Hey Riddle Riddle - Patreon Preview #260: Joe Mocha's Pool & Billiards Emporium w/ Jeff Murdoch

Episode Date: March 1, 2024

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Hey Joe? Sorry. Joe? Yeah, no. Yeah. Um, can I talk to you for a quick second? Absolutely. My door's always open. Okay, um, I just was wondering, and I know you hate the floor! You're my best salesman! Saleswoman! Ahhhh... I really need the day off, Joe. Ahhhh... Can I... Am I... Is it inappropriate if I ask what you need the day off for. Is that a crossing the line? I have to give birth.

I'm not 100% sure if you've noticed, but I am nine months pregnant and I have a C-section scheduled for tomorrow. I took the class, I only look at people in the eyes now. I've learned my lesson, I only look at people in the eyes now. Yeah, Joe, I'm just gonna need tomorrow off and then I would say like three months or so off. Can I be honest, Stacy? Can I be 100% upfront honest with you?

Yeah. I feel like you are the only employee that I have here at Joe Mocha's that is actually out there selling pool tables. I feel like everyone else treats this place like what the customers think it is, which is a coffee shop, which it is not. Your name is Joe Mocha. Joe means coffee and Mocha is a specific kind of coffee. It sort of feels like it's a coffee coffee shop. I didn't know that because I am from France.

Okay. I didn't know that. What about your son? Your son is great. Joey? Yeah. Joey's... Yeah. Between you, he's not the father. Is he? If I'm even allowed to ask that. No, my husband is the father, too. I don't know if you are married. I only look at the eyes. If I get below the chin, I stop looking so I can't even clock. Okay, now you're rubbing your eyes and I do see a wedding ring.

Wow, pretty big. Congratulations. Thanks. Um, Joe, I... Doctor? Lawyer? Yeah, yeah, doctor. Oh, I got it in one. Yeah, I got it in one. I feel like you... I don't know. Maybe you should hire a few more people.

I feel like we're stretched a little thin. Joey spends most of his shift sleeping in his car or talking about his new business venture ideas. We all know we're never gonna work. But- They're never gonna pay it out. I would love to hire people. People are coming in here for coffee

and I just, we can't keep up with the demand. The thing is, Stacey, I'd love to hire people. In order for me to hire people, I'd have to move some pool tables. A pool table, I mean, that's what, three grand? Meanwhile, we're selling coffee, which I didn't even want to do. And that's what, three dollars? I gotta sell three thousand cups of coffee. Here, I'm gonna sit for a second. Just to make three pool tables. Joe, can you walk me through what happened? Because this seems a little premise heavy. So you...

This premise heavy? My name is Joe Mocha. I am from France. I was not familiar with coffee. I came here because my grandfather died and I inherited his pool of Billions Emporium. But do we sell pool tables in Billiards or is it like a pool hall where people can play? Oh my God, you haven't been letting people play on the tables! Stacey, that drops the value! Oh no!

Okay, just trying to work out the exposition here, I feel like that's sort of our responsibility. Can I go ahead and top you off? Uh, yeah, just a little bit. Yeah, here you go. Kyle, right? Kyle? Yeah, please. You can call me Kyle.

Oh, I like that. Kyle, I have to ask, um, every day, at least, or at least five times a week, you come in here, you sit at a pool table with your laptop, and I just see you tip-tap and you know, I've walked behind you before, not trying to pry, and it seems like you're writing something big. Kai, what, what's, what are you writing? Well, have you heard of the Great American Novel? Yeah, I haven't read it, but I've heard of it. I mean, Jonathan Franson came close with the corrections.

Yeah, well, I'm writing the greatest American novel right now. Wow. Oh my gosh, I've been serving coffee to Ernest Hemingway, too, and I didn't even know it. Yeah, well, not yet. I still have to find a good title. Oh, well, what's can I ask? Because I was a literature minor really well

Sorry, I've read children's books. Oh, I've read minor literature. Oh, yeah What what's your book about? Well, that's I'm good. I start with the title and then I write it after that so And you don't have a title. I have mad writers block right now So I don't have a title. I have mad writers block right now. And if I come up with the title, the rest will flow. It's like the title is the mouth of the river and then everything else or the source of the river.

Yeah. And then everything flows from that. And what beautiful imagery. I can tell your writer just from one, just from your choice of words. Thank you so much. And then also the fact that you, I just saw you edit a writer just from one just from the light just from your choice of words Thank you. Also the fact that you you I just saw you edit yourself in real time You said the mouth of the river you stopped you back spaced and then you said the source of their what a yeah Wow, what a beautiful mind. Thank you. Well, I'm so used my other job is a

Court sternographer, so I'm so used to typing what I'm saying and what people say to me so I hope you don't mind I've been writing this entire conversation. No that's fine. Hey if I oh my if I could be a character in a book I would die. Simply die. Really? Yeah I'm not interesting enough. Let me hear oh I spilled some coffee that's kind of fun that's kind of interesting I don't

know if that makes its way in that I spilled coffee on your laptop. I mean, it's kind of fritzed right now. Do you have any rice back there? Um, well, yeah, we do. Well, we do like a Jambalaya. So it's red beans and rice and then it's topped with okra. Okay. Could you have the okra on the side? I don't really like it. But, um, yeah, I can't get over this. You are, you don't think you're interesting? No, every day I wake up, come to work, you know, pour coffee, um, clean off the pool cues, which is pretty tedious. I rechalk the chalk, those little, you know, the little squares. Yeah, those little blues.

What is that? That's chalk. Yeah, well, um, yeah, it's chalk. So they're little squares with an end it and you put out the end of a pool cue and you twist it and what it what it does is it lets someone know you're serious keep talking oh okay this is good you chalk a pool cue chalk pool cue yeah and it and it lets people know you're serious so it's almost like you know sometimes you go to YMCA, you play basketball,

you see people, you see people wearing like the Horus Grant goggles. Yeah, I love Horus Grant. He's my cousin. Are you? Oh, what? Oh, my goodness. I've been I've been serving coffee to a three time cousin, a three time NBA cousin, all time cousin, all time, all time cousin a three-time NBA cousin all-time cousin all-time all-time cousin amazing and so you're also cousins with Harvey Grant Horace's twin brother yeah and then Harvey Hi, are you Peter? Yes.

From the dating app? Yes, hi. Sorry. Hi. I had a yellow flower to let you know it was me, but I dropped it on the way in and I was afraid to go back out because a bee was chasing me. Wow, that sounds so stressful. Peter, it's so nice to finally meet you in person.

I've loved chatting with you online. I know. Samantha, right? Yes. Can I see your ID just to make sure? Oh, yes. I've been burned before. The classic ID.

I took, I took a gal to the Bahamas once and it was a wrong gal. Oh, no. Yeah. So I'm a little nervous. Sounds like an expensive mistake. Peter, I'm so sorry. I did have to bring my son. Oh, kind of a little shit bird.

But his dad was supposed to watch him and then backed out. Oh, that's all right. Hey there, buddy. Hey, do you like magic tricks? No. OK, like magic. That's okay. Magic is dead. Oh That's not true Pety just be nice to him. Sorry you guys have the same name. Um, Pety just be I don't I don't have to be nice pretend you like magic

Okay, okay You do like magic sure okay, then pick a car trick deck That's a Sven golly deck trick deck the edges are shaved down so the one card stands out That guy doesn't like fucking spot, huh? That guy you know a lot about magic PD, huh? We don't talk about that guy in the mask, okay? Cuz he's dead We took care of him PD We don't like people that ruin magic tricks PD your mother's trying to get laid. Can you please be normal?

I don't Okay, so I got a table for us over here. Oh Brilliant amazing table. Yeah, oh shanty so PD. Do you want a cup of? Milk or something? I don't drink milk. I'll drink coffee You're with a lemon twist. Okay. Is that all right for him to have cuz I was son his growth. I mean He's four foot now, but yeah, he might be six foot one day No, he won't be six foot one day. Isn't that right, Pety? No His father's five five my dad is five five. Oh, but he kicked your ass. No, he couldn't he couldn't

He couldn't he Peter. No, he couldn't. He's bedridden. One, two, three, four, hate riddle riddles, Glucrew.