Hey Riddle Riddle - *UNLOCKED* Patreon Ep #137: HYAAH! Saddle Saddle! - Part 1

Episode Date: December 23, 2021

FIXED! Happy Holidays! Here is a Patreon episode from a few months ago! Part 2 is also available now on our Patreon!  If you want to help support the show and listen to 100 + more of these eps, you can subscribe at Patreon  Well howdy pardners! Ya'll have been some mighty fine listens so here is part 1 of our Western series! We sure hope you enjoy part it! Grab your Stetson, smack a pigs ass and enjoy HYAAH! Saddle Saddle! Starring: Adal Rifai John Patrick Coan Erin Keif Editing by:  Casey Toney Theme by:  Arne Parrott Logo by:  Emily Kardamis & Emmaline Morris Want more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon! Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & prints Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Well hey there traveler, come on over to the fire and get yourself a cup of nice and strong and a heaping spoonful of western lore. I was just about to spin a yarn as you came along, but I can put that yarn down and give you a little bit of a history lesson. You ever hear about the two wildest, most riddle and horse-kissinist outlaws the West is ever birthed? We'll look back your hair, adjust your nuts, and grab a log. Because it's time you drink in the story about the Puzzle Dusters.

Yeah, the Puzzle Dusters, two best friends who tame this territory nigh on seven years ago. By solving every last gab f and riddle and puzzle the folks around here had to offer. It's a tale I like to call... SADDLE SADDLE The doctor was the mother and he stood on a block ice Both the them are goldfish and it's the cabin of an airplane And she stabbed him with an icicle And the horse's name was Friday Now back when the canyon screamed out nightly in the Gulches ran with blood, you couldn't

walk down the street without getting shot or riddled. Some fun and easy, others tough as a buffalo's hide. Most folks ran off at the thought of trying to ever make sense of this town. Everyone else was driven crazy by the riddles. Whatever the case it was pure chaos. That is until two strangers made their way into town. Okay, Aaron, JPC, we see a train chugging along its tracks. It's a beautiful specimen of a train.

It's got a fresh coat of black paint with red accents. Hitch to the back of a train is a horse car for transporting a cowboy's transportation. Along the side of the train, it says the Dusty Bullet. And on the interior of the Dusty Bullet, seated in a wooden booth, we see two characters. Sitting next to the window is a tall canteen of a woman, 6'5 and made of muscle. She starts in black from tits to toes. In the upper right of her black leather shirt, smack dab over her heart is a painted on target, white and red rings with a red dot right in the center.

Her hair is red as rabbit's blood is drawn back into a tight ponytail, with a black cowboy hat as the cherry on top. Her eyes look out the window scrolling from left to right and back again as she takes in the passing landscape. TPC, your character is amazing. I don't love this target branding. I'm more of a macy's girl myself, but I guess we shall see. Aaron, this is you. Oh, oh, I'm sorry for the confusion. So her eyes are scrolling out the window.

Underneath said eyes is a long, straight line of a scar right under her eyes running from the top of one cheek across her face to the top of her other cheek just a straight line of a scar right across. Fake. That's like a very, a very caddy equivalent knitting. No, the train's fake. It's real. On her hips, rest a double holster with the butts of two resolvers tucked into it. A resolver, of course, being the weapon of choice of this era,

a metal wooden or pearl handle attached to a pad of paper, so you can shoot off an answer to any riddle you might be asked. Pre-Solvers, Fridays 10 p.m. I.O.P. Thank you for the plug. This, my friends, is Kitty Bird song, otherwise known as the badass in black. A.K.A. The Red Reaper. Aaron, this is you. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH he naps with his hat over his eyes. He's wearing gravy brown pants with trim and a white vest with no undershirt. Sleeveless as the day he was born. Sleeveless as the day he was born.

His boots and hats are made entirely of rattlesnake skin, with the rattlesnake tails as his spurs on his boots. Strap across his chest and held in his sleeping arms is a double barrel fought gun. A long, dangerous thing that's capable of shooting off two answers at the same time. So if you have some quick thoughts, says to what an answer might be, don't think too hard, saying both at the same time with the double barrel fought gun. As the man stirs in his sleep, no doubt because we're talking about him right now, he pushes up the brim of his hat.

And we see a handsome face with a slick mustache, an emerald green eyes peering out at his surroundings for just a second. His greasy black hair is slicked back, with many a broken comb tooth still buried within. Hah! From the top of his forehead to the bottom of his chin, he bears a similar scar to kiddies, a straight line splitting his face nearly in twain. Say hello everyone to Jimmy, the Snake Ripple, aka the Chaos Kid. Kitty and Jimmy together make up the notorious duo, the Puzzle Dusters, solving riddles from

town to town and looking for more. Let's meet Jimmy and Kitty. Jimmy, the Snake, Ripple or Riddle? Ripple. Ripple. RIP. Bunch ripple. Gotcha. And then what's the comeback? Would you say the comeback? Wait, wait, the K.A. the comeback kid. Otherwise known as the chaos kid. The chaos kid. The chaos kid. Yep. And and Kitty bird song is known as the badass in black. A.K.A. the red reaper because of her red blood. Red hair. hair. We uh we sit down for a spell to listen to Jimmy and Kitty as they sit on this train. Jimmy? Yeah boss.

Do you ever wonder if we have too many nicknames? Well I feel it can never have too many nicknames, boss. I just am wondering how people talk about us, how they actually qualifies if we're known in one place as one of our nicknames in other places. Sorry, I'm just waxing on. The trouble with a nickname, far as I can see it, boss, is that you can't give yourself a nickname. A nickname has to be given by somebody other. For instance, I wanted people at one point to call me Dr. Thunder.

Because I will not pay name brand for soda. But as much as a fellow tries, you just digs himself deeper and deeper into that hole. And that's why people call me the chaos kid. Not because I like it because I am it. You get what I'm digging your hole into boss? I know what you're saying, Dr. Thunder. You're too kind to me boss. I don't know why you keep a layabout rast about like me around. Well otherwise I'd get awfully lonely. What do you think? I don't know. I think you wouldn't get that lonely. I mean you're a nice person with a good

personality. I think you pick up another henchman very quickly. Honestly. I mean oh well you were trying to pay me a compliment just now. Won't you boss? And then she just sort of nods and goes back to looking out the window. And as you look at the window, everything goes black for a second. You realize that you've gone through a tunnel with the train. I don't realize that, boss. It's nighttime. What's happened? The devil. It must be the devil. He's brought the world back into darkness, boss. It's just like Jimmy. Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, it is, it's a tunnel. It's just like Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy it is it's a tunnel it's just your run of the mill tunnel it is not that time all of a sudden okay and as

