Hidden True Crime - She Escaped Samuel Bateman’s Cult—Then Came a Message From Warren Jeffs | Nomz Tells All

Episode Date: September 4, 2026

In this exclusive interview, Lauren sits down with Nomz from the documentary Trust Me: A False Prophet to discuss growing up in the FLDS, being recruited into Samuel Bateman’s cult, and the events that led to her spending time in prison after Bateman’s arrest. Nomz also reveals a message she received from convicted FLDS leader Warren Jeffs and reflects on reclaiming her voice. At the end of the episode, watch the powerful victim impact statement she recently delivered in court. Sponsor: ASPCA Pet Health Insurance- To explore coverage, visit https://www.aspcapetinsurance.com/HIDDEN The ASPCA® is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance. For terms and conditions visit: https://www.aspcapetinsurance.com/mor.... Products are underwritten by either Independence American Insurance Company (NAIC #26581), or United States Fire Insurance Company (NAIC #21113) and distributed by PTZ Insurance Agency Ltd.” About Hidden True Crime What started as a simple conversation at their dinner table became a captivating podcast. Join the dynamic duo of Dr. John Matthias, a criminal psychologist, and Lauren Matthias, an investigative journalist, as they delve into the psychological facets of unthinkable crimes every week. Their unique perspectives and in-depth analysis offer a fresh take on true crime storytelling. Thank you for your support through sponsorships, subscribing, listening, and becoming a Patreon member at⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Patreon.com/HiddenTrueCrime⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Oh, he did. Hello, Hidden Gems. I am here with Nome's Biceline. You might recognize her from the Netflix documentary, Trust Me, a Fault Profit. We're sitting on the couch together because we are just going to have a real conversation. We've been becoming good friends with you for a while. and thank you for doing this interview with us too. I don't know where to start.

I don't know where to start, whether it's the cold or the cold from the cold or prison. You spent time in prison and or the aftermath after being outside of everything and experiencing everything for the first time. But I think the most interesting part of the documentary was actually you. People talked about the cutaway or what happens when they see you in the FLDS. typical clothing wardrobe and then it shifts to you walking in in what we call gentile clothing and you sit down and it's this remarkable scene and then we start listening to you well let me ask you this first were you the documentary painted you

as an admiring wife is that what you were doing like for sam yield Bateman or was this something about obedience it was most about obedience. We had been taught. We had been born and raised to look at the man as higher than you, better than you. They were the ones that told you what to do, when to do everything. It was a lot about obedience and obedience was the first law of heaven. So you obeyed explicitly. And at first, before I even was, what's the word, Stockholm syndrome? Before I had Stockholm syndrome with my perpetrator, Sam, then there was quite a few months where I continued to fight it.

It was around late, no, late 2021, that I started to, learn him, believe that I was falling in love with him, without recognizing that it was fear. I was terrified of him. And the only way to survive that was get closer. Interesting. Like to protect yourself. Yes. Because you were afraid. It was like, I remember feelings of this blanket of numbness would go over me. And I was just a robot under his control. doing whatever he said, whatever he wanted me to do,

I became so disassociated to myself, trying with everything I had to be the perfect wife. He corrected me. He was very abusive to me a lot more than even some of the others. Okay. From my perspective. And more than what the documentary shows. Yes, a lot more than what the documentary showed

because he would, there was a time where he punished me by sending me out to repent in a trailer, a trailer that was pulled over in the traffic stop. Arizona, Blacksef, Arizona, trailer, all the girls were in. We all know that body cam footage well. Yes. Two weeks before that, he had finally invited me back. So it was, I was in a position of great fear to go against, go against, go against, him because I was afraid he would banish me out there again. And even out there, sometimes I go back

and think about those months and wonder why I didn't just run, but I didn't have the awareness to run. Yeah. He had created this mind prison that I was in. A mind prison, brainwashing, but more than a mind. The most intense brainwashing. Yeah, so a mind prison, intense brainwashing. Do you want to share? any of the darker abuse that the documentary didn't show, or do you want to move on from that? I feel like for people to hear it, then they would understand a lot of the indoctrination that we were under. Okay.

There was, there were times that people say he did not hit and he was not ever physically abusive, but he was. He raised his voice. So I remember he had me working. in life insurance. And any time I did anything wrong, then he,

the way he humiliated me was placed me under another wife of another one of the ladies there. And let me know that I was lower than her. A caste system.

Yes. And it was humiliating. It was very, humiliating. And there was other things that he would use. He used a lot of pitting us against each other in a really weird way, like open confessions in front of everyone. Oh, wow.

Huge. It was, he would humiliate us in front of anyone, too. If you even showed a sign of hesitance or discouragement, he would humiliate you. would humiliate you. He would get very aggressive with his words and talk and talk about it a lot about what a, I don't know if it's good to say this on YouTube or anywhere, but he, go ahead. Yes. He called this the most hatefully grading things. And there was one time when I was working and he came into the office that I was working in. And he, he just, grabbed my arm and jerked me out.

And then he started yelling at me about how my great grandfathers from both sides were very aspiring men and they were evil. And they were going against the prophet in their time. And he said, this bloodline is ingrained into you. So he's putting the sins of them onto you. Yeah. They weren't, I'm not saying they were sinning, but in his religious context, in his worldview, he's saying you're taking on the sins of your great-grandfathers? Yes. And he would talk about their, he started yelling about their evil blood.

And he said, that blood is coursing through your veins. And I am the only one who can purge that out. And the only way to do that was through these atonements, these sexually abusive. atonements. By villainizing your bloodline and your family. Yes. And not to mention the things that he did like the raping and things like that, that is physical abuse. Not to mention it was extreme mental abuse. And it got to a point where I was addicted to self-harm. I was addicted to it so much that when I was incarcerated and I didn't have something that I could hurt myself with, it became more excruciating.

Did you start self-harming then when you were with Sam? Yes. Relieve the pain. Were you ashamed of that too? Because you're trying to be the perfect person. Yes, no one knew about it. Nobody knew about the self-harm. Cutting yourself?

Ernie, mostly. because it didn't leave scars as bad. Yeah. Less noticeable too. It was less noticeable. And so that continued, well, let's explain this to you. By the way, the cult within a cult is actually your term. You said you were in a cult within a cult.

So I should have explained that. That's your term because you were raised FLDS, which you now consider a cult. They match all the conditions of a cult. They match all the condition. Yes. And yes, they do. And then you were pulled into the Samuite. Is that what they were called, which is Sam Bateman's world?

A lot of people around us called the Samuites, but I don't specifically ever remember us calling it that. Okay. But it was the Samuites. I don't know if that group even had a name. Sam Bateman and all of his victim. Yes. Yes.

I mean, these marriages weren't even real. You know, no, they were real. Yeah, he called them. you all his wives and there was no marriage. There was no ceremony. There was no ceremony. Yes, there was no promises made. There was brainwashing and cruelty and a cult within a cult. So being in prison, take us back to what you did and what you were thinking at the time, as in what you were told by your abuser

to do what? Oh, that led me to prison. Yeah. Yes. Some of the girls from DCS had run. They escaped the group home they were in and ran. They called him and they called some of us

and they told us. and they told us where they were at. And then Sam had told us that morning if they run again because they had been running. They had ran four times prior. And we had convinced him to go back and just cooperate, just do whatever they say, because maybe you can come home sooner, things like that. And this time when they ran, they were. We're like, we're not going back.

So then Sam gets a hold of us and he says, go pick them up and run. The girls, the young girls that he called, that he was abusing. His child brides. His child bride. Horrific. Yeah. His victims. Yes.

And. They were in the custody of the government. Yes. They were in DCS custody. So we, being obedient to Sam, we went and picked them up. I was there in the vehicle when they were picked up, but when they were found, I was not with them. Okay. I went with them for a few hours and then I.

Yes. And the other women that helped with the picking them up. Yes. Then I went back. I had no idea that it was wrong. I didn't even know the address of the group home. I still don't know where they actually were. I knew the place we picked him up,

but I didn't know where the group home was. Well, and you were groomed to obey. Yes. And that's what you were doing. That was all my mind could, that was all my mind even knew how to do. at that point. So I went back.

The officer showed up and said I was under arrest and I ran. I ended up turning myself in a few days later because I didn't understand why I was under arrest. And I was like maybe they just want to question me and ask me something. but the thing was I was not in a mindset to answer truthfully. Sam had drilled this on lying to the FBI, the police, any law enforcement. Every one of us lied so much. And I remember even two days before the raid, then he was almost yelling in my face, telling me to lie like hell if I had to, to not get him in trouble.

He didn't care about any of us. He didn't care that our lives were at risk. The only thing he cared about was that he didn't get in trouble. You ultimately turned yourself in, though. Yes. And how did that happen? Why did you decide to do that? If you've listened to Hidden 2 crime for a while, you probably know Lily Bell right there.

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mom in the FLDS that I hadn't seen or talked to for, I think it was almost two years. Was that because Samuel wouldn't let you talk? Yes, he wouldn't let me really talk to any of my family members unless I was with him and he was guiding the conversation. By the way, he liked to be called Samuel, right? Yeah, he liked to be called Samuel. So I call him Sammy, Sam, Sam, Sam. Don't do that.

So we're going to call him Sam. enough Samuel and he also hates color pink so hence my choice of wardrobe he said the pink brought too much attention to you wow well so hey Sam me boy

we'll get to what we did a couple weeks ago or a week ago and did you like dogs I'm not sure let's say he did it's why we got I know Warren Jeff didn't because we were told to get rid of all of our dogs boom so we've got Lily Bell here with it. Actually, we have her here too. Let's just say because we actually tried to move her

and she laid down on herself here. So this was, she's adorable though. Anyway, you call your mother, who you haven't seen in the early two years. No, I didn't call her. I didn't have a phone. I hitchhiked and went and found her. Wow. You didn't even have a phone. Okay. She lived by a little. six hours away. Okay. Wow. So what did what was that like? I didn't tell her at first what was going on, but I mostly was, I was still in a very confused state because I didn't understand why I was under arrest. And I also didn't understand like I was being perfectly obedient. So why isn't God protecting me? Why isn't he doing something? I was proving myself for him. Yeah. So I went to my mom. And I told her. I told her that I was a fugitive. And she was really scared. She got in contact with one of my uncles. And he was the one that was like, you've got to turn yourself in. He was still with the FLDS. He still is. And it took me a long time to forgive him for that because he was the one.

that said if you turn yourself in a lot of times they just want to interview you. They just want to hear your side of the story and get information and you say I can just be honest with them and turn yourself in. That is not what happened. And then he also told me I will do whatever it takes to help you get out. I will be right here through the whole journey. I'll go to the ends of the world to help you. As soon as I was arrested, he deleted me from his life. Oh, sorry. From what I remember.

A year later, when I was in prison, then I remember talking to my mom on the phone, and he was there. And he said, who you're talking to? And she said, it's gnomes. She's still in jail at this certain facility. And he's like, oh, I didn't know that. I thought that she would be out somewhere by now.

So it just wasn't keeping track. No. And I felt very betrayed. Like I'm in here fighting for my life alone. And you told me that you would help me and you lied to me. When you turned yourself in, that story is interesting to me. You called. How did you call?

From a Walmart? No, one of my sisters. she was with me. She called and told them where we were because I didn't have a phone. So I used her phone. And we sat at the Walmart parking lot for an hour waiting for the policemen to come and get me. And you just sat there. You're like, I'm a fugitive.

And like, where are you? Yes. And it was like crazy because after they had gotten me, then the FBI, like, dude, you had the FBI looking for you for two days now. I was right here, you know. So I do feel very failed by the judicial system and the police, any, any type of authority in my life, I feel very failed by. Yeah. And what did they do when they saw you? Well, first, we sat at the, so I'll backtrack. We sat at the Walmart parking lot for an hour. And then they called back. and asked us to drive across the road to the Hobby Lobby.

So we drove across the road. Go to the crafty store. Yeah. And then like seven, eight police cars just surrounded the vehicle and started yelling for me to stand out, to get out with my hands in the air. And when I got out, they were very confused because I looked like a 12-year-old. I was very malnourished. I was just this little frightened rabbit with my hands in the air.

And they came over, they got my name. I was cooperating and they just slammed me and handcuffed me. Climmed on the ground. Yeah. And then they took me to the jail. Oh, yeah, they took me to the jail and I waited there for six hours for the FBI. Wow. And then they came and picked me up and drove me to Arizona.

They're being such a fugitive looking for you. They took their time. It was, yes, they took their time. And they were in the local police that was, that part of the story really affected me. Yeah. Like what was the need for that? This was the local police in a different town, in a different state too. I'm so sorry.

So you feel very betrayed, understandably. You know what? I'll say this, because we've had a lot of conversations just together talking. And one thing I've noticed, there are moments when you kind of see prison as a place that sort of saved you or helped you. But for the majority of what you share about prison, it feels unfair and unjust because there were some women that should have served that were abusers and they never had to. yet here you were. I don't understand the cherry picking of that whole case because I knew, especially after seeing the discovery that I finally got access to eight months in. You asked them in the prison?

In the courts. I know I asked my attorney and it had to go through the courts for me to see the discovery and it was terabytes and terabytes of discovery. And it wasn't until then. Computer to look at it all, right? Yes. You didn't have the internet on it, but you had the discovery. Yes, I had the discovery on, like, flash drives and hard drives and things like that.

Okay. And it was terabytes of discovery. And I would go through the messages between the men and Sam's personal journal diary that one of the other ladies was his scribe on. He could even write in his own journal. He had to have a scribe movie. Yeah, yeah. after going through pages and pages of the most explicit, disgusting conversations between those men. And then there was the whole side of Christine.

Yes, a lot of it was about women. And his girls, he looked at us like pieces of property. He could do whatever he wanted. You mentioned it was vulgar about female anatomy, too, right? Yes. It was very disgusting. And multiple men were. And after I started reading those things was when I started realizing how dark he really was.

Up until then, I only knew about my own personal experience and what he had done to me. And I was terrified of him, angry. I had started to come out of it and realize how much danger I was in. And then to read about that and find out that the other women and girls were also, then it hit me really hard because I remember thinking, I can handle it. I can do it. I'm alone, you know.

But to find out he was doing it to other people. to, then it hurt even more. Because you, the victims, aka wives, he called you, his wife, but you weren't, you were his victims. You were not allowed to talk to one another or that he pitted you against one another. She didn't trust one another. Is that it? No, what happened?

Well, naturally we didn't trust one another because you'd kind of get brownie points if you ratted someone out. So it felt like we were all spies. Like I spied, they all spied on it. They were, we kind of, like, everybody was always keeping everybody in this group thinking. Okay. Constantly. And if you did something bad, then it would come up.

So we couldn't even personally text each other. It had to be on a stream for everybody. It was like this whole texting group and he was in it. So if somebody saw one of the, like, for instance, if one of the other women organizations, girls saw me doing something wrong, then they would announce it on this stream. I'd be like, I'm recording this. And it was, it was humiliating. Very, it was really hard. And I remember this one time when one of the one of the other ladies texted over the stream, how she was continually thinking evil of me because she said because she always asks questions

and she's always really, she doesn't stop talking and it gets her in trouble a lot. And so I always think evil of her. And it just came over to the stream to everyone. And that silenced me. It silenced me. I stopped questioning. I was very humiliated. So he used humiliation and shame to control.

Yes. And fear. And so everybody knew that. So you had a curiosity in you and you had questions. And that was cut off. I had suspicions too. Yeah. But it was getting muted more and more.

Interesting. The more aggressive. if he was becoming, the more my intuition was disappearing. My goodness. So you're in prison. How long were you in prison? 21 months. 21 months.

Nearly two years. Yeah. It's crazy. So you saw the discovery in there. That was horrific. Did you see photographs too? Everything. Literally everything.

terrified he was very careful because of what happened to war in jeffs then he would would not let any of the child brides get pictures with him so there wasn't very many of those in other words he knew what he was doing oh he definitely knew what he was doing and i know there there's a lot of things of people saying how maybe he was like had a tbi and all that stuff and that affected it no that that couldn't have a criminal mind is a criminal mind Yeah, I agree with that. And he knew enough that it was, that he was doing wrong, that he purposely tried to hide it by not getting pictures with those minors. And then when, during the situation, then even when he did things with the minors,

then a lot of times there were some of the adults that didn't know about it. because then it would probably, I mean, for me, it would have been so shocking that I would have immediately like started questioning and wanting to get out. But especially the two youngest, then he wouldn't even allow them into his sacred room from what I remembered. And then seeing the discovery when I wasn't there, when I was banished out in this trailer, some of the most horrific things happened to the miners. You didn't know. No.

That's so sad. I mean, it's all sad. You chilled, everything. There was a times where he would announce it, but he never went under the age that Warren Jeff's was so. Warren Jeff's married 12-year-olds, Sam would announce things about 12-year-old, that his 12-year-old brides, but never under that age. So I never knew that anything horrific was happening to the youngest ones, and there was a time I remember...

Below the age of 12th. Below the age of 12. There was a time when I wondered, when I started wondering, and I asked him, he was the one that actually told me that there was a law against marrying children under the age of 18. Sam was the one who told me about that. I'd been raised in the FLDS. I didn't know about that law. But he told me about it and he said that when he told me about it, then I quoted the 13th article of faith.

which starts with I mean I said we believe in being subject to kings rulers magistrates and obeying and sustaining the law and I quoted that and I said I don't understand because if it's against the law

why why are you doing it? I want to point out this this is interesting too because I was raised LDS you were raised FLDS and just the fact that we both know that our faith tells you how intertwined and together those two groups were until they split off.

Until they wouldn't give up polygamy. Right. Yes. Right. The FLDS would not give up polygamy. The F stands for fundamentalist. Yeah. So.

But anyway, yeah, he was the one that explained that to me. And when I brought that up, I could never really just outright ask a question. And I had to think of a way to ask in a very humble, submissive, timid way almost. Curious way of like, I just want to do the right thing and I just want to do what the Lord wants. And it was very dangerous to ask an outright question and be like an accusatory question,

which that was an accusatory question. Like, you're going against these, these scriptures. Accusatory meaning skeptical. Yes. And accusing him of going against the law, you know, and even the teachings of the teachings of Joseph Smith and supposedly God at the time. In my mind, that was anyway.

So I asked him about it. And in that way, in a very careful way. And he told me that those articles of faith and those scriptures were made back in Joseph Smith's time. And during that time, then underage marriages were not against the law, which is not true. Later, I did some research that law was still there. And I believed him, though, when he said that. And he said, so now the law is really corrupt and they're so evil. And why are you trying to hold the blessings from for a 15-year-old that you could,

I mean, why would you try to hold those blessings away from them when it's the law that's actually corrupt? That is six. In other words, the law is corrupt. He should be able to do what he wants with 15-year-old. And younger, a lot younger. That was just his example. And that his abuse was a blessing. His abuse was a blessing. Wow. That's disgusting. Yeah. And confusing, too, especially to someone who has been raised in those indoctrinations. Yeah. Yeah. So back to prison, because I want to ask you something kind of specific, I agree with you that it was very unfair or even the sentence the feds gave you.

