Hey Riddle Riddle - Patreon Preview: #296:The JPC War

Episode Date: November 8, 2024

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All right, all hands, all officers, gather around the map table. It's time to talk strategy. Seems like these bastards are pretty well entrenched. Logistics Officer JPC, what are we looking at in terms of supply lines? Uh, well sir, um, it's all a little bit of a mess. Of course, war is messy. Which can be, was like well predicted, we didn't really think too much before going into it.

Uh, but we got enough, we got some shots of espresso, we got some sandwiches, I think we got two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches left Great thanks. So thank you logistics officer JPC Of course your perfect look a perfect look we all are All right science officer JPC you said that you have you're cooking some new weapon that could give us an edge against the other JPCs Yeah, I basically put guns in the oven. Okay. Have we checked on those?

No. I'll go do that now. No, don't, don't, don't. Go check on it, where whoever you left in charge is already dead. That's fine, no, that's fine. That's why you're the science officer, because you have ideas. General JPC, sir, we're not trying to be negative or anything, looks over at all the other JPCs,

but you're trying to take down original JPC. Original recipe JPC. Yeah. And his brain is such chaos that even clones like us can't possibly get in the mind of such a man. Any advice? Pull yourself together you cum hose! You're a JPC. You have just as much going for you as that other original JPC, more even. He's had 35 years on this earth to deteriorate. you're fresh you newly made strokes your

face you're from a lab a test tube pinches your cheeks you're the secret weapon you all are the secret weapons okay okay come on that was supposed to inspire you get ready to know it wasn't supposed to get you horny. Horny is a compliment. I know, look, we're all JPCs here. Hey, we're all JPCs here. Hey, come on, come on! We're at work!

Okay, now, he would do it at work too, but... Mr. JPC, sir, I'm looking down at this map. Please, please, please, General JPC. General JPC, um... This map looks like the map from Baldur's Gate. I'm not sure at these. Please, please, please, General JPC. General JPC, um This map looks like the map from Baldur's Gate. I'm not sure how applicable it's going to be to our current situation Looks like I paid a lot of money to get the exact replica of the map from Baldur's Gate The original a map that none of us even remember. Did it have a map? Who could say?

But good eye, JPC. Very good eye. Thank you, sir. I'm taking this home with me after war. Do you think, um, original recipe JPC is hidden somewhere on this map? Where do you think he is right now, sir? That's the thing about a JPC. He could be absolutely anywhere. Which is why we've had tracker JPC. Tracker JPC, come out of the shadows. Oh, shit, I forgot that we did something a little different in this clone.

Tracker JPC, yep. We kind of John R. Buckled him, if you know what I'm saying. All the JPCs laugh, all the JPCs laugh at that one. We kinda John R. Buckled him if you know what I'm sayin'. All the JPCs laugh, all the JPCs laugh at that one. Tracker JPC, do you have a location on where Original JPC is holding his command center? Yes. Okay, speak. Well, first, sit. You've been out tracking all day, sit. Oh, thank you.

Lie down. Who? Yeah. Oh, fell asleep. Lie down. Who? Yeah. Oh, fell asleep. Eee-wee-wee-wee-wee. Fell asleep. Well, you get what you pay for. Ah, ah, original JPC. Yes, original JPC.

Where is he, the bastard? Chilis, too. He's at an airport Chilis. The one place we would have definitely looked second. That's the second place. The one place we would have definitely looked second. That's the second place. The one place we would have looked is the second place we would have looked. With chilies. Yeah.

We would have gone for chilies one first, sir, and then looked at chilies two at the O'Hare airport. Is it terminal C? Terminal C at the O'Hare airport, sir. Terminal C at the O'Hare airport? That's where he is? Sir, sir, yes sir. Mr. JPC General, sir. sir yes sir mr. JPC general sir please this is general JPC also I want to clear it up I'm not like general in like a

military instance I'm the general JPC I'm just kind of like the distillation point of JPC general spelled with it's confusing because General is spelled with a J. Yeah. It says General Private Commander, but General's with a J, so it's just a little confusing, because General Private Commander are three different ranks. Yeah, and I'm none of those. Really, what I am is I'm the Jenny's Ice Cream JPC. That's why it's General with a J, because it's really like, it's really just Jenny. I'm Ginny's JPC. Oh, great. Now I want ice cream. And really, I'm also, to be clear, I'm really only Bramble Berry Crisp and the one with

all the chocolate in it. What's that one called? Sir. Black chocolate. Sir, can we get ice cream, sir? Oh, no. Don't let the dog have ice cream. Oh, he's got IBS.

Oh. I mean JPC. Sir, some news from the front front sir. Yes, report. Huh? I have just um Come from the Adel and Aaron command Aaron still refuses to get involved unless it gets more interesting sir and Aaron still refuses to get involved unless it gets more interesting, sir. And Adol is, to be honest, I feel like he's about to tip over and start to join the war. Whose side? Whose side is he on?

He didn't say sir. It seems like he's coming in as a sort of a third party to inspire chaos. And Aaron's camp did say to look to the west on the third day at the light. I don't know what that means. Yeah, he's sort of like an RFK in the war. Say RFKGPC though. RFKGPC. Yeah, he's-

But he's Adol. But yeah, he's Adol, but he's like an RFKGPC and then he's like a spoiler for the JPC wars. Unless he's killed and then it would be RIP RFKGBC. That's half the alphabet sir. We're getting far field Aaron said to look oh, I forgot that we're moving right now. I forgot we put our command post on a truck The Aaron camp said to look to the west on the third day the third light or something. I don't know I wasn't listening, sir

I'm a JPC. We never do. We never do. So something about the third day on the third light But also she's not coming in unless it gets more interesting. Coming. Yeah, we're all JPCs here. Alright, we have an opportunity here. Adol might join the fray Which could be a very big boon to us as long as he is spoiling for our side. In order to do that... I'm trying to do some fray songs. In order to save his life...

How to say, step one, you'd say... JPC, shut up. I'm trying to think of a fray song. Oh, sorry. Okay, well, you can think of it on the cable car on the way over to Adel's camp because I need you to do a little JPC seduction to try to get him to our side. Me? 1, 2, 3, 4, Hey Riddle Riddle's Clue Crew!

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