Hey Riddle Riddle - Patreon Preview #327: Three Funerals

Episode Date: June 13, 2025

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Oh man. Hey, it's good to see you. Good to see you, JPC. This is a tough day. Aaron's funeral. That's a, I mean, wow, heavy, heavy stuff. Yeah, it doesn't, I think it hasn't sunk in yet. Yeah, yeah, for me as well. Hey, I was thinking about this on the way over here. Are we committing? You're continuing the podcast? Oh, well, no, I feel like we better talk about that later. I was going to ask, are we telling people,

or are people kind of, are we going with the age that she was or the age that she told people she was? I think we split the difference so we so 47. 47 okay yeah yeah that's yeah okay that feels right maybe I just won't get too specific with it because that's even sadder right yeah yeah talk about the the age yeah and oh sorry let me pop test test one two pop test test I'm. She said she said everything's content So I know she wanted to have her she will be a podcast Do you see some of her Boston relatives in the parking lot? Yes. Yeah, they're sort of a tailgating. Yeah, they're grilling Dunkin Donuts, which

Seems a little crude it's the accent I can't quite get past because I was sure that what they were calling me were slurs But they were words that I've never heard before. Yeah. They definitely felt derogatory and I got that like it hurt my soul to hear But I just never heard the words before, you know. I got called a Tiddly-dunk. I don't know what Tiddly-dunk is but it sounds bad. Yeah, it sounds hateful, right? Yeah, the way it's said.

The way that they say it. I also feel bad because I laughed because, you know, Aaron's family was like, Nah, don't put my daughter on the ground or whatever the Boston accent sounds like. Or something like that. I can't do it. It sounds so stupid when you like, Oh, no, my baby girl. To do it. You know, it's like, I'm not my darling, like, don't touch my baby girl. That's a doubt. Yeah. Pock the casket at Harvard's Hamilton.

Or whatever. Like, it just sounds stupid. Hey, oh, battle. Either way, we're kind of drawing a crowd and they're loving it. So like, keep going, my man. Because like, you're like, definitely the funniest guys at this wedding.

Or whatever this is. Should we sort of weaken that Bernie's Aaron for some of these? Because I feel like people probably want to cuddle with Aaron. Oh, I thought it was going to be a closed casket. I'll try to open it. I think closed was in parentheses, so it's like a...

I couldn't tell because it was a voice memo if it was a closed casket or they were saying that she's wearing clothes in the casket. But either way, I'm opening the casket. Um, I also feel like are you going to get up and speak? At all? I just want to make sure we're not covering the same thing.

Yeah, I'm gonna do a type five. I'm gonna do crowd work mostly though. Are you gonna bring up the fact that Aaron died by walking up to Joshua Jackson, slipping on a loose stick of butter, gliding for two miles on straight asphalts before being hit by a runaway horse being ridden by a monkey.

Oh my God, I wasn't really gonna mention that. The newspaper just said it was a funny death. I didn't actually hear about all the details. Yeah. And the obituary just said funny. It was like when they typed out ha ha ha ha, I was like, wow, this must be really funny because the obit writer is like ha ha ha laughing. Yeah

Hey guys wicked sad day, huh? I'm father Henry. I'm gonna be doing the service this evening. Oh, yeah, I ginuflect Kiss I kiss your rings. Oh Sorry, sorry, we're not we're not Boston Catholics. I know I know so we don't understand kind of all the you know bite What Catholic Church are you biting the priest's fingers you weirdo? Yeah There's those ones where they like handle snakes and shit. So what you know the churches where they like pull out snakes And they're like look at a snake. Yeah, Pentecostal Catholics Catholic Church Pentecostal it's all Christian right theentecostal? It's all Christian, right? The family wants to know if you two plan on speaking.

We're just gonna do like a type five. Yeah, which family? Because I know that this is like Boston, are we talking about like the mafia? Yeah, we have the... What was her... The five families? What was the guy's last name? Whitey Bulger?

He had all the different families? No. We're talking about smooths the smooths smooths. That's right It's yeah, the smooths want to know if you are Gonna speak and if it's gonna be appropriate Cuz you know I was gonna The funeral we want to be Appropriate I'm only asking you guys that because of the way you're dressed It's not you know our Achi band outfits. Yeah Yeah, we were gonna sing mariachi band, which is traditionally pretty much just music

But we were gonna kind of like we got kind of like freestyle lyrics on top Yeah, but you guys are not so no so this feels a little culturally insensitive For a funeral, huh? We're gonna free We're not we're not gonna sing Maria. She's song is appropriate for a funeral. Huh, we're gonna free, we're not gonna sing Mary Ashley's songs. It's gonna be like a freestyle like JBC said, but like Hamilton. It's gonna be like Hamilton. Oh, that's worse.

I'm gonna give you guys these altar boy outfits. You're gonna have to wear them if you wanna speak at the funeral. Put these on. Father? Yep. We just wanna make sure, we couldn't get the casket open.

We just wanna make sure she was not open. The sweater. Was she buried in the sweater? Actually I'm not supposed to say anything but whoever cries the most at the funeral it's in her will that they get the sweater so. Off her corpse or? No she's not wearing it now. She's. That's what I answered the first question. Okay well does does she... You know... You'd rather I be on her corpse? You weirdo, you pervert. You want a sweater that's just been on a dead body?

I can get you one. Weirdo, pervert. Someone listens to the show. Okay, okay. Alright. That's just... I'm not going to tell you what else is in our will, but she has certain things that she wanted to happen at our funeral Hey father and we didn't eat because we thought it's a come having had and we did the other thing didn't eat no we

We didn't even have any of the grilled donuts in the parking lot the tailgate now there. We didn't trust those Do you have any drinking gin and tonics and eating grilled? Frosting donuts. Do you have any drinking gin and tonics and eating grilled? Frosting donuts. Do you have any of those priests? Those thin little wafers the wafers the neck priest the body of Christ No No, we don't we don't want that. We just want the thin crackers. Yeah, okay. Well, we body pre body I guess I guess I can give you the wafers, but They're not blessed. So they're not the body of Christ. They're just wafers

Yeah, they're not gonna fill you up. It's like when it becomes the body of Christ. It's like eucalyptus or something Yeah, you look this the eucalyptus it goes through the eucalyptus the eucalyptus were Eucharist Yeah, same thing quality. Hey, you're your party not mine Okay. Well, yeah, and you can't have any of the wine. Oh, come on. Was this open to the public, or was this invite only? Because I'm not, I mean, I'm obviously seeing like Erin's kind of like Boston family,

but I'm not seeing like friends. Did she? Did she have friends? Well, she always said that she had competition. Um, I don't necessarily ever- Did she say that? No, yeah, she did. Yes, yes, she did. Yes, Father, she did.

I don't necessarily know that she ever called- Lying is a sin. Friends. Oh, well, then Aaron's going to hell. Father. Hey, hey. I'm sorry to say. Hey.

Oh, yeah, I'm sorry, that's your call, my Lord. Wait, what'd she lie about? Age. Yeah, what'd she lie about? Age. Yeah, yeah. She died at a very young, 33. You took money. You took money, you just lied. Father, you just lied.

No. Yeah, and Jesus was 33 too, Father. Wink, wink. Yeah, he was. Sure. Wink. Yeah, 33, yeah, okay. He was.

Yeah, and I'm 33. I'm 36, Father. Wink. All right, I don't know, okay. He was yeah, and I'm 33. I'm 36 father wink All right, I don't know what you guys are on about but um the family wanted you to go first so no They all they seem saying Everybody wanted us to go first. Yeah, I understand that her family wanted us to go first, but that's not how you don't get to pick Like unless you're like an assassin you know right? Right, you guys are not gonna continue the podcast without her, I would be insane. She's sort of the heart of the show.

Oh. How could you, who, think of anyone, who's someone who could replace her? Brooke Bright. Well, yeah, we could do Brooke Bright. Dang it. Olivia Nielsen. Just anyone that Erin considered competition,

I think would be a good friend. Okay, I guess everyone was on a team with Olivia Nielsen. Really good. Laila Gorstein would also probably be a good. Laila Gorstein would be awesome. Father, I saw on the program that Mitch is gonna carry the casket. He's the sole pallbearer.

Is that, can he? Yeah, Erin thought it would be funny. Okay. She's gonna be really high up. Yeah, yeah. Cause he's six, seven. You know, I'm gonna get. She's gonna be really high up. Yeah Cuz he's six seven, you know I'm gonna get I'm gonna just take your seats. You guys maybe sit in the front row. Don't bother the family though They're going through enough. So we have special zone Yeah, yeah, you have to wear

Parka I thought we would at least make it to the dais. Do we not get to be up on stage? No, no, I went unless you're talking. Okay, so here we go. I'll pop up. Oh, go ahead father. Um, Thank you all for gathering here today to celebrate the life and times of Aaron Teresa Keefe Born in 1991 November 10th. Sure, wink. In Boston, Massachusetts. Big laugh from the crowd.

Ah! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Big laugh from the crowd. Huge laugh. Mostly from her family. 1, 2, 3, 4, Hey Riddle Riddle's Clue Crew. Listen to the rest of the episode now by starting your free 7 day trial at patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle.