Hey Riddle Riddle - Patreon Preview #320: Penguin Baseball League Championship Game

Episode Date: April 25, 2025

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Good evening and welcome to tonight's championship game for season two of Penguin Baseball League. The ball is the egg and boy oh boy, all birds not to choose have been involved in this season. It's been quite exciting. Isn't that right Ramona? It is Squab. I cannot believe a full year has gone by since we were calling the last Penguin baseball game. It is a beautiful day out here. The field is freezing, our box is warm,

and I am so excited to see these birds play baseball. My box is warm though. Squab, don't play it. Squab, we're at work, honey. You're right, you're right. I'm Squaw Buker and this is my partner, not just in crime, Ramona Falcon, the owl. And hey, it's kind of fun.

The New Orleans night owls are in the championship game. You're an owl, Ramona, how does that feel? It feels fantastic to see that sort of representation out on the field. Yes, the night owls are a bunch of partiers, but I think that kind of energy is gonna bring a lot of spice and fuel to this game tonight. That is correct, and of course they're facing off against the Tampa Bay Shrimp Shredders, so it's sure to be a fucked up game. Oh yes, we have found out all season the Shrimp

Shredders have been really getting their horrible horrible horrible flamingo claws into the competition. They have made some of these games unwatchable and quite frankly nauseating to sit through. And typically we're joined by our West Coast correspondent Chip Doof but of course since you two used to be involved we figured that would be uncomfortable to have him correspond from the West Coast correspondent Chip Doof, but of course since you two used to be involved we figured that would be uncomfortable to have him uh correspond from the West Coast so we have him here on site in between the two of us. Please welcome Chip Doof. Chip? Thank you, sorry uh Squab, sorry Ramona, I appear to be on a little bit of a delay. But you're here, you're here on site with us. You're here in person Chip.

Chip? Chip doof? That's right, I am here with you in person. I don't exactly know how this is happening, but. Must be jet lag or something. It could be jet lag. Obviously I flew in early, early, early this morning from Malibu, California.

And boy are your wings, oh, you're a human never mind Sorry Yes, of course squad but yes, I am a human so I couldn't make the classic joke or I guess I could Because humans make the joke. I guess for birds It's not a joke because their wings would be tired over a long distance. Chip this is especially disorienting for me because you are sitting between us and yet there is a delay in the audio and also we have not seen each other. I could move if it's gonna be uncomfortable for you

Ramona I don't want to make. Obviously I said it at the wedding I'll say it here again. I'm a huge supporter of everyone moving on. You're saying that with your words, but not your actions, Chip. You are sort of doing one thing with your mouth and very other things with the stuff that you're doing. Let's leave what is the courts to the courts, okay? Because alimony doesn't really make sense. Ow-a-lamony. Ow-a-lamony.

In a context where you and your ex have the same job and the same salary. So it just feels like I'm being asked to pay, you know, and it doesn't. It is funny that you think we have the same salary. What I did get promoted back in December, the same month that you and I finalized our divorce. Okay, well then being paying Owl-a-mony seems, Owl-a-mony he seems a little more I mean, what are we doing here? I mean tell us what players you're excited to watch out there on the pitch today Well, I think I'm most excited just in name alone to see New Orleans night owls star squab Dylan

Come up to the plate. He's been having a hell of a season I'm also very very curious to see what happens with egg bigio Of the night owls as well as Paris Geet all rich sort of a poor man's Fawny depth and of course on the shredder side. We have just a lot of a lot of nasty birds We have screech Osama bin Osama bin Robin never get used to saying that name Alex Rod geese goose, of course has been an absolute superstar in the game sort of redefining how you can catch an egg and Also chicharone chicharone. I feel like we're gonna see some very exciting plays from chicharone this game for the shredders

That's right squab and I'm just getting this updated list of the Tampa Bay Shrimp Shredders roster and it looks like the following birds are dead. Screech, Osama Bin-Robin, Alex Rodriguez Goose and Chicharron. Oh. That is half the team. That's how they play. Those are the four I named. Am I doing this?

