Hey Riddle Riddle - #53: It's Been...ONE YEAR!

Episode Date: July 24, 2019

Bingo Bango! It's our one year anniversary! We reflect on the year that's been and look forward to what's next while of course doing some riddies and puzzies along the way. How do you best dispose of Mad Cows? What's it like to have a phone call with the Queen of England? Can anyone survive playing poker with their family? How hard is it to be an announcer at a basketball game? We don't come close to answering any of these questions but we do dish on the worst sketches we've ever written! Get aboard our Magic Riddle Bus friends! It's #WiddleWednesday!Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: KJ SnyderTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a head gum podcast. Hey Riddle Riddle, a cat in a fiddle. This is JPC. You're hearing my voice on this week's Hey Riddle Riddle because Adelrefi has died. He was shot and killed by a police horse Who was avenging the death of his brother and Aaron is attending the funeral. So it is a solo So just two of us together two friends hanging out doing a podcast Puzzbot can we call it a Puzzcast? Puzzbot listen to me. I said Iuzzcast? Puzzbot, listen to me.

I said, I'm covering the intro. I said, I need about 15 minutes. I said, do not come. Aaron, what is the laugh there? His funeral was so boring. I'm so sorry. There were just like people being sad. He died like he lived.

Boring. This was my chance. This was my shot, okay? I think we were gonna roast Adel Adel and no everyone was saying nice stuff I can't believe his tombstone said I'm with stupid with an arrow pointing down. That's okay. Well, you know What a what a goof you know it on the day that Adel dies killed by that police horse It's still all about him unbelievable classic Adel. I need it this let's do a say-ons to try to bring adult. I want to see a say-ons.

Okay, Puzzbock. Call the say-ons. It's more of an observation. Have you ever noticed, have you ever noticed that world's best dad mugs sometimes say world's number one dad? Uh-huh. Yeah. In your human language, number one means 2p.

So aren't you really saying world's piss dad? If the mug says world's number one dad, isn't it really saying world's piss dad? I want Adelback. I do too. And also I feel like I'm getting some shade for drinking another cup that says number one piss daddy. Which by the way, I won this cup fair and square. I beat a lot of other pissed atties for this thing. All right. Let's say a phrase that will bring Adel back. Like we'll say it three times, and this will bring Adel back.

Almost like a Beetleju situation, which is his favorite movie. That's true. And his 50th favorite Broadway play. Okay, let's see. What's a phrase that will bring Adel to us? Now, we have to think about something that will entice him back from the grave.

What does he say a lot? He says, oh come on. Buy forever. He says, yeah, buy forever. He says buy forever. He calls people radiance. He calls people radiance. He says no shit, all Sherlock. He goes, what was that? He says, does that make sense? Yeah, he says, I'm sorry. We were doing improv. I said a premise and you said no to that. Yeah, that's something that he says cool

Let's pump the brakes Sounds like we're picking on at all. He's dead. Let's say what was that three times ready? What was that? What was that? What was that at all? You're back. Nope still buzz Damn it all. Well, let's make do what was that? I'm sorry. I said what was that? Well, let's make do. What was it? I'm sorry? I said, what was that? I said, let's make do. One of Edelstead's- You're going to make the stout to do?

I want to add all back. Edel! It's me. Wow, you burst out of that buzzbot. Yeah, I crawled my way out of hell and threw buzzbot. Nice. That's how it feels. Did we start this?

Did we start this? Well, boring, but spelled-well spelled the same way, but different meaning. He's back. I bored my way out of, sometimes to boars to dig. I'm a tons butt back. Did we already start the episode? Yeah, it's a one year anniversary. Oh, shit.

Oh, wow. All Sherlock. A full year? Well, it's not all Sherlock. Great. We made it a full year. We made it a full year. Wow. It's hard to believe because it feels like a thousand years really? Yeah I was thinking more

Did we graduate? I don't know what's this reference this vitamin C? This is vitamin C This is my graduation song. Is there until she has a son? It's not a nice year. It's been a good year. It's been a good year. A hundred episodes. What's most of the blame? Because it's been a good year. What was everyone's favorite moment from the year? Favorite over the life.

Oh, I didn't have any of those. Oh, yeah, no. I had a lot of personal favorite moments of the year. Details. I took a donut from a squirrel. You took a donut back from a squirrel. Back from a squirrel. He took it from a boy and I took it from myself.

I think you're just channeling JP Riddle's. That's a donut from a squirrel. JP Riddle's with the squirrel. So that's my favorite moment is when JP Riddle's ate that squirrel live on camera. Yeah. Aaron, what's your favorite moment? I liked meeting a lot of the fans.

And I also, I loved how much I've gotten to laugh in the last year. Yeah. Adel. How much you've gotten to laugh? I love the way you phrase that. Yeah, I think the success of the show, the success of the Patreon, and the fans,

and their reactions has been a highlight of my life, not just this year, but my life. My life. Same. Yeah, I'm trying to think of like, there are so many great moments. What tops it for me is that we all have puppets made in our likeness, which is just insane and these are my puppets thing to have. But that's something that I have now.

Yeah. Did you think that I could ever take that puppet and sneak it into a performance of half a new cue and then wear all black. And then during the show, just get up on stage and start having that puppet just perform as, I'm in half a new cue. Do you see, I don't say this to disparage you?

Yes, please, please. Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. I think I have enough say this to disparage you. Yes, please, please. Absolutely. Yes, absolutely. Yes. I think I have enough confidence that I could do that. I don't know the musical well enough to know what my song would be, but I think I could just be like a, do a walk on. The internet is four-pointer.

I'm sure no musical that's been around for 20 years is going to notice a new character popping up. Not a new character, but just like, because there's like, on the avenue, I think doing the opening number, maybe I just like do a little quick walk on. You know, no lies. I don't think you're dreaming big enough. I think it shouldn't be Avenue cute. I think it should be like layman. Layman. It's the lion thing. No, not even a musical, just a straight play. One day, boy. I'm a puppy. I'm a fucking sausage. Yeah, Frankie and Johnny just pop on. I would love to sneak onto a play. That's all my bucket list. To sneak odd stage during a play.

Bonus points if it's a show about teenagers. What is points if it's like mean girls? Hell yeah, an all female show. Me. Adela, I think it makes sense that your old man puzzles because you were the first one in the first episode and now you're the last one of the year. and now you're the last one of the year. And the last episode?

Well, the last one of the year. Yeah, I guess this is the end of one calendar year. Yeah, no, that's wrong. No, not a calendar year. Not a calendar year. But a calendar year. And a nursery. And a nursery.

And a nursery? An anniversary. Yeah. Yeah. What are we looking forward to in the coming year? J.B.C. Though. Uh, okay. Don't jump.C. though. Okay.

Don't jump on that. I wasn't going to, but now that you mentioned it, what am I looking forward to in the coming year? I'm gonna secret something. You're gonna secret something? Yeah, I hope I'm putting it out into the universe. Gotcha. I hope within the next year, so between now and next July,

I hope we get to do a live show in Boston. That would be my number one goal for this podcast is getting to go there and do a live show. Here's what all, here's what I'll put out there is a lot of times with with Hey Riddle, Riddle with Magic Tavern, fans will just be like, come to blank and they feel like that's how touring works. We need a theater to invite us out. So if you live in Boston and you know someone or no a theater, maybe right to them and suggest that to invite us out. So if you live in Boston and you know someone or know a theater, maybe write to them

and suggest that they bring us out. If you live in Boston and you think you know a theater, get some friends. Because that theater at your friend. JPC. My best friend in high school was an AMC. You told me it was an ATM. Yeah.

I told you I did ATM in an AMC. Yeah. I told you I did ATM in an AMC. I'm ready. So the first one, this is going to be kind of a fun thing. I'll be the judge of that. How's Adam? What are you looking forward to in the next year? I'm looking forward to meeting more listeners.

Aaron answered the question herself, and she said, I'm ready. I'm ready. Let's move on. I'm excited to, yeah, I think along the lines of touring, I just want to meet more listeners and ideally come to their part of the town or they come to Chicago or they come to see us somewhere else. But I think that my favorite thing about doing podcasts

is one fan art is always my favorite thing. Or fart as you call it. I call it farts. And also just meeting the people who listen and appreciate us. Oh, I changed my mind. I know what my favorite mom over the last year is. Is everyone drawing, Wizzy, my pretend friend? Oh, that's very emotional.

What's been your least favorite moment of the last year? Probably YouTube being a bunch of jerks and like teasing me all the time. Yeah, Bono and Edge were pretty harsh on you. Yeah. YouTube, yeah, and Larry Mullins, Jr. He kind of really fucking gave it to you. The band YouTube is bullying me.

That would be fun. I'm gonna secret something out of the universe as well. This is something I would like to make happen within the next year of the show. I would love to do a live show in Indianapolis for some of my friends' dogs. I think we can be like next year, then. Here's a little hurdle for you. There's just a little little hurdle for you. She's a little riddle for you.

Plenty of sheets, but no bed and sight. It can cut you, but it doesn't bite. Oh, sheet, sheet, motherfucker. Can you read it one more time? Plenty of sheets, but no bed and sight. It can cut you, but it doesn't bite. Like sheets of paper, like a book. Aaron, you nailed it.

Is it a love? Jesus Christ? You nailed it. Oh, yes. Jesus Christ, I nailed it. Aaron, I loved the show today, but at one year, as a carpenter, it is our paper anniversary. So all the riddles I read are going to be on a piece of paper.

The answer will be book. Was it a book? No, the answer is paper. Paper. It's a paper anniversary. It's not book? No, the answer is paper. Paper. It's a paper anniversary. It's not the book anniversary. That's two years. Sorry?

Two years is the book anniversary. It's been one year. Book it, Dad. Is that fun? Yeah, that's fun. Is it a book it, Dad? Yeah. Nice topical reference for all the teens up there.

Dad, all my head is crazy for it, Dad. Are we ready for some main course retools? Yes. I put a teen reticledles, that doesn't sound right. Main cost. In 1996, the British government was faced with the task of slaughtering many thousands of healthy cattle in order to lay fears over the disease, BSE, or mad countisies. What proposal did the government of Cambodia make

to help solve the problem? This isn't so much a riddle as it is news. This is news. So to help solve Britain's problem of madcoutesies, Cambodia had a solution? Yes. So the British government had to kill all these thousands of cows just because there was madcoutesies going on.

They wanted to assuage the fears of the citizens. So Cambodia had to offer a proposal for the UK. What was it? Why don't you fuck yourself, Cambodian's out. Cambodia, famously, the birthplace of a top. The birthplace of a top. Yeah. Dress the cows up as horses and no one will be the wife.

I'm not going to be finished. That's a dead stop. Yeah. Dress. That's that famous country song, right? Dress for my horse. How hard would it be to make a cow like a horse? How expensive is that?

Brown paint. How expensive is brown paint? Do you want CGI or do you want practical effects? Oh, practical effects. So your main thing? It's 1999 and I want some practical effects. 96. Your main qualm with painting a cow to look like a horse

is their tails are a little different? Aaron, Aaron, my friends. You're the same. You're the same. You're the same. You're the same. You're the same. You're the same. You're the same. You're the same. You're the same. You're the same. You're the same. You're the same. You're the same.

You're the same. You're the same. You're the same. You're the same. You're the same. You're the same. You're the same. You're the same.

You're the same. You're the same. You're the same. You're the same. You're the same. You're the same. You're the same. You're the same people are stupid. And I think that the tales, the only thing they would give it away. Okay, so the real question is, how do I trick you into thinking

you're a cow as a horse? Yeah. God, well, they both have nipples, fucker. Save a horse, write a cow. Boy. I think it would be quite difficult to turn a cow into a horse because I think horses have way longer

necks than cows. Yeah. Just anatomically, I think that's the most different part. Yeah. But I think a horse's face is longer, so I think you could put prosthetics on a cow's face to make it look longer. Yeah. Let's use prosthetic. Also cows aren't as tasty, I guess.

Who does the makeup for Lord of the Rings? Or they did it blue. Did his own. He showed up on set like that. I want to see a scene. I want to see a scene. JPC, you are a farmer who has sold a horse. The horse died, so you had to make do and improvise and paint your cow to look like a horse.

Or not even paint. You did what it did. And Aaron, you are a suspicious buyer. That is a good horse. This is a thoroughbred. You know, I'll be there. Wait a minute. This doesn't smell like a horse, and I grew up smelling horses on purpose.

I'm glad you noticed. I just gave this horse a bath, so that's why it smells all sparkly clean. Yeah, but this is a thoroughbred horse, it's a breeding sauce, now, yeah. Vova, Obama, we hate Obama here, so you know, Ken, you and I, good people. Anyway. Wait a minute, what, is that connect? Horse speak? No, no, no, no.

Now, there's no Mr. Ed, but its name is Von.org. What a bummer of a website that is. I know, this cow is a, we're just doing, uh, This cow. He's called it a cow. That's an acronym for caution, overweight horse. Cow's belted in the H and overweight is a double.

I'm really looking for a real horse. I want to enter it into horse races. I want to ride it around. I want my children to ride it. This is Derby and Jackie Ready. This horse is a horse, as a horse can be. I want to see it run. Ornary, you horse as a horse can be. I wanna see your run. Ornery.

You wanna see it run. I wanna see it run. See spot run, see horse. Okay, horse can run. Now, it's saving all of its energy because it's a track running horse. So it's gonna kind of meander for a bit and shit itself. But it's mostly, that's like it's pre-run.

Never had that in common. Milk, milk, milk, milk. Anyway, horse has nrun. I have that in common. Milk milk milk. Anyway, horse has nipples, Faka, because you know milk me. We cut to, I want to see a scene where Aaron has bought the horse slash cow and it is now in the Kentucky Derby and I want JPC and I will be the announcers for this horse race. And there's Golden Child, around the bin up in the lead here. Of course, Grandpa Sox's second. And in that last being laughed by all the other horses,

what is that there? Better cow. What? That's Dave Coward from that is. I told that cow to a horse. There, that's a Dave Coward. Oh, man, we hate Obama. Do you want some hints?

No. This is sorry, do you want some mints? Your breath is stank. I just ate cows poop. Have you guys ever had poop? No. What are you talking about? Hey, what are you talking about?

So the Kimbo, this is true. The Kimboating Government did offer the British government some solutions. As far as I know, this is true. I don't know how this is a riddle, but it is. Was it to purchase the dead cow? No, but it was to make their deaths not in vain. Was it, so it's 96, right? And at the time, India is still British territory.

So they used the cow slaughter as an excuse to go back to war with India, because it knows that it's gonna rile them up. Yeah, okay. The Kimbertoon government. Can you give us a hand? Just hold on, they just, they just, Apropos of nothing rang up the old queen

And we're like hey, we got an idea for what you knew to make these. I'm so sorry I have to see a scene JBC you as yourself. Can we see scene where you've wrong up the queen of England? Because you've got some ideas and Adelaide you're the queen. Got you I'm a fucking leaveable bit on the whole for like 10 minutes. This is bullshit Hello, hello. Is this the queen of England? Please hold while you're connected with the fucking leaveable. Been on hold for like 10 minutes. This is bullshit. Hello! Hello, is this the Queen of England? Please hold while you're connected with the... Mother of...

Fuck, I have been through the ringer on this one. It's some good ideas, too. Oh, hi, hi! Yes, hello, is this the... Oh, hi, hi, hi! Chips a hoi! Bite, chips a hoi for your next- This is an adic!

Chips a hoi! The cookie that bites back! That can't be what they're maybe that's an England thing But it's not certainly just a thousand chips delicious is what they're queen speaking. Yes, this is the queen I would say is eyes on the line right now. We're if I were Freddie Is the queen funny? What's going on? B-O-B Is that an answer? Machine beep or B-O-B. Is that an answer to me saying B or B-O-B is that Poms of Her Baghdad?

It's a poor taste for the Queen to make a reference to an outcast song, but also it's pretty cool. It's one of their best songs. Go ahead. Yes, is this the Queen? Is what Ann Bolinset, when she was punished at the guillotine? She said go ahead. That's a little of the dose.

Boy oh boy. A little on the neck. I'm sorry. Hello. Hello. The Queen. Yes. This is John Patrick Cohen I'm calling from America JPC. Yeah, thank you. Oh, yes, that's that JPC from hey It's that JPC. Thank you. It's always nice to meet a fan. I have- I didn't say I was a fan. Great, well, I was talking to an oscillating device in my bedroom. You're talking to an oscillom? Yeah.

I was talking to an oscillom. It's a pretty kitty. What can I do for you? I just had a suggestion. Why don't you go fuck yourself? Click, click, boom is my favorite song by saliva. Would you like to listen to it? Isn't that POD?

Fuck you. Worth it! Worth it! POD? Fuck you. Worth it. Just like the crown jewels. Yes, worth it. We want a hint? Yeah, I get a hint. The Cambodian government suggested a way for Britain to get rid of the suspect cattle without risking that the cattle would eventually be eaten.

So this is the cattle are still getting slaughtered? Yes, but not in the way that would result in for market meat. So they're feeding the cows to the other cows. Excuse me? Never mind. Excuse me? Never mind.

Are you asking for a dead stop? No, I'm never, ever, ever asked for a dead stop. I'm just a dumb lady. You play a card, right? You're gonna get it. I've only been to Cambodia once. So correct me from wrong And this is not this was just my experience then this is not the kind of experience

Is it Kennedy's yes, yeah, but is this for one of those classic Cambodia a royal royal rumbles where they do it all with cows So they're just doing a roll like there's muhamadali of course, okay, and and some more in some more cow fighting names Muk Tyson Muay Thai. Nope Tyson. No, don't stop. Tyson, George Forutters. George Forutters.

George Forutters. Thank you. Thank you. What else? Many peckimoo. I want people to treat these at us. Moody back here. What's your the hashtag?

Rocky Beef Bella. Oh boy. Yeah, the the hashtag? Rocky Beef Bola. Oh boy. Yeah, you can't put the hashtag will be Rocky Beef Bola. Rocky Beef Bola. Oh no. Who has some other boxers? I really don't know a lot of boxers. Clitchco, staco.

Is that Irish guy? Oh, that's the reason I'm here, right? Irish Mickey's staco. Mickey words are bossing guy. Yeah, Mickey Ward, that's the fighter, right. Yeah, Mickey Ward. That's the fight I wish Irish guy. That's that's Connor McGregor. Yeah, I'm a Connany and the great milk milk emanate Let's get done with this first riddle fuck okay, I don't know. I'm sorry

So the cows are still being slaughtered, but this is a way that their deaths would not be in vain I will say slaughtered is a strong word. They're, they're, there is a potential for them to die, but it's not necessarily, it's cruel, the way they're gonna die, but it's not absolute, or certain. Are they being like put to work basically? Yeah.

Like work horses base or like plowing fields? How do you get horses from? Plowing fields. Not plowing fields. They, they get forces from? Plowing fields. Not plowing fields. They're still. There's a lock to death. It's very high risk in terms of like this is still cruel, but it's not outright slaughtered.

Cow is washing windows. Yeah, it's not washing windows. Did Cambodia say like what you could do is you could put all the cows on billboards and say we're chicken. And all those cows instead of dying, they're just trying to get people to each other. We will say that restaurant's name.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what it is. What would this possibly be? Here we go. The Cambodian government suggested that the cattle be sent to Cambodia and allowed to wander their fields to explode the many mines left over from their homes. Oh my God. Wow.

Oh, and most of them. Wow. That's when the cows inside us the whole time. That's a nightmare. Yeah, but also stepping on a landmine would be a nightmare. Did they, in that country song you came out with? Steping on a landmine would be a nightmare. Casey Musgraves answer my calls.

Return to my emails. Not about this, not about this. Your life is a danger. Your life is a danger Casey. I like her. Oh, she's great. I did too. I'm trying to save her life.

Yeah. Are we having fun? Yeah, of course, always. Do they end up doing that? Do Kim Boatty end up getting the cows? Do they? One of my fucking history doctor? Yes.

Yeah. Excuse me, history doctor. Thank God you're here. Please, Indian Jones. That book didn't say, well, anyway, that would be a noble death. I don't know that that's, well, I guess maybe it is more cruel, but it serves a humanitarian purpose. I don't know. Man, what a tough one. I want to see you seen. The two of you are cows. You've been tasked with exploring minefields to explode mines, but you are, you have enough awareness that you think this sucks.

Oh my god! What's up? I'm anxious. Why? Why? Yeah. Look around. Okay. It looks like it's about terrain. Yeah, but we're cows. I can't have my umbrella. We're cows. We can sense when it's gonna rain. It looks like it's about to, but it's not going to. It's gonna pass right by. I sense it. You sense it. Maybe you're feeling a little off. This day has a bad energy.

Don't you feel like today just like has like a bad energy? I don't know. I feel good. I feel like I'm like. You look good. Stop. You've never looked better. Stop.

What are you? I'm gonna start calling you filet mignon. No, no, it's. You're nothing but filet mignon. Can I be honest? calling you filet mignon. No, no, it's- You're nothing but filet mignon. Can I be honest, it's the madcattasies. No, it's not. It is wrecked my appetite. No, you look so.

No, it's the madcattasies. Hello, filet mignon. My best friend's a filet mignon. No one will ever eat me because I'm diseased. Yeah, and I've lost about 280 pounds. You look, it's not even like, oh wait, thing it's like, you just like, art. Like, you look like you. Hey, back to work. Oh, we're walking, we're walking. We're walking,'s not even like, oh wait, thing, it's like, you just like are, like, you look like you.

Hey, back to work. Oh, we're walking, we're walking around. We're walking, you're walking away from the minefield. Okay. We'll move back. We'll move back over. All right. Can I be honest with you?

Yeah, what's up? I've been playing non-stop minesweeper. I think, yes, I think I have a pretty good idea where all of the bombs are, and I've kind of flagged them in my mind. Okay. Are you gonna let me know? Are you gonna let them in my mind. Okay. Are you gonna let me know? Are you gonna let me know? What's that?

Are you gonna let me know? Are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are Um, yeah, yeah, so I just felt a drop of rain. Don't mean anything new, you know, but here we are. You know, there's no mines over there. Oh, over here. Yeah. All right, let me just Okay. So you did lie to me. I did lie to you. And I do feel bad about that. Well, in this sucks. And what's the plan now? Okay. Come over here. I have something to give you. No way would that work. See. It all worked.

I know. Almost. Here we go. It is estimated that the Earth weighs 6 6 trillion tons. How much more would the Earth weigh if 1 6 trillion tons of concrete and stone were used to build a large wall. The same. No. No.

No, because that wall is going to be on the Mexican border. And it's going to keep us safe. And our safety is worth more than a thousand pounds. Is it the same? Aaron was correct. It would weigh the same since all the materials are taken from Earth's original weight. But it did not say that. It just said if a wall was correct. It would weigh the same since all the materials are taken from Earth's original weight. But it did not say that. It just said if a wall was built,

and what if that wall was built with the moon? Okay. Yes, so. I'm checking out. But I need the moon for the tides. I need the moon to get my period. Okay, I wanna see a scene. I wanna see a scene Aaron.

You are presenting a plan to the president and your plan because Congress will not approve funds to build a wall, is to blow up the moon and use the moon rocks as a wall on the Mexican border. Can't we see a scene where she's a woman having her perioded on the moon? No. No. Ladies and gentlemen and Mr. No. No. No. No. No. Ladies and gentlemen, and Mr. President.

Hello, everybody. Some people call me crazy. Just so you know, the president could not be here. Oh. But I'm one of his idiot sons. And I'm here. Oh, the queen. In spirit.

This is an audio recording. Oh, damn it, all the hell. Yes. My speech, OK, I rehearse this. Okay, some people call me crazy. Some people call me handsome. How crazy handsome are you? Pretty crazy handsome.

Hey, if you are a rechin Asian, then you'd have a real perfecta. I'm sorry. Can I tell you something, people also call me crazy and handsome. I'm Vincent de Nafrio, specifically from Men in Black 1. Give me water. Sugar.

Sugar. In water. Speaking of that. Look up into this guy right now. OK, we're indoors. We're indoors. All right, well, let's just pretend we're outside. It's the middle of the day.

What would we see? Sun. Sky. Yeah, pretty important. We see what the sun, it helps plants grow. What happens in 12 hours? Who comes out? The moon.

The moon. What good does the moon do I? Nothing, it's the sky devil. It's the sky devil. I say we get a lasso. Hook it round the moon, Mary. Mary, I'll give you the moon, Mary. Mary.

Sorry, Mary's not paying attention. Mary, look up, Mary. Take your headphones. I'm so sorry. I'll give you the moon,. Yes. Mary. Sorry Mary's not paying attention Mary look up Mary. Take your head. I'm so sorry. I'll give you the moon Mary. Oh thank you. Mary I'll give you the moon and then I last saw the moon I'll bring it down to the earth Mary.

Bring you the moon will explode it up into a bunch of little pieces. You'll explode it on the earth. Yeah. Oh no I'll explode it in the sky. Take all the pieces. It feels like Play Do. It feels like Play Do in your hands. The moon. Mary I'll give in the sky take all the pieces Like Plato it feels like Plato in your hands the moon Mary I'll give you the moon Mary. I put all of the Plato together. We make a wall. Uh-huh. You're welcome

Wow Pretty good. Well, uh, wait a my fladorious plot Visited after you agrees and he is the secretary of the moon I'm a visit to AfroGreeze and he is the Secretary of the Moon. Mup. Then yeah, this plan sounds good to me. It will cost 1.3 bajillion dollars. Okay, bajillion dollars. That's my property value.

Plug. See that? See. Water. Water. It's like he's wearing a shirt. It's like he's wearing a egg or suit. Let's see here.

Which number is next in this series? 10, 4, 3, 11, 15. 10, 4, 3, 11, 15. Mm-hmm. I don't know. 10, 4, 3, 11, 15. Okay. 10 minus 6 is 4.

6 plus 4 is 3. 3 minus 1 is 11. 11 minus 4 is 15. 10, 4, 3, 11, 15. And a little hint. 4, 8, 15, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 15, good buddy. Okay. 10, 4, 3, 11, 15. Which number is next in this series? And I'll give you some options for the numbers. A, 14, B, 1, C, 17, D, 12.

12. Why? Explain your work. Show your work. Explain your work. I never have, and I never will do that. I'm Explain your work. Show your work. Show your work. I never have and I never will do that. I'm a bad student. What are my options again?

14, 1, 17, 12. Is it a word thing or a number thing? Word thing. Okay, that's what I thought. Which is why I asked you to write out the number. 10. 4. 3. 11, 15, 17.

Why? It goes up in numbers. Yeah. It goes up in numbers. So it tennis three letters, four is four letters, three is five letters. 11 is six letters. You got the solution right, but the answer wrong. 11 is six letters. You got the solution right, but the answer wrong. 11 is six letters.

15 is seven letters. So something is eight letters. 14, 1, 17, 12. 14, 14. Yeah. It's eight letters. 14. When spelled out, each number in the series

is longer than the previous number by one letter That was very fun that one was actually good riddle that one is actually a good riddle and it was actually hard to do and Actually, I'm having fun and actually honestly actually and love actually love honestly love honestly Love honestly. That's the movie. Oh, that's a movie. We did it. We did it. Tony Curtis. Tony Collette. Tony, Tony, Tony. Tony Shalube.

Tony Seasning. What about a movie that's just all the famous tonies? All right, who do we have? Tony Shalube. And it's Scalia. Tony Hopkins. Yeah, Tony Hopkins. God.

That's it. Yeah, just Tony Shalubeven Anthony Hopkins, I guess. And none of the ones that we mentioned previously. What's the plot? It's basically love, actually. They try and come up with a movie. Oh, nice. That's fun.

They try and pretty relatable to what's happening right now. Some of the vehicles to star the two of them. Barc Anthony. Let's do one more riddle and then we'll go to break. The tension in the, Aaron? We're being menaces. I that wasn't me Put that down Aaron put that down here. You got me in trouble That's a cement block. I just had a vision of what it would happen. Okay. I want to see front and center. I am I'm here Great. I'm here. I'm ready take off that sweaty shirt

Take off my sweatshirt. Yeah, it's too sweaty. It's too hot for this. Here's our next riddle. The tension in the poker game was building rapidly among Sam, Buck, Sid, Slip, and Ari. Suddenly Sam lunged at Shady and began pummeling him. Buck jumped up and pulled Sam off his victim. On the card table, there were five hands and each had three cards facing up. One hand contained a king, a queen, and an ace. There were two aces and a king in the next hand, and three jacks in the third.

Two queens and an ace made up the fourth hand, with two kings and an ace making up the fifth. Shady had dealt the last hand, slug a cue Shady of cheating. Why? So there's five aces on the table. Yeah. Is that the answer to the riddle that came? There were five aces face up on the table and Shady had been the last one to do. I have a question. Were they dogs? They were dogs playing poker. Famously dogs playing poker. I want to see a scene. Yes. And it's just all of us at a poker night. That's it. All right. Antie up. at a poker night. That's it. All right, auntie up.

Auntie, you're up. I am. Aunt, auntie Judy. Let me get my glasses. Hold on. Auntie Judy. Auntie, you're up. Has anyone seen my glasses?

What? They're on your face. Jeff. What? My glasses. I'm watching family guy. Okay, I'll find them on my own. What?

Uncle Jeff. What are you, what? Uncle Jeff, that's find him on my own. What? Uncle Jeff. What are you, what? Uncle Jeff, that's American dad. What do you mean? You're watching American dad. I like the alien. He says quippy things. Does anyone want another gin and tonic?

Oh yes. Not you, the poker game. What? You're playing poker. Yeah, come on down from the basement. I'm halfway through an episode of American Family. Dad. Nope.

My glass is red, Mufay. Yeah, I told you that, Mufay. Okay, let's do this. So we're playing Texas polka. Oh, I got a pee. Hold on. Okay. What are you doing in there?

I got a, I'm gonna, I'm gonna pee, honey. Are you peeing in there? I'm gonna pee, do you need anything in the past? You're gonna pee, honey? Oh, that's gonna be a while. I have to pee as well. All right, I'm gonna go, I'm almost done use toilet paper. I know I know on the door now Do you have to remind and you need to use toilet paper on the door knob? Oh, I wear I'm ready. I am here. We are playing poker. Yeah, let is and you are covered in piss am I?

Let's go. Let's get started. Okay. All right. All right. Now, I'm going to put in five dollars. No, the microwave just went off. Sorry. Don't touch it. What is it?

I'm microwaving a lizard. Okay, I'll come back in. All right, so you put five dollars in. It's my uncle JP Riddle. Sorry, I'm going to be out. Five dollars in. How much are you putting in? I don't have any money.

I'm putting $5 for you. Okay. Okay, and I'm gonna put in $800. $800. What are we? American family guy. American dad.

Where are my glasses? See, we're ready for the next break. Great. Yeah,, we ready for the next break? Great. Yeah, I'm ready for the next break. A break happened. Is this a rental break? Yeah.

Okay, no, yeah, I'll hear you out. Let's hear it. A break happened, why? Should we get here from a response? We have to have sponsors because we need, we depend on advertisers to help offset the cost of the show. Do you see nailed it? So that's why we take the breaks.

We need to offset the cost of the show. And sometimes we do take a break and there will be no ad. And when that happens, we are fucked. The cost of the show. Funnily, and eventually, yeah, we're crushed with that happens. And it could happen very well right now. We could take, de-delicently, definitely. Yeah, we're crushed, with that happens.

And it could happen very well right now. We could take a break and there could be no ad. You could come right back to it. Or thank God, God willing, there's three or four ads. Here's what we'll say. We're gonna take a break if we have a sponsor. They'll do a message. We'll come back.

Yeah, wait, what? If we don't, this is the end of the conversation. Where are my glasses? We'll see you back after this quick. Brooke. Brooke, take it or hate, break the brick. No. Hey, GPC.

Yeah. You're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm pranking Atal. And I'm setting up a website to prank him. And I just need help. I'm Prinking at all and I'm setting up a website to Okay, I just need some advice this podcast is sponsored by Squarespace I'm not I'm not mad at you. We're pranking Spaces the only one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and to see it online Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand.

Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, it gage with your audience, and so anything for products to cut into time, all in one place, all on your terms. Hey, Otto, come here, come here, come here. Hey, what's going on? I actually, I want to prank JPC, and I want to set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like is there like online store that could set up on my website to sell products. Did you know that with square space you can have custom merch. You can easily sell custom merchant create passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand design your products and production and inventory and shipping are handled for you saving you time and money. What is happening? Okay. Wait, what's going on with that all? Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing.

No, he's gonna shoot you. And I'm gonna use analytics. Use insights to grow my business and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool. I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords, our popular products and content on my Prank website, the Prank site tool. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for?

I can't remember what the website was for. The website was for. Prank. With Squarespace, you can connect to your store to Vedent Third Party tools to extend the functionality of your website. Hey JPC, hey JPC. What's up, battle? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine.

Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh, she's back. She's back. She's back. Hey, Aaron. Hey, Aaron. Can we go to grandma's house? Wait, I've been pranked. But how?

I don't know. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, Adel and JPC, thank you for meeting me in the middle of the woods here. I am sort of at an empaths. I can't decide whether or not to go this way or this way. I'm having a hard time choosing a path. You know, there never truly is a middle of the woods. Isn't it funny to think about something like that?

Like, have there never truly is a middle of the woods? No, this is the middle. Okay, this is it. Addle, can you help? Yeah, actually so as per Robert Frost I don't know if you know his poems. He has a poem called better help I believe this is written in the 1800s, but it still stands true today more than ever Aaron You should try better help. Have you heard of this? You seen this? Mm-hmm because sometimes Aaron in life were faced with tough choices and the path forward isn't

always clear. Whether you're dealing with decisions around career relationships, being stuck in the middle of the woods, therapy helps you stay connected to what you owl, owl. Sorry, that also does so fast. Therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate life and the woods. Hmm, and better help is entirely online, so it's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule.

I've been using it for several years, and it suits the way that my brain works way better than traditional therapy ever did. And when Aaron says traditional therapy, just so everyone's clear, what she means is tricking two of her friends to coming to the middle of the woods, even though there isn't truly the concept of the middle of the woods, isn though there isn't truly the concept of the middle of the woods, isn't that fun to think about? All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a license therapist, and you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge.

Hey, Aaron, GPCs putting down breadcrumbs and then immediately picking them up and eating them. Dirty breadcrumbs. And he's also like really into that owl who's swooping down. Anyways, let there be your map with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp. H-E-L-P.com slash riddle, R-I-D-D-L-E.

R-I-D-D-L-E, the middle of riddles of D, but there is no true middle of riddle because it would be the space in the middle of D-D. I but there is no true middle of riddle because it would be the space in the light of JPC. I'm home. I am home. Who are we? What is this?

I clink, clink, clink. Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, I just want to make a quick toast to, I know it's JPC's birthday and we're all so excited to talk about him, but I want to talk about my favorite, my favorite thing in the world. And that is the app Rocket Bunny. Oh, yeah, Aaron, that's one of my favorite things as well. Mm-hmm.

Rocket Bunny is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years way before they were a sponsor, and it helps me so much, especially around tax season. Clean, clean, clean, clean, clean,

uh, sorry, I also wanna give a toast. Rocket money, well quickly, and easily find your subscriptions for you, and for any you don't wanna pay for anymore, just hit cancel, and Rocket money will cancel it for you. It's that easy, clean, clean, clean. Mm-hmm. It also categorizes your expenses, for any you don't want to pay for anymore, just hit cancel and rocket money will cancel it for you. It's that easy.

Click, click, click. It also categorizes your expenses so you can easily track your budget in real time and also get alerted if anything looks off over three million. Well, clink, clink, clink. Over three million people have used rocket money saving the average person up to $720 a year. We love rock and stuff. Stop, stop, stop, no, click, click, click, stop.

Throwing your money away, cancel unwirted subscriptions today and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rockatmoney.com slash riddle. That's rockatmoney.com slash riddle. Rockatmoney.com slash riddle, and tell them JPC's birthday got ruined by two of his friends for doing speeches about rocket money the website click like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like are mini sponsors. Yes, we are. Mini Mouse. Eminem's Minis. Mini Driver. The Mooture. Mini Driver.

The Mooture. The song from Blues Brothers. Yes, thank you specifically to Mini The Mooture, the song from Blues Brothers. I had a blackout sketch where it was like somebody talking to Siri. Oh no. I can't remember what it was, but it's like, hey Siri, what's up? And then Siri would be like, up is a Pixar movie, et cetera.

My Siri just turned on. But one of them was Siri, call me a cab, and then Siri would call cab Callaway. That's funny. Surprisingly, didn't go over well. People that love that. Yeah. But you did pitch this in 1991, correct? Yeah.

I can't relate to this. All of my comedy has gone over very, very well. I've never bond, never failed. Do you remember the biggest bomb in terms of something that you wrote, what the biggest bomb that you ever wrote was? Oh, God, yeah. Okay, hold on, let me think.

I remember I did, and I think that this stuck with me because I loved the idea so much, and it just fucking fell flat in its face. But I was in the high school, second city summer program, so I think I was like 17. And I, with my buddy Rick, and we had come to Chicago to take this class and we wrote this sketch where we were two adult human men who were like New York City, like guys, but we were professional gargoyles. So we were like gargoyles on the top of a building

and we were like on top of a bank and we were like talking about the gargoyles union. And I thought it was like a very funny idea and the end of the line was after this four-minute sketch, we were like, hey, Micah, you ever wish we could wear clothes? And I thought that was funny. We did it to silence. Like, we did it in front of this class, and they were like,

so what? What are you? And Pimsy was a second grade class? It was a second grade class, which was where they're in elementary school. And I just remember being like, oh, that was not funny. We went away and we thought this was funny for like seven hours and we came back and we were like,

no, no, no, no, no one likes this. I wanna see that scene. No, boy. But the three of us are gonna do it and we're gonna try and make it, we're gonna try and improve upon it. Okay, so we're human gargoyles. We're three human gargoyles

and we're writing to make this funny. Okay. Mm. Mm. Ugh. Ugh. It gets windy up here. Yeah. And I'm from New York.

Hey! Hey! Uh, the big apple. No, I'm not talking about the atoms and my throat. Oh, it's pretty funny. Cool. Stop. Let's try over.

Okay. Yeah, that wasn't funny. Let's try more more time. Yeah, I'm getting funny. Oh, boy. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I'm a little guard boy. Can you believe it? Erin what was the worst thing you've ever written? I'm trying to think of there is one thing that Yeah, I I'm trying I'm having a hard time remembering. There's a sketch that I wrote with laurels off-pelt and that I thought was amazing And we didn't get much of a response where I was her

pretend friend and she was like a little boy and we were playing pretend and he asked me out like the little boy I put him front out and the pretend friend said no which we thought was so funny because it's like we're getting you're getting rejected by yourself. It's like a little boy practicing getting rejected and it didn't really play very well but But I was like, I love this. This is funny and sweet and should be getting more of a reaction. I think that a lot of times too, like, especially with like sketch writing,

is like you'll write your first attempt and then you'll put it up in front of someone or you'll put it up in front of a director or whatever and you'll get notes and feedback. And then you could make it better or you can just like ditch it, whatever. So some of the biggest like bombs are just things that like I put up probably once

and they just didn't go well. And I'm like, ah, fuck that forever. Like that's done. Do you ever tell you guys about waiter serving dogs, waiter serving dogs, waiter serving dogs? No. Oh my gosh, okay, so I might still do this bit for something one day.

So I almost did this for one of my SNL editions and everyone was like, don't. Don't do that. So I go, this is a waiter serving dogs. And I'm a waiter and I go up and I read the specials and they're all dog food. And then I go, this is a waiter. Now this is a waiter serving dogs.

And I walk up and I'm talking to people and all the food is dogs. I'm like, this is a Siberian Husky, Ravioli, and then the third one is I go, and this is a waiter serving dogs. I'm like, I love playing tennis, and I pick up a dog and I serve it. And no one likes it.

Yeah, I can tell you how those remind. KJ hates me. No one likes his bit. Whoever likes his bit is my soul mate. I can tell you like that. I did a second city show where the class wrote this, or a few of us in the class wrote this sketch

where it was like was like sex acts, where it's like, you know, like there's a Cleveland steamer, like there was like the word sex acts, you know what I'm talking about? Yeah. So for a while, that was like a popular joke. And we would like improvise them. So one of them was like,

oh, I gave a guy a Houdini. That's where you punch him in the stomach and he dies seven days later. So it's just like dumb stuff like that. And one of the ones I did was, I gave a guy a, I gave a guy in according to Jim, that's where you fuck a guy every Tuesday night at seven, eight PM central and the whole time

he says your brother was better. There's something like that. But it was just a bad joke. And I did it for our run at Second City and then Rob Belushi, whose gym Belushi's son, was like in the community. And so all these people afterwards would be like, because people would laugh at the joke,

but then people are like, Adel, Rob Belushi's looking for you. And I was like, what? And they're like, Rob Belushi, he's looking for you. And then weeks would go by, and then I'd be at a party, and they're like, are you Adel? And I'm like, yeah, and they're like, yeah, Rob Belushi's looking for you. And I'm like, yeah, I know like, yeah,

Rob Belushi's looking for you. And I'm like, okay. And this kept happening for like a while where people kept saying Rob Belushi's looking for me. And then I feel like I finally met him because he went to school step and with my sister. And he was just like, hey, I'm Rob, I'm like, hey, I'm Adel.

And he's like, cool. It's like, this ominous thing where I'm like, I see, is this guy gonna like, maybe it was a different Rob Belushi that was like, yeah, a different Rob Belushi. Aaron, I don't like my way in her serving dogs, Ben. Oh, it's bad.

It's really not good. There was a waiter bit that it happened in an improv rehearsal where there was a scene that was happening where two people were, doing a scene on a Ferris wheel. So they were like sitting side by side, hands out in front of them, and Max Gannett from our improv team,

he had missed like a crucial line at the very beginning where they were on a Ferris wheel. So then like two minutes into the seat, he comes on as a waiter, and he like drops off water, and he's like, can I get you a second thing? I'm so sorry. And everybody just starts dying laughing.

Because he had just missed the part where they were on a Ferris wheel. So for so long, I wanted to do a solo bit, which was a waiter on a Ferris wheel. And this is a waiter. It's his first day at work and he works with a Ferris wheel. And it's just like, it just would be like, hey, I'm Jeff.

Can you guys have water? Take out your bag. Just getting farther and farther away as people just go by. And it's like, here's the check, and just pay any time you want me. I have a bit, again, might do something with this, but people didn't like it, which it was a- This is starting into a patron of it. But it is just this woman who is interviewing a rollercoaster designer

on the rollercoaster, but she's definitely afraid of rollercoasters. So she starts so professional, like she clearly wants to get hired to be like a full-time anchor. This sounds like Steve Karel's character, the waiter who's not sated by food. Oh yeah, yeah. There's so many fun waiter bits, everyone. So many fun waiter bits. Mine wasn't to waiter at all. She was a newscaster interviewing someone on the roller coaster.

Yeah, that's a waiter. What is a newscaster except the waiter for the weather? I'll take Mancer offline.. Alright, ready for another rhythm. Here we go, here's some breadels, please. Dinner hour was becoming a traumatic time for Arnold. His tuxedo was immaculate and he had not said anything to disturb anyone. As everyone waited, Arnold used the wrong fork. Now Arnold was really off the mark.

Arnold was a penguin. This my friends is from Nathan Levi's stories with whole volume fave. So wait. And there's a story. Dinner hour was becoming a traumatic time for Arnold. His tuxedo was immaculate and he had not said anything to disturb anyone. As everyone waited, Arnold used the wrong fork. Now Arnold was really off the mark. Did he like fork someone's wife or something? Like that.

I have nipples, Arnold. Can you fork me? Can you give us a hint? Wait, what's the first line of this? Dinner hour was becoming a traumatic time for Arnold. Traumatic time, but there's nothing traumatic about this story, is that correct? Except he used the wrong fork.

So he's not eating the dinner. He's like a major D or a waiter or something. No, but using the wrong fork is key. Okay. So dinner hour was becoming a traumatic time for Arnold. His tuxedo was immaculate, and he had not said anything to disturb anyone. As everyone waited, Arnold used the wrong fork.

I know, Arnold was really off the mark. I know it, I know it. What is it? It has to do with time. Yeah, I know it. But I'm not gonna say, because I know it. I was starting to eat while everyone else is eating.

No. Yes, how good. I know. Is Arnold even there? No. Yeah, fork in the road. Yeah, fork in the road. Arnold took the wrong fork in the road,

making him even later for his formal engagement dinner. He was getting engaged Is in she love me I want to see a scene. Oh Addle you're at your engagement dinner and JPC is your would be your best man and Your fiance hasn't shown up yet in JPC is your, would be your best man and your fiance hasn't shown up yet in JPC year, like trying to either comfort or whatever you want. Guess it.

Oh boy, this is... Jeff, don't worry about it, man. Not going well. Jeff, she's not here, but I'm your best man. I'm going to step in. Is that what best men do? Yes, I'm... You're going to marry me?

I'm going to marry you. Where do we go from there? What's that? Where do we go from there? Cabo. We do the honeymoon-ass plant. We can change the plane ticket. It'll be a $200 charge. Wait, wait, wait.

Senior Frogs in Cabo. Hey, but can I do a sidebar with you over here one second? Oh, we have a sidebar? It's not open, is it? It's cash. Jeff, it's a cash sidebar. I'm gonna figure this out for you. You just hang tight.

Can we? Yeah. Just tell him you have feelings for him. What's that? Say that you love him. No, that would be inappropriate. Don't ruin this way. Do it this way. Do it this way. Do it this way. Do. No, don't ruin this way. That would be inappropriate.

Do it this way. Claire, I'm not going to do that, okay? No, don't frame it like this. Just say, I'm your best friend and I am in love with you. What am I supposed to say? Go, I am your best friend and I know that. I'm supposed to tell him that from the day we first met in the third grade that his charisma and his energy and his passion and his love and his vibrancy was something

that I felt for almost immediately. Hey Claire, can I talk to you? Yeah. Hey, sorry to pull you away. No worries. Hey, Claire, I know you're talking to my best man. Yeah. We both know his name.

Yeah, Mike. Mike. Yeah. Um, even just watching from a distant, I can tell that you're in love with him. Why don't you just tell me how feelings were. I can't. What am I supposed to say to him that? Whatever you want.

He's single. I know him since the third grade and his charisma and general handsomeness has gotten me through so many hard times. Like, what am I supposed to say? Hey, Jeff, can I talk to you for a second over here? I'm your father. I just want to step in here and say,

I don't think a third grader should be getting married. Well, dad, I guess this is where we agree to disagree. Is that, am I using that term right? I agree to disagree? Yeah, but I wouldn't, I don't love it that you called me dad. It's Rick. I got a deal on us. I just, I'm here with your mom.

Hey Rick, can I have a sidebar? Yeah, absolutely. Just tell them that you love him. I use my wife's kid, I guess I got a- Hey Donna, can I take you for a second? Can I get, let's see here. Can I get a bourbon? Can you give me like a minute?

Oh, I'm not a, I'm not a- This is a sidebar, right? See? I actually loved that scene. Yeah, pretty good. And that also placed on a Ferris wheel. Here's another stumbling, the hole in it. Guys, everybody, listeners from now on,

every single scene for the next 50 episodes is taking place on a Ferris wheel. One of my favorite things not to do in an improv scene is when someone has clearly established that they are not in a restaurant is to walk on a fairytale. One of my favorite things not to do in an improv scene is when someone is clearly established that they are not in a restaurant is to walk on as a way to drop off some videos. Fuck off. All right, let's see another.

This one is called The Sounds of Thunder. What is this a cat Stevens album? What is this? Because I'm in a garhongle song. What is this an Oklahoma City basketball game? We all just crashed it. Wow, three equals. The sounds of thunder were all around as Libby moved quickly down the alley.

She was very nervous because of the unpredictability of teenage boys. Libby kept looking back at them to make sure they did not come after her or throw anything. After reaching the end of the alley, Libby had to turn around. She bravely walked back past the boys without incident. Where'd that hall? Can you read it one more time? The sounds of thunder were all around as Libby moved quickly down the alley. She was very nervous because of the unpredictability of teenage boys.

Libby kept looking back at them to make sure they did not come after her or throw anything. After reaching the end of the alley, Libby had to turn around. She bravely walked past the boys without incident. Libby is a police car. What is that stand for? Law enforcement with an eye. Law, enforcement, bye. Big. Y'all come back? Yeah. So everybody knows where there's thunder, there's lightning.

So this has something to do with lightning. You could not be moral. Why, where the hell is the lightning? Is there? That's the hole. There is no lightning, but there are sounds of thunder as Libby quickly moved down the alley.

Okay, what else makes thunder sounds? The musical stomp. It's stomp a musical, it's just an experience. An experience, it's like a blue man group. Or sex. Or sex. We really stomp guts less than that. Oh, wait, did you kill your partner?

God, yeah man, she stomped my dick. Why? And I have sex, it sounds exactly like stomped. It sounds exactly like it. It's like trash can lids banging together. Yep. So that would tell you guys about this kid Colin in high school who thought whacking off

meant physically whacking. Like smack your penis. Is he OK now? No, he's painless Uh, smacking your penis. Is he okay now? Uh, no, he's penis got smacked to pieces. Hi, smack to pieces. So it's something that sounds like thunder. Yes. But it's not thunder.

Yes. Is it an Oklahoma City best track game? It is not. It is not. Is it a dump truck? Nope. Like what? Fireworks. Fireworks. Nope.

Something that sounds like thunder is a big wet fart. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I miss women. Mm-hmm. I miss women. Mm-hmm. But I can't go swimming because of the thunder.

But I can't go swimming because women can play. Here's the swimming with both of the good women. What's that from? For example. That's most swimming with bolegate women. What's that from? Frank Zappa. That's most fun. Uh, okay, so it's a sound that sounds like thunder, but it's not thunder. Here are the key phrases.

The sounds of thunder, Libby quickly moved down the alley. After reaching the end of the alley, she turned around and walked past the people. Is this a basketball game? Nope. She was nervous because she thought the people. Is this a basketball game? Nope. She was nervous because she thought the people were going to throw something. So the basketball is an alley, a term, and basketball.

Yeah. Dunk alley. Is that what? That's what's running up to the hoop is called Dunk alley. Drive to the hole. Yeah, drive to the hole. Throw me the rock.

Yeah. Take it to the Christie alley. Cheers. Oh, god. So alley. Cheers. Oh, god. Yeah. So Ali throws something, sounds of thunder. It's a basketball game. You have the ball part, right?

There is a ball. Mm-hmm. Football. Ali, Ali, hockey? No. Soccer? Is it a sport with an Ali bowling? Oh, there we go.

Libby is a bowling pin. Libby is a bowling pin. Libby is a bowling pin. Libby worked in a bowling alley. She had to go down the alley to get the stuck bowling ball when the frolicing teenage boys had bowled at the wrong time. They hit the pin center and got the bowling ball stuck. Libby kept looking back because she was afraid one of the young boys would bowl while she was walking

or walked on the bowling alley to fix things himself. That would suck to get hit in the legs of the bowling ball. I went bowling recently with a 13 year old and an eight year old and the 13 year old I watched who would kidnap to. They both kidnapped me. And I watched the 13 year old slowly descend into madness watching his little sister. She would just she did not want to be bowling. It was just him and I who wanted to go bowling. Just drop the bowling ball at the front of like the alley and then turn around and walk

away and not even see it. What it did and she kept getting strikes and spares and he was earnestly trying the whole time and was getting like no pins down and I saw him descend into madness. He was like, she just drops it. She's not even looking. There's no pins down. And I saw him descend into madness. He was like, he's just droppin'. She's not even look, there's no follow through. The socks. And that was a little kid. That was Aaron.

That was me. Aaron, that was just doing myself. Whispering that into that kid's ear. I went bowling recently as well. And I think I got like 100 on my first game. And in my second game, I got like 100 on my first game and in my second game I got slightly above 100 and I was like proud of myself for Doing better in the second game But we were bowling with it was with work people and it was with two like we had two lanes next to each other

And one of the lanes it was at this really shitty place One of the lanes was a lane Brian that yeah One of the lengths was a lane Bryant. Yeah, it was the point. That would be the funniest bowling alley. It's all bowling alley lanes in one of them. It was a lane Bryant. Next to a bowling alley. It's still bowl through it though.

You're on seven and lane Bryant. It's that bowling alley by our flight. Oh yeah, I love that one. It's a piece of shit. But we are on these two. I love that one. Did you hear Aaron just say I love that one? So the biggest bowling ball that they had in there was an 11 pound ball.

And it was like, what? Like we were anyway. But I also don't think those lines are regulation, but the lane that we were on was broken, so no matter what you bold, the machine registered a strike. So we were bowling and we were like, someone rolled a strike first up and then everyone else just was rolling strikes

when they were rolling nothing. And it was like every lane in there was broken. There was this poor guy with a screwdriver just trying to fix machines. It was, it was a nightmare. Yeah, we kept hitting him in the legs with bowling balls. At that bowling alley, I went bowling once with one of my improv teams in Jesse Kendall.

Anytime he got a strike, he would yell catniss every Everdeen like from the Hunger Games like the way the guy yells it and it's the funniest that I've ever seen. That's pretty good. Catness Everdeen! For the whole bowling alley to you. I do want to see a scene. Aaron and JPC you are two announcers for the NBA. Okay. So you're announcing an NBA game. You clearly have no idea what the terms are for basketball. So you keep accidentally alluding to other sports and using other sports terminology. Little Tarot, we're here and we're having a great time. Melissa, we are, we are, we are. And we are here to talk basketball. We have the orlando

basket. And you know what I love about basketball. A couple things, the sound of those sneakers squeaking. And also I love that it's on ice. Yikes, bikes and it is on ice and let's move down to the track side. Yeah. All right, number 23 takes the ball and he is just slaing it down the yard.

Yep, the yard and God damn it, I hope he gets a goal. He leans back, he slaps it around. Yes, the confidence he does a pirouette. That's a finish line, one finish line for Charlotte. Oh, you're right Carl, here we go. Oh, the other team has. Orlando has possession of the knife. Uh, and they are shibbing down the slide

The slip-in slide that's a direct transfer to number 41 Number 41 leans back at eat deposits that check. Yeah, that's a hole in one Okay, let's go to the scoreboard real quick. It is something luck. 60 one 60 love Okay, and we have a special announcement the court it looks like someone is proposing no, I'm a basketball player Say yes Say she said yes She said yes, now let's get back into the game He's when flaming the shenanigans and it's into the mouth

Addle earnestly trying to help us with a basket ball reference week Kevin love That is what the show could be called is Addle earnestly trying to help And I was just ignoring him shouting over him All right, we're gonna go into our home stretch here. This is gonna be three riddles in a row This is still part of Nathan Levi's stories with holes. This is Lenny and the bus Lenny and the bus part one part two and part three okay, and we're going to be on a short leash here, so we have to solve these pretty quick. Love it.

Lenny Heisler, what a name. Nizhny by Kudaz. Lenny Heisler was held by the police, simply for trying to catch a bus on a crowded Brooklyn street. Solve. Catch a bus. Lenny Heisler was held by the police, simply for trying to catch a bus on the crowded Brooklyn Street He was using one of those what's those things that shoots arrows bus catcher. Yeah

He was usually a little bit no like yeah like a boat or like a crossbow across boat across boat That's trying to give or a big old net. So he's trying to catch the bus Was he was my catch the bus do you mean trying to get on the bus? Um, I don't. Okay. He was in the, he's speeding in the car. Was he one of those guys who takes this little skateboard and grabs onto the back of a bus? That's fun.

Kid Riddles does that. Yeah. He was trying to catch a bus, but not, not to board the bus. He's speeding after the bus. Is this the movie speed? Mm-hmm. It is? No. No, man. Lenny was trying, Lenny was held by the police simply for trying to catch a bus on the

crowded Brooklyn street. Is catch a bus slang for something? It is. Is it really? Bus busted, no. Drug? Drug bus. You just said drug drug drugs. Is it singular? Is it slang for drug? Hey son, are you doing drug? Excuse me, you cool kids. Can I have a drug? That's how I would ask for drugs. Is ketchup bus? Is it drunk? Are you smoking a weed?

Is ketchup bus? I'm gonna take a moment. It is slang. He's not trying to catch a city bus. Lenny was trying to catch the bus with rocks that he was throwing at the bus. Oh. That was part one, my friends. Wait, here we go. Part two. Jesus. Lenny was again arrested for trying to catch a bus on a crowded Bronx street. I'm so glad that I'm not Lenny's mom.

Oh my god. Okay, so the last one was he was throwing rocks at a bus. Is this one he's trying to spray paint the bus? Nope. Lenny was again arrested for trying to catch a bus on a crowded Bronx street. Catch a bus. Was he trying to deface the bus? No. Was he defacing the bus? Yes.

The bus with Jerome Betis. That was his biggest piece. It was in Bronx, Jennifer Lopez was there. She's like a Bronx. Was he pissing on the bus? Nope. Are you pissing on a bus? Nope. Are you pissing on a bus? Are you really living in your day?

This has to do with what he is saying. So he got arrested for verbal content. Oh. He's trying to catch a bus. Lenny was again arrested for trying to catch a bus on a crowded Bronx street. F you bus. Close.

Was he cursing at the bus? As Lenny was running to the bus, he kept yelling, hold up, hold up. Like bus he kept yelling hold up hold up Like this is a hold up what Lenny and the bus part three You're a little bitch bus. You can't get arrested for say hold up. Yeah, which which is the most jarline from the magical bus I love you when Miss frizzle goes your little bitch bus. Yes, and the bus you do is I say the bus cries And it blows cry How's everyone feel about me playing a live action Miss Frizzle here? We're gonna see a scene

Aaron you are Miss Frizzle JPC and I are your Students and we are in a bus going somewhere. Okay kids. I know where you stuck Who are you yelling? Hey kids, I know where you used to grow. Where are you yelling? Easy adventure. Why are you yelling? Am I? What do you mean we're used to?

This is the first day of a new semester. We're going to miss Christmas because you're hair. That's rude and you've heard my feelings, all right? Kids, let's get this show on the road or this bus on the road. But I don't mean a road. We're going somewhere very interesting. Today, we're going to a butt. Should we assign a permission to fly

for something or something from our parents to go on a field trip? Yeah, we're gonna make the bus real, we'll small. We're gonna fly up someone's butt, we're gonna learn about butts. Are you a teacher or a bus driver? I am, I have to go to a lizard friend and we are. Hey, baby.

I know, I didn't say he was nice, but I have this lizard friend that I teach about science. That's a brown rickshaw spider. That spider legit looks like a bad cow disease. I am Miss Frizzle. This classroom is full of Cambodian landmots. Don't move. Oh, she's got a gun.

Oh my gosh, she has a gun. Hold up. Hold up. This classroom. See. I'm serious about playing Miss Rizzle in live action. Somebody ride it. I feel like, are they doing it with Kate McKinnon?

Oh, she's better. Or was she in the meeting? Oh, maybe she's the one that animated. I want to play live action. Leninga Bus Part Three. Leninga was arrested this time for trying to help his friend catch the bus. He's trying to help his friend catch the bus.

He's speeding after it with a car. He's driving. He's trying to help his friend catch the bus. He's speeding after it with a car. He's driving for speeding. He's driving for speeding. What I'll say is as clever as the first two were, this one is just fucking blunt force. Blot force clever. Okay, Lenny is trying to catch the bus. This is not even a fun thing. He's trying to help trying to catch the bus. This is not even a fun thing.

He's trying to help his friend catch the bus. And was arrested. He's pushing this friend into the bus? Lenny helped his friend catch the bus by grabbing the bus driver and not letting the bus driver do anything until his friend caught up with the bus. What is his parabola?

I don't know. I feel like, I'm gonna see you seeing that the love I was kicked off a bus. JPC, you are the titular, Lenny. It's okay. Aaron, you are Lenny's parole officer. He's been arrested three times. You are giving him a stern talking to you

so you don't have to see his face again. I know, I know, and I'm so sorry. Take a seat. Okay, that's fair Why why I've been thinking about that I've been trying to answer that question as well so I'm going to throw this out there. This is just a complete, you know hair at my ass while the idea Do you think it could have anything to do with the fact that my father who abandoned me as a bus driver?

could have anything to do with the fact that my father who abandoned me as a bus driver. And every time I see a bus driver, I fucking go red and I just start pummeling them or verbally abusing them or costing them with or rocks at them. I don't know, man. I think you're just obsessed with seeing me. I think this is about me. Why? Because ever since the third grade, when we were on the playground together and I was taken by your...

As long as you're with us, we see a tiny bus, magic business. Ooh, miss Frizle! Fun. See that? Doesn't it feel like me even leave it? It was like, honey, I got three amazing bus riddles.

Which one do I use? Which one's all three. Oh, why can't you use all three honey? You're the best in the bed and in this situation. He's talking to a frozen pizza He calls his wife here's something in the back of the book I found Nathan Levi is the author of more than 40 books which have sold almost 250,000 copies to teachers and parents in the u.s. Europe Asia South America Australia and Africa his unique stories with holes here is continues to be proclaimed the most popular activity used in regular classrooms by hundreds of educators well okay an extremely popular dynamic speaker on thinking

writing and differentiation see the fact that it says he's an extremely popular speaker makes me think he wrote this. Yeah. I also... Well, why wouldn't he... He's my number one dream guest for the show. As a former school principal, company president, parents of four daughters, and management trainer, Nathan's ability to transfer knowledge and strategies to audiences through humorous, thought-provoking stories, assures that participants leave with a plethora of new ways to approach their future endeavors.

My new goal is to date everyone of his four dollars. Break all their hearts in order. I'm going to break all their hearts in order of their heart size. Suggested stories will not be returned to you and will be acknowledged only if selected. So you can send him stories. Oh nice. And there's an address. So we should write to this address.

Oh, there's also websites, storeswithholds.com. Yeah, we've been there. We should hire him to come in and give us a speech. I would pay money to have him here. But nobody, we have to delete our back catalog. And nobody has to let everybody be very quiet. So as we in this episode, I have one final riddle for in celebration of our year anniversary.

Oh, yeah, one year. Yeah, one year. And if you want to celebrate with us, email us. Champagne. Okay. Oh yeah one year. Yeah one year. And if you want to celebrate with us, email us. Champagne. Congratulations. We will have a champagne. Use the subject's champagne in the subject line. Your champagne, my ass. Your champagne champagne, 16th of my name. There you go. Patient content. Here's our final riddle to send us to the plugs. When you do not know what I am, then I am something. But when you do know what I am, then I am nothing.

What am I? When you do not know what I am, then I am something. But when you know what I am, then I am nothing. It's like a secret. Very close. A whisper. A riddle. A colder. A riddle. It's a riddle. It's a riddle.

The answer to that riddle is a riddle. The answer to this riddle is a riddle. Wow. And that kind of fun. That's like a snake eating its own horse. Pleasource. Yeah. Give me back my son. Or a borough. Aaron, do you have anything to plug? Just follow me Aaron. Keep 10 on Instagram to get information about my shows and my web series. That's coming out. Ooh, what's the name of the lip series? I think it's gonna be called Welcome Back. Get back to us when you know the hook.

Welcome, man, welcome, man, welcome, man. JPC, anything to plug? You know, just follow me on Twitter at JP. So, fly, follow me on Instagram at Shark Barkman. Maybe you'll see some pictures to get you who knows. Yeah. You can follow me on Twitter at Addles of Fly. You can also check out our Patreon. Get it before it's called. spaghetti who knows. Yeah, you can follow me on Twitter at AdAlsoFly.

You can also check out our Patreon. Get it before it's good. Go to patreon.com slash HeyRiddleRiddle. We have a $5 tier for that. You can show people that you did kill someone if you put that tier on your face. And also you get new episodes of brand new content every Friday. Every week, full length episodes.

And access to our D&D for episode arc. And we also have our have our live shows. All of our live shows. Yeah. So you're gonna want to check that out. Also I want to do a quick plug. I was like the plug podcast I have been on. I was on one recently, somewhat recently. This is called One Question with a Legra Frank. It's a very short episode of a podcast but it was done for PodCon and Seattle. I was also on a podcast called Brand Standing, where I played a fun game, and you can listen to my episode by checking the amount as well.

Also, I do want to mention, and last thing, is if you enjoyed TJ Jagadowski, who was guest host on one of our episodes, and Rush Howell, who DMed our... D&D episodes for the Patreon. You're going to want to check out their podcast called Here's the Situation. So go to wherever you get podcasts, download Here's the situation.

It's a fantastic podcast. It's thoughtful. It's funny. It's interesting. So check that out. Mm-hmm. And Aaron, I've got a little situation for you. You're stuck on a planet and there's no way to get home. The only thing that you can eat is cheese and that cheese tastes a lot like...

Jupiter! Well that was the moon. Goodbye. Bye forever. Sorry, Erin Geven. And John Patrick Cullen. Papers, Nights, or busy editing. I've already heard it in the music video. Vocal created by Emily Cardamus and Emily DeBoris. We're gonna rip the money to be your hate-risk-a-break-jummit.

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