Hey Riddle Riddle - Patreon Preview #248: Hey Relationship Relationship-Holiday Special

Episode Date: December 8, 2023

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ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ‿ Hello, hello, hello everybody and welcome to this year's Hey Relationship Relationship. I'm Beverly Condolences and I'm coming to you from the Christmas display at the Maplewood Grove Mall. With my two best friends in the whole wide world, we are entering your holiday questions, we're answering your relationship questions, and we're getting in the Christmas spirit. Isn't that right? Plomp. I'm fungerlooftub, wha-wha-whaw-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w- A huge misunderstanding I wasn't shoplifting, my clothes just have all the tags on them because I'm not strong enough to get the tags off. Yeah, we don't, we understand, and that's why we put up bail. I can't believe Mall Security, Mall Jail had bail, but here we are. We paid three bails of hay to get them out, and it was expensive, it was a pretty penny, and you know what? Felix, we would do it again.

Ah, you're the best friends in the world. Well, we just want to say that we have your back today because I know this time of year could be especially difficult because your son Felix was stolen or went missing around this time, is that correct? Yeah, I know that it was by his side. You don't have to say Felix. No one else has had a son who's gone missing. Well, I don't know if you had moved on or I don't want to assume so. One of the Christmas elves just put his head in his hand and started sobbing when you said that, so I guess he had a missing son as well. Yeah, gee, universal theme. I think it's actually just part of his backstory.

That Christmas elf did an extensive interview with me when he was preparing to be the elf, so. I don't believe- Do you have interviews? What's that? You interviewed? No, he just should have interviewed with me. He said it was character building for whatever backstory. He was going to play a traumatic elf this year.

He showed up to my house. I don't know how he got my address. And maybe all those posters that I put up with my phone number and my address. Just in case anyone has seen my darling boy Isaac Isaac if you're out there and you're listening to this, I don't want a lot for Christmas. But I would love to unwrap my beautiful boy under the tree this year. Now a tragic elf or an elf with a tragic backstory brings me to a question, is the Joker in Elf?

Hmm. I think it would depend on the ears. A Christmas mystery. Well, gentlemen, hopefully by the end of this episode we'll get to sit on Santa's lap over there and tell him what we want for Christmas. But in the meantime, we're answering your Christmas questions. We're wearing eight layers of cap sweaters and we're ready to go. And I won't be able to sit on Santa's lap this year because I have been told that my pants are too wet.

And just before anyone asks, I just want to get ahead of this. Yes, I do have an IV drip of eggnog going into my arm. And that's because this year I told myself I promised myself I wouldn't drink eggnog. So this is a bit of a work around. When the nurse was putting the IV in, he kept saying, deeper, no, not the vein, the bone. He wanted his bone marrow to be eggnog. I respect that commitment to Christmas. If you've never had bone marrow with a nice eggnog glaze, you are not eating properly.

Speaking of it, just a little self-promotion this year. We talked about elves Of course, we all know elf on the shelf this year. I do want to introduce just a little business venture I'm starting which is a plushies. I'm selling little plush plumps and these are like elf on the shelf These are plumps on the table tops. So you get yourself a plump You put it down on the different top you kids see it, you know They bring little smiles to that face. Now, the plumps on the double-tomp don't report to Santa, but... Oh, they're not narks, like the elves on the shelves are. Never thought about no one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's how it sounds. Yeah, that's how it sounds. What do plumps

on the stomps do? Well, I don't know what bloms on the stomps do, but I do know what bloms on the table Tom's And they just bring her smile None of these are real words In my defense they were both rhymes. They were both right Thank you for those ploms on the table. Tom's what does what do they do? Thank you for those plums on the table times. What does what do they do? Maybe they just kind of observe Though, you know, they won't help or hinder so they're not gonna tattle on you But at the same time if you get your you know arm stuck in a bottle and it's cutting off circulation

He's not gonna step in. He's just there as a casual observer I'm almost like the guy for the watchman. You know the guy you know the guy to watch with you sit on the planet and just goes I don't think I like this Mm-hmm, you know the guy. You know the guy who's watching who sits on the planet and just goes, I don't think I like this. Mm-hmm. You know the guy, the doctor. Yeah. The blue doctor. Who's the blue doctor?

I know what you're talking about. Where? They sit down and they watch all of Watchmen really quick to refresh. All right, now it's all back. Okay, now it's coming up to me. Where did I remember? Holds up. And they're not going to make a season two?

I mean, they told a full story. I guess. I mean, they've stuck the landing. Pretty perfect TV, am I crazy? Oh, I watched a movie. Oh. Sorry, I got the deal off to this. They all watched the TV show.

Okay, that took a lot of time. We are back. Let's answer our first relationship question. Let's see. How do I deal with my in-laws this holiday season without going kuku crazy? Great question. Thank you so much. Another universal theme. If I may, what I would suggest is hosting dinner or party at your place and have two parties or dinners in two different rooms to the house. Have a relative you care for, the relative you don't care for. But you'll make it a fun little lottery. You'll of course rig the system, have a ping-pong balls with magnets or something.

Much like the NBA draft, the year Shaquille Odeo was taken, 1992, of course they put magnets in it, freeze one of the envelopes to make a feel cold. And so David Stern would select the right envelopes or later Magic would get Shaquille Odeo thus changing the league forever. Is that true? It must be. Alright, good. What are my blombs on the table dumps? Don't be so. So you're saying two separate rooms? It works as opposed to report. Well, they talk to me. Oh, they are reporting them.

I just sit on the information. Well, I told us. I should say they don't necessarily report back to me. But every blombs on the table top is connected to my nervous system just through witchcraft. So I'm able to see through their eyes and know what they know. Are you just sitting on that information? Are you willing to use it for some sort of blackmail getting ahead monetary gain? At the moment?

Siddling on it. And it must be a two way system with the plumps and the table tops because I've heard that there's been a lot of consumer reports about the leaking eggnog. Yeah, that's something we're looking at to a department, but there's hasn't been a recall, at least not a total recall. Since time watch is off, total recall. You're looking at it the wrong way. Free eggnog. I'm tuning on my hand. No, not you. Oh, let's rewatch it there, total recall. Okay, they said they watched total recall in total silence. Okay, they said they watched total recall and total silence

This was a remake, which one did you watch? But we better watch again Okay, what what was the question? Oh, Plum you were saying two separate rooms for your in-laws What about two separate days for your in-laws? Don't let them come to whatever your real Christmas situation is. I know you do that with the Keaton sometimes You do two holidays. But ever since me and Diane Keaton divorced, fell back in love divorced again fell back in love divorced again we uh try and have her family over for one my family over for the other so just keep things copalsetic yes do you have a similar situation? well look I'll say. If you're lucky enough to have in-laws, hold them tight,

hug them close, give them a kiss on each of their cheeks, and one final kiss atop their forehead, and never let them go. Thank your lucky stars that you have in-laws because one day they could be ripped away, and you'll never see them again. Sure, you'll send them postcards, you'll never see them again. were there. They'd certainly just ask you to leave. But sometimes you think, wouldn't it be nice just to be asked? Wouldn't it be nice just to be acknowledged? But you bought all the wigs and you bought all the hats. So you might as well wear them. We're just wasting money if you don't use them. They say, a wig earns itself back if you wear it four times. Right. Cosper wear. At that point you're wearing a free wig. I would say this is a wig hurt. Bad.

You know, Felix, sometimes when you're talking about your sad, sad, sad life, I think about 2018 when we were giving each other names for this episode. And I, offhandedly, said Felix missing some, an improv moment that haunted you for the rest of your life, sort of held you captive in this. Big. I don't know what you mean and I don't either all right For me and we should just very quickly if you're ever invited over to Felix's house for the holidays That chair is not you are that chair is not for Elijah. I made the mistake. I said who's this chair for us? Is this safe for Elijah?

Nope, it's a good Felix. I I said who's this chair for? Is this safe for Elijah? Nope, it's safe for Felix. I'm Beverly condolences. You're telling of it is admirable, but you didn't ask permission. You just sat and I screamed. You're crushing my boy. You're crushing my sweet, sweet boy. I thought it wasn't you for me, too.

Well, how Beverly condolences deals with in-laws? I mean, some of the donut off my fingers, well I think. How did Jelly Donut write before this? Well right before this we've already watched six movies. We've been waiting for Czech watch 18 hours. You don't keep crumbs on your fingers later for a second snack. I have an IV of Eggnog connected to my bones. You don't think I keep prou- Hahahaha. Two Shay. One, two, three, four, eight, riddle riddle. No, school crew.

Listen to the rest of the episode now by starting your free seven day trial at patreon.com such a riddle riddle. B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b Bye!