Hey Riddle Riddle - Patreon Preview #335: Vegas, Baby

Episode Date: August 8, 2025

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Right. Right. And, and you did such a good job cutting my hair. And I love it. It looks so good. You're so talented what you do. I love it. If you could just recut my bangs, it would mean so much to me.

You're great, though. I love my haircut. I'm not crying. These are tears of joy. But just sort of if the bangs could be in the front of my head and not the back of my head. I'm sorry. You're talking to me? No.

You know, it doesn't matter. I have social anxiety. have to have my headphones at all time, and I have to listen to POD really loud because of my social anxiety. So you pay at the front. Right. Okay. I'll, and I'll have backbangs then. For the very first time. And I'll have backbanks. And that's good. And is this my bill? Hey, I'm done. Hey, I'm done. You pay at the front. Okay. I'm going. I'm going to the front. I don't know what that is. I didn't, I wasn't even... What is this? Huh. You have been chosen. This is nice letterstock. This is like heavy.

hefty stuff. Bless you. You have been chosen. Meet at the Bellagio Fountain at 6 p.m. Friday, August 1st. Burn after reading a dooby-doo-doo-be-do. This is special. And this is not from you?

Take out your headphones. Take out your headphones. And this is not from you? Do not rip someone with social anxiety's headphones out of their ears. I wasn't touching the... Okay, now I miss the best part. and I have to go re-listen. Okay, thank you for the backbanks.

Uh, yes, I had the steak. You can just put that down. And this is medium rare. All right. Let me just, uh, sorry, do you mind staying at the table? I just want to make sure that this is cooked properly. Of course, sir. Oh, something my, sorry, my knife is not really making it all the way through the steak.

Some, what the fuck? It appears to be getting caught on something, sir. There's a car. in the middle of my steak. Did a cow, did you, like, find a cow that was, like, eating cards? That's very removed from my part of the job, sir. I'm the waiter. Yeah, I guess the buck stops nowhere these days.

But maybe this is, like, a proposal or something. People are putting rings and all sorts of stuff. No, I'm already happily married to a woman whose name escapes me at the moment. Oh, that's weird. You come here at 10 a.m. most weekdays and have a full steak and a full bottle of red wine. Yes, dinner time, of course. Forget, I ask.

I'll leave you two reading your card. What does this say here? You have been chosen. Meet at the Belagio Fontaine at 6 p.m. Friday, August 1st. Burn after reading? There's much better Cohen Brothers movies than that. my God. What a comical misunderstanding. No, you're absolutely right. This is 100% on me. I saw the sign

outside that said parent-teacher conferences tonight. And I am a parent. I just didn't know you would have to have a child enrolled at this school. I guess I'm sorry for wasting your time. Sir, please give us back some of the school lunches that you stole. So these were purchased legally by an intermediary. No. A, it means third party. Can you let those two kids go, please? I can't do anything, okay? The choices here are all being made by you.

It feels like you're trying to kidnap them because they have cool skateboards. If I wanted the skateboards, I'd just take the skateboards, okay? Obviously, the kids have strong hands and good backs, and I think that they could do yard work, which I would be paying them in sandwiches. But I can see that my money is no good here. So I'm going to do, you won better. I'm going to extracrate myself from the situation. Yes, it is.

You'd know that if you ever went to third grade, which is where we are, which is actually pretty low in terms of being smart. Sir, there's something stuck to the bottom of your shoe. That's mine. It came in with that. That's mine. I keep it.

It wasn't something I picked up here at the school. What the fuck is this? You have been chosen me at the Belug guy. Excuse me, third grade. Can you read this? Um, let's see here You have been chosen Meet at the Bellagio Fountain

at 6 p.m. Friday, August 1st, burn after reading. That's not the best Coen Brothers movie. How would you know? You're a teacher. In fact, I'm going to take this skateboard, I'm going to take this card that I paid for, and I'm going to get out of here. Let's hit the burn after reading.

Well, I fucking, you burn it then. Out drag ass. Fire, fire, fire. Fire. Time to say goodbye Oh, there, Andre Buccelli Owl. Oh, Adel!

Whoa, Aaron, get out of the fountain. Aaron, get out of the fountain. You get out of the fountain. Why came in here to save you? The sprayer's going to start spraying. Yeah, I thought I could maybe sort of go for a ride. Forget it. Slosh is out of a fountain.

What the heck are you doing here? Aaron, Addle, what are you guys doing here? Oh, my God. Wee! See, I told you! Holy shit, that was the greatest thing that's ever happened to be in the... Oh, my God. Now I have to wait 15 fucking minutes before that forget it.

That was awesome. Yeah. Holy shit. Aaron, you look great. JPC. You look... Did you get a haircut? Or is that...

Yeah, they're back bangs, and they're in, and they're cool. Oh, back bangs. The bangs are in the back. Whatever. back in my day we used to just call it doggy style you guys are you on Vegas Aaron back bangs

doggy style back bag you've been doing this with your sexual innuendos lately I'm trying to move past them she doesn't get it Are you guys on vacation here Adol I can picture you like in Vegas JPC not so much what are you guys doing here I was

here for the buffets and of course for the escape rooms and for the sphere. I don't know if you saw Averillovina's playing the sphere. I did see that. It was my cover as well. I would love to lie about this, but I choose not to. I received a mysterious invitation from a third grader

to come out here and meet at this fountain at 6 p.m. on, I guess, today. Yeah. I'll guess first burn after reading. There are better Cohen Brothers movies than that. There are better Big Lobowski, number one with a bullet. People didn't like it when it came out. Really? Yeah.

You guys, it's a note. There's another note. Stock to JPC's shoe, let me grab it. It's mine. It's mine. I can't read it, but it's mine. I came here with it. It's not part of whatever. I came here with this.

It's my note. Hmm, I'm going to read it. Hello. Hello. I am the mastermind. The planner. The boss. The Danny Ocean, if you will.

I will. I will reveal myself in. good time. Now. But for now... Do it now. Reve yourself in good time? The robber pants...

There's better robber pats. What? Water for elephants? Fuck off. So you're saying water should go to elephants. I'm trying to read. I'm trying to read this thing. Oh, sorry.

Here's an opportunity to make millions, perhaps billions of dollars. Okay. Tonight we rob a casino. You can choose which one on the strip to hit, okay. We're rubbing it. Guys, we're oceans 11 again. Oh, I was just going to choose Adel. He chose me.

Oh, my God. Now my arm's asleep. I hit JPC. Do I get a billion dollars? You must decide your roles. Oh, shit. One of you needs to be the tech wizard man in chair. Not it? Well, that should be Casey.

One, the acrobat, and the other, a con artist in disguise. I'd rather be like the Danny Ocean. No, I think that part's already taken and it's some mysterious figure. No, no, Aaron, like writing cards and leaving them for people to find kind of thing. I feel like that's, that role's already taken. I feel like we need it, because I'm confused. I could still do it. All right, I don't even know.

Oh, there's, it comes with a walkie-talkie. So do I. Hey, this is, uh... Addle. What do you say? So do I. It comes with a walkie-talkie. Ew, where are you putting it?

Is it the vibration from it or are you putting it inside you? Do not answer that. Antenna in the peehole. Oh, my God. I didn't even consider that. Aaron. I didn't even consider antenna in the peahole. One, two, three, four.

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