Hey Riddle Riddle - *UNLOCKED* Patreon Ep #89: Erin On the Side of Coffee

Episode Date: February 15, 2021

Happy bonus episode Monday! Here is a Patreon episode from a few months ago! If you want to help support the show and listen to 100 + more of these eps, you can subscribe at https://www.patreon.com/heyriddleriddle Good morning and WELCOME to Erin’s morning show. We hope you’re awake! We’ve got news, weather, traffic, movie reviews, and everyone else who is awake at 3 AM! Drink your coffee and let’s do this! ZORP! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Just call 716-212-4141-40. Don't not be a math ed. Blast it. Hello and welcome back to Aaron on the side of coffee which is a play on Aaron the side of Croschen. I'm Aaron Keefe. It's 3am here in Chicago. I just woke up. Good morning Chicago or maybe you're still awake. It is

my morning show. I can do what I want. This actually, for those of you if you've stumbled across the show, this started as a joke. A couple of funny boys I do a podcast with kept making jokes about how I had a morning show, I kept getting real messages, asking me where to find the morning show, and now I can just send them a link. Good morning, and let's do this. Aaron on the side of coffee makes a lot of sense. I'm here as always with Kyle, the head of my band, Kyle Stewart. Good morning, how are you?

Hey, dear, thank you so much for having me. Thanks so much for letting us know. Oh, that's really. Yeah, it's early. Thank you so much for letting the whole world in myself in Chicago know that Aaron, Aaron the side of coffee is a play on Aaron the side of caution. I think, I think it's just-

Was that clear to you when I first? Crystal. And I think that's just a great way to go about it is to make sure that the the joke lands You know almost like one of those folks out out on a runway with the two lights making sure you know planes get down safely You just got to make sure it lands people at a rave That's it, you know, you know when you take XC at a rave and then you blink your eyes and suddenly you're on a tarmac And there's a Boeing 747

bearing down on you. That's what this show is. It's a it's a it's a plain full of comedy bearing down on you and you're still on a runway but it's about to take off. I love your stories. Well I see you on the Monday morning. What you get up to this weekend Kyle? Well this weekend what I got up to is I'm working on a new album so what I did is I secluded myself in the Wisconsin woods with some friends, we had some drinks, we had some weed, and we wrote some lyrics for a new album. Of course, check out my band Mud Rucker

and The Wolf Boys. We got a new album. And how's your wife and son? We are still on the rocks, like a good bourbon, we're on the rocks. And this album a good bourbon where I'm the rocks and This album is actually me trying to win back my wife So that is actually the name of the album is take me back so

You know and that's kind of a play on aha the aha song take on me. This is just take me back So it's just a cover. It's a bunch of aha covers. But with a little bit of a twist on it to win back your wife. And I can't stress enough. If you're out there and you have lost your wife or lost your husband or lost your partner, this album will help you win them back. Would you like to hear a quick taste of that? Yeah, but quietly. Because I can't. It's really early, Kyle. Okay, here we go. And one, and two. Take me back.

Melissa, please take me back. I'm on my knees. I miss my son. Please send pictures of him. Oh, Kyle. Oh, Kyle. Yeah, so that's the gist of him. Oh Kyle. Oh Kyle. Yeah, that's the gist of it. Well, Kyle, that was hard to watch. But I'm here for you, and we're paying you, right?

Or I get paid in good times and smiles. Oh, okay, awesome. That actually is great. So Kyle, here's my first and favorite segment of the show. I know you heard from your parents a lot growing up, a million times, I'm sure. Nothing good happens after 1am. He bet your tits. I disagree, and here are some things that happened since 1am this morning.

Okay. Alright, and I have a little rash right here in my neck. So that's one thing that happens. Oh, it says here that Jonathan and Kim broke up on Clark Street in Rageleyville moments ago. Let's quickly cut to some footage of that. I think we have some footage. Fine, fine, fine.

Fine, fine. I'll call a lift, Fine. I'm just saying I have Uber credit. And I'm saying, do you know the owner of Uber? Is it Uber asshole? You know they drive both. You know they drive both. People have both apps. Wait, let me sit down on this porch and take off one shoe and cry. Don't, I just threw up there! Oh! Now I got barf on my ass. I got barf on my ass. That's a $50 fee if I put you in a lift or an Uber now. Because you have barf ass. I'm fucking your dad.

Fine, call him. You know what? After watching that, I think they're gonna make it. Kyle, what do you think? You know what? Uh, having lost my wife in a similar manner, I think they are destined to reunite. Well, good luck, Jonathan and Kim. We hope you get back together. You seem actually pretty

good for each other. I'm not sure how I'll seal Navigator relationship. What else happens since when I am? Oh, a couple dozen rats have taken over a dentist office in Lincoln Park. Oh, and they're offering free extra rays to any new patients who sign up this month, not bad, huh? Well, that's a pretty good deal. You know, a lot of times, you know, rats as chefs and rats train, you know, teach martial arts. Oh, you're right. A two-way. Right. A two-way ninja turtles. And you don't often. Ninja turtles. Ninja Minjatertles. Minjatertles. Minjatertles, as well as I said. You don't often hear about them going into any sort of medical field. So dentists office, that's a great deal.

It seems like it was perhaps a hostile takeover, but I think they're making lemonade out of lemons here. They're really trying to grow the business, which you can respect. And Aaron, if I'm not wrong, all their tails is tied together and they're a rat king is that correct? Oh, and oh and I feel a little bit Sorry for judging them that rat king is a certified dental hygienist so okay Maybe think before you judge certified So also what else happened what else?

Over a hundred thousand Chicago citizens have farted in their sleep in the last hour. So that's not nothing. That's certainly something. Yeah. Let's see. Ooh, and it also says here that I watched a 46 minute video about the background on Remus Lupin from Harry Potter

because I couldn't sleep. Oh, you know, I always forget his first name is Remus. Yeah. I just remember him as Mr. Lupin or the Werewolf Man. And of course, as you know, my band is the Mud Raker and the Wolf Boys. So we obviously took a huge inspiration from Mr. Lupin and his affinity.

Are you the Mud Raker or you one of the Wolf Boys? I'm one of the Wolf Boys. And Wolf Boys is plural, but it is just me. And the mud rakers is my 12 piece band. Now, like Mr. Lupin, we have an affinity for chocolate. Anytime we have a traumatic event. So I know we've had gigs canceled and we've been very upset.

And then I'll break off a little chunk of a candy bar and pass it out to the boys. And it wears right as rain. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I think you should call your wife. Anyways, oh, the last bit of news we have here, uh, turns out math blasters. You know that. Oh, yeah, the info, Marshall.

Yeah, uh, turned out to be a money laundering scheme. Uh, those two guys are monsters, uh, turns out, uh, money from kids. So, that's good to know. Very good to know. You know, me and my boy, we used to try and do math classes. It was just a fun time. You know, it's a lot about just having fun while doing math. So sometimes, what the main principle is that the numbers 1 through 10, okay, or I guess the numbers 1 through 9, or zero through nine, there we go.

The number zero through nine I replace with like funny items. So instead of one, you say banana, right? So anytime you have a one pop up, you just think of a banana. And then like the number two, okay, is it's like two people kissing. So if I were to say two people kissing a banana,

that's 12, or 21 I guess. Does that make sense? It's confusing. It's confusing, but it's fun. Kyle. Yeah. Call your way. Okay. Can you give me one second then? Oh, you're doing it now. Okay. Okay. Let's see here. Two people kissing, two people kissing. Banana. Hangman news, hangman news, oak tree. You know, I don't think you need to wake her up. I don't know what that was. Don't go wake her up.

I was dialing the numbers. I know you were dialing numbers. You threw me out. All right, then start over. Okay. Okay, two people kissing, two people kissing. Banana, hangman news, hangman news, oak tree, guerrilla butt, spider back, spider back.

Here, it's ringing, it's ringing. A-ha-ha-ha. Please enter an area code before making a call. Melissa, hey, I know that you're busy being the voice for missed out numbers, but I just gotta say, I miss you so much. Kyle, don't call me at work. What are you doing?

I'm at work. I'm at my job. I didn't realize that that person was live. Oh yeah, that's amazing. That's my wife is. Don't call here again. Bizz call has been disconnected. Melissa, don't say that.

Don't say that. It's true. It has. I miss you. Damn it. Damn it. Back to you, Aaron. Oh, Kyle, that did not go you. Damn it. Damn it. Back to you, Aaron.

Oh, Kyle, that did not go well. All right. So, before we get to some fun guests later in the show, and trust me, we got plenty of them. Let's just get this business out of the way. We're going to go to Buddy Stevens with Traffic. He is up in a helicopter. Hey, Buddy. Oh, let's traffic in Chicago look's up in a helicopter hey up buddy uh...

oh what traffic in chicago look like it three a.m hey aron thanks so much for throwing it to me quick correction i'm actually not up in a helicopter uh... we couldn't get a helicopter for the show because the show is bootstrapped uh... on our budget i am up on uh... hanging out a window of a fourth story building. It looks like from the one street that I can see, Ashland, traffic is moving pretty good.

It doesn't seem to be a lot of stops on, maybe I can see maybe two, two and a half blocks of Ashland. I don't see any street types of things. Absolutely, but if anyone's doing like lay short drive, anyone's like, I don't know, going to work right now, what should they expect traffic wise? I'd avoid it. I would stick to maybe this two, two and a half block

of Ashland if you're looking to get anywhere right now because it's pretty empty right now. Now I can't speak for what will happen later because I do have to stick my head back inside of this window. I am in, I just asked if I could come in and use the restroom. So I am, I am gonna leave this building. I will try to get maybe a higher vantage point and a taller building a little later on in the morning.

Okay, excellent buddy. We will throw back to you in several minutes. Can't wait to hear more about traffic at 3 a.m. in Chicago. Thanks buddy. Thanks Aaron. All right. That was buddy Stevens, local pervert, and one of my greatest friends. Now let's go to

Kent Lewis with weather. Kent, good morning. Oh good morning Aaron. Let's take a look out here. So it's mostly dark. Oh Kent, we were looking for more like weather and less like daylight nighttime sort of. Okay, okay. It's mostly dark and there is, let's see here. There's a little bit of a chill. I'm actually on the fourth floor of a building on Ashland and it's looking a little chilly. Can I ask you a question, Kent?

You're using it with buddy and you guys sort of forgot you had to do this segment and then in a scramble you. Absolutely. All right, excellent. Can you do me a favor, Kent? Yeah, what's that? Just stick your hand out the window.

Is it wet? And just, well, it is now because I broke a window with my hand. It's covered in blood. All right, we're gonna throw back to you in several minutes. Kent, absolutely definitely get your shit together. Thank you so much, together. Thank you so

much Kent. Thank you Aaron back to you. That was Kent Lewis local pervert and one of my biggest enemies. All right back to me back to me. What was that last part? Nothing Kent thank you so much take good care of that hand friend. You as well back to you. Thank you you back to me Jesus Christ that looked bad Kyle did you see his hand? Yeah, I think I don't think there's any solving that that problem that that was a that was a Tangle of nerves and bone Yikes bikes So let's bring out our first guest

We're here. Let's play the Kyle. Can you play him in some fun music? Of course. Hey there, Melissa. Don't you miss the way we kiss, uh, every day, every night we're kissing. Hey there, Melissa. Take me back, cause I miss you. Haven't seen my son in the dogs, age. Haven't seen my son in the dogs age. Having seen my son in dogs age. Excellent, I'm here with Hugo Taylor. He is a local Chicago-based pilot who only does red eye flights. Hugo, thank you so much for being with us tonight.

Tonight? Oh, geez. Tonight? He knew. Yeah, yeah. Are you alright? Oh, no, Aaron, I'm a big, I'm a big fan of the show. Can I be honest, Hugo? It's sort of looks like you were sleepwalking up until the moment I said your name. No, I love huge and you look a little bit scared that you're here. No, I come from Scandinavian descent.

That's why my eyes Aaron love the show big huge huge fan of the show They think did he just say the phrase that's cuz my eyes Okay, he hey You did you sleep lock out here? Do you know where you are? Yeah, yeah, I'm on Aaron with a chance of coffee. Thank you, and such a great honor to be on the, on the, on the, on the,

on the, on the, Hey, do you, Hey, do you been doing, you've been doing red eye flights for a long time? Are you, like not adjusted to the sleep? Schedule it, making me a little bit nervous that you're this tired when you're not adjusted to the sleep? Schedule it. It's making me a little bit nervous that you're this tired. When you're usually up and down. No, I just, we just got off my last shift, Red Eye Flight for the night. So I tonight, so today, so, so now, so the hour that it

is now is my, is this, I should be in bed now. I should be going to bed now. I'm a big, but I'm a big fan of the show. I listen to the show on my, when I'm landing, you know, if I, if in Chicago, I will listen to the show. I feel like maybe you should be focusing on landing. Yes, yes, well, no, because at, you know, modern aircraft, they pretty much laying themselves.

You know, should passengers feel safe? Yes. In red eye light. Wait, are you talking to me? Are the boy? Oh, there's no boy there. Oh, my, my mistake. You're right.

That is, just whipped that away with my hands. That is gone now. Yes. You're asking. Should passengers feel safe taking red eye flights, assuming that the pilots are wide awake and they're used to being up at night? So the great part about my job is that there's a redundancy system. So there's a pilot, which is me, Hugo, I'm the main pilot, and then there's also the boy.

And the boy washes over me and will take over the controls if I am incapacitated. So. Okay, let's take you to bed. He'll go, thank you so much. Oh, I'm sorry. Uh huh. Oh, and do you mind if I ask a question? Sure, Kyle, what's up?

Uh, he'll go, uh, I've never put teens you together. Why do, I'm sorry. Well, hold on. Hold on. I've done math blasters. I was gonna say, why did they call it a red eye? Is it cause, is it because, uh, like, you're so tired

that your eyes are in? That's such a good question. So no, it is not because you're tired or your eyes are red or red eye is just a perfectly natural, perfectly normal name for a flight. When you take off in a city, it's usually the last flight of the night and you're gonna land very early the next morning. Okay, but you're in the cabin

You don't really see what's going on When the pilot flying the airplane you've been doing with an airplane when the pilot me you go flying the airplane I'll take it up into the clouds and I will see the red eye of an angry god. I Flyed directly towards the red eye of the angry god of course guided by advice from the boy The boy definitely is gonna be helping there. Okay, and as I fly towards the red eye of the angry God. Of course, guided by advice from the boy. The boy definitely is going to be healthy. There's no one there. As I fly towards the, I'm sorry, whispers that away with my hands, just whispers that away with my hand. I'm so sorry. As I fly towards the red eye of the angry God, I'm hearing as whispers. I'm hearing as whispers. I'm hearing as voice. He's pulling me towards him.

And then we land and we are in Chicago the windy city and the temperature in Chicago as we land is going to be 34 degrees the cloud coverage sparse it is very dark and I am about to go to bed okay I'm sorry I slept in the pilot mode again I slept in the pilot mode well here you go thank you so much for the answer about what a red eye is and if you don't mind I'm gonna sing a little song this is my cover of brown eye the girl by van Morrison well it's a marvelous night from my wife back, Melissa. Okay, Kyle, thank you so much. I think we saw where that was going, Kyle.

Thank you. Hugo, I really do appreciate you sort of adjusting as quickly as you did to waking up on the set of a TV show and being very confused. So, I guess I would have read that. Well, when you're a red eye pilot, you are no stranger to constant blackouts and then constantly regaining consciousness in a new place, taking some orders from the boy, going back to your mission,

flying into the red eye of an angry god, hearing his whispers, taking his whispers in, landing the plane. It's all part of the job. Thank you, Hugo. You make me nervous. Hugo, everyone, you're a tailor. What's that? Oh my

God. I'm talking to the boy. Oh God. Okay. We go now. Hugo. Zorp. Wow. We disappeared into a beam a lot. Let me try that. Zorp. No. Nothing on mind. All right, let's just bring out our next guest. We have Tristan Reed here. Tristan just got off of his bartending shift. A couple minutes ago, welcome Tristan. Thank you so much for having me. It's great. Sorry, I've been yelling all day.

Oh, my, thank you for having me, Aaron. Thank you for staying up a little longer to come and join us. I thought maybe you could make us some fun. Maybe morning cocktails. Yeah, of course. So let's see what we have here in the setup. So this is this is called a rise and shine. So what this is is coffee, hortchata, hortchata, rum chata, I'm sorry, coffee, rum chata, a little bit of blood, and then also some more coffee and some vodka. Okay, hold on, I feel like I'm mishearing something. You said hortchata, rum chata.

Yeah, well rum chata is rum and hortchata, and I mistakenly just called it horchata versus the rum part. Oh, okay. All right, well that actually sounds pretty good. Yeah, and some blood and then the vodka and some more coffee. And that's called a rising shine, and that's gonna wake you up and bake you up and get you gears turned in for the morning. I don't know what made me think of this.

I'm craving a bloody Mary now. It's one of my favorite morning cocktails. Do you have a specialty bloody Mary that you make? Yeah, of course. So what that is is we're going to take some full tomatoes. You don't juice them, full tomatoes. You're going to pour in some coffee, some blood, some rum chata, some vodka, some more coffee. And there you go. That's your morning, morning blood Mary. Do you ever add a spice a spice like I love a like a spice or piece of bacon in there? Yeah, every once in a while just to mix it up or to get a little kick to it, you can add some Tabasco. You can add in some pickle juice. Well, actually give it a little bit of kick. You can add some blood or you could also do any sort of like cinnamon, something like that

or bacon, the fat, the fat in alcohol tastes very good together. Ooh, that sounds disgusting, but also good. One more thing. Do you have a signature mimosa? Yeah, absolutely. So you're going to take Perseco orange juice with some blood in there, and then you put some salt, preferably like a sea salt or a flake salt, like a finishing salt, and then some rum and some coffee. And that's gonna be okay. I need to say something. Yes. Salt.

With a mosa. Yeah, it's a nature. Are you even a fucking bartender, dude? Come on, I am, I know. Seriously. I actually run, I actually won GQ's most bartender award. So. Just because you have a handle bar mosa,

and you look like you fucking like hipster nonsense, 20 dollar drinks. Yes, my hat is my personality. This fedora speaks for itself and carries most of the way to my personality, but my mustache does the rest. It's definitely speaking. I don't think you would like what it's saying.

It's, well, get the hell off to my show, please. Back to you. Salt with a mimosa. Salt with a mimosa. Fucking, I'm sorry, everyone, you had to hear that. I mean, I like blood in my cocktails just as much as the next gal, but I have some standards. Aaron, if you don't mind, you seem a little thrown. Do you want me to interject with just a little bit of a song, a little taste off my album? Absolutely, Kyle. Go ahead, but nice and quiet You gotta fight the D for your wife to D D to come

Okay, I'm gonna cut it off right there I just like a moil just like a moil to cut it off right there. I actually really have you send back. Just like a moil to cut it off right there. What was that, Aaron? I'm really happy you said the word back. I didn't think that you were gonna say the word back. And that's why I got nervous and cut you off. Oh, what do you think I was gonna say?

I thought you were just gonna end it after the word before that. Oh. Oh, you got a fight for your wife to come? All right, our next guest is Troy Farmer. Troy is a college student who has a 40 page paper that's due in three hours. Hi, Troy. Hi, Aaron.

Troy, thank you for having me on the show. Do you need me to plug your laptop in under my desk? No, I know I tried it in, but the battery, I think might be shot, because it won't turn on. Okay, it's okay. No. For now, you know what, maybe just handwrite it. I have this yellow lego pad.

Let's just handwrite your essay. And then we can run to the computer lab in a couple hours, type it all out. No, yeah, yeah, I mean, I still have time to handwrite it and type it out of the computer lab in a couple hours. Type it all out. No, yeah, yeah. I mean, I still have some time to hand-write it and type it out of the computer lab. The problem is here, Aaron, is I've been drinking coffee. I've been drinking nothing but coffee for 12 hours.

And every time I pick up a pencil, I snap it in half. I don't know if it's the stress. I've tried it with pins. I try to sharpie. I snap the sharpie in half with my finger. Is that what's all over your hand? And I hate to be this guy. Oh my God. Yes. It's either sharpie, I snap the sharpie in hell with my finger. Is that what's all over your hand, Troy? And I hate to be this guy. Oh my God, yes, it's either sharpie or soy sauce

if I'm a con student, I've had nothing but gas station sushi. Oh no. It's okay, I have the constitution of an ox, I have the stomach of a 20 year old, I can eat whatever. Troy, I'm not trying to be like an annoying, out-of-attach old lady here.

No, please. Why didn't you start your essay earlier? Even just earlier tonight, even. Like, we're starting at 3 a.m. buddy. So the thing about when you're playing Halo Online is you can't just pause the game, right? Because you'll die. And your KDR ratio is literally the only thing that

matters in ranked play. So, you know, and then the next game starts and you're playing with a good group of guys and you play with a good group of guys. You don't want the good times to stop. Plus, I thought I thought I had this. I thought I freaking had this. Okay, well Troy, I mean, it's probably not that big of a deal. Like what percentage of your grade is this? Think about it. How many grandmas have you, how many grandmas have died this semester? You've lost three grandmas this semester. Use math flasters. No, I can't off time to use math buzzers. It's a scam. Okay, so I can't, if one more grandma, I have two more grandpas. Troy, Troy. Grandma grandpa ski accident. They're

both died. You can't use it. You can't have two grandparents die. That's too many excuses. We're running for later. This is probably not that big of a part of your grade. What class is this for? This is for, oh I said this is a paper. And the class is English 106, which is paper writing. And this is my final paper, which is 90% of my grade.

Oh fuck, okay. What is your paper on? You know, we can help% of my grade. Oh, fuck. Okay. What is your paper on? You know, we can help. We can help. We'll do the group work. Kyle, here I'm here. We have a traffic and a work expert. We can throw to you.

What is your paper about? So we got to, it says paper writing class is 40-page paper. 90% of your grade, we got to pick the topic of the paper. Oh, great. What do you pick? I picked Constitutional Monarchy. What the fuck? I don't know why.

I don't know why I picked that. I could have been a personal essay and you picked Constitutional Monarchy. Yeah, I mean, I just don't know a lot of monarchies that write also write constitutions that's more of like a democracy or republic type of thing to do. So it's like I think that they're maybe not

in many constitutional monarchies. I think that there may be not in many constitutional monarchy Troy Troy Troy we got this all right ready? I still have to pull out each individual hair of my eyebrows over the course of this interview and I've got no eyebrows Which is another thing that I'm doing hey? Hey, I did that too. I have turquoise Tiltamini I pulled out my eyebrows every time I was writing a paper. It happens. It's up to turkey. Yes. A constitutional monarchy is a system of government. And what the monarch shares power with a constitutionally organized government. A monarchy. So a butterfly shares power with like a seminar.

Oh my god. Do you think monarch? We're talking about monarch butterflies here. Okay. So buddy, what you want to do is what Aaron just read, put that into Microsoft Word and make the font maybe like 684 and then double space it. And that's your 40 pages. 684, can you give that to me in math blusters term? I can also be called a crowned democracy. Some examples are the Bahamas, Australia, Canada, Malay.

Krayola, Rose Art, Speak of Bahamas, Bermuda, Bahama, Melissa, please come back, Marlago, Montiga, baby, come back to me. Did you see Marlago? Okay, okay, here's what I'm gonna do. Here's what I'm gonna do. I'm going to download a corrupted file on the internet. I'm going to put, change the name of that corrupted file to paper.exe, and then I'm going to send that corrupted file to my teacher, and then that'll probably be like 12 hours while they're trying to open up a corrupted file,

and then I can, use that 12 hours to play six more games in the middle of the night. Okay, this is what I mean. I feel like you're either gonna sleep or play Halo. Oh, hey, here. I think I have to play the Halo, because that's gonna put me into what mine's so runny but I'll tackle this paper in a very effective way.

Okay, well Troy, you were deeply stressing me out. Please drink water. It looks and smells like you haven't drank water in several weeks. I've been drinking Mountain Dew Baha Blast. I found the Mariano's in the loop that sells the Baja Blast. Okay, I know, it's a limited exclusive, but you can get that outside of Taco Bell.

You can get it in some stores, it's seasonal. It's seasonal. It's seasonal. Okay, you know what, Kyle, you're gonna be eating a big bowl of crow when I come up here with my Baja Blast from that Mariano's in the loop that's still open,

it's still open, I can still go to the Mariano's in the loop. Hey, go write your paper. Please don't come back here in 10 minutes with Baja Blast. Well, no, you're not writing your paper. Okay, I'm gonna write, I'm gonna thank you so much, Aaron, I love to show me huge fan of the show Kyle, always great to meet you, go go a wolf'sman. Okay, okay, okay, always great to meet me. Oh, it's great to meet you. Hey, Kyle, I, Troy's really starting to stress me out.

This happens like every, like three times a week, like every time I check in with Troy. Yeah, he's always putting off to tomorrow what he could get done tonight. And I feel like there is a slight addiction to both Adderall and video games. And I hope his KDR does work itself out. Yeah, I, he just like, it feels like, I don't know,

triggering for me. I can't, I have like, like nightmares often about how I have to write a paper and it's two in a couple hours. So, yeah, that's the last I'll invite him on the show. Well, that would be a shame, but understandable. Yeah, I have a lot of dreams where I am naked. I'm in school and I'm naked and it's show and tell.

And I have to get up in front of the class and show a picture of my wife and tell how she left me. And it is an absolute nightmare and people are pointing life at my genitals. It is a beast of a dream. Hey, Aaron, I am back here with another traffic report. Oh my goodness, it's Buddy Stevens. Buddy, thank you so much for coming back with the traffic report.

Absolutely, buddy. Buddy Stevens here with another classic traffic report. Well, Aaron, I am on the street. I am on the street doing some kind of direct traffic reporting. I am on an intersection of North Damon Avenue and Northwestern Avenue. When I got to say it is empty here and I Avenue and Northwestern Avenue. When I got to say it is empty here. And I, okay, hold on now. And I am Northam, and North-Western. Okay, so these are both North-South streets, Aaron. These are streets that do not touch.

Yet here I am. Add an intersection. Oh, you know what, Aaron, there's a man standing in the middle of the road. Okay, I'm in. Don't go to him. Don't go to him. I'm in a approach this man.

That's not the version of you. That's something bad. That's something sinister. Buddy walk away. Okay. I'm walking around the man and I cannot quite get to an angle where I can see his face. Seems to be shifting and pulling. Aaron, I am going to attempt to commune with this man. Kind of figure out what's going on here. The good news. I'm going to eat you to the run. North Damon. No traffic. No, buddy, buddy. I'm going to need you to run until you-Dame and no traffic. So, traffic. Buddy, I'm gonna need you to run until you're on two cross-street that you know one goes east to west

and one goes west to the south. Okay, Aaron, I am running, but I am standing in the same place. And it does not look like I can escape this. It looks like, and yes, and yes, he's whispering that this is my destiny. So, Aaron, I'm gonna, if you're at North-Dame and at Northwestern,

zero traffic, this is Buddy Stevens. Buddy, run to the corner of Clark and Alma and we'll pick you up. Aaron, you're fading. Look, an old tube TV. I gotta go. And Aaron, I'm so sorry to interrupt. But speaking of traffic, this is a perfect time for me to interrupt. This is Mitch and Mookie with movie reviews. And this week Mitch and Mookie, we reviewed the movie Traffic with Bikin' Silk Deltoral directed by Steven Sondheim. And what a wonderful movie this one.

Who are you? Who are you? This is Mitch and Mookie with the movie review. This is Mookie. This is Mitch with the movie review. Okay. What a movie review, guys. Sweet viewers, I have no idea who these men are.

They've come out, got into my feed. So people in the control room are scrambling to get them out of the show. Thanks so much for having us, Erin. Thank you so much. So, oh, there's a cartel in Mexico and the woman from Egypt tomorrow, she goes down and she meets up with the people.

And the color scheme of this movie is just stunning. Stunning. Now, Erin, I know what you're thinking. How did we get access to see the movie traffic before it has even come out? How did you get on my show? Well, as you know, it's 1999. And we saw the movie traffic a little bit of a sneak preview

where friends with Steven's on a ber. Hey, I'm 2020. Um, okay, and I wish I had 2020 vision to see this movie again. I was I agreed, I fully agreed, Mookey. How many, how many, um, how many fingers to the sky? Would you give this? Uh, thank you so much, Mitch. I got to tell you, I'm going to give this my highest rating that I've ever given on a show I'm gonna give this two middle fingers to God's right right in his big red eye I'm gonna give you the finger and a half to guys red eyes, so that's I'll tell you what really sold it over to me is that Don Chino I love that Don Chino He's my a hundred percent. He is my war machine. No thank you Terence Howard.

Don Cheetle is my war machine. Of course, these are movies that will eventually come out. And these are movies that have not come out. By the way, Mitch and Boogie, we are movie lovers. One of my favorite pieces of movie trivia is the funniest line, the funniest line that has ever been honored in the history of cinema. Is Terence Howard looking at that war machine costume

And Iron Man wanted to say next time baby, knowing full well that he will not be in that next movie That is gonna be Don Chino and Don Chino is gonna be in like ten more of those fucking things Uh-huh hustle and flow more like hustle uh-uh Back to you Aaron Back to you Aaron Okay, that was Mitch and... Oh, I think his name was Mookey with movie reviews honestly pretty delightful

I hope they somehow weirdly get into our feed next time we do the show I wonder I mean they're 20 years away from watching cats But I can't wait to hear that review So let's oh our next guest is Millie Trainer, a kid who just woke up and waddled into the studio. Hi, Millie. Hi, ma'am. Hi, do you need a glass of water? Can I give you a glass of water?

Okay, yeah, Kyle, can you get a glass of water? Yeah. I don't want it from him. Okay, I understand, not that makes sense. I don't want it from you, please, ma'am. Okay, you can say, missed. I look sort of young. Oh, I don't know how that makes sense, yeah, that's right. I wonder from you, please, ma'am. Okay, you can say mist. I look sort of young. Oh, I think they're imprinting on you, Aaron.

I think like baby animals do, I think they're imprinting on you. Well, she's very sweet. She does think I'm a ma'am and not a miss. Can I please have my water now, ma'am? Oh, yeah, sure. And absolutely, and I'm getting your water from the little boop boop andop. And here comes the water.

Two cold, two, it's sort of room 10. Warm it up with your hands, ma'am. Okay, I am not married. I'm still in my 20s. Oh, no, it's not. I'm still in your 20s. Barely, not married. Okay, I mean, I'm 29.

I'm not really 30 yet. I'm unmarried. I... Yikes, ma'am. It's not that I don't think someone would want to marry me. Maybe I'm... I just am looking for... I don't know, ma'am. If someone wanted, they probably would have asked by now. Okay, Millie. Um, Millie, are you having a nightmare? Who's that? What you woke up? No. Well, I kind of hope that you go back and you have a nightmare. Here's your warm water, Millie. Honestly, I feel like maybe now I'm kind of having a nightmare because I'm seeing a reality in which a 29 year old woman

isn't married and isn't super concerned about it. Okay, Millie, would you say that to a 29 year old guy? What's that? Would you say the same things to a 29 year old guy that it said that he's not married? In front of his wife or I don't know, it's just a question. Millie.

Oh speaking of in front of his wife and Millie, here's my cover of Millie Cyrus' party in the USA. I got my hands up, down in my knees. Begging you, please come back. Melissa, please come back. Whoa, I'm begging you, take me back. Whoa. Sounds like at least he was married. Oh, is that what's going on? You're just you're divorced. That's okay, too.

No, you have to be married to get a divorce, Meli. And I'm not divorced. No one's ever proposed to me. Do I have cousins? I have older cousins. I could maybe try to set you up. No, Millie. How old are they? Um, I mean, they're like 24, 25, which is pretty old for single. Oh, God. Okay, Mellie, good night. Oh, I'm wide awake. I'm wide awake. Yeah, is it because you eat chips late at night and your face gets puffy?

Okay, well, Dad is a call back to a main feed episode. We didn't mention that in this episode. You did mention your face was puffy a little earlier. You just didn't mention a Y. Yeah, that's fair. Okay, well, that iface was puffy a little earlier. You just didn't mention why. Yeah, that's fair. That's fair. You have a little rash on your neck as well. Okay, well that's from the chips.

Okay, Millie. Uh-huh. Here's a new game. You go into bed and we don't get out of bed until we see the sunrise, okay? Maybe if you spent more time in bed, you would have like a man who wanted to know you. That makes sense.

Millie, this goes to show you no shit. I lay in bed all day long. Okay, lay in bed. Lay might be the author of the word there. Okay, well I'm just trying to help. I don't know. I just a little kid that woke up in the middle of the night. Millie, how old are you, mask? I'm 26. Okay, Millie, good night. Good night, Millie.

No, well, I can't go back to bed until I bring my husband to a snack. Oh, God. Okay, Millie, you don't need no man. If you're merely happy, that's wonderful, but. I truly do. I mean, you know, he takes care of about half of the chores and half of the handcuffs, so I very much do need the man.

Oh my God. Millie deals really can't survive on their own with people just aren't. I can't believe a 26 year old is duty the man. Oh my God. Millennials really can't survive on their own. I can't believe a 26 year old is calling me ma'am. Good night, Millie. Good night, Millie. I have to go see my kids as well. So I have. Oh, God.

Jaden and Caden, two beautiful kids. Okay, happy for you. Happy for you. Are they twins or? No, they're not. Jaden just turned four and Caden, I guess they're Irish twins because of Kaden is three.

Oh, I wish I had twins. Is it a show called Millie on the side of coffee or is it called Aaron on the side? Okay, I mean, I just, I'm so concerned with you, but we will be praying. Waddle back to bed, Millie. We got a church every Sunday. Okay, well.

So Kyle, let's bring out our next guest. Yeah, absolutely. We have Max Merritt, who is going to teach us how to make a breakfast pizza. Welcome to the show, Max. Thank you so much for having me, Aaron. Now of course, breakfast pizza is one of the least appreciated types of Max, well, I'm really taken back by your voice. I've only ever read your cookbook, so I'm shocked by the way you sound. Well, yes, well, I'm a former magician, so a lot of Annunciation, a lot of projection, and a lot of magic in the kitchen.

So let's start here. So here I'm watching. Well, Max, before we get started, I got a question about your breakfast pizza. Yeah. A lot of our viewers have just woken up and they are ready for breakfast. But a lot of our viewers are high. They're still awake and they're a little hungry. Does this work for both? Absolutely, this is for the hungry, the high

and everything in between. So Aaron, what am I gonna have you do? I'm gonna have you put your hands behind your back and I'm gonna put my hands through the holes that you just formed with your arms and this will be a fun thing where it looks like... Ooh, you cracked my back. Oh, sorry, I meant to crack it egg.

Ow. Are you okay? You know, it's fine. Go ahead. So for your viewers, it's gonna look like you're cooking, but in a sort of fun, Ryan's style's way, I'm actually the one putting everything together. So let's grab some eggs here.

Whoops, one just cracked on your face. Hey, Max, Max, you're really here for a cooking segment and not a comedy segment. Please have fun. Okay, of course. And let's take this egg and where did it go? The egg has disappeared. We actually are going to go back to buddy,

buddy's telling us that he has an egg. An egg came out of nowhere and landed in his hands. Buddy, I know you're in a different kind of plane right now, dimensional plane. What happened with an egg? Thank you so much, Aaron. Thanks for throwing it back to me. Now, I guess I may be a little mixed up with the producers. I'm not in a different dimensional plane, although I may be in a dimensional plane

It looks like I am in a red eye plane now that you can entire plane is completely empty save for Well, it looks like this this boy. So Aaron I am gonna right now I'm gonna attempt to communicate with this boy and oh, okay as I approached him He dissolved into snakes and now there are snakes on the plane. Aaron, I am just having one heck of a Monday today, but I am gonna figure out where we are going. Can hear some whispers coming from the cockpit, so that's the direction that I'm in ahead.

Thank you so much, buddy. And Aaron, sorry to interrupt, sorry to interrupt here. This is Mitch and Mookie back with another Mitch and Mookie. I was gonna help you. Did you make it to the mid 2000s, have you seen snakes on a plane? What would you think? We have not, but as the pilot mentioned,

there's been a mix up with the producers. We have flash forwarded to 2008 to watch Matthew Brodrick be his best and Nathan Lane be his loudest. We have seen this. Now, Nathan Lane is no zero-bossedale, but I still give this two thumbs up to the big red eye in the sky. This movie is wonderful

And Matthew Braddock is a one-to-one with Gene Wilder same charisma same hair everything's the same I feel like it'll be some kind of car accident in Ireland Yeah, I heard he killed I heard you ran over Irish twins Mm-hmm so Aaron twins. Mm hmm. So Aaron. Moogie. Okay, they're breaking up. We're going to go quickly back to Kent Lewis, who has an update on weather for us at Kent. Hey, this is Kent. I'm whispering. I'm whispering because there's someone else in the building. And I don't know what they want. Aaron, please call the police.

Thank you so much. Kent, we'll come back to you in the next hour or so. Let's go to Roy Walker with sports. Roy, you know I don't give a shit about most sports. Anything fun to tell me? Aaron, I've got a ton of fun to tell you. OK, the world of sports is exploding. Now, not in Chicago land where everybody is fast asleep at being 3

26 a.m But we are gonna take you to the wild world of Uzbekistan basketball. That's right. They are playing right now in Uzbekistan and we are betting We've got the Uzbekistan mountain tigers versus the Uzbekistan jungle cats Uzbekistan mountain tigers versus the Uzbekistan jungle cats. Uh, right now the score is tied up at 21 to 26. And we are in what I can only assume is the first half. I do not speak read or understand the language of Uzbekistan. Um, can I put $10 on whatever team is favor to win?

Aaron, I would be honored to put a $10 bet on the mountain tigers for you. But the minimum bet is in Uzbekistan currency. Again, I don't understand the translation or the convergence rates, but when I give the man $10, he looks at me with pleading eyes and does the more, more, more motion with his hands. I just don't think $10 is going to cut it. We couldn't afford a helicopter ride one single helicopter ride for buddy

But we could afford to send you to Uzbekistan. Ah, no, I have not been sent to Uzbekistan. I am here awaiting trial. I was deported back to Uzbekistan for crimes. I committed as a youth. Don't worry. It was just shoplifting. I was a shoplifting here on vacation as a child. And so I am back to face up and face the music. But I'm having a great time while I'm here. I'm betting on basketball and having the time in my life. I have a man who can get me into Turkmenistan. I believe that I can be a hyphen of van and be extricated from the country,

from there, it's just a hop, skip it a jump to Iran. I have a lot of friends that I ran. My friends that I ran can get me, I think, to the United Arab Emirates in which I will be shipped underground. Don't know how, to Saudi Arabia. Once I'm in Saudi Arabia, Aaron, I'm back to Egypt with my people,

my parents, who have a time-shared Egypt. And then... And why can you just recap that part for us just really quick, what, uh, the journey? Absolutely. Mountain Tigers versus Jungle Cat, score 22 to 26, $10, not enough to bet. I am on trial for a crime that committed as a youth. I'm going to go to Turkmenistan by way of being smuggled to Iran I ran to the United Arab Emirates underground in the Saudi Arabia to my parents time share an Egypt and from there I'm in France once I'm in France. I'm gonna have a

Bag get from a store that I back to the United States where I will again be arrested and stand trial for shoplifting and sorry sorry to interrupt but Vlad Uno Vlad Uno takes the ball down court slam bam, three points shoot, dunking alley up, unbelievable game. That's it for Kazoo's Vegas. Okay, so it is the mountain tigers and I looks like I'm out a lot for the bets that I've placed. Oh, good news though. They are putting me in a van. So I guess I'm on my way to Turkmenistan and the plan is convincing.

I will definitely never see you again. Good luck and definitely try to write it down. Yeah. Okay, don't worry guys. I don't think that anything bad's gonna happen to me. And if it does, I can always zurp myself into the clouds. Well, thank you so much for that, Roy. We're coming to the end of our show here

and we'll definitely do our last segment, but I just wanna thank Buddy Stevens and Traffic, Kent Lewis for Weather, Roy Walker for Sports, Millie Trainer, you can go to hell. Christian Reed, you can also go to hell, Salt and Mimos is disgusting. Mitch and Mookie. Yeah, Mitch and Mookie, who the fuck are you? What, I don't even get what your thing is, how did this even happen?

Try farmer, please write your papers, just a couple hours early, start at 8 p.m. You can take a two a.m. nap, please start writing early. Thank you Kyle, you played too loud for the morning. Oh thank you so much and if you don't mind I do have another sneak review. Here's a little Disney cover off my new album. There you see her sleeping with another man. You don't have a right to cry, but you sure as hell miss her. And you try. Wow, wow, wow, wow. And you try, and you try, and you try,

and you try, you got to win her back. Okay, so you didn't play piano at all for this one. You're just mumbling that into the mic. Seems like you're making this up as you go along. Your life is sad, Kyle. Thank you so much. Thank you for having me here. I'm glad to be here. And let's go to our last segment where I call and I wake up my friends, Adel and JPC,

and I ask them how they like today's show because they definitely for sure always watch every day at 3am. Let's see, I will call JPC first. Let's see, to kissing. And yeah, I'm gonna get a spitter. And JPC! Hey! Hello? Hello? Hi JPC, it's Aaron. Hey Aaron, what's up? I...

Oh my God, I'm on the air! Oh you're watching! What? You are watching! Of course I'm watching, I always watch! That's really nice. Oh my watch. That's really nice. Oh my god. That's really nice.

Aaron, I gotta say, I love the show. I caught the intro. I caught you introducing Kyle and then it's just been a black screen for like 20, 22, 25, 30 minutes. So I'm not sure. Did you show off the TV? No, I could hear maybe like whispers coming from behind the TV But it was just a black screen and now it's back on and I can and I can see you But I love the show I'm a big fan. It is like this every day

It is just the intro and then the black screen and then the whispers from the black screen So just I Aaron I love the show and you're great on it. Okay, you could have lied to me. I'm sorry. You could have lied to me. Oh, I guess I don't understand what's going on. Okay. Well, I'm just saying like I just did this whole show and you didn't see most of it. Okay. No, I, Erin, I, oh, hey, oh, hey, you're mostly alone for the morning show, right?

Yeah, why? Well, there's a little boy. There's a little boy, yeah, standing behind you. Yeah, he's gonna turn into snakes, so just be careful. Have a good night or morning. Thanks, JPC for watching. All right, I'm always awake. Okay.

Josh. And calling Addle, which is... Okay, Beams is one, math, blasters, plus... Hello, Smith. Okay, and... Hello, oh, it's ringing. And... Hello, hello. Hello. Addle! You're on the air.

Is what I would say if I was up right now. Oh, fuck. Please leave a message after the beep beep hey at all it's me Aaron um we were gonna offer you a billion dollars if you were watching the show and you didn't tune in so hey Aaron hey hey it's JPC I just think that was fun yeah I knew we probably wouldn't be up I knew you were gonna call him next so I came right over over here I drove right over here. We do live on the same street Maybe 45 blocks away from each other, but I came over here. I'm gonna shake him away. Okay. I'm gonna go upstairs room. Okay Okay, oh wow. This is a pretty nice place. I love this bike. I'll have the stairs here

I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't we can't see the boys is the boy back? No, yeah, oh yes Yes, erons on the show. The boy's behind her. She wants to say hello. Hey, Adel, how did you like my show today? It. What a show. Fun stuff. You. Good answer.

It's really nice. I feel like I wasn't my best self today, so I really appreciate that. No, you were great. Aaron, you know, puffy face in all. You're outstanding. I'm so happy for you. How did you know I had a puffy face?

I just assumed. And JPC and I were so happy for you. We're not jealous in the slightest. We're not jealous in the slightest. We're so truly happy for you. Do you think it's bad that I'm not married and no one's proposed to me and I'm 29? Absolutely.

Yeah, we tell you that all the time. Good night. Alright, good night. Zorp. Zorp. Um, thanks so much for tuning in to Aaron on the side of coffee. I'm Ben Aaron Keefe. Good night. Good morning.

And I'll see you, Neptune. Bye forever. Blue Crew Check, check, check Dang it, that's the wrong theme again I mean, they are really similar, dude That was Clue Crew, so now here's a who's who? The relatable host was Aaron Keave If you rolled your eyes, it's cause a avid refi-er

That other young guy, fucking JPC In case you're Tony edited, what everybody said. An epic public cardamom stood the loco. Arnie Parrott sang and wrote every single freaking note of 1,2,3,4, Hate with the riddles, glue, crew. you