Hey Riddle Riddle - #56: Hey Riddle City! A Pod Noir, Part 1

Episode Date: August 14, 2019

What's black and white and rid(dles) all over? Why it's Riddle City see! Erin Keif (the hottest dame in town) takes us to a dimension of her own making with Riddle City! Join detectives Brick Stoneheart and Mickey Rourke (no relation) as they try and solve a mystery while interrogating all the colorful characters this booze soaked episode has to offer. Forget it Japes...It's Riddle City...Part 1! #WiddleWednesdayStarring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: KJ SnyderTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a head gum podcast. I Bark bark bark dog knows it Give it I slight that file bark bark bark bark dog knows as riddles and bits. It's a riddle little wow Nice I like that dog head refine I'm Jay bark see and I'm yam yam keep All am I doing it wrong? Yes? Uh-huh and higher entirely last night. I finally I found a nickname that Aaron likes yeah, what is it? Kiki Kiki, I'm gonna Kiki like Kiki. What is it? Kiki. Kiki. Kami Kiki, a Kiep.

A Kiki. Let's have a Kiki. I want to have a locked door. Yeah. I was like, how about Kiki? And she's like, I love it. And now I said, what about Kiki? And she goes, I like Kiki better.

And then I go, what about Kiki? And she gave me a wink. But then, I got stuck, shut. Oh, I had to call. I had to call. I had to call all night with one. And you have classically what is called real sticky eyes, correct? Yeah, I mean, famously I have rural sticky eyes.

Don't ask why. I won't. Okay, so we have something. She's got super sticky eyes burnin' do-do-do. Everyone knows I have super sticky eyes. All right, I have something very special planned for this episode. What? Okay, wait, to ruin it. We're gonna go into a different universe. I have super sticky eyes. All right, I have something very special planned for this episode. What? Okay, wait, Arunah.

We're gonna go into a different universe. I know, truly. Arunah! And are we ready? Am I ready to go into a different universe? You heard me. Yes, I was born, Rebi. All right, KJ, somehow make this episode in black and white.

And... All right, it's black and white. Whoa! Whoa! And now let's hit them with a new and I are both white still oh yeah good good and let's hit them with that new Arnie Parrot theme The doctor, the city riddle city. We pan over to a window and see a man leaning up against a desk just lit by the light of his cigarette.

Behind him is a door that says, Rotag, it's Seventy, it's a Vryp, which is private investigator by the way. Oh, nice, yeah. You got it? Because the door has no... Yeah, the man goes out his cigarette and says, the man is Brick Stonehart, Adel, this is you. Brick has been a PI for 15 years,

but before that he was the best cop Riddle City I'd ever seen. He had to retire from the force and disgrace and move over to the private sector, but we don't know why. He's a book smart and he knows the ins and outs of Riddle City. Just don't ask him about his past love

or why he's not a cop anymore. Seriously, don't you be tempted to ask? No, I'm making you curious, but don't. What? Before you can continue, can I ask for my name one more time, Brick Stoneheart? Brick Stoneheart. Is this a fun voice for Brick Stoneheart? I love it, don't change anything. Or should it be more like this? My name is Brick Stoneheart. You have JPC's intro to decide which one of those two to choose. It's busy season for criminals in Rital City, so he has hired a new assistant, the best amateur boxer in this town has ever seen. Mickey Rork, no relation.

JPC, that's you. Okay, and I'm just a notification when you say amateur boxer, I'm a professional boxer that only boxes against amateur boxer. Got it. I was assuming that you were like a shitty type of dog. F**k it! Yes. But he's got a new baby at home and his wife doesn't want him fighting anymore so he's got the part-time job as an assistant to a P.A.

He's got street smarts and a hot temper. They've been solving crams for about two months. I wonder who's about to walk through their door next. In the meantime, the men talk about the most recent case they solved. Well, hey there, Mickey. Oh, you want that, boys? And hey there, Bricky. Mickey and Bricky, just two PIs. P-I-N, they're way through the town.

P-I-S-S. Oh, piss. I can't believe we solved the case of the missing pisser. Yeah. We found that pisser pissing off the bridge. In a little city. Of course that piss got into the tap water and everyone in town drank it and found out that we didn't tell anyone about it but we'll let bygones be by piss. Because it was such a minimal amount of piss that got into the tap water no one seemed to care. Yes and once the piss starts to spread out of course to flavor the type of piss. To eliminate the

piss. And it's and coincidentally luckily for us it was a weak pisser. Yes a weak pisser and of course we'll never tell the town that that person had just had sex recently so there's a little bit of cum. Oh my goodness. Case closed out that one. In walks Madeline de Mark. Gaga closed out that one. In walks Madeline DeMarc. Gaga, Gaga, goo. Exactly. Excellent.

Hey, don't remind me of my baby that I got at home. Look at the, get away, sticks on that one. In walks Madeline DeMarc. X lover to our beloved PI now married to the chief of police. Look at the meat sticks on her. She looks frazzledled but also her legs are long. Flash pipes. I'm doing this right now. And then she speaks. My brother went missing three whole days ago. I can't tell my husband because I suspect foul play and the police

might be involved. You remember my brother, don't you, Brick? Marky to Mark. Marky is a dark worker and is always falling into trouble. I'm really worried about him this time, Brick. Will you help me? Wait, he's a dark worker? I thought you always said he was a dark walker. Can't you be both? Oh, Brick, I miss you. I miss you.

Can't believe you left me for the biggest of your leave. Sorry, I get nervous when I talk to you. Madeline, was it? Because my legs are so long. Madeline, Mark, of course. Do you like to you. Madeline, was it? Because my legs are so long. Madeline's a mark, of course. Do you like my red coat? And who is this? This is my new partner, Mickey Raw.

Oh, yes, the boxer. The professional boxer who boxes amateur boxes. Yeah. 16 and 0. Well, technically, the other way around, 0 and 16. And Mickey, can I ask the boxes that you're wearing on your genitals or those? For the loom.

So professional. Yes. You wear professional boxes. I wear, I wear them like I ask them boxes that you're wearing on your genitals? For the loom. So professional. Yes, you wear professional boxes. I wear them like I see them. For the loom boxes, the only box is the keep-up bits all snug and tight. So I can get into fights. Hold on, I'm not done with the tagline. The only box is the keep-up bits snug and tight.

So I can get into fights and win every fight. Punch out the lights of every, uh, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da It's Riddles City. You know when Riddles City allows that, you have to answer as many riddles as the person wants before they can give you information about a crime. Does this make sense in my forcing this too much? No, it makes sense and it's fun, we like it. Yeah, just like our sister city, Bridge Troll City in Germany. Ha ha ha.

Madeline, it looks like you're wearing nothing under that red coat, except for a smile. Who may? No, I can clearly see the outline of a dress. Here's your riddle. That's her skin. She had that surgery. Speaking of clothes.

Dress gets surgery. It's big in a closed case closed. There's a reason my men's clothes have buttons on the right. My women's have buttons on the left. What is it? Because men are always right. What's the reason? And women get left behind here in riddle city.

Of course, just in riddle city. Just in riddle city. Just in riddle city. Well, no, but there isn't. That doesn't take me back. A gender gap, a quality. Take me back by, we're citing a memory. You know I'm in love now. And yeah, we used to hold hands and you'd kiss my hand,

really gingerly, and we would be in love. But I answer my riddle about the buttons. I have no context. There's a relationship here that I I'm assuming that you two shared oh you didn't hear the narrator before we used to kiss hands okay no tell that's fine with me this is confirmation I I thought you know brick I thought you were like a just a classic bachelor brick and I used to smoke into each other's faces you know an old movie with all movies for people they're just smoking so much it's like at each other wait movies movies have brand know, when old movies were all movies for people, they're just smoking so much. It's like, adding each other into the movies.

Wait, movies. Movies have brand new. Only with old movies. Oh, shut up. You know, like the first one, this is that train coming at the audience. Oh, everyone's scream. I saw that movie.

I had to hide it out of the theater. And Mickey, just between you and I, everyone's while we used to blow smoking each other's genitals. Oh, okay. There's a reason why men's clothes have buttons on the right. Well, women's have buttons on the left. What is it? This is more of a historical fact than it is a riddle.

This is a historical fact. Now, Madeline call me crazy, but I feel like most clothes have buttons down the middle. What do you mean by right and left? Oh, I could just eat your nose, Brick. Let me tell you. Please don't, the goose in town famously ate it off my face. Let me take a look at what I'm wearing right now.

Okay, full of the loom boxes. No buttons on those in a pair of boxing trunks. No buttons on those. Look at my shoes. Ah, two little buttons on the shoes. Oh, I think I know it. All right. Is it because when women have buttons, that they need help with fastening them. Yes!

So that the men can somehow help them out. You sort of got it, I'll read the answer. Most people are right-handed and find it easier to fasten a button, which is on the right through, sorry, most people are right-handed and find it easier to fasten a button, which is on the right through a hole, which is on the left. This is why I... As Madeline read the answer,

I took out another cigarette and let it open up. Are you narrating your life again, baby? Oh, shit. This is why men's buttons are on the right. When buttons were first used, it was the better off we could afford clothes with buttons. Among this class, the ladies were often dressed by maid and servants.

The servant would face the lady, so it was easier for the right-handed servant to fasten buttons which are on the lady's left. Madeline, can I say something to you? Yes. Now you said better off. Now of course this is a film no-aw, so it should be better off. Better off. It's a film with no-aw. Well I'm gonna jump out of this window.

No. And that's Bic. All right. Okay, I'll tell you the last. And Mickey Bork. You two are really incredible detectives. You're asking all the right questions. Okay, I'll tell you the last place I saw my brother the night he disappeared. He was down at the moxie, which is that bar.

The moxie, that's that bar. Yeah. If I remember correctly, Bric, you're quite fond of that bar yourself. Maybe go down there and talk to the bar tender. He might know what to do. And with that, Madeline Demarck turned her back on Brick again and walked out the door, taking her hot body with her. Picture every key levels of hot. I hate to see a leave, but I love to watch her go. At first I get there, after Gathad I was not here, I I could take a fried chicken because look at those drumsticks walk away. She's so hot.

She's like Erin Keepot over context. All right, the gentleman walk into Moxie, a smoky bar. He's eating food. Oh, there's a fire in the kitchen here. Oh, put that out with my cigarette. Put that fire out. I suddenly turn the southern. Wait, I lost my accent. Oh, it doesn a fire in the kitchen here. Oh, man. Put that out with my cigarette. Put that fire out. We see you. I'm suddenly turning the southern.

Wait, I lost my accent. Oh, it does it better to be. Yeah, obviously your best friend, didn't it, my friend? Your name is... A trickle. We see musicians warming up on the stage that sits in the center of the room. Behind the bar, we see Jim Fizz.

A bartender who's been serving liquor to the locals for 20 years. The regulars call him old Jimmy Fizz. They don't call him slow Jim Fizz? I thought is funny, but I was, don't worry about it. He's cleaning glasses. He looks exactly how you imagine it.

Hey Jim, I see you're cleaning your own spectacles. Holy cow, if it is it the mystery boys. I haven't seen you in my bag quite some time. Can I get you gentlemen anything to drink? Now believe the last time we were in here, soft in the crime of the parrot who was masquerading as a pirate. No no a parrot who was masturbating on a pirate. That's what I said. I thought it was a pirate masturbating on a parrot. Either way we caught the crook and we locked them up. But you said we could have free booze as long as we were still alive.

All right, well what kind of drink can I make yet? Well of course you know it's the 1920s so I'll take a new fashion. It's 1948 I should. What did I say? The narrator said at the beginning, you want an old fashion? An old fashion. An old fashion for my favorite guy. And what do you want, Mickey York? I'll just have my classic.

I'll have a lizard pimple. All right, and remind me what's in that? Almost everything and a wink. All right. Are you working on any interesting uh... Well, can't really talk about it, Jim, but I do want to ask you a question. Have you seen, you know Madeline's brother,

forget his name, but have you seen him the old dock worker? Uh-oh, it's Riddle City. So you know what that means. I got to ask you a riddle before I give you any information. Before you do that, let me make my way over here to the Duke box and see if I can play something that it'll set the mood. Let's see.

Many rabbits, third up land, crit hot chili peppers, 1940 classics. A lot of big bands. These are all songs by Bing Crosby. And, uh, whatever this is, well, let's get to the riddle in our place a music later. All right.

The name of this riddle is a stranger in the hotel. A woman. Quick story. Did I ever tell you about the time where a stranger broke into my hotel room? Now, you don't sneak up on a professional amateur boxer in a hotel room. I'd beat the crap out of that stranger with left hooks and double jabs and a couple of upper cuts. And when I- You told his story, I wanted to myself, hey, why didn't he put on a fork set of clothes before he...

You do it that again. Damn it. Let me finish my story. Anyway, I turned the lights on and it was the bell hopper, the boy who was set to bring up my luggage. Now I cracked up laughing, I was so embarrassed. And he was a good sport about it. He died two weeks later succumbed to his injuries in the hospital.

But of course, it's 1948, so how could I be responsible for that? Stand your ground folks! That's what I always say! Now slow Jim, back to your business story! Oh Mickey you should do have your PhD in the sweet science. Your appusualist through and through. All right a woman was sitting in a hotel room. Pusualist hands, deadlift, PhD. A woman in a hotel room. A woman was sitting in her hotel room and there was a knock at a door. She opened the door to see a man whom she had never seen before. He said, oh, I'm sorry. Have I made a mistake?

I thought this was my room. He then went off down the corridor to the elevator. The woman went back into her room and phoned reception to ask them to apprehend the man who she knew was a thief. What made her so sure? Because he stole her heart. Yes. Only a man knocking at a woman's door of a perfect stranger passing ships in the night. No, no, that's not correct. Let me ask you a question, Jim. Was the man dressed in a specific way? As in, was he wearing a white and black striped shirt? The only two colors that exist in our universe?

And a little sneaky raccoon mask around his face? Look at a hamburger. No, but that's an excellent question. Thank you, Jim. A woman was sitting in her hotel room when there was a knock at her door. She opened the door to see a man whom she had never seen before. He said, oh, I'm sorry. I have made a mistake. I thought this was my room. Then he went off down the

corner to the elevator. A woman went back into a room and phoned reception to ask them to apprehend the man who she was sure was a thief. I got a question for you, Brick. Now let me put this in a way that you might have to understand and I definitely can relate to. I's that? I'm a boxer through and through. And I would never bunch of fellow in the face if I thought it was my face. You understand where I'm coming from? Why would you knock at your own door?

Oh, I think you just solved it, Mickey. I'm sorry? You just solved the griddle. Oh, did I? She reasons that if it had really been his room, he would have knocked. She reasons that if it had really been his his room he would not have knocked on the door but used his key.

You ever go home even if you live alone and knock on the bathroom door if it's closed and then wait for a second to see? Yes, in case there's a ghost pooping, yep. You ever had that gym? Yeah, my name's slow gymfizz, kind of a fun name, huh? For sure. Hey, can we get our fucking drinks? Slow Jim Fizz, kind of a fun name, huh? For sure. Hey, can we get our fucking drinks?

All right, here you go. Also, I will answer your question about Machia de Muck. Are you ready? Yeah, Machia de Muck, the dock worker. He a bit in here? Yes, okay. The last time I saw Machia was Friday night. He was arguing backstage.

Friday night, that's fight night. Every night's fight night would you get a fight schedule? He was arguing backstage with his girlfriend, Ms. Coco Kashmir. You know she's the singer performer at this bar. After I left that night, I could still hear them scream. But if you see Mikey tell him I'm looking for him too. That son of a bitch owes me a lot of money and I'm getting impatient. Miss Kashmia is backstage right now if you want to talk to her. The last time I heard Coco scream I was brewing a big cup at the kettle

with off. The last time I heard Coco scream was when I was in a nice bowl of pebbles chocolate pebbles. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mickey and Rick walk through the velvet curtain. No we're still talking. No way we're still out of here talking to Jim. What's your favorite color? Oh, God. OK, let's see. Where are you from? Black or white? Probably Black or white. Jim, what's that accent?

It's sort of a New York Boston mix, Ken. Where? A New York Boston mix. Make you ever hear of those cities? I don't know. I know. It's really. Your course is also Buzztown.

Yeah, two cities. Taylor Two Cities. Let's go talk to him. What's her name? Coco The Creams. It's Coco Chaz-Meow. It's Coco talk to him. What's her name? Coco the Creams. Mickey, don't you know. We'll talk to him now. Oh no, Jeff. Hold on.

Watch the left. Watch the left. Here's the right. Oh, whoa. Mickey and brick walk through the velvet curtain and see a door with a star on it. They knock. Come in. The dressing room is covered in costumes made of glitter and feathers

and flowers sent by her admirers. Sitting in the center of a room as a woman with perfect blonde curls she is wearing a silk robe on top of a silk robe. The whole time she speaks she's putting lipstick all over her face. Wow wow wow Coco you got legs that would make a cardinal kick in a sting last window. Hey this better be good. But a voice that would make me jump off a fucking bridge. Oh, I'm getting ready for my show. I got a baby at home, and that's exactly like that baby says like. Oh, where were?

What do you mean? We mean your voice is obnoxious. Are you that annoying, pesky little P.I.? What do you mean from me? Coco, we heard that you might know where Marky to Mark is. Oh, Matthew's pet old, so sewing, so broke my little heart. He came in here, and he didn't want to hear it. I'm almost done, this part's not locked.

Okay. Hey, real quick. Coco, Coco, can you use this? It's a new thing I invented, Coco, voice modulator. Yeah, it's got a set of go there that makes you sound like Darth Vader. Or a leasing human. No, this one's fun. So I'm gonna keep doing it. Come on, you've got lipstick all over your eyes or cheeks. You have completely dredged your face at leasing. So I'm done, right? Okay, he came in here raging and raging and told me we couldn't see each other no more because he was in a lot of trouble

And all of the bad guys a lot of men Hi, Kako, you're falling asleep, is he tough? I'm Taya, I can imagine the caliber of man that would walk away from a woman like you Coco You're a tall stack of pancakes and you're dripping with butter and syrup You're a tall stack of pancakes and you're dripping with butter and syrup. All right, thank you very much, but get in line. I'm the most chained staff today in this town. You're the most shaved down day in this town?

Yeah, but I'm also a doll that men are interested in. These are things we call women. You've got a string on the back of your back here that if I pull up that to two up on string. Don't pull. What's he doodle? than if I pull that to two on string. Don't pull it. See doodle. I just didn't get your tap on it. I just want to apologize.

That hurt it's time. So sorry. I can't pull that to pull it because I don't sound like Darth Vader. Completely inappropriate. I'm so sorry. We should not have done that. We'll unpack how absolutely horrible that was laid.

Sure. But first you can add Ian to my rid. Gettie, and some my ridd. I loved Antio Rittle. This one's called inspired composition. A composer of music set looking out the window, hoping for inspiration. Suddenly, something he saw provided him with the opening theme for a new work.

What did he see? I probably saw your beautiful face, Dave. Aw, thank you! That's not the answer, though. Well, if you stand in front of a mirror, or have a window, a window is reflective by nature, so he probably saw a man in the mirror. And he probably wrote the theme for Michael Jackson's

Man in the Mirror, but, shortly after, realized. Making this universe and every other universe, we don't mention that person in the mirror. Michael Jackson is man in the mirror, but shortly after, realized. In this universe and every other universe, we don't mention that person anymore. Michael Jackson is canceled as fuck, and so he probably immediately backtracked off of that and did some sort of weird-out twist on man in the mirror. Like, I'm looking at a man drink, and mirror. And did a little parody of a guy who was drinking buttlight.

Look at that, it's bathtub here. How's that for an answer? No. I'm sorry, I've been punching the head one too many times, and the one time too many was time, but 101. It was by your doctor, right? Oh yeah, my doctor said you've been punching the head

the exact amount of times, and then you went one more. I heard you're retired from five. Well, the wife at home, uh, miss, uh, picking a, boom, boom. uh, Vicky the poop. She didn't take you last name? No, she didn't take my last name. Of course, my boxing name is, uh, you know, uh, uh, uh, uh, fake name.

It's a stage name that I put on. My real name is Johnny the Poop. Uh, G-D-T. You know, I'm Mickey Rorke. Well, Mickey Rorke is my boxing name. Now, this is what I tried to explain to my doctor when I was writing about bad check from Johnny the Poop and he punched me one in the head

and he said, get out of my office, Johnny. You're the best PI in town. How come you can't figure out this red? Coco, can you read that one more time? And I hate to say this, but use your voice. I'm composing of music set looking out the window, hoping for inspiration. Suddenly, something he sub-provided him with the opening theme for a new work.

What did he see? Saw some sort of bird. Oh! Did he see a bird leaving? No. Maybe a songbird. Or maybe he saw a piano bird. No, he didn't hear a bird.

He saw several birds. He saw a flock. And he wrote it. Yeah, we're the, we're the tree. And a tree. No he didn't hear a bird he saw several birds. He saw a flock and he wrote it. Where the where were they? In a tree. No. Tree bird. Where else do they like trees? Yep. I always hold up my light and say play tree bird. Well yeah, sometimes you see a bird on a plate if it's like a Thanksgiving. Maybe some on a wire. Yeah. Birds on a wire. He saw some black birds sitting on a telegraph wire. Black birds sitting on a telegraph wire! Don't stop! Take these broken wings and learn to drink.

Oh, you're alive! I'm warming up! I'm drinking with a bird all the way! He saw some black birds sitting on a telegraph wire that positions indicated a melody line Wow, hot damn and since you two as such jerks did not good at figuring out riddles I'm gonna read you another one. Oh, well first of all I resent the being called a jerk Unless you're calling me a soda jerk, which I was kicked out of a soda shop for jerking off

But the shop was closed in my defense, and I thought it was my home, because there was a bed in there. You've had an interesting life. Well, I'm a fighter, so I've been punching the head one too many times. It's my doctor once said. And of course, when he said he saw a bed in there,

of course this is a film Noah, so he saw a bread in there. I saw bread. Every time he sees a loaf of bread, he just starts whacking off. Yeah. That's why I don't go shopping with Mickey no more. And that's how I feel about bread. Didn't you used to be with Madeline Demack? Yeah, for a hot second.

What happened? But you got a... You got an hourglass figure that I want to turn upside down and watch your organs. Did you lay for me in my tampon? That's fair, I'm so sorry. Listen, I can't apologize about this. I know, that was a real mistake.

What happened between you and Matt? Yeah, right now I want to know this too. What happened with you and Mel and Mel and Mel? Well, you know I'm always smoking a siggy? Yeah. I'm always contemplating and putting a smoke out of my mouth and into the air around me and then putting out the cigarette. Okay.

Well, we're going to talk to you about ash trays, my man. One time we were both asleep in the light of the moonlight and I went to light a cigarette but it turned out to be one of Madeline's digits. What? For finger, I tried to light a finger. Oh. Wait, I'm sorry. Did you wet the tip of her finger in your mouth first?

Mm-hmm. I rolled it up. I flayed her finger, put nicotine powder inside. Sure. Rolled it up. What did it with my mouth? I saw her hand. She had no visible scarring.

Listen, if you want to know the truth, she left me. Well, that does sound like the truth. Because she met the chief of police. That sounds like a hard truth. And why did you do that? You're not a cop anymore. I don't want to talk about that, but let's just say I pulled a tampon out of it.

It seems like a pattern. I am so sorry. Well, the reason that you're not a cop anymore is because you were selling cocaine. Well, you were employed in the police department and you took a dirty money bribe and then instead of just going to jail, you were employed in the police department and you took a dirty money bribe and then Instead of just going to jail you took a sweetheart deal and you just decided that you couldn't be a cop anymore Well, if you want to talk about the nuts and bolts and yes, that's why okay. Yeah, so he was a dirty cop

Now I was skiing the nose slopes easy Get out of the way of saying that pushing the devil's dandruff what's another way of saying that? It's not cocaine. He's not cocaine. He's not cocaine. What? Do you love? Pedal and fun, did you? What's another way you're saying it man? Uh, who?

This guy was watching every episode of Scooby Doo real fast. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Coco, isn't your name short for cocaine cocaine? It is! Would you like to buy some? Okay, but first, dear to my next riddle. How long have we been here? It seems like the sun has gone up and down multiple times since coming in here. We had a case to solve, Coco. I know, but I got a piece to solve, so it's the length of a regular episode. This is, reminds me of the last time I was in the ring in a boxing match.

Now, I could have taken them down with one punch, but my promoter says you got to go 10 rounds, and then you got to lose. And I said, I've only lost one thing in my life, and that's control of my bowels on a private airplane. Oh! Yeah, that's right. A former president, Bobby Kidney, right in the other was airplane, that shit by pants. It's 1948. That's why it's at 4am. Well, whoever was present doesn't matter. Go ahead and tell me your riddles. Speaking of 10 rounds, let me get us some drinks. Speaking of 10 rounds, I'll put both of these two pistols down on them.

I want a slow gym fizz. And I want a slow dance with gym fizz. Sports and Delta for the Boston Brood. All right. In a very exclusive restaurant, several dozen diners are eating a top-class meal upstairs. Several dozen doesn't sound so exclusive to me. Sounds like a fucking chili's in an airport.

Is this an airport chili's in a butt? Several dozen exclusive restaurants. Did I ever tell you about the time when Frank Herbert took me to a private restaurant on an island that's only for monkeys? Frank Herbert, the writer of Dune. It's only for monkeys. Oh, yeah. I thought you were going to tell a story about Chile. Well, I could tell many stories about Chile.

I've been kicked out of Everett Chili's in Riddle City, so just the one. As Coco started to read her riddle again, it reminded me that her voice has a cadence that would curdle milk. You're never rating out loud. It's my feelings, Tampon. I didn't take it.

I left it on the couch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you telling me that I've been drinking curdled milk this whole interview? I've had four glasses of this stuff. I'm sorry. Are you telling me that I've been drinking curdled milk this whole interview? I've had four glasses of this stuff. I'm going to be sick to my stomach. Why were you going to drink four glasses of milk in a row? Grown up should not drink damn much milk.

I'm a boxer and an avid gamer. I need it for my bones. All right. It a very exclusive restaurant. Oh, this is going to be bad for breakfast. That world doesn't die, isn't it? I'm going to be a child class meal. These clay blisters are bad.

Damn, Stia. This is gonna be bad for my guts. That world doesn't die and there's a eating a chop class meal. These plates are bad. Downstairs, precisely the same meal is being served at the same number of empty places where there's no-one. You know this is bleeding. It's cocoa, you know. There's real typos in this book. Disturb it. Sure.

Typoes, so some of your blood got on the page. We all know that you're a typo. In a very exclusive restaurant, several dozen diners are eating a top-class meal upstairs. Downstairs, precisely the same meal is being served at the same number of empty places where there is nobody to eat. What is going on?

You must be a typo, because you're giving me a universal bowler. Does that make sense? I might get the blood type right on that one. I'll take that back to the lab. You can meet an, Jimbo. Oh, I'm Jim. Oh, I'm Jim.

My name's Ronemari Bota. That's my dream to be discovered and be in a big, moving picture. The kind that takes place in the water and the women are wearing the sparkly bathing suits and the swim caps and they dive in in a dream seat. Well, can I just say that you've got a face for movies and a voice for silent films? That's rude. You ever think about how weird it is that Brendan Frazier was technically discovered in Encino Man, but he was also discovered as the plot line to that movie.

Hmm. Hmm. Who's Brendan Frazier? You know what? I think it's Brendan Gleason. Someone who's alive right now sure so what we're trying to solve is how the food was the same in a restaurant Like this food is the same in both parts of the restaurant, but why was everyone? Floor is a mere no the upstairs is heaven downstairs is hell everyone's a good boy

Was it said in the hotel California? Kevin downstairs is hell, everyone's a good little boy. Get close. Was it said in the hotel California? No, Titans. Tired of clothes? Very good. Or ghosts. No.

Ghosts in the attic. No, it's more in the hotel things a little closer. I'm sorry, the hotel things closer. Mm-hmm. Okay. And the heaven and hell thing is farther away. Yes, away, there's so many empty spots downstairs. Well, everyone eating upstairs was

Jewish and saving a chair for a life No You know you call going down on someone eating downstairs. I call eating upstairs There's another way you say in there. Oh, cool. Let's go down on your wife. What's another way of saying that? Chop chop. It's much to be What's another way you say that? Taking the elevator down to Pussyville. What's another way? Taking your mouth comb down to Afropark.

What's another way you say that? Putting the oyster inside Lush Canyon. And what's another, I'm trying to get back to you saying, watch it scooping too hard for yourself. We're going back. Never mind. Making a big sandwich, stacking it all on top of each other, and going to Shaggy's house.

All right. So the answer is there's a hotel in upstairs. It's a sort of kind of hotel. Is it a hostel? No. OK. Flop house? But why would there be so many empty tables downstairs?

Is that a boat? Downstairs is a hotel, OK? Oh, OK. It's a first-class restaurant. And you think hotels are the closest guys? Why would there be so many empty tables downstairs? Is downstairs a boat? Yeah! Okay, okay. It's a first-class restaurant. And you think hotels are the closest guys? I know like a cruise. Oh, boat-tell. Oh, a boat-tell.

Upstairs is out on deck. If it rains, the entire company transfers downstairs. Ah, I understand. A backup restaurant. Ah, okay. You get it. I always arrange a backup fight in Kate Inc. So my opponent backs out. And it's usually just as people are entering, my manager's out there scouting people in the

crowd. And the biggest toughest one of those fellas, well maybe he takes a pass at a few of those guys. They make them pretty big nowadays. But there's somewhere in the middle, my manager's like, hey, you want to make 30 bucks? You all you got to do is survive eight rounds with a professional boxer. And they never do, but they always make them money. It's the old time, so 30 bucks is a lot of money.

Oh yeah, it took 30 bucks and bought eight buix. Coco, do us a favor. And before we go, serenades with one of your famous songs like Chandeliers and Cannecans. Chandeliers and candycans give them to me on the plate. I'll eat a both! I'll eat a both! I'm not, I'm not singing for you for free.

Alright now, here's 30 bucks. Oh, I'm getting it. You win. Just, besides that, just give us the information we're talking for. Oh yeah! After I fought with him, I saw him talking to that little orphan boy who sends messages all over town. They were talking in the alley.

He was whispering to him and then handed him some coins for the trouble. But if you seem like he'd tell him, I'm looking for him too. What a pass. Out of a bitch owes me a lot of men need. What a get out I gotta say. What a pass and messages for you?

What do we look for? A couple little orphan boys. I just a thing. What a passing message is for you. What do we look for? A couple little orphan boys. I just thought you'd see a pattern that he owes a lot of people a lot of men. What, how much more I looked at? I looked onto the house and your feeder that you're about to perform to is as empty as the bottle of bourbon on my desk.

And as empty as your future love interests all in a room together. You know what I'm of emperors. Speaking of empty, I better go empty my bowels of all this spoiled milk that I drank. So why don't we, before we head off to our next destination, take a little break. Rock, tape, beat, or hate, beat, or break, or miss. Hey, GPC. Uh, uh, yeah.

You're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm, um, pranking at all. And I'm setting up a website to prank him. Okay. Um, okay. I just need some advice. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace.

I'm not, I'm not mad at you. We're pranking at all. Squarespace is the only one website platform for entrepreneurs to stay in doubt and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website. It engaged with your audience. And so let me think for products that cut into time all in one place, all on your terms.

Hey, Otto, come here, come here, come here. Hey, what's going on? I actually, I want to prank GPC and I want to set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like, is there like an online store that could set up on my website to sell products? Did you know that with Squarespace,

you can have custom merch, you can easily sell custom merch and create passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand, design your products and production and inventory and shipping are handled for you saving you time and money. What is happening? Okay. Wait, what's going on with that all?

Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing. No, he's gonna tune you. And I'm gonna use analytics, use insights to grow my business and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool. I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords, our popular products and content on my prank website. The pranks are too easy.

Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what the website was for. The website was for? I can't remember what the website is for Frank With square space You can connect to your store to vetted third party tools to extend the functionality of your website Hey JPC hey JPC. What's up, Adam? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine

Dude, we got her anyway if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh, she's back. She's back. Hey, Aaron. Hey, Aaron. Can we go to grandma's house? Wait, I've been pranked. But how? I don't know. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, Adel and JPC, thank you for meeting me

in the middle of the woods here. I am sort of at an impasse. I can't decide whether or not to go this way or this way. I'm having a hard time choosing a path. You know, there never truly is a middle of the woods. Isn't it funny to think about something like that? Like, have there never truly is a middle of the woods?

No, this is the middle. Okay, this is it. Addle, can you help? Yeah, actually, so as per Robert Frost, I don't know if you know his poems. He has a poem called Better Help. I believe this is written in the 1800s, but it still stands true today more than ever.

Aaron, you should try better help. Have you heard of this? You seen this? Mm-hmm. Because sometimes Aaron and life were faced with tough choices and the path forward isn't always clear. Whether you're dealing with decisions around career, relationships, being stuck in the middle of the woods, therapy helps you stay connected to what you, ow, ow.

Sorry, that also does so fast. Therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate life and the woods. Mm, and better help is entirely online, so it's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. I've been using it for several years, and it suits the way that my brain works,

way better than traditional therapy ever did. And when Aaron says traditional therapy, just so everyone's clear, what she means is tricking two of her friends to coming to the middle of the woods, even though there isn't truly the concept of the middle of the woods, isn't that fun? All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire

to get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Hey, Aaron, GPCs putting down bread crumbs and then immediately picking them up and eating them. Dirty bread crumbs. Mmm. And he's also like really into that owl who's swooping down.

Anyways, let there be your map with better help. Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help. H-E-L-P dot com slash riddle. R-I-D-e-l-p dot com slash riddle r-i-d-d-l-e r-i-d-d-l-e the middle of riddles of d but there is no true middle of riddle because it would be the space in the light of the two d helping at home bye am home

who are we what is this uh i uh clink clink clink excuse me ladies and gentlemen um i just want to make a quick Who are we? I Excuse me ladies and gentlemen. I just want to make a quick toast to I know it's JPC's birthday and we're all so excited to talk about him But I want to talk about my favorite my favorite thing in the world Oh, and that is the app rocket money. Oh Yeah, Aaron that's one of my favorite things as well Rocket money. Oh, yeah, Aaron, that's one of my favorite things as well.

Uh-huh. Rocket money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years, way before they were a sponsor, and it helps me so much, especially around tax season.

Kling, Kling, Kling, Kling, Kling, Kling, sorry, I also wanna give a toast. Rocket money, well quickly and easily find your subscriptions for you. And for any you don't want to pay for anymore, just hit cancel. And Rocket money will cancel it for you. It's that easy. Kling, Kling, Kling. It also categorizes your expenses so you can easily track your budget in real time and

also get alerted if anything looks off. Over three million. Kling, Kling, clink, clink. Over three million people have used rocket money, saving the average person up to $720 a year. We love rock. Stop. Stop. Clink, clink, clink.

No, click, click, click, stop. Throwing your money away, cancel, unwarded subscriptions today and manage your expenses. The easy way by going to rocket money.com slash riddle. That's rocket money.com slash riddle. Rocket money.com slash riddle. And tell them JPC's birthday got ruined by two of his friends for doing speeches about rocket money the website. I love you rocket money. And as we came back from the ad break, I thought to myself, boy, that cocoa cashmere

with her looks in my brains, we could really go somewhere. Hey, can you not talk while I was trying to take a shit? It's so distracting. Sorry, I knocked. I wanted to see if there's a ghost shit in here, but nobody's sitting there. Well, I'm sorry. I was moaning and saying a boo because just trying to, you know, pass out my business. But I'm all good now, and I don't wash my hands because it's 1948.

Let's get out of here and on to the next. Mickey and Rick walk into the alley and talk about their theories they have in the case so far. Well it seems like market market a lot of people money. Cocoa is former lover of old Jim Fizz, local bartender, Maxi. But we still don't know what he needed the money for. I mean he he was caching in debts all over town, making people upset, and talking his little loudmouth mouth off. Sounds to me like maybe he just racked up some debt and then left town. Now, what a dark worker racked up debt.

Maybe he got mixed up in the wrong boat, if you know what I mean. Just then they see an orphan boy, scraps, trying to juggle with rocks about 30 yards away. Scraps is wearing glasses with no glass in them in a brown vest. Scraps, these adorable. Hey, Scrapes. Hey, mister's, my name's Scrapes. Oh, I thought it was Scrapes. I guess I've only read it.

Mm-hmm. Well, my name's Scrapes. How can I help you? Do you want to watch me dung or rocks? Absolutely not. Speaking of only read it, did I ever tell you about how the time I got enough? Big old fight with someone on a boxing message board because they were complaining about the fact

that I only box amateurs and sometimes as little kids out of the audience right before the match starts and they try to make the 30 bucks and I usually beat the shit out of them. Well, as it told, this 10-striker, I couldn't help but recognize that. It sounded just like J.K. Riddle. So that. Anyway, I couldn't help but recognize that. I'm just like, jeep, you ridden for that.

Anyway, I quickly left off with that message board and went about my business. Now, little scraps, you're still here. They call you table scraps, right? Because you're always sitting at the table? My feet don't reach the floor. Well, that's because you're sitting on a high chair. OK.

I don't have fair and stuff. Hey, scraps, a little birdie told us I don't have parents. Hey, scraps. A little birdie told us that you would be interested in making $30. That's Buick money, boy. And by Buick. And by Birdie, I mean a cocoa bird. Yeah, a cocoa clock. She's beautiful, the voice of an angel.

Oh, you're deaf. You're an idiot little kid, you're so stupid. You've only heard one voice apparently. Yeah. You are two grown men who were bullying me. Can I help you with something? Of course. You ever thought about being a boxer Scraps?

No, you know what? That's a conversation for another time. We're looking for a man. We're looking for a market in Mark. Oh, yeah. Mark, you're to mark me some money to send a message to someone. I'll tell you all about it, but first you have to answer some of these riddles for kids. Does anybody ever say that your name could be S-crap? I heard my feelings.

Read those riddles. I don't get it. Oh, there it goes. Yeah, I understand now. Read those riddles to us, little boy. Right, okay, old dog. I'm just, I have all these crutches. Oh.

Trying to get the stuff out of my pocket. Wait, you have all those crutches, and yet earlier you're gonna juggle rocks for us? Yeah. Oh, you're selling these crutches, right? Uh-huh. I sell crutches, also I need them. Sure.

Get in high if you're on supply. Our buddy, Brick knows all about that. Oh, get me some. Perhaps he's made himself laugh so hard. Is he real kid move? What a kid move. Anyway. Getting high off my own supply.

OK, are you ready for some riddles for kids? Yeah, ready is will ever be. Like getting high on your own supply, you mean those crutches are way too tall for you? I know. You look like an actor in the Lion King. Ding, ding, ding, round one. Sorry, just to put it in the boxing terminology

that I understand. I am I, I'm a little starstruck right now. I'm sometimes the person who walks by you with the round one little chalkboard. Yeah, you are sometimes there. Oh, you're a ring girl. Yeah, I'm sort of a ring girl. You know, you're gonna do that for every round, right? Mm-hmm. Also, it's like one, seven, four. You're doing it all backwards and shit. I love you. Just told me I list my favorite numbers in order. Yeah, well, it was a ring girl, Madeline, but I wasn't willing to give her one. So she walked right out of there. Oh, this sounds like a memory. Left me for the chief police, and he was willing to propose to her when I had the chance. He was willing to propose to her. Madeline DeMarc, the prettiest woman in this city. She's so hot. She's Aaron Keefe, levels of hot.

People keep saying that. Aaron Keefe, that's that woman who... She's a little city too. Aaron Keefe, that's that woman who years ago got her dress caught in the mouth of the animatronic shark. She doesn't shut the fuck up. All right. Oh, do you know, remember this story that Erin Keeve told where she walked her out downtown Chicago and her dress was tucked under her backpack before wrapping it? Yeah. Anyways, here are some riddles for kids. She's got nipples a size of luncheables.

What the hell are you talking about? That's the pizza guy. How do rabbits travel? Oh, how do rabbits, so this is going to be some sort of fun. They fuck like bunnies. Oh, very good. How do rabbits travel? Oh, how do rabbits, so this is gonna be some sort of fun. They fuck like bunnies. Oh, very good. How do rabbits travel? They hop on a train.

How do rabbits travel? They drive in a car at, like a carat, but what about? These are all funny and they work, but not the one I'm looking for. They get from hair to there. Ooh, that's pretty good. That's amazing. And you have your sort of clothes, one of those words. They get from hair to there. Ooh, that's pretty good. That's amazing.

And you have your sort of clothes. They take the hair line. Huh? Hair line. Hair. Hair plane. They fly in the hair. By hair plane.

Hair plane. Well done. Ow. Ow. Wow. I'm getting, look, I blocked one of them. You did, yeah, you did well. And to be fair, I was trying to chop those crutches in half.

I never meant to hit you, you're a kid. You leaned into this. You do a lot by accident, mister. What you heard about that? Yeah, it's in the paper, ready? Look at the paper. Man pulls tampons string, apologizes for 20 minutes. And I would pass 28, this guy would be bigger news than that.

Well, I don't know if I have mentioned it to this, but I also write for the paper, and sometimes I jot down some of the things that you do in a cell phone. Hey, I got a baby at home, friend. I got to make a little scratch on the side. What's your baby's name again? I won't know until he turns 21, I fight him in the ring.

You're a dad? I am a dad. Could you... Well, I left her for the term papa. Do you have any room for... I don't know. I need your old boy. I got my little baby and my beautiful wife and a motorcycle that don't work too well.

And those are the only things in my life. Actually, I also have a toothbrush and a... What's it called? A duvet cover. That's mine. But no... But no... Comforter under the duvet cover.

No, I don't... The comfort of the wife, the duvet cover is mine, okay? A lot of these things were passed on from my dad, who died tragically at war. You know, speaking of Comforter, I think Madeleine would have stayed with me if I could have comforter. But of course I always slept on my side facing the opposite way, and that's why she won't have that chief of police. Mm-hmm, seems like a moderate. She seems like a moderate. Yeah, sure.

Sometimes we don't appreciate how great a love is until it's gone. That's like me. You said you're eight years old. You have the brain and soul of a 42 year old and the legs of a two year old. Well, losing your parents will do that to you. I can find them for you. I'm a PI along with my assistant PI. No, no, they're dead. I saw. Then you just lose them.

Okay. Wait, you saw? How'd they die? Yeah. You just saw the Titanic shark? How'd they die? Yeah! You just saw the titronic shark? Mm-hmm. What's a restaurant on the moon like? Luna. Luna.

Great food. No atmosphere. You knew it. Yeah, I did know that one. Because I've been to the moon. Well, I've boxed a man whose name was Jimmy the Moon. He was as big as the ring. Then it took me about a hundred punches,

but finally I wore through that thick scola, his and he went down hard. Didn't you famously punch him in the stomach where he had an X with band-aids and then his shorts would fall down and then you punch him while he tried to pull him up? No. All right.

I must be thinking of someone else. Probably a different story, Fred. I don't know what that is. It's just a big band that I punched a bunch. Now listen here, scraps. You can get more. I got two more. All right, hurry up.

What's black? Two more. You better not go to a hospital with that kind of dark. It's not a two more. What's black and white and pink? Riddle city. What's black and white? Riddle city.

And pink all over. What's pink? I know, I realize that now. What's black and white? Pink all over. What's black and white and pink all over? Oh boy. Probably one of the dirtiest fighters I ever fought. His name was Johnny Pinkai and man oh man,

he would touch poop with his hands. But in the ring, he was a real devil. You didn't want to get anywhere near those fists because like I mentioned, he would touch poop with his hands. I feel like you've boxed a lot of characters. What are the top three craziest people you faced in the ring? Okay, okay. Top three craziest people I have a face in the ring.

Well, number one with a bullet. I'm sorry, I'll go and reverse order. Let's start with number three. What have them had a gun? Yes, he did. His name was the DC sniper. He had a gun with a ball and then he was a terrible man. I took him down quick. So let's not have to count him.

Number three, Tony the Tiger. He was a Cartoon Tiger. Boy, a boy, he had a reach. He had eight to 12 feet reach on him. And his hands would grow longer and stretch here. But he was pretty too dimensional. So I got his boxing padded down and got him down quick. Number two, I fought Ross, the character from friends.

Not David Schwimmer, I keep in mind, but Ross, the character he played. Was he on a break? Oh yeah, he took a break, I broke his fucking neck. I went to jail for a couple of minutes. After that fight, I was not supposed to be punching him below the belt. He was bending over, I punched him with the neck. And the number one, the number one, cookiest character I've fought in the ring, goes by the name of Leonardo DiCaprio, no relation. And it was a real, the bill with the arena never been packed more.

It's at DiCaprio versus Roark, a boxing match, and people came and they were sorely disappointed at just seeing two average boxes punch at each other. Nothing to do with the celebrities, the other names. Was that one of the riddles? Yes, and there's the left one. What's black and white, and sometimes pink, is that, at least, all that?

What's black and white and pink all over? It's someone's genitals inside a newspaper. Ah, the old newspaper trick. When you go to a movie, but it can't afford Cohn. You say I want to read this newspaper and your genitals are inside it. What's the it's okay? An embarrassed zebra. What? An embarrassed zebra. I don't know what a zebra is. What are you making fun of me? It's a horse but it looks it's a little different. I just say it's a different horse. A horse of a different color. It's a horse of a different color who's embarrassed.

Here's your last one. Why is the Mississippi such an unusual river? It's got more eyes than it's got asses. That's pretty close. And is that true? It's got more than two eyes. It's has out your gun close. It's got a lot of people.

More pee, it's got more pee than that bridge pier who we classically solved the case where he was diluting the water in the city and trying to poison everybody with his pysiplot. It's killed more, Jeff. But at least the most ripple. Oh, yeah, you're right. We didn't tell anybody about that.

I forgot about that. Scraps you till it was a soul. I'll see you with a box of ring. I was drinking pee, but for how long? Why couldn't I taste it? Look, we're all drinking pee, kid. Anyway. Is that true?

Yeah, show. Why not? Okay. That's what PI stands for. Piss ingestion. Mm-hmm. And I'm a private PI, so we keep that secret that everyone's ingesting piss. All right, here's the answer. It is four eyes, but cannot see.

Wolf. Wolf. Wolf, wolf, wolf. Wolf, wolf, wolf. Wolf, wolf, wolf. Scraps, what's going on here? Did you get off here? Bloody? As the slowest browns.

Things get hot in here, you get nervous? Getting a little nervous. All right, Scraps, you tell us right now. We've solved your little riddles. Okay, okay, fine. Well, you told us the answers for most of them, but you need to tell us what Marky to Mark is. Marky sent me down to the dots to talk to his old friend,

turned to enemy, Grip Wilson. OK. He told me to tell him that he finally found a way to give him the money he owes him from that gambling game he lost. He just needs 12 more hours. You should just go talk to Grip about it. Marky was involved in gambling, eh?

And ask him if he got his money the next morning. I don't know, but if you see Mark, he tell him I'm looking for him too. That son of a bitch owes me a lot of money. Oh, language, you little late. You a boy? I am sorry. Child of a bitch. You keep talking like that.

You don't deserve parents. Oh, gambling game. I played a gambling game with Madeline. I bet she'd never leave me. She called my bluff. Seems like you've got a lot to unpack on your own personal time. Let's get down to the talks and talk to Grip! And I'll maybe give him a grip that he won't forget.

Would you like a crutch to go? Yeah, okay, what about a... I don't think so, why not? Here you go. And money please. Money please. All right, kid. Here's one Buick worth of money.

Oh, so... It was a math. 30 divided by eight. That's five. That doesn't exactly go in well. Well, here's enough for a Mazda Miata. Oh my god. A nickel.

I got it. Always bi-domestic. All right. The jettin. We head on down to the, to go find Grip Wilson. Yeah, Grip, we should have had these docks to begin with, it seems. The gentleman chat on the way to the docks.

You know sometimes salad is too dry. Ah, yes. You know what you got to do? Throw some scrambled eggs into that salad. Ooh, doesn't that then become a burrito? Hmm. Tossed salad and scrambled eggs. That's a burrito, I guess.

When they finally arrive, it's well past midnight, and the fog is hanging out over the water. It's a little too quiet and a little too cold. Mickey recognizes grip right away. Can I have your coat? Sure. I'm cold.

Here we go, my paint chair. One coat. Thank you, sir. Oh, look, it's grip Wilson. Hey, grip. He's boxed against him many times. His grip is 6-6 and has a scar across the length of his face. It sort of looks like he has some fresh scars and bruises all over the rest of his body.

He looks like he was handsome once but being tough has really done a number on him. Hmm Grip you looked like you just taking a tumble. Well if it isn't Mickey, I used to be a boxer now I'm a snitch rock. Come here to fight me. First of all, I'm not a snitch. I saw something and I said something, which is every American civic duty. Oh, I caught him. I caught Grip. He's a snitch. He's worth what is that? 1200 points. No!

He was calling me a snitch. Oh, I'm sorry. It's okay. I thought we might win the game if I caught him. No, no, no. Griff, you old sowing sowing, you old husky son of a busky. We want to know where market and market is and we want to know it now and don't make me take you out with one of my classic punches. Oh, you're going to take him out and buy some punch? Yeah, well, you stick around long enough and we just might see.

Take it to the fancy boat restaurant in town. Using, using that I couldn't tell you. It's just looking at you. You think I can't write anything that I can punch you out? Oh, excuse us, Marge Simpson. We're looking for grip wheels. I'm here. I'm here and this is also my voice. This is how deep.

Call me! This is the deep, personal voice cooker. My name's Brick. My name's Brick. What did Marge Simpson say when she walked into an Airbnb that reminded her of her place? Bart! Where are I trying to?

So you're looking. I'm saying. Mum sent Pop the Ball. So you're looking for Markey, huh? Yes, we are. We're looking for Mark and Mark. All right. No relation.

Well, obviously, before answering your questions about Markey, you've got to answer my red all. All right, grip, make it quick. A man jumped 150 feet entirely. Impossible. Hold on. OK. A man jumped 150 feet entirely under his own power. He landed safely. How did he do it?

He jumped from on top of the building into an inflatable bag below. Mm-hmm. No. He jumped on the moon. No. It was a leap of faith. He asked a woman to marry him and she said yes. Jesus, Jesus took the wheel. No. Was this man standing on top of something when he jumped off? Yeah. It wasn't all at once. It was in quick succession. No, it was all at once. Is one jump?

Was he a base jumper? Did he have some sort of core, tadoest legs? No, but you're sort of right. Did there be some athleticism? A parachute? A bunch of jumpers. A trapeze artist. Jump?

It was a frog. No. The man was a frog. Good judgment now. Is this frog man? No. Is a man French? No. Did you swallow a frog?

Yes. Boy, where's my frog? Chance him, I look at frog. Grip, you give him back, or I'll punch you in the gut and make you throw him up. OK, I'll come out next time I sneeze. OK, I could be a wow, but we'll, but, but, I won't wait for it.

I'll stick a pencil, man, no, let's get the brush. You said 150 feet. Mm-hmm, you jammed off something and it was a daring sport. Mm, what more? You said jet skiing. Uh-huh. Not jet skiing. Ferrisailing and...

Uh, oh, was it a ski? Yeah, he was a ski. He was a ski, he was a ski slope, and he was a base jumping. Can you go 150 feet up when you're skiing? Is that something that's real? I sure know. That's fucking insane All right, go on one more. And you just landed without breaking any legs. Grip this riddle was written on mustard on an napkin I assume it's mustard. It's black but All of us are splatting anything

Yeah, and most we have to depend on smell in this world. Doing this voice is making me dizzy. Well, you can change that if you like this voice modulator. You sound like Darth Vader. The only silly thing that I've heard. Oh no, just a few. Smash, smash, smash. All right, here's your second.

The string in the cloth. Oh, what? Did you read the paper, too? No. Our buddy's got a lot to apologize for. A man lay dead in the field next to a piece of string and a cloth. How did he die? He pulled a tampon out of the woman and she shot it. He shouldn't have done it. No, but I just read what you did in the paper. Yeah, that's what I just asked. What the hell? Okay. Man lies dead in the field next to a string

and a cloth. What? Did the cloth have any writing on it? Maybe they've got one. Was it embroidered? Probably. Stitching? I don't know. You don't know? It reminds me of Madeline when she left me.

I promised her love with no strings attached, but she pulled the cloth over my eyes. Left me for the chief of police. It sounds like she was being pretty up front with the fact that she was leaving you. There's no time for this, I'm sorry. You gave multiple indications that you weren't interested in her and she kind of found somebody else. It sounds like she was doing an aside, but it happened to be a be front. Oh, okay.

Okay, very good. Now, you said that the cloth was attached to the string? No, it was. Was this a kite of the string? No? There it was. Was this a kite of some sort? Ding ding ding. No, no don't, don't, don't, around Mickey don't say ding ding ding. No, I hold punch, punch, punch! Oh, Mickey's the type of guy who punch you in a teeth and then kickin' his stomach for mumbling.

I'm sorry, grab punch, punch, punch, punch, punch, punch, punch! Oh, you win, round one, Round two, Bunch! Bunch! Bunch! And both our next snap-up heads are going to all slack down. We push our heads back down. Bunch! Bunch! Bunch! Oh, no more rock and sock, boys. You've got it, Grip.

You're still a good boxer, and I'm all old and washed up. I got a baby at home and a wife to boot. I don't have a wife. Washed up, just like that whale of a liar that Madeline told me. Tried to push her back into the ocean, but couldn't because it was a new relationship with the chief of police. Gas blew up inside it. Because it's all the fish parts that blow up over the beach. You ever seen a pelican drink coke?

No, Seagulls. He's pop rocks? It's a seagull and it gets shot with a bullet. That's what it is. Makes them explode. They kill them every time. They like dynamite and put it inside of a seagull that looks explode. That's the drink is. Makes them explode. They kill them every time. That's it. You like dynamite and put it inside of a seagull that looks explode.

That's the drink that I order at the moxie. The exploding seagull? Yeah. Oh yeah, that's just gin, right? Yeah, with some seagull parts. Okay. Well, grip, any more riddles? No, but I have the information.

Well, you know, make like a tree and give it that information grip. I saw Marky at about 5 a.m. He told me he was going to get the money from Coco. He was going to take all of her jewelry and sell it. Okay, we oughta been there. But between you and me. Sure. Oh, a jewelry. That reminds me of the foolish games I was playing with Madeline. She was the jewel of my heart, living in a car for some time.

How many of these do you think you still have in you? Not many. Okay. But between you and me, Coco would kill him before she would let him do that. Wait a second. Are you saying that he was planning to steal from Coco and you think that Coco killed him? I think that she could have. This is just like that Pixar movie. Toy Story.

Toy Story, yeah, that's right. I wouldn't trust Coco, not even a little bit. The man rushed back to the moxie just as Coco was singing her last song of the night. They sneak into her dressing room and start to look around. Before we do that, let's hear this last song. Yeah, it's just nobody in the house. It's just the end of the song. Here I am at the My Crossbow.

What a mistake. Let's go back to the dressing room. Let's go back to the dressing room. The song was here I am at the My Crossbow! What a mistake! Let's go back to the Judger Room. Let's go back to the Judger Room. This song was here I am at the microphone, as she was singing ten feet away from the microphone. All right, Rick, we gotta be quick, okay? We gotta find any evidence, we gotta find any clues that it was Coco, the Dither-D. Okay, first of all, let's look for her jewelry.

It's still here. Then, you know, a market didn't steal it. All right, well, this looks like costume jewelry to me, but surely there's something precious. Oh, there's a locked trunk here. We're shaking about and moving. Okay. There's some muffled screams in there.

Brett has a hunch and he looks in the trunk. Whoop. In the back of a closet. I can't believe you actually said that. That's part of the evidence. Are you kidding me? I want a little miracle. I wrote it down.

Somebody in a trunk? No. Oh, no. Just a trunk? Yeah. For kind of cool. Yeah, I kick it open. Sorry, let me take that again.

Oh no. In it, he finds a silk robe covered in blood. A knife adorned with glittery music. Wait, this could be mustard, let me smell it. Nope, the black stuff is blood. Oh, okay. He's not. Better give it a taste, too. Oh, that's mustard. No, it's blood with a lot of mustard smell it. Nope, the black stuff is blood. Oh, okay. He's not. Better give it a taste, too.

Oh, that's mustard. No, it's blood with a lot of mustard in it. Ah, sometimes you use mustard to clean blood out of silk. A knife adorned with glittery music notes in the closed mark he was last seen and also covered in blood. And a map that says, Inkins, Speaky was placed to hide by his.

Man, there's also a severed penis in here. Ha, ha, ha. Man, there's also a severed penis in here. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Huh. What's new with that? And then they talk about other things. They see how they're... They put in my forehead.

Look, I'm a unicorn. Oh, now you do one. Oh, okay. There's some prop comedy. I'm also a unicorn. What's a game here? Let me put it on my dick. Look, I have a dick.

Well, it seems like this case is open and shut. Should we take it back to the chief of police? Or do you hate that son of a bitch so much he can't put pride aside? I can put like a like a lion ordering an appetizer. I can put pride aside. Mickey calls the police. And as Coco comes off stage, brick breaks the news. Her that she's busted.

You're busted. Oh, thank you so much, Miss Leoplons. You were, you were, I really appreciate it. Oh my goodness, you two again. There's two things that are busted. Your voice and you as an entity. How dare you, you never make fun of a woman's voice. Well, that's true.

Make an exception. And what do you mean, I'm busted as an entity? We found a trunk in your room with bloody clothes, Well that's true. Making an exception. And what do you mean, Bustardousan entity? We found a trunk in your room with bloody clothes, both yours and Marquis a knife and a seven penis. Seven-fourth thing and that also a map about where to hide bodies. That's not mine! You might as well admit it, Coco.

Ooh, pour some milk over you because you're crispy. Is Marquis dead? Oh, well, well, well, well. Oh, yeah, we assume you because you're crispy. Is monkey dead? Oh, what? My monkey? Oh yeah, we're soups on. Oh my gosh, it's not mine, it's not mine. Wait a second. Let's put this knife in her hand. It doesn't fit.

You're saying you're, it's like a bomb that you don't step on, not mine? Not mine, but are you going gonna take me off to jail anyway? I'll take the fall for this, but you'll be sorry. Wait, we're gonna be sorry. You'll be sorry. Well tell us this, Coco. Who else would have a key to this trunk

or access to this backstage room? I don't know, but stop asking me so many questions. You'll be healerin' from my lawyer. Well let me ask you one more thing. Grip down at the docks, I believe you're at the docks, said that Marky came to you to get the money. Why would he get the money from you when he owed you money? What was the money for?

Was that the money he was borrowing from you? He owed me some money. Idiot again, bling problem. He did again. He kept borrowing and borrowing from people. And it was just a circle of debt. But I didn't kill him and you'll be sorry. Another kid.

Oh, I'm sorry. No, absolutely you go. I was just going to say that this reminds me of my wedding photos if, and that I don't remember if they've been framed. Before we go, Coco, I want to ask you to sing one more song. If you don't mind singing one of your... I get me right up on my microphone, I'm on my laptop.

No way near that microphone. I'm getting even closer. Miles away from that microphone. She's not gonna get away. No, come back here Coco. You're going to jail. You're going to jail. Okay, but you'll be sorry.

Another case. So, does the gentleman walk home in the morning light they pass the train station As the train pulls out of the station Brickseys Madeline de Mark the chief of police in Marguer de Mark In the train car window laughing and toasting champagne or at least he thinks he saw them, but that couldn't be them Right What's going on here? Probably a coincidence. Let's go get sloppy jokes.

I'm hungry. End of part one. Part one? Yeah, that's what she said. Part one. To be continued in a different episode? And let's get out of black and white. Back to our reality.

Ah, ah, what is this? Ah, too much overload. You're covered in mustard and blood, Adol, what the heck? I'm pissing mustard. Well, mustard and blood in the same bottle. Now that's something that hides corp could get behind. Okay, shark tank, I have a pitch for you. So what do we think?

Is that fun? That was super fun, and I'm genuinely intrigued. Now I, did you write this? Wait, what? This wasn't written by a man? Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha.

Yeah, I wrote it. Wow, Aaron, this was great. Thank you so much for doing this. What do you call it? Film noir style, riddle. Hey, noir, noir. What's the big one? No, let's do it right now.

Hey, riddle city. That's it. Hey, riddle city. I like that. Can I ask how many hours did it take for you to come up with the worst voice possible? That came naturally to me. Yeah, but no, this was fun to write this story and I've I Did an arc for two more episodes. So if you like Don't have to return to the no we must but if you like it and then the audience likes it We can come back and you'll find out damn Aaron Ke Aaron Kees is a regular Noah with how many arcs she's

doing. I read a lot of Wikipedia pages and a lot of film new ours. You call them new ours? New ours, new ours. Besides all the work that you've done for this episode, Aaron, is there anything else that you would like to pull out? Follow me, Aaron Kees 10 on Instagram and information about my new web series will be on there. And also the shows that I do. Please follow me there and also Twitter if you want, but I don't really tweet. Addle? You can check me out on I just did a podcast called ShuffleQuest with the wrestling RPG that

was a blast to play. Please listen to that and hear me play a robot wrestler. You can also follow me at Adderify on Twitter and Instagram. Come check us out at World News Tonight. Every Saturday at 10 p.m. and 8 p.m. at IOT. A quick note about that though. Sometimes we don't have a long time to talk. Like last night, so many amazing, nice people were there.

Please say hi to us. Definitely say hi. But we're so sorry because it's usually like in between shows and we have a 10 o'clock show, so like, we wish we could sit and talk to you for a really long time. But, I'm pretty sure you can. And if you get four fucking words out of me, you should count yourself fucking walking.

JPC anything to plug? Yeah, you can follow me on Twitter at JPCOFly. You can follow me on Instagram at SharkBarkman. You can subscribe to our Patreon. Patreon.com slash Hey, Rital Rital. Go to our T-Pub, Xtore, and check out some of our merchandise. Maybe we're doing live shows who fucking knows. Go to head Patreon.com slash Hey, Rital Rital, go to our T-Pulp store and check out some of our merchandise. Maybe we're doing live shows, who fucking knows?

Go to headgun.com slash live and see if you see our icon on there if you see it, we're doing live shows. If you don't, you're shit out of luck. And maybe next year, baby. Also, once we get to 1500 Apple reviews, we're gonna do another AMA episode. I think we're fairly close. I think we're close.

I think we're somewhere there. So pressure your friends into reviewing us on Apple podcast. And if you do not have an Apple ID, then you can make a fake Apple ID, you'll have to get a new phone number and you'll have to connect that to a new phone. Now, since all of the phone numbers on Planet Earth are already taken up by people who already got there. Sorry, you'll have to go to Planet. Stupid ass. Oh the voice. Bye. What's wrong with his voice?

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