yeah, what did you have nose surgeries for? I broke my nose Yeah, I broke my nose twice and then when Aaron said that she had three nose surgeries

She did the universal sign for snorting a line of cocaine off of a table. Yeah, yeah, yeah I had a couple of nose searchers. I broke my nose. How did you break your nose? Both were someone hitting me in the face back, so that. During Greece? No, one was at a, my freshman year, a drama lock-in. A guy named Brian in a bouncy house.

Hit me in the head with his knee. Yeah, you went through that tool for a bouncy house. Yeah, and I heard my nose break. And I went, does anyone want to kiss me? And they all said no. And I said, what about sometime in the next four years? And they said, no thanks, hard past. So here's what you did wrong there.

You asked for someone to kiss you immediately after your nose. They've been broken. Whereas if you had maybe waited a fucking couple of days. Maybe. I love it with your nose broken when you said, hard past, we'll cut that part out. Great.

No, we won't. Because now we won. Captain Frank has his own blood on the ceiling. You know he's OK. Yeah. You know when you have a blade nose and you sneeze and it sticks to the ceiling, it's all over the ceiling. We've all been there.

Yeah, we've all been at your house. Tell me more, tell me more house it's his blood I mean what what and what way do you bleed but you don't get hurt you're circling it uh captain jack was a woman yeah yeah so we're circling it um I love period based riddles she She was on her period. Well, that's the greatest riddle of all. A woman's ovulation cycle is the greatest riddle in history. Not hurt, but bleeding. Oh, bleeding from the tear ducts, like lachee, because he know where he out. Captain Frank was a statue of the Virgin Mary crying blood.

It's blood. It is Captain Frank's blood but he's but captain Frank is not hurt oh he has an open wound no captain he was bit my my by mosquitoes and then he he swatted them while they were sitting on the ceiling yes or they exploded because they they over and dulled themselves and exploded from how much it's a miss it's a mosquito well baby doll you get it you have to prank had swatted a mosquito that had been feasting on him that's the word they used while he tried to sleep I want to see this role played um at all can you be kept in rank and can you be the

mosquito I'm the mosquito yeah I'm not gonna be in this you're not gonna be sure this is this is way before shadow comes in this is when the mosquito. Yeah, and I'm not going to be in this. You're not going to be sure. So this is way before Shadow comes in. This is when the mosquito is feasting on Captain Craig. 60 bucks? Yeah, 60 bucks. That's what I get paid to sail a ship every night. Yeah, I'm a captain, you see. If you want me to suck you, you're going to have to pay a little more.

That's 60 bucks, Franco. What do you want? What do I want? I want to do something suck you. You're gonna have to pay a little more than 60 bucks Franco. What do you want? What do I want? What do you want me to do for you? What are you gonna do for me? You're a human man and I'm a mosquito. Don't you want to suck me? Is that what you do? I want to get paid motherfucker. Okay, I'm not looking to just suck you for free. I got mows to feed and sure I made only live a couple of free. I got mouths to feed. And sure, I might only live a couple of days, but I got responsibilities. Are I literally feeding your mouth when you suck me?

Okay. Just suck me. Okay, fine. Fine, daddy. Fine, daddy, you're gonna be the... Here I am, Shadow, coming in early. Oh, no. Suck.

Hey, yeah. Shh, shh, shh.chews, I was sleeping. Very clear. Where's my husband? Where is he? He went into that apartment an hour ago and doesn't take that long to Zaka Captain. I love Aaron just saying very clear. Very clear.

Like someone tries to describe walking on this compromising situation. And it's just like, I was very clear. Very clear. No, got it. Crystal clear. Crystal clear. Do I do one more? I think we have to do listener-stead.

Got it. What, can I really quick rate that riddle? Yeah. I give that one a B for blood. Let's do a listener submitted. You can always submit your favorite Puzzier Ready to us at HRRpodcast.com. You can also follow us on Twitter. Our handle is Hey Riddle Riddle at Hey Riddle Riddle, so check that out. And just to clarify, if you send an email to hrpodcastgmail.com, you will be sending a riddle to my HR podcast, we will discuss your riddle and any sort of sensitive employee

information on the podcast. Absolutely. And also, rate us on whatever service you use. If you use iTunes, give us a sweet, sweet rating. If you use Yelp, give us a rating out there. And if you're listening to this in the middle of the night, give yourself a hug right now. You've earned it.

You've earned it. Give yourself a hug in the middle of the night. Give yourself a little squeeze around your arms and you say, you're OK. You're OK. My arms are dead asleep. If it's the middle of the day. Very clear.

Yeah. Very clear. This week's listener submittedsubmitted riddle is by Anne K. Sennasus one. Anne K's favorite riddle is. Are you sure that word isn't just onc? Oh, it's from onc. Yes, sorry.

It's from my uncle. The riddle is, I'm often held yet rarely touched. I'm always wet, yet never rust. I'm sometimes wagged and sometimes bit. To use me well, you must have wit. I'm often wet. Of course you focus on that. I'm often held yet rarely touched.

I'm always wet, yet never rust. I'm sometimes wagged and sometimes bit. To use me well, you must have wit a tail You know how tails always wet His dogs are always sitting pee. Yeah, what tail What do we think? Held I'll give you a hint a steam Stop that reason to our segment

steam Full stop that reason to our segment oh Everyone's yours segment dead stop dead stop air and keep Something that you just said here today's Dead stop episode of dead stop was steam Steve. Oh, like it was. Very clear. It's steam. You said like a steam. I have no I have no Steve is always wet. Oh, I'm so sorry. I'll give you both. I'll give you both a Tell you it's steam is always a

I'll give you a hint. You're both using them right now. Well, not right now, but you just were using them voices Close mouth closer Closes there you go ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding I take I take issue with that because I'm always touching that's always happy What if some of us don't have tongues yeah, you're always touching your tongue with somebody. Yeah, we're with a flagpole I'm always making out with a flagpole Harvey danger. What are the teeds like? That's all we have for Heyrital Rital. I'm Adore Fie. You can check out Hello from the Magic Tavern siblings peculiar or come to I.O. Chicago and see Revolver World News Tonight. I'm JPC.

You can find me on Twitter at JPCOFLY. If you're in Chicago, check out Devil's Daughter, World News Tonight at I.O. Chicago. And you can also listen to me if you're into actual played podcasts on the campaign podcast. It's a off- off the one shot network. And I'm Erin Keith.

And you should check out O'Hellia Friday nights at I.O. in Chicago. It's with my team Wet Bus, and it's very fun. And sometimes I'm in world news. But you never know when. I'm a fun little surprise. And Erin, what's your favorite recipe this week? It's a very nice squash apple soup.

I'll add. I'll send it to Ed Adel and he'll post it on his Twitter. And where can people find a VHS copy of your high school production increase? Oh, you're gonna email my mother at... And Aaron, as always, what's your favorite planet? This week, it's Jupiter. Good night everybody. Bye bye. That was a hitgun podcast. podcast.