Hey Riddle Riddle - #80: Beef Thief!

Episode Date: January 29, 2020

This week we start off with some special element riddles before heading into some Hink Pinks! Along the way we write a few hit country songs, figure out how to best serve a bear and get introduced to the worst (best?) Pokemon of all time! Gotta solve 'em all! It's Hey Riddle Riddle! #WiddleWednesdayStarring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a head gum podcast. That one worked so hard! I'm so happy! I'm so happy! I'm so happy! I'm so happy! You're a real brick! You're a real brick! Uh-oh! I forgot how to do the intro! It's HeyRiddleRiddle! I'm Adorify! I'm JVZ!

And I'm Erin Keith! And you're now listening to the best podcast in the world, clap. In the world, clap. You're now listening to the best pod blast in the world. Blast your girl. Blast. There was 30 seconds of silence before Adel figured out what he was going to say in the world.

Here, come on, come on. Don't put him on blast. You put me on blast. Blast, clap. Bl In the world. Come on, come on. Don't put him on blast. He put me on blast. Blast, blast, clap. Blast, clap. Blast, clap. You can't tell we haven't recorded in a while.

Can that be our new catchphrase? Blast, clap. Blast, clap. That was dirty. Clap in America. Clap back America. Ooh, clap in America. That's just air in, air, clap in play.

And fucking cream. I love the guitar, baby. What did I miss? What did, baby. What did I miss? What did you miss? What did I miss? We haven't recorded in some tomb. It's been over 11 years. It's been a while.

So let's talk about what Aaron, you went on a cruise. Yeah, this is going to sound like a joke, but I went on a cruise with my improv team. A Teta Penelope. Who knows that? How'd it go, um, I... Highlights, lowlights. Uh, highlights, seriously.

Well, as you got highlights and lowlights, it looks awful. Yeah, looks like my hair is striped. Also, PS, um, bad news. Highlights magazine called this unwatchable. Oh, no. Well. And, boys' life magazine called this not a real dead. And then, highlights magazine magazine said try to find them in this tree.

Yeah, in cigar a fishy notto called this and it went straight to voicemail. High life magazine called this the Champagne of podcast. Um, yeah, it was, it was, highlight was my friend Andrew Robinson, um, winning the Harry Test contest on the cruise and then proudly bringing over a trophy to me after he had won Lowlight was I got too high and had an existential crisis. I Never do out of those. I never get high. I decided to partake because I was in California And that's what they seem to do. California. You'd let's get high All right, have you ever been on a cruise before? I've been on a cruise one time before this.

Tom or Penelope. Oh my God. My peers respect me. My peers respect Penelope. It's a guy. Penelope. But yeah, that was amazing. And then I stayed in LA for a little bit, drove up,

saw Big Sur for the first time, was blown away. When just I'm just, you know. Excuse me, Big Sur for the first time, was blown away, went to San Francisco. Excuse me, Big Sur. You? Yeah, that's what I did. I am so poor now. I have no right to take that much time off of work. Now.

I mean, I'm always poor, but now I'm even poorer than I was before. No. Poor than I was before. That's our new catchphrase. Ado, you went on tour with Magic Tavern. I was on two air. It was a blast.

We met all kinds of people. We had all kinds of fun. Got to meet and play with a lot of heroes of mine from when I was a kid. And it was a good time. Very fun time. Yeah. And we ended with Aaron and I doing a live show in San Francisco with Rob Cordray. Which was very, very fun. Which was very, very fun.

It was very, very fun. I felt the worst I've ever felt in the last two years, which is I went to the after party with Arnie and Matt. Okay, do you want to tell him that story? And Aaron and I had made plans to go to this... I have not. Aaron and I had made plans to go to this Tiki Bar that I love where it reans from the ceiling.

She showed up wearing a dress. She just said to me said she was like, Pigs butt. She texted me and said she's ready to go to the Tiki bar and I said you should come to the after party because John Hodgman and Paul Fomkin's are singing closing time at the karaoke stand. And the whole bar that the after party was in

is like a sleep no more kind of thing. It's like a really cool, speakeasy type vibe with a casino and all the stuff. But once I text her, they let us into the deeper portions of the sub basement speak easy, where there was no service, no phone service. And so Aaron showed up like 10 minutes after I texted her,

and then like two hours later. Less, two minutes. I go outside and get service, and I get like 20 texts from Aaron being like, I'm here, I'm here, they won't let me in. I need to password, please come out and get me. Are you mad at me? But here's the thing.

Wow. That whole day, I invited Aaron to everything we did. We met up with some friends for pizza. We did this, we did that, and I kept saying, do you wanna come to this? We wanna come to that. Aaron said, no. And then the thing she needed to get into the party

was her performer pass, which she did not get. And I did not know she had not picked it. I had picked it up, but I had no idea I was going to go to this party. My boyfriend and I have left our hotel to go to the Tiki bar. I'm like, oh, Adel will meet up with us later. And then Adel was like, come to this party. And I was like, oh, we've been busy all day.

Mark have a Jackson here. Busy car, you see. Before you said any of this celebrity's names, we changed our Uber route. And I was like, we should go, Addles thinks we should go to this party. Let's just go, we'll be there for an hour. And then we got there and he didn't respond

and we were on the street. And I was like, what did you do? I just wanted to go. So how long did you wait? I waited 40 minutes. Cause I just, I didn't want to leave and have them take me. And then, but then Sean and I went to the Tiki bar

and had three days. We, I loved it. to leave and have them text me. And then, but then Sean and I went to the Tiki Bar and had three. Did you like it? We, I loved it. We, the Bunga Room. Yeah, we lost, we like just had like an amazing couple. I felt, that's, honestly the worst I felt and so long. And I was texting with Aaron and she was very much like,

it's fine, like don't worry about it, it's fine. And then she goes, did you hang out with anybody fun? And I like listed the people and Aaron sit back. Just one phrase, which was, I'm so sad. And I go, I'm sorry, she goes, that's fine, I'm just so sad. I'm like, oh no, I felt awful. It is a weird feeling to have someone text you,

two minutes later, you show up, and then I go, did he do this on purpose? Did he want me to take an Uber here? I honestly was like, because all you need was your, all you need to do is show your pass and you were in. And so I was honestly, I kept asking Arnie and Matt, I'm like, did you see Aaron here? Cause it was like a labyrinth of rooms.

Or there's like a, it's like this shining hotel with all these different rooms and whatever. But I kept being like, Aaron has to be here somewhere surely. And then I thought maybe he just didn't he fell asleep or something. And then I got those texts and I, whoo.

It's all okay. I totally make it up to you. No, Sean and I had the best time at that Tiki Bar. It's crazy that it rains. We spent like $80 on two drinks. We went there two years ago. That's under it. And the tab for like five people was like a hundred bucks.

Yeah, I will never go there again. That's why I'm so poor. Sean and I were like, we are, this is the most irresponsible purchase we've ever made. But here's how I'll make it up to you. Next Tiki Bar we go to, I will buy you drinks on. Ah! Go to that Tiki Bar. Yeah, but here's how I'll make it up to you. Next Tiki bar we go to I will buy you drinks something. Go to that Tiki bar. And what have you been up to?

You missed our San Francisco show. You said something about contractual obligations. Yeah. So I was contract, I'm contracting gunnery. I know I said I had contractions and my daughter was born. Her name is Gunner. Beautiful. Beautiful eyes.

Beautiful. Beautiful name. Beautiful name. Beautiful name. Beautiful name. That's my favorite bit you've ever done. Eight pounds, 265 ounces. What? She's huge. And if you finish her, if you finish her in one setting, you get t-shirts.

I get a t-shirt and they put my name on a plaque and they hang it off the wall. No, I was not in San Francisco because I was on the last flight out of Chicago and we had a snow storm and so they just canceled all the flights. And then our show was at noon. So there was no flight early enough

in the morning that would have got, the earliest flight would have gotten me to the show 30 minutes into the show. So I was like, I could show up. I could have gotten on a flight and then hopefully ubered to the theater and caught the last part of the show. That honestly would have been the funniest bit. If like as we're running down there's two minutes

left. If you just come running up on stage and then we're like that's it everyone. Honestly, that would have been the best bit ever. What's what's funny is because I was literally going to be there for 24 hours. My flight was like I was going to get in at midnight and I was leaving at midnight the next day and my flight out got canceled. And before I could like get- Oh, what did it do? Refund me. Yeah, yeah. It got filmed on a standup club.

It was awful. But before I could get it refunded, I was getting like a suggestion for other flights that I could get put on. And they were like, what about this other flight tomorrow that'll get you to San Francisco at 8.10 pm. And then my flight out was at midnight. And I was like, yes, you've correctly identified that I wanted to spend four hours at the San Francisco airport.

James, I told you I bought you a train ticket that was the 310 to Yuma. I wish. Then I would have seen some celebs, huh? It really made me appreciate you more having you not be there. I was like, oh. But Rob Courtry was a stand-in, right? He was amazing. He was amazing. That's, yeah, that is good. I'm glad that there was,

I, this show, it seemed like you only need two people to do a podcast, but I think it would be, it would be hard. There's not a lot of podcasts with three hosts. Really? I think a lot of podcasts have guests though. Freedom, we don't do. I do. I do.

It was the only two I can think of. And I had Magic Tavitus guests. Sometimes. Sometimes. Well, there's only two I can think of and magic type of guys guess Where who's our old man puzzles? I am old man puggles and for all you ready it's up there We're gonna get started with some medals if you don't if this is your first time listening We are riddle podcast for the most part well for the least part. I'm sorry We're a riddle podcast for the least part. If this is your first time listening and you made it through what have we been up to without getting to what kind of bod guys that is.

Also, you can listen to that Rob Cordray live show on our Patreon. I think that will come out this Friday. Yeah, yeah. Patreon.com slash Hey Riddle Riddle. Oh, and speaking of live shows, we have an upcoming live show, two live shows in New York. They're both sold out, but I believe there's going to be some tickets at the door. There might be some standing room only that you could still get to. I think standing room sold out.

Okay, you're fucked. But they said they're going to maybe possibly really some more of the night of. So that's a caveat theater in New York, so check that out. No, what they said is they're going to release some more of the night of, because Riz Ahmed is going to keep doing that limited series engagement mini series on HBO from three years ago. Well, this is, wow, we'll take anything we can, can we? We just do it.

Well, let's do it. Is that February 22nd? I don't know, John Tattura, it's Riz Ahmed. It's a murder. It's supposed to be James Gennel, if anybody died. Is that true? He was supposed to do the Riz Ahmed part. He was supposed to be a young Middle Eastern man.

We're going to have to admit 11. Oh wow. Eating San Rosada. Let's get into some warm-up riddles. So this is something I've been meaning to do for a long time, which is... Apologize. Apologize. I'm on my apology tour.

I'm sorry that I ruin every podcast I'm on. Arrogate friend Shane Wilson who does world news tonight with us Last year he sent me to my Gmail. He sent me some warm-up riddles and I totally forgot about them So I just found them so we're gonna do this for warm-ups That's why guys you got an email the show you got an email the show podcast Well, I told him he I think he asked me and I said email me because I typically don't do the fan submitted ones Oh, yeah, I said Aaron and J.P. will see the answer if you send it there. So I said send it And then has Shane been following up with you every week. He hasn't talked to me

So this is from Shane Shane says it's element Toory 2019 marks that well this is a put your phone down close the email 2019 marks 150th birthday of the periodic table of elements to help celebrate. See if you can name the element that is suggested by each of these cryptic phrases. So this is element to read it. It's not arrogant. I get it.

I'm not going to do well. If it's not arrogant, yeah, arrogant, fuck yourself. I'll go, argue, fuck yourself. Here we go. So I'm going to give you a clue and you tell me which element that relates to. It makes sense. Here we go. What should we do with all these bodies?

Helium. Here, let me, let me start. I think it's Helium. Let me start with an easier one. What came after seven, eight, nine? Ten, ten, but for an element, it would be... Helium. Ten.

Ten. Ten. Ten, Aaron, Dingo, Bingo, Eight My Baby. So we get the gist of it. Yes, yes, yes. So the next one is ruled over. Helium. You guys...

Addle, do you not understand patterns in comedy? I'm gonna say helium until it's helium. Yeah, damn, I'm patterned. Helium, damn near, kill, the, what was the question? Run over, rolled over, rolled over. King, a, rain. So if you rolled over someone, you blank them.

Subject it. Or maybe this is something you did to, well boy, I don't know a dog fuck Owned or what Moses did part with the Jews What he part of the street and then you do There we go, um, let's circle back to this one. Okay, what should we do with all these bodies? What should we and there's not an element called there's yes, perium should we do? And there's not an element called there's, yes, Sparium. I was going to say there's not an element called Hit the Florium. It's a new one. They found it in a volcano. Hit the Florium. It's like

an umptanum or what's the one from Marvel? It's the same one. That's because nothing matters. We get stressed out enough on the show. I want to be a lot of things matters. It just says hit the Florium. Put in the net. That's a t-shirt. Put in the net. Swish. Swish, swish, fish. Fish. Another one in the best thing. I'm a Katy Perry fan. That's a worst fucking song ever. Let me do. I saw Katyry front row. That song would make me get up and leave the show. You saw kitty perry front row in a trial, correct? Sorry, I saw Stephen Perry. Pettikitty. What was it? Swish what put in the net? Uh, dunked dunk dunk. Orium. So if you put it in the net, what in soccer? What might

they scream? Goal. Basket. So put in a net. Basket. you put it in the net, what in soccer, what might they scream? Goal. Basket. So putting a net. Basket. But if it's past tense, if the goal happened a while ago, scored. Well,

score. Stick with the same word you heard. Gold, gold, gold. Gold. I like gold. I like gold. I, who is that fat bastard? It's fat bastard.

It's gold bastard. What is it he announced soccer games? Gored. A bent leg sits atop. A bent leg sits atop. A bent leg sits atop, cross, kneel. Magnetian. A bent. Kneel is in the vicinity.

Kneel, knee on. Kneel, knee on. That's right. Knee on. You're a neon. You're a peon. My brain's not moving fast enough. No, no, no. Against cash. Against cash. Credit. No. Johnny. No. Anti-money. Yes. Anti-money. Anti-money. Antimony. Daughter of Tommy Chong. I wouldn't know this one. I don'tony. Daughter of Tommy Chong. I would, I would know this one. I don't know.

Daughter of Tommy Chong. I guess her name is Ray Don. Ray Don? None. Ray Don Chong. Um, it'll never take Cagney alive. Lacey. It'll never, it'll never take Cagney alive.

Yeah, you'll never get me, see? You'll never get me you... Bitch. You'll never get me, you bitch. I gotta see you, see. Aaron, you are sort of an old-timey 1920s Tommy Gunn-wielding criminal. Okay. JAPES, you are someone trying to bring this criminal in.

And Aaron, for whatever reason, your criminal is sort of ahead of their time in terms of the phrases they use. Okay. Let's make this easy, see? You put your gun on the floor and I'll let you come out of here alive. No, I have an idea for you. How about you come at me, bro? How about you come at me, bro?

Listen, all you have to do is put that gun away and you'll go to jail and you'll get to live in a nice cell How does that sound friend? After I'm done here the body will hit the floor And then I'll go to the window and then I'll go to the wall There's not gonna be anybody's friend because you're gonna do the right thing and put your hands up above your dukes and come on out of here Not in my head like yeah, moving my hips like yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So is that everything you would do would be at last? Yes, that was the most SNL sketch we've ever done. No, it's not. Humberdurs. It'll never take Kagnia alive. So what? I feel like I know this. So what did JPC play in the scene, essentially?

Helium. What the fuck? A copper, copper, copper. Copper. No more pirates. Argon. Argon. Nice.

Um, TDM activated. TDM active boron. Boron. Um, my wife, I'm getting them. I'm getting them. My element of boron, clown convention. Adoles house. That's what I call my bedroom. Is this where the magic happens? No, no, no, this is the clown convention. Chocophess. Chocophess is something we should make, but that is incorrect. Clown convention. Um, Mime,

Con, Con. Yeah, you're right. Con. Clown Con, Boo Con. So, think about Boo, but add a B at the end.

Boo, bo con. No, that's not. Boo, Con. Con. And what might you put in a Boo? Bra Con. Bra Con.

You put bras in a Boo? Yeah, why not? Your daughters are fucked. What do you put in a Boo? Maybe this is a Boo Con. What are you putting in a boob. Yeah why not? Your daughters are fucked. What do you put in a boob? Maybe this is a boob. What are you put in a boob? What do you put in a boob? It's silicon. Silicon. Silicon. Silicon. Silicon. Silicon. I'll come to Silicon 2020. I'll have a better year the last year. No one will die. Yeah, say the count of 2018, 19. What did it try to do today? Barriol site plugged in.

Barriol site plugged in. Gravon. And this, so think about HBO's The Blink Keeper from the 90s or 80s, man. The night of? Crypto. Yes, Crypton. Nice, that's nice.

Cryptonite. Mouth organs, nearly a dozen. Blow, Krypton. Nice. That's nice. Kryptonite. Um, mouth organs nearly a dozen. Blowed. I would say blow job, young. Yes. Blow job, young. That's like a Pokemon. That's what Javier Bardem's college nickname. Go blow, Javion. I choose you. Blow Javion.

Blow Javion. I put on a date with blow job. It was okay. Got to suck them on. Blowjob, the evolution of lickato. Oh boy. What about Pokemon nerds at? Casey's out of it smiling.

What's the point of any of this? Casey's not even smiling. Let's see, he's the wrong ball. Mouth organs, nearly a dozen. I would say two short of a dozen. Mouth organs, two short of a dozen. Tasteboats? Ten. Dime.

So it's a mouth organ. Tongue. Tongue. Tongue, and how many numbers? Tongue, ten. There's ten tongues. I wanted to date with ten tongues once, and it was a lot better than the blowjobby in one.

Oh, blowjobby and sad. Blowjobby on. The only pine tree. Christmas. The only pine tree. Christmas. The only pine tree. Chris pine tree. Chris pine. Chris is.

Is Chris pine? Is that correct? The only pine tree. The only pine tree. The only pine tree. Um, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh I have a spruce. What's a song that anyone, what was the word you say? Solo? Solo? Lose the low. So pine, so pine, so.

Why are you saying so, I thought you said sole. Soul? You said solo. I guess it's a LuzDio. So sole. Soul? Yeah, and what's, what kind of tree is a Christmas tree? Pine.

First, first, first, first. So far, so far. So far. Wow. Oh come first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, first, See, Ten. See, Man. Do you say Hi-Oh Haytan? No, I said Hay-Ten. I said Hi-Oh Haytan. Hi-Oh Haytan. She said Hi-Oh Haytan. No, I said Hi-Oh Haytan. Hi-Oh Haytan.

Hey, Aaron, can we talk to you for a second? Do you think his name is Hay-Tler? You don't know that his name is Hay-Tler. We hate him, so we hate him. No, no, no. We like Hay-Tler. No, but we hate people. We hate the people.

We love the people. We'll cut the scene out. I'm okay, I feel better. The Roman numeral X has, the Romulan number X has been cited. I don't know this one. This is Tennyson. Tennyson. Tennyson.

You're the only ten I've seen. Nice, and that makes me want to sleep with you. Tennyson. Wait, let's see if this works. Ready? You're the only 10 I've seen. Nice. And that makes me want to sleep with you. Wait, let's see if this works. Ready? You're the only 10 I've seen. That makes me want to sleep with you. And say it to me. That makes me want to sleep with you.

Sorry, I'm with Blowjob. What's his name? What's his name? Transformers, Blowjob's in, Disguise. The Decepticons are trying to sneak into the earth to give all the cards blow jobs. I'm out, I'm out. Okay, wait, hold on, I wanna see a scene. I have to.

I was gonna say I wanna see a scene where JPC keeps taking his car up to his room. I'm out. Sweetie, what's going on in there? Nothing. Keep sucking. I'm really nervous. Sorry everybody.

I'd like to see a scene. JPC, you are that guy from Pokemon and you keep, you have, there's a bunch of new Pokemon and you're choosing them and then Adel, you can be the voice of all the different Pokemon. So I'm Ash Ketchum. Yeah, and you're, and you're, there's like 10 new Pokemon. The guy from Pokemon is Ash K ass ketchup. Wow. Pile, ass ketchup. Pile, ass ketchup. So I'm going to use a condiment. Oh no, Pikachu's fainted.

OK. Hi, OK. OK, you fainted. So you're done. OK, go get him. Roku. I'm a Roku. I carry all the popular channels on apps. Oh no, Roco you're fainting. 55

inch roco. No you fainting. Brown? Okay. Okay. Go get them a lemon car. Room, Room. I'm a lemon car. How much did you pay for me? Doing a $50. Oh too much. Oh, let me come face. Go get him. Cuckoo bird. Oh I'm a bird who's heard a sensual about it times. Oh What a big mistake. Go get him a snail bag. Would you come? Oh shit. Is that that you name? Oh my god Brock, let me fucking snail bag. Brock told me your name was snail bag brock told you I don't know man

Thanks Obama it's crazy look it back at your ball. Okay. Go get him. Are you do you tell me to get back on my Hold on and I'll you maybe I don't know what he's she fainted. Did you tell me to get back on my ball? Hey, man I don't really trouble just to poke about training minutes as Can I'm a robber to near a gun? Are you are you trying to fuck with me? Oh, no, I mean analyze this was great. I love you Blam Why didn't you make the fuck why didn't you mention the shit? She fainted. Why didn't you shut up in the leg? See She fainted. Why did she? You shot him in the leg. See. Is that good content you guys are you mad at? Pikachu, go get your shine bucks.

And we have one more. Okay. And this is only to be answered by Aaron. Oh, good. Then I will take myself a little of Vapepric where I go. Oh, JVC fainted. I do blog posts about anti-vaping.

It really makes them chill out. Aaron, this last one is eating on Jupiter's moon. Helium. Aaron, that is correct. Do you know any of Jupiter's moons? Do you know any of my butt? Wow. Oh my God.

Aaron, how are we doing today? I don't know. Are you still mad about that after party? I'm still pretty mad at that party. We just had to... Win will you introduce me to your butt? I want to know more. Oh, you want to meet me!

Oh, that's your buttler. And mine, butch. Eating on Jupiter's Moon, Aaron, you perform at one of Jupiter's moons every Saturday. World, New Tonight. Is Earth one of Jupiter's moons? I-O! I-O. I-O. I-O-Dine. I-O-Dine. world news tonight. Is Earth one of due British men? I.O.

I.O. I.O. I.O. Dine. I.O. Dine. Thank you so much, Shane Wilson. Come check him out at World News tonight.

Thank him for those puns. He was on Magic Tavern in that episode. That's famous. He plays Dr. Ward, which is one of my favorite episodes. But yeah, go talk to him after World News and thank him for those. I believe he wrote these himself. He's one of the smartest people I've ever met. Yeah, I would say we're the three dumbest people on World News.

Would you agree? By far. Oh, no, no, no. Like very sharp political satire. And then I come out. I'm like, my dig broke. Yeah, but it adds casually being a genius the most. I would say that we're not the three dumbest because Brett is a member of the dumbest.

Oh, you have Brett there, I forgot. Yeah, Brett is there. Yeah, Brett is there. But he's the funniest. He is the funniest. What I thought to do after this is, have you guys sort of hink pinks? I think you sent me some hink pinks and it got my-

You got fired. I went on a date with hink pinks and it was- Let me for a blowjob a card. Blowjob a card. Is that what really what it was? I couldn for Blowjobacad. Blowjobacad. Is that what really what it was? I couldn't possibly. So, so a Hank Pank, a Hank Pank is a two word clue that leads to a rhyming answer.

Okay. So, for example, let me find a good one here. A funny cat would be... A funny answer. So it's a two word clue that leads to a rhyming answer. Oh, I see what you're saying. A funny cat would be silly kitty That doesn't right. Mm-hmm. That's a run. Titty. Let's go back to the kitty. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. Okay. I messed up

Titty, kitty, kitty, kitty. Here Aaron. I'll give you an easier one. Um, a Lucy Pussy a Lucy boost. Lopper 10 that this is what hold on dead stop Goosey Poosey. I want to say like, is that your favorite orange is a new black character? Goosey Poosey. Okay, okay, okay. So let me give you, here's maybe an easier one.

Pretend that this is just two words, a riddle-solving cat. Riddy kitty. Riddy kitty. So a funny cat would be, shitty kitty. So if Oscar Wilde had a cat, it would be a real witty kitty, witty kitty. Got it. We understand?

Yes. All right. How about a tight carpet? Snug rug. Snug rug. That's a snug rug baby. I'm just a shrug rug, but that's not. Huh?

How about a simple locomotive? Plane train. That's a plane trainotive? Plane train. Plane train, my beer. Pfft. Pfft. Oh, dead stop. Dead stop on the fucker. Dead stop on the fucker.

Dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, stop. Addle, I wanna see a seat now. I wanna see a seat, so Addle, this is your country album and it's all country songs that you're ready to your beer. Pfft. Pfft. Are we ready in a studio? Yeah, we're ready for you.

We're ready for you, big head. Okay, thank you. All right, please call me Big Sir. You got a Big Sir. Laying on a track, this one's called Drink One Too Many. And a One, and a Two, and a Three, and a Four, and a Five, and a Six, and a Seven, and a Nine. Nine beers, there's two, and a three, and a four, and a five, and a six, and a seven, and a nine. Nine bears, there's two men at bears.

I'm sitting here, my dear, thinking about you, sitting in the bar, joking down barf, got a swallow, my puke, because I don't want to get kicked out on the street. I'm way too drunk, I'm looking at the TV, and I can't see nothing but little squirleys Running around the TV, nobody knows what it's like to be me My name's thick and I have a drinking problem. Yeah, I sold 10 million records, but nobody stepped into solve them I

Go to an alcoholic therapist every week to get help but I get pissed. That's all I do is get pissed drunk. I get so pepper la pu I'm a skunk. P you, let P you. P you means problems understanding. P you problems you understand and please understand me. Open the door book. Ronika, I'm knocking at your door.

It's 4 a.m. And I'm drunk as a bitch. Ask please open the door so I can talk to you about the problems I caused. Okay, we are not recording. Excuse me. Oh, we are not recording. None of the machines are plugged in in here.

Huh. That is our bad. We are drunk as two skunks. Foking the mark. I'm not in here. Sane. Where drunk is two skunk? Oh, did the scene end? I was laughing so hard doing that because I don't think there is a song or I've never heard

a song that is written from the perspective of a person who is very drunk. I've got friend in low places. No, no. I got a friend low places. No, no. So, but those are songs, like those are not songs from the perspective. Like, someone who's so drunk that can't see or articulate things. That's the funny part about like a song. It's like, I got blurry vision and nothing makes sense. It's not telling me about like how I've got friends in low places.

It's telling me that a person who's too drunk to function Yeah, it's talking about being drunk Yeah, drunk to function. I'm stuck at this junction. I keep dropping my key shine to open my door But I realized I don't own a car now the car owners coming to me. I got in a fist fight over a key Yeah, I'm glad that you made that misstep and it led to that. This is basically just turned into Memphis Kansas Brits.

Haank beef, toank, beef, haank. Haank. Let's continue with these. Yeah, why not? We're having fun, right? Yeah. Aaron, can you confirm? Confirmed fun. We're gonna paste in you saying fun.

Confirmed fun. We're gonna copy a pasted or take fun. How about an empty seat? A... Clear. Something chair. Mm-hmm. Uh... spare chair. Spare chair. No. Spare chair? That works.

That works. A bear chair. Fuck. Bear chair. I want to see a scene. Mm That works. That's a bear chair. A bear chair. Fuck. Bear chair. I wanna see a scene. Mm-hmm. Um. I'm ready. Already. JPC, you work at a Olive Garden.

Okay. And you're receiving a party, and the party happens to be just myself and Aaron. I am a single dad, and Aaron is a full grown bear. Mm-hmm. Hey, party for what the fuck? The fuck is that?

Party for two is what I think he meant to say. That's a bear. That's all red. This is my... I'm also a female. This is my daughter. She's a female bear. You're...

I'm sorry, your daughter's a female bear. I'm a female bear. I'm gonna have to check with Jack and my Jack and my... Can we have the... No, where's my... Okay. Fine. You know what? Okay, I don't want to be where I'm not wanting to.

I know apparently it's fine. I'm sorry that I'm new here. Did you say it, apparently? No, I'm sorry, I'm hearing what I want to hear. Sweetie, do you want to go somewhere else? Is there a stream nearby that can eat fish? That's a great question. Is there a stream nearby where she can eat fish?

We have a drainage pond, but it's really cool. Is there salmon in it? Is there fish? I don't think that there's fish in that pond. It's more of a fire prevention thing. Well, then maybe I'll just eat a hostess for dinner. And not the dessert. Oh, she loves cupcakes.

Oh, not the dessert, okay. Not the dessert. The person who sees people at restaurants. Okay. We're just called hosts. Don't gender us. Hostess, you're just called hosts. Don't don't gender us. Oh shit. Oh, it's in a restaurant. And maybe I Have a craving for a host to the restaurant. Excuse me. Do you see my daughter sounds like a bulletin cookie monster? I'm sorry

I'm just hearing what I'm hearing. Uh, no, I can't see you. I can get you Breadsticks, I mean, you just like I just like You eat the food here. I bet you're just like olive oil It's all dressing. I couldn't I couldn't tell you what I taste like but I have to I could tell you that one time I did jerk off and got a little bit of gum in my mouth pineapple. What's that tastes like pineapple? I just heard you see laugh that you're getting that you're guessing my name. No, it tasted like come So how do you accidentally get coming your mouth? What's that? How do you accidentally get come in your mouth? I accidentally went on a date. Oh, that's a story for you. No, what was it? No, no

This is only one on a date. This is your daughter never mind. me have a moment with my daughter here. Ah! I'm num num num num num num num eating both dishes. Pring ball. She's going crazy on this cookies. Same. Ha ha ha. I think we've forgotten how to do this stuff. That's so funny. I'm just hearing what I want to hear.

Aaron, you're right, it was a bear chair. Yay. How about a steak stealer? A steak stealer. Steak stealer? A steak stealer. Steak stealer? Steak stealer. Sirloin Perloin. I mean, can't be mad at that.

Peloying on, sashave on. Goodbye. Bye bye. Bye. Proloin. Proloin, what was it? Proloid's a furb, it's just steel. Perloin.

Right? This is a steak stealer. A steak stealer. A heifer theftor. A steak fuck off of chocolate. A cow. A heifer theftor. A cow.

What, stealer? Mm-hmm. Stealer would be a hamburger, ruffles burger. Oh, wagyu bagu. A steak stealer. So what is steak? Beef. Yeah.

And then what is steak typically? Beef, beef, beef, beef. I can't. I can't. He's a beef thief. That's someone who steals, who steals your boyfriend? He's a beef thief. She's a beef thief.

Granny, you're a fucking beef thief. Well, anyone can get beef. You? He's a beef thief. She's a beef thief. Brandon, you're a fucking beef thief. Well, I do want you to be... He fucked Donald, you beef thief. Who, did you just go to American Eagle because you look like a little beef thief? I'll say it a thousand times, only boring people steal other people's boyfriends.

You're boring if you're stealing someone's boyfriends. Oh, Aaron, I want to say a saying. I don't know what it is, but I want to hear the word beef thief of a million more tons. I want to see a scene, Aaron, where you are a literal ham burglar, ham burglar, and JPC, you wake up in the middle of the night, go down to your kitchen and catch her in that. Who goes there? You there. You there in the night, go down to your kitchen and catch her in there. Who goes there? You there. You there in the night.

Did you buy yourself? I'm your wife. I'm your wife probably. Oh, thank God. Sweetie, who is it? Who's this hamburger of it by bedshapers? Quick wife. Yes. Let first let's make love. Then let's go. Quick, wife. Yes. Let's first make love.

Then let's go kill that burger. Maybe later? What's that? Maybe later? No, now. Daddy, hold me now. Um, how about... You want to get sweetie?

Oh, you all get you in a second hamburger. No, there's a hamburger, Glitter House. We must address it now. You are my wife, though, correct? It's really a kiss with it, order. Mmm. Oh, you know,'s really a kiss with it order. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm me. I'm an old pervert who just wants to fuck a hamburger man. And I'm... That's not my one. Aaron, I think we need to take a break and I think you need to think about...

Your actions? I think we broke. Yeah, we don't need to take a break, we already broke. We'll be right back with more beef thief... Phoebe beef thief... Quiefe de beef thief. Quiefe de beef thief. Pee. Quiffy B. Quiffy B. Quiffy B. Chief. That's what a character. Fee. Fee.

Fee. Fee. Fee. Fee. Fee. Fee. Fee. Fee.

Fee. Fee. Fee. Fee. Fee. Fee. Fee. Fee. Fee. Fee. You're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm

I'm I'm I'm I'm not I'm not mad at you. We're pranking spaces to all one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online, whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and so let me think for products that cut into time, all in one place, all on your terms. Hey, Edel, come here. Come here. Come here. Hey, what's going on? I actually, I want to prank GPC and I want to set up a whole website to prank him.

Do you have anything that like, is there like an online store that could set up on my website to sell products? Did you know that with Squarespace, you can have custom merch, you can easily sell custom merchant crepe as of income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand, design your products and production

and inventory and shipping are handled for you, saving you time and money. What is happening? Okay. Wait, what's going on with that all? Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing, new, and he's gonna tune you.

And I'm gonna use analytics, use insights to grow my business and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool. I'm going to improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords or popular products and content on my prank website. The prank activity. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace.

Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what the website was for. The website was for. Prank. With Squarespace. You can connect to your store to Vedent Third Party tools to extend the functionality of your website. Hey JPC, hey JPC. What's up, Vattle?

I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh she's back she's back. Hey Aaron. Can we go to grandma's house? Wait I've been pranked. But how? I don't know. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, Adel and JPC. Thank you for meeting me in the middle of the woods here. I am sort of at an empath.

I can't decide whether or not to go this way or this way. I'm having a hard time choosing a path. You know, there never truly is a middle of the woods. Isn't it funny to think about something like that? Like, have there never truly is a middle of the woods? No, this is the middle. Okay, this is it. Addle, can you help? Yeah, actually, so as per Robert Frost, I don't know if you know his poems. He has a poem called Better Help. I believe this is written in the 1800s, but it still stands true today more than ever. Aaron, you should try Better Help. Have you heard of this?

You seen this? Mm-hmm. Because sometimes Aaron and life were faced with tough choices, and the path forward isn't always clear. Whether you're dealing with decisions around career relationships, being stuck in the middle of the woods, therapy helps you stay connected to what you, ow, owl.

Sorry, that also does so fast. Therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate life and the woods. Mm, and better help is entirely online, so it's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. I've been using it for several years, and it suits the way that my brain works way better than traditional therapy ever did.

And when Aaron says traditional therapy, just so everyone's clear, what she means is tricking two of her friends to coming to the middle of the woods. Even though there isn't truly the concept of the middle of the woods, isn't that fun to think about? All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a license therapist, and you can switch therapist at any time for no additional charge. Hey, Aaron, a GPC's putting down bread crumbs and then immediately picking them up and eating them. Oh, dirty bread crumbs. them up and eating them. Dirty breadcrumbs. And he's also like really into that owl who's swooping down.

Anyways, let there be your map with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelpHELP.com slash riddle, R-I-D-D-L-E. R-I-D-D-L-E, the middle of-D-D-L-E, the middle of riddles of D, but there is no true middle of riddle because it would be the space in the T-C. I'm hoping at home. Bye, baby.

I am home. Who are we? What is this? I, uh, clink, clink, clink. Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. I just want to make a quick toast to I know it's JPC's birthday and we're all so excited to talk about him, but I want to talk about my favorite My favorite thing in the world. Oh, and that is the app rocket money. Oh

Yeah, Aaron. That's one of my favorite things as well Mm-hmm rocket money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years way before they were a sponsor and it helps me so much, especially around tax season. Kling, Kling, Kling, Kling, Kling, Kling, Kling.

Sorry, I also wanna give a toast. Rocket money, well quickly and easily find your subscriptions for you and for any you don't wanna pay for anymore, just hit cancel and Rocket money find your subscriptions for you. And for any you don't want to pay for anymore, just hit cancel and Rocket Money will cancel it for you. It's that easy. Clint, Clint, Clint. It also categorizes your expenses. So you can easily track your budget in real time

and also get alerted if anything looks off. Over three million, oh, Clint, Clint, over three million people have used Rocket Money, saving the average person up to $720 a year. We love rockets down here. Stop, clink, clink, clink. Stop, no, clink, clink, clink, stop. Throwing your money away, cancel unwanted subscriptions today and manage your expenses the

easy way by going to rocket money.com slash riddle. That's rocket money.com slash riddle that's rocket money dot com slash riddle rockup money dot com slash riddle and tell them JPC's birthday got ruined by two of his friends for doing speeches about rocket money the website I love you rock and money clank clank hey rick

oh cbp quiffy quiff oh wait. Quiffy. Quiffy. Oh, wait, no. Quiffity beef thief. Phoebe quiff, p-f-d-chef beef. Phoebe quiffy beef thief. P-b-b-quiff.

Chiffity beef thief. Phoebe quiff, p-b-d-quiff, chief. Chiffity quiff, quiff, p-f-d-hey beef. Squiffy? Squiffity beef thief. What's in the grandpa's head? The squeaky beef gets the clip. Chief. Chiefity-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef-queef We're losing our minds. Yeah. How about we switch to some full course, beefy, thiefy, queefe, fullon riddle? I'm ready. I would love to eat that now.

I brought my knife and I brought my big fork and I am ready to tear into the middle. Big sir, please. Big sir. Horus, the artist, told his family that they had to move out of their current home because he had successfully sold all his paintings.

The family was disappointed, but new Horus was correct in his decision to relocate. What's going on? I know. Oh, do you really? Yeah. Go for it. This is my guess. The paintings were murals on the walls of this house.

Okay. Aaron, you're right, but I don't want to give it to you. Wow. Because you solved it too quickly. Well, you've been around in all of my arguments with my boyfriend. You're right, Aaron, but I don't wanna give it to you. Wow. Because you solved it too quickly. Well, you've been around in all of my arguments with my boyfriend. You're right, Aaron, but I don't want you to win. So, let's talk about this for another two hours.

What was the situation? They had to move out of their house once they salt, wait, what was it? Horus, the artist, told his family that they had to move out of their current home because he had successfully sold all his paintings. The family was disappointed, but new Horus was correct in his decision to relocate.

Aaron, you basically got it, but I need a little more context to seal the deal. Yeah, because I don't understand, they were all murals on the wall. And in his home. And someone bought it. Oh, someone bought his house. Yeah, basically.

Okay, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. I would like to see a scene. Okay. You two are a, you're a, gotcha, gotcha. I would like to see a scene. Okay. You two are a, J.B.C., you're a realtor. And Adal, you're going into this house and J.B.C. is trying to smooth over maybe an unconventional house for you to buy.

So that's the house, you know, four bedroom, two and a half bath. Yes, a watch over bedroom is exactly what I'm looking for. Exactly, three stories, and there is the basement. And again, before we go down into the basement, I will say that they are willing to put a significant amount of money into re furnish and smooth over everything that's in the basement. Okay. Yes. So I quite the mess down here No, no, no, it's actually obsessively clean the state that it's in now is not the state that it will be and when you move it

It won't be in Kentucky. I'm sorry. It'll still be in Kentucky Okay, you should the state that it'll be in now. It's not the state that it'll be in them unless Indiana invades It's gonna still be Kentucky. I don't see that come Can I ask you something before we Trudge down these stairs here. This isn't a home alone situation is it I'm not gonna go down there and see a furnace Screaming at me because I've been there before my friend a furnace screaming. Yes a furnace making a face and screaming Tidem on the furnace. I may not remember this movie What am I thinking of I thought it was home alone? I well, I may not remember this movie. What am I thinking of?

I thought it was homelike. Well, you know what? I only know about the parts where there's, you know, your dirty animals and all that stuff. I'm thinking of the one where he is lost in New York. Okay, well, what's the one where, is it homelone where someone kills his dog and then he goes on a vengeance spree? Okay, let's come down here, come down through the stairs

and open up this door and here is the basement. Now I know what you're thinking. Yes, we will get all the plastic wrapping cleared up. I believe- Is this where Laura Palmer was killed? I have to ask because I've been burned before. I, you know what, I couldn't say for sure. I will say that all of these tools will be gone.

They are the owner's tools and the owner is taking the tools with them. Is the owner the late singer of tool, Manard Keegan Keegan? Keegan Keegan Keegan Keegan. I on Keegan Michael Keegan. What's his name? It's Keegan Michael Keegan.

I can't release the owner's name. You know, contractual applications and everything. Oh, congratulations. You're already in contractuals. Yes, I'm having contractuals in six months. So thank you so congratulations. You're already in contractuals. Yeah, so how we contractual some six months So thank you so much. Yes. Yeah, it's actually pretty No, pretty Bbbbbbbbbbb is the baby's name will be the baby's name. Oh very nice. I love that. I have a bear daughter myself. Oh really?

No condom or no It's not bad back in it This one happens when I'm not in a scene. Um, so Aaron, you are right, but there needs to be a little bit more context in order for us to move on. I don't know what you mean. So he's an artist. He sold his house.

He's a artist. He painted his house. And he painted his house. And he sold it. Okay. Do you want me to give you the answer? Yes. Yes.

Okay. Horus was a caveman that paintings he sold were on the walls of his cave where they were living. Once the wall paintings were sold, they no longer had a cave to live in. You know how cavemen sold. Stupid. This one's stupid.

Aaron, you said this is what happens when you're not in a scene. So now I want to see a scene where you- I'm going to do the same voices the bear. Great. Where you are a- What's that, Fred? where you're the same voice as the bear. Great. Where you are a threat. Where you're a cavewoman artist. And James and I are art critics. Or you put on a, you put on a, what do you, not like, allery like an art show?

An art show. Yeah. Is that the term? I think so. Surely it is a better term. You're putting on a show with all your paintings and stuff. Exhibit. Thank you.

And. Oh, I get to play exhibit. J-Japes and I are pimping your ride. We're two art critics or potential buyers and you're trying to tell us about your art. Mmm, this speaks to me. I love it. I don't know why I love it. Well, this is a depiction of the time I killed a bunny and was not satisfied with the food so I went out again and I killed a larger animal. What was the larger? Oh, I guess it's in the painting here. Man.

It's another cave man. It's a cave man. Yeah, look interesting. And it's sort of just like a metaphor for eating a bunny and then a man. So it's a metaphor for the story that you just told this very literal? Okay. Interesting. Isn't this a little derivative?

Mm-hmm. Isn't this a little Jason derivative? Yeah, the man I killed is Jason derivative. Okay. Um, any put up a fight. Um, but, uh... And I see here on the cave wall you had a huge cock and a, you painted over that.

Yeah, because I just didn't see him that would have mass appeal really for why release yeah He was pretty pissed rooster wouldn't have mass appeal to buyers. Yeah, it's very pissed I'm coming over here this painting. Okay. This is a painting of me Okay, it looks like he looks exactly like will come to Jesus I'm sorry me and my partner just saw a Willem DeFaul movie where he played Jesus. Yeah, I know. The last temptation.

The last temptation. I get the love that I look like Willem DeFaul. Willem DeFaul and Nash. That's not what we said. We said the painting looks like Willem DeFaul. Well, that's a painting of me. Yeah, you do. And I look like Willem DeFaul.

I think you look more like a Billy Crudup. Okay, so that's a compliment. What are we thinking here? I think you look a little more like how William Devall knows. We're gonna buy these paintings. We're caddy. What's that?

We're gonna buy these paintings. Yeah, we'd like to make a purchase. We'd like to purchase that William Devallan. How much for that? Let's see. I don't know what money is. So, I'm sorry. Would you- How about you give me fire? Would you like some cookies? Hold on, hold on. What? Say fire again? Fire? Prometheus. Prometheus, think hard before you do this.

No, I'm just- You say she sounds like Miss Pinkie. Fire? Listen, I'm Prometheus. I brought fire down from the mountaintop, from the gods to the people. Do you know who I am? Yeah, I do.

And this over here is Sisypheus. Do you know Sisypheus? Yes. Now he famously pushes a rock uphill in both ways. No, that's my punishment, but we don't know why I deserve that. Yeah, what did you do? Are you familiar with the Pokemon Blood job, Emma? Oh, yes, see?

See? Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha Do it now. I will give you $100. I can't because I'll throw up if I try to run. Do a lap round this building. I'll give either of you $100 if you get up from this record and you do a lap round. We're not like you. We don't need money. And Aaron, I know you don't have it. Fuck. You think you famously owe us thousands of dollars for this snack that we bring to the recording?

Somehow I'm paying your Elimonia. Elimonia. Take some random ones. Elimonia. Take a friend to no one. Remember how money. Face. Steve the runner had just run a mile at full speed. He was not wearing a shirt, nor shoes and socks. When Susie looked at Steve's back, there was no sweat.

Nor was there evidence of perspiration on Steve's legs or chest. Yet Steve was clearly sweating. What going on? He's got no shirt, no shoes, no socks. He just ran a mile full speed. Sorry, this is a Marvin Gaye riddle. You need to tell me what's going on. Don't punish me.

And then my dad has to shoot me. Oh, that's true. That's how he went. Okay. Oh, that's true. That's how he went. Okay. No, he's sweating, but it's not on specific parts of his body. No shoes, no purpose. It's not so that he's clearly sweating. Gotcha.

But there's no evidence of perspiration on his legs or chest. Is Steve a dog? Is Steve a dog? We are getting too good at this. Steve is a racing dog. Dog's sweat on their paws and nose, not on their backs, chest or legs.

The way humans do. And if he's panting, he's clearly sweating. He's clearly sweating, because they can't regulate their heat. Regulators. God, I love a panting dog. Pfft. I love the panting dog.

I love panting dogs. Going up to a dog at a high school party, pulling their pants down from another pretty dog. Have you guys ever seen a dog who was panting who wasn't like exuberantly happy? Yeah. You have a sad life. No, well dog, don't,

isn't that how they cool themselves down? Mm-hmm. Then not all, not every hot dog. Heh. Heh. Not every hot dog. Not every hot dog. Not every hot dog. Not every hot dog. Not every hot dog. Not every hot dog. That's a two-short. Not every hot dog. Not every hot dog.

Not every hot dog. Not every hot dog. I'm tired of your defense. No, listen to me. Not all hot dogs are happy. Most when dogs are too hot, they're usually like, fuck this. Yeah. Why bother?

Why bother coming the 10 models here? Why are you defending hot dogs? Okay, because here's the thing. Er, what's the hottest dog in your opinion? Like sexy? Oh, the peskies are sure. I never mind. What's the sexiest dog?

Can you read the riddle again? I thought we saw that. We saw that. Oh. It wasn't. Er, no, what is he saying? Wait, wait, no, no, what was the riddle? It was the dog was. Oh. It was it. Aaron, I want to see a scene. Wait, wait, no, no, what was the riddle? It was the dog was panting.

What was the riddle? Oh, okay, okay, what was the riddle? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, uh, Jace, you're gonna be a dog that committed a crime. Okay. Uh, Aaron and I are playing the detectives trying to break you and you're clearly starting a sweat, but maybe don't show it fully.

Okay, puppy. Sit. Right in the, puppy. Sit. I'm good cop. This is bad. Roll over on your accomplices. Roll over on them. I'm not gonna tell you anything. I'm not gonna tell you shit. What about this ball? Here's the ball. Let me see the ball. I want it. Do you want the ball?

Tell me what you did. It does the ball. You taught me where I went to you. It does the ball. What did you do? You did the ball. What did you do, good boy? Here, let me try a different tactic.

Here's the dead woman. Let me rub your nose in it. Oh, no. Bad dog. Bad dog. Okay, bad, bad, no. What's a good boy? What's my good boy? Oh, and what's a good boy? He's gonna tell me the truth, huh?

The good boy's gonna tell me the truth? Okay, I'll tell you. Wait. What is it? Well, there's just corpse in the room. What is it, my own asshole? Well, it's come on. What's most delicious? Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't,

you're on ass. Come on, chief, come in here. He's eating his own ass. This is great Chief is our office dog chief come in here Wait do I do I smell other dogs? I'm like, she's dumb. I'm dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, your arms off. Aaron, after this episode, we won't have fans. Fans, where we're going, we don't need fans. Oh boy, let's go. I would love it if it was a fan giving a fan a hug and it is just an oscillating fan. It's an hour and a half. When Mrs. Sullivan walked into her room,

there is acid on the floor. Though Mrs. Sullivan observed that the acid was on the floor, she did not say or do anything. The floor was not harmed in any way. Guys, I know the answer to this, and I'm gonna say that this is my favorite room. The drug, acid, the drug. Is it the drug acid that's on the floor?

It is not the drug acid. Banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana. I thought it was like the 902 and 05, or Melrose place, danan danan, danan danan. So it's not the drug acid. Was it acetone? It is not acetone.

When Mrs. Sullivan walked into a room, there's acid on the floor. All right. Mrs. Sullivan observed there's acid on the floor. All right. But when Mrs. Sullivan observed that acid was on the floor, she did not say or do anything. The floor was not harmed in any way. Okay, Aaron, let's do the brain trust here.

What do we think? This is a specific type of acid. Uh-huh. What's her name? Mrs. What? Sullivan? She's Irish. Potato acids.

Potato acids. Uh-huh. Post potatoes. Post potatoes. Post potatoes. Potatoes. Pulse potatoes. Potatoes. Pulse potatoes. What's the courtative bin? Did she not say or do anything because she is in some way being like kidnapped?

Yeah, she's so drunk she can't see in front of herself. She's not being kidnapped. Okay. She's not drunk. She has full possession of her faculties. So Adolf's a very like different kind of asset. Well, she doesn't own the other teachers. Full possession of her faculties.

She, no, I'm talking about the movie, The Faculty, where John Stewart gets his face melted. Underrated movie. Yeah. I would rate it at a zero. It actually comes in a little under that. Robert DeVolves' daughter's in that. Really?

Lea DeVol. Wow, Lea DeVol. And Josh Hartnett maybe? No. No? Maybe. Could be. What happened to Josh Hartnett? That's the real riddle.

Where's Josh Hartnett? That's what this whole show's been leaning up to. We've been training to figure out that. You know the podcast missing Richard Simmons? Let's do that, but it's like. Josh Hartnett? Hello, Josh Hartnett. Okay, let's put this celebrity death clock on Josh Hartnett.

I think he's got four more years. I'm gonna Google him. He was in Sin City. That was what? Yeah, that was like 20 years ago. Yeah, that was like 20 years ago. 2002. He was in Black Hawk Down. He was in Cincinnati. That was what? Yeah, but that was like, 20 years ago. 2002, he was in Black Hawk Down. He was in 30 nights or something. Lucky that was 11.

The vampire movie. He was in, looking number 11. He was in that vampire movie, 30 days or 39. How old do you think he is now? 41? I think he's 45. You got it right away, 41. That's crazy.

Yeah, I'm, I am D being. He's young. 41's young. You should still be doing this. You should still be doing this. Oh, he's still doing movies. Okay, good. Name two.

Ooh, nothing that I even seems remotely familiar. Yeah. He's in upcoming movies. What, that's the title of that? Target number one, target number one, cash truck. He's in a show called Paradise Lost coming out his cash truck just like cash cab But Josh Hardnet is in a movie called cash truck. He's picking up hitchhikers in a semi Do you see any of these movies and care at the Viper? I want to see a scene. Valley of the gods

No, sorry. I had to see a scene. I want to see the premiere episode of Josh Hartnitz What do we say, a cash truck? So, James, you're gonna be Josh Hartnitz, you're driving a semi along with CC6. And you're not only delivering goods, you're delivering the goods in terms of a tribute contest, Aaron, you're a hitchhiker who got picked up and knowingly is now partaking in this game show.

Hey friend, where you going? Thanks for pulling over, just as far as you can take. Great hop up in. Hood. Don't throw that flush light in the air. going thanks for pulling over just as far as you can take great hop up in put don't throw that flashlight in here I go up up up I really appreciate you letting me in here actually you're on cash truck and I'm Josh Hartnett what in the fuck is a cash truck you may know some of the other movies that I've been in like the last Viper. No. Uh, WizBank. No. And, uh, Tidley Winks.

Nope. Uh, I was in 40 years and 40 nights. No. Really? Nope. I fucked a flower in that movie? Nope. Okay, anyway.

Well, I'm Josh Hartnett, I'm an actor. Um, Lucy Liu is a friend of mine? Nope. Nope. Okay, uh, anyway, we are in a cash truck. Uh, here's the way it goes. It's just like cash cab. It's a show.

I have a very thin understanding of how the show works. We're gonna take you as far as you go until you get an answer wrong and then you get kicked out of this truck and back into the desert to hitchhike your way home wherever you're going. All right. All right, first question, name one movie that I was in.

Oh, fuck me. Just a bunch of them. Ma'am, can we get you another blanket? No, it's okay. I just want to say I'm so sorry for what happened to you. Now, of course, as you know at this point, there is no cash truck. That's not a show. No, and that was not Josh Harden. And that was not Josh Harden.

You're abducted by a deranged man. Yeah, which was so strange, because I'm also a serial killer. And when two serial killers meet, you go like, what's something's gotta give, you know? Fuck, I wanna bring you in, but I can't. Do you have any evidence that you committed these crimes? No, I'm pretty good at it. Just had a curiosity.

Can you name one Josh Hartnett movie? I wanna say Tiddly Wings. I'm gonna keep reading some of these until we go, we'll find the year that you finally I Don't know any of those movies. I ready. We're gonna go back until you do ready and hair at the biker no Valley of the God. No, she's missing. No, she's all missing Wait, when I take off your glasses and your overalls your God Long home the long home home. No, oh Lucy

The ottoman lieutenant what the ottoman lieutenant wild horses sir long home. The long home home? No. Oh, Lucy. The Ottoman lieutenant. What? The Ottoman lieutenant? Wild horses. Sir, you need to get off the couch. Wild horses is an improv team. Yeah. Parts per billion. No. Stock between stations. What? Girl walks into your pictures. No, wait, wait, I've heard of her walks into a park. Have you really losing that? I don't know. I've heard of Girl walks into a bar. What year was it? I'm sorry, I'm thinking of a joke. Really? You made me cook in that for nothing.

I come with the rain. Oh, porn? Oh, porn? Stories USA, 30 days of night. Resurantly. Wait, wait, wait, wait. 30 days of night. Yes, what year is that?

What year is that? 2007. That's the thing. That's the power of moving. That's the last one I remember him doing. That's where he fucks a flower. No, no, no, that's 30 days and 30 nights. He was in Cincinnati.

He was in Cincinnati. He was in Cincinnati. He was in Cincinnati. He was in Cincinnati. Yeah, we mentioned that. Black cock down. I mentioned that. Yeah, this is all about Richard.

He was in the heart of country. He mentioned that. The Virgin Suicide. He was in financial trouble. He was in financial trouble right now. I wonder what, I mean, I have to read his Wikipedia. Josh, if you're out there, we know you're listening. Come on the show.

Come on the show. Bring us coffee. Swain or something. Pfft. Come on the show will give you a day's work. I ask for a cream splash. We'll give you a fair wage to the day's work. Josh, come on the show, earn your keep.

Pfft. Hey, Addle. Hit me up with the other way. The smooth riddles by man. Oh, well, we haven't solved the last one. You kidding me? When Mrs. Solven walked into the river, they're also asked on the floor.

Though Mrs. Solven observed the acid was on the floor, she did not say or do anything. The floor was not harmed in any way. Was it an acid David? Well, I gave you a acid David. I gave you a hint in terms of you said, did she have her faculties, did she own her faculties? And I said, she didn't own the rest of the teaching staff.

So the answer, a hint is that she's a teacher. She's a teacher. Science teacher. Yeah, science teacher. Sure, whatever you want. Was this a Kim lab? Did she walk into a Kim lab? Possibly, but that's not important.

Okay. What is the room that she walked into important? It's her classroom. Is the type of acid important? A acid-'s her classroom. Is the type of acid important? Massage. Massage. The type of acid is very much important. And it's not the chemical.

Okay, and it's not the drug. It's not the drug. It's not the chance to wrap her album. It's like a cleaning thing. It's not acid wraps. It's not acid wraps. It's not a cleaning thing. It's not acid.

What are other types of acid? Ernst had acid wash jeans, which was cool. And here's the reason it's my favorite riddle of all time. Why? It makes zero sense. Oh, I can't wait until it's... Fuck you, I thought it was gonna be good. Oh, you're a bear who's trapped in all of Garden.

We're gonna get some logistics. What is it? Acid was the name of all of Garden. We're going to get some bread to take. What is it? Acid was the name of one of Mrs. Sullivan's pupils. Acid was lying on the floor reading a book in the reading center. I want to see a scene. No, no, no, we all have to sit in silence for 10 seconds after that.

Acid is a human name in this example. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Like acid would be like the name of the... guys frog acid or something riddles are back and they I could write riddles you know chef Chris is in the kitchen and he's eating those at home. James is sweating profusely No, my pause Okay, okay. Okay, I hate rattles again. Shepha, who boy?

Shepha boy or boy? Shepha boy or boy? We have to end on that one. There's no topping it. There's no topping it. You could throw a cherry, some whipped cream, and sprinkles on there. There's no topping it.

What are some names that are worse than naming your kid acid? Reflex. Apple. Quarterly. Little butthole. What are some names that are worse than naming your kid acid reflex? Apple Quarter quarter a little but hole Rob Cordo was nice though here. We're gonna go We're gonna end this episode. We'll still do plugs and everything but I want to we're gonna end up the final scene Thank God, we'll still do poor and singing her country song. Maybe with some backup vocals. Okay Her country song little LilBot Hole. And maybe it's just gonna be like Hong Kong beat 2, 2, 3, 4, 5.

LilBot Hole, go ahead. Little but hole. Where did you go, little but hole? You're a tiny hole, little but hole. I can't find you, little but hole. I'm scared because I'm trying to poop. Little hot hole. Where'd you go?

I can't find my butt hole. I'm my body. I'm getting real scared because I'm trying to get naughty. And I can't find my butt hole. And I'm wearing my little butt hole. Weared my little butt whole go Weared my little butt whole go When hot and heavy gonna have anal sex But I can't find what's back there right next

And searching to and fro can't find the whole got the littlest Anas that you ever did know little but Where did my little but whole go? Where did my little but whole go? Okay, give me two more minutes. I'll plug in all these machines. We could start recording Speaking of plug-in machines. Oh, yeah, James. You have anything to plug in? Let's think of things that I would like to plug in Yeah, Glade candles. I would say if you would like to come and see our live shows, but you don't live in a city where we are doing our live shows,

join our Patreon. We put all of our live shows on the Patreon. That's patreon.com slash hey riddle, riddle. Good, good content. Hey. Are you anything in my book? Follow me, Aaron, keep 10 on Instagram, and there'll be more fun stuff over there soon enough. Hell yeah. I want to do a quick

doctor recommendations. Please check out the TV show The Circle on Netflix. It's a reality show that's so awful. It's amazing. And the first of this plug, the first episode you think, or Ernie, Nick, I'm got me into this. The first episode, you think, or Ernie, kneecam got me into this. The first episode, you think, I hate all these characters and I'll never enjoy any of them. And then by the end, you're attached to a lot of them. So check out the circle. Also, I want to plug a little show called Infinity Train,

which I was telling Aaron about. It's basically, it's on Cartoon Network, and it's basically a cross between Stranger Things, Adventure Time and Steven Universe. It's a girl gets on a mysterious train, and there's sort of infinite numbers of carts and each one she goes into is like its own little universe with its own weird reality and it's fucking fantastic. My favorite, I couldn't stop laughing, there's a cart she walks into made it a second or third episode. That's just all ducks and

she's trying to, it's her and her robot friend and a king dog, a dog that's a king. And they're making their way through all the ducks and she grabs one of the ducks and he looks insane and he goes, can you help me find my normal eyes? And for whatever reason, that made me laugh so hard. I kept rewinding it because I like this is the place thing I've ever seen. Can you help me find my normal eyes? Um, but watch Infinity Train this fantastic. Okay. Um, Erin speaking of, uh, infinite trains. Mm-hmm.

Um, if a train leaves the earth. Hey, so sister, Angel is the best of all the radio. Ariel and Jupiter, I love you though. Bye. I should do jobs to Jupiter. See I would want to be a- That's a train salad. Bye. I should do jobs to Jupiter. See I would want to be a train's out. Bye infinity. Vocal created by Emily Cardamus and Emily DeBores And the most stupid or hate-witch-or-break-all