That's how they play Penguin Baseball. The Shredders have had an incredible season. That's how they play. Those are the four I named. Am I doing this? Am I doing this? That's how they play Penguin Baseball. The Shredders have had an incredible season. We can't quite say why they're in the final because of all the fucked up shit. And I'm sorry, obviously I bought a little bit of a delay, but if we could just bleep that. They've been doing this season, but they're here in the finals, but it hasn't been a road without a long, I guess it would be more of a flight since it's birds, but they can't fly so they have to walk.

So it's still a road because a lot of the team has perished this season. Right, and we anticipated that there would be some chaos this season because all birds, not the shoes, were invited into the league. So we figured there'd be some bumpy roads, some things to have to iron out. We could not have anticipated the amount of blood,

guts, and gore that would happen at the Shrimp Shredder games. But on the Night Owl side, we saw some down the middle great penguin baseball being played by some of these players. Obviously, McCaw Culkin sort of came back with a vengeance in the midway through the season, and sort of, I'll say it, I'll say it,

became the star of the team. Home plate alone is what people have been chanting. Also- Which I, how do we feel about that chant before you sort of try to move past that so quickly? We don't, I'm being told- You said it, Squab, and then you tried to dash away from it. I'm being told the producers are saying

we have to move on. Ramona, I do wanna say, and I guess there's, you know, there's no real time in a championship game to have sort of Under the table talk so Ramona I do want to say I got a new journal last night and I'm a little worried that it's a Death Note situation because The four players of the Shredders I mentioned have just turned up dead So I'm gonna stop writing in that journal and if the cops come burn the journal

Of course, honey, and if you do choose to write in the journal again, do I have a name suggestion for you? And it rhymes with hip hoof. Chip? Today's game is brought to you by Feather Butter. Wait, what the fuck? If your feathers are feeling a little tired and under the weather, try Feather Butter.

Feather Butter. You can't believe it's not butter because it doesn't have the smell, consistency, or taste of butter. Feather butter. When you're in the mood for butter, feather butter. Feather butter, better feather. And I'm reading that verbatim.

Verbotim. That is what they wanted me to read. That's not a mistake. That's not a mistake. That's not a misspeak. That's their copy. And it looks like, oh, it looks like it's time for the start of the game. We're gonna have the bird national anthem.

So let's all take off our head feathers or caps and we will put our wings folded behind our back as we hear the bird national anthem. And of course the bird national anthem this year is gonna be sung by none other than Jelly Roll or if anyone has a bird pun on Jelly Roll, say it now. We'll give about 20 seconds for that. We'll leave a few seconds for anyone to think of

another bird pun for Jelly Roll. Jelly crow, that's nothing. pun for Jelly Roll. Jelly Crow. Jelly Crow. Jelly Crow. Jelly Crow. Jelly. Jelly. Jelly.

Jelly. Jelly. Um, oh, looks like Jelly Roll is dead. It's Jelly Roll! Okay! A bird from the audience has been plucked out, pun intended. To sing the bird national anthem. Oh, and the, it looks like the emergency team was about to administer CPR,

but now that the anthem is being sung, they have to put down their equipment and pay homage. Squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk. Sounds like the bird forgot the words. Squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk. Oh no, oh, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock, national anthem that was two princes sung by a bird whose feathers had all been plucked out. And just another moment as they remove a necrotizing jelly roll from the field. Squab Chip what are some of your favorite penguin baseball traditions? I know some people were a little bit worried about the game changing so much letting all birds not the shoes in this year but uh what are some of your favorite things that make penguin baseball penguin baseball

to me and that's an excellent question Ramona sweetie let me just give you a little smooch right bit right let me lean over I would say number one thanks for asking Ramona gotta be oh oh no I'm sorry. Go ahead. No, please. Oh, gotta be Confrontations in the parking lot. Okay. No and you go Listen to the rest of the episode now by starting your free seven-day trial at patreon.com slash. Hey riddle riddle