High Rollers DnD - High Rollers: One-Shot | Cabin in the Woods #2

Episode Date: August 27, 2020

A bath ate our friend and we're about to explore deeper in this creepy cabin in the woods! Will Tom, Rhi and Trott survive Kim's terrifying one-shot?! Support the High Rollers and get early access to podcast episodes (and more) on our Patreon: www.patreon.com/HighRollers Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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uh tom and walla and alf the weasel you were starting to take apart the bathtub um trying to find your newfound burgle a third burgle wow i literally said that word backwards furball my life um dyslexia Furbolg friend who has disappeared into the inky black waters of this bathtub. When you heard an explosion of noise

coming from the main room and the sound of wood crashing on wood. What do you do? Okay, maybe we'll dig in a little bit. If we're digging to Body Knock. Let's find what the hell that was for a second. I hope it wasn't the landlord

coming in. I hope he didn't hear that. That we were going to start digging up his floors. If it is, we can't let him into the bathroom, okay? Because we really destroyed the bathroom. Okay. Yeah. Okay. We'll go back into the main room and see if we can see what that noise was.

You notice that the heavy wooden hatch that was in the middle of the floor has blown open. And there is simply a dark space underneath. Cool. So hatch opened. Yes. Oh, this will be a quick way to get

down to the Burr Fog. Oh, yeah. Maybe we can get under the house and see if Bodyknock's under there. He might have just fallen under the foundations, you know. Okay. Old house, you know. He could have just fallen under the foundations, you know. Okay. Old house, you know. He could have just fallen through. Oh, it's dark down there. I'll take one of these lanterns, though.

Hang on. Let me just wrench this off the wall. We've lost our deposit anyway, right? So... Yeah, may as well. I'll light a torch. So I've got one of these already. You haven't got to worry about it, but okay. Oh, well, alright, fine. If you want your own, take it.

You can take your own own the door smashes open and in walks a familiar person doom doom okay I warned you I warned you all

wait do you own this place are you the landlady no I don't own this place? Are you the landlady? No, I don't own this place. I live in the forest. Great. Well, hey, we're just trying to enjoy our holiday, okay? So maybe if we just push you back out the door, huh? Just go back into the forest.

No, no. No. No, you reckless fools need me now. Why? Okay. Miss Asriel, is your name Asriel? Yes! I wrote it down. Yes! Excellent!

Do you know if we can get underneath? Yes! Have you seen? Oh, very good! Very good! That's a yes good have you ever been eaten by a bath before you're insane you're all insane you all come into this cabin you all die fools well we don't we don't know if he's dead. Just eaten by a boss, you know? Come on! And I walk towards... I guess I'll take my character piece back for now.

A crazy old lady walks up to this hatch in the middle of the room where the hole now is. Go on! In you go! Oh, you first, I insist. Yeah, all of a sudden now it's your idea it sounds like a bad idea but you go ahead after you first no i don't really want to come on scrawny boy i don't have a light i don't have a light! I don't have a light! Tiny, feeble, pasty white boy!

Oh, I've always been bad with peer pressure. Fine. Okay. Okay. I, like, lean on the floor and, like, sort of go upside down to look through to see if I can see anything under the house. Is Al coming? Where's Al? Oh, Al can probably go first. Oh, another victim! down to look through to see if i can see anything under under the house is al coming where's al

oh alf can probably go first oh another victim perfect another one that's going to die well we don't know about that it's fine we'll find body you'll be fine the queen will take you all The queen will take you all. Who? The queen. Are we part of a sovereign? Where are we? You're all fools.

I've seen it all from a distance. Now I want to see it close up. The spiky monster tearing you limb from limb. Spiky monster. Okay. Sonic the Hedgehog Who? Sorry Who's

Okay All I know is that I heard that he rolls around at the speed of sound And Legends say He has places to go and that he also Follows the rainbow Maybe we should let Al Smith Al Smith melt Gonna start wandering around say he has places to go and that he also follows the rainbow. Maybe we should let Al Smith know.

He's going to start wandering around. Hmm. I wonder where she keeps it all. That's a good idea. Wait, what's your name? Azrael? Yes, scrawny boy. Little tiny

feeble boy. I tiny feeble boy. I am extremely feeble. Wick of body and mind. Major point. Major point, okay? What does she have? What does she keep?

Trinkets. Trinkets? Yes. Like artifacts? Trinkets frominkets? yes like artifacts? trinkets from all the bodies a fine collection I think a recorder maybe yes I saw that last time

where is it? I can play the recorder I'm like grade 5 genuinely let's find it yeah let's find it. Okay. I'll go look this way.

Cool. Anyway, I can't really see much under here, although to be honest, I don't really want to stick my head in there either. It might be another path, you know? You'll have to go in there. Eventually. Send out the head. Maybe you can sniff him out.

Walla, are you going into the bedroom, the last bedroom? Yeah. Let's start looking through this wardrobe. Oh, you go straight to the wardrobe. Okay, so the room itself, again, is pretty much identical to the other rooms that you've seen. And except

if you go into the main wardrobe, the door swings open and you see the word get out written in a dark red paint on the inside of the wardrobe

door along what you think are fingernail scratches where are you going, birdie? I'm looking for the recorder. There's writing in here. I don't think it's in here. It says, get out. And you never listen, do you, fools?

Well, I was on a holiday. We paid to come here. Idiot. Bird brain. Excuse me. I'll have you know, I'm soon to become a doctor. No, a doctor. Yeah, you're soon to be dead. Torn apart, limp, limp.

