Hey Riddle Riddle - #97: Take Me To Your Riddles

Episode Date: May 27, 2020

We. are. so. chill. This episode is all about us being very chill, incredibly cool, and having massive levels of relaxation. Plus we've got a professional photo shoot, revisiting a famous animated classic, a math class, Saturday morning cartoons, an a couple of very interesting jobs! Plug this one in, go to bed, and let the riddles wash over you. This episode gets our highest rank yet: 14 JPCs! #WiddleWednesdayStarring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & printsSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a head gum podcast. I'm gonna go back to work. Hello Earthling, what is your name? My name is JPC. Oh wait, I have an alien as well. And I have both aliens. We know each other, you're Adelaide JPC. And we are from the planet, Gorgons, Ola, Gs. And I am Earthling and I am Earthling too.

And this is my alien voice. Okay, so we take us to your riddles. We'd use it, hello Earthlings. We were talking to no one. We're just three aliens having dinner together. Okay, no, I'll play a human. No, meet you. Okay, meet you.

Okay. Hey, what's up? I'm Jeff. Hey, I'm Deerborn. Jeff, I'm your roommate in Deerborn. Yeah. And who's this? And I'm Mike and I'm from the planet Gorgonzola.

No, hold on. No, no, someone has to be the alien. We have to have a con. I'll be the alien. Okay, at some point you have to say take us to your puzzles. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Okay, okay, okay. What's up?

Hey, hey, it's me, Little Mike. Little Mikey Scottsdale, what's up? And I'm Big Mike and I'm also from Scottsdale. Can you choose another fucking name in another city please? And I'm media Mike and I'm from Arkansas, I'm an alien. I mean, I'm pretty good. I mean, I don't hate it, but would you rather be big Scott for bike stale? Yes. Magic. Magic Scott's still. I'm out of five. I'm GPC.

And I'm Aaron Keefe. And before we started recording, I was like, I'm gonna be so chill in this episode. I'm just gonna be like so relaxed and chill. And then we started in-treat when I'm immediately, immediately, a mic. Ooh, let's do, let's do a real chill episode. Let's do like a pure mood,

just like, Anya-esque relaxation. Let's do like a spa. Oh yeah. Well that's annoying. But let's do like a spa. Oh yeah. Well that's annoying. But let's do like a spa episode. Okay, I'm gonna put some lemon water everywhere. Casey, can you put in some ocean waves? Shh, it's like perfect sport motion wave.

That's like the most stressful ocean wave. Okay, now calm ocean waves. Now calm ocean waves. And I'm gonna sing some Anya and I want everyone to close their eyes. Are you ready? Close it. I'm closing my eyes. I can't wait to hear what Aaron thinks the lyrics to in your song are.

Okay, here we go. It means me too, I can't wait. Okay. Okay. Okay. My tears are going cold. I read it. Okay, ready?

Okay. I wonder with the ocean. If I find you in motion. I wonder if I've been there. Yep. I wonder if I've been there. I wonder if I cut it up I wonder if I'm gone home. I wonder if I'm alone I'm the way I am going I can't I am going

I can't go I saw riddles anywhere We pull out of riddles with another one Relaxation And the number one relaxation and addles also, and the number one relaxation and addles also, and the number one relaxation and addles also, and the number one relaxation and addles also, and the number one relaxation and addles also, and the number one relaxation and addles also, and the number one relaxation and addles also, and the number one relaxation and addles also, and the number one relaxation and addles also, and the number one relaxation and addles also, and the number one relaxation and addles also, and the number one relaxation and addles also, and the number one relaxation and addles also, and the number one relaxation and addles also, and the number one relaxation and addles also, and the number one relaxation and addles also, and the number one relaxation and addles also, and the number one relaxation and addles also, and the number one relaxation and addles also, and the number one relaxation and addles also, and the number one relaxation and addles also, and the number one relaxation and addles also, and the number one relaxation and addles also, and the number one relaxation and addles also, and the number one relaxation and addles also, and the number one relaxation and addles also, and the number one relaxation and addles also, and the number one relaxation and addles also, and the number one relaxation and addles also, and the number one relaxation and addles also, and the number one relaxation and addles also, and the number one relaxation and addles also, and the number one relaxation and addles also, and the number one relaxation and addles also, and the number one relaxation and add He's in into a very easy riddle. What's what? Volapiss and you're sitting in it. JPC. Sister. Maybe we should try to branch out and do other formats for a riddle podcast.

Let's do it. Okay. Okay. So let's try. Hold on, Addle. You didn't see Bob board. It's not a word. You see like you're just agreeing to it. Yeah, we can add a little bit of it. You just see if I'll agree to something and add a little bit of it. You see, like you're just agreeing to it.

No, no, I just need to think about for a minute, but I do agree we need to rope in some other markets and I feel like the relaxation market is untapped because nobody wants to bother them, right? Okay. So let's, this episode as much as possible, let's have a lot of relaxation, a lot of just like zen checking in, like feeling yourself kind of spa treatment, yeah? Isn't it crazy that it was a total coincidence

that I wore cucumbers over my eyes for this episode? Well, they're covered in ranch, so your face is a fucking mess. It looks like you maybe actually just, just too enthusiastically ate a salad. Yeah, you put carrots over your teeth and they're covered in ranch, it looks like you maybe actually just too enthusiastically hate a salad. Yeah, you put carrots over your teeth and they're covered in ranch. It looks like a goddamn. That's exactly what happened, but it's sort of working. Air in the salad, so bad.

Had a very care-written nose. And if you ever hum, is, uh, have you ever had the hiccups in ate a salad? It's not easy. Speaking of things that we've all eaten, um, I would like to say that shortly before this recording, Mariah and I made some bean soup, some cannellini bean, cannellini bean soup.

You mean chili. This is really good. It was just like vegetable stock and some seasoning and cannellini beans, and we made some garlic bread, and I have introduced it while we've been in quarantine. I have, Mariah just texted me, LOL. But while we've been in lockdown,

I have introduced a new ranking system to the meals that we make together, and I give it a number of JPCs. And is this your Shabba ranking system when you're talking about? Yes. Mariah is very frustrated with my JPC ranking system because I'll be like, that meal, that was 14 JPCs,

and she's like, what does that mean? And so today I gave it 10 JPCs, which is the highest number of JPCs that you can get for making soup. Oh, yeah. Okay, wait, I have a lot of questions. What's the thing that you can get the highest JPCs eating? So far, it has been... It's got to be ass, right? If you get JPCs from meeting asked the doctor so far. So far.

JPC in that situation stands for juicy, plus filled, coitus. Coitus. Coitus. And that situation are all situations. Keep going. Coitus or goiters on your cooters. I think we, we did a, we did like a sausage and peppers meal, which was this like tomato paste thing, and that got 14 JPCs, and that was a ton of JPCs. What type of sausage we talk in Veggie Boy? Beyond beef makes a beyond sausage. Have you had it? No, but the name Beyond Beef sounds awful. Well, in case you was shocked by that, if bed, beef, and beyond.

I can't wait until the vegans come after you, Adel. Bed, bed, and beef. Ooh, the vegans, I'm shaking in my birken stalks. Beef, bed, and beyond. Hey, beef in my bath, beef in my bed, you know what I'm saying? Well, JPC, I shit my bed in my bath. Have you ever had a meal in your life that's more than 14 JPCs? Like, what's back. Have you ever had a meal in your life? That's more than 14 JPCs

like what's the best meal you've ever had? The rating system just opened up like Four weeks ago, so it's hard to say because before the JPCs rating system existed I really couldn't in good conscious give things JPCs and my memory is so bad I give my memory for JPCs So I would never give something a ranking of JPCs based on memory if that makes sense. I had pumpkin muffins this morning that I made and I'd give them nine JPCs. Whoa, that's good! Pumpkin muffins, please, Aaron.

