Hey Riddle Riddle - #77: ON MY GIRLFRIENDS BIRTHDAY???

Episode Date: January 8, 2020

It's a new year so naturally we make the casually dumb promise to get tattoo's! We also have a vegetarian dinner party, meet the office animals, promote our new snowflake documentary and get into the KonMari method. This episode is GUARANTEED to spark joy! #WiddleWednesdayStarring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a head gum podcast. That one worked really well. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

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Red box shed. Okay. My shed. One, two, three. Some fuzzy. What? Am I the only one? I thought we were gonna take turns. Oh, okay, yeah. That was communities. Have we started? Shrek Me Daddy, it's Hey Ritter Rittle. This is the second episode of the new year, 2020. I'm Adolfi.

Perfect vision. I'm JPC. And I'm Aaron Keith. Here's what I thought. 2020, there's the notorious saying, hindsight is 2020. So the year 2020, stay with me. Uh-huh. The year 2020 should be the notorious saying hindsight is 2020. So the year 2020, stay with me. The year 2020 should be the year of hindsight, look at that ass.

Hindsight. Looking at behinds. Are looking through a ketchup bottle, hindsight. Okay, well I like 2020 look at that ass. So what would be 2020 with hindsight, 57? 57 asses. 57 was to eat your ass. My famous Paul Simon's song. I was thought it was very funny to very casually

say to someone, well, you know, hindsight's 50, 50. Because they would either think that I'm like a very dumb person who's being casually dumb or they would be like, oh, he's making a joke in a very, in like a not obvious way. I would do that a lot in like work situations. And one time I had a manager who goes, you mean 2020. And I was like, no, because it's either one way or the other way.

I saw it right there. I like you said, telling a joke in a not very obvious way, which is just telling a bad joke. Yeah. And also being casually dumb is sort of my thing. Being casually dumb is very fun. My mom once told me a story that she dated a guy who she thought was very funny and then a couple like weeks into them dating, realized she thought he was like using big words ironically, like incorrectly.

And that's very funny. But then she realized he was just using big words. Isn't correctly. Oh, this meal is look-wacious. Hey, I'm going to press he digitate on the couch for a little bit. Wake me up in five minutes. I have had enough food to eat an ottoman. Actually, that's that whole time. I love just the phrase being casually dumb is what you say? Being casually dumb is very fun. Yeah, I don't. That that. I'm sorry, I'm sure. That's gonna be my first tattoo.

I actually don't, are we still on board? I mean, have it spelled wrong. If you like casually dumb, you gotta check out our Patreon. Are you two? That's a violently dumb. Yeah, you gotta pay attention to that. Patreon.com, say Shay Roodle Roodle. Check it out.

Check it out, I don't know. Don't buy any of that. Just browse. Widow shot, maybe. All of our best episodes over there. And it's over there, you know I'm right. Do we still feel like we're gonna get tattoos this year? Oh, in 2020.

So you're like, I'm kinda angry to that? I think we all said- We also were gonna get the double dragon chest tattoo of the two dragons and they're trying to know what. Again? Yeah, over our other ones. You never get a little scar tissue

if you don't get a tattoo over a tattoo. Well, it is double dragons. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's a tattoo tattoo. It's a tough one for each other. 20 times, you're a fucking thug over a tattoo. Well, it is double dragons. Yeah, it's used to be a top of each other. Otherwise, you're a fucking thug. Oh, man. Yeah, we'll get tattoos. Aaron, would you be on board?

It depends on what the tattoo is. Well, here's what I'll say, because we're cashily dumb. We let social media vote on it. If we get to 20,000 patrons, I will get any tattoo. I know that's not gonna happen. That's fun. I'm pretty good. Would you get a group tattoo?

Like one of us could say one of us could riddle one of us. We talked about this and I want hay. I'll give you hay. If you want hay, you should go to a horse farm. I think we have done this. Joke? Yeah.

It's a good, original horses. Yeah, I will not have the word riddle on my body. Where would we get hay and riddle riddle? I would. Nipples. You wouldn't have riddle on your body, even if it was like a word riddle on my body. Where would we get Hay and Riddle riddle? I would. Nipples. You wouldn't have riddle on your body, even if it was like a time riddle thing. No.

Would you have Lord Voldemort tattoo again? Yeah, well, again. On top of my double-dirt. That's the best tattoo comment apparently. Again. Aaron, what if you got the word milk? No. J.B.C. got the word nipple and I got focker.

Is that fun? Yeah, that's the famous quote. word nipple and I got Focker. Is that fun? Yeah, that's the famous quote, milk nipple Focker. You know, like our shirts that say Kevin Susie Puzzie, she get one that says milk nipple Focker. No, no. It's like the Beatles. No, no. Yeah, just like the Beatles.

That makes it. Good times. How's, I mean, we should say, I don't know if this ruins the illusion, David Copperfield, but we are recording on this is December 11th. I shouldn't say that. That ruins the illusion, David Copperfield. Well, I just want to say that in case the macaroids have stolen in of our quotes for the year.

That makes sense. 2020, look at that. If they have that already, just know that we beat them to the punch. But they're friends of the show. Yeah, oh yeah. Unless it's a competition. And then they- Unless something happens to the next month.

Oh God, something happens in the new year. Do you mind if I get something out of the way? Yeah, okay, cool. Can you move that cup to the side? Are we ready? But spit, cup. Won't need this. Need all my spit from the words.

Uh-oh. I would just like to say, happy birthday, Mariah. I love you very much. No. When is her birthday today? I know, I think it's like March. Yeah. What is it, it's March.

Is it, is it, is it January baby? Yes. She's gonna be curious. And yeah, and she told me this, and I have no idea if this is correct because I couldn't, I didn't know what to Google. But is it possible that she can have Benjamin Button disease in age backwards?

Because she's getting younger and I'm getting canceled. Is that, oh, you have Benjamin Brat disease? I've Benjamin Brat disease? That's actually very funny because I bet he did younger women. Should we Google that? I don't know. Did you know that Ben Brat and Ben Platt

are the same person just aging an obstacle? Just squished together. Can I get something out of the way? Yeah. Happy birthday to my sister, Cedera Faye. I love you very much. Well, what's your birthday?

January 10th. Oh, Marais is the eighth. Oh, wow. So it is today. Yeah, and my little brother was on the fifth, but we already missed it, so, but it'll look next year. Idiot, is that?

Is that a Kevin? Yes, and Suzy. I don't look next year. Idiot. Is that Kevin? Yes. And Suzy. I have a question. Sure. What did you, I mean, assuming that you know, what are you doing for her birthday? I don't know what we are doing. I don't think we've made like plans, plans.

What are you getting her? I've already gotten her presence. So why are you pointing to your finger? You're pointing to your ring finger. I cut the missing finger that I cut off. So I would love if a boy gave me a finger. Oh, he's so cute. He gave me one of his fingers.

That can be taken a lot of different ways there. Yeah, I need another finger. It'll actually be. Yeah, please don't do that. Oh, do you want the other finger? By the way, are you going to get DMs of fingers now? No, no, no. The fingers for feet.

I'm not for gifts. I don't typically wait for like a certain day to get a gift like for birthdays or Christmas. I just because especially a lot of the gifts that I give are like practical gifts that you could use immediately for my birthday. You gave me a back flip. Well, yeah, but you didn't think I could do it. Happy birthday. So all of the gifts that like when they come, I just say like this is your gift and here it is now and you can have it. But the one thing that I was trying to get

for her was a weighted blanket because she said she's never had a weighted blanket. Because I've ever had a weighted blanket. That's on my Christmas list of things. I own one and it's amazing. But you saw you've used it. Yeah, I put it on my cat so they can't escape. I'll toss it on Fries and Brisket

and then they're mowing. We got this 45 pound lighted blanchard. Yeah. I have to control something in my life. And now I push them around these little chairs. But the one that she was looking at had like crazy shipping, like it wouldn't come into like February or some shit.

So I got a different blanket that she also likes very much. I'm shocked you didn't still order her that one and just say it's a weighted blanket, W-A-I-T-E-D. Hey, baby. What do you think? Because that seems like your brand. You think it's on the way or not? What do you think?

I'm really bad at giving gifts. Sean says I'm the worst at keeping happy surprises. So I'll buy him something and then 10 minutes later, I'll be like, yeah, I got you this, I got you this present. And I'll be like, that's three months away. I was like, I don't care, I have to tell you. What does keeping happy surprises me? Like, good news, like a surprise gift.

Oh, okay, gotcha. Or just like, I immediately I'm like, I got you a gift I need to tell you. Yeah, if you get a gift, I believe that like, no pomp and circumstance you get a gift you should give a gift. Like, it's there to give. Yeah, like, I don't know. I always felt like the arbitrary waiting was pointless.

Happy surprises is Adam Salar waiting was pointless. Happy surprises is Adam Taylor's production company. Happy surprises. The first Christmas that Gemma spent with my family, my whole family opens up our gifts starting on the 18th. We open a present a day until Christmas morning we have nothing. And she was shocked of how is this fun. I'm like, I don't know. I'm opening a bunch at once.

You don't appreciate it. I'm like, we open one per day like supposed to be fun all the time. If we open one per day leading up to it or something, like that's way more fun because you savor each present for like 24 hours before you get the next one. Versus all at once. Like I've seen videos of kids unwrapping 40 presents, Christmas morning, and at the end of it,

they're just like, that's it. And it's like, you got 40. An hour ago, Adel gave me three birthday presents. That's true. So who's a hypocrite? I mean, I haven't got anything yet. I don't think so. Well, though I have you for Christmas this year

and I got you maybe the funniest gift I've ever had. I don't know because if you've seen the gift that I got Adel for Christmas this year, maybe you've seen the gift that I got Aaron. Is it cool? Because it might be the funniest gift. I wonder. Oh, it seems like maybe the fans will decide

it's funny off. I know mine's the funniest. Let's all try to be offended when we open the presents. Oh, it seems like maybe the fans will decide. Yeah. Funny off. I know mine's the funniest. Let's all try to be offended when we open the presents. I just know that. I know. I crushed it. I don't begrudge anyone.

They're like gift-giving traditions though. If your thing is that you love it when people sit in a circle for five hours and everyone opens all their gifts and like... I think you're describing a say-outs. Yeah, and then you try to summon the ghost of your dead dad and you surprise horse and you know you twin brothers incest it doesn't matter. But you know the two are on but don't push your politics on me. Speaking of it does matter I think it does matter that we do some riddles and puzzles on this podcast. Truly that does as a Patreon for the last 10 minutes. Totally forgot we were doing regular regular.

I was so, I'm so sorry. That's why you're doing your Patreon voice. Can we hear your regular voice? Okay, I'm back. Now your Patreon voice. I'm in Kihai. I got four voices there. I spent so much money on improv classes.

And by improv classes, you mean you went and saw Jeff Dunham live? Yeah. Let's get into some warm up pretty's and pussies. I'm just going to do a couple of these. I always like ithmm. Let's get into some warm up pretty some pussies. We're just gonna do a couple of these. I always like it though that we frame it as, we're not really a riddle podcast, we're just a podcast that does more riddles

than more podcasts. Yeah, so if there's two riddles in there, you fucking lucky. And we've got your emails in sweet so we know that you're upset and pissed and probably stop listening, but we don't care. Sure, we know we're losing listeners. We're hammering them.

What sort of vegetable is highly unpopular? A board ships. A pirate. Excuse me. What? What sort of vegetable? That's all I have to do. I'm popular with a board ship.

Okay, what are some vegetables? Carrots. It's unpopular board ships. Oh, pearly unpopular. Highly unpopular. A board ships. Yes. Spaceships are boats. Highly unpopular. Highly unpopular. A board ships? Yes. Spaceships or boats?

Let's say boats. Would it not be unpopular aboard a spaceship? It still would be, but I think it makes most sense above a board like a pirate ship. Is it a sparegust because of what it does to the smell of your piss? Potato. Jesus Christ. It's a vegetable, right? It's a vegetable, right?

It's a plant. What sort of vegetable is highly unpopular aboard ships? Veggie table. Veggie table. Table to four layers. Give us a hand. Give us a hand. Give us a quiz.

If this vegetable were aboard a ship, it might sink it. Oh, a pomegranate. So it's like a whole. It's a plan words. It's a plan words for sure. So what is a boat not wanna have? Water, holes.

How do you get water? Holes. Holes is one way. But holes cause what? Ship damage. When you have a whole or a crack, you start to sink. Okay, but those aren't vegetables.

Okay, you wait. Sink started that. That would not attitude. I want to see a scene. Okay. This is a dinner party with the three of us and JPC, you have arrived the goals to eat healthy because we're all trying to get ripped in 2020. Look at that S. And we're all supposed to bring vegetables and you highly misunderstood what vegetables are. Hey! Hey! Hey! You guys are already looking great.

Oh, thank you. I'm just gonna jump start on the new year. No, I haven't worked in hire. Yeah, I'm gonna push up. I got some squash here, got some cucumber. What does that mean? I paid pizza out of eggplant, which is fun and weird.

Gross. What are we doing? We said it's all gonna be veggie dishes. Which we thought you'd love because you're a vegetarian. Because you're a vegetarian. Oh, so yeah, so I already eat vegetables. So I thought we were for the new year we were doing a different thing.

What do you bring? I brought VHS copies of veggie tails. It's the Christian cartoon about Veggie. Okay, but it feels like, did you tape over these tapes with something else? And we cut to just a small clip of Veggie Tales. Oh, David, oh, Goliath is so tall. That's right son, he says tall has a cucumber. Hi, this is JVc and this is my homemade

porn take take a hundred please let me go please let me go this is my twin brother he's playing a dog and this is take a hundred of my mom's watcher we didn't have to watch and we could have just eaten them we didn't have to watch him, we could have just eaten him. We didn't have to watch him. We didn't have to watch him. So what type of vegetables is highly unpopular board chips? A flotsum. That would be leaks. Leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee What two keys cannot open any door? Two keys, Coke mean, you're not terribly far off. This is another plan. Words. These are just dumb little jokes. Okay, so these are jokes can be wrote. Two types of keys. Two types of keys that can't open doors. They cannot open doors.

And are it two different types of keys? It's two different types of keys. Key and peel. And but they can open now, they can open doors professionally. A lot of people. Peel especially. Oh yeah. But keys. But keys. I like them both.

Oh really, who's your favorite? Safe, stand-in. Who's your favorite? Key. Yeah. Key. Key, my key. Key, key.

Key, key, key. Key, key, key. Key, key, key. Key, key, key. Key, key Kill for that energy. I have mine's definitely Jordan Peele. Get out. I love both of us. Are you kidding me? And he performed at I.O. They both did.

They both did. I thought he was only a second city. I don't know. I think he is. I think he is. What two keys cannot open any door? I'll give you a hint. Went to keys stand before you.

Spin doctors. I'll give you a hint on one of them. And in the morning, I'm making waffles. Donkey. A donkey. Eddie Murfke. Okay, a donkey and donkey hote. Mm-hmm.

Keen, they're guarding. Oh, I'm so sorry. A monkey and a donkey oh Wait, what's all we need a minute? Okay, I want to see you see what's our Keen their garden You are a monkey to you see and you're a donkey and you two what's it seen about you a hidden interest? Yeah, I'm sorry and you two are Just like you both work at a like a regular office and you're getting a little bit frustrated that people don't think you're capable

of doing basic things. And who is what? I'm a monkey. You're a donkey. You're a donkey. What? Oh. You know.

Having some water? Yeah. Got a thirsty. Thursday, right? Cause I ate all these waffles. Hey, man. You got a chill with that. Oh, I'm a donkey. I know. We're trying to blend in. It's. You got a chill with that. Oh I'm a donkey.

I know we're trying to blend in. It's nice to see myself represented on screen. It's my favorite movie, Shrek. Well I also like Shrek too, Shrek to Hulse. Shrek, back in business, Shrek my daddy, Shrek King Crew. I mean don't get dunston checks in. Dunston checks out. Dunston checks out your mom.

Born version. Born version. Oh, can we talk about board at work? Um, yeah, we don't. I saw this board as a kid. What do you talk about, monkey, donkey board? Yes, well, the one I saw was this guy and his twin brother was barking.

We have to talk about this. Okay. We have to talk about this. You know, it's bullshit that no one takes us seriously just because I'm a monkey and you're a donkey. Yeah, I'm treated like a real ass. Yeah, I'm treated like a real, my shampoo. Yeah, people can I tell you?

People call you a chump break around the office. People call you a outbreak around the office. Oh, come on. Really? Cause you're acne. I'm on acutain. I'm trying my best. It's not for monkeys.

Oh, okay. Yeah, it's tested on monkeys, maybe. Maybe, yeah. Can I say that? Sure, it's totally fine. I mean, it's really, it's really is. It's an epidemic, it's a on monkeys, maybe. Maybe, yeah. Can I say that? Sure, it's totally fine. I mean, it's really, it's really is. It's an epidemic, it's a problem. Here's for me, you know what I have donkey from Shrek,

who doesn't even have a name, just called donkey, right? Yeah. Of course, my name is... Oh, boy, oh, boy. And I also have EOR. Your name is... What's my name? Do you know my name? I want to say Glen Close

No, it's not Glen Close Glen Closer Jane Oh boy. Oh boy. Okay, let's get into our main course our tasty full on 32 ounce riddies and posse Wait, did we get that last one was it two keys of cooking? Sure, yes, sure. Yes. I'm ready. I'm having a really good attitude.

What flies when it's born? Lies when it's alive and runs when it's dead. A slither in. What flies when it's born? Lies once alive. Fly ball. And runs when it runs when it's dead. Does diarrhea run when it's dead?

Okay, that's it. I don't need you as a part of my life. I don't need you, love. Daya, Rhea. Don't bring six into this. Why not? Okay, okay. I'm gonna figure this out.

Sometimes I dance really hard to six when I'm at home in spaghetti, it's a really upset. Which is your favorite song? I don't know any of the songs. Yeah. I like the first one. The other day I actually turned on the sing-along version of six,

which is just the music and then the background parts in it. If you've never heard that. So. Oh my gosh, I'm gonna do that in the shower. Yeah, I mean, absolutely do, but I was not prepared for it. So I was just like, da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da.

And then whatever, I don't know any of the lyrics of this musical that I've heard a thousand times before. Sure. But it's just like whatever the background music is. It's a fun sing along. Listen to it. Give it a hoot. What flies when it's born, lies when it's alive,

and runs when it's dead. I want to see a battery. Okay. Great. Explain the flies part. Batteries? Fly. Because they have acid. Okay. Acid? So they trip. Trips. What flies when it's born? Lies when it alive, and runs when it's dead. Flies when it's born, lies when it's alive, and runs when it's dead. Is this about baseball? Nope. There's enough words in there for it to be about baseball. It's not.

It's not. Just because you're having sex during this riddle, doesn't mean you have to guess baseball forever. Is this thing like an animal or something that actually is alive? It's not an animal. It's not alive. It's not alive. So. It's not alive. So it says flies when it's born.

To my knowledge, I'm sure there's gonna be two listeners who are like, actually, it's fun. To me, it's not alive. It's not a plant. It's obviously not really born. Like? If it's created. I mean, it's born of a man and a woman.

It's created to some degree. Just do humans create it? No nature It's a rainbow. Yeah, Aaron's getting closer. Did you say fart? Uh-huh? We even warmer cloud wind you're far away, but yeah Yeah, it's getting warm. What was your cloud wind? It comes from a cloud rain rain. It's a type of snow. It is a snowflake It's a type of snow. It is a snowflake. It flies when it's born, lies when it's alive, and runs when it's dead. And melts the fucking smallest sign of criticism.

Snowflake. I want to see a scene. Aaron, you're going to be the titular character in the Made for TV movie, the life of a snowflake. And we're going to see you be born, live, and die all within just a few minutes. And JPC, you're gonna play another snowflake who's just fucking crazy,

I guess. I don't know. Whatever you want. What are you fucking want from me? Just insert yourself into seeing. You don't need to give me that. You're not getting one. I don't care. Sure.

This is Aaron's time. I can be the narrator. I'm alive. I have self-awareness. I can talk. I'm a snowflake. Oh, the snowflake. The pretty little snowflake. I'm falling.

I'm falling from what? Wait, you're a snowflake. You look a little different from me. You can see me? Yeah. Oh, I thought, okay. How long do I get to live? I don't know.

10 years, 20 years, 30 years? Why would I know that? Oh my god, I'm a snowflake too. So I could be falling from the sky to my death. Are we gonna die? What? Oh my god. I just learned how to be alive.

She said that the two of them realized that we're gonna have some information. Stop like. You can see me? Yes, you're another stop like. Are we a stop like? Yes. Oh no.

We all come out with a real station that we're some sort of behind the scenes benevolent on two reals. I have all the emails. I have all the emails from the sky. No, you're doing it now. What? You're just doing it now.

Oh no. And she realized that she was. Hey, you're doing it now. What you're just doing it now. Oh, no And she realized that she was more good Freeman He's a snowflake. Fucking liberal snowflake liberal snowflake. You're snowflakes. I should be watching penguins Oops, it's all penguins So we solve that one right. Yeah, here we go. snowflake was the answer. That's right. Here we go next one How can you add three to ten still like, was the answer. That's right. Here we go. Next one. How can you add three to ten and get one as the answer?

How can you add three to ten? Three to ten. Two to ten. And two is spelled two. Okay. How can you add three to ten and get one as the answer? And two again is spelled two. It's not the number.

Three is the loneliest number that you ever known. Two can be as bad as I am. Has anybody watched my Goliath? Yeah, well, yeah, that's a whole lot. Not recently, but I've thought about it. I've listened to this soundtrack. Yeah, Amy Mann's great. Her soundtrack to that is fucking awesome.

I'm assuming it does. It's three and a half hours long and features a bunch of people who are now deceased. So I wouldn't hold up. Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise. That guy's gone. Took a spaceship right to ZB.

We made a CIS cancel because of his wife. Was he in on that? On the cheating scam? I don't think so. I don't think he got any jail time for it. I think it was just her that got four days in jail or whatever. Four days.

Quiz kid, Donnie Brasco. Three, 10, one. Oh, three 10 to Yuma. Aaron? Okay, so we repeated the question. Yeah, so it's like, the hole is one. So it becomes... If you add a three to 10, you get 13.

Take me to the hospital. There's a... Aaron, we're already here. If you add a three to 10, you get 13, and there's a one in 13, so there you go. Yeah, tough guy, you fucking solve the... You use your Popeye's hot chicken, say how much you feel is it?

Ooh, so hot. So hot, out, out, out, out. Oh, it's the answer. How can you add three to 10 and get one as the answer? Hmm, how can you add three to 10? So if you are getting a prison sentence for three to 10, with behavior you'll be out in one is that the answer say yes and answer great Then I got it done So think don't think

Don't think math. I know what you're pussing It's not math. It's not math. I mean in a sense, but it's it's not like oh here we go away your throat. It's not math. I mean, in a sense, but it's not like, oh, here we go. The way you're. Oh, it's time. Aaron, but boom, she got it. How can you add 3 to 10 and get one as answer on a clock? Nice. Aaron, you.

I don't need to go to the hospital anyway. I thought you were on the injured reservist. Wow. You came out on the field Rudy style. The blood came back into it. Aaron's. reserveless. Wow. You came out on the field Rudy style. The blood came back into air. No, no. Oh, wow. I'm surprised as anyone that I figured that out. When it's on a clock. Mm hmm. That's like when was six or three to seven. When? Well, it's on a clock. When six went to Broadway and seven.

I don't need your clock. Well, oh math, uh, riddle for all you math heads. I'm riddled. Sorry, methods. How do you make the number seven, even without adding, subtracting, multiplying or dividing it? You, uh, you turn it. You have seven killed the guy, killed his wife. And now we're even now even. I will never see

this. How did you make the number seven even without you can't add you can't subtract you can't multiply you can't divide I think Casey knows this one. Whoa. Casey gave a look. I thought. Oh.

Casey. Casey, you have one. Ever fucking speed. We have a little water spray bottle that we spray. Casey anytime. Casey, let me hold on. I'm going to grab the mic and rub Casey. Just so the one rule. We have a little water spray bottle that we spray KC at any time. Let me hold on. I'm going to grab the mic and rub KC.

Just so you know. The one where we directly address you, and we say, we think you have something to say, you never speak. Wait, when I rubbed his nose in the mic, it was like a nice ASMR. New podcast, spin off. Mike Dover.

You leave your humanity at the door. So, how do you make seven even? Is that seven already even? Oh boy. I want to see you seen. The two of you are, have you both seen like Goodwill Hunting or Beautiful Mind? Yes.

Where there's always like a scene where it's like the teacher and the student or two colleagues and are writing on these big chalkboards and they're finishing each other's base images. Same with this. I like base ones. And that's the kind of thing you're doing, but you both know what you're doing and you're faking it.

And but wait, if we move the, yes. Hold on and then if we do, we'll just do our, okay, and then I'll move this X equals negative, a motion, then... Step back. Okay, wait, hold on. Switch, if you switch all the letters with numbers, all of the numbers is a cipher. Hold on, and then what, look at this. Okay.

Turn the board upside down. Up, down. And then I do a handstand. Hit out, you. Oh, it's, yes, it's cipher from the matrix. Now, if he were to keep eating the steak and never knowing what was happening, Tancados are would still be alive.

Oh my gosh, okay, well hold on, I'm gonna throw this vase at the chalkboard. And that did nothing which proves to me. Which proves to you and look how the pieces shattered. They're shattering on the floor as a mosaic, mosaic, seven letters. Seven, seven, eight, four, five, six, seven. Seven is how you count seven, which is crazy. We should order more weed. Okay, okay, and I hear what you're saying.

But then what if, oh my God. I'm too hot, I'm gonna take my pants off, I'm gonna put them on my head. That's gonna regulate my heat, make me flow much better. Uh-huh, your mathematicians continue to try so hard. Sorry, I'm gonna close the window they stop. No, I'm not. Let's see. How do you make the number seven even

without adding, subtracting, multiplying, or dividing it? Is it something like you fuck as white or something like that? What do you think that's the answer to everything? Hey, it's got me on a lot of jabs. Did you say you slept with a married woman before? Yeah. Do you mean?

I need you to tell that story. You're a birthday, you want me to tell that story? Yes, I do. You tell that story. I'm a girlfriend. You have a tell that story. Yes, I do. You're the fuckers. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I wish he listens. No, he doesn't. Oh, no, she doesn't.

Oh, no, she didn't not listen to this. I was just, Jim, just showed me this today. Do you guys watch Big Brother? No. No. There's a season two seasons ago, maybe. There's someone who, it's all about like manipulation and gameplay and like psychological warfare

and pertain to be friends and all this stuff. Stab people in the back. And somebody did something to a woman in the house that she thought was unfair, like he called her a liar or something and she started crying and screaming and she goes, on my daughter's birthday. And everyone's like, we didn't know as you're done. But you know what I'm saying?

I'm sure you'll learn. Somebody made a shirt on Etsy that just says in all caps on my daughter's birthday. So we should do. That's pretty good. On my girlfriend's birthday. One of the, that big brother thing, like the weird fucking dynamic things that you would do.

So I grew up with two brothers, which you, neither one of you had brothers, right? I have half brothers. Half brothers. So my two brothers, we would would like the way that we would fight the revenge things that we would do to each other, or the wild like one of the big threats that we would do was I'm gonna pee in your room. I'm gonna go in your room. You said it, you said it, your dead space, y'all shared a room. Yeah,'m also your room. And my mom's place, the hats, separate rooms.

So just to say, like, I'm gonna pee in your room. That's the best threat I've ever heard. Would it be said, like, and you all would laugh or would it, was it all tension so hard? No, that was like, that was like, tensions are high. Like, I know that I'm losing now, but what you can't stop me from doing is going into your room when you're not there

and peeing in it. That's what you can't stop. I just, The worst things I've ever set out loud were things I said to my sisters. Like I would wait till they got dressed and ready to go to a party and they were about to leave the house and I would say that they looked ugly

and then no one would ever date them. Holy shit. Yeah, it's like younger sister stuff. Yeah, you get it. And Aaron, you once slept with a married woman, right? It's only. That's why the, that's why the Aaron would say that to our sisters right before they left the house and as soon as they got to the party,

that's what they would hear. You say to the. Hey, you're ugly. No, it's ever going to date you or have a drink. Brezza in the corner. Good luck. How do you make the number seven even without adding? We haven't got this fucking riddle yet.

Tell us. Okay, hold on. How do you make the number seven even? You put it on a level. I mean, no. I don't know. Break it's arms. So picture in your mind's eye.

Take it like, or even write it down. Picture the word seven. Oh, it is even eight, S-E-V-E-N. Well, it's almost even. Oh, you have to do to it. You have to take the S in the... Oh, oh, sweetie. Yeah, you just rearrange the letters.

Well, take the S in the N. Oh, and the... Yeah, rearrange. Oh, take the S off. Take the S off. No, just take the S off. I hadn't fucking right. James, can you say this for a second?

I had it right. I had it right. Aaron, be here with me right now. Aaron, be here with me right now. You take the S out. There you go. That's what I said and then you get me. You said rearrange, no.

And no, no. You said rearrange the letters. Casey play back. Casey play back. Casey play back. You're pretty arranged the letters. I'm gonna kill you. So it's not like, oh I'm sorry.

We're not that bad. Oops, two errands. Yeah, I said take out the S and you went, oh, you did like the oh sweetie face. And I was like, am I? I thought you said rearrange the letters. I did after you said, I'm putting in my two weeks notice.

Can you have two weeks that I'm warning? I'm gonna hunt you in two weeks for sport. Okay, so this is a, I wanna see a scene right before we go to break. This is a scene from a Netflix movie called Two Weeks Notice. It's framed like a romantic comedy, but what it is is a woman delivering a man a notice that she will kill him in two weeks. Knock knock! Oh. Flower delivery. Oh, that's great. You can just put them on the table if you don't mind.

Oh, interesting. You let me in your house. Oh, are you a vampire? No. Are you? You wish I was a vampire. No, I don't. You have. You have two weeks. Oh, is this like a? No. Are you? You wish I was a vampire? No, I don't. You have. You have two weeks. Oh, is this like a ring situation? You're a two week. This is like a ring. Do I watch like a VHS tape of like a- No, I'm making a-

Just live your life. And I'm gonna hunt you. What do you T.I. And I'm gonna kill you. What? I'm gonna find you and I'm gonna hunt you. I'm right here. Wait, bro.

So you're telling me you have two weeks to make this girl fall in love with you? Do you? Yeah, I have to make her two weeks into these. Dude, dude, dude. And you're sure you understand the situation as she was explaining it to you? Absolutely not. Well, buddy, look, I just own and operate this sub sandwich shop. And all I know is that I'm gonna help you do whatever you got it to. We be my best man.

Hey. I'm not help you do whatever you got it to we be my best man. I'm not getting married. Hey whether it's a baseball game or A marriage ceremony. I'm there for you my man. Oh, this is weird. I can still see myself in the mirror. I didn't work You just removed the letter F F. Oh Sweetie You just removed the letter F F. Oh, sweetie Seven Remove the letter F and you get up you Even can we do an episode that's oops all errands. Mm-hmm. How would that go? I think Aaron does a regular voice and then the two other voices she did at the top of the show

Oh, I thought we were gonna get to play like characters like Aaron Neville Oh my god I'll be Aaron Carter. No, like characters like Aaron Neville. Oh my God. Should you do it? No, I'll be Aaron Neville. You better get it. And then Aaron, you be Aaron Keefe. Okay, so we're gonna take this. This is gonna take us to break.

This will be the 30 second episode of Uppsal Aaron's. Okay. People around the podcast, come and get it. Part of part of people, here we go. We're here with Aaron Keefe. This is somehow an improvement from JPC. You're not a people party, people party, people party. It's the only way.

You know what, never mind. I want my boys back. And that's how I beat Shack. It will be right back after this break. What if you're a Rick or a Rick or Rick? Oh, yeah. Hey, JPC. Yeah? You're not in trouble.

I just need help. I'm, um, pranking Addle. And I'm setting up a whole website to prank him. Um, can I just need some advice? This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. I'm not, I'm not mad at you. We're pranking Addle. Squarespace is the only one website platform for entrepreneurs

to stand out and to see it online. Whether you're just starting to get a little bit of a I'm not mad at you. We're pranking app. Spare spaces to all in one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and to sit online, whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand. Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website. It engaged with your audience. And so let anything for products to cut into time, all in one place, all on your terms.

Hey, Addle, come here, come here, come here. Hey, what's going on? I actually, I want to prank JPC, and I want to set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like, is there like an online store that could set up on my website to sell products? Did you know that with Squarespace, you can have custom merch.

You can easily sell custom merch and create passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand design your products and production and Inventory and shipping are handled for you saving you time and money What is happening okay? Wait, what's going on with that all? Oh nothing nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal square space website not a prank thing No, he's gonna shoot you and I'm gonna use, use insights to grow my business and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from.

That's pretty cool. I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords, our popular products and content on my prank website, the prank activity. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what the website was for. The website is for. Frank.

With Squarespace. You can connect to your store to Vedent Third Party Tools to extend the functionality of your website. Hey JPC, hey JPC. What's up, Madel? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine,

head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com, slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh, she's back, she's back. Hey Aaron. Hey Aaron. Can we go to grandma's house? Wait, I've been pranked. But how? I don't know. I've been pranked. But how? I don't know. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, Adel and JPC. Thank you for meeting me in the middle of the woods here. I am sort of at an empaths. I can't decide whether or not to go this way or this way. I'm having a hard time choosing a path.

You know, there never truly is a middle of the woods. Isn't it funny to think about something like that? Like, they're never truly is a middle of the woods. Isn't it funny to think about something like that? Like, they're never truly is a middle of the woods. No, this is the middle. Okay, this is it. Addle, can you help? Yeah, actually, so as per Robert Frost, I don't know if you know his poems.

He has a poem called Better Help. I believe this is written in the 1800s, but it still stands true today more than ever. Aaron, you should try better help. Have you heard of this? You seen this? Mm-hmm. Because sometimes Aaron and life

were faced with tough choices, and the path forward isn't always clear. Whether you're dealing with decisions around career relationships, being stuck in the middle of the woods, therapy helps you stay connected to what you, ow, ow, ow. Sorry, that also does so fast.

Therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate life and the woods. Hmm, and better help is entirely online, so it's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. I've been using it for several years, and it suits the way that my brain works way better than traditional therapy ever did. And when Aaron says traditional therapy, just so everyone's clear, what she means is

tricking two of her friends to coming to the middle of the woods, even though there isn't truly the concept of the middle of the woods, isn't that fun to think about? All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a license therapist and you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Hey Aaron, a JPC's putting down bread crumbs and then immediately picking them up and eating them.

Dirty bread crumbs and then immediately picking them up and eating them. Oh, dirty bread crumbs. Mm hmm. And he's also like really into that owl who's swooping down. Anyways, let there be your map with better help. Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help h-e-l-p dot com slash riddle r-i-d-d l-e r-i-d-d l-e the middle of riddles of d but there is no true middle of riddle because it would be the space

in the hope you get home bye am home who are we uh... uh... clink clink clink, clink, clink. Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, I just want to make a quick toast to, I know it's JPC's birthday,

and we're all so excited to talk about him, but I wanna talk about my favorite, my favorite thing in the world. And that is the app Rocket Bunny. Oh, yeah, Aaron, that's one of my favorite things as well. Uh-huh. Rocket Bunny is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place.

I've been using it for years, way before they were a sponsor, and it helps me so much, especially around tax season. Kling, kling, kling, kling, kling. Oh, sorry. I also want to give it a toast. Rocket money, well, quickly and easily find your subscriptions for you. And for any you don't want to pay for anymore, just hit cancel. And Rocket money will cancel it for you.

It's that easy. Clint, Clint, Clint. Mm-hmm. It also categorizes your expenses so you can easily track your budget in real time and also get alerted if anything looks off. Over three million. Oh, Clint, Clint, Clint. Over three million people have used rocket money,

saving the average person up to $720 a year. We love rockets down here. Stop, clink, clink, clink. Stop, no, clink, clink, clink, stop. Throwing your money away, cancel unwirted subscriptions today and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rocketmoney dot com slash riddle that's rocket money dot com slash riddle rock at money dot com slash riddle and tell them JPCs

birthday got ruined by two of his friends for doing speeches about rocket money the website Hey, Rick, oh, Rick, oh, Rick, oh, Rick, oh, Rick, oh, Rick, oh, Rick, oh, Rick, oh, And we're back. And that's how we beat back. That's what I want to do in 2020. We talked about our goals. I also want to get rid of a bunch of stuff. Can we do like a, hey, rummage, rummage, sale? Hey, rummage, rummage, sale. Do you two have stuff you want to get rid of a bunch of stuff. Can we do like a hey rummage rummage sale? Hey rummage rummage sale.

Do you do that stuff you want to get rid of? I, you know me. My issue is I just per to like all of my stuff. You just get rid of your stuff? Because I moved. So I could have done a hey rummage rummage. Did you take it to, like did you donate it? Did you give it away? Did you sell it?

I did. Give it away, give it away, give it away. I donate a lot of clothes. I sold some clothes. It was mostly clothes. And then a lot of I threw a lot of stuff. You know what I did find when I moved. No, I found like any I had a little box of any love note I've ever received, or like cards or anything from ex-boyfriends, and I almost brought it with me in the room. It would away. Did you find it or did Sean say,

what the fuck is this? John? I actually didn't tell him, but he won here. I don't remember, in 2019, this fucking sucks. Wait a minute, ow. Yeah, but I was like, ooh, I wonder if I should keep this. So one day my kids know that I was like young and romantic and wild or... And dating, tearing, killing, right?

Yeah, I've only, no, but I was like, none of these are that funny or interesting. When we moved in together, Mariah found a drawer and she said, what's in this drawer? And I said, this is my sentimental drawer and she said, what do you want to do with it? And then I threw it as hard as I could into the sun? No, I famously my place is pretty Spartan you're yes a bit in my place But we the only things that we have are like the things that we keep in our I sat on my own heels and I drink imagination Can I offer you something? My wonder, do you?

And for listeners, just for listeners, because I don't want to shatter the illusion, when James invited us over, he was just on the sidewalk and he invited us into his mind palace. And he said, would you like to come over for a tea party and we have a birthday play along? Just step inside his mind, and quote unquote. Welcome to mind, Palace. I love Florida. I am just a little peak behind the curtain. I know this is.

I think you're gonna warn me. Not where you're brought from. Not damn it. Just a little peak behind the curtain. Both your places are like a perfect spatial representation of who you are as people. That's yeah. It was very tremendous.

I've not been surprised going into either of your apartment. It looks like. My apartment is covered in chocolate. JPC's place is like so clean and peaceful and like modern looking and feeling. You didn't go to my blood room though, did you? I stayed exclusively in the blood room. You mean the bathroom?

Whoa, you see she's both the doctors. I would never be able to clean in the blood room. You mean the bathroom? Whoa. You see she's both the doctors. I would never be cleaning the blood room. I'm not trying to get clean in a bathroom. I only piss in bedrooms, because that's what my brothers taught me. And Adel's place feels like a very cozy, it feels like it's set up to play board games. Like it has that vibe. You have just like, it's very cozy, it feels like it's set up to play board games. Like it has that vibe.

You have just like, it's very cozy. And it smells like someone threw up in there and then forgot about it for a long, long time. That would be fun, Super Skate. And Aaron, you've been to my place yet. We haven't been to your place. You wanna come home? Yeah, Aaron's place kind of reminds me of a toilet

that doesn't work and no one told me about it. That's true. Have you, did you ever go there before the? I've been to Showns place, yeah. Okay, I made it so much better, but isn't that a nice place? It is a very nice place. That's a nice building, it's got a door man.

How's that microwave, John? You still clean? Clean's a whistle. Still clean? Nobody's used it? We have a little cover now. What kind of, Shown can't get into the cover?

Yeah, he's like, I'm trying to lock them all the doors., I can try a lot about the toys. It's like Zoolander beating the computer. Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, man, I could've done that for the monkey character. Fucking idiot. What kind of stuff are you trying to get rid of?

Books. Bucks mostly. Books and clothes. And then like I have a lot of like skulls and bones and like a lot of weird stuff. Feel the clothes. A lot of books. Put the skulls on top of the clothes. So since I'll dress up the skulls with shirts

and then send them out on their way with a book. Educate yourself, get a job. So if you two have nothing to get rid of, I'll do my own Hey Rubin Trommage. So, I would like to be the auctioneer. I'll do my auctioneer character. Nothing's, we'll say nothing is more than a dollar. Yeah. But to me, if you come to World News, I'll give you something.

I need to get rid of stuff. You should, I'm not even sure if this is the kind of stuff that you can sell on, like, let go or Facebook Marketplace. But when I moved into my new place, like, I had like four TVs and so I was just selling them all on Facebook Marketplace. I fucking love that. I love negotiating with people. I should maybe hire you to just do all this.

The art of the deal. I often thought about like, wouldn't it be a fun career to? Wouldn't it be a fun career? Marie Kondo people, just to go and declutter people. Without asking their permission. No permission. I would be like a significant other would hire me to break into their like boyfriend's house

and get rid of all the stuff that he doesn't need. Okay, I want to see a scene. Aaron and I are a couple. Yes. And James, you are John Patrick Kondo. Okay. And you are. I love it. I love it. I love it. I gave Mary Kondo just to be able to have the last name. So you're John Patrick Kondo and you're helping us. On his girlfriend's birthday. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh god, did you empty out the dishwasher? What's going on, sweetie? What's going on? This is a dishwasher just so you know.

I've, I'm John Patricondo, I'm a recondo's ex-husband. I have, ex-husband, why do you still have her last name? What's that? Why do you still have her last name? No, I made her take my last name. She has my last name still. Okay, that doesn't. Her last name was like,

Frankl. Careful. Okay. Well, I wouldn't be careful. Come on, I'm John Patrick Connell. I'm not gonna get a cancel over this shit. I broke into your dishwasher because I'm gonna help you refine your life, better life, happier home, less clutter.

I was pretty good. Some of the things you're gonna get rid of. First off, this guy could lose 25 pounds. What the fuck? Hey, I'm sorry. You could also lose a lot more. Oh my God! Listen.

Bridget, let's listen. No. Bridget, Michael, I'm assuming just from the Irish way that you look. Yeah, well, Mike. But, okay. Michael, for long. I'm going to help you simplify your life.

Between the two of you, how many jobs do you have? Well, between the two of us, one and a half. One main job and the side hustle, yeah. Okay, cut that down to one. Couple of tattoo thirds of a job. Cut that down to one. You're gonna want one main job. The other one's going to be the fixer in the relationship.

Okay. Are you familiar with pulp fiction? No. Yeah. Yeah, Mr. Wolf is a fixer. So, do you guys paint houses? Well, I'm familiar with the move I didn't fucking memorize it. Like, who's this?

Aren't you not supposed to try to fix your partner? You're just supposed to love them for who they are. Never fix a partner. You always fix a project. And what are you dating if not one big walking talking project? Can I ask you something? Sure. Why should we listen to you?

Because you're currently wrapped up in a twister mat, and that's all you're wearing. No, I'm not wrapped up in a twister mat. I have a twister mat elegantly tied in the hot of your wrap around my body. De-simplified declutter. Where you kind of took all my clothes to the divorce, that's fine.

They're still folded up very nicely in the doors. That I can't. Oh! Oh! Oh! Seeking that feels good. Yeah, let me know if you want some of my stuff. I need to get rid of it.

Great. Take my junk. I'm really old. Take my junk. Let's put that in. Take my junk, please. All right, let's get back into the Riddys and Puzzies. What can be written, spoken, broken or exposed?

A secret. No, close. Generals. You're on the right path. Still on the right path. Written, spoken, broken or exposed. Written, spoken, broken or exposed. or exposed. Brought.

Spoken. Broken. Or exposed. Mm-hmm. What can be written, spoken, broken or exposed? You're butt. Repeat that back to me at the same time and really like over and I see it.

Written, spoken, broken or exposed. What can be written, spoken? A name. Broken. Silence. Your mom. A bone. A bone.

Nope. So is the first one you can write the word, the second one is you can say the word, because that applies to anything. You can write and say anything. No. What's that? We get it. You're a John Q. Sack fan.

In your eyes. The're a John Q. Sack fan. In your eyes, the pus, the rid. Your eyes. Oh my instincts. Did that touch it? Did that touch it? I love that part. I love that song.

There was a girl in high school who said that was her favorite song. And I was like, when I was in high school, I thought just, I thought just interviewing high school girls. Hey, what's your favorite song? Not again. Um, and you judged her for that being her favorite? Yeah, in high school. Everyone's favorite song was Brown My Girl. I guess so.

Brown, right girl? Brown, right girl. Um, Katova. Brown, right girl. I know this because Sean and I leading up to the Patreon episode, we did with our significant others. We were quizzing each other on all of our favorite things. So we get Cheat, the game.

And he told me his three top three favorite songs, and that's one of his top three favorite songs. Brand-mised girl? No. In your eyes. By Peter Gabriel. Yeah. I think the other two.

Slushamers a way better song. One is a Who song? Who? Yeah. Quadriffinia? Yeah. what's that famous who song that has a weird title for what it is that could oh is you love right or I know it's it's the fuck I just saw them live in LA what was the shit everyone is going crazy yeah, but everybody thinks that the you know it the core is it what is it? Bob Oh Riley.

Spray spray spray spray. Get it. Shut the fuck up. I don't think I told the story. I went and saw my friend open for the who and at the Hollywood Bowl. So I went out to LA to see them perform. And we got my friend got me backstage passes for me and joy

or a man, you know, joy. So we go we go backstage. We're hanging out back there. And who's the Aisha Tyler? We're hanging out backstage, and Joey has a massive red beard, and this woman comes running by, she's in the legit run, and she's wearing all leather, and she comes up to me and like touches my beard,

and comes over to Joey, and like runs her fingers through her beard, and she goes, his beard's better to Joey, and I go, oh, hard to agree, and she's like, but your beard's okay, but your beard seems like it didn't get enough love for dad, but his beard, and she did like a he's good, he's good, he's good. He's good, he's good. He's good. He's good. He's good. He's good. He's good. He's good.

He's good. He's good. He's good. He's good. He's good. He's good. He's good. He's good.

He's good. He's good. He's good. He's good. He's good. He's good. He's good. He's good. He's good. He's good. He's it. It's very weird. That's amazing. Was she, why did she get it? That's what I was talking about.

I was trying to think of the right way to phrase that, but thank you. Something was going on. Okay, something was going on. She was very happy. Back to this riddle, Oh, Aaron, what was Sean's third favorite song? Bobo Riley in your eyes.

I think it might be, it was something that was like, I made kind of him for it being basic. Oh, I think it's an Adele song. I think it's someone like you. Dude, you're getting Adele. I, which he loves. That was his favorite song in high school? No, these were just like, these are his favorite songs.

Favorite songs. Good, I'm sure. Do you want to have a favorite song in high school? I really loved Jimmy's chicken check. What do I do? You ever hear that song? No. I listen to, what is that?

I had bad taste in music. What is it? How does it go? It's like, uh, don't make the bed up straight I always stay up late. Oh, yeah, what do I do? What do I do? What do I do? I Think in high school I was listening to like Ryleau Kylie and Regina Spector like hotel song and then also I listen to like nothing better by postal service like

Every day my freshman year of high school being, I can't wait to break up with someone. I can't wait till I break someone's heart. That's gonna be fuel for my novel. Someone's gonna love me so much that when I break up but them, they're gonna be really sad, just like alone on my trampoline. Listen, even that's wrong. I was all over the map in terms of like,

classic rock, some amount of like sublime and Jimmy's chicken chicken stuff, and then a lot of rap. Yeah, I should come as no surprise that my favorite song in high school was Dead Pres is hip hop. Oh my god. One thing that music when it hits you feel in the pain, white folk say controller's or brain.

I don't bet on that. That's game. What can be written, broken or exposed? I don't know. Written, spoken. What can be written, spoken, broken or exposed? These are close with what a few of my... Mm-hmm.

Like a secret. Can we see a scene, Aaron? Yeah. Just the way that I'm an insane that makes me think of Mary Poppins. Can you be Mary Puzzies? Mary Puzzies. And work two kids who don't want to go to bed and you're trying to teach us lessons by telling us riddles.

For every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. Every job, Mary Puzzies? Yes. Every job, and tonight your job is to enter some basic riddles. Raise your hand in your bed, sleepy boys. If you will remember any riddles. I don't want to. I wish I had father's job fighting the war against those nasty British.

Oh, there's no you don't. Our father's a spy for the Germans. I know. Our father gets home and then he hears about what you've done. And this is World War I, let's say. Not the, what, I don't know what will happen next. The great war. The great war.

The great war. He's fighting in the great war. And he says, he's what makes it great, Mary Puzzies. I am going to sing you a song to sleep, because I've had just about enough of you today. It, it, it, it. Was that the song? The doctor was the mother. Duh-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du I was stabbed within the icicle and dop all the, your eyelids are getting heavy.

This song is good, but everything else is bad. I'm not gonna do this, I'm not gonna do this. Okay. All right, we, we, we, we, What's the answer? I gotta know. What can be written, spoken, broken or exposed? The answer to my dear friends is news.

News can be exposed. Sorry, news. News, news. It's news. Exposed the news. News, news, news. It's the news. News can be exposed. Sorry, it's news. News. It's news. Expose the news. News. Expose the news. Try not to take news.

They could ruin your life. Yeah, try not to take news. Try your best. They could ruin your life. I don't know. That's no one's life truly been ruined by news. Jennifer Lawrence.

Who? That's horror. That's traumatizing. Well, okay. that's true. Yeah, you get like PTSD from that. That's like the most frustrating horrible. Yeah, what about Naked Frank? Remember they used to just call him Frank

and now he's Naked Frank? I also think that that's your life be ruined by having your like Nudes leaked and exposed. But I think that there are plenty of happy people that have taken Nudes. Let's do this. We won't, we won't, don't mention names, but in studio, if we're comfortable with it,

raise your hand a few set-nudes. Sent-nudes? No, I, I, I, I once said, no one raised their hand. I've never sent-nudes. I've, I've had, I've had someone, I've had someone, I've had someone, I've had someone send me nudes before and I was like, oh, unsolicited?

No, no, no, no, well, I guess, yeah, not unsolicited, because I did not ask for them, but I was not like upset that I got them, and I had someone send me newt's, and they were like, no, you send me newt's, and I was like, no, this was, there was no quid pro quo. It wasn't like I demanded that you send me these newt's.

Hey, newt's. Like, I'm sure many of you out there who've had abusive boyfriends. I had a boyfriend who said, you don't love me if you don't do that. And then I was like, I think we should need to break up. Yeah.

And I was like, yeah, you're right. I don't. Oh my god, I don't love you. Those aren't, they don't mean that they're both true. But in this case, these are both true. I do not love you. Maybe that guy wasn't. Maybe that guy was just really perceptive.

Yeah. He was. He could tell. He also could tell I was in love with Sean. And guy was just really perceptive. He was, he could tell. He also could tell I was in love with Sean and he was so mad about that. I'm not a good guy if you won't send me newt. Oh no. Oh shoot. Shoot. I'm a crap crap.

What do people spend a lot of money on? Ooh, boop. I want to see a scene. Adel, you're here to bar a car from Aaron. You're going to try to play with mud Welcome to Lamborghini's Can I be honest I love the cars here Some of the best cards of the year card best cards of the year are you saying cards? Yeah, best cards. They're fast cards cars

But the name's a terrible Lamborghini Lamborghini's are us Bad name because I think a toys. I mean Lamborghini's toys. Well, you don't sell toys We sell Lamborghini's to rich. All right. How many jars of mud to go and take Sir what do I do? I'm a giant money gun take what is that a euphemism for like a fun little folksy term for like hundreds of thousands of dollars? Man, it's not mud. Sir, we need American currency to get you one of these. This is America mud. It's to get you one of these cars.

It's from Swamp's Arizona. When you hear the engine start purring and the... Go and turn on car. Room, room. And now I'll turn it on. Thank you for taking your notice. Go ahead, do it on car. Room, room. And now I'll turn it on. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm in a homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin' homin Hold on, are you canonically my brother? Because you're even fucking crazy that I am. My name is Mud Derek. This whole time Mud Derek's been living in a nice house with two kids, and I'm out here living in a tree

beans up a can. This is bullshit. I demand a retrial. I should have been named Muddy Guy. What do I gotta do to get you to a Lamborghini? What am I made of mud? See, maybe honestly. What do I gotta do to get you to a Lamborghini? What am I made of mud? See? Maybe honestly.

Honestly, you guys, when you say like, here's JP Riddles and just goes dead. JP Riddles is blood type is mud. I would love it if the conodically JP Riddles is insane brother is even more creative. Those kids are so fucked. How fucked up do you have to be of JP Riddles? He's like, that guy is crazy. What did people spend a lot of money on every year,

but never want to use? They're taxes. I got one good money. Taxes, healthcare, life insurance. I'm a healthcare man. Yeah, Aaron, dead on Demani. Oh, dead. What did people spend a lot of mud on every year,

but never want to use insurance? Mm-hmm. Pretty good. I want to see a scene. If you're spending a lot of money on life insurance every year, fucking real value it, things okay. Life insurance, you should not be spending that much money on life insurance.

Oh yeah. Yeah. Numbers guy. What's that? You're the numbers guy. Well, life insurance doesn't a big pay, I mean, it's only useful if you die. So, if you're like, you know, like you add a single guy

or, you know, classically unlovable, you don't have to worry about life insurance because who you leave behind my man. My cats. Yeah, those cats. I could take care of those cats, quote unquote, for $40. You know what that means? Put them in a golf bag. But I'm in a golf club.

I want to see you seeing Aaron, you are trying to subtly sell life insurance to your, to JPC, who's a neighbor of yours, but you're trying to do it with subterfuge. Hey Claire! Hey, you're... How was your... Oh! Not as well, are you sick?

Am I sick? I feel like a chandelier's gonna fall in you at any point. Oh God, I know. I can't do it it any moment, huh? You must be looking at my golf game. Yeah, I just feel like my heart is what, I'm sorry? I feel like life is really short. Are you okay, Claire?

Yeah, I'm just, maybe I'm just like thinking, like I don't know, I feel like I would be a shame. I haven't seen Dave in a while. Like what, like speaking of Dave, like what if Dave died suddenly? Like, I would love, I just feel so grateful that we have like insurance. So like, you know me and Beth made too much dinner tonight,

if you wanna come over, we see that all the lights in your house are always off. Oh, are they? So if you, if you were hungry, but if Dave were to die suddenly, I just am so glad that like we, we have insurance and we like wouldn't be left not taking care of you know Okay, your wife have the same sort of confidence

No I'm sorry, it seems like your wife it No, she was a yell louder upstairs We have a sleeping two-year-old up there Did you talk to my wife about this? Yeah, it just feels like maybe you should start investing in some, I don't know, this is probably stupid, but like life insurance.

Life insurance. Probably done. I'm just a dumb lady, but like, maybe life insurance? You're getting me all wet, stop. You know, like, like, like, like, like, like. No, no, no, no. You talking about me dying is getting me all wet. Oh. Oh yeah, it turns me on. Okay, well, my husband You talking about me dying is getting me all wet. Oh.

Oh, yeah, it turns me on. Okay, well, my husband just died under mysterious circumstances. Kill me. Yes. Yes. So, um, here we go. This is going to be the last riddle of the app. Everyone's so pissed that we did, I think two riddles.

No, I think we did, like, seven or eight. Yeah, we did more scenes than riddles, but that's normal. I'm ready. This is going to be a real softball. I think we did like seven or eight. Yeah, we did more scenes than Reynolds, but that's normal. I'm ready. This is gonna be Real Softball. Who was the president of the USA before John F. Kennedy was assassinated? John F. Kennedy.

There wasn't a president. G.B.C. is right. There was no president. His assassination was unprecedented. Ted Kennedy killed that girl. John, you were always kidding. That came up again at Thanksgiving. Are you serious? Yeah, I did. Ted Kennedy killed that girl. John, you were always kidding. That came up again at Thanksgiving.

Are you serious? Yeah, I did. Apparently I wasn't in the room, but my mom was like, did you hear? Did you watch that Robert De Nuren Netflix movie? Yeah, the Irishman. The Irishman did you watch the Irishman? Yeah, I've been three and a half hours long. It was very long.

It was good. It was a good watch. I watched it like multiple sittings because it was so long. And there's one line I think that Joe Pesci says where he he just leans and he goes if they can kill the president They can kill it union president, and I was like okay, well a little subtle the mafia killed Kennedy going out of this movie I think killed Kennedy mafia Joe Pesci I want to hear your real answer who I think killed yeah Kennedy I want to hear your real answer. Who I think killed Kennedy?

Oh, what you say? What you always meant. Well, of course you did. What you say? CIA? And after this, we record this episode. I'm gonna text my aunt who is a massive Kennedy fan. Like she's obsessed with it.

She is like the collectibles of all this stuff all over her house. Oh my gosh, I also, did I mention this in the show already? I went home. My mom showed me this article from the Boston Globe in the 60s, I think, Mustman, like early. Wow, I can't imagine how racist that paper was in the 60s. I'm sure like a nightmare, or so.

But my aunt, who's obsessed with Kennedy, wrote to Kennedy when she was like 11. And the paper came to their house to interview her about it. And it was like, Barbara. How stupid can you be to think he would write that? No, but she was like, Barbara, that's young even for Kennedy. Barbara was excited.

Oh my God. Come on. But the article started just like, Barbara was excited, but not surprised that, the president of the United States wrote back. And then the quote of her was, I knew he would write back. He wrote back. He wrote back.

Does she have the letter? Yeah, she has it. But I had never heard that story. But I was like, the confidence of that woman where she was like, of course, he's like family to me. Of course, he was right back. Does your aunt live in Boston? Yes, she does. She actually lives on the same street as my parents and she is an absolute

character. She's thick, Boston accent. She's very cool. I'm 100% serious. If we do a live show in Boston, which we will eventually, can you see if she would bring that frame letter to the live show? Yeah, I think she would. Oh, she would be such a good guest on the show. Speaking of frame letters, have you guys seen the frame letter that Steve Martin used to send, or the form letter that Steve Martin used to send to people in the 70s?

No. He had business cards, right? Yes, but he would be cool. It would just say yes. If somebody came up to him, he would immediately, before they say anything, hand them a business card that said, yes, it's me, Steve Martin, and have his autograph. Yeah.

He would send people form letters that had a couple spaces. It was a typed up letter that was like a dear Frank. And he would write in the word Frank a couple times. But the funniest part is that it was obviously a form letter, but the wording of the letter is like, I wanted to take time to send you this personal letter, my friend Frank, at the very end of the letter said, PS,

I'll never forget that summer and Reno, where we saw all of those, and every single one of them, he wrote the word, and a little blank, they just said rocks. That's like, that's like, that's like, what am I doing? Simpsons bits of all time, which is like, hey, it's Crescent Clown,

I wanna give a special thanks to Mr. Burn, or Mr. Black, like clearly dubbing that over. There was a Twitter thread of people posting their photos of that letter and it's a rock something amazing. That's why that guy's the fucking funny ass. You two we talked about Joey Romaine moments ago. If you know Joey Romaine or if you're an LA search him out, one is the funniest human of all time, two he knows more about JFK assassination than anyone ever.

Oh, interesting. Does he have a theory? He does. I can't remember. I have a question. If you listen, I do another podcast called Siblings Peculator. If you listen to, you don't have to listen all of it if you don't want to, but there's one episode with Joe remain. You must listen to it's called JFK.

I think it says like Siblings Peculator with Joey X. Listen to that episode because Joey's legit telling all his knowledge on JFK and it's the most fascinating thing of all time and he's in his life out there funny. I was gonna say if we should have him on a Patreon episode and then have him go off. Yeah. Consumption. Yes. Next time we're in LA, let's record. Let's do it. He is so knowledgeable. He's like 32 but all his knowledge is like 1920s to 1970. I don't ask him about time travel because he doesn't believe in it. He won't talk about it. He looks to get very upset.

You're asking too many questions. Speaking of asking too many questions, I have a question for you, JPC. Do you have anything to plug? Well, it's January 8th today. Sure. Mariah's birthday, my girlfriend's birthday. So we're probably spending the whole day re-watching the Witcher on Netflix. We binge that first season day one. It came out. We're there again. I'm turning around. I love it now. It's all good. I keep some of you. It's all great. Anytime I see an article that

says something good about the Witcher, I text it to JPC and JPC is like, nope, gonna be fucking trash. I'll still watch every episode. No, I got nothing to plug. Follow me on Vizmgram's Kind of Kitsquit. Hi, everybody got KVK. Follow me on Instagram. Got Aaron KEEP 10 on Instagram. And then if you're ever in Chicago message me on there and I can try to get you free world news tickets. Hell yeah, come see us at world news tonight.

Every Saturday at 8 PM and 10 PM at I.O. Chicago. We'd love to see you there. Please stick around afterwards to say hi. Also since it's almost my sister's birthday, follow her on social media. I think she's S-510 on Instagram and Sadea are on Twitter. So follow her and she's wonderful and funny and great. And if you're going to give her a follow, go ahead and DM her and ask her what's one super embarrassing moment for Mattel's childhood.

Jupiter. what's one super embarrassing moment for Mattel's childhood? Jupiter! By forever! That was a HATEGUM podcast.