Hey Riddle Riddle - #90: Bad Riddles Unit

Episode Date: April 8, 2020

Everyone loves a crime show where people wear big suits and solve big crimes. Detective Midge Crunch and Detective Benny Solvums are given the opertunity to get back into the field by solving some quick mysteries. Chief Veronica La Tooth is relentless but is kind enough to give them some hints. This is broken up with some commercials that are all from the 1990s. Do you like 90s Nostalgia? Well get into my office!Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a Headgun Podcast. At the time of the beep, the episode will be episode 90. Be beep! I ruined it. episode will be episode 90. Beep beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. I ruined it. Was that the road runner?

Try to understand. Hold on, no, no, no, no, no. No, I have been trying to catch this fucking road runner. Was that a beep beep or a beep? Do you ever regret a bit you started? It's out of the, it's out of the beep beep. Now, I have this, uh, acne box with this log stick. No, it is a steak.

You have acne. I'm sorry. I have pot marks. All over my face. My name is Slay the Fox. I'm Elvester Flummed. And I'm Erin K. from Episode 90. This is Episode 90.

Of Hey River Rural, the podcast for you by the people. If our episode was... Or kids by kids. If this episode was human, we'd be living in Florida. Or at least snow birding. Yeah. If this podcast were human, it would be dead. This podcast dies at 30.

Yeah, this podcast would have an increased risk of contracting the coronavirus. Oh, Hey, we're riddled that burned down years ago. Oh, this podcast is too old. This podcast is by 90 year old to 490 year old. Speaking of us being too old, can I just can we just not do this one and just like watch an episode of TV instead? Oh, yes. Yeah, of course. What do you want to watch? I'd love to do that. That's a good question. Like wait a second. Are you saying this because you have a plan? No, we can watch reality TV No, you just watch veto we go to TBS and watch reruns of rules and organization B. Are you bad Reynolds unit? You know that show that's been on NBC. Oh, right right right

Yeah, of course, you know those show is love that show procedural right? Yeah, and show. Of course. You know, there's show. I love that show. Procedural, right? Yeah. And you told me before we began to accept your premise. I asked you to accept my proposal. You knocked the ring out of my hand. It rolled down the street and into the gutter.

Well, yeah. I called a proposal a premise because you were a pre-miss. Or you misses. Aaron wanted to do for our 90th episode. She wanted to do a 90 day fiance, but call it 90 episode fiance, and we told her no thanks. Yeah, we said veto on that. Can you believe that neither of them are in love with me? Let's get to the premise.

How can we be in love with you and we have so much love for ourselves? That's not love works. Okay, okay. Okay, okay. I'm all filled up, thank you though. Oh, I'm all good for just myself. Table for one. Okay, okay. I'm all filled up, thank you, though. Oh, I'm all good for just myself. Table for one. Okay, okay, let's watch my favorite episode.

It's actually my favorite episode. The name of this is rules and organization, bad riddles in it. Rules and organizations. This was a special. Bad riddles in it. Yeah, yeah. And so it's like, they are not actually solving a crime.

There's just like, it's like a thing. And so they are solving crimes on the show? Don't worry about it. This one, you guys, this is no Riddle City, so everyone chill the fuck out. And this is sort of, it's, it's, it's brought to us by Kelly, because she gave me this book

at a world news show. Thank you, Kelly. Well, we should use her real name as Tiffany Amber Thieson. You might know who her is, TV's Kelly Kipowski. Uh- her real name as Tiffany Amber Thiesin. You might know her as TV's Kelly Kipowski. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. Yeah, that'd be pretty young. Did that reference?

All right, so let's just watch it. And here it goes. Bump, bump, bump, bump. Wait, dead stop. You do know we have an audio engineer, right? Are you doing an eighth grade performance of the Telltale Heart? Oh, my mom gave you that VHS.

My astronaut too. All right, here we go. Detective Mitch Crunch! Detective Benny Solvums, get into my office. It's me, Chief, Veronica Latuth. YouTube been stuck behind a desk for five months because of that terrible thing you did. You're not in the field anymore. I want to say what you did. I shot a garbage man. And I pissed off her a little coaster.

Not pissed off. I made a role coaster mad. And I pissed off of it. Yes, yes. And when I said I shot a garbage man, I launched a role-coaster bet. And I, I pissing off of it. Yes, yes. And when I said I shot a garbage man, I meant I launched a garbage man into space. Yes, it says, also, can I change my name to Oslo at Daniels? No.

No. You came up with Benny Salva. I would like to change my name too, Veronica Littout. No. As much as you came up with Veronica Littout, four seconds before we started recording, it doesn't mean that's not mine forever. I'm who?

You are a midge crunch. Midge crunch. And I'm Oslo Daniels. No, you're bany. Also known as Sleepy Misty. You're bany self-bomb. And I am Veronica LaTooth. And I'm midge crunch.

I'm an detective. In your Oslo Daniels? No, Benny's solve them and you're a detective. And I am? Veronica the tooth, and you're our boss, I presume. And my cousin is Maria CVS. Has everyone clear what's going on? Can we all say some of our cousin's names?

Yeah, of course. George Ford, the boxer. Cousin of mine. Crystal Pepsi. Crystal Clear Pepsi? Oh, I wanna change my what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say.

I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say.

I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say.

I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I was just gonna say big suits were big talking heads fans. Yeah, big suits, big ties, big attitudes, solving big crimes. Biggest suits I've ever seen is probably Megan Merkel because she's got the biggest name from that show. She's on suits before she became the queen I want to say. Wait, is this show in the 90s? Yes. Great. Great.

And now I know. And now I know that. That wasn't said. Didn't I say big suits and big ties? Okay. Yeah. Did I say making a markle? What I meant was, big suit, big ties. So, you've been doing enough paperwork. You've been behind desk six, seven months doing this paperwork.

I thought I'd give one of you the opportunity to go back in the field, solve some cases. So you're both gonna sit here with me for about 40 minutes, with 20 minutes of commercial breaks. Now I'm good, my parents are rich. No, no. In the 90s, it didn't matter. Care, care, care about this, buy into these dates.

Oh, what kind of sticks are they? Oh, these Omaha gold. So I'm gonna give you some cases. Are these those Trump stakes that are full of spiders? These are these Trump stakes that you could have faked a degree after you. Uh huh. Meet them.

Are we? Faked a degree of burn. Yes, we're ready. We're ready. Whoever solves them first gets the point. Whoever gets the most points gets to go back into the field. The other one has to stay behind a desk, brought away. The loser has to go apologize to that Ferris will you beat up?

What? Are we ready? Yes. Does anyone need a big cup of black coffee? Yeah, I'll take a big cup of black coffee. And here's my badge and here's my gun. And big cup of black coffee? Yeah, I'll take a big cup of black coffee, and here's my badge and here's my good. And big cup of black coffee. I'd like to take a big cough, love cupi.

Cough, cupi. Cough, cupi. Is everyone in the biggest suits you've ever seen? This is the biggest one I own. I'm Veronica LaTuce, my haircut is ridiculous. My suits have the widest leg pants you've ever seen. Let's do this. My name's Mitch Crunch and my massage is in a different zip code.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Addle. Ha ha ha ha ha. We all had one ready. When you when you have one ready out of the just saying, you just jeopardized it, buddy. Benny, solve them. Okay, ready?

Your first case and then the sound effect of that goes here. Hee! Creek slams, rip, gripped. A single man is found dead, face down in the snow, far from his home. There are no tracks around him, and it is not snowed in several weeks. Hundreds of people witnessed his death, but only he could have prevented it. Smoke of the bear. Four fires. It sounds smoke at dash.

And that's a smoke and have ash, if I don't say so myself. Nope. Wait, what? What about it? What about it is no. But some of that must have been right. Yes.

I'm making you keep score, because I don't want to. Okay. Okay, let me just get my little midg card. Want me to read it again? Please. A single man has found dead face down in the snow, far from his home. There are no tracks around him and is not snowed in several weeks. Hundreds of people witnessed his death, but only he could have prevented it.

So face down in the snow, it hasn't snowed in several weeks, he runs a slushy machine, and he's a single man, so his partner just left him. It's a trick question. Notice there's things that are single man, because every man walks with Jesus. Oh. That's sweet.

Okay, so hundreds of people saw him. Is this man a performer of some sort? Is it fake snow? Is he dying on an activity? No. Did he get a dick stuck in the lamp? You can't relate everything back to you. Stop talking about your life.

Well, if you would read my Christmas newsletter that I wouldn't have to talk about all the time. And this is what the mystery is in this case. What was the man doing just before his death and how did he die? I want to say he was some sort of tightrope walker because they usually are. Face down in the snow. And I got some clues if you, if you got damn pieces of dirt, need it. Chief, was this man single by necessity or single by because of his occupation?

I don't think him being single really matters. Well, maybe not to you, but to this man, he died alone. Well, I think he's probably- I think he's dying, it's probably the only thing that matters. Was this man a virgin? Yeah, he's a see-it. Yeah, he's a see-it. He's face down, right? When he died? When he's face down on the snow, that's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon.

Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon.

Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon.

Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, he's a surgeon. Yeah, let's say take a quick commercial kind of way for one of our famous 90s PSAs. Kids, I know it's fun to joke about death, but there's nothing more important than eventually doing your American civic duty and dying.

You see, the Earth's getting too hot and there's too many people. I'm the actor who plays mid-crunch, and my name is Sylvester The Cast. And this is the Moreno. This is an egg. This is an egg in a pan. This is an egg in a pan. The oven's on. Cook breakfast, eggs. Take brought to you by the Paul Newman. Hey, you're a little girl, but we're going to get you into capitalism now.

You know what you need an easy bake oven. That's how you'll be a good little girl, or a Barbie car. Not the kind that a Barbie fits in, the kind that you fit in silly, drive it around your neighborhood, and you'll have value then. Barbie cars and easy bake ovens, do it to it. BANG! Well, we finally caught the guy. So, I guess case closed on this one too. No, no, no, no.

No? All right. I'm marking one point for mid-crunch. Here are the clues. It was windy and cold when the man died. The man paid to be where he was and he was dressed warmly. The man was not wearing shoes. I made myself laugh.

Wait, wait, wait. The man was engaged in a recreational activity. I know the answer to this question. Watch the answer. So how many feet away will see from the snow? What did it say? It said it hadn't snowed there in weeks. Can you read that, but that part again?

There are no tracks around him and it had not snowed in several weeks. Okay. So this man was a skier and he ejaculated himself out of his skis when he hit a bump and he flew. I might not give you a point for saying ejaculated. So careful, easy. It's the 90s. We're all careful when we ejaculate. Are we? No.

Well, we think we're really smart about it. So he ejected, that's what the word I meant to say. He ejected himself from his skis, flew hundreds of feet and the air and then died in the snow. He was on a ski lift. Yeah. That got stuck and he fell. And he fell off the ski lift? The man fell to his death.

Ah, to his doom. You each get a point for that. Okay, he ejected himself into heaven. All right, anyone else want to say anything? 90s before we move on to the next case? Mmm, so jammin' Earl, the cartoon Doug. Princess Diana is gonna live forever. We love her.

She's the people princess. What? A Veronica's tooth. I famously love Princess Diana. I do that. I do that. I do love Princess Diana. We got that beanie baby, right? Beanie babies. Can we talk about them?

It's the 19s. I got that Irish one. I put one on a lamp and it's leg melted together. I do one to rock and one to stock, meaning I put one out on my, in the living room and keep one in a glass box because the price is going to skyrocket.

I'm going to be very regent 10 years because of these being big. I'll just say this and it's something that can only be said about the 90s. George Bush is president and he's a good one. All right. Next case. Are we ready? Yes. And the sound go.

He sounds go here. Stand walks into a large room wearing his robe. When people see him, they stop talking and look up. After a while, Stan walks away and doesn't reappear for around a week. The people all leave quietly. Some leave Stan money. Stan is a judge. He's wearing a judge's robe Stan money. Stan is a judge. He's wearing a judge's robe. And he's being paid off by someone. You know, those judges, they started trial. Then you don't see him for about a week. Is that true? Is that true? Is that a judge? No. Do people stand him? Is that something that people say in the 90s? Not yet. What's a 90s? I know you are, but what am I? I'm I'm rubber.

You're good. Stop hitting yourself. Whatever you say sticks off to me and bounces off to you with something like those lines. What is Stan's profession and where does he work? Can I tell you the first hint? It's my favorite. He's an air traffic control boy.

Stan is not homeless or crazy. I do. I feel like a long time ago we had a riddle about a man who was walking down the street and like shouting to himself On the phone, right? Yeah, the phone. What are the hits to that was he's not crazy. Yeah, that was one of our episodes of this show that we're on. One of the best hints to get. Actually, no, that was it wasn't an episode of this show. That was a podcast that I listened to. I think that they did that on. What the fuck is that word? Oh, oh, yes, boy, how do we explain? That's a radio show that, you know, Conan O'Brien. It's like his show, but it's like an audio. Yeah, yeah.

Just an audio Conan O'Brien experience. This man, he's an air traffic controller. He's a he's a magician. He's a circus performer. Who wears robes? Wizards. Wizards. End of last. Who wears robes? Wizards? Wizards. End of list. Let's see. What kind of wizards are there? There's grand wizards of the Clav. We don't like them. People look up to Stan. He's tall. Stan likes to serve, but he doesn't play tennis.

He likes to serve, but he doesn't play tennis. No. So he's one of those cooking wizards. These next two are going gonna give it away. Okay. Stan's not a family man, but he is a man for families. He wants? And then this is the last one.

He's not a man, but he's a man for families. You're ready to buzz in. You're gonna get it from your friends. So Stan's a priest. Yep. Oh, he's a, oh, he's a priest. Oh, he's a priest. He's a priest. He does mass once a week.

Uh-huh. And the original Latin. Let's go for commercial break. He, me, but a Sherlock's a priest. He's a priest. He does mass once a week. And the original Latin. He don't eat meat, buddy. Sure likes the bound. This Thursday night at 8 p.m. The premiere of Friends. Here's some audio clips from that show. Hey Marcel.

What are you doing? Get out of that bird cage. You're a monkey. That's it. I don't think he's going to marry me. Good I be anymore on the phobic. I'm wearing all these pants. I'm Phoebe.

I'm spinning in a circle and playing guitar. Whoa, it's me, Joey Lawrence. Me, Monica. Clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, clean! Hey, it's me, Paul Rudd. You won't see me for ten more years. Ross! Hey, it's me, Paul Rudd. Check out Matt about you.

Wow, that show looks like it's gonna be great. I'm sure that that's gonna be a cultural hit. Next commercial! Wait, well, come on into sears and buy some tires and buy some pants. And while you're at it by bed and buy a, you know, a milkshake machine and, you know, hey, get more pants and one another, tire. Sears. Where's store? A big store. What is that?

Is that Jack Lemmon doing his Sears commercial? I don't know. I've watched the same TV that you are. Hold on, there's more commercials. It's not the show yet. Here's another one. Hi, I'm James Corville Penney's. Please come into Neiman Marcus, my store.

Neiman Marcus, you're going to like the way you spend your money. Also, Walden Books, and Beat Alton. Check out all our Neiman Marcus family. Wow, that store's really on the app enough. That store's really going places that Neiman Marcus. Mm-hmm. I don't like how we do commentary about the commercials on the show.

I don't like how we just call them a show. I don't like a lot of things. All right, anyone, hold on. One another cup of black coffee. I burned through this one, so I'm gonna need another cup of black coffee. Ooh, can we take a quick break to rough up some purps? I'd really love to rough up a purp.

Nope. Okay, are we ready? What a workhorse. A fleet of US naval vessels is heading due north into frigid Arctic waters when it comes under heavy enemy attack. One member of the flotilla, things to the bottom and disappears from enemy radar screens. Although the captain and the entire crew went down with the ship, the rest of the fleet

does not stop looking for survivors. Did I ever tell you about the time that my favorite ice cream shop became a Mexican restaurant? I went in there and had one of the worst float tillas I've ever had. I think I've ever had it my entire life. What the hell is that word? Ah, yeah, the float tilla. I think it's like a... Flo tilla is the floating military.

Yeah, it's a float tilla. How have I never heard that word? A float tilla. When my 16 year old son, we threw him a flotilla when he turned 16. And he joined the Navy. My mom made me a flotilla when I was seven because I love Godzilla and Sundays. So, what type of ship's that was at the bottom? How many true members were killed?

Two more things about what a flotilla could be. What kind of ship's sank to the bottom? Was it like a relationship? Was it a friendship? Was it a... No. So it's an actual ship that was on water. So everyone died except for one person,

but there's still a flotilla. We still don't know, sincerely what a flotilla is. I think it's like an armada, right? Yeah. It's gotta be like an armada. Hello, model. That makes sense in the comics of this. Fleet of US naval vessels is heading due north

into frigid Arctic waters when it comes under heavy enemy attack. One member of the float, Tilla, sinks to the bottom and disappears from enemy radar screens. Although the captain and the entire crew went down with the ship, the rest of the fleet is not stop looking for survivors. What type of ship sang to the bottom and how many crew members were killed? They're looking for survivors. This is a Jeff Props ship. So I think I know the, is that Shakira singing the survivors song? So I think I know the answer to this. Look at the tribe has spoken.

Bring me your torch because your stuff now, no. Mosquitoes, mosquitoes, mosquitoes, mosquitoes. The tribe is this Jewish survivor? You miss your family. Survivor, survivor. Survivor, survivor. I should care I shouldn't do this with my everything. It's something that I would say maybe in 20 years.

This is a... So what sort of ship would be going to the Arctic circles? This is a submarine. Yes. This is a ship that was designed to go under. Yeah, the crew couldn't survive long in Arctic waters. No crew member was found in the water. The ship went hundreds of feet below the surface.

Look at the little fountain, an Arctic water. Because the ship is a submarine and none of the crew members were killed. When a submarine goes under, we call it sinking. Yes. So you say, you might say Mr. President, the submarine. Throws mother of coffee against the wall. Don't talk back at me.

I never talked back about the president, George Bush. The best we'll ever get by that name. Case, next case. It's 1992. Thousands of people attended a professional sporting event. During the event, a person drives around in a large vehicle for nearly a quarter of an hour. The driver does not count the number of laps completed

and doesn't appear to be competing in any way. The spectator's often appeared disinterested and don't bother to cheer when the driver finishes. This is a Zamboni at a hockey match. But a good point, people should start cheering. Oh yeah. Zamboni makes it a lap around the ring. If you're not cheering for the Zamboni,

you're the jerk. Wait, hold on, let me take that again. If you're not cheering for the Zamboni, I gotta say you're a Gibroni. Gibroni, that's something that we say here, right? That's what the rock says. And the rock, not even close. Not even close.

Candy ass, a pretty pooh. Do you wanna say Candy ass on the network? What network are we on, by the way? KBNBC. Yep. And on that, a commercial. KBNBC. Ready?

Traburculosis, NBC. Pop it. Twist it. Pull it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it.

Look it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Move it. Touch it. Lick it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Move it. Finish. The Playboy title. Roll over. Cry.

Cry. Cry. Kiss it. Cry. Cry. Leave it. Call it. Text it.

Regret it. Regret it. Pop it. Twist it. Shower. F-f-f're credit. Pop it. Push it. Show it. All right, I gotta get that game. Nope, next commercial print. Oh yeah, that's right. Do you like butterflies in unicorns?

Do you like when you're notebooks? I have bright colors. Do you like it when there's pandas that are bright colors? We're trying to sleep. Are unicorns that are bright? Trying to sleep. Lisa Frank. It's sleep. Lisa Frank! It's me, Lisa Frank, I'm in your room!

Wake up! Please, what do you want? Look outside the window. It's post-apocalyptic neon pastels. Jesus Christ. Look, keep your eyes open. This is a fucking night there. Please, whatever you want, I'll take a trapper, please.

You'll never dream of black and white again, so you want these erases? What? We want these erases? Yeah, and you want my pencil? Yeah, I guess I would. I mean, I have an eraser, am I a little... You want to know? Lisa, bring back back.

Lisa, bring back back. I can't walk to school where this. Lisa, bring back back. I can't wear it back back with three purple dolphins on it. This is cool. I can't. Ask me, ask me, ask me how I come up with my art't. Ask me. Ask me how I come up with my art. Ask you out?

Ask me how I come up with my art. How do you like to go into business? I have people who just did drugs breathing to my mouth. And then I have an entire strawberry Sunday with a bunch of caffeine bills in it. Hi, if you're like me, you have three filthy Neanderthal boys who get your house so filthy dirty with their damn footprints and their damn tire tracks and who writes a BMX bike in the house.

Well, that's why I reach for simple times whiskey. The only whiskey that gets me absolutely shwastyfaced blacked out and so I get fucking drug I get my drink on what I'm drinking Simplitimes whiskey for boys for moms with boys Mom made mess again Mom don't care, mom, wait fuck you dude Mom says shut your mouth You little shitbag bird, bird of crap.

You dad's dead. I'm the mom now, whiskey time, simple whiskey. Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug. Ooh, I'm just gonna be sick. Oh. Hey kids. Hey. You know how you had lunchables yesterday for lunch?

Yes. Yes. Well today we have something new. They're called dinnerables. Hi! You know how you had Lunchables yesterday for lunch? Yes! We loved it! Well today we have something new. They're called dinnerables. Dinner Robles? No. So tell us about that! Well hold on, that's not what I said.

You're miss- you're miss- you're miss- representing what I said. I'm sorry I'm just trying to read this. I said dinnerables. Dinner Robles. Well, dinner- what is it? Diner Robles. Diner Robles? Diner- Diner Robles? What are dinnerables, mister? Dinnourables. Dinnourables. Dinnourables. Dinnourables. Dinnourables. Dinnourables. Dinnourables. What are dinnourables, mister? Hold on. I need to teach someone a lesson. I'm trying my best. Okay, did you enroll in a lacushion classes? Like I asked you to.

Allocution. What did I say? Look, hold on. Hold on. What did you say to me? Allocution. What did I say? Electricion. I said, okay, well I've been putting my place. Dinnerables, when your dad is sad, it doesn't know what to do. Respect me. Good products this week, chief good products. Some years ago, a man left his job to travel around the world with a famous group.

The group evaluated the man's credentials and told him he could not join it. The man was elated. The man was elated? That sounds like an arousment song. Dude looks like a laded burner. Burner. This guy is really happy. Burner.

Let me see. A man left his job to travel around the world with a famous group. This guy is really happy. Burn it, burn it. Let me see. Sunny has to go. A man left his job to travel around the world with a famous group. The group evaluated the man's credentials and told him he could not join it. The man was elated. So he left his job to join the group. The group said fuck off. And the guy was like, yes.

So he just wanted to quit his job and he needed an excuse. He was an investigative reporter. He got embedded in, let's just call it, Namla. And they said, Nope, you can't join it. He was happy about it. This man was Pete Beste, the band was the Beatles. And he didn't want to go to Germany. No, you're not in the band. Not totally off time. Why did the group literally say he couldn't join it?

Or was there just some reason why he couldn't join it? Like, is it Leonard Skinner to nail that evaluated his credentials? And he't join it or was there just some reason why he couldn't join it? Like, is it Leonard Skinner to nail down? They evaluated his credentials and they could join it. Oh, yeah, the guy was, who's the guy that died, the Big Bopper? So we lost the Big Bopper. We lost the old Lou Diamond Phillips, what's it? LaBamba. Richie Valens.

Rest in power. Richie Valens, the big bopper. This man was supposed to be on that point. That plane. Is that true? No. Oh, God. Okay, so you went to tour with a group.

Is it a musical group? No. No. Is it an entertainment group? No. Does this thing have anything to do with the Rand Haastage group? No. Does this thing have anything to do with the Rana hostage crisis? No.

Interesting. But you're... I'm thinking about the right thing. You're thinking like you're getting closer. So you said right timeline with Beatles, so this would be Vietnam War. So the group was the army during Vietnam. Uh huh. Da-huh. Dan.

Dan. Dan. A man was an American in his early 20s. The group was planning a trip to Southeast Asia planning a trip. The year was one of the great, one of great turmoil in the group is a source of major controversy. The year was in the 1960s. Uncle Sam made the man attempt to join. I just got back from a trip of duty. The man tried to join the US Army in 1969. Well, I wouldn't say he quit his job.

I would say he got drafted. Yeah, well, that's true. Well, and by the way, he probably didn't have a job, right? He's in his 20s. What was his job? Being one of those jerk off hippies that puts flowers and guns, but smoking their weeds cigars,

smoking their grown-up cigarettes. Speaking of cigarettes, let's just smoke on TV. Can't let everyone hear we go. Sorry, okay, let's hold on. Let me show my ass because we can do that in the 90s. Yeah, we can show our asses and smoke on TV. It's the golden age of television. And I'm your lady boss. Can you believe it? You're a lady. Yeah. Yeah, we can show our asses and smoke on TV. It's the golden age of television.

And I'm your lady boss. Can you believe it? You're a lady. Yeah. Ironical at tooth. We can think working girl. It must be that time of the month, because you have some big old shoulder pads.

And my name is Mitch Crunch, and I believe I'm also a woman. Are we ready? Yes. The young son of a single mother leaves his home to trespass on his neighbor's property. Vietnam. While there, he steals from the neighbor and takes off all of his clothes before running back home. Although he is seen and chased, he is not caught and no charges are pressed.

The young man's a pig. He's greased up. Again, stop talking about your life. Is this man a Sasquatch? Yes. He's pretty stuck. Again, stop talking about your life. Is this made us ask watch? Yes. He was seen and chased. So they saw him naked, they chased him. Who's the day?

Is that the neighbors? So the neighbors saw the young kid. He's young and he took off all his clothes and he's also stole a bunch of stuff, right? Yeah. Did he steal clothes? No, the son is young. No, sorry. The young son. Oops. The young son

of a single mother leaves his home to trespass on his neighbor's property. While there, he steals from the neighbor and takes off all of his clothes before running back home. Although he is seen and chased, he is not caught and no charges are pressed. So he lives in a nudist colony? You can't press anything on an naked man. You're gonna leave a mark. No. Huh. He is seen. He is?

Is he identified? Yeah. He's human? No. He's not a human. He's not a human. He's not a human. So it's a single mutt.

The kid is a goat. It's sort of a famous kid. Famous kid. I'll give you some hints. Okay, is it a little red writing? The thief had three sisters. His father was killed by the same neighbor. He wears only a blue jacket and clogs, iconic.

Blue jacket and clogs. He's a famous literary character. He has distinctive ears. Ooh. Um, ooh, who's that could have put his finger in the damn? Paddington. Is this a distinctive ear? So he would be... Is this a Charlie Brown character?

Is this Pinocchio? No. Wait, he killed his father? I'm sorry, I miss something. The neighbor killed his father. The neighbor killed his father? It goes over., maybe steals vegetables. Ooh, Atticus Venge. Peter Rabbit.

Peter Rabbit. This is Boop Radley. You're right, Peter Rabbit. What's the score? Ooh, okay. So that's going to be one to one. All right. And let's do a commercial break now.

With real commercials, right? Yeah. Oh, yeah. This one's real. Hey GPC. Uh, uh, yeah. You're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm, um, pranking Atal and I'm setting up a website to prank him. I just need some advice. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace.

I'm not mad at you. We're pranking app. Squarespace is the only one website platform for entrepreneurs to stay in doubt and to see it online. Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website. It gays with your audience and so anything for products to cut into time All in one place all on your terms

Hey, I don't come here come here. Hey, what's what's going on? I actually I want to prank GPC and I want to set up a whole website to prank him Do you have anything that like is there like an online store like could set up on my website to sell product? Did you know that with Squarespace you can have custom merch. You can easily sell custom merchant-crate passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand, design your products and production, and inventory and shipping are handled for you saving you time and money. What is happening? Okay. Wait, what's going on with Adel? Oh, nothing. Nothing. I'm just setting up on with that all? Oh, nothing, nothing.

I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing, new, and he's gonna tune you. And I'm gonna use analytics. Use insights to grow my business and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool. I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords,

our popular products and content on my prank website, the prank activity. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what the website is for. Yeah, the website is for. Prank.

With Squarespace. Yeah, with Squarespace. You can connect to your store to Venet third party tools to extend the functionality of your website. Hey, JPC, hey, JPC. What's up, battle? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy Hey JPC, hey JPC. What's up, Madel? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her.

Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh, she's back, she's back. Hey Aaron. Hey Aaron. Can we go to grandma's house? Wait, I've been pranked.

But how? I don't know. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, Adeland JPC. Thank you for meeting me in the middle of the woods here. I am sort of at an empath. I can't decide whether or not to go this way or this way. I'm having a hard time choosing a path.

You know, there never truly is a middle of the woods. Isn't it funny to think about something like that? There never truly is a middle of the woods. No, this is the middle. Okay, this is it. Addle, can you help? Yeah, actually. So as per Robert Frost, I don't know if you know his poems.

He has a poem called Better Help. I believe this is written in the 1800s, but it still stands true today more than ever. Aaron, you should try Better Help. Have you heard of this? You seen this? Mm-hmm. Because sometimes Aaron and life were faced with tough choices and the path forward isn't always clear.

Whether you're dealing with decisions around career relationships, being stuck in the middle of the woods, therapy helps you stay connected to what you al, al, al. Sorry, that also does so fast. Therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate life and the woods. Mmm, and better help is entirely online, so it's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. I've been using it for several years, and it suits the way that my brain works way better than traditional therapy ever did. And when Aaron says traditional therapy, just so everyone's clear, what she means is tricking two of her friends to coming to the middle of the woods, even though there isn't truly the concept of the middle of the woods, isn't that fun to think about? All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and you can switch therapist at any time for no additional charge.

Hey, Aaron, GPC's putting down bread crumbs and then immediately picking them up and eating them. Oh, dirty bread crumbs. Mmm. Mmm. And he's also like really into that owl who's swooping down. Anyways, let there be your map with better help. Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month.

That's better help h-e-l-p dot com slash riddle r-i-d-d l-e. R-i-d-d l-e the middle of riddles a d but there is no true middle of riddle because it would be the space in the middle of, you see, I hope you get home. Bye, baby. I am home. Who are we? What is this? I clink, clink, clink. Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, I just want to make a quick toast to, I know it's JPC's birthday,

and we're all so excited to talk about him, but I want to talk about my favorite, my favorite thing in the world. And that is the app Rocket Bunny. Oh, yeah, Aaron, that's one of my favorite things as well. Mm-hmm. Rocket Bunny is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place.

I've been using it for years way before they were a sponsor and it helps me so much, especially around tax season. Kling, cling, cling, cling, cling. Sorry, I also want to give a toast. Rocket money, well quickly and easily find your subscriptions for you. And for any you don't want to pay for anymore, just hit cancel. And Rocket money will cancel it for you. It's that easy. Kling, cling, cling. It also categorizes your expenses so you can easily track your budget in real time and also get alerted if anything looks off. Over three million, oh, clink, clink, clink. Over three million people have used rocket money, saving the average person up to $720 a year. We love rock. Stop clink clink. Stop. No, clink, clink, clink. Stop.

Throwing your money away, cancel unwanted subscriptions today and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rockatmoney.com slash riddle. That's rockatmoney.com slash riddle. Rockatmoney.com slash riddle, and tell them JPC's birthday got ruined by two of his friends for doing speeches about rocket money, the website. I love your rocket like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like Just in time to go on another commercial break To cover up for your sins

Crimp your hair and put butterfly clips in butterfly clips cover up for your sins with butterfly clips One of the coolest things your hair. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. We'll ever get to where it's a wrap It's a wrap it's quick wraps from Conair. It's quip grab a burner Quicker come from Conair Okay for what you do professor for your name you had a burn yourself really bad you could do it and damage your stuff for life And if you know some doctors would never be able to find you Simply the very same the child knew they all burned up and you left to live in a home for burn up shelter I'll burn it up and you'll have to live in a home for Burnup Children. We have to cut it.

Whoa. But we promise you won't have to live in a house for Burnup Children. No, so it's going to be a problem. It's going to be a big fulfill because you will have to live in a house for Burnup Children. It's going to be a well-burdened house. But if you just got a little battery, you have to go live in a house for Burnup Children. It's a whole food. Oh, the house and he was very bad.

He was a little bit of a... what do you do with that house? It's quick right from 10 a. Whoa. Hey kids, you know how yesterday we had dinnerables? Yeah, dad. That was yesterday. It felt like two weeks ago. Where have you been?

Out. Well tonight, after dinner, we're going to have some dessertables. Hmm. What are dessertables, dad? Didn't you say that we were dessertables and then you left for two weeks? Well, that's what I said. Uh-huh.

But then your mom passed away, so now I'm back. Yay! Dad, what are dessertables? Dessertables are white lunchables or dinnerables, but for fucking dessert. And we eat them in front of the TV while you watch whatever you want? That's right. Or you can eat them in your room.

You decide. Um, our room, please. Nope. Ha-ha-ha. You're sleeping in the living room, right? Yes, sir. Yes, sir. I'm mulling. Take a slice of this chocolate.

Now slice a baloney, now cracker, and now eat it. Oh, I don't want to, sir. Eat it. Mm-hmm. Delicious. Dessertables when your dad really is at the end of his row. What did you say? Oh my yum. Yum. Delicious. Dessertables when your dad really is at the end of his row. What did you say? Oh my god.

Oh my god. Okay, we're back. And the score is one to one. Well, I actually missed going in that, uh, chief. It's actually three to two in my favor. That's right, old mid crunches on top. All right, here's your next case. A young girl is abandoned by her family.

Even though I consider myself a power bottom. Coffee, coffee, coffee, cigarette, cigarette, cigarettes, huge suits, crazy haircuts, moustaches. Let's do this. A young girl is abandoned by her family. She befriends a group of social outcasts and joins their gang. After learning of the girls we're about,

her family finds her and poisons her. The girl slips into a coma but does not die. Snow White. Yep, you got it. It's just the tail, Snow White. Chief. Snow White survived the poisoning by getting a kiss from Prince Charming. Yeah, I wish I could survive poisoning by getting a kiss from some Prince Charming.

Next one. Wilma is working diligently in a lab when she gets a tremendous urge. Flintstones. Nope. You said Wilma. For cigarettes. Flintstones. There aren't any no smoking signs posted, and the chemical she is working with pose no real

fire hazard. As soon as Wilma strikes a match, her boss fires her for destroying his work her boss was a fart collector Please stop talking about your life So what so she struck a match destroyed his collection. What was the first part of it? Working she was working diligently in a lab when you get the tremendous urge Versa-grat There aren't any no smoking signs posted, and the chemical she is working with

pose no real fire hazard. As soon as Wilma strikes a match, her boss fires her for destroying his work. Is his work the match? No. That's a funny and cool guess. What kind of lab did Wilma work in? And what is her ex-boss' profession?

She worked inside a chocolate lab. Oh, who's a good boy? Oh, yes. And if you let a match inside of a chocolate lab. Oh, who's a good boy? Oh, yes. And if you let him mention instead of a chocolate lab, you'll destroy that dog. Let me see this. Chief, is this a profession that kind of would exist definitely in the 90s, but maybe and let's just call it 30 years from now probably wouldn't exist much anymore? No, there's still kind of exists.

There's definitely a way more modern version to be this profession but people still use these labs especially if you're like a little bit pretentious. Would the light but with the light? Well I guess the light would still ruin it. Photo lab. It's a photo lab. Light ruin the pisher. The lab is a dark room run by Wilma's ex-boss who is a photographer. And just so I know, just so I know 30 years from now people are still using these? No right? Oh shoot, forgot that we are in the 90s. 90s. Mm-hmm. Well, I can tell we're in the 90s because I call my handcoast

slap bracelets. That's the only way to know for sure. I can tell we're in the 90s because this is a TV show and we're three only white people. Mm-hmm. And I do coconut, nobody bats an eye. Uh-uh. Kim travels all around the world for free

without ever buying a plane ticket or paying for lodging. She travels quickly. In some cases, she visits three different continents in a single week. She works in every country that she visits, but only gets paid in one. Kim's a corpse. Kim is a prostitute seagull.

prostitute seagull, I love how I met your mother. prostitute seagull, I love the, oh god, just I didn't even see the sickle movie. What's the one of these undersea? Okay, sir, there's boats going sink, because we're a submarine. What is the woman's occupation and what type of company does she work for? So she travels around the world, but she doesn't pay. Is she a postage stamp?

Oh, is this the woman on the postage stamp? What a line of work. Is this a lady liberty? No. Who is on every postage stamp? No, this is, that's a cool gas. She travels around the world. It doesn't pay.

With this person BA, and I'm going to use the term that we use in the 90s, stewardess. Eh, closer. She's certainly not a female pilot. Yep. Is that a pilot who works for an airline? Ah, the pilot was the mother? Yep. Everything I know about the 90s is going at the window.

Mm-hmm, and back to a commercial break. To cover up for your sins, crimp your hair, and put butterfly clips in, butterfly clips, crimping your hair, and to cover up your sin, do bad things, crimping your hair, and put butterfly clips in. Hey, the answer to that last thing was that the pilot was a woman. Speaking of women pilots, check out this new episode of Grace Under Fire. Eww!

Shoot it Grace! Shoot it Grace! I would like to be above the fire. No, you're under fire. Okay, can I be beside the fire? No, you're under fire. Okay, can I be beside the fire? No, you're under fire. All right, I would like to be parallel to the fire. Women can't parallel part. A Jason to the fire?

A Jason to the fire? We can bring in Jason Seagull. I'm under siege. Okay. Hey kids, do you like the series' Goosebumps? Well, you're gonna love this new series from author J.P. Riddles called Swan Lumps. Here's the ad for it. What's that?

I couldn't hear that stupid thing because I was too busy jamming out to my Sony Discman. That's right, Sony Discman. The only way to listen to music, even though it's not very good. And if you hold it wrong, it will skip in ruling your CDs. Wait, can I listen to Spacehog? Absolutely. They're my favorite band.

Yeah, here's their song now. In the meantime, the best of green and pricer blue. Brown one. Sorry, I touched the Sony disc band. He touched it and it just ruined the sucks. Chief. God.

These products, they're selling themselves. Are they? But I'd sell myself if I got another one of these cases. I gotta get, I gotta get after this desk. A deafening sound cracks would be heard a warm summer's day. People emerge from their homes to see about the racket only to hear the noise again.

Suddenly and without warning, several huge objects come charging into view. Jumanji? Yeah, it's obviously the board game Jumanji. No, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. Okay, it's a loud sound. It's quite a commotion. People come out of their homes. A deafening sound cracks through the

air to warm summer's day. People emerge from their homes to see about the racket only to hear the noise again suddenly and without warning several huge objects come charging into view. These are Thunderbolts and this is a Twister and these are multiple tornadoes bearing down at the same location. No. A perfect storm of tornadoes. What are the objects and where can they be found? Are they animals?

No. Are they... Cores? Are they Cores or buses or brines? No. Hmm. And the sound is one of the jet engines falling out of the sky, Donnie Darko. The movie that's coming out or is already out. I think coming out.

It's coming out soon. October sky is now or later. Sure. What is that? Are these rocket chips? Oh, you're getting closer. Can you read it one more time? Mm-hmm. A deafening sound cracks through the air in a warm summer's day. People emerge from their homes to see about the rocket only to hear the noise again. Suddenly, and without warning, several huge objects come charging into view. The objects are associated with technology.

They aim to dazzle onlookers. It's not unusual to see the huge objects roll, dive, and spin. Northern lights? Fireworks, roll, dive, and spin. Are these? The sound barrier is not much of a barrier. Oh, it's the blue angels. Blue angels, blue angels, blue angels, light team. The travel team. They travel to air shows around the globe. Chief, we're getting a lot of Navy Army related. I was in the army. You were in the army? Of course I was. What were you doing in the army, chief? Well, well, well, well, well, well, well,

tell us more, tell us more. I was fighting other people. Tell us more, tell us more. Don't pry into my experience. It's traumatizing. Bappa. Bappa. Bappa.

Well, did you have a French? Bappa. Bappa. Bappa. Well, did you have a French? We made out down in Iraq. All right, we ready? Uh-huh. Following a shipwreck in the 1960s, a group of survivors safely makes its way to an submarine in an inhabited island. The island has no food other than bananas and coconuts. That's a funny word. The people make no real effort to farm the land. Those are food yet they never go hungry

The survivor's plate is well-known by the American public but no rescue attempt is May you're describing survivor So there's no food, but there is bananas and coconuts. Yes. That's food. I would say that that's food. I mean, I would know. What is the name of the island and how many people survived the island of Dr. Moran? Wait, this is, what's the island? Dr. No, is island, right?

That's it. Skaramenga, the man with the golden guv. Well, JVC broke. It's coconut and bananas only. We should know the name of the islands. This is a famous island. So what are some famous islands? Fanny, C Island.

Love Island. Uh, lost island. Are you a falcon Jolkid? Are you a falcon Jolkid? Are you a falcon Jolkid? The island does not appear in any maps. The ship was a small charter boat. Fantasy Island. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, know, seven. Yes, I can do it right now. The millionaire and his wife,

the skipper and his wife, and Gilligan and his wife. Yes, until he's six. And one extra wife. Of course, since we're gay, man, or an extra wife. Of course, the question everybody asks is, do you prefer the wife or the wife? I'm more of a wife, right?

Okay, if I were in that show, I think I'd be the wife. Yeah, yeah. All right, next case. I never watched that show. I never did. Me neither. Just shoot me. Nah, I did watch that show.

I like that David Spade. Jack works with leather and focuses on developing new ways to support people. Jack's work often causes women great pain. Well, Jack's victims don't know Jack. They sometimes pay large sums of money to experience the result of his professional efforts. His work focuses on leather, which is basically just skin. He's a skin doctor. No. His work is, he's a leather, he's a leather skin. He's a skin doctor. No. His work is, he's a leather, he's a leather man. He's a leather daddy. Hmm.

He designs those leather fuck suits that you see in clubs. Does he spend people from hooks? No. Then he'll be a spin doctor. So he works in leather. He causes people pain. People line up to what was it? Uh, does he cause large sums of money to experience the results of his He causes people pain. People line up to, what was it? Does he cause? Large sums of money to experience the results

of his professional effort. He's like a fashion model. He makes, yeah, does he make like very constricting clothes, very constricting like a, what are those called girdles? Nope. What are those? Leather.

What are those like whalebone things called? Corsets. Nope? Corsets. And nope. Corsets. I dream the tree. Jack's creations always have numbers stamped on them. Oh, yikes. You're totally on the right track though.

Jack purposely looks forward. No, Jack purposely looks towards the ground when he's walking down the street. Oh, that's just a good practice. He looks down at the ground. He's a designer, but he doesn't make jeans. What does he make? Oh, he's just a good practice. He looks down at the ground wall. He's a designer, but he does make jeans. What does he make? Oh, he's a clothing.

He's a Jack Madden and he makes leather shoes. Yes. And they're uncomfortable? Like high heels shoes. Oh, high heels shoes. Okay, gotcha. I was gonna say, I'm very comfortable in the clothes that I'm wearing. I'm wearing a suit that's six men too big for me.

Six men too big. And I'm swimming. I'm wearing a suit that's six men too big for me. Six men too big. And I'm swimming at it. Um, what size suit are you? Three men. Three grown men? Three men and a little baby. Fun being honest. Well, yeah, but I put on some baby fat.

By the summer I'll have this little baby all the way tucked back, if you don't have to say it. Um, and now let's go to a commercial big. Oh man, my time of God she died. Oh, you should get a Digimon. Um, and now let's go to a commercial bank. Oh man, my time of God she died. Oh, you should get a Digimon. A what? A Digimon. Wrong era.

Really? Ehhhh. I'm from the future. Come with me if you want to make money. I'm good. I'm good. Really? Well, how much money?

And tell me in 90's terms how much money? In 90's terms? Oh, 200 bucks. Do holy crumbs. I'll quit my job. Well, don me much money. In 90's term, oh, 200 bucks. Holy crumbs. I'll quit my job. Well, don't do that. Where do you work?

Crumb factory. The cum factory. Work at the cum factory. Yeah. Which is a cup down spin off podcast. Oh, you know what? I must have the wrong house. It's a cum down review.

I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I can take you to the Cub factory. No, I don't. On Tuesday nights, Dharma and Greg. D-D-D-D-D don't have sex. And they're gonna end up in a whole great children. Hahaha. What's up, buddies?

Looks like I'm on this jury. We so, kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk And that was that, eh? You know what I could go for, Tiffany? I want Steve Madden, those like black, platform Steve Madden shoes, and a black choker. What do you want at the mall? Hmm, I just want an Annie Wetzel's and a pretzel. And what do you want at the mall? I want some John Madden's. Ooh, the high heels that are made from footballs.

Mm-hmm. All right, on the count of three, everyone say go, mall. One, two, three, go, mall. I forgot to count. I was hoping you would count. Oh, boy, chief. These cases aren't getting any easier, but I'll tell you what is getting easier.

I'm getting a little drunker as we go on, because it's the 90s. I can. Of course there's something in our coffee. Yeah, pour some simple times whiskey into my coffee in my big black cup of coffee. Are we ready for maybe one or two more? Yes, sure.

Cheers. Benjamin carries a book of matches in his pocket. Every night he walks into a room full of people takes out the book of matches and mesmerizes each person in the crowd. He hears gasp, sighs, and then applause. But he can't speak while the audience is reacting. Oh, away. Hmm. Can't speak while the audience is reacting. He's a book of matches.

He's a member of no doubt and they're playing their sonal hits. Spider-Wab. Spider-Wab, yes. He's a member of no doubt and they're playing their sonal hits. Spider-Wed. Spider-Wed, yes. Is that correct? Is he a magician? Oh, no. Oh, is it like pen and teller?

It's like magic, yeah, but specifically what though? Is the axe being taped? He's a fire starter. Fire, he's a pyromaniac. He's a... Fireman. Fire... He can't speak while the audience is reacting. He's a fire. He's a narcoleptic. He's asleep. Fire. Yes.

Chomp, chomp, chomp. Benjamin is a fire. He uses the matches to light the torches that he puts in his mouth. Okay, so he lights those with matches. No, I'm so hungry. He should get a light of Perkins. Perkins. Oh, I'm gonna see a commercial for Perkins. No, I'm good. Great. Let's do it. Maria takes small painstaking steps. I'm sorry, I said this wrong. Maria CVS takes small painstaking steps every night. Often using a stick to help her along. Strangers watch her, but no one ever offers to help. The threat of Maria CVS stumbling causes some people to shield their eyes.

