Hey Riddle Riddle - Patreon Preview #270: Public Access 10 w/ Janet Varney!

Episode Date: May 10, 2024

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My options are going to be Cowboy Corner, come on, or Eleanor Wonders Why. Uh oh, I know which one I hope you pick. And I have my guess as to which one I hope you pick. It's a guess. It's a guess of a hope. You're guessing which one you hope. I'm guessing which one I hope he picks, yes. When will you tell yourself if you were right?

Janet, that's the billion dollar question. If I do that, if I do that, oh boy. I'd have it made. I wouldn't have all these crippling problems. Okay, so Cowboy Corner or Eleanor Wonders Why? I've made my choice and I'm not gonna tell you to, you'll just have to, you'll know it, you'll know it. Great.

Wahoo, welcome to Eleanor Wonders Why. Sorry, I'm assuming that was the joke he was gonna make. Great. Wahoo! Welcome to Eleanor Wonders Why! Sorry, I'm assuming that was the joke he was going to make. I'm assuming I pooched that joke. And I wonder, howdy y'all! Oh, hello there, little doggies! I didn't see ya rustlin' off into the cactus field there. Welcome to another cowboy corner. I'm of course cowboy Carl, tip of the hat, drag of the cigarette, undoing of the

britches because I had too much beans at supper tonight. Well of course you're all here for a few of my friends and I to have a little conversation, please welcome Grapes the Horse. He's sleeping it seems. No, I mean he's a horse. He's awake. He's standing here. He's just a horse. Oh, hey Grapes. Thanks for joining us. It's me Six Gun Sammy. I'm just sitting here with Grapes the Horse. He's a horse. horse. Sorry. Yeah, sorry. You're just You're just right next to his mouth there. All right next to his mouth. I'm sitting at the campfire He's maybe over my shoulder a little bit. I wasn't kissing the horse Did you fart?

No, that was the horses lips No, that was the horse's lips. What is going on with you, Carl? I'm Six Gun Sammy, I'm your best friend. Of course, of course my best friend Six Gun Sammy, go ahead and shoot your guns. No! I'm right next to a horse! If I shoot my gun next to a horse, I could hit the horse, I could scare the guy, and then I'm... my face is so close to his face I reckon to get bit come on

come on man that was downwind that's a horse's mouth the smell is I mean I can't do nothing about that okay it's just in all these episodes I don't know if I've ever seen grapes the horse I'm just taking your word for it Sammy he's right over here it's a single it's a single I was talking it had to be the horses mouth I can't fart and talk at the same time but it does it does smell right I'm not crazy it does that little burst their teeth neither do cowboys and of course we're also joined by my little sister, the sharpshooter, the sharpest shot in town.

This is of course, little Oni Ackley. Oni, go ahead and say hello. Well, hello brother. Hello, Sixguns. Sixguns Sammy. You can call me Sammy. Sixguns Sammy? You can call me Sammy. Hello Grapes! Say hello Grapes. Grapes.

Oni, do you see Grapes? Yeah, there's a horse right here. What are you talking about? Do I see Grapes? Is this a trick question? Nope, nope. Just checking, just checking. Well let's go ahead and start the episode.

Cowboy Corner Com- Come on man. Of course every- Well I know what you want me to do. Do you want me Grapes to leave? Cause he don't like it when it's cold and stuff. He doesn't like it when it's cold and stuff. He doesn't like it when it's cold and stuff.

He doesn't like it when it's cold and stuff. He doesn't like it when it's cold and stuff. He doesn't like it when it's cold and stuff. He doesn't like it when it's cold and stuff. He doesn't like it when it's cold and stuff. He doesn't like it when it's cold and stuff. go ahead and start the episode cowboy corner come on man of course every what you want me to do do you want me grapes to leave cuz he don't like it but where it's cold and dark outside by the fire he likes it to be here next to everybody no it's fine it's fine okay every week we answer your questions that you submit about what it's like to be a cowboy here love giving advice here we almost ready coffee's almost ready. Oh perfect, perfect. As the sun rises, okay, first things first.

