Hey Riddle Riddle - Patreon Preview #344: King Mumbles pt. 2 w/ Brooke Breit

Episode Date: October 10, 2025

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You guys, I didn't put on deodorant this morning. Can we hurry this along? I can smell myself. Aaron, we're in olden time. No one's wearing deodorant, I don't think. Everyone's got like bags of flowers or whatever. Well, you smell amazing. I feel like an idiot. Thank you. Oh, well, I mean, Adel and I have deodorant because we're like, you know, humans and we put it on in the morning. You're hurting my feelings. You must know that you're hurting my feelings, right? Must I?

I guess I must. My general overall point was, can we pick up the pace on this? Like, I don't want this to be like a month, you know? Like, I don't think this needs to be a full month worth of stuff. Like, let's just figure this out next 15 minutes, do a chatterbox, do like a small, medium or large, yes. Aaron, is that since you smell like shit, I don't know, should also smell like shit. So we should really quick roll around and pig shit together. Okay, if you want to roll around in pig shit, baby see.

I do. I really just want somebody to tell me that that's what a good boy would do. Oh, wait a minute. Here's a wooden sign. I assume it's wood. I don't know what signs were mad. Back now. Take a bite, Mr. Bight.

Oh, it's chocolate. Whoa. I guess that's why they call it the Dark Ages because we didn't know that they made signs out of chocolate. Well, before you ate it, it said castle is this way. So it looks like where's the right track. Let's hurry there. I'm sure there'll be more pig shit. We can roll in later.

Let's go ahead and we're going to get to. King Bumble's Castle right now. And I think, it's obviously that's the way that we get home. Why do we think we're doing this? Oh. I mean, obviously it's like typical quest stuff. You go to the castle.

You talk to the king. You get to go home. Can I tell you a funny story of something that happened to me last week? I went to the show and I had to get my will call tickets. And I went up to a security guard. And I said, excuse me, where do you pick up the will call tickets? And he went, there's a sign.

And he pointed at a sign. and the sign was an arrow and there was a child at the sign spinning it around in every direction and then I looked back at him and he was like is that way that's true anyways yes yeah what do you guys think like typical quest stuff like we go to the king yeah king tells us if we pass the test and then we get to go home and put on deuterrent yeah I guess and he might kill us too Chris right because like of what we did or whatever oh yeah I guess kings can always kill you if they want it's so it's like um a connecticut kid and king arthur's court or whatever loosely what it's based on yeah well that's what this is based on yeah loosely based on black night

yeah it's loosely based on they're gonna gonna get it gonna go bing bam we're at the castle here we go okay crossing the bridge oh oh i'm sorry you think you go across this bridge oh you think you think you're just gonna come across this bridge I'm not frank like you own this bridge like your feet were made for walking across bridges I'm not frank

I don't know who you think I am this is Adol I'm JPC ooh I want to say it's Are you kidding we've been working together Seven years and known each other Is it Henri? That's Onri

Aaron Erin I'm not good with names I'm not good If you had a dog I'd know your dog's name before I know your name and I prefer it to

be that way. Isn't that always the way it is? It's the way it is if I had kids, it'd be the same fucking thing. We are going to do the thing that people do with bridges and we're just going to waddle on over it. No. No.

Oh, kind of blocking the way there. Very sorry, very sorry, but them's not the bridge rules. Oh. Oh, you know from around these parts that you know how to crush a bridge that you have to interact with the bridge. This is good. Yes, you've identified it. Nail on the head. We're not from around these parts. We don't actually know what we're doing here. We assumed that we could rock across this bridge and we are now being told that that is incorrect. Are you speaking with authenticity or are you speaking with sarcasm at me? Oh, it's DPC. How to explain my whole thing.

Give me the elevator pitch. What's your thing? You guys have elevators? I would say, I would say I'm not a serious person, but in serious situations, I try to approach them with the grace and a plumb that they deserve. Don't lie. Well, why not? Tell the truth. This person doesn't know me. They said the elevator pitch.

Okay, the elevator pitch of JPC is he's a chaotic neutral. Wait, Eric, go, in a world. In a world. In a world. He set you up in a way. Oh, that's actually really good. JPC is chaotic neutral. Just because he knows how to do his taxes

doesn't mean he's making society any better. Adel, Aaron, ever feel like managing your business finance this is a full-time job on top of your actual full-time job? Oh, say it, J-PC. Or sing it, whatever it feels best. So hold on You want me to do all the finances

And you also want me to write Songs for the finances Well you know what It did feel like a full I'm not going to do that Full time job until I started using found Found is a business banking platform To let you effortlessly track expenses

Manage Invoices and prepare for taxes You can even set aside money For different business goals And control spending with different virtual cards I have saved so much money because Found helps me identify tax write-offs, and I've saved so much time that I can now devote to chasing new opportunities

and doing the work I enjoy, like writing original songs for the ads. Hmm. And Found users have said amazing things like Found is going to save me so much headache. It makes everything so much easier, expenses, income, profits, taxes, invoices even. And Found has 30,000 five-star reviews

just like this. Okay. Now, this is the part of the ad where they just say host ad, And I think what they mean when they say host ad libiddy-bap-d-da-da-da-d-da-d-d-d-d-d. I'm so glad that I found, found, because my business needs I'm met, and I'm going to the moon. I took it too far. Take it too far.

Pull-back, pull-back, curtain, curtain. Open a found account for free at f-o-u-n-d-com. Found is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services are provided by lead bank member FDIC. Don't put this one off. Join thousands of small business owners who have streamlined their finances with Found. Hit it, JPC. Oh, I'm streamlining all of my finances with Found.

That wasn't real disclaimer text. No, no, no. That's part of the song. It's part of the song. Addle JPC. Do you notice it? Come in, come in, come in, come in, come in. Okay.

Do you notice anything different? 10 inches taller. Thank you. No. Oh, no. For her. Oh, no, we were just, oh, Adela and I were staring into each other's eyes and kind of feeling each other's arms.

No, Aaron, let's focus on you or whatever. What's your thing or whatever? I texted you, said, come over. I need attention. Also, I got something new from my house. Ooh, what did you get? Personality. Hits my new rug from Quince.

Oh, that's amazing. Gorgeous. Ooh, is that 100% Mongolian cashmere? No, that's my sweater. That's my sweater you're feeling. Oh, sorry, let me step off you. That would be insane for a rug. And I bet it was so expensive, right?

Not wrong. It was just $60. There's classic denim I can get from Quint, real leather, wool outwear, and my new rug. Look, I'm making a snow angel on my new rug. I'll look in a minute. I'll look in a minute, Aaron. I'm looking into JPC's eyes. Now, JPC, I feel like you would look amazing in their suede trucker jacket.

It's perfect for layering. even though you've got these, you know, 10-inch pythons now, these big biceps, it just looks really casual but put together. And by partnering directly with ethical factories and top artisans, Quince cuts out the middleman to deliver premium quality at half the cost of similar brands. And Adel, I gotta say, it looks like somebody cut the middle out of you and just left fucking chiseled abs.

What's going on? You guys, you guys, I've been sick. I'm not just obsessed with their rugs, but I also love their bedding. I have their sheets, bath, cookware, travel accessories, and my wardrobe. What do you guys do? Yeah, cool. Why aren't you looking to me? It's all amazing, Aaron, just calm down.

Layer up this fall with pieces that feel as good as they look. Go to quince.com slash riddle for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available and Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com slash riddle. Free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince.com slash riddle. Oh, no, J-P-C, they made a Canada, too. Canada, too.

The squeak wall. We got to go Bye, Aaron, bye Why is that bad? So you know our names That's Adel I'm JPC, this is Arlen What is your name?

My name is Kevin Kevin. Kevin the Bridgemaster I'm the bridgemaster And when I earlier referenced An elevator pitch I don't know if you're familiar From around these parts to know That is when you say,

Elle, and then you go, evader, which means like, oh, what the hell, get, get away. So it's something you say to get away from somebody. El, evader. Oh, an evader, an elevator. We have elevators back where we're from. Oh, so? The Chicago police shoot them.

As long as the trains run on time, which is fine. You guys have trains. do you know the band train I don't know them but I'm a huge in there magical let me tell you what other time

there's three gents they come to the bridge and they sing and they sing songs that I gotta be a little bit problematic just a little bit but you know what they just they really get you

Kevin I'll be honest it's nice to see you smile you started talking about those three guys that come and sing at your bridge and you started leaning against your little stick and kind of looking off wistfully. That was really nice.

I don't have too many good times. I have mostly tough times. And so it's just when I think about the good ones. I hate to hear that. You hate to hear the thing. Hey, guys, can I talk to you really quick over here? Just Adel and JBC just one sec? Yeah, we do a thing where we kind of split off

and talk about the person that we're interacting with. I think it's good. Not anything about you, Kevin. It could be good about you. Okay, well, I really hope so. And we'll bang my stick against the bridge. That's good. That's great.

Bang away, Kevin. Bang away. Hey, guys. Kevin is obviously really adorable and has a really sad backstory. And I'm, look at me, both of you, look at me. We're not going to get attached to Kevin and we're not going to try to fix this whole deal, okay? It's going to be really tempting. He just said he never has really good times. It's going to be tempting to sort of fix it.

Yeah. It does feel, I mean, from what I'm saying don't get involved in Kevin's whole thing. I'm saying don't get involved in Kevin's whole thing. From what I've read about, like, olden days and times, people didn't live past like 30, I guess. Mm-hmm. So I feel like Kevin's probably, he's probably like 20-something. We should probably show him a good time. No, see, Adel, this is what I meant about not getting involved in Kevin's whole thing.

Like, look, look at him. He's just looking at nothing hitting a stick against his bridge. Oh, pretty sure him we'll get to go home soon. It is my birthday after all. Oh, no. Oh, God. no see this is what I mean though because we get attached and then we get it we have to stay here longer and then I smell worse and worse imagine spending your whole life trying to learn how to master

bridges and the minute you master a bridge you die on your birthday probably probably and we don't know but we do assume all right guys well whatever but you guys I'll give you 10 more minutes and then we're out of here okay yes yes that's hey Aaron that's all we ask if we can't fix whatever Kevin's whole deal is and 10 minutes we don't deserve to call ourselves riddle podcasters. Right. Kevin.

Buddy. It looks like you've got tiny legs and a big torso. Yep. What if we inverted that? Makeover. Oh, well, no. Listen,

I'm just here to gently stop you from crossing the bridge and you have to answer a riddle. Oh. Before you cross the bridge And don't make this about me Don't make it about me And my physique

We don't really do riddles Yeah, it's not really our whole thing What if I present it to you right now Just to see how you feel about it The riddle is Can you explain to me What went wrong in my marriage? Oh

Because I can't figure it out It's a stumper. You guys still want to do this? You still want to do this. You know, Aaron, it would actually go faster if you would be more helpful, okay? I've never been married, asshole, so I don't know how to fix a marriage. Wait, didn't you kiss a car and turn into a car? Okay, I can't tell you anything anymore, I guess.

Secrets are just to open, it's open season on secrets, I guess. Kevin, give us the elevator pitch. Give us the broad strokes of what, I mean, what was going on. in the marriage. Well, you know what? You got your finger on it right now. I didn't know how to touch her.

We're talking about broad strokes. I was really, really, really, like, grabby. Oh, Kevin. Oh, Kevin. And then sometimes I'd just gently

from across the room but I'll poke her with more stick. And be like, I've with the bridge stick and I'd say, you up for it. Oh, no. Oh, Kevin.

Kevin. One, two, three, four. Hey Riddle Riddle's Clue Crew Listen to the rest of the episode now by starting your free seven-day trial at patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle.