Hey Riddle Riddle - Patreon Preview #340: The Cryptid Hunters

Episode Date: September 12, 2025

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Hey everybody. This is Chris Donkifornia Crumbs. I'm coming to you from the Everglades. I'm here with the team. And we are, of course, on another one of our famous cryptid hunts. Guys, get in here. Introduce yourselves. What's up? I'm Nova Kane. I'm sort of the young gun around here. Obviously, my dad is famous in the same. field um just trying to follow in his footsteps yeah and it's chiboy tusk rutker uh i'm sort of the grizzled vet um former military and that i guess i was disgraced military was in a national guard for one day i got kicked out for taking pictures um during the video they played us uh but sleeveless shirt specifically for using flash right because it was videos were allowed but you just couldn't use flash vids and pics were allowed no flash i felt like the lighting wasn't great i used flash and um i was dishonorably discharged um still got a purple heart i'm wearing i'm wearing a

purple heart condition i have a ton of uh tattoos the doctor said you i'm sorry the doctor said you had the purple a purple heart condition okay you got me i have a purple heart condition uh it's not a metal it is a um hindrance I have, they said, years to live, which is not great. That's how my dad died at the young age of 87. Tusk, it's always good to have you here, brother, Nova, always good to bring you along. And me, Donkey Fornia, the one who put it all together.

And we are here in the Everglades hunting another cryptid for all of you out there in cryptid land. That's right, we are here chasing down the legendary BBM. of course the big bug lizard but you know for those that know they know we call it the bbl we call it the bbl and it's one of the more evasive cryptids you can find the everglades um are a wonderful condition to hide in you have marshy swampy waters you have tall grass um there's also there's so many nooks and crannies hot wet above the water under the water obviously this is personal for me, my dad, citizen, Kane, died trying to find the BBL, sort of his life's work.

Hey, Nova, he didn't die trying to find the BBL. That's how he lived. Wow. Thank you. That means a lot. But didn't he die looking for it? Yeah. Sorry. Didn't he die looking for it? Yeah, I guess technically, yeah, but I think he was trying to, it's fine. What I was trying to do was frame it. Oh. Yeah. So like, yeah. But no, he did. Yeah, he did. His last word was Rosebud, which he scrawled on a leaf. Yeah, do you think that that's relevant? We're going to keep that in mind when we're looking for the BBL. He's sort of left behind some clues. And the last thing he said to me...

I think it was probably because his name was Citizen Kane. Yeah, probably just a tip of the head to the movie. Yeah, I don't know. The last thing he said to me was, I think I'm going to find it today. I'm getting close. If I die Someone stopped me from finding it Wait, he said if I die

Someone stopped me from finding it Not somebody stopped me Allo the mask He said it like Jim Carrey at the mask But somebody stop me Like that? Yeah, he said it just like that Suspicious

Well I mean we're out here taking our life Into our own hands but we are trained seasoned professionals. The BBL, it's venomous, it's also poisonous. So it injects venom, and if you bite into it, there's poison in there. Two different things. So it's two different things. It's like magma and lava.

It's one of the, and it's got magma and lava as well, I think. It's one of the most dangerous apex predators in all of cryptozoology. Yeah. We know more about aliens than we do the BBO. It's crazy that as a species, humans, we know more about the humble alien than we do the BBL, which lives here on our planet in the Everglades. And ever since we found that humble alien at the crash site, I feel like, what a sweetheart.

Oh, my God. He was so sweet. He was like, oh, my God, no, my ship's not even that impressive. You guys, though, like the stuff you, the art you've made on Earth. Like, that was so sweet. We were like, we found an alien and he was all, who, me? Yeah. He did sort of like the Shirley Temple, like, who me, little, little, little me?

He cleaned up the whole crash site. He cleaned up the whole crash site, and he goes, I don't want to be a problem. And he also, he brought a veggie tray from his home planet. Right. Because he was like, I never come to another planet empty handed. That's just rude. So I feel like the humble alien, we thought about trying to catch him, but technically not accrypted. Also just a sweetheart.

So we're not going to trouble him. Yeah, a total sweetheart, capable of speech. And donkey, can you talk a little bit about... It's donkiforna. Sorry, yeah, just... Yeah, just use my whole crypto zoology name, like, because... No, but we said we should start it. For branding, you know.

I thought it was sort of like a fun nickname. What about I call you donk? Well, it's donkifornia. That's like calling cryptid hunters, cons. Yeah, it's the place I was conceived plus the first animal that bit me. It's, like, important for, like... All right, well, we're shooting this on film, and we'll have to keep this in, so... What ratio?

What race am I? 70? What? Donkey Fornia, can you talk a little bit about the history of the BBL? Like, obviously people for hundreds of years have claimed sightings and stuff. But, like, tell us a little bit about the background. The BBL goes back into the 15th century when I want to say Magellan or possibly Cortez was in this part of the world searching for something called the Fountain of Youth. You see... The fountain of you.

Fountain in you. Holy shit, that was cool. Keep, yeah, do that. Definitely keep doing that. Horton of you. Locals had long held a legend that there were something in these swamps that gives eternal life, but it was protected by a creature that could bring eternal death. Eternal death.

Now, it's just regular death. Yeah, all death is eternal. Yeah, all death is, all death is. But anyway, the creature was very, very dead. Now, the BBL is, of course, a big bug lizard. Now, I know what you're thinking. How can a lizard be a bug? And how can a bug be big?

Donk. How can a lizard be a bug? A lizard can be a bug if it's both. Fascinating. This thing has arms. This thing has wings. It has exoskeleton, intro skeleton, both. Mm-hmm.

Indochinos. Wings. It drinks Topo chico. Topo chico. This thing's got almost everything. Antine. Pincers. Mm-hmm.

Cold blood. A girlfriend. We assume unless this thing is eternal. Because there's no proof that it's reproducing. It could be the only one that actually exists out here in this swamp. The last of its kind. And that's pretty common. in our field. We don't have a family of big foot, big feet, if you will. We have one big foot.

We don't have a family of lock nest monsters. We have a lock nest monster. Yeah. We thought there was a bevy of chupacabras, but it was just one chupacabro. People ask, how could this be? Are these creatures, you know, unkillable? Do they live forever? That may be the case. the guess is it's anyone's guess there's research of course in the field the theory that most cryptozoologists work with is that these creatures have super traditional family structures and that the wife most often stays home where the male would go out and you know forage and gather so we'll never see like a female trooperabra because they're at home Well, unless you watch sex in the city, in which case, you'll see four.

That's what HBO isn't telling you. Think back. Think back. Remember every time Carrie was eating, that was a goat. Now, chupacabras are goat suckers, and I know one of them that was definitely a goat sucker. Samantha. Samantha was the goat of suckers. Of suckers.

Of suckers. Could have taught a class on it. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. One, two, three, four, Hey Riddle Riddle's Clue Crew. Listen to the rest of the episode now

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