Hey Riddle Riddle - *UNLOCKED* Patreon Ep #166: Revenge in Riddle City Part 1

Episode Date: September 29, 2022

There's a lot more insanity where this came from! If you want to help support the show and listen to 100+ (almost 200!) more of these eps, you can subscribe at Patreon Ratman and Swallow, Riddle Cities’ favorite superhero/sidekick duo, face their greatest challenge yet when their nemesis Riddle-Her returns for revenge. This weeks guest is Olivia Nielsen as Horse Girl. This is a three part series and will feature six appearances from comedians as riddle cities most dastardly villains. Special thanks to Arne and Casey for all their hard work on this episode.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey JP Sienar and I've got a little secret. What did you do? Did you know that people who are interested in signing up for our Patreon have a new feature now? No! Wait, Adela, are you... I was gonna say it's called the mute button. And if there's any portions you don't like, you can slam on that mute button and you don't have to hear our dumb little voices.

Just hit volume down till we go away. Well, actually, I think what you're talking about is subscription billing, which means that no matter when people sign up, like even if they sign up on the last day of the month, that's their new date that they get charged. They don't get charged immediately at the next, you know, you know, the next month start. So first of the month is what they say. So you're saying, if I sign up, let's say hypothetically September 32nd or no, that's a bad example. Let's say hypothetically I sign up September 30th, I won't be built again on October 1st. Hypothetically, if you sign up September 50th. If you sign up today, today you're hearing it, September 37th, then yes, you don't get built until next month on the 37th and as a little incentive, why don't we give you a sneak peek of one of our patreon episodes that lock behind the vault.

JPC know that's too much. We're being too generous. You're right. Let's not let him hear Revenge in Riddle City part one. I already hit the button. Oh no! Ah! I already hit the button. Oh no!

Ah! Welcome back to Riddle City. Or at least we THINK it's Riddle City. It's hard to see it through the rain and fog. There is no black and white filter over this image. It's a trick of the eye because everything is grey and colourless. The lights from the skyscrapers in Moon make the entire city live in shadow.

Smog and mist, meat and dance in the streets and make the long avenues look mysterious and skewed. It's an island and old steel bridges connect the city to the rest of society. There's not much traffic going in and out these days. Riddle City felt like hell and was built on an already crumbling infrastructure. At the center of town, surrounded by empty libraries, museums, and theaters, is a glass skyscraper with windows 360 degrees around.

There's a sign that takes up multiple stories that glows in the night sky and says, we work. On the top floor, there is a black tie party being held to honor the owner of that building. The guests don't long black velvet gowns and perfectly tailored tuxedos. They hold flutes of champagne and talk loudly about how interesting and important they are. Stopping occasionally to take adverbs off silver trays held by people they would never dream to make eye contact with. We see a man staring out the wall made of windows with his back to the party. He's holding a glass of champagne he hasn't sipped.

An attractive woman walks up to him and starts telling a story very animatively but he's not listening. His mind is on other things. She shrugs and walks away. The man is pale with dark hair and looks like old money and angst. He's the city's most eligible bachelor because of his mystique in his family's we work money. We see his eyes drip to the clouds as a beam of light shoots up in the building across town, revealing a shape of a rat in the sky, accompanied by the sound of a rat scream. The sound begins to turn the heads of party goers and they all walk to the window to get a better look. a better look. The man starts and finishes his champagne in one sip and makes eye contact with a bookish-looking man wearing horn-rind glasses and cufflinks with gold birds etched

into them. The other man puts down his drink and starts to follow him. They begin to walk to the elevator. The guests of this event don't notice their absence. They're just excitedly gossiping, chattering, drinking, and staring at the sky. The men get onto a big elevator that opens right to the top floor of the WeWork building. They make eye contact as the elevator door closes. On the street we see a huge garage door begin to rise. We hear the purr of a sexy sports car, Levitt's engine. And then we see that wicked cool sports car speed by on the street.

Our heroes are not driving that car. The garage door rises to reveal an old rickshaw bike with trinkle lights and a moniker of a rat on the side. This is the rat mobile. It's pulled by a man wearing cornrimmed orange mask and a blue cape. A big S is sewn into his chestplate. The man he's pulling is wearing a dark chocolate high-tech suit with a long brown cape and a mask that makes him look like a rat.

His eyes really pop because he pairs it with super time-consuming eye makeup. Once the garage doors finally opened all the way, Ratman and Swallow, the heroes, the city deserves, take off down the foggy street and into the night. A night of the city night, Another riddle city night, And every riddle city light Sitt until eight, And every riddle sits elit Sintilates illuminates

That something isn't right On these riddle cities Every person that you meet Is some weirdo Will fragile people But just like a cream Where to rat man? Hmm, whatever the night takes us. No wait to the crime. Oh, yes of course and yeah, of course my apologies that we can't take the swallow mobile

But it's hanging above my child's crib It's okay. I mean it's he needs it its nighttime and if it had been a crime during the day And he didn't need the swallow mobile we would have taken it. Yes, of course Yeah, I'm sorry. Can you can you stop for a second swallow? Yes, of course You've been making those out of breath panting noises since we left the garage. Do you want me to? I offered before we left I said I'll drive this time if you want a No, no, I'm putting it up. It's an old- It's an old family secret might that always told me if you act exhausted people will be like oh no take a break And it worked you had me stop Okay, okay good

But I know the secret now so I know it's just when it just be easier if you just asked for what you want to just tell me what you Okay, good. H-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h- on peak physical rat conditions, so this is really nothing for the end. No, I'm sorry, Swannali, are you exhausted? No, family trick? No, tricked again! Ratmen has followed Dodge and Weave through the streets and alleys of Riddle City, taking advantage of all the shortcuts they've learned over the years. The rat signal they are running towards is used by the mayor to summon them when the city needs something. The mayor will probably have them save a cat from a tree, or MC the senior prom, or stop the passive aggressive tension between the city's two libraries.

You see the crime here had been pretty small potatoes since the clean sweep. One summer, a couple years ago, rat men and swallow were able to put a stop to all the super villains dastardly plans using traps, trickery, catfishing, and of course, brooms. Every last super villain had fled the city in humiliation. The papers called it the Clean Sweep, and the citizens of Riddle City threw them a ticker tape parade. The two men parallel parked the rickshaw and bounded up the stair to the parking garage to get to the roof. As predicted, the rat signal was on and pointed at the sky with the speakers blaring the

rat scream at the city. But something was off. The mayor was sitting facing away from them. As they got closer, they saw her, and her feet were bound, and she was breathing heavily. Her hair was matted to her forehead with sweat. She started to struggle as soon as she saw Ratman and Swallow. KELVIL SWALLOW, KEL careful swallow careful uh... if my rat hunches right this is a sex thing and it's very private for the mayor

or call me Jennifer tillie cuz she's bound i'm uh... uh... mayor i have to i have to say well we're flattered we are really interested in you in that way and

swallow and I uh where I mean look we're not gonna lie we've had three ways before and it we're again we're flattered and we have we have said yes just to be polite multiple times but this I mean tonight it's just I'm obviously gay and I have sex with you I got a second I got a ton of you can just take the tape and It's just- I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I- No, not at all. I heard I want to put a hex on you. Ooh, because you're bad. Oh, yes. We didn't have to take that part. Uh, wait, you know what? Look, I don't want to ruin this exact thing for you, Mayor. But why don't we just take the tape off temporarily?

We'll put it back on and get to your, you know, roleplay. But let's just take this tape off. Ratman rips the tape covering off her mouth. With a shaky voice, while she looks over their shoulders and fear, the mayor starts to speak. What's best served hot when it is provided? Ritaliation is at its best when it's only one sided. Oh, she's flying with us. Can you back? Isn't just always about money.

It's a punchline for your actions that isn't supposed to be funny. What am I? Okay, super big signals here because now it seems, right? So I don't like crazy. Oh yeah, they have the rat signal up, but then they also have horseman signal up on top of yours. Please, please, please, please, I don't like it. What's best served hot when it is provided? Retaliation is at its best when it's only one-sided.

Paying you back isn't always about money. It's a punchline for your actions that isn't supposed to be funny. What am I? Oh, I think I am revenge. We hear a swing of a pipe behind them and the men get knocked out. The world goes black. There's a swing of a pipe behind them and the men get knocked out. The world goes black. It was a sex thing.

When rap man and swallow grog. Aaron you went back way too far. You're in the wild west. Aaron quick. When rap. That's so funny. When rap man and swallow grog I know accidentally we've went back to jaddles of old west

it's jumping universe when rap man and swallow grogaly come to they hear the echo of dripping water they realize that they are tied up in the sewers. They can hear the faint sound of muffled heels and voices leaving a black tie event at the WeWork building, mumbling about how the hosts had left without saying goodbye. Ratman! My sense is a so attuned I can tell someone's leaving a black tie event. A black tie event. Yes, I can hear the black ties. Swallow! Swallow.

Yes, swallow, quick. Look down at your arms and your legs. Are they tied to chairs just like mine? Oh no, call me Jennifer Tilly's co-stock, as I'm bound. Swallow, my rat sense is tingling something fierce. I think that we've been captured. Oh, the back of my head is tingling, and it's not some sort of sense. It's like, because I got hit.

Oh, yes, well, I mean, that's how I got into it, but that's how I got my ratsets. I just kept getting hit in the back of the head, and then pretty soon, it was a full-blown ratsets. Ah, I never knew your origin story. Just then, a spot like searches and finally lands on a hole in the ceiling. It opens, and we see a woman being lowered on a swing. AHH! Lalalala! What kid plays in a sewer?

This swing is dangerously long, Swallow. The woman begins swinging back and forth as she taunts Ratman and Swallow. Her eyes glare at them under her dark purple mask. She wears contacts that turn her pupils into question marks, which only make her glare even more unsettling. She's wearing a sparkly spandex suit with a corset on top. Her corset is accentuated by two question marks that are stitched in. She has two looped

braids tied with a ribbon like the cursed and American girl doll. Her smile is mean and her voice is mean and she is mean. It's riddle her, the world's first and only! Super villain who does riddles. Wait a second swallow swallow-eyed, know that laugh anywhere. Mommy? Hahaha. Lady, I've got one question. Where do you get those custom contacts? They're very expensive.

Well, that wasn't the question. We have, buddy, and look at our attire. You can't afford them. It's me, riddle her. We can afford anything. Let's just say, we work, wink. Swallow, swallow, stop. How we do? I know we do, yes, but it's just kind of, come on, it's so close.

You boys thought you saw the last of me, didn't you? I hate to tell you this, but me and the city's other supervillains who you thought were gone were not gone. You see, once you stopped all of our plans, which was so annoying by the way, I invited them to come to my island of Askebas to lick their wounds sometimes literally. Askabaz was the most dreadful place. It was just beyond the foggy horizon and could only be made out for a brief moment when lightning would strike in the night sky.

There was no safe place to dock your boat on Askabaz. The island was surrounded by inhospitable rocks and guard dogs. At the center of the island was a cold tower made of stone and sea life. Each room was colder and darker than the last. There were maps of riddle city strewn on the tables and dried blood on the floor and spots where fights would sometimes break out. The sound of evil shrieks and laughter were the constant soundtrack of Ascabazz, and were only occasionally drowned out by the scream of the wind. Most of the time there was spent plotting revenge,

but was broken up by the occasional wine and paint nights, pie bake-offs, and water aerobics classes. Me and my fellow villains had to wait years for the tide to turn and for our plans to be just right before we came back to Rital City with a vengeance. Why do you have to wait for laundry detergent to get spire? You're not really listening. You see, Ratman tied to turn. You get it? I get a swallow, very good old boy. High five. Ah, ah, my hand. Ah, that's my hands are tied.

Now here we are, ready to kill the great Ratman and swallow. Thank you. I hope you like drowning because you couldn't answer a series of riddles because that is what is going to happen. Oh no, Ratman. We've got not come up, it's we always thought we should get out of the game before the city and the villains turn on us, but it's too late. I can't believe that the villains were hiding it as Cabez Island, The one place we didn't check because we simply didn't want to.

Well the rocks are inhospitable, meaning they can't build a hospital on there. And if there's, what do I always say? If there's no hospital, I can't go. Because my lactose intolerance gets so bad. So bad. How bad? That I have to go to the emergency room and have the talk of me down. I'm sure you're not dying, you just have to shit. I once saw you shit your shirt. Not even your pants. It went upwards.

I- I was- it was- At that time it was too tucked in. I understand now- You both are disgusting! You're both so gross and why aren't you more afraid? We are going to kill you. Well, now, you said you were going to kill us if we couldn't dance to the riddles, and swallowed I, my fair with a friend, fair with a friend.

We're so attuned and soverear riddles would have heard that we're not worried in the slightest. And we've been eating nonstop Laffy Taffy, so we're ready for whatever you have to throw at us. Well, all the city's villains are all about ready to execute their awful plans right after they murder you. So I have a little plan. Sorry, sorry, sorry, point of clarification. Sorry, exit. No, are there plans awful? Or are the results of their plans like causing misery, like awful in that way?

And follow up, are they going to execute their plans like take them out back and shoot them in the head? Honestly, a lot of people procrastinated. So some of the plans are just really bad. Been there. And some of the more just the result just bad. It's kind of very nightning. Okay, I mean, they had years, right? You said they'd been going years.

Right, but I'm just saying sometimes people, in order to get work done, they have to wait up to, does it, you know what, it doesn't matter. No, I'm in there. I've been there. It's like, you have one thing to do all day. You just put it up to 11.59, then you start working out, and you finish,

and you're like, well, this wasn't very good, but I guess I did this to myself. Bradman. Bradman. Yes. I know we're in a lot of trouble right now, but down by your left foot, I think I see a quarter. Can you?

Oh here we go. Oh, no here it is. Nice. Okay. Ah, you just wanted that quarter? What's wrong with you? Swallow, if you see any change, you'd let me know, okay? Because I got next. See you. You're so rich. What do you? What? Oh, it doesn't matter. Wait, how do you know that we're rich? I mean, we're not. Cool, let's just say we work Look no matter how rich you are if you have a coin operated laundry You still always pick up a quarter because it is so it Conveined it to go to the bank and get quarters and most places they won't just give you quarters

You can just walk into a jewel asco. They have those little cities like a regional chain. I was thinking I put a bird on one side of the coin in that way when I had to make a decision I'd flip it in the air and if it landed on the bird I'd do a bird thing and if it landed on the guy's head I would think about it first. Well you can't even use your hands right now first of all and second of all we have You're right to tie down and whole foods and air one and that's it. It's hell We don't have a good affordable option, okay? We have the St. Louis grocery store and not much else. Didn't you hear my narration? Air one I guess there's nothing in the rules that says a one can't play basketball you suck swallow

Riddle her sister swinging at him basketball. You suck swallow. I have a brittle herder. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's my catchphrase. That's to rise a little that's hypothetical that not that was a what is it called rhetorical rhetorical don't answer you suck swallow I think that that was rhetorical how is rhetorical this is all rhetorical swallow I'm a villain don't you understand how it works isn't

all language rhetorical because it's based in rhetoric hmm I'm not going to answer that because that was rhetorical all right sorry I know I'm actually gonna answer that because that was rhetorical. All right. Sorry. I know I'm actually like a word smithy, but I am more of a wrath of a petition So Super villains that you work with before are gonna come in and they're gonna ask you riddles And if you can't answer them the water's going to slowly rise around you until you drown And guess what? Did you hear me? They're hard.

So you won't be able to enter. I heard that. I heard that. I'll say it, Rathametician. Ah, very good swallow. Swallow, you suck. Oh, man. Why did I get punished?

So you're going to drown us in water? Well, I hope you have a lot of water because it's going to take a lot of water to drown the two of us. Oh, I wonder if I have access to all of the city's water. Hmm, yes I do, you idiot. Oh, rhetorical question. Another rhetorical question. Well actually she answered it herself so was it rhetorical?

Is that rhetorical? No I'm asking. I'm not gonna fall for that swallow. Wait, what's the word for a question that's not rhetorical? Because I need to start saying that. Ask a question and then say... Oh, yes, what's the- it's like a- Non-ratorical?

It's- no, it's like a- Oh, the logical- The logical. What's the sound of one-hand clapping? It's like a Buddhist thing, I believe. Oh! P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p Now quick tie your head back up. Oh, yes. Sorry. Sorry. A screen starts to lower from the ceiling time to meet your enemies Oops, sorry wait hold on. Oh, hold on. Sorry. My clicker isn't working. I need my sidekick

Casey Casey Tony Casey Casey Tony. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Hi. sorry. This is my sidekick as you know Kasey Tony. Yeah. I'm famed on your ad engine. Yeah, so, uh, sorry, would you say mumbles? It's a famous audio editor and engineer, okay? If you were famous, you wouldn't have to say it. Don't talk to my sidekick like that, huh? I was, I was talking as well. Okay, sorry, I just need, I know you, and Kasey, please don't be mad at me. I know you walked me through this yesterday. So I, okay, if I want to zoom, first of all, you're going to want to plug that in. Oh my God, I didn't plug it in.

All right. Yes. And that was like number one. I remember I sent you the list with like images and kind of like item. I stepped by step. Yeah. Didn't read it. Yeah.

And I texted you a couple of times today, seeing if you saw it. Right. And by the way, it's first time I'm hearing about the water thing. It's first time I hear about the water thing. I didn't read it. Yeah, and I texted you a couple of times today seeing if you saw it. Right. And by the way, it's the first time I'm hearing about the water thing. It's the first time I hear about the water thing. I wish you would have heard about the water thing before this.

Sorry, Casey stretched a little then he has a neoscum this week. Sorry. Yeah, I've got a fucking edit, 10 helix ads after this, okay? You know how many fucking shows I have to edit helix ads for? I'm sorry. I'm sorry I know what can I just say helix makes one of the best mattresses around from the same company that brings you awful You're not getting paid

Shut up swallow you suck. Could I just say Casey at first didn't know who you were Then I heard the voice and I was like oh my god. You're come wizard for Niel's cup I love come wizard. He's one of the longtime favorites. I get that sometimes when people get it wrong. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, man, I do love what's the other guy?

Puzzbot on that show. I love that buzz. Yeah. Yeah. That's another one. Yes, played by Mike McDonald. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Right. Okay. So and then I restarted the internet. It's plugged in and it's okay if this all gets wet. When you say you restart and it's not okay. It's not okay. When you say you restarted the internet. It's plugged in and it's okay if this all gets wet. When you say you restart and it's not okay. It's not okay. When you say you restarted the internet,

did you just close a browser window and reopen it or did you unplug, wait 30 seconds? I'll restart. I'll rob on plug and wait 30 seconds. If you're going to unplug and restart, do we want to take a poo poo break? Oh, poo poo, it's me. Poop poo number one.

And I am a little poop poo. This is really good. Man, the old couple it's me, poo poo number one. And I am a little poo poo. This is good, this is really good. Man, the old scumballistner's really getting a one two punch here. I was, I was gonna say I'm not getting anything. You're a man, you're all right. I go over to start untying his rough. No, hey, hey, no, no, what, what, what?

Casey, no, no, no, just because someone's a fan of your podcast doesn't mean you, you have to untie them. You know, it explained how we all interact. I like it. Hey, right, man, you've been here, right? Your side kicks mad at you. You get it.

Yeah, I get it. I actually be at swallow pretty good luck pretty well. Oh, absolutely. And oh, it's working. Oh, thank you, Casey Tony. I'm putting the equipment on some stacked milk crates for the water. All right.

And just remind a riddle, I'm only doing this because I'm dating your mom. I know. I really need to go. If I can get you some. So stacked milk crates, the most stable of setups. Famously. If you see a fucking oak desk in here swallow, by all means, I will put the equipment on that.

But all I've got is milk crates in your ass There's a 500 inch TV in here. Am I crazy? You got a 500 inch OLED you think I'm gonna you think I'm gonna I Can't fucking touch that thing I return that to ACE hardware. It's OLED the statue from legends of hidden temple All right All right, I've come around and you swallow on Ty and robs. Yes Alright, alright, I've come around and you swallow them on tiny ropes. Yes! No, no, no, no, no, no, Casey, go! I love this guy. You know what? If you don't try to untie them, I promise to not sabotage

your wedding with my mom. Go! Foil again! Alright, get the heck out of here, you crazy kid. Alright, alright. That was Casey Tony. Get back to Elden Ring. Oh, he tripped and fell. Oh, it's him, it's loaded. Oh he trapped in fell. Oh yes that's my sidekick Casey Tony. Sidekicks are a quarter

a dozen you get it. Oh I can buy a dozen and give me that quarter. Put your foot by your left foot. Okay go. Why did I drop like my person here or something? I think it's in the water. I flushed a lot of quarters, so it makes sense. Here comes the first villain. Oh, is it a cough? Ha ha ha! Do your worst riddle her. Using my powers of the swallow I have deducted, to do Stephen, that this is an ambush. Oh, you put that together? Did you swallow?

Yes. Yeah, Steven, that this is an ambush. Oh, you put that together. Did you swallow? Yes. Yeah, okay, great. Because two in the ambush is worth one in this hand. Birds. Swallow, you're so annoying. Am I? La la la la la. Wow, that cuts deep, for that, man.

I wish you just would have broken my knee or something, but to call me annoying. Do you have a seducu you could do or something's well though? Um, actually I do. Hm, rats. Three, nine. I want to draw your attention to the screen in front of you. Uhhh.

Uhhh, you may recognize an older friend of yours. Gentlemen, I present to you one of my best friends in the whole world, Horse Girl! Thunder's Lighting. Horse Girl! Horse Girl! Galloping shit, rat man, we're in trouble! Well, well, well, Bet you thought you wouldn't see me again. I mean, right, man. It's one of our main villains horse girl. Yeah. Thank you swallow. Thank you Lord with swallow swallow as annoying as ever. I see Wow, no, you know what it's just three people of set it now. Now it's a fact I didn't say it. Is it in posture, Sidrum? If I'm actually that thing I I gave you as a no-go I did horse girl

So we meet again. The pleasure is all yours I'm sure. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Holy tables turn, Ratman. She got you good. Come on, you don't have to call them all out, well, who's team are you on? Secular tits, Ratman. I'm on your team always.

Well, horse girl, I'm happy to see you here. You and I go way back, don't we? Oh my god, way back to the good old days. Not like now when I'm just on a screen. Right, we did cheerleading together, actually. That's where we met. Oh, we did big time cheerleading. You should see the flips that riddle her. Oh, not like you, horse girl. Oh no, no, I was a base no I was a base I'm sturdy I'm sturdy like a base. Two, four, seven. Yes that's a no-goo. Sp follow we can see and hear you. Sp follow. Oh, oh, oh. Do you even know what you put horse girl through? Show us a respect.

What we put horse girl through? What about what she put the citizens of riddle city through? Yes, remember when she ushered forward that dress age where everyone had to wear dresses or she called it the zersage? What a dark time for the city! We also foiled her plans years ago by putting sugar in our palm. Remember that, rat man? Oh, I remember, I remember all too well. Horsegirl, you've never told us your origins. How did you come to be? Remember that rat man. Oh, I remember I remember all too well horse girl You've never told us your origins. How did you come to be?

Well as a you all are well aware Riddle her most of all. I used to be the top event planner in Riddle City Oh the events I would plan I was always paid to plan the parties, but never paid to attend I was always paid to plan the parties, but never paid to attend. One night I was planning a beautiful wedding and an abandoned nuclear power plant, remarkable rates by the way if you're ever looking you get so much space for the cost. It's really, it's an underutilized space, okay? Anyway, the night was going smoothly, I guess you could say. People were getting married left and right and there I was with my clipboard not invited to dance

Not even the horror Then all of a sudden I felt something on my thigh I had been bit by a radioactive horse fly All of a sudden I became bestowed with the powers to become both a fly on the wall and with the powers to become both a fly on the wall and a horse, but that was just till it off steam. Mostly I used my powers to eavesdrop on the people of Riddle City, trying to blackmail them so that I could be invited to the parties for once, but the two of you had another plan for me. The only party I'm invited to is jail. Oh, why the long face horse girl? Stop that.

Well, Jesus explained why the long face, Horse Girl? Stop that! Well, she just explained why the long face is...the origin story. Silence! You've done this to her. She's been on Asuka Baz for so many years. But you can't hold her back now. Also, I wish you would stop commenting on my horse body. The horse fly body is really much more...I feel like it suits me and my personality. But the horse thing is just for me to let off steam.

It's no excuse, it's no excuse for what you've done, horse girl. I mean, you've taken part in some of the biggest horse-involved heists in all of Riddle City. Like, that time, where you put up that fake flyer for romantic horseback rides for newlyweds, and then you just stole husbands and wives and rancened them back to their partner. That was downright dastardly! Once someone gets on my back, they've signed the waiver. I can take them wherever I want to go, okay? Horses have rights as well. Well, what about the time horse girl when you cut off all the teachers in Riddlesidys' feet and turn it into glue?

Exactly revenge for what people have done to my people for thousands of years. I'm new to the horse thing, but I do, I feel their pain first of this entry is going to. Yeah, you quickly identify with the horse, my people. I guess the fly, the fly is a big part of me, is the horse we're really fixating on, but I feel I got a dumpy ass as a horse. Ha ha ha ha.

I mean, if we're done, I got a dumpy ass for a rat. Usually rats are an associated way. I just can't do anything about it. That's a bit about a pippy, yeah. Yes, I have a Dumpy ass for a swallow. Oh, we know. And I have a Dumpy ass for a hot, hot woman. What are we talking about?

Look, Dumpy ass is a side. I really lost the thread when I said Dby asses, dubby asses aside. Who you're talking to? Someone who would sit on the wall and listen to so much of what would happen when you would create plans. Do you know how much she knows about you? What's your okay, listen horse girl. We know this only in one way with you back in As Cabaz. As Cabaz. As Cabaz. As Cabaz. As Cabaz. As Cabaz. As Cabaz. As Cabaz. Okay, swallow, come on.

And swallow and I returning home to our, I guess it's technically the same house, but it's different wings of the house. Sure, sure, yeah. It versus other wings. I have two wings. Yes, thank you, swallow. You're just a set horse girl because when we last met, we canceled your plans to cancel all of the celebrities in Riddle city. That's right

You threw a big gala and invited all the top players in town. I'm talking Garth Brooks Kenny Chesney at kitty Chesney big and rich Both of them were there the chicks poor and small Poor and small were there. Oh, what's the one? What's the guy happy? Okay, Ted? No, it's the one I don't care for happy. Okay, Ted. I like him. It's it's the Yeah, he's not bad. He's gonna told me this you like Wagon, okay, Ted yeah, Wagon wheel. It's fine.

Darius Rucker Darius Rucker That's right you gathered all the big wigs together and your plan was to get secret information from all of them Well, they're in the same room so you could cancel them, but we canceled you instead Yes, and we caught on to your plan to barf our never-ones food before they ate it disgusting That's how I eat swallow. That's how I eat Well, you were expecting a rat and a swallow, but what you weren't expecting was a catfish That's right rat the ins set up an online dating profile Tricked a horse girl in a falling in love with me and then I learned all about your evil plan Um, you know what and you know what you're not even upset about

Ratman it just pisses me off. She texted me. She was all oh my god. I met someone Oh my god, I think he might be the one. And it was a catfish. You rat. You dirty rat. How dare you do that to such a beautiful woman who was such a good base. I always felt safe when you threw me out of the air.

I was dirty. I was a sturdy base, OK? That boy. Of all the things I could be embarrassed about, vomiting on other people's food so that I can slurp it up with my long spaghetti tongue, or having a dumpy ass, even for a horse, famously strong. The thing I'm most embarrassed about, the thing I feel the most shame is that I was tricked! I was catfished by a ratfish! Ratman, I have a haunch that she's gonna try and kill us. We gotta get out of these ropes! Ooh, you figured out that, Rettlequick, and speaking of Rettles... a haunch that she's gonna try and kill us. We gotta get out of these ropes.

Ooh, you figured out that riddle quick and speaking of riddles. My plan is in the works. You have to answer all of her riddles correctly or for everyone that you get wrong, the water around you will rise. La la la la la. Holy drowning, riddle her.

Ratman, we gotta stop this. Uh oh, swallow. Rat's can't swim. Kinbirds? I think famously, Rat's can swim. Well, I mean, can't they? Oh yes, if the kids swim. I'm pretty sure that's why they live in sewers.

I feel like I've seen a lot of rats in water. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Allow me to plan a riddle party for you. Guess list of two. Listen up, good. There's a girl who has a large family. She has an equal amount of brothers and sisters,

but each brother only has half as many brothers and sisters. What's the correct amount of brothers and sisters? Right,man, we have to RSVP with the answer. You could have been listening or you could have been coming up with what to say next. Swallow. In which did you do? The first one. No. Swallow. Swallow.

Swallow. Swallow. I wasn't listening. I know. An equal number. An equal number of brothers and sisters. But each brother only has half as many sisters as the last one? No. No, I don't think so.

Was that said? No. Listen up. There's a girl who has a large family. We got it. Half like. Okay. She has an equal amount of brothers and sisters.

But each brother only has half as many brothers and sisters. What's the correct amount of brothers and sisters? Alright, I mean... Two brothers, three sisters. Yeah, would that be... each brother has half the amount. So they have a four, and she has three. Hmm, no wait. Holy a wrath, Matik. A ratmatik.

Which ones your answer? You're right, so swallow. You're saying. Yes. You're saying she has three sisters and two brothers? I'm saying, okay, so she counts as one of the sisters to the brothers. Yes. But she doesn't count of one of the sisters to the brothers. Yes. But she doesn't count of one of the sisters to herself. Correct. So there probably has to be more brothers than sisters.

So maybe three brothers, two sisters, including the original girl? Ha ha ha ha ha ha! The water is rising! La la la la la! I'm getting drunk! It's like this is becoming a pool party. This is a natural we were prepared for sit-dokers. Boys girl.

Go. Don't worry, Ratman, I'll swallow the water. Hope. Hope. It is sewer water, buddy. And I'm doing my cheerleading move as a base, we're just standing there with my hands up, ready to do my friends.

I think I swallowed Dissentary. Okay, yeah I guess so that's not the answer. Holy rising tide rat man they didn't pin us down so we're just floating on our chairs. The water can rise as much as we want and we'll always be on top. No they're pinned down I thought of it. La la la la la. All right, well, so we got this one wrong. So I guess let's hear the next one, and we can just got to move on. Middle number two. And please, more math.

Right, man, I'm trying to use reverse psychology. No, it's not. It doesn't. They could hear that. So why does it work? Okay. There is a basket full of hats, classic. Three are white and two are black. Three men, Tom, Tim and Jim each take a hat out of the basket and put it on their heads

without seeing the hat they selected or the hat the other men selected. The men arrange themselves so Tom can see Tim and Jim's hats. Tim can see Jim's hat and Jim can't see anyone's hat. Tom is asked what color his hat is and he says he doesn't know. Tim is asked the same question and he also doesn't know. Finally, Jim is asked the question, and he does know. What color is his hat? So Jim's the one on the back that can see everyone else's hats, and there's two black

and three white? Yes. Okay. Well if he saw two black, then he would know he has a white, right man? That's true. That's true, that's true. But if he saw a white in a black, he wouldn't necessarily know. So he had a 75% certainty, but not a full certainty.

The only way that he could know for sure what color hat he had is if he saw two black hats in front of him, then he'd know for sure it was a white hat. I think that's right. Final answer? Wait, can we phone a friend? Hold on now. Wait, what's- can you say- can you say what's the actual wording of the question? I just wanna make sure I hear it right. Better go quick! That's part of it now!

What color is... his hat? Is Jim's hat? Yes. I gotta say, it has to be white. God dang it all to heck! They got it riddled her. Boo, boo!

This party sucks. Nice work, Ratman. Thanks. You too, Swallow. Don't worry, there's plenty more where that came from. Um, how about one more riddle, horse girl? Ratman, I have a confession. I got so excited we got the last one right is to have a good time. I think the most important thing is to have a good time. I think the most important thing is to have a good time. I think the most important thing is to have a good time.

I think the most important thing is to have a good time. I think the most important thing is to have a good time. I think the most important thing is to have a good time. I think the most important thing is to have a good time. I think the most important thing is to have a good time. I think the most important thing is to have a good time. I think the most important thing is to have a good time. I think the most important thing is to have a good time.

I think the most important thing is to have a good time. I think the most important thing is to have a good time. riddle. You walk into an old horror house. It has no power or plumbing. Once inside, you see three doors. Each door has a number on it. Behind each door is a way for you to die. Oh no. I know. Spooky house, huh? Yeah, this place sucks. Okay, listen up. I wouldn't plan a party here, but you know, this is, I'm just reading what she gave me. Okay. Behind door number one, you die by getting eaten by a lion. Behind door number two, you die by getting murdered. Behind door number three, you die by electric chair. You can't turn back, so you have to go through a door.

Which door do you go through? Right, man, I got it. I know this swallow. Murder is a legal definition. So you can't really say that we'd be murdered because there's no court in this spooky house that would let us know that we've been murdered, right, swallow? Uh, I think it's number three

because at the beginning, she said there was no power. So an electric chair doesn't scare me. Jesus, Jesus, hold on. Hey, swallow. Yeah? It's doesn't scare me. Jesus, Jesus, hold on. Hey, Swana. Yeah? It's Ratman and Swana, okay? So when you talk down to me in front of all the super villains, it reflects poorly on the whole group, though.

Yeah, no, it's not good. How can you hear, I was whispering, that's my quietest whisper. Ratman, don't worry. It's just echoing, it's bouncing, it's like, I don't know. Sound is crazy, it's like they were yelling, didn't you. Yeah, it's just echoing, it's bouncing, it's like, I don't know. Sound just crazy, it's like they were yelling, didn't you hear that, Riddle?

Yeah, it's like they were inside of my brain. Oh my God, I would love to do a cheer in here. I bet the acoustics is so incredible. Oh my God, we should. It doesn't, you know what, it doesn't matter. We're gonna go with what the group decided, answer number three, the electric chair. That's a big, oh rats, these two have done it again!

She called you by name, Ratman. Oh. Yeah, she said rats, that's a... for my people. That's like a derogatory term. Okay, so now you know how I felt about the Dumpi-S thing. I get it, I get it. I mean, I- Fair-

Turn the best fair play, I apologize just about the Dumpi-S thing. I don't mean to freak either of you out, but horsegirl read you warm-up riddles, so that's why they were so easy. The riddles are going to increase in difficulty across the episode. Secular tits, Ratman. We only got two out of three and they were warm-ups. Look, as someone who has catfished Horsegirl, it's no surprise that those riddles were so easy, if you don't I'm saying Oh

Blow blow even for a rat even for a sewer Incredible base I'm a horse and a fly can you even imagine the Virgin I bear Personal experience I'm just saying that you know, I was even imagine the virgin I bear? Yeah, I'm just, oh my God. Personal experience, I'm just saying that, you know, I was like, hey, what's up? And then she kind of unloaded on me, so. Do you know how many people wanted data woman who also becomes a nasty little fly and a horse?

It's not a lot, okay, it's slim pickings, especially because I advertise that heavily on my profile. Here's the thing, you can't not, like I, look, I do the same thing. I have to tell people about the smell because I'm right man. It's good There's gonna be a very distinct smell and if I don't say that I show up and they're like what's that smell? It's what am I supposed to do that? You know it's informed consent. It's all right. Good, so yes

You guys cannot be bonding. No, we're not I mean, you see how easy it was to talk to him on the app Well boys, it's been a hell of a party, but I'm afraid you're off the guest list. Because you'll be dead. Wait, no, give me another shot. Okay. Well, boy, well, well, I have to go now. Okay. The party's over.

Happy Trails, horse girl. Good luck with your rich dad. Yeah, horse girl, why don't you shoe fly? No, no, I got this Well my ubers here, so it looks like you two are going to perish Okay, real horse and you take an uber no, it's okay Well looks like there's some garbage outside that I want to I want to smell a lot Okay, you know what I'm gonna head out of here, but you two don't have a good day ahead of you because you are going to... There's a lot of supervillains coming here after me and they're gonna get you good.

She nailed it. Ha ha ha ha. Boys, I know you're praying for this episode to be over, but it's not done yet. The screen takes a moment to come and to focus. I hate to be the one to how- in this universe, I don't understand the context of this. This can't be. I would never. And if anything, I'd put it back.

You're happy to see me. Oh, rather than my ears are bleeding. I- but I don't know why refresh my memory, Azu. It's me! Coco cares me, Aaron. You can't keep me at any universe! No matter how unwelcome they am or how much I already sound like Harley Quinn! Addle looks so upset! I don't know about any universe. I mean the western of the space one, I think we did

a pretty good job. You shut up. She sounds like a box of hyenas and a trash compactor. In a bad way. Oh, okay. I'm gonna kill. I'm so sorry, I can't handle her voice. Right. Wow.

Yes. Wow, you guys. So she was at Asuka Bass with us and oh my god. Oh, I'm so sorry. Ooh, ooh oh man. One tip swallow would I wear. One tip swallow would I wear. What tip swallow would I wear fighting her?

We, like, maybe two, three minutes in. We both just played dead. We were like, you killed us and we just kind of like laid down. I burst some ketchup packets in my suit and, I mean, she stayed around for like 10 minutes after that. I totally get it. And I burst some mustard packets in my suit and, I mean, she stayed around for like 10 minutes after that. I totally get it. And I burst the mustard packets in my suit and she believed me.

Yes. Oh my God. You know that she, it doesn't matter. I shouldn't gossip. No, no, no, please. We're a little friends here. She never had guests over and when she did, they were ducks. Oh.

She has, I'm like 85% sure she had sex with a duck. It doesn't matter, it's not my place. How would you even clow a cow versus the jina? I kind of wish I didn't hear that, but I remember just mere seconds ago pressing for that information, and now that I've heard it, whoa. All right, but that doesn't mean more villains

are not coming up. Just because I hung up on her. Did you hang up on me? Nope, nope. Shut it up. Wow, that was coming through. A TV that was off. Hey, that's not a piercing voice. Coco, since you're still there, will you sing us a song?

Maybe about ducks? Well, I fell in love with a duck, butt he did not like me back Oh, shut everything off. Casey, shut it all off. Yeah, just he said duck, he's a duck. Don't worry, we'll be back. Oh, he's got it. Casey's body is getting up to shut off the screen.

He was here, that old last segment, that's wild. Committed to my job. Oh wait, there's a little Casey Tony head coming out of his neck and growing to full size, like Tony Shalouban men and blanch. You know how hot it's gonna be to get your fondle! Alright, well we're restarting it. I'll let you get prepared for all the villain to re-coming out soon. It only gets worse from here boys!

Ah! Prepare to how? We'll dive the chairs. I just... AHH! See you next week! City light, city lights illuminates that something isn't right. On these riddle city streets, every person that you meet is some weirdo. We'll fetch and we'll address it like a creed.

Say I can creep! Hey everybody, as you can probably tell, I'm recording this from my car. Anyways, this week's guest was Olivia Nielsen. You can follow Olivia on TikTok at Olivia West Nielsen. Special thank you to Arnie Parrott for the theme, Kasey Tony for the editing and the appearance, and Sean Coil for all the help on this project. Thank you to Arnie Parrott for the theme, Casey Tony for the editing and the appearance, and Sean Coil for all the help on this project. This is part one of three, and we have five special guests over the next two episodes, so make sure you tune back in.

See you next week! you