Kitty uh... swatish is jimmy's fears they make their way out of the tunnel and and the darkness turns back to light and all suddenly they see seated across from them up a person who was not there before seated in this wooden booth is a man with um... sort of tattered attire you can tell it one day he possibly had money, but he's currently fallen on hard times, and he's looking at the two of you, Kitty and Jimmy, with his hat in hand, and tears streaking down his face, making the dirt on his face,

run into the tears, so he's crying these sort of brown dirty tears on his face. We rented this garage. If you want to sit here, you have to split it three ways with us. Uh, uh, uh, begging your pardon. I don't mean to bother y'all. I just, I thought I'd recognize you. Uh, I seen posters up all over this area calling you to the, uh, puzzle dusters. Uh, Kitty just puts her hand on her resolver just as a precaution. I don't want any trouble. I don't have any weapons on me. I wanted to ask you all a favor. See if you might be

solvers for hire. Well, that depends on if the riddle you need solving is interest into my boss here. on if the riddle you need solving is interest into my boss here. Well, and it also depends on how much money you have to give us. Shoot, I always forget that. Hold on, let me take him a note card out. You know, how about you take another try doing that intro, okay? Okay, okay. Me? No, not you, you're doing great sir. You're fine, it's thank you. I'm actually, I'm training him. He does get paid for training.

It's not like I don't pay him for it. Can I just say you're the tallest woman I ever did see? I'm only five foot. Okay, again, not to me, dang. Sorry, this is an overshare, but I'm on a performance improvement plan. So I have, basically I have 90 days to get my act together. Oh, he will, he will.

I best of luck to you. Well, at all to pin stranger, how much you willing to pay? Well, now I don't have much in terms of the finest things in life, but I do have my word and I do have promises that I can give you. Now my name is Tremendous Owens, and I hail from severed head Iowa. About two months ago, or so, I moved my whole family from severed head Iowa all the way around here

to riddle junction. Smart. Thank you. I thought so at the time as well, but I was to be proved wrong. You see, myself, my wife, and my two kids, we took up residents in riddle junction and at some point things just went crazy. Everyone in town started

going riddle crazy, my wife and kids, I had to leave them behind and escape and that's where you find me now, is a coward. I was outstead for middle junction, looking for someone to swoop in and save my family. Are you telling me you moved from severed head? The most gorgeous place in Iowa? That place is nothing but waterfalls. Why would you leave such a beautiful place? I know, I know.

I'm kicking myself to this day. Now, I just wanted something new, but the grass is always greener this day. Riddle me this. Tremendous. If you're telling me that all you have to offer is your word and your promises, it seems like your word has gone to shit. You married your wife and you told her, and sickness and in health, I'll stand by your side. And you abandoned her so why should I believe someone like you?

It's true. I-I don't work nothing. And you abandoned her so why should I believe someone like you? It's true. I Taint work nothing I'm gonna jump from this train. I'm gonna crawl up on top and jump straight off this train I will kill me up, but it'll break both my ankles hold on tremendous hold on Let me pull out my my little conversion chart We we get all kinds of people trying to pay us all kinds of stuff So let's see and as you pull out your conversion chart, you reach into your vest.

You're not wearing anything under this vest. No, let's say this again. But still, even though he can see everything, as you reach inside your vest, tremendous. So there are guns in this. Sorry. Well, there's your double-fot gun. Oh, yes, there you go. There you go. His gun, his arm.

Hisiceps. Even though it's just the vest, he is, tremendous gets terrified. His eyes go wide and he starts to shake and go, there you go. His gun, his knife. Hisiceps. Even though it's just the vest, he is a tremendous, gets terrified, his eyes go wide and he starts to shake and he goes, no, don't, don't answer, please, don't answer, don't answer, don't solve. Don't solve. And as you pull out the conversion chart, he calms down, he thought you were reaching

for something else. You got nothing to fear here, okay? I promised the train conductor, I wouldn't, I wouldn't solve anybody on this train Thank you. Thank you sir. It's me. I call you Jimmy. Mr. Jimmy. Oh Yeah, you can call me Mr. Jimmy if you feel like it if you think I've earned it you could call me Dr. Thunder I'm not pushing it. I'm just saying other people have called me that I wink at kitty She does not wink back. I've heard you called the chaos kid. Yeah, that's one of them

You can call me that as well. I heard everyone is terrified of you that you're the wildest crazy Some of bitch out here in the West Well, I mean, I thank you. I mean, I never turned out a compliment. I'm maybe, as far as Hinchman that I'm concerned, I'm maybe top five. Hinchman, I thought you were a sidekick. Oh my God. Well, I was a sidekick. I've been- You got promoted. I mentioned I'm on a performance improvement plan. I am now a Hinchman, but that's temporary

because basically I'm still getting paid sidekick wages I just got a title to motion to kind of motivate me to do a little better. Yeah. It's not like he's like medical change or anything like that It's not unethical. He's still getting all the same benefits. I did have to change my primary care doctor But obviously he's still in a network so it's it I'm still paying into the same thing. He didn't even like his primary care doctor very much. He, his primary care doctor, here's solution to everything was cut that leg off. Mm-hmm. This is very serious.

For everything going with the cold, cut that leg off. Yeah, exactly. This is starting to sound like a riddle. I know, no normally that that is worth something, but you are a family abandoner. So we got a family abandoner cross references word. Okay, that's worth nothing. I'm sorry. The other thing was you said you gave us some promises? Well, seeing Miss Kiddias, as you said, severed head Iowa is the most beautiful place you've ever seen. I'd be willing to reward y'all with my residence in severed head Iowa. It never sold so you can have the deed. Sure is my name isn't tremendous. Oh, and I kitty, I did in severed head Iowa. The most beautiful

place in Iowa. It could be worth a little something kitty. I suppose I could go for another vacation home. So what's the job? We kill your wife and kids, and normally we don't do wives and kids. We'll do one or the other, but we're a package. That's a family. That's quite a tall order. No, no, please. No, you just have to break the spell of the town. Everyone there is riddled crazed, as I mentioned.

And I don't want you to kill anyone. Oh, oh, oh, God. Oh, no. I just want you to kill anyone. Oh gosh no I just want you to break the spell that they're under and bring my family home. Were you not them and set them free as it were? Could you could you do that for for tremendous Owens and I know you said henchmen but I know you're not you know you're not villainous. I know that you two are anti heroes. Oh my god. Does heninch would have a negative connotation that I'm not aware of.

No, don't look into it. It's fine. It's fine. Holy crimps. Kitty closes her eyes and does a little montage of herself and severed her Iowa, just sort of running through the waterfalls, picking flowers, spinning in a field, laughing with friends. Great. We see that whole montage and it ends with you jumping down a waterfall

and landing and breaking your neck, but you're still laughing and smiling. And then we come back to present day as you're grinning ear to ear. I'm not gonna do it. What? Please. I'm joking, I'm joking. I would never do that to Adler Revive.

Kitty does a fake out at the beginning of every job that we accept. Now I know if she says we're not going to do it we're doing it. Now if you agree to do it that's code for shoot the guys who is doing this back. Oh no. What she didn't say what she didn't say. Thank you too so much for taking the job. I never thought I'd live to see the day that I ran into the puzzle dusters and they said yes to something I asked them, this is the greatest day of my life. Can I... Not your wedding?

I'm gonna have words with your wife. Shit. Well here's the thing, the band was terrible. We got this band and they said they knew covers, but then they got there and they played only original music. It was terrible. No one covers and playing covers

is two completely different things. That's what I'm saying. Thank you. Thank you. Now, just to help prime the pump and just to help set you up and have y'all get an idea of what you're in for. May I give you a riddle? Well, I mean, uh, hey, Kitty, I mean it, it might not be, uh,

it might not be a bad idea to dust the old horse blankets off if you, if I found out I couldn't call it a famous poet and then try out a riddle. Oh, what poet? I want to say Walt and then I want to say Chapman Walt Chapman of course I have his book of poems right here. Tucked a nestled close to my heart. Why don't you read me one? Shhh, Tuckled a nestled. That's one of my favorite volumes of Walt Chapman. Yes, Tuckled a nestled volume one This tuckled and nestled volume one, poem number one, by Walt Chapman. Tis a blizzard day, this snow does fall in in my eyes, and each snowflake melting upon my visage.

The sun does rise, and gleam, staying up, hanging like an orm into top of tree. That tree did fall when the devil's axe did cut into the wood, and fall blazingly into the earth, spreading itszingly into the earth spreading its wickedness across the land as everyone started to pray to the devil and the devil's heart did grow bigger and stronger much like the Grinch. Yeah. I love that walk, Chapman. Hell, I love it so much.

I can hear it again. Word for Word, please. Well, now we don't have time. That's fine. All right, before you give us that riddle, let's shake on the deal. And just so you know, if this turns out to be a trap, a trick, a ruse, I'm coming for your head first

and bringing it back to your hometown of Severed Head, Iowa. You understand? You take my severed head to severed head? Mm-hmm. Well that's not. Out of respect of course. Oh, I think I'm not a monster So my family can bury it my parents you see okay? Well, sure all shake on it and tremendous own spits into his palm Slicks back his hair and then puts out his other hand to shake with you All right

Shake shake shake shake shake shake shake. I and as they shake um All right. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek.

Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek.

Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. Cheek. and just kind of pools in the top up there. After you both shake hands with tremendous oins, he sits back down, he kind of straightens his shirt and his pants and clears his throat preparing to tell you the riddle. Now this is the last thing my wife ever said to me

before I ran off in the night in the fit of terror. What is at the end of a rainbow? This is the kind of stuff you're in for when you get to riddle junction. Okay. Alright, well. Now, now, to be clear, did Tremendous, did she give you the answer to the riddle, or did she just tell you the setup to the thing? Well, as I ran off, she never said the answer,

but as I was walking like a coward through the desert, and as I spent weeks on in trying to find someone to help me I I suspect the answer myself. Um so. And did you land on a little green frog feather playing Pena? Haha I did. Did you see him too? I thought it was just an oasis of Mirage. Oh, no, now that's Jason Mirage.

Oh, I love him. Well, I love him. He's a little taller. He's a little taller. Yeah, we all live. He's a little taller, not as green. Still, I've tinted a little bit of a tint. When I heard his song, when I heard that angelic voice, I wanted to run through the halls of my high school. I like when he says

Come on over closer dear, and I will nibble your ear. Shubidobu-dobu-dobu-dobu I'll say that as kitty as kitty does her little song just that one line the entire train Cranes its neck to see who where that beautiful song came from and it bursts it bursts into applause as everyone applauds kiddies kiddies song yeah she does a little nod and she waits for everyone to turn away and then she takes out her resolver and presses the button how does it work she she presses the she clicks it she does a little shot of it and then she goes w a bullet flies out of the resolver into tremendous Owens's head, cracking it open like an egg.

Joking, joking. Oh, vodka, dog, bro. No! Oh, did I forget to mention this Jimmy and Kitty are twins? Oh! Kitting, kidding. What? No, they're friends.

They're just friends. Just friends. Okay, just a, okay, kidding. No, they're friends. They're just friends. Just friends. OK, just a, OK. OK. OK. OK. So with the resolvers, it's a handle connected to a pad of paper.

So what you do is you whisper your answer into the handle. It then appears on the pad of paper. And as you shoot it, a slip of the paper flies off the top and will be able to be caught by whoever's asking the riddle. So you do that? Yeah. Tremendous Owen's grabs the piece of paper that flew out of the resolver and Kitty go ahead and say your guess allowed.

W. Oh my goodness. Oh, that's the answer. What is at the end of a rainbow? It's the letter W. Kitty, the tails are true. You're the greatest. And so tall.

Thank you. That's in preparation of what you'll be facing at Riddle Junction. But mind you, everyone's gone a little bit mad. So the riddles may be even tougher, even harder to sus out. But I have no doubt that you two will come back victorious. Well, even if we don't, at least one of us will come back victorious,

and it'll be my boss, old kitty. Kitty bird song, the badass in black, the red reaper. And if I happen to die, I don't know way, well. So be it. Dear, thank you to have too many nicknames? Not my place to say. We were just talking about that. See, that's what I was saying.

Thank you. As Kitty hard agrees, there's a whistle from the train as it comes to a chugging stop. You're in the middle of nowhere, and you find out that this train from Tremendoans, you find out that this train will no longer go through Rdle Junction this is as close as it gets and you hear someone bellow throughout the train this stop the big-ask deserts all off who's going off I guess I should say not everyone nope sit

down just the people who want to get off here, the big ass desert. That's the people who get off. Well, conductor doesn't who's confident. Yeah, no, he does that conductor. That's the word I was looking for. I'm a conductor. It looks like this is our stop, kiddie. Before we go, I just want to use the bathroom one more time. Kiddie exits the train while Jimmy uses the restroom and as Kitty gets off the train she sees another conductor, a co-conductor, who's coming around from the back end of the train where the horse car was, where the horses are kept, and he hands Kitty the reins to two horses which I'll describe as soon as Jimmy gets off the train. Jimmy hops off the train.

Well, Kitty, we ready to go. Yep, how did you two sweet horses do? Oh, they don't talk. Damn, Adela, are you sure? The conductor gets back on the train, and as soon as the train starts to slowly chug along and make its way off into the distance until it's just a black point on the horizon, the horses go, FU! It's been so hard not talking! Yay! We'll introduce these two horses, these two trusty steeds, who with each of you have a closer bond than you've had with any lover. First we'll go to Jimmy's horse, Inkling. First

we'll go to Jimmy's horse, Ink'll go to Jimmy's horse Inkling. It's a gorgeous white horse with black stripes throughout. This is clearly a zebra but everyone is too terrified to tell Jimmy. And although its name is Inkling for sure, on its saddle stitched in the yellow thread it does say whisper piss. And whether that's a pet name for the horse that Jimmy has or possibly a saddle from his previous horse Well, we don't know nevertheless. It does say whisper piss Jimmy climbs up on board a whisper piss I'm sorry with the horse's name is inkling. Mm-hmm Jimmy climbs up on board inkling. Oh

Nothing better for the inside of a man than the outside of a horse You're telling me big guy of a man than the outside of a horse. You're telling me, big guy. That's how your horse sounds. That's great. Carrots please daddy. You'll get carrots when you stop being such a sultry bad boy. Spank me.

