Hey Riddle Riddle - #79: I Used To Be An Improviser

Episode Date: January 22, 2020

This week the Crew is aided by some riddles submitted by our loyal listeners! And they are some of the best ones we've ever done. Well, they are okay. Actually, all riddles are terrible. But we also have a meeting between some treasured literary characters, a trip to sin city, a shocking twist on the inventor of electricity, and a run-in with a criminal mastermind! And someone is getting married...Happy #WiddleWednesdayStarring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a head gum podcast. And we're gonna be riding on the moon And we're gonna be riding on the moon Like you're a brick or brick Riddles Skiddles I can't do this When these combine, you form Captain Puzzles. He's a hero.

Good to take Puzzies down to zero. No, let's solve them all. That's down to zero. I guess so. He's a bit of a... Can we stop for a second? Yeah, there was a moment when we started where Aaron whispered into her mic that people could hear.

I can't do this. Oh, okay. I know, I just, you said riddles. You said skittles, and he both looked at me with just like the most hopeful faces, and I started seeing white at the end of my vision. So I was like, there's no way I'm not gonna let them down. You started to die.

I like instead of like riddles, puzzles, let all thinking, it became riddles skittles. So I was like, now I have to rhyme. Riddles skittles, riddles. Aaron's one it became riddles skittles so like now I have to rhyme riddles skittles fiddles air is one week weakness rhyming brother I'm so sorry spittle yeah I guess I get a carry kittles um fiddles tittles oh tittles it should have been tittles yeah I just knew I was gonna let you both down I was like I'm so sorry and tittles is the best friend on entourage yes I know 10 women who look like me I'm so sorry. And Tittles is the best friend on an entourage? Yes.

I know 10 women who look like me. I can get any of them in here in any second. I'm sure that would be great. Name two. Honestly. If you do 10 women that look like you, that's an improv team. I know.

10 women that look like you. I'm on a team called Brady at I.O. And some of them said that we look like fun house mirror versions of each other like we look like an unmeltered version of the other one. That may be a devastating thing for one person to hear. It's not even a backhand a compliment. That's just a backhand. Okay guys. What would what if there were let's say it's you and it's nine other people that look almost exactly like you are very close to you. On a proff team. What do you name that proff team? Okay, I'll go first. I'm funny.

I got it. Bangs. I guess. Bags. Zoe Deishinel for gate. We would call mine everyone on stage for every scene. No edits. All yelling. Oops edits all yelling Oops all yelling Or they all have your personality to yeah, well, I don't know. I guess that's true. They would all just look like me Captain Hooks Mine would just be a captain Yeah, you look like captain Hook and Snape that's true. I would oh yeah captain Hook and Snape. That's true. I would, oh yeah, Captain Hook and Snape raised a dog.

There are people also that, and I'm the dog. I mean, at all I asked is that you didn't give away the premise of my pilot. That is literally all I asked of him. I said, read it. Don't give me notes. Just don't tell anyone about it. I don't allow you to do it. I've told Aaron before she looks like, I think you look like the lead woman

in Orange's New Black. Which is wild for me. Hyper or I think her name is right? No one's ever said that to me before. If you had blonde hair, you would look just like her. Like your face is exactly, exactly like hers. Everyone today tweeted me who you think I look at. Look like.

But what's weird? Yeah, I like it people who look like me. If you think I look at you. If you catch me peeping into your windows. Tweety-beak. Tweety-beak. The admit tell me to stop. Hashtag peeping tab.

Now, some people who listen to this podcast will tweeted us once in a while and be like, I don't know what anybody looks like. And to me, that's like, A, I've had that sensation where I've had people that I've been a fan of on podcasts for a while that I just, I never saw a picture of them or bother to like look up what they looked like But I just think that's so wild and maybe it's because I know what you guys look like because I have to look at you Yes, so much remember if you're listening

You don't know what we look like remember the best thing to do is then follow us on social media and on Twitter or Instagram And then when you do see make sure you post yikes Yeah, just comment about what you think we should look like. I always do think it's funny though, because it doesn't happen very often, but occasionally someone will tell me that I sound blonde. Do you have any of your head? Are you serious?

Yes, I've got, I mean, it's a wild thing because, you know, I've not, I've never been blonde. Okay, real quick. Every time I hold I sound short. I'm gonna sound short, yeah. I'm gonna close my eyes wild thing because, you know, I've never been blonde. Okay, real quick. Every time they sound short. I'm gonna sound short. I'm gonna close my eyes. And I want JPC to say this line. I'm gonna close my eyes.

Okay. I'm gonna close my eyes too. I'm like totally gonna go to the beach today. Okay. I'm like totally gonna go to the beach today. I'm gonna go to the beach. For my eyes and JPC still, both are far wild. And I'm going to the beach.

The place where you use money. It's $2 beach dogs, please. Uh-oh, that whale took my dollar. Oh, speaking of whale took my dollar. Who's Old Man Pussballs? You know it's your boy, Blond JPC. I am Old Man Pussballs today. Can't wait to see all the people drawing Blonde JPC today. Can I wait? Can I ask you,

did they say you sound blonde or did they say you sound like blondie, which was Hitler's dog? Hitler's dog, who also invented rat. All I said was do not give away the premise of my pilot, Snape and Captain Hook, raise Hitler's dog you're listening Netflix can you hear us do they follow in love? We'll see and one day he's in the kitchen and he's like brownies, but with white chocolate. Yeah, it's a cookie I guess blondies are better skies not white chocolate. I pooch the bird. You get a die on that hill I put the bear. You get a die on that hill. No, I told you I will die on top of Faith Hill. We'll be making love. I'll have a heart attack.

Four seconds. And he's giving away the plot of every one of my pilots. I will never email you again. Where do you have the time? I'll stop emailing out of your pilots. Here's the key. JPC, these are made up pilots. I wouldn't read any of them. I would never have guessed

I have to see a scene before we get started JPC you're gonna be captain hook. Don't we need dessert before I even have my brother? Ernie are you gonna be professor state and I will be the dog Hitler's dog blondie that you're raising? Honey arm her Yard I I'm her, but I'm her. Yar, I love you and I cherish you and I thank you for working outside the home and allowing me to stay at home and raise his glistok. Why are you with a little ruff? You're the love of my life. Karth, Karth, can I say something?

What's wrong with your voice? Right now? Yeah. Oh, there's something stuck in my throat. I'm blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Ah, the man I love. Is it okay if you move off? Huh? Is it okay if you're moving forward? You just say that I'm like, I can't know about the world. Ah, the man I love. Is it okay if you move off? Is it okay if you move forward, you just say that I'm your dog?

Well, I moved here to Venezuela to escape my checkered past. Look. Well, once your associate was such a terrible thing, it would be wrong of us. We're just a associate. Could I not be Captain Hook, something that constantly reminds me that I've been maimed by a crocodile? I'd love to be just Jeff.

Is it your name, Jeff Hook? No, I was, I, I've told you a million times. I was named after a blues traveler song. It's a good one. All right, riddle me. Oh. Riddle me, daddy. Okay, you got you little daddies and mommy's ready for some riddles? Yeah. Step on my neck, riddles. I'm a little mommy ready for a riddle me. Oh, riddle me, daddy. Okay, you got your little daddy's and mommy's ready

for some riddles? Yeah. Step on my neck, riddles. I'm a little mommy ready for a riddle. So these are some riddles that were sent to us, some warm upy riddles that were sent to us from a fan. But this one comes with a little bit of a story that I'd like to go into.

Do you remember way, way, way back when we were first starting this podcast and we would ask people to submit riddles at hrrpodcast.gmail.com and then I would do a bit where I would say and also submit to HRpodcast.gmail.com and you like HR related maladies or anything like that. Well we got a riddle all the way back from August of 2018 and then they followed up and said hey you fucks I sent this a year ago to HR podcast,

thinking that was genuinely your email. Thanks for the laughs. So they had a good spirit about it. So real quick, we're rewarding aggression. Yes, I decided to. They listened for a year. They listened for a year. They kept listening.

And they also said, thanks for the laughs. I also, I would just like to apologize to Darby who sent this riddle, Darbyby so sorry. I was doing a bit I'm sure that many people emailed that email address asking I never bothered to go and create that Gmail Maybe somebody else did maybe someone else is answering your emails who knows but either way the emails go when they Go to an email address that doesn't exist dad. Where did emails go? Where do emails go? Oh? Okay, well you know how your mother died last year? Yeah. Yeah. I'm so distraught with that that I can't really focus on this right now.

You said my, you said my riddles are on a farm upstairs. Yeah, sure. Mom's definitely dead. Oh, she got it. She's gone and we don't believe in her after life, so she's dirt and worms. And we all will be soon, very soon, climate change. I'm Dan. But these are some warm-up riddles from Derby. Okay, he who makes it, tells it not. He who takes it, knows it not. He who knows it, wants it not. Answer to a riddle.

It tracks. It tracks. He who makes it, tells it not, he takes it, knows it not, he who knows it once it not yet. I tell you. The middle part doesn't, he who takes it, knows it not, but answer to a riddle is a good, answer that is not the correct answer.

Okay, can you read it one more time? He who makes it, tells it not. Great? He who makes it, tells it not. Great, he who makes it tells it not. So it could be, what do you make but not tell wouldn't be like a lie. He who takes it, knows it not. A secret, a fart. And then he who knows it, wants it not.

So if you make it, you don't tell. If you take it, you don't know. And if you know it, you don't want it. What was it, you don't know. And if you know it, you don't want it. What was the last line again? He who knows it once and not? Oh, it's who's sleeping with your mom. I don't know. I don't want to know.

No, it's how many times your parents have had sex. If you know it, you don't want it. Medicine. No, I think people who take the medicine will want it. So the sort of verbs here are make, tell, and take. If you make it, you don't want to tell about it. If you take it, you don't know about it. And if you know it, you don't want it.

Okay. I like this. This is a fun verb. Is this like a tangible item? It is a tangible item. Well, I know there's the one that's like he who makes it doesn't want it or whatever. It's a coffin. And I'm guessing this isn't that one. No, it's not a coffin. Okay. It's also I guess it's unclear if Darby made these riddles or not. Aaron, you just maybe realize that condom is like a coffin for your penis. No, it's like a coffin for your sperm.

Sure. Every time I go to have sex with a condom, I say I'm an abarie my voice. Do a little feater on the back yard. I take it in the toilet and I go, would you like to say anything? Please leave. She's like looking at the window, so I'm leave. She's like, look at the windows. Are you pairing it in your backyard? Dude, I have roommates.

This is like a shared space. You're out there like your shirt off. It's actually shooting 21 guns. Six feet deep. It's actually 10 feet, the dogs dig six feet now. I make little tombstones from my gun. How are we already here? Yeah, this is a big fucking mess.

This is your first episode. I'm sorry. We are warmest regards to you. How good luck with your life. Warmest regards. Good luck with your life. Yeah, I also forgot to mention up top that by default, if you listen to this podcast, you are accepting implicitly

our war mr. guards yes by default this is your fault. Okay. JPC it's something you can eat. It is not anything that you can eat. Is it a good question? Something that can expire go bad or from the earth. No, it's it. I guess it could be decompose. Technically yes. Not made of yeah made of wood technically. Technically. Uh-huh. What does that mean? It's made of wood.

Why did you say technically? It's technically made of wood. Emotionally? Spiritually, not made of wood. You would need wood to make this. Wooden that cake, flower. I think it's... Wooden that cake, flower?

Technically, what do you mean? Technically, there's flower in it. I think of a eye. There is a cup in that cake flour? I think it's what's in that cake flour technically. What do you mean technically? There's flour in it I think if I It's a funeral cake Every cake's a few sorry for your loss flower in there. I really went after every time I have sex I want someone to hold me and say sorry for your loss and hold shit up No, I think that if I gave this to you and I was like, here's some wood, you would be like, fuck off.

Okay. All right. Fuck off, technically, technically, fuck off. One of those new trendy wedding rings that is made of wood. Can I tell you a quick story? So a guy was drying his hands in the bathroom at I ate my work and he was weighing so far, he's right. Yes, he's right.

He had already washed them, and now he's drying them off with a paper towel, and then he went to throw the paper towel away and his wedding rig went off and into the paper towel thing, and he looked at it and he goes, oh no, and it is like full of, you know, paper towels people have wiped their hands with it, I was like, oh no, that sucks.

Like, what are you gonna do? And he was like, well, I guess I could go through the paper towels and I was like, was that like an expensive ring? And he was like, no, it's like one of those like silicon ones. They're like $10 online because we didn't want to do fancy rings. I was like, oh buddy, this is an easy choice. I spent $10. Let it go. Like, that's gone. That man. How are you, Amanda?

But at first, when I just saw someone's wedding ring pop off into the trash can. It would be very different by if it was like a diamond engagement ring. Yeah, and if it was a guy wearing that, like a guy, guys don't wear engagement rings, right? I've some nowadays more and more people are, which makes sense to me. For guys engagement rings goes on the toe. It's actually a tag with a number on it that goes on there here.

It's like a retail tag with that little gun that goes it's a little plastic. Wait here in the air, I'm genuinely interested in this. So what is a guy's engagement ring though? Would it be like a does it look like a lady's engagement ring? No, they usually I've seen some guys have like a split ring that they're like in a stack with a wedding ring or it's just the ring that they're going to wear when they're married. When they're married. And it just isn't engraved owned. Yeah, but it looks just like a wedding ring.

Yeah, it looks just like a wedding ring. But you would just wear it as an engagement. Yeah, just because it's like a little bit weird that there's this stigma. Yeah. So my other question was this, like I don't think I know, I really don't think I know any heterosexual couples where the woman has proposed to the man,

but if you are proposing to the man, because you know, with gender norms, it's like the man proposes and calls the father and says, like, I'll offer you four bushels of goat for your daughter's hand. But, dead goat. I can't get live with it the bushel, I've tried. So I know all of that, but I just don't think of it.

Yeah, that's a given. I just don't think of- Yeah, that's a given. I just don't think, like, if I was, if a woman was proposing to me, I wouldn't know, like, would you just be like, this is a proposal? Like, do I need a ring? Because you don't need a ring. I think it depends on the cup. I mean, hopefully before anyone's proposing

to anyone, you've had conversations. About the reasons. Yeah, of course. Oh my gosh, for both, I think. I didn't know this. This is something that something I would- I think I'm the type of person who would propose to someone. I think I hate the idea of like, I'm not allowed to or supposed to do that.

That's such a special fun thing to get to plan. So, and before you did that, you would have a conversation with them about like, what kind of a ring they would like. I hopefully would be like, I have already had a conversation of like, hey, we're definitely getting married. We're both like, sure, sure, sure. And then also, I'm sure that would come up like, hey, do you want to wear wedding rings at all?

Okay. Do you want to wear engagement rings? Wear engagement rings. Like, should we both have one or should we just wait to wear rings till we get married? Do you want a wood one? Do you want a silicone one? It is always tough though.

It's so weird and fucked up that like men don't wear engagement rings. Yeah. Yeah. I think a pretty, I don't wear engagement rings. Yeah. Yeah. I think a pretty, I don't know. That's not old-fashioned, just a true thing about me. I have a note on my phone that has a lot of...

That's not old-fashioned at all. No, that's maybe within the last six years. But I have a note on my phone that has a few of my friend's ring sizes. No way. On it, just in case. Someone asked you? Well, like one of their boyfriends asked me. Smart, whoa.

Yeah, that's wild. I have my, so they're thirsty. No, it's just like, I guess it makes sense, because if you're the type of person who really wants to be surprised, that's my sister and brother-in-law, Mitch, went and picked it out together, which I think is really,

because you're wearing it forever. Yeah, exactly. Hopefully you're having conversations about rings before. So I don't know. Some guys are weird and traditional, and they would like, yeah, who knows. I'm sure that it happens a thousand times a day where someone brings an engagement ring to a jeweler

and is like, this has to be resized. I've seen, oh yeah. I've definitely seen like surprise proposals, where it's like, I was out of flat. They had no fucking idea. Yeah, I've definitely seen like surprise proposals where it's like I was at a flat top girl one time and a guy yelled like, can I have one's attention? I've told you that story, right? Where it sounded like he was gonna hold up the restaurant

and he proposed and she looked a gasped of like one. I don't wanna marry you two. This is where you choose to propose a flat top girl. So I think they're rarer, but I think those are still out there. That's a surprise proposal. I would love if you, that's what your story email me. those of flat top girl. So I think they're rarer, but I think those are still out there. That's a prize of those. If you, that's what your story email me.

That's crazy to me. I'm obsessed with that. Email us your proposal stories. That's HR part. I'm confused. But I think so hypothetically we're in love. Okay, and we're gonna get married. And we don't talk about rings before,

and I go to propose for you, would you like to have a little ring box? Like if I open a ring box and there's a little ring in it? I think so, I think, because there's the physical marker of the ring box and the down on one knee thing, I think is a cool like device. I also like, I don't mind things happening in public

or surprises, so I don't think, unless it was like at a flat top grill, but knowing my fucking dumbass, I would find that so funny to just be like randomly casually, someone's like, hey, will you marry me at a flat top grill? I'm like, at a flat top grill, of course I'll marry you. Like that's funny to me,

but maybe, you know, not to that person, and that person also sounded like mortified to be in that situation. But yes, I think that I would like to have a ring in a box if I was getting proposed to, because then I get to have a thing, I get to wear the little ring on my finger. I don't think I would want like a diamond ring, though. I would want like a simple band. Also I've never worn a ring in my life, like on my finger. I wear a Fitbit, and that's like the only watch

I've ever worn either. I think it would be like weird. Like maybe I should start wearing a bunch of rings now just so I could like physically get used to that thing. I think what guides you a lot now is get the rings at break really easily, that are cheap so you don't get like cotton anything, but I love the way a wood.

Speaking of wood, whatever the answer is, riddle-less, I think wood-rains look. Should this riddle podcast? Yeah, that's gonna say we should, I don't know. Oh, you were gonna say, propose some riddles. Addle, would you want a little box

if someone proposed to you with a little ring in it? Oh, yes, I don't need the ring, but the box, I feel like I could put stuff in. Like some fun pins or something. Some cashews. Even if there was not a ring in it, I would still want the box with I feel like I could put stuff in like some fun pens or something. Some cashews. Even if there was not a ring in it, I would still want the box with it proposed. Oh, if anyone out there is planning up proposing to add a little engagement ring, Tiffany box with a little hermit crab. Please, and call it ring. It will die in two days. One with my attention span.

So let's get back to this role. Here's my impression of adult getting proposed to do. Yes, I will. Find a home for my hermit crab. He who makes it tells it not, he who takes it knows it not, he who knows it once it not. What's the answer to the fucking reddle? Give us a hint.

So this is a type of thing that is the fake version of that thing. Cubic's a currently, no. Made of wood. This is a type of thing that's a fake kind of thing. I make it, I won't tell you. If I take it, I don't know. And if I know it, I don't want it. An arrow to the head.

An arrow to the butt. Think about what we talked about earlier. I'd go into the... Rings for 20 minutes? No, go into the beach, go into the beach. Paddle has never been more bored by anything we talked about. I'm not bored. I was just thinking we should get back to it.

He just knows it's not going to happen. That's just a surprise. I'm just frustrated because I'll never find the limit. I'm sure my girlfriend is happy to hear that. For the record, I want an engagement ring with sapphires in it. So this is my, no, I don't want to marry someone. This is my formal thing. I'm sure whoever I'm dating will come to you too and say, what engagement ring should I get, Aaron?

My mom's wedding ring has sapphires in it, and I like sapphires. I'm sure there's a person listening to this podcast putting a lipstick on a photograph. You're right now saying, she'll have sapphires. And who will have sapphires? There, that's happening to anyone, it's Adal. And right next to that, he's got a kill list

of the people that need to die first. So you're basically described as John Petrick Cohen and Adal Rify. And Adal Rify, he's got a kill list of the people that need to die first. So you're basically describing John, Patrick Cohen, and Adler Fie. And Adler Fie, of course, sees that. He's like, I'm second to fucking do. You're facing it. You're facing it. Of course, you're describing Steve Bouchemme and Billy Madison. Billy Madison.

Aaron, you said the way you want to be proposed to is that someone buys you a Sapphire ring over a three-year course plots to become your boss and then calls you into his office and says, Aaron, you're fired. Sapphired. That's good. Get my boyfriend on the phone and tell him to do that. Do you guys want to know the answer to this one? Because you're obviously still stuck on this whole.

I like, I feel like I'm going to like this one, but I just can't think what it is. Let me think if I can give you, I'm trying to think if, okay, so. Do I own one? If you did, you wouldn't know. You'd be like, he who, not tick. He who knows it once it not. If you only. Ticks are famously made of wood. Oh, what tick?

If you owned one, if you had one, let's say on you right now, you would be so mad. What's the answer? You'd be so mad that you had it. But if you, Bush, all of ghosts, no, if you knew that you had it, using it would be a crime. What? And this is something that you would have the occasion to use like every day. Acrocyphx? It's something that you probably have on you right now. That I probably do.

Yeah. On my person or in this. So this is the fake version of this thing. Yeah. You have probably the real version on you on your person right now. I know I probably do in my coat. Back sweat? Pen, pencil.

No. In your coat button. No. Phone. Sometimes it's in my back pocket. Can it fall out? Yeah. Yeah.

Money, wallet. Money, money, coin. Money? The answer is counterfeit money. Oh, I guess, yeah, you're right. It's technically a bit of wood. Yeah, technically a bit of wood. I've made a big deal of BB to ask Hold tell you.

It's technically made of wood. Honestly, that's a great one. And what would you do if I said, hey, I'll hear some wood, I give you $1. What would you say? Where's your penis at the time? You would say, where's your penis at the tab? Yes.

Kind of fit money. That was great. That was a stomach. I would like to see a scene. Ooh, a lot. Adal, you're a very cool Vegas guy who runs a poker game. DPC, you're a very cool Vegas guy who runs a poker game. DPC, you're trying to get into it with something that is clearly not currency.

Okay, cool. You have a seat at the table. Thanks. Really an honor to be here, really want to play with you guys. Well, you honor Tony Roulette. So you know, I have this private game for a long time. You know, Toby Maguire used to come by. I do know, yeah.

Back when he was a famous. Yeah, he's not so much anymore. So what do we got here? We're going to place it. Yeah, what's the buy-in? The buy-in is 200 large. 200 large. So 200 very large Lego bricks.

One, two. Hey, aren't those duplos? These are technically duplos. What? Those are duplos? These are technically duplloos. What? Those are doobloos? These are technically doobloos. They're just as... Who's that kid?

They're definitely as good as LEGOs. They're just as good. Don't yell at my kid. That's my kid. Yeah, I'm part of the Underground Poker game. You can't tell me what to do. I said, don't, I said who's that kid? Yeah, that's Blackjack.

Oh, okay, Tony. Well, hold on. Hey, hey, I should say that real fast. That's Blackjack. Yes, thank you. First name, first yeah, hold on. Hey, hey, I should say that real fast. Let's blackjack. Yes, thank you. First day, one day, yeah, got it. Okay, fine, the duplos don't work. You said 200 large.

200 large, yeah. How about 200 VHS copies of the movie Big? Okay, how would that, you can't get anything smart to say to me, setting 200 copies of the movie big on the table. Nope, get a cast on that one. No, that movie is so old. How old was it?

It's a kid. I don't even recognize it. I just don't even look like a movie to me. It looks like a book. I don't know what team BHA checks this out. Oh boy, this kid. I used to be an improviser. It's a kid. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No boy, this kid.

I used to be an improviser. I used to be an improviser. I used to be an improviser. I used to be an improviser. I used to be an improviser. I used to be an improviser. I used to be an improviser. I used to be an improviser.

I used to be an improviser. I used to be an improviser. I then want to be a really a part of that scene. You two are being really funny, and I had to say duplos. I do. I teach classes, and sometimes when people walk into a scene, or yell, I guess not, it's mostly just like walking into a scene and it's just like really destructive. I stop and I say, hey, why did you do that?

Nine times out of 10 person, it's like, oh, I have no idea, I didn't want to be here. I used to say in classes or workshops, if somebody kept walking on it, be like, you know the best walk on? I'm like, what? Take a pen and a paper, and I go, the best walk on is an edit. Like, of the paper I go the best walk on isn't edit

Like what do you mean? I'm like start walking into the scene and then just keep walking Do it fast do it fast and then the scenes edit it and you can start your own scene And I walk on monster now. I don't know I what happened to me But I walk on to every single scene in world news and make it worse Speaking of making it worse. Let's do some more riddles. There's a Derby sent three. I drift forever with the current down these long canals they've made.

Tame, yet wild. I run elusive, multitasking to your aid. Before I came, the world was darker, colder, sometimes rougher, true. But though I might make living easy, I'm good at killing people too. This is a poem. Blood.

Is it wood again? Is it timber? It's not timber so wood. It's not blood, no. It's not coal. Is it some sort of fuel? It's a tool, because it said the world used to be colder. So this makes me think it's like, yeah,

I don't think it's a fuel necessarily, but you're on the right track. Is it technically fuel? It's electricity. It's electricity. Yes, it's power, it's not fuel. necessarily, but you're on the right track. Is it technically fuel? Electricity. It's electricity. Yes, it's power, it's not fuel. Yeah, I drift forever with the current down these long canals they've made of the power lines.

Awesome, not as hard to do our be so they're getting worse. I want to see a scene. What was the scene? May I? Yeah, we got to do two then. I want to see a scene. The two of you are What what is referred to in town as the electric sisters?

boy You're both Nikolai Tesla's daughters twin daughters and You are you're at high school and your dad just invented electricity and everyone's given you shit about it Remember when we go in there poppa says that we can read it night now and that's giving you shit about it. Remember when we go in there, Papa says that we can read it night now, and that's all that matters. We can see in the dark. That's easy for you to say.

I'm a monster. All the children are nice to you, but daddy needs me on the electricity. Daddy brought you back to life with electricity. There's a difference. I know when it is my sister. I was never alive until I was never alive. Into the schoolhouse we go. Oh, here come the electric twins. Look at that gross one. He's pointing at me.

Boy, it's disfigured. You think that Mattiel Vise comes? What do you think of me, big boy? What are you Armenian? Listen, my name is Thomas Edison, and fuck you, too. Wow, he's young, or he teaches here. Singed. What does man love more than life? Fear, more than death death or mortal strife, what the poor

have the rich require, the contented man desire, what the miser spends and the spend-ruff saves and all men carry to their graves. Peanut butter and m&m's. Peanut butter and m&m's. No. Yeah, I think it's peanut butter and m&m's. What does man love more than life? Peanut butter, have an M.

Love more than life. Love more than life. I don't know, fucking 50 minutes on the couch in peace, Diane. What? Men are terrible. Terrible. Love more than life, fear more than death. The poor have the rich require,

a tinted-min desire. Fear more than death, the poor have it, the rich desire, is it an ass beating? No. I want someone to beat my ass, beat my weapon ass. Boy, look at this being fear more than that. That's my blue breaker brother. Is this something, this is something in tangible, I assume? Yes. Okay, is could this be? That's my blue breaker button. Is this something, this is something in Tangerbow, I assume?

Yes. Okay. Is it cowardice? I guess it's not really in Tangerbow. Love more than life. Oh, it's not Tangerbow, yeah. Something you love more than life. Aaron, what do you love more than life?

An adult, what do you feel more than death? Um, paper cuts. Something going into my neck. Needles. I give you a paper cut on your neck. Paper guts something going into my neck needles I'll give you a paper got on your neck it like two minutes Wolverines I like napping twice in a day Bagels hey, you have enough bagels you're gonna be napping twice a day The poor have it in the rich require it. Oh, is it nothing? Yes, Adel got it so dead on. It is nothing.

Some of the way that those were phrased makes me think that Derby wrote them themselves. Something in the way they're phrased. Can I see the scene I wanted to see before? Now that a good amount of time has passed and it doesn't make sense anywhere. Adel, I want you to be Ben Franklin. I'm gonna be the key and JBC are gonna be the kite.

This is amazing. Addle's been Franklin, you're the key on the kite. Okay, just go outside here, nice, healthy storm. It's raining. Shouldn't we go inside? Ben, what's the end game here? Like, what's gonna happen to kite in me? Okay, well I before I put you to go wet. Yes, that's the point. Before I put you in dangerous way in harm's way

I should explain myself. Of course, you know that I have syphilis, right? Famously. Oh, you get it. Sorry about that. Famously, I'll tell you what you can't cure it by wiping it on a kite. No, what? I thought third time with a charm for both of those. But all the Philadelphia is going to know me as the man who cured syphilis. What I'm going to do is put the key on the you, the kite, put you up in the air.

You'll be a conductor or a catalyst for electricity. What electricity? A train driver? What's electricity? Well electricity is I know what the electricity is I'm a wet in my beautiful You're the Tesla girl right? Brim brim How'd you you invented a car? Hey, I'm the Tesla girl. I'm the cyber truck. Oh wait, it's starting to thunder and lightning I'm the dislike girl, I'm the cyber truck. Oh wait, it's starting to thunder and lightning.

No, no, no, no. Okay, we're flying in the sky. Ben. Ben, we're flying. I'm certainly up here. Ben. Now, attract some electricity. Attract some lightning.

Attract some lightning. Ben. I've never attracted anything by a real life. Ben. Except an old man who wiped his genitals on Ben. It's insane. Mm-hmm. Darby also says, that's for HR problems,

what's the deal with proof of insurance letters? I've got one over the HR. What's the deal? My mom's guy co-office, so they'll take me off of her as a dependent. Thanks, fam. Darby, the answer to that question is, I have no fucking idea now.

A commercial break. I think before I break a break, I'll miss you. idea now a commercial break. Hey GPC. Uh, uh, yeah. You're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm, um, pranking at all. And I'm setting up a website to prank him. Um, can I just need some advice? This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. I'm not mad at you.

We're pranking app. Squarespace is the only one website platform for entrepreneurs to stay in doubt and to see it online. Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website engaged with your audience. And so anything for products to cut into time all in one place all on your terms

Hey, Otto come here come here. Hey, what's what's going on? I actually I want to prank GPC and I want to set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like is there like Online store like it set up on my website to sell products? Did you know that with Squarespace? You can have custom merch. You can easily sell custom merchant create passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand, design your products and production, and inventory and shipping are handled for you saving you time and money. What is happening? Okay. Wait, what's going on with that all?

Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing. No, he's gonna shoot you. And I'm gonna use analytics. Use insights to grow my business and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool. I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords, our popular products and content on my prank website, the prank site too.

Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what the website was for. Yeah, the website was for. Prank. With Squarespace. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

You can connect to your store to Vedent Third Party tools to extend the functionality of your website. Hey, JPC, hey, JPC. What's up, Adel? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy Hey JPC, hey JPC. What's up, Adel? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com for a free trial

and when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com, slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh, she's back, she's back. Hey, Aaron. Hey, Aaron. Can we go to grandma's house? Wait, I've been pranked.

But how? I don't know. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, Adel and JPC. Thank you for meeting me in the middle of the woods here. I am sort of at an empath. I can't decide whether or not to go this way or this way. I am sort of at an impasse. I can't decide whether or not to go this way or this way. I'm having a hard time choosing a path. You know, they're never truly is a middle of the woods. Isn't it funny to think about

something like that? Like, they're never truly is a middle of the woods. No, this is the middle. Okay, this is it. Addle, can you help? Yeah, actually. So, as per Robert Frost, I don't know if you know his poems. He has a poem called Better Help. I believe this is written in the 1800s, but it still stands true today more than ever. Aaron, you should try Better Help. Have you heard of this? You seen this? Mm-hmm. Because sometimes Aaron and life were faced with tough choices and the path forward isn't always clear.

Whether you're dealing with decisions around career relationships, being stuck in the middle of the woods, therapy helps you stay connected to what you al, al, al. Sorry, that also does so fast. Therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate life and the woods. Mmm, and better help is entirely online, so it's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. I've been using it for several years and it suits the way that my brain works way better than traditional therapy ever did. And when Aaron says traditional therapy, just so everyone's clear, what she means is tricking two of her friends to coming to the middle of the woods, even though there isn't truly the concept of the middle of the woods, isn't that fun to think about? All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist,

and you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Hey, Aaron, GPCs putting down bread crumbs and then immediately picking them up and eating them. Oh, dirty bread crumbs. Mmm. Mmm. And he's also like really into that owl who's swooping down. Anyways, let there be your map with better help.

Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help h-e-l-p.com slash riddle r-i-d-d-l-e. R-i-d-d-l-e the middle of riddles of d but there is no true middle of riddle because it would be the space in the middle of the 2d. I am home. I am home. Who are we? What is this? I, clink, clink, clink. Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen,

I just want to make a quick toast to, I know it's JPC's birthday, and we're all so excited to talk about him, but I want to talk about my favorite, my favorite thing in the world. Oh. And that is the app rocket money. Oh, yeah, Aaron, that's one of my favorite things as well.

Rocket money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years way before they were a sponsor and it helps me so much, especially around tax season. Kling, Kling, Kling, Kling, Kling, Kling. Sorry, I also wanna give a toast. Rocket money, well quickly,

and easily find your subscriptions for you. And for any you don't wanna pay for anymore, just hit cancel, and Rocket money will cancel it for you. It's that easy, Kling, Kling, Kling. It also categorizes your expenses, so you can easily track your budget in real time and also get alerted if anything looks off. Over three million, oh, clink, clink, clink,

over three million people have used rocket money saving the average person up to $720 a year. We love rock. Stop clink, clink, clink. No, clink, clink, stop. Throwing your money away, cancel unwanted subscriptions today and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com slash riddle. That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle. Rocketmoney.com slash riddle, and tell them JPC's birthday got ruined

by two of his friends for doing speeches about rocket money the website Okay, and we're back and before we get to our main course I have another little warm up you riddle for you This one comes to us courtesy of Aaron Aaron writes. Here's an original Yeah, Mrs This is Aaron with two A's. So Aaron, how do you spell your name? A Aaron. Yeah, I am. Codd, Codd, Codd.

It's gonna be my first kiss, this guy. Oh, really? My first kiss was in A.A. Arlin. Wow. My first kiss was in ASS H. Joelle. So Aaron, your first kiss was in A.A. with Ron. My name is Ron. Mm-hmm. My name's Ron. I'm an alcoholic.

Hey, who are you? It was last week, and it was a man named Ron. Here's an original word that's more of a terrible joke. I guarantee you won't enjoy it. So thank you, Aaron. Thank you so much for sending it. Kevin was robbed and shot by a mass to silent. He was rushed to a hospital where the doctor told him,

don't worry, the police will get your watch back. How do the doctor know what had been stolen? He had a, Kevin had a deep tan. Deep tan. I know that's only for wedding rings and that's only for improv scenes. Kevin asked what time it was. No, he didn't ask what time it was. Kevin told the doctor, I lost my watch. He didn't tell the doctor, the doctor just knew. He got shot in his wrist. He was shot and robbed.

That would suck. By a massive, bit of the neck. By a massive salient, rushed to the hospital, the doctor told him, don't worry, the police will get your watch back. A massive salient means an assailant during Catholic mass. Well, everyone who goes to Mass is middle-class

and can afford to watch it. Okay. The person who robbed him came in to the hospital. Yes. The doctor was the robber, D2Dec. Can you say that in a different way? The doctor was the assalter. He was the man.

What's the other word for being assaulted, for being robbed? Oh, the doctor was the... It kinda sounds like... The doctor was the... Mugger. Mugger. Yes, the doctor was the mugger. Oh, that gets one boob from Adel.

A block of ice. Oh, well, you just burned Aaron's next riddle, so... Thank you so much for sending that in, Aaron. This next riddle is, let's see, okay, the name that they say at the end in parentheses, you can use this name. So not, you can use my name, but you can use this name. And the name that they have chosen to do is. Grittle Skittle Biddle.

Skittle Biddle is like a kill build. I'm talking about some alternate reality. Is Colonel Forben. So Colonel Forben, I don't, yeah. That's who this is from. But they say, hey, Clucura, I got a ton of great things to say, but I'll keep it short. You guys are phenomenal. I've been listening since the fourth episode.

Really, go back and listen to those first three. Can't believe it's been a year, okay? I'm dating this email, and got a bunch of friends on the bus to listen as well. So, thank you. That's cool. So, is he in prison?

Is he in prison? Prisoner's school, I really don't wanna know which answer. So, I've been wanting to share this riddle with you for a while. I don't think you've done it before, and so here it is. You have eight identical balls, QJPC quip.

Quip to the pressure, square for your balls. But one of the eight balls, how am I gonna sit down? You have eight identical balls, but one of them weighs slightly more than the rest. Then they're not identical, are they? Sure. Solved. You solved.

Basic. Riddle, you fucking solved. You demoted a kernel. Lieutenant Ford, but. But one of them weighs slightly more than the rest. And you have a two-sided scale to compare weights. You can weigh the balls in any order or any combination, but can only use the scale twice. How do you find, with certainty, which is the oddly sized ball, the heavier one? You put four and four at first whichever sideways more you keep those four

Uh-huh, then you do two and two whichever sideways more than you're down to 50 50 You hold them in your hand after that for a first it's or that's really good That's how you get very close to solving this real. Oh, I'll take that. I think we're done I don't need just middle school math part time. He shows up when he wants to show up. What's 7 plus 3? Well, let's take a look here. 7 plus 1 is 8, so go from there. Class dismissed. It's 904. Well, I don't know if I can get some exercise kids. Don't you have video games for players? My eyeball went through my nose. Did she just say her eyeball went through her nose? My eyeball!

Oh, her eyeball. Of course, it's drinking in old-fashioned. Oh, my God. Momma needs her liquor. Everything stinks. Well, seven blows one and eight, so go from there. When Aaron comes in, she has a 12-year-old boy maker. Mary Alcobullic drink. He's my butler.

She says, bring mommy her juice, that we start recording the podcast. I do always have 11 different kinds of caffeine in front of me. That's true. Until I die. Oh my god. Oh shit, you're on your second high bowl?

Yeah. Guys, can we, I think I just thought of something. Can we get into the energy drink market? Why not? Riddle juice? As long as it's rap poison. I'm not going to say rap poison, right? Yeah.

Well, this was half of it was from yesterday and so I was like, what if half is not enough? And so I grabbed another one. They also get delivered to my house every month now. What? Yeah, because I can't drink hot coffee anymore. See, you have a high ball delivery service? I have a soy milk delivery service. Do you really? I can't drink hot coffee anymore. See, the high ball delivery service? I have a soy milk delivery service.

Do you really? That I got after talking to you. I used to drink soy milk all the time. And I was like, and then I got, I started to eat like once a day, and I'm like, this isn't good. So then I was like, since I'm always running around, I'm like, I need something liquid.

Do you do it for a specific meal? Cause I would do it for breakfast. I found that was really great for me for breakfast. I just something liquid. Do you do it for a specific meal? Because I would do it for breakfast. I found it was really great for me for breakfasts. I just do it. If I notice I have an eating like 12 hours from up. Obviously. That's smart. What about when you don't notice them?

Well then Gemma will be like, have you eaten today and I'm like, no, and she's like, Jesus Christ. I do think it's like a candy carrying around like a protein bar, but I can't stand eating fucking protein bars. Casey was telling me our editor, Casey Tony, shout out to the Nioscom podcast,

but Casey was telling me that he takes caffeine pills, right? Cause he doesn't do the coffee very often in there. I'm gonna ask for thumbs up somewhere in between. How well do caffeine pills work? Oh, thumbs up. Get it mixed with alphianine? Is that a moment? Is that a cure?

I almost said, I literally almost said, is that a character from Golden Girls? Ha ha ha! Alphianine. So, can she still go? Can she still go to the Starbucks every day? He just goes to his barista, Alphianine. And he's, how old is that?

How old is that? Is it you up both day? Oh my God, I'm dying. This is my daughter Alphianine every day, he just goes to his barista, yeah. A rash, yeah. That's so weird. Is anyone can someone explain that to me? I don't know. I think that's more common than it's... I don't think it's like happens to everybody, but I've heard of other people getting rashes. Aaron?

I thought about it. I was going to say, I thought about it, and I think you're allergic to being awake. That could, Aaron. That could be true. I have never felt more seen. I really, I think so. The fun part of moving in with a boyfriend for the first time

is I don't think he fully realized how tired of a person I am. You should have a conversation. You'll come in and be like, oh wow. Oh, you are the most tired person I've ever seen. You should have a coffee mug that says, don't talk to me until I fall asleep. Yeah.

It's not, it's filled with water. If you wanna have a meeting with me, better be in my dream. And what was the riddle with the one? Eight identical balls. Oh right, okay, the balls. Okay, I will say that you were so close. So close, okay.

Do you put them all on at once and like a... No, so that's what Adel did. He did four all at once. What if, okay, what if you did? Four and four, take the foursome that has the heavier weight, and then from there you do one in three, and eyeball it. No, that doesn't quite work.

I will say that foreign four as the first thing that you do is not the correct answer, but it's close. You're on the right track. Is this like a digital scale, or you have to like eyeball it? It'll tell you exactly, let's call it digital scale. So technically it's a digital scale or you have to eyeball it? It'll tell you exactly. Let's call it a digital scale. So technically it's a digital scale. It's a dollar back. Technically digital is your digital, right?

Technically digital. I only play robot rock. I'm confused. So it's not the kind of scale that we're like four, Bowser, Monsetting, four, and you know. It is. It is. But also underneath it, it'll give you a digital readout to say like this one is four

grams heavier than the other. Can I ask, is this like lateral thinking or is this just like basic math? It's deductive reasoning, I would say, yeah. There's some lateral thinking in this, I think. Okay, you said four and four is not right, but what other combinations would you start with and then kind of go there? Five, three, six and two, one and seven. Six and two? Six and two, but what?

Well, six and two, if you get a digital readout, which is what I was saying from the three and one, if you do six and two and get a digital readout, if one's like, you won't use math. I shouldn't have said digital readout. I'm just saying that you will know if you put like one ball and one ball, you would know which one is the heavier one by some means. But you can't use math so there's no digital readout, I should say. If it's six and two, okay.

It's not six and two on the scale either. Five and three, seven and one, zero and eight. No, zero and eight. You waste a turn. And for the wrath of God. Yeah. God comes down. Do you put like 2-2? No, it's not 2-2. But now you're again, you're on the right track. So you don't weigh them all at first. That's correct. Okay. So you could do, you could do, I'm going. One and then, do one, hope you look at me.

One and three, one and three. No, not one and three. It's not two and two, it's not one and three. Two and three. No. Okay. Three and three. Yes.

Okay, three and three. I'll give you that that is the best way to start. Okay, okay. So you do three and three, whichever one weighs more, you toss the other three, you keep the remaining three. You know that it's in those three. That's what it is. So if they're equal, you toss out all six,

and you only have two remaining, you can figure it out immediately. Yeah. If it's three and three and one of them is heavier, you know it's in those three, you can wait two, if they're exact, it it's the third one left out if one's heavier than the other. It's one of those By George. He got it. No, Adel got it. Well, no, this guy says George. Oh Yeah That does work and Our good friend Colonel Forben also says come to the east coast. I'll be there

Hope to catch you guys sometime at I.O. if I can get back to Chicago soon. Colonel Forben in New York. Yeah, I hope they're coming to the New York show. And if not, then I hope that they could be a little more specific with where on the East Coast they want us to go. Yeah, do you see Virginia Tellus? I hope it's DC. So you fucked up, guess.

So a friend of mine gave me a similar or a long time ago, gave me this similar riddle, and they were like, you should do this on the podcast. They got it in a job interview. Damn. It was a real job. Riddles, offer. But they were doing it. Is your friend Julia?

Yeah, my friend Julia, who listens to the show, was I think that they were doing, they were interviewing at someplace, and this was like a question that they asked to test people's like ability to deductive reasoning. That's why. If someone asked me this question to do deductive reasoning in the interview, I would not be able to do it.

I did a workshop at your friend, Julia's, she's our friend. Uh-huh. I did a workshop at her place of business. Her old work. She was telling me how much she enjoyed the podcasts. Yeah. And she's like, I want to join the Patreon, but I don't want to give JPC money. And I said, I go, honestly, if you join the Patreon,

I will make sure only Aaron and I get your money. And ever since you joined the Patreon, every month, I send Mitt Romney $5. You found his Vennmell? I found his Vennmell. It's at a dirty little mitts. Catchers, Mitt. 30 little mitts.

And I just send, I just, Vennmell Mitt Romney $55 a month because he's not the most controversial But I'm sure she doesn't want him to have it. I want to see a scene JPC you are going in for a job interview hell yeah, Aaron you are the owner and you have a little bit of an unorthodox way of interviewing in which it has nothing to do with the job But you just like to see how they think on their feet. Wow, your resume is truly incredible. It's all lies.

Thank you so much. I'm just so happy that you, we feel lucky that you even applied here. Okay, wow, that's really cool to hear. What an honor. And just like, I'm not like, we only, there's a couple more, like, you know, silly things we gotta do, but I'm pretty sure you're like, it's a lock for you. Should I leave? Sorry, I was your last interview. Oh, please.

This sucks to hear. Yeah, please, please go. So should I wait by the phone or? I mean, I just heard what you're saying. Carl? Whatever, I'll see you. Bye. We just do a couple more.

By the way, I think that guy farted on the way out. Okay. It wasn't me in the way of. You know what? It was me. We have fun here. There's a good culture here. This is a good culture.

We laugh. This is the right fit for me. We just do some, sometimes I'm like unconventional. Just like a fun little quippy thing when we do at the end of every interview. Yeah, it can be fun, it quips. What if you're not in love with your husband anymore? And you're feeling really trapped in your life

and you're just thinking about like buying a plane ticket and just like dying your hair blonde and just like getting the hell out of here, like maybe going to Arizona. Like, do you think, yeah, just like, is it worth it? Is it worth it? Yeah. Two.

Like what if I like regret it? And I just like see on Facebook that he found someone else and I'm like, shoot, I miss my boring fucking little life, fucking. Yeah. And then I'm just like, what the fuck did I do? It is, it is. So like, I want to be a convertible, you know?

I want to be a fucking convertible, man. Yeah, I would say rent or lease if you're going to do a convertible because you really don't want to, oh, they depreciate quick. I hope that. Okay, welcome. Anything you see on the lot that's catching your eye, I saw your kick in the tires of that seabring.

Yeah, kickless tires really hard, and now they're deflated. Oh, okay, well. You should look into that. If you, well, I can see they were wearing boots with a hidden blade on the toe, but. Should I go? No, no, I was just pretty as customer.

It seems like I'm back here. Thank you. We don't let anything breathe. I never will. We gotta move, move, move, move. We're called reverse CPR. We're RPC, because we never let anything breathe. We're called Aaron's had two casting drinks within the hour.

Okay, cool. We are gonna go back to a riddle book that you both hate. See you flame, stuff it out all day long. You have good improv. So if we've really enjoyed the riddles in the beginning part of the podcast, we have a beginning part of the podcast. I beat 50 minutes. I feel like we should do more listeners submitted because those were fantastic. Those were fantastic. were fantastic and they They they truly were I love when people write their own speaking of writing their own. Let's do some that were written maybe 35 years ago They're gonna be about weird like a computer's the size of a room. Oh, this is fun What do you think this was gonna be about?

Tommy press the button on one in the room walks walked 20 feet, pressed a button somewhere else. What was he doing using a computer? That's right, 1987 computers were your house. I bet the answer's gonna be floppy disk. Though the answer's more like, most people know that the niche blinds are, and it's like, what are you talking about? Why did the trains run on time, Mussini? Kevin was driving a car along a highway a small TV set sat on the

dashboard in Kevin so phone they can see it screen the theme music from Kevin's favorite TV show came on at a police roadblock set up to screen and catch lawbreakers a state trooper observed Kevin and his TV set, but did not warn or arrest him. Why not? Because he didn't steal it. What's going on? Say it again. What the fuck? Kevin's driving his car along the highway. A small TV set. Wait, hold on. Is that a clue along the highway? No, on the highway? No, it's not. A small TV set sat on his dashboard in Kevin, who's Kevin, could see its screen.

Yes. The theme music from his favorite TV show came on. Okay. And then at a police roadblock, set up to screen and catch lawbreakers, a state trooper observed all of this, but did not warn or arrest him. The theme song came on the radio.

The screen wasn't on. That's gotta be it, right? Aaron, you are absolutely correct. The theme song was, I'm sorry, not absolutely correct, because she used a new fangled word like radio, which could not be in this way. Oh wait, I think I know this one. Making your way in the world today.

It takes everything you got. Making the main air all your worries. So I can have a lot. Wouldn't you like to get away? And if you threw a party. Charles and church of our days and down. Because suicide is painless. That's yours.

It brings on many changes. A pile of 14 year old wrote that song? Yeah. The ring of man. Rubber Altman's son wrote that theme. Wow. When he was 14. Fuck man.

And the lyrics are suicide is painless. Kids used to be way more grown up. Yeah. Um, real quick. Is that- Before the answer? Oh, you got the answer. You're right.

Aaron got the answer, but yeah, she was right. Okay. She ostensibly she was right. Okay, it's ostensibly she was right. Okay, yeah. A pocket-sized TV was set on top of the dashboard, and it was off. Kevin was listening to an audio cassette with his favorite show's theme music. Why is the show?

It says, why would anyone put their TV show theme music on, as it could say? I'm all used to cruise around my town, listen to the cops theme. Do you guys know the, have you ever seen the Netflix show explained? Yeah. Do you know the theme song for that, for explained? I don't, I don't have a memorize. Oh, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's wonderful. It's like this like, we're, we're like low five,

Bob of a song, but they put it on Spotify now. And so I'll walk around to our Google Home's book, Google Home, play the theme song to the TV should Netflix explain. That's what I was thinking. It's, it's, it's, I watched the pay gap. The pay gap.

Is that, is that, is that there's, yes, yes, yes, yes, female orgasm? The female orgasm one, which I think is narrated by Rachel Bloom. Yeah, and I took me like two minutes. I was like, who is that boy? Yeah, it's so funny to me, because I think Jemma's watched all of them.

I've watched like three or four, but anytime I watch them or I walk into the room while she's watching one, it's the funniest thing because the show, more than anything I've ever seen in Soap Broccoli, so they'll be like, you this pig waste, 350 pounds. And then it's just like credits immediately, and I'm like, what, there's no bill to an end, there's no. They tackle, there's like a lot of,

I really like that show. I like like little documentary things, and that's kind of what that is, it's like little 25 minute documentaries, but a lot of the things that they tackle are like big things with no answers, like gene editing. And it's like, we can maybe do this in the future, and here's the implications of it.

So when those end abruptly, I'm like, yeah, that's kind of it. Like, what do we do? Mr. Hackman, we took the scene out of the movie. Put me into editing. No one's gonna come to Hoosiers. If you take out, no one's gonna see the replacements if it's all just Keanu Reeves. Well, John Favre, isn't it?

Ha-ha-ha. All right, here we go. This is the next one. The title of this one is, inefficiency pays off. You guys are gonna fucking hate this. A certain mechanical object is often made in several models by each of its manufacturers.

Government regulations require that its retail sellers offer information that will allow part of the cost of operation to be calculated. From each manufacturer, the model of the object offered can be ranked from least to most expensive. The cheapest models relatively little to buy and operate and have simple controls, the most expensive models cost the most to operate and generally have the most elaborate controls. Oh, this is like a car manual. But the most expensive model is not necessarily the most effective at doing what it is designed to do. What is the object? Car.

Car. No, it's not a car. Woman. Yeah, it's going to say Cathay Arland, the most expensive model in 1987. Thank you. That's what you stopped paying for that model of prices magazine. That was the last issue. Oh my God. I wonder how much.

Okay. So, this is a certain mechanical object. It's made in several different models. Usually the way it works is that the cheaper models have cost relative a little by, they relative a little operate and they have simple controls. The more advanced models are more expensive. They're usually better at doing their job

and they have more advanced controls. Is it a watch? But the most expensive model costs, yeah. But the most expensive model is not necessarily the most effective at doing what it is designed to do. Yeah, it's not a pants, not a watch. Really? Yeah, actually, those watches, like that have all the, you know, intricate parts and the, are super expensive are supposed to be like really great at keeping time.

They actually are. But the most expensive would be ones you wear because they're ornate. They have jewels or they have. Yeah, let's audition. Yeah, I love my jeweled watch. They're very important moment. I think it's like, yeah, watches are such a weird thing. It's all about status. It's not watch though. Is this something that's still relevant as an item? Yes. And this still works. Like it's still, it is still true today. Is this something

that is clean in Aaron's apartment? Is this something that is clean and errands apartment? Is this something that is clean and is it a microwave? It's not a microwave. I do think that most people have these in their apartment. Is it a kitchen thing? It's not a toilet. Is it a kitchen thing, a toilet? That's gonna be an oldie but a goodie. A dance stop.

What do you think a kitchen is? What does your kitchen look like? In some IKEA setups, the toilets are close to the kitchen. The toilet was the kitchen. I'm cooking a poop. Sometimes you're drunk and you pee and get kitchen things. But it's because you're drunk. Is this a Randy Newman song?

I am. Damn, you can't be cuisine. Take a look in the dikeesin! Adelaide's what I said about first grade. Just remember a gill pile set. Take a piss in the sink. I love it. Do you guys want some, I hate to do it.

Do you guys want some clues? Yes, what room of the house would it be founded? If somebody had it. It could be an era. Does the difference in effectiveness relate to reliability or to relative availability of parts in case of a breakdown? No, so that's a lamp calculator No, it is an expensive model of the object significantly more likely to be stolen than a cheaper one making the cheaper one preferable and high-crime areas No TV. No. TV?

No. Can the elaborate controls be more easily misused than the simple ones? No. A baby? No, it's not a baby, it's not a remote. It's not a baby. Get in my belly. Boy, look at this.

A cat? Is it an electronic or is it just mechanical? It's electronic. It's both mechanical and electronic. Yeah. And it would have been around in 1987 over this book. It's not a clock. It's not an alarm clock. And it would have been around in 1981 or whenever this book was written. One of those workout machines with the band that goes around your tummy and also it's back and forth real fast. It's clinically proven to do something. You said almost everyone has one of these, right?

That tickle 3000. That's a good one. I made one in my garage. Everyone in old TV shows has one of these. Is it a vibrator? It's not a vibrator. No. I want the expensive vibrator with all the controls.

So the value is the value not like you can't observe value if you were to just look at two side by side. You would. If you looked at them side by side, you'd be able to know which one is the more expensive one. And the one is more expensive for a reason, but it's not expensive. It's not necessarily the most effective at doing what it is designed to do just because it's the expensive model.

And Atari? Is something you wear? It's not something you wear. It's something you'd find in a home. Like a, like an old person home? I'm sorry, a house or a apartment, a condo. Home is only a house. A house is in a home unless there's something

like over 80 living in. Do you plug it in? Yes, you would plug in. It needs electricity. Blender. No. A light. No, not a light.

At this point, we're just gonna guess everything and you know, I don't know. I don't know. Is there a hand you have? I don't have it. Okay, so there are places in the world where you wouldn't have one of these in the United States that you wouldn't have one of these? Air conditioner. The answer is air conditioner. Strapping

in because I'm about to read you this answer. And air conditioner. The models with the most cooling power have stronger motors and cost more than those with less power, but because they cool air substantially, only a small fraction of the air in a room needs to pass through the mechanism to cool the room by a specified amount. Most of the air in the room does not pass through the air conditioners, the room gets cool. What does pass through, it is sufficiently cold to cool the entire room, but as temperature goes down, relative humidity goes up. The dissolved moisture in most of the air is not removed, and a too strong air conditioner makes a room feel not only damp, not only cold, but also damp.

I want to see a scene. This will be our final scene for the episode. Errin, you have just come home to your condo. As you unlock your door and open it, you see JPC is a criminal robber who is trying to steal your air conditioner, but it has been off more than he can chew. Come on, oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.

I live here. You're gonna be fine. Fuck you, dude, I live here. Get out. It's worth it, by the way. That's worth it. What are you even trying to steal your digging through the wall?

Did you take a hammer to my wall? What are you trying to steal? Yes, I'm so sorry. Can I be level with you? Can I be perfectly honest with you? I am a crack addict. And I will love crack so much. And I want to buy something tonight.

But I was going to steal your air conditioner and sell it for the fray on in here. And that's my crack dealer who loves fray on. I don't have a window unit. I don't have an air conditioner you can take and leave like it's like a part of the building. Yes, oh, that's what this is. Yeah, that's, oh my god. This is have a window unit. I don't have an air conditioner you can take and leave like it's like a part of the building Yes, oh, that's what this is. Oh my god. This is in a window dude. I have like oh my god I'm a diamond collector

Diamond collector you fucking moron Okay, diamond painting diamond table. Yes, diamond watch. Everything. Every one of those things was too sharp. So when I tried to grab it, I didn't want to cut myself in this looked more expensive. And you didn't want to take my TV? Oh, that's a TV. Okay, see, I thought this was a window and that was a window. But that's a TV playing the movie. Are my very expensive dog that I take to dog shows?

Okay, I'm- I did. Oh, bro, I'm gonna live forever. This is Hitler's dog. Blondie. It's seed. Aaron, anything you want to plie? Um, follow me. Aaron, keep 10 on Instagram. There's so much stuff. I'll be talking about over there soon. Um, yeah, there's something that I would like to plug if that's even a fucking possibility. So we have live shows coming up. I believe when this is coming out, we'll have just gotten back from San Francisco and we're

going to New York next month to a live show. And if you don't live in either one of those places, you will be able to listen to recordings of those live shows, most likely, provided nothing goes terribly wrong. On our Patreon, so go to patreon.com slash Hey, Rural, Rural, Rural. You can sign up there. We have bonus episodes on Fridays. And some of those bonus episodes soon will be those life shows. Yeah, I want to plug.

I was recently a guest on a scripted podcast called Creepy Podcast. Sort of horror, sort of unnatural, supernatural stories written. I was on an episode recently and played the devil. So please check that out. out and also my thing this year It's 2020 again 2020 watch that ass. I think is what I said what you said This year my thing is I fucking love lemons so every month. I'll be reviewing a new lemon this month was myer Check out my lemons pretty tart And then I got your email out luck next month you said you wanted to review my car.

What is that? Yeah, and then March is going to be Jack and just keep reviewing the lemons. So check that out. Aaron, of course, if somebody wants to buy a fresh lemon, certain produce markets do not have the freshest ones for the freshest ones you want to go to. Cupid A.

Bye forever. This has been Hey, Rural Rural. Created by Adolf Refin. Sorry, Aaron. Jupiter! By forever! Created by M.O.B. Cargamers and M.O.N. Awards. Let me know when the most deep before hate breaks the break, y'all.