You keep saying that, but we're still here. Going to kill you. Well, then it'll be a fascinating study opportunity. Maybe I can collect a sample for my collection. Oh, yes. As many samples of you will be collected. No, no, no, no, no, no. Samples of it. Not me.

No. I will get out. Of course, dear. Fool. I'm gonna walk away. While they're in there, I'm kind of like John Travolta like turning around in the room like what the hell do I do now? Are you going to look down the hole

or anything like that? Or are you going to... I'm going to pick up the animal hide up here and slowly drag it towards the hole to throw it down just to see if it gets eaten. Okay. You drag

the animal hide, and as you do, you hear the tinkle of broken glass come from underneath it. And yeah, if you keep dragging, you see some shards of glass just fall out of the end of the rug. Oh.

Oh. The last people that stayed here smashed something and hid end of the rug. Oh. Oh. The last people that stayed here smashed something and hid it under the rug. Oh, party. Party goers, probably. Oh, we can probably... We can use the rug in the bathroom to cover up where the bath was

and maybe we'll get away with it. We'll keep our deposit. Good idea. Yes. Great idea. I was going to throw it down the hatch just to see if it gets devoured. Oh, wait. There's one here by the fire.

And I dip into my top. And then pull out a recorder. Wait. Okay. How long have you had that? a recorder. Wait. Okay. How long have you had that? I forgot. Oh. Wait, are you the queen? No, stupid,

dumb, scrawny, ugly, filthy boy. Yeah, yeah. They're not filthy. But sure, the rest of them... I collected off the bodies. I get the trinket sometimes.

So wait, what are we doing with the recorder? Well, it was off a body. Oh, right. Okay, sure. I thought you were going to play it, Mr. Tom. You said you were level five? That's... Yeah. Play the Doom song.

How's that one going? I know Inspector Gadget. Do you want to hear Inspector Gadget? Really good. Do you take the recorder yeah i'll try to remember inspector gadget you take the you take the recorder and it's quite a simple uh looking instrument and you notice that the letters b and p are scratched into the underside of it. P's not on note. Goes up to G.

No, wait. It goes beyond that. It goes to F. No H. B and P. Body Pock. That was his name, right? Body Knock, I believe.

Oh, right, yeah. I didn't have my notebook on me. Hey, Ezreal. Yes? Do you know who BP is? Is that a person, BP? Why should I know? Because you stole it from the body I guess right stealing from the dead they don't need it do they now let me think hmm ah BP who was it mmm Barnabas. Barnabas?

Fancy lad. Very fancy. Fancy than you. You disgusting scrawny. Okay, all right. Okay. Barnabas. Penis.

Yes. What's his name actually yes Very fancy Died horrifically Terrible death Wait a minute How? How did he die? I just heard gargling, screaming Awful stuff, I was outside

You sure it wasn't Barnabas Purness? I don't know, dear. So many of you come in and out. All I heard was penis. I'm sure I played a game ages ago and Duncan played Barnabas Purness. I could be wrong. Anyway.

Just speaking out loud play a song play the song oh it's been a long time, very rusty very rusty as you play the tune, and it's a little bit flat. The recorder is not in the greatest of state,

and it's a little bit sweaty as well. A little bit sweaty. And you start playing it. Ah, the tunes. You look towards the door, and there, suddenly, almost forming out of thin air, is a tiefling. And he stands there, he looks around, he looks at you both, all three of you, and he goes, Oh my faxies!

And then disappears. Barnabas! That was Barnabas? When that happens, I screech the recorder. What a beautiful boy. Strong man. Very fine. Terrible death.

Terrible. Awful. Wait, how did he do wait I want them I don't know but there's a little little green head gnome as well came with him hmm you're next good luck okay the base okay come on I'll be next luck. Get in the basement. Will I be next if I go in the basement? You'll be next anyway. Oh, so I may as well make it clear by going in the basement. Right.

You know what? You've said that so much now. It's beginning to lose its meaning, in a way. Yeah. I think... See, I'm just seeing and hearing sounds now. in a way. Yeah. I think... Doom! I'm just hearing sounds now. I don't hear the word Doom anymore. Doom. It's just noise. They're all going to die, spiky monster.

Great, okay, look. I'll peek in, see what's down there. Also, just as a heads up, F is before G. I forgot. G is the last one on the scale. I just totally messed up my alphabet.

You know how it is. You're the fucking worst. Can you just get down in the basement, please? I'll peek in the basement. It's really dark. I can't see anything. Some vague shapes. Are you going to throw the rug down it? Are you going to throw the rug down it?

Are you going to throw the rug down it? Are you going to throw the rug down it? No we're going to You can use that to cover the bath Okay you're covering the bath Fine There's broken glass in the rug Yeah

Foolish boy Are you putting a light The light of the basement Okay you putting a light the light of the basement okay you drop a light down into the basement and you can see well first thing you see is a lot of cobwebs you see that it's a short

drop into the basement there are stairs but kind of not really stairs more like a ladder but it's been it's flat on the ground um and you can see various shapes covered in old sheets and as you what kind of light do you have is it a magical light or like have you just taken a candle from the side or something i think it was while there's torch thing it It was a torch, yeah. Okay. Okay, so as you kind of shine the torch around, you can see odd glints and gleams in the darkness

just as you shine the light around the shadows. Birdie. Yes? I bet you'll taste delightful when you're cooked by the queen that's really offensive I can't I can't believe you I don't like

I don't like her anymore she's being really mean I don't want to meet on this one though no I'd be disgusting well not even disgusting I just wouldn't be a meal they say it a lot about Quill don't worry climbing these stairs No, I'd be disgusting. Well, not even disgusting, I just wouldn't be a meal. They say a lot about Quill, don't worry. Climbing these stairs.

Maybe. Very weak ankles, I said this before. I'm just going to jump down to get away from you, honestly. I need distance. I'm just going to distance myself and I'm going to flap down. But my tiny duck wings... Wait, there's almost definitely some bodies down there. Okay. All right, some bodies down there okay all right she's down there yeah it's a short drop um you know i mean i'm not gonna make you roll or anything for it you know

it does it you probably you know bruise your knee or something like that but you know it's not a deadly uh nova drop Nova drop. Yeah, and you're in the basement and it's dark unless you take your torch with you and it smells of earth and there's a sickly sweet stench

kind of just permeating from the space around you. Do you all go down? Hey, what do you see? Oh, do you need the torch? You probably need the torch. It's okay, I've got a lantern. I'll just light that.

You are full of torches and lights. I do this a lot, don't worry. There's lots of interesting things down here. It smells kind of bad. Oh, okay. No, I go into dark, deep caves quite a lot. I'm an archaeologist, sir. This is what I do.

You're dead. Can archaeologists be doctors? They probably can now that I think about it. You can get a doctorate in archaeology, yeah. Huh. You can get dead. No! No no thank you madam

hey what do you see down there is it all bodies I don't see much um hmm it doesn't smell very nice but most places I go to

don't smell good anyway hmm why don't you come down I'll put the ladder up for you I drop kick Tom into the bacon laughing

laughing laughing surprising Surprising dexterity from a crazy old lady Why do I keep getting punched by old people You're very punchable You're very punchable I am Do you know what

I'm just not even going to let you roll for it Because you're in the basement It came out of nowhere. I can't avoid that. Yeah, this old lady just dropkicks you in the back and you just fall into the basement. I wouldn't avoid it even if I knew it was coming. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Thanks. Welcome. Oh, okay. Yeah. Thanks. Welcome. Do you want to come down as well? Oh. Yes, I'll watch you die up close. I'll walk down.

La la la. We didn't put the ladder up. Oh! We didn't put the ladder up. We didn't put the ladder up. So the crazy old lady lands on Tom. Soft landing. Ow! And you are all three of you

in the basement. In the light, you are guided by the light both from Waller's lantern and I suppose the torch that she gave to Tom Hazel. And yeah, you see these many shapes covered in stained sheets and trinkets and strange objects that sparkle in the darkness. Yeah, what kind of direction do you guys go in? And I can describe a few things to you. Somewhere.

What direction is the bad smell coming from? Is it just like everywhere or is it coming from? It's everywhere. Yeah, it's very much everywhere. Wallet, in front of you, you could probably see, so kind of on the crate, there's a few definite crate shapes and barrel shapes and things like that. You see a small stone statue of an angel knelt in prayer.

And next to it, kind of half covered by a sheet, a strange sort of, it's about the size of an urn. Um, but a strange leathery egg shape that has crosshatching on the top. Um, Tom, next to you, you see a curiously shaped glass jar with a long, tapped hose. shaped glass jar with a long tapped hose and a huge tome bound

in a strange kind of leather and there's a grimacing face on the cover and Trot I've forgotten the name of my fucking character Asriel Asriel.

Asriel, yeah. You see a rusted birdcage that has a strange figurine in it. And also a beautiful clockwork prosthetic leg that's studded with gemstones. Oh! More trinkets! Lovely. And you would probably actually remember that that leg, that prosthetic leg, was last seen worn by the green-haired gnome

that accompanied the recorder player. Oh! Oh, she must have snuffed it bad. There's fascinating items down here. What's this egg? Hmm. I think I found a Necronomicon. What?

Like a book of the dead book I don't know I haven't read it before mainly because it's evil but I found it so I'll open it up it might unleash ghosts and dead stuff like Pandora's box

in book form so who's doing what Walla what are you doing I'm going to look at the egg study it you pick it up and it feels warm to the touch

and you always feel like it's something's moving around inside of it. You notice that there are some cross hatching on the top, almost as if it's kind of layered over itself on the top. And yeah, you can feel something inside it moving. Tom, I guess, have you picked up the book?

Yeah. Yeah. So the leather on the front is very strangely coloured, almost like the colour of skin. And there is a grimacing, angry face in the cover. You turn, you open the cover, and the pages are yellow and crackle with age, and they're covered with strange runes and arcane markings.

And you almost feel the hair on the back of your neck stand up. You don't understand what it is you're reading, but it feels wrong. Trot, what are you doing? i'm trying on the prosthetic leg uh swinging it around and what was there was a little figurine as well yeah yeah so there was a bird cage with a strange little figurine made i'll be trying to like greedily grab it strange little figurine made yeah i'll be trying to like greedily grab it okay um so yeah you see before you this kind of rusted old bird cage that um the figurine in it is made out of um kind of dried branches and twine and it's of a little person that's kind of curled in a figure of almost looks like despair.

And it's sort of curled up into itself. And as you touch it, you are overwhelmed by a feeling of loneliness and despair. And it's crushing. It's crushing. You're alone. you live in the woods you know the foul deeds that happen here you see these people come and never leave

and you realise that you are the only one here to bear witness to these terrible terrible terrible things that happen here why's it gotta be me why I must be a god definitely not a god

no everyone dies but me I witness such horrible tragedies you all come in here, you idiots, and you just die. And it's always me. You're in here now.

You're in here now. Like, now's the chance. You're here with us. Exactly. Positive thinking. You might die too. I'm going to throw this despair figurine at Tom's head.

Piss off! Does he start crying? But when the moment it hits me, I've got despair. Yeah, he starts despair. Hits you on the forehead. Falls on the floor. I'm so lonely too. Oh, ow!

How soon does it wear off when it's away from me? Or is it just sunken now? Pretty soon. Yeah, as soon as that figurine- as you're not touching that figurine you revert back to your normal spiteful self. Oh well. You're better off

dead anyway. Thanks. Thanks, thanks, thanks. Well, look, hey, I found... Well, it wasn't. You led us in here. You told us to come down here. Yeah. And you fools listened.

So, I found a book made of almost definitely flesh and blood and, like, bones and stuff. Can I take a tissue sample? out a book made of almost definitely flesh and blood and like bones and stuff. Can I take a tissue sample? You can take the

entire book if you want. I think it's all tissue. No, no, no, I just like a little scrape. I'm just going to get a little spatula out and just scrape some material off it. From the cover of the book? No, no no yeah yeah from the cover um i mean yeah so you start scraping the cover of the book and as you do the face the face reacts the face kind of twists and snarls and you know oh i'm sorry i'm sorry i don't want it anymore

you can have it I've got a better thing so see you later great I've got a talking evil book now what's your thing I've got a mystery wrapped in an enigma

wrapped in a shell an egg a beautiful egg and there's something inside I don't know what it could hatch into but it could be a new species of creature it could be something fascinating

this could be my doctorate it could be nice it could be delicious it could do honestly, but I want to hatch it I want to see what this becomes it could make a nice fried egg could do could do honestly but I want to hatch it I want to see what this becomes could think of the possibilities think of the science

it could be another egg could be another egg you could hatch an egg and what's inside that egg could be anything even an egg I'm going to just wrap it up and put it in my backpack. Nice.

As you do, you notice that it's moving quite alarmingly. It's almost too quite hard to wrap it up, because whatever is moving around inside it is getting more excited. It's moving quite alarmingly um yeah and you can see the cross hatchings on the top start to pulse and flutter and open outwards like a flower. Can you make a deck saving throw for me? Yeah. I am very excited. That's a 12.

What a natural 20 oh no yes wallah as you you know science you're excited you stare directly into this thing as it opens up and suddenly there's a flurry of movement and something leaps out and attaches itself to your face five digits dig in that's the alien thing you will take you will take oh god it's not too bad it's five points of damage um the claw, as these digits dig into your face. And it is, you know, pretty much wrapped smack. Well, I guess you've got a beak, haven't you? So over and around your beak and your eyes.

Tom and Azrael, you see this grisly, gruesome hand severed at the wrist with the bone spiking out of the end just wrap and leap from the egg and wrap itself around Waller's face. Oh, nasty way to go! Oh! Ah! Ah!

Stay still! Stay still! I'm trying to pick up some blunt object to shunt it off from afar. I'm not touching that thing. Are you going to attack it? I'm going to prod away at it until it gets annoyed and leaves.

Yeah. So I would say, I want you to make an attack, but I want you to do it at disadvantage because it's, I mean, it's on Waller's face. So you've got to aim very specifically to not twat Waller in the face. Five.

Yeah, no, you can. You're trying really hard to swipe at this thing with your sword, but it's not... So pathetic to watch. Stay still. Slam your face against the desk or something. As Waller and Tom are trying to deal with all this...

Sorry, Trot, what do you want to do? I was just going to annoyingly cast Magic Missile. At the thing. At Waller? No missile at the thing. What? No, at the hand. Just because I'm pissed off at the feebleness. Is that a direct hit? Is that the one

that just like... Yeah, I don't need to roll for it. So it's a d4 plus 1 force damage. And that is 2 damage on it. That's how you hit me, boy. I think you get three. Okay, that's fine. There's a flash of light.

Was that? Yeah, it's three. There's a flash of light from Asriel in the darkness, and this bolt just hits the hand, and you hear this as it curls backwards and falls on the floor, wriggling and writhing in its death throes, and then the fingers curl inwards as it lies dead.

Okay, I hate that. I hate that a lot, actually. I really hate that. Oh, it's... It's not much of a marvel now it's dead, though. It's just like a hand now. When it was alive, it was a lot more interesting. As scary as it was.

A hand in the egg, is there? I don't want an egg. It appears fleshy, but empty. You also notice as well, in the kind of kerfuffle, you notice that you've pulled a couple of the sheets down in the struggle, and Waller kind of flailing around and bumping and all that. that shows a strange, dark, circular cavern filled, impossibly almost, with trees. And as you look at it,

you spot a figure in the very centre of this cavern. And it looks very much like an unconscious furbolg. Body knock! Body knock! There he is! Body knock! He's there, he's in there! In the mirror? How do we get to him?

Oh, your little friend. Oh, your friend is unconscious. Oh, go save him. We found a way to the beyond. It's mirrors. Hey, you helped get the thing off my face, so you're not that... I have a feeling, I have a feeling, I have a feeling you're not...

You're pathetic. Pathetic to watch. No, no. I can't see you being torn apart by Spikey Monster. You say that. You say that. I think there's a nice person in there somewhere. You're trying to help us.

You're trying to help. I hate you. You're a good person. Hey, write that down! Yes I will! I will! I'm a real good person! I think she's trying too hard to prove a point here, Mr Tom. I think she's acting out on purpose.

Don't! Hmm. When you dropkick kick, Tom? Hmm? Do you actually drop kick, Tom? Yeah. What direction do you drop kick him in? Toward the foresty cavern. Yeah.

Tom, I want you to make a saving throw. A what saving throw? Dicks. D-E saving throw? Dicks. D-E-X. A dick saving throw. I've got a really high dick saving throw. For fuck's sake, why'd I do that?

9-4-20. So because you're facing Azrael, you kind of almost see it coming, right? You see this scrawny old woman kind of almost gear up, run up to you and kick you, and you're like, no, and you just dodge to the side a little bit. Unfortunately,

this means that Azrael, because of your momentum, you miss, stumble, and fall through the mirror. Piss! Oh, shit! Tom and Waller, you see as the mirror ripples

and pulls, and this woman falls through it, and as the surface settles, you see that now, joining the distant figure of the Furbolg is the old lady. Am I still moving or am I like fallen unconscious as well? You haven't fallen unconscious.

You've just fallen. You've stumbled and tripped through the mirror and on the ground. So you're very much aware of where you are. Tom and Waller, what would you like to do? Okay, magic portal mirror thing. Like Mario. Who?

Another friend? You have lots of friends. I have so many friends. I'd like to meet them. Back home I have loads of friends. Waller, loads. Yeah? They sound very interesting.

They like me. They like me a lot. I bet they do. I bet they do. They really get along with me. Yep. Anyway. Yep. Wait. Not near this weird figurine thing, am I?

No, nowhere near the figurine. No, that's real feelings. I'm feeling that. So, yeah, mirror. Mirror. We can just jump straight through and we'll be in the forest. We can. Or we could leave. we can just jump straight through and we'll be in the forest we can or we

could leave you know what we totally could no body knocks 20 minutes ago remember hey Azrael can you hear me azrael so azrael on the other side of this portal you push yourself up and you see that you are in

um a kind of a large cavernous space. It is quite clear that you are underground. There's rocks, there's stalactites, stalagmites. But impossibly, there are huge, grotesque, blighted trees in this underground cavern that kind of surround you. In front of you lies this firbolg that you shouted your tits off at earlier uh in the evening um you can see that he is breathing he's unconscious but he is breathing um a bit soggy um and you see in front of you um in front of the furbolg um probably about 30 feet away is this giant black grotesque gnarled tree and chained to the trunk with huge rusted chain links is the body of a woman hangs there. She herself has dark green and grey skin.

The clothing that she wears is ragged and slandered. A dark stained and is ragged. Oh no. turns

her head towards you. Your internet's going a bit funny there, Kim. Yeah. The queen got me. What did you miss? I mean, we got most of the description. There's a

hanging, horrible looking female figure from rusted chains off a gnarled tree but I didn't really get what she did so she's chained to the trunk of this blighted tree

and she has a ragged bandage across her eyes but as you stand up, as Asriel stands up And she has a ragged bandage across her eyes. Okay. But as you stand up, as Asriel stands up, she turns her head in your direction. And you can see her long, dirty fingers with these kind of long, crooked nails just curl and tighten into the tree.

The queen! crooked nails just curl and tighten into the tree. Ah. The queen. Must be. Tom and Walla. With this bit of movement, you begin to make out the details and you see the same thing. You see this ragged, tattered, dark grey and green woman hanging from this tree, chained there, held into place by these huge rusted chains.

And you see her turn her face towards Asriel and the firbolg that lies before her. Oh, this is gross as hell. This is definitely a Kim one shot. Hey, Asriel, can you hear me? Asriel! Woman up there on the tree is going to get you.

Asriel? You can hear through the portal. You do hear the sound of Tom's voice, but it's almost, you know, it's very distant and it kind of almost comes know, it's very distant, and it kind of almost comes through, like it takes a while to come through. You know that kind of like weird, like, I don't know,

reverse echo effect you sometimes get when it just comes through? Yeah. I just turn around annoyed, like, Shh! Shut the fuck up, you scrawny piece of shit! It's the Queen! All right.

Bow in respect before you die. Oh, queenie. I'm so sorry for them. Here! There's a furball if you want to eat this one. No, bring him back. Queen!

As you say this, Azrael, and here's the furball, you hear this sigh and this... This ragged kind of breath comes from her lips. Delicious. Yes. Yes, feed. And vines start to move here i'll help i'll start like shuffling this body oh never mind

voila i've got a really good idea what's the idea what's it that we need he's gonna get eaten okay we'll go in there we'll grab the football we'll run back through the portal hopefully it's still there but it's okay, I've got the recorder. Okay? Okay, okay, let's do it. Three, two, one, go! Go! I'm going to run through. Do you go through?

Are you actually going to go through? You're going to go through the portal? I really thought you were just going to bugger off. No, we're going to grab the furball, but I'm playing Inspector Gadget. I want the tiefling to appear again, and then the tree goes for that, and that will distract it enough so we can save the fur bog. Good plan. That's interesting.

That's very interesting that that's your plan. Go! So this Aarakocra-creststed duck and scrawny human burst through the mirror portal, land in this underground cavern, and you hear the tune of... And then I pull the recorder out of my mouth

to go, boing. Fuck's sake. I hate you Tommy more for you to feed on queen you see you watch as these vines continue snaking down towards this furbolg this sleeping furbolg body.

Fergvolg body. And I'm actually flabbergasted for once. You've broken me, Tom. I don't know what to do. No, I do know what to do. How do you respond to the tiefling that appears? So you play the tune

and the tiefling image appears once again. It says, oh, fuckity buggers. Let's see. How close would you be? It would actually, yeah, it's just going to appear in front of you. So if you imagine, so we're doing theater of the mind because I didn't have time to make a map. You've got the tree with the woman hanging from it,

probably about, I'd'd say 60 foot away and then 40 foot in front of that is um is body knock and then 10 foot from that is asriel and then you guys have just come out of the mirror so the the apparition of barnabas appears next to you. It's completely ignored. She only... She's focused on what is in front of her. But you hear a noise coming from behind you as... as a hulking creature pulls itself from the tree line it is it's made from dark ragged bark and

all of its edges are just form needles and spikes and it starts making its way towards you it's a big hulking mass just completely covered in bark like need splinters and needles and it's coming towards you i would like you to roll initiative please It's like the Hedgehog! Natural 20 again! Oh my god. Jesus. We're not going to roll these ever again, are we? Oh. Oh, not when it counts.

Yeah. Um... I need to roll one more. Speed of sand. I need to roll one more. Speed of sand. Got places to go. Uh, Trot, could you roll for body knock, please?

Oh, lord. Yes. Let me get a second sheet up. Sozzlepops, friend. Right. You're playing both characters now. Yeah. Well, I was hoping that Asriel would push right you're playing both characters now yeah well I was hoping that Asriel would push you through

and then yeah that's a nat 1 that's a nat 1 right there nice so Tom you get first dibs what do you do

so yeah in front of you, you see the queen, and from behind the mirror, sorry, no, from the tree line, sort of coming diagonally towards you, is this big, needly boy. Whoa, fuck that. Right, okay. Can I see, like, the portal back? Yeah, so you're right next to the portal. Well, and hopefully by extension, Azrael, maybe.

I don't really mind. We're going back. Bye. I'm going to try and run through that portal. Really? You're just going to run back through the portal? I mean, Sonic the Hedgehog is chasing us. I don't want to die

you go straight back through the portal there's no resistance there's nothing you just you you you you push yourself up you see this needle uh monster come towards you and you just back step moon walk out do a little backflip back the portal, and you're back in the basement. Cool. And if anything comes close, I want to flail at it with my sword. Oh, my gosh. So next up is Needle Friends Go. I've just got to do a thing. Ah, okay.

So who's he going to see? Rhiannon. He raises a claw, this kind of three-pronged, thorny claw, points towards you. And, oh, my God, I only rolled a six. points towards you and oh my god I only rolled a six um

ooh out shoots these these razor sharp bark needles and they shoot out towards you but

I guess because you're probably still trying to push yourself up and get up it just misses entirely it lands by your clawed feet uh

and Azrael you are next oh blessed queen please display And Azrael, you are next. Oh, blessed queen, please display ultimate chaos and destruction by destroying these pathetic creatures for me like you always have. Thank you. I'll hold my action.

If the queen wants me to attack any of them, I will gladly give a burning hand to any of them. Okay, it is the queen's go next. You hear her kind of do that strange, you know, like in Silent Hill, the kind of whispery strange, you know like in Silent Hill the kind of whispery giggles and fits and noises that the nurses make in Silent Hill

you hear that kind of strange breathy intake again like and you hear her go yes feed me and you see the vines reach out Feed me.

And you see the vines reach out, and they actually manage to reach towards the firbolg, towards Bodyknock. And they almost flick open, and a needle comes out of both ends and plunge towards Bodyknock. Unfortunately, because he is unconscious, I was going to have him make a saving throw. I guess that's a disadvantage, really. Or he just fails automatically.

Fails a save. You see both needles go into his body and start juddering. You almost see Bodyknock's skin flatten as if it's being drained, as all the blood is being drained from him.

And you see his body just quiver and shake. He only had six points left, didn't he? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, Asriel being right next to him, you would know that he is unconscious now

and the life has been drained from him. So yeah. Sorry, Bodyknock. Oh, that is not cool at all! So I guess, Asriel, you've received an instruction from the queen,

so your burning hands would go off? Yep. I'd burn body knock. You'd burn body knock? Oh! That's what the queen demands. Sweet boy! That's what my action was. I mean, she already Feeding on him

Sure Each creature In a 15 foot cone Must make a deck Saving throw While in un-calm Because he's unconscious I guess

Well he's Yeah Yeah I mean you can tell that Yeah he's He's Not long Well he's dead

In that way I rolled 2d6, one for each. And I rolled a 9. Okay. Well, I'm about to roll 3d6, burning fire damage on body knocks, unconscious body. So that's 11. And I assume that counts as a fail on my saving throw. Yeah, that would be.

Pretty much,, you're taking him beyond death. So, Waller, you watch in horror as this firbolg, as this queen, this woman, starts to feast on the unconscious body of this firbolg, and then

the crazy old lady who was shouting at you sets him on fire meanwhile you have this needle monster lurching towards you that just fired towards you and missed uh what would you like to do oh and tom's fucked off i'm through the pool i'm gonna i guess i'm gonna turn around and fly away out of the pool my little duck wings so you go you go through the portal um and yeah there's no resistance you go back out through the portal um i guess yeah any bonus well that's movement so if you have any actions or bonus actions or anything that you want to do um uh can i try and like

break the mirror uh yeah sure um i guess uh yeah make an attack roll i mean yeah it's not gonna be i'll use my little quarter stuff yeah that's a 10 i mean yeah i was gonna set the dc at 10 it's a mirror i I mean, yeah, I was going to set the DC at 10. It's a mirror. I mean, there is some magic to it, but it's a mirror. Roll your Dimargios. D6 minus 1. That's a 4.

Okay. So the mirror starts to crack and splinter. And as you do, you feel this wave of power burst out from it kind of like a womb um as as it uh um as you strike it um body knock can you please make me so i guess you're up to one death saving throw can you make me just save the rope please yeah yeah that's 11 that's a success okay so that's a success so you got one fail one success um and back up to the top it is

Tom Hazel okay body knocks dead we have to smash the mirror laughing laughing laughing I'm gonna attack the mirror uh 11 so I do actually damage it.

Yeah, you hit, yeah. 5 slashing damage. 5 slashing damage, okay. Yeah, you smash the mirror again. This time more shards are cracking and falling from it. But the portal is still intact. It is still, the portal is still intact it is still working again you feel this force

of magic kind of pulse through you but the portal itself is still functioning, so that is your action, do you have any bonus actions or anything? I think that's pretty much all I got Okay

so the Needle Lord next. He's going to... Needle Lord. He's going to stomp over to the mirror and... Let's see if he can... So if it's... I've kind of drawn a rough map on my thing. You're fucked.

Yeah, he makes it over to the portal. And he is going to... Yeah, he's going to try again. He's going to... Yeah. I rolled a natural 20.

Oh. So he was aiming for Thomas. Thomas Hazel. Yeah. I rolled a natural 20. Oh, easy hitting then. So he was aiming for Thomas. Thomas Hazel. And that was a plus 6. So it's a 26 to hit. So 2d6, first of all. Should we do... Minimum.

1, 6. I rolled a 6 and a 1. So that's 7 points of... 7, 8, 9, 10, 11. I rolled a six and a one, so that's seven points of seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven. Eleven points of piercing damage. Uh, Tom, you see, um, this hulking beast stomp its way over to the portal.

It lashes out, and this vine lashes out of its right arm, actually snakes through the portal, and it catches you by surprise because you were busy smashing the thing, so you didn't think it would be able to get through. This vine smashes through the portal,

embeds itself into your shoulder, and grabs you and starts pulling. You are grappled. Shit. Was that only 11 damage on a crit? Well, if we wanted to do, uh well if we wanted to do i guess if we wanted to do tom not tom mark's crit rules you could add yourself a deuce 2d6 plus four to that if you want it's up to you i'm not particular four plus four uh 2d6 plus four all right well i've got 1 HP and you're grappled

Azrael no you're grappled at the moment Azrael you're up what now my queen feast shall I get another one and I'll hold my action to

fulfill the wishes of the queen. So it's the queen's go next and yeah you hear her feed me hunger and she carries on... Actually...

Actually, you know what? You set the Furbolg on fire, didn't you? Yeah. Yeah. I would say, actually, once you launch the body knock and set him on fire, you see the vines that were piercing his skin um retract and whip backwards and you you almost hear this cry she's like as she begins to cry and scream i'm not going to scream but just imagine a renee and you know you know the one

that mark does you know when he does the harpy yeah yeah every time he says they scream and then i hope he doesn't actually do the scream and he does the scream. Yeah, those ones, yeah. Imagine that scream. And, you know, the vines start flailing and actually, yeah, they're going to come out at you, Asriel. No! They're going to attack you. I'm sorry!

I failed you, my queen! And one pierces into your side and that is three points of damage and you as you you feel this kind of the open tips of the vine smash into your body and almost dig in and this needle pierce your skin and start draining your blood um r, Rhiannon. Okay. Now that I see that she's been distracted,

I'm gonna fly, fly back through. I'm gonna fly back through, quickly. You're gonna fly back through the mirror? She's distracted. She's going after Asriel. I wanna save the boy. I wanna cure wounds to the boy. I wanna save him. Which boy?

Body knock. I want to save body knock. I'm going to say it's not going to be possible because if you imagine you have this mirror. So kind of if you imagine like a kind of standard bedroom mirror that you went through. Tom is currently standing in front of it, and he's held in place by a vine that spiked through his shoulder.

And directly on the other side of this mirror, which is quite splintered and cracked, and parts of it are missing, is the Needle Lord. So if you went through the mirror, you're going to walk straight into the Needle Lord. Okay. I will...

I'll kill Wounds Tom Hazel. Give him a kill plus three. Have five HP, buddy. Oh, thank you. And then I'm going to try and... I guess i'll just try and smash the mirror some more and try and break it completely yeah okay dc10 to to hit so uh what are you gonna smash it with do my quarter staff again it's 12 it's cure it's cure wounds a bonus action or an action oh yeah it's an action isn't it yeah nope sorry i don. I don't smash the mirror. Yeah.

Sorry. Yeah, if you've got a bonus action or anything like that, then it's up to Tom. Oh, it's me now. Okay. Yes, you'll go. Sorry, I wasn't paying attention. So I want to use a feature, which is my second Huin, so I heal 1d10

plus 3. I'm a fighter, by the way. You may laugh. So I heal for 8, which is good. And then use the action to whack this mirror if I'm not halfway through it. No, you're not halfway through it.

You're just being held by this vine that is halfway through it. Nice! I do not halfway through it. You're just being held by this vine that is halfway through it. Nice. I do six damage to it. Okay, yeah. So with that, you smash the mirror. Oh, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. And the final parts of it shatter and crack and fall to the floor. And this vine is sheared off as the part of the mirror that it's come through just smashes to the ground.

You hear a hiss and almost like a bestial roar come from the other side of the mirror as the whole thing smashes and clatters to the ground. Oh, shit. Oh, it's still in my shoulder. It's still in my shoulder. Pull it out. Pull it out. Pull the thing out please you have to pull it out quickly before it heals over

and then I've just got a vine in my shoulder for the rest of my life and I can't live like that no pull it out it's a specimen take it okay I'll pull out the specimen quickly really quickly okay really quickly ready

breathe in when I do it okay ready three two I've already done it thank you thank you on the other side of the mirror the needle lord roars and turns to the only person left in the chamber. He lifts two of his huge arms.

The first one. Will a 14 hit you, Trot? i've got an armor class of nine uh we're using those who like some behind the scenes using medium-sized uh stats that as real because i'm very similar yeah very similar outlook um so that is a oh Oh, sorry. Wrong dice, innit? So that is a four... Four piercing damage on one and three piercing damage on the other.

As these two needle-like... No! These two big needles spike you. I've obeyed you, Queen. I've laughed as all those innocents died. I support your endeavours.

You fucking slag. Oh, dear, dear. Asriel, it's your go. Oh, a few words cut as deep as those. How quick she turned. One HP.

Oh my god. It's your go, Azrael. Okay. What's the worst thing she could do go out with a bang take you with me you slag I mean you know what I'm gonna do

I'm gonna try I don't know if this spike monster is a humanoid or not. Would I be wise enough to know that? A spike monster. I mean, you probably, you've been around in these woods. You've seen for years, you've seen the creatures and the machinations of what's going on. You would know that the Needle Lord is technically classed as a large plant boy um

yeah yeah i'm going to burning hands the uh spike monster okay i'm taking you with me and uh Okay. I'm taking you with me! And, uh... Casting at level 2, which is my highest. So that's a... Wait, did that even cast? Oh, wait, it just happens, doesn't it? It's a dex save, I think, by the looks of that.

Dex save, please. Dex save, okay. Of 13 to beat. That's 8 points! Nice. 19 fire damage. Oof. Oof. As it shows here.

Pretty good. Not bad, eh? 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, Yeah. So yeah, you let forth this gout of flame at the Needle Lord,

and he shrieks and writhes and rolls and burns. And you can almost hear the queen behind you scream in unison with him. Yes, they are not very happy. So the queen shoots out those two vines. Was it 13 hit you? I know. Okay. So that is two again.

Oh, I rolled two sixes. That is 12 points of Dimashio as the vines embed in your skin again and start draining you again. Oh yeah, I'm down. Okay. And your body goes limp as you see the queen writhe in pleasure. But hear the crackle of flames behind you as the Needle Lord writhes in pain.

Rhi and Tom, I'm going to say, oh, actually, no, Body Pen, Body Knock. One more saving throw for me. Sure. Because if you roll a natural 20, I will laugh my tits off. Three.

Oh. I'm sorry, Bodyknock. Yeah, he is not for this world. I will say that we are out of initiative there, Tom and Rhi. You don't know what's happened. The portal is smashed. You do hear a kind of shriek resonate from somewhere deep underground nearby. I presume you are just going to exit as fast as you can.

How bad should we feel, Walla? Should we feel bad? Should we feel really bad? I don't feel too bad. Should I be worried about how little bad I feel? How good I feel about this situation, in fact? I feel kind of bad. I feel. How good I feel about this situation, in fact. I feel kind of bad. I feel pretty bad. I mean...

He was... He was a nice boy, body knock. You told him to stay out of the bath, okay? We did tell him to stay out of the bath, and he did go in the bath, that's true. But he was going to teach us how to chill. Yeah.

He wanted us to eat his nuts but he wanted you to that's the only way we could not mean i hear him now you hear this voice ring out as you pull yourselves free from the cellar a little weasel greets you by the door. Oh, I'm sorry, Alf. I'm sorry. Oh. You know what, Alf? Now that Bodyknock is gone,

you can stay with Waller, just Waller, not me. I don't want you anywhere near me. Do you want to stay with me, Alf? I mean, it's up to you i mean cool i'm guessing as you leave the cabin and run down the path away you turn back and you see a collection of ghosts appearral forms gathering in the darkness on the porch of this cabin. You see

a dwarf holding a strange glass apparatus surrounded by smoke and dust. He takes a deep breath. He lifts the glass apparatus to his mouth and he takes a deep breath and he waves. You see a tiefling playing

holding a recorder and next to him he's holding hands with a green-haired gnome wearing a shiny clockwork and got a gem work uh prosthetic leg you see a halfling girl wearing glasses and she waves happily you see a half elf uh, a beautiful half-elf man, staring at himself in a little hand mirror, preening and flipping his hair over his shoulders. And you see two dwarves on the side, just kind of staring sadly at you. And finally, joining them, you see a firbolg,

just waving happily with the biggest grin on his face. He gives you a thumbs up. joining them you see a furbolg just waving happily with the biggest grin on his face he gives you a thumbs up and you hear dude Waller

Waller don't don't look back don't look back trust me if the house explodes the cabin explodes and we're not looking at it we'll look cool as shit

don't look back we're not getting our deposit back are are we? Hell no! Hell no! Let's get the hell out of here! And with that, this one-shot comes to an end.

Wow. And you do not get your deposit back No You failed You smashed up the bath You smashed up the bath There's broken glass

There's weird stuff in the basement You broke a mirror in the basement You could have explained it away No, you're not getting your deposit back You have to understand, the bath ate our friend I can't believe you survived that No, you're not getting your deposit back. Seriously. You have to understand, the bath ate our friend. I can't believe you survived that. I'm alive, and you know what that means? Tom Hazel.

I'm not kicked out of High Rollers. I'm still here, baby. You still here. But Trot, Trot, you double died. I did die. Yeah, you... Oh, dude. Double died.

No. Well, goodbye, Trot. All right. Good luck running the show Oh shit Actually we need him We need him Get done Thank you very much

Thank you very much everybody I hope that was alright I did kind of like Yeah I did Pull it off my bottom A little bit That was chaos so yeah no it was good chaos it was it was pretty chaotic i did fluff a few of my roles in the end

there as i got confused with some of the text because when i'm tired i'm really bad at reading um so i think we should uh forgive me chance to give a huge round of applause for kim pulling it out of our ass. Last minute. Thank you very much. Thank you, Kim. I hope you enjoyed it. Bye, everybody. Bye.

Bye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.