Hey Riddle Riddle - #59: That Sucks! That Rules!

Episode Date: September 4, 2019

The crew is a bit slap-happy in this one! We do some Amelia Bedelia riddles, hear Erin start using water for some Foley Artistry (DO NOT LISTEN TO THIS EPISODE IF YOU HAVE HYDROPHOBIA), find out there's a new mustard in town, get a sample of Songs Of The Salt 80's and you better believe we fire allllll the butlers! Erin is a saint and her least favorite movie is Girl Interrupted. #WiddleWednesdayStarring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: KJ SnyderTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a head gum podcast. Uh oh, we're on Island time. It's hey, rum, rum. Is that a deal, David's dog? Yeah. Hey, rum, rum. rum rum Is that a deal David's eye? Yeah, I Was debating between starting with that and starting with the Swedish chef as the Swedish chef would say Thank God we burned them both I'm on island. That's me, the chef. Oh, that's really a show. And you're welcoming to, hey, Riddle Riddles, the only podcast about Riddles for Riddles by Riddles.

If you're not sure if you should listen to this, please consult your Riddles. Visit us at pbskids.org. Oh, Riddles? Look to your life. They burned down years ago. Look to your life. What are those as a Riddle? Oh, we're a little slap happy today. How many years have we been doing this? down years ago. Looked to your right. What are those as a riddle?

Oh, we're a little slap happy today. How many years have we been doing this? Ten years. This episode? Yeah, this episode is so 10 years. We've been a show for one. We've been doing this intro for 10 years. I thought of here's a fun nickname for me. Daddy, Addy. Is that fun? Is it fun? So Aaron, I wore these leather chips for nothing. I guess so. You're gonna get a rash. Aaron's Keke.

We got Keke, we got Japs. What about just Zaddy Addy? Ooh, Zaddy Addy. Zaddy Addy. No. What have we called that? Zaddy Addy. What have we called that?

Zaddy Addy. What have we called that? What have we called that? What have we called that? Zaddy Addy. What have we called that? What have we called that? Zaddy so spicy. Can I always have that trumpet? Daddy, daddy. Daddy, daddy sounds like you're famous. Daddy, daddy, come another chimney tonight. My wife.

Do you think this podcast could qualify as community service? For one of us. I thought you were gonna say, can it qualify as comedy? No, absolutely not. I have this ankle bracelet that doesn't allow me to do comedy. In fact, our favorite segment, this is where the part of the show where I ask you, what

your deal is. Hey, Adda, what's your deal? My deal is I'm on house arrest, meaning I got arrested while I was going up to the actor who plays house and... Grigory Peck. Grigory Peck. Scope, Jim. His famous line in house. Scope, Jim.

His name is Linenhaus. Scope, Jim. What is his name? What's Shiffa Robe? Arm Gregory Peck. And that is Shiffa Robe. What's house's name? Oh, God.

House's name is Dermott. No, no, don't. See, you're making my brain. His name is Gregory. His name is Hulory. Hulory. But in America, he's called Hugh Truck. Hugh Truck.

That's pretty good. I actually really like that joke. That's a good joke. Hey JVC, watch your wheelers' way. I'm just a rad guy with a- A rad guy. Can you hold on? Can you start your deal again with that same intro,

but to the tune of No Doubt Spider Web? I can't. I. same intro, but to the tune of No Doubt Spider Web. I can't. When you told me to sing No Doubt Spider Web, all I could think of in my mind was Spider Web, Spider Web. No Doubt Spider Web. So I'm just a girl in the world. I'm just a girl in the world.

I'm just a girl in the world. I'm just a girl in the world. I'm just a girl in the world. I'm just a girl in the world. I'm just a girl in the world. I'm just a girl in the world. I'm just a girl in the world. So I'm just a girl in the world. I'm just a girl in the world. I'm just a, Puppels. Mm, I love Coco Puppels. So what's up? Do we still like riddles? No. No.

No, man, no. And I do like whatever we're doing. Actually, you know what? Over, I was a canonically neutral to riddles, famously neutral to riddles. I do like some riddles. I do like some riddles. There are some riddles that...

They get you here, they get you right here. That in Addles pointing to his tail. There are some riddles that don't take too much out of me in that I'm not like furious because the answer couldn't be or like... You're furious because... It was like 10 years ago and this is an antiquio. But that was famously punched a death by a police horse

as ghost. Some of you shouldn't have given that police horse arms to be fair. But second amendment, please. Second amendment, amendment. I go silent for 15 seconds in you two. How many years would we be doing this part? Okay, are you ready?

I'm gonna do some listeners submitted riddles, some ones I found in the garbage. LSRs. Yep, some ones I found at my butt, just to all sorts of records. But riddles. Okay. But riddles.

Those are ridgals that don't make your prank. We got an email. Let me see if she said if we can say her last name. I hope we can say her last name. Oh, we can't, she didn't give permission for her last name. So she'd like to remain a mama miss. So this is an email from Morgan in this email. Can I try to guess her last name. We can't, I don't, she didn't give permission for her last name, but we have. So she'd like to remain a mama miss. So this is an email from Morgan in this email.

Can I try to guess her last name? Yeah. You have three guesses. San Diego. Why? It's not Morgan San Diego. Nope. Spurlock.

Two. Morgan. Freeman? You got it. Yes. Because I said she wanted to remain anonymous and because we've been just chatting for a little bit, I do want to see a scene before we get into it. Sure

You guys are familiar with a a aqua oxen on us. Oh, I thought you met the fonsi scheme the fun you a a a we're gonna do instead of a a is just gonna be Alcoholics, okay, there's no anonymity. Got it Hey, my name is Chris Martin I am the singer for Coldplay I Chris married to Don't tell me I want to say Gwyneth Paltrow your divorce from You you had a conscious uncoupling so that's so here's the thing. I want to say this

That's part of my alcoholism because I did not remember that we got divorced. Great. And what's your address? My address. Let's see. I'm Chris Martin from Coldplay. That would be Brixton England. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no phone number. Ah, yes, with the country code. One three five country crack country crack. Mm-hmm better. One three five seven one two one six one five three one two nine eleven six nine four twenty and Jenny What's your number now now that we're getting your number? 8675 309 and with the country code. Sorry 777 86765-309. See. All right, amazing. Okay, so this is an email from Morgan.

In movies, fake phone numbers always have 555 in them. What other? Trivia, do you have her? Nope, that's it. It's just movies about phone numbers. Also, whenever you watch movies or TV, if people are drinking a cup of coffee, those are empty cups

You can tell on Gilmore girls especially especially. Don't shit the cups You guys really shit the cup you shit the cups back there. Yeah during your duck test. You really shit the cup It's another post potatoes. All right. What follows is a set of warm-up riddles in an incredibly format that I've invented. I'm sorry, it's Nietzsche. Nietzsche format. So this, I saw this and I want I have so much to say about these books. I'm not sure if you're familiar with Peggy Parrish's beloved and then in front of his question mark because they're a little controversial. Children's book character Amelia Bedelia. Are you two familiar with the name? I don't know, I don't know the content, but I know the name. In my head, just in terms of where that is on the shelf

and a jar labeled Amelia Bedelia, it's right next to Matilda, and I assume that there are cohorts or something. Just for things for young girls. Yeah, and right next to Baby Cityers Club. For me, it's right next to Pippie Long Stockings. Okay. So just first and last names of what?

Is Amelia Bedelia, to me what this sounds like, and I know that I know that I've read something in the 60s for sure. And Anna Fana for Fana, but no. Is Amelia Bedelia like a Mr. McGoo, Mr. Bean type, like always falling down? Always messing up. Messing up.

Yeah. She's a real Amelia Bedelia is what someone has said about me, I'm sure. Like, she's a klutzie. Sort of. So she's a klutz dominia. I love that. That is definitely what I am. I steal things and I fall down.

So I don't mean to be hyperbolic, but I don't remember feeling stress in my life as a child until I read these books. And should be fair, you are usually Bolic, but you just had caffeine. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Now I'm hyperbolic. She is the most stressful fictional character ever.

More than Sancho Ponsa? I don't know what you said. More than Sandra Ponsa. I said Sancho Ponsa. Is that Dunki Hotas cohort? Who's the guy who follows Dunki Hotas around? I am my Dunki Hotas. Okay.

The Lord of Le Mans. We're never gonna get to these right now. Here's what I will say. If you know who Dunki Hotas cohort was, I want you to tweet it at me hashtag, Keyhotas, you go, are you saying cohorts? I do wanna see a scene. I wanna see a brief 32nd monologue or song,

Aaron, this is you go at right and solo. I wanna see your one woman monologue or song from the musical Mama Lomansha. Oh boy. Mom of Lomansha. I am my donkio tea the mama Lomansha. I only will change one word. See, it's such a pata, that was right. But day the momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma momma m misinterpret the commands of her employer. Oh, she's not even a kid? No, she's a maid. Having taken a figure of speech literally,

for example, she might be asked to draw the drapes, and she would get out a sketchbook. Fired drapes rather than a clothes and drapes. I'd rather know what's in it and fire. And then like, well, that's the thing. It's like, Amelia, we should fire you, but then she makes like really good pies or something. She sounds like a manipulative.

She's supposed to like dress the turkey and instead of dressing the turkey she makes little clothes. She puts a suit on that. It stressed me out so much. Anyways, I think she's like a fucking idiot. She's a fucking so fat. I'm sorry. Am I the only one?

She's an adult woman? How does she function in society? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, clothes, it was getting stuff wrong, they're like, Amelia, you're really doing it this time, I'm just like, I'm a recoup, just being cool, being cool. I know one, just picture her as a recoup and we won't even bring it up again. Yeah. Anyways, I figured it was a good time to cash in on not only the children's book industry, but the true crime thing, which seems to be popular right now.

In each of the following examples, I will explain a scenario in which Amelia is being charged with a crime, and you will have to decide what her original orders were that took her down this increasingly deranged past. Quick little sidebar. Silence and deprip. Cool little sidebar. I'm going to this. If we ever thank you, Your Honor.

If we ever wanted to pivot and make this show not about riddles, I think this is the episode. These are riddles. But we haven't gotten to them yet. What I'm saying is we've been bullshitting for so long. Everyone rewind, relisten. Rewind, relisten. I remember that night. I remember that night. I remember that night. I just forget that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that at the local police station was report that Mr. Bingham,

fake name, I said it wrong, it's billing him, I'm getting, I'm, I'm, I'm panicking. So the most important part about this riddle is the name? No, I'm just, I'm getting nervous, I'm just like you guys. The first call at the local police. Take off your parca. The first call at the local police station was report from Mr. Billingham's neighbor who claimed that a strange and clearly deranged woman was throwing dried food. What if we never let Eric get her hashtag stranger to rain. This is like the younger sibling in me is when home on

deranged. I'm allowed to talk for too long. I get increasingly more and more nervous because I know I'm about to be destroyed or cut off at any moment. You've turned into Scott Ockerman in freedom where we just interrupt you non-stop. I'm just terrified. Okay, I'm going to start over. Okay. Okay. Okay.

The first call. Hey. Hi. People have shut this off. You. Hey, Aaron, you are doing so good. Aaron? I hate it here. Time out. Zach Morris time out, you are doing so good. Aaron, Aaron? I hate it here.

Time out. Zach Moore's time out. You are doing so good. The first call, the local organization was repaid. I didn't unpause. I'm from Mr. Billy and Mr. Mayor. Do not mistake this as support. It is not.

We will go after you as hard as possible, but we still do all you child support. In this moment, in this moment, no, you're doing great. And as soon as this moment passes, I'm your enemy. And I will not let you read this riddle. Nothing you should know, that nothing would be bodyer than my birthday. It's yours.

She's so close. She's so close. Oh my gosh. If you both know, better revenge. I think about that from Tina Fey's bossy pants all the time. I read it like whatever it came out. And she was like sometimes what you need to do is just cry it freaks people out oh yeah if

you want to cry you should just cry it would it would legit freak me out I would well no not for you I'm immune to you but I would most people I would be pretty freaked out sounds like a country song the first call the local police station was report from mr. Billingham's neighbor who claimed that a strange and clearly deranged woman was throwing dried fruit by the handful around billing ham's backyard can i just say how fucked up is that it's a deranged woman

like that is society point the man and the last several minutes and i was on my side, it sounds like. Yeah. And then it's up when we're gonna bring in a dumbass maid. Oh, yeah. Who's a woman? Yes.

Okay. Is this what the movie Omelette was talking about? Aaron, go. She's the range. She's throwing fruit. We got it. Billingham. Okay.

She's throwing fruit around this guy's backyard. And you look so nice today. Original. Thank you. But we're her original orders. Oh, large coke, side of fries. Is this how we're supposed to answer? Is that we're dumb as shit?

No, it's like a million. No, we need to be smarter than a million. Oh, then I need you to re-read the book. A million is throwing fruit around in a yard. That's what it becomes down to. She's throwing fruit in a yard, so what did they say for her to do? They said go bananas.

Yeah, what to know? What's a chore that she would have misinterpreted as throwing fruit. Toss the fruit salad. Yeah, you're sort of... Just tell me right or wrong. It's an outside... It's an outside chore?

It's a big ball. It's like pick the cherries from the tree. Pick the fruit. Something about fruit. Fruit. It's got fruit. Fruit pun. Wash the fruit.

She was asked to... Toss the fruit. Toss is toss in there. Just say toss. Toss is not in there. Toss is not in there. Throw Morgan, I love these. And tossing your fruit salad just to be clear is when you put a banana in your ass and

then somebody eats it out of it. Thank God it'd be clear for that. Just to. I think I have boring sex y'all. We'll describe it. I just put a banana in my, but what did you say? Eating a banana out of someone's ass, there's sex. I'm not gonna fall by the banana.

That's my Tuesday, that's my Tuesday bitch. Okay, so it's a chore that you would do outside. Involving fruits. Involving fruits. And we say the word fruit at some point. It's not, the chore actually doesn't involve fruit. She misinterpreted it. But in the answer, does it contain the word fruit? No, it's a fruit. It's a fruit. She misinterpreted it. But in the answer does it contain the word fruit?

No, it's a fruit. It's a fruit. She was orange. She was asked to scatter the apples. She was supposed to be apples. Now what's the word that it's a verb? Oh, what's the word that's verb? It's a verb that's also a fruit. Yeah, it's a verb that's a verb. Watermelon. Flum. I'm plum out of fruit. That plum's a verb. What's a verb? It's got to be a watermelon again, right? I feel like every time we're I'm plum. I'm plum out of fruit. That plum is a herb. It's got to be a watermelon again, right? I feel like every time we're

in a GPS, it's a landscaping. Ooh, she was told to apples to the garden. What is a ver- No, she was told to mo, she saw the trim. Trim the grapes. Trim the parsley. It's another word for trim, I think. To, she's full of the cut. I get so much fucking trim. What is she going for?

I think I'm just gonna tell you. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,, merm, hedge, clip. Is your mic on? Cut? You're on this mic. Yeah, on this mic. I was just gonna, I don't know what I was gonna do. I was gonna walk out of the studio. On my mic, as I'm. Baby, try KJ.

It's a sin for trim. KJ burned down here. Am I closer, close with any of those? Yeah, you are. They're all, I would say, in the same exact pile of words. Cut trims is the riddle of breakfast. Moe hedge. Sort of fancy.

You're just listening to two. Proo, proo. Proo, proo, proo, proo. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking a. God. Her boy after to prune the hedges.

Aren't these amazing? That's pretty great. Later, okay, so scenario two. Later that day, a detective re-entered the mansion and pieced together Amelia's next crime. Just walked in. Pieced together. He's walked in the mansion.

A boy of eight years was holding a trumpet and inconsolable. That's hilarious. His father. That sucks. That rules. Oh, that's the worst I love it. That sucks that rule.

That fucking sucks so much. That sucks that rule. That's, I think, our news. Look at it. That's definitely the name I love it. That fucking sucks so much. That sucks that rule. That's I think our news. That sucks. That's definitely the name of this episode. That sucks. That rule. I deserve.

I love the Olympic medal for getting through this episode. I love it when we say the day with the episode. I'll give you a bronze. Do they do honorable mentions of the Olympics here? I'm Michelin Bibb recommendation. I'm just planning my revenge right now. Next time your old man puzzles, I'm going to eat you alive. They won't be in next time, because I quit the show. Remember when we interrupted Adel that one time, and he's making us wait a year to get the answer to that.

Oh, yeah, that was a close. And I get interrupted every five seconds. That was a man. Oh my god, this is a slippery slope. Well, to be fair, it was Adel. I don't know what to say. That was a man. Oh my God. This is a slippery slope.

Well, to be fair, it was Adela. I don't know what to say. That was a man. That was half a man. OK, later that day, a detective. Half a man is Adela. OK, let it. I promise you'll have fun if you participate.

That should be a migraved stone. Later that day, a detective re-entered the mansion and pieced together Amelia's next crime. A boy of eight years was holding a trumpet and inconsolable. His father being half submerged in a bathtub was now cold, like this, and blue. Cold, lifeless, and blue. This went from throwing fruit in the yard with murder. This is a real crime. Yeah yard. This is a real crime. Yeah, this one is a real crime.

Later that day, a detective re-entered the mansion and pieced together a meal his next crime. A boy of eight years was holding eight times a big inconsolable. His father being half-summered in a bathtub was now cold, lightless and blue. Yes, I have. He was told to turn off the taps

because his dad's in a coma. And he played taps, taps, the truck. He was playing taps in the song. And he stopped playing it versus turning off the water which killed his dad's in a coma, and he played... Taps. He was playing taps in the song, and he stopped playing it versus turning off the water, which killed his dad. No, this is Amelia who did this. Well, either you get what I just said and say yes, and we move on,

or we keep it up. That's funny. Boy, Trump, eight years old, dad, dad, half submerged in a tub, cold lifeless. Yes, you got it. And we didn't know what Amelia's order was. What was the command? Is the Is it the half submerged in important to this?

No, it's not just that there How is he half so his face is down his ass is up. Yeah, that's why we like the drown mm-hmm The boy has a trumpet. So what do we know about trumpets? We know that you have to have a aperture. What's that called? Appetale, I you have a Georgia aperture? What's that? Aptow science? It's less about the trumpet itself, but more about the noise it makes. Oh. Puh.

Was it blow? Is it blow? No. But like, if you don't want to hear a noise anymore, you want to. Smother it drown it Drown the noise and the noise is his dad's name. Yeah do something to drown out his son's off it awful trumpet playing Oh, so she put something to drown out his son's off So she put his head in the water. She's driving serious. I thought these were like fun kitty books

These are like murder. She's driving. Are you serious? I thought these were like fun kitty books. These are like murder She's a murder. Morgan wrote these So Morgan's the murder. Yeah Morgan is drugs. It's in the vein. It's in the vein. It's in her Yeah, using the her to pay to literally format to write these Scenarios so Morgan. They're incredible. And this is one of my favorite emails. We've ever done Morgan And you said this is Morgan Freeman, is some sort of psychopath. And a defrain. Yeah, and they are.

And they are. And they are. Oh wait, can we let Adeldo his Morgan Freeman impression for the Walker? First, those January, that and those February, then there's the March of the Prince. So. Oh, wow, okay.

Drown at the noise. Kudos to you, Morgan. you're one of the truest that ever played the game. We are sending you a box of kudos because we are sponsored by that delusional bar covered in chocolate. I'm going to read this next one, you're not going to get it, I don't think. So we should just interrupt you. interrupt you. Before we do this, I want to see a scene. Yeah. So Aaron, you are working on your lung capacity

because you are trying to play trumpet. Great. And so your dad is running you a bath so that you can play trumpet underwater. Is that all right? Satter ends. And Adel, you are going to be playing the father. Hey, turn down the noise.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Is that melted cheese? I was that fondue was for guests.

Dad, listen, I could play trumpets by Jason Gerulo. Are you ready? You can play this song trumpets on a trumpets. Oh! Oh! Oh! By Jason the ruler, you he some sort of Roman? Jason the ruler, hold on, listen dad. Okay, this is good audio for sure. Are you proud of me?

I am not. I want to let you know you are not even adopted. You are made from some cardboard boxes and then a witch brought you to life. That's why you can't die is because... Sorry, Dad, I didn't hear you. I was underwater. What did you say? I said I love you. I love you too. I said I love you. You're a bunch of you haul boxes that were brought to life by a witch? Um, kind of fun that I used water.

I will say very creative way to use the water. Honestly, and I don't use this lightly, you were turning into the character of this podcast. Oh. You got a little chest of, you got a little chest. Nice, I got roasted. You have a little chest of props and you keep dipping into them. Yeah. Are we ready?

Yes. Yes. Let's move through this one quickly, because I want to get to one so that you might actually get. I think if the next report came from a man on the- Were to be a carrot top, I think she would be able to sleep a carrot top. Or a carrot top who just doesn't show up.

Or it gets interrupted every five seconds. The next report came from a man on the street. Carrot top of the restaurant. Carrot top of the restaurant. I'm going to start doing that drowning sound every time you guys interrupt me. OK. The next report came from a man on the street. I'm going to start doing that drowning sound every time you interrupt me. Okay, the next report came from a man on the street soliciting who allegedly saw Amelia as she fled on the scene, fled the scene of the crime. He claimed that he stopped her to sign his petition but he's ultimately forced

to the ground onto rust colored spikes. He said to her that forced his provocation? So she forced him to the ground onto some specialists. What was it? She forced him to the ground on some spikes. Yes, colored spikes. So what do we know about rust colored spikes? That's the most important part. Tethness. Rust colored. That's the right aim of tennis. Someone said a saying to her. Titness. Rust color. Just a red. Someone said a saying to her. So is rust in the answer? Or no? It's just focus on rust colored spike. What's it called when it's another way of saying that? Rust colored spikes. Is it going to be like the color or the process of what happens with rust? Is it about that like scientific process? Is it about signing something with a red pen? I know. I know. I know. What's that called? You're no. So is it about a color? a red pen? I know, I know what's that called? You're, no.

So is it about a color? Brown? No, it's more of a thing of like a saying. But that could be anything. That she took literally. So it bitters it about what he was doing. He's a solicitor. So he's like stopping or like,

ma'am, do you have a moment for the environment? It's not actual rust. It's the color that rust is. Which is what? Reddish brown. Brown? Red? brown. Brown? Red? Tan.

Maybe more shiny. Copper. Shiny brown. Shiny brown. What is this? A mustard hand? Okay, et al, I want you to say good enough. I want you to say good enough.

Aaron, stop. Don't do not interrupt me. I want to see a scene. I want to see a scene, Adel, you're going to be doing a commercial for shiny brown mustard Oh no, I got a hotdog and it's just a bun and a wiener. I need something. No, not that mustard. That's just regular yellow Not that mustard either. That's just brown. Oh What's this? Hmm, I can see my reflection in it

Okay, great. We'll just take that one more time. And this time, just use the script. Can I get some more actors? Nope. I like that I'm playing three characters. It's all you, just. I'm the grow master. I'm the consumer, and then I'm also the voiceover.

And I love you doing your own, but just use the script that we provided. Oh shit. Is mustard not good enough for you? Blam, blam, blam, blam, blam, fuck mustard. Put your dick in it. Shine it brown. Thank you.

We're going in another direction. See you. You're going with hairy styles. We're going in one direction. Yeah. You also need to focus on the part of the sentence, ultimately forced onto the ground onto rust colored spikes. Some of it pin me down, something about...

Let's cut away all the bullshit and talk about what we really want to talk about. That's what the saying means. Cut the mustard. Let's focus on what we want. Oh Can we get to the brass tax? After's initial pitch he said he wanted to get down to brass tax get down to brass tax I want it fun, right? This is it is fun when police caught up with Amelia and confronted her the report states that she assaulted an officer

blinding him almost instantly. She threw eye-dynamized eyes. Yes. What order did the officer give Amelia that ended up so badly for him? She's the person from the boys who blunts with her super power, nice. Starlight.

Amazon's the boys. Yeah. Don't stop. Amazon's the boys. What order did the officer give to make him get blinded by Amelia Bidelia? Yes. But it's to do with assault. Yeah. Assault me. No, but it's her. I got to taking things literally. Yeah. It's like a little kid being like put your eye on the ball and then putting their eye on the ball. So put your hands where I can see them.

Yep. Mm-hmm. He got it. I'm really proud of him. She blended me with poking. She poked me in my pocket eyes. I do want to see a scene. She blended me with poking.

James and Kiki, you are two 80s musician, Allah, a-haul and oats. And I want to hear you. You're doing some classic 80s musician, Aala, Hall and Oats. And I wanna hear you, you're doing some classic 80s songs and you're having to work in salt for, I don't know what's a fucking salt company, that one with the Mortons. Mortons. This right in his face.

Is that table salt? Mortons is literally, yeah, like 10 feet from here. Yeah, that, that, well, now people know where we are. We're recording the old Mortons factory. My follow-up shed. Okay. Great and um as you may know we uh my counterpart and I shamanda. My name is shamanda. We are her name is shum Shaman. Shaman. We have Ghostwritten some of the most popular songs in the 80s. Oh, Ghostwritten. Well, now my dear boy, don't. I love that TV show.

Don't be alarmed. All it means is that we have not taken credit. We're behind the scenes. OK. We're behind the curtain, if you will. Oh, we're like an old man. Sure. Or like a, yes, exactly.

Yes. Or like a cat. Well, no more. No, you got it right on the old man. Sure. Or like a, yes, exactly. Yes. Or like a cat. Well, no more. You got it right on the first one. But that means we do have the rights to all of these songs. So we can, for your salt company, by the way, Big Morton's fan. Oh, really? You want some swag?

No, I said, can you turn on the Big Morton's fan? It's how to tell. Oh, sure. Let me create. I, I, I, I use your stuff on my margaritas. My stuff on your margaritas. My stuff on your margaritas, okay? Thank you. You're welcome. Hey, it seems like you two are stalling for time. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,. Let's get going. That's fun. Yeah, you're all over the place. Oh, we have fun. It's important. We're having fun. Yeah, here we go. And it won't and it too and it teethe to ta.

Take on salt. Take on salt. Got it. The next one. We got it. We got it. Okay. Next one. Whoa, we're halfway there. Whoa, whoa, whoa. We're living out the salt. Great, and keep in mind you can replace anywhere. Result doesn't have to be the last one.

Okay, here we go. Res, berry, but salt. Result is already a thing. Every breath you salt, every salt, you salt, I'm assaulting you We don't want that one more Okay, it wasn't great, so let's do one more Another one bites the salt. And we got it.

And another one bites. And another one bites. And another one bites the salt. Sing, sing. This is what it feels like with the salt. We are in a material salt. And I am a salt girl. Whoever's keeping track of that Spotify playlist

with all the songs we mentioned is having an aversum. It's like, wacky. Come on, I lean to lure salt. Salt, come on, salt lean to lure salt. And I would walk 500 salt. Salt after salt. OK. Listen to the wind salt.

What wind salt? This is really fun. I wish we could do this. Wack, Wack, solves. What wind, solves. This is really fun. I wish we could do this. Walk, walk, go, solves. Okay, well, we've had our fun now, but we really do have to go and do a quick ad. Again, we are sponsored as always every week by Songs of the Salt 80s. So we will see you back after this brief and interruption. Fuck you before hate, break the brick, no more. Hey, JPC.

Uh, uh, yeah? You're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm, um, pranking Atal. And I'm setting up a whole website to prank him. all. And I'm setting up a website to bring him. Um, I just need some advice. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. I'm not, I'm not mad at you. We're pranking at all. Squarespace is the only one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and to see it online, whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand. Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website

It gage with your audience and sell anything for products to cut into time all in one place all on your terms Hey, Edel come here come here. Hey, what's what's going on? I actually I want to prank JPC and I want to set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have any to set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like, is there like an online store that could set up on my website to sell products? Did you know that with Squarespace, you can have custom merch,

you can easily sell custom merch and create passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand, design your products and production, inventory and shipping are handled for you, saving you time and money. What is happening? Okay. Wait, what's going on with Addle? What is happening? Okay.

Wait, what's going on with that all? Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing. No, he's gonna shoot you. And I'm gonna use analytics. Use insights to grow my business and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool.

I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords, our popular products and content on my prank website to prank the tool. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what the website was for. The website was for. Prank.

Squarespace. You can connect to your store to Vedent Third Party tools to extend the functionality of your website Hey JPC hey JPC. What's up, battle? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine Dude, we got her anyway if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine head to squarespace.com for a free trial And when you're ready to launch go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain Oh, she's back. She's back. Hey, Aaron, can we go to grandma's house? Wait, I've been pranked. But how? I don't know. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Hey, Adeline JPC. Thank you for meeting me in the middle of the woods here. I am sort of at an empath. I can't decide whether or not to go this way or this way. I'm having a hard time choosing a path. You know, there never truly is a middle of the woods. Isn't it funny to think about something like that? Like, have there never truly is a middle of the woods? No, this is the middle.

Okay, this is it. Adel, can you help? Yeah, actually. So, as per Robert Frost, I don't know if you know his poems, he has a poem called Better Help. I believe this is written in the 1800s, but it still stands true today more than ever. Aaron, you should try Better Help. Have you heard of this? You seen this? Because sometimes Aaron in life were faced with tough choices and the path forward isn't always clear, whether you're dealing with decisions around career relationships, being stuck in the middle of the woods, therapy helps you

stay connected to what you owl owl. Sorry, that also does so fast. Therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate life and the woods. Hmm, and better help is entirely online, so it's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. I've been using it for several years, and it suits the way that my brain works, way better than traditional therapy ever did. And when Aaron says traditional therapy, just so everyone's clear, what she means is tricking two of her friends to coming to the middle of the woods, even though there isn't truly the concept of the middle of the woods. Isn't that fun to think about? All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a license therapist

And you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Hey Aaron a GPC's putting down bread crumbs and then immediately picking them up and eating them Dirty bread crumbs And he's also like really into that owl who's swooping down. Anyways, let there be your map with better help Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp. H-E-L-P.com slash riddle, R-I-D-D-L-E. R-I-D-D-L-E, the middle of riddles of D,

but there is no true middle of riddle because it would be the space in the LIDA JPC. Help me get home.I.P.C. hoping at home. Bye. Am home. Who are we? I think,

I think, excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, I just want to make a quick toast to, I know it's JPC's birthday. I'm also excited to talk about him, but I want to talk about my favorite, I know it's JPC's birthday and we're all so excited to talk about him, but I want to talk about my favorite My favorite thing in the world. Oh, and that is the app rocket money. Oh Yeah, Aaron. That's one of my favorite things as well Mm-hmm rocket money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions monitors your spending and helps you lower your bills all in one place

I've been using it for years way before they were a sponsor and it helps me so much, especially around tax season. Clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, uh, uh, I'm sorry, I also want to give a toast. Rocket money, well quickly and easily find your subscriptions for you. And for any you don't want to pay for it anymore, just hit cancel and rocket money will cancel it for you. It's that easy. Clean, clean, Clint. Mm-hmm. It also categorizes your expenses so you can easily track your budget in real time and also get alerted if anything looks off.

I'm clinking. You didn't click it. Over 3 million. Oh, Clint, Clint, Clint. Over 3 million people have used rocket money saving the average person up to $720 a year. We love rockets coming here. Stop, Clint, Clint, Clint, Clint.

Stop. No, Clint, click, click, stop. Throwing your money away, cancel unwanted subscriptions today and manage your expenses. The easy way by going to rocket money.com slash riddle. That's rocket money.com slash riddle. Rocket money.com slash riddle. Intel and JPC's birthday got ruined by two of his friends for doing speeches about rocket money.com slash rental, and tell them JPC's birthday got ruined by two of his friends for doing speeches about rocket money, the website. Click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, and we're bank.

Hello. Hello you. It's Chipoy. We're stuck on Amelia Bedelia and this is my fault for bringing her energy into this room. She stresses me out. How many more of these do we have?

One. Why did she stress you out so much? Just, she was given such simple instructions and she didn't do it. And she made their house a mess and it just made me so angry. It made me like very, very, very anxious when I was a kid and I hated reading them.

What were your, so when I was a kid I read all the scary stories to tell in dark, which just came out as a movie. That was like my favorite series. I also read Goosebumps. I also read anything by Roll Doll or Shell Silverstein. What was like, did you read like, Baby Sitters Club? Did you read? No, I read, I mean I read so much because my mom. Sorry, it's not like JPC. Did you read Baby Sitters Club? No. Wayside School, baby. Oh, I love Wayside School. Holy shit. Yeah, I've talked about this on the picture. My parents are always

from that. Wayside School to her.ayside School to her second grade class. That's cool. Wayside School is awesome. She's like, it is funny, all, it will never not be funny too. And haven't they graduated by now? Yeah, they have. I read like Cam Jansen. I'm trying to think of when I was really little.

Oh yeah, Cam Jansen. I read the photographic memory. The American Girl Doll books. I read those like, the American Girl Dolls. You'll know this, you know those history books that were like all different colors in your school library and they had like They had the circle and there was a girl's face in the middle of it People's history in the history. Oh, yeah, someone tweeted me if you find which what books I'm talking about if you know them

I see I read all of animorphs and then I've read the more like a young adulty ones the ever quest books I believe it was called still K-K, AppleGate. I love the Anomores though, Anomores for fucking awesome. Um, Polly Shulman is my favorite young adult author if you ever want to look her up. I think she's very, very underrated. She wrote a book called Enthu-the-Azum, that's incredible. Did you write biodome too? Yeah, she wrote polyshores. She was a political biodome.

If you come to World News tonight, bring us one Anomores book. And Aaron will drink the pen. But you must cross out ten words in it and replace them with other words. We'll find them. Because I said goosebumps, I know that there's people out there losing their minds saying, why are we mentioning goosebumps? And not saying a scene with Aaron as an airplane.

So... Oh no, this airplane submerged. seen with Aaron as an airplane. So. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh no, this airplane submerged. Oh, god. Sully, you saved us. I'm up. We have to, there's got to be some sort of listening, like water phobia thing that people have.

Yeah. We need to put a disclaimer on this episode. That's our hydrophobia. Sure. Hydrophobia? Hydrophobia. What could be the great thing? Do you hate women getting interrupted? Maybe not the Hydrophobia? What could be very exciting?

Do you hate women getting interrupted? Maybe not the episode for you. I think you hate women? Okay, here's the thing. I hate all of you. Do you hate women? From now on, to remember, each time I am patient with them interrupting me

and then them being mad for me interrupting them, remember this moment. Well, now it was a woman making the best, the longest knock knock joke. JPC, I do wanna see a scene where you are J.P. Riddles. Holy shit. We're gonna see some swan lamps. And this is gonna be a little bit different

in terms of because we're talking about books we write as a kid. And this is gonna be you as like a teenager when you're first sort of dabbling in writing swan lumps, you haven't even maybe got the word for it yet, the title, and you're coming to your mom and dad letting them know that you do want to, or whatever constitutes parents for you. Got it.

You got it. Could be an oak tree in a smile. Hey JP. May mom and dad. Who do you have the deepest voice? I don't know, imagine my voice. Have you been smoking? Was it a grudge?

Yeah. No. We got a call from your school. Roll up pieces of corn? Yeah. Bit smoking, roll up pieces of corn. So we're going to ask you a couple of questions. Pieces. Oh, wait.

Still. So, um, do you? Yeah, ma'am. They found some interesting things in your locker that we wanted to talk to you about. Oh, no. I thought around the house, we're going to stop calling them JP riddles. We're going to call them by his full name Jackson Pollock Riddles Jackson Pollock Riddles. No, I know I'm in trouble now because I use my full name and if they use my full name

I know that means I'm in for it now. You're named after me Jackson Pollock. Mm-hmm. Kevin Pollock's brother, yes. That's famously Kevin Pog's brother. Uh-huh, yeah. Okay, so Jackson Pollock Riddles, let's just talk about some of these things that are in your locker. Okay, we found my book. I'm a Shuman, you found my man, you're script. We did. They called it a manifesto.

Well, it's a manifesto, manifesto, manifesto. And we'll get to that in what that said. But just some other objects too. They said they found an object. Oh, you got a whole list. I'll just get a chair here. Yeah. Okay, it's one of these lawn chairs.

How does it open up? Oh, that's a squirrel. There's a loose squirrel in there and got it. Yeah, the squirrel is not chairs, it's about to happen when you have a lawn chair packed up so tight like this and let me just sit down on the chair. Another squirrel. This is why you're not allowed in the house and why we're having this discussion on the backyard. This is my territory, I don't understand. An ant farm, but instead of ants, it was hair that you had collected. Yeah, no, so from all of your mom's sisters.

That's a hair and an ant farm. That's an alien ant farm is what that is. And you know, it's fine. So let's all go to the movies. Well, we were also told that recently you've been skipping class to bowl for soup. Now we gave you the impossible lunch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You shouldn't be bowling for soup.

Well, you know, I would cut for soup if I had a thermos that could fit it, but it's gotta be a bolt. They found brownies, just like a tray of brownies with ketchup all over it. Mm-hmm. Yeah, so what that now, I'm just gonna easily explain, because I was trying out for the Cleveland brownies, and they told me to, I had a ketchup before. A local eating team. Well, sure, sure, sure.

Yeah, it's an ad. It's an ad, where it's an ad, A local eating team. But I'm sure, sure. Yeah. It's an ad where it's an ad in the eating TV here's the Cleveland brothers. And they told me I had to catch up because that one man, Kobe Asher, was demolished in the hot dogs. And I was way behind it. I was just eating the glass.

Well, the water was in. There's a young that, do you say the glass that water was in? Water, water. Well, I think. I found a love letter to someone in your grave. Uh-huh. Um, do you want to talk a little bit about that?

Why don't you read it to us? Yeah, why don't you read it? I think that'll help you confront the demons. But okay, exercise some demons. Yeah, I'll read it to you. I'm very embarrassed about this. Dear Mike Babilia! You are one of the most charming young men I have ever come across.

And you are very, very funny. And I think you've got to be insightful with to you. And I think that one day you're going to take this and really develop a type of comedy that is kind of surpassing what has come before and this more like storytelling makes me stand up and I do enjoy the smell of you Oh Mike but biglia now I looked your mom and I looked this up. It is of course 1984 now we looked on yeah Not not any computer device could we looked in phone books. So we only found one microbeagle, and he's, I don't know, 16 or something. Yeah, that's my age. Probably fun.

Connecticut. Connecticut. And then we found your manuscript. Okay. Swanlamps, honey, what's this about? Well, actually, that's a working title. The thing that I am most proud of is right here. This is a manuscript of more of a Bumbling character

who can never really get things right, even though he has the best intentions. And his name? His name is Dribbelia Patili. And he's a butler? Well, no, he is a... Fuckler? He's a fuckler.

A fuckler? Yeah, sure. He's a fuckbutler. Which I guess could still be a butler. Just depending on how you spell it. Absolutely. The thing that was most troubling to me Yeah, sure he's a fuck but which I guess could still be a butler Absolutely The thing that was most troubling to me about Sure sure sure your mom is serious you I'm sorry The thing that was most to me was I would think it would say swan lumps one

But you it was like swan lumps 204 yeah, okay, you just are adding these numbers to these books, Willie, Nilly, and they're not in order. You got it, yes. Can I be honest with both of you? Please, we wish you would. Has everything up until now been a lie? Well, in a matter of speaking. It's the first time you've prefaced with, can I be honest? In a matter of speaking, I understand that what I do

is eat the raw, wriggling inside parts of squirrels. And I understand that those, sorry, can you, your penis is out. Can you close that ziplock bag? Yeah, okay, I know that dip it a dip keep the jeans fresh you zip the tip zip it a dip And I understand that you zip up the whole thing not just the dip zip it a dip jeans fresh and I understand oh my god That what I eat is the inside parts of squirrels and inside of the squirrels

It's a pretty little type of poison that makes my brain all crazy And even though you two died a many many many years ago, it does give me some sort of comfort to eat the inside parts of the squirrel and then come into a fantasy zone where you're still with me and I can move like you went back into a memory. Where did you go? I didn't go nowhere. I've been here the whole time and I thought we were at the bank. What are we doing out here in the woods? You're eating a banana covered in shiny brown mustard. Well, shiny brown mustard, the mustard, you put it in.

Okay, kids. Mr. Riddles. Yeah. Is it true your parents were two bears? No, I don't know about that. My parents from the Charmin commercials is Carnot. All right, look. Peel me off a couple more of those hot notes

from that tree over there. Let's get down to brass tax. You two wanted to ask me where we can find a body now. I can show you a body But you want to read one of your song I can do that you took us to the local dump. Yeah, well, I took a local dump As big as in you you pigs stack a shit. Let's do this one lumps to 26 the 26. The return of DeBelia Badelemiah. Badelea Balemiah. Oh, JP Riddle is broken. Mike McBurgle is housed in the middle of the night.

Now he's a famous comedian. You put yourself in the stories now. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Benzin. Is that a risk? Benzin. I missed JP Riddle's I read.

Benzin, protein. Hey, JP, for my birthday, can I talk to JP Riddledles on the phone for now? Not on air. So we talked about at one point, I think it's two years ago. I asked you if you'd want to do like an immersive theater thing that was a haunted tour where you're leading it and people walk around and you give fake city history with a haunted twist. Could we do that year round once a month with us JP ridles and it's at, we just sit around a campfire. We charged 200 bucks ahead.

There will be a Patreon tier where you get JP Riddles to come to your birthday party and ruin it. No, I'm not. And ruin it. Oh, God. In a clown outfit. We got one more of these. What?

We're still doing these fucking deals. We're still doing deals. I thought we pivoted into just chatting. Just one more of these. What? We're still doing these fucking bills. I thought we pivoted into just chatting. Just one more. When Amelia was brought in, it was discovered that she had a prior record that involved among other things, prostitution. Jesus Christ. She's a traitor. She's a traitor, Morgan, right?

Yeah. Morgan, you sick as fuck? We love you. What did her previous employer prior to Mrs. Billingsworth say to her on her last day that earned her this offense? Good. Here you hooker Start selling Close the door to away out you whore Sell your body. Yeah, so she wanted to process it cost her to go into prostitution

Put your money where your mouth is is it something about a John? No, don't use the John she said put your money where your mouth is and she can eat herself out She's like a Marilyn Manson. That's what our Marilyn Monroe to have. I'm sorry. This is the famously Leave her alone leave her alone Marilyn Monroe. Yeah, okay Let's see John candy go. Look Anybody anybody Kennedy adjacent Aaron hates to make a move. Yeah. Okay.

This one is not as elegant as the rest. Okay. Are we on the right path with these terrible comments? Yeah, I'm just going to. Wait, don't say it. Don't say it. So what is like another like night walker? Aaron.

Is it suck or blow? Is anything in there? Is it is it sex? Get off? F. F fuck. Yeah. Mary fuck kill. Fuck for your life. She said it on her last day. Fuck for money.

Someone said it to her. On her last day of employment. Fuck off. Was she fired? Yeah. Fuck off. Get fucked. After a day of misunderstanding and frustration, her ex-employer told her to get fucked.

Even if I'm misinterpreting get fucked, what am I charging money for it? Someone's like, get fucked. I'm like, I'll go fuck for money. But that is a great Jordan Peel movie. Get fucked. Aaron, I do want to see a scene. You are a well-to-do, wealthy business woman.

You have a butler on hand, and you are firing James as a butler. You want to say, get fucked. You're trying to build to that. But unfortunately, you're well-to-do upbringing because you have a silver spoon in your mouth. You are unable to get to that. So you say everything but.

You called, ma'am. Yes, I'm coming here, you say everything but you called ma'am yes I'm coming here please oh yes ma'am stand in front of me must I stand man I'm very old did you say mustard stand man no get out not you fucking shiny mustard no get out get I'm shut the door yes do you have any great but Jin I please I'm gonna say everything but I'm gonna talk about but I'm sure it's the door. You have a great one. Ginni please. I'm going to say everything but. I'm going to talk about buts. I'm kidding. I think that you have, you come to the end of your time here.

And because you are just the worst possible in play. One good hat. Quite great, man. You agree with me then. You are just some sort of twirly, swerly, pain in the back of the... I wish that you could just jump off a diving board onto your... Okay, I think that would be best if you were to play a game of darts, but then you were the d- Let me start over. I wish that you would lay down in a bed Light the candles, cover yourself. Oh welcome to my estate

I've hired you on a highest recommendation and I've been told that when you were let go you were turned into a fuckler Now get on your jeeps and suck me out And when you were let go, you were turned into a fuckler. Now get on your jeeps and suck me out. It gets on my jeeps. So yeah, we're gonna cry right. Right, right. Get on. Get on your jeeps and suck up.

Bump, bump, bump, bump. Gloria Estefanix. So, Stetfanix. Hooked on. Hooked on. Gloria Estefanix. Aaron. Yes, I'm just trying to... Hooked on Gloria Estefanix. Stefan. Hooked on. Gloria Stefan. Stefanix. Aaron.

Aaron? Yes, I'm just trying to. Hooked on Gloria Stefanix. Your eyes are closed, and there is a saline substance running down your cheeks. I love our JVC. We're repeated a joke. He knew I would love to bring me back to life.

It's like putting those like smelling salts in front of someone's nose after they fainted. Gloria Stefan is eating so much. Hey, Aaron. Hey, Aaron. Oh, hey, Gloria. That's a fun. Get on. Yeah.

So this actually is a pretty good transition to what we're going to do next. Hi, Adel, Aaron and JPC. My name is RJ. I'm from Rhode Island and I absolutely love Hey, Riddle, Riddle, I've been trying to find my products. Yes. Okay. I'm just searching through. You helped me through a 22 hour car ride from Rhode Island to Florida without losing my mind. They wrote some riddles. I like how we helped someone not lose their mind when we have gone full blown insane

Doing this podcast. This is the most unlisted in the last episode and we know. I'll give you a clue that will lead you to The name of an actor or actress in a fictional character from a movie TV theater or books the two names will blend into each other For example if I give you the clue this actor is a huge fan of Adele Dizim and strikes fear into the hearts of wizards and witches. John Travolta-ness. John. John Speake's name. The answer would be... John Travolta-mort. Yep. You got it. Nice.

Nice. Fun, right? Summary better than others, but I had fun making them, so I hope you have fun solving them. I already know we will, these are all. The wickedly talented. There are a few special ones in the Potter. I think you might like. All right. Okay. Clue. The playwright, lyricist and star of Broadway's historic match hit does not loveably wait. Does many lovable idiotic antics on parks and

rec? Lin Manuel Moran D. Sandberg. No. Lin Manuel Morandi Sandberg? No. Lin Manuel Morandi for... What is that? You're gone the right track. Vandy Baby. It's just the... Is it the character? Is Andy something? Oh, it's Andy.

What's his name? Andy... Well, his name on the show is Andy. It's Chris Pratt. What's his last name now? It's Chris Pratt. Andy Dwight. Dwight.

Dwight. Dwight. Dwight. Lin Manuel Mor Randy Dwight. Yeah, you got it. All right, let me get through the whole thing, and then you can buzz in, because I feel like you're going to get these pretty quickly. This Hermione Granger Actress returns to London and slits the throats of several patrons, but doesn't let their bodies go to waste.

Emma Watson. What, so? Son of Bleaker Street of a, well, not Bleaker Street. What's the butcher? Yeah, what's the name? The butcher of Barber, the Barber of Deville. What's on a bleaker street of a not bleaker street? What's the butcher? Yeah, what's a butcher of Barbara the Barbara of Deville? What's his Johnny Deville no Cecil B Deville. It's a musical. Yeah, I know what it is Emma Watts, Sweeney Todd buzz. Yeah, but do you say yeah first and then say buzz you say buzz first? No, I won't do it that way Emma Watts, Sweeney Todd will Some are better than that

you're that way. Emma Watts-Sweeney Todd-Wall. What? Some are better than others. You're just jealous of JPC Got It. Hell yeah. The actress and producer of Pretty Women, woman, sorry. The actress and producer of Pretty Woman in Homecoming fame is a secluded mystery who never leaves their house except to save Jem and Scout.

Oh, it got it, Buzz. Yeah. Julia Roberts-Pek. Jem and Scrawl. No. Who's the mysterious person who never leaves their house? That buzz, Julia Roberts, pick. James Brown. No. Who's the mysterious person in every car? Oh, Boo Radley. Julia Robbru Radley.

Is that what it is? Yeah. Julia Robbru Radley. Julia Robbru Radley. These are fun. I'm having fun. You have the bad attitude. I feel like a person thought of a fun idea and then was unable to execute on it.

JPC, I want to see a scene. Yes. Actually, I don't want to see a scene. I just want to close your eyes and picture this. What if for Halloween this year you had a sheet all over you with the eyes cut out and you're holding a sweet citrus beer type beverage. You want as boo-raddler? Is that fun? And open your eyes.

Adal, I'd like you to close your eyes. I want you this Halloween. You're hitting me. I want you as Halloween to go as a... Let's say you're kind of Olivia Newton-John-esque, tight leather. I think you could be a fig Newton-John-esque. Hold on, Olivia Newton-John-esque, but you are also cut with lemonade. You would be...

A livin-nutin-john-esque, cut with lemonade would be an Arnold Paul Mergris. No, no, no, think alcoholic, you're alcoholic. Alcoholic. A livin-nutin-john, alcoholic, a livin-nutin-john, cut with lemonade, and in the summertime, think. Okay. That's a shandy, as a shandy.

Shandy? Shandy? Ha, ha, ha, ha. Holy shit, that's great. I love that. Shandy? I think you would be. That would be shandy. That would be shandy. That would be shandy. Holy shit, that's great. I love that. I love shandy. I love that. I love that.

I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. You ready for one?

Yes. Do you want to stop real quick? I love that. I love that. I also love for someone to go as hollow weed. What was the last one that we just did? The answer to the last one? It was Julia. No. It was Julia Robbruz.

I would love for someone to have to explain to a bunch of people. It's like, no, I'm Julia Roberts Boo Rathley. Can someone know, someone please come to one of our live shows dressed as that? JBC, that Ritalia just made up? Might be elastic girl, because it's fucking incredible. Well, I'm kidding.

Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, Mr. Incredible, she kidding. Mr. Incredible. She fucks Mr. Incredible. Uh-huh. The unobreviated name of everyone's favorite Falker fan is a sword wielding Samirian, most recognizably portrayed by Arden. She buzzed.

I know it, but I want James to answer it because it's for him. A Falker fan? Uh-oh, so that would be a John Patrick Conan the barbarian. Yep. Wow. Wow. Wow. The former Disney actress known for her devilish movie with Merrill Street becomes a chemistry teacher with a much less wholesome job on the side. Buzz. Yeah. And half theaway Newton.

Chemistry teacher with a well-in-the-south. Anathaway? Chemistry teacher with a well-in-the-south. It's breaking bad. It's a awesome job on the side. But what's his Walter White? Anathaway Walter White? Yeah.

Okay. You're having fun. Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am. This peculiar host is no shit, all Sherlock, and equates the randomness of life to the To a box of chocolates. I got it. Buzz that to a box of chocolate. Yeah, Adore far has gone. Yep We're scared of life for fighting

Maybe allow when I read it today this star of pulp fiction has had it with These motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane and it's devoted his life to the law after finding out I read it today. This star of pulp fiction has had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane and has devoted his life to the law. After finding out he's been hiding in plain sight, he becomes obsessed with capturing two, four, six, oh one. Buzz, Samuel, Umatheramon. Umatheramon, yeah.

Umatheramon. Oh, Samuil, no. Jackson, boy. Jackson, oh god, what's the Javair? No. Is it? L. John. John. Javair.

John Volga. Samuel. Jack. Sver. Javair. Just Samuel. Javair. I died laughing at that.

You did laughing at that. So funny. We're going to edit these out and James come up with a few more years. Your R.J. These are amazing. This lovely bus, Tony and out and James come up with a few more years. You're, RJ, these are amazing. This lovely Bostonian and I.O. Frequenter rescues a damsel with flowing blonde locks from a tower. Aaron Keith, many more.

Yep, Aaron Keith, many more. The rest is a damsel from his dress. No, say to a damsel from a tower, which would be Aaron Keith Rapunzel. Aaron, but who saves Rapunzel? Flynn writer. That's his name. Aaron Keith. I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going my ass. I'm Rapunzel put it in an Adel you are a prince who's come to save Rapunzel you climb up No, not friends just Your print charming you've come to save Rapunzel and JPC as Rapunzel you're like I don't really want to go Okay with you. Okay, good.

Jipro Rapunzel, little red corsalt. Wait. Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your long hair. You want me to jump in the waters of like Minnetanka? No, no, no. I heard you have a long baby, your hair. The hair to your fortune, let down your long hair. I will raise it in my kingdom and you can of course wither away here till your old creepy bag of hair and bones, but- Don't- Just to be more of it.

Give me a second and I'll let down my long hair. Catherine? Mm-hmm. You're not very pretty. What? And you're not very smart. What? And you're never really going to be a success.

What? Are you talking in a mirror? OK, I just let down my long hair. I didn't do it gently. Let me check in with her. Catherine, how you feeling? Catherine, how you feeling? Oh, no.

Oh, no. I've dried my tears. Here comes the water works. Oh, this is. Ah. Are you drowning someone? No, I'm you cry! She's just drowning her sorrows.

Tell her to put a qualk in it. She's like Amelia Bedelia, so she's doing it literally. Uh-huh, yeah. My little calf and Bedelia. Stop that noise somehow. Uh, okay, let me just dump it her into the... Is that her ant? Stop!

Stop! Stop! Stop! Badding the noodles. Honey! You being Jason Derudo. Okay, I'm honey you being Jason Derudo Okay, I'm for salt you big days Jason Derudo. We have a guest outside My name is Fucki Mcbuck. I love boy meets world No, thank you dollars on improv classes his name is fucking me. I think we've all died in one purgatory

Uh-huh, I call it purgatory because I keep buttering Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there. I'm gonna stop right there. Just read this is a mess script for the mustard I tried to be a devil and I hurt my throat The best script for the mustard. Okay Fuck fuck fuck my ticket to mustard. I Try to be a devil and I hurt my throat. I tried to be a devil and I hurt my throat Pizza in the morning pizza in evening when it devils in your throat that Iran I totally I tried to be a devil and I hurt my throat Oh, what a mess. Who was that from? Aaron?

This mess. That was from RJ. That was from our, let me just double that. Do you guys know RJ, what is it? Oh, it's RJ Bores. You know that? Better make it RJ. Better make it RJ.

Better make it RJ Bores. RJ, yeah. I mean, I hated that. RJ, I really love that attempt. I don't think you quite got there, but I can't wait for you to write a few more. No, you didn't. You really didn't, RJ. I was just the entire backlog.

And I listened and you really await for new episodes. I don't think I've ever laughed harder than I have listening to this podcast. RJ doesn't get points for listening to the entire backlog. I fucking did the entire backlog. I recorded all those, RJ. Yeah, but you were on your phone the whole time. You were really kind of out. He's looking as fun.

What's happening? I heard, I know, I know I heard someone say I'm handsome. Is that fun? Is it? You said you're now in Hanson salt. I heard was Aaron talking for more than three seconds. So I thought got to jump in. I think that you're going to both be in a lot of trouble for this episode. Really? I'm just going to watch it happen. That's all the from all the keyfeds out there. No, I just think people're gonna both be in a lot of trouble for this episode. Really? I'm just gonna watch it happen.

That's from all the keyfeds out there. No, I just think people are gonna be like, it's hard to listen to a lady get interrupted. Hmm. Okay, well here's what we'll do. Good luck existing in society. Here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna end the episode with 10 uninterrupted minutes of just Aaron.

Oh my god, I hate the sound of my own voice. This is gonna be great. All right. So that had to have been 10 million. Come on. I gotta feel my stuff. All right. So here are all of my thoughts. Give me a topic and I'll give 30 seconds of uninterrupted my thoughts. A topic. A topic. A topic of tambourines. Tambourines. That's not a good topic. You mean like a pop culture and I'll go off on it. Star Trek. Yeah. Okay.

I would say Chris Pine, who is in Star Trek, is one of the best Chris's in pop culture right now. I also really, really, really like Chris Evans. And I don't know how much of that is him being from Massachusetts. I can't tell how charismatic he is. I think JPC is literally timing me. Chris Pratt's pretty good. He's not my favorite.

You're literally joking. I think he might be. You're literally just joking. Kind of not that good in real life. I don't know. I don't want to judge anyone. Who am I forgetting Chris? Oh, you know who I love is

Chris Hemsworth. Lots of good Chris's you've been going for seven seconds Just for the audience sake I Adoles and man I do want to mention Chris Everett who's amazing and Aaron Blissett all men Which is weird, but I just want to give some shout out to some really amazing female athletes out there Mm-hmm, and I want to say Christianer and I also want to say Kylie Jenner female athletes out there. And I want to say a questioner and I also want to say Kylie Jenner. And Christine Iverto-Lova. So I have a separate Instagram account where I follow celebrities and artists and people who I don't know in real life because I read that once that you're not supposed to follow

celebrities and people you know on the same social media account. Because they could meet. Yeah because they could meet. No because your brain starts to see the people you know as celebrities, and then you start to be too familiar with people who you don't know in real life and you start to get to invested. And so I have a separate Instagram account where I follow

everyone I don't know, and I only check that like once a month. Give it a plug. No! Wait, is that why I've been messaging all of my friends for pictures of their feet? Yep. Fuck me. I knew I shouldn't be doing that.

What's up guys? Well Aaron, we asked you to talk about Star Trek. You talked about Star Trek for zero seconds. And classic Star Trek actor Chris Pine, who I mean, he was in the recent movies. Yeah, I didn't really watch the show growing up. I didn't really have access to it, but a lot of people I love really like the show. So maybe that's something at all. You didn't have access to it. You a lot of people I love really like the show. So maybe that's something that all you didn't have access to you parents had that Star Trek blocker TV. Yeah, yeah, no fun. No cable.

No cable. Aaron, is this a fun joke? If I was a magician dressed up like a USS Enterprise captain with a red shirt on and I said to you, Pocard, any card. Well, if I get Decker card. I like it. Yeah. That's really good. Can you help me workshop it? Can we use some of this 10 minutes to workshop that joke?

Yeah. Pocard, any card. Yeah, okay, thank you. That's way better. Thank you so much. Addle, do you have anything that you would like to plug? Besides my butt with a banana, I would say come, check out our Patreon. and remember that one of

this episode was supposed to be on island time and then it's the most frantic wild show. Check out our Patreon, it's only $5 a month, you get four bonus episodes, our live shows up there, we have our D&D campaign, a lot of fun stuff going on. Also I'm going to pull out a little bit of doctor recommendations and say, please read the book, The Seven and a Half Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle, one of the best books I've read in a long time. And it's kind of like Ron Hogs Day meets Agatha Christie. There's a murder that happens and this guy has 24 hours.

He wakes up every day as a different house guest in this mansion at this party and he gets to see the day through their perspective. It's fantastic. Oh, interesting, that's very good. James, do you have anything to plug? Nothing much for me right now. Follow me on Instagram as always at Shark Parkman, follow me on Twitter at JP so fly,

come see us on World News, go to our T-Pubble store and get a T-shirt. I was wearing a dead stop T-shirt and Aaron's mom really enjoyed that. And that's it for me, Aaron. Follow me, Aaron, key 10 on Instagram. Or at... Oh, I got to know.

Oh, Bodega Cat. The hint is it's a profile that I made for my friend and that she never used. And so it's just under her name. It has no followers. Yeah, well, then why should never use Emily Sucks to for? Emily Sucks! Yeah, I'm gonna soon, I made a web series a few months back

that I'm so proud of and it's so funny and it features a lot of very funny people around the city. And we're gonna do a live showing where we're gonna show all of the episodes because we're not gonna release them on the internet for a really long time. So I'll be, it'll be info about if you live in Chicago and you wanna come see that.

That'll be on my Instagram and put it about that soon. James, did you say, interesting? Interesting. That's where I say when someone says something that's not interesting to me. Interesting. Interesting. Okay, where I say when someone says something that's not interesting to me. Interesting. Interesting. OK, let's see here.

What's, how do we get? OK, so imagine. I don't need no man. Aaron, what's the deal with a... Jupiter. Oh, no! Bye forever. This has been Hey, Rural, Rural.

Creates by Adolf Revi. Sorry, Aaron Yeeve. And John Patrick Collins. Take his nighter busy headed in. Now, Aaron Yeeve is in the middle of the night. Vocal created by M.O.B. Cargamus and M.O.N. The Morris. I'm two before H.R.E.

the Rick Yolk. Upbeat before hate rate to break your mind.