Okay, this is a letter we have from Tamara. Tamara in Oklahoma City says, hey, I've been an avid watcher since the first episode. They are gaslighting you. There is no grapes the horse. Okay, that was a great question and if I had to give some advice around that I would say mind your own business and have some

coffee you know what I mean that only that is great advice as cowboys I have to say we do not care about anything except getting the grapes from San Antonio to Kansas City and then back to Kansas City from San Antonio back and forth all year long that's our MO that's what we do here we go next well that's not entirely true brother what we like to do is we like to gather the herd and then help people feel heard. Oh, Oni, I like that a lot. That should be our new slogan. Say it one more time.

We are getting the herd and we're helping people feel heard. Is that what I said? I think so. That's why you're a sharpshooter. You know who I like is I like that John Heard. He's a great actor. I get him confused with John Hurt. That's what I'm thinking of. Oh man, I like that John Hurt. He's a great actor. I get him confused with John Hurt. That's what I'm thinking of.

Oh man, I like that. History of violence. Next, oh, actually next letter here is a question from John. This is in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Is it John Hurt or Hurt? I'm assuming it's one of the two. Just says John H and then a dot, so I'm not quite sure. Says, hey y'all, the show longtime listener first-time rider

I want to know what exactly is a lasso also They are just shitting their pants around the campfire and saying there's a horse Thank you John. Put the letter in the fire. Ow, ow, hot. Okay. So a lasso is something that we use when we are riding grapes the horse, which we do every day. Yeah.

And we would use that lasso to lasso a member of the herd. Now I hope you feel heard John H. And I gotta say is also much like scuba it is an acronym it stands for lengthy ass well that took care of the LASS yes and then what's the middle lengthy ass or rope oh okay lengthy ass or rope and I okay. Lengthy ass or rope. And I'm learning something. This is pretty cool. Also I just got to say to the listeners, it is so hard to lasso, sorry lasso, it is so

hard to lasso some of the herd when I ride grapes because I always have to ride them with my eyes closed and the soles of my feet hurt so bad after I ride grapes like yeah He don't like you know and you make eye contact the horse you don't like you gonna get bit You're also standing in his shot. Could you just move to the side a little bit? I know one can see grapes when you stand there him. No one can see grapes over to the right here. No one can Okay, here we here's another letter here okay this doesn't have a return address so we don't know who it's from it says here hey love the show my name is six gun Sant okay then there's a line through it and it says

five gun Sammy yeah that's it five gun Sammy does Sammy. Yeah, that's it. Five gun Sammy. Interesting person. Five gun Sammy. It does, it actually says, yeah, that's it. Five gun Sammy. And then it says, I just wanna ask, I love Grapes the horse who is definitely there. It's not really a question. Well, that's a great question, five gun Sammy. Some of these

weren't questions. That's the first one you're gonna say that was a question for is a good question. Great question. The answer is, yes, he is real. Everyone knows it. I hope you find your other gun and I hope you feel heard. Yeah, and to be clear, that's why they call me Six Gun Sammy.

And it's because I have a six gun. It's because I own six guns. And I hope if you only own five guns, you find that sixth gun so you can join the six gun semi train. And you should be asking yourself, y'all of you at home, not just y'all of you who wrote that one letter in, but y'all of you at home, you should be asking yourself, what's my sixth gun?

Do you know what I mean? Realize that your life might be missing something and ask yourself, what's my sixth gun? What can I do to find my sixth gun? Like a metaphorical sex gun. I'm saying sex gun sorry I know it sounded like six gun but I'm like a Tom Jones song. Hey y'all sorry to put a pause the show's canceled because he said sex gun live on the air. Oh if it isn't our old friend Fiona FCC. I could be both. I could be both. 1 2 3 4 Hey Riddle Riddle's Clue Crew. Listen to the rest of the episode now by starting your free 7 day trial at patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle.