Hey Riddle Riddle - #93: Smart Dog/Dumb Dog

Episode Date: April 29, 2020

Hello, new episode! This week we make it clear this was recorded before quarantine because we talk about pub trivia, haircuts, and shows we’ve done recently. We hear how the Star Spangled Banner was written, a new Johnny Cash song, and some hackers get some help from a familiar paper clip. We also play the rolls we were born to play-Rock, Paper, and Scissors. Happy #widdlewednesday!Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a head gum podcast. Ready? Yep. Uh, you left the door open. Rude. What are we? Podcasting the whole neighborhood, Aaron? No, I'm just so much.

That was funny. All right. It wasn't having no money, no money. It's happened with the last two days. There's no more money, right? It wasn't having no money, right? What do you think you're going to break the brick? All right, class, have a seat. Oh, sure.. On your substitute. No, I'm your substitute teacher and I will be teaching about riddles today.

What do we know about riddles? What makes you qualified to do this? Well, I went to high school. I've listened to over 90 episodes of a riddle podcast. Can't you roll in a TV and we can watch something? Hold on. What's that movie? Hold on, I need to address a lie.

You've listened to 90 episodes of a riddle podcast. I know for a fact, riddle podcast don't exist. That's an unpalatable combination, my man. Over 90 episodes. What's your name? My name? Stand up, what's your name? My name's Clark Kent.

Take off your shirt, take off those glasses. Woo! Woo! Woo! Guess I'm going to the next town. What's the movie that I'm thinking of? off those glasses. Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, Making me feel seasick. We're sitting on a boat. We're sitting in a boat order. So I just have a question. Yeah. It's an Aaron episode, so that means

we're gonna talk for a while before we get into the riddles. About what I enjoy. What's up? Your question to the table is what's up? What's up? Okay, it's a 2014 Pixar movie. It's about an old man.

Is that what it's about? It's about an old man. Is that what it's about? It's about an old man. It's about an old man and a boy scout. I thought it was about the news. I thought it was about the news. I thought it was about the news. I thought you weren't at World News last night. Where were you?

That is correct. It was not at World News last night. Last night, I did 10 minutes of improv for something called Geeks Who Drink, which is a very cool pub-tribute type competition. It was in a massive auditorium at the end of Navy Pier. At the end of Navy Pier. That's you call it Old Folk Zone, right?

At the auditorium. At the auditorium. Welcome to the Aegitorium. Wait a second, no, this is a retired. No, grandma, you're going to the age of a tutorial. It's like a crematorium. It's like a crematorium. Umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, um, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, umpa, um And yeah, it's very fun. There's a lot of, it sounds like we have a lot of crossover between pub trivia fans and people who listen to the show.

Oh. So there's a lot of people there who recognize me from the show. And yet famously, we don't do trivia on the show. No, we do riddles, but pub trivia is more like what we do. Cause straight up trivia is like, what's the capital of Arizona, right? Yeah. But pub trivia is like,

if you remove a letter from this famous, you know, wrapper, it'll form something else. Your butt. Mm-hmm. Perfect. Aaron, we'd love to get you on a pub trivia team. I'm the worst. The name of our team is your butt.

You know what? I, when I was dating around, from the apps. Aaron paused to put a music statement. But I was dating around on the app. I mean, dating around. A lot of guys, for the first or second date, wanted to do pub trivia. And I was like, that is a great sixth or seventh date.

What? I do not want to go to pub trivia for a first or second date. What? I do not want to go to pub trivia for a first or second date. Aaron? That's a terrible first or second date idea. Aaron, this is my new segment called, You're Wrong. Uh, well, so Aaron. That's the whole show, you guys thinking about what?

Why is it such a bad idea for a first date? Because you're not actually talking to each other. You're in a loud space. You're not focused on the person. That is the one thing you need to do for a first date. Here's what I think. I think most people do like movies and stuff on a first date. I think that's terrible because you watch a movie,

there's nothing to talk about. You can't talk during the movie. I also think a lot of people do dinners or something where that's like two hours of talking. So I think pub trivia is a nice balance between we can talk in between rounds, we're talking to sus out the answer, but there's also this distraction in terms of

like we're both collectively doing this thing. So I think it's a good balance where you're not, it's not like, so what else can we talk about? There's a constant injection. No, it's a smart, it's also like a smartness test. If a guy suggests that, I'm like, oh, you want me to be smart. Was this when you dated Bill Gates?

Yeah, that's when I dated Bill Gates. So here's the thing, I think that like some pub trivia is that are like the really hyper competitive like, you know, people wear the fucking shirts and they do the pub trivia thing. That would be, I'd be like, no, no, that's a terrible date. It's also strange though, because it would just be the two of us on a team together. Yeah. And people are like, oh, they're on a first, it's just too weird. What if you lose the distraction? And the team, did he put the team name as sex tonight?

Yeah, sex night, but it's weird. I would like, I would, yeah, I would like a pub trivia on a second date or first date. Well, maybe not a first date. Maybe a second date because it does give you space to talk in between, especially if you weren't taking it too seriously. I feel like I'd go into pub trivia on a second date and be like, and now, what Olsen Twenton, and I'd be like, I don't fucking know. I have no idea what this is. Hey, you talked to me about what age you were when you first lost a tooth or whatever you say on dates.

No, you say on dates. My question's all about your teeth. Yeah, the one, like the, I guess, I mean, I didn't end up dating any of them, but like the one guy I did that with, like, like, rolled his eyes twice when I didn't know something. What? This fucking is boring.

Here's my advice for first date. Then it's a good purity test. I think people in motion, like, like you should be walking or moving. That is my advice for first date. Then it's a good puritas. I think people in motion, I like, like you should be walking or moving. That is always helpful for a date. Aaron, basically what you're saying, if we were to ever go on a date, you're my queen, I would take you to a petting zoo

and my queen can walk wherever she wants and my queen can touch all the other. And I can kill what I want to eat. I would point, I'd say pick one and you'd point to one and I'd kill it and cook it up for you. And they'd be like, oh my God, you can't do that. And I'd be like, here's some money

and they're like, sir, this is three hours. Yeah, that's what I think about that. But I mean, I do love pub trivia. Just I don't think it's a good first date. JPC, what's up with you? What is up with you? You're sweating profusely. Your eyes are shifting all over the room.

Yeah, I'm sweating. I'm wearing a vest that has lots of bright lights on it. And there's that white van out front. Uh-huh, yeah, sure. Says, uh, not a cop pizza. No, not a cop pizza. Not a cop pizza. Are you wearing a wire?

So, what's up with me? Well, it is the end of April. So, what am I doing right now? That's what the Ninja Turtle said every episode is this the end of April? The Ninja Turtle John Travolta Show shook. Yeah, no nothing. I'm good. Everything's fine. Great things are good. I had a lot of fun in world news with you last night Okay, now again. It's the end of April. I know, but right now, in this moment, we had a lot of fun together.

In the summer, seven. We had, like, some of the lovest number who we've had in a long time, it was five and five for both shows, which is. For audience. Yeah, and I was the only lady for both shows. So I had to play a lot for people to think that there were women in the show.

The only woman. There were many ladies in the show. Oh my God. But J. B. C. and I did a scene where we were two parents trying to throw Coachella in our living room for our son. And two parents? Two parents, no two parents, but I had a lot of fun doing that. That's awesome.

In that scene, we also Aaron inadvertently tried to have sex with her son. I didn't mean to. And then she realized that she had done that and she said, oh no, no, no, no. This is what happened, okay? Okay, who's pointing his is just to set the, in my middle age.

A tremendous. I don't know how that, it was his first time sitting in. He's amazing. But he played our son and I said the line, you know, I can pretend to be someone else and I was gonna pretend to be like his friend from college. Yeah.

And the whole audience went, ooh, ooh, and I went not what I meant, but it is now. And then I hit on him, but I wasn't going to. I only did because the audience didn't want me to. So because the audience disagreed with your choice, you doubled down and said, Well, it wasn't my choice. It wasn't even disagreement.

They were just uncomfortable with seeing a mother fuck their son. I did, I remember, which wasn't my intention. Pull up any of those perverts porn hub. Yeah, search for. I remember doing a scene. I did a scene which wasn't my intention pull up any of those perverts porn hub I Remember doing a scene. I did a scene I did a scene a few months ago

Where's like the first scene of the show and the article is about like endangered wildlife or something and I was like I said I said something where I was like Well, let's have this meeting and that was like, you know, let's not let let's not let this like let this Let's let this play, like, let this, let this play out like it did with baby seals or something. And once I said baby seals, I'd even say club baby seals. I just said the word baby seals. And the whole audience went, ooh, and I was like,

really, like the first thing, the first scene just saying the words baby seals. Maybe they were reacting to you. And your energy. I was making a jerk off motion and then a white my face and taste it motion. Oh, okay. I know I see what they're doing. Okay, cut this up. You know what I love about the white my face and taste it motion without the jerk off motion. It's completely out of context, but people still know that it's a white my face and taste

it motion. The only thing that's up with me is, oh, Erin, what's up with you? I had a dog trainer tell me that my dog is stupid. I told this to JPC last night. She was like, your dog is dumb. You have a dumb dog? She is especially stupid, even for a dog. She called her a roob. She called my dog a roob. That's, I wanna meet your dog.

I'm so excited to meet her. I will only call her a roob. That's, I wanna meet your dog. I'm so excited to meet her. I will only call her a rude. That's fine. Lou the rude. Sean and I were like, yeah, of course she is. We have a very dumb dog and our dog is dumb. Can I ask what, did she, did this person put her through the ringer of like, here's some tests or here's like,

yeah, let me ask how quickly into her meeting Lou, did she identify Lou as a dumb dog? She had talked about 30 minutes. And then when we were all finally sitting down, she took a big inhale in and went, okay, your dog is dumb. Okay, so here's what I wanna do. This is called smart dog dumb dog.

So I'm gonna give us a scenario of what might happen. Aaron, you're gonna tell me what a smart dog does. J.F.R.E.R.E. gonna tell me what a dumb dog does. J.F. you're gonna tell me what a dumb dog does. Yeah, okay, great. Mm-hmm. When I say sit, a smart dog. Sit.

When I say sit, a dumb dog. Shit. When I say speak, a smart dog. Hello. When I say speak, that's a genius dog. When I say speak, a dumb dog. Elbow. When I say big, a genius dog when I say speak a dumb dog elbow when I say big a smart dog please when I say big a dumb dog my knees when I just

name different joints I'm riding when I say down girl a smart dog. God girl. When I say down-durl, a dumb dog. Did you say down-durl? You fucking idiot. I'm a dog. I love that. What's up with me? Little goof is in balance. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, that doctrine, by the way, is, she's wonderful. I really, really, yeah. Incredible. I really loved her. If you're in Chicago and you, uh, and you want some, uh, referral for a great, great dog trainer who specializes, who specializes, I should say in anxiety, um, uh, you know, tweet at the show will, uh, we'll hook you up with that. Um, and famously, um, Dr. Anderson, Chicago, no ketchup.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Uh, uh, trainers are also tennis shoes. What's it to do with that? What do you do with that? What are you in Britain? Nice trainers, bruh. We're trying this, bruh.

Believe, believe, trust. The other big thing in my life is I'm doing a bunch of research to how expensive it would be to dye my hair blonde. Ooh, what's your findings? $2.00. Super expensive. I can't afford it. To keep my mind.

Really? Yeah. I will in like another year or so when I'm more gray, I think, because I can do longer times before. But to your time. So what's the difference? Can't you just get a box of dye and dye your hair? So with blond, since I have naturally reddish brown hair,

I would have to bleach my hair and then dye it blonde. And in order for that to look normal, and for me not to burn my hair off, I'd have to go my hair and then dye it blonde. And in order for that to look normal and for me not to burn my hair off, I'd have to go to salon and do it. Why does Sean want you to have your hair blonde? He did not. He's just trying to be nice. He's been referring to you as Carol.

Yeah. But yeah, I mean, I know that a lot. You're in the show picking up. How much is it? We can't afford it. I can't stress that we can't. How much is it? It's gonna be it. I can't stress that we can't. It's gonna be like $350 initially.

I told you, I can't afford it. I can't even afford it a little bit. I'm a little bit like that. Why do you want to go blonde? Well, here, I'll tell you. So I'm going very, very, very grave, very quickly, which I anticipated because my mom went gray really young. But the in between looks really weird.

And then I also audition for TV shows and commercials. And anytime I let my hair grow a little bit gray, they're always like, if you were fully gray, it would be one thing, but the in between looks really strange on camera. So I have to continually dye my hair. And I think I would have to dye it less if I was blonde, but also it's like, I'm in a weird in between. How often do you have to diet less if I was blonde, but also it's like, I'm in a weirdin' between. How often do you have to diet your hair? Um, I have to cover up my gray, like, once every eight, six to eight weeks.

Okay. But that's one of being lazy. You start going great at a young age, and JAPC started going blue at a young age. I started blowing gray so young age. It's a real major, major timber blotions. You went down on spaulting gray, right? It's a real, it's a real major, major symbol of bloatial. You went down on Spalding Grey, right?

Maybe I'm just thinking, I'm trying to like, secret that like in three years, I'm gonna be really rich and then I'll die my hair blond. Aaron, do you think once you go bond, you'll have more fun? I think so probably.

I haven't had fun yet in my life, but fingers crossed. I think my gray is like, I'm comfortable with. I was thinking about if there was a point where I would want to dye my hair as well, but I honestly, like I don't really give a shit about it anyway. I haven't had a haircut in 16 weeks. No, it's been, it's been longer.

It's been like five months. What's the most amount of money you'd spend on a haircut? I don't, probably $40. Isn't that crazy that haircuts are that much? Yeah. I mean, I get, I mean, the people who cut hair deserve the money, but I'm like, oh my God. I mean, a haircut for me takes like 25 minutes

and I pay like $35 for it, I guess. I mean, that seems fair to me. I did go, I think they may have told the story before. There's a place like right next to my house that I liked. I've been there one time and I really liked it and I called them at one time to see if I could get a haircut. They were like, we're booked for the next two weeks. We're booked for next two weeks and we're pop bellies. Please stop that. And we gave that as a favor one time because you looked fucking disgusting. But you were going to play some songs on the stool.

But I would be the saddest day of the sandwich shop was like, can we please give you a haircut? You look terrible. The salon owner, the person who owns the salon who it's named after, they are available, and they can give you a haircut, but their haircuts start at $100. Go.

And I was like, no, like, I don't need it that bad. Like, I wouldn't pay $100 for it. But I think that place is like a little price here for a mince haircut. And this is another thing I don't get about haircuts is they, as part of the haircut, they wash your hair and you can't opt out of that service at this place. Well, maybe it's a sanitary thing.

They wash your hair after it's good. All them oils. Really? Yeah. Isn't that weird? And you can't, it's like a haircut in a wash. And it's all one thing. Yeah.

Can I tell you that? I'll show you that. It's weird. My mom is a barber. Can I do what's really going on? Just secret behind that. Barbers typically, at a certain point, maybe like after a few years,

you start to develop a taste for hair. So what they do is, at the ends, you should see him smiling like a fucking cherry-pray. Addles never smiled more than he is. At the end, they want the happiest day of the day. They want to make this fucking guy. At the end, they want to make hair soup. So what they do is they watch,

you're head to get all that sweet, sweet loose hair. And then when you leave, they lock the doors, make a little stew, throw in some little child bones, make a make hair soup. So what they do is they watch your head get all that sweet, sweet loose hair. And then when you leave, they lock the doors, make a little stew, throw in some little child bones, make a little hair soup. And your musical is bad, correct? No, it's in progress. It's in limbo and in progress. It's in limbo.

Rush Limbo has my musical. Are we ready for some riddles? No. Here's some warm up riddles. I hope so. No. That come from Adon DeVic. Adoniden, David. You can use my full name from Chicago Back with some original riddles. Are you ready? I want to thank Aiden for aiding us with some riddles. Yeah, thank you I said homeboy. I don't know their gender so home person

Well, Aiden. Thank you so much. They have written some original riddles or original riddles or They have written some original riddles or riddles or gyriddles. Orgyriddles? Orgyriddles, as they call them. What are classic, what am I style riddles? Who would you fuck if you're in a big house? There's people that are fucking from house to house. It's the Lorax. The Lorax and his origin.

I speak for the origin. I have the Lorax. You're coming too loud. Are you coming for the Lord. I have the lorax. You're coming too loud. Are you coming for the crowd? But coming at all is something to be proud. What's your Aiden's riddle? They have Senthastia. And this is the first one. I am a symbol of freedom, a symbol of pain. I thrive in the air, but fall in the rain.

I am the portant of victory or the surrender to a foe. Most everyone knows me, but I'm different wherever you go. What am I? White flag. Language. Lady Liberty. Smoke.

Ooh, I want to say smoke. Is it a scent? Is it a scent? Nope, you sort of got, the first thing you said is sort of... White flag. But that's just a flag. Ooh, surrender or freedom or... Biscuits are ready?

You know the song that's like, you probably don't know this, this sort of a deep cap that like, oh say, can you see? Never heard it. Sounds familiar. By the dawn's early light. Lance Morset. Yeah.

Oh, say can you see. By dawn's early light. I want to see a scene. You two are on that boat fighting in a war, and you're seeing around that boat, maybe. And you're seeing the American flag, and you know that you've won. Francis, it's me Scott.

I think the key to our song is that we have to write lyrics about what we're seeing. Now what a beautiful, important moment this is. So let's start to just riff on what we see and we'll add that to the song. That'll be lyrics. So like, um, there is Daniels brains out, and they're smeared on the deck. And that dog's running loose. Hold on something's up. Okay.

I need someone to write this down with. Orson, Scott, give me that card. Let's write this down now, okay? Okay. Okay. Let's start again, start again. Okay, well I endured my, okay, well let's see. What do I see now? Oh look there Sarah

She's breaking up with Dan who just died in her hold on I I just That's nothing. What do you see you say something here? Give me the card. Okay, what do you see? And dance on his knees He's begging Sarah to stay And she spits in his mouth Well his mouth is wide open I love that. This is good.

Oh, can I ask you something? Yeah. What's a rampart? Because I saw those two rams just parted ways. Oh, I thought it was what Tony Hawk was doing with that spray paint bottle. Oh, when he did a 1080 Jesus into a rampart? Um, I just spitted my boyfriend's mouth. See, right? Hey!

Oh! Uh... We can't tell it's down there now. I was saying, wait, does that star-spangled banner? The flag in a way? Yeah. Wait, what did you call it? Star-spangled banner?

The flag. Oh, fuck, what am I saying? You're saying star-spangled banner? Yeah. Which just call a flag a flag. Yeah, but we're at the land of the free in the home of the... Hold on, let me settle this. Bruce.

Uh-huh. Bruce, your last name's banner, right? Yeah. What would you call that thing right there? That? That's a Hulk, baby. See? That's my secret. I'm always freedom. How are we ready?

Yes. Wait, for what? Another riddle, you stupid idiot! Yes! That's the most fun I've ever had calling someone a name. Why was that so satisfying? You've ruby, simple, rude. I have a calling someone a name. Why was that so satisfying? You've ruby, you simple, rude. You've got simple, rude. I have a lock in many keys.

I have my own language that accomplishes many things. I exist in physical and virtual space. My function is to delineate and also erase. My usage can create and foster connections. I have every capital and also direction. USB, keyboard. What's the on-star, or what's the fucking Magellan? What's the fucking thing? What are you fucking? What's the thing that's broken your car and gives you maps? Rampers. Rampers. Take the left ramparts. A garment? A garment. GPS. GPS.

Is it a GPS? It's a keyboard. It's a keyboard. Mm-hmm, keyboard cat. I wanna see a scene. You're on a movie and JPC you're a hacker and you're hacking into the mainframe and Adel's trying to get you to go faster. Mm. Okay, okay. I'm not clicking, click, click, click. Okay, get into the mainframe.

I'm hacking into the mainframe. Scooter, come on, scooter. There's so many firewalls that I have to bypass right now. Okay, yeah, take them down Okay, I'm taking firewall one is down and I'm yes go go go I've got a skeleton key and I'm entering into the access mirror. Wait a minute. Wait a minute stop stop typing for a second I'm sorry. I'm in the zone. This is just a Microsoft Word document and it says SLDGFRRDT2254443LLSW

I'm a little paperclip. Do you need help? It looks like you're just slamming it. You're just slamming a keyboard and typing into Microsoft Word. It seems like you're trying to pretend you're a hacker. Do you need help? Okay.

Clippy, can I be honest with you? I don't know. I don't know how to hack. I don't know what I'm doing here. I'm no more near close to getting into the main frame. Can I do you like to get a little clip? A kiss from Clippy? Hold that thought, Clippy,

because I want to take you up on that. Can I say something? Seems like a separate direction for the seed to go. I'm a little amiss just to the following. So put a clip in it. Let's do that here. Put a clip in it. Put a clip in it.

I'm going to leave this in and want you kiss Clippy. Is that fun? Yeah, and then I'll come back to this thing. So keep your thing. You promise? Keep it hot. I'm going to put a clip in it. I. I actually don't love pop trivia as a first date So can we like go somewhere else? I'm clippy. Yeah, clippy. Well, which NBA player was known as the round mound of rebound?

Oh, I know this. It's Carl alone. I'm not into this clip. You want to go home with me? Yeah, I mean you're I'm clippy. I can give you want to go home with me? What'd you say? Yeah, I mean, you're a... I'm clippy. I can give you instructions. You're very bendy. Yeah. Back to your scene.

What Microsoft Word mascot is married. Okay, you said you had an idea. You said you had an idea? Yeah, but I was trying to support this last scene. Let's go back to that. Okay. I'm married. You're married clippy.

Yeah, I'm married to another computer thing that would probably be Mavis beacon what's going on in here. It's me Norton antivirus My boring are you fucking my clippy? Yeah, not yet Anti-virus. I'll hop up Clippy does not have STD's he's not a virus what fucking super vaccine Okay, clippy does not have STDs. He's not an anti-virus. What fucking super vaccine? Okay, Clippy does not have protected sex. Feels so much better with that.

I'm sorry, it looks like you're trying to fuck me without a cut. KC laughed because KC knows it's true. Clippy is having fucking wild sex with no protection. I'm sorry, it looks like you went around dog me. Up. KC. But you. I'm sorry. It looks like you went around dog me. Up. Yeah, Casey. But you don't be sorry. God, all might be.

Okay, okay. What have we done to deserve this show? I'm sorry. Did you want to eat out clippy? And this is a podcast for kids. This next, thank you, Aiden. This next riddle is from Lyric. Hi, I'm Lyric. I'm a long time listener and recent patron.

Thank you so much. Whoa, you mean that Lyric went to patreon.com slash Hey, wrote a wrotele and gave us $5. $8 or $1 a month. And that's the way that keeps us afloat and alive and puts food in our mouths and food in our butts and blood in our dogs. That's how to pay the people who work to make this podcast happen. It does. Wait, we don't pay KC. No, I don't tell people are going to believe me. I give KC a ride down here every day and I give him $450 of wind. It'll last them all week. It might help if you read this. And we pay KC. Yes, let's not start this joke. We pay KC too much. I know, but somebody's going to be like, my great grandpa used to tell me

all the time. Are we ready? Yes. 12 men passing by. 12 pants hanging high. What's his voice? Each of them took a pair and left 11 hanging there. Did you have instructions to use this voice? Shut up. 12 men passing by. 12 pants hanging high.

Each of them took a pair and left 11 hanging there. So 12 men saw 12 pants. Each one of them took a pair and left eleven hanging there. So, 12 men saw 12 pants. Each one of them took a pair, but there's 11 pants. I think I know the answer. At pair P-E-A-R. It's a pair tree. One man took pants to carry all the pairs in. They took 12 pairs.

Nope. But I ate a partridge and a pair tree for dinner. I know it is. What? 12 men approached the tree with 12 pants. They each took a pair, meaning they forgot why they were there. They looked down, they saw their testicles, they cupped them and walked away. Okay, I want to see a scene, Adel.

You are... What? Why? It's not anything to do with that. I wasn't listening to what he said. You're Johnny Cash near the end of his life, unfortunately. But near the end of his life, he put out a lot of work. So you're going to be putting out what is to be Johnny Cash's last album. American 4? It's American 5.

Or was it American 3's last album? Maybe. Look, it doesn't matter. Which was a great album. All those are working on it. This is Johnny Cash's last album. He's past his point where he's actually still doing good work. And you are going to be singing a song about 12-man walking past a pear tree, getting the pants off of it, and it's gonna go pretty quickly into incoherence. Okay. All right, Mr. Cash, you're an absolute legend.

We're so happy to be recording with you. Thank you, honey. Yeah, and take one. You're my wife, right? Uh-oh, uh-oh. What do we just record when we have? We're gonna be going over 12 pants. 12, yes, 12 pants, here we go. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Okay, and now, I'm a shakash. So you told us you had a new song.

In a dying man. This sounds like the song Ring of Fire that you wrote many years ago. I wrote this song. Uh huh. I thought I was stealing from Hank Williams. You know what? If you, if you, if you wouldn't mind,

maybe we'd just skip that song. Or we could sounds like we got most. Should I change my name to Johnny Venmo? Is that something Vendma Different song you this is track number two. This is track number two. Okay, and just remind me what are some of my other hot songs? Your other hot songs? It goes a better. Your other hot song. Re-enfire, you said. Clippy, my last love. Oh, yes, Clippy.

Yeah, this is Clippy, my last love from Folsom Prison. Okay. Uh-huh. Hey, there, let me tell you a little story about Clippy. My last love, little icon on my screen, making sweet love, little metal penis, going in my mouth. All right, okay, I think we got that one. I think I'm headin' south. Johnny Cash eating now. Green making sweet love little metal penis going in my mouth June Carter cash in for this one. Yeah, you're gonna sing that famous duet Is that little Wayne's real name June Carter? Yeah, June Carter cash It ain't me. What is it ain't me?

It ain't easy. It's't me. It ain't easy. It's my brother. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. It's a duet. Yeah, I'll start it. I'm June Carter Cash.

I'll start it. Okay, and I'll be recording. And whatever you're ready, and go. What's the name of this song? It ain't easy. It's Mac. Go away from my PC. Leave at your own children's bed.

And I'm tinkering around on my alien wear, but I've dropped my glasses I can't see. I'm here to be on a computer, because I'm on a PC. Yeah, and I'm here on Geocities to make a web page for my diddies. Is it PC you're looking for? PC. Save. PC you're looking for.

Clippy joined us in our bed together. Had a threesome with Clippy, the most metallic tasting pussy. We're gonna recap what kind of sex it was. Johnny Cash June Carter crashed to be from... Johnny, Johnny June, Johnny June. What? I've got great news. What is the name of this?

I'm so sorry. I've got it. I'm so sorry. Wait, was she apologizing? Johnny June, was it me? Johnny June, I've got great news. We weren't recording any of that. Oh, that's the part.

Again, this. See, see, see. So sorry. Yeah, all right. Look, look, we're sorry, we were just listening to that. I thought it was going to be better. I took control over it. We're going to take a brief break.

We're going to think about our crimes. We're going to come back here completely refreshing and we're going to solve this fucking riddle with the 12 pants. We'll see you after a brief commercial brush band. We're going to Hey GPC Yeah, you're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm Yeah, you're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm

Prinking at all and I'm setting up a website to bring him. I just need some advice. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace I'm not I'm not mad at you. We're pranking Spaces the only one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and to see it online Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and sell anything for products to cut into time, all in one place, all on your terms.

Hey, Addle, come here, come here, come here. Hey, what's going on? I actually, I wanna prank JPC and I wanna set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like, is there like an online store that could set up on my website to sell products? Did you know that with Squarespace,

you can have custom merch, you can easily sell custom merch and create passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand, design your products and production and inventory and shipping are handled for you saving you time and money. What is happening?

Okay. Wait, what's going on with that all? Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing. No, he's gonna shoot you. And I'm gonna use analytics, use insights to grow my business, and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool.

I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords, our popular products and content on my Prank website, the Prank's at 2.0. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what the website was for. The website was for.

Prank. With Squarespace. With Squarespace. You can connect to your store to Vedent Third Party tools to extend the functionality of your website Hey JPC, hey JPC, what's up, Vattle? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com for a free trial

and when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh, she's back, she's back. Hey, Erin. Hey, Erin. Can we go to grandma's house? Wait, I've been pranked. But how?

I don't know. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, Adel and JPC. Thank you for meeting me in the middle of the woods here. I am sort of at an impasse. I can't decide whether or not to go this way or this way. I'm having a hard time choosing a path. You know, there never truly is a middle of the woods. Isn't it funny to think about something like that?

There never truly is a middle of the woods. No, this is the middle. Okay, this is it. Addle, can you help? Yeah, actually, so as per Robert Frost, I don't know if you know his poems. He has a poem called Better Help. I believe this is written in the 1800s,

but it still stands true today more than ever. Aaron, you should try Better Help. Have you heard of this? You've seen this? Mm-hmm. Because sometimes Aaron and life were faced with tough choices, and the path forward isn't always clear.

Whether you're dealing with decisions around career, relationships, being stuck in the middle of the woods, therapy helps you stay connected to what you, ow, ow. Sorry, that also does so fast. Therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate life and the woods. Mm, and better help is entirely online, so it's designed to be convenient, flexible,

and suited to your schedule. I've been using it for several years, and it suits the way that my brain works way better than traditional therapy ever did. And when Aaron says traditional therapy, just so everyone's clear, what she means is tricking two of her friends to coming to the middle of the woods, even though there isn't truly the concept of the middle of the woods, isn't that fun to think about? All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a license therapist, and you can switch therapist at any time for no additional charge.

