Hey Riddle Riddle - *UNLOCKED* Patreon Ep #61: Face to Face...Not!

Episode Date: July 10, 2020

We hope everyone is staying safe and practicing social distance during this global pandemic. To help with sanity we have unlocked yet another episode of INSANITY from the Patreon. We hope you have a great weekend!Also if you want to help support the show and listen to 70+ more of these episodes, including video streams, D&D campaigns and more you can subscribe at Patreon.com/heyriddleriddleFace to Face...Not!This is our first Patreon episode we recorded remotely! To celebrate, we explore all the ways people have stayed in touch while not being face to face! We improvise our way through church confessionals, walkie talkie misunderstandings, and radio shows. We also remind everyone that God, the devil, and pilots can all be women. How tall are YOU compared to a door?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey Casey, you know that sound check you were looking for? No, no. Well listen to this. You're gonna get this every time. Clap, clap, clap, clap. It's me. Clap, clap. You're cousin.

Macy Tony. Here we go. How does a podcast evolve after you practically solve to every pussy and riddy? You really gotta expand upon your limit and brand before your show gets really shitty. You turn to face reality and pray your personalities. Okay, we just less men have hidden through.

So here comes the content that nobody wanted. Now it's time for Hey Riddle Riddle's Glue Crew. Hey, can anybody hear me? Is anybody out there? Hi, this is Adorify. I am in a space shuttle. I've been launched towards the moon, but I didn't say that, but I thought it. Oh, no, are my thoughts echoing?

Let's see what other thoughts echo. Venus, penis, okay. I did think the word I forgot to vote in 2016. That's yeah. I did. I I went to vote, but then I passed a long John Silver's and I tell people I like avocados, but I'm really thinking of cilantro. That is yeah. Avocado stays like soap to me. But I'm writing this podcast beard is a wig, wig And my wig is going to be a political party party party Okay Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do Hello, my name is Rachel. Hi. Hey and welcome to another Patreon episode.

This is a, JPC was just giving us the numbers. This is our first Patreon recorded episode in two months. I forget how to do it. Is this right? You paid $5 so you deserve this. Aaron is doing the YMCA. Am I doing it? Aaron's doing a very funky dance.

Aaron, I, I, I'll, over and under that she knocks her head phone cord out. I always do. It's true. It locks it. It locks it. Do you know that? It is locked. And you just like, by over under, you mean she's going to get tangled in the cord and

try and go over then under? Like a cat. Like a cat who's just been playing with a phone. I'm tangled up in the cord. These are the days of our lives. These are the cats with our phones. If you can't tell, we've gone a little crazy. I think that's gonna crazy.

I have, have you? What's, without this being a two depressing, what would you say is the craziest thing that you have done? Craziest thing I've done. So, maybe this isn't the craziest thing that I've done, but I know from my own perspective, it has been harder and harder to just wake up in the morning and I'm usually a good morning person

and spaghetti helps me with that because she wants to go out first thing in the morning, but she's been sleeping in too. So it's like, once she't like demand to get up, like it starts really being very hard for me. So I try to wake up in the morning and we have like a Google home. So it has you can like play music in the room. If you just ask Google to play music.

So I start I try to start every day by playing like the first fucking song that comes into my head. And today this morning was like a G6 by Far East movie. And it's it makes me feel. What did you dream about? Exactly. I was like, it was like first song like a G6. I think I would think that every morning it would be,

Oh, no, no, wait, get in the morning and I feel nervous. See? But it's whatever it is. And then I just sing it and dance it very enthusiastically. And like, Brian's like, hates me, I'm not feeling bad. See? But it's whatever it is. And then I just sing it and dance it very enthusiastically. And like, Brian's like hates me, I'm sure. But it's how I start my day with a little Joseph insanity. I like that.

I speaking of sleep schedules, last week I woke up at 4 p.m. and then I went to bed the next day at 2.30 p.m. And that text us that you had just woken up and then I went to bed the next day at 2.30 pm. And that text us that you had just woken up because we were like talking in our D&D group and you were like, I just woke up. Yeah, several times. And let's say I have something to do that day, I'm my subschedules absolutely butt fucked.

And so if I do have something that I try and make it on time, but yeah, I, I, I got a question. Yeah. But when you're making it 4 p.m., we eat breakfast food? Typically, yeah. So I've been trying to eat my fancy eggs every day, but yeah, it just depends. Well, sometimes, Gemma will be upset that I stuff the whole day away and that she's been

up on her own for eight hours. And she'll be like, well, we're going to make pasta. So sometimes she'll dictate that, but, we're gonna make pasta. So sometimes she'll dictate that, but, yes, pretty rough. I would say from Jim's perspective, it is unreasonable to wake up at 4 p.m. and be like, dapper breakfast and something's like, it's two hours till dinner. Like we're not having breakfast right now.

No, no. Or Jim is a trooper who just has two breakfasts today. Like she has to do dinner for breakfast just to like go backwards. I try to just, lunch and then breakfast. I've tried to do dinner for breakfast just to like go backwards. I try to- She has breakfast, lunch, and then breakfast. I've tried to tell her when pizza's on a big ol' that can be breakfast at any time. I would almost rather have breakfast, lunch, breakfast.

I think that sounds fucking awesome. That sounds ideal to me. I love breakfast. I can go jump in a lake. I love lunch, and I love breakfast. Aaron, do you have anything crazy that you can share? Anything that you've done that's crazy? Not just like crying in the bath.

I've been, I've been putting, I've been making like putting hot sauce on a lot of my food just to feel something, you know. What kind of hot sauce we're talking? Um, we ordered the hot one, hot sauce. Oh, that's right. Yeah, you said that. Um, so just been like, just trying to, does anyone feel like their personality

has sort of left their body? No, I mean, this is insane, but the craziest thing about me is that I feel completely normal because me being just like everything, I'm like a doomer prepper here because everything in my home is prepped for me to never leave my home again I have my treadmill. I have all of my like weights. I have my pull-up bar. I have video games are those guns behind you We just I have my guns

But so I feel like I feel like and I could go like seven months without seeing my best friend And then like after seven months and be like, oh, hey, like seven months without seeing my best friend. And then like after seven months, I'd be like, hey, what's going on? What's up? Like I feel like I'm something about our culture and about my own personality has perfectly geared me for this moment.

I am a last-minute standing. My immune system's dog shit. I will die if I get anything, but. I'm very much, I mean, I am non-stop consuming stuff like I'm watching so much TV, playing so many video games, reading so many books, and it's very much, and Gemma and I will play board games or something, but I feel like, yeah, I'm very much like this, my life has not changed very much. I know obviously people are being too affected dramatically, but I feel like my life is not that out of order. And then also this is kind of customized for my, what I enjoy is just kind of like staying in being with my cats and Gemma.

But I do feel Aaron to answer your question. I do feel like the first time every, every week when I have like meetings or we have something like this, the first 30 minutes when I'm talking because I only just, I just talk to Gemma really. I feel like I've stumbled over my words a little bit more than I typically do because I'm just not used to talking to other people where I'm like, oh shit, I have to like be on or I have to like say certain things. So I feel like for the first 30 minutes it's basically warm up where my my brain is trying to remember what it's like to engage people. I feel the same way. I've had to I've been talking to

my therapist a little bit about this because I feel the same way. I've had to, and I've been talking to my therapist a little bit about this, because I feel like I'm in a completely neutral place sometimes, or I just feel nothing, and I feel like I am, like, I don't know. I was like, how much is my personality performative that when I'm not around people, I feel like I'm like,

the color gray, all of a sudden. So I'm working on that. In your closet where you're recording I do see behind you there's a can of progressive soup that has a label that says therapists on it. Yeah And the little wig that she's wearing Don't you think that that's pretty expensive soup for a therapist? Couldn't you use a cheaper soup you get Campbell's therapist You use it cheap or suit? You get Campbell's therapist?

Oh my therapist. My therapist is so expensive though. It's the most expensive thing in my life. $3 for suit, I'd rather get fucking killed on a bridge. I will have to one day decide between a car and a therapist, which is such a dark reality. But I. As far as performative, I also have been

twitch streaming three hours a day every day for the past five weeks or something like that So I feel like I have like a lot of social interaction already because you have an idea Well, I don't see people like face to face. I am like interacting with people a lot during the days Oh, I have a question for you. Do you feel like you now know Jerald? Do you feel like your friends? Well, I know Geralt so I don't know the fuck you're no, no, but doesn't he have that little brother Jerald. Do you feel like your friends? Well, I know Geralt, so I don't know the fuck your thing. No, no, no. But doesn't he have that little brother Jerald?

Hey, Geralt, it's your cousin, Marvin. Uh, yeah, I feel like, so I also not only have I've been playing the Witcher, but I also, um, Mariana are now re- I'm re-reading and she's reading for the first time, the novels, and I do really feel like, uh, after watching the show and be like, yeah, they got this pretty right. Reading the books and playing the game, I'm like, this character's so much fucking cooler

than they did anything with there. But yes, I do feel like I know Geralt's pretty well unfucked. Beautiful. When you were pursuing a live stream. You did because you got some mutters to himself and he walks out the door. Oh, fucking, dying of breath.

I'm breathing in the breath of a super extreme friend. Al, you've actually subbed to my stream because someone gifted you a sub. What does that mean? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Can I get turkey? It's Italian BMT.

What was I doing? I kept bugging you on your stream when I would ask for Geryl Seinfeld, is that what it was? Yeah, you did Geryl Seinfeld. Another friend of mine came into the stream and when I got up to pee, they asked my stream to like, or what color my pee was.

And now for like two weeks after that, people talked about my pee on my stream. So at the end of my friends, pops in to my stream, Twitch.tv, slash shark barkman, it just becomes absolutely fucking chaos. So thank you for all of my friends who do that. Another thing I've been doing because I feel insane, but it's been really fun is I make up a chapter of a book for Sean every night. So you're writing? No, I'm just making it up as I go though and I don't write it down.

So you're improvising? Yes, I'm improvising and it's the same book and I just do a different chapter every night. Would you guys be into this? I think that we should do a project where we write that one page of a screenplay, like page to time, and we just send the page to the next person. I would love to do that. Can it be an action movie?

So it's mostly action that we're writing and not that long? This should be for our patrons, and we should have them vote on, like, what genre? What genre, yeah, what genre of movie we make. Let's do it, and then we'll either release this script on Patreon or we'll do a Patreon episode where we do a reading of it. Oh, yay!

We should do it. It would be great to do a live-acted, but it would be, I guess, very hard to do via Zoom. So yes, maybe we'll do a reading of it. Yeah, let's just go mind what fucking way. Can it be a space- that'll be a category? Western please um well that sounds like a way better idea than this patreon episode That's when we get our best ideas we have our best ideas on the patreon episode where we're recording one of our worst ideas

So I want This patreon episode is a game called Cal fucks your mom. So what we do is we pick a cow. It's worse than it sounds. We pick a cow. We get to pick the cow. Why buy the cow when it fucks the mom for free? We ask people to tweet us their moms first day.

Yeah, your mom will phone up the cow. It's the first. The cow is your new stepdad. They'll move away. They'll have a great life. So you're paired with haystack and he's... Oh, ha ha. So we haven't been able to interact with people face-to-face

in person for months. And I wanted to go with that theme because I feel like I haven't done a lot of improv where that's the case. So I've created the scenarios where people aren't interacting face to face and we're gonna do scenes with people in that scenario. Does that make sense?

Oh, okay, cool. Yeah, makes sense. This better be all church confessionals. Oh, well, it's all church confessionals. No, it's not. That's one of them, but that's, so let's see. What is this my level three improv class? Today's church confessionals.

Three hours. And then JPC takes out a flask, blows bubbles with the flask. So all the time. OK, you guys take JPC as an improv teacher. He's gotten rave reviews. Someone in the Patreon has. A few people have. Yeah.

OK, the first scene I want to see, and this is the two of you, and this is going to be the maybe the closest people ever are other than the church confessional later, is your two people on either side of a door. And the door stays closed the whole time. Okay. And you can decide the context. Sure. Well, hold on. Okay. How tall is the door? Can I see over the door? You can't see over the door. It's like two inch door. It's fully closed. You fucking got her, dude. Let's just open this door I'm gonna hold Sick on that, Aaron. Okay, there's a door between us. Yeah Huh? Hey, hey Mike? Yeah? Nock, nock

Hey Mike, man. What do. Ha ha ha. Hey Mike. What do you want? Are you home? Mike, are you home? Yes, Jeff, I'm home, man. Okay, I just, you just, You just watch me, you watch me storm into my house.

Well, I've had it happen before where I knock and I have a full conversation in that at the end it goes beep. This is a recording. So, just wanna make sure that you're not on one of those bends again. I just wanna apologize for what happened out here in your front lawn. When I jumped into your leaf pile and and and called you what I called you I just I felt like that was a little out of line. Yeah, well line. And you're not you're not five four okay you're whatever you're whatever height

you think you are you're not five four I'm five six and I'm not mad I'm not mad at the dig about my height I'm mad that you called the grave I was digging for my daughter's cat a leaf pile and I'm mad that you jump in it okay well we were given the eulogy okay it's interesting you call it your daughter's it's interesting. You call it your daughter's cats grave versus the families, you know, our cats grave. So that's her responsibility. Just shows that you're just you didn't have that emotional attachment. So, no, hey, it was her responsibility. And I said, feed it, water it every day. And she didn't do it. And so this is the consequences. Dad, how long do I have to stay in my room? That's your choice. Oh, can you no one's letting you in there? I can you see your daughter killing the cat. No, I'm behind the door too. She's behind the door. She's up some stairs Is the door closed? Yes, how tall is the door like two inches?

It's not very tall. I mean on five six. It's only marginally taller than me It's a lot taller than him come on Caitlin no, it's it's I'm I'm almost the same height as that door I feel like it. Oh No, you better go see it. You better go to progressive get here some progressive a sap Trust me. She goes to progress so twice a week. Okay, it's very expensive. Well, I just went to apologize I'm gonna go next door again. I am your neighbor Jim Morrison, you said you wanted to apologize, but I didn't hear enough apologize.

I don't know if you can't what I just said there, but I'm sorry. And again, I'm a court. I think you know what I'm saying. I'm sorry that you're mad. No, sorry, sorry, sorry that you have an appolian complex. No, no, no, no. This is a, these are fake apologies. You can't say I'm sorry.

The appolian complex is what I call your apartment building because it's curly has a French influence. And I apologize in the doors here. It's a Napoleon duplex. That's insane. Fun. OK. Now it's seen for me in JBC.

JBC pick a number between one and 10. Six. OK. That's great. We're're gonna do a scene where two people talking on walkie-talkies. Okay. In the same room. No. Okay. Is there a two-inch door between us? Come on. Okay, walkie-talkies. Okay, Tommy, I'm in the tree house. Okay Tommy, I'm in the tree house. Is that where you want, is that part, that's part one of the plan, I'm in the tree house, right? We're running away together tonight.

Hey Jeff, you have to say over if you're done with your message over. Oh shoot, I'm in the tree house, we're still running away together, right over. Jeff, you have to say, at the start of your message or I don't know what message is coming over Okay, okay, I thought that I feel like it's a hat on a hat. I didn't say it over I feel like it's sort of a hat on the hat because it makes the noise on its own and then and then I'm doing it too because it's like the Milwaukee talkies naturally making that sound over

Your walkie-talkie is making that sound over Yeah, so I hear the sound twice so it's like I hear the it go and then you go and then and then You just need you to start over Trust like words we found, 13 bodies, but... Kill our soul and all those... Wait, what was that, Tommy? I didn't hear that message, but you have to say over if you're done with your message. I did no one read the Robert's rules for how to...

Tommy! I'm so damn in my message, don't interrupt me! I don't want to wait I can't over I guess Tommy did you hear the thing about the murderers I'm in murderers woods in our tree house there guy killed 13 people Tommy I thought we were running away together over did you just say over and then say because if you did it then it wasn't truly over was it if you're still holding the button then the oh you say over then take your finger off the button over. Tommy I see him the murder even the was over.

Coming for you. Sorry. Over. Oh he's on his name. Kshh, Kshh, over. Over. Red, Rover, Red, Rover, send you right. Kshh. He ends it over. Sorry. Sorry. Okay. Hold on. Rover, Red, Rover, send you right over. Kshh. Okay. Stop talking over me. It's a two way. If one of us is talking, we can't hear the other person talking. Stop talking over. Thank you.

Well, that kid died because of you. That kid died because he couldn't follow the rules. All right, Adel, you and I pick a number between one and ten. Three. Three. Three. You can pick between us skyping or having a phone call. Skyping in the same room? No, no one's in the same room.

That's the whole part of this episode. Let's do phone call. Phone call, okay. Just because I'm sick, I'm sick that nowadays everyone needs to see each other's faces. I just want a phone call. I don't want to fucking zoom with everyone. Please, mom, if you're listening.

Zoom zoom. Zoom zoom. Mm. Mm. Day-day-day. Mm. Uh, hello. Hello.

Hey, hey Veronica, can you hear me? Am I coming through? You're coming through just fine. Ah, Shucks. Well that's your best boy here. And I just wanted to give you a ring of ink and, oh boy, I feel, oh we've got butterflies in my stomach and caterpillars in my butt. I just wanted to see if you would go to the sarcophagus with me.

Wait, you got caterpillars in your butt? Oh, not literally, figuratively. You should drink that tonic that the doctor comes around. You know the doctor who comes around once a year? Give us a tonic. Dr. Smorgasbord. Yeah, I heard that there's a war on. Will you have to go? Well, I got drafted. It's drafty? No, I got drafted. Oh no! It's okay, it's the Kansas City Chiefs, they're not a great team, but one day. Are you sure? Well, I'm pretty sure I haven't signed a contract yet, but they're making a pretty...

No, I'm saying are you sure that one day they'll be good? Well, no, nobody's sure about the future, unless you have some sort of time travel device. So you... But I'm sure of one thing that's going to last all through time. My love for you. So you're going to move to Kansas City to play basketball? Uh, well, okay, is that what you want me to do? No, is that what you do? You said you got drafted.

Got drafted by the Kansas City Chiefs football team. Football team. But the basketball team in Kansas City is also the chiefs so I can see the confusion. Well, I don't want you to go off to that silly war. Oh? Yes. The Gridiron War? Uh-huh.

That's the one. I'd love to go to the sock-up dance with you. I just have to ask every man in my family's permission. Let me give them a call and I'll call you right back, Eugene. Okay. Tick-tock. Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding. Well, hello, it's old Pappy's phone.

Hi old Pappy. I was just wondering if I could go to the SoundCop dance with Eugene. He's going to play football for a place in the Midwest. Is that Eugene a firm? It is. Well let me just get your other grandpa my husband old snappy. This is old snappy on the phone I'm so grumpy. Is that you Jennifer? It is. And you want to go to the sock hop dance with a boy? His name's Eugene and he's gonna play football basketball in a place that's near Missouri, but it's not quite Missouri.

Oh, let me ask you, do we have other grandpas? Ring, ring, ring, ring. Hey, Snappy. Hello. Hi, Papi. Sorry, this calls for Snappy and Papi. This is Papi's phone. Hey, this is Charlie.

I just got a golden ticket for a factory, the chocolate factory, and I need to pick a graph out to go with me. Oh, and you want to pick one of us? Are you old, Pappy? Or old snappy? Yes, I don't know how to choose between the two of you. Are you both bedridden? Oh, we're bedridden, alright. We're bedridden each other. TMI. TMI. TMI. TMI. TMI. TMI! I don't think we're gonna get a TMI. We're using protection.

Okay, well, I'll make my decision by tomorrow and call you then. Okay, I'm gonna need to be awfully hydrated by then. Hold on, I'm on the phone with my granddaughter, Jennifer. Can I go to the sock-op dance? Can I? Can I? We would love you to go. Have a great time with that boy. Thank you, Sappy's and Bappy's. Sappy, Debbie Boo. Goodbye.

And that's where the Scooby-Doo... story originated. Stappy, stappy, stappy, stappy, do. All right. Hmm, I get to pick one for the two of you to do. Well, well, well. Well, well, how the tables have turned. Um, I think.

Maybe we're in two coffins next to each other, buried alive. Okay, fine. Fine. I got. Mark, are you crying over there? Oh, sorry. Sorry. I'll shut up. Sorry. No, no, it's okay if you cry. What's bothering you? We're a couple days from being and having together. Yeah, it just sucks to be buried alive. I just didn't think it would feel like this.

Wait, you were buried alive? Yeah, weren't you? No, I died. Wait, what? Hold on, wait, look at your flesh. Do you have flesh? Do you have a human body heart, flesh, all that stuff? It's too dark to tell. Okay. I assume. I'm a corporal. I'm a ghost over here.

Oh yes sir, Sergeant. You're in corporal? No, no, no. You got me. My military days are over. I'm deceased. I'm a ghost. You're not a ghost? Was it an honorable DC's? I served my tour of duty on the earth. You're telling me that you didn't die? No, I was buried alive like the premise up top. Oh my god. I see, it's like a gift to the Pharaoh situation because I only ordered you buried with me so we could be together forever because I thought you died as well. Oh I feel like a fool. Oh you must have been screaming when they put you in that car. No honestly I was I was too embarrassed I didn't want to

bother anyone. You are the nicest guy in the world. You are the nicest and that's why you waited two days before you started quietly crying. I didn't want to cry in case anybody was visiting the grave. Oh man. So I had this bell here with a string attached to it. Well that's money in heaven. So that's why we buried you. I got a bell too. Apparently Tom Nook is God and bells are better. So when we get when we get up there according to our religion. We're gonna have a tent and then of course we have to pay off our loans to get a house. We hope so. Oh, I just feel like I feel as fickle as a pickle over doing you over this way. No, it's fine. I just I whatever whatever you want. I just assume there's a misunderstanding and I didn't want to be trouble and I did bury myself with some

unassessed fossils so that'll be nice. That's good. Hey, hey buddy, how about when we get up to heaven? You and I go fishing. I love that. Can we go fishing when it rains? I don't know, is that part of it? Is that better? Yeah, you get, wait, who's that? God?

Oh, yeah, what's up? It's me. Oh lady. It's been two days. It's time to get to heaven. Hold on. Hold on. We just said it's God. We didn't we weren't surprised. Oh, you're so shocked. That is a lady. Oh lady. Oh, just because I'm shorter than all the doors in heaven gives me a Napoleon complex. And also I Napoleon's here. Where you shocked? I'm shocked that Napoleon's here. Yeah, he was too short for hell.

What? It's our first time in heaven, nothing would surprise us. Everything's a surprise. I'll get to the interview process, and I'll give you a tour in like two seconds. You're telling me you get more or better fish when it's raining and animal crossing? Yes, man, when it rains, you're more likely to catch rare fish.

Okay, well, I'm busy now. Aren't you, God? I'm busy. I have to go, I got to, I'm busy now. Now I'm busy. You're gonna go, hold on, you're gonna go play fucking animal crossing. Yeah, and I'm gonna time travel because I've God. Can't you just get the amiibo cards for whatever you need?

What are amiibo cards? Oh, Lord almighty. Who are your villagers? God, who are your villagers? Minty and I don't know their name. Get Stitch. Goodbye. Goodbye.

Um, all right, JPC. For our scene. Yes. We are going to be talking over AIM. Oh, okay. Hey. Uh, okay. Hey. Uh, shoot marks computers going off.

Hey, oh, that's another message. Hey, Tyler, I just wanted to let you know I went to your hockey game. Tyler's computer. Okay, never mind. Wait, what did you say? Hey, thank you for, thank you for going to the hockey game. I just wanted to say that I really like your hair. Well, it's, you know, good genes. We, BRB, gotta eat dinner.

A way message. The way message says, I think I'm pretty close to having a boyfriend. Oh boy, okay. Well, she's gone. Maybe I'm pretty close to having a boyfriend. Oh boy, okay, well she's gone. I'm back from dinner. God, my parents are so annoying. You get it, right? No, I love my father. He's my best friend.

Yeah, right. That's not what you said last week. How's your brother? What did I say last week? Ha ha ha ha ha. Don't worry about Mark. What did I say last week? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Don't worry about, don't worry about Mark. What did I say last week about my dad? I wasn't worried about Mark.

Who works hard for this family? What did Tyler say? Tyler, you're acting really weird. You're acting weird. First you're telling me lies about shit I said about my dad, who I love, who works hard for this family, who dress a truck? What, who drives a truck.

What? He drives a truck. BRB. What the fuck does that mean? Away message. What? I feel not as close to having a boyfriend, feeling very confused and lost. You're some Regina Specter-Lires.

You're blowing this. You're blowing this. Regina Specter. Yeah, yeah. Uh, you're blowing this way. Early Regina Specter-Lires. You gotta be Tyler. you're blowing this. Regina Specter, ay, ay, huh. You're blowing this way. Early Regina Specter lyrics. You gotta be Tyler, you gotta be Tyler. Hey, I'm back.

Sorry I was going to go get a comb for that haremine. Weird, hello Tyler, you're so funny. Shitty. You and Mark are both so funny. I'm definitely alone here and not with all my gal pals. Yeah, well it's me Tyler here, just hanging out and marks a sleep, and my dad is working hard for the family of the living group.

Weird. Hey, Tyler, have you thought any more about us being each other's first kiss? Well, I would love to kiss you, but in order to do that, I don't think that there should be any lies between the two of us. Don't you agree?

I agree. For example, I should have told you earlier what you said about your dad if you genuinely forgot. I had completely forgotten about that, but let's start there. What did I say about my dad? And what kind of emotional state did you put me in before I said it? You sort of came to me and said, hey, can I vent about the worst guy I know? Okay, doesn't seem true, but let's go on with the premise that that's what happened and then and then you said Here are some things I hate about my dad. He's shorter than every door. Okay. He has a weird old man voice

Sure, yeah, he's always on my freaking computer And his truck is not even a real truck Hold on he just cut off the back of an of an old SUV and called it a truck and SUV is practically a truck How am I I mean how is my dad? I could have just deleted that what did I Mr. Protroyski I'd like to get up in front of the class and read the poem I wrote. My dad is shorter than every door. Okay, this is a math class, but I don't know if it's shit. What happened?

So go ahead. It just feels like you checked out. It feels like you've checked out. You read the room right, Tyler. You read the room right. And I've just found out recently that my dad was on my computer chatting with my girlfriend and... What? That I owe we had a virtual kiss.

Oh, no, no, no, no talking to math class. My dad is virtually under arrest. So, um, here's my poem. I just, I just need to get some stuff off my chest. This is my dad is shorter than every door. Sure. Sure. Can you?

I don't say what happens? I don't care what happens. Look, Tyler, you have your old stuff to work out. I'm giving you a platform to work it out. Everybody gets this. This is your chance to do it. Everybody of the class gets this. Jeff, you're on deck.

What? Sorry, Jeff, you're on deck. Did he say what? Did he say what? Or was he starting to sing wipe out? What? What? Hey, pal. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Did he say go? Did he say what or was he starting to sing wipe out? Do you want to pick one for

Adel nine or nine? Oh, you want to do a number. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Also, let's do the pick. Oh, do you want me to just do a scenario where two people are close to each other? No, I can do 9-1-2. Okay. Alright, so, um, Adel, uh, you are a radio host and I'm calling into the radio. Okay. W-Z-4-2-9, Cincinnati's hottest hits and darkest tails. We got a color in line with four color go ahead and tell us your dark tail. Oh yeah I want to Hi, I'm nervous. So this is 8pm and we're starting our dark tails. Yeah I wanted to request a hottest hit and then tell my darkest tail. Okay what hit would you

like to hear? I would like to hear Firework by Katie Perry. Okay. Uh, uh, uh, alright. It's not usually something we'd play, but if your tail is dark enough, we'll play it. Um, and here's my dark tail. Um, I got lost in the woods when I was a kid, and I was raised by squirrels for seven years. Is this JP Rittles? Oh, you know him. and i was raised by squirrels for seven years is this jp riddles oh you know him but one of the squirrels

uh... came back like that was in the first human that they raised and uh... uh... the other person who was raised by squirrels came back and then they uh... revolted against him and uh... he he won the war and they lost the war and killed my entire squirrel family in front of me and it happens like eleven minutes ago could i hear Katy Perry's firework and i believe he's a Katy Perry's firework

could i really feel like a plastic bag right about now no of course of course you are should you uh... are you a pay phone uh... uh... you actually i've been funny because i've tried to go into several businesses to use their phone but they wouldn't let anyone have uh... so covered in blood uh... you their phone

since the netty state law says you cannot let someone covered in blood into your business but it's a little blood even though I love them like family. Huh. Well? They supported me. Well because you are willing to tell your dark tale. We'll go ahead and play Firework by Katy Perry.

Hey, we haven't traced the call. You gotta keep her up the line. But first, why don't we sing it together? Do you have a feel like a plastic bag blowing in the wind Trying to get some bread Taylor Swift is my enemy now friend She's getting farther away, you gotta keep her all the way What do you mean she's getting farther away?

I did the machine bag, all the way. What do you mean she's getting farther away? I did the machine bad. Okay, all the way. Ignite. It's tight. And let the snow release Fair mones. Because baby, you're a spy. You're a spy.

You work? Yes. Well, thank you so much. I'll be waiting for you to play myself today. on stand the line. I forget. I was what's you PS stand for again I just forgot you Please Send and what's a good temperature to bake bread? Three I And what's a good temperature to bake bread? MMMM MMMM MMMM MMMM MMMM MMMM

MMMM MMMM MMMM MMMM MMMM MMMM MMMM MMMM MMMM MMMM MMMM MMMM MMMM MMMM MMMM MMMM

MMMM MMMM MMMM MMMM MMMM MMMM MMMM MMMM MMMM MMMM MMMM

MMMM MMMM MMMM MMMM MMMM MMMM MMMM What I need to know is, uh, no, never mind. You wouldn't know. What? Try me. If it's a squirrel thing, I'll know it. I was just gonna say, can you count to 5,000?

No! I'm a trash-sh-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s press my luck i feel like a plastic bag you know what you know this is this is a talk boy this isn't even a device that betrays a call this is a talk boy from home alone i'm a different color and i want different color than what uh... probably the one you just had i just wanted to hear a great big hit and tell my darkest tale okay go ahead with your dark tail but first tell us what hit you want to hear uh big hit and tell my darkest tale. Okay, go ahead with your dark tale,

but first tell us what hit you wanna hear. Um, let's see, what hit you all? I wanna hear accidentally in love by the Counting Crows. Cause I'll tell you why. A few episodes back, I said it was by the Counting Crows and you both told me it wasn't, and then I backed down from it, but turns out I was right. Hang up, hang up on the call.

No, hold on, I'm not gonna hang up cause I wanted to defend myself I think what I said is do the counting crows sing that and then you back down So if you wilted in the face of Simple questioning you didn't have the confidence to begin with sorry sorry Do we get it keep keep I'm almost there. I'm not there, JPC said no! I'm chasing it.

I'm not a hug, can't do this. Well, I just want to say that JPC and I are two different people, so you can't say the two of you if he did it, and I did not. Don't run both together. Don't run both together. Don't run both together. Don't run both together. Don't run both together.

I'm not there, JPC said no. I'm not there, JPC said no. I'm not there, JPC said no. I'm not there, JPC said no. I'm not there, JPC said no. I'm not there, JPC said no. I'm not there, JPC said no. I'm not there, JPC said no. I'm not there, JPC said no. I'm not there, JPC said no. I'm not there, JPC said no. I'm not there, JPC said no. I'm not there, JPC said no. I'm not there, JPC said no. I'm not there, JPC said no.

I'm not there, JPC said no. I'm not there, JPC said no. I'm not there, JPC said no. I'm not there, JPC said no. I'm not there, JPC said no. I'm not there, JPC said no. I'm not there, JPC said no. I'm not there, JPC said no. I'm not there, JPC said no. I'm not there, JPC said no. I'm not there, JPC said no. I'm not there, JPC said no. I I said the catacross that accidently looked in the two men just tore me to shreds. Okay, well let's uh... And I'm rewriting history there. Why don't we sing that song together just to have some fun and a tracer call. Okay, what? And say... Go to the count of five thousand.

No, I never said that. Did JPC tell you that? You're both the same person, the thousand. No, I never said that. Did JPC tell you that? You're both the same person in the middle. No. Okay, this talkboy doesn't have any batteries in it. That was the problem. I was the problem, baby. Was the problem fun of no-well-saving?

What you say? So I'm tracing the call with the talkboy with no batteries. So. That was fun. I know you're different people sometimes just confusing when you both wear hats. That's true, but Addles worry the hat and I'm not. All right, for you two, let's just get to what everyone wants. Church confessionals.

Church confessionals. Is that for just the two of us? Yeah. Oh, let's see. Let's make. Hmm. Let me some great expectations here. JPC, you're the priest.

And I'm the rabbi. And Ado, you are in confession. Forgive me, father, for I have sent. It has been... Oh, you're forgiven. Huh. Yeah, we're doing these quicker now. Oh.

Yep. Oh, is that why you had me stay in my car? Uh, yeah. Huh. Okay. So, um, have a good rest of your day. Well, can I just, hold on. For, I'm sorry?

For all my sins or just the one? Uh, yeah, I mean it's... We're doing, we're doing quick ones today, so... Can I just hold on? For all my sins or just the one? Yeah, I mean it's, we're doing quick ones today, so... Yeah, it's blanket, it's everything. Can I just tell you my sins so we can maybe spitball? I just get, you know they're forgiven, right? This isn't a trick or a trap, they're forgiven. I'm a priest. This just feels weird.

Can I hear some of your sins? What is, oh, can I hear some of your sins? What is, ooh! Can I hear some of your sins? What does a priest do? What is a priest do? How does a priest sin? I really don't do a lot of sinning. I go on message boards and pretend to be a fan of things and then meet other people who also are a fan of those things

and then kind of like catfishing them. And then after months and months, I have this falling out with the thing that I'm a fan of and then I say like this thing fucking sucks and then I try to get them to abandon their fandom. And that's a sin. I don't know. I mean it sounds like a waste of time. It's a waste of their time. It's a waste of my time but you know honestly we don't do a lot. Well well well if it isn't father JPC here in heaven. I bet you're surprised that I'm woman and I'm a god The god I'm a woman and I'm the god

You're the god. No, I'm not surprised. Oh, yeah, you're a shocked that it's me a lady Do you have animal crossing because I feel like I'm missing a lot of what I should be doing? No, I'm a priest Okay, you can go back we make the crap. Why did you mean go back? Go back? I was getting eaten by a bear missing a lot of what I should be doing. No, I'm a priest. Ah! Okay, you can go back. We make the crap. Why did you make go back? Go back! Go back! I was getting eaten by a bear.

Don't put me back down there. Go back! No, no, no, no! Go back! Oh, he's back awake. Okay, let me put some hot sauce on here. Oh, come on! What would you say is your best feature?

Caves. Obviously, my calves. Oh, okay, I'll start there. Can I ask you something? 20,000 steps a day. This is fucking a fucking golden. I'm sorry. Can I ask you something? Yes, you're forgiven. This won't be a sin.

I forgive you of this. Oh, well, well, bear. Welcome to heaven, bear. I bet you're surprised that God is a human woman. No, I actually you grabbed us both I All right, well you can stay but do you have animal crossing bear? No, of course, duh. What do you assume I'm doing wrong? And can you just tell me what to fix? God, oh what I assume you're doing wrong is God you probably haven't found the app for terraforming It feels like that's something God would probably overlook.

What is that? You don't know what terraforming is, you invented it. Is this cheese plate for everyone or is this like a special? Not for you. Not for you. I'm an idiot. Only for people who don't. I'd be the good.

You're eating the brie? That's the best part. You should also spend some amount of time sending letters to your villagers and giving them gifts just to make sure they're happy on the island. Yeah, mine keep asking to leave. Is that normal? Uh, that is not normal. Can I, does Isabella have a lot of morning announcements for you?

Uh, not, she mostly is like nothing to report. Yeah, mine too. She just has like weak jokes about her TV programs. Yeah. She's just other cheeses. I guess I'll try to- Are you complaining about the brain? No, it's just all cheeses. Like normally cheese puts you like that. Oh god, what are you- Where do you plug in your switch?

Uh, into an angel, of course. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha What to do with that? I don't hate it. I'm definitely sorry. Um, okay, who's doing this? I don't hate it. Cool. Um, okay, Adel, do you want to pick one for me in JPC? Anything that you want to see? Yes, there is one I want to pick one for me in JPC? Anything that you want to see? Yes, there is one I want to see. I want

Aaron you are Married to JPC JPC you have fallen to the bottom of a well And it has been a few years since this happened, but you're trying to keep the marriage alive But maybe the excitement is waning so you're trying to re-invigorate it. How was your day? Pretty good. We went to Joshua's orchestra concert. Oh, oh good. Oh, it's Sunday.

Yeah, he missed you. How did he do? Well, I mean it's a children's orchestra concert. No one can really play violin to like 15, 16, so I mean, it was hard. Okay. I have to go to the dentist tomorrow because of it. That will, some people will relate to that. Did he have fun? Did Josh do I have fun? Yeah, he said that, um, well, I told him that he should come out here and play you something, but uh...

He's more interested in people... I don't want to talk to Weldead! Hey, hey! I hate my Weldead! You...Hit no? Yeah? He's your second favorite. Buh.

Don't. I hope he drives me. Don't practice your violin in the soundproof room. You don't hope he trounce. Honey, he didn't mean that. He didn't mean that, okay? I'm what? No, nothing, nothing.

I can't hear it. Oh, I'm aware. That bat came back today. Oh! Yeah, the bat. Oh, what did you name him again? I named him Flappy, but I don't think that's his name. Okay.

Anyway, yeah, he came back. I him I told him that I have bugs down here And so he came down he ate a couple bugs Yeah, what else? Anyway more bugs if you can send out more bugs because flappy did say Flappy said he would come back. I'm not trying to- I assume. I'm not trying to set you up for failure here. I assume. This wasn't a test, but today is our anniversary. Oh my God, it's Sunday.

Yeah, we celebrate weekly anniversaries. Oh, God. Welcome to Heaven. You died in that well. Are you surprised that God's a man? No. My daughter's been pretending to be God. That, I think.

Maybe you're the one pretending, and the woman is the real God. I feel like I walked into something here. I'm just gonna need this cheese plate. Does anybody mind if I go in on this? I think, well, if you complain about the breed, then I do mind. Okay, I don't. It's baked breed. There's baked breeds, so there's jam baked, it's baked, it's baked,

so there's jam on it. Do you need to charge your phone? Apricot jam? Do you need to charge your phone? Please don't. Quintin, Quintin, come here. Uh-oh. Just plug it into Quintin.

Plug it in my butt. Well, to be fair, I can go anywhere, but he prefers his butt. If it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen my way. I- I- He likes to feel in control. I don't have a photo, I died in a well. I-

Aw man! Is that like, family dynamic here? I'm an angel. Yeah, this is an angel and I'm God, so of course he's like, I guess, to your earth brain, the best way to figure this out is to- Okay, fuck it. Every time I'm bellin' a a coffin rings an angel gets a cell phone plug to do a spot Just speaking of bells of course to be we're so excited to have you here in heaven if you'd like a house that's 98,000 bells I'm 1.3 million dollars in bell debt. It is just not seem to be going down

This elevator here is this to hell no, that's $1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 Hell. Well, you didn't expect the devil to be a woman, did you? Why does a woman can't be anything? Let's see. Women can be devil. No, women can be devil. Devil wears Prada. Devil wore Prada Prada design. For sometimes for women sometimes sometimes sometimes

how are you on time maybe let's do one more with all three of us and one more with all three I don't I don't want to blow the surrealness of this episode but we have been all three of us in every single one of these. I don't think so Hey, GBC. I don't think so. There's and I will say this to you. There's no proof You can't prove we can't I would never be open man. I was crying I think that back came back today. Hey that back came back today And so sad. What are you doing at well? Do you have a setup for the three of us?

If someone wants to see something, we can do that. OK, cool. So what we're going to do is addle. You are going to be playing Mission Control. I'm sorry, not Mission Air Traffic Control. An Air Traffic Control Tower, Aaron and I are two separate pilots in planes that are both trying to get access to the runway.

Plane one, plane two, this is mission control. I'm sorry, this is Delta 1491. Did you say Plane one and Plane two? Well, let me finish. Yeah, this is the sighted 1491. Very good. Very nice. Save calls. Very good. Well, let me finish very good Like I said, this is mission control Air traffic control is down so they had to lean on us. So I am unfamiliar with how things run here

So what I need you to do is land those giant metal birds on the asphalt. Here's the thing, I got your first and I have to pee. So I feel like I should get to land first. Okay, why not? Mission control, I don't want to influence your decision, but I have a ton of old people on this plane and they're getting cranky. Okay, can you both land it at the same time? No, there's one run away. One run away. I will be delayed even further if you let Delta one for 911 land first because it takes forever for people to get off the plane, especially old people. That's a good point. I just also like to add that Delta comes before United in the alphabet, so it makes sense that we would land first. But it comes after United in what people choose to fly.

Hmm, and Delta is also part of the international language, alpha. So, alpha, alpha, brafo, sig apps, the whole... Can't be, can't be. Sorry, I do have to, I do see a protocol here. I do have to ask are both the pilots Prime men Delta pilot oh Women can be anything women can be devils women can be God women can be pilots and women can be your ex-girlfriend Delta 1491. Oh, let me land my plane

friend Delta 1491. Let me land my plane. Jesus. Oh, did I mention my plane is all pregnant women in labor? No, you should be ready to fast. They were going to a conference and it was a horrible domino effect. Michigan, you can drill a letter, go. Jesus. Maria, I had no idea. Okay, hold on.

Hold on. It's already happening. Oh, it's... Hold on. What conference were all these pregnant women all going to what conference? Oh Conference Oh my god, oh my god my entire plan of old people also came from a CEO concert

It's all The big OCE CEO speed wagon It's a Very man I'm sorry, it's a very manllow. They go see seal see green Okay, all right, okay, here's what we'll do can we stack the two of you Can the two please? That's why we broke Okay, all right, we were let's just say that we were not the perfect fit I'm okay, I'm sure K like I was tall as half a door and it did not work out

Okay, well, I'm a tall as a door See Hooray hooray as tall as a door I'm a tall as a door Well, this is a really fun episode you guys think for me such good sports I can't wait for our better concept picture episode of you coming up. This is blast thank you Aaron. Anything to plug? Just a cell phone into my ass. I would say be on the lookout for more of our like solo live streams. I think we have some that we either did this week or are coming up at the very end of this week

and we'll probably do more next week. So we'll post those and we'll post those directly to the Patreon. Hell yeah, and we'll have our monthly livestream for our $8 patrons, that'll be coming up soon and we'll send out a poll for our June review crew. I'm so excited. Ooh.

Jerifc you. Anyone else have anything to pluck? No. No, okay. Aaron, as we all know, angels live in heaven, but they're born on... Neptune, right? Venus? How do we do this?

How do we do this? How do we do this? Neptune? How do we do this? Neptune. Sorry, there's a use it in? Neptune. Neptune. Sorry, there's a cell phone in my ass. You're now here to load to the relatable hostless of...

Ah! If you roll your eyes, it's cause a apple refi... Or that other young guy fucking JPC. I can't even tell he edited what everybody said. An F-F-F-L-L-K-D-A-M-S-D-D-The-Lo-Go. Arnie Parrot sang and wrote every single fricking note of 1, two, three, four, Hey Riddle Riddle's glue crew