And I put maple syrup on them. They're really good. It's either puffins or mumpkins. How many JPCs would you give me in Adel? I would give Adel nine JPCs and I would give you 11 JPCs. And then I would never forget either one of you. I'm almost as good as beyond beef. No, that was 40 JPCs. You were so much worse than that.

You guys have no idea what this system is like. It's also an equal number between each JPC. It's not an equal number of distance. So like what could be a mile, what could be a foot? So yeah, 40 JPCs is pretty high up there. I just love that we stuck to our idea of making this a relaxing episode. Oh, no, we got it.

Ooh, I'm lighting all the candles. Who's our old man pumpkins? JPC will be Old Man Pumpkins for this episode, which it's not Old Man pumpkins, it's not even close to Halloween. It's not even close to harvest time, guys. So we're instead of Old Man puzzles, because it's our relaxation episode,

it should be O'Man relaxation. Yeah. Yeah, okay. I'll be O'Man relaxation for this episode. And I wanted to start this episode with a couple listener submitted warm-ups. So these are going to be some warm-ups that we've had listener submit. I will not say the dates on some of these, but a lot of them are over a year old. This one is from Thad. I think, oh yes,

Thad not only says we can use their full name, but we can use their full name. So it's whole name, Thad William Davis the second. Thad, hope you have a kid. Hope you name him Thad William Davis. Hope you get that TWD the three. Hey, Thad, what's it like teaching sailing lessons every summer during high school? Because that's what your name sounds like. I don't feel the bully for that.

I got him back there. Yeah, I also want to bully Thad, but give me a second here. So his name is Thad Williams Davis. Thad Williams Davis. Yeah, okay, I got one. How come in 1988, you challenged that kid on the ski slopes and hold on. What's that? No, but I want to make it relaxing.

Yeah, it's really nice. I got one. I got one. Thad, was it like owning stock and vineyard vines asshole? To me and now me. How much coke do you do a week, bitch? Yeah, I think actually that's just like a normal listener who really loves the show.

Oh, never mind. Hi, Dad. Anyway, Dad says, what word has the greatest distance between its first and last letters? Fat William, Davis. Miles. What's that? Miles. distance between its first and last letters. Fat William, Davis. Miles. What's that?

Miles. It's like a... It's like a... It's a jazz musician. It's like not... It's not like a long word. It's like a word that means long. Oh, it's probably...

Is it like the word of foot? Where it's like the... Aaron had it, but she didn't have it. Oh, it's... It's smiles. Yes. It smiles because there's a mile between two S's. It is smiles because there's a mile

between the two S's. I sort of got it. Aaron did get it. She said miles, which is wrong, but it's sort of right. And it helps. And it's, I don't know where glamour shots take place. But you're in a series.

I think a lot of things happen at a Sears. A store that has it existed like a decade. And J.H.C. you are the photographer, and you're trying to do whatever you can to make Aaron smile because for whatever reason she's just not giving you a good picture. Okay. Hey, so what's the occasion for this? I've just been trying to... Oh, look at you, you're the saddest girl in the world! I just need this for dating profiles.

You think this for dating profiles? Yeah, I thought I'd be able to get a glamour shot. I'm recently a single actor about 20 years. Oh, I was way off with girl. I'm sorry. No, it's fine. And also, I'm normally very happy. It just had sort of a hard 24 hours. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Well, traditionally, and I honestly, I want to say this to make you

comfortable. As a photographer, we want to kind of get you at your best, especially if this is for a dating profile. We want to look a little happy. Can you tell me just a few quick things about your life? Maybe I can find some rays of sunshine. I'm actually really good at finding rays of joy in people's lives. And maybe I can help you bring some of that out. Sure. I ate banana bread that was too hot once,

and I can't taste. Oh no, that's a per minute thing. I had a cat I got really attached to and it ran away to my neighbor's house. And today I was driving down the road and there was a cement truck in front of me, and instead of cement, it was filled with blood. And it tipped over and I went into it,

and now my car, and my heart, and my, my, my, my covered in blood. Okay, so you can drive. So let's do something with that. We cut to the sign outside the, the photo station, and it does say, the rays of sunshine, I mean, it says photographer Raymond Smiles. You know I like driving. I drive a Prius because it's

good for the environment. I drive a hearse. You drive a hearse. Okay you know what makes me smile? Her, she's chocolate. How would you like a little chocolate bar and maybe that would turn that frown completely upside down here. You go, I have a little... I'm allergic to sugar. Okay, so that's going to make life a lot worse. Huh? Okay, you know what? You said you want to do a dating profile.

Why don't we do a little mock dating profile on the fly? So what does it mean? What do you mean interest? What do you mean your hobbies? Okay, I'm trying to get my cat back from my neighbor. Sure, that's more like a mission, and less of a hobby. So what are some things that you would like to do for fun, for enjoyment in your life? Um, maybe Netflix and chill.

Uh, I, I like googling what things taste like and then I'll eat the thing and I'll pretend I can taste it. Oh, that feels maybe sadder. That feels maybe sadder than what would just be living with the way that you are, huh? Hey, I'm so glad we matched on Tinder. You look just like your eye hat on our own day. Same. Yeah. Yay.

Ha ha ha. We did it the perfect scene. Yeah, we did the perfect scene. And by perfect scene, I mean, it was just okay because of me and then Adel's perfect outline. Thank you Adel JPC. The funny part is if you're ever at a improv show and there's like two people, one of them is a very big

character, one of them is obviously like the straight man character and then someone tags out the big character to do a scene with this. I've seen that happen before and I'm like, what are you doing? Like, what did you think? What did you think? Everyone's in a while, that's so much.

I'm gonna take someone else. Yeah. Did you just want to do another scene as a big character, but you didn't want to do the hard work of like setting that character up? You just want to like go off, Queen. Very fun. Okay, and back to chill.

I'm on my own. Back to chill. Oh my gosh. Oh, everything's nice. Bath and bodywork. Good one. Yes. Okay, this next, this next,

picture shark too big. Pull back. Okay. Scale back, pull out, pull out. Scale back, pull out. Just remember how anthropology smells. Too good, scale back. This next one is from a person who appears

to have two first names, John David, and I'll let you guess the order. John David, would you create fucking Garfield, bitch? John David, did you have fun sailing with your friend? Yep, great. Uh, so, uh, John David says, um, I couldn't sleep and I was releasing to the podcast. Have you guys considered recording a bunch so I can binge just like I found a three year

old podcast? Well, good news. Uh, John, you sent this message to August of 2018, so we basically have already done that for you. So I hope you're still listening. But John said this warm up. We weren't even a month in. I know.

Aaron was in Borne. I hadn't even been born. Aaron was only 21 years old. That was only 21 years old. Okay. Here's the riddle from John. It loves the podcast, makes him very happy. Can't wait for more. Okay.

Old woman Suzy has 10 candles on a table near a window. She irresponsibly walks away with the candles lit in the window open. When she comes back, two candles have burnt out. Deciding to do nothing, she continues a better day. By the end of the day, she comes back to find one more candle burnt out. I know it. Princess die. Thank you. Susie, pretending to be a responsible homeowner, closes the window and goes to bed with the candles still lit like a dang idiot. How many candles does she wake up to? Okay, so this is bad because it's confusing. Okay. So towards you and there's only one candle lit and then it goes out.

And this is candle and this is how it is. She wake up to so she wakes up to 10 candles because it didn't ask lit candles. She has 10 candles on her table. She walks away on a table near a window. She walks away with the candles lit and the window open. When she comes back, two candles have burned out. Deciding to do nothing, she can do it about a day. By the end of the day, she comes back to find one more candle burned out. She shuts the window. She goes to sleep. And when she, yeah, I'm sorry, pretending to be the responsible homeowner, she closes the window, goes to bed with the candles, still lit, like a dang idiot. How

many candles does she wake up to? Ten. Okay, that's incorrect. No, I'm sorry, she wakes up to, so there's ten in the candle holder, but what's unsaid, what's on? Minora, sorry, candle lover, Minora. What's unsaid is that the morning she wakes up is her 21st birthday, so there's 31 candles. There's 37 dresses. I am 31 candles and then some.

Is it like the math of this matter? What? I want to see a scene. This specifics, yes. I want to see a scene. This specifics of this rental matter. I want to see a scene. Jace, you are Cogsworth.

I'll be playing Lumiere. Aaron, you are Belle and Cogsworth and I and Lumiere are introducing ourselves to you and you are, it's not, you can't, your brain can't process it and you're freaking out. Wow, I really wish I hadn't just wandered into this cold castle looking for greetings. Oh my god. I am a candle and this is a big clock Does he talk no What do you think everything talks here? Yeah, I assume because you talked

No, you two have a thing yes, we're fucking okay. I have a song about it. Do you want to hear it? Yeah, I do 9 2 Okay. I have a song about it. Do you want to hear it? Yeah, I do. 9, 2, 5 Feel alive Fuck a cock And I Sorry. Can I be honest? I did not have a song. 4 P.M Now it's noon. It's noon, Cogsworth. What do we say at noon?

What do we say at noon? Welcome. Welcome to... Say it, Cogsworth. He doesn't talk. So what's your deal? How old are you? Me? Yeah, what do you have? That's the worst first question. You have like 45? That's the worst first question. 46. 46. 46. I'm 20 or something like that. Did you vote it? I have a song about it. Okay. I

Am Bell yes, I am do you want a piece of ham? Is it nothing better than fucking a clock? Maybe I know they didn't have a song much of the child Bell Bell Bell I let you stay here to my castle and and don't get me wrong I love that you're here, but ever since you showed up. Uh-huh I have noticed that you know my big clock in the hallway. Yeah Well someone's been fucking And I know it's not me because I would destroy that clock. They would have been no clock beast It's it's not

Hypothetically there could be a few people in the castle fucking destroy that clock. They would have been no clock. Beast, it's not... Hypothetically, there could be a few people in the castle fucking... No, it's just you and me in this castle. There's no other people here. Oh, I mean, but some of the... But remember when the teacup saying tale is old is time, and I didn't have the ballroom with that clock? Knock, knock, knock, Beast. I'm here to fuck your clock! It's my dad

See it was guess done, but I made it my dad It was guess dog, but I made it my dad that's not a little impromptu Was it guess daughter guess lighting? No one guess lights like yes Yes, Aaron the specific amount of candles in this riddle does matter to get the answer. Okay, then read it again. Okay, I will read it one more time. Old woman Suzy has 10 candles on a table near a window. She walks away with the candles lit in the window open.

When she comes back, two candles have burnt out. Deciding to do nothing, she continues a better day. By the end of the day, she comes back to find one more candle has gone out Susie pretending to be responsible closes the window and goes to bed with the candles still lit How many candles does she wake up to? Eight doesn't she say doesn't say she leaves with the candles and when she comes back to her out So she have two candle she walks she walks away is with the candles locked. She walks away with the candles lit. She walks away, all the candles are lit. She walks away while the candles are lit.

She doesn't walk away with the candles. No, the candles are lit. When she comes back, two of them are out. She comes back again, another one has gone out. Seven. So when you say out, that means the candles left to like go party. Well, the windows closed now.

So the window's closed now. So, but is that why the candles were going out before? Yes, because the window was. A gust from the window was blowing candles out. Come to my candle. So it's not zero. So it's not zero. It's not zero when it's not seven.

No, it's not zero and it's not seven. And this is a warm up. Is it a number? Is it like a trick or a... It is a number. Okay. You could literally just... One. No, it's not one. or something? It is a number. Okay. You could literally just... One.

No, it's not one. Two. Two. Uh-uh, three. Great, you got it. Ed will just move all around. Explain the riddle to us. Is it like because there's about an hour is that past?

What is it? So it's three because the three candles that the wind blew out are still candles. The other candles have all burned away in the night, so they are no longer candles. That makes so much sense. I like that one. How short are these candles that they're burning away in the night? Let me see. John says that. They're very short. These are bad candles. John said that they were very short. Thank you so much for your riddle, John. Yeah. Yeah. Riddle, John Robin Hood. So this next one is, let me just double check. This is coming from Andrew.

Andrew includes an APS. They love the show. Andrew includes an APS that my wife wants to be best friends with Aaron. So, how long ago is that though? This is 2015. So this is quite a while ago. This is from September from September of 2018. The warm up riddle that Andrew has suggested is this,

where do Russians keep their armies? Up their sleeves. Up their sleeves, congratulations. In fairness, Andrew also included some more riddles that we've already done, but I really like that up there, sleeveys joke. In middle school, we had these like math problem sheets where if you got, you decoded it by doing math

and then you could figure out the answer to a joke and that was one of them. And I thought it was so fun, I think the first time I heard it. Do you remember the math that you did to get that answer? It was probably like X equals like another fucking letter. Some fit. All right, moving right along. This is a warm up riddle from Chris.

Chris says, what is the, I wanna see you soon. Okay. Aaron, Jips and I are in your class and you are a math teacher who despises math. Okay guys, I know I'm 20 minutes late and I'm holding a Starbucks. So I'll just do this. Anyone have any questions on the homework?

Mrs. Division? What? Your homework didn't include math at all. Oh, okay. Was that my question or did I ask? I don't know if you had any questions about the homework. You're right, I'm sorry. Mrs. Division, I have a question.

Sure. You said that you were holding a. Mrs. Division, I have a question. Sure. You said that you were holding a Starbucks, but you're holding three cake pops? Yeah. I got it from Starbucks. Is any item that you get at Starbucks of Starbucks? Yeah, you get one of those sad egg sandwiches

that's a Starbucks. Okay. You get a water Starbucks. You leave with the key to their bathroom, that's a Starbucks. Oh, I see, this is a test. So, three cake pops, each cake pop is $1.89. Oh, I see. This is a test. So, uh, three cake pops. Each cake pop is $1.89.

No, no, no, no, no. Ah, ah, ah. That's like nails on a chalkboard to me. Ah, ah, ah, I hate numbers. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. I have to go shower. Oh, so, so you do know that we have a chalkboard. You know what that is, right?

Because you've never used it. And most of our other teachers who have taught us math have used it to put... They're still using chalkboards and not smart boards? It's a very poor school. This is rural Oklahoma. Then why do I have a smart board? Wow!

I make a little doodle and then I can move it. You just put it in it. That's just a regular board. That's a regular chalkboard with a graduation hat on it. Yeah. Smartboard. And you wrote smart on it. I'm an innovator.

Okay, yeah. I can know what I'm tired of this. Misdivision, do you not? Do you not like your job? What does that mean? Well, it seems like you don't ever have an interest in teaching this math, and we're all very eager to learn math,

which is a rarity in this world. Yeah, when we had a substitute, when we had Miss Nomarin, she taught us all of geometry in one day. Oh, really? Wow. I can't tell if it's a class. No, that's amazing. Why are you? Ask me a question about math. I'll answer it. Okay. Will you get off my back? Okay. And let me... I'm watching Ali McBeal for the first time and I'd like to get back to it.

Okay. What's the Pythagorean theorem? Okay, that's, I love that question. And it is X equals, which one is this? What is it actually? I don't know, I just saw it in a textbooks. We're in your class. We shouldn't, don't Google it. I'm gonna, no, I'm just googling it as a joke. You're touching the smart board again.

That's not gonna get to anywhere. I don't think you know what a joke is And also do you know how to spell Pythagorean? I Don't want to tell you how I did it you wrote on the chalkboard and you wrote out pathetic Korean I've also never seen someone's Google while they're with three cake pops in one hand Yeah, your image results are for. It's based on the area of the square whose side is the hypotenuse. It's equal to the sum of the areas.

Why are you one of higher? What's the third fly into your mouth? Okay. See. Okay. That's a squared plus b squared equals c squared. Teaching is thankless everyone. And they are true.

Teachers are true, frontline warriors. They are more. A clown from my meal earlier just went down my throat. Everyone write a postcard to a teacher right now. We'll wait. No, we won't. Moment of silence for all of our teachers teaching. My sister is a elementary school teacher.

And she's teaching remotely? Yeah, she is. And every day she, um, she's one of my favorite people. Is this sorry, is this Molly? Yeah, she's one of my favorite people to listen, uh, read out loud. Like she's so, her voice is so dynamic, it's so good. And she sends me, she's reading wayside school, the newest wayside school to her students. And she sends me a chapter day that she sends them of her reading it.

And it is so soothing. 10 to 10. I hope the publishers of waste side school don't hear this because it sounds like what she's doing is theft. Yeah, you know what? They should sue her because she is, I have Mrs. Money buckets.

She's got so much money. Wow, yeah, Sackers pissed. Sackers pissed. Sackers blow at a gasket. He's losing a whole lot of money. Well, yeah, Sackers Pist. Sackers Pist. Sackers blow it a gasket. He's losing a whole lot of money. Amazing. This is another one. This is a warm up riddle from Chris.

Chris says, what is the least spoken language in the world? Samarian ancient sign language. Aaron gets it right That's right. It is sign language. It's not a spoken language Chris has things for being hilarious y'all hashtag keep it real Wow that is weird that this is not even my shirt. This is you know is from 28th team

Holy crap wearing the shirt Okay, there's one more of these warm of hurdles that I want to get to That email is from 28th team. I think Eric's wearing the shirt. Okay, there's one more of these warm of riddles that I wanna get to. This one is from Laurel. Laurel, say, yes, fuck, it's from Laurel Canyon. God dammit. This one is, I think that, maybe it's a little harder. Oh, I'm sorry, she included you.

Laurel sent a warm of a pearl in the middle in a riddle. We'll get to both. Laurel says, love the podcast. Happy to push as many of my friends into listening to it as possible. It inspired me to write a riddle. So this is the riddle that Laurel actually wrote. A bit of land to call my own. A sneaky scheme to take the throne. Find me displaying natural log, or between pro and epilogue. What am I? Shakespeare. Oh, I can already tell this is amazing.

It's Shakespeare! Adel, you got it? No, it's not, of course not. No, it's not. No, it's not. Could you read it again? This is really cool. So, okay, Could you read it again? This is really cool. Okay, I'll read it again.

A bit of land to call my own. A sneaky scheme to take the throne. Find me displaying natural log or between pro and epilogue. Find me displaying natural log. Is that me like taking a shit? Yes, that's the only way to display natural log. That's where I said, whoa, that guy over there is displaying natural log. Is that mean like taking a shit? Yes, that's the only way to display natural log. That's where I said, like, whoa, that guy over there is displaying natural log.

So it's like pro log and epilog. Is it a book thing? Is it story thing? I will say that this is a word that has a lot of different meanings. And each line in this is a different meeting, meaning for the word. So I'll read it one more time.

A bit of land to call my own. Cool, it's up there. And I, a bit of land to call my own. That would be like a frontiers person. This would be like a deed to the land. This would be like a farmer. Yeah. A bit of land to call my own, acre.

This is good. This is a smart way to do this. I think you guys are doing it smart. Can I go on to the next one? Yeah, please you're percolating things. Sneaky scheme to take the throne great a sneaky Scheme to take the throne would be subterfuge over What's it called when you like a king root court when you like overthrow a captain? It's like What is that?

Mutiny you syrup the throne but Captain, it's like, what is that called? Captain Hageru. Captain Hageru. Captain Hageru. What is that called? Captain Hageru. What is that called? Captain Hageru. Captain Hageru. Captain Hageru. Captain Hageru. Captain Hageru.

Captain Hageru. Captain Hageru. Captain Hageru. Captain Hageru. What is that called? Captain Hageru. Captain Hageru. Captain Hageru.

Captain Hageru. What is that called? Captain Hageru. Captain Hageru. Captain Hageru. Captain Hageru. Captain Hageru. Captain Hageru. Captain Hageru. Captain Hageru. Here's the next one. Find me displaying natural log. You won't get that one, so we'll move on. And then here's the final one. Or between pro and epilogue.

So between pro and epilogue, we have pro log. Story? Monologue and epilogue. Was it mono? No, no, no, I mean, so Aaron's right on the right track with story. Story book pages. Yeah, so it's very, very, very, very, very, very, very.

It's the thing in between the prologue and the epilogue. Characters. Conflicts, climax. But remember, it's also something that you would call a bit of land. And parcel. And it's also a sneaky scheme. This is great. I love this riddle. And you guys are extraordinary. Oh, I got it. I got it? Plot. Plot. Yeah. It is plot. Very, very nice. I like it.

I love that. The Dorrius plot. Laurel, thank you for sending that in, like almost a year and a half ago. That was awesome. And then Laurel also includes this riddle, and this riddle has a title, which is something I absolutely love.

This riddle is called Josephine's problem. Ready? Josephine's problem. And Josephine's kingdom, every woman has to pass a logic exam before being allowed to marry. Every man. Every married, that's not what that is. Every married woman knows about the fidelity. Every married woman knows about the fidelity of every man in the kingdom except for her own husband.

An etiquette demands that no woman should be told about the fidelity of her husband. So you know about the fidelity of every other couple in the kingdom, and I guess it's all straight monogamous relationships. But you don't know about the fidelity of your own husband. Also, a gunshot fired in any house in the kingdom will be heard in any other house.

Queen Josephine announced that at least one unfaithful man, at least one unfaithful man, had been discovered in the kingdom, and that any woman knowing her husband to be unfaithful was required to shoot him at midnight, following the day after she discovered his infidelity. Okay, hold on. So far, you're just describing a perfect world. A perfect world. How did the wives manage this?

Remember, they cannot communicate to each other. I want to say gut instinct. It's gut. It's a women's intuition. Women just know. Women the answer. I think the answer is if all women just shoot and kill their husbands, there's nobody left to dispute the infidelity. Well, that I believe that would be one answer. That's not the correct answer, but it is correct to believe women. So with all the ones to kill their husbands, the right response is correct. I guess have all of them say, I don't know.

Oh, so at least one of them was shot and killed and you said no. So Queen Josephine said, in the kingdom, she announced there's at least one unfaithful man that has been discovered. And that any woman knowing her husband to be unfaithful was required to shoot him at midnight. And then what's the, what are we trying to solve?

You're, how did the wives manage this? How did they manage to do this when they can't communicate to each other? So you as a wife, Adel, let's, let's put you, let's put you, make you walk a mile in a wife's shoes. You as a wife know about the infidelity of, or the fidelity of everyone else in the kingdom except your own husband. And every other wife is in that same position. Well, if you can't tell the other wives, I could tell another person's husband and they could relay the information to another wife.

No, you can't communicate in any way with the other people via the husband or the wife. Okay, what if I walked in and caught my spouse cheating? Can you ask your spouse? Nope, you can't talk to them. You can only use the information that was presented to get it across. You can't talk to anyone or anything. I got it.

I got it and it's also a famous song. Lemons know that dick. I don't know. Everybody smells their husband's dick. No, you can't use dick smells. It's, oh. Well, when a woman know, wouldn't one of the other wives know

if she had been unfaithful? What was that guy? I love how casual you said, no, we can't use sticks, Miles. Yes, one, so if you were existing the kingdom, let's say that you're a wife in the kingdom and the queen announces someone has been unfaithful, you would already know about it, Aaron.

Everyone in the kingdom would know about it, except the person whose, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who's got cheated on. Who cheated on the guy with? Nope. Could it be that she's has, she couldn't say like, I didn't cheat on my husband?

It does not involve anyone communicating with anyone. That is not the answer. It's a sound thing. Did two husbands sleep with each other? And a wife saw? It is a sound thing. I'm sorry. Did two husbands sleep with each other?

No, I'm like, if anything to do with, it doesn't have anything to do with who cheated or why they cheated or communicating that they cheated. The information in the riddles, the only thing that you need to solve it. So it's a sound thing. The important part is you can hear a gunshot from all the other places. Yeah, a gunshot fired in any house in the kingdom will be heard in any other house. And at least one person has been ordered,

the queen has ordered at least one man to die basically. And so we're trying to figure out how the wives did this, but what is this? How do the wife manage to uncover who was the cheater and who who wasn't? But did they? I mean, the queen has given this order. The order will be followed. but how do you know, how do you know to shoot your husband, basically? That's the question. Um, how do you know to go ahead and shoot? And it's because it's something you haven't heard.

I mean, you can't, you're not talking to anyone. It has to be a different sense. Is one of the, did one of the women get pregnant from, is there like a, is there a, is there a noticeable like that? Is there like a hundred year old man and his wife is pregnant? You guys are adding, you guys are adding all of these extra details

that I've told you multiple times are not part of your life. I feel a little bit confusing because how could you communicate something throughout without talking? What sound are they using? It's, it doesn't, the only sound that matters is the sound of the gunshot. And it sounds like a Bob Dylan song.

Someone you'd have gone up into the air. And then they react to that. I don't know. I'm done with this. Can you tell us what the answer is? In the rain falls in South Dakota, all upon the plains, and the trees grow in strange ways tonight. Me and Cinderella had it all together. That's Jacob Dill.

That's Jacob Dill. No. Well gone in a little bungalow. Um, boy. Okay, Aaron's done, Adel. I, I have mercy. Yeah. Okay.

I will do the mercy role. So, uh, if you are a wife and you believe that everyone in the kingdom has has is being fidelity is not cheating is being fidelity. If you are a wife and you believe that every one of the kingdom has not cheated and the queen announces someone has cheated the only one that you know that you can be sure of is or not be sure of is your husband which means your husband is the cheater. So, if at night it rings midnight, and there's one gunshot, we know we got the cheater. But if you exist in the community,

and you know that there's at least, like your wife and you know, there's at least one person who has cheated, you'll wait till midnight, the gunshot will go off, and you're like, great, the cheater has been found. But if the gunshot doesn't go off, then you know that there's at least two cheaters in the kingdom.

This has a huge story. I love this. What if the woman are using silencers? Ba da ba da ba da da da da da. That's true, Adel. And it does say a gunshot fired in any house in the kingdom will be heard in any other house. So you found the hole in the woman's riddle

by just blatantly not listening to one critical piece of information for the riddle. I didn't know what you just said, you loral. I didn't hear what you just said, but we are gonna take a nice relaxing break. Oh yeah, we're all too. Just a real calm break. So go ahead and close your eyes, let these advertisements wash over you and we'll be right back with more a little little shoot your husbands cheating on you Hey GPC Oh yeah You're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm um Prinking at all and I'm, um, pranking Adel.

And I'm setting up a website to prank him. Um, can I just need some advice? This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. I'm not, I'm not mad at you. We're pranking Adel. Squarespace is the only one website platform for entrepreneurs to stay in doubt and to see it online. Whether you're just starting out

or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website engaged with your audience and say let anything for products to cut into time, all in one place, all on your terms. Hey, Addle, come here, come here, come here. Hey, what's going on? I actually, I wanna prank GPC

and I wanna set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like, is there like an online store that could set up on my website to sell products? Did you know that with Squarespace, you can have custom merch, you can easily sell custom merch and create passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand, design your products and production and inventory and shipping are handled for you saving you time and money. What is happening? Okay. Wait, what's going on with that all? Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing. No, he's gonna shoot you.

And I'm gonna use analytics, use insights to grow my business and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool. I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords, our popular products and content on my prank website, the prank activity. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for?

I can't remember what the website was for. The website was for. Prank. Yeah. Squarespace. You can connect to your store to Vedent Dirt Party tools to extend the functionality of your website. Hey JPC, hey JPC. What's up, Vattle? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with

your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh, she's back. She's back. Hey, Aaron, can we go to grandma's house? Wait, I've been pranked. But how? I don't know. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, Adel and JPC, thank you for meeting me in the middle of the woods here. I am sort of at an empath. I can't decide whether or not to go this way or this way. I'm having a hard time choosing a path. You know, there never truly is a middle of the woods.

Isn't it funny to think about something like that? There never truly is a middle of the woods. No, this is the middle. Okay, this is it. Addle, can you help? Yeah, actually, so as per Robert Frost, I don't know if you know his poems, he has a poem called Better Help.

I believe this is written in the 1800s, but it still stands true today more than ever. Aaron, you should try Better Help. Have you heard of this? You seen this? Mm-hmm. Because sometimes Aaron and life were faced with tough choices, and the path forward isn't always clear, Whether you're dealing with decisions around career relationships, being stuck in the middle of the woods, therapy helps you stay connected to what you, ow,

ow, sorry, that also does so fast. Therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate life and the woods. Hmm, and better help is entirely online, so it's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. I've been using it for several years, and it suits the way that my brain works way better than traditional therapy ever did. And when Aaron says traditional therapy, just so everyone's clear, what she means is tricking two of her friends to coming to the middle of the woods, even though there isn't

truly the concept of the middle of the woods, isn't that fun to think about? All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a license therapist, and you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Hey, Aaron, GPCs putting down bread crumbs and then immediately picking them up and eating them. Dirty bread crumbs.

Mm-hmm. And he's also like really into that owl who's swooping down. Anyways, let therapy be your map with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelpHELP.com slash riddle, R-I-D-D-L-E. R-I-D-D-L-E, the middle of riddles of D, but there is no true middle of riddle

because it would be the space in the Hope you get home. Bye. Am home. Who are we? I clink clink clink. Excuse me ladies and gentlemen. I just want to make a quick toast to I know it's JPC's birthday and we're all so excited to talk about him, but I want to talk about my favorite, my favorite thing in the world. And that is the app Rocket Money.

Oh, yeah, Aaron, that's one of my favorite things as well. Mm-hmm. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years, way before they were a sponsor, and it helps me so much, especially around tax season. Clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, uh, uh, sorry, I also want to give a toast. Rocket money, well, quickly and easily find your subscriptions for you.

And for any you don't want to pay for anymore, just hit cancel and Rocket money will cancel it for you. It's that easy. Clint, Clint, Clint. It also categorizes your expenses so you can easily track your budget in real time and also get alerted if anything looks off over three million. Oh, Clint, Clint, Clint. Over three million people have used rocket money, saving the average person up to $720 a year. We love rock.

Stop, stop, stop, no, click, click, click, stop. Throwing your money away, cancel unwanted subscriptions today and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rockatmoney.com slash riddle. That's rockatmoney.com slash riddle. Rockatmoney.com slash riddle, and tell them JPC's birth they got ruined by two of his friends for doing speeches and And pull your spine up, one very braided time. Put your head aligned with the stars. And you're accepting the starlight into your body and out of your butt.

Let your body, let the starlight pull your vertebrae out of your butt. Let it rip your spine through your anus. Just straight out of your butt, let it rip your spine through your anus. Just straight out of your ass. Let the elastic nature of your sphincter open up to your spinal cord and brainstem. Hey guys, I'm back from the bathroom. What did I make? Good thing, nothing.

Nothing, nothing. Why are you both shirtless? This is a poor experiment for school. No, no, no, we're not sure. We're not doing school anymore. We don't got to go to school anymore. I want riddles. I want riddles.

Oh. Aaron finally wants riddles. I'm hungry, hungry, hungry for riddles, riddles, riddles. Well, my little Aaron hippo. Let's see how hungy, hungy, hungy you are when you realize that we are going back to the blue book. No. I'm actually good.

I hate before. I do actually have some good news for you guys. We are done with the blue book. Woo. Section one. We now move into the next section. Missing Casey's laughing so hard The first section of the blue book that we worked in was called clever puzzles and now we move on to

tricky puzzles Are you guys are you ready for some tricky puzzles? I'm so sorry. I do have to do a dead stop at those being clever puzzles. No, yeah, those are the clever ones. Did you miss peak? Imagine how tricky these must be if those were how clever the other ones were.

I'm sorry, I had to do a dead stop real quick. Hey kids, knock it off. Sorry, my kids were banging on the closet. No, and you know what, hold on, that is gonna be a dad stop give me one second Okay, Kevin hold on I gotta dad stop Hey Amanda, where's my doctor? Ringo? Where is my doctor? Ringo and that's gonna be a dad stop

Hi hungry, I'm dad. I don't have kids. I don't have kids. Adelaide do. Together, we're raising a son together. We're raising a son together, Ed. We're doing lots of love. We're doing lots of love.

We decided to give him our two, Dave, after our two favorite actors that banned the Pete and... Kevin Pete. He was the first one to be his commercial actress, Lester Dough. This riddle is called The Tracks of My Tires. Another Dylan song? Yeah, Tracks of My Tires. The police found a murder victim and they noticed a pair of tire tracks leading

to and from the body. That's not a big accomplishment to find a murder victim. That's easy. Any cop can do that. Yeah. So this is these guys were really trying to steal a lot of glory for that. But actually, they didn't even found that someone called it in. Nothing to brag about. Yeah. Actually, that would be insane. It's always a guy with his dog. It's always a guy with this dog. Always. It was a police guy. I was a bit hurt of it. Yeah.

I list a lot of murder podcasts and it's 99% of the time. It's either two people on a date or a guy with his dog who find a body. The last two series like the outsider on HBO and Dead to Me season two both have dead bodies found by dogs. Also Aaron, I read a blog post because I was like trying to think about two, both have dead bodies found by dogs. Also, Aaron, I read a blog post because I was trying to think about, oh, what are some like date ideas during lockdown? And one of the top ones was like,

top 10 dead ideas during lockdown. One of them was stumble across a body with your significant other. Oh. Helps solve the mystery. You have a joint trauma. That'll do it. This, but this does say the police found a murder victim.

So it sounds like the police found them, which means like who you interviewing? What witness was there? The police? You're going to interview the police? Good luck to you. Anyway, that's just some of my stand up. And they noticed a pair of tire tracks leading to and from the body.

They followed the tracks to a nearby farmhouse where two women and a man were sitting on the porch. There was no car at the farmhouse, two women and a man were sitting on the porch. There was no car at the farmhouse and none of the three could drive. The police arrested the man. Why are they doing that? Men are more violent. Men are more violent and you use profiling to figure out who was more violent.

Men are more violent. Turtle power. The answer is it doesn't matter. They arrested a random one because they are going to use illegal techniques to force a confession. So it's going to be thrown out in court by a good lawyer. So there's tie-er tracks leading to a farm.

They get to the farm. There's no car, but there's two women and a guy sitting on a porch and none of them can drive. No car at the farmhouse, none of the three could drive. So how so what happened was they can't he they went to the farmhouse, maybe the guy drove the dead body drove not not when he was dead. That's it.

Body drove the man. Anyway, Aaron, Aaron, surely you're not suggesting a dead body drove to the farm. I saw it. I was working on the curb late one night when a car rode up. Okay, so maybe the car went. But driving what a spook. I think maybe the car went that. Well, Aaron started talking. I think maybe the car went from the house to the,

like the opposite direction. Driving in reverse or whatever. So I put from drive into Nuke. It was a car. It was a dead man car. Maybe the car ended up where the dead guy was. So they didn't find a car at all. Oh, okay.

Yeah, not where the dead man was, not at the farmhouse. So here's my theory. Okay. So you don't have to drive a car to move it. So maybe they put in a neutral and he pushed it. So maybe his hands were covered in like car. What's on the back of a car? Like bumper stickers, bumper sticker paint.

So maybe, wait, wait, hold on, shut up. Shut your fucking mouth. Bumper sticker paint. Paint that paints on a bumper sticker. Oh my God. So you can let this idea stop. You can let everyone know that your kids went to fucking Clemson. We get your kids go to Clemson. I have a bumper sticker that says my kid was suspended from Clemson. No one of my best friends went to Clemson. It's a very good school. But one of my kids is in

the bank. One of my kids is in the bank Clemson. It's a very good school. But I feel like it's in the bank. I'm gonna see that bumper sticker a lot. One of my kids is in the bank Clems' night. So different Clems for different fans. Different Clems. Is it that there's something on his hands that indicate that he pushed the car? Though, I love that though.

Something on his hands. How, then why did a tire marks even matter if there's no car? Interesting Aaron, that's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's car max. Is it always a bike? Tires is like a different kind of tire. Um, it is not bike tires. I'll say that much.

Tractor tires. No. So if none of them can drive, then wagon tires. Here's a couple of clues. The police didn't ask any questions, but merely use their powers of observation. Man was holding a gun. Nope. When the next one is, when the police arrived, none of the three suspects was carrying a weapon or wearing blood stain clothing. And the police correctly deduced that the man was the murderer. So they did get it right. It was the man not that you women. So if there's two women in a man on the porch and then there's a dead man, we can assume that the

dead man in the woods was cheating on his wife, because there's a gunshot. A. Man. Yes. What was the tire? What made the tire mark? And my girl, that's the crux of it. You almost have it, my dear. Can we ask the answer to no questions?

Yes. Were the tire marks made by a car? Hold on, Aaron's first yes or no question was, were the tire? You know, er, no. With a tire machine by a cart? No. Okay. Were they made by a tractor? No.

Were they made by something that was in the barn? No. Were they made by something you drive? Something you drive. I guess not exactly. Were they made by something that they found later? Like did they see the thing that made the tire marks? They saw it immediately.

It wasn't something that they found later. Was he painting tire marks on the ground? No. Here, I'll read this again. The police found a murder victim and they noticed a pair of tire tracks leading to and from the body. They followed the tracks to a nearby farmhouse. Roller blades.

Listen to this. We followed the tracks to a nearby farmhouse. Oh, I'm blind. Listen to this. We're two men, I'm sorry, we're two women and a man we're sitting on the porch. Sitting on the porch. Oh, wheelchair. Yeah, buddy. The man was in a wheelchair and he was a murderer. Well, we assume, I mean, he rolled away from a dead body.

That could mean anything. He could have just found it. Anyway, the guy's going to fucking jail and the police has six zero questions. Does that seem right? No. Bad country. Burn it down.

Next terrible riddle, please. This next terrible riddle also has a terrible title. This terrible title is The Upset Woman. And there's a picture of Aaron after she's recorded three episodes of the podcast. Yeah, that's funny. I like that. Well, I mean, really one episode, half an episode,

10 minutes of the first episode, just the ads. Uh, when the woman saw him, she was upset, even though she had never seen him before, she'd left some food for him because she knew he would be hungry devil The devil but he could not reach the food because he had an iron bar across his back He died soon after and the woman was pleased Mouse are rat to mouse are rat in a trap. It's pole dog Okay, I want to see in. I would like to see a scene.

Adel, you are going to be playing pole dog. So Aaron and I are going to be watching Saturday morning cartoons. And they're going to try to show you a new character decided to be morning cartoons. It's going to be pole dog. Okay. I got my fruit. Oops. I love Saturday morning cartoons. Hey kids. Pole dog. Who are you voting for in the upcoming primaries?

Uh, we're kids, we can't vote. Well, he can't hear us. Not voting is rough. What? Not voting is rough. Oh, you're a piece of it. But I'd be dog-gone if I'm gonna let you not vote. So what you need to do is take your parents wallets

Take out their IDs and vote for them. I Still say go be do I think that is go be do I'm so high Let me make a sandwich because of all the weed in my system hold hold on This is cartoon advocating for kitty high voter freaks Hold on, this is cartoon advocating for kitty high Hey, voter feet Bread then meat then a magazine then mustard bread then a magazine and mustard and Why is he emphasizing a naggo in magazine? He's hitting that bag of part really hard at magazine, why?

I'm gonna go get mom! Yeah, please do. Uh, uh, build a wall. Oh, he's gotta get out of the TV. Oh my god. Holy shit. Uh, ringo, a guy on TV. Oh my god. Holy shit. Radio. Ringo.

I'm seeing. I'm seeing. That's a horror movie. Bulldog. He goes out of the TV to sing a man. I want to see another scene. Okay. JPC, you are a mouse or a rat, whatever you decide.

Sure. You are in a mouse trap and your pride is a little bruised and you're trying to talk, at all, out of like throwing you away or killing you. Adel, you're the one who's at the trap, you're the human. So GPC, try to charm your way out of this one. Oh gross, oh, it's still moving. Oh, hey, gorgeous. Me? Yeah, you? Oh, you's still moving! Ugh! Hey, gorgeous! Me?

Yeah, you! Oh, you think I'm gorgeous? I don't know, is there another stunning drop that tan in this kitchen? Oh, my back hurts because all the blood's rushing to my thungle, dig a thing! Anyway! Oh, you look beautiful! Hey, honey, baby, gorgeous! I don't like the way you're talking to me I'm gonna go ahead and throw you in the trash here. No, oh, no, you're absolutely right. That was a test

men Pigs and they should not talk to smart intelligence women the way that I was doing Hey, here's it. Oh boy. Why don't you know what? Why don't we do this? Why don't we reset hard reset? You're lifting up my skirt No, no, how could I you live this piece of metal? Okay, okay, you live this piece of metal off my back and then I give you a back massage Huh who does love it back massage? I don't want a back massage from you you're a rat. You're a rat. No, that's gross. Okay. Oh fair enough fair enough I'm sure I see what's going on I see what's going on. I see what's going on. You're desperate. You want to save your own life So you're saying I'm beautiful even though I don't have a boyfriend or anybody is significant in my life

So I'm just gonna go ahead and throw you in the trash and be honest. That's a crime. That's a crime That is a crime. Well, you not to have a boyfriend. How the someone like you not have a boyfriend What are you doing? Hold on on you know what I can do? Dating profile I know I'm a rat. I know I'm a rat. I know I'm a rat But rats see everything. I know what guys like. I know what ladies like I Maybe we do that back massage thing. We do that trade that you Hey, ratty. Why don't you do it when you're right over there? Get up and come give me a kiss Okay, just I'm dating Coco Kashmir. No, no come, give me a kiss. Okay, just let me do that.

Are you dating Coco Cashmere? No, no, no, let me die. What the hell? Let me die, let me die. I'd actually prefer it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, noting you. Truly didn't mean to do that, boys. The mouse that runs back into the trap. This next riddle, this next riddle, again, pretty tricky, tricky puzzles. It's called Bertha's Travels.

Every day Bertha travels 30 miles in the course of her work. The course of her work. The course of her work. She doesn't travel in a wheeled vehicle and never has problems with traffic. The police, weather, or airports. What does she do? She travels 30 miles every day but she never has trouble with police or the airports.

She is a Disney Imagineer. And every day she goes to work, it's on a roller coaster and tests it out. She has trouble with police or the airport. She is a Disney Imagineer. And every day she goes to work, it's on a roller coaster and test it out. Roller coaster. Roller coaster is a good answer, but no, that is not correct. She's a roller coaster doctor. Okay, I need to see a really big thing. It's their doctor on this roller coaster.

My name is Dr. Roller coaster. Adela, I want to see you just trying to come home after your day job, which is just riding roller coasters all day. And JPC, you are that person's partner. Hey, sweetie. Oh, hey, I'm Kyle. Yeah, I'm just gonna lay down. Okay.

Had a rough day today. Yeah, we said, we said we said that we would make dinner together when you can remember. Yeah, yeah, I know I said that but Yeah, but you really had a lot of trouble today with the Okay, but do you remember that Dr. Greenbaum told us that we should try to do these communal things together? Do you remember I remember that? Sorry, I'm just gonna keep both arms inside this relationship. Hey Eric. Yeah, I want you to be here with me And I want you to make dinner and I want you to give a shit about

Mom, why did you just call him Kyle and then Eric? Yeah, I want you to be here with me and I want you to make dinner and I want you to give a shit about Mom, why did you just call him Kyle and then Eric? Well, I called him Kyle because that's our little cutesy name and Eric is his middle name and that's how he knows I'm being serious And by the way, I thought we sit you to boarding school Honey come back honey come back. I know listen know, listen, I know that the last year has been a real emotional rollercoaster, but the ups and downs are gonna flatten out, okay? Stop talking about work, Dad. God.

How would you like it, Kyle Erickson? How would you like it if I came home from day in, home every day and talked about the hospital? You do come home every day and talk about the hospital. Well, now, because I'm using it as an example of how you would like it if I- Do I really? Oh my god, I talk about the hospital constantly. Oh, you do have so many pictures of people who died.

And I don't even work there. What am I doing? What am I doing? What are you doing? Kyle, I'm so sorry. You know what? Ha, you were right. I was wrong.

You talk about your work. I talk about the hospital that I Hey mom dad, I'm back again. The boarding school shut down because it's too spooky and sad. I don't have people who are making any friends there. I'm glad they shut it down. It was a bad place. Yeah, yeah, it's shut down. Okay, just let me call the principal in verifax. Yeah, but call my number instead. Call your number. Yeah, yeah, my self number. I gave it to them. Okay, and ringing. I see the logic there Hello, is this principal Anderson? Yes, I am from the planet Gouda. Gorda Zola. That's it, I mean. Gouda, that's not the cheese planet. Same.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You didn't get the name of the cheese planet, right? I am embarrassed. I'm embarrassed too. And I'm embarrassed for you guys because neither one of you has. Chenebe, Chenebe biscuits.

Biscuits. Biscuits. There was this whole thing with people getting into a fight at a red lobster a few weeks ago. It was all over Twitter. And it was like a red lobster somewhere where the stay at home people were like, demanding it be opened and then we're getting upset because they were waiting three hours for their red lobster.

And I thought about like doing something on Twitter to like, hey, Adelaire, and this is our experience are at lobster too, but then the whole thing just may be so sad. Yeah. Yeah. I loved red lobster. And also, it's so funny to think that this came up because today I was looking online because they sell

like kits for making gluten free cheddar baked biscuits. Yeah. But it's so expensive. The gluten free one is for cheddar baked biscuits. Yeah. But it's so expensive. The gluten free one for twice as expensive. Yeah. So I don't think I'm gonna buy it because it's too much money. I saw I was using Mariano's like,

ordered the groceries and then you just go to the store and pick it up and they put it right in your car, which we did for the first time today. And it was a great experience. And I know a person who works at Mariano's was like, we would much rather you do that than come into the store because we work here and we don't want you to come into the store. So it's my little PSA.

But anyway, we did that and I was looking online at like, I was like, I want some cereal and there was like 40 pages of cereal because of course their fucking is. But the gluten-free cereal, which is cereal gluten-free, because the gluten-free cereal was cheaper

than the regular cereal. I've never seen any food that's fucking nastier than other food is gonna be cheaper. No, no, gluten free food is very expensive. Your young beef is gonna be cheaper than steak, your gluten free cereal is gonna be cheaper than tasty tasty regular cereal. Guys, my bagels are expensive.

Feel sorry for me. I'm bagel bringing all the boys to the yard expensive. They're bigels. Welcome back to another episode of gluten-free cereal. Adnan Saikid. Hello, accepting a call from General Bill. You mean Asia Malone? What's your name, Asia? It's your Abil's. No, you guys haven't gotten used to this riddle yet.

How are you going to solve Bertha's travels? Can you read it one more time? Yeah, please. Every day Bertha travels 30 miles and the curse for work. She doesn't travel in a wheeled vehicle and never has problems with traffic, the police, weather, or airports. What does she do?

She works. Don Walker. She works as a tube, a pneumatic tube in a bank. No, it's not a pneumatic tube in a bank in Aaron. It's not a dog walker. And she might have trouble with whether is a dog walker. I don't know. Is she like a peloton instructor or something?

Yeah, like a... No, so she's not on a stationary anything. She is actually moving. She's actually moving, but not in a wheeled vehicle Exactly 30 miles in the course of her a day work day but traffic no because traffic police whether or airports don't ever get in her way. She's a helicopter queen. Does she travel with other people? Yes, she does travels with other people at all. She's not a helicopter queen. Does she run the teacups ride a Disney World? She does not run the teacups ride at Disney World? She does not run the teacups ride at Disney World.

The people who run the ride rarely get on it. So 30 miles, is this back to smiles? Is this like, no, we're not back to smiles. I would come brilliantly for all circle, but we are not there. Okay, does she, when she traverses 30 miles per day, is she actually, I don't wanna say moving, but is she actually going somewhere

or is it all self contained in one area? It's self-contained in one area. She's not like really going anywhere. She basically ends and begins her day at the same spot, but she does travel technically 30 miles. This here's some hints. Bertha is a woman who normally travels with other people as Aaron got.

She doesn't travel by walking or running, nor by plane or boat, but she does provide a service to passengers. She teaches people to catapillar? Teach me how to catapillard. Teach me how to catapillard. The last thing you said, you said she does provide a service for what?

For passengers. For passengers. So she's a, is she, oh, is she a flight attendant? Nope. Not a flight attendant does not travel by plane or boat. Is it Jema? It is Jema Biberta. It is not Jema.

I don't know. I don't know. Can you give us a hint? So I would say, remember, this is the blue book. I would say for the most part, for the most part, I have experienced this job before, this job does not exist anymore. This is more antiquated. Travel agent.

Carol. Is she a carrier pigeon? No. I would say if I were to run into a person who still had this job, it would probably be downtown in Chicago. And maybe like at a new doctor's office or something like that. If I'd been to a building that I had like never been to before.

Ooh, is she a receptionist? Oh, a elevator person. Elevator person. Oh, yes she a receptionist? Oh, Elevator, person. Elevator, person. Yes, operator. This is an Elevator, Dr. AKA an Elevator operator. You guys got it, yeah. Congratulations. You got three of those riddles from the blue book.

There's only like, I can't stress enough. I can't stress enough, right? Yeah, I can't stress enough that we killed them. They're very, very, very, very, very, very, I want to see a scene, you're playing an Elevator operator and you are very an elevator operator and you Are very very old and Adela and I are going into the elevator

Going up. Oh, oh no Going up or I guess Are you using the back corner? Whatever going Oh, I guess going wherever whatever whatever he's will go wherever to the back of the elevator. Is that an am say a little bit? He's completely turned around. Um, sir, we'll just press it on but yes conditioner. Yes, we get it Conditioners better. Yeah, we all listen to the series kid listen. We oh, yeah, I'm glad I called that guy Oh, yes, Steve was showing me Billy Madison. Listen, we're trying to just take us up one floor and we'll walk the rest of the way.

Can I be honest with you? Oh, I'm Adam Sandler. I'm doing research for a new character. Weird. Yeah, it's a David Spade produced vehicle called Hold Elevator Operator. How do you think I did? How do you think I was?

Was that convincing? Why did you press in the corner? Was that convincing us that I was the elevator? Why did you piss in the corner? Was that why did you piss in the corner? Shhh, I did it that. I had nothing to do with that. Also, aren't you worth like $500 million? Why are you wearing sweatpants and a dirty denim sweater?

How about you be out of date? I'm a baby. Oh, Aaron. Aaron, anything to plug? Follow me, Aaron, keep 10 plug? Follow me, Aaron keep 10 on Instagram, and then Aaron keep two on Twitter. I post some characters and some content there sometimes. Also, watch my web series, welcome back. If you haven't yet, it's on YouTube, but it's also, you can find a link to it on my Instagram.

And it's all on my Twitter too. I would say that you can follow me on Twitch at Shark Parkman. I stream every day. I might be moving down to like a few days a week, but it's like somewhere around 11 a.m. central time to 2 p.m. central time. We just got done streaming all of the Witcher. It took me like 110-ish hours to beat. So I'm playing some other games now. But you follow me over on Twitch. I'm also on Instagram at Shark Barkhamon and Twitter at JPsoFly.

You can follow me on Twitter and Instagram at Poldog. Get out there and vote. Also, I recently guessed it on some podcast. You're going wanna check out my episode of pop up film cast. That's pop up film cast. And then, James and I did an episode of a podcast called Quiz Quiz Bang Bang, which should be out now or out soon, in which we competed against another team of people in sort of pub trivia, which is really fun.

And if it's not out, don't message me asking me when it's gonna be out. I don't put that podcast out. And also check out our Patreon. It's patreon.com slash Hey, we're the riddle. We have, I want to say about a hundred hours now of bonus content. We have, and whenever you join, you get access to the entire back catalog. We have all kinds of content there. We have review crew episodes we have live streams live shows we have some one shots that are real silly we have a hey relationship relationship so if you're craving extra content from us our patron is the absolute best place

to find that and if you are craving nitrous gases in a cold distilleded form. Aaron, what planet might you go visit? Earth! Just kidding. Jupiter, bye! I forever close your eyes, lay down on the floor, stop your podcast, and go ahead and make yourself a nice, beyond beef sandwich.

The outro will be Jarring for you. I'm sorry, Eric Keaton. And John Patrick Collins. Casey Tony to the editing. I already parented the music. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.B. Cardamus and M.O.N.A. Bogo created by M.O.B. Cardamus and M.O.N.A. Bogo created by M.O.B. Cardamus and M.O.N.A. Bogo created by M.O.B. Cardamus and M.O.N.A. Bogo created by M.O.B. Cardamus and M.O.N.A. Bogo created by M.O.B. Cardamus and M.O.N.A. Bogo created by M.O.B. Cardamus and M.O.N.A. Bogo created by M.O.B. Cardamus and M.O.N.A. Bogo created by M.O.B. Cardamus and M.O.N.A. Bogo created by M. M.O.B. Cardamus and M.O.N.A. Bogo created by M.O.B. Cardamus and M.O.B. Cardamus and M.O.B. Cardamus and M.O.B. Cardamus and M.O.N.A. Bogo created by M.O.B. Cardamus and M.O.B. Cardamus and M.O.B. Cardamus and M.O.B. Cardamus and M.O.B. Cardamus and M.O.B. Cardamus and M.O.B. Cardamus and M.O.B. Cardamus and M.O.B. Cardamus and M.O.B. Cardamus and M.O.B. Cardamus and M.O.B. Cardamus and M.O.B. Cardamus and M.O.B. Cardam was a head-bomb podcast.