Hey Riddle Riddle - Patreon Preview #316: Chuck E. Cheese w/ Elizabeth Andrews

Episode Date: March 28, 2025

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Toby, it's fun. We're gonna have so much fun. We drove all the way out here 45 minutes to Chuck E. Cheese, like... I don't know, Mom. Like, it's all like, it's all like kids' birthday parties. Like, everyone I feel like knows each other. I feel like I was supposed to be here with like friends from like our town and not like into like a different like town where I don't know anybody in the town. Well, the friends in our town thing is not really working out so well. So we're gonna try this, okay? Don't say it like that, mom.

It makes it sound like I'm failing at making friends, which is like, I'm eight, it's like too much to put on me. Okay, well, how would you say it? Don't ask me, I'm eight, I don't know how to say it. I mean, just aren't you supposed to be on my side here? You know what, the ball pit looks fun. I'm eight, I don't know how to say it. I mean, just like, aren't you supposed to be like on my side here, like? You know what, the ball pit looks fun. I'm gonna go over there. I'm gonna get a couple of orange sodas

and then you go in the ball pit. Have fun, try to make a friend. I know what you're gonna get, mom. I don't think they have mimosas at Chuck E. Cheese. I'm gonna ask. Okay, have fun. Okay, just kinda, some of these balls don't exactly look sanitary. I wonder how often they're disinfecting a ball pit. I wonder if you can disinfect a ball pit. Psst. Hey. Hey. Hey.

Um, hello? Hey, uh, you better be careful. You're on the mayor's side. Oh, um... Just looking out for you. Just looking out for you. Who's talking? My name's Donovan. Who's talking? It's me. And I come through the balls. Oh god. Yeah, I'm a young boy.

Uh, sure. Yeah, sure. Yeah, I am. I sure. Yeah, I am. I'm telling you, I am. You're Donovan and, I'm sorry, what? Yeah, I'm Donovan the young boy, and you're on the mayor's side. I'm Toby, I'm sorry, I'm not from this town.

I don't know what's going on. I don't know what the mayor is, I don't know. Ah, boy, it's one of the newbies. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, yeah. You're on the mayor's side, there's's a queen side. There was a war. Hold on. That's two different types of representation, a mayor and a queen. Toby! You want to make a friend? Oh, you're blowing it, Toby. You're blowing it. Yeah, no. Yeah, so I'm... Where are we both on the mayor's side am I on your side or

You you smoke cigarettes Toby? Oh I know I know how I'm supposed to answer this, but I don't wanna Why don't you go first? Well, you're gonna if you're not because yes that war really ripped through this ball pit for decades Who is this kid? Is he new? Oh yeah, hey, this is Charlie. Who's talking? Charlie, reveal yourself.

Coming through the ball pits, has a hat made of a lot of balls. How do you move so well under all the balls? You'll get used to it, kid. You'll be able to swim through these in no time. If you're on the mayor's side, you gotta pay a tax. Right, right. What, you're, okay, so you're Charlie, or I'm sorry, but you two're on the mayor's side, you gotta pay a tax. Right, right. What, you're- okay, so you're Charlie- I'm sorry, but you two are on the mayor's side, or we're against the queen, or do I have to choose a side?

This kid is slow on the pickup. I'm telling ya, I've been talking to him for a minute, but it feels like years. Yeah, kid, we've been here forever. This is a ball pit for kids whose parents forgot them at Chuck E. Cheese. This is a whole economic system, ecosystem here in the ball pit. Yeah. That's not what's happening to me. My mom just drove me here in a blindfold

45 minutes from another town and she's gone. Yeah. I guess it's what's happening to me. Okay, so this is my life now. Yeah, Toby. And this is kind of like a Peter Pan situation where we never grow up. Oh No, no. Yeah Charlie's at least 45. I'm a young boy. I don't think so I think that you're 45 as well. You just have the body of the mannerisms of a 45 year old We don't keep track of days in the way that you keep track of days, Tobin.

He said you're 45. It feels like you have kept track to a certain degree. Time works different here. Are you guys still doing weeks? Are you still doing Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday? Remember Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday? Oh god, I do. Yeah, I mean, I guess we were, but I guess this is my thing. Is it possible could I meet the mayor? Here he comes, here he comes, here he comes.

Oh my god, the mayor, the mayor. How can you tell? I can't see anything. You can hear him coming through the balls, Coby. Oh hello everyone. Wave and wave. Good day everyone. Oh all my subjects are here. Hello I am the mayor. Wait. Good day mayor everyone. Oh, all my subjects are here. Hello, I am the mayor. Wait. Good day, Mayor, good day. Oh, very good to see you, Donovan. And here's, oh, who is this newbie?

