Hey Riddle Riddle - #73: Sharkest Heart

Episode Date: December 11, 2019

We're gonna need a bigger Riddle!! In this episode we have shark pop, truth telling hips and the hosts decide to get ripped as a bit! Throw some chum in your ears and get ready for a bite of Hey Riddle Riddle! #WiddleWednesdayStarring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a head gum podcast. Oh, Shrek me daddy. It's Hey Riddle Riddle, I'm Adore Fine. I'm JP Donkey. And I'm Aaron Waffles. You are Fiona Keef. No, I don't have to be the girl. I can be the Waffles Be sure stop the podcast as a t-shirt and in the morning. I'm making Aaron. Oh Making me what waffles

Well, that's turned into a real inception moment. How can I make you waffles when you are waffles? Oh boy I choose to be the waffles. It's babies raising babies. It's waffles having waffles, y'all. Um, boy, this week is Thanksgiving. This will come out later than Thanksgiving. Did I just ruin this by cast? No, no, no, no, no. I ruined the mystery.

This, yeah, sure. This is probably going to come out pretty close to Thanksgiving, relatively close to Thanksgiving. What if we had a new segment called Mr. Rectomy where we try and take out a mystery and solve it? Okay, now you're pitching a segment without having any content for the segment. Yeah. Okay, great.

So fans, we have a new segment of the show. It's called Mr. Rectomy, Adel chose the day. We have to have some sort of intro. Ow, ow, ow, ow. Mr. Rectomy. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, wow, wow, wow. Mr. Red to me. Oh, wow. Mr. Red to me. Oh, wow. Aaron just put on the fakeest friend I've ever seen. I'm just waiting to see what happens next.

I'm just an audience member like the rest of them. Oh, wow. So this week's Mr. Rectomy is going to be what happened to the people at Roanoke, the colony of Roanoke, that famously disappeared. Roanoke, that's in Boston right there. Mm-hmm.ok that famously disappeared? Ro-Nok, that's in Boston right now. Mm-hmm. In Boston.

That sounds like Virginia. Yeah, that sounds like it. Yeah, that sounds like it is Virginia, maybe. What do we think happened to those people? I think Ro-Nok and Atlantis talked on the phone and I decided to meet in the Bermuda Triangle and then, so they're all hanging out there. Is this a joke? I set up to a joke.

What does Ro-Nok Atlantis? Careful. And add all I've been comment. They both sunk. People hear about, hear them, hear about help. JVC I'm looking right at you. Help me. Aaron, this theory is like when Jesse John and Kevin all got their own rooms because I'm about to debunk it. Yeah, we had three layer bunk beds. Growing up. You had three layer bunk beds. No, no, no. But I think me and Kevin had bunk beds.

You had all bunk beds. We had all bunk beds. You know what's fucked up is that I'm remembering that Kevin and I had our own rooms at my mom's house and we shared a room at dad's house. Mmm. Mom richer than dad. Yeah, for sure. Mom, way richer than dad.

Does dad listen to this podcast? Um, I don't know, not my dad. A dad, maybe. Does any of our dad listen? I'm not sure. I don't think my dad knows what a podcast is or what I am. Oh, I feel a little bad, but my dad's heard an episode or two. He's been on it.

He's been on it. He's been on a Patreon episode. Go over to Patreon and my parents are on it. Mariah's dad listens to a Patreon episode today. She listened to the Patreon episode that everyone's significant others were on. She listened to him. Mariah's dad, mom and dad listened to Mariah's episode. What does they think of Sean?

They didn't have very kind things to say. Oh no. They said he's trying too hard? Yeah, they said, it sounds like he doesn't clean a microwave. No one tries harder than Sean Coil, and I say I'm by that. Yeah, so that was our first misdirectomy. If you liked it, don't say anything. Don't say anything.

Should we get into this episode? I'm gonna be Old Man Puzzles. Yeah, say it like an Old Man. I'm gonna be old man puzzles. Yeah, say it like an old man. I'm gonna be old man puzzles. Get off my puzzles. Hey kids, get off my puzzles. Oh, excuse me, I'm going to burst through my screen door to tell you to get off my puzzles. Get back here with my TV.

What was that? And in the morning, I'm making puzzles. Go hang out with your trampolined and your internet friends. Ruffles, ruffles, half ridges. Oops, oops all puzzles. Oops all puzzles. I was actually practicing, I've told you guys I've been watching Peaky Blinders. And I've been practicing, there's a character named Arthur who's the main character's

brother, older brother. And I've been practicing his voice. You want to hear it? I'm ready. Who plays Arthur? Some guy, some guy. Sure. Hey, Tommy. Oh, it's me.

Arthur, Shelby. Don't mess with the picky fucking blinders. Tommy. He just says Tommy a lot. Okay. Tommy. He sounds very British. And let me just play a clip from picky blinders so that people have something to compare

that to. And. Oh, Tommy. And let me just play a clip from Piki Blinders so that people have something to compare that to. And... Oh, dummy! It's me, Olga Brada! Tummy! Oh, dummy! Great, and let's play those... Let's do mind-pression with that clip at the same time.

Great. Oh, dummy! It's me, Misha! You're older brother! It's me, the older brother! Don't mess with the Piki F. Oh, right, it's dummy! Oh, dummy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! I'm the girl on the broadcast and I can still do the voices of demand on the Irish show. Let's pause that. We're going to continue to isolate it, but now we're going to interact with it. Great. Hello.

Hello. Who are you? I didn't decide the segment and it's been turned onto me. Spirit, if you are hostile to us, you have to let us know. You trapped me in this impression and I gave it. I like like I like are you said spirit like you're talking to Siri? I'm a spirit spirit turn on temperature. It's 84 degrees outside. Make it 98 degrees. It's 98 Nick Roshie's outside. Oh boy. Is everyone having fun listening? Oh boy. We can't pull them. We have no idea. We have no way of knowing. Um, is picky blinders good?

The first two seasons are great. Three seasons pretty rough. And then from there, it's like meh. Okay. What if the fourth season of every television show, no matter when it came on or when it originally aired, took place during a writer's strike? Like writers always had to strike during the fourth season of every television show just to see if it could survive. Okay, that was looking at lost episodes, and it's like lost season one, 24 episodes, season two, 23 episodes, season three, 25 episodes, season four, nine episodes. So I was like, oh, I remember what happened.

Remember that when TV was bad. When TV, all TV was ruined immediately. Took a real dip. Mm-hmm. Let's get into some, we'll do some warm-up riddies. Let's start with this. And this is relevant in apropos of what we just did.

What country's capital is growing fastest? What country's capital is growing fastest? What country's capital is growing fastest? Djibouti. Because you eat too much spam. Bam. Djibouti. Adel's booty's growing fast.

Why was 6% of 7% because 7% 8% because 7% to booty? What country's capital is growing fastest? I just thought of a fun joke. Madrid racing. Why was 6% of 7% because at the end, you know, with a baltra's heads and that baltra's getting into a Kevin's face. I always think, I go, why is my brain too tired to think of this at once?

I was like, the movie 7 has come up a lot lately and then I realized it just, I've been hanging out with you guys and you've been talking a lot about the movie 7. I don't why would 6th of 3 to 7? Why? Because that like knife strap to the dildo, that would like fucking hurt so bad today. Is that in the movie seven? Yes. A knife on a dildo?

Yeah, remember the a nildo? Oh, god. It's so what are the seven deadly sins? Read glutney lust. That lust, think about how the lust person died. Yeah, not great. Kissed to death. Nope.

A knife on a dildo? Amardad. That's like a branchy Vodville act. Knife on a dildo. Twoardad. That's like a branchy Vodville act. A knife on a dildo. Two bits. What country's capital is growing fastest? It's a play on like, it's like kid something. Remember I said this was relevant

to what we just talked about? What do we talk about? Yeah, yep. Dublin, it's Dublin. Aaron got it, but what's a country? Ireland. And why is it Dublin? Cause it's Dublin and size.

