Hey Riddle Riddle - Patreon Preview #264: JPC's Acting Houseboat

Episode Date: March 29, 2024

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We have an opportunity to do something that I think is actually like a way bigger market in 2024. And that is the world of high fantasy. Okay. Yes. And we have a unique opportunity here because not only do we have an opportunity to make a movie, but we have an opportunity to use existing IP. Have you ever heard of a little something called imminent domain?

I mean, domain, This is a fantasy book. Is that talking? No, it's neither here nor there. It's just how the government took my last acting factory and acting snack machine and all of those things. They're building a railroad. It doesn't actually matter. We're not talking about imminent domain. We're talking about public domain. Okay. That is when someone's really good idea has sat fallow for too long. And now it becomes everybody's really good idea. And like the great Gatsby, like the great Gatsby. I wrote that. Several things this year have entered into public domain.

And now we are about to reap the benefits. Wow. Are you familiar with the tale of one Mr. King Arthur? Oh, yeah. Sword in the Stone, Merlin. Ah, you are getting it, my boy. This is going to be high fantasy. This is going to be epic fantasy.

And I think that the way I want to do this is I want to play it a little bit against type. Erin, what would you say if I said you could play King Arthur? I'd say that's crazy. I am but one woman, you know? I'm just a lady. We'll do it with a wig and you're gonna be King Arthur. Adel, you're gonna be King Arthur's magician. Let me just give you these other scripts

right here. Merlin? Yeah, why didn't you just say Merlin? Yes, Merlin. Or whatever. It doesn't matter. Or whatever. Whatever you guys are ready.

Aaron? Ooh. Scene two. OK, King Arthur's castle. Arthur sits in an empty round table going over various scrolls. He's in his late 20s. Aaron, I think you could play late 20s. Ruggedly handsome and dour of mood. Is. He's in his late 20s. Erin, I think you could play late 20s.

Ruggedly handsome and dour of mood. I'm not so far from my late 20s. Sort of an insult. Incredibly late 20s. Did you know that it was a round table so that no one had status sitting on the ends? Did you know? He frowns as he reads another scroll.

He removes his crown and rubs his temples before raising his sharp, dark eyes to a nervous page, standing at attention by the door. I'll be the page. You tell Lancelot that his orders are to hold, dammit. Hold! As in do.

Not engage. And he damn well remember who is king and who is the upstart knight with more bravado than brains. I didn't- Yes m- My reading comprehension there was completely gone. I'm so sorry. I wasn't even- You nailed it. I didn't even... Yes, m- My reading comprehension there was completely gone. I'm so sorry, I wasn't even, I didn't even know what I was saying.

You honestly nailed it. It was all the energy. The energy was... Great. Yes, m'lord. And if he wanted to make decisions for this kingdom, then maybe he should have pulled the magic sword out of the damn stone.

Yes, m'lord. He'd fall in line or I'll have his head in Bedivere or Gwaine or any other damn fool will lead my armies. You tell him I am in a mood and I am not to be trifled with. Yes me Lord! Slap! Enough of the damned yes me Lord!

Go! Yes, slap him around. Great slap. That wasn't in the script but I loved it. The page hurries out of the room from the corner. An old man in a long room. That's my favorite part of being an actor. You can improvise slaps. It's so great. An old man in a long room in a pointed hat steps out of the shadows.

You are not king only when it is convenient, Arthur. These are your subjects. They will love you or fear you and all of this depends on you, you, you! Backs out of window. Strong, strong. Must you always lurk in the shadows, Conjurer? You're prone to give me a heart attack. Arthur looks at the wizard with fire in his eyes and is greeted by a knowing smile.

Almost instantly the fire cools and Arthur gives a warm smile back. The two friends embrace. Of course, you were right as always. Gandalf, it's good to see you. How was your time with the hobbits? JPC! Can we do this? Is Lord of the Rings public domain? It's all... It's all the same shit, man. It's all Merlin and stuff. Just read the script. They are small folk, but their problems may one day be big enough to consume all of Middle Earth.

Is this a multiverse thing? Is this sort of like... This is King Arthur! This is the story of King Arthur! Gandalf v Merlin? I'd fucking love to see that. Then I'm glad that they have you... Oh, sorry, I have to do a voice. Then I'm glad that they have you, friend. Ruling without you these last months has been no leisurely ride in the country. Believe it or not, my kingdom has problems of its own. Tell me friend takes pipe full of,

I want to say gilly weed. Is that what Gandalf smokes so he can breathe underwater for the Tri-Wizard Tournament? What does Merlin smoke? Tell me my friend and we will see what there is to be done. Fireworks, fireworks from his wagon. Arthur picks up a scroll. Where to even begin? Firstly, there's been an escape at Azkaban GPC. It appears that the mentors have simply disappeared and Death Eaters are rampaging.

This is three IPs. Stay in it, you're King Arthur, you're a young king with responsibility. With gusto. Take the line again. Where to even begin? You're King Arthur, you're a young king with responsibility. Ugh. With gusto. Take the line again. Where to even begin? First, there's been an escape at Azkaban.

It appears the Dementors have simply disappeared and the Death Eaters are rampaging. Merlin. Oh, that sounds very serious, Black. Can I say Black as well? I wouldn't if I were you yes it is serious and we have reports of a what is what is this now kiki more kiki more outside no big what is this IP no big rad and this is King Arthur Oh Nova grad was a turning point of World War 2, Erin. Is there a single witcher who will take the contract? Is this the witcher?

Erin, stay in it. King Arthur. I mean, what is the point of having these mutants in the kingdom if they won't slay monsters? What is this? Ah, yes, what is the point indeed, tosses coin to witcher. Or is that the song? GPC, I want to apologize for my bad attitude. I'm back in it.

Nothing is going to sort of take me down now. You are King Arthur. This is your kingdom. You are in charge. Please continue. Nothing can sway me. Nothing can sort of knock me off my game anymore. Okay, I'm ready.

And I told the damn fool Lancelot, oh great, he's part of it, to bring the young wolf Robb Stark to heel and he's chased him halfway to Winterfell. To Winterfell Gandalf! No no no! If Dorne finds out we are pushed so far north, King's Landing could be next to fall! Oh my god, to Winterfell Gandalf. Hurt to say and that would be very bad yes very bad that's all you have to say this could be the oh my gosh I'm so sorry I might throw up it oh perfect Arthur would here we think

we think Arthur might because of how much he has to handle death of us all I think I'm going to throw up. I think I'm going to throw up. I think I'm going to throw up. I think I'm going to throw up. I think I'm going to throw up. I think I'm going to throw up. I think I'm going to throw up. I think I'm going to throw up. I think I'm going to throw up. I think I'm going to throw up. I think I'm going to throw up. I think I'm going to throw up.

I think I'm going to throw up. I think I'm going to throw up. I think I'm going to throw up. I think I'm going to throw up. I think I'm going to throw up. I think I'm going to throw up. I think I'm going to throw up. I think I'm going to throw up.

I think I'm going to throw up. I think I'm going to throw up. I think I'm going to throw up. I think I'm going to throw up. I think I'm going to throw up. I think I'm going to throw up. I think I'm going to throw up. I think I'm going to throw hate. The opposite of love is indifference. If someone vomits after reading my script, I know that I have had an effect on them, which is the goal of a writer.

And this isn't about me. I see. I'm just writing fucking knockout scripts for you to show off your acting chops so that when you drop your character in the middle, or you make a bad choice that makes it bad to see here in the script

It makes me look like a fucking clown. Okay. Okay. Okay, so don't drop character in the middle while Aaron's barfing I'm gonna do Gandalf singing Jimmy at Worlds the middle. Is that okay? I Mean while she's barfing I could do Merlin versus Gandalf I Would appreciate it if you would for one moment. one moment give me a modicum of respect. I would appreciate it if you would just think, oh, our friend DPC is actually a really good writer, he actually wrote this thing really, he's smart about public domain, he actually knows when this stuff is legal to do,

and he's actually making big money-making opportunity, and it would be nice to make money and to be a famous actor and to be able to fuck whoever you want. You could fuck a big pile of money like Ray Raimondo. JBC, do not take that personally. First time ever vomiting on an episode, do not take it personally. This is great.

Erin, you doing okay? Taking from This Could Be the Death of Us All, Gandalf, please and stay in character, Erin. Yes, okay, where doing okay? Take it from This Could Be the Death of Us All, Gandalf. Please, and stay in character, Aaron. Yes, okay, where were we? Aaron, you need a break or some water. No, everything's fine. Please take a break or some water. Please?

You know, five years, it's surprising that that hasn't happened sooner. 1, 2, 3, 4, Hey Riddle Riddle's Clue Crew! Listen to the rest of the episode now by starting your free 7-day trial at patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle.