High Rollers DnD - High Rollers: One Shot | Jason Statham's Big Vacation

Episode Date: December 23, 2018

Jason Statham wants a Big Vacation, but it's up to us to make sure it doesn't go south! You can find all of Grant's free one-page RPGs here: https://gshowitt.itch.io/ Check out the Jingle Jam to get $800+ of games for just $35, and raise some money for charity! www.humble.com/yogscast Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hello, welcome back to High Rollers for a one-shot, filmed live as part of the Jingle Jam. Head to humble.com slash jogscast to get over $800 of games for just $35. Everything is going to the charity of your choice, so head there, raise some money for charity, and get a load of games as well. Today we're playing Jason Statham's Big Vacation, a one-page RPG that asks you to keep Jason Statham in check on his big vacation. Where does he want to go? What does he want to do when he gets there? Anything is possible when you have to look after Jason Statham.

Also, you have to watch out for the Wesley Sniper who wants nothing more than to ruin Jason's vacation and will send a load of complications your way. All of these problems could lead to Jason being unhappy with the vacation, arrested, or he could actually die. So, without further ado, let's meet the characters. Let's play Jason Statham's Big Vacation. Howdy, y'all. I don't know why we're wearing the cowboy hats.

It's not 100% related to what we're about to do. Welcome back. Easy, girl. Craig is joining us because Troy is sick. We just finished playing Honey Heist, which left with an ambiguous ending, but was a good laugh. All of these games that we're playing today are by a guy called Grant Howitt.

He's on Twitter. I tweeted at him earlier. If you want to check we're playing today are by a guy called Grant Howitt. He's on Twitter. I tweeted at him earlier. If you want to check them out, these are all like, you can get them for free or you can pay some money if you'd like for them. They're really fun. They're really dumb, stupid,

one-shot RPGs that are really fun to play. Next we are playing, I'm excited about this. Yes. We're playing Jason Statham's Big Vacation. Yes. There he is. Oh, look at him. He's ready to go. Yes! There he is. Oh, look at him.

He's ready to go. It's me, Jason. Hi, classy boy. Jason Statham, international movie star. He's on his holidays. But his own impulsive nature and the intentions of his rival, the Wesley Sniper, could ruin everything. It's up to you, a skilled team of operatives

paid for by his management team, to ensure that he has a great time. So, first things first, you all need to pick your character class. The Jason Statham is played by the SM, the Statham Master. Also note

that each character, so before we do names, note that your character has 3 stability and 0 adrenaline. That's the first thing to write down somewhere. 3 stability, 0 adrenaline. 3 stab, 0 adrenaline. Three stab. Zero adre. Stability.

I didn't spell that right, but I know what it means. You know what it means? Was it three stability and zero adrenaline? Okay. Adren. Right, now there are four character classes to choose from. I recommend you each have a different one. You can be Jason's lawyer, Jason's tour guide, Jason's private security, or Jason's agent.

And each one will come with certain skills that might help you along the way. Okay. Can I be private security, please? So, Katie wants to bagsy private security. Anybody else? Everybody okay with that? Yeah, sounds good. Sounds good. So you're going to be private security.

So your skills are, these hands are weapon. These hands are weapons 8. So just make a to be private security. So your skills are these hands are weapon. These hands are weapons eight. So just make a note that you have hands weapons eight. Hands weapons eight. The other skill is called these weapons are also weapons, which is also an eight. Weapons weapons.

And then you have a skill called extraction six. Cool. Right. That's the private security. Any ideas on what you guys want to be can i be the agent you want to be the agent statham's agent yeah so you have the special skills statham law eight failed actor six you were once an actor now you are an agent um and narcotics six yes you can also you can supply

or deal with narcotics yes so we have the security we have the agent so Craig and Tom so they have to be lawyer or tour guide

lawyer or tour guide do you have a preference no do you have a preference Craig or no I'll be tour guide then okay

tour guide okay so tour guide you have the following special skills do I need to write this down or can I just I would recommend. You can look at it but yeah, maybe. Will they change? No. Alright. So you can just look at

I'll just look at the sheet. Well, I'll explain for the viewers at home, Craig. You have local knowledge seven. Follow me six. Follow me. Extreme sports five. Yellow. You're a radical dude. Radical man. Yep. Lawyer. Yep. You're a radical dude. Radical, man. Yep.

Lawyer. Your special skills are Law, Law. Law, Law. Law, Law. Nine. Yep. Spin Doctor, seven.

Aces. Eye for Detail, six. Nice. So, in this game, unlike Honey Heist, this time you will use a D12, which is this dice um basically it's a similar thing you have to roll so for any any of your special skills you need to roll that number or lower anything else is a four or lower okay okay so um basically either your special

skill or lower or four or lower whichever whichever applies um every time you roll a D12... Oh, you do need some D6s. Every time you roll a D12, you also roll a D6. If you get the same number on both dice, Jason has done something unpredictable. Okay. I think Jason. Yeah. Jason Statham's done something unpredictable.

Damn it, Statham. So there's that. Other things to keep in mind is the Wesley Sniper. The Wesley Sniper hails popular action stars in a quest for deranged vengeance. He has sworn never to shoot other actors with his high caliber rifle, but everything else is fair game. He will interfere with every scene from afar. He's too distant to be stopped.

And so you must work around him, but he will never shoot at Jason. Anything else, whatever he's holding people around him, things he will never shoot at Jason. Anything else, whatever he's holding, people around him, things that he's doing, everything else is fair game. He just will not shoot at Jason. Okay? Okay.

Adrenaline. If an action goes badly and it was dangerous, I might rule that you are injured or stressed and you shift a point from stability into adrenaline. Whenever you roll a d12, you add your adrenaline total to the roll, so it makes it harder for you to complete checks. Oh, I see.

If your stability hits zero, you die or go mad or otherwise rendered unable to help Jason enjoy his holiday. There are four scenes in each game. The station master rolls to see what's on the itinerary for today and also what Wesley Sniper does to mess things up. But I will keep that secret until it comes into play.

I see. On the last scene, you roll twice and you combine both results. Before a scene starts, we pick a Statham track that will come under threat during the scene. You pick one too and then play begins. It always begins in a smash cut non sequitur as Jason wakes up, kicks in the door

and enters. Or both. A scene ends when I feel it's over. The Statham track, by the way, is basically he can be dead, sad, arrested or bored. And if it ever reaches full, something will happen. And you generally want to prevent those from happening to him. So when he's too bored, he calls his mum to come and pick him up. And his mother is played by Helen Mirren. If he gets too

sad, he has a breakdown in tears in the street leading to a PR disaster. If he's dead, he dies. And then arrested, he must be liberated. So the first thing to decide though is where is Jason going on his holidays?

We'll pick that as a team. Oh, is this something we roll for? No, we'll just pick it. Centre parks. Centre parks. Centre parks. I was going to say, yeah, centre parks. Centre parks in the UK.

But which one? There's multiple. It's not sponsored by centre parks. I wish it were. Look now for summer dinner. So Center Parks. Okay. So we begin with a smash cut of Jason Statham.

We get the cinematic letterbox mode kind of style in. And a log cabin is kicked open as Jason Statham is going to the nearby eel sanctuary. Oh, okay. He's dressed up, he's put on his best polo shirt and chino pants and he looks at you and he's like, alright team, I want to go to the eel sanctuary

nearby. Let's go. Okay. I mean, you need to book my ticket. I need a ticket and I need transport. Get it sorted. Come on. I'll get on the laptop.

Start booking it. Okay, so you're going to start booking Jason's ticket to the eel sanctuary. Prices are really expensive. Are you sure you want to go see it? Just pay for it. God, it costs so much. Are we all Londoners? You can be from wherever you want.

You can be anything you want, Craig. Because I run a tour guide company. I've got some contacts to get it on the cheap. Oh, do you? Yeah. Okay. So I'm going to ring them. Okay.

I don't know. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah. Give me a local knowledge check then. Sure. Seven or less. Seven or less. Oh, we also need to pick a Statham trick.

There's a five. Fine. So I'm going to pick that his chances at the Eel Sanctuary is obviously boredom is a big risk. So I'm going to pick boredom. Which one would you like to pick? Dead, sad, or arrested? If we pick one, what does that mean? So it means that Either one

Like if basically Those are the two risks At the location I mean I wouldn't want him Getting sad You don't want him Getting sad I

So if I pick sad If we pick sad Yeah That's the one that could be Affected in this place Yes so you pick a scene You pick a track And it will come under threat

During the scene I see Do we just pick one As a team? Yes you pick one as a team? Yes, you pick one as a team. It's probably better not to have him arrested or dead. You don't want him to be arrested at the eel sanctuary. I feel like bored is a very big risk in this one.

I've picked bored, so you have to pick another one. I feel like Jason Statham would be sad if he's not an eel himself. He's always one to be. He might get sad at the treatment of the eels. He could get sad at being bored in front ofels. He could get sad at being bored. Oh, we also need character names. I forgot. So character names.

Now, we couldn't go with this. Unfortunately, the donations tracker, we couldn't get working. So we can't go through your donations. I'm so sorry. So just make up some names. That's a good name for security. We still appreciate it, though. Kev. Kev!

You can be Kev. I'm Kev. Kev, you have to cast security. I have to cast Kev. Nice. Are you actually just going to play Kev? I can't play Kev. Kev cannot be imitated. So we got Kev, the bodyguard. Vericity. Vericity is agent. Vericity, very good.

From London, obviously. From London, yes. Oh, hello, hello. Oh, hello. What's our tour guide's name? Here it comes. Oh, go on. It is...

It is... Manly. Manly. That's his first name. Manly. Manly. Manly. That's his first name. Manly. Manly. He's got a second name as well. Yep.

And you have to say it all at once. Yep, yep. Waiting for it. Yep. Well, I'm going to tell you. Shall we? Now? Here it comes.

Three, two, one. Jolitoe. Manly Jolitoe. Manly Jolly Toe. Manly Jolly Toe. Okay, that's his name. Where'd that come from? Got the notion we were working on. Okay, perfect.

Well, TJ, go through. Find ridiculous names. Yes, please. We'll keep Manly Jolly Toe, I feel. All right. Craig worked really hard on that. Prepared as well, which is the main thing. In case you're wondering, my name was Jay Lemup.

Jay Lemup. Because you're the lawyer. Yeah. So Jay Lemup. Jay Lemup. We'll go with those until TJ finds us some other ones. We'll go with that until TJ finds better ones. Okay.

All right. So you booked the tickets. You managed to get them on cheap your name. Okay. Alright, so you booked the tickets, you managed to get them on cheap thanks to Manly.

Thanks Manly. How are you going to get Jason to the eel sanctuary? It's 20 miles down the road.

20 miles down the road from Santa Parks. That's Santa Parks. The famous eel sanctuary. He's pretty

good at running but I don't think he'll want to run that far. No, we can't account on him using his feet like that. He might hurt them. It's very expensive. He has got that movie shoot next month.

That is very true. Get a car. Get one. A car. Book one. You. Book a car? Okay. You've got the context. What kind of car? Make it a nice one, like a...

Exciting. A very fun car. Yeah. Okay. Like a mini Cooper. Jason, do you... Exciting, a very fun car. Yeah. Jason, do you want to drive in a sports car? I don't, well, yeah. I want something that's, you know, going to get me there. Some fest, right? Yeah.

Fest. I mean, don't get me a piece of shit. Fest, all right. Go. All right. So you're going to try and book him a fast car. Yeah, a Lamborghini Diablo, I think, would suit you very well. Okay, very good.

Okay, yeah, you can book that with your contacts, no problem. Lamborghini Diablo. In this world, sure. There is, lawyer, there is always a risk that I mean, Jason, when he drives, he's not the safest driver in the world. I see. I was going to say.

Who wants to drive the car? Who drives the car? I'll drive. You drive the car, fantastic. Okay, so you pile in. It's a five-seater Lamborghini Diablo. It's custom. It's very expensive.

But you're driving, Kev. And as you're driving, you're driving safe. And Jason's like, Come on, Kev, I want to get to the eels. Come on. Get me there quicker. He's at risk of getting bored. He's at risk of getting bored. He's at risk of getting bored, guys.

He's going to have to speed up. Okay, so you're going to speed it up? You must. I'm going to speed up. Just weave it left and right. So give me a driving. So I think that this is just going to be a four or under. Nope.

Four or under. That's very hard to get. You begin speeding up. It's not one of your special skills. You begin speeding up, and on not one of your special skills. You begin speeding up and on the curved country roads of the UK, there is a moment where you speed around a corner to a number of

cyclists kind of coming around in the opposite direction. You careen into them, sending a number of them scattering everywhere. I think that you're in the front, so you obviously have airbag and seatbelt. Jason's in the front.

Yeah. Airbag and seatbelt. But the rest of you, you get thrown around. Oh, goodness. I think that's going to be a point of adrenaline to kick things off. To all of us.

All three of you, yeah. And Jason, he kind of looks out and he sees the mangled cyclists on the road. He's like, oh, no, no, I can't ride their bikes. Fine, we'll come back and pick them up later. We'll pick them up later. It's fine. Okay. We got it. Why don't you book another car?

Yes, I'll book a car. It's enough to drive. Okay, you're going to pick some. To pick up the cyclists. So they have a good time, too. The poor cyclists. They're starting to be like, you're going to pick to pick up the cyclist. So they have a good time too. The poor cyclists. They're starting to be like, we're going to sue you,

Jason Statham. How many of them are, like, three of them are injured? Oh, fine, a bunch of them. Like, it was like a tour de France.

Wait, so they're all injured and rather than calling an ambulance, we call a hire car company. Yeah. Well, there's a couple of them are badly injured. The rest of them are just scrapes and bruises.

There is talk of suing. I want to get out and I want to pull out like the highway code. Okay. And I'm going to go up to them and say, under regulation 415B Delta 62, it says here that you are meant to at all times while riding a bike on country roads in this particular part of Britain, you're meant to be equipped with a siren

so that people are constantly aware of your presence. Yet I see here, no sirens. I didn't hear a siren, nor one. Give me a law, law. Law, law, nine or under. Must have arrived in to a press one. Five. They very quietly go quickly and it's like, I told you

we should have got the sirens tent. And he's just like, shut up, Michael! And he's like, I'm sorry, Mr. Statham! Bleeding like legs like one mangled, broken leg and they start wheeling their bikes down the road. Oh god, it's Statham, don't you worry. He's like, oh, thanks

mate, yeah, alright, well, come on, let's get to the Eel, Sen. And you make your way, now, no more, there are no more incidents on the way, but Jason's a little bit sad at the thought of these poor, mangled cyclists. But you arrive at a grim looking eel sanctuary.

And when you arrive, it's obviously the weekday, so there is a school tour at the eel sanctuary from St. Denis' primary school. They've got a teacher, an older-looking woman who's kind of leading the kids around.

Now these are the freshwater salt eels. Now come on, everyone, get your little sketchbooks out, and we're going to draw the eels. And you just see Jason just like, Oh, I fucking hate kids. What are they doing? He looks miserable at the prospect of these kids

ruining his day trip to the eel sanctuary. So what would you guys like to do to try and prevent... I can pull one of my famous acting tricks and try and get these teachers and these children to move along elsewhere. What character are you going to play? Well, I could pretend to be someone who's deeply

offended by the presence of children and it's causing me great distress. Causing me fucking distress? I know I understand. I'll play off of your energy. I can feel it. This is brilliant material. I don't appreciate them. I don off of your energy. I don't even like the fucking eels. I can feel it. This is brilliant material. I don't appreciate them.

I don't appreciate those eels. I don't fucking like them, no. I can work with it. All right. Okay, so you're going to try and drum up your old acting skills. Yes. And try and scare them away or try and drive them off. Yeah, try and drive them off.

Okay, sure. So give me a failed, what was it, failed actor. Failed actor. What's your skill? Seven. That's a bug. So you go up and you're kind of, you kind of go over the Thespian. Harky children.

Be out of my sight. And being modern day teenagers, they're like, ah, look at this funny old shit. And they like take their phones out and they're like, it's Jason Statham. And the teacher kind of looks over and you can see she's probably in her middle years and you can see, I'd say that security, you notice this, she has an earpiece in her ear. And that can only mean that she's an agent

of the Wesley sniper. And so she's just like, oh, Mr. Statham. And she goes over to him. So you're going to try and like... Excuse me, miss. Step back. It's just like, well, I just couldn't help but see your handsome bald head.

And he's just like, oh, God, no, I don't want to deal with this. No, I want to see the heels. Oh, this is the worst. And what are you going to do? So she's like lingering around around trying to get his attention. The kids are like, Tyson! Tyson! Tyson! Can I do a couple of things? Is there a kid really close

to him with like an iPhone or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I just take, because my hands are weapons, can I just snatch the iPhone and just crush it? Sure! Absolutely. And let him punch you in the face. Give me a hands of weapons. So you just grab the iPhone crush it in front of this kid

he's like my fucking dad bought that you piece of shit and then you just lamp his teacher in the face you watch as the earpiece kind of pops out you just knock her out cold and she just flops to the ground threat dealt with Mr. Statham to the eels onwards let's go Mr. Statham. To the eels.

Onwards. Let's go see the fucking eels then. Without the teachers. They got pissed off now. Without the teacher, these kids just scatter. These kids are like, ah, she's fucking dead.

And they just start running off. They're like in the gift shop. If they don't do it for three minutes, you're illegally allowed to leave. They start making out in front of the eels and stuff like that like being teenagers or primary school i guess there's not even teenagers but sure um yeah and uh jason begins looking around all right so he begins making his way around the various large tanks of the eels and you can see him looking over he's like oh yeah

this is a freshwater atlantic eel oh yeah i like those ones uh he goes around but you can see the eels are pretty lifeless they're pretty sort of like they've been trapped in these cages it's like going to any sort of like farm or zoo right they're a bit lethargic he's like oh come on he starts kicking the tank he's like come on be more eely um can the eels do anything else do you know anything about eels in all your I was going to say are the eels in like

just little tanks or is it like a big you know that you go to like sea life centers like where you can go through like the tunnel and they're like going across the top sure

like a massive tank right we'll see yep alright Jason do you want to get a bit more up close and personal with the eels

yeah I fucking love eels you know swimming yeah yeah yeah well because I'm a tour guide as you know yeah Jason, do you want to get a bit more up close and personal with the eels? Yeah, I fucking love eels. You know, swimming. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, because I'm a tour guide, as you know. Yeah. And I have great local knowledge and the ability to make you follow me. And I love extreme sports.

Okay, well, follow me. So all of these. Okay. Why don't we go up there? Yeah. Yeah, because I know this place. I know where the back entrance is. Right. I know that they've got some diving gear up there yeah yeah cuz I know this place I know where the back entrance is right I know that they've got some diving gear up there why don't we go do some deep-sea diving with the eels yeah more extreme got a GoPro put on your head

give me a follow me roll oh yeah and roll the d6 along with it I forgot that we should roll the d6 so you roll the d6 and if it I forgot that we should be rolling d6 Why is that d6? So you roll the d6 and if you get the same number Oh yeah Then Jason does something unpredictable Oh Okay so I'm doing follow me So that's what would be a 6

And a d6 At the same time? Yep at the same time If they get the same number 6 there 12 there Okay so he doesn't He's just like

He's like looking He's like I don't know I don't think you know much about it You're always like No I do Nah I do He looks doesn't, he's just like, he's like looking, he's like I don't know, I don't think you know much about it. You're always like, nah. He looks at you, he's just like I googled it on the way here. Yeah, I don't know, I'm not. He's just, yeah, you get a sense that he's kind of not

convinced that you know what you're doing. I don't have to liven them up. I know a person who can supply me with something. Okay. So what are you going to try and do? Oh, my goodness. I've just seen it. Yeah.

So what would you like to do? I've got a little goodie bag on me. Let's try and entice these eels to do something a bit more exciting. Okay. So give me a narcotics check. Let's see the post. Where did this come from? This is a narcotics skill.

It was very popular back in college Let me tell you Okay, so you pour the powder in But whoever Sold you this, you thought It was like some sort of really good stuff Like pills that you try and break down But as it goes in

You just watch as the eels start dying They're ODing On the drugs. And it's just... Jason looks at it, and he is sad as hell. No! No! You watch, and you say,

No, but they're all dying, the eels! They're supposed to be safe here! This is a sanctuary for eels! You've killed them! Oh, you fucking stupid swat you've killed

my eels fucking oh he just starts starts wandering off get away from this place it's making you very upset

but what a wasted trip I've got to get I've got to get something out of here haven haven't I? We can go to the gift shop. All right, yeah, we'll go to the gift shop. So you enter the gift shop. You enter the gift shop,

and you can see there is a range of eel paraphernalia from the eel sanctuary. Fridge magnets, postcards. Draft excluders. That should not be funny, but it is. Eel shaped draft excluders. He's looking around and he's like, I don't know what I really fancy.

He's looking around. What are you guys going to try and do? Fucking draft excluders. He picks up, he finds a porcelain figurine of a saltwater Atlantic eel. That's beautiful. He holds it up.

He's like, oh, this is pretty nice. If I could take one of these back. And the four of you notice the red dot of the Wesley sniper hones in on the porcelain eel that he's now holding. What would you like to do? Can I make a dive for it? You just dive for it. For the eel. So you're going to try

and grab the eel out of his hands. To get the eel. Okay, yeah, sure. Give me an extraction. You're extracting the eel from danger. And roll a d6.

I'll pour a job d6. That's a success. Okay, so you watch as Kev, you see it, you see the red dot and you're like, Mr. Steve! You dive.

You grab the eel, you lift it up. There is a... And you see next to the ceramic thing, just behind where it was, as Kev lifts it up into the air, a selection of commemorative eel plates just shatters into a million pieces. But you managed to save the porcelain figurine from the eel. And seeing that

things are in danger, you quickly purchase the eel figurine and you make your extraction out of the eel sanctuary. Nice. Nice. So you managed to retreat back. Let's find out the next day.

We again see Jason kick open the door of his log cabin. And today's plan is... He's going to the fanciest restaurant in Center Parcs. I don't know what they're called. There's a pancake place there. He's going to the pancake place. He's going to the pancake house at Center Parcs. I think that's what they're called. There's a pancake place there. He's going to the pancake place. Yeah, it's great. He's going to the pancake house at Centre Park.

I think that's what it's called. He's dressed up in a formal, you know, one of his Hollywood red carpet suits. Freshly shaved his head. He's like, all right, the eel sanctuary wasn't the best. All right, I've got my figurine. Thank you, Kevin. Thank you. It's all right.

I got my figurine, but, but you know I'm kind of hungry I want a nice meal don't want any trouble let's just go now alright I'm going to say that there is a chance that Jason may be arrested

at this at this restaurant oh god so what what risk would you like to put him at I mean

I guess with food Jason Statham I think there's a high risk he's going to die yeah okay so a risk of death yeah, Jason Statham, I think there's a high risk he's going to die. Okay. So a risk of death for Jason Statham.

Yeah. Okay. Either that or, like me, sad that the pancakes just weren't up to scratch. His points stay in there. No, no. They clip. They clip. Oh, do they? Yeah.

Okay, that's all right then. So we're not minting that. He was pretty sad. I was going to say, otherwise we don't want to pick sad. I mean. How sad did he get? We'll see. Pretty sad.

Like, he nearly had a breakdown. Oh, my God. If his porcelain thing had died... That would have been it. It could have been a disaster. It could have been a PR disaster. It would have broken down in front of all those kids. And just...

It would have been all over social media. Jason Statham cries at eel sanctuary okay so yeah the plan is to go into the fancy restaurant the pancake restaurant here in Centre Parcs what are you doing

to ensure so you arrive at the scene you can see it's full of families it's full of young couples enjoying their holiday in Centre Parcs

it's not a formal dress code a lot of people in shorts and vests. But Jason is there and he's super fucking thing. A table's been reserved for him and you have that placed.

And yeah, he arrives. It's very, very busy. Oh, OK. Where's the best table? Do you want to try and find him the best table? I want to find him the best table.

And is it occupied? OK, give me an eye for detail. D6 as well, don't forget. Okay, eye for detail. I part, well, six or lower. Yeah. Okay, and oh god, it's equal. So, you're moving up and you see the perfect table for him. It

outlooks out onto the lakes and, you know, beautiful spot. Being reserved by the agent. Oh, in advance. Okay. It's been prepared for him. And you're like, yep, this is the one. This is the best spot.

He goes in. Jason's like, nah. Nah, I don't want to sit there. You know what? I spent my entire holiday with you fucking four. I'm done. I want to spend some time with some real people. And he looks around the crowd and he's like, I'm going to sit with with them and he goes up to a family. We're just enjoying their pancakes, you know typical family mum dad

You know two two little kids two little girls. He just goes up pulls up a chair He's like hello. I'm Jason Statham. You might know me from my movies Transporter mechanic. I wasn't very good Bendables and sport to the Boston of viewers obviously transport to helloables, Transport 2. Fast and the Furious obviously, Transport 2, hello. I'm gonna join you. And the man is like, Jason Statham! He looks at his wife, his wife looks back at him, just shrugs,

I guess, yeah, if you wanna join us. And he just looks over at you and he's like, you fuckers stay there. What? He's like, hello, what's your names? Hello, nice to meet you, oh yeah, I'll have a full stack of pancakes please. And he's now completely fuckers stay there what he's like what's your names oh yeah I'll have a full stack of pancakes please

and he's now completely out of hands he's sat with this random family oh but what was his favourite pancakes in advance he's gonna get the wrong ones

and you can see but he doesn't stop swearing he's just like fuck it I'll tell you what I've been with these fucking four

all the whole time and these little girls are just looking at him and the dad's like I don't know what to say it's Jason Statham and he's just like it's fucking terrible we the whole time and these little girls are just looking at him and the dad's like I don't know what to say it's Jason Statham and he's just like it's fucking terrible

we went to the eel sanctuary right they fucked the eels right over it it was a fucking mess and he's just ranting and raving swearing like nobody's business

and the whole restaurant can hear Jason what's the disaster at the moment he's unpredictable. There's a lot of people getting very cross. You certainly wouldn't want them calling the police for public disturbance.

He's being very disruptive. We need to get him back. What do you want to do? It's a tricky one, this one. Yeah. Wait. Let's see. Sounds like it could be a bad pr disaster if uh something happens here this could be um you need me to hit someone i'll hit someone by the moment he's the

one who's gonna get hit okay he's got something i open my briefcase i've got a sticker uh i'm gonna i've got a sharpie and i write something on there i stick it to the door the front door and it just says swearing's okay here i'm a spin doctor nice top hazel sure make a roll uh roll with these six as well Make a roll. Roll with these six as well. It works. No, it doesn't.

That's a nine. Nine. You go up there. You slap the stick, Ron. You look round. Yeah. And the manager comes over, very thin moustache,

dressed like a French waiter, obviously. Excuse me, sir. You cannot do that there. And he just this of Mr. Statham is causing a correct problem if you do not calm him down I will call the police

oh no oh shit I got it I'll go with Jason I want you fucking away and the family okay yeah say that i've booked them okay an extreme sport adventure pack for the day and but it's nearly starting okay so we've got to leave right now away from all these other offended people. That sounds like a follow me for sure, but to the other people. And we're also kidnapping this family.

Yeah. Well, we'll see. At least only the kids will be upset rather than all these people that could call the police. True. Because the family aren't going to do it because they're like, oh my God, it's Jason Statham. Well, I don't know. They're looking pretty upset, but yeah, sure. Give me the roll.

It's Jason Statham. They love him. They do love him. They do love him. What am I doing? Follow me. Follow me. See what you get.

Yeah, that's a no. That's a no way, Jose. No way, Jose. What happened to my rolls? Okay. I used them all up. So you go over. That's a D&D roll.

You go over and you kind of like, I've booked you all. And the man is just like, look, I'm willing to be very reasonable here, but you're clearly just trying to get rid of us because, Mr. Staketham, you are being incredibly rude. You're being very, very, and you, and he starts trading into you. Like, who do you think you are coming over and trying to bribe us away like this?

What do you think? You're not very professional. Mark a point into adrenaline. Another one? Yeah. And that comes out of stability, right? Yes, it does. Oh, yeah, sure.

It does reset. It does reset. So you would have gone back to... Okay, so I'm now back to two in stability, one in adrenaline. Yes, yes. Okay, I didn't reset it. So it's back to where it was. Can I step in between them both?

Okay. Excuse me, back down, sir. He's like, I will not back down. You will back down, sir. This is a family restaurant, and he is causing problems. If you don't back down, I will have to take action. Well, I have not done anything wrong here. Mr. Statham is the one causing

a scene, making rude language. Mr. Statham just wants some pancakes, sir. Let me eat his pancakes. I mean, were you trying to just intimidate him down? Yeah. Okay, that's anything else. That's going to be a four. Okay.

Nope. So, that's anything else. That's going to be a four. Oh, no. Okay. No. No. So it's at this point that now, like, the whole restaurant is starting to get worked up, and another couple turns around and be like, we are trying to have a lovely meal here, and you and your employer are causing a problem. Oh.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Would you not all fucking calm down? I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm just, what's your fucking problem anyway? He just doesn't stop swearing. It just carries on and carries on. Mr. Statham, you shouldn't have to put up with this.

I'm taking you out of here. I'll get you some pancakes to go. No, I want my fucking pancakes here. I'll get you pancakes to go. No, I want them here. Get me the doggy bag. Get him some pancakes now. Somebody get him pancakes.

Oh, Mr. Statham, I just got off the call with a local children's hospital. You know, the one you donated a lot of money to. They called you a local hero. You know, you went there earlier today, looked after all these kids. You just wanted a place to relax, a place to eat your dinner, you know? But, well, if this is how you want to treat a local hero, donating all this money to a local children's hospital, then so be it.

Spin doctor. Okay, so at this point, there's quite a few of the other families are like, oh, that's nice. Oh, I love it. I knew I always liked him in films. He's a nice fella. I mean, it is just words, isn't it?

I mean, it's not like he's hurting anyone. And the kids are just there, like... One of them's just like, Mummy, he won't fucking stop! And then the mother's just like... But you can see a lot of the pressure is beginning to die down now. Whew!

And, yeah, it looks like... And the manager is just like he's like well we have your pancakes here mr statham and they put the pancakes down um and it seems to the rest he eats some of his pancakes in peace uh carries on as normal you see the family's still awkward as hell um but as he finishes his last pancake and he's like, oh, I'm stuck. I can't bloody, I can't move. I'm so full. That was delicious.

That was really nice. I'm really pleased. It's at that point he's like, you know what? I don't think I can move no matter what happens. I just can't move from this spot. I'm so full. And at that point, rappelling in, smashing through the windows of the restaurant

is a hired group of mercenaries all bearing Wesley Snipe's face on their armour. There he is! Get him! A group of hired goons have arrived. Can I... I assume I would have a weapon As security Right? I mean Okay if I don't have one then

I'm gonna But you are There are knives and forks There are glasses Chairs Can I pick up all of the knives From the family at the table They're probably covered in pancakes

And everything Okay And can I Very expertly Just launch them In a way that They fan out and hit all of the goons?

Maybe not all of them, but you can try to take some of them out. So these weapons are weapons. Where's my D6? Sorry, I keep stealing it. So that is successful. So you throw a bunch of these dinner knives, these blunt dinner knives, but at least one of them hits their mark, and one of the goons, Wilhelm screams down onto a table,

sending pancakes and sauce. Can I grab his weapon? Potentially. Next turn. What we'll do is everybody has to do something. So there's at least three or more of these goons remaining. What are the three of you going to try and do? Jason's like, I can't.

I would fight them, but I'm so full. I'll try and convince them and use my fail actor skill. Be like, oh, how could you do this to such a lovely man? You evil people. Be gone. You're trying to Shakespeare the way. Sure. Sure, give me the roll.

Oh, yes. Oh, my God. So one of them turns to you looking and he's like, we've just been hired, love. I thought, I like him, but it's just the way you have this. Why would you shoot someone you like? You nasty people. I was just like, look, I was born into it.

My dad was a mercenary. I didn't want to be a mercenary. I didn't want to be an agent, but here I am. Talent's wasted. It is, yeah. So you end up having this heart-to-heart with one of these goons. Just pulls up a chair and starts talking about his problems. It's really stressful being a mercenary.

Wesley Snipes is always sending us off to, like, do something, like, break something that Jason owns or, you know, punch Bruce Willis in the face. It's not nice. It sounds like a very nasty job to have. It is. I should stop, really. Yeah, so you've got a very

nice face. You could go into modelling. Meanwhile, the other two start shooting towards Jason what the two of you are going to do. Meanwhile, the other two start shooting towards Jason. What are the two of you going to do? What the hell is a lawyer going to do? So during this time, I've rigged up a zip line. Yeah, okay. So you get one of those crossbows, like a ding.

And I use it to basically zip line down and just barrel into one of the people. Sounds like an extreme sport to me. I thought you were trying to get Statham out of here. I didn't think you were creating a zip line just across the restaurant. No, no, just across the restaurant. So there's like an upper bit where the toilets are.

Yeah, exactly. You get on a chair to get the extra. While they were shooting us, I'd be like, excuse me, I'm trying to just move over a bit, just fucking tie they were shooting at us I had to be like Excuse me, I'm trying to just Move over a bit Just fucking tight down here Then I had to go back up

Down And then come down to kick him It was a process It was a whole process Give me an extreme sports robber Remember you add one Because of your adrenaline From being shouted at

You're very stressed Oh Oof Oof Oof So you watch as the tour guide slides down you go to quick go to kick quick you go to kick the other guy he leaps out the way

and you careen into the glass window that leads to the lakes outside you smash through land in the water take another point of adrenaline as you kind of end up in the water floundering around having ziplined down. Lawyer, it's up to you.

What the hell am I going to do in this situation? You have to take out two of these guards now. In one go? In one go. Hmm. Alright. I'm just going to call the police See you right over Beep boop beep boop beep

Hello police Stand there right in front of them like Vandalism Firing guns in a restaurant Okay They're like Oh very good sir Is this at the centre parks

Yeah it's the pancake house Very well Alright so we'll be there very shortly. We had a couple of complaints earlier about something going on. That didn't happen. Okay, very well. All right, I'll see you there.

All right, goodbye. So, at this point... Oh, no. Oh, no. So you watch... Oh, no, that was in sad. That was dead. I was supposed to be marking off.

Oh, yeah, crap. So you watch as the goons fire a bunch of bullets around jason none of them hit him but they smash like his drink he's like drinking a pep he still smashes the glass he's like oh that wasn't gonna help my digestion he's like uh like bullets all fly around him he's you know getting shot at he's at high risk of death um and uh yeah there's no sign of the police showing up earlier. So there's two goons left. They've both kind of got these submachine guns. You run over and grab the guy that you stabbed. Can I actually just pick Jason up,

put him over my shoulder and perform an extraction? You start running him out. Yeah, absolutely. Give me an extraction. Extraction roll. Okay. That's a success. Extraction roll. Okay. That's a success. So you pick up Jason

who's like, oh, I'm going to... No, I'm going to be... I'm going to be... It's like, you know, nearly throwing up. And you rush him out the door.

I've got you, sir. It's fun. You start rushing him out into center park, him over your shoulder. But the goons are going to still chase after you.

Okay. So they begin chasing after you. What about the three of you you so you've got one locked down as long as you keep talking to him he's not a risk you are currently outside in the parks lake um but you do notice that there is a wide range of water sports equipment available like a jet ski like a jet ski yeah absolutely and i noticed that if I take the bank just right, I can like fly over and take out some of the mercenaries. Excellent. I love it. Extreme sports. Extreme.

Extreme! Perfect. Give me an extreme sports roll, Craig. These aren't going well now. So I've got to roll a five plus two in adrenaline. Oh no, what's this going to do to my adrenaline? Okay. I don't know, it sounds pretty risky though. That's arse cocked.

Reroll it. Thank you. Do I leave that one? Yeah. That one landed flat. It's a nine. It's a nine. It's an 11, I believe.

So you watch as the tour going... The jet ski, the epic music is playing. You hit the bed, you fly over, the hat flies off. The jet ski sails over the top of the mercenaries as you smash... It's extreme slow motion. It's extreme slow motion. I'm up there, I just do a...

mercenaries as you smash. It's extreme slow motion. Wow up there. And then you smash into one of Center Park's trees. The jet ski explodes and your body gets turned to bits as you are splattered everywhere as you

take your last point of adrenaline and you die. No! Extreme! It's pretty extreme. It's pretty extreme. It's pretty extreme already. You watch as Satan's looking up like, Bloody hell!

As he explodes. It was a noble sacrifice, sir! Keep running. Lawyer. What the fuck am I going to do? I've called the police. You can do anything. There's another jet ski.

You can do anything. You another jet ski You can do anything You're not limited to a set You notice that there is A submachine gun On the floor That Kevin left Hmm I mean

How heavily did I stress That they're currently Shooting up a restaurant I mean you stressed it Pretty heavily But it does take them Some time Damn it

I mean Happy Christmas Craig is dead We're all just Another appreciate that take them some time. Damn it. I mean, happy Christmas. Craig is dead. We're on to another appreciate that. Almost. We are almost. And 90% towards

two and a half mil. We can do it. Do it. I'll, yeah, I'll just, I guess, with my eye for detail, get the right shot.

I love it. I'll let you do that. You're like... No. Ten. Oh, God. Click, click. Oh, you didn't take the safety off.

Oh, no. My eye for detail didn't do that. I think that one of them will glance back, seeing you hold the weapon, and a bullet grazes your shoulder, taking a point of adrenaline. Okay. Who's left? I think you're talking to the guy still.

You've picked him up and run off. Actually, that's a point. What would you have needed in your extreme sports? Because you rolled a nine. You needed five. You needed five, so it would have taken two away. Because it helps you. Adrenaline helps you. it would have taken two away. Because it helps you. Adrenaline helps you.

Oh, right. The more adrenaline it has, the more it helps you. So I would have rolled a seven. You would have gone down for seven, but it still was a fail. If you squint, it's like a one. Okay. No. So, yeah, you kind of take this bullet graze as you dive to the side.

And so now it's just left to Kev, who is desperately carrying Jason as they begin shooting at him once more. Okay. Can I put Jason down behind a tree for cover and then charge back at them, jump in the air and flying punch one of them in the face? That sounds amazing. Your fist is a weapon after all.

Your fist is a weapon. Also weapons. Success, but it in the face. That sounds amazing. Your fist is a weapon after all. Your fist is a weapon. Also weapons. Success, but it's the same. So Jason's unpredictable. So you leap out and you deck one of these guys in the face and you see, so whilst you're beating up on this guy,

you're having this epic fist fight kind of rolling around, like punching each other. He pulls a knife, you manage to get it off him, and then you're slowly fighting as you're pressing the knife into him. You glance over your shoulder, and you see Jason like, Torghain, no, it's not going to end like this.

No! And he crawls into the flaming wreckage, and he picks up the Torghain's body. You can have one point of adrenaline back, Craig, as he pulls out your injured body. Does it go back into stability? Yeah, so you get one stability. So you're not dead.

He pulls you out. You're badly burned on fire. And Jason carries you out like a crazy... He's like, I'm not going to leave you there, mate. I should have gone with you. And he's like carrying you out um he takes some damage i guess yeah he does from the fire and he's close to danger mode oh uh where he'll have an immediate risk of the holiday being ruined so he carries it out and he puts you on the ground and he performs

cpr breathe it's like giving you the kiss of life you look up and you see his bald head It's like giving you the kiss of life. You look up and you see his bald head. He's like, you're all right, mate. You're all right, Jason. It's me, Jason Bourne. No. Fucking Matt Damon, you ungrateful little shit. Similar. We're not similar at all.

He's a Hollywood legend. I wish I was like him. And you look over and there's just this one guy. And you watch as Kevin is like, finally manages to put the knife into this guy. There's this last bad guy. Lends up a shot. You two, you'll go to fight the guy.

We have these two. Take the safety off, for God's sake. Yeah, I'll click the safety. How far away is he? You can still make the eye for detail, Sean. Okay, cool. The recoil just sends the bullets flying into the air. I'm not gonna shoot him!

I think that you kind of- the recoil's so bad, it kind of spins you back, and the father who was with the family at the restaurant is like coming up like, I should help Staggers back How do I keep killing NPCs? Every time The Tom Hazel curse And he's just like

Daddy Daddy You're fucking dying It's like no Statham At this point you hear Woo Woo Woo

I put the gun on the wife Spin doctor Spin doctor Yeah You're like You quickly like Rub it down with your fingerprints And then put it in her hands

She's like What are you doing? You're going down And I run. You run to the police. She killed him! They come up and arrest the surviving guards. The one that you've got,

the one that was still shooting, and then this wife that they carry away, saving Jason's life. But you can see he's, like, badly injured, and he's looking down. He's like, I almost lost you. All right, that's enough. he's like i almost lost you all right that's enough let's go back you did almost lose me am i so i'm conscious now yeah oh yeah he looks over he's like oh that was a bit shit right back to the log cabin and he just makes his way back to the

log cabin she still wants some pancakes sir i can get you some pancakes. No, I'm full. I'm stuffed. They were lovely, though. They were real nice. Oh, really good. You know what I could go for? Cocaine. I mean, sure, you've been a good boy. He just goes back into his log cabin.

It's great. Oh, my goodness. Next day. Do our stats reset? So... Or do they stay? Great. Oh my goodness. Next day. Do our stats reset? So. Or do they stay? So I'm actually reading this. So I don't believe your stats do. So I stay at one stability to a defendant.

Very close to death. Also, no, I don't think the tracks do reset. Oh, so he's pretty much fucked. On everything. Yeah. He's got a pretty high score on everything. Yeah. But you guys can reduce it.

How do we win this? Huh? He's got to survive his holiday. How long is his holiday? We'll do one more scene. Okay. I killed a father and then blamed it on his wife. I orphaned two kids.

That's pretty orphaned. Their mum's alive, just in prison. I doned two kids. Yeah. It's pretty orphaned. It's pretty sick. Their mum's alive just in prison. I don't think... Okay. Alrighty. Sure. As long as Statham's

having a good time. That's the main thing. Okay. So. Hard cut. Kicks a log door open. I've got to combine two of them now.

He's in grand dog day. I want to go to the gala opening and the sweet shop. This doesn a log door open. I've got to combine two of them now. He's in great talk, Danny. I want to go to the gala opening and the sweet shop. This doesn't make any sense. I don't know how. So I rolled chandelier museum and snorkeling. So wait, it's the new underwater chandelier museum. You've done it, Craig. You've done it.

There you go. I don't know why such an obvious answer didn't come to me. It really should have. They just opened it up in the centre part. They just opened it up and it's in the lake

where you found the jet ski. Craig, it's another appreciate that. Oh, it is. Let's get another appreciate that. On it, on it, on it. Got to make sure

this frame goes back to where it was. Craig, the hat. Just zoom it and I'll put my face in the right place. That's about it. Well to make sure this frame goes back to where it was. Craig, your hat. Just zoom in. I'll put my face in the right place. That's about it. Well, you died. I can't see.

It came off in the jet ski. It's in the river. Yeah, but that was back on. You're alive. I think he's good. Yep, you're good, Craig. I appreciate that. Hey!

Nice. Where are we at then? Tradition. We're so close. We are 4k away. 25 thousand pounds away from two and a half million

dollars here on the Jingle Jam. Everybody watching donates five thousand dollars. We'll smash it. Are you saying there's only like three people watching? No. No, I said we'll smash it. We really want you to hit it

and then we can get the fun music and the screen thing and we can all do a little dance. A little dance, yeah. Come on. Let us do that, please. Just before we finish it. For Jason Statham! For Jason! Otherwise Jason won't enjoy his holiday. He won't. So, the third final day.

Jason is desperate to go to the new underwater chandelier museum. Of course he is. It's opened up in Centre Park. It's a great place. I inscribed there on the weekend. So, since Jason is so heavily injured from the previous night's pancake disaster, can I

try and... Well, we can pick which tracks. So, I will tell you that he is close to danger mode, which is in dead. So he's got four tracks before he dies. There is sad, of which he has one point left in. Arrested has three points left in. Bored has the most, which has five points left in.

Okay. But I get to pick one and I will pick sad how many points were left in sad so one so you need to find ways you need to come up with ways to cheer Jason Statham up he is miserable as you're making your way over he's's got his wet suit on. He's got his snorkeling gear. But he just looks miserable. And he's like, I guess fucking get out of the chandelier museum. We could probably find you a nice souvenir to match that nice ceramic eel. Yes.

You love ceramics. You love ceramics. Yeah, I do. I love my ceramics, I guess. Maybe we'll find a ceramic chandelier. Puts it in his ear. Boom, boom, goes in. So, yeah, are you going to try and find him?

Who's going to try and find him a nice souvenir to cheer him up? I mean, I've got a nice little detail. Would you know, being a tour guide of this area? I don't know if I would, would I? If there's... You've got something called local knowledge. Yeah. don't know if I would, would I? If there's... You've got something called local knowledge. Yeah. Oh, okay.

You would, yeah. So in a town nearby... Right. Because they're always like in the middle of nowhere. Right. A little village nearby. Okay. I know that there's a guy...

that just happens to make ceramic sculptures. Okay. In his workshop. Right. He just... What's his name? His name? What's the ceramic guy's name? Yeah, he's got a name. Yeah. You ready for it? I'm ready for it. It's a normal one. Yeah. His name is McCrafty. That's his first name. Yeah. McCrafty. Yeah. McCrafty Higginbottom.

It's a normal one. That's his middle name. He's got a surname as well. Has he? Yeah. McCrafty Higginbottom Jones. Okay. So are you going alone to see McCrafty, Higginbottom Jones? It's probably best if I go alone, really, because I've known him a while, because I've been working at the centre parks for a while, doing the extreme sports.

Yeah. Like jet ski jumping and underwater chandelier viewing. Snorkeling, yeah. But I, you know, on my off days, I like to go into the village. And, you know, I walk around, I see the local crafts and fairs and stuff that they do. So I know Crafty Higginbottom Jones quite well. Yeah, perfect. So I go and see him.

So you go and see him. Yeah. So you find this little tiny village, little kind of stone cottage it's very sweet it's very middle England very countryside and you go out to the back in a large barn and there

with like a potter's wheel and a little kiln you see this kind of you know wrinkly old man tiny little spectacles big nose

big frizzy white hair and he's like Big nose, big frizzy white hair. Jesus Christ. Hello? Hello? It's me. Ah, yes. It's me, manly Jolly Toe.

The tall guy, I believe. That's right. Yes, I remember you. Yeah. I've come to ask you a question. I will answer three questions. Yeah, I only want one. Ah, good.

Very wise. But maybe I'll ask you some more if I get the chance. You may ask three questions. I'm looking for something very specific, and I'm wondering if you've got it, or if you could possibly craft it for me. Yes, second question. Ah.

Not you know, but... There are things called chandeliers. And I'm looking for a chandelier made from ceramics. Not a question. No, but I'm getting there. Right. Just setting the scene. I was just very careful not to say things like, you know, chandeliers. Yes.

Third question. Well, do you possibly have or have the ability to craft or make, still in the same question, craft or make, still in the same question, a ceramic chandelier for me that I could access within the next couple of hours, ideally. Yes! But I require payment.

Of course. I would expect nothing less. Very well. Pay for your services. Yes. How much would you like for a said ceramic chandelier? A thousand pounds. Or. Or.

Or. You can help. Or an oar from a boat. No. You can help me make my next pot. Like the movie Ghost. Absolutely. Very good.

You know the film? I know it. He takes his shirt off, this old wrinkly, kind of fleshy man, like muscles hanging loose. He's like, ooh, you're the ghost. You're Patrick Swayze. Are you going to make the pot first or the ceramic first? He's the boss.

No, I'm the woman. He just spins around and you I can't remember her name. You, you're Patrick Swayze. And he turns the lights down low Oh come on It's okay It's very good

Oh my goodness They're actually doing it Good Somebody do the song He makes the big shapes There we go Very good Very good Craig

That'll be your Twitch clip. Thanks, Craig. Craig. I appreciate that. Hey! You, despite it becoming quite awkward, the old man gets

very sweaty as he works and you find yourself sticking a little bit to him. He shapes a pot which he puts in the kiln and then he retrieves for you a beautiful ceramic chandelier in payment

are you sure you don't want anything else no more pots no I will treasure the memory forever I'll be back

next weekend I bet you will excellent meanwhile Jason I mean I bet you win Excellent Meanwhile Jason, I mean He's still looking really bummed out He's kind of like paddling in the water But very unenthusiastically

He's just like I don't even know if I want to fucking see the chandeliers now It's just what a shit holiday Honestly I thought at Centre Parcs, what could go wrong? Everything It's that fucking a shit holiday, eh? Honestly, I thought at Centre Park, what could go wrong? Everything. It's that fucking Wesley Sniper. Can I be, like, floating?

Can I just, like, float next to him in, like, a giant donut? Like, you have a ring. Like, a massive palm. Yes, you can. Yes, you can. Roll narcotics. So you come up with this big, like, is it like one of those comedic ones? Like it's shaped like a saxophone or something.

You're like. Oh, narcotics. Oh, no. No. So you're just enjoying it too much. You forget to offer it to him. He's like... He just failed past him.

Just failed past him with his giant ring bomb. And he's just like, I would have loved a token, but she's gone. Lawyer and security guard, you see from across the lake in a very sexy kind of like two-piece bikini suit a sexy lady Statham.

What? So she is bald of head with very similar features but a very tiny bikini like tiny thong g-string like basically making her way she like wipes her head over a bald head and swims over towards jason and jason's eyes kind of light up he's like why hello hello there you all right hello there it turns to him like what are you doing here?

And you can see, but again you notice there's an earpiece in her ear. She must be an agent of the Wesley Sniper here to distract and likely break Jason's heart. What do you do? No. Are there any nearby women

as well? Sure, there's other women. well? Like any other... Sure, there's other women. Yeah, sure, there's other women. Bikini-clad women. Oh, no bikini-clad women. They're all snorkelling for the underwater chandelier museum. It's a great place.

It's very popular. I actually want to go now. What on the two are you doing? I've broken Tom Hazel. Tom is done. I don't know what the fucking lawyer can do in this situation You can do anything Tom It's only limited by imagination

Those are just your special skills Well I'll just tackle her and start drowning her then Can I? Roll for it Yay! You said it! I succeeded So you watch

As out of nowhere The lawyer Driven like I'm gonna Give yourself a point Of adrenaline Because this You are stressed to hell

You just You just dive in the water Grab Lady Statham By the neck And just plunge her Underwater And Daisy's like What are you doing?

And you're like Sorry it's an agent It's an agent of the sniper. We gotta go. We gotta go. Just roll this, see if you can convince him for me. Is it under four? No. So you watch as the lawyer is throttling

this woman. It's just like, no, no. There's another bikini-clad woman in the museum sir We can We can find one Who's not an agent

For you You've got one chance If I don't find A bikini clad woman Under there You're in trouble Alright I say I'm done

I was She was I was gonna say Put a bikini on quick Get your head Out of your darling Just like Rip off the wetsuit

Rip off the wetsuit, bikini underneath. You are blazed as hell. So give me a failed actor role, but give yourself a plus one. So make it harder. So it's increased by one because you are like, of course, darling. Yes!

So you do your best kind of Audrey Hepburn, big fashionable sunglasses, snorkelling mouth, and Jason is like, I told you you'd find someone better, sir. Why, you've saved it at least once. I can't take another heartbreak. Does it not make you really happy, sir?

It makes me, I'm not sad. I'll put it that way. Okay. And he swims over, and he begins touring the chandelier museum with Vasti in disguise. Not really. As he begins to,

you finish drowning the woman. Took a long time. The body just floats to the top of the lake. I'm constantly saying, like, she broke the law. She broke the law. It just floats to the top. And this woman's body just floats there.

God, I've killed, like, two, three people. You've killed a few people. Yeah. You can see patrolling the edge of the lake are some of the police left over from yesterday still, like, patrolling the area. She broke the law. Is that what you do? So you just sit there crying on the shore of the area. She broke the law. Is that what you do?

So you just sit there crying on the shore of the lake as these two police officers are like, sir, back away from the woman. Back away. They start just dragging you back. They're dragging the woman. I'm like still holding on to her.

She broke the law. She broke the law. She broke the law. She broke the law! She broke the law! Down in the chandelier museum, you're swimming around and you're examining these beautiful chandeliers built into these kind of like

underwater coves. And as you're swimming, you see a red sniper point on the chandelier directly above Varsity and Jason. Like it's the Wesley sniper is somehow underwater

with an underwater Can they fire through water? You don't know. How could this possibly work? You see the laser pointer. Can I use my own body as a shield to prevent it? You just swim up. No! So you swim up, you just float in front of it.

A harpoon sticks in your chest. Jesus. Mark a point of adrenaline. I'm good. So you're like, you're like, like stubbed into your thing. But then I'm going to make sure

that I get out of, Jason doesn't see it because that would upset him. Okay, so give me an extraction to see if you can extract yourself. No. He's dead. He's just seen... No, Kevin!

I'm fine! Sir, it was just a scratch. It's fine. Give me a roll to see if you can deceive him. I protected the chandelier sir No Have I returned at this point yet? He's too sad

So What happens is You just Jason looks at you He's like I'm sorry And he just swims up to the surface No Jason

And you see the lawyer Being locked into a police car Just shaking his head. Kept pulling himself out, bleeding onto the floor. And the person's swimming after him like, no, come back. And he gets down and you just see him. There's all these other people around Centre Parcs. And he just sits down.

He's just like, you see a single tear beginning to roll on Jason's cheek. But then, you see on a bike, on a peddling bike, he's holding up a ceramic chandelier. Ring, ring, ring. Hat blows off. Ring, ring, ring. He looks up

and he just wipes it away as you're like, I got it! I got you the ceramic chandelier you wanted you fucking beauty you're almost about to remember your holiday at the parks

he holds it he takes you in gets a selfie with you and Varsity and a bleeding Kev there's a selfie that you're holding you're like

as he's like holding up his ceramic chandelier like hey he's got like Varsity one arm around the waist as he's like holding up his ceramic chandelier like hey he's got like varsity one arm around the waist like he's got a new girlfriend yeah he's got Kev's alive but like bleeding he's got his chandelier but we just see the police

car pulling away as the lawyers look up in the back as we see the camera pan away yeah it slowly rolls away I like marrow through the window. Happy holidays. Happy holidays, Jason. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. It just drives away, kicking up dust along the English country road. And yeah, I think that you guys successfully saved Jason's holiday yay just about it was all about that thing

that was funny it's difficult playing a lawyer you're just like what do I do I've no idea what a lawyer can do I was rolling like really weird things for like the Wesley Snipers machinations I noticed that one of them is a convoluted I was rolling like really weird things for like the Wesley Snipers machinations.

I noticed that one of them is a convoluted OK Go style machine with unknown malicious purpose. I love that. So either a series of treadmills or, I don't know, like a Rube Goldberg machine. I was always thinking of a Rube Goldberg machine. Jason like knocks over a marble that rolls down the track and you all start watching it do all these different things unsure what it's going to achieve. Oh god.

I'm so glad I got a sexy lady statement to distract and beguile Jason. Yeah. That was good. Jason is famed for bigamy.

One is just bears. Or heels. Stock market crash. Wesley shoots open Jason's big bag of cocaine. Cocaine. That's one of my

favourites. And it goes everywhere. So this is by Grant Howitt, Chris Taylor, based on the concept by

Sean Smith. That is Jason Statham's Big Vacation. You can find it online. Hey, thank you for joining us on this

one-shot adventure. You can play the game yourself and download the rules with the links in the description. Also, make sure you check out the

Yogscast Jingle Jam. Again, there are links in the description. Let us know what you thought of the episode on Twitter, in podcast reviews, or wherever you like. Just search High Rollers D&D. We'll probably be there. We'll be back in the new year for the return of Arois.

We'll see you then. Thank you.