I mean, right me. I mean, it's technically I'll be spurring you on. I mean, it will be delivered via Spank, but just know that that just needs to go forward. It don't mean nothing beyond that. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. It's so wild to me that just one minute ago, I was dying for these horses to talk. Be careful what you wish for. You coming boss? This is what you wanted. We pan over to see Kitty's horse.

It's an enormous, massive, the biggest you've ever seen black cliasedale with a blood red mane. This is hunch. It has no saddle. Kitty writes it without one. Ow. Okay, it has a saddle.

It was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it's okay. That's not a pervert. It was to help with the character that she has like a sore cuder all the time. I love it. It helps me. It cuda all the time. I love it It helps me it helps me get into character. I love it Sorry about your sore cuda if you ever need to I can slow down to a trot You're so sweet

Hunch how is your how is your trip Delightful or other than us having to pretend we can't talk, so it's not to make the other horses jealous. Yeah, those other horses are so jealous, nasty little things, and I'll swish in my tail. Ooh, yeah. Um, Kitty makes a mental note to go back to that witch who made them talk. Do you want to do this? It's just not worth it. And we smash cut to that witch's hut and we see the witch dead in her oven.

No! She won't be coming back. All her spells are permanent. That's terrible. There's this side of the door that just says all spells permanent. No returns. No shirt, no shoes, no service. it's not for that fine as well. YouTube, Kittie, and Jimmy, and Hunch and Inkling, you find yourselves in the big-ask desert. It's a vast desert with white sand, pretty flat topography, but you do see kind of peppered all around this desert or a cacti. And as you ride toward the direction that it seems like there's a wooden sign that has no name,

it's kind of been a wind blown to where the paint has gone. You see a sign with a narrow which could only be pointing towards riddle junction. There's no other city around here. Towards that direction you do see a giant cactus. It's sort of, it looks like the others, but it's a little bit taller, and it is absolutely the widest cactus out there.

It's actually ripped. It's very muscular, and you see on the end that it's branches. They're more. On the end of it's branches. Almost, it almost looks like fingers and hands in a tight fist. There are still needles everywhere, so it is prickly.

But this is Jack tussle. You see jack tussle, you see this monstrosity of a cactus and you and your horses ride over to it to get a better look. And you're currently in front of jack tussle. Not too close boss. This cactus is vascular, as hell, I bet he's got an 11 foot reach. If I were one drink in, I would be asking this cactus if I could buy it a drink. Oh, you sure can.

Oh, a hubba. Ha ha ha. Hello there, my name is Jack Tussle, but you can call me Jackdis. Jackdis the Jacked Cactus. And two eyes roll up and suddenly appear in the middle of the cactus. Well damn, this fella just called his own nickname. And it fits so well. I'm inclined to just call him Jackdis.

Yeah, of course I call it my own nickname. Don't you know that you can do that? You just have to do it with confidence. And nuts and honey. Or just say your name and then go, everyone says, I'm Jack this, everyone says, no one's gonna give a shit. But, top of the morning to you, Jack this, that's not Southern, that's Irish. It's a traditional Irish greeting, Jack this, and top of the morning to you. Thank you so much.

Jack this, are we in the right direction to go to Rital Junction. You sure are. You just go about 10 miles in that direction and you can't miss it. Now, you're here in the big-ask desert and when you're in the desert, you do one thing, which is warm up. Well, as long as the sun's out, you can warm up. So, do you want to warm up in the desert? I can give you some warm up riddles. Check my bucket watch. Remember that this is just an acorn tied to a string. Shrubs it back and do as exposed vest rubbing against the skin. I guess boss we do have time before we hit riddle

junction if we want to get a little warming up to do. And I would never say no because I would never do that to add over five. So let's do some. Who? Here we go. Here's a warm up riddle. While the sun's still high in the sky. There once was a cowboy who rode out on Friday, didn't return for two days and yet he came back on Friday, didn't return for two days, and yet he came back on Friday. Who can that be? Jack, just let me ask you. Yes. What's your routine? Is it like biceps, triceps, lats?

I mean, are we talking three a day? Three a day, back day, like that. Yeah, I mean, are you separating, are you working individual muscle groups? Are you going big to small, small to big? How do you get the results? This is what I mean. And the end. Oh, thank you. You don't mind a fella for asking, small to big. How do you get the results? Is what I mean? And the inner thing. You don't mind a fella for asking,

is it some sort of protein powder? Is it powder? Is it powder? I was gonna say protein powder. Where you work out? Yeah, well it's creatine after the workout. It's five chicken breasts a day, plus white rice and broccoli.

Now I do mostly arms. Sure. I do have chicken roots. If you ever saw my roots, they are chicken roots, to be sure. I skip a leg day if you know what I mean. Yeah, yeah. But I do also suffer from water retention.

So I am a little bloated, but that helps with the muscle. And can I ask, what do you eat on your cheat day? I'm sure you can go really go for it on your cheat day. I don't want to say. Come on. Right. And this may be a cactus that believes in the age old adage that eaten, ain't cheating. And that's, you guessed it, I'm

my cheat day, I eat pussy. Let's see, the doctor was a mother, he stood on a block of ice, both of them were goldfish. It was a cabin of an airplane. He stood with the ice-cold. Oh, one second, and she pretends to be distracted and takes out her resolver and says, the horse's name was Friday. And a piece of paper flies off the notepad from the front of the resolver and sticks to the thorns of Jackdis, the cactus. And it says the horse's name was Friday. Jackdis can't quite see it but he goes,

can you say your answer out loud, I can't quite get that off my pricks here. No, this is the perfect delivery system for answering riddles. If you can't deal with it, that's your problem, Jack Dis. Okay, well I'll say the right answer and then you tell me yes or no if you got it. The answer is it was a time traveling horse. Yeah, that's what we said if you got it. The answer is, it was a time traveling horse. Yeah! That's what we said. We got it.

We got it. Uh, Jimmy, Jimmy got a weasel's over, he grabs the, like low-key, grabs the paper, ruffles it up and eats it. Ha, ha, ha. Oh, you eat paper, huh? Only on days that end in a while. Well, let me give you another warm up riddle if I may.

What has six legs, two arms, and where's that hat? Err. Uh, where is that's easy? A spider whose arbitrarily picked two of its legs to be arms. That's, that's correct. Hell yeah, it's correct. I also would have taken a cowboy. Oh, cowboy, see.

Oh, because of the horse. Uh-huh. Well, that makes sense. It seemed like YouTube don't need anymore warming up. So I'd say right on into town, and just be careful of the sand dolphins. The sand dolphins. And as he says, sand dolphins, you hear sort of tremor

from the ground. And as a says, sand dolphins, you hear sort of tremor from the ground. And as a dolphin shoots out of the sand, jumps over your two horses and then goes back into the sand disappearing. How? What now? What? My question is what?

My boss' question is how? These are all great questions to keep in mind when solving riddles. Now make your way to riddle junction it out. I hope to see you soon. If you ever get in trouble, come on back to Big-Ask Desert and I'll give you some more warm up riddles to help flex your muscle, otherwise it will. So if we ever get somebody pregnant or something we can come back out here and you'll give

us riddles, I didn't say that. You said trouble. And Jack this is eyes disappear and he seems no longer sent him for something. Yeah, this was a normal cactus. Remember when he said he, he's pussy on his day off. Oh yeah, he's a normal cactus.

I don't know, maybe we should drink some water. And his eyes reappear and he goes, I still sure to say that. I pussy on my day off, did we should drink some water. And his eyes reappear and he goes, I sell shirts and say that. I eat pussy on my day off, did you want some? No. And his eyes disappear and two shirts on the back of the cactus fall to the desert floor. Why would somebody like that try to sell a shirt

to a feller like me? A feller who ate never grazed his shoulders with a shirt his entire adult life? That's okay, boss, that was a rhetorical question. Did not deserve. Sorry, I was yawning. That's actually good. Yawning warms up the vocal cords. So they say. And as Kitty Yons, the two of you ride into Riddle Junction. The sun is just starting to reach its highest point. It's probably around 10 a.m. While she's riding, she's kind of singing a little bit to herself to pass the time, and she's just going, she'll be no but no but no.

Oh, what a but no but no but no but no, no, no, no. And in the desert, as she passes, singing on her horse, hunch, all the cacti, and and all the flowers and all the sort of sand alphins and jackrabbits turn their head as she sings and passes and they all applaud or yip or yell and appraise. Really you done done me. Good girl. And I'm a kid.

And I'm a kid. And I'm a kid. And I'm a kid. And I'm a kid. And I'm a kid. And I'm a kid. And I'm a kid. And I'm a kid.

And I'm a kid. And I'm a kid. And I'm a kid. And I'm a kid. And I'm a kid. I never I never seen a Jason Mirage that beautiful of my entire life And after about 25 minutes or so or however long it takes the horse to travel 10 miles We'll never know you arrive at what can only be riddle junction and in fact there's a large wooden sign two stakes And then a half a circle that that is sort of an archway that you walk Good stakes. I'm so hungry To get into town it says it says Riddle Junction. Leaning up against. Medium well.

Ugh. No, that basically hard tech. Leaning up once, one of the columns, leaning up against one of the columns, you see a man who is dressed very fancily. He's wearing entirely white, and it's all silky as sort of a scarf or kerchief wrapped around his neck. And he's wearing entirely white and it's all silky, has sort of a scarf or a kerchief wrapped around his neck. And he's wearing, what almost looks like a beret,

like a white beret, and he's just kind of crossing his arms and flipping a coin across his knuckles. As you ride into town, you stop to address this curious fellow. Pardon me, fellow, I said a little bit between me and my boss here. Are you the devil? Haha! I know I'm not the devil. My name is Silky Butthole. Please, to make your acquaintance. And he holds out the back of his hand for you to kiss. Takes off headphones, quits the show.

Hahaha! I'll be a computer at the wall. Aaron, all because of Silky Butthole. And his voice. Make no mistake. I'm going to be a computer. I'm going to be a computer. I Becaue the wall Aaron all because of silky but hole and his voice Make no mistake. It's his name with the combination with his voice Jimmy takes a $1 coin out of out of his

Otik's hat off grabs a $1 coin from under the hat and kind of like places it into the guy's hand But his hair just kind of like loose Palm facing down so the cord just kind of like places it into the guy's hand but his head is just kind of like loose uh... home facing down so the cord just kind of like falls out of the ground. Oh, a man of means I see. Like I said my name is Silky Butthole and I am the owner and proprietor of the local sex factory, butts and bolts. I insist you visit my establishment right over here right over here Any helps get you down off your horses and ties your horses to a little A little horse what do you call those? A mini horse Another smaller horse that they hope doesn't know you're saying this tiny horse is gonna watch our two larger horses Well, he's tiny, but he is 2,000 pounds so they're not going

anyway your horses. Uh, dense like a dying star. That small horse is so heavy it can't even move itself. And you notice that the small horse that he tied your horses to is in the sand, in the town up to like it's up to its like knees basically. So it's not going anywhere. As he leads you inside, you walk through saloon doors that swing open, and you see inside the most lush, beautiful interior of a business you've ever seen. There's red satin pillows everywhere. There's red sort of silky drapes laid about, and everywhere all around the room, all around this establishment of butts and bolts, is very, very sexy robots, wearing lingerie and negligee's, teddies and

bikinis, everything and anything you could ask for. What did you say this was? A pharmacy? Yes, let's say it's a pharmacy. It cures what ails you. Here, would you like to ease some of the tension from the road? Let me talk to my associate for just one moment. Do you mind giving us a second? Of course, I'll be lingering and trying to overhear conversation from right over here.

Hey Jimmy, these are sex. What, associate? Oh, that's me? Yes, you're doing a really good job today. Wow, a little bit of an upgrade for Jimmy. Okay, what's going on, Bob? Shoot me straight. So these are sex robots, alright?

But we're also at work. So for us to stay, we need to be gathering intel. This is a work moment, all right? This is not a break. This is not for pleasure. Do you understand? I understand, basically what you're saying is that we can deduct 50% of this

because it is, it's a work, we can take like a working lunch here. Is that what you're saying, boss? That is exactly what I'm saying. I'm into it, I'm into it. Is that this is technically a business lunch? So this is the problem. As long as we say business, at at least once during whatever business goes on, we can deduct it.

We can deduct our train because that became a business trip. That's true. We can deduct it. Yeah. So we can either do a cost of replacing the horse or we can do mileage. Exactly. Perfect. And as you're discussing this silky butt hole slinks up towards you, and you notice that

his eyes are darting back and forth very quickly, it seems like there's something wrong, something that just slightly off about him as if he's a little crazed. It seems like you'll be staying in the establishment. Shall I ask you a riddle? He hehe. Well, if we're going to be staying at a fellow's house, it only seems fair that we answer one of his riddles. So, absolutely. Stinky, you can...

Well, Mr. Bundle. Yes. Do your worst. Oh, yes, I will. Answer me this riddle, and you shall have any sexy robot you like What turns a woman into an hour glass? What turns a woman into an hour glass? Yes, yes, and his eyes are starting to just do loop de loops and this sort of secretion is seeping out of his eyes.

I don't know. What do you think boss? I mean, is it as simple as diet and exercise? I know a lot of people say it is, but it's like, come on. At the end of the day, don't we all just want like a silver bullet? You know what it is though? It's mostly surgery. And then the people who get the surgery try to tell you that it's diet and exercise to look like an hourglass. Just to just ruin everyone financially, self-confidence wise, men to break them. Or then they'll say like eight glasses of water and eight hours of sleep.

But it's like that's fucking bullshit. Yeah. I get it. Did you know that most before and after photos, they shoot the after first and then they have the person gain weight to shoot the before? Yeah.

Mr. Buhle, I'm trying to have a brav conversation about it. Of course, of course, of course. A couple things. This guy looks like he's under a real riddle curse. A fellow or his eyes are not meant to look like that. That is not natural. And not the good kind of curse that causes your horse to whisper sexually stuff to you. Exactly.

What the bad kind of curse. What turns a woman into an hourglass? And as your eyes scan the room, again, you look at all these sexy robots wearing all these these negliges and all the lingerie and you do see one robot who's off in a corner on its own and it has a corset wrapped around its middle section, and it suddenly dawns on you. Oh! Our glasses flip up and down. So, a really strenuous 69 session will turn any woman and whoever shakes partner in with into an hour go like wow Strenuous 69 what is it a corset? It's a corset. Yes, of course of course it is. Yes, of course it is

Strenuous 16 dad of course it is and Silky but whole kind of slinks off and then returns kind of pushing a robot on wheels who's who is in the corset and he moves the three of you into a private room and shuts the door saying have fun! The robot suddenly turns on and it starts to talk to you. Hey we're not here for sex stuff so everything's fine don't worry we'll still pay you. Oh thank god that that is great to hear. Thank you for not. Yes,

just to be clear, we'll pay you less. I mean, certainly, like we'll pay you, but we're not going to pay you. We're not going to do that on our books. We actually can't pay them less. Well, I'm not going to buy all of the extras that I would have purchased. Basically, I'll pay you your base right. But I'm not at like any add-ons that I would have purchased. If my boss wasn pay you your base rate, but I'm not at like any add-ons that I would have purchased. If my boss wasn't here and if we weren't at work, that's all the pain. You whisper that to me. Sorry. Sorry to be rude, but am I boring you? I heard you say you want to be above board. No, no, no, no. No, I'm sorry. I talk too much. I'm on a performance improvement.

I can be sexy. I can be sexy. And robot starts to kind of a jerkily move back and forth, trying to sway its hips that it doesn't really have. Excuse me, robot. Yes. Please call me, fuck bucket. Ooh, okay, Miss Bucket. We don't want to assume, is it Miss Bucket or is it Mrs? I am neither, I am a robot all right well bucket

Fuck bucket. I don't know you fuck thank you. Thank you I'll call you FB. Can you tell us anything about what's going down in riddle junction? Why are everyone's eyes so crazy? What happened here and? Fuck bucket takes a look and scans both of your eyes and you see almost a sense of relief. You see almost if a robot could ease its shoulders it would. You see this sort of tension melt away. Oh thank god you two are not under this spell. Oh it is so nice to meet two people who are not yet poisoned by the riddles of this town. About a month ago everyone started going riddled crazy. I don't know what happened, but everything started to go to shit ever since that preacher moved to town.

Now a preacher you say. Yes, our client didn't say nothing about no preacher moving to town. Well people, common people go. That's just the way life is. I'm going to write that down. That's a poem. It's almost on the level of Walt Chapman if me let me just tell you right now that's nothing as a person who is interested in your future don't bother writing that down it's nothing it's nothing gonna come of it you gotta write a bunch of bad stuff down before you can get to the good stuff writing is rewriting writing is also editing that's true that's true please you two since you are not under the spell of this town please take this and fuck bucket breaks off three of his fingers and go

to hand them to Jimmy here take these three fingers I'll be able to communicate to you through these fingers each one is one clue that you'll be able to use if you ever get stuck. Jimmy takes the fingers kind of like pets around for something that he can give in return, kind of darts his eyes around, looks at his hand, tries his hardest to break off three of his own fingers. Doesn't get very hard. He can't really twist him in that way. Why don't we just say this? Why don't we just call it? If I find additional fingers,

you'll be the first person who gets them. And in the meantime, I think I got a little something. Yes. And Kitty reached back into her bag and pulls out a eye pussy on my day off. Teethers. She ended up picking them off off the ground just in case she needed them.

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. This is all I've ever wanted. And fuckbucket grabs the shirt and puts it on over his body. It's kind of dragging on the floor. That's how short he is and how long the shirt is. But he still absolutely loves it. But he does look like a kid in like his dad's pajamas or something. Now if we tell us, and please, you're just right.

We're here because we're looking for a fellow named tremendous is wife and two children. Do you know anything about where about some town we might find them? I don't know, I'm not allowed to leave. I only hear what people tell me. And that's usually rumor, gossip, and flattery about myself.

What about that preacher, fellow, you mentioned before? You have any idea where a fellow like that might be hiding it? He's never been inside here, but I would guess the... Out of... What? What? Nothing. The church, you think he's in the church?

I would assume so. If I was looking for a preacher, I would probably go to a church. Am I wrong? Yeah, wrong. Now, is there a back door exit to this place? Because if we got to talk to that creepy pervadeude with the squirtly eyes one more time, I might just have to get my, okay, what's my gun called?

It's called my double barrel. Your thought gone out. Is there a back door to this place? I see you've been looking over the menu yes I do provide that I will blow across your asshole he said he didn't want any of the extras if that's base price that we can talk but if it is an extra than no I'm just gonna be I all I need is an exit sorry I had to say that loud so in case silky was listening at the door which he surely is he thought that I was working you to.

There is a back door. And he lifts up, there's a little cloth handle embedded in the floor. And as he lifts it up, you see that it goes down. There's a ladder leading down into the beneath this, this, this button bolts establishment. And you start to crawl down. As you crawl down into the darkness, fuck bucket, ask you one last favor. He reaches into the top of his head and he pulls out a chip, which seems like some sort of microchip or computer chip. Please, this is part of me.

This is part of my DNA and code. Will you please take this and make something useful, something that gives back to the world, perhaps a robot that does the rodeo or solves puzzles. Oh my god, this is a Puzzbot origin story. Puzzbot?

Yes, that's what you should call him. We're doing this whole thing as a Puzzbot origin story. I have no context for what exactly this is or what it may be, but I'll try my best to do right by UFB. That's all I ask. And hey, don't look at me, I pussy on my day off. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. In hindsight, kind of a wild shirt to give someone who works as a sex worker.

And the two of you descend into the darkness as fuckbucket closes the trap door in the floor. You make your way through sort of a dark, tight alley. There was a lantern at the base of the ladder with a book of matches, so you were able to light the oil in that and sort of guide your way. That's my favorite prop. It's one of those little oil. Thank you so much. Great, Aaron, you keep that for the rest of the

episode. Thank you. And just about maybe after walking five minutes through this damp darkness, you find another ladder that shoots upward and there seems to be a false door that you can go through. So you climb up the ladder, open up a small hatch and come out of the floor in the town saloon. Inside the town saloon, you see all kinds of colorful characters. You see multiple pianos, and you see above the bar the name of the saloon, which actually is the spit tune, two separate words, spit and tune, and tune is spelled T-U-N-E. You make your way to the bar where you meet a bartender

who introduces herself. Well, hey, y'all, how you doing? What, you must be new in town. Hi, my name is Carrie, but you can call me Miss Oki. Welcome to this bit, tune. Did y'all want to sing something? Well, got a Mraz, do you have on the menu? Let's see, we have Mrazberry Schnaps. I guess that's about it. Come on give yourself more time. You could probably

do it. I don't know if I... I don't know if I... I don't know if I... And you see her eyes are starting to dart around and you see at the corners of her eyes a small liquid starting to seep out just ever so slightly. That's okay, carry. You're hurt too. Calm yourself. Calm yourself. It's fine.

It's fine. Okay, okay. Did y'all want to drink a whiskey or something? Oh, we also have a special today. It's a cow pokey. It's raw cow. Well, as appealing as that sounds, I'll take a whiskey neat.

Okay. And what do you have? I'll take a whiskey neat. Okay. And what do you have? I'll have a chicken tender. Oh yeah, whiskey is neat and chickens are tender. Coming right up and hey, just so y'all know, we do not accept coin or cash. We only accept riddles. Is that gonna be a problem?

And as she says, is that gonna be a problem? You see from the main entrance, the actual entrance to everyone else has been using. You see that there's a giant man in a suit who looks like a bouncer. He's cracking his knuckles. And you see that he has no head. It's actually just a large whiskey bottle where his head should be. Is that gonna be a problem or should I call over bottleneck? Oh, no problem, no problem. We're all friends here. Oh good I love friends to he hmm well hey I'm gonna pour you your whiskey knee and I'm gonna make your chicken

tender while I do that would y'all mind indulge in me with the song I'm sure since you're travelers since you're not from around here you must be knowing all sorts of songs that I don't know sing me a little tune while I whisk this up for you. Well, all right. Jimmy, you got something? Boy, ever do I. But I'm a bermuda. Boy, I wanna shoot up. Keylar go, Montana.

I love Indiana. It's all the same to me. I've got a horse who can talk to me. And you see, as you're saying the last lyrics, you see Carrie Ogey and she is swaying as if this is the best song she's ever heard. She's lost in the music as she is still pouring the bottle to the rhythm of your lyrics and and cooking up chicken tenders Well, Carrie if you like that I got one for you. Please. I don't know how it gets any better than that But I'm willing to suspend my belief this way. I have I have an instrumental from a cowboy movie. I think I remember oh I have an instrumental from a cowboy movie I think I remember.

What has it got for that? Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh and Carrie Okie is spinning and twirling her dress is flying up off the ground and spinning with her. She could not be happier. This seems to be the happiest she might have ever been in her life. That's why they call my boss the badass and black because once those credits start playing, my boss knows all the songs. Oh, that's just magical. She sets out a whiskey neat in front of Kitty and a basket of tender chickens in front of Jimmy Well, here you go now before you drink and before you eat I do I do have to make it on that riddle is that okay?

I don't see why not Okay, turn the bath fair play here goes. I'll try it since I like y'all and you save me a song I'll try and give you an easy one and you try you, say me a song, I'll try and give you an easy one. And you try to whisper that to you as bottleneck is sort of looming in the area. In spring, I look gay. Dect and cumly array. In summer, more clothing I wear.

When colder it grows, I fling off my clothes, and in winter quite naked appear. What am I? Well, now, I do think that in general, people tend to get a little hornier in the cold months. You might need to get yourself a winter bay. You think so. I think so, yeah. I think people get more emotionally attached to people in winter months. I think they. I think so, yeah. I think people get more emotionally attached to people in winter months. I think they're horny in the summer. Oh, it's too hot to be

horny in the summer. You got all that cheat way down on you. Oh, that reminds me of my favorite song. Too hot to be horny now I might be in corny but I just need you to know that's saying on the menu tonight too. And kidding snaps, grabs her gun, shoots and says corn. The paper from the notepad with the answer flies forward and then gently like a feather, sways back and forth, pendulously until it hits the bar. Carrie picks up the sheet of paper and says,

corn, and she crumples it up in her hand and hides it behind her back as bottleneck. The bouncer is sort of looking to try and hear the answer. Uh, corn, I forgot your side of corn that goes with the chicken tenders. Uh, I'll be right back. The answer. You two keep thinking on that questions that you have not yet guessed. Thank you, I don't want to eat corn.

Corn and chicken tenders, what are you doing to me? I'm you, I don't want to eat corn and chicken tenders. What are you doing to me? You're gonna wreck my guts. I'm sorry, thought that was the answer. We're gonna get beat up by a bottle of alcohol if we don't get this answer soon. Come on, what's your guess? And you hear Carrie kind of singing the riddle to herself,

obviously trying to help you remember it again. In spring I look gay, decked in cumley array. In summer, more clothing I wear. When colder it grows, I fling off my clothes, and in winter quite naked up here. Is it a tree? Could it be a tree? I think it's gotta be a tree, right? Because they get the leaves that fall off in the winter. Unless it's a cactus, they're pretty much the same old season. And I'm looking at the window here

And I don't really see a heck of a lot of trees around these parts. We are in a desert, I believe Which why would anyone want to settle here in a fucking desert get ready to get for get ready for a fight because That's the only answer I've got Okay, I'll put it. I'll put it. Hey, I'll put it in my double thought gun And when I shoot that I can have one extra kind of fucking crazy answer too. So we could come up with like, the tree I think is good, but we get a bonus one.

We get a bonus just like off the nuts crazy, you know, who's, who does it? Come and answer. I'm just gonna say corn, but we already burned that one. Hmm, let's see. We already burned that one. Hmm, let's see. You know what, just to be safe, make a corn. Okay, okay, yeah, we'll make it corn again.

So we'll do corn and a tree. Oh, speaking of, here's your corn, and she sets down a little bowl. Bam! Oh! And two sheets of paper shoot out if you're double barrel thaw gun. And again, they sway,

pendurously in the air until they hit the bar. Carrie picks up both and she goes let's see here corn again. Sorry just talking about the corn I delivered and oh a tree! That's it! Oh you too I'm so happy you solved it. On the first go round too. I don't know for the bar. I don't just think that I don't want to double order a corn because a fellow ordered a double order corn and we gave you your riddle answer so make with the double order a corn.

And Kitty leans down and snorts are whiskey. Perfect. As you snort your whiskey completely and Jimmy as you talk into those chicken tenders the slune doors open with a bang And you see the burly man in the suit bottle like the bouncer you see him start to tremble and look down if a bottle could look down And he kind of backs away from the door. He's spilling all over the place Back to wait for the A cap on that bottle. Clearly wanting no part of whoever entered. And as the man who just entered through the saloon doors walks over to the bar to sit and saddle right up next to you, Kitty,

you notice that he's wearing all black with a white collar around his neck. This man is the preacher. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. Good evening, folks. Have you heard the good word? Am I in season two of Fleabag right now because that's a hot priest. Oh, you're too kind. Please allow me- We heard you.

Please. Oh, dear, I whispered it to him. Allow me a man of the cloth to introduce myself. My name is Heck Leonard. Now I'm a preacher in this town and some say that I'm also the fastest pun in the West. I'm a pun slinger you see. Oh no. Care to meet the challenge? Do you want to have a bit of a pun off? Care to meet the challenge. Should we put some stakes on it? Care to meet the challenge should we put some stakes on it?

I I don't get your drift. Oh Come on man, you said meat and I said stakes. Oh And it's high stakes. What am I an asshole? Come on? I know I know kidding you can deal with this That is a pun I know don't tell me I'm not telling you I'm telling him and as as heck Leonard works out that he missed a pun You can see his face start to turn red and start contrast to the white collar just around his neck And everyone in the bar starts to lean up against the walls trying to get a far from the bars possible You see if there's a table of people playing poker who drop their cards and duck underneath the table shaking in fear of this man. I guess I missed that pun friend. I guess you have one up on me huh?

Is that how you see it as well? Nah, I don't want any trouble unless it's trouble that I can easily surpass. Okay, I see. Is there a pun tucked somewhere inside there? Upon couched in your retort? Is there a pun in that? You said couched and retort. And I'm like, is either one of those meat? Are we both? Just so you know, I'm cheering him on. Okay, no. You're cheering him on. Charing. What's this? Charing couched. Oh, cause couched in a retort. You're cheering me on. So far, we're having a good time.

Look, if we're going to do a pun contest, we got to know when to start and when puns are basically, we're just riffing at this point. And you see Heck Leonard turn even brighter red as he realized he realizes kitty has now gotten in on the game and is besting him just as well as Jimmy was. Forgive me, I failed to make a full proper introduction. I am the preacher here in town. You know, I once was a punslinger, again, some say the fastest pun in the West, but as I went to church weekly and sat through these terrible sermons, I thought I could do that

better because puns don't bring in the money. Puns don't put food on the table, you see. So I turned to become a preacher to usurp the preacher who is doing a terrible job. They say those who can't pu preach. I was going to have as much to do a pu-line. Yeah, he's a bit too, he's a bit too. He's a bit too. Pretty good.

Like those who can't do teach those who can't pu preach. Pretty good. Like, you can't do teach those who can't pu-precious. Pretty good. He looks around the bar and kind of shrugs, eh? And everyone is cheering and trying to laugh to appease this man. Sir, father, what's your last name? My name is Heck Leonard. Father Leonard, can I order you a plate of Jesus as a sign of my some Jesus and crackers?

Jesus and crackers. Ah, Jesus crackers, you did another pun. Ha, ha, ha, how are you two so good at this? I used to be quick on the draw, but now nothing comes to mind. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Well, how about you do this as you order me a plate of cheeses, or whatever the fuck you're ordering me, why don't you answer some of my pun riddles? Alright, heck, we'll give your pun riddles a try, and for the record, we already ordered

two orders of corn and we're a way over a bunch of for this meal, so if you want to just pick at some of that, that's fine, but we're not getting ordered to actual Jesus. And you see Hecklenard puff himself up trying to regain some of his confidence and regain some of his status in this town and in this bar in the saloon. And he takes out a little note card where he curly pre-plan these puns and riddles and wrote them down. Okay, first one here, first one. these puns and riddles and wrote them down. Okay, first one here, first one. Why did the cowboy buy a doxin? And you see a grin appear on his face

he's clearly super pleased with himself. Why did the cowboy buy a doxin? Okay now, doxin, doxin's like a long dog. Like they say it's like a little, like a weiner dog, right? Right. Why did the cowboy buy a doxin you have 10 seconds? Did he need a new weener after riding a horse for that long or something like that? Is there is there something like that in there for like a weener dog?

Something? Oh that's good but that's not correct. The reason the cowboy buy a doxin is because he was told by a friend to get a long little doggy. Yeah. Get a long little doggy. Okay, okay. Yes. Yes.

And what's hard? That's hard. What did the cowboy say when his dog left? Get a long little doggy. No. He said dog gone. And everyone in the bar is trying to mimic a heck-weiner's laughter, trying to match or even raise the laughter in the room so he feels supported.

Alright, alright. Those are pretty good. We should have known that the answer wouldn't be the same answer to both though. Yes, sorry, I was distracted by your ears and nostrils and mouth, sir you're rather holy. Yes I'm a man of God, what do you, what do you, oh, oh, oh, and his face turns even more red and blood starts to sort of pour out of his nose. Sort of, it's gushed out of that guy's nose. Why did the preacher baptize the cow and give it a Bible? Huh? As he's flinging through his note cards, he reads this one.

Why did the preacher baptize the cow and give it a Bible? You have five seconds. It was a holy cow. Damn it. How is it? Is there any this? And I guess that's none of our business. I mean, I wrote down so he could put him out to pastor.

But- Oh, okay. One of yours is somehow better. business. I mean I wrote down so he could put him out to pastor but oh okay well the viewers somehow better how are you doing this and he he tries to look under your stools to see if there's some sort of device that's feeding you puns or some sort of mirror or some note cards or something he's becoming more and more frustrated. I do have a catheter in, but that's for comfort. Okay, one last one, and I need your answer immediately. Okay, all right. Media to answer. How do Cowboys ride steers?

A tin and two. Damn it! And he rips up his note card and says, I had with steering wheels. Oh, I mean, we're both there. I mean and he says I had with steering wheels I mean we're both there. I mean titted to you I think it's about time we say bye bye bull to you And he rips up all of his note cards that he had and he looks around the room and people are starting to laugh they they can't help themselves to try to cover their mouths They're trying to muffle the sound of their laughter, but they can't help it.

They've seen Heck Leonard be bested. The fastest pun in the west just got his ass handed to him, and they can't help but giggle and titter. And he looks around the room more frustrated than ever, his face growing redder and redder, and he looks over to bottleneck, the large bouncer, and he gives a quick nod. You two are looking at each other, and then you look back at Hecklanderd and suddenly you feel a hard fuck on the back of both your heads and the world goes black. As we end part one of yeah, Saddle Saddle. Are they dead? Yeah, Aaron they're dead. Oh my god. All right roll up a new character

Alright, roll up a new character, alright? And smoke it. We'll see you soon on part two of... Yeah! Saddle-South. The doctor was the mother and he stood on a block ice. Both of them are goldfish, and it's the cabin of an aeroplane. And she stabbed him with an icicle. And the horse's name was Friday

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