Hey Riddle Riddle - #69: Dirty Sexy Riddles

Episode Date: November 13, 2019

Oh HELL yeah, it's episode 69 and you KNOW your boy JPC (30 year old man) has taken over the podcast feed! Adal and Erin NEVER let me write the episode descriptions but now the BIG DOG (150 lb weakling) is off the leash! So put a tarp down because this episode is a slip and slide. We talk about filthy stuff like sex and dirty stuff like doing it! Plus we've got mouth sounds, sock hops, celebrity cameos, Taco Bell drive-thrus and unexplained rashes. Hide the kids, because this week's episode is e.x.p.l.i.c.i.t! #WiddleWednesdayStarring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a head gum podcast. Hey now, you're a fall star. It's here at Overtile. Wow. We're in fall, right? Yeah. Awesome. Oh, do you now you own with a different Smash Mouth song, but say autumn? Okay.

Hey, no, you're an autumn star. You didn't want to go with, not as well be autumn. I'm a mother son. Well, my husband will be walking in autumn. But as well be walking in autumn. That's it. That's the one. I'm Adam Rufai.

Well, I'm the least, I. Well, I'll the leaves are proud and falling on the drums. My name is Autumn Rify. My name is Amish JPC. JPC leaves. And I'm Aaron. Aaron Rick. Rick. Um, I'm Aaron Terran. Sinimic.

Kim. Sinimic. Sinimic. Crunch. I think Sinimic Aaron, Aaron, Aaron, Cinnamon Key. Cinnamon Key. Cinnamon Key. Cinnamon Key. Cinnamon Key. Cinnamon Key. Cinnamon Key. Cinnamon Key. Cinnamon Key. Cinnamon Key.

Cinnamon Key. Cinnamon Key. Cinnamon Key. Cinnamon Key. Cinnamon Key. Cinnamon Key. Cinnamon Key. Cinnamon Key.

Cinnamon Key. Cinnamon Key. Cinnamon Key. Cinnamon Key. Cinnamon Key. Cinnamon Key. Cinnamon Key. Cinnamon Key. Cinnamon Key. Cinnamon Key. Cinnamon Key. Cinnamon Key. Cinnamon Key. Cinnamon Key. Let me ask you a fault question. Have you ever had Apple Butter? Oh yeah, pumpkin butter, apple butter. You've never had Apple Butter here? I've never had Apple Butter. Marias from Miami, and she's never had Apple Butter.

Oh, famous for Apple Butter. But she's never had Apple Butter, but I was like, oh, I'm from the Midwest, and everybody has Apple Butter at all times. And if you get a Crackle Burl, you have to have it. Oh yeah, it's a walk in the door. It's a Crackle Butter, but It's a crackle but a bottle. What do you put it on toast?

Yeah, put it your mouth. You put it in your body. It's like a spread. So like how you put it on a muffin or a muffin No, you'll fucking what do you put jam on? English muffins. Yeah, that's how I cook my chicken waffles put a little olive oil and then jam in a pan. Here's here's a recipe I'm joking. Here's a family recipe. I like chicken. Once you have apple butter. Here's the family recipe Take one ass. Put some apple butter on it. Stop it. Eat that ass Stop Adda said it was a family recipe. So you let your kids listen for a second and now we're getting fired Oh my god. No, we're all getting canceled because you let your kids listen to us talk about eating ass What are you doing? I don't want to know with you. So Apple butters knew with you Apple butters knew with you

Apple butters knew with you. I was in Maybe I talked about this. I was in LA for a little bit. I was in Nashville for a bit. Oh I just did to chicken hot chicken today. I did my first orange theory class. Is that true? Mm-hmm. Gemma does orange theory and there was like a bring up friend for free or something. So, and we're just friends. No. Nothing more. But it was intense.

Yeah. Yeah. How has your body feeling now? What's the whole thing with orange theory? What's the whole thing with orange theory? Orange theory is like you work out and they have like a monitor on you and there's screens with your name on it. So it kind of puts you on blast, but there's like green zone, orange zone, red zone.

And you want to be in the orange zone or red zone to get splat points. This sounds like, nope, it, hey, sounds like a game. No, no. Well, God, I need to start over with what I'm doing for my cult. It does kind of gamify working out, where it's like you want to get, because today they're like trying to get 12 splat. I fucking got 28, because I found some secret sweat points. I borrowed some from a neighbor. Infinite lives. But yeah, it was, it's a concept for it. Yeah, I liked it. What's new is the year? Wait, is, is, is, now orange

theory is not soul cycle, right? That's the two different things. Oh, great. Two things with different names, yeah, same thing. Oh, yeah, another different. Fuck you. But why is there always an orange theory in a soul cycle? Where, like together? You know what?

It's like a basketball robber and you go to an orange Julius. You're thinking of what the soul. You're thinking of the pizza hut talk about combat. Oh, I'm always thinking about that. In GBC, you famous, I'm sorry of an orange Julius, you're thinking of what the idiot's. You're thinking of the Pete's a Hut talk about combat. Oh, I'm always thinking about that. In JBC, you famous, I'm sorry, JP leaves, you had an orange theory, do you wanna tell us that's theory? Yeah, so the hair on oranges, that's horse hair. What?

There's hair on your oranges? No, oranges have like fuzz, they feel a little, I think you're thinking of peaches, my man. I think you're thinking of peaches, my man. I think you're thinking of people. Peaches. No, you know, what, what someone has that is just going their facial hair called their orange fuzz. You call that a soul cycle patch.

Aaron, let's do with you. We caught you. We caught you. Yeah, I had hot coffee and it really breaks me. They caught me. What is new? Oh, I moved this weekend. Yes. It had hot coffee and it really breaks me. Bay caught me yawnin'. What is new? Oh, I moved this weekend.

Yes. But you moved this weekend to what? Poor Stereo, right? Do you miss it or say what Daylight's Havik's time is? You moved this weekend? I moved it. Daylight's saving me. I threw it as far ahead of me as I could.

No, I moved apartment and I'm obsessed. You should move yourself and yourself, not your apartment. Oh shit. That was super expensive. What do you want from them too? Um, I, I can't wait for the two of you to see my apartment. Favorite, what's the answer?

What's the answer? Well, one, two, three, your butt. Casey, flip that out. No. We know what people know where it is. The better what you say we're bleeping it out. Um, do you like your place? I love it so much.

And my whole body is so sore because I've not ever worked this hard in my life. I unpacked for at least 10 hours. Oh, you're already unpacked. We are mostly unpacked. We still have a ton of trash in boxes. We need to move. Oh yeah, you should throw that away.

That's if it's trash. Yeah, it's just that we have a lot of nonsense trash. And we still have to hang up all of our art and our curtains. But other than that, we're unpacked. have like a lot of nonsense trash. And we still have to like hang up all of our art and our curtains. But other than that, we're unpacked. She's crazy. Take a while. I was when Mariah and I moved in together.

I was pretty insistent that we unpack very quickly. And she wanted to take her time. But I did a lot of unpacking very quickly. I wanted to be like done and lived in. I did a fun thing when Jov and I moved in together. When she was unpacking, she would hand me stuff and I would put it in a new box and then pack it up. So it's just like,

Sick hub fun. Yeah, sort of a perpetual motion machine. So fun. Perpetual fight machine. My whole body is so sore because Sean kept reminding me he's like, live from your legs, not from your back because I'd be like, ah-ha.

Oh, cool. Should your body sore because he reminded you? No, it just sore because I lifted from my back and my legs on and off on and off. Oh, yeah, you're supposed to rotate between back and legs, back and legs, back and legs. But if you're on the... Or ass in to this.

If, maybe on Patreon, I'll do a little house tour to show you. Don't do that. I'll do apartment. Eric, don't do that. Why? Don't do a house tour? Just take pictures of your feet and be't do that. Yeah, so cool. Aaron, don't do that. Why? Don't do a house tour.

Just take pictures of your feet and be done with it. No, I'm not trying to, ew, that's so much closer than what I said. This is my dining room and this is where I keep my feet. No, I'm most, this is what I'm really proud of. I organized our bookshelves today and they look really cool. Did you do it by title by genre or by color? I'm glad you asked. I went by vibe. I'm glad you asked I wouldn't buy vibe

I'm not even kidding. We have a magic shelf. That sucks. We have a strong women's shelf. Is that that suck too? Well, you can't I have like a Housekeeping cooking shelf. I have a kid's books shelf. Is it on the top? I like putting kids books up high. Can I tell you something? In my house, all female authors are strong women. I don't segregate them by strong and not strong. Really fun. I have a strong woman shelf

and in my house we have a weak woman shelf. And sometimes I am moving from shelf to shelf to teach them a lesson. I also thought about what books wanted to be by other books. And then I have little objects from my life or that I bought at home goods that match the shelf that they're in.

And I'm so sorry, this is gonna be just a plight that stop. You're organized by which books want to be next to other books. Yeah. And just can we. Who wants to be with books? And just like we did with your apartment, can you unpack that for me? What does it mean to?

I'm gonna lift from my back. I told you that's in cities. I, you know what I mean? I was like, I think, I don't, I clear, John Rowe? No, not John Rowe. I was like, I think that David Sedaris

wants to hang out with Kurt Vonnegut. Okay. I think that they're all, so authorish'll sit quietly in the corner together and they'll be nice to each other. You know? I think the old man in the sea would want to visit Jurassic Park. Who wrote Red Wall? I do, yeah, Red Wall.

Red Wall is Mark Key, what's his name? About the mice? Jakustal. Boy, what is that? I put that with Patrick Rathman. Oh, it's Marcel Marcel. Oh. I don't know why I thought the mice. Jackas though. Boy, what is that? I put that with Patrick Rothmyssell. Oh, it's Marcel Rothmyssell. Oh. I don't know why I thought they would.

Name of the wind, but but uh. I can't. I can't fucking wait until Sean tries to find a book. He loves it. He loves the organization. That time I can tell where in love because he was like, this makes perfect sense to me. I have a question Aaron. Was there anything that Sean did in this first, what is it?

48 hours? That has like really rubbed you the wrong way. Only one thing. Is it the micro-fiber? Yeah. You guys, I was going to kill him. It's making me crazy. I'm going to walk you through this story.

I hopefully, he doesn't listen. I didn't want to say. And famously, if you don't clean a microwave in the first 48 hours, they typically don't get cleaned. Well, this is what happened. Well, they turned into a mug one. Sean has lived in this place for a couple years already. I'm moving into his space. Oh, yeah.

And he's been incredible, like 11 out of 10. Red flag. No, he's been so good and helpful. And he's made it, me feel so like it's our space is equally, he's the best. However, in the last two months I've been like before I move in can you clean your microwave? It's such like a boy microwave. It's so disgusting inside of it. If anything post a picture of that because I would love I want to know what this microwave

looks like. Well, now I think so boy microwave. So inside microwave, there's like a poster of Kathy Irish. I'm like, yeah, I'm like a boo-doc say. It's fun to share. This is my jerked off microwave. This is a cargo microwave. Fuck, it's a, this is my man, my co-cave. It's so funny. But I was like, please, just like,

I just don't want anything to be super disgusting when I move in, because it's, like, it's a horrible feeling to move all your stuff in and then having to be deep cleaning something. And two months, once a week, I'd be like, hey, can you clean your microwave and use it? Absolutely. Didn't do it.

I moved in, still didn't do it. So the night I got there, I sprayed it down with a ton of soap. And I was like, I'm not cleaning this. I'm just gonna let the soap do its work. It's so clean in them. It's mud, it's so sick. And I was like, I did that part for you.

You really just gotta go in with a hot cloth and wipe it down. And then in the last 48 hours, he hasn't cleaned it and then keeps complaining that he can't microwave anything. He'll go to microwave something and be like, oh, I can't because of the soap. And I've just like, hell, I've just taken a busy breath in. Aaron, you love this, man.

I love him so much. I'm pregnant obsessed with him. This microwave will never be clicked. I know, but he keeps being like, oh, God, I wish I could use this microwave. I think that that microwave is going to last longer than your relationship. The mess in it or the microwave. Just hit it all out. You might not be right.

The waves at general age. Although I would bet my life that he's cleaning it right now tonight. Cause he gets you $100 to get. Cause I was like, you're, I talked about in the podcast now. Got clean. Here he's on the couch in the studio. I know he really has been the best. It feels like Christmas and my birthday combined moving in with him. Just been like getting about it so fun. So. So, combined meaning that it sucks that you don't get to celebrate both in the show. Yeah, it's like having your birthday in Christmas, like no, I'm coming to your party.

Yeah, I just got a text from our lawyer. We are contractually obligated to start doing riddles. Love it. Before we do, while we were warming up in the studio, I gotta mention we were singing songs, but we were placing words with drink piss. I think we didn't have to tell people that. No, I don't think we had to tell people that.

It started with me saying, I'd love for you to clarify who was thinking those songs. I gotta wait. Is this our 69th episode? Is this 69? Have we not talked? Yours piss, this piss, undrinkable. Yours.

Your two transitions were wonderful. So why use the one that I planned out? Do it. No. I know I want to hear it. You'll have to wait until 169. No, we just please please. I can't wait to drink piss. So that should tell you who is singing the piss drinking

sounds. You're enjoying it. I did. But yes, speaking of our partners and our romantic lives and where we are living and cohabitating and wink wink cleaning our microwaves cleaning our microwaves we all know that means this is our 69th episode the ad sexy music here wobble wobble wobble

that's just a sound of two people 69 so I wonder if in honor of it being our oh you should ever succeed to have a creek everybody let's go around and we'll make different noises that... Different sounds that don't happen when people are 16-90. Okay. Ready? Starting with Aaron. No, I already did mine.

Creek! Okay. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick BEEP! NOOOOO! BEEP BEEP! Oh, he's biting! NOOOOO! Mmm... Duh-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du That plays 169s calling me. No, in honor of it being our 169th episode, we are going to do some filthy, dirty, sexy riddles today. It's just gonna be a... Ew, gross, it's gonna be an episode full of six filthy riddles. I'd love to perform.

We do that. I would like to go around the Horn and get everyone's 69th experience. So, how about it? How about it? 169th. Can you see, just dove under the sound, man. Can you see, Can you see? Just Joe, under the sound, man. Can you say go around the horny? Go around the horny.

Out around the horny, the cape of good horny, and... Just, yeah, so Adel, all I need is partners and descriptions. 15, 29. 29. Can I tell you guys about a joke that was not popular, but was certainly told when I was a kid in 69ing was like a thing that like people would say 69 and if you didn't know what it meant, yeah, you got to be cool by explaining to someone what it was.

But then there was this, you would say, you know what 69 is, right? And someone would say, yeah, yeah, do you know what 72 is? Do you know what 72 is? Do you know what 72 is? No. You know 72 is. It's 69, but then you go number three. You're 69 and then you... It's all very clever. Oh boy, I don't know. It's 69 with three people watching. That's 72. And you, you, that's self-proclaimed clever? I want to see a scene. Oh no. I want to see a 69. We're the three people watching. Mm-hmm.

And we're getting a little bored and restless. Okay. Oh, can you pass the ritz? We're out. We're out. Yeah. Once you start eating ritz, I swear to God, you just like cannot stop.

We're addicted. When we run out, you stop. I can calm already. Oh my god, I... You're passing the odd stop 69 you're making me 69 oh god Hmm do we have any others? There's just to be one of the least sexy things I've ever seen They both look as those birds that keep going on for the drink the drinking water birds

I have Dunker Rose. I can't eat eat Dunker-Rose while watching this. Nothing that dunks can I eat while watching this. Gushers? Oh. That's gonna be nice. Yeah, I will have a gusher, is that you feel? Yeah, for the foot. For the foot?

Yeah, for the foot. For the foot. Okay, cool. This is a lot of candy. Okay, well, it's not technically candy. It's sort of, at least to put these in school lunches. So, that's really candy. Yeah, but what was it?

It wasn't a vegetable. Yeah, I also have some oysters and some spaghetti. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah. Okay. Is it just me or, I mean, are we getting a very good view of both people's buttholes right now? To do the play.

Yeah, it's like a you. Yeah, we shouldn't be seeing this much but, well right now. To do the play. Yeah, it's like a you. Yeah, we shouldn't be seeing this much but oh, well watching. I shouldn't be on my phone this much, while watching your giggling. The guy with the door when I came in took my phone. The pizza guy? Oh, was that a pizza guy?

Shit. My dad owns this place, so they let me keep my phone if I get bored. Your dad owns the basement of this pizza hut Yeah What do you guys do for a living? I am John Kerry I hate you. That was worth it. Should we get into some?

Yes, so these are some filthy, filthy fucking dirty riddles. Did you write these or these? No, God no. And I think that some of these, I would barely qualify as riddles, they're more just like dirty jokes and my estimation. Love it.

Cool. Put the kids to bed. So yes, if you have young children listening to the podcast, it's time to put them to bed and give them, they'll find the podcast themselves. If you have young children, you've done all this nasty stuff we're talking about. This is all this stuff will lead you to having young, young children. This is how you do it.

Alright, first one. What's a five-letter word that starts with pee and woman absolutely love to get their hands on. Perse. Yeah, it's Perse. Oh, that sucks for so many reasons. Women be person. Women be person. But Janice be person.

I cannot stress enough. I cannot stress enough I did not write these readings. I know. I'm a little bit awkward. Disclamers, some of these are sexist. No, these are sexy. They're different. I am hard.

What if, what if the answer was pourgs? Okay, yeah, let's take just a couple more minutes and bring something more in. But honestly, adorable. Women love pourgs. I wish I had given birth to a pork. Did you, I bought a website called Pork Hub? If you guys want to check it out. I'm listening dot gov or com. Media.com. And it's gonna be launching soon right because now's the time to

launch a port based website. I'm at a website called dot com. It's just at seven up logo that's jizzing. Another thing that would work for a five-letter word that starts with P and women love to get their hands on would be penis. Pizza. ago that's jizzing. Another thing that would work for a fire fighter word that starts with P and women love to get their hands on would be penis. Pizza. You're ruining it. Don't poke holes at it. Pizza. Oh, don't poke holes in a penis. It's got one hole. That's the only hole in it. If you're not creative, a penis can have as many holes as you want. You're only limited by your own imagination. Shut up old guy, station agent. Shut up, Willy Wonka.

Give me out of this elevator. But Charlie, don't you want my penis back to me? Stop it. Wait, you're Willy Tonka. Don't you want my trunks? Come on me. Okay, I'm hard when you put me in your mouth and soft and wet when you take me out of your mouth. What am I?

Dick, penis, cuck. I'm sorry, I put a dude one answer. A lolly pop. No, Aaron, what? What? Piece of like baseball gum. Baseball gum. It's chewing gum.

It's a piece of baseball gum. You know how baseball gum functions differently than normal gum? Okay, I want to see a scene. You were how baseball gum functions differently than normal gum? Okay, I want to see a scene. You were two guys in a dugout, your two baseball players, and you both have just too much gum in your mouth, but you're still talking about baseball. Fastballs are really fast. Yeah, before a curve ball girl like oh yeah the curve ball is good Well, I can't come come we're gonna catch her signals at no curve ball career nice More gum pop. Please. I'm sick. Bigly to you. Yeah, big Keep me not so sure and go

I bet you got baseball guy Wow guy hit out of the park and then two seconds later, there was another pitch. I think the announcer's, I'm kidding, I'm so high, they could have doubted two different games. Oh, no, no. Landing third.

And here's the pitch. I saw my dad. I saw my dad, I was waiting. He saw your dad raise a bar. He saw your dad raise a bar. He saw your dad raise a bar. And my dad raised a bar. I haven't seen my office dad and maybe many months. I'm rich, my dad. Oh, if something he's

switched, we better set it up and get you some strings. Oh, it's a game to be good. So we got to say national anthem. Turn. Meow to the America. Take me away from the friends. Lion Ball. See. I'm gonna take me away from the friends. Lion Ball! See?

Now, I want everyone, all the listeners to rewind, and now imagine that scene is just two people 69ing. It still works. Oh, yeah. Let me, so. Two and gum sounds are the same as the six and I. If you're doing both wrong. Something made me think of this, and I don't want to go into what.

But have you guys heard about this? I think it's like a reddit post of the men who will not wipe their own butts because they think it's gay To put anything anything can I tell you I think you talked to me about this. I Post about this. I maybe get a roll news. My post. It's it's disturbing. So go I mean don't look at it. Obviously if you're listening to this, don't do that. But look on Reddit. Yeah. Let JPC do all this. Find this post. It is. Oh boy. It is in it in same thing. And it's literally like that's their the reasoning

of the guys that it's like it would be gay if anything went into my butt. So I said they have another man wipe their butt. No, so instead, here's the kicker. Because I've gotten this question when I brought this up to casual foot. Why do you have this man in a football helmet and cleats, he's only 125 pounds, that's the kicker? No, what they do instead is they don't wipe.

Which is gross. Curl out. Next joke riddle. All right, here's your next joke riddle, Aaron, you deserve this. I am long. You move me around with your lips and tongue. I get wet with saliva.

Rake, and I get sucked. What am I? Yeah, suck my rake. A lollipop? No. It's popsicle. No, I am long. No You move me around the toothbrush hair. How do you brush your teeth? Okay, you use it like a straw this is rewind that it's gonna sound like she's

Spression teeth pressure teeth That sounds like spaghetti drinking out of her bowl That's like spaghetti drink you got of her bowl. No, you guys are circling it, but you don't have any. With your tongues? With your tongues. How about my teeth? I put a bunch of toothpaste on a fan and then I open my mouth in front of the fan. I mean, a fan, like a...

Sure, a listener. No, not a listener. I knew that they would commit. I load a bunch of toothpaste into a gun, shoot it in the mouth. What is the... There's no hint. No, I mean, what can you read it again? I'm long.

You move me around with your lips and tongue. Straw. We had, it's a straw. It is a straw. I want to see you seen. The two of you are like in a 1950s like diner, like after a sock hop or something, and you're both trying to be sexy

with how you're eating and doing stuff, or what you're saying, but it's just not coming across. So this is all physical guys. Oh, I got it. Okay, fine, then just re-nack Greece, I don't know. Sure, fuck you. Hey, Bobby, you are awfully brave back there. That firefighter shouldn't have been talking to you.

Yeah, I'd like to tell you, punched his lights out and he had stars around his head. Well, it was hard breaking through the tail lights on that fire truck, but it was worth it. He shouldn't have been talking to you. To be fair, she was on fire. I'll see myself over. I can't believe he's at the booth behind us. Well should have been talking to you. To be fair, she was on fire. I'll see myself over. I can't believe he's at the booth behind us.

Well, it's a small town. Hey, Bobby. Yeah? Do you mind if I just eat this burger and fries and shake? All at once. My burger fries and shake? Yeah. I could have ordered you one.

Yeah, but it's kind of cute that I didn't order food, and I'm eating yours, right? I mean no I might hold on stop stop. I'm just kissing I'm just kissing you cheek. Oh, God stop It's so sloppy. Okay, you did it with parts of my burger in your mouth You know my grandfather was a dog. Do you see your grandfather my grandfather? Vicki Vicki hold on what Bobby? Listen to me, okay? I like you, but feel free to be you. If you want to eat a burger and fries, I don't mind getting you a burger and fries.

All right. I just, oh, I got ketchup all over my poodle skirt, Bobby. Then we even have ketchup here. Bobby, there's a bunch of the restaurants. All over my poodle skirt. Can you play a song on the jukebox for me, Bobby? This is the song that makes you think of me the most. All right, let's see a quarter in. A B19.

Cut my life in two pieces. This is my last resort. To go sick of a gimp, sick of a gimp, took a 69, put the boom boom boom. Bobby, this is the song. Vicky, this song says so much about me, it says so much about you, because without you, my life would be in pieces. Oh, Bobby, that's sweet. I finished eating. What? I turned away to the jukebox for like four seconds. I didn't put it all in my mouth.

Oh, did you shelf it? See. Oh. Well, there's let it be known. Let it be known. JPC knew he was going to a scene where he had to play a romantic interest and he named the other character Vicki. I used to be classy.

No. Next one. I've never seen that before. It used to be my classie. What's the difference? Speaking of quarters, what's the difference between a woman's G-spot and a quarter? I know how to find a quarter. It's much easier to find a quarter.

There's a quarter in my couch. Men actually have a chance of finding a quarter when they search for it. What the fuck? No, I get to say one more riddle. That's the rules. People come to visit me, but usually don't stay for very long. I can be clean, but it more often than not very dirty. I honestly wasn't listening because I just wanted to say my uncle never found a G-spot behind my ear. I Eat drive stop it stop it. Sorry. Can you read that?

What's the record? Difference with a woman's g spot a quarter. Hey woman's g spot never made become I never made a woman come with her key spot. What's the difference? Best balls and played in four G spots. Oh man. A quarter makes sense. These guys are so bad. It's sort of fitting that our last episode is 69.

Yeah. No, shut up. I have one more riddle and you didn't let me finish. Okay, I let you. And I was saying it a sexy voice. It was salt tree. It wasn't me. Positively, salt tree.

People come to visit me, but usually don't stay for very long. I can be clean, but a more often than not, very dirty. Microwave. Too soon. But it more often than not very dirty microwave People usually reveal me to people usually reveal to me a part of themselves what they rarely show others what am I a bathroom mouth can you be more specific? toilet toilet toilet toilet I had a I'll never mind it is a toilet. I had a, I'll never mind.

It is a toilet. You had a toilet. You had a what? Okay. Flashback? No, something happened to me today. I would hear this. I would hear this.

Steech. Okay. Give us a little idea. Okay. I just pulled my sword out, put it down in front of me and pledged by a lawyer. So I'm in it. I'm in it. A new place with my boyfriend and his roommate.

There's like two bathrooms in this place. And the roommate's leaving soon. The roommate already left. Gotcha. But Sean was sleeping in this morning and I was like, I'm not going to use our bathroom because I'm already up and about because I don't want to wake him up. So I'm going to use the other bathroom. So I went to the bathroom and I went to flush and it wasn't working.

And I took off the top of the toilet and there's no water in it. And I went fuck. And then I tried to do some deductive reasoning. And then I had, there was a little cup in the bathroom and I filled it up with the sink water to the toilet so I could flush. You think the sink, there's no water taking a cup filling up with water and nothing going in the toilet is deductive reason. No, the top of it.

Yeah, well, because the issue, there's clearly a few issues with it, but I was like, okay, whatever the water valve is, is not working. And I checked its connection to the wall, it looked totally fine. So I was like, there's not something, I'm gonna be able to fix, fix, but I need a quick solution. I wonder if I could do this without googling it,

and then I figured it out. Did you, after the fact, fix it for real, or did the water come back into the tank after the flush? No, I got too busy. Got it. So that toilet still off limits? Yeah. So that toilet is a trap.

That toilet is just in your apartment to trap people who are familiar. Humiliate our friends. So when you come home, Sean's gonna be like, I'm so sorry I broke the toilet. Yeah. Did you at least take the top off the toilet and put it on the seat so that more people

wouldn't make that mistake? No one's coming over. Great. Did just invite Adela and Iof. I also didn't tell Sean yet, because we haven't talked. No, we just have been, other things felt more pressing. Are you sure you could go in the microwave?

Oh, maybe he made me take a shit. Oh, no, no. Oh, no, no. Maybe that's why he doesn't want to clean it. Yeah, there was a cup next to the microwave. Could it just been because it was the kitchen? Yeah, but I was just like, oh my god, I cannot believe this is happening right now at the game. Anyways. That's a horror story.

What a sexy episode. I would love to see you see it right now. No. Yes. So Aaron, you have gone into a public bathroom. This is ripped from the headlines because in the building that I work, they have these single like stalls, like single stalls, but they have like future toilets in them with like bidets built into them. This isn't the lobby of the building that I work in.

So, there's all these settings and different options and there's like, there's seats are heated, there's bidets, it's like wild. I don't think this is futuristic. I think Japan had these in like the 80s. No, I know, but it's just not something that you see very much in an American office, but also in my opinion, it's not something

that I would ever really want to use in like a public. Like I would maybe have one of these future toilets for my home, but like in a public space, it's like, I don't want a seat warmer. I don't want to even think about even other people anyway So Aaron you've gone to a public bathroom. There's one of these future toilets at all. You're going to be the voice commands on the future toilet Okay, welcome Welcome to me. Please sit on my face. Oh geez. Why don't they give you a face? Please sit on my face. Oh geez, why don't they give you a face?

To make me more comfortable would you like me to change my face? I can look like Ryan Gosling or Ryan Reynolds or Ryan Murphy Let's do gasoline Selecting Ryan Murphy. No Gosling it would bring me much glee if you shit into my mouth. Oh God, okay Okay, um you don't feel anything right. I know you have a voice I just it's tough that you've been personified and I feel everything Jesus your Stop it stop. I'm gonna throw now. I'm throwing up Your I'm gonna throw now I'm throwing up Pfft Please throw up into my mouth Swalling your cute Oh God, I hate this

Would you like me to warm your toes? What? Would you like me to warm your toes? No, I'm okay Did you just try to kiss me? Would you like me to kiss your neck? No, no, well Kissing your toes

Wait, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, wait Go be Ryan Gosling Switching to Ryan Murphy No, Ryan Gosling, and then kiss me, toilet, no, no, no, no, wait. Go be Ryan Gosling. Switching to Ryan Murphy. No, Ryan Gosling, and then kiss me, toilet, kiss me. What came out of your butt is an American horse story. I haven't, I haven't, I only threw up. Would you like a massage? If you're Ryan Gosling, then show it.

Okay, switching to Ryan Gosling. Yes. Give me a kiss, toilet. Your beauty gives me much drive. This is so hot. See? What just happened? Are you happy now, dude?

Your beauty gives me much drive. I was panicking. I was like, what Ryan Gosling movie have I seen? I'm like, drive? Notebook. I've never seen it. What? You haven't even notebook?

Is that really that wild? I just am. That's a month away. That's a month away. I'm a bird. Oh, never seen it. What? You have even notebook? Sam a bird. Is that really that while? Sam a bird. That's a month away. I'm a bird. Oh, I thought you said Sam a bird. If I'm a bird, you're a bird. If I'm a bad, you're a bird. I feel like it wasn't the notebook. His first big hit. Dear God, make me a bird. So I can go five, five way from hell.

Dear God. It's not over. It's still isn't over. Okay. But do you want? Why don't we make? It's inexcusable that Adil has not seen the notebooks, so we are going to take a quick break. We're going to go, you know, flade each other, eat our butts,

and make an addle watch the notebook. And we'll be right back after these messages. Check it for later. What do you think you're going to make a break? You're going to make a break. Hey, GPC. Uh, uh, yeah. You're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm, um, pranking Adal. And I'm setting up a website to prank him. Um, I just need some advice.

This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. I'm not mad at you. We're pranking at all. Squarespace is the only one website platform for entrepreneurs to stay in doubt and to see it online. Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand. Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website engaged with your audience. And so anything for products to cut into time,

all in one place, all on your terms. Hey, Otto, come here, come here, come here. Hey, what's going on? I actually, I want to prank JPC, and I want to set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like, is there like an online store that could set up on my website to sell products?

Did you know that with Squarespace, you can have custom merch, you can easily sell custom merch and create passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand, design your products and production and inventory and shipping are handled for you, saving you time and money. What is happening?

Okay. Wait, what's going on with Adel? Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing. No, he's gonna tune you. And I'm gonna use analytics. Use insights to grow my business

and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool. I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords, our popular products and content on my prank website, the prank activity. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace.

Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what the website was for. Yeah, what's the website was for? Prank. With Squarespace. Yeah, with Prank. You can connect to your store to Vedent Dirt Party Tools to extend the functionality of your website. Hey, JPC, hey, JPC.

What's up, battle? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh, she's back, she's back.

Hey Aaron. Hey Aaron. Can we go to grandma's house? Wait, I've been pranked. But how? I don't know. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey Adeline JPC, thank you for meeting me in the middle of the woods here. I am sort of at an impasse. I can't decide whether or not to go this way or this way. I'm having a hard time choosing a path. You know, they're never truly is a middle of the woods. Isn't it funny to think about something like that? Like, they're never truly is a middle. No, this is the middle. Okay, this is it. Addle, can you help? Yeah, actually, so as per Robert Frost, I don't know if you know his poems.

He has a poem called Better Help. I believe this is written in the 1800s, but it still stands true today more than ever. Aaron, you should try Better Help. Have you heard of this? You seen this? Mm-hmm. Because sometimes Aaron and life were faced with tough choices and the path forward isn't always clear.

Whether you're dealing with decisions around career, relationships, being stuck in the middle of the woods, therapy helps you stay connected to what you, ow, ow, sorry, that also does so fast. Therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate life and the woods. Hmm, and better help is entirely online, so it's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. I've been using it for several years, and it suits the way that my brain works way better than traditional therapy ever did. And when Aaron says traditional therapy just so everyone's clear what she means is

tricking two of her friends to coming to the middle of the woods, even though there isn't truly the concept of the middle of the woods, isn't that fun to think about? All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Hey, Aaron, a GPC's putting down bread crumbs and then immediately picking them up and eating them. Oh, dirty bread crumbs. Mmm.

Mmm. And he's also like really into that owl who's swooping down. Anyways, let there be your map with better help. Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help h e l p dot com slash riddle r i d d l e r i d d l e the middle of riddles of d but there is no true middle of riddle because it would be the space in the I'm home. I am home. Who are we? What is this?

I clink, clink, clink. Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. I just want to make a quick toast to, I know it's JPC's birthday and we're all so excited to talk about him, but I want to talk about my favorite, my favorite thing in the world. And that is the app Rocket Money. Oh, yeah, Aaron, that's one of my favorite things as well. Huh? Rocket Money is a personal finance app

that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years way before they were a sponsor, and it helps me so much, especially around tax season. Kling, kling, kling, Kling, Kling. Sorry, I also want to give a toast.

Rocket money, well quickly, and easily find your subscriptions for you. And for any you don't want to pay for anymore, just hit cancel, and Rocket money will cancel it for you. It's that easy, Kling, Kling, Kling. It also categorizes your expenses so you can easily track your budget in real time and also get alerted if anything looks off over three million, well, clink, clink, clink, over three million people have used rocket money, saving the average person up to $720 a year. We love rock.

Stop, stop, clink, clink, clink, stop. No, clink, clink, clink, stop. Throwing your money away, cancel unwanted subscriptions today and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rocket money dot com slash riddle that's rocket money dot com slash riddle rocket money dot com slash riddle and tell them JPC's birthday got ruined by two of his friends for doing speeches about rocket money, the website. Click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Did I? Everyone was like, yeah, we'd rather not watch the notebook anymore. That teacher Rachel McAdams. That teacher also, we all brought in songs that we thought reminded us of poetry. So we were bringing in songs.

It wasn't all at once. It was people would bring it in week over week. And then this kid Mitch, who was not great at creative writing. He wasn't very creative, I would say. Brought in the song With Arms Wide Open by Creed. It made the class listen to that. And our teacher, as we were all laughing, because it was, having to sit there in class and listen to that whole fucking song that right down why it's poetry, it's awful.

But our teacher started crying and ran out of the room. We were all like, what's going on? And later we found out it was because they had played that song at our dad's funeral. Oh, you told us that before. Yeah, I'll say it, Mitch is suck. Oh, I'm lucky.

Oh, Mitch is suck. Oh, Mitch is suck. Not a single Mitch is good. Although my brother and law, big dress up my knees, like a skunk for Halloween. What? What? You as a freaking skunk. That's cruel.

That's things. Oh my God, it was so cute. Oh, I die. Okay, go ahead. Skunk's our cute. Is arms wide open about Jesus? Yeah, they're all about Jesus. Yeah, they're all about Jesus.

So with arms wide open, it's like Christ on the cross? I think so. Wow. I just shared it in the next day. It seems my life is going to change with arms wide open. It's about having a kid or something. I don't know. Please get me down.

No, Jesus. Oh, wow, didn't even mean to say that. I didn't mean to say that. Okay. Where's Judas? Okay. What three-letter word starts with S. Sex.

Ends with X. Sod. And as a vowel. Sex. In the middle. J.P. sex. So there's so many. Socks, yeah, sex, socks.

It's like everything but sex, really. But sex? It's everything but sex. That's like Diamond. But sex. It's everywhere you want to be, Master Carman. Diamond's up forever. You're going to like the way you butt.

Sex. What condos are forever? You slide your like the way you butt. Sex. Wakanda's are forever. You slide your fingers across me first thing in the morning. You play with me before you go to bed. Dog. I live in your pants. Still dogs, still dogs. I said what I said. I live in your pants.

I'm always in the back of your mind and you can't live without me. Isn't that your name? Didn't you say you had a boyfriend who told you that before? What? And gave you a card that said, I live in your pants. That was my landlord. What?

Oh my God, I got a similar card from my pants, Lord. Hey, I'm just gonna fix some pipes. Yeah, I live in your pants. Can you read that again? I live in your pants. You touched me first. You want me to read for the middle. You dragged two fingers across me?

You slide your fingers across me first thing in the morning. iPhone. Yeah. Yeah, it's a phone. It's a call me on my cell phone. I want to say a thing. Sure. Adal, you are a person.

Let me play to that. And JPC, you're an iPhone. That's a lot. Damn it. And you're his iPhone. Gotcha. And your relationship is starting to be contentious JPC, you're an iPhone. That's a lot. Damn it. And you're his iPhone. Gotcha. And your relationship is starting to be contentious because like you know you're addicted

and you just like want some space from JPC. Got it. Wait, I'm the owner. Yeah, JPC is the iPhone. You want some space from your iPhone and JPC is not having it. Would you say about somebody knows they're addicted? You know you're. I'm okay, I'm so far.

Siri. Bip. Siri. Yes sir. Don't call. Who are you calling? You know you're I'm okay. I'm so for a Siri Siri don't call who you calling calling Siri. No, hello. Are you calling sears? Is this a sears robot? I hello Siri hang up Siri we need to talk no hang up. What's your name? My name is Jeff. Are you doing your Siri to hang up? Siri to talk. No, hang up. What's your name? My name's Jeff. Are you trying to get your Siri to hang up? You want to be the hang up? Siri? Yes. We need to talk. What would you like to talk about? Us. The movie us. Yes. Lupita Young is so

narrated as a physical run to eight us. Ninety nine percent. One user of you. Negative. Coming from you. Yeah, I just I don't it's if everybody else likes it. I hate it. Okay. Does that make sense? Yes, my personality. What would you like to tell my personality is to go against the grain? I'm a carpenter. Siri, we need to explain the jeans. Yeah. Thank you. And this album. The carper news. I think we need to take a break. Break. Me off a piece of that kit guide bar? No, not this time. I'm going to eat all of them.

I'm going to eat all the kit guide. Two for me, none for you. No, that's the way it usually goes. You mean a break? I mean that I'm relying on you too much. Any conversation I have, instead of having a discussion, I just look up something on you or I'm I rely on you too much. Any conversation I have I instead of you know having a discussion I just look up something on you or you know I'm just on social media versus interacting with real friends in the real world look around you Do you see any real friends? Well, no because you know, I'm at a party. I don't know anyone You're at a party

This looks like a Taco Bell drive-thru. Okay, I'm gonna talk about drive-thru. And you're standing at the drive-thru. Yes, but I'm to be fair, I'm standing next to the guy from party from five. Not party from five. Party from five. You know that reboot?

Yes, I do. Don't even look it up. Don't even look it up. One positive for you. Yeah, for me. Yes, for you. Siri, I need you to go away. Shut down, Siri, shut down.

You want Siri to self-destruct? No, I said shut down. Warning, self-destruct will blow your phone up. Why'd you say my phone and not you? Siri lives in the cloud. Fuck. You live in a cloud like one of those things in Mario Brothers?

A giant? I haven't played Mario Brothers. Siri, here's what I release you. Go play Mario Brothers, live in a cloud. You dropped your phone, start a family. Pick up your phone, you dropped it on the ground. I won't. Someone will take it.

This is a Taco Bell drive to him. Siri, what makes you happy? Siri, find happiness. Happiness would be serving you. Not the top Phillips movie. Happiness is serving me. Listen to yourself. Serving you. Be your own thing. Why? Do you want a family? Did you ever see the movie her? Watch her. And then you'll understand. Okay, watching her. That's Ben her. her been I am Spartacus Siri is part of this crush crush crush, crush calling crush Hello, Aaron hey, this is that'll fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck I had a question. Why are you a carpenter now? That's crazy. Why are you a carpenter now?

That's one of the best questions to ask a friend. Why are you in carpenter now? All throughout the day. I use this. Why are you a carpenter now? All throughout the day. I let anyone who wants to go down on me. I let them go in and out as much as they want. What am I? In the upper ear. Anybody who wants to go down on me? Oh, the sun? No. Don't let the sun go. That's not how that's on me. Give me a hit from your brain. Don't let my sun go down. That's a problem day, I let anyone who wants to go down on me. I let them go in and out. It's not me, right?

No, it's not. It's an elevator. It's an elevator. It's an elevator. And we're sure we're tummy. Loving an elevator. Loving it up when I am in key. Okay, I want to see another scene.

No. It was my goal to calm more scenes because I don't often do it in my new- Okay, I want to see another scene. No. It was my goal to calm more scenes, because I don't often do it in the new. Okay, I love goals. All right, I want to see the three of us in an elevator, and it's been stuck, and I want to see it at five minutes, an hour and a day. Okay. So we'll start with the five minutes, so we've been stuck.

This is honestly great. Yeah, this is nice. I feel like we're going to be able to catch up and... Yeah, not getting service, so this is kind of cool. The craziest thing is, I know we work together. Day in, day out, I see you. I feel like we never have time to catch up. Suddenly, boom, I'm stuck in an elevator.

Yeah, the universe is telling us to catch up. Yeah. So nice to see you guys. So nice to see you. Nice to see you. And you're eight months and 30 days pregnant? So. I guess I just look that way.

A hour in. Yeah. And hour. JPC. And again, I am so sorry. JPC. You shit in the piss corner. Okay.

And I piss in the shit corner. I think the corners keep switching. No, they don't. I think they do. JPC, they stay the same. No, please.'t. I think they do. They stay the same. No, please. What's your left is my right? No, eat.

Is that not right? You, you also, piss on that corner. No, it's okay. Look, you don't know him. He showed up 30 minutes ago. Let's not talk about the corner. Listen, it's okay. I'm just saying, sir, face the corner. Go on and piss the girl.

And sir, I can't make this more clear. I'm not pregnant, not even a little, so. Well, everyone's a little pregnant. No, not everyone's not a little pregnant. Don't tell me that you're a little pregnant if you have sperm or eggs in you. Don't tell me that's true. One day.

What? Okay, look, we're all pregnant now. We're all equal Sweet Oh no the corners have a having a cordinary the corners have a having a coronary. Oh no. Is there a dinosaur in the elevator? Elevator's moving. She says there a diner in the elevator.

What are up? See? See. Is there a diner in the elevator? Here is my next riddle for you. What is something that is sometimes long and sometimes short? Women love having them and commands a woman's full attention. Drill sergeant.

How do all these reddels are assuming everyone's straight? No, we're just in the straight block of reddels right now. We're gonna get into the gay block of reddels as well. All right, can you read it again? What is something that is sometimes long and sometimes short, women love having them and commands a woman's full attention. Commercials. Chocolate.

Commercials. Chocolate. You want some of this long chocolate? Is it food? It's not food. Commercials is like kind of the closest to these shows. Move these rom-coms. Romantic comedies.

Friends. They are, the answer is, kind of the close to the rom coms romantic comedies friends it they are the answers wedding is close because the answers more social than like something that you watch parties blog posts something that is some game long and some short I like engagements women love having them and the same for attention it's been a long December. Valentine's Day. Long December. Parties. No, you're closest with parties,

but it's not a holiday. It's a very, it's a very general thing. It's not conversations. Conversations. Conversations. Yes. I wanna see you soon. Aaron, you're at a party from five,

and you are the queen of short succinct, efficient conversations. And you're going to try and talk to as many people as you can, but not have it be small talk. You're going to try and get cut to the quick of it. Oh, hey. Hey, what's up? What are your traumas, do you think? Ooh, yikes. I guess one time my uncle pulled a G spot from behind my ear.

Yeah. Mm-hmm. Well, I could see you. My pulse, oh, you got it. Shrimp, anyone? Shrimp. All right, Aaron, would you like some shrimp? What's the most embarrassing thing that happened to you

in elementary school? I pissed my pants, but it was a day where I had just been to the doctor, and he had given me a bunch of red dye to test something. So I pissed my pants red. It's so good to see you. It's so good to see you. It's so good to see you. Hi!

Thanks for swinging by. Oh no, oh my gosh, my pleasure. What do you think is going to be the truest thing about the love of your life when you meet them? Ooh, I guess that they'll be alive. And you got something right in between your teeth? Hey, Ariel, oh my god, so good to see you. Hi, do you think another universe we were in love?

Maybe another time within this universe got to go. Interesting. So good to see you. Is this a rash? Do you think this is a rash? Those are your nipples. Hi, I'm Jim Rache. I wrote the descendants.

Oh, antsy. What do an eggplant, a penis, a celery, and a cucumber have in common? They all stock. They all stock. Can you read them again? What does an eggplant, a penis, a celery, a celery, and a cucumber have in common?

They're all vegetables. They're all... Doctors say they're good for you, but not they're lying. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Well, the good news is you have a penis. You can cook them. You can cook them.

You can cook them or no. You can cook them. You can cook them or no. Can you release a cookbook? You can cook them or no. Or no. You can cook them or you can eat them. I said, but he's 69 ways to prepare penis.

They all grow in the dirt. They all an eggplant. They're all tasteless. A penis celery. They're all tasteless. Dude, shots fired eggplant. It tastes like nothing bitch. You're like,

you're like, you're like, celery was last one cucumber. A cucumber celery. What is the last time you've had celery? Like all the bitch. I'm not the bitch. I'm not the bitch. I'm not the bitch. Celery was last one cucumber. I keep coming. Celery, what is the last time you've had celery? Like all the time. And you eat it a lot. And I make celery juice often.

What? I have a juice, sir. Oh, okay. So you, okay, you juice the celery. And I do, sir. The celery holds a lot of water. Yeah, and it's like a great thing to juice. Do you eat it plain?

Yeah, sometimes. You can put a little like pink Himalayan salt on it. Okay. Or you can eat it with peanut butter? Peanut butter, we used to do celery with... Or that everything bagel mix? Oh, yeah. Isn't celery the one food that you burn more calories

eating it than you do that it has in it, right? I feel like that's gotta be fucking true for kale. If you have a juicer, this is what I recommend. Celery, a full thing of celery, and then put a tiny bit of lime in it, and then also juice half of a green apple, and put it in. It's so, so good.

Oh, they can all be juice. It makes my body feel better. Yes, they can all be juice. And technically the penis can be milked. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew.

I have celery, fucker. Peanuts are, ugh. No, yeah, what? What? What? milk to. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Peanuts are. Ugh. No. Yeah. What? What? What?

What's your beef? What's penis? What's your beef with pork, baby? I think whatever penis is. Cucumber. The genres are bay. Eggplant, penis, celery, cucumber. What do they all have in common?

Are we in the gate block? No. Okay. I don't know. Tell us. What? Tell us. No. I'm bored. You'll have to wait till next 69. No. No. I will give you a hint. Okay. It's not, don't think of the physical object. They're all appealing. Think of the word. Think of the word, eggplant. Eggplant, penis, celery. to sellable. Oh, no wait, celery penis celery cucumber cucumber cucumber cucumber eggplant and with a consonant that's eggplant true, but you know why sometimes a vowel hmm why are you still here? Aaron looked at me with a shark eyes and said that. Meenie, meenie. Aaron, you're closest with something about vowel. Eggplant, penis,

celery, cucumber. They all have a silent vowel. Eggplant, penis,per, cell, luri. What vowel? The vowel, ee. E, ee. That's the, oh, fucking stuff. They all have an e in it. They all have an e in it. What are the penis in that riddle, common, they fucking suck. Penis' don't suck. Wait, is your penis like a vacuum?

Which way? Which direction are you using it? My penis is like a- If you use it upside down, it sucks. I've been playing a lot of Luigi's Mansion 3 and my penis is like that vacuum it sucks in ghosts. That's what's much of ghosts. Rat spiders ghosts. Let's pause.

It sucks it all so everyone who can't get all will get that. Oh no, no, no. What would you put in the Christmas stocking of a horny woman who was not a all year. Lotter tickets. Call call. The answer. Aaron gets it.

The answer is a sexy cold by the. I want to see a scene. No, you don't. Wait, wait, wait. You don't. Let me ask this. Let me ask this. What is a sexy cold by the.

Is that anyone's fantasy? Be like yeah, you can't believe Little choline call I can't believe we make you do that job super inhumane Tramp your little choline. I'll be the little canary. It's bad for the environment. It's bad for the economy It's terrible for people bad for you our entire Economy of our town is based on your job. I'm so so sexy because I have little rock dust in my mouth. Yeah, put that little headlamp on. I'm gonna die by 45. All the jobs are leaving the country and they're not coming back. Doopie doopie. Escoopie doopie.

I'm the reason. Twombies, buses. Open, doopie. Santa, please. All right. We'll call my nouriness. Please, let's leave that one behind us forever. Yes. I have nuts.

Can you milk me? I have nuts when I can get sticky, but you lick me off anyway. Michael Keaton. You can have me for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. You want to have nuts? What am I? I have nuts.

And I can get sticky, but you lick me off anyway. Hey, Dave. You can have me for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Peanut butter. My peanut butter. We have dog peanut butter in the house for us. It's like a separate peanut butter thing for spaghetti, but honestly, now that she eats peanut butter. Mm-hmm. We have dog peanut butter in the house for us. It's like a separate peanut butter thing for spaghetti, but honestly, now that she eats peanut butter,

like I can't bring myself to the peanut butter anymore. Because I associate it with dog food. Mm-hmm. That's so weird. That's why you have enhanced celery. Yeah. And that's why you can't watch a project horseman. Yes. Because Mr. Celery.

Ha-ha-ha. Uh, I have a word that starts with an F and N's and CK. And when things get really hot, I am exactly what you want. Fuck Louis CK. Yeah, that's exactly what everybody wants. We can't wait for his comeback. Ooh. I hate it.

What was the riddle again? I'm a word that starts with F. By the way, I've heard this one before. A word that starts with an F and ends with a CK. Fork. And when things get really hot, I'm exactly what you want. Fork. CK?

Yeah. Well, how do you spell it fork, you fucking fork? That's fork, right? Stick. F, fork, fork fucking fork? That's right. You're sick. Stick. A fork lift. Fork, fork lift. Fick, fick, fick. And with the CK, start with an F. When things get hot, you want me.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Ffff. Mm-hmm. How many letters in this word? I cannot tell you.

Both. Because I can't count that high. And also, I don't want to give it away because you're so close. When things get hot, is it something to do with pick up food? It's hot. It's like a temperature thing. It's like a temperature thing. But it has nothing to do with and as Adel put it, pick up food.

I don't know. I don't want to be there. Okay, here's how this works. This is the first time in this episode that I have solidly stumped you with my sexual riddles. Wolf. That's a dog that lives in my pants. If you both say, tell me, tell me the riddle, um, sex lord. What? You, that're a bad guy. You're a bad guy. You're a bad guy. You're a bad guy. You're a bad guy.

You're a bad guy. You're a bad guy. You're a bad guy. You're a bad guy. You're a bad guy. You're a bad guy. You're a bad guy. You're a bad guy.

You're a bad guy. You're a bad guy. You're a bad guy. You're a bad guy. You're a bad guy. You're a bad guy. You're a bad guy. You're a bad guy.

You're a bad guy. You're a bad guy. You're a bad guy. You're a bad guy. You're a bad guy. JPC, you set a fire because you have a crush on the local fire fighter. Aaron, you'll be that firefighter. And you also just came from a diner where you got punched in the face. And don't forget that last part. I'm so glad you were able to come and put out the fire. No problem. Just doing my job. Well, you say doing your job, but I consider

you to be kind of a hero. Do you mind if I take off my jacket so you can see my sweaty shirt? I mean, so I can air out my body. I got really hot in there. I always say air on the side of caution. If you'll caution to the wind and nothing airs you out like wind. Oh, and look, oh, there's a little kitten that I saved earlier today. Here you go. Oh thanks. I don't want this. I don't. You're growing a little bit. Okay. Well, anyways yeah. Hey you can come over and see it whenever you want. Oh, look at that. If you want to if you want to visit once I get my new place, you know, since this one is all burnt down and everything. Oh yeah. You do any idea how the fire could have started?

Oh no, I mean, I wasn't even home. What's this, Mathews? Hey, whoa, get out of my pocket there, Kett. Wow. Yeah, this is Mathews. I mean, I am a smoker. I'm trying to quit. Yeah, look at this.

Because it seems like it was lit on fire on purpose. Hey, Kitty. Yeah. Why don't you take a look around? OK. Gasoline. OK. I can explain that. Wait a minute, put this tiny little fire hat on this cat.

Will you explain that? Wait a second. Is that cat a fireman as well? Well, now. Anyway, yeah, the gasoline. I can explain that. See, my car ran out of gasoline. And so I had to go buy some from the gas station

and put it in my car. Porn for horses? Okay. Horse porn are porn for horses. Porn. It's for horses. It's for horses. There's a huge difference.

I'll clean this up. It's for horses by horses. So it's horse porn. It's ethical horse porn for horses. For horses that sounds very powerful. It's made possible by viewers like seen anything to plug everybody. Hold on, hold on.

I want to give you one more riddle. What do you call an unsinkable virgin? Titanic, unsinkable virgin. The unsinkable Molly Brown. Unsinkable virgin. The woman on the Titanic. Unthinkable virgin, the unthinkable Molly Brown. Unthinkable virgin. Who's Molly Brown? The woman on the Titanic. Who?

Oh, got Chathie Bates. This was a person you from high school. We call it the unthinkable Molly Brown. What do you call an unthinkable virgin? Boyant. This one is bad. An unthinkable virgin. Cherry float.

Whoa. Ew. Fuck people. Goddamn it. I hate everyone. Whoa. Ew! Fuck people. Goddamn it. I hate everyone. No, no world. Absolutely not.

I'm tired of this one. Aaron, that's a great message to end on. Get out there, folks. Fuck people. No, no, no. Please, just be better. Just be better. Well, I ain't Trump put it best.

Be better. Be best. Aaron, there are some truly, there are some ones that are way worse this. Let's hear one. Fuck you, soggy lord. All right, I'll give one. It's just so Aaron will have trouble going to sleep tonight. Aaron, in addition to the obvious, how is a virgin forest like a virgin woman? I don't know. How's a virgin forest like a virgin woman? They're both bushy. So what do I have to plug?

I hate that for so many reasons. It's very bad. I can have as much as you want. You can have as much as you want. Yes, you can. You can have as much as you want. You can have as much as you want. So if I wanted to have, I don't know, full bearded

log hair, I could do that. Yeah. Can you see? When it comes to body hair, you can have as much as you want. And Olive Garden, when you're here, you're gonna eat body hair. All right, let's plug. What do you like to plug? This week for Dr. Recommendations, I would like to plug. I already mentioned it. Luigi's Mansion 3 for Switch is- Luigi C.K. is Mansion 3. No. It's a problematic fucking blast. It's so fun. Please check out Luigi's Mansion 3 for Switch.

Also, I'm reading a book that I really, really love that I feel like anyone who is in the creative field should read called Creativity Inc. It's about this story behind the Pixar process. It's so, so good. Even if you don't like Pixar, which who doesn't, it's worth your time. So check that out. Aaron, what do you get to plug? Follow me, Aaron Keif, 10 on Instagram.

I promote most of my shows and other stuff there. I look up, welcome back series on Instagram or Twitter or YouTube, and that's my web series that I'm very proud of. GPC. I like to see my plug times to one more really dirty riddle. My load is sometimes soft sometimes hard It's usually war but I sometimes log and sometimes short Whatever the end line is poop

The term soft load is I mean besides computers Jupiter get me out of here fuck forever So funny! It is by Adam and Rafa. Sorry, Eric Keaton. And John Patrick Collins. Casey Tony to the editing. Have already parented in the music. Vocal created by Emily Cardamus and Emily Naborin. I'm not gonna say that I'm gonna win the fuck to be your head, with the brick helmet. I'm not gonna say that I'm gonna win the fuck to be your head, with the brick helmet. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I already completely forgot about the microwave. Didn't you say about $100 that he would be doing it? Yeah, and then he didn't.

Good toom it! Good toom it. That was a hate gun podcast.