High Rollers DnD - High Rollers: One Shot | Infernal Asylum #1 (Part 1)

Episode Date: October 15, 2018

Kim is running a spooky one-shot in a terrifying Asylum! A new cast of characters must investigate the disappearances within! D&D Beyond is the official digital toolset for Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition. Use the code HIGHROLLING on D&D Beyond (http://bit.ly/dndbeyondhighrollers) to get 25% off all digital items (excluding the Legendary Bundle)! Critit.co.uk combine carpentry and RPG gaming to deliver bespoke, handcrafted gaming accessories for D&D and Pathfinder players! Dice Boxes, Rolling Trays, DM Screens and more! Make sure you check out their kickstarter - bit.ly/critithighrollers - to get 25 beautiful Animal Companion miniatures for £40! Support them there and get yourself some furry, scaly or slimy friends for your campaign! Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Pickaxe. you can afford to hoard because ikea is priced for student life shop everything you need for back to school at ikea today who's beetlejuice don't ever say that name beetlejuice i'm serious if you say that name three times really bad stuff is gonna happen beetlejuice the juice is loose on september 6th we Are we doing this? The wait... Let's go, honey. ...is over. Thank you all for coming to this very special occasion. I felt a little tingle. Ew.

Beetlejuice Beetlejuice, September 6th. Hello, everyone. Welcome back to High Rollers. This is my spooky voice, because today we are playing a two-parter one-shot DM'd by Kim while Mark is away in Japan. I'll stop doing this voice now. As usual, this stream is sponsored by D&D Beyond,

which was extremely helpful for creating today's characters, and Kim used it a lot to build this adventure, so check the episode description for that. We also have a brand new sponsor in the form of www.critit.co.uk, C-R-I-T-I-T, who create bespoke handmade accessories for D&D or Pathfinder players like you and me.

They're also running a Kickstarter for animal miniatures to add to your game. 25 miniatures that you can get for just £40, including wolves, snakes and rats, with stretch goals including scorpions, dogs, crows, pseudodragons and unicorns. So again, £40 and you get 25 super high quality animal companions to add to your campaign. And you can find that using the link in the description of this episode, or by going to bit.ly forward slash crit it high rollers. Anyway, on to the episode. Today we'll meet some new adventurers investigating

a strange asylum with reports of patients going missing. Welcome to the Infernal Asylum. Oh, good. That sounds nice. But before we get to the Infernal Asylum, you all, and I'll get you to introduce yourselves in a second, you are all members of the League of Ordinary Gentlefolk, investigators into unexplained mysteries. So you may have worked with each other before.

You may have been on missions with each other before. You may be new here. You may go all the way back to the foundations of the League of Ordinary Gentle Folk. That's up for you guys to decide. Okay. All four of you have been hired on your current mission, which is to go to this dark little corner of the world and investigate a mysterious asylum where a whistleblower wants to meet

you and talk to you about some strange goings on. So for the moment you arrive in a little village that's about, you know, that is about half days travel from this asylum it's a rather joyless rundown village like footnote of the world you wouldn't know if it disappeared um the the locals are incredibly unfriendly they don't want to talk to you don't catch your eye they kind of look at you and look away and you know that your contact point is a rundown inn called the Rusty Bucket. Love it. And you are to meet a whistleblower who you know to be a nurse called Tranquility.

I wouldn't put that on my CV. Whistleblower. Well, in this world, CVs don't exist. It's quite a mouth, isn't it? Fair enough. So, before we get into that, would you guys like to introduce who you are, who your character is, who would like to start? Well, I'm playing one that you might have already seen if you've seen Uncharted Territory. So, I'm playing Fia.

She is a rogue. She's very much like, she doesn't really care much for other people, but she cares a lot about money. And she's probably, that's probably the reason that she's around. This is her side game. Like, yeah, she doesn't really care much for making friends, but she'll have some fun along the way. And yeah, main thing is getting paid at the end of the day. And what class is she?

Rogue. She's a rogue. Tom Hazel. My name is Detective Inspector Scold. I'm an inspector. If anything's amiss, you better believe Inspector Scold will spot it. And can you give us your title, please? Like, condensed.

D.I. Scold. D.I. Scold. What's colder than cold? The ice cold. The ice cold. What's colder than cold? The ice cold. That's what our WhatsApp group chat has been all day. Just for your reference. And he is a college of law bard, if you want the mechanics of it,

but he's not going to be singing and dancing and all that sort of crap. And yeah yeah just crazy high wisdom 20 passive insight his stats are insane they are bollocks i have no feats but i have 20 passive insight 19 passive investigation and i've got a load of spells that tie in perfectly with like a criminal investigator he's trying hard i'm a try hard yeah i'm min maxing what's your like flaw though that's a good point reynard had a crippling fear of the dark yeah and um every character since yeah what was told i don't know he was short he was short what race are you

i'm a human human yeah i wonder could i take something off him? Well, you have a think about that. He's missing an ear. Who are you? Hello. I am a 60-year-old woman with a wandering eye. And my name is Medium-Sized. She is a medium of psychic potential. She knows your star sign and other things as well.

That voice is actually creeping me out. So your last name is Scythe? Medium Scythe with a Y in the Z. Okay. S-Y-Z-E-T. If I look away and while you're speaking, it does not sound like you in any way. It's weird. Yes, I can keep this up all day.

Well, it's two episodes, so... Well, I might introduce it to the main campaign if Lucius dies. His mother will come in. Oh, God. Anyway, I'm a very haggard old woman that thinks she can tell the future and we don't really know if she can.

She's a bit fucking mental. Oh, boy. Technically, she's a bit fucking mental. Oh, boy. Technically, she's a wizard. Yeah, okay. I don't know if I want to use spells or not. Sure. So we'll see. Let's just jam with that.

Oh, my God. Save me. Hello. Guten tag. My name is Bestrout. No, no saviour here. No saviour here. I am a dragonborn barbarian.

I grow tired of the regiment of the barracks in which I served, and so I've gone out by myself to make a name for myself. I'm a mercenary. I'll just smack shit. Just smack shit. You look so happy with yourself. I'm very happy. It's your true calling.

It is. I love the drop in accent smack i'm at peace oh boy okay playing a barbarian is very therapeutic i'm so excited i'm so ready to smash So what was that? Gerstraut. Bear. Bear.

Bear. Bear Strout. Gerstraut, medium-sized. Yeah. Fear. It's Bear Strout. Bear Strout. Oh, Bear Strout.

Spelled B-A-E-R. Oh. Like the bear. Like stripped bear. Bear. Oh, stripped bear. Okay. Bear Strout.

Bear Strout. Bear Naked Strout. Bear Naked Strout. Okay. Barbarian Wizard, barred with no healing. Bear Strout. Bear Naked Strout. Bear Naked Strout. Okay. Barbarian Wizard, Bard with no healing, Rogue. Fear. We gonna die.

Sorry, just... Fear. Quite an even team, really. Yeah. If I played the character. Sure. Well, on that note, you arrive at the Rusty Bucket.

If you haven't met each other before, you've probably gotten to know each other on your travels to this location. It's a pretty plain inn. As you go in, you are hit with the stink of stale beer. It's quite dark in there, just a few lanterns and candles lit. A couple of gloomy locals just kind of quietly drinking into greasy tankards. And yeah, as you go in, you see sat at a table a young woman who's wearing a thick cloak. She has thick glasses on her eyes that slightly magnify them.

And she's got her hair done up in a bun and she's looking around very nervously. Everything you've just said, I have been speaking into like a voice recorder. It's a gloomy night. The fog rolls in. In the rusty bucket, just a couple of boring locals drinking from their disgusting drinks. It is pretty gross. It looks pretty stale.

So what would you guys like to do? I'd definitely walk up with my walking cane up to this little girl. Hello, dearie. She looks at you. Oh, I already know. Your name is Magatha. No. And you're a Taurus, are you not?

No. I don't think the audience can see the eyes that are going on, but it's quite something. They are just rolling around. It's quite an experience. Sorry, do I... Give me your palm. Stop doing the eyes.

Give me your palm. It helps you roleplay. Your palm, dearest. You're sweating buckets. Sorry, do I know who you are? I don't know you. You don't need to. I know who you are. Okay.

And just out of sheer exasperation, she kind of holds out a delicate little hand. Oh, no. Signs of distress. Yes, you're sweating, which means you're slightly perturbed you're not incredible i knew it medium size strength again sorry are you are you from the league of ordinary gentlefolk oh yes yes here's the clue oh thank you i was told there would be others more yes yes come on in, everybody.

Sat at the table was a pretty young girl with glasses bigger than her eyes. Hey, I'm de-ice-sized. No, I'm not. That's medium-sized. I tell a lie. That's medium-sized. I'm de-ice-cold. What's going on? My bad. I think we've got a record-breaking for the fastest amount of time to break a DM.

It was, yeah, I don't know. Hello, sorry, what was your name again? My friends call me D.I. Scald. Okay, D.I. Scald. You can call me Detective Inspector Scald. Okay, Detective Inspector, nice to meet you. I'm Tranquility. Please, sit down.

She's a Taurus. Can I roll Insight on her? On her. I'm going to lose to everyone, by the way. Sure. Okay, that's 23. So... You can't get lower than a what?

10? Nope. No, 11. Yeah, 11. I can't get lower than that. She's very nervous. Very nervous. You can see that she's looking 11. She's very nervous. Very nervous. You can see that she's looking around.

She's kind of keeping an eye on everything, trying to see who's watching, who's coming in, who's going out. She's really kind of freaked out by medium-sized, quite busted. But, yeah, she seems very genuine, very honest and tense. There's nothing dishonest about her. She seems very gentle and very soft and very caring. And very worried.

I say all of that into the voice recorder. Right in front of her. Do you have to... Hi. Oh, hello. Nice to meet you. He will say that. He never puts that down.

But it's fine. It's fine. I mean, I suppose at least you have nice things to say about me. I am very worried, by the way. I am. There's terrible things going on. Sorry, what's your name? Hello, my name is Bess Straps.

Can I, like, pull up the chair, Dr. Riker style, turn it around? Sit on it. Boof! Okay, I was hoping for a bit more discretion. You seem to be in trouble. Where's the trouble? OK, so I contacted the legal ordinary gentlefolk because I work at the asylum. I don't know if you've ever heard of it. It's called the Faust Asylum. I've been working there for a few months now and it's awful. It's just awful.

There's some really bad things happening. They're quite nasty people running it, to be honest. I'm not sure that they're really, I don't know, suited. They're there, dearie. It's okay. I'm trying to stroke your face, but my depth perception is off, so I'm just stroking the air in front. Okay. It's okay, dearie. Calm down. We're here to help you.

This is fine. This is fine. Well, you see, I'm an ASMR. We're quite a caring folk. I wanted to just come down from my duties, and I wanted to be one... Wait! You're an angel! Um, yes. Sort of, yes. You're so beautiful. All two of you.

She kind of moved, like... Oh, wait, no, just the one. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, just stay on this side if you could. Okay. Perfect. Yes, so I've taken a sabbatical for my duties because I just, I wanted to care for people. I wanted to see more to the world and look after people.

So I heard about this asylum because apparently they have quite, some quite severe cases there of people who need help. Yes, it's an asylum it's asylum theory of course yes um we might leave her there she does seem in line with some of the people that we have she's slightly dribbling and smiling yes um we do have some patients who display similar symptoms. She should have seen it coming really. Yes. Here's the thing. Since I've been there, various patients have gone missing. And when I try and ask where they've gone, if they've been released, if they've gone home, if they haven't been, if they've died, I just get told it's none of my business.

And then I got disciplined recently because I asked too many questions. But it's not right, is it? It's not right that patients just go missing with no consequences, no explanation. Well, it's quite... I'm not going to say it. No, not at all. He's just broken himself. Carry on. I'm not going to say it. No, not at all. He's just broken himself. Carry on.

I'm not saying it. I'm not debilitating it that hard. He says whilst dribbling. The other thing I've noticed is that recently temperatures have dropped inside the asylum. I mean, normally it's quite cold here at this time of year, but it's freezing in there. And it just, it doesn't feel right.

Are you sure you're not cold? You're shaking around a lot just in this room. Well, I'm, I'm, I'm quite nervous. I'm quite worried that there might be... Oh, no, I knew it was nervousness, not cold. Okay. I've got a keen eye nervousness. Not cold. Okay. I've got a keen eye. Sure.

A real keen eye. Well, I could tell from the way you... And I can tell from the little stopwatch you have around your neck if you have one. It's upside down. It's upside down. It's a watch. And the cleanliness of your hands. You've worked there for a long time. I did say a few months a long time Maybe two or three years

Or more Tell me have you ever heard of a girl named Felicity Brown and at the mention of Felicity she kind of like You've told me everything I need to know You've told me everything I need to know. Okay. Does he actually have a cigarette? He's pretending to have one right now. Sure.

At this point he knows what's going on. Is there cigarettes in this universe? Sure. Probably like roll up ones. Make up yourself. Or a little pipe. While he's smoking one, he's also rolling up another one in his other hand. I know everything I need to know.

I'm going to take his little recorded thing while he's doing that. Just so that you know, you're currently rolling two cigarettes at once. Just because I noticed you didn't have a hand free so I thought I'd record it for you. Thank you. I need all the help I can get. Yes.

Such a striking young man. I'm very old. I'm much older. Anyway, how can we help you? What can we do? Well, that's why I got in contact with the League. I need help, because you see, every time I try and investigate what's going on, I get a disciplinary.

And if I'm fired or I'm told to leave, then I can't help. We need to stop this. We need to stop whatever's going on. At once, Dick! We'll do this for you. This is what we're here for, is it not? What? Is there a reward? Oh, you should have been told to buy up the league. Yeah, I just need confirmation.

I need confirmation, maybe like a deposit. I made a payment, 500 gold. 100 for the league, 100 for each of you. Okay, see, I haven't received that yet. Well, you should take that with the league then. Well, can you just... So that we can go right away. No offence, darling, but you haven't done the job. Well, yes, but it's dangerous.

Like, it's a down payment because we're very valuable people. I'm sorry, but the league didn't mention anything about this. Well, they should have. Well, you're going to have to take that up with your superiors. I can't... I gave all my money to them. All of your money? You don't have any money at all? Nothing. Nothing valuable? You can just...

I mean, I have my little watch. My little bat brooch. If she loses any of those, she may get another disciplinary. And then be fired. That is true. This poor lady's already been through enough. Don't need to scrape every gold

from her. And I don't really have anything left. I left everything when I left my order. You know, I only had the money for my savings and I had to even then I had to ask for it. You like lean forward and like looking into her eyes.

And she just looks back at you, completely like, she's got nothing to hide, so she just looks back at you like, yes? Sorry, do I have something on my face? She's telling the truth. Not a penny left. Coin, if you will. Well, I'm just making this universe, aren't I? Would you like an inspiration, Tom? No.

There's one more thing. When you approach the asylum, be careful. Make sure you don't go during the night. I started spotting things in the night time. Strange creatures in the woods outside. I haven't really been able to get a good look because, quite frankly, they're terrifying. It just feels

wrong. Like when I try and go outside at night, I see these things in the bushes, in the trees snarling, long limbs, elongated faces. It's quite scary, quite hellish. They've never been there before. They've never been there before. They've never been there before.

Now my great, great, great grandchild had this issue and you do not worry child. Where are you? I got stuck in cross-eye then. I was a little worried. Dearie, have you been eating cheese before nappy time? No, we don't have cheese. Often gives you hallucinations.

We don't have cheese. Or nightmares. We don't have cheese at the asylum. You don't have cheese? No. Is that because people might eat cheese before bedtime and have weird dreams? Well, no, to be honest. We can't really afford very much for the food.

So it's very plain, nourishing gruel, cabbage, fruits. That's a less fun reason. Cheese is a luxury. Cheese is good. You say weed when referring to the asylum. Yet you've only worked there three months. Six months. Six months.

Two or three years, at best. Six months. Six months. Two or three years, at best. How soon did you identify these disappearances? Probably a couple of months ago. It was about the time that the temperature started dropping. So it's recent. Maybe they're sending people off to turn off the heaters.

Could well be. Heaters or fireplaces. It is fireplaces. What era are you in? Heaters. Could well be. Heaters or fireplaces. It is fireplaces. What era are you in? Are you going to ask me about carpets next, Tom? I take it like God. What's the carpet like in this room?

Have you researched it? There is none. There's none. No carpets. Do they have double glazing? No. No? No.

Just plain water. Insulation. Yeah, insulation. What have they got going on? Stone. It's made out of stone. Will I pull out my vape. I'm going to have to call this one in.

Phone. It's not even that, you've got it in your head, just like, Scotty, beat me up. Back in this world. In this universe, in this timeline, yeah. How many disappearances have there been in total? I'd say probably about ten, ten patients. Any regular sort of schedule to these disappearances? None that I can tell, no.

Interesting. Do the patients have any similarities the ones that disappear no completely random completely random yes nothing is random you happen to have a list of all the people that have gone missing. Um, not on me, no. I could make you one, though. See, the thing is, I can't be seen talking to you because I'll get fired or worse. They might send me to the warden.

Um, yes, um, so... Warden? Yeah, he's... Yeah, he's scary. Why is he scary? He's really scary. Um, uh, I might just... Uh, I don't... Yeah, he's scary. Why is he scary? He's really scary. Um, I might just, I don't, he might be laughing.

Spit it out. Write it down. Write it down. Um, um. So she very shakily writes it down and hands it to Fia. Yeah, he's got eyes and ears everywhere, so I'd rather not say too much about him. Probably already knows. I'm going to have to leave you. I can't turn up there with you.

Don't put it into your thing. Don't speak it out loud. I can't read it anyway. What angle is this meant to be read from? That one. How do you not know what that says? Honestly, leave it as it is. Give it to everyone else. Sorry, I'm just gonna make a note here next to your character sheet. Do you guys go, I can't read? That's just character four. Oh, come on! That's very easy to read.

Let me try and look. Oh wait. I hit the wrong bit. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. That's going to be a problem. Yeah, that's why I kind of called for help. I actually dealt with one of those before just now. Oh, really? Oh, so you're experienced. No wonder they sent you.

Yeah. Um, well, I'm going to have to leave to go back to the asylum soon. My shift starts soon. I can't be seen arriving with you. And when we're there, I have to act like I don't know you. Because I don't want to get in trouble with the warden. And if something happens to me, then we might never get to the bottom of this. Well, Mr. Scold, are you there? Mr. Scold?

Over here. Oh, there you are. Saucy mink. Anyway, we need a good alibi for getting in We can't just be visitors I think you could be one We could admit someone into the book Me?

That's not a bad idea I'm at least a decade away From completely batshit insane But you're approaching Maybe we can just tell them we're trying to catch it early To be fair Give me a second. I'm going to nip to somewhere where it's dark and quiet and they can't see me.

Yeah. And I'm going to come out looking like an old man. Because I've got false identity. And it's just me with a moustache. Are you wearing the same clothes? Same clothes. You've just got a false moustache. Hello. You may just got a false moustache. Hello.

You may not recognise me, but this is medium-sized. That's bloody brilliant. Thank you. Wow. Thank you. It's my false identity. So Tranquility kind of leans to Fia and is like,

she's perfect as a patient. I know. She thinks 10 years. I think like 10 minutes. Oh, you can see through it. I'm a he now. Okay. Yes.

This is fine. I'm a star. We have other, I mean, other people like this in my care. Yes. Perfect. It's great. I'll blend right in. Yeah.

You will. That's actually a really good idea. Like, we're always admitting patients, and I'll be honest, patient registration is somewhat lacking in proper protocol. They seem to bring anyone here. I mean, if you, if maybe, maybe if someone else as well pretends to be a patient. Because it seems a bit strange, three people bringing one person. We're relatives. Sure. I'm his son.

Yes. So she's just looking at this big, hulking dragonborn, this tiny old lady, human lady. Adopted. Twice removed. born this tiny old lady human lady adopted twice removed i mean with that mindset you could be a patient as well i thought it was a good idea. It is a good idea. Oh, okay. I'm a baby boy. It works. Excellent.

Is there anything we can do to make sure that either of these two get selected by the process? I genuinely don't know. It seems really random. I don't know what's going on. Is there nothing any of these people that went missing did do? There's no some of them caused a fuss some of them had outbursts but some of them were fine harmless you know just just getting on with their lives i'm good at outbursts okay save it save it for the no actually try it now i really really wanna see, I wanna see.

Please, no no no, please don't, please don't, if you cause an outburst here, word will get back. It gets really fiery. Okay. A very toothy grin I imagine, yeah. Okay, okay. Um, I'm going to leave now. Um, when I see you next, I'm going to be acting as though I don't know you, okay?

Are you good at acting? Oh, I used to be in the theatre, yes. Yes, I used to do the shows, yes. And I help put on the show with the patients. They do a show? Yeah, every Harvest Festival. Can we put them in it? Oh, there isn't one coming up any time soon.

I'm sorry. I love a good slave. Yes. Any more questions before I go? Yes, where's the nearest latrine? I don't really know. This is my first time here, but I've seen people go outside to an outhouse. You've got a very weak bladder. Okay. Thank you.

Do you want me to help you? Yes, dearie, that'd be lovely. So tranquillity, being a lovely caring nurse. I'm going to try and piggyback her. This is fine. This is fine. Off we go. Yes, yes. You're quite unusual, aren't you? Yes. Normally our patients just take

my arm. I was created by the stars. You know, you really are perfect. You're going to fit in absolutely fine. Thank you so much. You're a natural. What? So yeah, Tranquility has taken medium-sized off to the outhouse to relieve herself.

Would you guys like to discuss anything? It's like a waterfall, by the way. Didn't really need to know that detail. It's for immersion. Okay. Hope you're all fully immersed. I'm raining outside. Can I roll a perception around the place as well?

Because you said there were other people in here. 18% 25. Okay. So there were other people in here. 18, 25. Okay. So there's a few other tables. It's quite a small inn. There's a half-orc bartender who's pretty much just endlessly cleaning tankards with a dirty rag.

Insight. He doesn't give a shit. He's not paying attention. He's not listening. Interesting. Even when he served, like, I mean, did you get any drinks here or anything like that? No?

No? Okay. He barely looked up when you walked in. Okay. There are a few other villagers at other tables. Insight, insight, insight. They've not paid you any attention. Yeah, no one's paid you any attention while you've been in here. And in fact, you probably, with insight, because you've got passive insight, right?

Yeah, 20. You would probably notice that it's almost aggressively not noticing anything about you. Like, they're almost determined to kind of turn themselves so they can't see you. They're kind of talking amongst themselves and they're not looking at you. And there's definitely an air of hostility and kind of aggressively like, la, la, la, la, la, not listening. Don't want to see you. Don't want to know you.

Hmm. Do I notice any signs about this? No. Given that I've kind of... No. We're about half a day's travel to the asylum. So there's no... but she was saying that there's like eyes and ears everywhere, so I don't see anything. No, she didn't see anything. Okay.

Interesting. So tranquility and medium-sized return from the latrine. Tranquility's probably looking a bit peeved, but patient. Very, very patient. You may not recognize me, but I am medium-sized in disguise. Son? Is that you? Father.

You have the same eyes as me. You have the same eyes as me! I got my hair from you, Rob's bald head. Scaly, scaly head. Scaly bald head. Would it be a little bit flat from all the faces you've butted in? Yeah, flat. There's a face imprint. It's just like shiny.

Oh my gosh. Okay, so Tranquilize turns to you both. So you'll need to act as guards then, as if you're bringing them to be interred. Or relatives, I don't know, but the thing is relatives don't really stay around. It's quite suspicious. It might be good if you were guards because there are some openings for guards.

We do have security but they seem to leave every now and again whenever they feel like it. So I don't know if that would be an idea. Do they have uniform or do they just...? Yes, there are uniforms. So we'd need a uniform. We supply them. Okay, so we can just walk up with the patients. What kind of access would a guard have?

Our security team access most of the asylum. They don't seem to have any restrictions. There's no levels of security clearance? Any key codes or CCTV? Not to my knowledge, no. I mean, seniority wins out. Only the seniors can go up to the solitary level. I'd like to apply to be knowledge, no. I mean, seniority wins out. Like, only the seniors can go up to the solitary level. I'd like to apply to be a senior guard.

I can't help you with that. I'm just a junior nurse. It's a tough job interview. Okay. I don't think I got the job. You've already kind of got the job because I spoke to the lead and they sent you. We have that job.

Yeah. I think he thinks that he can be... Do you think he could be a guard just like ongoing? Would they pay the guards? I guess so. Is there extra? Can we get extra on time? I would guess so, yes.

Excellent. Let's do that. Let's all be guards. Four guards. More money. Slight problem. She's batshit insane. He's batshit insane.'s all be guards. Four guards. More money. Slight problem. She's batshit insane. He's batshit insane.

Have you still got your moustache on? Yeah. Okay. It's peeled a little bit on one side, but still there. There's a lot of, like, deep wrinkles. Not a lot of surface area to adheat. Adheat. I imagine it would be slug glue or something. Yeah.

Some like horse glue. Or just super glue. Damn it, not the one I'm talking about. Sorry. Yeah. Okay, well, if that's all you have for tranquility, she's gonna leave and go. Who was that fine lady?

How are we- So after we get them in What are we going to do? Well we need to be guards first Yeah And if they've got open positions for guards I can be like an investigator And I can stay in one of the wards And see if they take me away. Are you taking

my job? No. But I'm just saying if they take me away but then if I can fight my way out and then get back to you guys then I can tell you what's going on. Okay but what if you can't fight your way out of it? There's no way that would happen.

I've won every fight. I'm best drought. Who are you fighting? There's no way that won't happen. I've won every fight. I'm best drought. Who are you fighting? I'm sorry, Dad. I'm so sorry. I won't do it again. I won't raise my voice.

That's why your hair's falling out. I know. It's a genetic problem. I'm starting to believe that it's actually my son. I think they might give us a reward for bringing them in because they very desperately need help. Do you think there's like a reward system based on... Do you think the asylum has a finder's fee? Yeah.

Oh, this is a good one. I'd be interested. Good and crazy. Yeah. Look at this one. This one's worth a thousand gold at least. It's like the freak show at a circus. Yeah.

I wonder if we can get commission. This isn't PC. You never know. You'll get paid to go. It better be good pay. So I'd like to imagine you're having this conversation on your way to the asylum. Oh, in that case, I take the recorder and say, Can I say the thing that was handed around?

If you feel like it, yeah. Yes. I say that into the... Everyone else is being all stealthy about it. I just wanted to stick with that theme, so I'm just going to say that into the voice recorder. Okay. Okay.

Everyone else is being silent about it. I won't roleplay it. Carry on. Is it... Oh, Is it dark outside? So, as you set off, it's probably about midday. Perfect. What?

Why? But as you travel to the asylum, it starts getting darker and darker. You had them sitting there the whole time. He's such a loser. For podcast listeners, I've put my sunglasses on. Are they prescription sunglasses? Oh, yeah.

He was so pleased when he got them. He comes into the office now in the summer and just goes... That's right. He puts his other glasses on and he's like... I'm cool like you guys now. Yes. Look how cool I am. Save yourself some money.

Or laser eyes. Or laser eyes. I can have laser eyes. You can have laser eyes. Surgery. Surgery. I'm just imagining Century just, like, firing her arm laser into your eyes. Oh, God.

Five foot long. Yeah. Anyway. It's long. Yeah. Poof! Anyway. It's darker and darker. As you travel to the asylum, you notice that even though it's midday and it gets to about late afternoon by the time you see the asylum,

you notice that the skies definitely start to get darker as you approach. The asylum itself is set in the middle of a rotted woodland um and so you you start to walk through these um these dead cracked and gnarled trees there's a lot of um dead leaves underneath your feet that are crackling and there's a thick creeping fog just kind of hovering about knee level. There's no sight of any animals or birds, it's very very quiet like disturbingly quiet and the air crackles with frost and the temperature you notice starts to lower.

Your breath starts steaming in front of you as you get closer and closer to this asylum. Eventually you approach an iron-wrought gate that's hanging off of its hinges. There's a gatehouse to the side that shows no signs of use. It's dusty, it's full of leaves, there are plenty of spiders making it their home. It looks very much like it's been abandoned. is making it their home, it looks very much like it's been abandoned. Beyond the iron gate that just hangs broken and open is the asylum, which is an old grand building. It's covered in ivy, gothic windows with bars sternly held across them, and there are crumbling decorative pillars in the front. There's a large set of double oak doors that are banded with black iron and a circular fountain in the courtyard beforehand that's cracked and the statue that was in the centre of it has just crumbled

and fallen to one side. Again the air has gone cold and you can feel it now. You know when you're out on a winter's day and you can feel it going through your layers of clothing and you start feeling it seep into your skin. It is dark now. Even though you estimate it's about late afternoon coming to evening, it is astonishingly dark. They're staying on. Although it is dark in this room.

You can see signs of life in the windows, although you can't quite see in because they're either covered in ivy or with these heavy bars. They're quite dirty, but you can see dim light coming from the inside and the odd shape walking past windows, so there are signs of life in there. And as you get closer, you can hear the odd kind of burst of giggles or a stern word or the sound of someone walking across a corridor.

So what would you like to do? It's really quiet. I shout. And as you shout that, you almost expect it to echo, but the sound is really muted. You think maybe the fog is kind of, like, just making everything feel claustrophobic and, yeah. It's close and it's, like, muggy.

It's bitterly cold, Mr Inspector. Would you not give an old lady your jacket? Technically, now you're an old man. An old man? An old man. I almost gave up my identity. Yeah. God forbid.

I'm keeping it. This is my... Inspector, you wouldn't leave an old man shivering in the cold like this, would you? This jacket belonged to my long-dead partner. Oh, I'm so sorry. Killed in his prime. I say prime, two days from retirement. This jacket goes nowhere, except on my back.

And into the places that I go You're very articulate Thank you Well I guess there's nothing else for it apart from We go in So Is anyone sane here today anyone taking this seriously can i sniff the air is there can we see the woods that they that she was talking about the woods were so the woods kind of surround so you've been walking through them through them

to get to here and it seems like the asylum is set in the heart of this woodland. Okay. I want to just keep an eye on the wood as we're walking up towards it. Well, I guess we need to start acting like we're bringing these guys in. But we're not guards yet. I think we could just bring them in and then say, I heard you had a guard position. I guess.

Maybe. I don't know. Yes. Yes. You caught us wandering. And you brought us back. How big is the place? You would say that it's not the biggest building in the world.

It's probably like a good mansion size. Okay. So you can see there's probably three sets of windows in height. And it's quite boxy, so it's very rectangular in shape. Yeah. Okay. Is it more like a manor house than a... Yes, sorry, manor house is the word I'm looking for.

Okay. Like a caravan. No. What do you think? Well, do we want to go through the rigorous process and job interview and tests and things of becoming a guard? Or I could hold up my illusory script. I've been a god this entire time.

Doesn't work for me, though. It says two people. Two contracts. For both of us. I am a god. So what are you holding up? Like a piece of paper with... It's just a piece of paper at the moment. Yeah.

But I could illusory script it. Okay. Sure. But I could illusory script it. Okay. Sure. Could I, in that case, cast illusory script and on there I want to have... I guess, did Tranquility, did she have like an ID badge or something? Apart from the little watch, the little upside down watch um she was wearing a plain white tunic and there didn't seem to be any sort of indication of of where she worked or that she worked at house asylum i'm gonna pretend I was a law official

from that previous town and then use that to say we found these two guys from there that belong in an asylum and then because we're officials from that town we'll just say hey we can be guards in this place too

how about you've been hearing of disappearances and you wish to assist in guard duty to prevent any further disappearances? A slight problem. What if the disappearances are as a result of the guards? They may not know that, but you know that. What if we go in there and say we want to help and make people disappear? Oh, I don't think anyone

knows about disappearances yet. This is the thing. I think that's on the down low. Yeah. Well, I imagine everyone in there knows about the disappearances. Yeah, but we don't know who in there is the reason for it. If you come from the

outside saying that you know about disappearances They're gonna know there's someone else in there. Yeah, no, no, there's someone out in there that has whistleblower lifted on their CV These in this world I say that into my voice recorder save that that out as an MP3 and then email it to my phone. I'd like to think that you're the one who actually should be a patient because you think you're from this future world. I'm from an alternate dimension where there's phones, telecommunication devices, vehicles.

Automated vehicles, no less. What? Wow. Oh my god. Anyway, that's not me saying that. You hear that in another universe. I just got a message. I-message. Oh my god!

That was really amazing. I was like, who left their phone on? Yeah, who did that? What the hell? I bet you there's loads of people who are watching this going, oh, I got a message. Oh, weird skill. Jesus.

I was about to say, like, geez, Rhiannon, so unprofessional. Wow. You can put that down in your proficiencies. Let's get on my CV. Do it again. I'm so curious. No, a special the once. Once per episode. What would you guys like to do?

I'm following the handsome inspector. That means me being the only handsome man here excuse me that's cruel I have good genetics you know look at that podcast listeners when Rihanna makes that noise she's stroking her bald head

bald dragonborn head it's got a mother's nose can I she's stroking her bald head. Bald dragonborn head. It's got a mother's nose. Can I sniff the air? It smells... So you smell the rot coming from the trees and you can smell that sort of crispness that comes with cold air. You know when it's winter and you can smell,

yes, today is cold. And that's about it. Nothing out of the ordinary. Can I wipe a finger along the ground? Put it in my mouth. Tastes like dirt. Dirty dirt. Almost seems too ordinary.

I mean... Such a professional. It's really cold here. There's a lot of fog. It's definitely anything but ordinary, but sure. Oh, no, I was getting to that, but I'm just saying. Okay. It's not to do with the air.

It's not to do with the dirt. Don't eat that. It's dirt. Do you think... Thanks for the heads up. That's great. I'm beginning to think that I should just put all three of you in there. Potentially.

Me and the inspector should be locked in a room together. With your son. And you can inspect me if you want. I don't want no part of this. This sounds weird. Dad! Your son! I'm quite...

I haven't had a man, woman, in 20 years! And this handsome man comes along, look at him. Definitely a gem, though. I'm sorry, young man, but I don't swing that way. Ah, it's working. You notice, as this conversation goes on, the fog that was kind of at knee level when you're walking through the woods

is definitely kind of circling you and almost kind of surrounding you and the asylum. Is this a fog of war that's pushing us into the building? No. Okay. Do you want it to be? I feel... I feel strange. We should go

inside. Yes. I have strange tingly feelings. Are we... So we're just outside the front? I'm not escorting that one. She can... you... all yours. Allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll What's your name, young man? Mr. Sized. Mr. Sized.

Oh my god, it still works! Yeah, it does. Ah! What are we doing? Well, I will lead Mr. Sized Size and I will knock at the door or I suppose open the door. I'll pat you on your bald head and just like come on. Okay. Did you say you open the door?

I said I'd knock. So, boom, boom, boom, boom. You knock. Oh, dear. It's a big heavy knock. You can hear an echo inside. You hear what sounds like a sigh. And then nothing.

I don't think you knocked loud enough. Can I knock harder? Bum, bum, bum! Are you saying that? I have, yes. Close your eyes. No! Hell, I think I have someone here to stay. You can just hear, oh my gosh, like, oh.

Every time I just sit down and then it happens. Fine, and then you hear this. And the door opens and this young lady stands there wearing a nurse's outfit. She's got one of those little nurse's hats. Same tunic as Tranquility was wearing. Same little watch. And she's young. It's a young girl with raven black hair.

Sorry, not girl, woman. With raven black hair. She's got a red cardigan, actually, on and red lips. And it's actually quite shocking to see this splash of color in what you can see behind her in a gloomy sort of environment. You notice immediately she has wickedly sharp red nails. And she's standing there just kind of flexing them like that, tapping the side of her cheek while tapping her foot, her high-heeled foot on the floor. What do you want?

As you can see, I think I've come across this gentleman on my travels, but also I'm... Come on in! And then she just walks off, rolls her eyes, walks off. And as you can see now, you can see, so beyond the doorway is an entrance hall. And it seems it was what once used to be a grand and regal place that screams of old wealth, but that's gone into disrepute. There's dusty oil paintings that when you look at them, they look like old staff members who worked here. And there is a heavy oak desk in front of you that this nurse has now tap, tap, tapped her way behind and instantly just thrown herself in her chair. And she's picked up whatever she was reading before she's barely paying attention to you she exudes this aura of just like boredom and just

she's done she's already done with you um impatient as you walk in the main thing that catches your eye is a humongous painting oil painting of of the warden with a brass plaque underneath it. And you can see that plaque says Warden Faust. And when you look at the painting, you can see quite clearly that this man is a lich. That is a dashingly young man. So it's super obvious he's a lich. There is nothing hiding. Hmm.

Weird. Strange. I guess we'll take a seat and wait. Just get over here. Come on. There's some forms to fill out. I don't care. I don't...

Okay. She's kind of got her feet up on the desk, but it's sort of slanted so she doesn't really have to look at you. And you can see she's just flicking through like a leaflet or something like that. Okay. Fill this that. Okay. Fill this out. Okay. She slides across

like several dusty forms. Can I apply to be a guard here? You looking for guards? She looks over at you briefly up and down. Got your own weapons. Yeah. Experienced.

Yeah. They can get a little feisty. Fun. Perfect. She slides another form over to you. How much does it pay? Not much. Hot meal. Hot bed.

All the patients you can look after. Gold? One gold a week. Gold. Not worth it. Take it or leave it. Fine. Gold? One gold a week. Oh, no. Why are they... Take it or leave it. Fine. She goes back to her reading.

We're not even going to be here a week. I whisper to you, Thea, so she doesn't hear me. Are you saying all this into your head? I whispered it so that she couldn't hear me. Are you saying all this into your recording? I whispered it so that she couldn't hear me. For future me listeners, I'm leaning in real close to Thea when I say that. Okay.

Great. Yeah, sure. Have you filled in your form? You good? How do you spell insane? There's an E on the end thank you i f q four excuse me what do you want excuse me dearie she's not even looking at you do you have a fountain pen?

No, it's a quill or nutton. I'm a man. She looks briefly at you. Uh-huh. I can't wait to meet my new friends. She just rolls her eyes. Uh-huh. Do we get hot meals too. Uh-huh. Do we get hot meals, too? Uh-huh.

Perfect. In fact, dinner's coming up real soon. It is? I hope you like cabbage. I'm quite fond of cabbage, as a man. Good. What's your story? Uh, well,

I'm not, uh, like these two. I'm also gonna apply to be a guard. Good. Here's your story? Uh, well, I'm not like these two. I'm also gonna apply to be a guard. Good. Here's your form. Thank you. Uh, hey, so, um, how often do these people get, like, visitors and stuff? Depends. Okay, just this one. He thinks he's gonna to get visitors, but his family was gone long ago. Don't care. No. All right.

I'll just fill this form out then. Visiting hours are in the morning. No one tends to come. I know. I was just saying that no one would miss her. And you can see now, she's kind of just tapping her nails, staring at you. And she's got a very unsettling look. Like she's just staring at you as if she's thinking.

Well, I'm staring at her like I'm thinking. Whilst also saying that. She's looking at me in a weird way. Insight check. Natural one. What's the problem? Can't tell. Insight check.

Natural one. You can tell nothing. That's still 11. Oh, 11. Still 11. Jesus. Jesus. Wet. You can tell that she's bored. She's still 11. Oh, 11. Still 11. Jesus, what? You can tell that she's bored.

She's very bored. And she doesn't care. Like, she really doesn't care. She genuinely cares not. Okay. But she is looking at you. And you can see almost like a kind of, a little raised eyebrow. Mm-hmm.

I replicate that. I might be checking in three of them here. Just saying. Yeah, is he a patient or a god? At this point, who knows? Well, let's say we're all crazy here anyway. I don't know what this voice is. Is there a fire screen?

I can see that on your mug. You've got to be crazy to work here. I hate those mugs. You need to find Nurse Ratched. She's the head nurse here. She'll give you your uniform and tell you what to do with these in a wave expansively.

The nails kind of just like point. I'm going to put on my application form though. I'm not going gonna put my name. I'm gonna put just Flisk as a surname because if it gets back to anyone. She barely looks at the forms, she kind of sweeps them up. Mine's like really crumpled up because my hands are massive.

Yeah, she just sighs, chucks them under the desk. She points, um, so if you look at the map that's been sat here this whole time. So you are about here. Uh, okay. So this is a desk. This is a big old desk. She's here. Huge. This is where the, um, portrait of the warden is. At the back of the reception.

At the back of the room. Um, And then, so if you're coming in this way, that's your right, isn't it? So to your right, whoops, I moved it. She kind of goes,

right-hand side is the day room. Her patience will be there right now. Your right or my right? Your right. That way then. Cantina's to the left. It's coming up to dinner time real soon. Find Head Nurse Ratched.

I don't know where she'll be right now. Nurse Ratched. Yeah, you'll have to talk to her, get your uniforms. And these guys are going to have to, like, you know, put their possessions away for safety. No. Thank you. No.

Goodbye. No. Thank you. No. Goodbye. No. It's okay. I can keep them. I can keep them. What? Can we keep them? Can we take them?

No. But I could sell them. What are you implying? That I want valuable weapons. I don't know. She kind of gives you a little... You see a little smirk and then it disappears. I'll talk to you later.

For now, find Nurse Ratched. Stop bothering me. Goodbye. Thank you. Bye. So where are you going to go? I'm going to head to the day room. Day room, probably.

Okay. So you head to the day room. Master of the night room. Ah! Yes. Wait! Wait! Something's coming to me.

Everybody stand around and hold hands. Is it guests? Is it just guests? Probably just guests. Sense of disturbance. There's evil here. At least two Leos and one Aquarius. Let's continue. Where are you doing this?

Just in the reception. She kind of looks over, rolls her eyes, crazies, and then just goes back to whatever she was doing. Watch out for the two Leos and the Aquarius. Thank out for the tulio and the aquarium. Thank you for your input. What if I'm one of them? Missed size, no. You're not.

What am I? You're a man. You go into the day room. We go into the day room. We go into the day room. So you see a communal area filled with listless inmates. People just kind of barely moving. Insight. Insight, insight, insight, insight.

Give me a second. We've all got something going on. It's very gloomily lit and there's a real stench of perspiration and mold. There are threadbare rugs, rugs, Tom, on the woodworm-eaten floor. And a few, sorry? In this universe? Yeah, rugs. They do exist.

Do you want to insight that? Insight rugs? I'll insight the rug. Did they come from Ikea? It's a mimic. You're dead. No! They're just rugs. They've been washed a lot. Quite thin.

Colour's gone. Suspicious. There's a few tables with a few tired sets of cards and board games on them. In one corner stands an old music box that is actually playing a very strangely upbeat song on repeat, just over and over and over and over again. And there's a window, you can see here, which you can see leads to sort of another room,

but it's barred with a little kind of box in the bottom that someone can slide things through. And on the other side of it, you can see another nurse just watching and waiting, just keeping an eye on everyone who's in the room. What was your insight check on the patients? Oh, natural 20, so 30. Jesus. He knows them all personally. They're all personal friends.

Oh, my God, I'm up real closely. So there's a mixture of races, of ages, of genders, and there's a fair amount of people in here. They're all fairly out of it. They're keeping themselves to themselves, and those who are kind of not all there are just sort of listlessly dancing to this tune that's just endlessly going on again. And in fact, with the 30 Insight, that song is eating into your head. It is just

going around your head again and again and again. there are a couple of people who stand out to you in one corner is a young dwarven girl uh holding a little teddy bear in another is a young man who's quite upright he's holding himself very you know very good posture he's looking out of a window and in his hand i think with that insight you can probably see uh that'd be a perception actually no that would be a perception yeah um i think insight would just be like the way they're acting so i imagine they're all acting resigned okay this is their life dancing away to this song yeah there's nothing much to do they're quite clearly those who are lucid and who are kind of a bit more with it are clearly quite bored um those who are just gone are just gone they're just entertaining themselves with the smallest thing that they see um the nurse that you see in the window um is keeping a very sharp

eye she's got a smile on her face but she's keeping a very sharp eye on everybody in the room, including you guys, as you walk in. What would you like to do? Fia, this seems like your thing, this whole guard thing. Actually, I take that back. Burr, burr, burr, burr Strout. Yes. Burr Strout. Yes.

Burr Strout. Yes. How would a guard act in this sort of place? Just patrolling around, looking around. Lots of standing, lots of looking. How would they treat the people? Honestly, in this place, I really don't think they care that much. She didn't seem to care.

No. At all. Okay. We need to just find nurse ratchet so i can get a uniform by the way this song it's good i love it it makes me want to punch people do you want to dance not right now i'm coming towards you no please come on dearie just a little more. No, no, no.

How is he reacting? Or she, sorry, reacting to the song? Yeah. It's great. You want to dance to it? It reminds me of my younger days. It probably does actually come from that era. Nice. Sweet. I love it. It's an oldie.

An oldie but a goldie. I'm forever blowing bubbles. Yeah. Hmm. You know this one, son? Don't you? I sing it to you every night. I used to scream as a

wee dragon baby. A wee lizard. Yes. Before you ate mother I'm still terribly sorry about that I know she's in there

somewhere I know come on you always a part of me I'm gonna lead them towards I guess

the bard window yeah I'm gonna go to the bard window where that nurse is so you see an elderly lady an an elderly nurse.

Again, she's wearing the same uniform, but her uniform is a light pink uniform with a grey cardigan. And she has one glass eye that is filled with a swirling light. You can see the light in it just keep moving and swirling around. So it's not just an ordinary glass eye. She has grey hair, and she gives you a big smile. Hello, dearies. How are you? I'm Nurse Wilkes. You must be new here. Yes.

These patients need to check in, I guess. Ah, yes. Already filled out their forms, have they? Yeah, I don't know how readable they are, though, because... Because they're insane. I don't think this one can write. I tried my best, I promise. That's fine.

They seldom know how to do it. We'll teach you how to write here, my dear. Yay! That's my dear. Yay! That's my son. Yes, I can see the family resemblance. You can. It's more my mother. I'm doing more of a man's voice. Wonderful. I can see that you two will make firm friends here.

You think so? Don't you think so? You'll be a great contribution. Contribution? That's nice. Yes. Any more fine ditties like this one and we'll fit right in. It is good, isn't it? We play it to keep the patients calm. I'm feeling very calm right now.

I feel great. Does it genuinely make us feel calm? You would find it annoying. Yeah. Really annoying. It's just like that one song that's on a loop again and again and again and the more you hear it, the more you hear it, you hear different bits of it. It's even More annoying.

How many patients do you have here? So I'm thinking of applying to be a guard. What's your name, dearie? Flisk. Flisk. What a charming name. Thanks. Yeah.

Currently, we have a complement of around 30 patients. Okay. 32 now with our new wonderful guest. She beams. Hello. Absolutely beams. Such a lovely lady. She's very nice.

Yes. I try and be comforting to our new patients here. What about you, my dear? Can I just look around the room real quick? How many are in here? It's probably about 20, my dear? Can I just look around the room real quick? How many are in here? It's probably about... 20? 20 or so? Where are the other ones?

Ah, some of them stay in their dormitories during this part of the day, and others are... well. That makes sense. I recommend this one stays away as well, locked in a room. Which one? Oh, really? Pointing at the old man. She hasn't shown any signs of... She? Oh, sorry. He.

He hasn't shown any signs of... I start sweating. Any outbursts or aggressive violent tendencies? This is the most lucid I've seen her all day. Where I picked her up, she was assaulting multiple other younger men. Well, we'll keep an eye on her. Never mind. Do you have a lot of solitary patients here?

Do you have to keep someone contained? Just, you know, if they get violent. Of course. We don't want them to hurt themselves or others. Hmm. Well, what do we need to do to get these guys checked in? You need to report to Head Nurse Ratched, my sister. She should be doing her rounds, a roundabout now.

Why don't you just settle in, get to know a few people? She'll be here shortly, probably. I want to meet the warden. The warden is not available. Oh, such a shame. Real dashing, man. Do you obviously make a face like that? Yes.

He is quite the figurehead here. Yes. More than just a figurehead, I'm sure. The warden, I'm sure, will be very interested in meeting you. Yes. I start to remember that I'm in character, and I'm going down this whole sexy man route, and I stop talking. The Warden shows a special interest in all the patients here.

Oh. Special. He is. He is. He's very special to me, son. You too. Dad. Well, I suppose we better make ourselves useful.

We're God now, I imagine. Yes, Nurse Ratched, the head nurse, will also be able to tell you where your uniforms are too. If you just keep an eye on these two, perhaps get used to the way of life here, I'm sure you'll find it quite simple. And what's your name again? I am Nurse Wilkes. The name's Nurse Wilkes.

What is that? What was that? My hand. What is in your hand? Nothing. And you can see where she's been quite cheerful and quite smiley at this point. She's still smiling, but her face and her eyes behind it have changed, and she's looking quite stern now.

What is that? I was just saying your name back to make sure that you... Show me what is in your hand. A sleight of hand. So if you're going to make a sleight of hand, are you going to try and hide it in a... I'll brush it along the side of my jacket and then show my hand.

So in that brush, it goes into a pocket. Okay, sleight of hand. 19. I don't even know what this recorder is. I guess it's like a magical... It's probably like a small... I imagine it to be like, you know, like the glamour disc that Mark... Like maybe something like with a clamshell.

So maybe a little box that opens and shuts. Yeah. Every time you finish recording, you have to click it shut. Yeah, so I just slide that across my pocket. Nothing in my hands, just saying your name. A word of advice here, Mr... Your name? Scald.

I couldn't come up with it. How's your name? A word of advice here, Mr. Skuld. You do not deceive other members of staff, and you do not hide things from us. You do not cause trouble, and you look after the patients. We nurses are in charge here when Warden Faust is not around. You would do wisely to do what we say. Is that understood? Is that understood? Yes ma'am.

What? You're a naughty boy, aren't you? I squeeze his bicep Like rigid now I beg your pardon I am standing there Like completely Attention to you now Not

It was a really bad time. I'm getting attention. I'm, yeah, like, standing at attention to whatever her name is now. I've already forgotten. Wilkes. Stop digging the hole.

Also, I have an erection. And the corpse is buried. Nice. She's dead, Gemma. That's the flower we're going to drink. I'm sure we're going to get on famously, Mr. Scald. Now get yourself, introduce yourself to the patients. I'm sure the head nurse will be here shortly

She gave me a bit of a scolding She gave me my namesake Is there anyone we should look out for? My darling Everyone here is a special case Yes they are Especially this one How lovely Genetics Yes they are, especially this one.

How lovely. It's genetics. We're not going to have any problems from you two are we? No, of course not. He did the smile again. Big toothy smile. And yourself? Oh, no.

I'm just going to guard. Wonderful. Do mingle. Mingle, sure. And on that, we are going to take a quick break. Oh, my God. Hey, thanks for listening to this spooky one-shot run by Kim. She's done a fantastic job, so let her know what you thought on our Twitter,

at High Rollers D&D, on our Reddit, in YouTube comments, or, hey, in the reviews for this podcast. Also, make sure you check out D&D Beyond and CritIt.co.uk, and check out their Animal Companions Kickstarter with the links in the description. We'll be back on Thursday for part two of this episode. We'll see you then.