Hey Riddle Riddle - #87: Not Enough Buckles

Episode Date: March 18, 2020

In this weeks episode, Erin reads annoying riddles that we are all going to PRETEND WE LOVE! The crew gives their thoughts on “The Circle” and “Love is Blind” and talk about their dream reality shows. Adal and JPC are BOTH called up to Riddle Court! Two pilgrims try to get into heaven, Batman meets a new villain, and JPC makes up a new alphabet! We love #WiddleWednesdays!Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a Headgun Podcast. I Already everyone on the ground get down everyone on the ground. Oh my god. Oh my god already laying down here I'm here as napping. James, see Aaron, get up. What are you doing? What? Don't use our fucking, use our, don't use our, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, we would like to rob this bank. Now tell you why, my name is Aaron. And my name's Adel.

And we're robbing this bank of all its riddles. Give us your riddles, get down. Give me that riddle. Get down and then give us your riddles. And we are not wearing masks, because we're not cowards. We're wearing masks of each other's faces. It was expensive.

A very expensive. We used that face-off technology. Mm-hmm. It's impossible. Simon Pegg, shit. Mm-hmm. Okay, well, cops are here. And we're going to the office.

That technology in the mission of possible movies pisses me off. Oh yeah, because it's a ludicrous. It's ludicrous. And that's fast and furious. That's true. So this is a really good sample of this podcast. This is what we're sure we're all about. Screaming and pop culture references and madness.

So this is your first time listening. This is Heyver No Vretel. This is a podcast about riddles that couldn't be less about riddles. Yeah, go ahead and go to a worthy review podcast and smash that one star button. There's now a button for one star. Most podcasts get it. Yeah, we do deserve one stars because we have one star in the podcast. I'll get committed a lot of sins. Thank you for calling me a star.

Did I? I don't know. Not only are you Oh, thank you for calling me a star. Did I? I don't know. Not only are you star, but you're old. Man. Puzzles. Well, here's before we get into that, there's speaking of yelling about pop culture, there are two pop culture things I would like to yell about. Oh.

And I would like for you to join me. Start the clock. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, turn off the music. Oh, sorry. Yeah, start the clock. And to do music. Uh, welcome back to the segment. Aaron's watching terrible reality TV.

TV we might be I just started show we might be talking about the same show. Okay, it's two So I'll start with one that is it three three letters or three words. Yeah, okay Well, okay, then I'm gonna do that second one. Okay, so and as always I have no idea what's happening And I will not contribute well the first one I want to talk about is the circle have you watched the circle? I watched it when it came out It came out while Magic Tavin was on tour and Arnie mentioned it and I was like I gotta check this out because Arnie's a real reality head Mm-hmm And then I started watching it and then I became obsessed with it and then Matt Young started watching it

So the three of us were on tour for a week, and all we would talk about when we ate our meals was the circle. I would love to talk to Matt Young. Hi. And I started off hating it, and I'm like, all these people were just pickable. I hate them all, and then by the end, I was like, I was rooting for so many people,

and I was so overjoyed by it. So it took, it was a real rollercoaster ride, and I cannot wait for season two, and I know James watched the first episode and hated it. All right, nope, that is not true. I would say that it was on in my house. I don't think I watched. I don't think I watched any of it.

I think you would like it. No, you're actually wrong about that. So if that's a thought that you would have, that's a wrong thought. Watch the full first episode and tell me. No, I won't do that, but I did watch... Mariah watched all of it, and a lot of the time she was watching it,

I was just watching at her going like, really? Yeah, really? This is another time where I wish Mariah was here and studying her. Earn what your thoughts on it. Okay, so I loved it, watched it so fast. Would die for Shubi, would die for Joey, would die for Sammy, would die for Chris,

I'll die for all of them. That's for you. It is hysterical. Seaburn, would you die for seaburn? Yeah, I actually would. What a weirdo, huh? Every time they cut him in that apartment, he was doing the strangest thing.

Yeah. I want to go on it so badly. I was talking, we were talking with a friend of the show Becky Becker-Barish, and her and I agreed, any improviser would absolutely run that show. If you put any improviser in that house, absolutely run that show. Because what it is is, you know what the concept is,

but they're basically sending messages, they can't see. I know enough that I would not recommend it or watch it or like it. And every scene is somebody being like, circle, open up chat with Aaron. Hey girl, how are you? You seem so genuine, send.

And then Aaron would be like, oh, that's so sweet. Wait, wait. No, let me get it That's so sweet Heart emoji Prayer hands emoji. How you feeling about last night's elimination babe? send send Circle message Aaron can't talk now have to go Lyleas send. Great talking to you, Han. I can't believe.

I can't believe. I'm a circle. Hey, circle great. Great talking to you, Han. Can't believe we're in this journey together. You're in the corner. You're in the corner. You're in the corner.

You're in the corner. You're in the corner. Oh, no, I got blocked. Sean and I want to go on together and play one hot dude. Couple circle. Or go on together and we just try to be one of us. I would play a burning tree. What is that?

What is a tree on fire? You're just a tree on fire, that's your profile picture. My concept for, which I think would be fun, is to get all celebrities, so it's like 15 celebrities, they all don't know that each other's there and tell them they're the one celebrity surprise. So then it's all celebrities. They all don't know that each other's there. And tell them they're the one celebrity surprise. So then it's all celebrities.

That's a blast. Playing regular people and see how they, how fucking out of touch there. I would like, I love it. Circle, a gallon of milk is like. Super describing it up here. It's a very strange, yeah. Which was more stressful than any action movie I've ever seen

is him trying to fit in with the other women by describing his period. So it's like, my left side hurts real bad. And all the women are like, huh. I think you're in trouble. I would love to see it where it's everybody. It's just the circle of everybody's in their own apartments. They're sending these messages.

They can see their own profile. They think it looks like one thing. But the only thing that everyone else can see is just pictures of Jeb Bush and the name Jeb Bush. So I would be like, why is, why am I only communicating with Jeb Bush in this name Jeb Bush. So I was like, why is, why am I only communicating with Jeb Bush in this game? Circle police clap.

That's amazing. See the other show. I love Joey saying, Shub, I would die for you. Yeah. Shubbi, I take a bullet for you, Shubbi. OK, so. I'll show his love. Love is blind.

Holy shit. Have you watched Love is Blind? No, and I won't, guys. And if you see, why are do you not like fun? Reality TV is trash, right? I know. You're an actor. You go on auditions.

Every time they make reality TV, it takes jobs from you. And I'm, get to go for it. I love this one. I love this one. It's the biggest shit show, the most, it's unbelievable. It's people who get married with them.

They don't see each other. They don't, they don't, they don't, they don't even try to guess what they're like. They go in these pods. They go in these pods. They go in these pods on dates and then they have to match up with someone to get married. And episode one, there's a woman who goes, there's three guys I could honestly, this sounds crazy.

There's three guys that I could spend the rest of my life with. And this is after one day with like 10 minute dates. It's 10 minute dates. It's absolutely insane. Well, they just like, they talk, they go into these pods and they get to like talk to a guy for like two hours And then they like meet everybody and then they get their favorites and then after like two or three days of talking They get engaged and they're allowed to see each other for the first time and 95% of them are sociopaths

Sure, but also like that you can just get divorced like none of this matters Yeah, but here's the thing about the show so I this show made me think of my dream reality show that I want to exist. Or like love, finding love show. So I think people, two people should sit in a room and watch that show together. And if they both laugh at the same parts, they should fall in love and be married. I have a concept for a show, which is two people meet for the first time on a launch pad. They get into a space shuttle. They're shot into space for good. They never come back. Never come back.

And the cameras are just on them 24 or seven. Until they die. Until they die. What's great for a love reality? And in the spaceship, there's condoms and one gun. Okay, so my one gun with a ton of bones. A number of thousands of people. My reality show, it's a reality love show, it's called Saw.

So what is this? Is this Saw? You standing there and I couldn't help but kiss you. It's two people trapped in a room together. They're like, Jay to the floor. There's a Saw in the middle. There's another person who's in a separate room who is forcing them to kill each other and stuff like that

Okay, yeah, I like mine the most just two people making fun of love is blind Well, Aaron I have to disagree. I like yours the most well Aaron. I got to disagree with you I think all of these are bad But it really could be any reality TV show like watch love Island together Watch the circle together like and if you are both doing bits and laughing at the same thing That's your freaking soulmate and a TV soulmate is a love soulmate. Honestly, like the premise for the show

that you described of love is blind where people just like talk to people for three hours and then get married. It's truly no more ridiculous. Marriage is a cultural concept. There are people that have arranged marriages, an Indian tradition. There are people that get married off of like

online dating and stuff where they never meet people, people like catfish people online, it's all fucking, you know, bullshit. Like there's no reason why people might have a better shot of talking for three hours and then spending the rest of their life together. That's true, but these people suck. Sure, yeah, but his name begins with B.

Barnette. Barnette. His first name is Barnette. No, I think his last name is Barnett, but people call him Barnett. Okay. But he made a sexual joke, and that girl was like, and that's amazing, Barnett.

And she also, while they're at the bar with several of the couples, she's giving him a hand job in his cargo shirts. I like that part. I haven't seen that part yet. I also, in front of the show, John Mackey was tweeting about it, and he was basically like, this is the most disgusting show. Would he say that? We're like a year away from like the purge, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I don't understand about reality TV shows is so many people like yeah, this shows sucks. And I'm on season seven of it.

I'm like, why? You finished things that you haven't liked. Have you never hate watched or hate listened to something? You've been at stake and you were making faces the whole lot. Yeah, I was like 15 years of being a vegetarian. You're still on this podcast. But reality TV shows where I draw the line. I've hate red books that I'm like,

I get like, you know, 40 pages in, I'm like, oh, this thing sucks and I'll finish it. But I will never watch a reality TV show. I'll never sit down and watch a reality TV show. Big brother's the best. I don't think I've ever watched any reality TV show. I understand the concept of reality TV, but it just doesn't exist.

I know we're doing for an X-Review crew. This is screwing you up. Yeah, I mean, if it was like a season of reality TV that's such a commitment, I think the longest review crew that we've watched is like a double pilot. We'll come to record that episode, and it'll be me and Adel,

and then just Mariah with a fake video. I'm totally JBC, here to record to the review of the reality TV show. We can do a review crew of a season of Survivor, and I'd be like, yeah, I watched it. I would just read the Wikipedia on it. I don't know. Keep a cover, stop a rice. Yeah, like Jeff did well.

He was hungry the whole time. Good. Do you think Jeff propses hungry? Do you think the host of the show doesn't eat? Yes, it's a the survived. If we... That's my idea for the best real show of all time. He's the host has to do whatever the restaurant is doing. He's in 41, a cash shows up in Jeff Prope's, and he starts to host it, and they go, no, no, no.

You're in it. Drop your buffs. He's like, what? And they're like, it's just you. I want to see that with the amazing race host. He's just trying to get that. Yeah, to his job. Oh, fuck.

If we bought Mariah Dinnard, you think she would come do a root crew episode of the show? host. He's just trying to get that. She gets to his job. Oh, fuck. If we bought Mariah Dinnard, you think she would come to a root crew episode with us of a reality TV show. I don't know if never purchased her dinner. So I don't know what she'll do if you do that. I would like for her to come on. I think that will be a fun special guest.

Are we ready for me to be Oldman Puzzles? Yes, ready. OK, the theme for this episode, are you ready? Drumroll, please. KC will add one and then you'll also do that. I'll do thumbs. Adam pulled my thumbs off. And now I'm gonna hand you these rolls,

shaped like drums for you to munch on. And these are spring rolls. I'm still on my thumbs. Okay, the theme is riddles that aren't gonna piss you off. Okay, this is way better than when Adel did that themed episode that we lost, which was riddles that were gonna piss on me. I got piss on me. What a love of death.

What a what episode. What a what a what episode. This riddle is called Jennifer and Amy. What app? Jennifer is in Missouri. Amy is in Oklahoma City. Emily is in Arkansas. And Ellen is in Missouri. Amy is in Oklahoma City. Emily is in Arkansas. And Ellen is in Kansas.

Wait, what was the title of this riddle? Jennifer and Amy. But there's four ways. I know. It makes a title. Just for a little bit. Did I not tell you the thing about the episode? Oh, the other layout for this episode is you have to pretend

that these riddles are great. So these riddles are all going to be terrible. We're have to pretend that these riddles are great. So these riddles are all gonna be terrible. We're gonna act like these riddles are fucking gold from God. So this is the del close method of improvising. This is gold from God. Treat them like they're geniuses and poets. Jennifer's in Missouri.

Amy is in Oklahoma City. Emily's in Arkansas, and Ellen is in Kansas. So far this is good. They all live in the same small one story house How is this possible? They're all crazy There we go these four women are crazy. Thanks, Adam back to you JPC for the weather Well, I'm like I know I'm supposed to do weather, but I'd also like to comment on how these women are

Listen They're they're clearly crazy. They just happen to be women. But these women are crazy. I'll tell you why. They broke up with me. And I'm like the little prince. Look, it doesn't think of crazy.

It just makes them all gay. They all broke up with me on the same day. It's going on. Anyone who breaks up with me is either gay or crazy. I was sounding like an M&M song. Truly though, anyone who's ever broken up with me is a stupid psychopath because I'm cozy and I'm tall. Next question, back to Addo with sports.

I'm cozy and I know it. Tall, tall, tall, tall. So we have Oklahoma City, Kansas, Missouri, and what was the other one? Arkansas. And was it Kansas City or just Kansas? Kansas. Kansas, Missouri, Oklahoma City, Arkansas.

Jennifer's in Missouri, Amy's in Oklahoma City. Emily's in Arkansas, Ellen isn't Kansas. And they all live in the same one-story house. So they're all actors on the show house. They're, oh, it's full house. Yeah, they live inside house. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, can you say, does it say where they're from?

No, it doesn't say where they're from. But it says they're in, wait, can you say, read the riddle one more time? Jennifer's in Missouri. Amy's in Oklahoma City. Emily is in Arkansas and Ellen is in Kansas. They all live in the same small one story house. How is this possible?

Well, it's possible. Okay, I think I have the answer. I have the answer as well. Well, I have, I have an answer. I have Z answer. I have the answer as well. I have, I have, Ian answer. I wouldn't, I have Z answer. Okay, go ahead. I presume I'm having fun. These are great.

Do the answer. These are some of my favorite, and I think this word is good, and there's no problem with it. This is my favorite episode. So they, they all live in the same house, but they're all out on vacation. They're all visiting on the first day.

Is that your answer as well? Do you have an after-com? No, mine is that they all live in the same house, because it's a model house that was built in all of those different cities. And the award goes to Addle with the answer that is written down. Bada, bada, bada, bada, bada,

that's a quick, how do you like that riddle? That one was really good. And what I liked about that riddle was how it was actually it meant very good to it. I wanna see a scene. And Addle, how do you like that riddle was how it was actually it meant very good to it. I want to see a scene. And Addle, how do you like that riddle? I put it in my top one riddles. Love it.

In terms of riddles I've won. I want to see a scene where you two are living, you two are a married couple, you live in a house, but this house spans from California to Nevada. Got it. Um, honey, I hate to do this to Nevada. Got it. Um, honey, I hate to do this to you. What? Honey, I hate to do this to you.

I'm in the Nevada room. I know. Can you, honey, I hate to do this to you. I left. I'm giving the dog a bath. I left. I left my um, car keys. I left my car keys.

And the real California part of the house. Can you go grab them for me? How do you have giving the dog a bath? Okay, when you're done giving the dog a bath, can you go get my car keys and some thumbs for me? I need some thumbs. They're in California part of the house Wait, I'm in the Nevada part of the house aren't you in the California part of the house? Wait, I'm in the Nevada part of the house. Aren't you in the California part of the house? No, I'm sort of in the middle part. That's why we can still hear each other. I can hear you because I'm in my phone is on.

Should we make love soon? I give you the dog a bath. I'm in the eartax. You used to give me a bath. Well, I just made love to the dog. It's only cleaning the dog off. I'll get my own tums. Do you want a t clicking the dog. I'll get my own thumbs. Do you want a tubs?

No, I'm getting my tubs. I'll give you a tug. I fucked the dog too. I'm saying. We still got it. We still got it. And I fucked the dog too. Are we ready?

Yes. Hey guys, is that a good t-shirt for our show? I fucked the dog too. No, no. The dog in the back fucked the dog too. No, no. The dog in the back. The dog too. Well, I loved it. I loved it that shirt.

It's such a bold, weird statement, but it also implies a precedent. Oh yeah, I fucked the dog too. So people were like, whoa, whoa. I'm missing something. I guess we could make. I'm missing a lot of things. We could make our first couple's companionship that just says,

I fucked a dog in another shirt that says, I fucked the dog too. And it's like, what- I fucked the dog and then I'm with stupid. I'm with dog fuckers. All right. Next, Riddle. The sun shining in St. Louis made the lives

of Kevin and Susie Brighter in New Jersey. Wait, let me see this book here. This says St. Louis Riddles. Little bully. Quick reminder, I lived in St. Louis for two years. That's a minor league baseball team. St. Louis Australia, right? No. If you live in St. Louis, I've been there. I know your secrets. City Museum, we're coming for you. That's my favorite place. I never been, but I hear... Hydroages. Can we go?

Yes. Should you review crew of the City Museum? I've been to the City Museum. I would say it's, as an adult, I was underwhelmed. I felt like this was a better place for younger kids. You need more fun friends. Also, you're sober, so you didn't go high? Yes, correct.

Okay, that is all starting to check out. No, I've never actually gone high before, but it is game-wise. I've gotten, I've never been. I'm just like, I like the type of person who thinks of refers to getting high is gone high. I've never gone high before. I've gotten, I've never gone to the high place before.

Yeah, I love it there. I am dying for one of my friends to get married there. That's my dream, is to go to a wedding there. Any friend, I don't give a shit. Will you get married there? No. Yeah, I'm probably not gonna get married at the city museum at the same time.

Aaron, if it makes you happy? Yeah, I know you and I aren't getting married, but please, for my choice, my happiness is over your life. I will get married there contingent on that. I meet my wife to be. We have a three hour conversation and she gives me a hand job with my card, no shorts. All right, well, don't dream too big.

God, the sun shining in St. Louis made the lives of Kevin and Susie brighter in New Jersey. Okay, so what's happening is that in a world, Kevin and Susie have superpowers. St. Louis has been destroyed. This one you're gonna love and this is opposite day here in here. So the sun shining on St. Louis made New Jersey brighter somehow. I got to tell you this is definitely going to be your least favorite red all we've ever

done, but favorite. Okay, so can Kevin and Susie, do they have some sort of connection to St. Louis? Do they know what's happening in St. Louis? The sun is shining on St. Louis. Maybe not everything that's happening in St. Louis, but maybe they know one specific thing. Here and I think I solved it. What's up? So Kevin and Susie a month prior were in St. Louis with their grandpa. Grandpa got lost. It was winter. Grandpa died in the snow. Sun came out in St. Louis, melted the snow. Suddenly, Missouri State Police found Grandpa's body. Can you read that for the whole winter here?

They called New Jersey. I'm done with the city, it's gonna get possibly to be, right? The sun shining in St. Louis made the lives of Kevin and Susie, brighter in New Jersey. Okay, so the sun is shining, right? The sun is shining. Can we have a shirt that says, I went to St. Louis and all I got was my day grandpa.

Yeah, maybe the spelling in this is what you think. I got it, I got it. So the sun is shining. So what is another way to say that the sun is shining? The sun came out, right, from behind the clouds. Their sun, their sun came out. He's gay. He's in St. Louis, he's living his best life.

They've never been more proud of their gay sun. You're halfway there. And they have a shirt that says, I love my gay son. And another shirt that says, and he's doing great in St. Louis. I, okay, that is a T-shirt. You're okay.

No, you're right that it's spelled S-O-N. Aaron, I do wanna say, I do know that the son is gay because he broke up with me. The son? So he wants to get it. So now you know it's S-O the SOM shining in St. Louis, made the lives of Kevin and Susie,

brighter in New Jersey. Here's the thing, the sun was playing ultimate frisbee on National TV and was doing great because it was the game proceeded because of the sun. And Kevin and Susie were watching on TV in New Jersey celebrating their son doing well. More literal, what the word shining. Shining. He was here, Johnny, he killed his family with an axe.

And they were so so proud. And they were so proud of him for finally doing it. And there was a bear in the bathtub giving a blowjob to him. So what is shining? What could shining mean? Is it like he's in the flashlight brigade? So he shining, he shining, he's...

Another club, I'm not a part of. He shining is armor because he's worked for the St. Louis medieval times. No, alright, here we go. Kevin and Suzy were an older married couple whose son owned a prosperous shoe shining business at the St. Louis airport. He sent money for their care because his business did so well. You love that riddle? Thank Louis Airport. All right. He sent money for their care

because his business did so well. You love that riddle? Yes. You love it, you love it. I dream too. And here's a specific reason why I love it. I love it because they were an older couple. Now, it could have been that they had a child very young

and they were cool hip, young parents with a child with a successful shoe-shining business at the St. Louis Airport, but it was not the case they were cool, hip, young parents with a child with a successful shoe-shining business at the St. Louis Airport, but it was not the case they were older. And that made me think, a good. And Aaron, can I just say, do I think that this riddle fucking fucks dogs? Yes, but do I think it's bad?

Absolutely. At some point in this episode, you do have to take a riddle to a riddle court, but you have to defend it. So keep your ears peeled, because we're to a riddle court, but you have to defend it. So, you keep your ears peeled because we're going to riddle court two times and you're gonna defend a riddle and you're gonna defend a riddle.

Speaking of a place that we are going to, let's see a scene and we're gonna be traveling all the way to the St. Louis airport. Addle, you are going to play an enterprising shoe shine there. You have a shoe shining business and you like to dole up pieces of wisdom to the people that stop and getprising shoe shine there. You have a shoe shining business, and you like to dole up pieces of wisdom

to the people that stop and get their shoe shine. Can I be an airplane who shines shoes? No, you can do what I fucking said, you can get the fuck out of the show. Maybe the shit flies on magic tavern or her all for the riddle bosses or whatever, but fuck off. This is... So I'm, my flight's in a couple minutes,

so just a quick shoe shine will do, thanks. Great, all right, so go ahead and have a seat here. Okay. Alright. And we're just going to lower this onto your head. This is a VR machine. This is just going to let you kind of just see nature. We find that that helps people a lot.

Oh, that's really sweet. Thanks. And just... Only you can prevent forest fires. Oh, okay. Do it. Do it. Are you shining my shoes? I don't feel anything fires. Oh, okay. Do you have it? Are you shining my shoes?

I don't feel anything yet. Oh, well, first you have to prevent a forest fire with VR Smoky. Oh, yeah, you don't smoke a cigarette. Yeah, I don't know how many likes. Well, okay, that was the first trap. Oh, shit, hold on. Ma'am, do you see a bear or JP riddles?

No, it doesn't hear that. Oh my God, it's JP Rittles wearing a bear suit. I'm blown out of cigarettes, but what I do have is a Stogi. Stogi is what I like to call a corgi. I've killed a corgi in my life. Man, run. You're wearing shorts and no shirts. No, you can't run because your feet stuck in a mud. I put that on. It's not really mud.

If you try to be, are you dying real life? It's crabs. It's a big pile of crabs. Most of those crabs in my cousin. So I'm going to tell him that to clip at you. They're cool with me because I've married them all. I'm an efficient. I got a certificate from a website. Maybe if you read me one of your swan lumps.

OK. I've got how to prevent foresight. No. This is swan lumps, number one, 71. The woman who put on her VR and then died because of buried. Well, there was a very dumb woman who came into the wrong shoe shining airport, and she put on a VR, which is short for vitriol reality, which is a reality where there's only anger, spat at one another. I'm trying to get this thing off my head and you will move.

It's she met a very crazy man who glued a hat to her head. Time of death. 9.14 p.m. Location of death? Sincerely was there. We see that we see the man who is shunning shoes. Sadly walk out of the airport. He's done for the day.

There's a bunch of people screaming behind him and pointing to this corpse as he's sleeping. As he hits the sidewalk, you see him fall into his front hands. They turn into wheels. His back legs turn into the back of a plane. The front part of him turns into the front of a plane. He becomes a fucking plane.

It'll work. Takes off. Perfect. He takes off and do this guy. He's a plane. Cannon. Cannon. Cannon shoots him down the cannon connects

back to a pirate ship the pirate stands on the deck of his ship stroking his beard no we got it no we finally got the cannon that shot him down was Nick Cannon he started a beef with the drugline a guy blesses St. Louis but you're the city I want to die in the least and And I'm not kidding. Did someone say die in weasel? All right. No. Keep in mind, keep your ears peeled, because you got to go to Rittle Court later.

You're going to be on the defense side. Ready? This is called rain. This year April Shower's Brought May Flowers in snowy December. What gives? Golden shower. April showers.

April showers is, so April showers, Brought May flowers. What this is is April showers is a woman who works for the Plymouth Rock Institute. She made it. April showers, Plymouth Rock Institute. Why haven't you been paying your taxes, Congressman? April showers is a news reporter. She married a turtle named Raphael Showers.

But she made a model, Mayflower, and brought it to the museum. Or brought it to whoever they said. You're sort of there. Okay, so Mayflower must be the boat. The Mayflower? Right, the Mayflower. Yeah. April showers.

I want to see you seen. The two of you are pilgrims on the Mayflower. You're probably 100 miles from hitting Plymouth Rock, but you have no idea. Sure. And you're starting to doubt ever taking this trip. Hey, Kyle. Yes, I'm at the.

Can I tell you a secret? Well, yes. But only if God can hear it as well. All right, that's fine. Let's kneel and talk. Hey, Kyle. Yes, I'm at the. I have all the diseases.

Oh, yes. All of them. Both. The kind you get from horses, the kind you get from food, the kind you get from sea water, the kind you get from weather, the kind you get from sex, and all the other kinds as well. Silly Samantha, there's only one kind of disease, not the kind that God gives you as punishment for not wearing enough buckles on your shoes in your hat. I haven't had any buckles on my shoes in hat.

Well, I'm protected for I have three buckles on each. I have 15 layers of skirt. Oh, well, that's a lot of skirts, and that's good. But if you can't buckle the skirt, then of course you get the diseases, Samantha. I have all the diseases. The rash is too. The rash is you get from being a woman. The rash is you get from too much hot or too much cold. But Samantha, that's why we're going to the new world. A new world which will cure all of our rashes.

I heard that there's buckle trees in the new world with infinite buckles on them. I fear I won't make it cough, cough, blood, blood. Vomit, vomit, cough. And as she starts to cough blood, the boat immediately tips over and they both drown. We see them arrive at the gates of heaven. Welcome, I am Peter. Is that see them arrive at the gates of heaven. Welcome, I am Peter, is that right?

Welcome to the gates of heaven. Can I hear from both of you, what's the worst and best thing you ever did? Worst and best thing that I ever did. Well, the worst thing I ever did is I didn't have enough buckles on my shoes and hats. Well, that's next. There's how many buckles you have.

Let's count here. Oh, two, three. I have nine. Nine, three. I have nine. Nine, yes. I have one buckle on this shoe, one buckle on this shoe, but no other buckles, because I'm a lady, and we wear different clothes. Lots of layers, they're scratchy, like horrible linen.

She would I had to deal with them, and my man, but you get it. Oh, no buckles, and- I broke up with him, and he called me crazy, and a lesbian. No, no. She broke up with me, and then I said, good, because I'm gay, so I didn't want you. Okay, listen, I'm gonna send you to hell, but it's not because of, it's because you have no bubbles.

I'm gonna tell people it's because of what I just said. Come on, come on. It's too late. Send me back to Earth, I wanna see the new world. I was only 17 years old and I was the grandpa. I was seven and I had four kids. That's how it works. Uh huh.

Trust me, things are gonna get better, okay? God is working on some new, you know, has some macronation, some things. No spoilers. Nope, do you wanna hear a little bit? Well sure. There's gonna be a thing called air hockey. I'm done, I'll go to hell.

You're insane. I'm sick. Um, there's this place in Massachusetts called Plymouth Plantation and people dress up like pilgrims and they walk around and they answer questions and they stay in character. It's a lot of people with their masters in history but some people are really, really into it

and I took Sean over the summer and it was the best day ever. But these people get so into it and I have this video on my phone that I'll post the day that this episode comes out and it's two pilgrim men talking to each other. And you just want to go, it's Briggs who lives here. Isn't it master-old, and the other guy goes, it's Sean's just like, yes. So they have to engage with you as well. Yeah, they do. And we went into a house.

And Sean, you could ask some questions about history. It really is so cool. It was my favorite field trip ever growing up. You're supposed to ask them a questions about history. And this is, we, Sean and I are in a little pilgrim house. And there's a girl inside, and she's cooking. And we're asking her questions. And Sean's just like,

well, like your husband be chosen for you. Like, do you have any say in this? And this girl looked like we had like scanned Eliza's turn but in character, she's like, oh my goodness, like, I'm far too young for any, oh, she's like this 30 year old woman playing this 14 year old girl. And she was the most uncomfortable. It was just me and Sean, in this little house.

And he was like, okay, sorry. She was like, how dare I am far too young to be thinking of such husband things? Really? Oh my God. It's probably better because it's Boston. So most of the people are like, how come, how come for you? How, how goes it there?

And someone's like, hey man, how big is your dick back here? How much dick you got back here? You, you cut. I want to see a scene. I'm going to be playing someone from this, what's it called? Plantation. Plantation.

Plantation. I'm a guide or I'm a character and you two or two kids who've come to just like ruin me. Oh, would you like to see the blacksmithery? Yeah, sure. Do you have an iPhone? Oh my god. An iPhone? I do not know what you mean young lass,

but what I do have is fat to make candles. Yeah, you have a lot of fat. You could make it, try to candles by man. Nice high five. In my day, that's a compliment. So I'll see it as such. A well fed man is a working man. Now, I come inside. I stoke the fire here so I can pour some metal and shape that into a horseshoe.

Now, horseshoe? What happens when you fart? I do not know this word, but I do relieve myself from my back end and an odorous whiff does come fluttering out and it makes the whole family. How do you wipe? You're an absolute nerd. How do you wipe? Wipe my brow? No, not your brow. With this curtiff, good sir.

No, no, no, your ass. My donkey? I have a horseshoe, but I've not seen an ass or mule. You're so cool. We both have a girlfriend. Do you have a freaking girlfriend? Your cool will come by the fire then. Do I have many friends who are who are girls? They are friends of my daughter. Do you have a wife?

Yes, I do have a wife my wife is the local buttermaid What's a buttermaid? What's a buttermaid? Buttermaid is a woman who cleans up butter from every meal for a family of higher stakes or status Hires stakes do you like get high stakes get high. Let's not be fucking kids. Come here. Come here. Get by the fire, huh? Fucking fire This happened to us. It was JP riddle. Is that right? Yeah, zip. No Well kids, they listen up here. We're gonna all get a step inside the fire

We're gonna just like Harry Potter. We're gonna do, they're listening up here. We're all gonna step inside the fire. We're just like Harry Potter. We're gonna do snooze powder. We're gonna do snooze. Oh God, I bleeding hard, huh? That was not a real zipper. I just got a zipper caught in my head. All right, and we're going to break. What is your short say, I fuck dogs, too?

It's the number two. Looking forward on D-Public, maybe. We have to take a break. Hey GPC! You're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm I'm I'm a pranking at all and I'm setting up a website to print them. I just need some advice. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. I'm not mad at you. We're pranking at all.

Squarespace is the only website platform for entrepreneurs to stay in doubt and to see it online. Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website engaged with your audience. And so let me think for products to cut into time all in one place all on your terms. Hey, Addle, come here. Come here. Come here. Hey, what's what's going on? I actually, I want to prank JPC and I want to set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like is there like an online store that could set up on my website to sell products?

Did you know that with Squarespace you can have custom merch. You can easily sell custom merchant create passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand, design your products and production and inventory and shipping are handled for you saving you time and money. What is happening? Okay. Um, wait, what's going on with that all? Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing. What is happening? Okay. Wait, what's going on with that all? Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing.

No, he's gonna tune you. And I'm gonna use analytics. Use insights to grow my business and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool. I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords, our popular products and content on my prank website. The prank site too. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron.

I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what the website was for. The website was for. Prank. With Squarespace. You can connect to your store to Vedent Third Party tools to extend the functionality of your website.

Hey, JPC, hey JPC. What's up, Madel? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh, she's back, she's back.

Hey Aaron. Hey Aaron. Can we she's back, she's back. Hey, Erin, can we go to grandma's house? Wait, I've been pranked. But how? I don't know. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, Adel and JPC, thank you for meeting me in the middle of the woods here. I am sort of at an empath. I can't decide whether or not to go this way or this way. I'm having a hard time choosing a path. You know, there never truly is a middle of the woods. Isn't it funny to think about something like that?

There never truly is a middle of the woods. No, this is the middle. Okay, this is it. Addle, can you help? Yeah, actually. So as per Robert Frost, I don't know if you know his poems. He has a poem called Better Help. I believe this is written in the 1800s, but it still stands true today more than ever.

Aaron, you should try Better Help. Have you heard of this? You seen this? Mm-hmm. Because sometimes Aaron and life were faced with tough choices and the path forward isn't always clear whether you're dealing with decisions around career relationships, being stuck in the middle of the woods, therapy helps you stay connected to what you, ow, ow, sorry, that also does so fast. Therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate life and the woods. Hmm, and better help is entirely online, so it's designed

to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. I've been using it for several years, and it suits the way that my brain works way better than traditional therapy ever did. And when Aaron says traditional therapy just so everyone's clear what she means is tricking two of her friends to coming to the middle of the woods, even though there isn't truly the concept of the middle of the woods, isn't that fun to think about? All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a license therapist and you can switch therapist at any time for no additional charge. Hey, Aaron, a GPC's putting down bread crumbs and then immediately picking them up and eating them. Dirty bread crumbs.

And he's also like really into that owl who's swooping down. Anyways, let therapy be your map with better help. Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp-h-e-l-p.com-riddle. R-i-d-d-l-e. R-i-d-d-l-e, the middle of riddles a D, but there is no true middle of riddle because it would be the space in the city. Hope you get home. Bye. Am home. Who are we? I think, I think, excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, I just want to make a quick toast to, I know it's JPC's birthday and we're all so excited to talk about him, but I want to talk

about my favorite, my favorite thing in the world. And that is the app Rocket Money. Oh, yeah, Aaron, that's one of my favorite things as well. Huh? Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place.

I've been using it for years, way before they were a sponsor, and it helps me so much, especially around tax season. Clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, uh, uh, sorry, I also want to give it toast. Rocket money, well quickly and easily find your subscriptions for you. And for any you don't want to pay for anymore, just hit cancel and Rocket money will cancel it for you. It's that easy. Clean, clean, clean. It also categorizes your expenses so you can easily track your budget in real time and also get alerted if anything looks off over three million.

Oh, Clint, Clint, Clint. Over three million people have used rocket money, saving the average person up to $720 a year. We love rocket money. Stop, Clint, Clint, Clint, Clint. Stop. No, Clint, Clint, Clint, stop. Throw, click, click, click, stop. Throwing your money away, cancel unwanted subscriptions today and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com slash riddle.

That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle. Rocketmoney.com slash riddle, and tell them JPC's birthday got ruined by two of his friends for doing speeches about rocket money the website And we're back to riddles that are gonna piss you off We're gonna pretend all these riddles are absolutely awesome. Let's finish this riddle up This year April showers brought May flowers in

Snowy December. Are we right with May flower being like the ship the May flower? No, but you're right with April showers is a girl Is it really April showers April showers is a human's name? Oh April you basically got it April showers is a girl who brought May her friend flowers in December. Yeah, I mean, yay Yeah, that's fine. Anyone want to take that to Rettel Court defendant? Do I want to defend it? Yeah I would lose that case never take a case you can't win. You're gonna absolutely hate this ready. Oh boy The drummers drummed, the horns played, the fiddlers fiddled, the marches marched,

yet the parade was a dismal failure on this beautifully sunny July 4th day. Is parade a musical? Is there a musical parade? Yes. Okay, there's nothing to do with this. Fuck. Actually don't know that musical at all.

So everything happened that should have happened for a parade yet the parade was a failure. Was it because everyone sucked at their job? Or was it because everyone got the wrong instruments and everyone was doing someone else's job? It is about someone sucking at their job. The conductor is this like an animal house situation? The conductor led them down an alley.

No, that'd be very funny if that happened in a movie for the years ago. I will say this is gonna be this riddle is gonna Is it a literal parade? Yeah, so it is like it's a marching band people in the streets. Is it important for us to hear the things that happen again? Yeah, can you give it to us one more time? Yes, the drummers drummed the horned play. The fiddlers fiddled the marches marched

Yet the parade was a dismal failure on this beautifully sunny July 4th day. Got it solved it Oh, it was a military parade and they were all killed. No Was gonna say everything went according to plan except the fiddlers fiddling were kitty fiddlers Absolutely Fiddlers Fiddling were kitty Fiddlers. Absolutely Rex the parade. Unfortunately, you're sort of on the right track. Oh, it's bull. I'm going to read the answer.

Oh, and no. Yes. Two of the Fiddlers were the bus drivers who fiddled around too long and arrived too late to get the parade on time. As they waited, the band members warmed up warmed up played and the marchers loosened up Marched but they never got the chance to get to the parade which was a dull affair without the band. I want to see a scene We'll see Don't try to see all rise for judge JP no all rise for Judge Aaron Keith in Riddle Court

Here's your vote. Sorry. I was where I get here and I'm the woman who types and I'm Matthew McConaughey all rise all rise all rise All right, Adel you are the defending attorney for this Champion attorney Miss Keith and I'm a personified Bayleaf and so if anything happens I will spice you up good and of course you have to have a southern accent yes of course one moment while I drink Islam and I'd but did Bayleaf for that? Nope and ruined it. I just want to fan myself off. All right and you are defending the drummers riddle? That's correct Yana yana uh... urana

when someone doesn't do their job of course here in the south we call that fiddling so when we say that someone's fiddling around the fiddlers of fiddling that of course means it could mean anything except people not doing the job now if someone were to play the fiddle well that would be called uh... devil and down to ge to Georgia because as we all know, the only good song is Charlie Daniel's band, Devlin' Down to Georgia,

which of course is where this trial takes place. Well, let me tell you what. I want to hear from the prosecution, JPC, about why this riddle sucks. Your honor, my- I think the cases pretty clear why this riddle sucks. Fiddling only means one thing, and that's messing with private parts. I'm typing that all out.

Now, I hate to be lured and get into the dirty details, but when I fiddle, I take my index finger. You're on an objection. You're on a, you're on as a sleep. I'm on a objection You're on a you're on as a sleep Let me rub my belly under her Objecting to objecting to describe in what he's gonna do with his finger. I'd like to call to the stand as the dog or for miss Coco Chanel Can't be me. I'm Coco Cash Me. That's what I'm in.

No, Tulate. That's what I'm in, cut to the bells. I wanna see a scene. Aaron, you are going to be playing Batman. So you just got word that this parade is going to be sabotaged and everyone is going to be killed in this parade by your arch nemesis, the Fiddler. Adel, you are going to be playing in this parade by your arch nemesis the fiddler. Adel you're going to be playing the fiddler.

Okay, not this time. Fiddler me this. What are you about to say? No that's all I had. Fiddler me this. You think you can come in here everyone a perfectly good parade. Gotham needs to join in your most washed up copy of a copy a costume kind of guy? My power is that I can fiddle any instruments. Who's your sidekick? Wait, hold on, wait, what? I can fiddle any instruments. With this? Is that what I think you're saying? What do you think I'm saying?

Do you want to get to a recall on it? Did you say that? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Who's your sidekick? Wait, hold on, wait, what? I can fiddle any instruments. With this? Is that what I think you're saying?

What do you think I'm saying? Can I get you a recall? Did you say, did you say who's his sidekick? It's me, the mouthpiece. Don't know. Hold on. Let me explain, let me explain. No, let me explain.

Watch, let fiddle my mouthpiece. No, no, no. What are you doing? We're evil. What are you doing? It's not, hold on. I'm so sorry pause pause pause pause Batman Let me explain myself. I Fuck his mouth. No, no

What I can hear Casey laugh. What do you mean? I can hear Casey laugh. I'm the proof I'm saying fiddle my mouth piece of that That Bailey get so grossed out the batman That bailing it so grossed out the batman Did somebody call for a sidekick it's me robbing quick Batman fiddle my mouth This mouth I'm going to poop Yes, it's me the bellows Poke me in my bellows poker Poke me in my bellows, Poke. I'm Batman.

See. Oh. This is the wildest episode we've ever done. Fiddle my mouthpiece. Fiddle me this. Fiddle my mouthpiece. Oops. Hey fiddle fiddle.

All right, cool. You still have to take the riddle to riddle, of course. I promise you I will. Okay. This is called Susie the Hero. I'm going to make you a solemn promise I'll take the riddle core. No. Here.iddled, or? I promise you, I will. Okay. This is called Susie the Heroine. I make you a solemn promise. Oh, no. Here.

All right, ready? Mm-hmm. It's called Susie the Heroine. Mm-hmm. Not the drug. Susie stopped the man's laughter. She is a true heroine and should be rewarded handsomely, said the local newspaper. The papers misuse of space misled many people.

Okay, so misuse and misled are two women in a pageant. They call me misled because that's the last thing you'll see. Bang. They call me misuse because I'm, I, I, I use everything wrong. They call me misunderstood because you, wait, no, I'm going to do that one again. Ready? They've come to mess under misunderstood, because my voice is really weird. They call me misspelling, because Tori, that's my life. That's all of them.

They call me miss, it's pretty. Um, alright, answer the riddle, please. They call me miss Cippy, because I'm always on the computer. That's not my name. That's not my name. The heroine. Stop the man's laugh. They call me Mississippi because I'm always on my name. That's not my name. Okay, great. That's not my name.

The heroine stopped the man's laugh. He shot up heroin and then he was laughing so much until he overdressed. No, she said it's not the heroin. Susie stopped the man's laughter. She's a true heroine. This is what the newspaper said. Susie stopped the man's laughter.

She's a true heroine and should be rewarded handsomely. Said the local newspaper. The paper's misuse of space misled many people rewarded handsomely what does she get to marry Clive Owen you pick my you know that he's my favorite is that what you said did you ever know that your love oh yeah no my boy friend no you're six foot three my boyfriend is the most handsome man that's ever lived. What's the name?

None clave on it. No children for old men? What's that shit? No, that's not, you mean children of men. Children of men. I want to see a scene. I don't know. This is going to be a scene from a sitcom.

It's called No Children Have Old Men. Yeah. So the premise of No Children Have Old Men is, I want to take the scene of court. The premise of no children have old men is through a series of wacky court misunderstandings. You are a child, you're an eight-year-old child, and you have been granted legal guardianship over air and

I. We have to, we have to 80-year-old men. Okay, it's time for dinner. over air tonight. We have to we have to 80 year old man. Okay, it's time for dinner. I don't like dinner. I gotta take my teeth out before I eat my dinner. You should take them out for me. And I need to take my pills. Okay, well then it's time for lunch. If you don't like dinner, we'll have a late lunch. I ask you, you have a smart mouth and you know, I don't like it.

It's for it. It's for beer. I'm doing my bad, my voice. It's for beer. He used to like it. It's for, it's for me. I'm doing my mom and boys. It's for me. It's for me. He used to be Batman. It's for me. That means his terror time. I like to be in bed by 630. Wait, Mr. Wayne, you were Batman? I was.

And Mr. Kent, were you anything? I have to use the bathroom. You already did Kent. No, I didn't take it. You did it in your chair. I want to take a bath because of what I did to myself. We're basically two and a half men. If you consider my youth,

look, you're supposed to be taking care of us. And I don't feel, I have any no day and I ship myself. Any mis my parent teach a conference. What, you're in school? We both in school. What show is this? We go to school but but did it to be you? We cut to the classroom. We cut to the classroom where two 80 year old men are stuffed into back kids desk.

Let's take attendance here is um, uh, Phil up. Huh? Yeah, I get here. We're here. Okay. Philip, huh? We're here. I get here. We're here. Okay. Philip, I'm concerned that you're two oxygenarians fitting into one desk. Can you have your guardian come into talk to me?

Are you gonna give us the dungeon? Oh yeah, we'll have him come in. Let me know how do I work this cell phone? How do I do this? What a, how to call Billy. That's a bar or so. Call Billy. That's a bar or so.

Why won't it dial I'm not even kidding but is that the plot of two and a half men I've never seen it pretty much okay sure Yeah, why not? Let's answer this riddle What? We still haven't done the right. Yeah, this okay. Can we hear one more time? Susie stopped the man's laughter She is a true heroine and should be rewarded

handsomely, said the local newspaper. I got it. What? Um, is there a space between two of the words that maybe shouldn't be there? Mm-hmm. She stopped the man's laughter famously when you can bind those two words,

man's laughter spells, man's laughter, man's laughter. Man's laughter spells, a girl broke up with me so she's crazy. Yep, you got it. The paper wrote, man's Latter, when it meant to write man's Latter.

Susie had saved a life of several people with her quick-linking and bravery. Honestly, that's fine. I like that riddle. That's pretty good. I want to take it to court. No, it's good. I like it. You don't want to defend it in riddle court? Oh, yeah. Move it on. Move it on. Okay, forget I was. I like it. You don't want to take you want it. Don't want to defend it in rental court? Oh, yeah, I'm moving on moving on. Okay, I forgot I was defending one

Mm-hmm. I could have defended that and I could have won Got my client off big time Don't don't look at me nice when you say that. Don't look me nice when you say I can get my client off You get my client on my wonny jail of this country. Suzy said, I is. Kevin said, I is not. Susie spoke perfectly correctly. Kevin did not. Susie was saying that she wanted to join ISIS. Kevin said, he did not want to join ISIS.

And Susie was actually correct. ISIS or ISIL. No. No. No, okay, fine. She said, I is.. She said, I is. Suzy said, I is. Kevin said, what?

I'm not. Suzy said, I is. Kevin says, I is not. Suzy said, I is. Kevin said, I is not. It's Suzy little bow wow. And was she singing freshers on his? Yeah, Suzy's a little bow wow.

What was that little robot? Little Romeo? Yeah, it's done. Yeah, saying nothing homey, yeah, freshers on his. Yeah, Suzie's a little bow-wow. What was that little robot? Little Romeo? Yes, done. Yeah, saying nothing homie in freshers on his. Does he remember that song? He's angry. Well, and even with my did, I would admit it. Yeah, smart move.

I hate you out to dry, you crazy fuck. You're good at curating your personality to see nice and cool. Mm-hmm. Suzie said, what is? Was that the full sentence? was that the full sentence? Was that the complete sentence? Yeah, I is.

That's the I is. Period. I is. I is not. Susie spoke perfectly. I is. Yep. EIE.

It's spelled I. It's not AY. Wait, how is I spelled? Just the letter I. I is. I is not. Sus Just the letter i. I is. I is not. Susie spoke perfectly correctly.

Susie wasn't on the plymith plantation. Nope. Why would I? Who's a local buttermaid? Why is? What context would I is be able to? I'm a local buttermaid and this is, and you're a, you have buckles on your shoes.

Okay, let's do it. No, no, no, no. This is a commercial for an adult hotline, but it's from the Colofus Guilantes. For people. So it's all local buttered maids in your area. Pick up the can. Are you looking for a hot single

with Asian workers? Butter maids. Hi, my name's Veronica, and I am a buttermaid. I'm 17 years old so I'm ancient. Do you want to take your churn with one of these buttermaids? I have 17 layers of skirt and I'm very Christian. I as a buttermaid, if you walk 700 miles, you can come meet with me and talk to me and ask my dad if we can kiss.

Pick up the cam! I bet you got lots of buckles on your shoes and hat. All the cost to chat with me is the low-low cost of some of your father's pigs. Or are you looking for someone like me? My name is Michael, I'm the local gallows worker and let's you say I'm well hung. Pick up the cam. Pick up the cam. Eyes better made. See.

Okay. Eye is. Eye is not. Would you tell me the letter I like I is. Oh, um, what if it, oh, is the question, the question is what comes after, what letter comes after eight? Yeah, yeah, something like the letter. No, what? Suzy was answering the question, what is the ninth letter of the alphabet? Perfect.

I is. All right, we take it into court. I'll take it to court, yeah. Oh, sounds a bit of court. All right, all right, all right. For Judge Aaron Keuffin, I'm here typing away. Tippity tap, tap, type, type, type. And again, I'm a personified, human-sized bay leaf.

I'm used in cooking, but you're taken out before consumption. I do this, I used for beef stew. What's your deal? Be still, yes. Do not eat me, you're correct. Take me out. Just season, I think.

I think I just season. What's your purpose? I'm the bailiff. I keep pushing. All right. JBC, you're the defendant. You got to put on a thick southern accent, please. All right now.

Well, well, well. I'd like to date this little girl, and I'm not telling you the sun. Y'all know, he's clearly doing a Louisiana accent. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no a little bit more than nine letters. But I'd submit that there are only nine letters in the market. And I'm not going to say that there are only nine letters in the market. And I'm not going to say that there are only nine letters in the market. And I'm not going to say that there are only nine letters in the

market. And I'm not going to say that there are only nine letters in the market. And I'm not going to say that there are only nine letters in the market. And I'm not going to say that there are only nine letters in the market. And I'm not going to say that there are only nine letters in the market. And I'm not going to say that there are only nine letters in the market. And I'm not going to say that there are only nine letters in the market. And I'm not going to say that there are only nine letters in the market.

And I'm not going to say that there are only nine letters in the market. And I'm not going to say that there are only nine letters in the market. And I'm not going to say that there are only nine letters in the market. And I'm not going to say that there are only nine letters in the market. And I'm not going to say that there are only nine letters in the market. And I'm not going to say that the alphabet has more than nine letters But I'd submit I'd submit that there are only nine letters in the alphabet and I'll go through them now and Hope Yeah I Hope

No Oh No Sugar-tash your honor. I give up this case I cannot win your honor to the fish the defense race and I'd like to say That everyone's looking by the five today and everyone's looking by the parts I've got your time living in it's sipping like you're the sale. See. I think you won the case. Casey, can you, before the episode starts, add that, I'm doing that alphabet, no context.

Thank you. Amazing. Okay. Casey, I say that audio, put it on YouTube under helping preschoolers learn the alphabet. Why is my child ruined? No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. he dies into a pool of crawfish. So, Tony, it won or two. Yeah, you got it.

Tony, it won or two more. Okay, ready? Why are 1979 pennies worth almost $20? Why are 1979 pennies? Right, before 1980. Worth $20. And... Almost $20.

Why are 1979 pennies worth almost $1? So, 1979 would have been a big deal. I think it's a big deal. 1979 pennies right before 1980 worth $20 almost $20 why are 1979 pennies worth so 1979 would have been are these women named pennies this is this is pre no Reagan who you think they're all 20 who's what the fuck are you trying to say you think you just a common butter made I don't know I couldn't even begin to think of this. Is it, is it, what, pardon me, let's say like, was did they start to mint pennies

in a different way post-79? You can't, you can't use pennies as mints. That's a JPC joke. You're welcome, everybody. I'm slowly becoming him. Got her breath smells like pennies. I like my man. Do you have his breath smell like pennies?

1979 pennies. Was there, were they made of a different substance? Not pennies, but... Not pennies, but... pennies and some of your words from something else. Not pennies, but... Does it have to be with that? It's close to 69.

Hmm. You're either 69ing or you're not. There's no close. 69? It's worth 20. We almost 69. Dude, we were so close. So we were in different rooms. Different ribs.

He was like a California Nevada 69. Um, a fun. I 69 to dog too. Ha ha. Aaron help us. 69 you and your dog too. Ha ha. Wait, what?

What? What an apanada. What an apanada. Wait, what? What? What did I say? What did I say? What did I say? Apple, apple, apple, apple. You were there and you were there too. I'll get you my pretty.

Whoa, why are you calling me pretty? I'm calling everyone pretty. You wanna fuck me. Fuck a witch. God damn it. Why are 1979 pennies worth almost $20? All right. You miss, is this the actual pennies worth more?

Is it because they were misprinted in some way? Do I have to know? If I give you any hint, you're gonna guess. Do I have to know to get the answer to this? Disprinted. To get the answer to this, do I have to know like an obscure fact about the minute in the process? Well, you don't need to know anything about history. I think I pretty dumb. Do you get the answer to this riddle? Do I have to know, like an obscure fact about the mini process? Well, you don't need to know anything about history.

I think I know it. Perstery, and I hate it. I mean, I love it. What is it? J.A.P.s, are you done? Yeah, I gotta be fucking done with this shit. Is 1979, $19.79 in Pinnies? Mm-hmm.

Because 1979 pennies, I work exactly 1979. I love them. Oh, so good. I love them. So good. because 1979 pennies are worth exactly 1979. I love this. Talk about what you both to just like sing. You know when like the wedding videos that people go around and people say something nice but the bride and groom. I only know about the videos

where the dog comes home from war. From his wedding. So you're like, do that kind of video. Like you're just like singing the praises of this red all. Like you're like do that kind of video like you're just like like singing the praises of this red all like this is like the nicest like all the nicest stuff you can say about. Hey 1979 riddle it's me and Jeff here we just want to say congratulations on being such an amazing beautiful beautiful riddle. We so so love you so much. The question and the answer makes such a

beautiful couple you two are going to be so happy. You're gonna have such wonderful riddles of your own and we can't wait to solve you. We got you a set of cooking knives. These are cooking knives. Well, it's cooking, it's cooking where? It's clothing for your knives. It's clothing for your knives that you can bake. It's knifeware.

It's knifeware. So we got you, we got you knifeware, which is clothing for your knives that you can bake is that crazy It's a little pants for your knife now. We they're gonna cut them. We know it's crazy because we consider these to be ex girlfriends of others These knives are gay So to reiterate We got you gay knives We got you gay knives and we're ex-girlfriends that you cook. Yep.

And we know that we heard a rumor that you are expecting. So Jeff and I have one thing a little low a bite to the future child. We want to sing the alphabet. So we're going to sing the alphabet to the future child. Here we go. Oh no see. So attached. See. Well, a perfect episode and now you can relax your bodies.

You don't have to pretend to like these riddles anymore. Oh my god, those are not good. Those are not good. I did not like them and I had a bad time. You made it fellas. Aaron, I had a great time. What? No, you can relax your body. Relax your body.

Huh? Addle, anything to plug? My, uh, Bonnie lives over the ocean. My body lives over the sea. Baby, but I wanna plug. Yeah. I was on a podcast recently called

Something Wonderful, right away. It's an improv show. Had a really good time. Doing some improv scenes. Please check that out. Something wonderful, right away. I also wanna plug Infinity Train right away. I also want to plug Infinity Train Season 2. I watched the first season loved it, watched season 2. I love it

even more. You two have to start watching this. I started watching. Do you like it? I love it. It's so good. There's a character in season 2 called Alan Dracula that's maybe my favorite character in the history of television. It's a cartoon. Okay. But it's got, yeah, it's got a very weird adventure time. This is one of the like the duck that said a thing. Yes, it's a. That's most cartoon. It's called the normal one. Name one cartoon for a duck doesn't say a thing.

Yeah, I can't. I couldn't. Name one cartoon with a magical deer named Alan Dracula. But please watch Infinity Train. I would like to plug. We have at least a couple live show announcements and there may still be tickets left by the time this podcast comes out. You can always find our live shows at headgummit.com slash live. We're going to be doing more live shows in 2020

guys. We're very excited about it. Follow me. Aaron keep 10 on Instagram. Aaron keep two on Twitter. My Instagram is private, but not for you. You can follow me. Just not my ex-boyfriend, because they're crazy in their game. Okay. Okay. In Aaron, I know that historically, I'm a minute from Venus, but you have some ex-boyfriends that are from a planet

pretty sp- Famous? Jupiter! Famously met her from Venus? I can't remember. Bye forever. Great. My Apple profile.

Starting, er, Eric G. And John Patrick Cullen. Casey Tony to the editing. I have already parried to the music. The vocal created by Emily Cardamus and Emily Nemours. And I'm a man of words. And I'm a man of my stupid or hate, Ritabrik Domino. Boys are from jail and minor from penis. So, let's say that into the mic, you fool. It's the best line of the episode.

Hate, Ritabrik Domino. That was a hit-gun podcast. That was a headgun podcast.