Hey, Aaron, a GPC's putting down bread crumbs and then immediately picking them up and eating them. Mmm, dirty bread crumbs. Mmm. Mmm. And he's also like really into that owl who's swooping down. Anyways, let there be your map with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today

to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelpHELP.com slash riddle, R-I-D-D-L-E. R-I-D-D-D-L-E, the middle of riddles of D, but there is no true middle of riddle because it would be the space in the middle of the D-D-D-L-E, the middle of riddles of D, but there is no true middle of riddle because it would be the space in the L.I.P.C. to be helping at home. Bye, Am home. Who are we?

What is this? I... I... Klinglingling. Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. I just want to make a quick toast to... I know it's J.P.C.'s birthday, and we're all so excited to talk about him, but just want to make a quick toast to, I know it's JPC's birthday, and we're all so excited to talk about him,

but I want to talk about my favorite, my favorite thing in the world. And that is the app Rocket Bunny. Oh, yeah, Aaron, that's one of my favorite things as well. Mm-hmm. Rocket Bunny is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending,

and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years way before they were a sponsor, and it helps me so much, especially around tax season. Clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, uh, uh, sorry, I also want to give a toast. Rocket money, well, quickly and easily find your subscriptions for you. And for any you don't want to pay for anymore, just hit cancel and Rocket money will cancel it for you. It's that easy. Clint, Clint, Clint.

Mm hmm. It also categorizes your expenses so you can easily track your budget in real time and also get alerted if anything looks off. Over three million. Oh, Clint, Clint, Clint. Over three million people have used Rocket money, saving the average person up to $720 a year.

We love rock. Stop. Stop. Clank, Clank, Clank. Stop. No, clank, clank, clank. Stop throwing your money away. Cancel unwanted subscriptions today and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com slash riddle. That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle.

Rocket money.com slash riddle rock at money dot com slash riddle Intel and JPC's birthday got ruined by two of his friends for doing speeches about rocket money. The website. I love you. I like my clank clank clank clank. When I say stay a smart dog does I'm staying when I say stay a dumb dog does I'm bringing he hall Jesus welcome back work a couple of dumb dogs hmm let's finish this riddle from lyric oh fuck 12 him by. 12 pints hanging high.

Each of them took a pair and left 11 hanging there. When you say each of them took a pair, is that something we should investigate? Is that the crux of the riddle? It is. So the guy's name is each of them. It is. Ugh.

In lyrics, defense, they told us that this was stupid. I want to say a scene. The two of you are new parents. You have tried to name your, tried to name your child, Eichem. The government has started a battle with you so you have to rename it. All right. Well, I'm at a loss, I think. Eichem was my only name, but I like. We said we either named the baby after your grandfather and my grandfather and since they're the same man And his name is each of which that's what we chose and the government gonna try to come out here and tell us we can name our baby each I'm gonna try to stay positive. Let's try to make up a name you and I right now ready

All right pickle Rick Michael Pickle Rick Michael Can't be Michael. I didn't like that John forever as a representative for the state I will say Michael would be accepted. No, I don't like it. Well, let's make more mouth sounds Skittle beans Twamboorn Puzzies and Riddies we would take Sam and Clemens born, but not trying born not trying born Puzzies and Riddies Gibbles Not trying born not trying born Puzzies and Riddies Gables

Adler five wait, what was that last one? Puzzies and ready no after that sexy clippy that's what it was. That's pretty good. Okay. How about we wait you like that? So we'll name the baby each him. Wait, what did you like sexy clippy. Oh, I like to eat them. I love her. I love her. I love her. I love her. I love her. I love her. I love her.

I love her. I love her. I love her. I love her. I love her. I love her. I love her. I love her.

I love her. I love her. I love her. I love her. I love her. I love her. I love her. I love her. I love her. I love her. Hey cuties. Yes. Ready, um, uh, what's called, it's called an Indianapolis Apex.

When I say sleep, a smart dog goes, Good night. When I say sleep, a dumb dog goes, gunfight. Bang, bang, bang. Okay, um, so these are from Joel. Uh, and they're really fun.

They're sort of like only connect style. Just Joel say they're fun, and you say they're fun. I say they're fun. What does Joel say about them? Joel says this. Give this a name. I don't know what it should be. I'll give you four crossword, puzzy style clues.

The answer to each puzzy is a different word or words. Once you have solved the four clues, come up with a final word, but all four of the clues have in common. And this is Joel Madden. Yep. That would be amazing.

This is Joel Murray. Yes. No. These are, that sounds a little complicated. Well, let's, we'll do this example on this. Oh, well, the goodness is, I wasn't listening. Ready? Avrilovine's skater.

Boy. Great. Billy Eidel'sens Skater. Boy. Great. Billy Eidel's Eyes Without A. Boy. Eyes Without A What? Body? Nope.

Billy Eidel's Eyes Without A Head. Is this a hit song? Eyes Without A Face? Okay. Death, blank, and blind. Punk? Cab. Do you say death, punk?

Death, blank, and blind. Death, dumb, and blind. So. Which I don't think so what are the three? Yeah, not actually not a PC term it's more of a mac term so wait so it's boy dumb and Head no face mm-hmm boy dumb face. Oh, GPC the feeling you get when you contemplate the universe is called being in oh Boy dumb face are boy don't contemplate the universe is called being in Oh, oh, oh, boy done face, oh, boy done face, oh, what's the word that you add to all of those? Boy face, oh, oh yeah, face, yeah, son. Oh boy, boy, son, boy, son, you're very boy, son.

Can I just say, this pasta is so boy, son. I'll tell chef boy, oh, do you? very boy something. Can I just say this pasta is so boy something. I'll tell chef boy already. Mark, I haven't seen you since a school got out and over this summer you got so boys. Covered in pasta. I know. I'm gonna finish the. All right.

So this is the example one time. Would it hold on? And I'm sure you said there's a, so it was all boy face. So are we looking for like a suffix or a prefix? No, no, it's a different word. It's a word that does what with it. Like it creates a phrase.

Creates a phrase. Or like yeah. And is that, is that order important? Boy face. No, the order's not important. So you just, you can find it. Is it fuck? Fuck boy.

Yeah. Fuck boy, fuck face. Dom fuck, oh fuck. Ah, fuck. Oh fuck. Okay, I see it. Cool. Yeah. Dumb fuck, oh fuck. Ah, fuck. Oh fuck. Okay, I see it. Cool. Yeah.

That first one didn't count. The R I could take her leave, but the R Us are good. Yeah. That first one didn't count. Here are the real ones. I'm monopoly token. Just like losing your virginity, the first one doesn't count. What?

Just like losing my virginity, I'm monopoly token. You got to lose your prize, baby. I fucked a tiny hat. Yeah. That's the answer. That's laced it. That gives you some insight into my puny side. I fucked the wheelbarrow. What are the pieces?

Hey, baby, I either fucked a tiny hat or an enormous. I fucked the trouble board. It broke up with me. You look as bad boys, trouble board. Sorry. If you could fuck any board game, what would it be? Probably a sart-no. Crossfire. Don't like daddy. 13 did I drive? Oh, what's the volcano one?

That's not board. That's a side fair project. Oh, operation. Make that nose line up. So that's fine. Not again. Give us the give us the nose. Okay. I'm an optically token. Again, give us the give us the nose. Okay. I'm anopoly token You got it. You got it. Who's that? spaghetti dog What a swabi uses What is Navi is Swabi uses I don't know what that means swabi how do you spell it? SW a BB IE

Swabi what a swabi is is that the question uses That means. Swabby. How do you spell it? SWA, BBIE. Swabby. What a Swabby is? Is that the question? Uses. So it's like, I can also just like, what a janitor me. Swabby is what they call a cotton swab. I say, Jemma, can you bring me a Swabby? I'll look at that.

What country is this person from? I don't know. Swabby. Swabby to clean my ear holes. Remember of the Navy. Typically one with a low rank. Oh, it's like swabby. Wow, swabby.

Yeah, swabby. Yeah, swabby. Do we think this person is a military person? Well, we'll find out. Cause I've never heard the word swabby, but what was the answer to that one? What a swabby uses. So a mop or what?

Yeah, I'm up. A farmer's yield. Farmers yield is a sign. No. A farmer's yield. Farmers stop. Farmers yield. That's like a California stuff. Yeah. A farmer's yield is when you. No a farmer's yield farmer's stop a farmer's yield That's like a California stuff. Yeah, a farmer's yield is when you just roll through a left-hand turn

On a combine Farmers yield is gonna be crops. Yep. So hat dog mop crop hat dogs mop crops dog tops No, what these are lyrics from Jenny Cash's last album before he died. It, what's the word that you had? Hat crop mop tops. You can't, you can't. You can't, you can't. You can't, you can't. Top top, top top. Top top, top top.

Top top. Top top. Top hat. Okay, so I want to see a scene. I'm kind of a dog top. Your, your two fancy gentlemen, um, and you're both, uh, buying monocles in the monocle store with your, in your both wearing tapettes. Mm-hmm.

Oh, dear, let's take a look here so I can see. It's hard to tell what monocle to buy when I don't have a monocle to see the monocles. You didn't bring one of your other monocles to buy a monocle? Yes. Is this awkward for you, David Schumer, because your sister's monocle? Eugh, let's see, how could I fuck you over here? A monocle, monocle. Let's get back to purchasing a- Oh, this is okay.

Excuse me, a storekeep. Yes, this monocle here, can you tell us what type of glass this is? Of course. This is glass that we broke from a window in the fancy building we've ever seen. Excuse me, monoclesailspin. Yes. You're not used to such a fancy accent. My friend is a millionaires and you look like a monoclesailspin.

So please, don't presume to use our rich people accent. Yes, of course, that's this. And it seems that you're wearing no... No? Maybe he's looking to get served by health. We didn't mean to bother you Well, you were the rest of you You're on the you're on the swabber pass pass whatever you need to pass I have a tub of hydrogen monogal and they well you have two monocles tied together through a

Paperclip glasses you idiot. Yes. That's what I'm saying is that's more glasses than it is monocles No, it's two monocles. I call them glasses, but they're monocles. Well, you called me an idiot, so I will take my leave. Honestly, they look like try-to-hard focus if I be a little bit honest. Ooh, shots fired. I'm having more money than the two of you combined. Let's say how much money we have on the count of three. Let's put it all on the table, right?

Let's fuck our tiny little hats if you took our parlance of the times. Two, three billion dollars. What? What did you say? Three billion dollars. What did you say? I made an oath with my mouth because I'm bankrupt. I see.

I built a hotel on St. Charles' place and I'm ruined. Back to the riddles from Joel. Back to the riddles. Back to the riddles from Joe Back to the riddles now. Back to the riddles now. Did we get this one? Yeah, you got it. Ready? Top dog.

Types of this are Violet, almond, buckwheat, and brook, bright. Pair-x, and Charlie Choctawfectory. Yeah, brook, bright. There's violet, there's buckwheat. Ready? Types of things that are violet, almond, buckwheat, and brook, bright. There's violet. There's buckwheat. Ready types of things that are violet almond buckwheat and Brooke, right Wow, they're all flowers.

If I just met JPC only five minutes ago and I asked him out on a date, you might say that I'm thirsty A creep thirsty no one word Um, a creep thirsty. No. And one word, um, rooting Brian's life. No, you must. I'm a cuck. This is yep.

Uh-huh. Forward. So hold on. Flower, which of course, Carmelone was a flower for what you do when climbing a rope in gym class. Fall. Get made a, get made fun of because of my burn. What's another same?

Drop. Oh, I am tired I am I'm not I'm having a hard time Actually in this top Rope burn rope you having a hard time weak. No, I'm oh the blank is real the shit is real struggling struggle Struggle What's the title of David Bowie's item? Can we recap? Struggle, flower.

What was the other one? Rebel, forward. Struggle, flower, forward. Sorry, sorry, everyone was talking. The word is said twice in the title of David Bowie's album. That would be Aladdin, Aladdin. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. His, he has a song called Rebel Rebel.

Does he have an album called rebel rebel no thought that boy you can probably get it from those first three so what are four words struggle what's a word that you add to those flash no flash forward flash flower forward fast fast struggle fast forward furious fast too fast to furious think of flower to flower to pedals flower garden flower I Fast struggle. Yeah. Fast forward. Furious. Fast too fast too, Furious. Think of Flower. Too far too, pedals. Flower.

Flower, garden. Flower. Flower, power, power, power. Power, power. Power struggle. Power station is the David Bowie one. Power bottom. Decent station, station.

I'm a dog who's a power bottom. Are we ready for the next one? Yes. I'm a dog, my name's David Bowie. Dan's baby dance. You remind me of the bay. What bay? The bay with the dog. What dog? What dog?

The struggle. The struggle. Who do? Do what? Remind me of the dog. I saw my dog. Dog dog. When a dog is a survival accent, when a good dog is reincarnated as David Bowie,

it's forget it. I can do. I'm going to do the labyrinth song in my is reincarnated as David Bowie. It's... Forget it. I can do, I'm gonna do the Laverne song in my Vodville voice. You remind me of the babe, what babe, the babe with the power, what power, the power of the voodoo, who do you do? Do you remind me of the babe, who's on first? This off forms daddy, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it, it's it, it's it! Yeah, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that art form died, but that voice should have stayed. Okay, I want to see a scene at all. You're going to be a Vodville doctor.

Now, everything that you're doing is very serious, but you're going to be using the Vodville voice to do it. Uh, I'm going to be a patient, and Aaron is going to be a concern nurse. Oh, hey there, who's it? What's it? Jesus, sorry to see, I'm your doctor here. I'm a doctor.

Dr. Florentine. Is this a doctor Florentine here? I'm Lauren time. What's going on? Is this like a patch Adams thing? Oh, patch Adams. No, he is the resident here Um, and just to be fair, I didn't patch Adams. I operated on him. What? Adams you know the patient next door. Oh, yeah, mr. Adams. Yes. I didn't patch him up. He died Can you give him? Oh, yes, let me give you the news. Yeah, do you want the headline of the full story? Well, I don't know what that means. I guess I just need a little bit of both. What's wrong with man has weeks to live Okay

How many weeks huh how many weeks? How many weeks well in a hospital everyone's week? Doctor, I can't see a quick sidebar with you. What's that? Weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel everyone's weakwell in a hostel number one week weakwell in a hostel number one week weakwell in a hostel number one week weakwell in a hostel number one week weakwell in a hostel number one week weakwell in a hostel number one week weakwell in a hostel number one week weakwell in a I guess my head kind of hurt a little bit. Coolder. Maybe my chest like Yes. What scissors are scared of? What scissors are scared of? Paper, paper, cups, no rock. Rock, mm-hmm. And on that, I actually want to see a scene.

I'm paper, JPC, your scissors, and Adel your rock, and it's with three roommates. Okay. Can you smell, little, little, little, what I'm cooking? Oh, yeah, it's like, what, I don't know, is that it's smoky as hell. It's smoky as hell. I'm gonna take your Rudy Pooja Brody-ass outside.

Is that hell of it? Are you cooking hell of it? I'm cooking hell of it. Oh my god, I'm doing Johnson, I got it proper. Can I just talk about the elephant in the room, like really quick? Is that about my weight? No, no, it's just like we all got like pretty drunk

at the party we had last night. And like I covered rock and rock kind of like pounded scissors and scissors like you like cut into me like in the most beautiful way. And I just like want to like you we scissored. You we scissored. Oh fuck, that's the way that's what I should say. That's where I thought you were going.

Yeah, but yeah, so we scissisord, I covered rock, rock. I rocked your world. I rock Cisord's world. So like, I just want to like, clear the air. Like, and like, maybe like talk about like, what's real, like, what's going on? What do we do moving forward? Okay, well, can I say something?

Yeah. What's up? I felt like there's a lot of sexual tension because we all said, one, two, three. Yeah, we said best out of three. One, two, three. And then it seemed like we were a little clumsy and awkward in midwestern and we said, oh shoot. And once we said shoot, it seemed like a lot of stuff

happened all at once concurrently. And I'm sorry that I came a little quick as the night thought. But then I said, I just need a best three out of five and then I'll be ready to go again Sure, and when scissors come the come comes out of No, it's the nose and the nose on a scissors is it's that little dot in the middle that takes a good place See when a paper comes where the papers come from trees Paper can I just say I love you're and T-shirt this is college rules. This sucks. This sucks.

This sucks. Okay. So when a paper comes, it comes from... Trees. When a paper comes, it comes from... Please. Ready? Yes. So rock was the first answer.

Drop me one of these. Beats, line. Yep. Drummer line. A type of curve that shows normal distribution. Brel curve. Mm-hmm. What are you, what, what, what,

what, true are false. Aaron Keith is made of Lego. False. Mm-hmm. So, false, rock, bell. True are false Aaron Keith is made of Lego false Mm-hmm. So false rock bell curve no bell bell False rock bell. What's the line? These are all Disney princesses false Love that Disney princess false Falsehood false

this false. Falsehood false. Rock, false, floor. Oh, these are all types of lobster. Rock, lobster, false lobster, bell lobster, no, it's lobster false. Welcome to lobster false. There's been a murder. Murder and lobster falls. Well, we're not. Well, this is, this word is the opposite of a word we've, that's been an answer. What? This word is the opposite word of a word that's been an answer. This dog is a power. Bottom, four, top.

Rock bottom, bottom line, bell bottom, false bottom. False bottom. Oh, false bottom. Like a safe would have like a false bottom. Yeah, I'm doing love that. I feel like the first three are always real good. Fourth one's a bit of a struggle.

Yeah, it's almost as if you wrote them in order. All right, here's the next one. That's also how our podcast goes. Yeah, first three, great. Fourth one. What? It can be hard, it can be hard or a type of shaft. Harder type of shaft. Shaft chef shaft shaft. Oh, Samuel Jackson. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Uh, shit your mouth. No, it can be hard or a type of shaft

It can be hard or a type of shaft. What are all the shafts? We know dick. We know penis shaft. We know elevator shaft over your shaft We know John's the boss shaft. We know a penis shaft, we know... Elevator shaft. Elevator shaft, we know... John's a boss shaft. We know shaft. Getting a hard old shaft for our D. It's either, it's like hard blank or blank shaft. Hard ball or blank ball. Hard blank or blank shaft? Drive shaft. Mm-hmm.

In some workplaces, this is what Friday is like. I used Hell on Earth. Chris Tucker. Come on. You got not to fuck out. Debo's coming. No. No, but it's more of a dress code.

Oh, formal. Casual. Mm-hmm. You don't have a formal Friday. You don't have formal Fridays? Yeah, monocle top. Everybody wears their prom dress or tuxedo. So what do we have?

Look, can we recap? Sorry. We drive and casual. Drive and casual. Your reflection or polar. We are polar. Opposites. The type of polar.

These are all things that attract. Drive attract. Opposites attract. Polar Abdul. This is an episode of Bracket. See by polar celtzer, the only celtzer brand. This one is confusing to me, but I figured it out. The type of cracker that can make you rich.

Uncle, JPC. I don't know how to love you. I don't know why I can't stand around saying good. The type of cracker that can make you rich is a crackle barrel. This is because your tummy will be raised. Don't owe me anything. That's not on me in everything. That's a good guess, but no. I'll be the one to tick you in.

Basically, you can break into this. The type of cracker that can make you rich. Assaultine. It's not a, it's not a, it's not a, it's not a food cracker. Safe cracker. Yep. Safe. Soils, black, food. It's not a food, cracker. Safe cracker. Yep. Safe. So, safe, opposite, casual drive.

Sex. Yep. Casual sex, safe sex, opposite sex, drive sex. Drive sex. Drive sex. Drive sex. Yeah. Reunion era.

When you say drive, when you say drive, a good dog says, Aaron, no, that's correct. That's correct, good dog says nothing because his dog doesn't know how to drive. When you say drive, a bad dog says, How fast baby, you're the bad dog scar. Well, another one? Yes, ma'am. This one is a little bit strange,

but I'm gonna read it anyway. You can be a sugar or you can be a baby or JPC can be mine. Arrrr. What? This is a puzzle. What is this? Is this the same type of puzzle? Yeah.

You can be a sugar or you can be a baby or JPC can be mine. Daddy. Yeah, huh? Sugar daddy, baby daddy, JPC, daddy. Oh no,, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm going to put on my bitch and sunglasses and pop my collar. What am I now? A Kinewast. A Frat-shit head. No, you're... I'm...

Too cool. You get cool. Cool. So we have cool daddy. Cool daddy. What was the second one? Call. Call.

Call. Cool daddy. Swimming or Cross it. Pop it. Change it. Surf it. Swimming. Call call change it Cool daddy be swimming or cross it pop it Change it Surf it Swimming Cros it

Pool wait, what was it? Change it change it? Change it surface surface wave wave no change it Climate change channels So channel channel. Channel Daddy. Cool. Cool Daddy. I would say focus on Daddy Cool Change Surf. Call and Cool.

Oh, maybe. Cool maybe, Daddy maybe, Call me maybe. Cool cigarettes. Cool, call, close call. Cool call, cool call, close, cool. Cool. What's a close call? Cool bones. Call cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Cool. What's it, cool, cool?

Cool bones. Cool bones, daddy bones. So daddy? Cool. Oh, these are all types of, uh, uh, uh, uh, Adam Taylor movies. Wow. Big daddy. The 51st schools.

51st schools. Uh, these types of spiders. Meow. Daddy long legs. Daddy long legs. Daddy long legs. Cool long legs. Thanks. Meow, they're all types of cat. Cat Daddy.

Cat call. Cat. Cat. Channel cat. What is cat daddy? What is channel cat? I don't know. What is cat daddy?

I'll look it up. No. Thank you, Cat Daddy. Oh, okay. While Aaron looks it up, Adel, I want you to um... Cat Daddy. What's the song? Hold on, hold on. Adel, you're gonna be at a spelling bee,

and that's all you're gonna get. Can I have the word please? Your word is cat daddy. I'm sorry, I think I misheard you. Can you say the word again? Your word is cat daddy. Can you use it in a sentence? Mm-hmm.

You, my man, are one cat daddy. Okay. Language of order. I mean, you can't talk to my son like that. I can if it's in this forest. Language of order. Wait a minute, I'll, um, um, sir, you can't just steal anything you want in this store.

I'm taking this trident gum. Oh, I'm sorry Of course, yes, excuse me. I'm operating on this man. I'm taking It looks like he has water on the knee and I'm taking the butterfly out of his stomach. Oh Let me play the operation before I have you're breaking up with me You're Insufferable to be around and I'm keeping the couch that we bought together. Oh, okay, that sounds nice. It makes sense. And Mr. Kat Stevens, you only have moments to live. Do you want to lay down your final track? Please call me Yusef Islam. Yes, I will. I thought your name

was each of, maybe it is. I don't keep up with things. Each of on. Yes, I'll lay down my final track now. And this is called the Cat Daddy's in the note, wait, you're here, Chapin. I'm so sorry. I'm here, Chapin. And this is, so forget all the stuff we said earlier. Yeah, this is your song,

Cat Daddy's in the cradle with the silver spoon. Well, the Cat Daddy's in the cradle with the silver spoon. Get that spoon out of his mouth. That's a silver spoon. It's got arsenic in it, a common dying agent that we use on silver spoons, that's why the nobility is always crazy because they eat from silver spoons and all the pipes are made with lead, so the Russian emperors are all fucking each other and all the Romans are shitting their brains out. I'm hearing their cousins in a little time of death. Three minutes ago.

That's it. Hope you liked them. Personal note. Hey, Rital Rital is one of the highlights of my week and I appreciate everyone involved in making it all happen. What? Lier put that. I love that.

I love that. I'm really happy. I love it. And I love you all for that. I'll be sure to make it up to Chicago for a live show sometime and meet you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Joel Roche. That's a comp track. Go ahead and use my full name if you want. Well, Joel, it's a come track and you can come to Chicago. And you can always try to see at least one of us in a world news tonight show 8 or 10 p.m.

Oh, that's right, baby. Anything to plow. Oh, my God. I don't have anything to plug. Oh my god, I don't have anything to plug. I don't be careful wearing your plugs. I don't want to plug my little one at all. I want to plug my Kippies. I have two little Kippies, fries and brisket. Say hi to them.

Hey, can we do a check-in on brisket's weight problem? Brisket is still a trunk. But he's learned to sit like a little human with his legs apart. I love that. Which looks really funny because he's got a belly. That's heaven on earth. Because he's got a belly, it looks, it's very funny and adorable. If he was skinny, it would be like, stop doing that.

But since he's chunky, I'm like, you look like a little wolf or brimly. So I love it. You can check out their Instagram. I think it's at Fries and Briscuit on Instagram, I think. And check out our Patreon, patreon.com slash Hey, we're also only $5 a month, and it's fantastic. Let's talk about some of the things that are on our Patreon. There's an episode of my parents on it.

There's an episode with their significant others on it. There's these things I do called fun shots. They're like one shot with Aaron and JPC playing a couple of siblings that are insane. We did a Disney one of those in a Harry Potter one. There's all of our frickin' live shows if we've ever done a live show and recorded it,

which one of them is lost forever and only special people got to see it. Then we put it up on the Patreon because we know that if you listen to this, you don't like fucking live shows. You don't wanna hear the bad audio, you don't wanna hear that. If you do know I'm with Rob Cordray,

that's up there in Escape scape room at the show. Do you get a scape room episode? We have an acting class. We have the Hay-Rid D&D episodes, they're all on there. We have all the Hay-Rid relationship to relationships and all of the public access TV. I guess what we're trying to say is that we have bonus episodes. One a week. A lot of my favorite episodes, if not most of my favorite episodes, are all

accidentally over on Patreon. We didn't plan it, but here we are. And here's a fun little thing to know. The Patreon is what keeps this boat afloat. So it's what allows us to be independent creators. So please support us. And help us pay artists and help us pay Casey. Yeah, you can, hey, pay us $5 a month and then fuck it. Don't even listen to this stuff. Just give us them. Most people don't. Most people don't. Most people don't. To be clear, most people do not listen. That's how Arnie Parrot can write these sweet, sweet themes.

Yeah. Most people just hang out in the discord, talk to each other. They do not talk to us. Every time I get into the discord, it's like one of those old west towns where it's just people's clothes and it's just, they drift to the floor slowly.

What's this now? Huh? JCCC, what do you have to plug? There's like a slide whistle effect that everyone goes away. Well, hey, why don't I plug my dog's Instagram? I believe it's Goody Girl, G-O-O-T-I-E-G-U-R-L. I believe it's, what does it say on Instagram?

Mariah cultivates that. It is just pictures of spaghetti. Boy, boy, she got some good pictures on there. Follow me, Aaron, keep 10 on Instagram, and I'll, you can find my dogs Instagram through that. Wait, your dog has an Instagram now? No, I haven't made it yet, but I will, by the time it's here. There's a day, yeah.

And it's private, I don't know, I haven't made it yet. We're recording this in September. So beep, and that's, yeah. You can follow me, Aaron, keep 10 on Instagram. It It's private but not for you. You're allowed to follow me So please follow me and you can message me and I It takes a few weeks. I usually give me three or four weeks to respond to one of your messages I'm getting to them. I get a lot three or four weeks because I this is what the gift I give myself is like I'll take two weeks off of looking for them

because it's like 50% criticism. And but I really love the sweet ones and the ones where people are asking me questions or whatever. I did that with responding to emails for the show. I do it on Fridays usually. So sometimes there's like 10 emails in there and then I'll just respond to them all

and bulk on Fridays. Right, so just give me a little time if you send me a message on Instagram. I get to every single one. so just give me a little second. Oh, and why we're on this topic, because people send emails, people, I am not faulting you for doing this because we've really never said,

but people send in riddles all the time. And if you do have riddles, send them into hrrpodcast.gmail.com. But if you've sent in riddles before, we have seen them, but we don't wanna look at them and we don't wanna open them if you put riddles in the subject line because we don't've sent in riddles before, we have seen them, but we don't wanna look at them and we don't wanna open them if you put riddles in the subject line because we don't wanna spoil the riddles for ourselves.

So we just keep them in a special inbox. If you've already sent them, there's no need to recent another email saying, just wanted to make sure you guys see this. We did see it, but we just haven't used it on the show yet. We may use it one day. Oh yes.

I never open those emails. Yes, it says, also, I see a lot of people as it gets warmer out, wearing socks with sandals. I don't, I never open those emails. Yes, it says, also, I see a lot of people as it gets warmer out wearing socks with sandals, I don't like that. What do you, like, if you're wearing crocs, if you're wearing flip-flops or sandals, you shouldn't have to wear socks as well. Yeah.

I'm sorry. It's a weird look, because it's too warm for the socks. I want to do two more rounds. Here we go. This time we're going to start with James is the good dog and Aaron is the bad dog. Okay. Ready? When I say stay is the good dog and Aaron is the bad dog. Okay. Ready?

When I say stay, a good dog does stay. When I say stay, a bad dog does. Cupider. That was the two rounds. Bye forever. Bye, happy. Bye. Sorry, Eric Keaton.

And John Patrick Cullen. KK told me to the editing, and Arnie Parrish in the music. Vocal created by M.O.B. Cardamus and M.O.D. No more. I'm sorry. I was gonna say, I was gonna say Jupiter twice.

I understand what you were going to say. I had stupider all ready to go.