Hey Riddle Riddle - #99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall

Episode Date: June 10, 2020

99 episodes? That means we are one step closer to our dream of 80,000 episodes. This week, Adal, Erin, and JPC talk about being in each other’s dreams in a totally not weird way. There is also a judge on a date, a tour of a chocolate factory, and the best/worse Thanksgiving Day parade commentators of all time! Will we make it to 100 episodes? Will we say I love you back? Listen to find out!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a head gum podcast. That one worked for me! Right, it's one! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, We've done 99 episodes of riddles you take one down you pass it around 98 episodes of riddles on the wall 98 episodes of riddle on the wall 98 episodes of riddles Three are good the rest are bad 97 riddles ripples up a da ba da ba da ba. How is it 99 riddles and puzzles that we've done so far Riddles and puzzles that we've done so far Most are bad you can pretty much lose the first 40 I say we're little I'm at all 99 or 5 I'm JP 69 see And I'm Aaron 99 problems but I really want to keep 99 episodes and we're almost to we're almost to a hundred. This is wild. That 99 problems by the way has one of my favorite lines in a song

which is a lot of some motorbike but wouldn't bust a grape at a fruit fight. Oh, I love that line. Is that a, that's, that's the time I'm about to be here? That's the time I'm about to be here. Yeah, tonight, and if I was a beer, it's in the middle when like Jay-Z does a verse and it's just about a guy who like runs his mouth

as he's drinking the beer. I 100% thought you were doing a bit where I thought you're gonna go, yeah, that song has one of my favorite lyrics of all time which is, and I have a tattoo of it, one of my favorite lyrics of all time is 57 bottles of and I have a tattoo of it, one of my favorite lyrics of all time is 57 bottles of beer on the wall. Just really hits home for me.

Because my dad would die when he was 57 and it just like, it every time that comes in it slaps. Who is that? That's even perhaps. My dad's still alive. We're in our penultimate episode. No, wait. Not what that means. Well, what I mean is that. So many people think that we're in our penultimate episode. No, wait. Not what that means.

Well, what I mean is that. So many people are thinking about our series finale. I think every episode we lose thousands of listeners because they think we're being serious about it being our last episode. That's a series wrap on Aaron Keefe. Aaron Keefe, everybody. I hate it all, y'all.

I'm out. I don't know, I didn't hate anyone. So I believe in anyone. I enjoyed a share. I enjoyed a share before we get into it. Any joy? Well, should the three of us sing Imagine? Would that be cool?

Yes. God. So here's the thing about this. This whole lockdown was so long ago now that I had completely forgot about gal Gadot's imagine. And I was like, I remembered that earlier today I remembered that that happened or someone reminded me that that happened I think.

And I was like, holy shit, that was this year. Like that happened so, like just a few weeks ago, nearly a few weeks ago. It's why I also think that John Lennon died in January. Oh yeah. Yeah, not weird. Yeah, it seems like so long ago and it was just January. Any joy to share though, any bright spots?

Yeah, I can start. Do you, do, I guess this is a bright spot. This week, so as everyone knows, I like to keep up my steps, I've been trying to keep up my steps during lockdown. I have a treadmill in my apartment, and I play video games on my treadmill. I'm not sure if I've talked about this

on the show, I'm assuming that I have. But it's a good way to just get steps in and feel like feel active. So I have, every day since I think since March 1st, I have done 15,000 steps a day, but I guess I was like earlier in the week, I was like, I wanna set my all time in a day step record. So I looked at what it was,

and it was 40, like Fitbit gives you badges for how many steps you get, and it was like 45,000 steps. And I got it in like June of 2018 or something. It was like, you know, I was outside I was walking a lot because it was the summer. And I was like 45,000 steps, that's what I'm gonna be. I'm gonna do 50,000 steps.

And I set aside a whole like date, like do it to accomplish it. And I walked for like eight hours. And I took spaghetti at a munch. And then I went on like a run. And that was a big mistake because I should have only walked because it hurt so much more to just run a little bit of it But I did 60,000 so I beat my old record by 15,000

Which is like 28 miles And I felt pretty good and then like I took a bath I took some of my pro-fun I drank a shit ton of water and then like the next day I was in the car for like three and a half hours and as soon as I got out of the car And I felt great as soon as I got out of the car I was like oh my whole body But whole body's falling apart and everything hurts But I was pretty proud of that because it was it was like something that had been meaning to do for a while And just set aside some time and I did it and it made me feel great

I think the next step from here James is for you to do the proclaimers workout Which is a walk 500 miles. And then after you're done, take a quick rest, walk 500 more, just to be the man who walked a thousand miles. And if I wait up, you know, I'm going to be, I'm going to be the man who come to you. That'll break. Oh, sorry. No, I was just going to say that that per claim? Um, that'll break spots. Oh, sorry.

No, I'll break spots. Go ahead. Oh, I was just gonna say that that per claim or song. There's an episode of how I met your mother where like that song is stuck in Ted or Marshalls or someone's like player and they play it on a card trip for like 14 hours. I did that on a trip from Indianapolis to Washington, DC. On the whole way back, we only listened to that song.

And I thought everyone in the car, as we were agreeing to do that, was like my brother, my friend Mikey, my friend, Frank, I think from high school. I think it was the four of us. I thought everyone was aware of that episode of how I met your mother, but they weren't. And it was truly wild to do. Like, it's a 14 hour drive.

We, and we only listen to that song. My God. And it's true. Like, it's true what they say in the episode, how like you go through peaks and valleys of like people are into it, everybody's singing. And I remember driving into Indianapolis when we could see the skyline,

we were just belting at that song as loud as we could. And it had been 14 hours of listening to that just nonsense that we only listened to that song. It was a maddening experience. How did you manage that? And also, when you say, when you say any Netflix skyline, you mean that there's a rooster standing on top of one of the ranch homes?

I'm sorry, we had just gotten a skyline chile in it. Netflix was the very first one. But it was. There's a rooster standing on top of a man. He's wearing the rooster as a hat. I think it will, I think it just should tell you a lot about who I am and about what I'm capable of. Hahaha.

Did Mikey like it? He liked it. Mikey liked it. Thank you, Adel. Aaron, my bright spot is yesterday was my birthday. And it was just fun to have. I mean, I feel like every person I know texted me to say, happy birthday.

I hope you're having a good one. All things considered. And I was like, yeah, things are real bad, but also, you know, we all know that. And, but yeah, Gemma and I, we watch RuPaul's Drag Race All Star season two, which is phenomenal. We got some sushi. I had some, I ordered my favorite pie from Milk Bar in New York.

And yeah, we had a good time. So that was a bright spot to just have a little fun birthday. That's awesome. Okay, Adel, I would just like to say, for the record, my birthday text to you says, happy birthday. I hope you have a great day when you wake up in five hours. And he sent me that like 10 a.m. Did you get a minute 4 p.m.?

I said that at 10 a.m. And he texted me back at 1.12 p.m. Thank you brother jokes on you. I woke up 3.5 hours later. I almost wrote in my text to you. I was like, all things I was like, best birthday that you can, everything that, but I didn't because I was like,

nobody wants to hear that other birthday. It is weird where I'm like, well, it goes without saying. Like you don't have to go through that, you know, it goes with that saying. Also, since you read your text to me. I do want to read errands Airns is hybrid the adult's been such an awesome adventure to have you in my life I hope you have the best day ever and I replied back at 114 p.m. Fuck you He said lose my number and I said okay

Okay, dokey death. That's what I say. That's what I say to my dry cleaner. Lose my number. You're like, you're like, somebody else in shirts. Yeah. I have a coat, I have my eye on back there. Look at that coat, that's an eye coat. Okay. Aaron, tell us about your bright spots.

Not a lot. I will say I got to watch my friend, Erica and Charlie marry each other over Zoom this past Saturday. Charlie is a fan of a show. Oh wow. Of us show probably more than one show. He's a fan of this show. He's been to some live shows. He talked to JPC in the street once. I think if you remember him, JPC. That's at a taco place. Yes. How do you know? Oh nice. Uh, uh, college. And they were just friends in college, and then they fell in love,

and they're two of the nicest people ever. And it really did feel like, uh, you know, in like every young adult novel about the, like, that's a dystopian future. And one of them sick and can't leave the house or something? Yeah, or just like, like, Hunger Games type thing, there's always a wedding of the two best people

getting married. And I was like, this is what it feels like. It feels like it's the end of the world, and the two, it's like, like Hunger Games type thing, there's always a wedding of the two best people getting married. And I was like, this is what it feels like. It feels like it's the end of the world and the two, it's like Finic and Annie or like Bill and Flur. You really just got, get to witness the most beautiful people getting married. So that was really cool to see a wedding over Zoom. And so he was bitten by a werewolf? Yeah, I don't know. I should probably text him.

If it's a, if it's a Bill and Flur, then he was in my world. Ah, yes. Ah, yes. Ah, yes If it's a bill in the floor, then he would do my world. Ah, yes, yes. Yes, now I'm remembering the Harry Potter. Aaron, I forgot one of my bright spots. I forgot one of my other bright spots, which is this is episode 99, and our old man, Puzzles, is Spooky Sleepy Witch, Aaron Keefe.

Ooh, too tired, too tired to even do the bit. All right, so we're gonna do a one warm-up riddle. Okay. Okay. And it's from a listener. Hold on, I gotta get warmed up by self then. The list is gonna be about 60,000 steps. All right, this is from Alice.

And Alice has submitted a bunch of riddles, and I'm just gonna use one today. I'm gonna save the rest for later, Alice. Are you ready? Ready. I'm ready. to use one today. I'm going to save the rest for later, Alice. Are you ready? Ready. I'm ready. Alice, are you ready? Yes.

Oh, what a voice. Invisible, a line. I can change over time. And if we meet, I will just greet you with a simple sign. Is it invisible? I'm sorry, Aaron, you are reading the copy for our in Vizeline ad. In Vizeline, for when braces are just too much.

Oh, you guys, I went to the dentist today to get refitted for my mouth guard or to get my new mouth guard. It didn't fit, I had to get refitted and I threw up on the lady again who fit it for me. That's the sweet one. That's the second time that's happened. Did she remember you? No, they had, you know what's really embarrassing is I originally had the girl I originally

threw up on. And then when she really she didn't fit, she sent another woman in there. And I was like, you know what's about to happen. I do want to see a quick commercial James and Aaron, you are spokespeople for in Visaline. Their new motto is in Visaline. They're like ghost braces and you have to try and create a commercial around that catch for us. Got it. What was it, drafty in this old house? It feels awfully cold in this old house.

Yeah, I feel like it's like the temperature just dropped like 15 degrees. Something just touched my arm. Me too. Holy shit. Shelley, something just touched my fucking arm. What's going on? I have feelings for you and normally I would kiss you, but my teeth. My teeth are not in line.

What's wrong with your fucking teeth? You're fucking whore. Good, good, good, good, more, more, yes. More, maybe. Yeah, okay. Your date, what's your damn ass problem? You shit bird. Good, good, good.

What is happening in your house where this is the first? I don't know, I just bought this house from my dead grandpa. I guess I inherited it. Yeah, I did the same. Your don't know. I just bought this house from my dead grandpa. I guess I inherited it. Yeah, I did the same. Your dead grandpa is a piece of... He said, he said, he said, he's a doer bird. He's a whore.

Say, he's a whore. It's only, we would have gotten to the invisible eye. We promised. Okay. We like to, we're trying to make our scenes go a little longer everyone because we really want to get into the meat of what improv is all about. Invisible align, I can change over time.

And if we meet, I will just greet you with a simple sign. Is this like a longitude latitude or like a state line? Like any time you cross a state and it's like pure Michigan? Does it have to do with... It's actually pretty close. Driving on a road, like a horizon? No, the state line thing is... This begs the question, James,

do you think you can drive on a horizon? A vertical horizon. Does anyone remember their song? It would be the perfect time to sing it. Okay, hold on. Uh, everything I'm winning, and I'm still with it. Nope, nope. Okay, okay I'm winning and I'm still with it. Nope, nope. Okay, okay, give me another try.

Um, hammering my hand in my hand again. Uh, oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Purple rice in. Oh, god damn it. Purple rice in is the movie with Dennis Quaid at Set in Space. Uh, more of this for, okay, all right? That is not, yeah. That's a, that's a vent horizon.

Vertical horizon. I saw them in concert. I them with third. I blind and Goo Goo dolls. Let's see vertical horizon Vertical horizon Aaron is this the is this the appropriate time. Yeah, definitely. It's it's a He is everything Would you like a hint? Yes, please He is everything. He is everything inside of me. I thought you guys got it. Would you like a hint? Yes, please.

Yes, please. It's also a name of a bookstore that no longer exists. No, it's a thing is a bookstore. Walden Books. It's a border a border That's what I was kind of saying with the state line, but I I needed you to get I needed you say the word that's why I said you were close All right, that's the that's the riddle from Alice

Yeah, Alice. Thank you. We're ready for another riddle. Wait. Can I just you Alice more than you'll ever know? Can I just say something that I feel kind of shitty saying this but I feel like you know I saw something about Donating to doctors without borders and I feel like it's fine if you donate but also none of us have borders Like I guess they have an online presence, but just go to a different bookstore. I don't know. I don't see what the big deal is That's the message that you want to say That's the message that you want to say. Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! I donated, I just donated, actually, I just, I don't mean to brag, I don't mean to just flop my wallet on the table. I just donated $500 to doctors without KB Toys. I, I'm sorry, I'm a hero. And I donated to nurses.

Doctors without toys are us. I donated to nurses without badges. Um, it sucks it. Is TCBY still around? Nevermind. Doctors without toys are us. I donated to nurses without badges. It sucks. Is TCBY still around? Never mind. Oh, the country's best yogurt. Oh, you better believe it. Oh, yeah.

The country's best is still to come. TCBY. With painstaking attention to detail, Candy writes down all the lured juicy specifics of a crime. She is not a police officer, but she wears a uniform. Candy follows every word spoken with great interest, but she isn't involved with anyone in the trial and has no vested interest in the outcome.

She's a nosy foe. Why does Candy follow the crime and what does she do for a living? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Nozifuck, professional, nozifuck. Why does Candy follow the crime sounds like a pop song? But is Candy follow the crime? And she thinks I'm thinking of someone who sings it and say it on three, one, two, three, rob it. Event horizon. Ready, spheres.

And it's zero, Dodd. So Candy writes down all the juicy deeds, all the Lydia deets, and she's not, she's not like a court, is she a court sketch artist or something? Not quite. Is she a stenographer? Not quite. Hmm. Can you read the last part of it again? She is a true crime podcast host.

I'm just kidding. You're really just keep guessing where you were guessing. Keep guessing guesses. She's a lawyer. Keep guessing guesses. Oh, she's on the jury. What? They'll tell you're right.

She's a lady. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. She's a lady. She's a novel. She's a novelist, Baylor. No. Talk to her about the judge. She's a judge. Yes, she's a judge with a novel. She's a novelist bailiff. No. About the judge. She's a judge.

Yes. She's a judge with a woman. The last clue for this, and I don't know who wouldn't get it after this. She's sitting on a bench and she is wearing a robe. Jesus. That's not what I'm hung over. That hint. Wear your robe to the park. Sit on a bench, feed the ducks.

That hint is a giant fuck you. Sad wizard. over that hit where you're robed to the park sit on a bench feed the ducks that hint is a giant fuck you sad wizard I do want to see a scene uh japes and Aaron you're on a first date Aaron you are a lady judge of course that's the term they prefer to be called sure you're a lady judge and you're holding court, at all. Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, and Howard. JVC Daniel, whore in this episode, we're saying Judgett. We are digging a hole. This is honestly good, because you said Judgett,

I do have to bring this up. This is, there's no God, but I sort of know God that this is real. I had a dream three nights ago. JVC came over to my house and as soon as he opened the door, he opened the door, I didn't let him in. He opened the door and went, that, that, that, that, that, that,

start spreading your legs. I don't know why I dreamt that, but dream JPC did sing that. Oh my God. You guys, you know what I just realized? I don't think I've ever dreamt about either of you. I'm not even kidding. I feel like, I feel like 10 years from now,

people are gonna be like, the only thing still remember about me is, like, didn't you call Aaron a horror bunch and like fuck Adelaide, like burst into the park but it's like a battle, I'll be like, no, that was a scene in a dream. I was like, JP Dreams. JP, I'm out of context.

You know what they say? The things you say in scenes are the things you think you'd realize. Happened to your dreams. If JP Dreams kills you in your dreams, you die in real life. Soened to your dreams. If JP dreams kills you in your dreams, you die in real life. So we take you to a restaurant where Aaron as the judge at is holding court at this state.

Order, order. I would like to order a side of garlic bread, please. And very good. Very good. Over rules. Oh, I mean, I'm sorry, I have over roles. I'm over these roles. Can you get them away from here?

Yes, I'll take them away and sir do you mind putting your hand on this menu? I guess not no, okay, and can you repeat after me? I saw only swear I saw only swear that I'm up to no good And up to no good very good sir. What will you have? I will I'll have the Caesar salad. Oh History fan. All right? I'll be right back. Okay, I don't, it's just salad fan. This is great, I've never been to, I've never been to this restaurant.

Can you start by saying, your honor, I've never been to this restaurant, sorry. Oh, no, I guess it's because you're a judge, right? Yeah, also I'm feeling like a tiny bit uncomfortable just to get me like to ease me into this. Can you just do like an old-timey Southern lawyer voice just so I feel like the word home? Oh, yeah You're on. This is a nice restaurant. Great and not to be too forward, but like if we ever hook up, that is the voice I would like you to use.

And not to be too forward, but like if we ever hook up that is the voice I would like you to use Hey, I can I just pause and just back up real quick I'm so down and willing to do all this like we're gonna have sex, all right? Yeah, we're gonna have a cool. This just seems like a super title work Frontloaded work to do if it's gonna No, I just like I'm into this like I we this is your kink and I'm ready to make it happen I just like just to touch the table. I Just I want to make sure that I ladies a gentleman of the jury this man does not want to do any work or emotionally Now now in order to have sex with me as a board of order as a board of order

I was willing to do the requisite of battle regular date work Have small talk of conversation, but what you what you said to me that I see I'll see I'll see what you say I don't you nothing sir to jail you go Sorry, I'm just sitting at the next table, but we have found your date guilty of portraying fall corn leghorn Oh, I'm sorry that I don't have a repertoire. I'll have what you're having. Same. We're almost 100 episodes in and we still can't do scenes.

You guys, I have been going back in preparation of our hundreds episode. I've been going back and listening to some of our old episodes. We used to do scenes. Yeah. I don't know when we old episodes. We used to do scenes. I don't know when we stopped like doing scenes. We all just got two inpatient. Yeah.

So this next one, I read it out loud to Sean and he really suggested I do this on the show because he thinks it's going to make the two of you very angry. Oh, okay. Ready? Yes. Ready. Two Fugley podcast hosts are killed in their beds. One fish, two fish, ugly, adult, ugly, JPC. Aw.

No, no, I'm kidding. I'm angry. Happy birthday. Oh. Ah. Fuck you. Um, Josh loves mysticism. Fun and adventure.

So sorry. Unfortunately. So sorry, Aaron. What was that? Josh loves mysticism fun and adventure. So, sorry. Unfortunately. So, sorry, Aaron, what was that? Josh loves what? Mysticism. Mysticism. Okay, I thought it, okay.

It's what I say when I sneeze. But, Josh loves mysticism. Or does Nebraska, Oklahoma, mysticism, Kansas? Where's mysticism? It's like Arkansas, that's like a hovers about it hovers about Florida one two three four five six eight I'm sorry. I missed a simple Okay, okay, I'm glad that you're having fun before I break your heart Josh loves bread, Peyton Morgan Freeman I never saw this

You like seven more I can't okay, okay fine okay Josh loves Okay shut up shut up. I'm okay shut up Josh loves mysticism mysticism fun and adventure Unfortunately, he wakes up one morning feeling heavy and notices his clothes no longer fit Unable to figure out what's going on he goes downstairs to greet his mother who takes one look at him and screams Dismade Josh immediately leaves home with no plan to return. After several weeks of trying to adjust to a new lifestyle,

Josh returns home and everything becomes normal again. Josh? Why does Josh's mother scream? And where does he go when he runs away? Josh ate one of those pieces of gum from Willy Wonka. He had to go to the juicing room. He comes back. He's normal.

Everything's fine. Umpa, lumpa, dupati, everything's fine. Ooh, ba, no, ba, doopety, doop. I gotta say a scene. Okay, before we get into it, Adel, you are JPC's chaperone, he got a golden ticket and you are going through the chocolate factory and you two have gotten separated from everyone else and about to hit whatever problem you're going to hit.

Thank you so much for bringing me along. You know me, Grandpa, Grandpa Frank, I haven't been out of bed in 27 years. Okay, it's, they didn't look at me dance, dude, they did, they did, like 23, this is how we used to dance in 1989. Stop it, bro. You get to give us a way. You got to tone it down, okay? Okay, you're $20. I said, for it to be my grandpa, Frank, you're just your bed ridden man. You got to tone it way down. Everybody suspects that you're an actor.

Can I tell you something? I'm not going to, I'll keep your secret. I'll keep your secret. I saw your golden ticket and it's just a parking ticket Color yellow That's that to do it. It got us in the door. Please, okay I want to win this chocolate factory you have you I promise you have to you have to tone it down Look we're in this room with all these soda bottles, okay? Yeah, let's have some fun. Let's drink some soda I get it. We have to burp. We have to burp God, right. I promise you that's no stop

I promise you that's not what it is we have to shoot our pants So I've resolved into the room We are here I am here His grab first and then twist Okay, okay, I know how to get out of this we have to be do Taking the man who has kept us in here is it's your stuck year we're gonna Should have planned out this right I'm not even it's in I don't think I don't think they were planning on it die Seen if they knew he was gonna die they would have come up with a ride

Best day ever. This is a best fucking day ever. I love the idea. I love the idea of the oopaloo was being like oopa dupa dupati Do Oh What else The There's a table and, uh, she's lounge to. What, do, do, do, do, do a fake. Now it's real. Okay. Why does Josh's mother scream? And where does he go when he runs away? Aaron, is this maybe a bit of Kafka as it were? The Metamorphoses? I read a book when I was in high school.

Friends Kafka? I read a book when I was in high school. No further questions. It's also I think it's a short story. I've read Highlights magazine. He does he transform into big freaky bug, Kafka. Any hides in this room and he dies his bug, Kafka. Aaron Beonis's Josh Cockroach is Josh Cockroach.

No. Does he go through a metamorphosis as it were? I guess you could call it that. Does he just through a metamorphosis as it were? You, I guess you could call it that. Does he just put on some weight? Is he depressed? No. Is that his clothes got heavy?

Wait, what was that? It was felt heavier. Oh, is it possible that he's, what is it possible Aaron that he's not heavy? He's my brother. He's my brother. Oh. He has nothing to do with depression. Oopah, loompa take a load off Annie. That's a fun game. Aaron can you reread that whole riddle?

Do you want me to reread it or do you want some clues? I rere here again. Josh loves Mr. Seism. Fun and adventure. Unfortunately, he wakes up one morning feeling heavy and notices his clothes no longer fit. Unable to figure out what's going on, he goes downstairs to greet his mother, who takes out two takes one look at him and scribes. Just made, Josh immediately leaves the house with no plans to return. After several weeks of trying to adjust to a new lifestyle, Josh returns home and everything becomes normal again. Josh is an anomegas. He's it's

mysticism so he did something with you. Josh is at the bottom seem to have shrunk and now only go down to his knees. Oh, Bonner. Josh doesn't recognize his own face when he looks in the mirror. Josh vaguely remembers making a wish at a carnival the day before the incident. What the fuck is First runner. Josh Bagley remembers making a wish at a carnival the day before the incident. What the fuck is this, really? Josh is so love. Josh is okay. He was big.

Did he wish to be big? Josh is Tom Hanks and big. The boy is Josh from the movie big. Josh's mother screamed because he turned into a 30 year old man. Tom Hanks, don't mind if I do. He ran away to New York City. This is in a book and the answer is big. I want to see a City. That he is, this is in a book and it is, the answer is big. I wanna see a scene.

Aaron, you are a, he's probably like 10 or 12, you're a 12 year old young lady, you go to a local carnival, and I don't know, fucking Jersey, and you see a Zoltar machine, James, your Zoltar, and we see you make a wish. I'm gonna put my quarters in here. Insert your quarter. Quarter?

Do you say quarter? Insert your quarter. What's a quarter? I'm gonna try my quarters. No, I need a quarter. It's a small coffee. You wanna go get you a coffee? Yes, okay, I need it small what it's like in donuts, okay? No, don't get donuts doesn't have espresso

I need a cord. I think they do Jeff they have a cord. Oh Jeff not gonna have your scare in this girl Hey Jeff, they have a corto. Jeff, not gonna have your scare in this girl. Hey, Jack, I don't come to you where you work and do the ring toss. I just want a shirt coffee. I want a corto. 20 minutes ago, you came in and grabbed my ring. You want a flat white?

A flat white. I don't know, it's like an Australian thing. Go to any coffee place in the world, ask for a corto. They'll know what the fuck it is. Well, that's in a coffee place. That's a chain. That's a breakfast chain. All right, fine, I'll go to Starbucks. There's no starbucks in this city I love I love giving a premise and then coming into your shit all over it Umpa lumpa time for break now we will We will

We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will

We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will We will I love giving a premise and then coming into this shit all over it Umpa, lumpa, time for a break Now this show gives me a headache It's a time to hear from our spawnsores We'll be back and we'll have some cold soars What do you get? I'm a break. Why did I rhyme? I've eaten too much cake.

Time to go to break right now. If you don't, you'll be a cow. What do you think of us going to break? Should we have done it way back when we said, Why would we keep doing this for so long? I Don't think people like this episode What do we do?

I'm just kidding. We're actually going to break we are shut up. Aaron Aaron shut up break. Okay, we're gonna break Come with me and we'll be in a 30 second break right now. It's just bad. Hey, GPC. Uh, yeah. You're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm, um, pranking at all not in trouble. I just need help. I'm, um, pranking at all.

And I'm setting up a website to prank him. Um, can I just need some advice? This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. I'm not, I'm not mad at you. We're pranking at all. Squarespace is the only one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and to see it online. Whether you're

just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience and sell anything for products that cut into time, all in one place, all on your terms. Hey, Otto, come here. Come here. Come here. Hey, what's going on? I actually, I want to prank GPC and I want to set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like, is there like an online store that could set up on my website to sell products? Did you know that with Squarespace,

you can have custom merch. You can easily sell custom merchant crepe has a income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand, design your products and production, and inventory and shipping are handled for you saving you time and money. What is happening? Okay. Wait, what's going on with that all?

Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing. No, he's gonna shoot you. And I'm gonna use analytics, use insights to grow my business, and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool. I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool. I'm going to improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords,

our popular products and content on my Prank website. The Prank site too. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what the website was for. No, the website was for. Prank.

With Squarespace. With Squarespace. With Squarespace. You can connect to your store to Vedent Dirt Party tools to extend the functionality of your website. Hey JPC, hey JPC. What's up, Vattle? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her.

Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh, she's back. She's back. Hey, Aaron. Aaron, can we go to grandma's house? Wait, I've been pranked. But how? I don't know. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, Adel and JPC, thank you for meeting me in the middle of the woods here.

I am sort of at an impasse. I can't decide whether or not to go this way or this way. I'm having a hard time choosing a path. You know, there never truly is a middle of the woods. Isn't it funny to think about something like that? Like, they're never truly as a middle of the woods. No, this is the middle. Okay, this is it. Addle, can you help? Yeah, actually. So, as per Robert Frost, I don't know if you know his poems. He has a poem called Better Help. I believe this is written in the 1800s, but it still

stands true today more than ever. Aaron, you should try Better Help. Have you heard of this? You've seen this? Mm-hmm. Because sometimes Aaron and life were faced with tough choices and the path forward isn't always clear whether you're dealing with decisions around career relationships, being stuck in the middle of the woods. Therapy helps you stay connected to what you owl owl. Sorry that also does so fast. Therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate life and the woods. And better help is entirely online, so it's designed to be convenient, flexible,

and suited to your schedule. I've been using it for several years, and it suits the way that my brain works, way better than traditional therapy ever did. And when Aaron says traditional therapy, just so everyone's clear, what she means is tricking two of her friends to coming to the middle of the woods,

even though there isn't truly the concept of the middle of the woods, even though there isn't truly the concept of the middle of the woods, isn't that fun to think about? All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a license therapist, and you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Hey, Aaron, GPC's putting down bread crumbs,

and then immediately picking them up and eating them. Dirty bread crumbs. Mm. And he's also like really into that owl who's swooping down. Anyways, let there be your map with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp. H-E-L-P.com slash riddle.

R-I-D-D-L-E. R-I-D-D-L-E, the middle of riddles of D, but there is no true middle of riddle because it would be the space in the Hope you get home. I am home. Who are we? I clink clink clink excuse me ladies and gentlemen. I just want to make a quick toast to I know it's JPC's birthday and we're all so excited

to talk about him, but I want to talk about my favorite, my favorite thing in the world. And that is the app Rocket Bunny. Oh, yeah, Aaron, that's one of my favorite things as well. Rocket Bunny is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helpscels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years

way before they were a sponsor and it helps me so much, especially around tax season. Kling, Kling, Kling, Kling, Kling, Kling. Sorry, I also wanna give a toast. Rocket Money, well quickly and easily find your subscriptions for you. And for any you don't wanna pay for anymore,

just hit cancel and Rocket Money will cancel it for you. It's that easy. Clint, Clint, Clint. It also categorizes your expenses so you can easily track your budget in real time and also get alerted if anything looks off over three million. Oh, Clint, Clint, Clint, over three million people have used rocket money, saving the average person up to $720 a year. We love rock.

Stop. Stop. Stop. No, click, click, click, stop. Throwing your money away, cancel unwirted subscriptions today and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rocket money dot com slash riddle. That's rocket money dot com slash riddle. Rocket money dot com slash riddle rockatmoney.com slash riddle

and tell them JPC's birthday got ruined by two of his friends for doing speeches about rocket money the website Click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, Charlie, Charlie! We're back from break! I'm the only one left, everyone else in the factory has been killed! All these other kids have been killed! Because you did it Charlie! You killed them all with your brains! What movie is this? This is a Tim Burton movie but I'm not sure which one. Oh this is a Tim Burton movie, but I'm not sure which one. Oh, this is a network. Okay All right more riddles more. Yes, please no and no more messing around. We're doing riddles. Oh Because it's the name of our show man was gonna do a goof on everybody Hey Aaron goops Aaron what?

Philips other podcast host let slate him, dick around. Oh yeah? Yeah? Well, Philip doesn't have as good a school lunches as you, so potato potato. Yeah, we eat mashed potatoes and they're bad. Yeah, well mashed potatoes are too hard to make. Just by potatoes, they're cheaper than potatoes.

No. I'm gonna keep matching these potatoes. Aaron, does this count as goofing around? Are we in trouble? You're in the biggest of trouble. Here's your riddle. Are you ready? Yes, I'm right there.

And thank you for your service. To the podcast. Bob is a government employee who spends his entire work day sitting down. His customers pay money and watch him sit. Bob ignores these customers while he looks outside through his office window. If Bob does his job correctly, the customers leave as soon as he's finished. He's a professional shitter. He sits on a stage and shits for money. Why do customers leave and what is Bob's job?

Bob works at a little thing that Adam Salem likes to call a tall boost, Willie. No. He doesn't work at a tall booth? Doesn't work at a tall booth. Although, I guess that could, that actually works. So Bob just, Bob just sits there all day and does nothing while he I need a government job

Yeah, I got a little guess as to who Bob is is he the president of the United Frickin states? No, he does way way more than him. Okay, damn sorry Bob is this is a mine Bob a government mind a government job We had a baby it's a mine We had a baby it's a mine so he sits We had a baby, it's a mime. So he sits, people pay him, as soon as people pay him they leave. And he will. No, no.

Wait, is that right, Aaron? As soon as people pay him they leave? No, they pay him, they sit. He doesn't look at them. And then they leave. And he stares out his office window? Yeah, that's the part that's a little misleading, but he's certainly staring out a window.

I wouldn't call it an office window. Is he a performance artist? No. Is he a prisoner? Is he... No? Okay, does Bob... What has windows?

What has glass? Billings? Billings bagger. Yeah, what else though? Busses? A car. Oh, he's a buster. Nobody talks to the buzz, drive the, go to your back and a bus.

It's still an Adam Sandler answer. It's still Adam Sandler, isn't it? Yeah. I thought that's where you're going. When you sit at Adam Sandler. I want to see you seen. Um, JAPES, you are a bus driver. You've just received a call from a scary scary man.

And he says that the bus will explode unless you, unless the bus... Find it? Find it. Find the previs. Unless, let's see, okay, something funny. Unless unless the bus if the bus drops below 54 miles per hour okay 54 bus per hour man excuse me man man sitting in the front of the bus man which man oh boy I don't know you the man the woman of the lights, just blouse. Just point.

Yeah, you both win, like blue glasses. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass.. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glass. The glassnoxious hat. Oh. That'd be you then, ma'am. Okay, yeah.

Just thank you, ma'am. I just got a phone call. This is terrible, but... Do you need me to drive the bus? No. Yeah, well... Oh. I mean, do you drive a bus? No, I mean, I have memory serves, the bus driver driver got shot and now I need to drive the bus.

And I'll win an Oscar later for the blind side. If memory serves, what are you all, Mac? No, I just got a call from a man who said, if the bus goes below 54 miles an hour, it's gonna, oh, you know what? While we were talking, I slowed down to like 26. Huh, huh. Yeah. It's Jeff Daniel's your best friend The whiskey Yeah, you have a whiskey called Jeff Daniels. That's like a potato potato

Hey, patato's cheaper baby Jeff Daniels on the rocks Jeff Daniels should come out with a whiskey called Jeff Daniels on the rocks. Jeff Daniels should come out with a witty called Jeff Daniels. That's amazing. That's a good deal. I'm going to cut the competition. A scuba diver is a thousand feet below the surface when the oxygen in his tank runs out.

The diver doesn't make it to the surface for nearly three hours, yet he doesn't die when his oxygen runs out. Scuba diver fish. Scuba diver fish. Scuba diver fish. for nearly three hours, yet he doesn't die when his oxygen runs out. Scooby-Diverfish. Scooby-Diverfish. Scooby-Diverfish. Is it Scooby-Steef? Yep. These all Adam Sandler and Tommy.

Did you just watch Happy? Go more what's happening. So he's under there for three hours without air? Mm-hmm. Is he in a ship? Like does he have air in some other way? No. He's in, he's in, is he dead?

He's in a pool that's been emptied. Well, he's in a pool that's been emptied? No, he's dead. Ha, what? Mm-hmm. We'd ever said he lived. Ha, ha, ha. lived. That's pretty good. I like Aaron.

I like that one. Let me read. What are you reading, Aaron? You're reading that he is, in fact, dead. The diver was already dead when his oxygen ran out and his body floated up to the surface. Want to read the exact answer? I do want to see a scene because apparently I'm the only one fucking calling students today. No, I was just about to call you.

I was about to call you. No, I want to be. No, I want to be. No, I want to be. No, I want to be. No, I want to be. No, I want to be. No, I want to be.

No, I want to be. No, I want to be. No, I want to be. No, I want to be. No, I want to be. No, I want to be. No, I want to be. No, I want to be.ehr shirt, Canterbury. So I want to see a scene. JPC, you're coming home to your wife and you were on a mission, your scuba diver and you're on a mission and your air cut out for three hours and yet somehow you came home alive.

Oh, a long day of being a senator. Not just a wife. No, Aaron. I said wife I'm tired of being wise and moms Hey girlfriend I tired okay long dead being a senator ready to have it all okay. Oh my gosh, honey Hey, I I just came in I actually heard you talking to yourself in the mirror I'm tired of being a wife.

No, no, no, I just tired of being. No, no, no, Michelle, it's good because I died today. I died for three hours and they brought me back to life. Oh my God, what? Yeah, I was under for three hours and then they brought me back. And my first thought when I came back was that I don't. Was why am I a professional scuba diver? Nope, it was that I don't,

I don't think I want to be married. Does that make sense? I don't think I want, I'm not a husband. I don't think I have my husband. I don't think I'm a good husband to you. I'm a bad husband to you. And I don't think that it's, I, I'm not good at this.

And I think that this is, I think that this is done. Your revelation is that you don't wanna that it's, I'm not good at this. And I think that this is done. Your revelation is that you don't wanna be with me. My only title was your wife. But you're so much more than that, you're a senator. You have the bill, you have the big vote. Mm-hmm. I also collect docs. I have other interests.

And pop even. Okay. And you don't need me because you have your ducks and you have your big vote. And you have a tort reform. I don't want to throw us off, but we are... 45 seconds away from this passing the backduff test. Let's get going.

We definitely are not. We talked about him dying. Pull the plug. I'm fucked. I'm fucked. If she talks to ducks, that's the Bechtel test. Okay, I wanna see a scene. Adel, you are a scuba instructor

in like a resort town, and we're all in a boat, and you're giving us the safety instructions, and JBC, we're on our honeymoon, and we're like starting to be a little suspicious if this guys will get okay Okay, everyone welcome to Des Moines of course we are known for our Architecture and also our scuba diving now what we're gonna do is go ahead and grab that mask and put it over your mouth Okay, everyone have that and again Make sure there's a tight seal in that jelly.

Before I throw the mask over my mouth, I wanted to say just one more time. Can't apologize enough for this honeybug. So sorry. No, no, no, no. This is what I get for doing emails late at night. Okay, mask off. I'm just happy to be here.

Or, yeah, I'm happy to be with you, Julia. I'd love you more than anything. Yeah. Okay. I'm sorry. What? Hold on. I just thought I'd love you more than anything. What'd Okay. I'm sorry, what? Hold on. I just said I love you more than anything. What'd you say?

And I said, yeah, yeah, that's awesome. Oh, Senator Williams. I didn't recognize that it was you. Yeah, yeah. To be Senator Williams, hold on. No, no, the woman. Yeah, to me. What?

Yeah, we're both senators. We're both senators, that's how we met. And I took her name. Oh, okay, yeah. I'm sorry, Julia Williams, Julia Williams, full name, Senator Julia Williams. I said that I love you very much here,

the light of my life. Oh, okay. Yeah, what is this, what is this for spot? Hey, I don't mean to, I'm sorry, I don't want to overstep my boundaries, but I do want to let you know that moments ago, I did receive a phone call. And if this scuba instruction goes under 54 miles per hour,

I heard this boat will blow up. Who let this cartoon dog on this bus? Unflug. Perfect. Guys, I think this show is bad. Every, every, every single day. I don't know. Every thing that we do today, the better way is about the disillusion of

a marriage. Whatever you call for. You guys are we okay we're having an off night. Anyways, speaking of just continuing to be terrible. About 100 should be great. Okay. An excited crowd. Oh that's it. We literally just had a, I love you, okay moment again. But it's gonna be great. Okay. Okay. Um, good. And excited crowd lines the street waiting impatiently for the main event. They shuffle their feet and gaze about anxiously, arching their necks for a better view. But moments later, before they catch sight of the event, they've come to witness, they

all quickly scatter. They know there is no real danger, but quickly give up their prized curbside spot and run for cover anyway. I know it. Why is the crowd gathered and what makes them run for cover? What does the JPC? I don't want to say it because I want Adel to discover it for himself. I feel it.

Oh, I know. Why not? They win. it for himself. I feel like. I know. Why not two? Yeah, I know as well. Did you want to say, if not, I'll take it. No, no, no, you want to take it or I can take it. There are the annual hologram parade. Of course, hologram parades are a device of the future. It's for people to have fun in a safe way. And when the hologram elephants come out, everyone scatters because it's just instinct

to run from an elephant. Is that it? Well, yeah, that's what I had to. I was going to say that they're at the annual hologram parade. No, what I was going to say, what I was going to guess is that they are pigeons or birds. No, DPC, Addle is more right. It's a parade. Oh, shit. And it started to rain at the parade. And that's why they scattered. It started to rain and all the people are made of metal and they don't want to rest.

Nope, no other land. I would like to say something. One less cake out of the way. And they're actually going to do the premise, you guys. I'm not even kidding. No bits, they're actually going to do the premise. Addle and JPC, you are two commentators at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade and you're going to talk about all the balloons and floats in Marching Band to UC.

Welcome back to the 42nd Macy's Day Parade. We're here in beautiful New York, but we are seeing some of the best floats we have seen in a long time. Now coming down, Fifth Avenue right now, where's your lasagna? Because we have Donatello. He's coming around and he has his bow in hand. Yes. That kooky ninja turtle loves his lasagna

and there's nothing he loves more than lasagna, except his bow. His bow which shoots the arrows that make the rat fall in love. That's right. That's Donatello passing right by. What a sight. What a sight. Donatello's bow, B-E-A-U is Hawkeye. He's a force engaged to Hawkeye. Clint something.

And of course we can't remember his last name. Clint Eastwood, there's the next float coming up. It's a larger than one. Well, action of Clint Eastwood. Josh, can I get an aged well? It's a depiction of him doing the empty chair Obama speech. Yeah, yeah, which can I just say Josh go ahead and make my day. This is a beautiful, beautiful balloon. Of course, has a illustrious career as a balloon. Oh, and here around the corner, here comes a... Fudge is made.

Just a little joke, chips. Yeah, okay. Well speaking of Fudge, here's a Toblerone. Here's a giant Toblerone, of course this is paid for by the Chocolate Company Toblerone. The Toblerone, yum yum chocolate. Toblerone, when you're on your own, grab a Toblerone. Okay, and now here comes, oh this is, we're coming near the end of the

balloons and this is of course two balloons in our likeness. This is a little weird. This is something. Josh and chips, here they are. This is something new they're trying, and it's not flattering. I would say it's not flattering. I would say it's like looking in...

Oh, the Pope is here. The Pope has arrived on the parade. Here he is at his Pope-mobile. He's got that big glass covering so no one could shoot him even if you needed to or if you wanted to not that we would ever say shoot the Pope because we have gotten in trouble for that at the things giving parade 41

just can I just say that the Pope in his Pope mobile as he's surrounded by a box of glass he looks like a little Catholic Zoltar in there can I just say that? I would love to give him a corto and see what he says. But of course, he's the pope and he drinks the telly coffee and that's why I said that. Chips, it's been quite a parade

and it's been quite a life with you. And it's what better time than to say that after 42 years, I think our marriage is done. I think that you don't want to be a husband? I do not want to be your husband anymore. I feel that we have grown apart and we have become a shadow of ourselves only commenting on a life that we live.

Thanks, guys. I'm Missy Reynolds. I'm here in front of Macy's to interview some of the high school marching bands that have made their way all the way to New York City to do the marching bands. Back to you guys. Oh fuck. We're no get interviewed.

Yes, what about our, what about our rock, what about our rock duo, Husband? Are we? Thanks guys. I'm back here in front of VCs with two kids from a marching band. Kids, how does it feel to be a New York Bitty? Baba Booey. Hot cross buns. Hot cross buns.

Baba baba baba baba. Hot cross buns. I lost my recorder. Husbands can still be. Husbands can still be, okay? The music doesn't need to stop, chips just because I love it stopped. Okay, I'm just worried.

Thank you guys. I'm here talking to the Broadway cast of Yes indeed. They're about to do a tap number in front of Macy's. What do you say guys? And one and a two and yes indeed. Yes indeed. Everything's coming up. There's no greed.

Got no sins. No grat need. Yes indeed. on my knees. I can't believe they're doing a house band star. I'm fucking... I'm fucking... See. Well, guys, that was honestly one of our more successful scenes we've ever done.

Well done, everybody. You guys need to do guys. I think the best strategy is to immediately critique them right after we're done with them. I think also really go at hard on what made them good. I think also something we should start doing is like, Aaron did we should preface every scene with like, all right, come on. I also.

Yeah, exactly. All right, come on. You guys, just to get you back in line, get us all back in line, I'm going to send, if you're in a good scene, I'm going to send you an edible arrangement. I think we stopped doing good scenes when our fans stopped giving us good notes. So please, we thrive on notes.

So tell us what we're doing wrong. We're never gonna get better if we can't hear it. We didn't have to get, guys. We didn't have to get. This is my last episode. All right, next one. Are you ready? Yes, I'm ready. And elderly woman goes for leisurely walk to young men in

excellent physical condition or directly behind her sprinting toward her. No matter how fast they run, they do not catch up with the woman. The woman is the woman is grandma flash the DC character that got buried in the 1970s. Grandma flash, of course, has all the speed of Flash, but none of the youth. Hashtag Grandma Flash. The woman is Mrs. McGoo.

They're running after her, but she's like walking from a construction site beam onto like a big pile of sand, and they're like, they can't get her. She's just, you know, blindly walking forward and luck is really helping her find her way. No, sorry guys The woman is Tom Hanks in the movie big

The woman of course is Senator Williams women can walk to senators can walk Mama weed to sleep last night and I came back a big woman Big 2020 Big woman walking down the street big woman Big 2020. We're gonna make it after all. Big woman walking down the street. Big woman. If I was immediately 30,

I would not go to a toy store in Wacke on a piano. That's all I'm saying. That's not how I'd spend my day. That's fair. What would you do if you, okay, so it's gonna be hard for you to know like as a kid, if you woke up 30, what you would do, what you would do. So Aaron, what would you do if you woke up tomorrow

and you were like 10? Ooh, climate tree. Mm-hmm. Ride a roller coaster and go on swings, because I can't do either of those things without feeling nauseous anymore. And then I'd eat a ton of candy. That's my real answer. If I was 10, hashtag if I was 10, I would, uh, I would sing all the songs. I would try and drink my weight in Baha Blast Mountain Dew Code Red. I would do a million backflips

and finger being a little bit shoe. If I woke up tomorrow and I was 10, I would, I'd get on TikTok. I feel like I'd see what that's all about. Finally understand it. Yeah, I might get it, get it, and be able to earnestly enjoy it, play around with it, make some TikToks. I feel like I first...

I think you would have both been very good at TikTok if that had existed in your youth. I think so too. Fuck you. Although I was on my TikTok and Arnie came up. Arnie, Sarah. No, other Arnie, he can't. Oh, same thing.

Yeah, he does a lot of hip-yung dances. Very cool, very hip, uh, Arnie, can't check it out. Also, I realized that, you know Katie, who has made some TikToks and Hey, Riddle Riddle TikToks. Oh, yeah. She's so funny and amazing. She's laughing. But I realized that way before she did that,

someone had sent me a theater friend from college and sent me a TikTok that she had made. And I put it two and two together and I was like, she's TikTok famous. Oh, but not about us. She had just done a different TikTok. She did it different, like she is like, has a huge following on TikTok and is amazing.

And I'll post her TikTok today. But way before she sent us TikToks that she made of Hey Riddle Riddle, a friend who sent me a funny TikTok she had done. There are people on TikTok who are doing, and I'm saying this right, TikToks that aren't about our podcast. I know. I was surprised too. Sorry. I'm a little, I'm a little lost.

Aaron, you're saying there was comedy before Hey Riddle Riddle? I'm saying that there still hasn't been any comedy. I can't wait for comedy to be invented. I think that's what the show gets good. But anyways, Katie, you're amazing. Your TikTok is so funny, she's hysterical. She's so funny. The day this episode comes out, I will find it and link to it.

Okay, what's the answer to that riddle? An elderly woman goes for a leisurely walk. Two young men in excellent physical condition are directly behind her sprinting toward her. No matter how fast they run, they do not catch up with the woman. It sounds like the three of them are at a golds gym and they're all on treadmills. It's near on treadmills. Oh, I was going to say these two men are in a reverse rickshaw that she also walks at.

A shark? A wheelbarrowie her forward. She also walks it. A show. We'll be borrowing her forward. And of course, James, that's one of the scenes from your new adult swim cartoon, Rick Sean Morty. Yes, Rick Sean Morty, I think that I can't wait to do a seat about. Nope.

So we're going to do a scene and I'm going to be an old woman who works out at your gym and you two are just too young to fit guys And I'm asking you for your help Would either of you two gentlemen spat me oh Here's $20 said no problem. You have a good day. Thank you so much. I wanted to get a bunch of Gatorade from that machine over there to get a bunch of Gatorade from that machine over there. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want.

Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want.

Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just want. Oh, you just wantatorate, it's no problem. Would you, you'd choose to date my grandkids. Both of us? Yeah. How many grandkids do you have? 11. You want us to work our way through your 11 grandkids? I do.

I don't know, Jason. What do you think? High five. Cut to my dodge. Wow, everybody's did all her grandkids Everybody's dating 11 we got back to the week together breaking up ruining with when surfing We cut back to the gym. Oh

Well, thank you so much. I really want to thank you though because I was tired of my grandkids And you caused a lot of drama now. We don't have to do any more family reunions Let's high five in a freeze frame one two three oh I died I'm dead for three hours I'm also a senator and a wife I died The funniest thing you can do when you high and a wife. I died. The funniest thing you can do when you high five is just scream I died.

Okay, one more. I know, it's a very funny thing to hear someone scream because they do it. Isn't that a boy band song? And I died by the moon and the stars in your dark. All right. Jenny is moving into her new apartment. The place is filthy and there are car webs everywhere. As she prepares her first meal in the kitchen,

she finds a mouse in her box of canned goods. Jenny calmly removes the mouse and continues cooking, not bothering to wash her hands or call the landlord. It was a stuffed mini mouse doll. She was cooking cereal and she poured the mouse prize out. She was cooking a computer. She's cooking cereal. She pulled a mouse.

She pulled out the mouse. Was it a computer mouse? Well, well, well, Mr. Seven. You did it again. Yes, it was a good one. Oh, Mr. Seven. Computer mouse.

What was she was cooking something? Yeah, she was cooking in her new house. How did the mouse fall out? She was just in her box of canned goods. Okay. Well, the house is haunted. Why did she scream when she saw a computer mouse? I didn't.

I added that. She didn't. I added that. Okay. I want to see a scene. Casey just was like, wow, I'm really seeing the end of Aaron Keith here. It's wild to watch of it. I want to see a scene.

Aaron, you are a new employee at a business. You are a well-rounded personality. You have many interests. You go kayaking. You enjoy art. You also gain certain roles. I collect ducks. You collect ducks. And this is your first day at the job. But what you haven't told your coworker, James, is that you are terrified of technology. is that you are terrified of technology. Okay, so this is going to be kind of your ducts and what you're going to want to do is grab the bag and then pretty much grab the ducts, put them in the bag and then put the bag in the big hole

and then at the end of the day we all set fire to the hole. And then tomorrow... What's that? I'm sorry. Oh, yeah. Wait, what is that And then tomorrow. I'm sorry. Oh, huh. Yeah. Wait, what is that in the corner? I'm sorry. What is that in the corner? Oh, that's me losing my religion.

Just a little joke. That's just a standard computer. We used that to you at three. I think we clocked up. No, at the end of the day, it's fine. At the end of the day, we clock out on that computer. That's just where we log out. But the majority of your day, you won't

need that computer. Does sound. Nope. I'm sorry. All right. I'm sorry. Are you singing American? OK.

American. Did you just say saved a wrench like me? OK, sorry. I just. No, it's OK. Don't worry about it. It's your first day. It, uh. No, it's okay, don't worry about it. It's your first day, it's stressful. No, it's not really, I just like love ducks,

like that part of it's great, it's just the issue is like the, uh, I'm just, I'm just, you love ducks, you did hear what we do here, right? Yeah, I know, but like, I'm sort of gonna sabotage the entire operation. Okay, that's, hey, you know what, it's a paycheck.

Honestly, I'm not here for any, a whole year than that cause, I'm not here to what it's a paycheck honestly. I'm not here for any a whole year than now cause I'm not here to make the world a better place They tell me that is a good question though. Why are we doing this to the ducks? I don't think it matters to me super much Capitalism see Sorry our new sponsor is capitalism capitalism one We've always been sponsored by capitalism. We love them. You heard it here folks.

We love to see it. Uh, Japs, P, C, P's. Do you have anything to plug? Um, yes, so, uh, I would like to recommend a book. Uh, that book is called The End of Policing by Alex Vitale, V-I-T-A-L-E. Um, I don't know if this is still the case when this comes out, but it, VersaBooks has the free audio book

of that book on their website, so I advise you to go check that out, or audio book e-book. You can download an e-book and read it from your computer, or your whatever book reader. But it's great, it talks about a alternative to policing that we could explore if society, especially our society, decided to go in that direction. It's a great book, it's a really great read, it's a quick read

too, so I highly advise that you check that out. And that's it. Aaron, anything that you would like to plug? Follow me, Aaron, keep 10 on Instagram if you're unsure of what to do or where to donate. I've been trying to stay on top of who needs the money and what days. I know a lot of people are getting overwhelmed by fun, so I'm just trying to stay on top of that. If you have any questions or need some guidance message me and we can try to figure it out together. Hell yeah. I, Gemini, I just got a book called, so you want to talk about race. We're excited to read that. I do not know how to pronounce the

author's name. It's ij-e-o-m-a, last name O-l-u-o. So please check that out so you want to talk about race. And I was also a recent guest on the podcast cult classic callback talking about the movie Beetlejuice. So if you're looking for something to listen to, which perhaps check that out. the movie Beetlejuice. So if you're looking for something to listen to, perhaps check that out. And that's your favorite movie, right? Beetlejuice is my Fave Movie. Wow. What a coincidence that they had you to talk, I had you wanted to talk about your favorite movie. That's insane. That is insane. And also, well, the thing I like most about it is that whenever the maintenance, Adam or Barbara step outside of their house because they're dead They end up in like this sand area. That's like one of the moons in space and there's a sandworm I can't remember what planet it's on though perhaps it's

Mars Doop up doop up doop up doop up or day we will keep doing this bit until we're not okay We will keep doing this bit until we're not okay Doom I'm gonna pull the lever we're ending now all say by forever What do you I'm ending it. Keep it your hate, with the brick dome.