Hey Riddle Riddle - #55: Just Plain Comedy!

Episode Date: August 7, 2019

After 55 episodes we finally decide to lock in some nicknames for each other! We get a new round of jokes for kids, hear the worst High School assembly ever, talk shoplifting and bring in our favorite Cookie Man, Sandy Weisz, for a brand new Sandbox! #WiddleWednesday Send us emails at [e-mail]:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifGuest Starring:Sandy Weisz at mysteryleague.comEditing by: KJ SnyderTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a head gum podcast. Hey, what's up, Saddle? That was my favorite one you've ever done. I love it. That was so funny. Really? Yeah. That was good. So when I love it. That was so funny. Really? Yeah. That was great. So when I don't try, I'm funny.

Yeah. And I'm Erin Kate. Whoa. That's my favorite response you've ever had. Yeah. DBC, what do you got? Boy, a boy. I'm JPC and that stands for just polite comedian.

Did I tell you? No. I don't think I told you this in person. I told a lot of my friends. Wait, what? I talked. You told this, but not in person? I don't think I've told you that.

So she says she hasn't told us, but she's told a lot of her friends. That sucks to hear. I think I said this. You're dolls? Yeah, my dolls. Are we not your friends? We were at, we'll lead Mentor's birthday party

and you left and then I think I know, but then you left and then I think I told the room this. That my was talking in the phone with my father my dad my dad his name is Richard he's a plug he's a picture he's the best he works at his job and he's nice he's the nicest man I've ever known any name is Richard he works at his job and he's nice so nice Richard Keith is filming for the live studio audience. Anyway. Is he like the anti-mitch? Yeah, I call him the anti-mitch. He's truly heaven as a person.

Anyways, he, I was on the phone with him and he was asking about the podcast and he goes, you know, it took me so long to try to remember what three letters JPC's name was. I kept mixing it up and your mother kept getting so frustrated at me being like, it's JPC, it's JPC. And I didn't want your mom to yell at me anymore So I was like I'm gonna use words to remember what it is He just is like now I remember and he wasn't trying to make me laugh You know I remember it as just plain comedy Just plain comedy I'm gonna send him a text to show you that that's just plain. He's calling you vanilla. Yeah, no friend

Hey, but I, plain comedy. Oh, what's the deal with their play, dude? Eric, you have to be honest with me. Yeah. Scouts on her. Yeah. Promise me, you have to sort of me. I swear.

You'll be honest. Yeah. Did your dad think his initials were JFK? Probably, yeah. He just was like, I- John, you always do this. He's like, I keep mixing it up, and I was like, just plain comedy. J.B.C. can I answer something?

I left for 11 minutes. Within the past few months, I've taken to call on you, J.P.S. Do you like that? Yeah, but people have been calling me J.P.S. my whole life. Really? Yeah. Your whole life, even before you change your name? Yeah.

Because... Because J.P.S. are jokes. Yeah, J.P.S. are jokes. And also, my older brother, whose name is Jesse Brown, people call him J.B.S. Mm-hmm. Because he's Anna of Green Jables. I actually have no fucking idea what that's about.

I usually, anyone that I can do this with, I usually tend to like add, so like my best friend is Rob White, but I'll call him Bobby or a little Bobby White, or like Pat Arles is a friend of mine, so I call him Patty. Little Patty, little Patty White. But I try, like if I become close enough with someone,

I feel like I just put a spin on their name. Just give them a spin. So I was like, I'll start calling JPC JAPES, and that'll be fun. And then I feel like, Ooh, this little girl in the corner does have a nickname. But here's the thing, it's like, Brett Lyons is a good friend of mine,

but I don't know what to do with his name. Like, Bretti sounds weird, right? So like with Aaron Keef, like, what's up? Here, let me, here, give me a scale of 1 to 5 Mm-hmm, and we're gonna sus this out right out of the rapid fire. I'll try to send that on you. Okay great EKG Four out of 5. Yeah, pretty good. Keefe 5 Kee-e pause one. Okay, one's case Three cat ass five

Okay, one case. Three. Cat ass. Five. Eek. Five. Eek the cat. One. The cat butt.

And keyfee. Two. Eek the cat ass. One. Keeper. Yeah, four. Okay. Five.

Five. Six. Whoa. Eleven. Stranger things. So, Keefy. What would you like, Keefy? I like Keefy. 5 6 Stranger things so key fee. What would you like key fee? I like key fee I like my dad used to call me Aaron Baron and then sometimes before I'd enter a room He'd go now presenting Countess Vaughn Aaron Baron and I'd come in and be like really you say that Robert Keith was Slice of goddamn heaven Richard Keith. What did I say? What did I know who Robert Keith is when he sounds like?

Can he be someone really? Yeah, sure so Richard Keith you said was a goddamn slice of heaven Mm-hmm, and now I understand why yeah, cuz that's adorable true heaven. So Aaron Baron true Keating Keating Keating Keating what's a fun nickname for me? Doll Bobbie little Bobby White a little Bobby Dolph. Let let's call a little Bobby white from now on Addy Betty. Ooh Addy baddy Addy baddy my college roommate used to call me Addy pants. Can I call you Addy? Yeah, Admin? Can I call you Miss?

Can I call you chun? Rift Rift Rift 5 street Street rant Riffraft, Riffraft. Street that. Street, Riff, Riff, Riff. Stab, Strat. Strat. I know. Thank you, brother. Horny. What did you say? This guy's got to eat a kid.

You got to fuck a kid. You said that one, I was a. That's what JPC said one. I'm gonna fuck a kid, gotta eat his ass. It was a different time. Yeah. Six months ago. Six months ago.

I've grown a lot. So let's redo the intro. Hey, what's up? This is RiffRaff. Jace. And Keepee. Eek the cat. And Sharky the dog.

Oh, and people checked out. And this is a podcast about riddles. And I've got great news for you. Oh my God, what's the news in my pregnant? Aaron, I've got great news for you. I've been keeping track of your urination schedule and by- As always.

As always, as I promise to do, and Adela, I have also been keeping track of your urination schedule. I've been keeping track of Adela for you. Jokes on you, I don't pee. Five months ago. I have not seen a pee yet. I poop out my piss. I've heard a bunch of pee's, but I haven't seen one.

Sorry, not sorry. But Aaron, you're pregnant. Oh, with what? A human baby? Oh, damn, okay. It is a turd. No, not so much. But Aaron, you're pregnant. Oh, with what? A human baby? Oh, damn, okay. It is a turd. No, the good news for both of you is that there are, I've prepared some reddles for this episode and I'm going to act as a sovereign dish here.

Yes, oven mitsana, covered dish. He's lifting up the lid. It's Arby's. That's a dead cat. No, that's a dead cat. Who's eating Arby's? It died from Arby's. Yeah. I'm dying arbees. But yes, I've prepared some reddles

I'll be playing the part of old man puzzles. Can I say something more quick? I saw a tweet recently. It basically said, was there a lot of likes? Arbees stands for roast beef. It's the letter R, the letter B. I've known that my whole life. This tweet got like 500,000 fucking likes.

Are we just tweeting facts now and people give us love? Yeah. That's kind of, that's awesome kind of have Twitter works. Yeah. I'll see a tweet where it's like an actual funny observation or something and it'll have like 32 likes. And then someone will be like, dogs is crazy.

I'll have like a million reaching. Let me see your phone. Yeah, so you're just looking at your own tweets. Yeah, I'm saying I'm underappreciated. Yeah, I'm going to go to your feed. That's where you're selling the popular stancho. Arby's used to have those big signs that was a hat and it said Arby's roast beef sandwich is delicious.

Do you remember those? Some LA still has one of those giant Arby's with a hat on sunset right right by the Earroll Studios. Nice. Well, it's not the fucking network that we're talking about. We listen to Headgum Podcast only. Headgum also has a very impressive sign right next to theirs, Studio, and it's like a gas station, maybe.

But if you need gas, it's not a place to go. I did love the Headgum Studios. Yeah, it's very cool. It's any shoe box and a child's bedroom. Yeah, shoe box. My dream almost died from it's a shoe box. My grandma's side for meeting Jack in a box. Is that fun?

What was she eating? Jack in a box. What did she order the two-toned? Oh, sorry, she ate a jacket in a box. Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah, that'll kill her grandma. She ate her, she ate her, she ate her shirt in a coffee. Oh, yeah, that'll kill her grandma.

Oh, new catchphrase for me? Yeah. Blue color coffee to her, that'll kill her grandma. I'm ready. Oh, okay, well, Aaron me? Yeah. Blue color comedy tour. That's a Kila Grandma. That's a Kila Grandma. I'm ready. Oh, okay, well Aaron's ready. That means what's time to begin. Wait, who's ready?

Aaron. Who? Eeks a cat. Thank you. Oh no, the wrong one, sticky. That's what my grandma said. That's what your mom said last night. What?

You saw my mom last night? Yeah. Fuck. She says hi. Great. Okay, so this is a riddle? Are you doing your Obama impression? This is a drug strike.

Drone strike. How do you stop an astronaut baby from crying? How do you stop an astronaut baby from crying? Give him some space. Is this a riddle for kid? Oh, Sharon. That's like fibrillator, right? Yeah, kid.

Is this a riddle for kids? Tell him he's a star. This is a joke for kids. How do you stop an astronaut baby from crying? An astronaut's baby from crying. Tell me the star. Tell him he's a star. Take off his helmet.

What the fuck? I killed it too. So dark. I killed it. Yeah, let's chill. Tell him that he holds a lot of gravity in your life. Oh, if the baby is a girl, you challenge her. Nice explosion.

How do you stop an astronauts baby from crying? An astronaut's baby. An astronaut's baby. So not an astronaut baby. No, it's an astronaut's baby. Adorable. Oh, is this like milky way, like breast milk, milky way, or like big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big,

big, big, big, and breast milk, milky way. Has somebody helped me? Oh yeah. Jim Carrey's been in his phrase from the mask. Hold on, I wanna see you milk you way has somebody help me. Oh, Jim Caries, hold on, sprays from the mask. Hold on, I want to see a scene. Somebody help me. I want to see a scene at Adel Aaron and I are going to be executives at Milky Way. Okay.

And you're an outside admin who's pitching, trying to pitch us on a new Milky Way flavor called breast milk you way. Okay, so just hear me out. This is called breast milk you way. Okay, usually pitches don't start with just hear me out. That's a red flag for us. Yeah. Are you sure the name of this is red flag means go? Red flag is Australian for beer.

Oh, it's like their red bowl, it's red flag. You said the candy's called breast milk-y-way. Yeah, am I hearing that right? Breast milk-y-way, it's a milk-y-way made from breast milk. And the slogan would be simply the breast. Or the slogan could also be tits. What? Yummy, yummy tits.

What ingredient would the breast milk be replacing? The milk instead of milk chocolate is breast milk chocolate. Can I ask you, am I crazy? Are you the people who made fuck putting, put your limp dick in it? Yeah, of course we made fuck putting it. So you made fuck putting it? But I'm bonkers for candy companies.

We're a Mars candy company, so we make a lot of different products. And fuck putting is for a specific market. Oh. Milky Way is an established brand. This is Mars candy company? Yes it is. I'm looking for Jupiter candy company. Oh, that's down the hall.

And that's the end of this meeting. Jupiter. Oh, but we accidentally ended the episode. I don't know. What are we doing now? Well, no, we just, no, it's just dead air. Let's all just be quiet for 50 more minutes. But while we're quiet, quiet, does anyone have an, while we're crying, does anyone have

an answer to this riddle? How do you stop a baby astronaut? No. Astronauts baby. How do you stop an astronaut's baby from crying? You don't tell it anything. Okay. You show it to something.

You, you, you, uh, toss that show it to something. You, you, you, topstown a black hole. What is your mother astronaut things? You, ice cream. How does National get to space? Rocket ship. You,

rocket. You rocket to sleep. Practice. Woo! How does National get to space for a rocket? 10 thousand hours. 10 thousand hours. And then turn left.

Yes, you rocket. And all of those puns that you came up with were very good. Oh, I get by, baby. Here's an old classic and old standby. Why was six afraid of seven? Seven eight nine. Because seventy bass.

Seven eight that ass. Seven sixty nine, six in front of nine, and that was traumatizing. What is it? I remember being a kid and being so mad that no one would tell me what 69, why 69 was funny. What do you mean? No one, everyone was like 69 is a sexy number and I know one would tell me why. How old were you at this time? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, why is 69 a sexy number?

It's, I don't know, what's going was like well into my teenage years. Because it looks like to whisper. Yeah, sure. Yes, we have kids listening to this. Let's just say it's because it looks like two sperm and let's leave it at that. Oh, we do have a lot of high schoolers who listen to us. On our Instagram, we asked what everyone's deal was and like who they are lots of high school students listen That's good. I didn't know yeah, well we are played in most high school science classes as official curriculum

Oh, that's so sad. Yeah, I want to see a Scene it's all three of us we have been hired to go to a high school and Give a you know like when you're high school You know you're in high school and they have you go into the auditorium and there a, you know, like when you're in high school, you're gonna be able to, you know when you're in high school and they have, you go into the auditorium and there's someone who tells you like not to do drugs or whatever that is. Yeah, it's a janitor who did two of the drugs.

We're that, we're hired for that, but we're getting people to listen to HeyRiddleRiddle. Cool. Hey kids. Da, da, da, da. My name's RiffRaff. That's a fun thing, right? And everybody calls me James because I love potato chips.

Eek the cat, that's me. And we're here to tell you about our podcast. Does anybody here listen to a podcast? Boo! That's what you should be saying because podcast suck, except if they're cool. I'm seeing a lot of middle fingers. Yeah. What are some of the podcasts you listen to?

This American light. Hello from the magic tavern. Okay. What are some of the podcasts you listen to? Mm-hmm. This American light. Hello from the Magic Tavern. Okay. But not the Badger Parts. Oh, wow, that hurts. Has anybody listened to WTF? With Mark Marin? Mm-hmm.

No. Okay, okay. Well, our podcast is like that, but different. Yeah. In terms of we pose riddles to each other. You made it weird. Okay, another great one. By saying what?

Comedy Bang Bang! So great, so good examples of what successful podcasts look like. So take what they do, strip out all the heart or comedy, and then insert a overwrought premise, and three people who hate each other. Does that sound like fun kids? No! No! Cool, well, um, let's try let's try and cater to what you want

So let's spit all some ideas in terms of what do you want from a podcast? What do you what things do you watch? porn I'm a crime. Okay, so what about what about some porn crime? True porn true porn what is that a thing? That's the only porn I want true porn. Yeah, amateur. Yeah, amateur porn Amateur mils porn. How about an ASMR podcast of two amateurs fucking while committing crimes? Are you allowed to save this at our high school? I don't think so. I'm getting a red light in the back That's a sniper. Oh red flag Yeah, we'd be great at schools speaking of of schools, what is a witch's favorite subject in school?

Chemistry. Peru. Humbro. Humbro. What school did you go to? Chemistry was a good guess. Oh, Peru. I know our favorite song is Cauldron, maybe.

Think grade school or elementary school, not high school. Wart. Wartmatik. This is a subject that I think a lot of people had, but it goes away like post before middle school. Wart, a Wartmatik. This is a subject that I think a lot of people had, but it goes away like post before middle school. Oh, it's like sad. Nope, nope. Hex head. Hex said, that's good. Wow. That's really good. Hex head. Science. Yeah, science goes away. Can you talk about geography? Think about something that's really hard to do when you're a little kid, but it's against the dark people just stop giving a shit about because

You got computers and taxes. Yeah handwriting is close. A calligraphy. No catlegraphy. Think it I mean you're on that with words writing English English bat English what is it which is favorite subject in school? Who which is curse curse? What is it? Witches favorite subject in school. Who? Witches, curse, curse. Curum cauldron. What a witchy curse, auger. They don't curse, they cast spells. Spelling, spelling.

Spelling, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, I'm gonna say a scene. Okay. You are two witches. And you're like, you're two witch moms and you're complaining that like the curriculum at your kids public schools isn't up to par.

Okay. Oh my God. What, what is it, Glenda, what? Well, so Ted came home today, Teddy came home today, and he was telling me about what they are doing in school. Oh, yeah. Or what the night's started.

Yeah. So spelling class today. Yeah. They were casting disarming spells. Were you, to have somebody lose their arms? Yeah, that's too far. Yeah, it's too far. Can I tell you what my Bridget is doing? No.

She's in a public school? Oh, oh, I'm so sorry. It's okay. You know how we can cast spells for money. What? You can create gold. Spells for money, is that like gold for cash or cars for yeah? Let me pop on a quick commercial Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do Well pick up your money, guess to spooch. Otherwise you can go to hell. Money spells for money. Spills for money.

Dot. Wait. It's dot com. Brr. Yeah. Did they write money with money? I'm so sorry. I don't know why we watched that.

See. Are you a witch who needs money or a wizard who needs money? Oh, keepy, keepy keepy keepy. I've never said I was good at improv. We're talking or being. In fact, you have said you're bad at it and that you don't do it well. I was emailed recently from IO that was like.

Where's Flex, but okay. This is so, it's funny that they contacted me, but they're like, would Aaron Keefe wanna do a gig? And I'm like, I think so. And they're like, it's musical improv. And I was like, no. Yay!

Thank you. But they go, really? And I go, she can sing, but she can't. Right. She can't rhyme on the spot. No, I can't. When does a joke become a dad joke when it's me, Adel? That's true.

I will do that if they pay me a ton of money. Oh, we're up still on this. Sorry. Yeah, that's what people want. They're like, oh yeah, we'll have someone to do your musical improv show. Well, she's really bad, so she'll only do it if she gets a ton of money.

I'm okay as long as the song is an arriving song. Mm-hmm. So, not a song. No, other people do the rhymes. Wait, what? You just set up all the rhymes? That's the best. That's what if I ever go on a off-book,

I'm gonna go listen. Listen, here's what I'll say. I've been on a off-book twice, and you do not have to be able to sing a rhyme to be on a off-book. That's, yeah. What's the problem here? Every time I'm on a off on off book it's me being like Hey, who has cheese? Thank you, please

It's like a fifth grader giving a book report with an off book. They're amazing. I get I'm bad They're amazing. You're Sound like they're fucking off Fighting Jesus I get off book song stuck in my head more than regular songs I'm not fighting Jesus. I get off-book songs stuck in my head more than regular songs. Bragg? Those two crazy kids, right there. Those crazy kids?

They write the catchy or not right. They make up the catchy songs that are. Listen to our episode with Zach and Jess. Yeah, and I think those two crazy kids say they just might make it. Can I also say the respected relationships. Also listen to our episode with Zach and Mary. Mm-hmm. And listen to the movie Zach and Mary make a portal.

Yeah. Oh right, when does a joke become a dad joke? When a dad tells it. No. What kind? No, not really though. Hi joke, I'm dad. That'll refine.

That'll refine. Nope. When does a joke become a dad joke? Oh, when it's, when it's golfing. Closer. When it gets another joke pregnant. When there's a pregnant pause.

Is that it? No, no. When it has a kid. Pause is spelled PA apostropheus. When it has a kid. When there's a pregnant pause. Is that it? No, no. But pause is spelled P-A-Posperius. When it has a kid. When it's just kidding. When it has, but it's just kidding is close. Ooh. Has a kid is, you're on the right track.

Um. Something a kid. Not a kid. Something something single bed. A laugh, a joke. What's a kid and a. Huh. Adult.

A kid and a. What's, if you're an adult and you have a kid, your relationship with that kid is, okay? It's a parent, you're kidding. Yeah, when the punch line is a parent. It's a parent. It's a parent. Pretty good, actually.

All right. And the last one of these, how do you make a lemon drop? Drop, you let go. Let go. Let go. It's let it fall. Oh, okay The sweet summer air isn't it nice. I do want to see a scene. Oh, okay Aaron you are

noted physicists best friend You are Susie Newton, okay best Best friend, also sister? Yeah, sister's gonna be best friends. So you are Isaac Newton's sister. Isaac and force have that apple fallen his head. He discovered gravity. We'll put a name to it.

And you are Susie Newton. You're sitting under a lemon tree and we see what happens. Isaac makes me so great. He's got a head injury and now he's getting all this money from Simon. I'm Susie Newton and everybody underestimates me and I'm gonna have something happen to me. I get it. Now, a lemon just fell in my knee. Guess I'll eat it? No, no one's ever eaten a lemon before. Susie, it's me. Your inner voice. Okay.

Let's wish you were a lady, but okay. Go ahead. No, no. Well, I can go away. No, no, no, no, okay. I can put on a lady voice, but it's not going to be good. Don't do that. Just stay.

What's up? I'm your inner reasoning. Okay. What's just happening, you could be useful for future mankind. A woman kind. People. Okay, well, should I eat eat this lemon? I mean no one's ever eaten a lemon before No, no, no, when life hands you lemons, hmm, okay When life hands you lemons, you can come up with a phrase to finish that when life hand you lemons throw the lemons at your enemies Good good first rough draft when When life hands you lemons.

Here, let me start. Cut it up and put it on a fish. Um, yeah, if you're Mediterranean, um, here, let me, um, give you a little nudge. Okay. When life doesn't ask you to the prom, you promenade. Okay. Suzy, Suzy, wake up. Ugh.

Okay, I'm so sorry, my name is Dr. Stephens. Wait, can you say that line again? Suzy, Suzy, wake up. Okay, I'm so sorry, my name is Dr. Stevens. Wait, can you say that line again? Suzy, Suzy, wake up. Wake up, wake up a little, we're seeking a wake up. Can I have that? Yeah, it's all yours. Okay, peace out.

My name is Dr. Stevens. You're in the hospital. You've been in a coma for a while. Wait, wait, can you say that again? What was your name? Dr. Stevens. And you're a cat? Yeah, I can be. Cat Stevens, can I have that? Yeah, sure. It's your name? Dr. Stevens. And you're a cat. Yeah, I can't be.

Cat Stevens. Can I have that? Sure. It's all yours. God bless you, you said Fizzle on. Susie, you're in the hospital. You've been in a coma for the last nine months. You ate a lemon. But I was just 15 for a moment. What was she in? A coma. A coma. And what was your line? I'm 15 nothing That good. Can I have girlfriend in a coma? No, that's my good. I am keeping that. I'm keeping that You said his love You've been in a coma for the last nine months your brother Isaac has won the Medal of Science you ate a lemon. I know one has ever done that before and you went into a coma for nine months

What? Yes, maybe I should have just eaten the outside and knocked the outside. Eating the outside of the limit. No, that's something. Now, don't eat the outside, just eat the inside. Dr. Dr. Wakeup, wake up. Huh? You were full of sleep. You were hitting the head by a watermelon

from you slept under the watermelon tree. I slept at the Gallagher show. I see. Hee-hee. Hee-hee. Okay, I will say in advance, this is our worst episode. No, we've done worse. I will say in advance that you two will hate these riddles because I hate them.

And they're a bad band. And they're a bad band. They did the lemon tour. This one is called the empty wrapper. A woman was about 57. Yeah, and he's got no friends, and he feels no love. And Kenny shop, look, you look a lollipop. A woman was at the checkout lane of a supermarket.

She removed several items from her cart and put them on the conveyor belt that led to the cashier. The cashier noted their prices and passed the items along to be bagged. A perfectly ordinary process. But one of the items entered and passed along was an empty wrapper.

The cashier realized that the Raptor was empty. The Raptor? The Raptor. Around. Clevver girl. The cashier realized that the wrapper was empty, but charged for it anyway. Why?

Because she ate it while walking around the store. Hmm. Wouldn't that be convenient at all? She had chocolate spoon on her mouth. Chocolate smeared off on her mouth. Aaron was like to wait for a guest. That was my guest. Okay, you guessed what?

Abel guest? Today I'll tell you the story of, I was really young and me and my friend were in charge of babysitting her younger brother. And all the only instruction her mom gave before we left the house was like, don't let him eat Oreos. He's addicted, don't let him eat him. And we're like, we got it. And then we just fully didn't pay attention to him. And like five minutes before the mom got home, he walked into a room and was like, hey guys, he was breathing Oreos. It was like on his eyes,

at his face, in his nose, it was like, there's nothing more obvious in the world than this kid had eaten like eleven sleeves of Oreos. Why keep them in the house? I don't know and we were like Matthew you ate Oreos and he tried to die in the hill that he had it. Just covered in chocolate going I didn't I who how do you know I didn't eat Oreos and it's one of the funniest things I've ever seen. That sounds like something that I would do as an adult. Okay, so you both...

There were place Oreos with Cocaine. Yeah, my, the empty rapper. She had her two-year-old son with her. When their son got hungry, she got permission from a stored manager to buy a sandwich at the Delicatessen counter, give it to her son, and pay for it later at the checkout counter with the rest of her merchandise. Fascinating.

Which is just an insane thing to get permission from the store manager, like it's fucking school. Let me ask you. I'll have to use the bathroom. We have to ask them, can I? Can I pee pee in the pagan aisle pass? Have you ever gone to a grocery store and eaten something while walking around the grocery store?

I've opened a drink and that was like maybe one time. I've never opened like a water and then paid for it. I've never stolen anything. I've never opened anything before I'm checked out, paid for it. Like I'm very Midwestern in my brain, where I'm just like terrified of any sort of consequence. Well, you know what I have done that? And Whole Foods, when I'm waiting in line

and I like got a bag of chips or like a thing of fruit, I'll open it and I'll be eating it. Unless it's a free sample, I've never eaten it. And I know people who like will eat like grab an olive from the like salad bar or something, and they're like grab one, I'm like, I can't do that. You know these people? These criminals?

Sure. And people just grab cookies at Whole Foods, I'm like, I can't do that. You know these people? These criminals? And people just grab cookies at Whole Foods. I'm like, I would never do that. You must pay. JPC, you famously never paid for Chapstick. No, I don't pay for Chapstick. And I've definitely, there used to be the, Marsher, a Kroger that I grew up with when you, say Marsh.

Marsh was a grocery store chain in Indianapolis. They don't exist anymore. But it was like Marsh and Joao Malia's were two grocery store chains that I don't think exist anymore. But there was a marsh that you would go to and as soon as you walked in you had to go like left into the store because right was all the cash registers and left on that aisle was like just chips.

Like it was just a wall of chips. And without fail every time we would go in I would just open up a bag of chips and just eat them as you're walking in the store. And nobody say anything to you? No. Is it because the store was named Marsh? I mean, yes, I would pay for them later.

Yeah. There has been times where I've eaten food in the grocery store, like, from taking it off a shelf and eating it and not paid for it, just like throwing it away or something and then left the store. But that's been a long time since I've done that. And one time I think I opened a drink,

like a Dr. Pepper, and I was drinking it as we were going, and there was still something in it as I was leaving to pay, and they were ringing it up, and the person who was ringing it up was like, this is open. I was like, yeah, I'm drinking. I've been drinking it a bit. And they were like, you just drank this?

And I was like, yeah, and now I'm paying for it. I was like, what, I'm drinking. I've been drinking out of it. And they were like, you just drank this? And I was like, yeah. And now I'm paying for it. I was like, what's the fucking problem? They were like incredulous that I had done that. I'm here. See, I'm almost with the checkout register person because that is part of my, like, the social norms of like, unless you pay for it, don't, what are you doing?

But I guess, I guess, or even like you, you might spill it. Like, it's not even the thing of like, you're gonna pay for it eventually. It's the thing of like, what if you spilled it all over the floor or like what if you cut your tongue on the Then they're liable if you're at the grocery store and you dropped you like grabbed like a can of tomato sauce And it slipped out of your fingers and it shattered on the on the ground. Would you like pay for it? No, yeah But if you're drink if you open a doctor pepper and drop it you opened it So you're would you pay for a station to see it, you opened it. So you're, would you pay for causation as you?

Yes, because I opened it. I would not. As long as I'm, as long as I'm in the store, I'm not paying for it. Because I understand what this story is. What about sex? I will always pay for it in terms of regret. In terms of that CD. No, but I think that those, these stores are big corporations.

They have a factored and lost factor of people stealing already in their prices. So if you're not stealing from this store, you're actually getting suckered by these stores who are charging you more money because they're already factory. It's like they have like a theft percentage that just goes into their thing. But also if I take money from fucking Kroger, who gives a shit, that's a fucking corporation. I'd love to I'd love to steal millions from that Corporation Is this bad when I was a kid you see what this place called the fruit center and hang a mess. She's my mom. Yeah, it's bad I would be yeah, I was like be sure you go there. Give your mom a plug. Oh, my her name is Mary Beth key for cheese the best

Where she work a place and she's great at it and so My mom would like give me like three or four green beans. Like she would walk by them. You would just green beans? Like those loose green beans that like we're under the little shower. And the vegetable section and then she would just hand them to me so I would be like occupied. And we never paid for them.

Yeah, that's fine. It's like also like when you go to the deli and you give a little kid a free piece of cheese. It's like there's some stuff that you're like. I think you're describing the life of a mouse. You're like eating green beans with a shower. You know, it's a piece of the ice cream. You know that takes a couple hours to green. I have a borrower. Okay, so Aaron's got a lot of her childhood to read. So we are going to take a quick break. We will be right back after a message from our sponsors, the grocery store. Oh shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, fuck it. Fuck it before, hate, break, break, go. Hey, GPC. Uh, uh, yeah. You're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm, um, pranking, adult,. I just need help. I'm

Prinking at all and I'm setting up a website to Okay, I just need some advice this podcast is sponsored by Squarespace I'm not I'm not mad at you. We're pranking Spaces to all one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and to see it online Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and so let me think for products to cut into time,

all in one place, all on your terms. Hey, Addle, come here, come here, come here. Hey, what's going on? I actually, I wanna prank JPC and I wanna set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like, is there like an online store that could set up on my website to sell products?

Did you know that with Squarespace, you can have custom merch, you can easily sell custom merch and create passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand, design your products and production, inventory and shipping are handled for you, saving you time and money.

What is happening? Okay. Wait, what's going on with Addle? Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing. No, he's gonna tune you. And I'm gonna use analytics, use insights

to grow my business and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool. I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords, our popular products and content on my prank website, the prank activity. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for?

I can't remember what the website was for. The website was for. Prank. With Squarespace. With Squarespace. With Squarespace. You can connect to your store to Vedent third party tools to extend the functionality of your website Hey JPC, hey JPC, what's up, Vattle? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine

Head to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch go to squ space.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh, she's back, she's back. Hey, Erin. Hey, Erin. Can we go to grandma's house? Wait, I've been pranked. But how?

I don't know. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, Adel and JPC. Thank you for meeting me in the middle of the woods here. I am sort of at an empath. I can't decide whether or not to go this way or this way. I'm having a hard time choosing a path. You know, there never truly is a middle of the woods. Isn't it funny to think about something like that?

Like, have there never truly is a middle of the woods? No, this is the middle. Okay, this is it. Addle, can you help? Yeah, actually, so as per Robert Frost, I don't know if you know his poems. He has a poem called Better Help. I believe this is written in the 1800s,

but it still stands true today more than ever. Aaron, you should try Better Help. Have you heard of this? You seen this? Mm-hmm. Because sometimes Aaron and life were faced with tough choices, and the path forward isn't always clear.

Whether you're dealing with decisions around career, relationships, being stuck in the middle of the woods, therapy helps you stay connected to what you, ow, ow. Sorry, that also does so fast. Therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate life and the woods. Mm, and better help is entirely online, so it's designed to be convenient, flexible,

and suited to your schedule. I've been using it for several years, and it suits the way that my brain works way better than traditional therapy ever did. And when Aaron says traditional therapy, just so everyone's clear, what she means is tricking two of her friends to coming to the middle of the woods, even though there isn't truly the concept of the middle of the woods, isn't that fun to think about? All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a license therapist, and you can switch therapist at any time for no additional charge.

Hey, Aaron, a JPC's putting down bread crumbs and then immediately picking them up and eating them. Mmm, dirty bread crumbs. Mmm. Mmm. And he's also like really into that owl who's swooping down. Anyways, let there be your map with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today

to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp. H-E-L-P.com slash riddle. R-I-D-D-L-E. R-I-D-D-L-E, the middle of riddles of D, but there is no true middle of riddle because it would be the space in the L.I.P.C. to see, hoping at home.

Bye, baby! Am home! Who are we? What is this? I, uh, clink, clink, clink. Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. I just want to make a quick toast to, I know it's J.P.C.'s birthday, and we're all so excited to talk about him, but just want to make a quick toast to, I know it's JPC's

birthday and we're all so excited to talk about him, but I want to talk about my favorite, my favorite thing in the world. And that is the app Rocket Bunny. Oh, yeah, Aaron, that's one of my favorite things as well. Uh-huh. Rocket Bunny is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps you lower your bills all in one place.

I've been using it for years, way before they were a sponsor, and it helps me so much, especially around tax season. Clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, uh, uh, sorry, I also want to give it toast. Rocket money, well, quickly and easily find your subscriptions for you. And for any you don't want to pay for anymore, just hit cancel cancel and rocket money will cancel it for you. It's that easy. Clint, Clint, Clint. It also categorizes your expenses so you can easily track your budget in real time and also get alerted if anything looks off over three million.

Oh, Clint, Clint, Clint. Over three million people have used rocket money, saving the average person up to $720 a year. We love rock. Stop. Stop. Clank, Clank, Clank. Stop. No, clank, clank, clank.

Stop throwing your money away. Cancel unwanted subscriptions today and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com slash riddle. That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle. Rocket money.com slash riddle rock at money dot com slash riddle Intel and JPC's birthday got ruined by two of his friends for doing speeches about rocket money the website I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I the most erotic. Yeah, what a truly terrible riddle. But I've got some more riddles for you that are equally terrible. This one's called Secret Fuel.

Marvin often sneaked into his neighbor's driveway in the middle of the night in the course of playing a prank. He would quietly unscrew the fuel cap from his neighbor's car and pour gasoline into its fuel tank. What was he up to? The car was a model car. But Aaron, I will not. If you want to read it, if you want to hear it again, you can wait until this episode comes out and you can fucking Marvin often sneaked into his neighbor's driveway in the middle of the night and the course of flight snucked

often sneaked into his neighbor's driveway in the middle of the night and the course of flight stoked. You like dags? And the course of playing a prank, he would quietly unscrew the fuel cap from his neighbor's car and pour gasoline into its fuel tank. What was he up to? The car runs on blood. Yeah, the car runs on blood. It's a little vampire car.

Yeah, it's a little vampire car. It's Dracula. Rob Zombie's Dracula. Dracula racer. No, the car, I don't believe the car runs on blood. So what else could a car, is an electric car? Well, if it's a boss, it would run on Duncan. Yeah, because the America runs on it.

America runs on it. Which is the problem. That's what's wrong with America. We run on Duncan. It does say gasoline cap? Yeah, gasoline cap. So poor gasoline, unscrew the gasoline cap, pouring gasoline. What's the problem here? What's the prank?

Oh, he does it well nude. Does it? His friend can save money. It's hilarious. It's his neighbor's driveway. He's playing a prank. He'd unscrew the fuel cap and pour gasoline into the fuel tank. What was he up to? Gasoline is his dog. Yes, it's always the answer. Gasoline is his dog. His dog's name is gasoline. The horse's name was gasoline.

Bum bum bum bum bum bum. Would you guys like some hints? Yes. I will say I haven't read these hints. I don't know how a hint could help you with this. I can't wait. Was the gasoline adulterated, the wrong octane rating, or otherwise intended to make the car run poorly? No. Did the neighbor know of Marvin's activities? No.

Hence, it's a prank. Was the car covered by a warranty? Yes. By the way, is it the same. By the way, is it the car runs on? No. No. Hmm. By the way. Does that have to do with what the car runs on? No. No. And it does run on Duncan. I will say that this, they say that this is a prank.

I know the answer to this riddle. This, I would never qualify this as a prank. This is, is it helpful to the neighbor? Is it like useful? I mean, the gasoline, yes, is useful to the neighbor. In the car? In the gasoline, yes, is useful to the neighbor. In the car? In the car, yes. But I guess technically this is still a prank

and so there's a part of it that's not useful. Like the miles, like the... Yeah. You're on the right track. The miles. The miles is the right track. Yeah. But what about the miles?

What did you say? She just said the miles. I'm sussing it out. Miles, Miles, the right track. Yeah. But what about the Miles? What would you say? She just said the Miles. I'm sussing it out. Miles Miles, Spider-Man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I've already watched it twice.

Sailing movies. I've seen two movies in the theater four times. Spider-verse and Kubo and the two strings. Really? I saw Edge of Tomorrow in theaters five times. That movie is so good. I love that movie. I love that movie. I hadn't seen it until two strings. Really? I saw Edge of Tomorrow in theaters five times. That movie is so good. I love that movie. I love that movie.

I hadn't seen it until this year. Really? Yeah. I keep holding it. I keep holding it. I keep holding it. I keep holding it. I keep holding it.

I keep holding it. I keep holding it. I keep holding it. I keep holding it. I keep holding it. I keep holding it. I keep holding it. I keep holding it. I keep holding it. I keep holding it. I keep holding it.

I keep holding it. I keep holding it. I keep holding it. I keep holding it. I keep holding it. I keep holding that. And I love it. It's so good. It's fantastic. Like a year of doing that with him and that's the best movie he's ever shown. I would buy that movie on DVD or Blu-ray or whatever. However you buy movies. I want to tell you that. I want to tell you that. It's great.

His favorite movie that I showed him was Little Women. Little Women. He saw it. Walking down the street. Have you seen Little Women with Winona Ryder? Oh Luis May. I read the cut. But did you see the Christian Balloon Oh no no writer one maybe I don't watch it

Please I see you before you see it. Do you like it? Yeah, oh, okay, you're good also Was Louisa may I'll come from Chicago because there's a Louisa may I'll cut school in Lincoln Park. Oh is there? No, she's from Massachusetts Okay, yeah for now But you can go that's one of the... Are you always watching her bones or... Yeah, where you're from is where your bones are. Her house that she lived in and grew up and you can take a tour of it and it's magical.

You can sit at the desk where she wrote little women. Is it in Boston or what's it at? It's in Concord, Massachusetts. It's like a little bit west. You can fuck a goal there. I took, I take the back, go there, figure, pull it. You finger, the pack, oh. I took my best friend there and we happened to go on the day that one of them, one of the sisters

had gotten married in history. So it was the one day a year they put her wedding dress out and my friend fat out about that and started crying on the tour. She's like, where is the miracle? That's how nerdy we are. Not very cool. I'm taking my mom just turned 60.

So I'm taking her to Boston in October and Salem for her 60th. I take my mom to Boston. She just turned 60. How much do you love that song? I love that song. 10 out of 10. 5 out of 5.

So what was the neighbor burned before? Like this is traumatic I don't know is something to do with like the car you said the warranty things important the wise that we're the warranty is important I guess so what situation would arise where car putting gas in the car is like That was the neighbor poor no, I don't know. Okay, you want you want the answer? Yeah, okay neighbor poor? No. I don't know. Okay, you want the answer? Please. Yeah. Okay. Marvin's neighbor had recently bought an extravagant sports car and bragged about it constantly. Hoping to quiet him down, Marvin poured a gallon of fuel into his fuel tank every few nights. After the neighbor began to boast about his new

car's outstanding mileage, Marvin knew that his plan would work. He stopped. Does anyone know that his plan would work? Because I. Does anyone know that his plan would work? Because I certainly don't at this point. He put sugar in the gas plate. So he eventually stops doing it. So the guy thinks he's going crazy. He put a banana in it. You're like, merely add fuel quietly, then stop

and let the neighbor wonder why the mileage suddenly deteriorated just as the warranty expired. Wait, what? If you, so the neighbor wasn't putting gas in it, you thought it was like unlimited gas? He just thought that he was getting way better gas mileage. I see. Oh, yes, yes, because he got it. So this is sort of a prank. This is like the shampoo prank where people stand above someone in the shower and keep pouring shampoo in their hair. I can't. But, but here's the thing.

The neighbor would be like, oh my car's getting this out great mileage and then it would stop and he'd be like, I wonder why it's not getting mileage anymore and take it to the shop and he be like, oh my car's getting this out great mileage and then it would stop and he'd be like, oh, I wonder why it's not getting mileage anymore and take it to the shop and he's like, this is the mileage that it's getting and the people at the shop would be like, that's the mileage that car gets. Sir, this is a candy shop.

I'll make him go insane. The bird, what's that? But that would make him go insane. Because no, no, no, I've had this car quite some time. Oh yeah, and it did say he did go insane and he ate his father. Oh, so that made ate his father. Oh. So that made him even taller.

I love Riddle Bucks. I wanna see a spin. I love Riddle Bucks. Yeah. I wanna see a scene, JPC, Aaron and I are your neighbors. Cashmess, I have that. Top of call. We're a marriage couple next door

and you keep pulling what you think is a prank on us. Okay. But it's not quite the prank you think is a prank on us, but it's not quite the prank you think it is. Okay. And you're asking if we've noticed. Hey, Mark, Jenny, how's it going? Well, look at that on your porch, another wedding cake. Yeah.

Yeah, it's so weird. We keep pulling. So strange. So strange. Every day for the past three years, we've got one of these. Yeah, and that's really We both we bring them to work So both of our offices are super happy. Yeah, and the fondant is just exquisite. The fondant. Yeah, as what was it? You're fine. I love you fondant. What did I say fondant?

Uh-oh. I love you fondant. Fondant. Fondant. Your mouth is being lazy. It's fondant. I love you. Fondant. Okay. Um, what were you saying? Marzipan. How do you say marzipan? Marzipans. Your mouth is being lazy. It's fond of I love you fonding okay Marzipan how do you say marzipan Marzipans Pick a side Anyway, what were you saying yeah car what were you saying anyway, it's It's German chocolate. What is it's German chocolate? What is the cake? How do you know I can see it from here? Oh, but you both like

Just regular chocolate cake. Yeah, we like all cakes like you said we're bringing it to our work So you like you like all cakes. Yeah, especially ones like this. I mean it's great. You had to have cost I don't know $400 100. Yeah, I feel the people at our work really appreciate it everyone seems really happy. I thought when you got Married and you moved in here on your first day, you said that you just like chocolate cake. Oh, we just like maybe we're making conversation. I think I was making a chocolate cake that day

and I went, hey, we're making a chocolate cake. I love chocolate. It's kind of a blanket statement. So, German chocolate falls under chocolate. The umbrella of chocolate. It's different. Sure, but it's so chocolate. Good, I like dark chocolate, but chocolate.

Yeah, I like dark chocolate. You're gonna get it right out of it. Oh, delicious. White chocolate again. Do you want some of this cake? No. I can't eat cake. You can't eat cake.

No. Hey, can I ask you something? I guess you like disease. Can I ask you something? Yeah. The other day, Jenny and I noticed that one of the letters that came in our mail was one of your credit card bills

and you are massive. Yeah! But it's all for the same shop. Yeah, we thought that we could help you. Cakes, cakes, cakes, cakes. It's called cake until you make it? Yeah, I had a good different shop because one of them cut me off

from buying the cakes. Interath? You don't! You don't dislike German chocolate? No, we gotta admit it's something. We've been playing a little prank on you. Also if we did. Ah!

If we did, I mean, like we said, we take it away from the shop. Take it away. I didn't know about taking it away. Carl! Wait, have you been... Huh? Have you been... buying these cakes? Honey, I was just telling Carl about the little prank we've been playing on him for a year

Do you want to think we should come clean about the plane? You've been playing a prank on me. Yeah, right. All right. Oh, here it comes. We're gonna tell you We kidnapped your son. Mm-hmm. He's not missing. We kidnapped him. And he's happily living in our attic. Yeah, we adopted him. He asked us. My Isaac? My Isaac's living with you now? Mm-hmm. Deep cut.

That's a deep cut. That's a Patreon cut. A gym. I'm gonna go home now and... Have you been sending us these kids? Eat my dad. I'm sick. That's a great voice, JP. Now and have you been sending us these kids eat my dad? I can't believe I hold that I love that voice James the cat I must up on a lover Nick name, please Okay, here's an Aaron

Run so far away Here's an Aaron. I run so far away. I need to dance. This is an audio thing. This riddle is called Forgot to Stop. Angus was driving along a road at about 30 miles per hour. Suddenly, he jumped out of his car. He had not applied the brakes and the car was still moving.

He was not a stunt man for a movie. Or otherwise involved in a deliberately risky activity. What happened? He was a stunt man for a movie, or otherwise involved in a deliberately risky activity. What happened? He's a stuntman for a movie. Could you read it again? No, he was deliberately involved in risk-cada. Yeah, that's a story with holes, and it's a story with lies.

Angus was driving along a road at about 30 miles per hour. Suddenly, he jumped out of his car. He had not applied the brakes, and the car was still moving. He was not a stuntman for a movie, or otherwise involved in a deliberately risky activity. He didn't see that there was an unfinished bridge in front of him, so he was trying to save his own life. I've jumped out of moving car before. Why? Really? When I was a senior in high school, I was driving to school and I had an 86 Honda cord and I was driving like 40 miles an hour

and I went to break for a stop sign and my car wouldn't break. Like the brakes just went out and there's a car in front of me so I swirved into like a grassy area and I kept trying to hit the brakes it wouldn't work. I put on the emergency brake

which is probably a bad thing to do. It didn't work as well. So I aim my car at a telephone pole and jumped out and the back end almost ran over me. So I aimed my card at telephone pole and jumped out and the back end almost ran over me. And then the car hit the telephone pole. And then I walked to school and I arrived at school and was like almost in tears and I was like, just go home. What had happened? It was just like the break, I just didn't replace the break pads so they just went out. So it was the most terrifying thing in my life. But why did you aim at a telephone pole? Because otherwise it would like have gone into a house. and replace the brake pads so they just went out. So it was the most terrifying thing in my life or it was just like,

Why did you aim in at a telephone pole? Because otherwise it would like have gone into a house. Oh, okay. But I had the wear with all, How fast was it going? But at the time it hit the grass, it was probably going 25 miles an hour maybe. But I jumped out,

so it hit the telephone pole and not didn't go into like a house because I didn't know what else to do. If I was smart enough, I would have turned it in circles and just like ran it out. It's centrifugal. But I was a 17, I would have turned it in circles. And just like, and ran it out. It's in typical way. But I was a 17 year old whatever. So I jumped out and again, yeah, the back tires

almost ran over me. That's wild. Yeah, pretty bad. I remember I was driving back from Chicago with my friend Meg, and we were driving back from Chicago to Indiana, and we were going through like Northern Indiana, and we were off the highway on like county roads and a county road Turned from road to gravel road and I was in my

94 Corolla and as soon as it hit the gravel it just started spinning and We like fish stealing or just it's spinning it like donuts. Yeah, okay, and so we it was just it was just cornfield on one side with fully It was just cornfield on one side with fully grown corn, and then cornfield on another side with just the top six inches of corn that had already been like, shucked or corn dex. Yeah, corn dexed. And so we miraculously got it and spun out into that cornfield.

That's crazy. And then the cornfield had a ditch to it so we couldn't get back up. And then we were just like, I don't know what the fuck to do. We were both like super scared. And eventually a farmer who lived on that thing with his truck was like, I don't know what the fuck to do. We were both like super scared and eventually like a farmer who lived on that thing with his truck was like, hey, you're in my cornfield.

And we're like, yeah, how do we get out? I was like, we gotta drive through the cornfield. It was like, okay, like this way, and he's like, drive through the cornfield. He was like, helpful, but kind of a dick. And then we drove through his cornfield. That's crazy. Yeah.

I felt like that was a ruse to make out with your friend. Like, oh, my car's at a control. We're in this cornfield. My shirt flew off. She's like, this isn't romantic. Why don't you, cousin? What do you think romance is? Should we be here, are we done?

Can we have a hint? Well, Aaron said, are we done, but we have it so early. I know, I'm just being already done. Are we done yet? The riddle is done in that I'm done reading it. All right, let's do it. I'll tell the answer. It happens. Give us a hint. And, hint. Are we done yet? The riddle is done and that I'm done reading it. All right, let's do it. I'll tell the answer. Happy.

Give us a hint. A hint? Here's some hints. One minute before Angus jumped out of the car, did he expect to do so? No. It's Angus, John, the ACDC. After he jumped out of the car, did he

expect to get into it again? No. Did more than two minutes pass between when Angus jumped out of the car and when he reached the ground. Yes. More than two minutes passed from when he jumped out of the car. And when he reached, he was being towed. He was being towed. And the wet's bridge. I don't know. He's being towed to space. So, we're very, Aaron was like spot on with the driver for truck the bridge thing the unfinished bridge. So he jumped out of his car landed in

the ocean. He was on the golden gate bridge. Cool. No, I guess that's not too long. It's an unfinished golden gate bridge. So the answer is, which I think Aaron, I think we'll give this to you. Okay. The car ran off a bridge and fell into a lake. Angus jumped out just as the car hit the surface. Would that help? Aaron jumped out. He jumped out of the car. He just jumped out.

Right as it hit the surface of the lake. That's why I'm reoccurring nightmare. I only have one reoccurring nightmare in my life and it's me and my mom and a car and we go off a bridge. Wow. One of my favorite. Oh boy. What's what did you favorite reoccurring nightmares? Oh boy. My day is so big in my dreams. Who's the guy? Fuck. I can't remember his name. This is going to be a terrible story. Okay. I met him. He opened for Weird Al in Chicago. Dr. Demento. He's a comedian. Dr. Demento. Dr. Demento. He was in UHF. Dr. Demento. He has one of my favorite jokes. Maybe I heard joke of all time. And the joke is, I went on a date with a woman and she got mad at me for not holding open the door.

I went on a date with a woman. She got mad at me for not opening the door. I swam to the surface. That is very fun. It's better when he tells. No. It's emo Phillips. Emo Phillips, yes. I met him backstage and I was asked for a picture

and I took it and he made me show it to him. And after I showed it to him, he goes delete that and then he made me take like 10 more and he chose the best one and deleted the room. Wow. I think it's like a, I don't know if it's like a bit or a vanity thing. It's funny either way. Hey, who real quick? I want to do something different.

Mix it up a little bit. Who is the love interest in Greece? Danny. Wait, which, Greece too? No, the first Greece. The car and the boys. There was like the main story between the car and the boys. You think there's a love story between Greece lightning and the boys here Sandy that's right Sandy if you shorten that

Sandar was Yes, we have a new sandbox. Oh, yes soon Hi guys, how's it going sandbox. Oh, yes soon. Hi guys. I was going sandy. Oh, cookie man. And back. I'm I'm doing good. How are you? Congrats on all the success with your Patreon. That's great. Well, thank you, Sandy, but we don't actually bring that up. We what we don't like to bring up the Patreon because then we get new people and then we feel like we have to Yeah, he's them right now. It's a secret society.

The one thing we have to do is please don't talk about patreon.com slash Hey, we're to. Yeah. He's them. Right now it's a secret society. The one thing we have to. I was pleased don't talk about patreon.com slash. Hey, we're at all. We're for only $5 a month. You can join the club. Yeah. And the fact that we give you know every Friday we have a brand new episode of bonus content that this seems insane. Yeah, it's we don't want to talk about it. We don't enjoy talking about it. And thank you for the nice words that you said about it.

Yeah, you're welcome. And when can we expect your patronet? You're asking me to set up a patronet? Yeah, dang. Isn't this enough puzzles for you? Set up a patronet in order to afford our patronet. I heard your AMA, which was fun, awesome. I heard Aaron talk about, you guys talked about your dream guests.

Yeah. And you said you wanted someone who built a scaper room. Yeah. Yeah. Boston. I got good news for it. What? I built a scaper room.

Oh my god. What I wanted was right in front of my face the whole time. It makes sense that Aaron mentioned something that already happened as her dream, because she has her eyes closed for most of my guests. Who am I? Did you know that the character Jigsaw was based on Sandy?

Yeah, that makes sense. Sandy's pretty sinister. Jigsaw from Greece. Yes. Sandy from Jigsaw is like a whole mark. You are enough, and we don't need any other guests. Speaking of you being enough, we hope that you brought us some nice little puzzies

and things to play around with in your sandbox today. When you put it that way, I don't know. But yes, I don't know. But yes, I do, I have some puzzles for you. The idea with today's game is, I'm gonna give you three items. Is that like a MacGyver situation? No, he's gonna be back of items.

Maybe three things. Okay, and those things are gonna be the fourth, third, and second, things in a canonical list. And you have to give me the first. So for example, if I said curly lambo, Tom Landry, George Hallis, you'd have to say... The A-Team. Don Shula, because those are the winningest NFL coaches. And that is the most sports-yam guy I've ever seen.

And this was made... This was Taylor made for Aaron. This is the most... Those were just sounds to me. That's why you said it's the example. I was like, which one of these should I spoil? Oh, I know, the football one. Also, yeah.

So it's that make sense, you have to figure out what the list is and then give me number one on the list. I guarantee you you've heard of every single number one on the list. Cool. Some of the lower ones you may not have heard of, and it's part of the puzzle to figure out. I so, Sandy, you've been on the show

what, seven, eight, nine times now, and you've run out of puzzles for idiots. Now your giving us the real puzzles for smart people. And we're going to fail. Love it. Okay, here we go. Signed, Feld is number four. Okay.

The fugitive, the TV show, from the 60s is number three. Cheers is number two. Mash. Mash is right. Let's watch. Let's watch finale Mash is right. Let's watch. Let's watch finale. So all time, the all time. Um, I got that one.

You got it too, but I really should stop it. No, I just wanted to point that out. Good. Congrats. Thank you. Aaron and I just want to say thank you so much. Hello, hello.

I, I really can't stay. I just want to say thank you. Thank you. It's cold outside. I can't stay either but I just What's the deal with these delicious cookies? Adeland is look of pain When they have cookie buns? I knew who he asked. Aaron can I see a quick scene? This will be 10 to 20 seconds. Can I see a quick scene of when you got that right

after you're fear of hearing the winning a cent of L coaches? After you got that one right, what in your brain? What was the celebration like? Let's just hear that. T-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t I'm hungry. I'm always tired. I'm always tired. Oh, they're talking to me. See, oh man, I'm going to get, you're going to get letters about that NFO one. I think it's wrong. That's why you said it.

Oh, no. No, I had to look at, wait, hold on, I wrote it. I wrote that example. You're the Patriots. I'm sure that Bill Balecheck is up there. So it's Landry Balecheck, Halle, Sanchilla. Sorry, everyone. It's been corrected.

Are you light-tweeting this? Did someone correct you? Oh my god. All and Sheila. Sorry everyone. It's been corrected. Are you light tweeting this did someone correct you? All right, here we go number four Charlotte number three sex and so orange number two William number one Charlotte Charlotte William George Charlotte is for George's three William is two of these are royalty. Oh What's number one? Kate Milton What's the list? William. Oh, no, no, the the spouses of No, it's got to be no children. It's the ranking of the throne. So it's George Williams dad was his name Charles Charles British line of succession

I want Charles in charge of England. Okay, here we go Hindi is number four English number three Spanish number two What's the number one language? English Arabic not Arabic or a arabic Chinese Chinese it's Mandarin damn it most spoken language Madonna Michael Jackson Elvis Presley, right Gary What do you think the list is it's the most number one singles on the billboard 100 or something Marin Adele Adele No, is it Grammy's could you read them again? Sorry Madonna Michael Jackson Elvis Presley

It's solo artists who've had the number it's not so hot. No, that was happened to be but Madonna Ellis Presley Slendian who's the other one? We don't know the other one hits at a time. No, sorry. It was Madonna. Elton John. No, no, Madonna. I'm thinking Michael Jackson Madonna Elvis Presley. Is this record sales? Yeah, it's best selling best selling Oh, Eagles. Oh Beatles. Yep. So you said Eagles and you said Beatles well for a while The Eagles greatest hits was like the number one selling album of all time. Yeah, I think yeah I think this is the Beatles. This is total. Oh, okay DFW or ORD, LAX, Busy's Airports, Atlanta, whatever it is.

ATL. ATL is room. I didn't quite get that one. All right, here's the sports one, I'm sorry. Alex Rodriguez, Babe Ruth, Hank Aaron. Mark McGuire, Sammy Sosa. The biggest hitters. Biggest Mark McGuire, Barry Bonds Barry bonds very bonds. Okay, most are months

Oh, I thought it was biggest drugs biggest drugs. Sorry Here we go Eva Emma that's Maria's So what's number one? Maria Carey Yes Maria Carey. Maria from from Maria CVS. Maria CVS. Oh, yes. Oh, you're right. Yes. I ruined it. Ava. Ava. Ava. Ava. Olivia. It's number one girl's name.

You got it. What is it? Emily. Aaron. Ava. Sarah. No. Denaries. God, everyone's talking so much. Muhammad. In my brain. No one girls name in the world. Muhammad. A talking so much. Muhammad. In my brain. No more girls, amen the world. Muhammad. Ava, Emma, Olivia. Beyonce. This one is. So yeah.

You got it. Wow. I cannot believe how good I am. Can you believe I got it? Okay, okay, Aaron. How many children in Sofia do you know? Like a lot. Yeah. It's been on the number one for a while. Yeah. Let's do boys.

Aiden, Noah, Liam, Hunter. This is a hard one. No, Galagher. Coleman. Coleman. Chase. Jackson. Chef Ron.

Jackson's right. Yeah, wow. I try to think of like the shittiest, always man. Oh my god. I know a lot of Jackson's. So sorry, anybody whose name Jackson, I'm so sorry. Yeah. Okay, my name is Adel.

What do I know? I'm a fucking idiot. Oh okay, my name's Adel. What do I know? I'm a fucking idiot Luzon Philippines waste your pronounce lasagna. Oh Great Britain Han Shoo Japan a Biggest tea drinking places Luzon Philippines is number four great Britain's number three Han Shoo Japan is number two system all I'm fixing. No What are all those things? Funniest cities

People like places where things happen. Oh Erin Like a bad thing happen there. No, no good thing happened. Okay, say this is it was again Luzanne Philippines Great Britain Honshu, Japan. What's like the key great Britain is like the key to unlocking this. Is there islands? It's islands? Yes, and what would the list be? These are biggest islands Australia. Yeah, it's not biggest. Australia would be I don't even know most number of islands No, like Indonesia would be number one island

It is an island in Indonesia, but it's not my pronunciation. It's not Those are all individual islands. So we're looking for an island in Indonesia. An island that has more than one country on it? No, it is the most. It is the superlative. So it is the most blank islands. Rainy. No.

Healow would be no. Colonies. Colonies? Most populous. Populous islands. Bigger carder? It's Jakarta's a city. The name of the big island is.

Oh, Oahu. Oahu? No. It's Java.'s a city. The name of the big island is. Oh, a Wahoo. A Wahoo? No. It's Java. Java. Java. So I was pretty close with T. I work with Python and C++, so I don't know.

All right, this one is going to sound real. Wow. I'm really add a like that joke. Just FYI. Just do like that. OK. I need laps or nothing. Oh, I didn't give you a lap.

Well, I know, that's what I'm saying. This was really obscure, and I'm sure you know nothing, none of these three, but the last one you know, for sure. Metaphor, the tree of Utah. Met, wait, sorry, we'll be back. It's called Metaphor, the tree of Utah. Okay. Our Lady of the Rockies is number three.

Pegasus and Dragon is number two. Okay, and we should say that Sandy just took a big hit at Piotta right before, right before reading this, he just took a big hit at Piotta. Could you read before eating this, he just took a big hit of peyote. Could you read them again? Metaphor the tree of Utah, our lady of the Rockies, Pegasus and Dragon, and number one is well known by literally everyone in America. Oh, Eektheket.

Are these carvings? You're very close. Not much more. No, they're not carvings. They're very close. Very close. Yes. Statue living Satchel liby. Now, um, these are the tall statues in the United States. What I want to know is I want to see a quick scene. Yeah, Aaron You're gonna be the statue Libby and

G.C. I want to be jolly green giant just because why didn't they ever hook up? So let's see a first date. Uh, just a one minute scene first date, such a liberty and Jolly Green giant. I think we're ready to order. We'll have the broccoli. Okay, and the peas. Okay. And we'll have some of the spinach. Ma'am, did you have a question? I have some ice. I've been holding my hand up for very, very long time.

Can the lady have some ice? Yeah, I'll grab some ice. Oh, we don't allow fire in here. This is a close. Do you know who I am? I want to say Rushmore? See. All right, next one.

Yes. Sandy, skill one and 10. Did you enjoy that? Let us move on. Let us. Let us move on. Chancellorville. Spotsylvania,

Chica Malga, again, number one is up and I'm gonna use the fan only now. Yeah, definitely no. Pennsylvania. Lake hookah Chopey. Chancellorville,

Spotsylvania, Chica Malga. Transylvania. Chica Malwa. This is a history. Oh, largest railroad disasters. The four places Napoleon died. I don't know. The four most in Poland. Isch deaths. And these are all battles. Yes. Battles in what war? The greatest war. This is a civil war. Star Wars. Appomattox wars. Appomattox Greek.

Appomattox Gore House. What's so their civil war battles ranked by? Gettysburg. But number of deaths. It goes. Number of ghosts by deaths. Number of ghosts by death. Spooky Bill O'Hyle, one million ghost deaths.

Spooky Bill O'Hyle. This one's timely. Spend a buck is number four. Northern dancers number three Monaco these are all Kentucky Seabass geters Your real horse this is what is the list excuse me Aaron was the last one you are you think there's a horse called horse Of course these are the most winning Biggest winner for odds no no no no

Shittiest horses what's the personalities of horses? What's the what's the number? These are jockey names. See this no, no, what's the most famous Kentucky Derby winner mr. It's Pretty famous, but I don't think he budget spice I know the name of a can't think it's the Fastest these are the fastest conductive Okay, oh bucket of nickels. I know I forget give give me the first letter Saditarious you're very it sounds

Stagetarius. Oh, this is oh I know Sega source Jones. Oh, hold on hold on hold on. This is this is a character who is on Stafford Bojack Horseman Probably yeah, oh, yes, he plays yeah, fuck what is the name? I don't know, but he bojack Everybody is screaming it everyone right now is like the show. What is it? It's a Maggie Jillin Hall movie Sagittarius said Sagittarius secretary Sagittarius. Sagittarius.

Sagittarius. Sagittarius. Sagittarius. Sagittarius. Sagittarius. Sagittarius. Sagittarius. It is on Bojack Horseman.

I didn't watch all of that show. Sagittarius. Okay. So you should go to YouTube right now and look up Maggie Jillin Hall and Peter Skarsgard's home tour on architectural digest. It might be the hardest of laughed in my life. Because Peter Skarsgard drops his cat in the middle of the house,

so it just fully drops it for no reason. The funniest thing I've ever seen in my life. It's so darning. Does it lay down on the sweet? Yeah, but you don't even see it. He just says, and this is a cat, and you should rescue cats, and then you just drops it. It's amazing.

I like how when I said Maggie Dylan, you screamed out Sagittarius. Like, she is. She has a movie that's- Secretariat. One more? One more. Here we go.

Sandy is number four. Okay. Maria number three. Harvey number two. These are Christopher Columbus's ships. Best movies involving imaginary rabbits. These are best characters in Greece. Sandy's the fourth. Oh Harvey, remember Harvey? Yeah. Sandy. Maria.

Maria. Harvey. Harvey. These are musicals, stars of musicals. No. Sandra. Sandy Deucana. Sandy. Harvey. Maria. These are bad guys and these are attached to, can be attached to years as Sandy I think was 2012 Maria's 20 Harkins Number one is Katrina Katrina wow hell yeah great one to end on Sandy I will I think this is my favorite type of puzzle. Thank you. Yeah, this reminds me a little bit of only connect Yeah, yeah, yeah for sure

Sandy, do you have anything that you would like to plug? For sure. You should go follow me on Twitter, just PZLR. OK. Just sort of like puzzler, but it was like most of the letters. Yeah, just some vowels are missing. Vowels and another Z, it's really a mess. OK.

But anyway, it's PZLR, so there's only four letters to remember. And then the escape Room immersive theater experience that I made in Chicago a few years ago with a house theater, which is called the last defender. Which is phenomenal. Oh, thank you. Is opening in Denver at the Denver Center for the Performing Arts. Also, the cool thing about that room is it's the one escape the room where you can go back because it's such a wide scope

You play 20 people you can play multiple times and not do the same puzzle Yeah, there's no way that one person would be able to see the whole thing in one go the way that games designed and so Yeah, maybe three times at At least to see it all so that's opening at the end of May at at least to see it all. So that's opening at the end of May at the Denver Center for Performing Arts and you can get tickets now. It's great.

Sandy, I have a puzzle for you. Oh, gone. Fill in the blank. Listen, I'm only here. Here's the list. Here's the list. 432. Yeah.

What are the things last one is? Chomp, chomp. It's chomp, chomp. It was number of seconds before he say goodbye. The last one is chomp, chomp. Thank you so much, Sandy. so much Sandy. Bye. Bye Well nightmare over. Yeah nightmare averted Thanks, Andy. We'll we'll see in our dreams

Yeah, that's a good that's a good way to say that Hey, and while we're saying shit, let's say some stuff that we want to plug Addle do you have something that you would like to plug? Yeah, you can check out Hello from the Magic Tavern. Is back for season three, so check that out. You can also check out our Patreon, which is www.patran.law.gov. Go fuck yourself.law. It's $5 a month for new content every single Friday. Some of our favorite things we've ever done are on Patreon, so if you're not checking

that out, oh, you're gonna want to, please do. Japs anything to plug? We got merch in the store, go to T-Publick, check it all over Hey Riddle, Riddle merch. We have a new Deadstop. Sure, that Deadstop shirt is fire. You can follow me on Twitter at JP so fly on Instagram at Shark Barkman, Aaron, you get anything to do? Coral Keith, you have anything? ball me air and keep ten on instagram cuz for some fun stuff is gonna be coming up for and stuff is maybe for me and keep turn on instagram it's a private account but though that's just to just that that just follow me anyway and you have a reoccurring nightmare correct where you are stuck on a podcast called Hey Riddle Riddle boom got you Jupiter Hey, peace, neither did he, headed in. Family, parents, and the people, headed in.

Foco created by M.O.B. Cardamus and M.O.N. the Morris. The fight to be your hate, risk, or break your... That was a headgun podcast.