It was very unfair and I think in my opinion unjust. There were moments in prison though that also were maybe helpful in understanding things. Can you tell me a little bit about that? To me, the isolation from the cult was necessary, but prison added on a lot more trauma. Yeah. Yeah. Prisons are not easy places. They're their own society.

They're not. It felt like another cult prison. A prison felt like another cult prison to escape. Yeah. And to fight for my innocence. and not even with the capacity to trust my own perception. So when they started accusing me of very horrific things, and I didn't even understand the accusations,

I didn't know anything about the judicial system, then instead of questioning it and trying to fight for myself, then I owned it. And I would be like, oh, my God, if I am this horrific, horrible person, And I deserve this. Yes. And we were taught to do that.

You know, just we deserved whatever happened to us. And I, I owned it. I would be like, I deserve to be in here. And it got so bad that I went to my attorneys and I asked them to ask the judge for the death penalty. Because I didn't think that I had hurt someone. I never had in my entire. life. Never so much has even hit someone, my siblings. And to think that I had hurt someone by helping them escape, by going and picking them up when they ran from DCS custody, to think

that I had hurt them, it was too much for me to handle. So I said, if I did hurt them, I don't deserve to be alive. I deserve to not be here. It made you question your entire identity and who you thought you were. I understand on a much lesser level that feeling. When people accuse you of things and you're like, I didn't do this. No, I didn't do this. And then it makes you question yourself. What did I do?

Right? Yes. It did. And I, those were very dark times. months of it were not believing that I even deserve to be living and it took my attorneys

sitting down with me and saying you are not this horrible person and we're trying to prove it yeah and they had to prove like they had to point out things to me like did you know you are one of the most innocent adults in this case

because none of these girls were your younger sisters and Sam was on he was after your 12 year old sister but you didn't let him you didn't let him get to your younger sister protected her instead I went in so she wouldn't yeah and to this day she was not involved you are a good sister yeah and but it did take them pointing things out like this like you this is not your identity to get you to believe them. So your defense attorneys helped you believe in yourself again. They did. And they got me into therapy and talking it out with a therapist and going through, they had me evaluated

to see what kind of person I was. And even the evaluators were like, what is she doing in here? Like as in when you were in prison, you were going through a program where you were evaluated. I went through these evaluations to see about what kind of mind I had. And it was, it was interesting because I had the capacity and the mentality of a 12-14-year-old. And they saw that and you understood that. Yes. They had to explain this to me. And how old were you really?

I was 24. And they had to show, they had to kind of convince me like, you're not this bad person. You actually don't even belong in here. Because I was so used to, I was so used to just owning any kind of accusation. Because that's, Sam accused me of the most horrific things. He would require us to make these confession letters. and they were so horrific that and he wouldn't stop too like for instance i remember writing this confession letter and he said no it was you are more guilty than that and you need to

write more it's fascinating because it's another way to make you submit and another person i know did that too that's jody hildebrandt and she was an abuser of children is she's behind bars but she would make the children write about how bad they were and submit to these these acts that they did not actually do. He used that a lot too. And not only did he have us write these confession letters to him, he would have us write them, take pictures of them,

and send them to the entire group. And then he would correct them and be like, no, you are thinking this evil thought. You are actually this. You're even more guilty. And God is so displeased with you and he's going to do this with you. One day you will be crawling to me begging for me to take your life because of your guiltiness and evilness. And you went there. You went there. You wanted to be. Yes. And then there was times where I would write more on it. and I would write the most horrific things that I was supposedly doing. And he would know more.

You're doing more worse things. And there was times, I remember one time then he said, he had concocted this whole illusion that when I was in my teenage years, then I had gone out with a boy and I'd lost my virginity with him. I didn't know even how the male body looked until, he had raped to me. That was how innocent I was. But he had me writing all this stuff to a point where I almost thought I did.

And I'd be like you're right. And I'm this evil, wicked, adulterous. I'm so evil. I'm this. Yeah. But getting all these lies confused with truth, I'd been so used to just owning. accusations. Right. Submitting, almost like submitting to whatever they say you are. Okay. I'm sorry.

Yes. And then apologizing for it and going through the repentance and the punishments. It was very intense. So being tradition to own it, that's where I was at when I was in prison. And I just owned it all. And sitting. there when they stated off the charges, I wanted to stand up and say, yes, I'm guilty. Guilty of it all. And my attorneys would stop me and be like, but are you? But this is the first time probably anyone ever said that. Yes. And then I had to go back and think about it. And then I even had to go back and think about things my entire life and be like, oh my God, I'm actually not. I wasn't even there. It was in it was. It was. It was, it was

crazy. But then getting into therapy and they also provided a program to understand the judicial system because I didn't even know an attorney was. I didn't even know how the court layout was. This is anything. I didn't know anybody's role in it. So I went through these programs of the court system and how it works. This, it was schooling. I took like six, A six-week course. Wow. It was so interesting. Yeah.

You mentioned that the first time you even understood the male anatomy is when you were essentially attacked, abused. Assaulted. Assaulted and harmed. When was it that you even learned about consent? How old were you when you learned about the consent and that your body belongs to you? That was something I learned in prison from the other inmates. They were constantly talking about how they enjoyed it and how they wanted to.

They couldn't wait until they were out so they could go with their boyfriends or their partners. And there was constant explicit talk in that area. And I was more and more shrinking with traumatic. the more they would talk about it because I didn't understand why they wanted it when I hated it. But at the same time, it was a requirement and Sam would be like, you have to ask for it. I'm going to do this for you. I'm going to do this to you. But you are going to ask me to do this to you. Wow.

And therefore, it is your choice. manipulated you, forced you into doing something and then made you ask for it. So it felt like you were made. And so you felt like you were the one that asked for it. So why did it hurt so much? And why would you, why would you even think that way? You know, why would you go to him and be like, I don't like it when you do this. It's not fun.

It hurts. That why would you, if you're the one that. for it. But he pushed you to ask for it. And it got so bad that for me, it was just numb. I learned how to just leave my body and just wait for something really horrible to be over. But you know what that is now, right? Yes. Disassociation. Yes, it's very disassociating. But anyway, I learned about it when I finally asked one of the other inmates that was just getting ready to leave and she was going to go out with her man and I asked her why she liked it and told her how much it hurt and how much it wasn't fun. She was horrified and she was the one that

she took me into her cell. She was an older lady and she drew out the entire female anatomy and explained what it was of everything. about it, how it worked, how it's not supposed to hurt. It was crazy. But that was the first time I learned about consent. And that it was your choice. Yes. From another inmate. You learn from a prison inmate about consent, not your family, not your religion, not the, clearly not the abuser, but not from the other abuse victims. It took prison for you to understand consent. And so she explained to you that it's your choice.

You always get to decide. And what happened after that? Did you, did something the click in you? Things, I started to see. I started to remember things from my past. and why I had felt so disassociated. It was very emotional for me. And it was weird because I couldn't go back and feel those.

And like remember as I'm thinking, whenever I thought back to those moments, I saw them in third person. Wow, like a literal out of body. Yes, I would see it happen to me. and I would cry and cry. It was really hard for me because I would see these horrific things happening to me. And I wasn't in my body.

And I still have the memories like that. It's really messed up. It is messed up. I'm sorry. This happened to you. I'm so sorry. You're such a strong woman. I've spent a lot of times.

with you. It's been... You're a good friend. Thank you. It's been nice and you're so strong. I think the word that always is you are a survivor and you're so strong.

And you seem to be embracing the aftermath. That makes sense. Like you were, you were raised FLDS, your clothes were controlled, everything was controlled, then you were unfortunately put with an abuser who controlled you,

who harmed you and others. And then you go to prison and now you're out. But there are sometimes right, you put all that together so shocked by actually the way you are embracing life in the after that. And some people can be destroyed after all of this. Does that make sense? And you have your trauma.

Absolutely. It did destroy pieces of you. But I see in you a strength too. And you're embracing the world around you, embracing learning, discovering, you know. And I'm really proud of you. It's definitely not easy. But I try to not let the vulnerable. I try to not let the really.

sad parts be seen too much because I want to prove that you can recover. You can have the most horrible traumatic life. And you can recover from that and you can be amazing and you can go really far in life. You don't have to always be that really sad victim. You can move on. You can move on, you can be powerful. And a part of me wants to prove that because, you know, I've heard success is the best revenge. And I want to prove that. I say that too.

I say that too. Success is the best revenge. So a part of it could be revenge too. But in a healthy way. Revenge in a healthy way. Yeah. You know. But in other words, embracing your own life.

and your own talent and your own gifts. It's essentially allowing yourself to be everything you want to be. That's success. Since prison, well, first let me ask you this. A big part of the documentary was Dr. Christine. Yes. You weren't very fond of Dr. Christine for a while. I would say two years and I wouldn't.

I didn't trust her. I wouldn't talk to her. Was it because she felt she betrayed you? I was mostly going off what Sam had told us to not talk to her. Okay. So I didn't. And then when I did start turning, when I started turning against even Sam, then it was, I still had a really hard time going and trusting her.

because I had only seen a perspective of her in the Sam group and the way she had to befriend him and befriend us. So it took me a minute to forgive her. And when I did start talking to her, I started understanding why she did that. And I understood why she had to. The way she went in and befriended everyone, I saw why she had to. And there was no other way. Yeah. Even when I look back on it now and think about the dangers she was in,

and she knew about them, all of us, we were unaware, but she was aware of these dangers. So to go in that deep and get information for the FBI, Hi. I'm so amazed with her strength and she wouldn't give up. She would not give up on us. It's beautiful. And now you spend a lot of time with her. I love her so much. And her husband, Fulga. Yes. I saw the amazing photos. I look at them like my godparents, adoptive godparents, because you get that when you're

born, but I look at them as my adoptive godparents. and they have helped me navigate this world, how to adjust and transition into the world in a very healthy, classy way. I admire them a lot. She is a role model. I learned so much from him. And he's also into the same things that I've always been very interested in, like cameras and videos and models and models. and acting and singing and music. So he's been able to help me with that.

Yeah. He's such an artist. Yes. He's extremely talented. We just moved Lily. So we couldn't hear you. Lily was getting a little. She was getting too comfortable.

She's getting a little too cozy. So we were talking about Tolga and Dr. Christine, how they have inspired you. like godparents and how Tolga being a music producer and into videography has been able to sort of help you embrace some of your art. Okay. Cinematography. Right.

I'm in the news. We call him. Yeah. Cinematography is better. Yeah. He's not a big videographer. He's not. He's a cinematographer.

Thank you. Yeah. I've been in the news. Yeah. We call them something different. So I'm sorry to Tolga if that offended you. I will call you a cinematographer now. So they've been a big support to you.

Yes. When was the last time? Really amazing people. Did you put on the FLDS dress after prison ever? One time when I filmed my first music video. And it was a lot. it was very emotional it was heavy yeah i didn't remember them being that heavy and like literal heavy heavy could be an emotion too but you're saying they were both it was both literally heavy

it was both emotionally heavy and weight heavy and to feel that the restrictions on my shoulders and it was it was a lot and then to even feel the skirt brushing against my ankle it was very triggering. Yeah, it makes sense. It was kind of hard to do the music video that way because I had tried so hard to just put that life behind. Move on and not go back there. And then I needed to do this for my younger show. You also told me that you got into fashion.

In prison. Tell me how that happens. You have to wear a jumpsuit every day. Not really. So you only wear the jumpsuits when you go to court. Oh. So technically, we mostly wore a gray t-shirt and gray shorts. Okay. So sweats. Okay. So you will never see me wearing gray sweats. They, that is what I, yes. And I still have mine from prison. I do. They're in a box called. my deep, deep, dark past. And I have a few of my dresses from the past and the long underwear and my prison

clothing in there. A lot of clothes that kept you prisoner. You know what I mean? A lot of these clothes. But it's like monumental. So I keep them because it's part of my story. Absolutely. Those two eras of your life, they controlled what you wore.

That's true. You come out of prison. So how did you learn about fashion then in prison? I was really, I got really into like the bold magazines, especially the Vogue. There was two others. And strangely, I don't remember the names. But I would cut out pictures. I was obsessed with fashion and I loved the mini skirts.

But I always did. Even as a child, I remember envying the Gentiles when I would see that. when we'd go out to the dentist and there would be a little mini skirt. Gentiles meaning everyone that is an FLDS, right? Yes. The entire world. There's different. So Gentiles are someone that's not FLDS that did not come from the FLDS.

So if some, like for me, I am not a Gentile. I will never be a Gentile because I was born in the FLDS and I left. So I am an apostate, but you are a Gentile. Yeah. So in other words, you were not born in it. Yes. So anyone not connected ever to the FLDS state. Yeah.

It's not that big. I mean, it's, I mean, I mean, I mean, even Christine, she will never be an apostate or an FLDS because she is a gentile. Like me. She was not born in the FLDS and left. So there is a huge difference between the Gentiles and the apostates. The apostates, they don't have a chance. They already got their chance. So they are.

mean by God, their chance? They were born in the FLDS. They were raised with these indocturnations and then they turned against them. In other words, they are, their soul, they cannot be saved. They chose the world and they chose, basically they chose the devil over God. Whereas I still have a chance? I got a chance because you never were taught the gospel. You know, I remember thinking about this kind of stuff because I remember when Sam was after my 12-year-old little sister, then I remember thinking things like remembering the trainings of that he would give and then remembering the trainings of Warren Jaffs and how they would talk about if they don't know better and if you don't know better, then God is not going to hold that

against you. So I would think I'm just not ever going to let her know better, that she supposedly belongs to Sam, you know. I'll be like that that was a risk on my salvation but I was like it's so hard for me that I am not going to let her know so she would still have a chance if by any chances became like God's will and stuff which in the end and I did think that it was like God was speaking through him. You know yeah I mean this is a cult with such religious control like if you leave you're not just. indoctrination. Your entire salvation is at risk if you leave or question anything. So I would think these things out and there was even times where I'd write it down in my diaries and that would be like, I'm going to keep them innocent. And there were times I was really

jealous of the Gentiles because they could live a really good life and do all the stuff they wanted pick their own partner and then they could find the gospel and be baptized and it was washed clean that new slate yeah i could see what you'd be the ambious of a gentile oh yeah something that i had to fight and work for my whole life and i was judged and condemned and repented and worked so hard to become like god and then a gentile can come in at the same age and clean sleep it was very unfair Very unfair, very unfair. And they obviously did way worse, you know. They got to pick their own partner too.

So you learn about fashion in prison, can't embrace it yet. But you're learning what you love. You're finding a bit of an identity in fashion and clothing and what you like and music. And singing mainstream music. I got a lot into that as well. Okay. Do you get out of prison? And movies.

So do you remember your first day out of prison and what you did? My first day when I was released, it was all so new and unfamiliar. And it didn't really feel free. I felt more overwhelmed. Yeah. And with the abundance of choices. That makes sense. Choices are sometimes difficult.

And I had been eaten prison food for almost two years up to that point. And then I got out and I remember it was my aunt. You came down and picked me up. Your aunt? Yes, Aunt Carol. That's really. I've met your Aunt Carol and she's wonderful. She's amazing.

One of the best humans on this earth. But she came down and picked me up and asked me what I wanted to eat. And the first thing I wanted was a tomato. I hadn't tasted. I hadn't had them for so long. And that's all I wanted, a tomato. A tomato. Just a tomato.

A good old tomato. Homegrown. Yeah, I was going to say it would have been harder to find because that was one thing. You have delicious produce in the creek and Short Creek because you could grow your own produce. So we did find a tomato and I ate a tomato. I ate a tomato sandwich and peaches. Those were the first things I ate. And then who took you shopping?

Did anyone take you shopping for clothing? She did. The first shopping trip was with her and it was down there because I was still, I had to stay down in Phoenix for a little while because of the whole trial that was happening. Oh. And I was constantly, I was in the courthouse for almost two weeks. But, yeah, so I spent two weeks down there at the courthouse. and in between times than we would,

then we had gone shopping a little. I don't necessarily have really any good, anything good to experiences in Phoenix. And I try not to say like I'm against Phoenix now, but it's really hard for me to go down to that place. You have trauma there. That's fair. And I think it will be a long time before I ever,

on purposely want to go down and visit phoenix that makes sense yeah you got your first outfit's there you're trying i did clothing experiencing fashion tell us now like where is where is life for you know where has it taken now i live back east i'm not i i'm i don't really want to say exactly because i i move around so a lot right now because i'm still i still want to figure out where i want to settle down you know and I have a lot of exploring to do. But anyway, so I'm back east right now. And I am loving it. I love being out of Arizona and Utah far away from there.

I really do. It's a whole new world. Yes, and it's green and so beautiful. I mean, right now it's going to get cold. I know it's going to, but it's... But fall fashion is really fun, I'll just say. Yes. I think like my fashion for fall is like the sweaty and not the sweatshirts, but the sweaters,

sweaters, but the knit sweaters with like mini skirts and tides. Oh my God, like tides and knee boots. Yeah. Yeah. I have a whole selection of my fall outfits like already picked out, which by the way, I do go through styles quite a lot because I'm still figuring it out. I mean, I've been out. for almost two years.

In four days, I can say it's been two years. Four days. And you were in prison for 21 months. Do you've been out just about as long as a little over how long you were there? Yes. Wow. I'm still so fresh. I feel like a toddler in the world.

And I'm constantly evolving through my styles. Yeah. Figuring it out. I do like the dressy though. I always like to look nice. Yeah. No, I know. You do.

You do. And it's fun. You said this about yourself, so I'll say it. You said, I'm like a 55 year old and a 12 year old. Like 55. Yeah. So I'm, I feel like I'm in my 20s, but I'm also 55 and 16 at the same time. Okay, 16, right.

16 is the age you used. In other words, you're experiencing a lot for the first time. Yes. But the trauma and the life experience you've had is that of someone, much older. And I had to be. Probably. Or something nobody would experience.

Yes. I do believe. I mean, hopefully. Hopefully not. Yeah. I hope that I can be a big enough influence. It'll stop it from happening.

It's amazing. It's amazing. A lot has happened in these two years since you've been out. Yeah. A major Netflix documentary drop starring you. I was featured in it, but it had like, it had a, very, very small portion of my actual story. It mostly focused on Julia and Christine. Yes. Yes. Julia, who sort of kind of went to Christine and started sharing more.

I was, I'm very honored to be able to have participated in that, but at the same time, it was a very huge risk for me to take. I can imagine. What were you most scared about? The rejection. And That people wouldn't like you after. I knew they wouldn't And I expected to be shamed

and hated and cyber bully and a lot worse things that they didn't end up actually happening. I got overwhelming support and I remember when I was going to film and I would think about it and I'd be like, you know, this story has to get out there.

This awareness needs to be made. I don't care if the world hates me. Wow. It's got to be told. And then I would think things like, my name is already smeared all over online. What would it hurt? What would you lose? What would I lose?

Exactly. The only thing that I would have lost was at the time of filming that I was still in communication with the other. ladies. The women, the victims. Yeah, that were with Sam. The ones that were still even in. Oh, wow. And when I went on that, I was very transparent with them.

I went up to the blue house where they were and told them. I said, I am participating in the Netflix documentary. And we've already done the filming. And how did they respond? I remember specific, particular one of them, she said, why would you do that when we're trying so hard to get him out of prison? And I said, that's my point. Because I'm not. Because I'm on the other side.

Yes. I said, that is my point. I want to cement him in there. And other men like him. Well done. They were very, very shocked. And since then, slowly they just started cutting me out more and more. And then when the documentary actually aired, they cut me off.

They just stopped talking to me altogether. There have been some people trying to sort of harm you and others that were in the documentary through a lot of lies. some that were in that are I don't know where they're at now being I I hope they're coming out of it but I do think that the documentary did a lot of good because even though they are still very angry about it and they're all against it then it blared that it blared the truth so much in their face that they had to acknowledge that Sam was a very evil sick-minded person I'm proud of you. One thing I've learned in life is when you've,

if you've lost everything, you have everything to gain. And that's been parts of my life where my life did not happen how I thought it was going to happen. This certainly was not like yours. I'm not comparing it. But in moments of my life. I never there to dream how I knew my life would end up because I was afraid to think of good things. because then the office would happen. In other words, if you had any sort of expectation, you would be disappointed.

I was very disappointed. And it got so bad that there were times I remember when I feel even the slightest bit of happiness, then I was terrified of it because I was like, oh, now something really bad is going to happen. Being scared. Well, you have everything to gain. Just know that. You have everything to gain. and the world is rooting for you.

I want to go back. You said you weren't a star in that documentary. I was featured in it. I was one of the stars, but not the star. Well, let me say this. Let me say this. It was clear as I was watching it for the first time that they were developing your character. I mean, I'm a storyteller by trade.

They were. They were definitely developing your character with all the footage of you, with Sam. and the other victims. Well, I take the back. Like, that is, that is correct. They were. Yeah. So even though we didn't know a lot about you,

you were now an interest to the audience, the way they developed you. And then the moment everybody talks about in the film was the moment you came and you sat down in, I don't know, apostate clothes. Gentile clothes. Gentile clothes. Yeah, yeah.

Street clothes. Yeah. Yeah. And so in that way, let me just say, you made the film remarkable. So you might say you didn't star in it. You weren't the main subject, but you made a major part of the film remarkable. They made it so you didn't expect me to be the one that likes. Right.

But you were so dedicated. I, at a certain point, I was. though. I was very deeply indoctrinated and brainwashed in that. And it's something that I even look back on now and wonder what was going through my mind during those days because it was so numb. The only thing that went through it was his indoctrinations. You, in this stage of your life, can I share? Well, yeah, you share on social media. You have a boyfriend. Oh, yes. The love of my life, he's absolutely amazing.

I've met him. He's very sweet. And you two are very, he's given a very special relationship. I never expect to have that, though. It took me about a year to even attempt dating. And then every time I did date, then I was more, yep, this is never going to happen. I didn't even, I couldn't even comprehend the word. love because it had been so associated to pain.

That makes sense. And I don't know, was there a part of you? Because I remember I felt this when I met my husband that I didn't deserve him. I still deal with that. I still go through the emotions of how am I so lucky. And there are times I even get emotional. And there are times I've even told him, like, I don't feel like I deserve to be this happy with. someone and to feel like I can plan a future with them.

I still go through that and I still. And it's hard. I mean, to look past that and be like, yes, I do deserve this. You do. And the world believes that too. Everybody is cheering you on. everybody around the world is believing in you and believes that you deserve anything you want in this life in the second i don't know third chapter fourth chapter of your life it's important

for me to to think that it is it is important for you to think that and it's you've got a difficult journey ahead believing that you know yeah because you were taught you didn't deserve anything that maybe you wanted didn't even their dream outside the cold expectations. As you just kind of mentioned you, you don't know how to train almost. There has been times where it's like that. I don't, I get questions a lot about

what are your goals and aspirations now. I'm still a toddler. I'm figuring it out. I do know that I don't. I want to be somewhere in the entertainment industry. I love, I would, I would love the challenge of acting. And I love singing. I love drawing.

I love writing. I have heard your songs. I have heard your voice. Thank you. We're a very talented musician. Thank you. But so I do know that I want to pursue a career in the entertainment industry. But that is for me.

That is something that I want for my own selfish reasons or Because it's a dream. It's just something I love and I'm very drawn toward. So that is something I would love to pursue. The other thing, I feel obligated to it. and not by the world's expectations, but it's more of my own, my own obligations that I put in myself, you know, is victim-advocating and proving to the world that you can be amazing and showing an example that you can move on past your horrific experiences that happen in your life. Yes. So that, yes, that is like another part of me.

That's another thing that I want to pursue. That's amazing. I would love to actually connect those, though. Like, be able to write songs and be able to advocate for people that have gone through similar experiences as mine in the entertainment industry. That would be incredible. I support you wholeheartedly in that. Thank you. And if I can ever help, let me know.

I don't think I can. I'm still figuring it out, though. I'm cheering you on. And I'm so excited for you. One other kind of random story that I learned about after you were out of prison, if I can ask you about it. Warren Jeff's wrote you on such a prison. He did.

Well, not outside of his, once you were out of prison. Yeah. And you had never heard from him, right? Like before? I know. I never heard from him my entire life. I spent my whole life writing letters to him almost every week. Because he was the prophet of the FLDS, even behind bars.

Even behind bars, he controlled the people and we spent my entire life writing to him. He never responded to anything. He never reached out to me personally. And then after I was released from prison, And I had openly stated that I was not going back. Not going back to the FLDSA. Then I got a message from him. And it was really weird.

It talked about how it, the first of the message was about the women that these people brought to Jesus and asked if they could stone her to death because she had. had committed adultery. And Jesus told them he, who has no sin, can cast the first stone. Whoever hasn't sin cast the first stone. A well-known Bible story. Yes, it was confusing because I'm like, oh, am I that lady? I think that's what he was implying. Yes, it felt like that. And then I, then the message turned into some trainings from Roland Jeff's his father, some sermons that he had delivered. It was also a prophet. Yes, it was also a prophet of the FLDS. And then it turned, and then he gave me some direct messages. And he said something about how if you will give up your worldly beliefs, then the Lord is willing to forgive you and have compassion on you because

of what you went through. So that's just did a full manipulative circle. Yeah. It was, but the person who delivered the message to me, I told them, I would have died for a message like that seven years ago when Sam was manipulating me. And he was constantly harassing me and pulling me into his little cult in a cult. And I said, I vote to Warren Jeff's every day. He ignored me. And that's what I'm going to do now. And that's some strength.

They were, they were pretty sad. And then I said, but I do have a question. Warren Jeffs never allows questions, but I said I do have a question. What are my orally beliefs? I would love to know specifics because I don't even know what they are. to be honest. And they said, well, we'll take it up. We'll take it up with him and the Lord and get back with you.

And I've never heard anything since. I think I intimidated him. I think so too. I think you intimidate a lot of people, actually. And, yeah, I think so. Because you are powerful. And that can be intimidating. people that aren't as powerful, you know, but ultimately they're looking up to you.

And there's probably some envy because they see your strength and they see your independence. And it's really beautiful. I hope that it causes them to start questioning and helps them come out. If they can embrace you for who you are, they will start questioning. so you're doing your remarkable and also i want to say this too is your interviews that you've been doing and you're sharing your story that is helping people too that is helping them your honesty and your transparency has it will it will change lives so i'm honored for you'd sit and talk with me thanks for having me yeah well i have one more thing to say

You mentioned that Sam Bateman took a plea deal, thus you could not share a victim's impact statement. I did share in both cases in the federal, but I couldn't testify against him because he did complete. Got it. Okay, got it. In the federal case, I did end up testifying against him in the state case, but not in the federal because he took a plea. Okay, so I did and I had written two victim impact statements. I was one for the federal case and there was one recently for his state. And by recently a week ago from the time of this interview, right?

Yes. And you stood up there and he was there in the courtroom and they really requested you to come. You didn't want to at first and they kind of, right, the prosecution kind of requested. They requested and they said that it would be. more impactful if I showed up in person and delivered it. And that's what happened. And you were remarkable. And your victim impact scene was incredible.

I was in the courtroom and watched all of the, all of the victims that chose to give statements. There are seven of you share their statements. Julia was another one. So I just want to say that was really, really brave to do. and the fact that you decided to do it because you realized it would be more impactful in person to go to a place that is traumatic for you, to face your abuser

and the traumatic things he did to you to speak up and to share that. It was powerful and it was very, very brave. So you're welcome. I was able to see Sam the whole time too, while the victim were given statements. And it was a really powerful moment. So thank you.

And I hope we can end this interview actually showing the victim impact statement. Because it was incredible. You can if you want. Tell us where we can follow you and this next chapter of your life. You can follow me on Instagram, TikTok and Facebook. Facebook is under Nomsia by Slane. My TikTok is Nomezi. underscore B and my Instagram is the same.

And I'm just setting up a YouTube and it is also NOMZIA. NOMZIA NOMZIA underscore B, but on Facebook it's NOMZIA vice line. Yes, soon to change that last name. Hopefully. Yeah, my goodness. So we are cheering for you. and thank you. Thank you. Your Honor, I'm here today to speak about more than the specific events of this trial.

I want to speak about what was happening around the time of the end and the impact of having. We had become accustomed to be transported around the trailers with the few selected women and girls riding up front with them. From my recollection, he decided where everyone was. He would pray to surround town as the Lumber Trobe used to be displayed. It was humiliating and miserable. If we complained about it, he had been turning it around and blaming us. We had become up. But that was only a small part of what I experienced under his control.

At first, he was overly kind. Within a few months, however, his words and actions became increasingly aggressive. I watched him spake an 18-month-old baby girl for so hard for hours, what seemed like ours, because she wouldn't stop crying. Those screams still haunt me. I remember the next day, seeing the bruising. I was terrified she wouldn't make it. He called us some of the most degrading and hateful things that human being could be called.

He told us that if we were really, if we were not strictly obedient to the will of God he was giving, one day we would come crawling on our hands and knees, thanking him to take our lives. I've lived in such fear of him. My life became raw law into his control, co-washed to believe that fear was love. He constantly accused me of lust and after other men.

Then he began over-extraining other men to ring me while he stood and watched. It was an atonement of God. This man hurt me in every possible way. Mentally, physically, sexually, emotionally, and even judicially. I have been through hours of therapy now and still feel he stole pieces of me that will take years to help from. I struggle with my sense of work. What was done to me changed the way I see myself,

my identity, and my value was appropriate. and my value as a person. I still have panic attacks and nightmares of a time when I felt completely helpless in various control. I remember when the federal courts offered him a plea. After everything he had done, I thought there was a possibility that he might never truly be held accountable.

It felt like watching the person who had caused so much pain in my life finally get caught only for him to escape before he ever had to answer for it. What has been especially difficult is knowing that he still does not take responsibility. Instead, he continues to portray himself as a loving kind man, as though what he did was somehow an act of God or love. It was not. He was controlling.

He was jealous, insecure and abusive. I can't change what happened. I can't make him take responsibility. And I cannot, I can never get those. years back, but I can stand here today and tell the truth about what he did and what it cost to me and so many others. I survived him, and I'm still learning how to live beyond what he did to me. I ask that you consider his sentence be consecutive and not concurrent with his federal sentence. Sam, you are a monster.

You tried to create monsters of your victims, but you failed. I believe that if my story helps you with one other person recognize the manipulation, coercion and abuse of someone like you, and finds the courage to get out, then you will never be able to say you completely destroyed me. And if there is a God, I don't think you would hold it against me to never forgive you.

That's all I have to say. Don't you wish you could just hit skip on the worst parts of your life? You know, the same way you can skip an ad? I get it. I'm Siaia and I live in Ice Cove. I've made some questionable decisions that didn't end up the way I planned. And today, I'm still figuring it out. Somehow things usually get worse before they get better. Apparently, that's how I roll.

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