The answer is Ireland, cause every year it's Dublin. Well, yeah, but also Brexit's probably Taking I would love to go to Ireland. I've never been I think that it's too late I think it's Brexit now and I think Ireland's canceled. I can't go. Yeah, Dublin is No, it's very fun It's very fun to go to a Dublin bar and like get a Guinness. It's very satisfying. Do you say make a Dublin? For a Guinness? Make a Dublin. I love ordering a beer and asking for a double. You said it's like I've never had a

bar before. The interesting thing is that if you just say give me a beer they give you a Guinness. If you don't want Guinness you have to specify something else. If you just say give me a pint they'll give you a Guinness. Oh, interesting. So my mom loves Guinness. Do you really pop your tongue? The only alcohol she likes is Guinness.

I don't drink anymore, but I remember that Guinness was a beer that I would be able to drink at like room temperature. Hmm. If you, would you ever try for Guinness World Record and if so, which one? Longest fingernails? I try. I used to be obsessed with that book. I want to win hottest face.

Hot. In terms of temperature no no no No, well then Aaron my friend you already want. Thank you. I would I think that I have an actual chance of winning most punch to death douche bag What no, what's against world record that you think maybe reason You could do no no you're a dick person you put up with JPC and Adela the longest. Ooh. That's one you could reasonably win. Adela what's one that you could reasonably win?

That I could reasonably win. Most plaid. Biggest chunk. Biggest chunk. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Uh.

Coldest eyes. Longest nap. Shh. Deadest inside. Shark is hard. Shh. Oh, look. The Shark is hard. Shark is hard. Oh, look. The shark is hard. Shark is hard sounds like a teen heartthrob that's going to be popular in a couple years.

Shark is hard. Shark is hard. Shark is hard sounds like a Disney plus or religion. Can I see a scene? Can I see a scene? Can I see a scene? A GBC, your shark is hard, your teen heartthrob, and Adel, you've been waiting in line for like 10 hours, and now here's your chance to meet Sharkas Heart.

Hey everybody, thanks so much for coming out tonight. I love you. Peace to Minneapolis. I love you so much. Door slam. Hello, I was waiting inside the door. Oh, I slipped behind you while you were signing autographs. Oh my god. Okay. Hello. Hi. Hi, I'm sure my name is Quint. Okay. Hello. Hi. Hi. I'm sure my name is Quint. You name Quint? My name is Quint. Um, we were at the show tonight. Quint. Yes, I was. You were wonderful. I'm such a big fan. I'm so sorry. It's always nice to meet a fan. Weird. No, you're not being weird. Chum. Chum and up my love for you. Chum. This isn't one of my songs. No, I was inspired by you wrote my own song. You wrote me a song? Yes. Okay. We're gonna need a bigger boat for my heart. This is a different song.

Bigger boat for my heart. So it's chown up. Chown up. Bigger boat. Actually, do you mind if I get a pin and paper or it's some of the stuff down? You use my chalkboard. Scream.

Not I'll use the pin and paper. Go ahead and do. No. Use my chalkboard. Okay, you're right. This is better. Go ahead and give me another one. What do you see name as Quint?

My name is Quint. My name is Quint. Quint, Quint. I don't know what's happened to you recently, but you've been producing hit after hit, Sharkist. What's next? What's your next big song? Scary Spice is right. What is your next big song? I guess you could say that I have a quintessential album coming out. Sing the song? Well, I guess you could say that it

quinted be long before by album. It's the public. That doesn't make any sense. Well, in a quint way of saying it, it might make a little more sense. You ready for my big song? Yes. Two, three, four.

Shocking in the ocean of love. Shocking in the ocean of love. Shocking in the ocean of love. Swimming fast now. Tanger, shock. Step, step, step. Tanger, swimming in the ocean of love. Girl, shock. Step, step.

Do you think girl shark? I listen to your new album. What did you think? I thought you were going to rip off some of my songs, but then you sing your own song. I forgot all of the things you had been- You had to be put on a chalkboard. My love never stops moving or it dies.

Do you think Girl Shark? Girl Shark? Yeah, it was the end of Tiger Shark, but it sounds like Girl Shark. What was the name of your character? Heart Shark? No, what was it? Shark Parkman? No, that's your Instagram.

What was the- What? What do we shark? No, what was it? Shark Parkman? No, that's your Instagram. What was the, what do we just say? We can't remember it. Oh, shark is heart. Shark is heart. Shark is heart. Shark is heart. Do do do do. Shark is heart.

I had to do that. Sharks are all out now. Next. Next riddle. Next riddle. How did a five year old lift up 50 pounds with one hand? They lifted themselves up. What's that? Lift me up. They grabbed with one hand. They lifted themselves up. What's that?

They lift me up. They grabbed into a bar and they pulled themselves up. The five year old is 40 and 50 pounds? Yeah, I do. Pulled themselves off a cliff. Actually, yes. I do think a five year old is 50 pounds. Yes, I do.

100%. I guarantee you, five year olds are either 49 pounds or 51 pounds. Hey Siri. Yes. Hey spirit. What is the average weight of a five-year-old? Is this the first something weird again? Okay.

I'm the first one to win. Okay, hold on. You're a British? You're a British? This isn't my phone. Yes, it is. This is not my phone. I think this is from someone.

Why did Siri just say give it to me daddy? Okay, five-year-olds are typically 50 pounds. Does it say? No, I just made that. are typically 50 pounds. Does it say? No, I just made that. Answer my riddle. How does a five-year-old lift up 50 pounds with one hand? It's money, my dear.

And it's not lifting up themselves. It's money. It's using the pound system. Fiberals, money. Famously have weird pepper bodies. British pounds. British pounds. That's a great guess, but you're wrong.

That's wrong. How did a five-year-old lift up 50 pounds with one hand? You haven't met the five year old to beat me up. You haven't met the five year olds of my dreams. I want to see you seeing JPC. You are the world's strongest five-year-old Aaron you are babysitting the world strongest five-year-old. Hey bud. Do you play mobs? You want to play marbles? I want to play with mobbo rows. Well, you actually can't play with marbles anymore. I don't want to play with marbles. I want to play with marboros. Okay, well you can't play with those or marbles because you just you keep throwing them through the window But it keeps breaking all the glass. I don't care. I want a vape. You can't you can't vape. I If we realize that it's just as bad as smoking. I want mango vape.

No, they should regulate the amount of nicotine inside of the vape liquid. I want mango vape. No, you know. They should regulate the amount of nicotine inside of the vape liquid. I want mango vape. No, I'm sorry. I get plumage. I get mad. I get sick plumage. I really don't want to encourage this.

People don't look cool vaping. They think they look cool. They don't look cool. I can blow big clouds. Please let me blow a big cloud. No, no, no. Let's just play a quiet game. Here, let's play a game.

Ready? I'm a whip your arms off. No, please, no, let's just play a quiet game. Here, let's play a game, ready? I'm gonna whip your arms off. No, please don't. I'm gonna whip them off. No, please. Let me vape, give me a jewel or I whip them off. Okay, ooh, see, look, I made a jewel. I hold you, I'm holding you under ceiling now.

Okay, up. You're here under ceiling until you won't come down until I get to vape or smoke a marble. Okay, you can, you can vape, you can vape. Thank you. What's vape? Thank you. Same.

You can vape, you can vape, beat it, bada, bada, bada. Thank you, JPC for playing the weirdest five-year-old. You know what, you're right. Five-year-olds are probably about 40 pounds. How did a five-year-old lift up 50 pounds with one hand? I don't know. 50 pounds with one hand. I'm ready for a hint or the answer.

Oh, I'm ready for a hint as well. Okay, we're still in the warm-up section. The hint is, maybe he didn't do it all at once. Is that the answer also? No, it's the answer. He lifted one pound 50 times. Damn, so one pound's a lot for a five-year-old. But you all feel pretty dumb.

One pound's a lot for me and my weak ass arms. Mm-hmm. Five pound weights. You're gonna be sore. What? What if great. Let's say that you have to bench press. What's your max if you had to bench press?

Do I have a ton of adrenaline? Am I lifting a bench press up with a baby? You're being chained. You're being chained. No, no, no, no, no. You're normal. You're normal, like, whatever your median is, which is like 90% sleepy. Okay, okay. Well, I want to, in're normal, like, whatever your median is, which is like 90% sleepy.

Okay, okay. Well, I want to, in order to enter this, how much can you bench press JPC on your average? So, I have no idea. I know that a bar, the bar, simply the bar is 45 pounds. The max I did, and this is just one rep was 265. Damn, maxed out.

Was this during college? This was my freshman year at college. Yeah, because you played sports back then, right? And I played high school football. 100. And college basketball. You go to 100. 100. 100.

I think I could do. Maybe a little bit more. No idea if I could. I think I could do 150 pounds. I think you could. Absolutely. You're really strong. You're a push up king. I'm a push up king.

I don't have a bench press. It's probably been eight years since I've done that. Since I've used a bench press. Well, that will be our $15 Patreon tier. Is JPC's gym. It's us. Yeah. If people could pay us in time,

I would be at the gym all the time. Yeah, if you want to see a Patreon tier that's the three of us, learning to work out, We will do that. I will, honestly, I don't know. I don't know if people are interested in that. Diet and exercise. We should do something.

We should do something. We should do something. We should do something. We should do that, but we should do it with pounds. We're it's like, oh yeah, that's way more than a cent. Oh yeah, that's way more than a cent. Lifting though, not losing. GBP.

Because I want to gain muscle weight, baby. We should do a contest to see who can get the strongest. What's up between the three of us? We should take three months, do a contest to see who can get the strongest and the way that we decide who wins is we all get to punch Casey in the face super hard one time. Casey says yes. Casey says yes.

He picks up stuff. And whoever makes. He gives up big thumbs up. And whoever makes you hurt the most wins. Yeah. And so. Can we insult Casey if we didn't get a strong? Absolutely. If we forgot to get strong. We can always do that.

Cause Casey said a bully. Yeah. Nothing would be funnier than if we got super jacked as a bit. The three of us just get so strong. Once we do it and take like a million photos, like go to Sears and take a bunch of photos with our shirts off, well, yeah, I'm a little bit more sure.

Pants off for you. I'm a part of this. Then we immediately just gain our way back. Yeah, I'd love that. I'd love, that's like Paul Rudden Antman, right? If someone can think of a creative way for all of us to get in shape, we will do it. There's no way that I'll ever get shape.

If you see us out in public, chase us with a knife. No, we need it. We need it. Chase out with a knife. We need it. Chase me with bubbles. Aaron, let's be honest. Or run in front of me with bubbles and I'll run after you and I'll pop all of them.

Let's be honest. If you see us in public, you should try to kill us. We need it. There can be only one host. All right, Adolf. Here's our last warm up puzzle. And this is a special one because it was sent in by Mama Puzzles herself, my mother, Patty Stooky.

Wasn't really? Well, yes it was. She messaged me the other day. She only talks to me like once a year. She didn't message me to say, I love you. She messaged me with a riddle. She said I could use on my little show, getting rid of. Little show. It's not that little. I have a wonderful relationship with my I could use on my little show. Getting. Little show.

It's not that little. I have a wonderful relations with with my mom. She loves me very much. Toph and you call her. And never when she calls me, I text her. I say, what's up? I text her to say driving. I call my parents all the time.

I should drive them crazy. Yeah. I say driving and then I send a picture of the golf course. I used to call my dad every day. And then I eat. I stopped because I was like, I think I'm driving and then I send a picture of the golf course My dad every day and then I eat I stopped because I was like I think I'm driving him crazy And by that you mean you're in your room going dad dad. Yeah, and he'd be like I'm in Boston So this is sent in by mama puzzles. You are sitting inside a plane There's a horse in front of you and a car behind you. Where are you? Disney plus plane

I'm on a plane with planes and cars too. There's a horse in front of me and I went behind me. And a car behind you. You're sitting inside a plane. There's a horse in front of you and a car behind you. Where are you? It's like a plant, not like an airplane. It's an airplane. Oh, you're sitting inside an airplane. There's a horse in front of you and a car behind you. Am I in a museum? Yeah, that's a great guess. You are not in a museum. Is it the movies that are playing on the front, the seat in front of you and the seat behind you? Also a great guess, but incorrect.

Can I ask you what movies you think would have a horse on a car? Wheel cars. And then horse. And then horses. A wild horse. A wild horse. A wild horse.

A Dowgo. Favorite horse. I want to see you see. Vigil Moltenson. A Dow horse. I want to see you see. Vigil Mortensen. Hadoogo. I want to see you see. James, you are a sort of commander in the army. It can be British or American. I don't care. But you're a sort of general commander, whichever is best for you. Aaron, you are a horse who has enlisted in the army, and you are receiving orders and kind of get the lay of the land.

Jesus Christ. Scarny thing like you is the only thing that they can send out to me. How much do you weigh, Horse? Uh, nay. I weigh like 150 pounds, but as much as JPC can bend. 150 pounds. I'm real little.

You're tiny. You're a mini horse. You think a mini horse can fight in the God's own army? I do. I think I can sneak around with people think I'm a rocking horse when you see me. Well, unlucky for us many horse, but we actually need you because you're the only one we got. I need you to take yourself all the way to the front lines and resupply the men. Can you do that many horse?

Resupply them with wood. Just, uh, they're a humor. They're all in poor spirits and they need a little horse to go and make some jokes for them. We supply them with wood Just they're the humor They're all in poor spirits and they need a little horse to go and make some jokes for them All right, I'm not a very funny person Can you give me any jokes you want me to tell I promise I'll deliver them just the way you did and we take it to the front line of the war Oh a horse this is boosting my morale. Please horse. Tell us the joke tells the joke horse Hey, I'm from Texas. Tell us a joke tells the joke horse Lay I'm from Texas tells the joke hey text shut up. What's the difference? What's the difference between a horse and the enemy? This is a riddle not a joke well

Let's hear how it ends before we judge what's it different between a horse and the people you're fighting right now the enemy the horses aren't German The horse. The horses aren't trying to kill us? Horse, the enemy's not long in the face. Oh, we're both killing right now. That's the difference. Oh shoot. What's the similarity between horses and the enemy?

We cut back to her talking to the general. Okay, it's what's the difference between the horse and the enemy. We're both killing right now. Okay, great, great. Okay, I'll say it just like that. Okay, remember that. And we take. Great. Great. Okay. I'll start your job. Okay, remember that. And we take you to a German camp where the horse has been held hostage.

There Mr. Haas, tell us a joke of we will turn you into glue. We've been having the ways of making you squat. What's the difference between a horse and the enemy? Okay. The bulletin, very good. Vette, who's the enemy here? Us? Yeah. Okay. Well, no, we it's very good. Wait, who's the enemy here us? Yeah, okay? Well, no, we're the good guys. No, I put in this joke scenario. What's the difference between a horse and you guys? Okay, what's the difference between the horse and the Nazi and a horse does not have blu-eyes? I'm killing right now the horse is killing right now. Blam, blam, blam

Oh the horse killed all the Nazis. I'm a hero. I'm sick of speaking. War horse. War horse. Check it out. I think it's a puppet. I'm dead to have my war horse.

Quick story. Did you see a war horse? I think you're dead. Did you see it? No. The puppet? No. But those puppets were amazing.

Which were war horse stories. I already told it. Maybe you didn't. You tell it. Well, I can tell you my war horse story. Go ahead. As I was coming out of Warhorse, I, um, I, like, kick something with my foot, look down. It was a, um, A warhorse?

No, it was a bucket of pop-up chicken, and I saw this good. Hmm. See this good. See this good. See this good. Oh, that's his warhorse, right? See this good. Okay.

Aaron, what was yours? Aaron, I told it. I just, my aunt worked at a library for like 20 years and she's a really thick Boston accent and she worked in the movie department and someone asked her for a movie recommendation and she said, whoa, who else? And the person said, what, like 10 times?

And then my aunt had to go over and point to it. Whoa. She was like, whoa, who else? It's whoa, who else? Of course, it's whoa, who else? It's whoa, who else that you want to see? Whoa, who else? And I was like, that's the movie title that is the true nightmare to say to Boston Agnes.

Do you have multiple family members that are librarians? Yeah. A lot of people. I worked. Oh, yeah, sorry. I worked at a library when I was in Australia for a little bit. So I'm a part of the club, but my aunt, my mom, my cousin, both my sisters worked at a library, and I was the only one who did it. How do Aussies say library? Library? Library? Library?

Library, library. And how do Boston even say it? Library. Library. The place where you got to be real quiet. Library. The place where you take your boyfriend to break up with him so he can't shout.

Do you only have female librarians in your family? Or do you have any, there are no male librarians and the ones that you just mentioned? Um, I think maybe one of my guy cousins worked at the library in like high school. Please cousins. cousins. cousins. I don't remember, but yeah, we have a, we're real library family. My mom and my aunt used

to work together and they had to be separated a lot because they were like the gagels and you cannot get those in the library. Yeah, they were constantly we just cracking each other out. That's a big no no poo poo. Speaking of a big no no poo poo, you are sitting inside a plane. There's a horse in front of you

and a car behind you, where are you? You said that we had several good guesses. Car. That's right, that's it. What was it? Horse power. Good guess a bit now. It doesn't have anything to do with horsepower and engine.

Can you give us a hint, Mr. Addle? What about cargo? Is it like cargo? It's not escurgo. The hint is, the hint is while you're in this plane, you might smell popcorn, you might smell candy apples or cotton candy. Oh, it's a carnival plane.

Okay. So is it a ride? Is it a ride that's fair? it's a carnival plane. Okay. So is it one of those? Is it a ride? Is it a ride? Fair. It is a ride. Okay. You have a horse in front of you in a car behind you. It's a merry go round in front of you and the bumper car. Bingo bingo. Hatata. Hatata. It is a carousel or a merry go round. Can I see a scene? Mm-hmm. You're like a young couple and your teenage couple and you're at a carnival and you're trying to negotiate what ride to go on first. Um, Tony, I kinda wanna go, let's see. Ferris wheel is nice because we can make out and see the whole way the land.

Yeah, but I have vertigo and if we go up there, I might puke. Or even hurl. Okay, well how of mirrors might be fun because that can watch you finger-bang me. Ah! From many angles. And it might look like one, your fingers are all fat, one, your fingers are all tall.

I have body just more if you, and what, well, if I go into that house of mirrors, it's really gonna exacerbate that condition. So, I... Wait, did you exacerbate before you came here? I told you not to. No, you told me not to masturbate before I got here. Which I also did.

So I'm, what'd you think of? I'm a proud boy. I might just be an old person who's working at this carnival for 150 years, but my two senses, you shouldn't be with a partner who controls when you exacerbate, exacerbate masturbate back to my little layer. Excuse me, old man. Why would you take advice about masturbating from an old man?

We do it more than anyone. Is it true? When you when you masturbate is it like a keyboard cleaner or just is just like air coming out nothing else? Well, let me ask my oldest friend Adel Rify. I'll get him on the phone people pop pop pop pop pop pop Hello, Adel R do I find you here? Addle with, we're old aren't we? Yes, I was 38 when he was on the Titanic. What was your question?

It wasn't that. Tony, wouldn't you prize? What's that? Wouldn't me prize. I want one of those. If you throw a dart right into my heart, you wouldn't as entire carnival. I want to six by six glass thing of guns and roses.

This feels like something wicked this way, Cubs. It's just a novel. Am I stuck in a novel? Are we all familiar with that book? No. Okay, the only carnival one I know is the five people you meet in heaven. The old man who gets crushed at the carnival and then he gets to meet five people in heaven before he goes off to his specific heaven. The only carnival stuff I know is Clive Barker, Carnival Barker. What are some of the five people that you'll meet in heaven, old man? So when you masturbate, when you're old, well, what was your question?

Five people you meet in heaven. You still have a libido? libido is my car. I love Ricky Martin. I love driving a libido. You drive a Chrysler libido? That's a real pussy bag that live in libido. Look. Yeah. It's true. Anyways, Seen. Anyways, but I'd be seen.

I was never gonna let that old babe go. No, I know. I love him. That was my JP riddle. What's it? What's it? His name be Carnival something. Carnival master mate. Carnival master, mate. Why don't we take a quick break?

Go to Carnival, get some lemon shakeups, some Elphin ears, and we'll be right back. You're a funnily cake. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do Hey GPC. Uh, uh, yeah. You're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm, um, pranking Adal. And I'm setting up a website to prank him. Um, can I just need some advice? This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. I'm not, I'm not mad at you, we're pranking at all.

Squarespace is the only website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and to see it online. Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website. It gays with your audience. And so let anything for products to cut into time, all in one place, all on your terms.

Hey, Otto, come here. Come here, come here. Hey, what's going on? I actually, I want to prank JPC and I want to set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like, is there like an online store that could set up on my website to sell products? Did you know that with Squarespace, you can have custom merch. You can easily sell custom merch and create passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand, design your

products and production and inventory and shipping are handled for you saving you time and money. What is happening? Okay. Um, wait, what's going on with that all? Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just sending up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing. No, he's gonna tune you. And I'm gonna use analytics, use insights to grow my business and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool. I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing strategy

based on top keywords, our popular products and content on my prank website, the prank activity. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what the website was for. Yeah, what's the website for? Frank.

With Squarespace. Yes, I did. You can connect to your store to Vedent Third Party Tools to extend the functionality of your website. Hey, JPC, hey, JPC. What's up, battle? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine.

Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine head to squarespace.com for a free trial And when you're ready to launch go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain Oh, she's back. She's back. Hey Aaron. Hey Aaron. Can we go to grandma's house? Wait, I've been pranked. But how? I don't know. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Hey Adel and JPC, thank you for meeting me in the middle of the woods here. I am sort of at an impasse. I can't decide whether or not to go this way or this way. I'm having a hard time choosing a path. You know, there never truly is a middle of the woods. Isn't it funny to think about something like that? There never truly is a middle of the woods. No, this is the middle.

Okay, this is it. Addle, can you help? Yeah, actually. So as per Robert Frost, I don't know if you know his poems. He has a poem called Better Help. I believe this is written in the 1800s, but it still stands true today more than ever. Aaron, you should try better help. Have you heard of this? You seen this?

Because sometimes Aaron in life were faced with tough choices and the path forward isn't always clear. Whether you're dealing with decisions around career relationships, being stuck in the middle of the woods, therapy helps you stay connected to what you owl owl. Sorry, that also does so fast. Therapy helps you stay connected to what you really, ow, ow, sorry, that also does so fast. Therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate life and the woods. Mmm, and better help is entirely online, so it's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. I've been using it for several years, and it suits the way that my brain works, way better than traditional therapy ever did.

And when Aaron says traditional therapy, just so everyone's clear, what she means is tricking two of her friends to coming to the middle of the woods, even though there isn't truly the concept of the middle of the woods. Isn't that fun to think about? All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and you can switch therapist at any time for no additional charge. Hey, Aaron, a GPC's putting down bread crumbs and then immediately picking them up and eating them.

Dirty bread crumbs. Mmm. Mmm. And he's also like really into that owl who's swooping down. Anyways, let there be your map with better help. Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help help.com-p dot com slash riddle r-i-d-d-l-e r-i-d-d-l-e the middle of riddles of D but there is no true middle of riddle because

it would be the space in the L.I.P.C. I'm hoping at home. I am home. Who are we? What is this? I, clink, clink, clink. Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. I just want to make a quick toast to, I know it's JPC's birthday,

and we're all so excited to talk about him, but I want to talk about my favorite, my favorite thing in the world. And that is the app Rocket Bunny. Oh, yeah, Aaron, that's one of my favorite things as well. Huh? Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions,

monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years, way before they were a sponsor, and it helps me so much, especially around tax season. Kling, kling, kling, kling, kling,ink, clink. Sorry, I also want to give a toast. Rocket money, well quickly, and easily find your subscriptions for you. And for any you don't want to pay for anymore, just hit cancel, and Rocket money will cancel it for you.

It's that easy, clink, clink, clink. It also categorizes your expenses, so you can easily track your budget in real time and also get alerted if anything looks off. Over three million, well, clink, cl. Over three million, over three million people have used rocket money saving the average person up to $720 a year. We love rock. Stop, stop, stop, no, stop, stop.

Throwing your money away, cancel unwirted subscriptions today and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com slash riddle. That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle. Rockamoney.com slash riddle. And tell them JPC's birthday got ruined by two of his friends for doing speeches about rocket money, clank. Step right up, step right up here, right here. You there girl. Yes. Why don't you come over here and solve a riddle?

Okay, I'm a little girl. Oh, okay. Stop woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo Can't do it, throw another one. Throw another what? Who the who bat me while I answer your riddle? That came from the sky, I didn't throw anything at you. Here comes another one, God's on my side today, mister. You think God throwing who the who's on you? Me and she's on your side? God's on my side today, mister, I'm going to strong-ass. Little girl.

Yes. Would you agree that those who the whoops are about give you about a one-inch diameter birth from your body? I think what God's trying to do is in capture you. I don't know who to do the loo boo boo do. We cut to heaven. Step right up, step right up. If you want to win a prize, just hook a human.

So hoops, stagger human and win a prize. I've got it. This is heaven. See. Um, next riddle, please. I've got to do a riddle. Wait, that wasn't your riddle. That was madness. Great. Here's a riddle. I'm very good at hooping. Here's a little riddle about it. I got to do a riddle. That was a riddle. That was madness. Great. Here's a riddle.

I'm very good at hooping. Here's a little riddle about jacks. That's my secret talent. Yeah, your hips don't lie. Is that true? I'm very, very, very good at hooping. Do your hips lie? No, they don't.

Can we ask you a hip some questions? Absolutely. Hips, how old are you? 28. Okay. Check's out. Hips, have you ever shit your pants? Have I ever shit my pants? No, but I've seen Aaron's

here pants. Does that count? I will not lie. This is my favorite mode of podcast of all time. You can ask me a couple more. My hips don't lie. I'll get back to Aaron's hips. Don't lie. Okay, let's do another baselow test. Hips, how many of the, how many of you are there? Two. Okay, checks get back to Aaron's hips, don't lie. Okay, let's do another bass little test. Hips, how many of you are there? Two. Okay, check that out. Okay, Hips, how would you describe Aaron's breasts? None of your business.

Okay, I was going for the Shakira lyrics. I wasn't trying to be offensive. I'll describe them. Look at my breasts, mom, and hum them. So you're not gonna be with them with mountains. Lalalala, lalalala you're looking for them with mountains. Lila, lila, lila. Um, yeah, one more. Um, hips.

Who, uh, who's your favorite president? Oh, John F. Careley's close-second Obama. I like that Kimberly fellow because he's Catholic. Hmm, I'm ready. Okay, it took us what this is like episode 80 something. Uh-huh. It took us this long. No, it's 70 something. I'm sorry. It's not. It took us this long to do this riddle, but we're finally going to do it coming back from break. What came first, the chicken or the egg? I think we've done this one before. No, I don't think so.

And for this one, there is a right answer. This is not the existential question. Well, let's really break this down. What came first? So we're assuming it's Adel giving us this riddle. The chicken, because in the sentence, the chicken came before the egg. JPC is going to say assuming it's Adel, the chicken because eggs don't come.

Yeah. 100% of that's what you're going to say, is that right? Is that right? Exactly. I know you two are fucking T. Call me Ford because I know you two. Yeah. 100% of that's what you're gonna say, is that right? Yeah, exactly. I know you two fucking tea. Yeah, so call me forward because I know you two a tea. Mm-hmm. Am I wrong? What was yours?

The chicken because it came first in that sentence. Um, Aaron, great guess that is incorrect. So my guess I will officially submit it into the public record. Eggs can't come. You are correct, but not with the answer. Damn it. Eggs. Why? Which cause they're a breakfast food and chicken isn't.

Okay. You don't have chicken sausage? Not on purpose. Excuse me, I asked for pancakes and these are really chicken sausage links. Purely from an evolutionary perspective, I believe like reptiles have eggs and they probably evolved way before chickens. So eggs in some fashion came before chickens. Ring ding ding ding ding. JPC got it. The answer is the egg because dinosaurs were laying eggs a long time before there were ever chickens. And actually I believe chickens are a direct descendant of raptors. That may not true. And what, what descend what descended from chicken?

What's that from chickens? Michael J. Fox. What else? George Clooney's the Fox, that's right. George, up in the air, I want to see a scene. You two are a dinosaur couple and you just had an egg and you're worried about, you're worried that the next generation after you might start to evolve and that's your concern as his egg is starting to hatch.

I think you need help me pick up this egg. My arms are too short. Look, you may have to treat your ex, okay? Your ex, you may have to treat your ex or arms to too short. And I want our arms to be too short, okay? We're too short on dinosaurs. No freak, son of mine or daughter, whatever it turns out to be. We don't even know it's gonna be a freak yet. Look.

What if it has a hair? Ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Time's a changing, okay? The, the, um, McKinley's down the street. They had a child with a penis.

What? Yes. Ha, ha, ha. Had it honest to got a penis. We don't have genitalia. I Don't think we have a penis I know we definitely have to have genitalia. Yeah, but like We cut to the we cut to the dinosaur doctor Why did you come into though? I'm by cloaca hurt. It just hop up on the on the stool here scratch

Okay, broke my stool well hop up on the on the stool here. Scratch. Okay, you broke my stool. Well, hop up on this couch here. Scratch. Okay, why don't you just stay standing and I'm coming underneath you like a like someone at AutoZone underneath the car. Sure. Okay, let me take a look at the old engine.

What do we got here? You said your cloaca hurts. I think it's my cloaca that might be acting up. Okay, and your penis looks fine. Let's take a look and wait. Wait, I'm sorry? Said your penis looks fine, but I'll take a look in the cloaca. Okay, so I do have a penis. You do have a penis. That's great news

We also call that a cloaking device Why? It's kind of fun. Yeah, it's a doctor human. Okay, my wife is gonna be so mad cut back to the wife So I got back from the doctor turns out I do have a penis. Oh, no Yeah, so I owe the neighbors a Apology for yelling at their son. Well, you were gone the egg hat. No. Oh my god. It's just Danny DeVito And me. I'm the Danny DeVito. I'm twins. Yeah, it's two Danny DeVito's. Ohaaat. Whaaat. This seems like an evolutionist at backwards. I've seen it.

And, and twins. I'm the daddy's feet away. And I'm the daddy's the middle one. And twins. Alright, let's go to the next riddy. I love these riddies. If it takes 10 hours for 8 men to build a wall, how long does it take four men to build a wall? If it takes 10 hours for eight men to build a wall,

how long does it take for four men to build a wall? I don't know, but they can't get it up soon enough because these migrants are coming in to our country. Nightmare, nightmare, nightmare. Aaron, if you say nightmare three times on the podcast, JPC turns into JP Riddles. No, I don't. No, I don't.

Okay. JPC Ridd JP riddles. No, I don't. No, I don't. Okay. JPC riddles just walked in wearing a robe, nothing else, a holding hot chocolate and then just walk right back. We're going to look back at this podcast and we're like, eventually we got to a point where we would get about five minutes in an episode and then we'd call for JP riddles to show up and it would be 45 minutes later. JP riddles was really our, our quagmire. Mm-hmm.

Gagging, gag a gig and highly problematic. Hope I get my own show. Sorry Cleveland got all that. If it takes if it takes 10 hours for eight men to build a wall, how long does it take for men to build a wall? Eight hours. 10 hours for eight men. Five hours for four men.

Nope. This is math. That's his math. That's just 10 hours. Nope. Hmm. Well, so I know the answer to this riddle. What is the answer?

You both want to know? Yeah. Foreman don't build the wall. They ordered people to build the wall. GPC, that is a better answer than the actual answer. What? That is incorrect. That's incorrect.

Man, the fuck is it? What is it? The losses of this world, right? Foreman. Aaron, have we really gotten to the point where when I pose a riddle, you just yell, what is it? Well, I guess for a little while.

Because it's fine. I ate most of my supper. I had all the vegetables. What is it? I'm all the vegetables. Call me Kate Moss, because I guess for a little while, she has a model for guest genes.

I just need to explain my joke. And what is the answer? Eight men, 10 hours. Well, you say the riddle one more time, it's awarding. If it takes 10 hours for eight men to build a wall, how long does it take for men to build a wall? And let me set the scene right now, the table. This answer fucking blows.

16 hours. Double the time. No, 16 hours. I'll give you a hint. I'll give you a hint. There is no time in this answer. There's no math involved. Okay. I'll take a form in to build the wall. Oh, it's already built. Yeah, Aaron is correct. The wall is already built. Fuck isn't that doesn't that suck? It's a wall. You can always build more. Then you'll just be stuck by the wall all on your own. Wow. Grass is always green on the other wall. I want to see you.

Grass on your wall. You get grass on your wall. Hey, if there's grass on the wall, play Bayard. I want to see a scene. The two of you are construction workers in your at this is going to be a really niche scene.

The two of your construction workers and you are both at a pink fluid concert where they're playing the wall in your heckling Pink Floyd. Oh. Give us a spin, Pink Floyd. Yeah. More industrial drilling equipment, Pink Floyd. Woo! Hey Josh.

Yeah? What's your favorite Pink Floyd song? I hate Pink Floyd. You know that. Me too. I hate Pink Floyd too. That was a trick. Question Josh. What's the one that they play at the beginning of CSI Miami? Um, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, dim, Oh boy, I am a Haga Taig fanatic. I will go Haga crazy if I can go on a date with Mariska Haga Taig. Hello. Hey, shut up Roger Waters with everybody in there. Can I honestly be kind of honest with you?

Yeah. She gives me a Mariska Hada Gataig. You know what I like about her? What's that? Her work ethic, her personality, and how she has never given up on that show. She's the hot beat of that show. Speaking of giving up on that show, what about that bum Christopher Maloney? We really are a statler and Waldorf, aren't we? Those muppet old men.

Nope, we're very specific, with a very specific knowledge of a lot on SVU. Thank you all so much for coming out tonight. I'm Roger Waters, and I'm David Gilmore, and we're two in the pink and one in the little. Why don't you munch on my balls? We got that detective munch. He sure is good. Richard Belzer. Here's a question for you. Get him with all the Belzer whistles. Amanda is lying shot on the road. Amanda, line shot on the road. The police come to investigate right away. They know who shot him. Why? He shot himself. No. Is it two-pock and they know Biggie shot him? They know Shook shot him. Shook shot him. You think Biggie shot two-pock? Uh-huh. Do you? It's two-puck shot Biggie. So Biggie

was killed. And the bullets hit the middle. The bullets ricocheted. Uh-huh. Bullets ricocheted off Brooklyn and what to California? How long does it take a bullet that ricochets off Brooklyn? They to California? To California. How long is it going to be a bullet that ricochets off Brooklyn? They hit California because that's three months, right? If a bullet leaves Brooklyn at 7.40 a.m. Among that bullet train. It's going to be tired all day. That's an early train. That's an early bullet. That's not early for you. No. JPC wakes up early. You got to get a pretty early to get up on the old JPC

to the bead. Do you like to beat the sun? Do you like to wake up before the sun? Yeah, I got your sun. Rat bastard. No, I have blackout curtains in my room too, so I always wake up in darkness. But I think of as my mom asked me today,

she was like, how do you do it? How do you wake up early, like every day? And I was like, oh, I'm insane. And my brain is, by 4 p.m., my brain is melted, it's useless. And that's the worst of course, according to a K30 p.m. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Your brain is like a solid or dolly painting, right? Stairs, it's a price list. You're useless. Price list. Melting clocks. It's... Priceless. Priceless. Melting clocks. It's everywhere you want to be. Master Carb. Master Carb.

Master Carb. That's my favorite aqua teen hunger force character. It's my favorite. It's just the melting love of bread. Master Carb. It's my favorite Pokemon. Master Carb. What's the fucking riddle?

Pokemon. Let's get dangerous. A man is lying shot on the road. The police come to investigate right away. They know who shot him. Why? A man is lying. He wasn't shot. He's not telling the truth. No, fuck. The they it was right in front of some like it was the, you know,

right in front of some kids on a road trip. No, you know, the rotation of the road matter. Um, yeah, it is Abbey Road. It's a road trip. No, you know. Does the location of the road matter? It is Abbey Road. It's a specific road? No, damn. Is it like right of a specific building? Yes, friend of the, no. Okay.

He's lying shot on the road. He's lying shot on the road. Please come to investigate right away, they know who'd shot him. Is the specific part of his body that is shot? Does that matter? Yeah, I'm gonna dig. Is it a gun shot? Is it a body that is shot? Does that matter? Yeah, I sure am. Would it? Is it a gun shot?

Is it a what? Gun shot? Yes. Okay. We're gonna say it's like a flu shot or something. Was he shot through the heart? Because if so, Bon Jovi's to blame. We gave love a bad name.

And he rode away and I still horse. Uh-huh. I don't know. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Aaron, that was so sad. Is the location, is the location of where he was shot? Does that matter? No. Fuck. So the location of the road doesn't know. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Erin, that was so sad. Is the location, is the location of where he was shot? Does that matter? No.

Fuck. So the location of the road doesn't matter. Location of where he was shot doesn't matter. Here's, is he alone? Uh, we'll say yes. Fuck. We'll say that when he was shot, he was alone. Here's the most important part of the, of the riddle.

A man is lying shot on the road. He's not dead. Erin. So the man says out loud who shot him. The man was shot not killed. He was able to tell police immediately who shot him. Who shot him? Shots says here. He says here JP riddles.

JP is JP riddles here with us today. Oh JP riddle. I just got a text from JP riddles and he says he went out to get donuts, but the donuts are an air quotes. And you guys had ice cream. Air quotes somehow written out. If you guys had to eat ice cream every night, ice cream would stop big, very special. Pretty quickly, right?

I don't know. People universally always like ice cream. Well, sick of ice cream. We get sick of ice cream. You feel guilty for eating it, but you like the journey. Here's my impression of JPC doing warm-ups before the podcast. I kissed my cousin Tammy on the tummy. I kissed my cousin Tammy on the tummy. She was a police horse. I kissed my cousin Tammy on the tummy. She was a police horse ghost of a dead dog. I whispered in a doggy's ear and it said,

there is no fear. The doggy was reading my t-shirt. She was a my cousin. How do you fall on a knife but not get pierced? Actually, no, I want to see a scene. Let's go back a tad. I'm going to see a scene with JP Rittles. No, I want to see a scene.

Aaron, you have been shot. Do you want JPC? Do you want JPC? see you seeing Aaron, you have been shocked. No. Do you want JPC? Do you want JPC? Yeah. Okay, JPC, you've been shocked. Fuck that. You've been shocked. Got it.

The perk ran off. Aaron is a bystander who saw everything and she's come over to take a look and to be there with you, but she's of no help. Did I? I saw the whole thing. Oh, God. Oh, God. You saw that? I saw the whole thing. Oh, God. You did, you saw that?

I think you're okay at like, mostly just grazed past. Ooh, no, I'm a doctor. I was shot in the gut. Okay, I'm a dancer. We just bragging about our jobs. Like, no. Oh, yeah, I went to school too for dance.

This is very serious. I was shot in the gut. I think I have internal bleeding. Okay, I really just think I saw it like whizzed past your tummy Oh, I feel it in there. I still feel it in the video having sympathy pain on my period It's no extra wood. Oh, I'm so sorry about that. Um, but no, I definitely was shot In the stomach. I really I really thought it really didn't do you get a good look at the guy who did it? Yeah, I was a dog in a wig No, it couldn't have been that's a goddamn like

Not just regular dog with no wig I saw the whole thing and definitely was not a dog in a wig We're all right. Okay. No, I'm listening. There's a talking dog. Oh, you're listening. Well, I'm a dancer. Where are we just bragging? Don't pass up don't pass up Are we human or are we dancers? Oh, we dance. That's a riddle dog. I brought to you by the killers. How do you fall on a knife, but not get pierced? Somebody told me you had a dog who looked like a cat. How do you fall on a knife, but not get pierced?

And don't say you're Brosnan. It's not. Yeah, man. I literally can, I am one step ahead of you every single time. You've been eating my lunch all by now. I didn't enter that story. I'm sorry.

Asking if Pierce Brosnan was handsome, and I got like 50 responses. People were like, Instagram story, asking if Pierce Brosnan was a good person. People were really torn. Really? Yeah, because I like, Instagram story asking if Pierce was brought. What was the, people were really torn. Really? Yeah, because they're like, he's devastating the hands. Him now, young Pierce Brosnan does not do it for me, even the mouth.

Really? How young? Like, gold and I, gold and I, Pierce? Young and old, I think he's absolutely. Oh, I think he got hotter the older he got. Like now, I'm like, I guess he does not do it for me. And I had a lot of people agree with me. I had a lot of ladies and female identifying people

tell me that they didn't think he was handsome. And a lot of men, I think of the straight variety or like, no, it was interesting. So men thought he was handsome. Women did not think he was handsome. Men want to fuck him. Women don't want to be him. Yeah.

And that's not factoring the sexual orientation of anyone. It is just a lot of men, I think, are sensitive about peers. They're like, if he's not handsome. No, I mean, I'm just piercing eyes. I think he's handsome. So I think he's like traditionally handsome. See, to me, he's not. Look up young peers, Braznan.

And then tell me if you would be like, Well, like, golden-eyed peers, Braznan, because that's the youngest I remember, haven't I? I will say, I'll type it in. I do think Tyler is traditionally handsome. Tyler? Oh God, is that one the handsome brother? I would have accepted Chris. I prefer Colin fur.

I prefer Colin fur. Now Colin furth is also attractive, but I think Pierce Bros. is some more attractive older man than Colin furth. No. And are we just watching Mama Mia now? Maybe see. Maybe see what Aaron is googling stuff.

I want you to do your solo show. Sure. This is called Who's On Firth? This is your Vodville act. Sure. About how British actors have funny names these days. This is called Who's On Firth? Well, who's on Firth?

And Bill Nye, he to left a field and I'm full of Glee, son. Because this baseball game is going so well. And one more British. Who's the third British actor? Bill Nye, he called it Firth. British Glee.

And Clyde Owen's out there. And Christian Beggar was kind of... He's not a British. I feel like he called it first. Brinick Gleason. And then Clive Owens out there. And then Chris Symbale. Chris Symbale. And then he's running his name. He's not saying anything. Let's play the video tape of him yelling in their camera bed. Oi.

Who's fucking predator here? No, I mean, terminator. Terminator. I'm terminator. And I want you to be fucking terminator. Oi. Oi. Oi.

Who's fucking turbidine here? Oi. Who's fucking terminate here? I am. Camera man's in shot. Fuck off. Why? Don't fuck with the Christian fucking bail. Tom A.

Terminator. Terminator. I'm dumbass. You know this is that? Chris should be able to definitely not British. No, what he is. Hansen. We have a t-shirt in the shop that just says,

Why? Who's fucking turbidator here? Who's fucking predator? Who's fucking predator? Can I see? Mm-hmm. Wait, who is this? That's young Pierce Bros. Yeah, young Pierce Bros.

And not a good looking guy. Really? That's right there. I think GoldenI Pierce Bros. And like Pierce Bros. And this bond, such a smokestack. Can I just say, a job in the N64 game GoldenI? Fucking smoke show.

Yeah, the, also just the best haircut point of the best gig. Smooth.com, backsl back slash snooze. He looks like a TV anchor. He looks not like maybe he just like someone have like a little character to them, but he sort of looks like a Kendall. If a Kendall had no personal. I think it looks great.

Yeah, no personality. No, no, no, no. But that's interesting that that straight identifying males think that he's attractive. I think it was exclusively, I mean, I didn't know some of the people personally, but in terms of my friends, it was only straight identifying males who are defending him. Oh, did I ever tell you guys that I was next to Pierce Bros

in the year and a little? No. I hate this. More like, more like, 005 and a half. Oh, really? Yeah. That's the joke you were making. All right. Did I ever tell you guys that I was right next to Pierce Bros in the year and a little? In the joke you were making? Did I ever tell you guys about it?

It was right next to Pierce Bros, not a unerrall. Is that a unerrall? Yeah, is that a unerrall? Is that a unerrall? You're not a unerrall? Oh my god. Yeah. Talk about a goal to that. You, you he's pig. Mmm. Eye of his penis.

It was the eye of his penis. You know what? In my mind, he's James Bond, because he was the bond that I like knew when I was at the age where I identified a bond. Do you know what time Sean Connery likes to play Bedmonton? What time? Ternesh. I don't know.

Did you make that up? No. I heard that from Gemma. How do you fall in a knife, but not get pierced? Tarnesh. I don't know. Did you make that up? No. I heard that from Gemma. How do you fall in a knife but not get pierced? Fall in a handle first. Handle first. Uh, no. In my head I was like, what's this?

Adel had to pick up, visualize a knife, visualize falling, and then say no. Why does that not work? Fill in my own sword. How do you fall in a knife but not get pierced? Honestly, it works, but it's not what I have written down here. Okay. How do you fall in a nice, but not get pierced? Honestly, it works, but it's not what I have written down here. Okay. How do you fall in a... I have written down, look up the answer.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Google it. Google it. Google Young Pierce Bros. How do you fall in a nice, but not get pierced? How do you fall, is it fall of the season? It's the fall of the season.

Bum, bum, bum, bum bump is he pierced like me on a knife who's your dad? Who's your daddy? Shrek me daddy dude this is he rich don't key. Oh, oh is the knife? You're there's the knife that you're falling on like covered is it in a sheath? It is not in a sheath. It is not the Swedish electronic adieu, the knife. Swedish sheath. Swedish sheath. Early, fairly, fairly, per se, how do you find the names of the James Boone? Aaron has disengaged with the podcast, she hasn't talked to him too long. No, I'm sorry. She's fully googling Pierce Aaron, you have just been on your phone for five minutes.

No, I'm looking up something to make to you have a joke that you're trying to make. No, it's not a joke, it's just a it's a reference. I can't give a, I'll stop, but I'll get. We grab here, okay. Let's see what she or search history. What's in egg log? Sheeran grow hair real question mark. No, it's exhumation point.

Sheeran, sheeran stone like me. It's my blog. It's my blog. Oh, it's my blog. All real monsters, cartoon question mark. Pablo Picasso French question mark. Keep going. I want 10 more of these Is Pico urine

Grass can be in sky question mark Trogdo or question mark all questions. What do you Google? I don't add question marks? What to Google question mark? You don't add question marks. No. How will Google love your Google your statement? What rough low comma mark question? How do you fall in a knife but not get pierced? Let's all phones down. Mm-hmm Phones down. Ask up. That's the way we like to pose Okay, let's really concentrate. How do you fall on a knife but not get how do you fall in a knife but not get pierced? I will say you are on the right, like you say in bolt,

you're on the right track with a handle first, but just think about the other. So picture like a computer rendered knife and you can like move it and see all angles of it if you're moving it around. But do he keep the blade away from you? Yes. Other side of the blade.

As cool as you. Stab it in the ground and then fall on it. That would still be a handle first. I mean, you're circling. Dull knife, dull the knife. Dull the knife is a great answer. Not correct answer. It's not a real answer.

Dull the knife. I was going to say, not the knife. Oh, when the teeth have no bite. Oh, that song has shark in it. So we should bring back, what was it? Fucking love shark. Love shark. Love shark. Shark is hard.

I got me a shark and it's as big as a whale shark. So that's it. Sale. In Churchill, shark is tower. Love shark. I don't think I'm ever going to get the internet. I don't know this riddle.

This fucking sucks. Like why you're so close. I was going to I tried to gonna get the internet. I don't know, this riddle, this fucking sucks. Like why? You're so close. I was gonna, I was trying to find a script from James Bond that Pierce Bartham is in and that's only gonna talk in lines. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, what it was, but you said you wanted to pass. Oh, it's not a shot. So do you want to be James Bond or no? Yes, please. Great. Aaron is James Bond. Um, uh, and this ruins the franchise for me. Uh, Phoebe Waller bridge. Um, and JPC, you're going to be moneypinning. Got it. And James Bond is trying to find

if, if, um if women found him a tractor when he was younger. I like a martini. Shake it not, sir. James, it's the middle of a work day. Is it? I didn't notice. I like how you're here to talk to me. You're an incursible James. I don't't know that word mean. Hey, tell me monkey penny That your name it's monkey pussy Did anyone ever play the computer games spy fox? That's where monkey penny comes from anyway, nope, they've ever played it all right I'm gonna lean up against you. Hey monkey what James monkey pussy and that beautiful Right, I'm in a lean up against you. Hey, monkey pussy. What do you want, James?

Monkey pussy in that beautiful. That gown's just ripping off you. You can win a Guinness Book of World Records for hottest body and hottest personality. This is this whole thing. It's just something I would have worked, James. Well, now I complimented you. It's your turn to compliment me. Was I hot when I was younger? Younger. What do you mean, James? From 18 to 30. Was I hot? I was younger? Younger? What do you mean, James? From 18 to 30, was I hot?

I didn't know you, can I see a picture? And I'm gonna take five minutes to bring up on Google. And we got to the Guinness book Scout. Sure. Okay, so I got your call. You wanted to see if you could make it in the book for monkey-as-pussy.

So let's... Oh, I think is it. Hi, my name's Erin Keve. I'd like to be in the running. I want to be up for the running for monkey is pussy because honestly my pussy is bananas. I think I could win monkey is pussy. That's our new t-shirt. I think I could be monkey as pussy. You can only wear it indoors. Well, I, for the first time, and I mean it, that's the first time I've ever surprised JPC in the entire few years of knowing him. He's known everything I'm about to say,

and he didn't know us about to say that. I mean, anybody who listens to this podcast could probably put a hundred dollars that I was gonna say monkey pussy. That's true. That's my favorite, uh, bread and frazier movie. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Monkey pussy. Tar's my favorite, uh, bread and frazier movie. Mm-hmm. Yeah, monkey pussy.

Tarzan. Tarzan. Tarzan. This is our last riddle. The show's over once you solve it. Yes. How do you fall in a knife? No, I don't want to.

I don't know. I don't know. You two are so close. You fall. Give me one more hand. Picture, fall backwards. Here, forward, backward. I want you to close your eyes.

You fall backwards. Yeah, fall away from it. I want you to close your eyes. It's fall backwards. Yeah, fall away from it. I want you to close your eyes. Picture, you tripped and you're falling. Yes. As you're falling, time goes into slow motion. Nope, no, you're just... I picture it.

Time goes into slow motion. There's a knife on the ground in front of you. How do you maneuver it? If you can reach out and maneuver it and manipulate it before you land, and you can't move it away or throw it, how do you move it or tetraset to where you're not going to get pierced in the stomach? And it's not handled up because that will still fly. I can't fly. JPC, thank you, my God. The answer is when the knife is lying flat on the ground. That's not a knife. This is a gun. Wait, are you assuming that the knife was just sticking

straight up out of the ground? How? Who did that? How do you follow a knife but not get pierced? When a knife is laying flat on the ground. And I also threw in there just for fun. That's the knife, this is a gun. Is that one?

No. Does that make sense? Did you who wrote these riddles? I see, but the rocket is broken. The rocket is all done, dude. Docs, these riddles. Docs, these riddles. Um, that does it for us.

That's it. Did you two have fun? Yeah, this was a manic episode. I think this is the least you two have ever tried on Riddle. These were so fucking hard. I wanna do some plugs. Number one, thank you to Patty Suki, my mommy, my my riddles for that.

Yes, give her a round of applause. I wanna give a big thank you. We received a wonderful package in the mail from Australia from a man named Dan Cohen Cohen Cohen. Thank you, Dan. It's my last name and I still don't know how to pronounce it. And he sent us a box that was, I want to say a hundred pounds. And on the on the box, it showed how much he paid in shipping

and it was $75. So that's just shipping not even the contents. Inside was bags on bags on bags of caramelalas, which is Aaron's favorite of cherry rice, which I've become obsessed with and a bunch of other candies. So Dan, thank you so much for that wonderful package. I also want to mention. It meant so much. It was just so such a nice look.

We picked out. There's my favorite candy. We turned into little piggies. I also want to thank a while ago Lauren McGregor, who's also from Australia, she sent us a package of Carmel Koalas and also from Australia, she sent us a package of caramel qualas and was so generous and she sent us several bags. And we recorded ourselves on Mike eating those and talking about those and thinking her,

but that is one of our lost episodes. So I also want to thank Lauren McGregor for that package that she never got credit for. And we forgot. You did a whole episode where I got, every time I got a riddle right, I got a caramel quala. We gave her a caramel quala. But after that episode episode got lost we forgot that we didn't get to think her So we wanted to think her as well. I also want to mention just for some personal

Clugs, yes, and was we had left the studio we put the episodes on the top of our car We got home and we're like oh my god. We put the episodes of my god. We don't have a car We went to the We Who's got the ship the next day and burn down 100 years ago. And we walked around Chicago going, dude, where's my bot? Where's my bot? Where's my bot?

I also want to promote. I was recently on one of my favorite podcasts of all time, The Teacher's Lounge. So please check me out on the episode of Teacher's Lounge and check them out in general. I listened to it. I listened to your episode. It was really, really funny. Thank you. Thank you.

Also, you're going to want to come check out Hayrow Riddle at Sketchfest in San Francisco, January 18th. Tickets are on sale now. Our guest is going to be Rob Cordray. Speaking of Sketchfest, Magic Tavern will also be there. January 17th, our guest is Trace Ballu, who is Crow on the original MSTK through 1000. He's one of my heroes. I'm so nervous and excited to play with him. Also, hello from the Magic Tavern. He's doing a tour in 2020, January 12th through the 17th, and we're hitting up Atlanta, Charlotte, Portland, Oregon, Seattle, and San Francisco.

So please go to our website and buy ticks, and we hope to see you there. James, anything to put? I just heard about called fully automated luxury communism. It was very good. I highly recommend it. What was it about? Fully automated luxury. Kind of. Aaron, anything to pluge? I want to plug our Patreon because we have so many episodes

over there right now and I'm not really not diseng this. They're my favorite episodes. My top five favorite episodes of all time are all over there. There's an episode with my parents. There's an episode with our significant others. Both hair relationships, relationships. One of my favorite episodes ever will redo, like local, we make up local access, public access, TV shows,

the D&D campaign, and all of our live shows. All of our live shows, and a lot of the times, like I've laughed the hardest on the show, are all over there. I think at this point, if you haven't tried it yet, now it's totally worth $5. And all of our live shows. All of our live shows, and a lot of the times, like I've laughed the hardest on the show are all over there. I think at this point, if you haven't tried it yet, now it's totally worth $5. You get so much content. And.

And it's probably a perfect gift for, if you don't know, if someone in your family or a friend or someone in your life is hard to shop for, confuse them wildly by getting them a Patreon subscription to this podcast, they probably have never heard. Or get your best friend or listen to this like three months of our Patreon. It's also a great gift to get for, they probably have never heard of it. Or get your best friend or listen to this like three months

of our Patreon. It's also a great gift to get for someone who has died or passed away. They can still enjoy great content. And they can't cancel. They can't cancel. And follow me, Aaron Keefe, 10 on Instagram. You can find out about my other shows and projects there.

And Aaron, you're a huge, I don't know if you've, I think you've mentioned this before, you are a massive John Lithgow fan. And you mentioned you mentioned that you were writing a reboot Only this time it's not called for the rock or the sun. It's called third rock from the Sun is my son's name is Jupiter Did I do it? Sorry, Erin G. And John Patrick Collins. Casey Tony to the editing. I already heard you in the middle of the video. I'm sick of you.

I'm a vocal created by Emily Cardamus and Emily Nemora. I'm a real vocalist. I'm a real vocalist. I'm a real vocalist. I'm a real vocalist. I'm a real vocalist. I'm a real vocalist. I'm a real vocalist. I'm a real vocalist. I'm a real vocalist. I'm a real vocalist. I'm a real vocalist. Hey, Rick, Rick, Rick, yo!

That was a hitgun podcast.