Hey Riddle Riddle - Patreon Preview #308: This Day In History 5

Episode Date: January 31, 2025

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Here are some things that happened on January 31st throughout the ages. January 31st, 1961. Ham the Chimp, the first hominid launched into space. The United States launched him on a suborbital flight as a precursor to human space travel. I do want to see a scene. His name is Ham the Chimp? Ham, H-A-M, Ham the Chimp. Okay. I do want to see a scene. His name is Ham the Chimp? Ham, H-A-M, Ham the Chimp. Okay.

I do want to see a scene. JPC, you are Ham the Chimp. Aaron, you are one of the NASA astronauts who is trying to train Ham for his trip to space. And that's the scene we see now. Okay. Okay. Now that we got your inner ear acclimated, I think you're about ready to... Cigarette?

What, sorry? Cigarette? No, you can't smoke, Ham. It's 1960, I can... right? Yeah, but your lungs and you definitely, you know you can't smoke when you're in there, right? Because you can't open a window. You can't smoke when you're in there, right. Oh, how to say this? Should I lie? You're about to go into this little box and then the box is sort of going to shake,

right? It's going to be like, and then, oh, my cigarettes, they're going to get all loose. Yeah, they're going to, uh-huh. And then they're going to be sort of floating around and then you'll explode If you light a cigarette Hold on hold on Stand back. I'll explode if I Let a cigarette up there So I have to lay all my cigarettes no, you're not taking any cigarettes with you What?

Why not because we have to have you like sort of baseline? We're just sort of this we're seeing if you kind of implode in your organ. You're not smoking a cigarette over there Yeah, but he's cool. You know hey kid good luck She's trying to see if your organs turn to jelly right and we won't be able to really tell if you're sort of messing with the specimen. You're the specimen. Okay, so I'm like, oh, I'm like a little project for you. Yeah. Oh, you also can't jerk off when you're up there.

No jerking off, no smoking cigarettes. No swearing. No swearing. No swearing? Miss Sullivan? Yes. Director Sullivan, we've brought the monkey's wife. Yeah, I'm a doctor in the 60s and I'm a woman,

can you believe? I'm helping people get the space, can you believe it? I'm polite to your face, but I talk about you terribly around the office, which is weird to the other. Same, same. We brought the monkey's wife. We assume it's its wife, we just found another monkey. Okay. To say goodbye. Same. To the other man. We brought the monkey's wife. We assume it's its wife. We just found another monkey.

Okay. Just say goodbye. Yeah. Give him a minute. Don't go. Don't go. Who the hell are you? Wait, are you? What's your name?

They call me Ham. Okay. My name is Turkey. So beautiful to watch. I'm Turkey the the monkey I don't know what that my name is Jumps oh I see what this is this is kind of like a I can't jerk off up there kind of like a conjugal monkey visit before I go to space yeah I have a baby this This is, um, this is Seesaw. Oh, boy. Seesaw, say hello to your dad. What up, King? Oh, boy. Hey, you know what? Get me to space. You know what I'm saying? I, uh, I did not

know what was going on. Scene. January 31st. Just, uh, not a certain... Wait. I have a quick question. When did we go to the moon? Nine... Sixty-nine... Sixty-nine... Two thousand... Fifty... Seven... Sixty-nine, maybe? I have a quick question. When did we go to the moon? Nine, 16, 69, 2,000,

57, 67, 69 maybe? We can't go back. 69. I think that's about right. But so a monkey went nine years before a person. The monkey went, we all saw what happened to it.

And then it took nine years for everyone to build up the courage. What happened to, did they get him back to earth? Yeah, Aaron, they got him back to an Earth upstate. Nice, beautiful green Earth upstate. Did they send a monkey into space and then it's just in space forever? Is there a dead monkey floating up there? Aaron, listen to yourself, of course there's a dead monkey.

You seriously, guys? I guess that makes sense, because how would he land? Aaron, this monkey ain't working the control panel. They, uh, well now... Oh my god, there's a dead monkey in a box in space. What if aliens find that? I can't remember if there is the dead monkey up there or if they planned for the thing to re-enter the atmosphere, but they did not plan for a live monkey to re-enter the atmosphere, if that makes sense.

