Hey Riddle Riddle - #9: Quiz Bop

Episode Date: September 19, 2018

This time - it’s personal! We get some sweet riddies and puzzies from Erin’s loved ones. There’s a man without a passport, a cassette recorder at a crime scene, and lady who flipping loves plants! Stick around to hear us discuss half-horses, Kidz Bop, and the trauma of Nintendo Cafe!Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: KJ SnyderTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a head gum podcast. Hey, don't touch that dial. This is, hey, Riddle Riddle, this is out of reply, the top of the hour. For all your adults and kiddies, we got Puzzies and Riddies. This is the Mad Dog JPC. You're listening to Hey Riddle Riddle in the morning. When I'm Aaron Keith. Okay, so we all talked about what we would do for this opening, Aaron. Do you feel good about what we all did?

I tired. I tired too. So let's put on some maroon fat. It's songs about Jane. And now, some riddles about puzzles. I can't do that voice. Oh, I shouldn't do that voice. I'm a radio.

Yeah. More gravel, like you're gargling gravel. Oh, I know the feeling I Earn you a quate radio voice with mafia so tough man Yaman the radio I think so I in my head Terry gross is the voice of the voices But what do I know about radio? What do I know about radio? That's true. What do any of us know about radio? Hey, this isn't a freaking radio show. It's a freaking riddle, riddleio Riddleio show. Yeah, guys, welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle. That's what we're trying to say pull up a seat

Relax Cross them legs or yourself a big cup of puzzles. I'm pretty sure everybody listening this week is in the bath I think everyone's in the bath listening to Hey Riddle Riddle. Slow things down, put some Epsom salts. House salt recycle by putting it in the bath. And then your body absorbs it. That's house salt recycle. Those pores get nice and open.

Put all your lush products in there because you're rich. And drop a frickin' bath bomb in there. And go to town on your self masturbation. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, and is doing us the honor of being Old Man puzzles today. I'm just hoping that one week I nail it. I'm gonna keep going until I feel like I've done it and then I'm gonna retire. Can I say something controversial? Controversial? Controversial.

You said controversial. Can I say something about Contra? Is it about how you put out controversial? I'm down, yeah. Yeah, yeah, Adelaide, I think that you can say something controversial. Aaron, I think you nail it every week. Oh, man.

You're a goddamn national treasure. Why is that controversial? Just a lot of the fans don't think that you can say something controversial. Aaron, I think you nail it every week. Oh man. You're a goddamn national treasure Why is that controversial? Um just a lot of the fans don't agree Swing better better and I walked right into that Like it was a door I've seen before I love I love rid five All right, are we ready? We're waiting for you. You're all Bay of Puzzles. You're Old Man Puzzles and you will give us our Warner

Pertles. I have a theme. Oh. And it's not about the riddles. Far side calendars, far side calendars, far side calendars. No, but sort of. So it's not about the riddles, their content. It's about how I've gotten them.

So my family and my friends have discovered that this exists. What about the riddles, their content? It's about how I've gotten them. So my family and my friends have discovered that this exists. And both of them have been in the podcast? Yeah. Okay. No, this friendship, I have with the two of you. No, this podcast. You're holding your phone, and so I thought like they discovered that your phone exists.

Yeah. Speaking of this friendship, because you said your friends and your family are listening, I do want to mention on air, Aaron and I had a conversation the other day and we both agreed that if we're not married by 40, we killed JPC. Aren't you 40? Yeah, that was like six years ago for you though, right? Are you meeting her in the halfway? You'll be 72, she'll be 30 and 40.

Yeah, what's going on? That May December romance. You're so old, we never talked about that, you're confused. He's so old old men puzzles. Are we ready? Yes, so This is I'm gonna do warm-up riddles first. Are you ready? Yeah, that's how it works I'm also been it by this the smooths. Yeah, smooths just various people friends people from my life Are we ready? Yes. So this is a segment called, riddles from my garbage brother-in-law.

And this is where I put my brother-in-law on blast for making me go hiking in 2012. Can we get his full name? His name is Mitch, but I won't give you his last name, but. That's smooth. He's six, seven. Oh, never mind, he's cool.

I'm cool with you, Mitch. We good. And my sister, who's married to him, is five four and pregnant with his child. So everybody think about that? I don't have work. Six, seven, five, four pregnant with him. Is this the riddle?

You know, I'm just saying, I'm just, everybody. So if he pours the, and two, and two, and two. And yes, so it's a bucket, two times as big as him. I'm never going to get this. Go ahead. Mary, I think I got it. Mary the fox. No, fuck the chicken, kill the bag of rice.

Mm-hmm. And she's gonna have a very tall little lady in that room. Sure. All right, here we go. Are you ready? Yes. How many bricks does it take to complete a building made of brick?

How many bricks does it take to complete a building made of bricks? Okay, there's no way we could know this. It's gotta be all of them. No, okay, so can I ask some questions about your garbage brother-in-law? Yeah, of course. What does he do for a living? Please tell me he makes brick houses.

He makes brick houses. He makes bricks. Is he in New Jersey, Boston? Yeah, he's in New Jersey. Yeah, he's right outside of Boston. Okay, and this is from Maine, so. Okay, so let me get this straight. So with your brother-in-law, Mitch.

Mitch, from Boston, you still live in Maine. So we know that not only is he dumb, but he's probably poor. So. So. And he has a brother who has a house of straw and a brother who has a house of sticks and a brother who has a house of sticks So he's a builder you said he's a house builder by trade no

He does something and advertising or something like yeah, he built houses. Yeah, he built this a this a library build houses Yeah, it's a dumb guy from main builds houses And this is a warm-up riddle and you said talk about week correct. Yeah, he can't find me He can't find you. Yeah, okay, yeah. How many bricks does it take to complete a brick building? Is complete? How many bricks does it take to complete a building made of brick?

One, it's made of one brick. Singular brick. Oh, because it's not plural. Yeah, I mean, air. How many bricks does it take to get the center of a Titsy? I could say I could say bricks at the end. Okay, but how many bricks does it take to complete a building made of bricks? I'm gonna say all of them. Yeah, it's something stupid like all of them, but Adles that at first, so I'll withdraw. The answer I was looking for was the last one. To complete. I knew it was about complete. Honestly, I quit.

Quit what? You quit losing that warm up round. Oh, but there's probably more for you to lose. GPC, you're both not married by the time we're 40. We should. I've already, I'm sorry, I've already made this deal with the crab. Yeah.

I met a crab on a beach. If we're both not married by 40, then we switch bodies. Oh boy. I don't think that crab is making it to 40, bud. Well, if he is, then I'm going to be an old-ass crab. I know that much. How come you walk in here sideways? Okay, yes, I'm ready for more riddles. Great.

That's the podcast, I feel. This one is from my buddy, Charlie. Are we ready? Yes. How do you know Charlie? I went to school with him in St. Louis and he's nice. He's from Ohio. When we went to college together, we jumped into a fountain thinking it would be fun and adventurous, but there was a dead squirrel in there. Okay, this isn't a fucking Charlie cast squirrel. If you can't tell, I have a personality of a squirrel now. That's true. Oh wow.

So there's a lot about you. Here we go. She's got a personality of a dead squirrel. That's true. Oh wow. So it's a lot about you. Here we go. She got a personality like a dead squirrel. I got burned again. Yeah, sorry. I walked into that door again. All right, ready? An ordinary American citizen with no passport visits over 34 in countries in one day He is welcomed in each country and he leaves each one on his of his own accord. How is it a Honda cord? He's driving a Honda cord? He's driving a hundred cord. He's driving a hundred cord. That's done. I'm gonna read it again. Okay. An ordinary American citizen with no passport visits over 34 in countries and one day. He is welcomed in each country and leaves each one of his own accord. How? Can

I blow your fucking minds? Yeah. Skype. Damn. Go ahead and blow my mind. Uh, Skype. I have one. Mm-hmm. He's dead. This is the body. His ashes. His ashes and the ship and the body are on.

These are cool answers. Oh, it's a flash. Normal American? Is the flash American? Does anyone know? Does anyone see that? Barry Gordon. Is that his name?

Barry Allen. Barry Allen. Flash Gordon is a breading back for the Chiefs. Oh, Charlie, this answer is interesting. Okay, okay, so can you, so how many countries? 35? 30 countries? Is there that many?

No, we're not finding me, but is there that many? Are there 30 countries? Let's name them, America. France. What makes you think we'd make five? Salt and Stein. What's the one we're Japan? I kind of want to know what the rest of that sentence

is going to be. So there's three at least. So it makes sense that there's about 10 more. So that's 30. Oh boy. No passport. And it's 10 more, so that's 30. Um, oh boy, no passport. And it's an American, a regular American citizen. Mm-hmm. Here's, here's what it's gonna be.

It's gonna be something about he's like spinning a globe or something or he's playing risk. It's gonna be something like that where he's sitting. No. Oh, is he calling? I normally would not cut you off that much, but it is a warm up riddle. Is he playing accessis and Allies?

You're being a bit of a mitch right now. Oh yes, that's awesome. Let's start that up. Truly the only bad thing he did to me is make me go hiking in 2012. What? Mitch please. I know, that's what I'm saying. We got into the bottom of the mountain and I immediately got my period

and I yelled at him, hold on. Wait, where in Maine were you hiking? Oh God, Southern part it was beautiful. Bar Harbor? May it now? No. But we like, it was in the middle of fall. It was early October, it was lovely.

He took us, he wanted to just show us one of his interests and I. Wait, will you find out? Because I'm going to be in Maine in like a week and I kind of do want to go see some beautiful things. Yeah, sure. I can have him send you a list of things. He was like, yeah, before this podcast comes out preferably, let's introduce me to him

before this. Sure. Welcome back to a lonely planet. Get it together, you two. Are you ready for the answer? Yes, I don't know the answer to this question. I'm sorry to cut off your answer. No, it's okay.

I just, I get criticized. You were right to do so. These warm up riddles too. All right, ready? The man is a male carrier, delivering male to foreign embassies. When inside the embassy, he is in that respective country. That's so, yeah.

Thoughts. That makes sense. And every man is a male carrier, carrying the seed of humanity within him's balls. Aaron, look me in the eyes. When JPC says within him's balls, I was looking directly at Adam being like, look at me and help me. How can I help you? I'm so old and fragile. That's a pretty, that's a pretty good one. That stumped me and I'm one of the smartest guys here. Pretty good one. That stumped me and I'm one of the smartest guys here.

Adela, we are not married by the time you're 80. Killed me. Do you want to, let's do another one. Yes, these are hard warm up riddles, I'll say, Aaron. Yeah, I'm sorry. Usually they're like a school bus is yellow. What color is this? Snail bus.

And it's a bread. Exactly. Cool, one moment. One unumumento We may actually need to are there any from family members that you enjoy? I mean I enjoy all of them can we get one from immediate family and maybe we can call that a Smooth point. Yes, it's a smooth point. I will I have one more warm up that is not from immediate family and then I will We'll get into the the real

Heart of that what are you called them and there are Mutantos the smoothie gritty the gritty. It's a gritty smoothie But when he's old man puzzles he calls them something. Is it meat and potatoes? I think I call him puzzies and ready. Yeah, he says puzzies and riddies have you listened to the show? Kevin's in Suzie Kevin's in Suzie's puzzies and riddies meat and potatoes I think you have said meat and potatoes before what are what is the feedback that Mitch has given about Have you listened to the show? Kevin's in Suzy? Kevin's in Suzy's, Puzzies and Rites meet in Potatoes. I think you have said meet in Potatoes before. What is the feedback that Mitch has given about the podcast?

I think he's heard just a snippet of it. But my sister who's married to him says that she likes it. Oh good, what's her name? And she's a hard-gathered, her name is Kathleen. I like Kathleen. She's nice. I think one of my brothers said a lot of the riddles are bad. And I said, hey, asshole, thanks for the information.

How many brothers do you have? I just have a couple of the guys. Love them dearly, but only a couple. Yeah, anyway. You have one sister, right, Oak? I have one full sister. Ah, ah, ah. That's what you did.

That's what I did. And you called them Big Bird, right? Mm-hmm. And then I have five half siblings. Whoa. It's a lot of siblings. Half what? Half sibling half horse.

Half horse. Which half? Which half? There's a dars. There are averse that dars horse hop. Even if their right half is horse. Oh no. Have you ever seen those? Yeah.

Sentars where the right half is horse and the left half is human. Yeah, sure. They can't walk properly because the horse I understand My brain tried to picture that and then I just got my brain just went no Yeah, it was I don't want to do that. It's pretty limited picture it But you can draw it loyal listeners. So if you can draw the half man half horse. Oh, sorry JP seeming spoke you can draw that Loyola listeners.

Any listeners who go to Loyola, please draw this. Enter in our half man, half horse contest. And when all prizes, that's right. Back on Hey Riddle Rool. Oh, the prizes you can eat, baby. Oh, man. Are we gonna do riddles today? Yes, I'm so sorry.

All right, I got another warm up. Good. Are we ready? I'm not 100% sure if we've done this one before. I got another warm up. Good. Are we ready? Actually, I'm not 100% sure if we've done this one before. Oh, OK, good. So just stop me if we have. OK? I'd rather keep it.

We've only done this. I just keep it on the podcast to get yelled out about it. Excellent. Are we ready? Yes. I also just have, I feel like one of you have heard this before. OK.

A man runs into a bar and asks for a glass of water. The bartender pulls out a shot, got a nails at him. The man thanks the bartender, then walks out of the bar happily. Why did the man thank the bartender? The man was Mitch. Everyone hates Mitch. The man's a horse, the bartender said, why a long face? Half horse.

The horse said it's a living. It's a living. I know the answer to this, by the way. Why would a horse sound like a parrot? Because a taffy parrot. Why would a horse why would a horse sound like a parrot? Because a half parrot horse. Oh, what would that be like? It would one half would be falling down because a horse half is too heavy Yeah, Aaron so it would be a good creation Would you rather fight a hundred duck size horses or not? I think not yeah, I would say not I'd say life is short at all

I know the answer, answer. You know the answer, baby driver. I know the answer. I know the answer to this riddle. Do you know the answer? I do. Oh, damn. Well, then you would know.

Can we say it on the count of three? Yeah. And just say one word, okay? Can I count? Yes, you can count. We're just saying one word. Cool? Yeah.

We're ready. The most important word in the answer. important word the most important word of the answer I'm gonna go you can do one two three ready one two three hiccups Yeah, you did it we're a riddle for us. Well, can we can we play out that scene? So air and I'd like you to be a person with hiccups and JPC or the local bartender okay, and the bar you run is called the half horse. Okay. For unknown reasons.

Sure. It's all lore. Yeah. And Aaron, you have the hiccups and you go in looking for a cure, a little bit of a medicinal cure. Here we go. We add a little, could I, could you just be the sound of when the door opens into the bar?

It's like a fun, there's like a fun little sound it makes when patrons come in and out of the bar. Cool. But your choice. Yeah. So you're giving me the fun role of the door? Yeah. And she did say it is the fun role.

So have fun with it. Have fun with it. And she said it while patting my head. Uh-huh. And you start this with the door sound. Creek. Yep. Why, hello there, young lady.

Welcome to the half horse. My name is Donnie Pervert and I'm the bartender here. I'm sorry? Oh don't be sorry you just woke me up from a little nap. That's why my cheek so bloody. Sir you look like you've been asleep for many years. Well if you put it all together in my life, I guess I kind of have. That's a little joke about being old. Well, I thought I'd come in here for a glass of water. You probably can't tell, but I have the hair drops.

Try to order water in a bar. Well, well. Now, how old are you? 21. Well, I'm going to have to seize some ID. Perse? Thank you for opening your purse, but it looks like you got a wallet in there that needs to open up. Bill Fault? Oh my apologies that's a millfold not a wallet. Or maybe

just fuck me for... There's a difference. Oh yes there is. It's a living okay., and I just want to open my lipstick really fast sure Lips there Well, it's got a draft in here. Let me just open some of these windows And they're open oh boy Fuck me, huh, okay now you said you wanted a glass of water your miss Yes, because I have the hiccups and I've had them for quite some time. Oh, the hiccups now. Now I can give you a glass of water. I was an opera singer and I lost my job because I have had the hiccups too long. How long have you had the fucking hiccups?

Seven years. Oh, yeah. I can't believe you made it that long with those hiccups. I can give you a glass of water, but that might not fix your problem, but I do have a sure fire way to fix the hiccups. You just grabbed your gun when you said sure fire way. And I put it to my own head. Oh my god. You can stop hiccuping or I'll fucking kill myself.

Oh my god, please. All right here. This old man will go away and I'm going to help with the things I've done. You make your decision now Or I swear to God I'll burn in the fires of Satan looser for the angel Guns Same Oh, that one's better just kind of fun. We have here on 98.. The riddles. That's right, chief, the riddles. And so that was that riddle.

Yeah, OK. Are we done with warm-up riddles? Or how do we feel about the world? Those were still warm-up riddles? Yeah, because it's like you're getting further along in a level in a video game. It gets a little bit harder. What's the last video game you played, Aaron?

That's a good question. I think the last video game I played was Banjo Toei. Banjo Toei is a fucking dope game. It's awesome, it's better than Banjo Toei. Okay, well now we're gonna fight. Is that just the sequel? Is the sequel to Banjo and Kazooie called Banjo Toei? The Squeak-Wall. Is it really?

It's called The Squeak-Wall. Oh my God. Yeah, if it's the second and there's any animal at all really it's called the squeak-well oh my god yeah if it's the second and there's any animal at all it's called the squeak-well Aaron Hussain in that that last pretty uh... may boy and yeah all the other riddles he sent me we did an earlier shows so I suppose he's not the average what is he thinking of the podcast well obviously doesn't listen if he's sending a bunch of riddles he's done I think obviously he doesn't listen if he's sending about to Riddle people he've already done. I think he likes it.

He said that he's listened. Sounds pretty supportive. He's a huge fan of both of you. Oh, he sounds great. He just kind of sounds cool. And strong, probably strong guy too. Strong guy, good taste. He's pretty strong.

Tastes good, good taste. Strong guy, taste good. No. Oh wait, I think Adel has a Riddle. I go to circus. Strong guy, taste good. Oh wait I think Adel has a riddle. I go to circus. Stronger I taste good. It's funny. Okay I'm ready for some actual real human adult riddles. So we're gonna bot between riddles for my dad and riddles for my mom.

We're gonna bot between is this like kids bot but with riddles? Yes it's like a bunch of kids singing in Unison today, Fitz. It's kids singing your dad and your mom's riddles. Yeah. Yeah, crammy already. Oh, that kind of stuff? Yeah, I'll get popped out. I only know kids pop from what I was a kid.

I don't know, I don't know music at all. Wait, what other songs do you remember? I only know kids reinterpreting pop hits from when I was a kid. I can't imagine what it's like now. I blew. I burped. Oh, God. I bet they did. Get this party started on the Saturday night. Everybody's waiting for us to arrive. Where's the real part? I thought I'd find it. I thought I'd find it. When I was a kid,

kids' pop was all like, walk the line. And... Patsy Klein. Are you sure it wasn't the Andrew sisters? She says, I've been standing in a burden riddle of fire. There you go. You're so old, you're freaking dumb as hell. Addle here. Addle is crying.

Addle is crying. Addle is crying. You're 110. I have been bullying so hard this episode off. I think we need to leave Addle alone. He's kind. I also can't wait to see what my commuppence is going to be. It brings me to my favorite segment called verbal decimation.

We just take 10-12 minutes to verbally dismantle JPC. It only makes me stronger. Re-ready. Yes. Who does that? Who sent this? Um, um. Mama, you're daddy.

Well, you guys can decide. Do you want one from a mom first or one from a dad first? I want a guess. I want you to say the riddle that I want to have to guess if it was your mom's riddle, your dad's riddle. Okay. Great. Um, but the way that my mom originally presented these, she took photos of a book.

And those were confusing. And then she put them in an email. But my dad is so smart that he wrote out these questions. And then he would put the answers backwards, but my brain... Here's what I'm going to say. Would you say that your dad by the way is Wicked Smart? He's Wicked Smart. Okay, cool.

Wicked Pisa? Here's what I'm going to say. I want, if your mom's ever in town, she must be on the podcast. She will do that. And I want... She's a fan. I want to do a segment where she calls in for like, she a voicemail like a 30 second voicemail to just like recap What's up with her?

Because you sent us a text that was her reviewing the wallberg For us wrong. Yeah, wallbergers. Yeah, it was a funny. It's fucking thing. I've ever heard Your mom's amazing. She also I think was a fan of when we were talking about the pot the Pontus pilot riddle Oh, yeah. She was like, I loved that. I didn't love the Bible puns, but I loved. Well, no, but it does. We didn't love making them.

Are we ready? Yes. Blame whoever wrote the Bible. So for these, I don't. King James. King God. So these, I don't know the answers to. So don't get mad at me if these riddles aren't phenomenal.

OK. Are we ready? Yes. Aaron, what are you going to clean your room? A dad. A dad. Aaron, why don't you start being so mean to us? All right, here we go.

Riddle. This kind of feels more like a warm up room. Mass teacher. Mass teacher. Don't even. A man was born in Greece raised in Spain and died in San Francisco. What is he? A mut. He was raised in Greece. No. He's taken. Where was he? A man was born in Greece raised in Spain and died in San Francisco. What is he? Okay, boy. How do you spell Greece? G-R-E-E-C. Okay, so it's not what I thought. So it's the loyal.

It's not the oil. He's dead. What is he? He's dead. Yes, he got it. That's it? I'll say that's dead. Yes.

That's a dead, yeah, it's definitely a dead. Definitely a dead joke. Also, not to be that guy, but that's more of a warm-up riddle Yeah, well I I kind of switched to these around Oh, okay, I met Aaron's dad once and he took me on to a field took a long stick started poking something he goes What's that and I go dead? Oh? It that didn't really happen you don't have to be disgusted

Okay, well, I don't know why I was lied to Presented a true story why I was lied to. I'm just going to keep going. It's presented a true story and I was lied to. Let's get some more drive-time riddles. This one's kind of fun because it feels like a math problem. Okay. I know how to hate math. Should we wait and hold off on this until we have one that's more than just kind of fun? Or will people do you think that they'll be like, they'll be like, yeah, let's listen

to something that's kind of fun. We got a lot of three star reviews for a kind of fun podcast. Isn't that sort of our vibe though? Oh yeah. Kind of fun. Yeah, I would describe this as that fun. I'm here at a duress. Yeah, I feel like a lot of people are like, hey, listen to your podcast.

And then it's like, dead stop. Fun stuff. Oh good, thank you. Fun stuff. It's so thank you. Fun stuff. It's so disorienting having these answers be backwards. And this is about math. A electric train is heading 90 miles per hour south, and the wind is blowing 100 miles per hour south,

which way is the smoke blowing? Wait, what is this again? I know the answer. An electric train is heading 90 miles per hour south and the wind is blowing a hundred miles per hour Self I know the answers. Well, do you want to say it on three? Yeah, yeah, one hold on hold on hold on which way is the smoke plug which way is the smoke going? I think the errand should be The one to kind of stand do you know the answer to this? Yes, okay, I mean, I've guessed it. So I guess I don't know it, but I feel it on my heart. One, two, three.

Hiccups. Yes. We got it. Let's try this again. Hold on. I think I actually do know the answer to this. What is it? It's an electric train. So there's no smoke. What I was going to say is that it's a train train that uses coal and smoke, but the electric ear splitters are on board the train. Oh yeah. Remember that hot band? Not the electric ear splitters, it's the band train. Dooh.

And that's Simon at Must Feel. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Holds up. Tell me. Make it to the chicken place. The chicken place? Yeah, did he make it to the chicken place? I don't know what the guys say. Holds honestly holds up tell me Check it yeah, did he make it to the chicken place? I don't know what the guys say it. That was a drunk. Where will singing train by Train by Your drunk Warren Zeevon. What's the answer?

Where does it get that reference? You got it. I did get it. It is because it's on your train. These are dad riddles. For sure. Yeah. Dittles.

Can we call it dad riddles, dittles, and almost no. I would bet not. Malcolm in the middle. That makes sense. Malcolm in the riddles. Why didn't we call this podcast Malcolm in the riddles? I think that that was one of the suggestions. Was it not? I guess so.

We also had the other day Arnie was like, you should have called it my riddle pony. And now I'm like, we fucked up. Yeah. But do you think that we would have encroached on like my little pony fans? Because like, I don't want to pretend that be something that I'm not. And that's a pretty big fan base. But fans of our podcast who are also bronies could be called Ronies or maybe just Ronnies. Hey, we're Radies.

We love riddles. That makes sense. Oh, we read it. Yes, Aaron. A man was found dead with a cassette recorder in one hand and a god in the other. When the police came in, they immediately hand and a gun in the other. When the police came in they immediately pressed the play button on the cassette. He said, I have nothing else to live for, I can't go on. Then the sound of a gunshot. After listening to the cassette

tape, the police knew that it was not a suicide, but a homicide. How did they know? Because the man was behind a bar called the half horse. Because they took the cassette out and it was kid's bob. This is a bunch of eight year old singing meat Virginia. I can't go on, I don't wanna live anymore. And then play them. Cut my life in the pieces. This is my last resort. Okay, so there's gotta be something with this one with.

How many suicides do you think was caused by kids but? Oh, all of them. Most? Most, yeah, I think most. And just like, okay, do you know the answer to this one? I feel like I know the answer to this one, but I can't. I can only think about cars for kids doing a kid's bump crossover.

Okay, you're on a completely different wavelength. And can you read the riddle one more time? I would love to. Thank you. A man was found dead with a cassette recorder in one hand and a gun in the other. When the police came in, they immediately pressed the play button on the cassette. He said, I have nothing else to live for. I can't

go on. Then the sound of a gunshot. Oh, I got it. After listening to the cassette tape, the police knew it was not a suicide, but a homicide. So how did they know? You're, you're, these are all from your dad? No, this one's not from my dad. Actually, I don't remember who sent me that one. Riddles from me. Papa. Here's what I'll say. This riddle is Allah Eminem, the song Stan. Oh, yeah. Where he's recording it and then he goes, he drives into the lake and he goes,

oh wait, how am I supposed to get this shit out? Yeah. Which means how are we listening to the song if M drove him and his baby mama into the lake? Yeah, the song doesn't make sense in a linear version drove him and his baby mama into the lake. Yeah, the song doesn't make sense in a linear version of what time, or what we see time as, but I think that the song Stan exists in the fifth dimension.

That's why I think that we're able to hear it because time is a flat circle, it's wrapped around in on itself. Now, the other thing was this man that she said that, she said it's a man who has the tape recorder in the gun and a police officer, the officer is a woman. Doctor. Is the doctor?

I think it's murder because if they heard the gunshot, who stopped the tape recorder? Well he pressed play and then it was like, I can't go on, who rewound it? Yeah, that's true. The rewind is the rewind button. It's the rewind button. And here's the thing, did they dust the rewind button, finish the riddle, did they dust the rewind button for prints?

Why are you yelling at me? Okay, here's the scene I wanna see. I'm gonna see a scene between Adel and Aaron. You have arrived on the scene of what is an apparent suicide. The police officers have cordoned off the area. You are the two detectives. And just for a little bit of flavor, Aaron, your detective character is psychic.

We'll see if that comes in a play. But you are two detectives investigating the scene of the crime. I have one question. Yes. Our characters welcome. Oh, monk, you better be. We'll see if that comes into play, but you are two detectives investigating the scene of the card. I have one question. Yes. Are characters welcome? Oh, monk, you better be.

That was nothing. That was nothing. That was something. That was something to do a lot of people. Whatever we have here. A parent's suicide. Some poor bastard's mom or dad did. All I'm saying is that if I don't get to use my powers in this case, I better really lose it.

Bowers, you keep saying that you keep saying you have powers. Hey, if we're not married by the time we're 60. Aren't you 60? I'm 63. Just like that Beatles song, right? Not quite. Hey, who do you think killed this body? Thank you. Let me check this guy's wallet.

Ah, passport to Greece. Oh, it's also a stamp in Spain. Of course, we're detectives in San Francisco. Hold on, I'm getting something. Quit reaching into the pocket. I'm getting something out of the pocket, but wait, now I see something in my mind's eye that you can interrupt me again. What? That's why I paused. Just then I thought I was gonna get interrupted, but it turns out you were gonna let me talk. See my dad something. I know I do is in my mind.

You're walking backwards slowly. I see better in this, I see better in this side of the room. Hey Kaczynski, what's your fucking deal? I need me at this. You won the lottery ten times. Why are you still working here? I need this. I need the validation. I see something.

What do you see? In my mind's eye. Quick. Get a piece of pen and paper. Draw this. Okay. I see half a parrot. I have a piece of pen and paper draw this okay half-pair it Half horse Create a slam cuz it's key redolfo get over here. Yes, you guys are bad news. Did you carry that door? To the scene of the crime outdoors just so you could slam it behind you? I did. We're Dolpho. You got a smart mouth and a sharper tongue, so you better watch yourself.

Oh look a tape recorder. A tape recorder? Well that's why I was coming in to tell you about. You know my kid, Chris? He got picked up on the Kidsbop contract. Oh congratulations Chief. I I know I'm fucking Sweat in my balls off here waiting for this kid's Bob letter to come in and it came in. Chris is gonna be on kid's Bob. Which song is his solo? Which song is his solo? You'll never guess. What's that? Deadmouse? That's not it Kick aboard guesses. Whenever, whenever, women to be taken. That song about titanium.

Nope, it's Justin Bieber's, I'm not the one. How's that go? Uh, uh, put a little, do, do, do, do, do, do. It has a piccolo at the start. Fix it. You're doing me that song starts with a piccolo. Let me find it, let me get there. I have to get into it.

Shut up, Redolfo, let me get into the song. DJ Khaled's in it, you know? Anyway. No, we're not gonna interrupt you. Okay, so wait, you're telling me that some... Some poor bastard kid is gonna be DJ Khaled and just... Wait, wait, don't go, let's find him. No, no, no one's gonna be DJ Khaled.

He's doing the kids, Bob. Uh, but, by boy, it's gonna be doing the Justin Bieber part. But without looking at your phone. Oh, I'm not looking at my phones. Oh yeah, you're looking at the truth of money never lie. No, I'm the one. Yeah, I'm the one. Early morning at the dawn? No, you want to ride? No, that's right. I'm the one. Yeah, that's right on the one. Yeah, yeah, you're sick of all those other

Ribbitators, don't let the only real mercy mercy Melody of that I don't know sorry. Oh boy DJ Khaled The guy works. It's a live. I'm going to say that was a mom riddled. I actually, I don't. Someone said that to me and I took a screenshot of it and I don't over text and I didn't keep

the name. So if you're my love to one who sent me that. I didn't keep the name. Oh, I understand. Okay. Yeah. I didn't keep the name. Oh, I understand. OK, yeah, yeah. I had to conceptualize it. But they know I love them, right? Yeah.

OK. This one's from my mom. And this is one she likes. She highlighted this. So I guess we won't guess if it's mom or dad. Well, I still will. Oh, I ruined the game. I ruined it.

It's not ruined for me. I wasn't listening. It still works for me. Now you know what it was like to be friends with me as a kid. I ruined for me. I wasn't listening. It still works for me. Now you know it was like to be friends with me as a kid. I ruined the game. That's what I said every day. And someone's like, it's just Banjo Kazooie too. We can restart it. No, I ruined it. No, it's just going to back to the safe. I used, my sister used to play so much Banjo, Tui and Banjo Kazooie. And because I idolized her so much and I was just trying to please her, she would, we would play Nintendo Cafe,

which is that she would just play that game and I would bring her any food she wanted and give her a massage as she played, just so I could feel included. Anyway, it's riddled. Well, Kathleen, do you have a lot to answer for? Oh, it's the other one, it's Molly. Oh, Erin, that is the saddest story.

I would put a little towel over my arm and be like, miss, what can I get you? Not chose it is. We had a younger cousin who, it was me and my two brothers and we had a younger cousin. It was like significantly younger than us. And he used to wanna play video games with like N64 and we would always unplug controller

and give him an unplug controller until he was all the bad guys So I mean nobody's hands are clean here all We're all in this hell together Sometimes I feel sitting across the table from all of you that this is perkatory and we have to be here Listen we're every episode We might get to some buzzies in the days, but it's mostly formative, traumatic childhood events.

It's going to be a lot of talking through lyrics. I also have what early on from my existence. But, you know, I'll say this one for another day. There's plenty of formative chocolate experiences. It's a problem. I've never related to anything more than you say in my life. I can't believe Nintendo Cafe. What you were saying that I was like,

I don't remember Nintendo Cafe that I was like, oh yeah, because I didn't grow up with psychopaths. Can we just do like the briefest scene? And all I want to see is I want some redemption. I want Aaron, you're gonna be your sister's waiter. And I want JPCU to be the sister, Molly. And I just want you to stand up to her. Today is the day.

Okay, okay, so we're playing in Tenocafe. You're playing in Tenocafe and you're bossing her around and Aaron, you just stand up to her. Can you give me a keyword Aaron just to get into a boss to accept? Um, uh, scallops or a ragad. And I'll, I'll keep you in. around and Aaron you just stand up to her. Can you give me a keyword Aaron just to get into a Boston accent? Um, uh, scallops or a ragad. And I'll, I'll, I'll keep you in.

She also doesn't have a Boston accent so you do. Okay. I'll cue you in into what I don't know what Nintendo cafe is but I'll cue you in into what I think it is. Got you. Excellent. I'm a Mario. I want a cafe or a. Aaron, Aaron get the frickin' here.

Hey Molly, here's your mini-mail lemonade and kick cup of T-hater chips. Cafe your late Aaron Aaron get the frickin here Hey Molly, here's your mini-may lemonade and kick cup of Hater chips. I said a while ago. I want the half cat Oh, it's good. I'm winning. I said I wanted a minute made on a palm But not a frickin lemonade it's half and half Aaron. Hey Molly Can you what can I play banjo to your own grunty industries? Why would I like why would I let a waiter play frickicking banjo to we when I'm at a freaking restaurant? Aaron and I'm your only in persistent and you know you love me somewhere And I know I steal your clothes like someone's paying me to you do what peach wants chai Wait hold on why don't you freaking stand up for yourself?

This man over here has an endless amount of Nintendo impressions. Excuse me, sir. Yes. Can you continue all this? What's this freaking doing in our freaking house? It's freaking Boston here. I'm the inventor of Nintendo. My name is Jeffrey Nintendo. Oh, yeah, Jeffrey Nintendo Yeah, the bearer's gonna be invented Nintendo. I'm from what's the Japan Bowser any of the brain vusters What's the Japan? Now do you know she? Bowser any of the brain vusters Now do someone from banjo to East Deck in my head Two or three times a week. That's how much I watched my sister play that game. Oh my god Are we ready? Yes, my name is a mean mean the more of me you take

The more of me there are ecstasy. What am I? Grimmons? It's a Grimmon it's a Grimmland on Exocency. Skittles. There's three rules. Don't get it wet. Don't get it in the sun. Don't give it Exocency. Don't let it party.

Did you let this Grimmland listen to EDM? Well, there's your problems. DJ Colin. Okay, the more of me you take... The more of me there is, what was the more time? The more of me you take, the more of me there are. What am I? The more of me you take, the more of me there are.

Chicken pox The more of me you take, the more of me there are. Ideas. The more me you take, the more of me there are. Ideas. Showers. Yes, showers. I want to take mine back. Ideas, which is a good guess.

And I want to also agree with showers, which is a bad guess. This is one of the rare cases that my first guess was correct. A curious case of Benjamin Riddles. Does he age backwards? Benjamin Riddles. Does he age backwards? Benjamin Riddles, when you're 19. When you age backwards to 40. Okay. Shall we marry?

You got this on your first guess, Aaron? Yeah, in my brain, I went. I thought it was going to be a very obvious. Oh, you don't have to explain how. Thank you, Marks. Okay. Okay. Oh, you don't have to explain how. Thank you, Marks. Yeah. OK, OK. Oh, boy. The more of me. You take the more of me there is.

There are. There are. Man, I don't know. I think it's some abstract concept. Is that right, Aaron? Sort of. Yeah. I think it's one of those things where it's in the wording.

Okay, one more time. It's not an object, though. Okay. The more of me you take, the more of me there are. What am I? In the end, the love you make is equal to the love you pick up pickups Fear and loathing in Las Vegas

Steps. Oh, yes steps. Is it steps footsteps? Oh? You did it foot steps. That was awesome. Oh my god. It's for Well done. I guess showers wasn't till fucking bad after all. What do you mean? Well, it was clearly wrong, but I eventually got it. Yeah. I have another one that will take two seconds to get it right away, but I like how long of a riddle this is. Okay. I help to make you comfortable.

I must work while you're awake, but when you're asleep, I do my job and don't take a single break. Is this something you wrote for Molly when you were her waitress? Yes. Okay. I'm partly a guard. I'm partly a case. I'm not hard to move, but I'm always in the exact same place.

What am I? I'm going to read it again. I help make you comfortable. I must work while you're awake. But when you're asleep, I do my job, and I don't take a single break. I'm partly a guard, I'm partly a case. I'm not hard to move, but I'm always in the exact same place.

What am I? Bodyguard. Yeah, I was gonna say a lot of it. It's a bodyguard. Wouldn't you use hands down, 100%. Final answer. Final answer, a bed. No, partly a case coffin.

You know what? Coffin protects you when you're sleeping? Yes, sleeping forever, eternal sleep, death, coffin. Partly a guard and partly a case. Classes, context. You're getting closer. I served a relic. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I I search relic ice I links I let's Nice coffin was close to shower get it heck yeah, you blanked it we cheated Ready one two three coffin hiccups brother Hey, this guy's got the hiccups. I'm coughing. What's going on? You're listening to 91.1 the riddle I wish there was a word for the emotion that you know when you're, when I talk, you're horny. And now it's good as some tilby Keith,

I wanna talk about me. Kids about version. No, I'm just, the emotion that you have in your body when you know your cousins are like lying to you, but you're still just happy to be in the room with them. It's like the deepest heartbreak you feel. I thought you were gonna stop there and say,

what's the emotion that you feel when you're looking at someone, you know in your heart that they're your cousin? You know, but not on paper, but you feel it. Yeah, I've got sonar, but for cousins. So if you think Erin nailed it, use the hashtag, Keep in It, Real. Don't because no one's gonna use it. Oh, that's not true. I'll use key for it real. Use the hashtag key for real. But use it. Use it wouldn't you use it

what I do. Okay. Just okay. Okay. Yeah. tweet a Aaron and hashtag key for it real. It'll make her day. And if you if listening to me makes you at all horny, I want you to tweet at me, hashtag JP so hard. Please don't do that. Please don't do that. No one do that. No one tweet at me. Christ.

Here's a listener submitted riddle from Jared Anderson. Jared says, at first I was nervous about trying to write a riddle, but then I heard that bullshit apartment complex male pod riddle in episode two and thought, oh yeah, I can give this a shot. Hey Jared, love that you wrote in, hate the tone. I love that we're encouraging people to be like, I am good at riddles. I'm good at riddles.

So here's one I guess Jared wrote. So here we go. This is a little bit long, but I think it's pretty good. Okay. Butterscotch has always had a green thumb. Even in her small apartment, she keeps over 40 houseplants green and growing. She is estranged from her wealthy conservative father and physician mother. Because of her intense dislike of technology, she has no phone, computer, or television. One day, she is surprised to receive a certified letter informing her that her father has died suddenly.

The letter states that her father wants to make amends for their past animosity and desires to pass on a great fortune to his only daughter butterscotch. In return for her father's wealth, butterscotch would simply need to take ownership of one additional plant. She refuses without a second thought. Why? So she has over 40 houseplants at home, she has a green thumb, she hates her mom and dad, they're estranged, father dies. Conservative. That's what it is, conservative. No, that's a conservative father.

Father dies and to make amends leaves her a plant, she just needs to take ownership of one additional plant, she refuses without a second thought why this is a very clever user-submitted riddle because I can't give a joke answer that the mother is a doctor or the doctor is the mother because that was in the opening salvo so I'm really upshits creek right now our her thumbs literally green Aaron I want you to go outside sure no way how do. See you guys later. See Aaron. I get it. I think I may know it's I think that the second the plant at the end is not a plant. It's not a plant. It's actually butterscotch is not a woman. She's a

where there's original. Well butterscotch is the name of a Labrador of a Trevor. So this is a dog. But it does say she's a good girl. My dad says I'm a worthy, there's a original. There's no one else like me, huh? Do we want, there's a few hints that Jared provided. Do we have the hints? Before we get to the hints, I think that you're correct, and I think that plants is the operative word

that we're looking for here. So real quick, since Adelaide knows the answer, can we brainstorm some other things that we think that plant is the operative word that we're looking for here. So real quick, since Adelaide already knows the answer, can we brainstorm some other things that we think that this plant could be? Sure. A power plant? Was my first instinct because it's conservative father and then the technology, thank you for you mentioned.

This is a good ass riddle. I think it's a little too obvious. So let's get past that. What are the types of plants do we have? An audience plant. Like you're like in a magic show, and you are going to be like, yeah, my name's you're like in a magic show and you are gonna be like, yeah, my name's Jeremy and like my father, you know,

it's like you're a mentalist. People are being picked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are the types of plants? I was gonna say, like a plant in the audience. We just like to go to a magic show, like a plant in the audience. Oh, what about a power plant? Like a power plant.

Pickups. What about a Robert plant? Like a power plant? Hey, Cups. What about a Robert plant? It's Robert plant, let's upload. Yeah, it's a Robert plant from Led Zeppelin. What if they did a kid's Bob version of just stairway to heaven? John Bopnam. I like it.

He's asking her to plant herself in one place and not move. Oh, do you think that the bad died? The mother had a stroke and now she's like a vegetable and in quotes, in quotes, and that's a type of plant. No, that's too horrible. I guess I'm wrong. Mother, a coma. Mother, a coma. Bada scotch. Okay. yeah, let's get some hands. Okay, I'm not gonna give you hints

because you basically got it, but what I am gonna do is, Wait, did he write hints though? He did, but what I do wanna do is, I'm gonna give the answer in a new segment that I'm gonna call ASMR Riddles. Ooh. And this is where I read the answer

in a tone of a ASMR podcast. Okay. The plant butterscotch's father wanted to give her is a cold burning power plant. The antithesis of everything butterscotch loves them. Here's my shotgun. Did you have a? That's scary enough.

Can I hear just what the hint were really quick? I'm curious what that was. The hint's were, is Butter Scotch's name significant? No, she was named after the family's horse. Oh, I was right. Half horse? I was right. Wow.

Wow. She's half horse, half human. Half horse. And again, all your art students at Loyola now's your time to shine. Do they have to be art students at Loyola? Yeah, no, they specifically can't be art students. Yeah, what if they have to be students at Loyola

that are not art students, you submit it to our Twitter hashtag at JP Soorni. And you don't even have to be studying horses, you can be studying any of this. Here's the caveats, you have to go to Loyola. You cannot be an art student. Your name has to be art. Yes, or student.

Is there more than one Loyola? We'll never know. It's impossible'll never know it's impossible to know It's impossible to know one of the life's great mysteries Was butterscotch's father's job relevant to her refusal? Yes, doesn't matter that butterscotch's mother is a doctor not unless you're sexist It's all living Wow, we nailed it. I really liked that riddle. And Jared, the email with, I'm loving the show, keep up the great work with the riddies and puzzies.

Let me see that. Did you really say that? Yeah, that's not on there. Why would you add that? It's bringing the cranes on at the bottom of the email. Jared, you printed it off of the Jared hair and wrote that last part, huh? Wait, I think that's one of my favorite.

I needed a win. What's the last name? Last name? Yeah. Jared Anderson. Jared Anderson, that's a perfect anagram for Adel Ruff. Interesting. Oh, we got to.

Wait, that might be my favorite riddle since the cabin pressure. Yeah. That was excellent I love that they they wrote that themselves. That's awesome Jared. Here's what I'm gonna say you're an honorary old man pussies Wow, if you send in any more that you've handwritten we will read them Pronto don't do that This person could have read a bunch so we can't keep that promise. Jared, there's an asterisk next to that offer. Also Jared.

We are not your friend. Congratulations on earning an honor that we literally just made up. Congratulations, you are 10th collar. Somebody killed me. Well, that's all for Hey Riddle Riddle. Let's go around the horn and see if we have anything to plug JPC. Oh, it's your boy JPC and by boy I mean half man half horse. Oh boy this is wrecking my voice. Well if you are a fan of content on Twitch you can follow ice pickles OW Monday nights at 7pm

central we stream Overwatch or one shot RPG Thursday nights at 7 o'clock Central. We stream the board game Gloomhaven. And I'm Erin Keefe and I'm a waitress down at the Nintendo Cafe. Come on in and I'll give you cheesets while you try to get through a level in a video game. But if you don't want to do that, go to Instagram right now on your phone, open Instagram, and then type in wet bus W-E-T-B-U-S. And you'll find out every time we have a show. And I'm there most of the time. And JPC, you've seen wet bus. You know how like people do quotes on the back of books. Yes. Like saying what, how they feel. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you, like,

what's your quote about wet bus? It's not a sandwich but I'll eat it. Okay. Okay. And then what's the if Aaron had a yearbook? What's the inscription you make in the back of that year book? Sorry that I broke your brother's hearts. And sorry that all your sisters are the B word. You don't sound sorry. And I'm out of a fight you can check out hello from the Magic Tavern which is another podcast you can check out siblings peculiar which is a podcast that you be word. You don't sound sorry. And I'm out of Refi. You can check out Hello from the Magic Tavern, which is another podcast. You can check out Siblings Peculaire, which is a podcast I do with my sister, Sidierefai, who never was terrible to me that I remember.

So it must be the truth. Must be nice. Bully for you. Although we did used to play Super Meyer Brothers and she would jump. She would hold the controller and then jump if she wanted the character to jump. Seated, she thought it was like motion control. She's that drive you crazy? It did until the Wii came out and then I was like, damn, girl, got it right.

She understood. Oh yeah. And Aaron, as always, let's leave us off. If you could be any Wednesday, what Wednesday would you be? Jupiter. Thank you, bye. off if you could be any Wednesday what Wednesday would you be? Jupiter! Thank you bye! Now are you parents in the music video? Vocal created by M.O.B. Cargamers and M.O.N.

Dabore. M.O.B. You're a rick-a-brick young. podcast.