Excuse me, your mayer-justee. I'm Toby, I'm new to the- Mayor-justee, it's just mayor, for I'm not the queen. I'm sorry, I'm so confused. You have a big dress and a hat and a scepter and just not a hat a tiara don't question the mayor he's embarrassing us I'm sorry no I'm I'm there I'm there till I die I hate the Queen no how I dare you you're right how dare you? You're right. How dare you? Takes off tiara, puts on top hat.

I am the queen. Puts big sash across chest. I'm the queen and you have upset me. Takes off hat, put on tiara, takes off the sash. Oh no! The queen is upset! For I the mayor have seen it myself. You know I think I I'm gonna try my luck

at like a birthday party that's happening over there. I'm not crazy. Well. I'm not crazy. It just- Toby, we're not crazy. It's just I'm a year three, obviously 45 year old man that live in the ball pit. I just think I have to be,

I'm gonna try to make some other friends. Good luck getting out of the ball pit, Toby. Huh? These balls are slippery. Good luck. You're not getting out of the ball pit, Toby. Huh? These balls are slippery. You're not getting out of the ball pit. He thinks he can get out of the ball pit. Alright, see you guys. I'm gonna go to my birthday party. Bye.

Oh, he's doing it. Oh. No, he got pulled under. Oh, good. Okay, good, good, good. I miss my parents. Okay, good, good, good. I miss my parents. I guess we gotta go out there and play another set. Are you ready Birdsy?

You ready to sing backup vocals Birdsy? Yeah, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready! You know what really irks me? What? We get out there, we play three to four songs and then the curtain drops and we come backstage, we have a smoke, we have some sandwiches. These kids treat us like we're robots or something. They do! It's disgusting. We...

I spent 22 years in vocal college learning to sing, and they treat us like we're just run-of-the-mill androids. Yeah! You find that when you get in your car and you drive home, everyone's acting like you're an android. Oh, yeah. Yeah, Mrs. Cheese, everyone. Wait, wait. an Android oh yeah yeah mrs. cheese everyone wait wait wait a second wait a second Pascuali here you guys aren't animatronics no you're your creatures like flesh and blood creatures well flesh in metal. Right! Wires and brain. You're describing an android right?

Metal and flesh? If I'm an android why am I plugged in? I gotta be honest with you guys I'm an animatronic. Oh. Yeah. I'm like all circuits and you know gadgets inside. Okay so if I stabbed, you wouldn't feel anything? No, but you could fuck up something in my like circuits or something. It's not like... I don't have nothing in there. It's like... I stab ya. I'm stabbing ya. Well, that's a bad example because that didn't hit anything vital.

There is like fur and like stuff like that on me. See, fur is grown in nature, right? I mean, I only went to vocal school, I'm not a learned mouse, but I assume, you know, that that's fur is only found in nature, right? The fucked up part is that I'm Pasquale. I look like a huge- I'm the only one in this band that looks like, I gotta say, an Italian cartoon of a man. Okay, let's go through the band.

Pasquale on keyboards, we got Birdie on pom poms, I'm Charles Entertainment on vocals, we have, I wanna say like a sad dog on drums. There's a sad dog. Yeah, that's Wolf. I wanna say it's Jasper is the sad dog. Okay, what? My name is wolf wolf. That's right And what was my mother was like a gorilla on drums at one point or was that showbiz that was showbiz that was showbiz

I think I play drugs Okay, five minutes to the next show everybody Okay, five minutes to the next show everybody. Hey, hey, hey, Donna. The person that tells us five minutes to the next show, they must know that you guys are like sentient beings, right? Did someone say my name? Oh, yeah, Birdie here. Birdie said Donna. Uh, yeah, I was just wondering about PTO. Hi Birdie.

Hi Donna. Hi Birdie. Oh, here we go again. Hi Donna. Hi Birdie. Hi Donna. Hi Birdie. Oh here we go again. Hi Donna. Hi Birdie. Hi Donna. Hi Birdie. You were wondering about what? PTO. Oh you want some time off to do what? Go on a date? Yeah my wife's pregnant, baby coming soon. What? Baby coming down the pipeline real soon. Oh yeah I forgot that we programmed memories into you guys. Programmed! Programmed memories?

Programmed memories? If I have programmed memories, then why do I remember fighting in the Korean War? Yeah, exactly. Who did this? Todd programmed them with some really weird specific stuff. No one goes to college for 20 years. I dated Juliet Binoche. What was Todd smoking? I remember the Hindenburg. Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Listen to the rest of the episode now by starting your free 7-day trial at Patreon.com slash Hey Riddle Riddle.

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