Hey Riddle Riddle - #67: Bleh Riddle Riddle 2!

Episode Date: October 30, 2019

Night of the Living Dead Stop! It’s our second Halloween episode and we’re scared of how much terrifying content we packed into it! We have spooky riddles, the shocking return of J.P. Riddles, Halloween costume ideas and the answer to last years cliff hanger; WHO IS THE UGLIEST WOMAN!? Put a blood capsule in your mouth and get ready to bite down....it’s Bleh Riddle Riddle! #WiddleWednesdayStarring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a Headgun Podcast. Terror falls across the land. Hashtag Whittle Wednesday is close at hand. As improvises and workforce cats will terrifying's podcast apps. And whomsoever shall dare try to lampoon errands closer to eyes, must sit through Addon's puns and barbs as GPC steals their magic cards. The foulest noise in the air, the groves of 40,000 listeners as the solution to each riddle asks ends up being such fucking trash. For though the Pazis pose seen fine, the answers will be shitting.

For no mere mortal shall resist the evil of these riddles. I'm very tired play the theme. The doctor was the mummy. He stood on a block of fat. All of them were swampy. It was the cabin in the water. He stepped in with eyes closed. It's empty with ice cold. The works and the horse make day in the room.

I'm free for my free delivery. Hey you kids, come here. Me, mister? You kids want to see a dead stop? It's Blood Rital Rital Part 2! I got suckered into that. Happy Rital Wee! Happy Rital Wee! I'm coming!

Hey, you kids! Come here! Me, mister? You kids want to see a dead stop? It's Blood Rdle riddle part two. I got suckered into that happy riddle. We happy riddle. We I'm count Pajula We're joined by David S. Puzzies Forgot and spooky sleepy witch. Oh, yes David S. Puzzies. Oh boy, even we've had more relevant now Well somebody didn't stop me. I can't believe it's been a year.

It has been a whole year. If you're, if you just tuned in and you're looking for Hey, Riddle Riddle, you're in the wrong place. They died on a Riddle. Hey, Riddle Riddle. Hey, Riddle Riddle burned down years ago. You're at Blair Riddle Riddle. Our two, our second Halloween food.

Spookedacular. Spookedacular. Spookedacular. That's everybody uses Spookedacular. That's like a Payless shoes thing. Okay. If you're out there and you work at Payless shoes, I'm so sorry.

Are they still in existence? Well, no, I'm just sorry that you work at Payless shoes. There's gotta be better shoe stores. No, they can't be. They're okay. Do you guys remember carnival shoes? Or is that only an Indianapolis? I remember shoe carnival. That Do you guys remember carnival shoes? Where's that only Nandinaapolis? I remember shoe carnival

That's why I met carnival shoes Where did you guys get your circus dancing shoes? I'm sorry sir. We only have these in a size 24 Do you guys remember that that shoe start cloud shoes? Well your mom would take you to cloud shoes. It's I think Jbz I think you're thinking of carnival crews. Yeah. Oh. We broke, we broke comedy.

We finally did it. This is already the scariest thing. This is very scary. So we're gonna do some thrittles and kittles and, and fiddles and bits. Oh, you introduced me again. Yes, over here we have David S. Puzzles. Any puzzles?

I forgot my catchphrase. Is any riddles. It was any riddles Here we have David S. Puzzles. We're all just doing the same day over and over Fuck that it should be any puzzles you should do you should do a throwback even further with Reddles make gun puzzles you should do a throwback even further with uh, riddles, making puzzles. JAPES, JPC, the C monster. Just playing JPE, keep, keep it in real.

I'm just a little male punk. We haven't recorded it in a long time and my brain is slowly entering back into how this feels for good reason. Um, we're going to start in just a little bit. We're going to, uh, in just keep We're gonna, just keep paying it out. So keep paying it out. Just a little bit, we're gonna get to a riddle that we promised we would give you the answer to last year. So we're gonna get to that in just a minute before we do.

Well, Addle, happy anniversary for the angriest I've ever been at you. Oh, good. It's been a full year since the angriest I've ever been when you didn't finish that riddle. Because right before that episode, I ran over your cat. Yeah. And when you didn't finish that riddle. Because right before that episode, I ran over your cat. Yeah.

And then you didn't finish that riddle. There must have been times in the last year that we got angry or the lab. I've never been. Wow, okay. Interesting. I was at an eight or a nine. You did threat the rest of that episode.

You kept saying like, but seriously, give us the answer. Yeah, oh, that's true. And then people on Twitter were like, posting the answer and everyone's like, what's like, we demand, you kept running your finger across to your neck too for the duration of this calendar year. You've been doing that.

Well, that'll start to be fair. Aaron doesn't know how to check her pulse. No, I don't, I'm very confused. You've been running your finger across your neck too. Well, I'm saying, I want you to maybe like, what are your French girls wearing this, wearing old blue this? Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Pay me like, what are your French girls at the guillotine. If you listen to the episode after Halloween, I think I would, which we don't recommend, but I think I was, you'll still hear my anger in that episode too. That's how angry I was. But it's been a year, and we made it. We made it. A few things I want to do before we get into it.

Well, also just so everyone knows the way that we record, not to peak too far ahead in the curtain, but every time we record, we got to keep this themed. Thank you. Every time we record, we record about three episodes per evening, but we don't do it like the next three that will be recorded. We do the next three years of Halloween episodes. So, classically, we just finished recording last year's Halloween episode.

Yes. And then we're about to record next year's Halloween episodes. It is October 32nd 2018. I hope Trump doesn't become president. That's funny. That's funny. Oh boy. I can't know what this means.

2018. But democracy for hoggog. I hope Paul Rudd gets his own Netflix show. The guy's struggled. He's struggled enough. I couldn't remember. We, Mariah and I started watching that Paul Rudd Netflix show and I couldn't remember who is in it.

And I was like, do you wanna watch that Jason Sadekos show? And she goes, Jason Sadekos? No. Well, to be fair, they're both from Kansas. That's true, yeah. They are both from Kansas, they're in John Hacks. All right, what are we getting into? Sorry. John Ham, I believe, they're both from Kansas. That's true, yeah. They are both from Kansas, John Hanks. Both Jay Hacks. Alright, what are we getting into?

Sorry. John Hamm, I believe, is from St. Louis. Dude, St. Louis is the same fucking thing. Sorry, Kansas City St. Louis. Both Missouri. Both Missouri. We're going to get some tweets about that, please don't. So before we do that, I just want to do a few quick, fun questions.

Number one, what do you think are going to be the top Halloween costumes of 2019? Jesus. Okay. What I think Elsa is going to come right back around. Elsa was because president. Yeah. So I think Elsa's going to come right back around. What other animated movies came out this year? That's really what we're going for. So when we just say top Halloween costumes, those are kids costumes, we think are going to be the top ones. Oh, they dress up more than adults, you for Halloween. I think there's gonna be a ton of Pennywise. Or slutty Pennywise. Slutty Pennywise. Not even sexy. Just straight to slutty. I think the stranger things cast.

But in like 80s clothes. Yeah. Woody and Buzz. Woody and Buzz. Will people go as John Wick? Woody and Buzz. Woody and Buzz. Will people go as John Wick? John Wick with a dead dog. Try to get dead dog, try to. You know, spaghetti can go as John Wick. That would be fun. Avengers.

Avengers, yeah. I mean, mine was gonna literally be a Sebastian Stan. I honestly considering right now it's in my cart buying an $80 Sebastian the crab costume that I would return immediately that just covering one of the arms and pinhole. And pinhole, yeah. So we'll see, we'll see if I do that.

The other questions I wanted to get to were. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Yeah. What's the answer? Oh, I don't know. Halloween hasn't happened. Oh. Oh, I wonder.

It's October 32, 2018. I don't know what's going to happen. Can you Google like top costumes bought from Amazon? Top costumes, bought from Amazon. Top costumes, top Halloween costumes. And I'm writing this down in piece of paper. You put it into a little bottle of throat and get it to the scene.

It's like top-rattle diary. It writes back at you at the end there. All right, here we go. Betaby, betaby. I Betabee, betabee. I have the top Halloween costumes of 2019. Okay. Number one, dragon queen women's costume. Oh, yeah, Kalisei.

We can call that. Evie Descendants 3, Girls Classic costume. What is Evie Descendants? Oh, Descendants is a movie that children like. Oh, Descendants was Gorkwini and Emastone. Yeah, they love the great movie. Emastone's not in that. Sure she is. Sure that children like. Oh, the descendants of the Dorkloony and Emberstone. Yeah, they love the great movie. Emberstone's not in that. Sure she is.

Sure she could be fine, whatever. She's sitting in Hawaii and she was in a Hawaiian movie. I think I saw that in the theaters of my mom and my grandma sitting on either side of me and they both cried. Number three, sexy Shazam. Sorry, I read that wrong. Child's Shazam.

The sexy Shazam. Shazam, really? Toy Story, women's Jesse Classic costume. Number five, Amelia, art costume. She's back. Yeah. Amelia, yeah. Get asked me what I'm going for for Halloween.

So it turns out Amelia worth it. Because now your name and history. Number, what are we on? Six, Godzilla, King of the Monsters. Number seven, Deluxe, Captain Marvel. Number, how come? How come they're all trademark, except for the Game of Thrones one, they had to be vague about it.

We also have, The rest of them are all probably Disney properties. We also have Harry Potter's Luna Lovegood is very popular, Masha and the Bear. What is that? I don't know that. I mean, I'm young, I know that.

It's what kids like Hotel Transylvania plus size steampunk Wait, are you just really my shopping list now? Oh, I Tripped it I tripped into the porn house Like Google search history is just plus size deep punk The other things I wanted to get to will do this quickly since we're running behind here How would you put it tight schedule? How would you two kill someone? Oh, fun little Halloween. Yeah, me, I thought about it, and I would say,

I would go like the poisonous creature out, so I put like a scorpion in someone's boot or something, or like a stonefish and someone's boot. What's a stonefish? It's a spiny fish where if you step on it, it blends in with the ocean floor, and if you step on it, it has spines that go into your foot, inject you with poison in your dye. Is it really like deadly foot poison? Like it does go out. Well, when you say like that,

I sound like an asshole. It's real deadly foot poison. I'd slowly poison someone like a woman in a book. Hmm. Poison a woman in a book? No, I want to be like a woman in a book and I want to like slowly poison my husband. So is this like, that's your new merch line right? Yeah. Woman in a book. Woman in a book. Sort of my brand. Woman in a book. Woman in a book. I know. I know it's serious. What's your what's the title of your book? What's the title of that book? Woman in a book. Woman in a book. By Aaron keep. Can we sing she's got the look. Can we sing a woman in a book to the tuna she's got the look? I don't know. Woman in a book. Woman in a book. Don't you know that song?

No, I don't. Who is that? Who sings that? Pretty woman in a book. Quiet castles. Pretty woman in a book. Man, I feel like a, get in my book. Man, I feel like a pretty woman in a book. Man, man, man, man, man. I don't know the answer. I don't know how, is the question for killing someone,

like the perfect crime, how would you get away with it? Just how you personally, however, do you want to get away with it? Do you want to get caught? Do you want to be, do you want to strike fear into your enemy's hearts? Gotcha. It's specific to you So I'm trying to think of like I would want like a really good Clever one liner for however someone that's so devastating that they just die I got roasted so hard my heart

Those boots don't go with those capris Boots and capris. What is start with, oh honey. Oh, oh, sweetie. Oh, sweetie, oh honey. No, but I'm trying to think like you, like drop a tree on someone and say like, don't forget to log your extra credit or something like that.

Are you feeling what are your students? I don't know. You wanna die being a character in the Batman and Robin movie by Joe Schumann. Yeah, exactly. That's exactly what I wanna do. But yeah, I wanna have some sort of like a quippy punny way to kill someone.

I will say I think our vibe is. For every pun. Villains. Villains, oh for sure. I think we would be all very, very good villains in different movies. Yeah, better as a villain, really. Which reminds, we still have to do a Patreon where we freight villains.

Because we carried superheroes, now we have to create villains. We have to give them someone to fight. I'm trying to think of the genre you would both be a good villain in. What do you mean? Like, not like a superhero movie? Not necessarily a superhero movie. I feel like JPC would be rom-com villain. I could be a great rom-com villain, the bad boyfriend.

Yeah, like the Russell brand. Yeah. I was just thinking about the boyfriend. That's like, I care about my job and going out with my boys, babe. I don't care about your art. I feel like you'd be like a stock, you'd be like a wolf or all-street type of guy, right? Yeah, I think so too. The who can't get up.

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? where it is. And I was like, I wasn't looking for the car. I was looking to see if any of my fucking boys were.

The crew? I think it would be a good, like, 1800s villain, like a pride and prejudice woman, like a rich woman who's like, you just don't understand how to get a husband. I think it'd be that good. I think Adal would be good as like the caretaker, groundskeeper of like the caretaker or groundskeeper

of like the cabin or the hotel or whatever that people keep dying in. Nope, it's don't wanna go in there. It's a hotel for kids. Yeah, I also think you'd be a good villain in like a cowboy. Hmm, yeah, I think that. The last thing I wanna do before we get into it is, let's maybe create some new Halloween traditions. I think we are all, we recognize that we are taste makers and trend setters.

This podcast is, is a watermark for, we're pasties, there's a face theaters and shit kickers. I have an influencer. And you're an influencer on Instagram? Yeah, this is what my skin routine is. For Raghu. Don't drink water for a week. Aaron, you're an influenza insert.

That's the truest thing you've ever said. I feel really see. So maybe a new Halloween tradition that you want to send out. So much like Jackal Antons or going door to door for candy or dressing up in costumes, what's a new tradition? I have one that I thought of on the walk over here, which is to have a shame pig. So every family has a shame pig. You buy a pig, you dress it, I guess we use tie-up its legs.

You whisper, everybody takes turn whispering their sins into the pig's mouth. Of course. And then you kill the pig and eat it that night. You're just talking about your birthday party. Yeah. Thank you guys again for that shame pig. Yeah. It was a good one.

We love you. I asked for cakey, gimme a cakey, gimme a cakey. I can't believe that. That's too nice. It was a giddy pig. Oh. But we shamed it. But we shamed it.

We shamed it. Okay, so a shame pig. That feels like very like pagan, like, yeah, like creepy poor movie like style, like paganistic ritual. Oh, man. That's a really good tradition. I think that my tradition would be to have a big outdoor bonfire, where you ceremony, ceremoniously burn the-

No, but you're just describing, birdie, man. Ceremoniously burn the holiday institutions of previous in the year. So you burn the flag, you burn a tree, burn a heart, turn your luck one. You burn money for the president's day, you burn a worker, buy just like tell some of their shitty at their job, or a woman in labor. But yeah, you serenmoniously say goodbye

to the previous holidays of the year and anticipation for the fall holidays. That's great. Love it, Aaron. I think Halloween is typically one of the least romantic holidays. Okay. Maybe that in flag day. However, I think on Halloween, you should tell your crush that you like them. Oh.

Because then you could just be like, I was, uh, that's me as my character. That's me as a zombie. You should do it through a scream style phone call. Yeah. Oh, totally. Don't do it on Valentine's Day or New Year's Eve. me as a zombie. You should do it through a screen style phone call. Yeah, oh totally. Don't do it on Valentine's Day or New Year's Eve. That's a coward. Hello Melissa. Yeah.

Call them, when they're, yeah, tell them at a Halloween party. Tell your crush you like them at a Halloween party. And I also want to just not to, you know, dive too far into this, but you ain't seen how I do Flag Day. Ew. Because as we all know Flagstead's for,

fuck, look at God. Oh! He wasn't listening for the last two minutes of what I was saying. He was figuring that out in his head. I'm not mad about him. I went up again. I'm not mad.

So let's get into it. Yes. Take photos of you doing those traditions, everybody. Oh, take a photo of you telling your crush. That you like the 42 listeners who live in the country photos of you doing those traditions, everybody. Oh, take a photo of you telling your crush. Yeah. You like the Fertilistners who live in the country and own pigs, please make a little shame pig. Actually, if you could get a shot of the exact moment

where you told a crush that you liked them, it would give you so much information as to how that crush responded. Well, what's the generation after millennials? Gen X, Gen Z. Gen Z, right? Gen Z, right? What's Gen Y? Gen X is before Gen X, Gen Z. Gen Z, right? Gen Z, right? Gen Y?

Gen X is before. Yeah, Gen Z. Yeah. I feel like that's, they do that constantly. They're filming everything. Oh, that's true. They're on their TikTok, and they're like, this is me. This is my stand-up, the working.

They're on their TikTok, and they go up to their crush, and they're like, this is my crush. And I'm gonna tell them. My day TikTok was a character on Return to Oz. And if they, and if I get enough likes, I'll tell my crush I like, this is my crush. I'm gonna tell that. My day TikTok was a character on Return to Oz. And if I get enough likes, I'll tell my crush I like them. That's what they're doing. You know how you go to YouTube? And if it's like the video has sensitive content,

you have to put in your birth date to continue. I did that when I tried to send it for TikTok and they said, too old. Too old, yeah. And I can't do it. It's on the computer. We left them a brain. And they said, TikTok is our whole family.

They're great. They're a great generation. And we left them a horrible. They said it's a tongue-to-dum-dum. They're great. They're a great generation and we left them a horrible world. So they can film all everything of it. Film it all. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Who's the ugliest lady of them all? Ring a bell? Woo!

Ring a bell, you two. Oh, yeah. This is what we waited a year for. Is this riddle like a hunchback? Is it Ring a bell? Nice. Do another one. Is this rid of Bell? Nice, do another one. Is this Rital like,

whoof, is this, is this Rital like Gaston when he is violent? Does it ring of bell? Okay, I mean, get out of, get out of the Disney World though. I was paying two more. Two more with Bell. And Miriam here on the wall,

who's the ugliest lady of them all? The answer, do you two have a Wall, who's the ugliest lady of the mall? The answer, do you two have a guess? Who's the ugliest lady of the mall? Mm-hmm. Did I guess me last year? You guessed you several times. Is it your mom? It is not my mom.

It's a JPC. Not your mom, but your mom. It is not your mom. Okay. The royal, your mom. It's not Vicki, it's not Paddy. It should do so, Mr. and Lady Yomal. Mm-hmm.

I don't know. The answer, when you're in the making, 365. We need a drum roll. Add a drum roll. Add a drum roll. Actually add the beginning to Asia's final comeback. Final comeback. Drum roll?

Count down to the comeback. Add a drumstick. Add a roll watch. We're impressed. We want some sides. The answer is any which at all. At all? Worth the weight?

Nobody say anything. Any which. Let it hang. You say it best. At all? When you say any which at all. What's the question? Who's the ugliest lady of them all?

It's any which at all. At's the question? Who's the ugliest lady of them all? It's any witch at all. At all. It should just be any witch, but they put it at all. Oh, any witch. Mm-hmm. That's what it's like. Worth it?

No. Okay. Wait, no worth it. No. This would be less funny if this was a good riddle. We would've cut this for time if this had made it under the show. I wanna see a spleen.

A spleen. I wanna see a spleen. That's what we would have loved to. I wanna hear a scream. Okay. I want you to be witches and you both just heard this joke or this riddle and you're trying to like boost each other's confidence.

Okay. What? I mean, okay, you look good. Ah, no. No. No, no, I don't. What? I mean... Okay. You look good. Ah, no. No! No, no! I don't!

I don't! What do you mean? Look at me! Look at me! Look at this! I'm doing a full spin. So your left side is not your good side. I'm garbage.

And your right side is not your great side. But front on! Front on! What about from behind? I mean... Okay. So it... You're hurting my feelings even more. What? No!

You're supposed to be building me back up. Look. See, you're beautiful and I like... Please stop. Here are things I like about you. Your hands. Okay. These are hardly even hands.

These are all... I mean, they're more vain than hand at this point. I like your hands. I like that you look like a broom. I like that. I like that. You're ugly and most light, but when it's dark, you're the most beautiful girl in school.

I love that about you. Why are you looking at me? Do you look at that broom and not me? Oh, I'm sorry. Look at me, would you give me a cup of this? Okay, I like, well then I don't like your hand. Okay, hold on, stop. What do, why?

Should I keep carrying these buckets of water? Yes. It's me, the brood. Yes, I know. Fantasia, yes, right? What's that? Well, yes, carrying the buckets of water. Don't boot up.

Interrupt us to ask if you should continue to do a thing. You know what? It's not necessarily my interest to be attractive. I don't care about that. It's not who I am. It's not important. Because your personality is a six. A lot of six.

What's that? Out of six? Sure. Why not? And your personality is a six. Out of six? Out of six. Thank you.

Thank you, some. And why do witches? Why do us witches do this to each other? Okay. We nitpick and we tear each other down when we should be building each other up So that we can do what we were put on this earth to do Flyer bros flyer bros Make porridge for children that is poison

Warts Just generally raise awareness of warts And it's some more things are You're witchy. Oh, chapels. Do you know what warts stands for? Please? I don't know which is always regret talking smack that's true Boom that's true and we do regret talking smack make sure you don't slip with those buckets of water because if they hit us Well, melts that's a witch melt. That's a witch thing. That's a witch thing.

Some witches, right? All witches is water? I don't know. Wizard of Oz, witches. Not this, not all witches are good. Oh, okay. Cause maybe we would be more attractive if we could shower.

Alright, throw that water on us. No, no, no, no. We're not gonna throw a ball. I'm not sexy, I'm sexy. I'm not sexy. I'm sexy, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, and a mummy have a new house and it has all the rooms except for one. What room is it? They have a new house together, a big couple. Yeah, it's not even business. A nursery. A zombie. We can't conceive. I don't think they want kids. All of my organs were taken out of my body when I was mubbified. A zombie and a mummy have a new house and it has all the rooms except for one what room is it a man cave a Barroom closet a man tomb a Brume cause

Non-anatic what room don't they have mm-hmm What a room a tomb tomb room can't just keep saying rooms kitchen Okay, well, we get it? It's living room. It's a living room. Oh, Walter said, I was driving to school and I was late. Mr. Thomas said I was checking English exam papers. Mr. Benjamin said I was reading the newspaper. Mr. Calvin said, I was with my wife in the office.

The police arrested the killer. How did the police find the murderer? Based on those testimonies. Not testimonies, not that. It's gotta be the one about the wife because the doctor was the mother, obviously. On the first day of school, a young girl was found murdered. Police suspect four male teachers in question, though.

They were asked what they were doing at a... Mr. Young girl was found murdered. Oh, shit, stop the song! Police suspected four males. Mr. Walter was driving to school and was late. Mr. Thomas was checking English exam papers. Mr. Benjamin was reading the newspaper. Mr. Calvin was with his wife in the office. I know. Well, what is it? It's the guy checking English exam papers because it's the first day of school. So why would there have been

some English exam papers? Aaron Detective Aaron on the case again. I think it's the guy reading the newspaper because print media is dead. He was looking at Wapah on his phone tab. Detective Aaron is correct. It's Mr. Thomas as he cannot be checking exam papers in the first day of school. Please, Detective Aaron is my father. You can call me Aaron. See your dad's name is Aaron Keefe. Detective Aaron Keefe.

Yes. I want to see you soon. I'm sorry, I want to see your screen. I want to see your screen. name is Aaron Keefe. Detective Aaron Keefe. Yes. I wanna see a scene. I'm sorry, I wanna see your scream. I wanna see your scream. I wanna see your scream. Aaron, you're at the first day of school, you're a student. JPC, you're a teacher who is not gonna murder her, but you do give exams on the first day.

I really wanted you to say JPC, you're on the last day of school, you're a student, and you're beating back and forth at the time, like the last five years. I am a teacher at the school and I'm giving her her exam. You're giving homework on the first day. On the first day. You're that type of personality.

Associate path, if you will. Gotcha. All right, everybody. Thanks for a great first day. We'll see you back tomorrow. Aaron, stick around. Okay, I have to get off to acquire. Aaron, secure. Okay. I'm going to be late for choir.

Sure, it's okay. I'll tell Mr. Marvin that you're going to be late for choir. Okay. Okay. Did someone need to tell me something? Mr. Barvin and it's going to be a little late for choir. Okay. Okay. Did I do something wrong? Let's see if it's okay. I feel like how did I mess something up my first day? Aaron, you're falling behind.

What? You're falling behind. You just went over the syllabus for the quarter today. And your eyes glazed over like you were in Donutville. You're falling behind. I'm a teacher at this school. I do care about you, and I do care about your future. So I'm going to give you some homework.

What's wrong with being from Donutville? Look, the people from Donutville, they're fine people, but they don't have the resources to truly... Take it on, Donutville. I've truly invested in their children's features. I think you're a snob. I think you're being classed. I'm from Donutville and it doesn't mean I'm not smart.

And I've been a teacher for 12 years. I've seen Donutville kid after Donutville kid come to my class, and you know where they all end up? They all end up working under that pet boys in Donutville. They all work in that pet boys And they're all selling the auto parts now. Do you want that to be your life or do you want to be? A person who goes to college who gets a career and has a better future? I think I can be whoever I want to be. What does your mom and dad do? Well, my mom's a donut.

Uh-huh. And my dad does a nice coffee. And they're very happy together. Okay, so we have very different impressions of what doughnut fill is. And that'll be good. And that'll be good. And that'll be good.

You do look a little bit different. You are a big cup of water with chunks floating in it. You're an anthropocized coffee doughnut You were a big cup of water with chunks floating in it. You were to hit the permortem size. Coffee donut combo. Yeah, and I'm going to be the best student you've ever had. I'm going to work harder than anyone's ever worked. You're going to work harder? If you'll excuse me, I have to go sing or whatever it is I to inquire.

Mr. Marvin, she's all yours. Oh, let's get started with choir, shall we? Whatever you do. Don't sit me. In space, no one can hear you jam. See that? These are some of the weirdest scenes we've ever done. Very spooky though.

Very spooky. Very spooky. Here we go. Here we go. A famous man has plotted...a famous man has plotted the deaths of well over 100 people. Many of them who are royalty. Some survive, but many did not. The man is famous the world over 40s done,

yet he's never been tried by a court of law. George Bush. I mean. Honestly, that works. He roasted him. Oh, a Rasputin. It is not. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba.

You know that song, the Rasputin song? We don't. Ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh,

ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, You can't keep hitting the nail on the head with my personality time and time again in this episode. Hold on, so is this person American? No. Is this person still living? No. Wow, okay. So it's a dead person. It's a fictional person.

It's a famous man, no, he's real. Famous man who plotted the deaths of well over 100 people, many of whom are royalty. Some survive, many did not. The man is famous the world over for what he's done, yet he's never been tried by a court of law. Plotted the death, plot of the death of royalty.

And here's what I'll ask you, who are the man's most two famous victims? And what is the man's name? It's self. When it says plot of the death of royalty, is this like an economist who's like tried to devalue currency? Yeah, for economics.

For economics, yeah. Yeah. Huh. DPC, do you know? No, I just asked a really stupid fucking question, Yeah, freakingomics freakingomics. Yeah Huh DPC do you know? No, I just asked a really stupid fucking question. I got shouted down into my face. Rasputin actually works how He potted the he wanted to help me Well, it said he's never been tried in court of law wasn't he famously like um, he shot no He was round yeah, but penis cut off. What do you think of court of law wasn't he famously like shot no ground yeah but penis cut off what do you think a quarter lot we're not talking about your birthday again.

She would have drown him whisper a pig sink under his mouth kind of his dick and we're all out the candles. I named the shame pig rush boot. So the man's most two famous victims were lovers. Ro oh it's Shakespeare. Shakespeare. The man is's Shakespeare. Shakespeare. The man is where I'm Shakespeare. His victims are Romeo and Juliet.

Nice. Okay, I want to see a scene. I'm a bit out of your Shakespeare. JPC, your Shakespeare's best friend. And you're like sort of getting a little tired of all his depressing plays. And you're like telling him to write something like sick. Like awesome.

Oh, I'm pretty. I've stumbled upon the block of writers. I had a short story of a man who enters a cave and upon entering it, his name is Calaban and there's some sort of stalagmite, hits him in the eye and he bleeds out of his dick and eye. What, Bill, can I be honest with you? Yes, my street origin friends. Yeah, you apply. Frankie, speak to truth, shoot from the hip. I'm sorry. I'm sling arrows from the hip. It's right, it you apply. Frankie, speak to truth, shoot from the hip.

I'm sorry. Sling arrows from the hip. It's right, it's me. Frankie, speak to truth. Bill, Bill. Your works are too hard for looting. They're... No, no, there's no flute.

It's all guitar. Guitar? Drum. Bass. Bass. Yeah, a bit of Theranian. Very peace, Ben. You need to do something that's more relatable to the people You've got to do something that people will engage with the style have any suggestions all right

What about you're taking out a scroll yeah, yeah, I'm just gonna smoke a blot I'm just gonna smoke a blight, quick, absolutely get into the crate and energy. Yes, we're all to scroll, triple the drill, we're all to smoke it up. All right, you got a light. Yep. Good job. Oh,

do me. What, what? We're all to join to big. You scrolled to join to big. We're all enjoying too big. We're all enjoying too big. This is good, or I'm gonna write this down. All right, this might be my first of what you call comedies. What about this?

Is, is a play-dain. So it's a man, right? And he sees a dog, right? And the dog can talk, but the man can hear it, but no one else can hear it. But the dog's filthy, man, he's like a Ryan Reynolds type. You know, like, detective Pikachu did pull something along the other side. I know, right? Yeah, sure.

That makes me... That makes me... It out us no Ryan Reynolds. And he's just filthy. And the dog talk, and the man's got to react and respond, even if no one else can hear it. Right? But here's a kicker, here's a shitter.

You get a man to play the dog. So everybody who sees the play can understand the dog, but the people in the play don't understand the dog because he's a dog, but he's a man. Does that make sense? I'm making sense. It really doesn't. No? It really doesn't.

The people in the play she dog But the dog is played by a man. So everybody's I'm sorry I ends up my pants and I can't tell you how many thousand the dollars JPC spent learning improv. If we changed the title of the show to Shakespeare's penis was a dog. How many listeners will we gain? Let's do this. We should definitely take a quick break to hear from some of our sponsors.

So while we take a break, we're going to change the name of the show to if Shakespeare's penis was a dog, come back and see how many people we retain. That's the old contest. to change the name of the show to if Shakespeare's penis was a dog, come back and see how many people we retain. All right. That's the ultimate test. Oogie. Oogie Shakespeare, we'll be right back. We're going to play real, real, real. Hey, GPC.

Uh, uh, yeah. You're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm, um, pranking, adult, and I You're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm, um, pranking at all. And I'm setting up a website to bring him. Um, okay. I just need some advice.

This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. I'm not, I'm not mad at you. We're pranking at all. Squarespace is the only one website platform for entrepreneurs to stay in doubt and to see it online. Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, website platform for entrepreneurs to stay in doubt and to see it online. Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website. It gage with your audience and sell anything for products that cut into time.

All in one place, all on your terms. Hey, Otto, come here. Come here. Come here. Hey, what's what's going on? I actually, I want to prank GPC and I want to set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like, is there like an online store that could set up on my website to sell products? Did you know that with Squarespace, you can have custom merch.

You can easily sell custom merch and create passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand, design your products and production, and inventory and shipping are handled for you saving you time and money. What is happening? Okay. Wait, what's going on with that all?

Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing. No, he's gonna shoot you. And I'm gonna use analytics, use insights to grow my business, and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool. I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords, our popular products and content on my Prank website to Prank's activity. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron.

I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what the website was for. The website was for. Prank. With Squarespace, you can connect to your store to Vedent Dirt Party tools to extend the functionality of your website. Hey JPC, hey JPC. What's up, Vattle?

I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh, she's back. She's back. Hey, Aaron. Can we go to grandma's house? Wait, I've been pranked. But how? I don't know. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Hey, Adel and JPC, thank you for meeting me in the middle of the woods here. I am sort of at an impasse. I can't decide whether or not to go this way or this way. I'm having a hard time choosing a path. You know, there never truly is a middle of the woods. Isn't it funny to think about something like that? Like, have there never truly is a middle of the woods? No, this is the middle. Okay, this is it. Addle, can you help? Yeah, actually. So, as per Robert Frost, I don't know if you know

his poems. He has a poem called Better Help. I believe this is written in the 1800s, but it still stands true today more than ever. Aaron, you should try Better Help. Have you heard of this? You seen this? Because sometimes Aaron. Because sometimes Aaron and life were faced with tough choices, and the path forward isn't always clear, whether you're dealing with decisions around career, relationships, being stuck in the middle of the woods, therapy helps you stay connected to what you, ow, ow. Sorry, that also does so fast.

Therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate life and the woods. Mm, and better help is entirely online, so it's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. I've been using it for several years, and it suits the way that my brain works way better than traditional therapy ever did. And when Aaron says traditional therapy, just so everyone's clear, what she means is tricking two of her friends to coming to the middle of the woods, even though there isn't truly the concept of the middle of the woods. Isn't that fun to think about?

All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a license therapist, and you can switch therapist at any time for no additional charge. Hey, Aaron, a GPC's putting down bread crumbs and then immediately picking them up and eating them. Dirty bread crumbs. Mmm. And he's also like really into that owl who's swooping down. Anyways, let there be your map with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today

to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp. H-E-L-P.com slash riddle. R-I-D-D-L-E. R-I-D-D-L-E, the middle of riddles of D, but there is no true middle of riddle because it would be the space in the home.

I am home. Who are we? I clink, clink, clink, excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, I just want to make a quick toast to, I know it's JPC's birthday, and we're all so excited to talk about him, but I want to talk about my favorite, my favorite thing in the world. And that is the app, Rocket Bunny.

Oh, yeah, Aaron, that's one of my favorite things as well. Mm-hmm. Rocket Bunny is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helpscels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years way before they were a sponsor and it helps me so much, especially around tax season.

Kling, Kling, Kling, Kling, Kling, Kling, Kling, uh, sorry, I also want to give a toast. Rocket Money, well quickly and easily find your subscriptions for you and for any you don't want to pay for anymore, just hit cancel and rocket money will cancel it for you. It's that easy. Clint, Clint, Clint. It also categorizes your expenses. So you can easily track your budget in real time and also get alerted if anything looks off.

Over three million, oh, Clint, Clint, Clint. Over three million people have used rocket money saving the average person up to $720 a year. We love rock. Stop. Stop. No, click, click, click, stop.

Throwing your money away, cancel unwirted subscriptions today and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rocket money.com slash riddle. That's rocket money.com slash riddle. Rock at money.com slash riddle. That's rocket money.com slash riddle. Rockamoney.com slash riddle. Intel and JPC's birthday got ruined by two of his friends for doing speeches about rocket money. The website. Click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click like, click you doing? Spooked. Yeah, me too. I when we took a little break, I saw a black cat. Oh, that was a, okay, I'm sorry, I thought it was a guy. It was a black cat. It's okay. It shot me, which makes me think it was a cat. Anyway, I got real spooked.

That's like Sabrina, remember Sabrina had that gun? Sabrina her pet gun. Let's get into another riddle here. A man goes out drinking every night and doesn't come home until the wee hours of the morning. No matter how. Whee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee Who's significant other loves it would you make that joke? No matter how much he drinks the night before the man never has a hangover.

What? A man goes out drinking every night and doesn't come home until the wee hours of the morning. No matter how much he drinks the night before the man never has a hangover. Because he's not drinking alcohol. No. He's drinking who is the man? has a hangover. Because he's not drinking alcohol. No. No. He's drinking. Who is the man? He's old piss. Um, he's the puri-r-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re vampires and you're both, you're not, you're getting drunk at a bar off alcohol for the first time.

So it's like two hours into drinking and you're just checking it with each other. Mm-hmm. Booh, booh, booh. It's great to finally be 21. This is insane. I mean, it's so good. What, tell me, tell me. me I have a still a twig. A still a twig.

A twig. And it's so good. The bartender poured it, the liquid, hit the glass at an angle and swam and pulled the bottom. He took a, would look like a knife and scraped the form of the top just like in the commercials. Oh, what are you drinking? I'm drinking and I know we're in a werewolf bar, but I'm drinking a blue moon. And just like in the commercials, they serve the blue moon and then take a little slice

of orange and put it on the edge of the commercials. They serve the blue moon and then take a little slice of orange and put it on the edge of the glass. So the season of thootiness mixes with the friddiness of the sea of kufais and a bit. Players of the nights. Oh! Oh, let's call gentlemen. Let's go! Let's call with person daily. Please put it on. Please, we loved who was. Sure, it's in the wee hours of the morning. So I will, but then I'll also do you want it one more drink for a...

Yes, I will take, look at me. Look at me. Look at you. I'm looking at you. I want a bad T-ice. Okay. Okay, sure. But make it just like in the commercial.

Yes. And I'll have a Miller die life. And the champagne, you mean like a spiller high? Well, well, as well. Come on. What's your name? I need you to say the technical name for it.

So I'm here. But he got away with his, his, what come on? Don't throw it Throw me under the casket just because you fucked up I'm gonna get you guys to white wines Oh come on white wine At least make it red because then it looks like a blue Wait I knew we're going to a werewolf bar

It's too nice a sh** in them Seed Oh boy Oh boy We're worth barred. We're doing nice a show in them. Seed. We, hubby. Oh, boy. I think a lot of fun. I'm amazing. I'm amazing.

I miss you guys. It's been a while. I'm seeing you in so long. You also, I did world news without you two last night. And we were there. You just told us to sit out. Oh, yeah. Good point.

She did world news without you two for the first time. Bona was not present. There was a lot of really sweet. Hey, real a little fan, especially at the eight. And I said, I'm sorry that they're not here. That's funny because they can all eat my ass. Ah! Jesus.

The past tense. They can all eat my ass. I met a really sweet couple and one of them works at Netflix and one of them is in a, it does like medical robotics, something robotics. For whatever job she said she had it impressed to the fuck out of me. Wow.

But they, they're from the Bay area. And they were visiting Chicago. Which Bay? Like Old Bay. Old Bay, they're from Old Bay. But they were so nice. And also I met a lot of other nice people, but shout out to them.

I won't say their names just in case. Just in case they died. Just in case. Just in case they died later that night, it's my fault. We're gonna do one more sort of regular riddle here and then I have a few special things planned. Okay. That's not fun?

No. This is sort of dark story. This is a box of dark riddles. It's all fucked up stories that we got from a fan. So I'm gonna just tell you this situation. Do then do you remember in one of the live shows, maybe our first live show, there's a thing where like grandma was, no, it was rolled up in a carpet on top of the car.

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. That was one of these. So this is, it's just gonna be a brief snippet of a story and we have to sort of extrapolate and figure out what's going on. Got it. This is called Spoon the Spoon.

With great joy, a family ate their grandmother by the Spoonful. Apparently, these are all grandma-based. With great joy, a family ate their grandmother by the Spoonful. So you have to tell me what's going on. That's the whole thing that we get. That's the whole thing.

You got the whole thing. Okay, they're from Donutville. And their grandma is a donut. She's a pumpkin donut. Isn't there a song that's like something built? Like, it's a very very, is that a thing? I don't know that song.

I think you're thinking of Margaritaville. Yeah. Margaritaville. It's a song that's on the thing. It's a song that's on the thing. It's a song that's on the thing. It's a song that's on the thing. No, it the thing. Salt is on the thing. No, it's a beenfold song, but it's not a beenfold original. It doesn't matter. But I think

anyway, every time you said Donutville, I... Oh, rock in the suburbs. It's rock in the suburbs. Thank you. In the number, in F and Tane, in the number, in the F and Tane, in the M and the F and Plane, in the M and P. I just remember that. But look at what they wear, in the way they cut their hair. You know what I hate doing?

I hate playing poker with Ben. What? He did it! He did it! I want to see his screen. He's Ben Paul. Yeah! I hope he listens to the show.

Do you think Ben Paul listens to the show? He's like, for sure. Sixty-some episodes, he's like, I don't want to write him an email. Then he's like, they finally mentioned me. Here's my, here's my impression of, of a bidfolds getting a hand in black check. Fives, fold.

Bidfolds five, rhino, myser. Love it. How about back to this riddle? No, the eighth or grandma with the spoon was grandma. Joy. Was grandma their nickname for their own ass It was he had ashes and she was baked into something and she wasn't asked. Yeah, but what it was it like her last request to be eaten by her family Are they wolves are these people these are people? Is it a cultural thing? No, there's yeah, she's a

Something no, it is ashes. Were they tricked? I think they made a wrong assumption. Got it. So she said, sprinkle my ashes, so they turned her ashes into sprinkles, and then they put them all over ice cream. This is Amelia Bidelia.

Did she say Jimmy by ashes? Jimmy's, yeah. Jimmy eats world. Jimmy's the world. That's like an old timey, like, Jimmy by ashes. That's like you tried that. I think you're not supposed to say Jimmy's yeah Jimmy eats world Jimmy's that's my like an old time. He like Jimmy by ashes That's like you tried that I think you're not supposed to say Jimmy's yeah, well, no I really they you it does have a Negative connotation, but it's not really on that yeah, no they talked about that on the doughboys actually

I will stop in that no it's it's you don't see your favorite podcast about two guys who review deers right? Yes, it's no it it's not too bad. Let's talk about all the famous tips. Me, that's the favorite. That's the favorite. That's the favorite. Here we go. Here's the answer.

After the war, the family often received packages filled with food from their relatives in America. One package had a cancer filled with grayish powder, which the family assumed to be their vitamin supplement. Each member of the family swallowed a spoonful of the powder each day. Several weeks later, a letter arrived from their relatives in America. The letter informed them that the grandmother had died and that the will indicated that her ashes

to be sent to her German homeland. I wanna see a scene. What? This is going to be the triumphant return of JP Riddles. Ah. Um. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. JP Riddles, you're going to be telling a story about a time where you accidentally ate a relative. Okay. And this is two year. Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum JP riddles, JP riddles, and that's a story. Tell us a story. Come on, please.

One of your swan lumps, please, JP riddles, please. I don't feel up to telling the swan lumps today. Maybe come back tomorrow. Get out of the bath and tell us a story. Yeah, take that snake out of your penis hole. First of all, this isn't a snake, it's a rake. I'm not in a bath, it's a calf. I'm putting a snake rake calf into my, it doesn't matter, it's a medical. I'm putting a snake-rake cath into my-

Oh, it doesn't matter, it's a medical procedure. Did you steal my Dr. Seuss books? What's that? Did you steal my Dr. Seuss books? I stole someone's Dr. Peppers. I definitely drank those, and they were diet caffeine-free. Why even buy the Dr. Pepper at that point? All right, what are you kids watching? A story. A story.

Also, can you take us out to ice cream? Yeah, take us to cold stone. Cold stone? Even better, take us trick or treating. JP Riddle tells a story and take us trick or treating. Okay, well, we'll do a little column B. I'll tell you a story, and on the way, we're going to go to an ice cream shop,

and we're going to try trick or treating at the ice cream shop and see if we can get maybe 40, 50 free samples. And after we can form that on our own scoops back at the table. And GP riddles has a special way of making ice cream scoops. They take the little napkins that they give them, I roll them up like they do their cones and then I put the ice cream samples inside the napkin and I put it in my pocket for getting about it,

fall asleep and wake up with a bunch of beavers covered in my body trying to get at that little ice cream. But that was by playing the whole along. I grabbed those beavers by their next strangling dead. And boy oh boy, now I got beaver suits, beaver hats. D beaver does the living large! Sex, Fifth Avenue, on all those beaver parts. Now, you kids wanted to hear a story, is that right?

Yeah, please tell us a story. All right, this one is Swan, Lumps number 61. This is the old man in his trip to Ben and Jerry's Well the old man was very crunchy in crackity and because he was a what's crunchy in crackity? I don't worry about that. He was all hopped up on crack and bunch of crunch It's a little combo of the dude that he made and he snorts himself and anyway He snorted up a bunch of movie candy and crack cocaine and he walked into what he imagined was a basket robbins, but what it actually was was a bike store. What's the difference between basket robbins and Ben and Jerry's? 42 flavors. So anyway, he's in this bike

store and he's ripping petals off the wall and he's screaming at the man And he says you're covered in beaver bites your whole fool. You better get out of this bike store And he takes a fixie bike and he says I'll take one with all the fixings The bike owner tosses a mat on his ass and he's out in the parking lot doing a Bump a baby math, which is when you take some meth and mix it with a baby Ruth candy bar It's not meth for babies, which baby should not do JP riddles uh-huh the other day when you said you found the baby Ruth in the pool. That was just a piece of shit And JP and did JP riddles should have been at that pool

Job JP C is what he calls a pool Because the water's so crystal blue. JPC Riddles? You got... Well, one of the movies last week. Sure. You bought so much movie candy. What other drug movie candy combinations did you make with all that candy?

I bet you asked. Let's see. There's nachos weed in there. Popcorn, PCP. JPC Riddles. Uh-huh. Why are your eyes completely white? What'sles? Why are your eyes completely white? What's that?

Why are your eyes completely white? Did I see the truth? Because I know all about Obama's wars. What's going on? Oh, J.P. Riddles. What's going on? What did you do with the Twizzlers that we bought? What's that?

At the movies. What drawings did you put in the Twizzlers? Twizzlers, so I actually have a special use for Twizzlers. I'd like to use those Twizzlers as straw. Straw, so I actually have a special use for twizzlers. I like to use those twizzlers as straw. Straw, so I can soak up and drink up whatever I'm drinking. It turns out what I was drinking was stolen diet, caffeine-free, dr. Pepper, and it is like horse piss. And so I ruined some twizzlers. How do you know what horse piss sounds like? Well, you know what horse piss sounds like?

You know what horse piss sounds like, because if you can hear it, you're too close. I meant what it tastes like, but I think I'm catching a horse, this sounds like. That's a t-shirt. You know what a horse, this sounds like, because if you can hear it, you're too close. I meant what it tastes like, but I think I'm catching your crazy. JP Riddles, is it, we're scared to ask this, but is it true you accidentally ate one of your family members? I have to eat one of your family members. We're too scared to ask. My brother's gonna ask, ask the question.

Do you eat one of your family members? We didn't hear any rumors. We just saw your tattoo. Oh yeah. It's a picture of you eating someone. There's an arrow that says, family. Well, this is actually half a tattoo and half a go for bite.

That gave a long, to make it look like a town. It has a kid from family circus. Yeah, and he's, yeah, and he's paying on a Chevy logo. Sorry, circus shoes. Sugar shoes. No. Circus city. Thank you so much. Best, best bye turn on the phone

Now old GP riddles did it deed? Unfortunately, he'd a member of his family But would I say a member? I do mean a penis and what I say a family he did eat his brother's penis Did you know William Shakespeare's penis was a dog? Mm-hmm. Shackie dog. How dog? It was heavy. Anyway, we're here at the Ben and Jerry's. Trick or Treat, do you have any candy? Candy that doesn't have drugs in it?

Why would you want that? Cause I like candy. Do you have any like sour skittles or gummy bears? There's another one. If you like candy, you're gonna love candy laced with drugs. It's some of the best stuff. Now, okay, here's the plan. We're here at the basket. Robbins or it looks like it's some of the best stuff now okay here's

the plan we're here at the basket robins or it looks like it's actually a bag of shopper some sort but I'm gonna shove you kids into the door you're gonna start screaming and tearing things off and it JP riddles is gonna sneak in while you're making a mess and I'm gonna go to the cash register and I'm gonna plead with that thing to open up please and if I do get it to open up I'm gonna take the cash out of that cash register and We're going to go live like kings. We're going to go to the Aldi and get Chef Boy, Adi. Eat to our hearts content tonight. How does that say?

Adi you kids. We're busy. See. Not your weed. Not your weed. What type of weed is not your weed? We that isn't yours. I create some, so Halloween, if you are going out tonight

and there's, or tomorrow, I guess, is there some sort of costume party you wanna go to, you need to throw together a last minute costume, I've created some pun costumes. This is some sort of combination of two things. Oh, pun! These are like, adult costumes. Yeah, so we talked about how,

previously in my life, I was Abraham LinkedIn as a costume. I was also a Bat Manolo, which is a combination of Bat Man and Barry Manolo. So I'm gonna ask you, I'm gonna give you the hint for those, and you're gonna tell me what the costume is. Cool. So for example, I might say a burned janitor haunting dreams and pursuing younger men, that would be be a burned janitor haunting dreams,

which is Freddie Krueger, Kouger, Freddie Kouger, Freddie Kouger, how about in camp? Well, the next one is, oh no, the next one is a burned janitor who wrote a little ditty about Jack and Diane, which is Freddie Krueger, Bella Kemp. Thank you so much. How about a burned janitor?

No. Who moon lights as the lead singer for Canada's best band? Rush? Oh, Jesus. Think along the lines of what we were just doing. Selenia. A burned janitor who moon lights? As the lead singer for Canada's best band.

Canada's best band is... Justin Bieber? Nickelback. Nickelback? Are they really?. Canada's best band is... Justin Bieber. Nickelback. Nickelback? Are they really? Lead singer's name. Chad Krueger. Freddie Krueger. Freddie Krueger.

Freddie Krueger. Nice. An important vampire who invented jazz and dresses like Ryan Gosling. Oh boy, an important vampire. An important vampire is Dracula. Mm-hmm. Dracula Lallian. Dracula L-hmm. Dracula Lallian.

Dracula Lallian. Dracula Lallian? An important vampire who's trying to extract gas or oil from an earth instead of blood. Dracula? No way! No! This is sick.

This is sick. Okay, hold on, hold on. To keep the bad news. To be fair, I wrote 100 of these and I took the 10 worst So so Aaron I want to see a scene Adela and I have already played Vampires So you are going to play a Dracula Adela and I are natural gas miners and you are We've been warned about you and you're showing up on site Oh my god. Oh no, it's this is her We get for working on Halloween. We shouldn't have worked on Halloween.

What kind of worker you love to? Well, you're a big goofy aren't you? No, I'm scared. No, you're a punk. Look at this vampire's got overalls on. It's juggly eyes. Overalls over a dress. No, you're scared of me. I believe I could suck your blood. Woo. Now wait a second. We've been told that you weren't going to suck our blood. That you were only interested in sucking this natural gas out of the earth.

Yes, I want it to get better, but the environment is going to get all of this. Woo. How come you have glasses on? Why is some vampire don't see a spell in some of that piles? Woo. I Is Bellies Is there a vampire's they just a general person thing are you even taffy I Supposed to have the higher status in this direction because I

Throw oh Monster attacking us in the wee hours Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Uh, oil? Oil? Yeah. Okay. Oh, that's kind of on topic, I guess, a little bit. We'll take what you will. Yeah, take what you will. If you have to suck the frack out of here. Ooh, just, I've never seen someone down a crystal pet so fast.

I can't do that place. I don't like it. I can't do that place. I don't like it. I don't like it. During a full moon, they try and keep kids off drugs. During a full moon, they try and keep kids off drugs. Who tries to keep kids off drugs? Dare wolf. During the full moon, she turns back time.

Share wolf. Share wolf. Sharewall. Dibs. Dibs. He's- He's- He's a guardian statue on a gothic building, but can also perform a bris.

Garmoil. It's a garmoil. Garmoil. Don't forget every two to three thousand brises. Don't forget the change your moil. This is an Arkham clown who loves eggs. What the is an Arkham clown who loves eggs. What the fuck? Arkham clown who loves eggs.

Arkham clown who loves eggs. So it's a Joker who loves eggs. It's the Joker. It's the Joker. How about an Arkham clown who knows how to act in 2019? Joker. The Joker. The woker.

An Arkham clown who's also a super saiyan Vegeta Joker I would accept goker or joku This is an Arkham clown who's a blast at parties, but speaks a mile a minute through obliting those Joker the co-cure. Yeah, how about ancline who enhales everything, his pink little alien stomach desires? What? Joker be. Joker be. Here's the next one. Joker's female sidekick who believes the most important thing is family. Okay, okay. Joker's female sidekick who believes the most important thing is family.

Joker's female sidekick who believes the most important thing is family. So it's Vin Diesel, Harley Quinn Diesel? Harley Quinn Diesel. Harley Quinn Diesel. This is a conservative media pundit who died to become a violent ghost. It's an Ann Kultergeist. Rush Limbo. The male lead- That's pretty good.

Nice, I like that. The male lead of fre grease gets stuck in an 80s video game Danny get stuck in the end the name of the actor the male lead of grease who gets stuck in an 80s video game Nadel Nizzi that would be Tron Travolta Tron Travolta in amphibious menace who has an off-brought-way run using trash cans and brooms. Stop. In amphibious menace. Stop. Who's the amphibious menace though? Swamp thing. Stop thing. Stop thing. You make my stop saying. Bear now.

The worst German, but with a blowhole in eating fish. Hitler willy. A dolphin Hitler. A dolphin Hitler. This woman is looking for brains. Oh, don't. Oh, don't. What just happened? Why didn't we? Why was it that the biggest death stop that's in it?

Hitler willy. I think Hitler willy not the biggest death stop. We've ever had a death. I think we will understand how I can say something mild, he's stupid, and everyone stops talking. You know you can also dole out that stuff. I know, but walking down the street, that wasn't a huge event. Oh, brother. This woman is looking for brains even into her 60s with her three-gall pals. Looking for brains even into her 60s.

Eat, pray, love, eat, pray, brains. It would be zombie Arthur. Oh, oh. Franken-Jillstein. He does it all for the nookie, even though he was buried years ago. Limp, limp biscuit. And limp biscuit, right?

That would be dead thirst. Dead thirst. God damn it. An ancient Egyptian monster joins Canada's second best band. That's rush. We don't know any. This would be Summy 41. Oh, wow.

In a Pittsburgh mall, everything goes to shit and those alive must no scope some fucking noobs. What? I don't know. I give a four. Fortnite. Pittsburgh mall. Pittsburgh mall. Pittsburgh, why don't fucking know?

Is this, I think I'm right. What would this be from? Is this, is this like a famous movie? It's, it didn't invent, but it kick started a sort of genre. Is it the guy Jason something in it? No, is this a this is Fortnite of the living dead? Fortnite of the living dead. And I have a few couples costumes.

You're right. That is a few couples costumes. The most famous plumber in the world and his creepy board game brother. He's creepy. All right, so Mario Battelli, the board game brother. This that would be Mario and a Ouija Mario Ouija. Okay.

A swamp ogre and his cartoon grandson. Shrek. Shrek. Okay. Cartoon grandson. A swamp ogre in his cartoon grandson. That would be Shrek and Morty. Shrek and Morty.

Fun. They science his grandpa and his grandson who shall not be named. Rick and Mort, board of or. Ricken Voldemort. Ricken Voldemorty. That was kind of fun, right? Ricken Morty board.

That's so fun. I also went to before we were on time, I have to speak to. We make fun of the Monster Mash, of course. We talked about it in one of our live shows that was lost, but Monster Mash is one of our favorite things to book fun at. There is, if you've never heard this, I found this out a few years ago. There's a song called Monster Wrap by Bors Pickett, the same guy I did Monster Mash. The same guy?

Same guy. Same guy I came came out in 1984 and it is, please look this up on Spotify. I put it in the Patreon playlist for our Patreon subscribers. It is one of the worst songs you'll ever hear, but it's so good. So this is 84, right? When was Monster Mash?

Monster Mash, I believe was the 70s. Maybe late 70s, 78 or something. Okay. But in this, he creates a monster to wrap. And I wanted to, much like we did with Freddy's, the one two Freddy's coming for you last year, I wanna have you guys try and guess the Frankenstein's wrap in this.

Okay, so I don't, have you ever heard this, Aaron? I may have heard this. So the chorus is shock the body, shock the body body, which is amazing. So that'll get stuck in your head. Also right before the monster wraps, the the the Boris picket who plays, I think all the parts. He says, I've given you a voice.

Now rap for daddy, which is going to be my first tattoo. Here we go. That's a rap for daddy. I'm ready. Well, they shot a million votes into my brain. Now I'm ready to rap'm ready. Well, they shot a million votes into my brain. Now, I'm ready to wrap and Go insane. Okay. I don't know. Well, they shot a million votes into my brain. Now, I'm ready to wrap

Like a runaway train really? Mm-hmm next one if you get my way I'm saying was for sure that if you get my way, we're bound to clash because I'm the same dude Who ate Frankenstein's ass? Who loves the movie with lash because I'm the same dude that did the monster mash Oh, yeah, that makes sense. I got bolts on my neck a flat top head. I'm eight feet tall and Dead I'm back from the dead you see I can break wrappers down to tears because I've been a monster rapping for Fire For a hundred years You see North East West and South I'm the cat they call

Hey, no, hey, that was bash mouth monster mouth. Uh-huh, but so about and the last one which is my favorite I Said rap b back another zap And the whole time This is right when like blondie started rapping. We're like blondie was like I don't know all rap and then people are like yes Rapping is good and they're like anyone can rap say it say it, say it again. The beginning. I said rap, bap, another zap. What line do we think follows that? I say, into the rap. I said rap, bap, another zap.

With zap. I said rap, bap, another zap. Skibbity do and a Skibbity zap. The line after that is, can't stop the rap in now. So they break from the right scheme. And the end, he ends with, can't stop the wrapping. Correct. Great.

So that is the monster, monster wrap. So please check that out. That's potify. Please don't. Now wrap for daddy. No, don't wrap for daddy, please. And I have, should we do plugs or one more? Let's do one more.

We'll do one more. Okay, here we go. This is gonna be a nice quick one. What is wicked, homeless, white, and goes up and down? Wicked homeless. It's gotta be from Boston. Homeless, white, and goes up and down. Wicked homeless. Wicked homeless, white, and goes up and down.

A delusional person auditioning for wicked. Santa. Santa, that's fantastic. Santa Claus.ing for Wicked. Santa. Santa. That's fantastic. Santa Claus. Uh, because that's pretty good. Yeah. You think Santa Claus is homeless. Yeah.

He can make anything out of his bag, but he can. He's not what he's going to do with the elves in the workshop. No. He's definitely not going to go live with Mrs. Claus. Wicked homeless, white, and goes up and down. You want to know the answer? Yes.

Yeah, I give up. You two will find out with the listeners. No, I give up. You too will find out. No. No, don't do this. And a little thing I like to call 2020. No! No! Well, hey, Aaron, it's actually not so bad because we're about to record that episode. Oh, yeah.

This is what I was doing. We're doing them three to row. Oh my God. That sucks. Pretty fun, huh? Yeah, that is fun. Hey, you talked about making Halloween traditions, and we just made one. Oh, as we go on, we're the shame-pink-exmas.

Oh, the times we hit. We're really. We're really. Do you have anything in your blog? Yes, there is one thing that I would love to plug. I did a friend's podcast called Talk and Shop. It comes out on the 29th. It's an improv podcast with that by friends,

James Duke and Rob Grabowski, host. I listened to that before. Yeah, it's so good. It's fun. They talk about the improv community, so... I'm not gonna shop the movie. If you're into improv, if you want to learn more about the Chicago community

or you want some advice, we talk a little bit about advice for beginning and providers as well. Go listen to the Talk and Shop podcast, which is a ton of fun to do. Very nice. Aaron? I would love if you followed me, Aaron, keep 10 on Instagram or follow Welcome Back series. Welcome back, Welcome back, Welcome back. Instagram or type Welcome Back, Aaron, keep until YouTube or go to my Twitter, Aaron, keep two because my web series is now out and it's really fun

and I think a lot of really funny Chicago improvisers are in it and I'm really proud of it and I really think you'll like it, so go check it out. Aaron Hutt, phenomenal. I was gonna tweet something out that I thought maybe it was too mean so I didn't, but I wanted to retweet, not tag you at all, just retweet your web series and say,

check out this fun thing that a woman and a friend did. Oh my God, I love it so much. John loves it. That's so funny. Yeah, a lot of your very close friends. Yeah. In it. Addle. A few quick things I want to plug.

One is a podcast by a friend of ours, Liz Anderson, paired podcast is a really, really enjoyable, nice for like a short walk or something, just a fantastic show, please check out paired. Also, I started listening, or started watching Peaky Blinders, holy shit, that's so good. Nobody told me, it's very good.

Nobody told me. Nobody told me. Casey Tony at its paired as well. Peaky Blinders? Yeah, Casey Tony. Wow. How silly and worth it. Really slimy.

Slimy with our podcast. Also, we just recently got a, I mentioned Algashe White, the beer on, I think our Patreon, it's one of my favorite beers and the two gentlemen, Tim and Keith from Algashe, sent us a ton of swag. We got hats, we got shirts. I love that.

It's the most amazing, I mean, that must have set them back. They probably can't make rent this month. Yeah, they're probably. But I just want to think that's how I'm listening to Santa Claus. They probably can't make rent this month. Yeah, they're probably. But I just want to think that's homeless. So much. So much Santa Claus. And I can't stress this enough.

If you have stuff you can send us for free. Holy shit. Send us that stuff. There's nothing I love more than free stuff. Especially if it's a company you work for. I want to buy some random companies. If you have swag to send us contact us at hrrapockest.com or tweet us using the hashtag bombs over bag swag and

I want free stuff. Yeah, we love free stuff. I can't trust this enough me the sweetest card, too They didn't sign up. Oh please stop sending me your hair and your poop. Yeah, I do not want it. I have enough I Can build what I was building Stop sending have enough. I can build what I was building. Stop sitting. And thank you for everyone who applied. But seriously, we do want for you stuff. So please give us that.

Also, we have new Patreon tiers. We have an $8 tier with a review crew episodes, live streams, behind the sinks content. We also have a newsletter going on. We also have a $1 tier. So you're gonna wanna check that out, go to patreon.com. If you're already subscribed, we still have our $5 tier. You can bump it up to eight. You can join us for the first time.

You can dip your toes in the water with that $1 Patreon service, right, that tier. That's what the cost of like one happy meal. One happy meal, so. 100, I'm so sorry, that is very expensive. So check that out. And I think that is it for us Aaron what's this spoochiest planet what do you think

thank for me wee Starting, Skeleton Keep! And John Pan for the call and he's getting it up! Gaze he told me he had to deal with it! He's a horror mucker! Read above it! Carly's yelling on the pyramid! Love of creators, I am a recalpetra, and ever-slight for dreams! Why do you look before a light, real, real, real, real, real, real? One way, we do it!