We're used to describing an old person. Yeah, this is an old person. I wouldn't help an old person, you wouldn't steal a car. I mean, yeah, old people. Some people with a cane. They have their pride. Does she have a cane? Is it a cane situation?

A small stick? No. She has a small stick to help her move along. Is she an old person? Is she a witch? Is she blind? Is she blind? Is it a blind man's stick?

No. Hmm. Stick. What is Maria's livelihood? Oh, stick a gun. Where can she be found? Stick a gun. She has a small stick to help her long.

Stick she up. Maria is in sick or old? Stick, stick. Is she Where can she be found? Stick a gun. To the small stick to help her long stick. She is in sick or old. Stick sticks. Is she crazy or homeless? No. It didn't say she wasn't. Her job requires a fine tuned physique. It would be great if any riddle that didn't say they were crazy.

It's like they're crazy. Yeah, end of riddles. And when you see the super hero like dare devil. No, but flashy outfits make up most of her wardrobe Oh She's a crossing gun she's Flash out looks down on her audience. Oh she sucks is this a Judgmental she's judgmental. She's a family isn't on the it her oh she's a circus performer. She's a tightropper tightropper

Walker All right, that means whatever your name is, you have four points to my four points. I do want to see the, I know there's a new show coming out called tight rope walker ranger. Uh-huh, yeah. Starring a fuck Norris. Yep.

So just so I'm clear, what we're going to see is a show started fuck Norris called tight rope walker Dexas ranger. Okay, gotcha. We've been canceled. Ha! Ha! Ha!

Ha! Ha! Yeah, I don't know why they paid for an app. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. That looks good though. No, it's real good.

Yeah, too bad. I think it's been canceled. Hmm. Are we gonna get canceled? No, no, no. We'll be on, hey, we'll be on for the entirety of the 90s. Okay, cause I just bought a mansion. Hi, I'm here to advertise for thin eyebrows. You think this is a good idea now? You're gonna have thin eyebrows and dark lipstick?

Well, fuck you. You're gonna hate it in 20 years. But anyways, do it now. And then you'll be so screwed over when you try to grow your eyebrows out in like 2009 good luck. Hi, I'm JC Penny and this is an ad for plaid shirts Now I know what you think in plaid shirts is that anyone gonna think these are cool and the answer is yes for a few years and then Big no and then Yes, and then no no no no no and then it'll come all the way back to Oh, yeah, and then it'll be

1998, and people will be like oh, I'm done with these things, but then one guy he's gonna buy all the Bloodshirts, all the bloodshirts and old JC Penny's house and just so everybody knows you could just call me JCP That's JC Penny's where we're branding to that anyway. Anyway, plaid shirts for one man. Have you ever wanted to look like you're floating down the hallways in high school? Yes! Get Jinko jeans!

Look, I can fit a canoe in my pants. Isn't that crazy? Arp, arp, arp, it's me, a canoe dog, and a canoe in my pants. Isn't that crazy? It's me, a canoe dog, and I fit in these pants. Mm-hmm, jinko jeans. Mm-hmm. It's pronounced jinko. What did I say? Jinko?

Okay. Okay. Did you take your electricity glasses? Uh-huh, and these things hold a current. Style. Alright, Chief, one more riddle. One more. These things don't get any easier, but I do care less and less about the mess we go on.

And Chief, all these riddles you're telling us, we have to contact the families and tell them about the deaths. Of course. Okay. Naturally, I'm not going to do that. Natural death, natural causes. Are we ready? Yes, Chief.

A man captures a wild animal and brings it back to civilization. Most days, the man leaves the animal alone and the animal ventures out on his own. The animal often gets into trouble and the man must intervene to set things right. The man is distinguished from others by his distinctive clothing, which he appears to wear every day.

Turner and Hoots. No. This could be anybody coming out. Turner and Hootch. No. This could be anybody coming out. Although that TV show's coming out. The Turner and Hootch TV show. Is this a cartoon? Is this an... Is this Elmer Flour?

The curious George, the man of the Yellow Hat? The man in the Yellow Hat. It is. Wow. And that means, Asalot, you win the contest. Fair and square, you beat me.

You get to change your name from Benny Solvom to Ocelot, something. And I have to go apologize to those tea cups, you puke-doner, whatever. But you know what? This has changed my mind. If you too can make up and apologize to that Ferris wheel, and you shot someone, I think? Nah, I launched a garbage minute of space. If you can clean up that mess, I want you both back in the field.

But still help me, God, if people like this episode, you'll be back in trouble and back trying to get out of trouble and maybe we'll make it so it's the 2000s or something. Well, there's one thing I can say with 100% degree certainty, chief. People will not like this. Please, a prank. Please, a prank. I'm Lisa Frank. Look at me. Look at my colors. Oh guys, that was a fun hour of TV, right? Yeah, it was a blast. God, man, I remember how bad Chozies to be in the 90s.

And how little thought people seemed to put into a casting. I can't believe how they kept the 90s ads, even though they were running. Yeah, that's classic. That's cool. I'm glad that they're doing that now on. We'll see. We got the episode 90. We took a little break. Watch some TV. It feels pretty good. Anything to plug out of? Check out Squeezits or a great source of vitamin D and C. Gushers or the delicious snack. And check me out. Adolfi on the Flophouse podcast. I was on recently talking about

the worst movie I've ever seen called The Finatic, written and directed by Fred Durst of Lempisget and starring John Trudevolta. Thanks. Well, we are in the thick of April right now, so I would definitely check out showers, April showers, and I would be eagerly anticipating

some of those sweet, sweet May flowers. Not the one that Christopher Columbus sailed over on for all you gals and girls out there who... You could have just said you didn't have anything to vlog. I don't. You can follow me on Twitter at JPSoFly. Also, if you want to visit the grave of Peter Parker's aunt, you want to bring her flowers. Yes, may.

You want to bring May flowers. May, may flowers. Nice. Follow me, EarnKeeve10 me flowers. Yeah, they can make me flowers. Nice. Follow me, Earnkeep 10 on Instagram, Earnkeep 2 on Twitter. Look up my web series, welcome up on YouTube. Follow, join our Patreon to get our newsletter and to get all of our bonus content and our D&D episodes and all sorts of fun stuff and come see us in world news every Saturday at 8 and 10 at the I.O. theater. And of course Aaron in the 90s we didn't

know any better so there was a planet that we now know is just a hunk of frozen ice but that planet is Jupiter as a little Jupiter. is up little do you forever and and and and and

and and and and and I am a weak cardamus and I am a pain in the moron Baby no one will wash you before hate Wicked a brick yon