What? Oh my god, Aaron, I just... Oh, JPC Aaron, I just realized something. We didn't send a monkey into space and now there's a dead monkey in space. We sent Robbie Williams into space. Oh no. And now there's a dead Robbie Williams in space. Now what is this thing?

Cause it's like, this is like a, I've seen like a picture of a movie where JPC. someone's a monkey. I've seen a picture of a movie. How old are you? JPC, now that you're a dad, I think it's our responsibility to protect you from 90% of what's going on in the internet.

We'll let you know about the hoctuas, we'll let you know about the 10% that we know you'll love. We'll let you know about the ones you should vote for in four years. I feel like I get the hoctuas. I get, when a hoctua coin goes off, that's big enough that it makes it into my orbit. The small stuff is below you now.

Yeah, the Robbie Williams monkey thing, whatever that was, no, nah, nah, dog, nah. Miss me with the monkey man. Miss me with whatever the monkey guy was. Looks like January 31st is International Magic Day. This day celebrates magic and magicians worldwide as it marks the anniversary of the death of the legendary magician, Harry Houdini.

That's kind of fun. I'd like to see it too. I don't know about days that mark the death of someone. I don't know about that. Yeah, why not have it on his birthday? Yeah, do it on his birthday. Why is the death day so important? I think that that's like,

that's in weird taste for like a remembrance. His death day was important because he left like instructions. He's one of the rare people who left. I mean, not like a will and testament, but he left like weird instructions where he was like, I will try and contact my wife. If you are a, not fortune teller,

what do I want to say? A seance, if you like run a seance or something, every day on Halloween or every year on Halloween, I'm gonna try and say my wife's name or something. Maybe a little less instructions about what you're gonna do when you die and more instructions for like, while you're alive, don't punch me as hard as you can or something.

I'd like to see a scene. Adel, you're a magician and you're in the middle of a show and JPC is your audience plant that's on stage with you. And you're doing a very dangerous trick with him and you're about to realize that something's gone horribly wrong Thank you so much for coming up and we've never met right no never tell us your name and where you're from I'm a name is Chris Händelman. I'm from Massachusetts Should I be more specific? No specificity indicates a lie Right when we lie we tend to give too much information.

Oh, okay. Yeah, I never heard that. I mean, I'd heard it once. I had heard it when I was seven. I was a seven year old boy and I heard that a man came to town. What are you doing? Tall man. Kind of looked like Fabio. But not like long hair short hair, like a short hair Fabio came to town, told me that thing about more information. Yes, oh very good. I see what you have, very, very funny.

What do you do for a living? You don't, you're not a magician's assistant or anything, right? No, I am an optometrist's receptionist. And I always have to say that slow. I see, you stepped on my, I am a optometrist's receptionist. And I always have to say it slowly. I see. You stepped on my joke. I am a optometrist's receptionist. I see.

Oh, yes. You don't step. You say it. Am I stepping on you? I'm saying receptionist. I see. Yes, I am an optometrist's receptionist. I work at a Linscrafter.

Yes. I'm very good. There's not actually an optometrist on duty all the time. But I am on. But I work 40 hours a week. I work 35 hours a week. I work 35 hours a week. It's still technically full time for labor employment,

but I work a half shift on Fridays because the office is open half of the time on Fridays. It's every other Friday. Mm-hmm, and this is a real chainsaw, would you agree? I have no idea. Go ahead and touch it. I have no, oh! Why did you run your finger along it? Like you're checking for dust on a table.

I used to touch it, I don't know what kind of touch to touch it, ooh! Okay, okay, is there a doctor, not an optometrist, is there a real doctor in the house? Oh, I ran my finger right across the cheetah. Wait, he never said he was a real doctor, he said he was an optometrist's assistant or secretary. Receptionist.

That's why you kept talking over it. And ma'am, we've never met, right? No, except that one time in 1998. Come on. When we were both stuck in the same elevator. Honey, what are you doing? Who is she? I'm your guy.

Who about my wife? One, two, three, four, eight, Hey Riddle Riddle's Clue Crew. Listen to the rest of the episode now by starting your free 7 day trial at patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle.