Hey Riddle Riddle - Patreon Preview #265: Penguin Baseball Draft! w/ Janet Varney & Casey Toney

Episode Date: April 5, 2024

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So the bases are loaded. What a tremendous situation this is right now. Again they cannot fly The recommissioner is adultrified So it's flap, the flap on the ice rake We hope these birds are aware That it's penguin baseball And the world can't help but stay Help us stay 14th, 2023, Patreon episode 227, episode title Penguin Access One. Penguin Baseball or the Penguin Baseball League, which is a league made up entirely of penguins and hopefully other birds, depending on Aaron Keefe's, uh, permission

is now a reality. We welcome you today to the first ever Penguin Baseball League draft. I'm your commissioner, Adil Rafai. Let's meet our team owners. Please welcome Casey Toney, Janet Varney, JPC, and Aaron Keefe. Welcome, team owners. We really did another episode in between those two things,

where we did talk about Penguin Baseball in a Chatterbox, then had a whole other episode. What did we do? We were like, that was Harmony Space Station, if you can believe that, Aaron. I can't. I remember thinking after the Chatterbox, the next time I do a Patreon,

I am going to shoehorn in some Penguin Baseball. And shoehorn I did. And you all put up with it and played along. And here we are. And in classic Hay Riddle Riddle fashion, we couldn't get organized fast enough for March of the Penguins. So it is April of the Penguins,

which is the most cursed month for it to be. Ah ha. This is April of the Penguins. Weren't there 10 months in between where you could have done any one of those other 10 months? Yeah, sure, whatever, fuck you. Yeah, fuck you guys.

You're not my boss. One after March is the funniest. We all agree one after're not my boss. One after March is the funniest. We all agree one after March is the funniest. One after March is the funniest. One removed, yes. Janet, we're sorry. Sorry, sorry. Oh, that's not enough.

Okay, name your price and we'll venmo you. Janet, I'm willing to go up to three varies on how sorry we are. Okay, I will say, go up to three berries on how sorry we are. Okay, I will say, here's what's gonna happen. And this is, I'm choosing this totally at random, but I am going to reserve the right to steal one of Adol's draft picks as recompense for-

That's fair. Huh. It is fair, it only affects Adol. That's good. Yes, and. Well, it's his fault that all of this is happening. It is fair, it only affects Adol. That's good. Yes, and. Well, it's his fault that all this is happening at the degree and fever that it is happening. Fever pitch.

Yep. Fever pitch. And can we remake that movie with penguins, Erin? That's the question. Is there a penguin that has a- Adol, I'll start working on it now. I was going to say, this is going to sound weird but it is already being worked on.

It's already being worked on, but not by us. I'll have it on desk by Monday morning, Adel. Oh. Well, we are here at the Kalahari Resorts in Wisconsin Dells, the headquarters for Bagwood baseball, of course, where all penguins like to go to play and bring their families.

Let's go ahead and introduce our teams. Why don't, Erin Keefe, since you are working on a script for Never Been Kissed with Penguins or whatever we said. That's what we said. That's what we said. Can you please go ahead and introduce your team, let us know name, hometown, mascot, et cetera, and everyone else if we wanna pull up Erin's design

to take a look here. I have a quick editing question, Adel. Yes. I'll just put it on the pod real quick. I don't know anything about drafts, but when I see videos of them on Twitter and stuff, there's a bunch of people in the audience and they clap and stuff like that.

Do we need to do full sound design with applause every time a team is named and a player is picked. I think that would be pretty exhausting. Okay. So yes. All right. So yes. Wait, we're posting the video of this, right? Because why did I wear my 1990s NBA draft suit that is four times too big if we're not...

Oh, I thought you shrunk. That's what everyone keeps saying. Four times too big and veneer white. Erin, please introduce us to your team. My team, which is the best team, is the Boston Waddlers. Best team. We're the underdogs of the league. We haven't won in a hundred years.

We're sort of the Cubs Red Sox when they were in that dry spell. Our mascot is Wimpy Waddler, and he's just a little guy who's trying his best. This is so cute. We play at Dunkin' Donuts Presents fucking Lemonade Coolada Park, and it is in Revere, Massachusetts. Oh, interesting.

It smelled like Paul Revere? Yes. It's named after him, I assume. Uh-huh. And so that's the Boston Waddlers. I would love your support as a team. We really are the underdog. So JPC's team is famously like the Yankees of this league.

They're the villains. They're the hated ones. Wow. Okay. So if you're not going to support me, support the other three. There's no salary cap. So we're not doing anything wrong just because we're getting the best penguins.

Well, there is, I'm so sorry I should have said up top, there is a celery cap. So famously, penguins love to eat celery, makes them big and strong so they can hit the egg really far, there's a celery cap, which is 10 pounds of celery. I am looking at the Boston Wildlers and I can definitely tell you that it looks like

they are well under their celery cap, because Aaron, this looks to me like it is a baby penguin, is that correct? It is a baby penguin and his hat's a little too big for his head and that was the instructions that I gave. What do we think of the Boston Wadlers? Do I have all of your support? Would you buy this merch? Would you support this? Oh yeah, are you kidding me? You said you wanted the eyes to be cartoonishly large, even for a cartoon. And you have achieved this wide eyed wonder. Look at this thing.

This thing just got born and can't wait to play baseball. Can't wait to play baseball. Yeah. Erin, I would just say without this logo, I would want your team's rain of losses to last for a thousand years, but right now right now, you're the number one contender. This is too cute. Thank you. Aaron, this is a very cute logo.

These guys are losing 150 games this year. Easy. Well, I should say, each team's mascot is not their entire playing stable. It's just the mascot. Oh, I understand. But if I'm going to war and my mascot is like a bouquet of flowers, I'm losing the war, you know?

That's actually pretty good. You don't know how sharp his teeth are. You can't see his teeth. Do penguins have teeth? That's the problem. I can't see his teeth. We don't have to see his teeth, right? We'll never see his teeth, I hope, right?

I don't know. What if he opens his mouth and he has like the alien like extra grabber like mouth thing? Like... That'd be pretty great. Well, that's my team. Oh, amazing. Erin, you have my full support.

I will be buying merch. And we should say Penguin Baseball, the ball is the egg. That is our official slogan for PBL, Penguin Baseball. The ball is the egg. I forgot about that. for PBL, Penguin Baseball. The ball is the egg. I forgot about that. At all. By the time people are listening to this, will merch for all of these logos be available

in the Hey Riddle Riddle store? Casey, I'm so glad you brought that up. I was going to bring it up at the end of our introduction of all five dates. Well, I just wanted that way people can see what we're talking about too, you know? Yeah. Casey, absolutely.

If you go to teepublic.com and type in, hey Riddle Riddle, you will be directed to our merch store. We have some incredible designs, all five teams, plus the league itself, the PBL league itself, do have designs in the merch store now. Those were all created by the outstanding Ariel Sinha. You can find Ariel Sinha on Instagram, at Ariel Sinha ha, spelled A-R-I-E--L S-I-N-H-A-H-A.

And you know what, here's what I'll say. I'll say, we'll probably be posting all the links in the show description too. You can check out her work and our merch in the show description. Absolutely. JPC, since you just talked, why don't you go ahead and introduce us to your team?

Okay, I would like to introduce everyone to the Nap Town Road Warriors, continuing in the very, in the proud tradition. Oh my God, we should have communicated. This is so threatening. In the proud tradition of. The opposite of me, oh no. This isn't safe.

This isn't safe. Oh no, I'm gonna get destroyed. Yeah, nobody's gonna be safe. This isn't safe. No, I'm going to get destroyed. Oh my god. Yeah, nobody's going to be safe. And I should also say the Naphtun Road Warriors, not named after any additional or any external properties or IPs. This is a whole cloth invention, the Naphtun Road Warriors,

and the proud tradition of motor sports in the crossroads of America, the city of Indianapolis. Our mascot, of course, is- Of course. Birdie the Nap-Town Bloodbird. Oh my God. Witness, witness him.

Witness him. Completely not related to anything else. Completely not related to anything else. Witness him. Behold, cowards. We play, we play, we technically do play penguin baseball, but we play it in the Indianapolis Motor Speedway, which is a mile long track,

which is traditionally reserved for NASCAR and Formula One races. But we laid out some turf and we play some, some good old fashionedfashioned Penguin baseball. And again, we are not the bad guys. We are not the bad birds of Penguin baseball, okay? There's no morality in Penguin baseball. I had decided that you were the bad guys

before I saw your logo, and wouldn't you know it? I guessed correct. There's no morality in Penguin baseball. I said it once, I said it a million times. There's only strength, there's only power, and there's only fear and respect. And that is what the Nap Town Road Warriors try to be. Yeah, and we should say there's also, oh please.

Well, I just wanted a little more information on the skull that's attached to the front of the vehicle. Yeah, uh-huh. Now, is that a former player? Is it, like, whose skull is that? Is it the opposition? A lot of people say that that's a warning, whose skull is that? Is it the opposition? A lot of people say that that's a warning, but what we like to say in the Naptown Road Warriors is that's a promise.

Okay, great. How heartening. Yeah. That makes it nice. I'm dying! I love it! 1, 2, 3, 4, Hey Riddle Riddle's Clue Crew. Listen to the rest of the episode now by starting your free 7 day trial at patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle.