Hey Riddle Riddle - *UNLOCKED* Patreon Ep #170: Wet Wet Waters! w/ Waleed Mansour

Episode Date: July 12, 2022

C’mon down to Wet Wet Waters! Where the sun is out and the water is definitely real water! Special thanks to Arne Parrot and Casey Toney for their work on this episode.  And Follow Waleed Mansour! No running! There's a lot more insanity where this came from! If you want to help support the show and listen to 100 + more of these eps, you can subscribe at Patreon See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I tell you where the landmottles is in the place to be Because the temperature is pushing like a horn To a good point, it's so rearing My climate change was fucked so I'm gonna freeze And now it's so rainy and not a... So it's where the landmottles hook me My shell come on down to where we're gonna Strassova, Maul, Strasso

I love the superstructure and I ride it with my wife The ice cream gives me life, and I think it's bad. And I love to hang on with that bad man. I'll never be a father so it's bad man. Why would you do me? In 24-7, and located conveniently next to the Harrison Willis Memorial Steam train. Okay, get away. You got to wait, bud bud. You gotta wait. I want to go. You have to wait. Oh, um, what's going on? I was gonna ask you. Did you do okay? Did you do the okay homework? I finished the okay homework and I mostly got it from Sandra though.

Did was that the wrong choice? Do you wanna see? Do I wanna see what? Do you wanna see an Okim? Do you wanna get me to see an Okim? I'm okay with the sea, yeah. Yeah, maybe that's what people go to Sandra. Oh, yeah, because she spells it with a sea.

We call her... What do you call her? Sandra sea. I don't call it Sandra sea. Okay. What do you call her? Go! Yeah!

I want that back. Now you have to wait. You have to wait. I'm the wait guy. He used to go guy. Red shirt, green shirt. Oh my God. I'm wearing a green shirt today. I think it looks good on you though. I know, but I'm the red shirt guy. That's why everyone's been confused today. Okay, we can swap roles. You're wearing a green shirt as well. I know, but we hmm. I'm going to turn it inside out maybe. I haven't seen my baby brother come out at the bottom of the slide yet.

You have to wait in line. Okay. This is an emergency walk up. I know, because I haven't seen my brother come out the other side of the slide. This is, that's for emergencies. Like if you see like a pencil on the slide. Why would there be a pencil on the slide?

Well, because we were doing our homework up here. Are you guys in summer school? What happened? We copied the wrong kid's homework, and then we're both in Okim summer school. We copied Sandra F. Back, just back of the line. If you see a pencil, let us know. Okay, well, I hope my brother's...

Excuse me, I'm a paramedic. I need to get to the kid stuck in the slide. Okay, it looks like you're one guy Well, I guess I'm not a pair of medics. I'm a medic. I'm a solo medic. Okay, go go Not you kid the paramedic go I went We're both stuck you have to wait you have to wait sir We have to let we have to let the kid clear the slide before we can send another person down. Show probably just like shove him through anyway.

So you and Sandra, huh? Me and Sandra, what? I mean, everybody calls her Sandra C. So the fact that you don't call her that, you have like some other name for her. Are you saying that we're going together? That's what I'm implying, yeah. Okay, I've been seeing Sandra.

I've been seeing Sandra. I've been seeing Sandra. Oh Wait, like seeing like having sex. Oh, no, okay Everybody I thought you go that's the paramedic Hi there kid. I'm wet Willie the the sloppy wet tuna from Wet Wet Wild. Wet Willie, do you work here? Uh, yes, I'm a mascot for Wet Wet Water. I said wild earlier, please don't tell anyone. Yeah, I just, I saw you smoking and crying at the side of a building like 30 seconds ago. You must be mistaken.

Tuna's don't smoke. Well, I guess you get smoke at tuna. Okay. Today's my 12th birthday. Wow. No, it's not tuna, tuna, wet willy please. Do you want to picture with wet willy?

The mascot from wet, wet water. I guess so. It's just so stinky to have your birthday during the summer because all my friends are on vacation. Someone said stinky. It's time for tuna to expose his blowhole. What? Mom!

Hillary? Yeah. What's going on? I wanna picture with Wet Willie and I could show all my friends who were too busy on their rich people vacation. Oh, can I post it on my Instagram? Mom, you have a Instagram that's hot. Who's your younger sister over here?

You can't be talking about me. Sorry, my mom loves it when people hit on her, especially mascots. Only because I'm single. I was married to the Phoenix Suns gorilla. Oh, what happened between the two of you? He didn't want to take the suit off. Hmm. Sorry, my mom's into that.

Can we get this picture and then go back to the lame as birthday party of all time? I've been hearing through the grapevine that you've been telling people we broke up because I didn't want to take the suit off. You know it's true, okay? I'm tired of defending you in your weird proclivities. What the fuck, wet willy, I was ready to commit.

You said that you didn't see yourself as a married willy. You tried to propose to me by slam dunking a ring off a trampoline, and you broke the ring. I broke the backboard and I broke the trampoline. It was all planned. Look, I have a name and a reputation and I don't I don't appreciate being rakes through the mud. On every time I go out. You have a name and I don't think I've seen you since the 96 All-Star game. You have a reputation? No, that was a painful game for me. Wet Willie, why are you crying again? Oh, just thinking about stuff. Okay, well happy birthday to me, things Wet Willie.

Love you. Why? Hi, I'm Sean, I'm Wet Willie's handler. I have a brief survey after any Wet Willie interaction that I would love to run through with the two of you if you have a moment. Oh, of course, I'd love to. Did you find wet willies behavior off putting them off? Zero of one to ten. Zero. As in not off putting right? I'd say a ten. Okay so that so two tens then. Ten is not off putting. Yes. Oh no no zero. Well okay it's one to ten so I have to put something and there's only one bubble, so could we split

the difference and just say a five? A five, sounds good. Okay, we've been working on compromising. Great. This is a scale of 10 to one, so it's a flip scale. On a scale of 10 to one, how bad did you say the smell from wet-willing ones? Hahaha.

In one, is the worst in 10 is in the last scale? It's a direct opposite of the last scale. Well, I would say that in terms of bad, 10, okay, but I liked it. So what? So he smelled like chlorine and cigarette. I'll split the difference here. That's a five. That I'm greeting as a seven.

So I'll split that difference here with a six. A six sounds great. We've been working on compromise. Last question. My life is hell. Last question. What? How will he, would you be?

How will he? How will he? How will he? How will he, would you be to have it all, you all expenses paid dining excursion with wet willy as part of your stay? Is this still one out of 10? This is a one out of 10.

Yeah. But it's flipped back to the original way. I'd say no, but we're working on compromising. Yes, and I would say yes, so it's one out of ten. Ow! It's not, it's not a, I know this seems a confidary question, but it's how willing. So, baseline assumption, you are willing to eat with wet willy.

Hmm. And does this dinner lead anywhere? Mom! Hillary! Ha ha ha! I'm in the middle of something. Uh, knock knock, Mr. Wet. Um, just give me a moment.

Blush. Wash hands, have a birthday to me, have a birthday to me, have a birthday to me, have a me a moment. Blush. Wash hands, happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me. Oh, I didn't realize it was your birthday. Do you want me to get wet, will you? I'm sorry, it's not my birthday. I just... Oh, the number of seconds for... Proper hygiene.

We have an issue. Hold on, in the park, and dry. Of course, of course, dry my hands. Dry my hands. Still a little wet, but... wet enough for another paper towel. Let me, sir. No. Let me blow on it, sir.

Okay. Okay. All right. It's sufficient. It's sufficient. It's sufficient. Mr. Water. Mr. Wet, we have a issue in the park.

Mark. Dr. Mark. Dr. Mark. We have an issue in the park, sir. Formula 28 is not reacting to people's skin as we thought. You know how we wanted to save money on not having actual water in the park? Yes. Formula 28 has a lot of money. Which is still mostly water.

Uh, uh, legally. Legally? Legally. Yes. But Formula 28 is having some weird, uh, reactions, causing weird reactions. Dr. Mark, I'm a businessman. Weird reactions means nothing to me. Talk to me about the bottom line.

What's this gonna cost me? Ah, person by person lawsuit, I would imagine... Let's just assume it's gonna be a class action. Hahahaha! Hahahaha! What's going on? Give me the brass tax. What is happening to the people?

Sir, these people have no class. Well, they're at a water park. And it's a Tuesday. I would say optimistic. If we're looking on the bright side, you lose everything. Everything? Yes. Okay. If this goes really south,

you're going to be put away in prison. Prison? Yes. I could do jail, but prison. Jail is like, I think for 24 to 36 hours? Yeah, it's like a local thing. Prison is like the most bad. No, sir, you'd go to prison.

What's going on with the people of the park, Dr. Mark? Diane. Uh-huh. Your neck, there's...gills. My neck? Yes, your neck, there's gills all over your neck. Are you trying to distract me from the thing I just said, which is I want a divorce?

You've got the crazy neck right now, Diane. It's nuts, you're neck. Peter, I feel like I just said I want a divorce, because you don't do any of the emotional labor. Oh, your neck, whoa! To Peter, an absolute fucking legend. Do you have any of the emotional labor? Oh, your neck! Whoa! TAPETER! TAPETER! An absolute fucking legend. This is a guy.

This is a guy who turned a divorce conversation into a neg about his wife's neck. TAPETER! This guy could sell ice to a penguin. Oh, my God. Dude, my swim trunks just came off of that last wave. Um, and the big wave just came to me on my swim trunks. Uh-huh.

My swim trunks. They're gone. Got me to do some. Yeah, dude, fine, my swim trunks. Oh, oh, oh, okay, I thought we were leading. So cool. So cool, girls at school are here. Okay, let me look for them.

Oh, no. What? Don't tell me. Chandler K is holding your swim trunks. No. I swear she's holding your swim trunks. Okay. Is she laughing or she like smelling them? Oh she's noticing how large the crotch area is. How are you? Are you messing with me? No, I don't know how I can tell, but it seems like she's... She's, someone's got a fat pussy. What?

Okay, this is bad, bad, bad. Do you want me to go say something? No, we have to pretend those aren't mine. Hey ladies, should we send in this story to YM magazine in the embarrassing story section up top? Um, yeah, I mean, I guess. Yeah, does anybody have any better ones? I don't know.

Can we just do like a water park day where we don't try to submit something to why a magazine handler? I thought I don't want to be the friend in the friend group that's always so negative, but I feel like every time we try to hang out, you try to make it a story for a magazine. It's just that every time we go here, someone either their trunks come off, their top comes down, or their tampon falls out.

And that is ripe material for why a magazine. But if it happens every time, it's not special. You don't get it. There is nuance within each of those three rooms, okay? If someone's tampon comes out and it's bloody, funny. If someone's tampon comes out and it's not bloody, funny, if someone's tampon comes up, it's not bloody funny if someone's tampon comes up You have to leave the park I'm so sorry

All three of us. Yeah, we've been sent you're talking about tampons like way too much all three of us Yeah, all three of you gotta get the hell out of here. Yeah, that was hard to listen to Taylor. K. You always do this We can't go anywhere anymore I'll have Casey come out as much of that as I can. My grandpa's Danny K. That math doesn't math. Great grandpa? That math doesn't math.

You're young. I'm 42. Oh my God, get the hell out of here. We're all teachers at this school. Okay sweetheart, you have to jump. You have to jump. Other kids are waiting to jump up the diving board. Um...

Um... Yeah, come on. Hey, Patrick, come on, come on, come on, jump. Um... Can I just climb down? No, honey, you'll look like a coward. I'm okay with that. I can hang from my fingers and I'll hit the water and I'll just kind of slide in. No, on a job. I'm okay Excuse me children in the amusement park. Yeah, my name's Bill. I have my dad's name I know it's a common name for a kid my age when I could have gone by will will he William and went with Bill I'm a coward like my dad My dad told everyone that he was dodging the draft and he did.

He did. He did. That doesn't math. I'm sorry. That math doesn't math. Well, it's 1991. This is the year today. Currently, it's 1991.

Oh, right. Yeah. Anyway, my dad dodged the draft and he was coward. And I hear that his genes. We've never seen him, you know, by mom and I and who I love very much mom love you will you push will someone push my son into the water please I'll scream if you do all scream everybody will look at you they'll think you're a bully are you okay with your son screaming just get him in that water he's been telling me for weeks that he was

ready to do this I'm not I'm Bill I'm a coward just like my dad I don't want to go in the water I will not, I'm Bill, I'm a coward just like my dad. I don't want to go in the water. I will slide down, I will grab the, I will grab the, I will grab the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, I'm worth my fingers and then just just just rips down into, hey, hey, yeah. It's me.

You have very big kid. Has anyone ever learned that? You're a large kid. Yeah, oh yeah. You can easily push me into this water. Yeah, I could also just go around you, I guess. I wouldn't do that. Bill, honey, you can do this.

You're not a coward like your father. I'm like a porcupine. I have a defense mechanism. You get too close to me. I'll pee. And I'm a sprayer. I don't think I've ever seen a porcupine. I'm a sprayer.

You'll get pee on you, kid. That's like a skunk. Gradually starting to hold you, give you a hug. Uh-oh. What's going on? He is feels weird. This feels weird. Oh, oh, what's going on? He is feeling weird. This feels nice. Don't pee, Belle.

I'm not pee. This feels weird. I've never had male affection before. As I said, dad was a coward, dad's a draft escaped. The country. Don't pee. I want this boy to be my dad. No. I'm not. This boy to be my dad. No

And I'm okay Hit the pool side pretty hard at my arm mom I don't feel I know you don't feel I don't feel anything whoa look It's like my arms made a flubber like the movie movie, man. Bill, get to the car. I don't feel, oh, mom. I think I miss you, Per hero. I think I miss you. I don't feel pain. Nope, you're just, it's so much pain. Oh, it's starting.

Oh, I feel it. Oh, yep. All right. It was so nice to make your acquaintances. It's nice to meet you, sir. You are my daddy. I would take your arm, but, though, are you me and your mother married, Dad? Mom, what do you say?

That's a child, and we're going to the hospital. Very big child. I'm a large child. My mom tells me. Cory, king of the raft. He searches across the land to survey the scene. There are any pirates in waiting to attack my raft and take my bounty?

No, I didn't see any yet. But Cory is always on his watch. Always searching, always looking. Yes. Hey Cory, do you want to come play with us? No, I got my own thing going. Marco Polo? Yeah.

Oh, no thanks. He's problematic. Oh, no thanks. Oh. He's problematic. Oh, okay. Cory, king of the water, starts to paddle his raft toward the shore to meet whatever locals may await on this island. Cory, it's off the raft. His feet wet from his success.

The gold in his pants weigh them down heavily. He takes a bite of a snag. Yeah. Oh, kid, that's my food. A kid. One of the locals is angry. He approaches Cory. I'm actually from Michigan, okay? I'm from out of town. Okay, give me my pretzel back. This large behemoth seems to want to communicate with Cory,

but Cory doesn't understand his language. Hey Andy, just let that kid go. I'm going to get a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit from out of town. Okay, give me my pretzel back. This large behemoth seems to want to communicate with Cory, but Cory doesn't understand his language. Hey Andy, just let that kid be. Okay, he's got a Yeti mic at the pool. He's obviously... He's obviously doing something that... We'll just get another pretzel. Just enjoy the pretzel kid. That pretzel was 6.29! I'll get you another pretzel. Enjoy the pretzel kid. It's fine. Oh, you're the way I...

The behemoth has a friend. It seems the two of them are bickering Surely this will lead to blows. I'm watching two people fight to the death I'm not no no one's gonna hit over a six dollar pretzel, okay? Well, maybe maybe you might I You're gonna hit your grandpa over six dollar pretzel I'm paying for this and you said I'm gonna get you another pretzel I bought a reimburse you for the pretzel. You've never even burst me once. That, that's not true. Ah, he forgets because he was young,

but I put a down payment on his first car. $1,400 I paid. How young was I? I was 16, 15, 15, 16. 15? You got it before your, you had your learners permit. That was you? Yes.

I never told you because I didn't want you to think that your grandpa was in the business of giving handouts. Mom told me that was an anonymous donation. You've had a lot of anonymous donations over the course of your life. Oh my God, I have. Have they- have they've opened you? Well, me, my friends, some of my buddies from the club. We've taken a special interest in you. What? We think you have something.

We'd like to talk to you about joy and happiness. Cory can't tell what the two galites are talking about. These behemoths in their weird language. Little do they know that they're on Corycast. All Cory all the time. No diving! No diving! Oh my god. Tiff, can I tell you something? Yeah, what's up? I fell asleep for two hours. No. Well, I was like farting this morning. Two hours? Yeah. And then when I woke up, some of them was giving like a kid CPR and I was like, oh my god.

I missed it. I think I might have hired. I would kill to C.C.P.R. being given. I still, I've never done it. And I'm afraid I'm gonna crack ribs. Yeah, did you, but you've seen, you like got certified? I got certified, well, I thought I did, but it turns out it was Heimlich. I can play the two.

Oh yeah. No diving, no running. No diving, no running. Can I tell you something? What? My disposable contacts fell out into the water. Oh, no. And I put them back in and my eyes have been on fire.

Yeah, you look kind of crazy. They burn so bad. There's no white in your eyes anymore. It's just a deep red. Are you serious? Yeah. Does it look cool? Is it mysterious?

Um. Take a picture. No. I don't think you want to do this yet. Here's my codec. Let me rewind the film with this little I guess we'll get it back in a few weeks and we'll see then. How also do we get it back? I know Hey, Tiff. Yeah, you didn't hear it from me, but I heard a rumor that this water is not actually water What are you talking about? I mean look at your eyes, Tiff

The poop is in the eyes. Do you ever feel like you can know never mind. I sound insane. What? Do you ever feel like you can, no, never mind, I sound insane. What? Do you ever feel like you can breathe out in your water? Oh, we're saying two different things, Tiff, we're not as insane. Hey, Tiff, stiff. Um, do you, do you, do you have an extra red shirt? Oh, you guys too, we're two green, so it. Oh look who it is, are my eyes okay? No, hey, we missed you at the party last night. So you had to wake up for summer school early today, so. Yeah, I had summer school early today

and now I'm here after. We missed you. Sorry for my eyes are all red, it's just I'm in heat. Huh? She's horny, ever heard of it? Yeah. So the shirt. What do you want to take off your shirt?

No, I'm looking for a red shirt, because you know what? Did you hear what I said about missing you last night? I'll go ask another, I'll go ask somebody else. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, here, I'll cut, no running, he's running. I'll cut my hand, give me your shirt, smear, smear, smear. Okay, cool, thanks for ruining my shirt, Tim. Bye. You're welcome.

If I, this is a lazy river that I'm happy to be lazy. Oh, we're just relaxing on this thing. My goodness, another beer? Oh, good. Oh, okay, there goes another beer. Oh good. Oh okay there goes another beer. One day you'll catch one of those things. I'll catch one of those things. Mmm. Happy retirement. I can't believe how fast this thing is. It did pick up speed. Yeah, this thing is a rocket in. Also did you notice that we accidentally

went down a different path than all the other people on the tube? Yeah, it seems a little dark in here. Honey, I'm not trying to be alarmist or anything. You know I'm always exaggerating, I'm being hyper-balling. But I think we got sucked into it too, we weren't meant to be in. We've replaced the lazy river for these two customers with the crazy river. Let's see if they notice. Well, maybe it's dark because we're supposed to be sleeping here. Well that's one way of thinking about it but we are moving very quickly. Oh rapidly. Certainly rapidly. Yeah this is more like the

rapid-rippers. You know if I move too fast and too suddenly I vomit. So I hope this looks damn stupid. Hey mom sure will I sure what Okay Oh I just heard some flappy vomit was that a bat? The bat hit you oh right the face. Oh, no big my nose Honey yeah, I'm still here. Okay Little do they know that's just Chris in a bat costume. Chris has been warned about biting. Honey, I have the biggest bat I've ever seen. Oh, no, I'm starting to deflate. Oh, no.

Can I get on your tube? Just so you know, no. Just so you know, no? No. No. Just so you know, no? No. Okay everyone, we do have about a week's time until we need an official name for the new ride. There are no bad ideas, there's no bad names. Who wants to kick us off with a fun little name? So again this is a new ride at the water park.

What are we thinking? What do we got? We're all getting breakfast, right? Breakfast, there is breakfast for those who give at least 10 names. Oh, wet hot tube. Okay. Okay. Liquid courage. Okay, interesting. All right. We'll fill it with whiskey instead of water. Oh, I like this. Hey, Megan G's. Well, no, I'm not taking orders. We're taking names so that you earn your breakfast. I'll take a coffee with two creams and that's Brenda. So we're thinking like,

okay, wetter off dead or Dame Judy drench like fun can we count? Hammington Jesus one of my ten Cuz if they have to be ten good names come on could you work water in there somehow water? Hammington cheese there we go. We'll count that we'll count that as point five. Okay. That's point five. Okay Water we doing here that's good. That's good. Not without my water, it was when I had. Okay. Tears for fears. That's great, can we reverse it so we don't get sued?

Bears for tears. Yeah. Now we're talking. Tears for tears. Bears for, I'm broken. May I have a break? No, there are no breaks here. There are no breaks here.

Okay, well what about like the ice machine? Hmm. Okay. Um, well that implies that the water is going to be frozen and we want people to feel safe. Okay. What about rock vapor scissors? Oh. Oh. Okay. Okay. You got no problem with water being a gas, but it can't be a solid. You can't breathe a solid. What about rock water scissors? I think we're hung up on this one. Rock paper scissors, that's something.

That's, that's, whoa. Can I do, can I do water paper scissors? Rock water scissors and rock paper water and count that as three suggestions? What kind of it is 1.2? Come on. I'm gonna be here on morning. So let's, maybe just, just think of some water term.

So we have like floats. Geyser. Well, that geysers are hot. We don't want to scare people. Flo, my gosh. Yeah. Flo, my gosh. Okay.

Okay. With the next location point. Danny, you've earned yourself a hash brown. Here we go. Any hash brown. But it's just like a hash brown single. It's not like a... Don't be jealous.

It's like what Burger King considers a hash green shirt matches your overall vibe currently. Thank you. Thank you for noticing my overalls as well. Ocean spray. Okay. No, we just have cranberry juice. Dang it.

The regular code. I thought we weren't doing orders. Well, I need to let people know what we don't have. What's my count at? I think you're at 2.2. Come on! I feel like I've been here for 15 minutes. The man outside said, come in, you get the free breakfast,

you just gotta give some water names. What about just your kids' names? They might work. My kids' names? Yeah, are they names something buoyant? I mean, ooh, how about Chef Boyon C? Not particularly. Is that fun? Do we like Chef, how about chef buoyancy? Not particularly. Is that fun?

Do we like chef buoyancy? Or a restaurant maybe. Let's see, I got my son splash dangerously. I got flood McKenzie, my daughter. You named your daughter, flood McKenzie? Well, the state named her flood McKenzie. I didn't know about her for many a year. But eventually, when we reconnected, yeah Flood McKenzie is her legal name.

It's really sinister that Mr. Wet is watching us from that window. Oh, this is supposed to be a one way. He just turned the window page. Let's all go into the other room. Let's switch rooms. Okay, excuse me, don't touch me. No, I just washed my hands. No, it's okay. Okay, since we're in a new room, we do have to start over the Howdy-Ow!

Oh, come on! Oh, come on! Ham bacon cheese? Ham egg bacon to ham. Is Vinesen, is that, now is that a meat or a water? That's a deer. A deer meat? Yeah, that's talking.

Dang it. Deer, dear God, it's wet. Okay, it's still a little too similar, so I'm not gonna count that one. Oh, what? Yeah, to what? It's a flow, my God. How do you know my son? Uh, yeah, so, um,

Tiff ruined my shirt. Obviously, as you can see, it's, it's pretty bad. That's tiff blood. Well, yeah. She had like a, is she okay? I'm, she if blood well yeah she had like a she okay she had she had red eyes like a demon and then she pulled out from I don't know where like a seven-inch bowing knife it cut her hand and then rubbed blood all over oh my gosh is she okay what's that can I go have we said go yet damn it well they went I went

that kid keeps tricking me that kid keeps tricking we should get him a work at the park wait wait. Yeah, I'm Wait You think I'm thinking Thinking about getting a hammock cheese later But now that's all I'm thinking about I forgot my original idea. Oh, I got to stop asking questions like that Yeah, you could have just told me what you were thinking. I always do that. Yeah.

Go! Wait, you wait. He was talking to the kid behind you. We like that kid's vibe. You wait. That you wait, that kid goes. I'm on the list. Can we go down together?

What you did? A little tummy. A little tummy. A little tummy. A little tummy. A little tummy. A little Tommy little Tommy little Tommy I'm still in the bees. Little Tommy Tommy little Tommy little Tommy little Tommy. I'm sorry. I got nervous. My name is little Tommy little Tommy

Okay, you know you're all the same. You can but you can both go together little Tommy and the kid who's vibing like We got stuck! We got stuck! We're stuck right at the top! Kick, kick, kick, kick! Ow! Ow! Kick!

Stop fighting it! Stop fighting the kick! Let the kick hurt you! Let the kick hurt you! Okay, I'm from the Department of Health and Sanitation, so I just need to take a quick. Oh, we're not home today! Guys, they were not home. Huh? I'm sorry, we're not here right now. Please leave a beep!

Oh, this is a ticket booth with a turnstile in front of me. I can see thousands of people in the park. You're looking for the water park? Yes. Well, burned down here. So you're saying what I'm seeing right now is some sort of... What a surprise! A solution. There's a copper field stop. here. So you're saying what I'm seeing right now is some sort of uh... resolution. How long has it been since you've had water?

Oh this morning. Well you're obviously hallucinating so the water you had was salt water. From the sea. It feels like I'm seeing a lot of people enjoying the park behind you. We're not home right now. Hey this is Kyle from Health and Sandwich. people enjoying the park behind you. We're not home right now. BEEP BEEP. Hey, this is Kyle from Health and Sanctions. mailbox is full.

Are you kidding me? Party of five, 40, 250. Okay, enjoy the day. Pretty grateful so I'll show it. Wait, what was that? What would you, what would you, oh, wow. I just said, boo.

That's how I'm a ghost. It's, are you. If you're a ghost walk through me. He just did? Oh. So I can do it. And you can't, which means that you're not a ghost, which means you're still alive, which means I would fire you.

I'd go and join you. What life I have left. What are you doing here? Yeah, what are you doing here? What are you doing here? Who are you? Is that Kyle? I work for, yes, I'm Kyle.

I work for health and sanitation. And we've heard some complaints about the park. I just need to... What kind of complaint? They're not true? And about what park? Well, I've heard the water isn't water. I've heard that there's some...

Water isn't water. Kyle, Kyle, Kyle. Kyle, you have a partner? Wife, girlfriend? Boyfriend? Hamster? Duck? I have a hamster and duck.

Oh, you have a henchman? Oh, you have a henchman? And their names are wife and girlfriend? A hamster and duck. We have a henchman. And their names are wife and girlfriend. A hamster and duck man, Kyle. Why'd you at home spending time with your hamster and duck? What are you doing here? I miss you. I miss you, Kyle. You know ducks and hamsters bond with one person forever. And if you're not careful, they're going to bond with each other.

They're going to leave you out in the dirt, Kyle. If you're all ghosts, what does my duck look like? I'm a duck. Why would a ghost know? That's not a question of ghosts, but no. Do you have a picture? Yeah, right here.

Looks like that. Oh, come on. Now we know. It doesn't seem very health and sanitary to leave those animals alone at home. Off you go. No, it's like we have to make some calls. I filled the tub, I put the hamster in the tub

and I put the duck in its cage. Listen back to what you just said. Kyle, listen to what you just said. You have minutes before both of those things are dead. How far away do you live? I'm just across the street. We'll give you a ride. Here's a good ghost car. good, good, good, good, good, good,

goes car. No, here's one ride ticket. Do the park that doesn't exist? You can't have this. That was a test. But it would have been $8.95 for that ticket. That would have been a very nice ticket. That's a bargain, $8.95.

Kyle leaves immediately. Okay. Mr. Wet, we did it. We got him to leave. Good. Well, he's actually still kind of technically here. Are you leaving? Uh, soon. He said soon.

We're getting him to leave. Okay, good. You're doing great job. Thank you. Raise. What's that? Raise. You're doing a great job. Keep doing what you're doing.

Yeah. Sounding tickets to the park. And then it's actually like three ghosts, whatever. Someone who is with the health and safety department shows up. We only have to ride this out. We're gradually re-incorporating water into the park. But actually like three ghosts, whatever, someone who is with the health and safety department shows up. We only have to ride this out, we're gradually re-incorporating water into the park. So we only have to ride this out for a couple more months, and then we'll be fully H2O again. So the rumors are true?

Caroline, you're one of our best. And I didn't want to have to kill another one of our best. No! You're please! Please, help me a ghost! I'm a ghost, dude! This water's real! Mr. Wet doesn't get his hands dirty. He employs me.

Wet Willy. Time to die. Wet Willy, we've been getting some complaints about you. We've only been getting complaints about you, Frank. I thought you just mixed it up, try something new. I can't believe Wet Willy is the one who kills us Hi, I'm Sean and wet willies handler After wet willy is done killing you I have a brief survey to conduct It's a three question survey just after the kill after the death it if you would be interested

Hey, got after the killing if not follow the light 10 9 not follow the light. 10. 9. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.amb. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay ha ha ha ha. You have three kids? Stop it! He wants you to adopt. Oh my God.

No, yeah, I had them young. OK. But I mean, I'm old. No. You are not old. I need three kids in there missing. One is missing. The little one.

He wandered off. I'm still here. You have one little in this? Yeah. No. Chance in hell. Sir, I just found the ice cream of the future. How old are you? Oh, how old are you? And four years old. You are four. Your mom had you when she was 15. Oh my God. I'm like a hundred. Get

your dip and dot. Eat your dip and dot. Eat your dip and dot. Eat your dip and dot eat your dip and dot your dip and dot your fucking dip and dot I'll security beyond the alert. There's another shark in the wave pool We've got we've got this guy. He does He started poker games with people in the wave pool and First everyone there's a wave in the shark Hey, come on everyone answer you up. That's all you got?

That's all you'd come on. Your mom gave you more money than that. Come on, put it in the pot. All right, I got these dipping dots, I guess. Yeah, put it in, put it in. Come on. We keep beating the sky, we keep looms. Yeah, it's not so hard to play cards in a wave pool.

Yeah, why don't you bet that Apple Watch? Put that in the mix. Oh man, I'll bet the Apple Watch. What is it, Apple Watch? It's 1991 It's a watch that tells you when your apples write. Yeah It's like you bite through farmers almond nag, you know Also, I can't wait for the 1996 all-starger

She's gonna be off the hook I got a million dollars that Dominic Wilkins is gonna dunk Yeah, I wouldn't worry about the the shark in the wave pool. So What can I hear are we talking is it kind of like I guess I have a Curly bouncy like you were oh, I thought you were wanting me to describe my type No, okay. Yeah. Yeah, he's got a curly hair a little red head You like me, but just want to you would you say that? uh, curly hair, a little red head. You look like me, but just one of you.

Would you say that kind of, kind of, would you say that kind of like falls effortlessly? Or is it more, um... You are too much. Kind of like blown by a gentle wind. Oh my god, I'm gonna have to tell my manager, or your manager, I'm sorry, I'm all turned around.

How helpful you've been to me today. Well? What's your name? My name? He has helped us find his fine brother at all. Who? Jackson. Oh right. Everybody just calls me smooth Kenny.

Smooth Kenny, my husband would hate you. A lot of husbands hate me. But a lot of husbands also really dig me. Is that your husband over there? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I found the granola in my shoe. No, I like his energy. No, I like his energy. You don't. You know, to be polite, he just found his granola shoe. He could be more than 17 years old. Oh my god. How old is he? How old is he? Hey, can I eat your fruit by the foot? No.

No. No. God, look. No. I love your energy. I love it. I love it. He's putting down.

I love what you're sitting back. Your energy, kid. I do not care for it. What? Eat your dip and dots. You eat my dip and dots. I will. Oh no, no. Smooth-kitty loves dip and dots. Oh no. Mom, can I Eat your dip and dots. You eat my dip and dots. I will. Oh no, no.

Smooth kitty loves dip and dots. Oh no. Mom, can I get more dip and dots? Who? Mom, you. Mom. Smooth kitty, make you forget who you are. Shhh.

Smooth kitty, go to sleep. I'm out. Sir, right in here. Just come right in here. Yeah. Oh, what did I do? You're not under arrest. I don't have that power, but we do have to detain you for the next two hours. Oh, okay.

We caught you putting coolade mix in the water. Mmm. Me? Yes. We found 48 packets of high-sea ectacooler powder. Oh, yeah. Okay, assume it's some sort of coolade. Oh, yeah. Just to turn the water a bright green, sir. Oh yeah. Which I assume is some sort of cool aid. Oh yeah. Just to turn the water a bright green, sir. I don't know if you know what you've done,

but you've shut down the park for a full 24 hour. I gotta be honest, I think it looks better. I think it looks like the kids are turning out coming to all different colors. It's a rainbow out there. Nobody's here for how the water looks. They're here for how the water looks. And I don't even say that I did.

I don't even, I'm not admitting to anything, but is it cool that all the kids are different colors now? Give it up, they already broke me. I told them I sold you the cool aid. Mike, what happened to your voice? He hit me in the throat. With a fun book, so it doesn't leave a bruise. Just like one minute ago he hit me in the throat.

Let me put some, let me put some bars of soap in this sock. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, in there. We're cooperating. We're cooperating. I haven't chosen to cooperate yet. You're going to sound like me in a second, man. I doubt it. I gave you a phone book. Oh, oh, come here. Hey, Charlie, this place is about to get real crowded.

I got the tampon girls coming in here. Tampon women. They're, yeah, they're back. And they're horrible. The tampon women were there? What happened to your voice? I got hit in the throat. Wait a minute. Say that again.

I got hit in the throat of the phone book. Would you guys mind hosting a wet wet water morning zoo crew? Uh, I-I-you mean, you want both of us to host? Yeah. Yeah, of course. I can't- Let me bring me. Hey, you're listening to the wet wet radio! Here listen to the shark in the banjo!

And Cory! And Cory's here as well, Cory! What's new with the park update? Cory stares at the two hosts who talking into their strange machine! Cory buddy, we're gonna need you to play ball with us here! This frightens me! Cory you are a host of a nationally within the park, syndicated park, radio, morning zoo group within the park. This is a huge opportunity for you, Cory.

They said to Cory, him not understanding what they meant. My blue Yeti, my only friend. Killing this kid's podcast has like 500,000 followers. Absolutely. People love this kid's shit. I just don't get it. It's the first podcast. That's what. Anyway, we're gonna take some calls on the poop line. Hi. Oh, oh, oh.

Far. Hi, longtime listener, first time caller. Okay. This is the longest someone's ever stayed on the poop line. Nip, Tiffin. My name is the longest someone's ever stayed on the poop line. Nip? Tiffin. My name is, yeah. And I was just wondering, if you heard about why the waters turning everyone's eyes red? We actually haven't prepared statement to read and give some thoughts with this question.

Here we go. Oh, where are we clearing our verbs? It does not help. I am a ghost. Go away. Oh. I am also a ghost. Your luck is drowning and your hamster is on fire.

You're imagining things. Okay. Love the show. Hope that clears it up. Thanks for calling. Thanks for calling the poop line. It is 71 degrees in the water park today and the, not a cloud in the sky.

Woo. Okay, I'm sorry. That was, I guess we're still technically all the poop lines. To a gross poop line. I don't know how. I don't know how. All these damn buttons, Cory.

Any idea? Nope. Come on, Cory. Any idea? Nope. Come on, Cory! Gentlemen, we have a problem. The water replacement is taking longer than we anticipated, and Dr. Mark, Dr. Mark. Everyone does Dr. Mark, correct? I don't think we formally met, but yes, I know of that. You were on a Zoom call?

Yes, yes. Meaning a fast phone call. Yeah, you were on a very fast phone call. Yeah, it was a landline fast, fast, landline. Yeah, Dr. Mark, this is Brad. Brad, this is Dr. Mark. I'm Shantay. I'm Brad. I'm you. What is the here because of nepotism? Brad is new. What is the connection? What is the how would you two? I would you two. I know this, how is, I have little connections between everybody in my park. Mark and Brad, how do you, did you read that book about business I gave you

for Christmas and you're trying to, I read it so much. He's speaking of that book changed my life. Who moved my cheese? Superers. You both, you both, who moved my cheese? You both, I drive a super-error. You both drive super-error.

Dr. Mark drives a super-error? Yeah. Oh yeah, me super. You both drive super. Dr. Mark, drive super. Yeah. Oh yeah, me too. And there it is. And then everybody, everyone knows Glinda. Hi. Hi, Glinda. Hi.

Glinda is our VP of water operations. And I'm drunk. So catch up. So catch up everybody. So Dr. Mark has brought this to our attention of a big problem. Glinda, obviously, you are already aware. And Brad, you are already aware and Brad,

you are someone's cousin or... I'm your cousin. You're my cousin. But you're younger than me. Oh yeah. That can be a thing. Cousins can be younger than me. Cousins can be much younger.

How much younger? A lot sometimes. And we, oh well, a lot. 20, 20, 25 years. 20, 25 years. 25 years. I knew a guy whose nephew was older than him and that can be yep Interesting I need to say get you another book about families. I would love I would love to read that that last book that you gave me

Angela sashes Change my life. Thank you, Dr. Mark Dr. Mark is brought to our attention that the water replacement is going slower than expected. Okay, we're at about 30% water and 70% about 32. And we need to be about 30%. Is this why you asked me to bring my straws? I asked you not to bring your straws. Brad, I asked you specifically not to bring your straws. Okay, well I'm going to hide.

Dr. Marcus on that call, it was fast. It was so fast. I called you up, I said, don't bring the straws. I'm a business woman. So what's the bottom line here? What's this gonna cost us? I'm learning so much from you. Every day you make me better.

What's this gonna cost us? Oh, good. I'm picking you up. Good you fall onto the grass. Oh, did I? Sorry. We're doing this meeting on wet pool furniture. That's the only furniture that a waterpark boardroom should have. I'm drunk. And there's a little drug.

Because that's how you do business in the 90s. Dr. Mark, how do we get? How do we get the, I believe the product that we put in was called for being the 28. How do we get the for me to 28 out and the water back in? Dr. Mark, go. Yes, what we need to do is I guess ultimately it boils down to hiring more boil boils. Oh, no, no, no no we have to boil for no 28 and then the residue at least behind will expand causing us to have more liquid and more liquid and the liquid will be water well water ish water Jason Dr. Water like give it to us in plain terms will it be more water than

formula 28 or less? Less. Legally. No doubt, no. Sorry to put some bad news hat on another bad news hat, but a kid did break his arm. Please tell me it was in our park. It was. Well, Legally, no one's ever got hurt in our park because we immediately chopped them off and drowned them off. So we found it. Alligators in the wave pool, sharks in the wave pool, pools in the shark waves. I actually am not sure what's going on. There's a hippo in the snack stand. Actually Brad can explain this a little

better because Brad was in charge of this aspect of the park. Yes we talked about combining the ideas of a zoo and a water park together. You call it a zotter park. I called it a zotter park, and I thought it would mostly be otters because it kind of like worked in there, but turns out, well, turns out the otter's breed like crazy. So we introduced the sharks and the crocodiles

to take care of the otter population. Yeah, and people seem to be having a good time unless, of course, they get attacked. Otherwise, people seem to really be enjoying it That's why Brad somebody's cousin, but it's mine. It's your cousin. All right. Well, I'll just go out there and pretend I'm a ghost. We're told them to enjoy it instead. Uh, Caitlin, I, first of all, you're doing a great job out there pretending to be a ghost when people get chopped or eaten or whatever. Let me run this by you.

Brad, maybe 20, 25 years younger than me? My cousin. No! I don't know! I don't know! I'm Glinda! It's gonna be the book! I'm waiting for the book to know! And how's that? It was a brew?

Me? No! Okay, we don't ask the minimum wage workers if they have a super- Oh, sir, you dropped your book. How do wooden friends and influence cousins? You picked up on that. Actually, it's chapter one of the book. It says, drop this book while you're walking around

and you just met a new friend. Oh, a conversation starter. Smart. What was your name? Dr. Mark. Dr. Mark. Dr. Mark, that sounds so familiar to me. Oh, you're this meeting with me. Yes, it is.

Dr. Mark. It's so nice to meet you. Everyone, I believe the formula 28 has taken a hold of, uh, Mr. Wet. Are we to encourage this type of behavior? Are we? There's nothing we can do for him. There's nothing we can do. Let's actually, Dr. Mark Lester, verse the process. Let's leave the Formula 28 in the park. I think it's best for the park. It's liquid ketamine. Yes, and it's best for the park and it's best for the people.

Hey guys, your ship's over so I'll take over for the slide down. You can go. Oh, I can go. Oh no, we can't go. Oh god, oh my god, no. Oh god. We were cleaning the slide, we're cleaning the water with bleach. Oh god, no. That kid's going were cleaning the slide, we were cleaning the water with bleach. Oh god, no!

Oh god, no! That kid's gonna be a different color in this slide. You got it, you got it, you can't say you cannot say go. Oh god, no! Oh god, no! Oh my gosh! Oh, I can't believe it! Oh, we are the kids going through this.

Oh no! Somebody killed me! She said going! We got it! You can only go on go! Oh god, no! You can't got it! You only go on go! No! Oh my god, forgive me!

Go! Go! Oh yeah! Okay, well at least the line's done. Well, okay. Hey, by the way, Sandra, I know that you're replacing us and everything. Thank you for the Okim.

Oh, you're welcome. Yeah, of course. I mean mean I'm happy to help you pass summer school. You're happy to help me pass summer school. You think you're helping me? No no I'm just I'm wondering if there's anyone else that you're happy to help maybe there's someone you're here. Oh you're here too. Hey hey hey how are you doing? I'm sorry about. Good I think I just bleached about you. No, that's okay. Sorry about a last night My parents wouldn't let me go out That kid was already bled. He looks like he came again Because the tear but you're always pushing like a horn And when you're going, it's so rearing My climate change was fucked so easy

And now it's bad. And why should we be? In 24-7, and located conveniently next to the Harrison Willis Memorial Steam Train. ○