Hey Riddle Riddle - Patreon Preview #280: Pubic Asses TV 11

Episode Date: July 19, 2024

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And Aaron, just because we're because we're we're in the sandy desert of running out of public access names Instead of giving you three options. I'm just gonna give you one and you have to do it Okay, is that okay? Yep Stairs at sky they'll come they're gonna come to get me. They're coming. They're coming to me. My name's sky You waiting for your mom too? Yeah. Aaron, how do you know that guy? He looks like he's in a high school musical. Yeah, he's really cool.

He can dance. Aaron, your title today for public access is Starlight Lounge. This has been an option before. I love that we're looping around. This is from a list of ones we, I believe, have not done yet. Hopefully. Hey, and if we have done them, guess what? They're probably gonna be a little bit different. And if we do them and they're not different, well, come on. At this point, come on. Come on, Erin needs this.

All right. Give her a win. Starlight Lounge. Alright. Give her a win. Starlight Lounge. Hey everybody, I'm Betty Sapphires and I'm coming to you from the Starlight Lounge. That's right, I'm in space. My dad was a billionaire and I spent his money the way I want.

What I wanted to do was to be sent to space. They sent me a little too far out, though, so it kind of got out of control. But I still get to do my show from all the way up here. My name is Betty Sapphires and I'm in space. I'm here as always with my sidekick, my co-host, my second in command. Introduce yourself. Topa la Bambou.

Topa. What was that? Topa Toppola Bombo the talking drum set. Let me give a tip of my hi-hat. I got a scientist on earth to put my favorite drummer's soul into a to a drum kit. Don't worry, he was 50. He had led a good life. What? I'm the drummer from, I want to say, Arrowsmith. Oh, you don't have a great memory because you're a drum. I've been drums for so long, I forget who I was. You're cute. Oh great. Um, you know, it's hard to get guests out here in space. Aww. Yeah, it can be lonely up here. Aww. You can

only hump a drum kit so many times. Aww. Yeah, it is hard up here. I agree, but actually today we have a guest for the first time in many many years Can you believe it? boom Fantastic I'm gonna have my guests introduce themselves. Please welcome to the stage my new friend Hello, I am ambassador Yixle and from the your Lord in the galaxy oh Buy me a drink first. Drum roll. And guess, I just want to apologize. I'm doing a lot of stuff.

I'm doing a lot of stuff with my mouth, like drum roll and but what's. Because I'm a drum set. I can't play myself. And she doesn't play the drums. I don't know how. I can hum the drums. I apologize. I don't have any context for what drums are or what...

I know you and you, and as far as I know, you're the two normal, typical representations of your species. Of course we are! Yeah, that's right. And what species are you, friend? I'm Ambassador Yaksulin. My people are called the Gwarrr. Oh, okay. Wow, Ambassador Yaksulin. My people are called the Gwarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr My ship was terribly damaged, my warp drive is beyond repair, I desperately, you know,

desperately... I'm kidding! This is just a boring story. I'm Betty Sapphires. Welcome to the ship. We don't have water, we just have gin. That's my drum to hump. Get in line.

And you know what? We like to dance, we like to hang out, we like to sing, we like to make content for the people still back on Earth. That's right, Betty. And speaking of distress symbols, it's time for our weekly segment, This Dress Symbols. I'm gonna play the symbols, Betty, while you put on different dresses. This is This Dress Symbol. Tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst, tssst We're stuck Let's let's hump my zipper stuck let's hump it close let's not let's not help my zipper stuck my zip Yeah, no, I I

Could I could help if you need if you needed an extra an extra set of um what are those? Yeah Tentacles yeah Yeah, getting claustrophobic in the stress. Can you okay? Okay? Hold on hold on. Oh god tentacles. Yeah, you get four. My zipper's stuck. I'm getting claustrophobic in this dress, can you? Okay, okay, hold on, hold on. Oh, God, tentacles are so wet. Oh, boy. Sorry, I'm making a mess back. We don't have clothes.

Oh, boy. I think I'm just making it worse. How do you know what they're called if you don't have them? I'm using a universal translator. I'm hearing the words for the first time as I'm saying them as well. Because you obviously, you don't speak the language of my people. Well, let's pick up this translator

and hear what it sounds like. Don't hit me! Oh, I don't like that at all. Put it back on. Oh yes, well, I mean, of course, you know, like you don't speak it. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Oh, JPC, I have a special surprise for you.

He didn't. He didn't. Okay. Unwrap, unwrap, unwrap. Yes, that's right. Because Aaron is no longer with us for now, we're going to do unwraps, which is the opposite of a wrap. Mm-hmm. And that's also the way that the space angels who... I was almost a took her, but I guess it's not really took her. That's how they pray. She flooded to them. She went to them, yes. Well, you know what, at all, one of the ways that we might be able to stay in touch with Erin

while she's visiting the space angels is by building a Squarespace website. It's the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online, whether we're just starting out or managing a growing brand. Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with our audience, our target audience,

Aaron and the Space Angels, and sell anything from products to content to time, all in one place, all on our terms. That's right, and while Aaron's in space, you can watch something like our video collections. You can upload video content to Squarespace, organize your video library, and showcase your content on beautiful video pages.

You can even sell access to your video library by adding a paywall to your content. So even space angels can subscribe and Erin can show them all the stuff we've been on. I'd love to content while some space angels, because those guys are flush. I know that they would pay. And speaking of paying, Squarespace makes checkout seamless for your customers with simple but powerful payment tools, except credit cards, PayPal, Apple pay, and ineligible countries, offer customers the option to buy now and pay later with afterpay and clearpay. And I think, no, not yet, but one day AngelPay will be on this list.

We can only assume that AngelPay will be on this list. And also something very, very helpful is their analytics. You can measure your end-to-end online performance with powerful website and seller analytics, get insights on top traffic sources, hopefully space, understand your reach is growing in space, track sales metrics and learn where to focus new engagement. So if you want to meet those space angels or just kind of start a website, head to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Well, usually the guests we have on our show have a special talent they like to showcase

for the people back on earth. Any talent you'd like to showcase? um I'm molt. I'm not sure if that's something that you Know do you mold or is that noise that a bartending term? I'm sorry. Yeah, the universe and I'm I make malts Do you guys like chocolate milkshakes? I love a chocolate milkshake yet? Malt is the past tense of malt so you drink malts otherwise known as malts. I can drink three malts in under a minute. Prove it. What's that?

Prove it. Okay, so I need to make a malt. You say you don't have water? Do you have ice cream? Nope. We got gin. We got gin ice cream. I guess I could make a gin ice cream malt.

We have an entire crate of whoppers. No citrus. We got gin with no citrus up here. Gin, no citrus, and Burger King whoppers. Okay, let's see what we can make with a kind of like a meat pickle cheese bun, lettuce, That is tomato mayo plus gin, ice cream, and a blender. Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr There's not alcohol in this, is there? Nope. Oh good, because alcohol is poison to my people. It definitely tasted like alcohol. Everyone say goodbye to our guest, the ambassador. Wave goodbye, ambassador. Why wave goodbye?

You poisoned yourself. And Betty, alcohol is poison to everyone. It is, but a little bit of poison can help you get through the day. Huh? Bada boom tsss. Ah! Ah! Well, it's hump o'clock for me. So, it's time to say goodbye.

I hope Earth is doing good without us. I doubt it though. I was the heart and soul of that place. Don't hump on my dead body. Give me a proper burial. I'm not gonna hump you, I hump drums. And now the drums from crying Boo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo see

That went so well Wow, those were the drums from crying. I like how the drums from crying do the melody of that Yeah, I forgot how busy the drums are in crying Okay, Aaron I think you're up next. Yeah, Aaron, it's you next. And there's not gonna be three options. This is just gonna be the one, is that okay? Um, okay, this sort of feels like a hellscape. This sort of feels like my worst nightmare.

Aaron! Huh? This is your hellscape for sure. Yeah. Okay. I feel good about this. Yeah, I'm ready. It's like Hotel California, could be heaven or it could be hell.

No, this is for JPC. What do any of these words mean? Gargamel make a smurf, Aaron. Gargamel make a smurf. Sounds like an Italian dish. Someone taking your photo for like fourth grade, like picture day, they're like, okay, Gargamel make a smurf, Gargamel make a smurf.

Gargamel make a smurf. You're like, what me? Do I smile? One, two, three, four, Hey Riddle Riddle's Clue Crew. Listen to the rest of the episode now by starting your free seven day trial at patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle.