Hey Riddle Riddle - *UNLOCKED* Patreon Ep #29: BETTER BE - QUIZZES!

Episode Date: March 15, 2020

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Blue Crew The doctor was the month Sorry, all habits Here we go How does a podcast evolve after you practically solve to every pussy and riddy? You really gotta expand upon your limit and brand before your show gets really shitty You turn to face reality and pray your personalities You'll carry this less minute pinnacle through

So here comes the content that nobody wanted. Now it's time for Hey Riddle Riddle's Glue Crew. Welcome everyone, right this way, hurry, hurry, hurry, there's a big sale on fun. 50% off fun. You there, what's your name? Aaron, JPC. Okay, what's your name? Aaron, JPC. Okay, what's your name then? Cohen Key, fun.

Oh, are you one of the Cohen brothers? Yes, I'm one of the Cohen brothers because my first day of his Cohen. What's your brother's name? I'll take a few funds to go. A few funds to go. Can we take some fun to go? Well, I have fun dip.

Do you have fun do? I have fun do. Because we have all this. You have hot fun. I have bananas. I have fundamentals, I have fun dip. Do you have fun do? I have fun do. Because we have all this. We have hot fun do. We have fun do. I have fun do. I have fun do. Funkers. Funkers, which are snickers with their fun.

You have funkers? I have funkers, Focker. Kidney milk, Macy. And I'm going to. And I'm going to. Hey, you little dumbasses. How are my favorite dumbasses? Holy shit.

Why would you talk to the audience that way? What are you talking about my cousins? I'm talking about JPCNL. Hey, dumbasses, how are you? We're good. Pretty good. But we're not dumb, we're smart. Like good. Like smart and strong. Yeah. Smartasses. I actually went to MOT, so don't talk down to me. O, boom. Let's just get right into what we're doing today. I enjoyed our Buzzfeed quiz episode so much. And so I Googled it again, and I found some of my favorite names for quizzes. You Googled Buzzfeed again? I Googled Buzzfeed again.

And you're in. We gotta shake your lips. Oh boy, just got your text. Which piece of poop are you? That's not related to this. How many clams fit in your stomach? That's not related to this. It's just me like asking how many clams fit in your stomach before I made you that clam dinner. What's the worst for it you can squeeze? I wish I had gotten that text before I ate that clam dinner. Let's take the first quiz. It is everyone has a combo of two Harry Potter characters, which one are you?

So the quiz everyone's a combo up to Harry Potter characters, which one are you? The quiz presupposes that everyone is a combo of two Harry Potter characters. Yeah. Which one are you? I'm actually, I'm a little more of a baby laugh. I'm a Harry Potter of two combos,

which are Pizzeria and pretzel cheese. I'm a Harry Potter of two combos which are pizzeria and pretzel cheese. I'm a Harry Potter two combos which is a dog don't it's basking rabbits. All combos are combos of the flavor of combo that it is and diarrhea. Unless you're playing killer in this one is literally called everyone is a combo of two Harry Potter characters which one are you? Okay, good. And anyone have any guesses? So do we say for each other for ourselves? Oh, for each other, that's fun. The sub header of this is, you are total. Are you a total Hermione Voldemort?

So that's what we're dealing with. And you 100% are a Slytherpuff. Oh, wait, but in terms of two characters from it. I thought I was making up like fun curse words for you. So we're gonna guess the in results. Yeah, let's guess the in result. Let's guess the in result before we get into it. I bet you are a, what's the name of the hat?

The sorting hat. You're two of the sorting hat. I love it. Adel, I think you are a serious black and someone else combo. I think you're I think you're going to be Luna Love Good and like Dumbledore. Oh, that's so nice. I think I was thinking Luna Love Good and Cho Chang. Okay. Because you love Chang. I'll take it. I'll take it. You're gonna a little bit of Ron too. I would say you're a little love good in

Cho Chang because I think you are legitimately choke it. Oh, JPC you're real bolder more bolder. You're like Draco and Hagrid. Can you put your drag? Oh my god. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I'm not your Drag Race. But honestly, I think I'm a Slytherpuff. Yeah. That's what I said, right? I know, I think, but I wanted to celebrate you being right.

What's your hybrid Hogwarts house? I'm a hundred percent a Huffleclaw. You're a Huffleclaw? Yep. Oh wait, what do you think you are? I bet he's Slytherdor. I have to be Slytherdor. I think you're a S a claw? Yep. Oh wait, what do you think you are? I bet he's slithered or I have to be slithered or. I think you're a slithered or. Yeah.

I think I'm a slither puff. So yeah, that puff. So you think you're a slithered or okay, so I'm putting in my own it, right? Yeah, we're putting in her on it. Gotcha. I want to see a scene. I'm going to be the sorting hats and the two of you as yourselves are gonna be sorted. Okay.

Yeah, can I throw a caveat under this? Oh, I'm not sure if you have the caveat already. Okay. No, yes, no. Yeah, okay. So, you, the sorting hat, it's the first day, you're sorting everyone, except you just had like a 14 hour bender like the night before.

So you're coming off of that. Oh, yes, right, this way. What do we have here? What's your name? JPC, three initials I see. Yes, right this way. What do we have here? What's your name? JPC three initials. I see yes. I JPC Yes, a hard worker loves to budget. We know that for sure Why are you wet also a little forward? You're so big wet Better be

I'm a chaneter, here you go. What's lovely here, Boston Babers. Boston A to the Chicago 4, yes, let's see. It's my beer and weed. Aaron Keefe, yes, very funny, very polite. Looks like you called your ex a bunch, Leslie. No, little shitty towards me. Better be my new girlfriend. Oh, no!

Sweetie, sweetie, sort me some dinner. Sort me up some dinner, huh? Very brave, very wise. Large Domino's pizza. This sort of... That's right. That's the funny favorite of the game. It's gonna be this sort of list of bunch of qualities

and then you scream anything. Better be my new girlfriend. Um, I'll be... Better, let's see here. Hmm, better ingredients, better pizza. Better be... Papa John. Hahaha.

Hahaha. Oh, let's see. What do we have here? Anarchy? Can I be honest with you? Hi, Dye. Substitutes don't upset us. Have a yo-a, better be Burger King. I'm right.

See here, melts in your head The quicker picker up better be Once of an episode what is happening? Okay, that might be the hardest ever laughed on the show. Let's go to the second part of the quiz. Okay, what would your favorite subject be? Charms, defense against garbage. Battle bee. What?

Why? I think better bee might be the funniest part of it. Battle bee. Battle bee. I know you'll need be the body of forever. Better be. Better be. I know you only had that hat on. I'll be. I'm going to the table.

Better be. I'm almost. I know you only had that hat on once, like in the first book. But oh, I guess you did it in the Tri-Wizard Cup 2 or something like that. He pulls the sword out later. But in my mind, every year he goes back to Hogwarts. He has to put the hat on again.

I love it, they... I feel like most of the books, maybe not all of them, or most of them, but this sorting hat always has a song. We're like, nobody wants to hear your fucking original music. No. He didn't band his acoustic guitar. Yeah, it's like, just play your... Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

Hold on, hold on. There's a hard chord, hold on. This band... This band is sometimes... It's sometimes... It's better be together. There's a hard chord, hold on. This bet bet bet bet bet bet a beat together. In the second book, Harry has a conversation with the hat and his, in double doors off. Oh, that's right.

He's like, did you, what's your deal? Yeah, what's your deal? And he's like, did you put me in the right house? And he's like, yeah, I stand by what I said. I think you'd be a great slither. And then Harry, he says, and then Harry says, you're wrong. JPC, you would probably wear this sorting hat back, we're right.

Oh, hell yeah. Oh my god. Someone draw it. Please, someone draw it. If I went to Hogwarts, I would definitely put that sort of hat on back. I was like, what's going on here? Humberbuff, bitch.

That is a humberbuff. What would your favorite subject be? Charms, defense against the dark heart. Transfiguration would be my. And transfer, I think I would like charms. What about you at JPC? I would probably pick her biology buddy. I don't think you I'm smoking pot Chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-chak-ch The Audi one, the quiet one, the smart one, the loyal one. Loyal one. I think I'm the loyal one. Uh, the ugly one. Betaby, the ugly face.

Uh, I'm gonna pick the wise one. Cool. What's your sign? Water, fire, earth, or air. Betaby, earth. Shit, wait, what is my sign? I think you're a fire. Because I'm as agitarious. Is that a fire sign?

I'm just going by like airbinar rules. I'm earth for sure. I'm a total of tongues. I think you're a water or an air. You could go either way. But JPC, you're definitely a fire. You're fucking chaos, man. Which defense against the Dakats teach it was the worst.

Dakats. Gilderoy. Quarrel. Or Boston Josh. Dakats. Mouven, Maddie Moody, and the worst of them all, Umbridge. Well, two of them were famously Voldemort. Wait, one was Voldemort and one was Barty Crouch's son. Yeah.

Marty Crouch. I think I'm going to say Umbridge. Why is Lubin even included in this? I think Umbridge for sure. Sorry guys, I had to back off because due to my zodiac being December 1988, 1988, I'm an earth dragon. That's why I knew that. I knew that that was.

Okay, so this is, which defense against the dark art teacher was the worst I think umbridge for sure I'm rich. I got no. It's got to be coral He was ineffectual and he was actually Voldemort. Yeah, but umbridge was like Got away. She was inside the system. Yeah, and she was just like a terrible sick person. Yeah, but you could learn something Vermeer. No, what can we learn the teach. Favorite book of all of them. My favorite was the fifth book. Not a popular opinion, but still my opinion. I think I'm going to go half-blood prints.

Mine was half-blood. I mean, I love Prisoner of Eskibion. So half-blood prints I just felt like. Mine was a prisoner. A favorite magical creature. So there's a squirrel, a dog, a cat, a man, a red head. You got it. They have the guy from Bringots.

Guys, I have to pick Dobby. I have to pick Dobby the house elf because Spaghetti, her ears look just like Dobby and me and Mariah call her Dobby all the time. That's so cute. Yeah, Dobby's my favorite of these options. Can we see a quick scene? JPC, you're gonna be Dobby.

Uh-huh. Aaron, you're gonna be a redhead, and this is your first date. And it's at the, what's like the, leaky cauldron or something? Yeah, catch it. You're a redhead? Mm-hmm. No, I'm not a wheezy.

You were blonde in your picture. Oh, yeah, sorry, I went back to my natural. It's not a deal breaker for me, just I have who oh boy some people think red hair is beautiful the people yeah I'm a house elf so do you what kind of stuff do you like where'd my sock go sorry I had to J.O.F. scene before we ruined anyone else's job that's why that we want to talk since it J.O.F. Seen. Before we ruin anyone else's chocolate. Pick a broom. That's why they have me with the socks.

It's a J.O.F. I love J.O.F. I'm gonna have socks with you. What do you say? I'm gonna pick a broom. This is pick a broom to fly in one of these as a mop. Fucking jitter. Jitter, JPC over here.

So there's a mop. There's like the nice ass broom. There's the broom that Kathy and Jimmy writes on, uh, Hocus Buggers. There's like the Thunderbolt 360 or whatever. I would fucking write on the mop, you know my bad ass would do that shit. Fucking nasty ass.

Fucking throw it in the mop. And nasty ass will do that. And nasty ass mop. Um, pick a spell. I did get janitor the sorting hat, so it makes it. Pick a spell, any spell. Luma. That'd be when Gaudium Leviosa expel Yamas

and Avarika Davra. So let's go through them. Luma's is one. That's a big one. That's a big one. That's a big one. That's a big one. That's a big one. That's a big one. That's a big one. That's a big one. That's a big one. That's a big one.

That's a big one. That's a big one. That's a big one. That's a big one. That's a big one. That's a big one. That's a big one. That's a big one.

That's a big one. That's a big one. That's a big one. That's a big one. That's a big one. That's a big one. That's a big one. That's a big one. That's a big one. Please put chess, you're killing me. All right. Actually, I love Avada Kadava and all those movies where the singing happens. And Avada Kadava, baby. Pitch Perfect, Avada Kadava and Pitch Perfect.

Oh, what are my favorite characters actually on here? Wait, wait, what did everybody pick for their spell? I picked the most. I'm gonna do In Guardian, Lvivios. I picked the Spellar Thomas. I think we'll have different answers. Finally, pick your favorite character. And the one, the obvious here.

Whatever character I pick is going to be one of the options of my half, right? Hermione, Ron, Harry, Luna, Neville, Ginny, Molly Weasley, Bella Tricks, and Voldemort. I'm going to pick Molly Weasley. That's my favorite of all these. Lupins my favorite, but. Here's my combo.

You got Hermione and Ron. You're smart and funny at the same time, above all your super loyal friend. You probably contradict yourself sometimes seeing as Ron and Hermione and you're pretty offset. That's okay. And it's a picture of them fucking. Can I just say, can I just say,

it's bullshit how they just gave you the two people and they didn't give you a combo name for these two people. So that would be herodemy. Herodemist Bosch. herodomisbosh. Herodomisbosh. Who did you get? I got HECCO.

Who's part of HECKLA or HARDOM? I did get part of HARDOM. Jerry or HECKLA. Can you guys tell me who I got? Jerry and Harry. Jerry, go and Harry. Jerry, go and Harry. You're determined, brave, and don't know how to keep

your mouth shut. Sounds like someone we know. Me. Sometimes you'll find yourself at odds with yourself. You're filled with a lot of inner turmoil. Yeah, by inner turmoil, you mean calm and by calming, mean printer toner. Then yeah, I am filled with all of that.

Yeah, your dates always have to famously change your calm. Uh-huh. Yeah, I always say I'm young, dumb, and full of printer toner for a Xerox 640 That's gonna make sure Yeah Um, I got Han Han? Harry Ron Harry Ron?

Like trouble! You're determined brave loyal and a goofball. You probably got into trouble a lot at school, but not for anything. It's too bad. Aaron, is that true? Did you goofballs at school? I got some goofballs at school? I got some goofballs at school.

Goofballs. Why don't you face my goofy balls? Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. Gorsh. I can't talk about my balls. I know. They're mini. Okay, skip the next quiz. We'll come back to it because I want to get to the third quiz down.

Third quiz down. Which is a virginity. What? Because the quiz is where will you lose your virginity, get married, and have your first child. I laughed for seven minutes. I'm lying today. Well, Eric, could you read the subheader of this quiz? That escalated quickly.

That escalated. This is from a community contributor who has 30,000 points. I don't know what points are, but you shouldn't have that many of them. Let's do this. What's your zodiac sign? I'm a Gemini. I'm a Sagapet era. Because sometimes I'm a bit Hermione, sometimes I'm a bit Ron. Pick a trait your ideal, significant other will have. This is SO. So I do have a sergeant

officer. Yeah. See you have something to do. Yeah. Polite, intelligent, charismatic, social, both funny and thoughtful. And while we think about this, I want to see a scene. I just want him to keep me alive and warm. You're both in the army, James, you're Adel superior. And I'm probably sure. You're doing like sort of falling in love and you're both a little bit worried about it. I'm Adel superior. Yeah, but you're both falling in love. It's a little bit tricky. Sir, reporting for duty, sir. If you are truly reporting for duty, I'm not gonna eat that ass. I wasn't gonna say that.

This is written all over your head. I wasn't gonna say that. In marker, it's written on your face and marker. I'm so sorry, I went out with the Sergeant Boyz last night. And we got into our old tricks. You'll have to forgive me for being a little more low-key today, soldier. What would you like me to do, sir?

I, uh, clean the barracks, um, this man's on my gun. What'd you take the gun off? Two miles? What? Why'd you take the day off? You've been working really hard. Oh. I see you out there with the guys you're working hard. Thank you, sir.

Take the day off. Take a shower. I could use some, well, I could use some target practice. Okay. I'd love to go to target with you. I just want to get there and get overwhelmed. I usually buy like 10 things I don't need. I always walk, I always walk to go to Target with you. I Just want to get there get overwhelmed. I usually buy like 10 things that only I always walk I always walk to the checkout with like six boxes of wine I do that, you know, this is four bottles of box. They say never shop for food when you're hungry Never shop. What was that? I never shop for wine when you're selling sober. Yes

Boy, so yeah, I'd love to go to Target with you. Maybe we can hit up a Jimmy Jots They're freakishly fast. You don't know such freaking Your cat. Yeah, my cat my little kitty cat. What's the time again pussy pussy pussy? Well, I got to report you Pick a trait your ideal significant other will be polite for the my friends. I also went for thoughtful. What do people like most about you? Your wealth, your personality, your skills and bad,

your cooking, your fashion sense, and your love? I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. What do people like most about you? Your wealth, your personality, your skills and bed, your cooking, your fashion sense, and your looks.

This is hard because people like my wealth and bed. People like my fashion sense and bed. I will say that Mariah ostensibly does not like my skills and bed, and by that I mean, I fold a fitted sheet at a very specific way. I'm going to say cooking because I'm cooking all out lately. Wait, what is this? This is what do people like most about me? This sucks because I know that people like me for my looks,

but I want them to like me for my personality. I'm gonna say my personality. I'm gonna go personality. It's so funny that skills and bad, who's people are gonna like that about you? Like everyone? There's only a few people who should like that about me. I don't come to days.

Well yeah, but not everyone. People don't like most about me that I like fucking good and bad. That's the thing I like most about you. And I've never had sex with anyone. I'm an old-timey man. And I'm an old-timey prospector. Better be looking for gold. Take a romcom.

When Harry met Sally, Bridget Jones, I'll have to come sandwich. Yeah, your favorite. Bridget Jones is diary. Do the catchphrase from that. England. Sleepless in Seattle. Wake up, bitch!

Dead things I hate about you. Okay, let me come back to that. Oh, nodding Hill. Notting off. The proposal. Make it wet. I don't think you did it. Okay.

I'm going to pick Notting Hill. I'm going to go with Win Harry and Met Summy. I could quote every line of 10 things I had about you. Line for lines. I think a fictional couple. Comple. Harry Potter and Jenny Weasley. Jack Dawson and Rose DeWitt. Book it.

Ooh, I'm going Chandler Bane and Monica Geller. Boom. Chandler Ball. No one, Ali from the notebook and Edward Cullen and Bellaswan. Is this just pick a fictional couple? Yeah, I'm going to pick Harry and Jenny, I guess. I pick Homer and Marge. God be honest, hold me.

I hate these results. Oh, I know mine. All right, go ahead, Adel, you first, please. God be honest. Hold me! I hate these results. Oh, I know mine. All right, go ahead, Adel, you first, please. You'll lose your virginity at home. You'll marry in Florida, and you'll have your first child while at the mall. Well, at the mall? This quiz thinks I'm white trash.

Yeah, absolutely. This quiz is a lot. It's a classic Florida trash. It's easy. I got, I'm gonna lose my virginity in school, Absolutely. These are classic Florida trash. I got, I'm gonna lose my virginity in school, Mary and Hawaii, destination wedding. And have your first child in a taxi cap, I would never step foot in a cap. I would have a kid in a lift.

Or Uber Exel. It was good while watching taxi cab the Tracy Morgan Jimmy found, Ramco. That's a good vehicle. You'll lose your virginity at a park. Mary and Bora Bora and have your child at school. I love Bora.

You can be a shine, Bora. And you have your first child at school? This quiz sucked. Yeah, honestly, that was a great quiz. I wanna, can we dox the person that wrote this quiz? Yep, you can do it. I take a thousand points away from shipping doors. So here's the thing, on Buzzfeed,

people, there are like comments to these that people will comment on. But what they do is they just share their results, but I don't know any of these people. Why are they sure? Scroll that out. Why the fuck would anyone care about a stranger's results? We think KJ has taken every single quiz.

Comments first. It's just, like, KJ in the booth is the screen name. Turn around. Yeah, the screen names turn around. This is just people posting the results. It's like, who fucking cares? And not a single person is commented. Yeah, who cares about the results is like, what is it gonna be

like an hour-long podcast? My favorite comment on this is from Devon Canzler from a year ago who writes, virginity is not real. And then someone else commented. That guy's in jail for a year. Someone else commented. I think she means that there's no such thing

as virginity in the medical sense. And it's just a concept and it could mean different things to everyone Yeah, I feel like you need to elaborate on this interesting comment and then Ray hidden 14 writes what I Want to see a scene Aaron your substitute teacher in sex at JPC and I are students and you're trying to teach us about Virginia, but you don't believe in it Hello, my name is Miss Butts. Fart. Pardon?

His name is Fart. My name is Fart. I'm here to teach you such. Outshatters, call off with our son. Okay, sorry. Fart, are you here? He's Schnarf's son from the Thundercats. Oh, that's a schnown.

His dad's Schnarf. JPC, are you here? No, he died. I think JPC died. Oh, dad is snows. His dad's snows. JPC, are you here? No, he died. I think JPC died. Okay, good. He was getting blown on the motorcycle and it fell off with these. I heard he sneezed too hard.

Anyways, I'm here to teach you sesuile education. Okay. And we're going to talk about virginity. Virginity. Okay. And we're going to talk about virginity. Virginity. Okay. Do you notice that I'm using air quotes each time I say virginity? You're actually using air buds, you're holding up the two dogs at school to play basketball. Oh well okay. Stop using air buds. Okay fine. But virginity isn't real. And I'll tell you why. Do you say virginity?

Virginity. Okay. A hymen can break anytime. Repeat after me. A hymen. A hymen can break. Can break. Any.

Any. Time. Even. Summer type. No, I'm supposed to. I'm supposed to. Even. The morning. No, I'm gonna finish this up. Hi, my son. Hi, my son. Hi, even the morning. No, I'm gonna. I'm gonna.

Good morning. Hi, man. Good evening. Hi, man. Good morning. Good morning. Hi, man. Good morning. Hi, man. Good morning. Good morning. Hi, man. Good morning. Hi, man. Good morning. You can break high mints anytime. I was gonna say even when you're on a go cart. A go cart or a bumper cart. What about a Mario cart? Yes. What about? Oh, Aaron, you do not want to do that scene. Okay, so I will let you, from the list to, because as I said, you, someone can pick what we do next based on.

You the listener? Ooh, we got to do horror movie. We do toys. What's horror movie? From TV show, horror movie, other than that. Wait, we're picking. Yeah, you pick. Okay, I wanna do horror movie. Okay, that's your pick.

So this is another Buzzfeed community post. Which horror movie cliche are you based on the horror movie characters you pick? Oh boy. Which horror movie cliche are you based on the horror movie characters you've reversed? No, we have to do it. We have to do it.

We have to do it. The subheader on this one is, are you the person who has the dead cell phone or the one who literally trips over nothing? Shrug. I'm both of those people in this friend group. I'm literally screaming. But they list characters as if you're supposed

to know who all of them are. So they say pick an it character. And we just gotta go by our gut. I'm gonna pick. I'm a total richy toesier. I'm a Ben Hansgum. Let's get through this as quick as possible. Pick a Winner Stranger calls character.

And my Bobby Scarlett Ben Johnson Tiffany, the stranger Jalonsa, I'm the stranger. This sucks. Oh my god, this sucks. Because it's not even like, it's asking to pick little characters that are gonna culminate in what type of character they are in their movies.

I know, I want you to know how to hear. How do you not understand what a fucking quiz is? This is Buzzfeed, baby. Like a shining character. But if I just pick all the characters who are like, the ones who die, then I'm gonna get the one who dies. You just gotta go by gut, so you haven't seen some of these movies.

Oh, I've seen all these movies. Don't say I'll die. Pick it, get out character. You haven't seen some of these movies. I've seen all these movies. Don't say I'll die. Pick a get out character. I don't know. Ride Williams. Pick a shining character. I don't know. Fucking Richard Halloran.

Pick a train to Busan. I don't know. Fucking Younggook. I'm a totally Younggook. Pick the other's character. Oh, I love the others. I'm a fucking Lydia. Pick a Friday the 13th character. Oh, I love the others. I'm a fucking Lydia Pick a Friday the 13th character. I'm a Lawrence

pick a scream character total Billy Lumis over here. Oh Skeets, ski or rich. I don't know whether a horror movie is well enough. I got a whole new character I'm a Bobby Sims big and alien covenant character. Yeah, thanks for going for covenant. I'm a Walter. Great, I'm the one who suggested the group split up. That be you and our, if we, the three of us, we're in a horrible horror situation. Are you the one who tells us to split up? Well, I told my mom and dad to do that.

I called the meeting and I said, I wanna see a scene, the three of us are trapped in the woods and we're each going to, let's hear what each of your answers were. Oh, I am. You got the one who turns your back on the killer because you think the killer's dead when he's most definitely not. Okay, jeeps. I know we're near done with this quiz.

I was taking it and actually thinking about- So you're the careful one. So you're the careful, thoughtful one. I'm the one who wants a group to split up, Aaron. You're the one who turns the back on the killer, even though it's not that. And we're all in the woods right now. Oh, I can't believe we're just saying all

of dear Evan Hansen. Oh my god, it's so fast. That's crazy. Should we go again? Maybe. I just need to kiss my breath. Oh, I'm glad we have to try it. We should have been running. Yeah, we should have been running.

We should have been getting killed. No, no. Look, we can still... ...weaving through a window. Oh, we see this guy forever forever let the world pass by forever no, we got something in present

you should have been running we should have been in 20 orders of fries this way he's come to get me he's come to get me no, he's not coming to get you. He's gonna get us. He's coming to us. I think we should split up. Okay. Okay. Okay. Why? So we all know I'm the fastest. We know that JPC can climb the most trees. And you know that you are in. So okay. Okay.

So we split up the killer will get who the killer gets and the rest of us can get. I'm gonna turn this way. I'm turning around. It's inaudible. You can completely turn around from the microphone. Oh, okay. Stay on my car. Whatever you do. Stay on my car. We stay on my car. We stay on my car.

We stay on my car. We stay on my car. Stay on my car. Stay in a life. Stay in a life. I'm gonna turn back okay. I'm Oh Oh, yeah, the chicken I gave you was bad. Yeah, it was Nashville

I'm not chicken. Yeah, I'm gonna go back on the killer because I Crying about do you're having to any remember how sad it is? I saw been plateaued. It's so good I think the killers dead I'm gonna about your evidence. Any remember how sad it is? I saw Ben Platt do it. It's so good. I think the killer's dead. I'm gonna go back on the... Ugh! Ugh! We got stabbed in the ball. Oh, I got stabbed in the ball. I see.

But I'm doing just fine coming down. Because you wanted that. The killer's. How Eppercut. JPC. Yes, the killer's. Pick a quiz. Pick a quiz. The quiz any motor?. We got toys, prom, TV, Harry Potter, hated, and Avenger Dad.

I'm going Avenger Dad. Fine, I was excited for this one. So this one is, we know which Avenger should be your dad. Hi hungry, I'm iron dad That sucks. This is from another sitting this is from another community contributor This shouldn't be a cute. Can you me? How often do you swear? I never swear I let one slip here and there I only swear when I'm angry a couple of times a day regularly when do I not swear? I Would say regularly I would say regular. I would say regular love. I would fucking say regular love.

What's all do you like up in the morning? Before 6am, 6am, 6.30am, 7am, 7.30am, 8am, 8am, 8.30am, 9am, after 9am. I wake up at like, 8am. I wake up at 6am. Which social media platform are you most active on? Snapchat, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, Reddit. I gotta go Twitter. Twitter. How often do you binge watch TV?

Only during the summer. Rarely I never binge watch here and there. I don't say pretty often. I would say I never binge watch. I don't have the time. I mean, never binge watch. I never binge watch. Have you ever been to time. I mean, you never binge watch. I never binge watch. Have you ever binge watched it?

That's when you just watch every episode of a show, right? But either in one day or pretty. So I used to binge watch when I was in college and I worked at the self-storage place because you were just in an office alone all day. And so I would like go through an entire season of burn notice in like three days. But since you burned through it. What. But since- You burned through it?

What? You noticed that you burned through it? Yeah, did you notice how quickly you- What is going on? No, what are your hot characters welcome? Suits, boss. I'm into Michael Weston. I used to be a spy.

How is burn, burn notice? Bad. And it's very good. So the central premise of burn notice is that this guy is a, he used to be a spy, but he got burned, so he's not a spy anymore, but now he just lives in Miami with Bruce Campbell and his Irish girlfriend. Everyone at Burn Notice has the worst accent possible.

And, this guy has no range as an actor, and he's a spy, so they make him do a bunch of things where he plays a spy, so he has to use accents all the time, and boy oh boy, can he not do accents. I think on his resume, he said accents, they did the audition, he's got the look. And they're like, do they care if they're not doing it or the actor? Huh.

What to do with that? I really think it's the actor. I think the actor does not have a ton of range. I want to see you seeing. JPC, you are auditioning for a new TV show that requires you to be international, Aaron and I are the casting agents. I'm going to ask you to do quite a few, perfect lines in different voices. Welcome in. Thank you so much. I'm really, really, really, really, really, very, very

convenient. Of course, I'm from Trans-Atlantic, USA. Oh, okay. And yes, I'm also a heavy voice and I'm more British, but also transatlantic. Thank you so much for coming in. Great. I'm really thrilled with the opportunity. We're just kidding. We talk like this. Well, she talks like she talks, but I was pretty fun of her earlier. Good. This is a great environment. Yes, thank you so much. I love coming into this environment. This is something that we're going to do. We'll get some questions. We're going to throw some voices in accents. Emissions. You're going to give me the impression. Yes. I just kind of here we go. Ready? Got it. First. As quick as you can. First. First. First

impression. First impression. You've already made it my friend. Oh, okay. Amazing. I've already made it, my friend. Oh, okay. You've already made it. I've already made a great first impression. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Buh-buh! DO YOU WANT TO GO FOR SAKES! Um, now could you do a cockney accent please? I'm a penis on a knee.

Somebody fuck this knee. Now please do Alan Alder and I just want to hear the difference. It's me. Alan Alder, somebody fuck me on this knee. And I just do a, uh, uh, uh, classic, uh, southern accent, please. Y'all are not from around here. How are you? Now someone who's from the south, but is now in the north.

Hey, everybody. See? Next question. I know you're gonna say I'm not from around here. How many empty shampoo bottles are there in your bathroom? No, I'm not an animal. Maybe one, one or two. Shampoo bottles.

Shampoo bottles. In your bathroom. Shampoo is better. No conditioner. Stop looking at me, Swan. I'm a bee. No. Pantene.

I said no, no, I don't have any empty shampoo bottles. I'm 100% none. I throw shit out. It's your favorite. Why would you keep your empty none. I throw shit out. It's your penis. It's your flesh. Why would you keep your teeth shampoo? You throw shit out. Yeah, toilets. How often do you lie?

Never. I'm gonna go with never. All the ones that fear. I lie here and there. Ah! Better be never. I'm putting in pretty much a pathological liar. What is the fun next question?

Do you like pun? Hold on, we got to answer in this one. I feel like I only lie when it's necessary. What did you put in? I lie here and there. I put in pretty much a pathological liar. What did you say to me the other night at the show? You're like, I've never asked you a question expecting

to get a straight answer. Yeah. Yeah. But I still keep asking. But I still keep asking. But you still keep asking. Do you like puns? That's the next question for real. Oh, no.

I don't hate them, but I don't love them. They're cute. My friend Sam, punny. Yes. I'm a totally awesome. I'm beyond yoss, but we'll stop there. I would say yes. I have a dad. Oh, I have a dad. I have a dad.

Oh, I got a dad. Who's your dad? My dad? Is Dr. Bruce Banner. Is he your dad? Dr. Bruce Banner? Dr. Strange Dad. And how I learned to stop worrying about this

of topic Bob. Peter Sellers. Peter Sellers. I got, do you, anybody want to guess my dad? My dad? The Hulk. It's a siren man. Oh, I guessed it. Oh, I looked at guess my dad? My dad? My dad? The Hulk. It's a siren man. Oh, I guessed it.

Oh, I looked at that no one. I'm rich bitch. I'm Dave Chippell. Oh, we're siblings. Yeah, I guess Dr. Strange would be my dad. That's not so bad. None of these people would be good fathers. No.

Captain, no. No. He would not, none of them would. They live such risky lives and they're always away. If you had to pick a dad for many of the Marvel, Paul Rudd. Ant-Man. I said, Paul Rudd.

Yeah, Ant-Man. I'd rather have Ant-Man. I'd rather have Paul Rudd. But be it honest. Yeah, if I could pick a dad, I guess I would have to be, Martin McShort. Martin McShort.

I'd probably pick you. You'd pick JPC. I'd pick JPC to McShort. I'd probably pick you. You'd pick JPC. I'd pick JPC to be my day. I would be good dad. I can't wait to try a little kid out. And, uh, just, can't wait to try a kid out. Can you create and cast a successful TV show? No.

Let's make some TV magic. What genre is your show? Comedy, action, sci-fi, drama, teen team show dramedy. I'm gonna do team show Here's what I say I Want to say comedy, but you know honestly the TV shows I watch are mostly dramas do a drama then bud Well, add also then you can pick drama as the category. I'm gonna pick sci-fi because I funny No No, that's just not. We're not, we don't, you can turn it off.

What do we say, band of brothers is funny. Do dromity. Chernobyl's funny. Should I rewatch band of brothers have been thinking about it? It's great. David Schwimmer's in it. I just had this conversation earlier today.

I never, never rewatch things. Like, there's nothing in me that wants to like, oh yeah, let's watch this movie that I've already seen it. Let's watch this TV show especially, because I feel like that I'll be in that room. Madman, madman, madman, madman. Betta me, draper. But I was like, I'll be in the other room. I don't want to watch this. And then I would hear it. I'm like, oh, I love this part.

So now I'm rewatching it with her. Watching Madman. I did like madman. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I was like, I'll be in the other room. I don't want to watch this. And then I would hear it. I'm like, oh, I love this part. So now I'm rewatching it with her.

Watching it with her. So good. I did like madman, but I don't think I would rewatch it. So for an as I want to rewatch. Is there an issue you want to rewatch? So I think the only context that I would rewatch something is if someone, like a friend or significant other hadn't seen it yet, and they were going to watch it, like you and Gemma with Mad Men.

Then I would like maybe sit down and rewatch something. The things that I have rewatched in my life, I've watched the Firefly a thousand times. I've watched the wire at least twice. If not twice. If not more. I've never seen Firefly, is it worth it? Oh yeah, I mean, it's, but it's only 12 episodes or 10 episodes and it's over yeah.

And I really liked Firefly and then I know that I know for a fact but this is more just from being a kid. I've watched episodes of The Simpsons like whole seasons of The Simpsons like dozens of times. Yeah, nothing else in my adult life have I rewatched. I love rewatching things. Really? It's very comforting to me, like the rhythm of show. The rhythm of the show? And do the moh-li-let. Yeah, I love rewatching movies and...

What's a favorite rewatch for you? What's like you could just rewatch, put it on... Gravity Fall. And TV shows or movies? TV show. Parks and Recreation is very comforting to me. I feel like Parks and Recreation in the office for our generation. People just put it on a shelf. People read watch, read for something. Yeah. At nauseam. Definitely those. Also like pushing daisies and like just things that I like.

A lot of stuff that I watch when I was like a teen is very. Burn notice. Burn notice. It's very good and comforting for my brain. If the three of us had a TV show what would it be do you think it'd be like a game show Would it be the three of us is roommate? It's just the three of us It's a and are we like starring or creating it like are we either okay? I mean we we're 100% creating it which means we can start it if we want yeah, right it Do we think it's a game show? Do we think it's a comedy? Like a sitcom? Do we think it's like...

I think we'd be good at a lot of different things. I don't know. It depends on the genre. I think we'd write a really good cartoon, the three of us, the fun cartoon. That's my dream is to make an animated, like an adult swim type show. If I had to take the personality dynamics at play, pull them out of this podcast and put them into a show, it would be a show the Adela and I host and it would be called Shit Not A Lady.

And we would be... She's not a lady, shit not a lady. We'd be following Aaron Keith through her regular life, but with my... She's waiting for her to fuck up. But with microphones, with my friends, waiting for her to fuck up. But with microphones? With microphones? Waiting for her to make a mistake. So it's a little bit of a peep show, but it's just two actual men.

Pop out of the van and be like, oh, she said Applebee's wrong. Where do I sack? Oh my God, please. What do you rewatch? I rewatch. I feel like a lot of, most of I rewatch anime and stuff,

so I could venture time or like, so I feel like, I've never a lot of mostly I rewatch animated stuff so I could venture time or like so I feel like I've never seen the office all the way through I've never seen Parkton Rye Cubbleway through So I don't want to rewatch it because there's stuff I haven't seen But there's I feel like mostly animated stuff I've seen a bunch. I'll rewatch like Simpsons Yeah, or maybe I'm a bat Rest I rewatched the first couple seasons of a rest of development. Like someone was paying you to. Oh yes, it says. I've seen that several.

Someone was paying you to. Venture brothers. Yeah, 30 rock I rewatched so much. So the only way I'd ever be able to rewatch something is if I was been to watching it. I don't think I have the patience to be like, I'll watch an episode of the office once a week for the rest of my life. I couldn't do that. Like it just wouldn't, it wouldn't click with me. Here's my pitch for show. Oh, I've watched click a thousand times. The movie

clip. I love the movie clip. I love the first 30 minutes. My pitch for us for a TV show is the three of us. It's an animated TV show. The three of us are in purgatory and every day we have to pitch scenes. So basically like this show, we had to pitch scenes and do them. And then over the course of years, they'll decide whether we go to Heaven or Hell. I like how your idea for a show, it's like, we could do anything. We could do anything in the world. Why don't we do a show that's our nightmare?

I would want to do an improvised mystery show, like Hey Riddell City, where we improvised a mystery that was like some limitations to it, and then someone animates it. An improvised animated mystery? Yeah. I would love it if the animators were also improvising. Why am I a loaf of bread? How many seasons does your show have? Just the one, two or three, four or five? I'm gonna say two or three. Me too. How many seasons? The Brits get it right. Yeah, two or three. Pick a male per three.

Thleabag. V-Bang. Sterling K Brown, Adam Scott, Ty Burrell, Grant Guston, who I don't know. How for an Enoch, the handsome guy from Harry Potter and how to get away with murder and Ed O'Neal. I mean, I gotta go Adam Scott, because I don't know most of these people.

I'd go Sterling K Brown, I like him. He's great. Pick most of these people. I'd go Sterling K. Brown. I like him. He's great. Pick a few more. He's great. Super natural. Allison Hanigan, Meal Akunis, Nina Dobrib, vampire one, Zendaya, Sarah Highland, Vyla Davis. I'm going to pick Zendaya because I watched you for you. I did not watch you for you, but she's the girl from Spider-Man. Where does your show take place? Los Angeles and my see you suburban town, Hawaii, Paris, Hong Kong.

Paris! My show takes place in a suburban Hawaii. Pick an antagonist. My show also takes place in Hawaii, so right now what I have is Sterling K. Brown and Zendaya, solving tribes of Hawaii. Oh, here we go. Antagonist is Michael Keaton sack effron Madeline Pesh Carla Zusa same- as accent. I'm excited because Michael Keaton is maybe my favorite actor picking Michael Keaton

Your show got popular after it ended Your show didn't get a lot of love during its run, but after it ended people started really loving it Good job. What the fuck your show won a lot prizes. Your show didn't have a ton of viewers, but critics loved it and you won big at the Emmys. Well done. Your show got a lot of viewers and won a lot of awards. Be proud because you've just created the new friends. So I created the new friends.

It's a show with Sterling Kickbrow and Zendaya and Hawaii. It's a sci-fi and the protagonist is Madeline Pesh, and it's the new friends, and it went two seasons. What a success. DBC, you kinda sell this. You're sitting on a goldmine. Oh, that's amazing. That's amazing.

God, I wanna see, these are two kind of short scenes. One's gonna be JPC, and one's gonna be Adel on their own. So JPC, this is you accepting your Emmy for Best Show. And I just wanna see who you think and if we come up, then we come up. Got it. Wow. I never thought I'd be here.

I never thought I'd be in front of everyone here. Accepting this Emmy for Best Show. You know, when I came up with the idea for fart twins, I was in a hot tub in Cancun, Mexico. Blacked out on Peach My Ties, getting serviced by a repairman who was helping pull my penis out of the jacuzzi. And I thought,

no, hold on, do not play the music yet. I think God I think Jesus Christ is my personal Lord and Savior. He is the far twin. God in Jesus is the far twin. No you'll have your turn. You'll have your turn. Guy Fieri. Oh I'm sorry you're not Guy Fieri. No I don't. Alright now Adda let's see your speech. Thank you so much. Hey everybody I didn't win this award but I grabbed the mic and doing a total Kanye but I just want to say in a few years everyone's gonna look back and love this show. So if you want to watch Abiscus Nation I'm sure someone will pick it up so please please look for that and please push for that and I just want to watch Abiscus Nation, I'm sure someone will pick it up. So please, please look for that and please push for that.

And I just want to say if you thank you, thank you India, thank you terror, thank you disillusionment, thank you fail to, thank you consequence, thank you, thank you silence. That's my time. Thank you. Aaron, I want to see your speech You have a stormtrooper helmet on take off your show for real helmet Okay, okay, okay, okay JPC on thanks. Oh, you have a you have a regular helmet on I Think the problem is it's the mouse on top of her head that's giving the speech.

That's like a Recta II situation. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Well, those were the art quizzes. Our little bizzies and quizzes and grids and guzzies. I am the lore act and I speak for the microphone. Do I speak?

Am I in the Lorax? I am the Lorax. Do you speak to the microphone? I am. Do you see we give a speech instead of the Lorax and that's Aaron's character now? We do the Chorax. Wait, what the fuck?

The Chorax. I am the Chorax. I speak for the bleach. The booze and whosles and squeedles and screech. If you clean my floor, then I'll give you a nickel. I am the Lorex, don't put bleach in your pickles. I want to see a scene. No.

I'm out of the hair from Harry Potter and JBC, you are the Lorax and you are on a date. What should I get here? I'm hungry, but for something savory, not too salty, better be monkey bread. Well, I am the Lorax, I speak for the bread. Well, it might taste good, it's bad for your head. It makes you all doughy, clotted and weak. What you would like better is a nice fat steak. Yes, okay. Did you guys want water? Enjoy the rimes and we physically attracted to you, better be still water.

And I am the Lorax, I'd like to have sparkling. But careful on your way to the kitchen. It's darkening. You might want to better yourself by turning on the lights. That is the way for success. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. We are gathered here today in the Union of the half of Harry Potter. We murder out vows. be I do I Have the Lorax and I do too Kiss something we don't have bouts Oh, you're gonna tell the Lorax what the Lorax has oh this is classic was shit on a woman

Once twice shit on a woman. What was it called? What? What? Once, twice, shit on a woman. I don't know what it was called, but I hope I didn't maybe shit on a woman. Um, anything I had fell. I loved Al Pacino and shit on a... Whoah! Whoah! Shea Bigger!

Slaves! Um, no. Anything to add, fellas? Um, 7 plus 13. Bigger! Slaves! Oh, no. Anything to add, fellas? 7 plus 13? Yeah. 20? Okay.

I would like to go on YouTube and look up the scene where Al Pacino, and I think it's a sin of a woman, says, the line is I think she's got a great ass is what he's supposed to yell, but for some reason he starts to say the word big Instead of great. So it's like she's got a great ass Also watch him in heat where he clearly just improvises several miles. Oh, yeah Al Pacino is having a Field day like just do whatever you want. Yeah, great I and you know just just just a great actor

I'll but I want to spend the rest of my plugs plugging Al Pacino for all these words I just do whatever you want in that. Yeah, great. And, you know, just a great actor. I want to spend the rest of my plugs plugging Al Pacino for all these words. You can follow me at Al Pacino. Thanks for doing this, guys. You're Gal Pacino, right? Yeah, I'm Gal Pacino. I work on it.

If Gal Gadot, if Gal Gadot, Mary Al Pacino, Aaron, her name would be? Neptune. No, if Gal Pacino. If Gal Gadot Mary Al Pacino, Aaron, her name would be? NEPDUDE! NEPDUDE! If Gal Pacino! NEPDUDE! Blue crew! Duh-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du Roll your eyes, it's cause a apple refire That other young guy fucking JPC KG Snyder edited what everybody said And F public cardamast did the loco

Arnie Parrot sang and wrote every single freaking note of 1,2,3,4 Hate Riddle Riddle's glue crew you